Smosh Mouth - #142 - Who Is The Sane One Here? w/ Anna Konkle

Episode Date: May 4, 2026

The Sane One goes on sale May 5 from Random House, you can purchase it here: https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/677456/the-sane-one-by-anna-konkle/. For a limited time, get 60% off your first order, plus free shipping, when you head to https://Smalls.com/SMOSHMOUTH. Let Rocket Money help you reach your financial goals faster. Join at https://RocketMoney.com/SMOSHMOUTH. Go to https://www.Zocdoc.com/SMOSHMOUTH to find and instantly book a top-rated doctor today.PODCAST:https://bit.ly/SmoshMouthSpotifyhttps://smo.sh/SmoshMouthiHearthttps://bit.ly/SmoshMouthApple0:00 Intro5:02 Anna Konkle’s memoir, The Sane One11:28 Sponsor!13:11 Back to Anna’s book & mediating on life and death40:07 Shayne’s drowning story43:47 Sponsor!45:02 Perception of self & parents1:02:20 Sponsor!1:03:38 More on the book, cockroaches, and rodents1:26:13 Embarrassing confessionsSUBSCRIBE: https://smo.sh/Sub2SmoshCastWEAR OUR JOKES: https://smosh.comWHO YOU HEARShayne Topp // https://www.instagram.com/shaynetopp/Amanda Lehan-Canto // https://www.instagram.com/filmingamanda/Anna Konkle // https://www.instagram.com/annaryankonkle/WHO YOU DON’T HEAR (usually)Director: Selina GarciaEditor: Rock ColemanProducer: Amanda Lehan-Canto, Shayne Topp, Selina GarciaProduction Designer: Cassie VanceArt Director: Adrian Sheen, Erin Kuschner, Josie BellerbyAssistant Art Director: Courtney ChapmanProp Master: Abigail Schmidt, Bridgette BaronStage Manager: Alex AguilarWardrobe Designer: Julia RosnerSet Decorator: Luke BrauSet Dresser: Carly HoughAudio Mixer: Scott NeffAudio Utility: Dina RamliDirector of Photography: Brennan IketaniVideographer: Eric Wann, James HullCamera Operator: Joshua VazquezPodcasts Producer: Selina GarciaAssistant Director: Jonathan HyonExecutive Vice President of Production: Amanda BarnesDirector of Production: Alexcina FigueroaProduction Manager: Jonathan Hyon, Tyler KennedyProduction Coordinator: Oliver Wehlander, Zianne HooverProduction Assistant: Caroline Smith, Tyrelle AnthonyDirector of Post Production: Luke BakerDIT/Lead AE: Matt DuranDIT/AE: Beni KimuenePost Production Coordinator: Ariana MartinezDirector of IT: Tim BakerIT & Equipment Coordinator: Lopati Ho CheeSound Editor: Gareth HirdDirector of Design: Ness CardanoSenior Motion & Branding Designer: Christie HauckSenior Graphic Designer: Jay TaylorGraphic Designer: Monica RavitchDirector of Channel Operations: Lizzy JonesChannel Operations Manager: Audrey CarganillaChannel Operations Coordinator: Sabrina LiebermanDirector of Social Media: Erica NoboaSocial Media Associate Producer: Peter DitzlerSocial Media Manager: Kim WilbornSocial Media Coordinator: Margaux BernalesSocial Editor: Vida RobbinsMerchandising Manager: Mallory MyersBrand Partnership Manager: Chloe MaysBrand Partnerships Coordinating Producer: Liz KummerOperations Manager: Marshall A. PeaseOperations Coordinator: Sara FaltersackFinancial Operations Specialist: Natalie LewisTalent Coordinator: Danielle MosesPeople & Culture Manager: Katie FinkPeople & Culture Coordinator: Hannah MerrittCEO: Alessandra CataneseExecutive Producers: Anthony Padilla, Ian HecoxEVP of Programming & Development: Kiana ParkerProducer, Special Projects: Rachel CollisExecutive Coordinator: Katelyn HempsteadOTHER SMOSHES:Smosh: https://smo.sh/Sub2SmoshSmosh Pit: https://smo.sh/Sub2SmoshPitSmosh Games: https://smo.sh/Sub2SmoshGamesSmosh Alike: https://bit.ly/SubToSmoshAlikeFOLLOW US:TikTok: https://smo.sh/TikTokInstagram: https://instagram.com/smoshFacebook: https://facebook.com/smosh

Hi, welcome to Smoshmouth. I'm Shane. And I'm Amanda, and we have a really, really exciting guest with us today. It's Anna Conkel. She is the co-creator of Penn 15, currently on the new season of Hacks. And we're talking about her memoir, The Sane One, which we all read, and I'm so excited to talk about it. Hi, Anna. Hi, thanks for having me. Of course. My mic in the right.

Your mic is... We're still adjusting to these as well, so maybe mine's in the wrong place. It looks great. Scott, how's our mics? Yeah, he says... they're great. Scott's like, it's chill, dude. Does a kickflip. Yeah, Scott's very cool.

Hey, Scott. Hey, talk later. Yeah. Wow, you did Amanda's bit. Every time we do sound check, Amanda goes into this long rant where it's like her calling Scott after it was so long. We understand each other. We understand each other.

We understand each other. We really do. And maybe Scott too. Yeah, maybe Scott. Anyways, how are you? I was going to say, I'm not just randomly touching my book. I was going to say, like, let's connect. later. How am I?

I'm good. I'm good. I'm happy to be here. You guys are so funny to have you. When we found out you were going to be coming on the show, I was literally so stoked. I didn't mention this before, but Penn 15 truly is like one of my favorite shows. Really? Oh, thank you.

I was obsessed with that show. I still am. It's so funny. And I related to so much of it. Really? I know it was about like preteen. girls, but I was like so much of the experiences. I was like, wow, this hits

really hard for me. Thank you. That's so nice. I feel like it's now I'm realizing on TikTok, which I'm not on, but I'm thinking about it. TikTok. I think about it too, and I'm not on it either. Yeah, we think about it. We think about it, but a lot of, like, teenagers or middle schoolers or whatever

are coming up to me being like, I love you on TikTok. Whoa. Yeah. Wait, your clips of Penn 15 are on TikTok. They don't know what's a show. They don't know it's a TV show They just see it on TikTok And then they're like

You might have to cut this where they're like You're the one that called your mama cunt No we can keep that in Oh you're 12 Oh my god But don't say that Like I'm gonna get arrested Oh are you kidding me

12 year olds say Crazy things I did in real life Call my mom that in high school Did she? I was very angry at that point I know it wasn't good I'm not proud of it

Though I'm talking about it publicly I'm honestly surprised because I was so afraid. I once said F you to my mom and it was like thunder like the grounds lifted. Yeah. No, we were in a huge fight and I said that from my bedroom.

Of course, she was in the other room and I was like, you're a cut. And I remember feeling like I couldn't get it out like right before I was like, you're not going to do this. And I was like, I'm doing it. And I said it and then everything went silent, which was actually the same. scariest thing that could happen. And then it was just

stampede. Like slow walk and I was like Oh no. You're like, Mommy, Mommy, Mommy, Mommy no. And then she yelled at me. Okay. Yeah, it wasn't as bad as you'd think. Oh. Yeah, it wasn't an opening for more. Okay. It was just like, can I be, I'm maybe honest. Maybe because the word cunt, I don't know. It like, I feel like for Boston, that was just how you guys talked to each other. That was just hello. Yeah, I was just like, hey, what's Mom. Which we're both from Massachusetts. We found out, Situate, and I'm from

Easton. Oh, everybody's from Massachusetts. Everyone makes fun of me because all I do is talk about the East Coast. Oh, same. There's not enough rep. Yeah. Where are you from? Yeah, where are you from? Mostly Arizona. Military family, so born in Florida, moved to Virginia, moved to Arizona.

But, uh, Phoenix. Okay, cool. I live in my address is. I'm just kidding. I lived there too for a while, too. I actually went to college and that's where I started going to college before I then switched to online college to ASU online. Oh ASU. Even though I was living out here. And a military. What kind of military? My dad was in the Air Force. He was a lieutenant colonel. Oh, wow. Yeah. And he was a pilot for Southwest. Southwest. Southwest. Amazing. Yeah. Does he fly Boeing or did he? He's retired. I mean,

whatever Southwest planes are. Wait. Okay. Boeing scares me. Boeing scares me. And also then I just killed again, but Boeing scares me too. For saying that, but Boeing, but I love Boeing. And your memoir is all about how Boeing is corrupt. But my first,

my first boyfriend in love was from Arizona. Greg. Greg. Rough. Greg changed his name and Greg. Greg.

To West Point. Whoa. Yeah. Intense love. Intense love from a hippie family, especially. Yeah. My dad's not going to like you.

Oh, yeah. Of course. And maybe that's why we date them. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Right. For sure.

Boundaries in the West Point. So your book, like give us just maybe like two log lines about it? Okay. The book that we read. The book that I read. Tell me what it's about. I don't want to give it in my terms. No, no, no.

Let's hear your log line. The same one. Your dad dies. Your dad dies. Yeah, he does die. Spoiler alert Sorry It's kind of obvious in the beginning though right

Or no Okay in the beginning What was obvious to me is the estrangement Yep The haven't met my boyfriend that I've been with That I share a place with So that's an estrangement Right right

And there I mean I already knew before I read it That that was happening Yeah But to me it was like I really love that you gave us the present moment Not fully the present moment but like a scene in the future and then we went backwards.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And for me, because we talked about this earlier, is that all my memories are burned into my head because I have sisters and all we do to process life is talk about what happened with mom or what happened with dad. And so for me, it was like I was locked in on the journey. I was like, oh, here we go. The complicated complex relationship with your parent

that you're estranged from, but I knew that there was going to be a coming together. But it wasn't clear to me that. That actually is the perfect. You did it. And I didn't mean, I didn't mean to grill you. And then like, I'm sorry, but thank you. I actually love to be grilled.

Wow. My mom would grill me all the time on math questions. Oh, math. So good, like, good schooling. I wasn't good at that. Okay. Okay. Yeah.

Wow. Thank you for that. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, trying to do the log line is something that I'm not great at. Neither am I. No. I don't know why I put you in that position.

No, no, no, no. I want to. I mean, I want to. I mean, I really want to talk about it. I feel like part, you know, part of being in my 30s was recognizing how much the relationship with my dad had been very transformational over and over and over and very dramatic ways. And so, you know, later in life, we were strange for five years, but then back into my early childhood, he was like my best friend, cool dad. Angel. Angel, like, the thing giving, like, innocence to childhood of like my mom being freaky and my dad being like, let's go the movies.

here's $20, like just the safe part. And then I think as you get older, it's normal to feel like the pedestal, the parent falling off the pedestal. Oh, that breaking of that is super, super painful. And especially the parent that you're like, no, but that one's perfect. That one's great because we're all, we're kind of like us versus mom, right guys? Right. Right?

Yeah. And then we could get to the patriarchy and that's a whole other. You're kind of taught to not like your mom versus your dad. Which I'm going through as a parent also. No. Anyway. So interesting. Oh, you have a daughter.

We have a daughter. Yeah. We do have a daughter. Anyway, so yeah, I think like, and then I was able, by the end of his life, which we thought was going to be, he got a diagnosis. We thought it was going to be one to five years and I ended up being two months. And he wanted to go to Italy. And he wanted to go to Italy. But we brought Italy to him in a sense.

And I got to be his caregiver at the end. But I mean, as heavy as the spot. and the trajectory of my relationship with my dad was. He's the funniest person I've ever met. My mom, you know, unintentionally also very, very funny. And it's really sifting through memories of my childhood of like, who was he? Was he that godlike figure that I remembered or not? And that continued to affect my identity.

It's breaking the script. Yeah. It's like you're figuring yourself out by figuring out who your parents were to you. you. I read this great book when I was like doing my breaking of my relationship with my mom because I was like, okay, I want this relationship. It's called forgiving ourselves, forgiving our parents. I don't know if you've ever heard of it. It was so good. And it's not about, it's not about like forgiving your parents, like going, I forgive you. Yeah. But it's like forgiving the memories of who you thought your parents were. Yeah. You know, because I know your dad was like,

oh, I read the, you know, I read the divorce scene and, whoa, it was, different from your eyes. And it was like, yeah, that's how, you know, relationships with your parents are. So it's like, I feel like most people do start to go through this. I don't know if it happens in their 30s or 20s or 60s. Yeah. Of seeing your parent differently than the idealized version. And they're breaking the script of it. I feel like it's probably different for each person based on like circumstances, right? Like your dad passing away, it's like it's a dark thing to think about, but it almost like gives you more permission to think about things maybe than people if they're not passed away, if they're still here. Because I feel like I talk to everybody and everybody's journey is so different.

But everybody kind of goes through it. No matter how ideal your relationship with your family is, like it's an inevitable thing. That's what I think. I think you like have to go through it. But then I don't know if you feel this way, but I feel like our parents' generation boomers, they like never went through it with their parents. parents. But then, but then when their parents get a little old, they, they like, unpack it. They unpack it. But in a way that's like, so, hell on so tight. Totally. Whereas we're like, yes. I almost think there's, I, I almost disagree, though, that I feel like

a lot of our parents aren't, didn't unpack anything. Well, I don't think a lot of them did. Maybe I'm speaking personally. Sure. Is my mom is definitely unpacking all the years. And she's holding on tight. And her parents are. Her dad. Bad past. Okay. And but her mom is alive and she's her number one caretaker. Oh, wow. Yeah.

Wow. And she's unpacking now. Yeah. How long has she been the caretaker? Years. Wow. Years. But my Vava is very like Portuguese Catholic goes to church, very wants to be independent.

Mm. So. Which is complicated because she's like, I can drive. Yeah. Yeah. It's like, no. I shouldn't and can't. We actually should be taking away your license forever.

But she still driving. Oh, you did? Okay. We will. Sometimes my mom was like, I picked her up and I let Vava drive home. And I'm like, don't do that. What? God.

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Whoa. So stop serving your little carnivore a bowl of process shortcuts for a limited time because you are a smoshmoth listener, get 60% off your first order plus free shipping and free treats for life when you head to smalls.com slash smoshmoth. One last time, that's 60% off your first order plus free shipping and free treats for life when you had to smalls.com slash smoshmoth. Back to the show. Let's meow go. Meow. There's something about that I think is funny about death and interesting, which is like, it's so much easier to forgive, I find afterwards. Or there's like

this softening to the edges of the things that hurt where you're like, yeah, that was hard, but it doesn't sting the same way. And I keep trying to, even though my mom and I are actually in a really good place now, but I keep, there are times when I, this is morbid, where I'll try to apply and go like, okay, I was in such a bad place with my dad. Unfortunately, we got things back together before he left, but, you know, thinking back on the, like, there's a softening to the memories of him. Can I apply that retroactively to my mom who's a lie? Oh, yeah. And go like, maybe Anna don't be such an asshole when she says something that, and I can't.

The answer is you actually can't. You can't. You can't change that. And also, yeah, with my dad and like, and trying to prepare myself earlier for what it would feel like when he died. I also was not possible until after I was like oh there's nothing I could do to prepare myself

it's just like a removal of a thread that no one asked you if they could take and then it's just out of you and gone is it that when someone's alive you have to have your boundaries whereas when they're not here you don't there's no boundaries anymore you're safe to like you're safe to think about

however whereas like when your parents are alive and I see so much discussion about this online of people who are like, should I cut my parents off? Well, it's like a thing now, right? Of like no contact is a hashtag. And the problem is with so many people's parents. It's like the line of like,

oh, they are destructive for your life. Yeah. It's such a tough line. I know. It's such a weird line to me because I know I'm different, but like I personally, I couldn't imagine, you know, getting older and not making those types of amends.

For me personally. Okay. Like meaning like not getting things. not figuring it out. I don't know if it's because like I'm obsessed with people and the relationships and and like studying relationships and the complexity. And I don't know if that's having sisters and like processing a lot. But like I couldn't imagine getting older and not finally saying the thing or or having them say the thing even if it is painful. Because I know reading in your book, you and your dad had some like pretty raw exposed. Painful.

conversations and part of me when I was reading it was like laughing because I was just like oh yeah like I got a chill through me because I was just like yep you know that thing that you want to like expose to them and be like why did you do that that was weird that made me feel weird and that set up my relationships in a weird way but they don't it's not I know it feels like they're at least for me with this estranged to me with my dad it was like kind of a slow burn of unsettling events, you know, after being super, super close when I was young. And then kind of holding his feet to the fire slowly of being like, will you see a therapist? Will you like this thing be uncomfortable?

Like, and he would get, he was just in a different point in his life where, or maybe he wasn't and he was the same the whole time. I don't know. But he was pissed about it. Like every time. And it, I pushed the limit to a point where like, I. I wasn't comfortable around him anymore. And it was like an explosive, you know, goodbye. I'm never going to see you again instead of like, hey, I'm making this.

I wish that I had had the courage, I think, earlier to just say, like, I'm not comfortable at this relationship anymore in these terms. So it wasn't so. And then the like tragedy and like the death before he actually died was knowing that he was still on earth and then I wasn't talking to him and feeling so guilty that like he would call me and I wouldn't pick up or whatever. But I really had to like, I couldn't hear myself and my own thoughts and my own needs while we were communicating because you can't change your upbringing in that like I saw him as the authority figure period. We all do. We're right. It's in our DNA.

I saw him. I needed like ultimate approval from him. These things that actually some aspects that aren't his fault. Do you know what I mean? We're just embedded and I had to like get comfortable with the idea of the ultimate disappointment for my own needs and the ultimate disappointing him was not fucking calling him back. It killed me. Oh God. Yeah. But he finally, I was lucky in the sense that like I was willing to do it at a time when like we may have never come back together. But it was the thing that ultimately led us back together was that he was, I was able to hear myself, I was able to show up differently. I wasn't the same person as I was five years earlier that was like as reactive. So I also ended up taking a lot more responsibility for myself and he did too. That was the

miracle and that's the part that wasn't guaranteed. So that's the leap. But I don't know, it makes me sat online to see the it's such a fractured community of like the no contact of are you on the parent side or the kid side and I'm like I'm always kid side kind of person because I have a child inside me that's alive and well. But I also feel for everybody because most people are doing their best. And that's sad. I think there's a few points in your book where like you with your dad, you did such a good job of like really detailing out such a complicated relationship and such a like complicated person in your dad where like I was reading the book and I it was a very good job. It was weird where I was like, okay, I'm like preparing for this, this episode. And I'm like,

I don't know how I feel about your dad. Yeah. And I was almost like, I was like, I don't know how you want me to feel about your dad. Where I was like, oh, I, and I was almost nervous to talk to you about it. So I was like, oh, I'm scared. What if I have this opinion of your dad? But I'm like, but you wrote this. And I'm just reading this and this is my take on it. No, I love, I like, that's, I intentionally am not telling and in Penn 15, too, which is like, you know, I don't want to tell people how. to feel about something. I really want to like hold up a mirror to what it was to me. And I'm, the problem with me is also I'm always questioning my, you know, point of view or

reality. It's actually, yeah, so anyway, I, I, I, whatever you think and feel is, I'm, like, honored you read it and have. Oh, yeah, absolutely. I was stoked to read it and truly, like, started reading it and I was like, oh, my God. And then I was, like, hooked on it, like, genuinely. What do you think about my dad by the end? I mean, I go. I think a lot of layered things about him now in addition to. And also just to lay this groundwork, which I should have said off the bat, is like, he had the darkest sense of humor. Yeah.

Like, and one of his last days on earth, a nurse came in and was like, you know, he's like, coma-e, and that's a word, right? Yeah. I immediately was like, yeah, coma, he got it. And he can't, like, move his mouth very well. And the nurse is like, are you hot? And he goes, I would love. like to think so.

What? I was like he's fucking funny. Dude. So he thinks death is funny. I love that. I think that's why I'm comfortable talking about it so much because like he's like life is funny. Oh yeah.

The highs and the lows are funny. As it got to like the darkest moments, it always seemed like he was kind of just like not taking it too seriously. And it's hard. Like I wish I could hear his voice like saying so much of it. But no voice. No, I mean there was things that you address like, um, things that he did, right?

I don't know if I... Boundaryless. I don't want to, like, spoil things for the books, but there's, like, really uncomfortable things that are brought up. That you even bring up, like, hey, and I'm trying to think if maybe you say it early in the book, or if later on you kind of surprise us,

the reader of, like, when you're recollecting, like, hey, our relationship, our whole life, you did this thing, and it made me really uncomfortable. And then, but there's... You have some very honest conversations with him, and I think as I'm reading it, I'm kind of like, do I trust him? Yeah.

Do I trust that he is, he's saying like, you're right, you're right, and I'm sorry. And I'm sorry. And I'm like, do I trust him? But that's almost like a thing, that's more of like a societal thing of how many stories we hear. I think if you ask the average person our age, 30s, 20s, like, do they think their parents could change? I think the average answer would be no. My parents are never going to change. Right.

Right. And I think we've all, like, as a generation, so many of us are just like, no, our parents are this way, and we can say whatever we want to say our piece, but they're not going to change. I think like... It's interesting. I feel like that's so much of the landscape,

I think the political landscape, I think everything is just kind of like it's this wedge, and that's why I think you see so much of this cut-off idea, because it's just like, well, if they are hurting me, I do think there's something to be said. I think what you did was so important, which is like, hey, lay it all out. out if you feel safe to do it.

There's obviously levels to this shit, right? I think. And it took me four or five years of the estrangement of going to therapy and writing letter after letter with a therapist to him that I never sent of going, what is the letter that exists so that I feel better so that I know I said the things that need to be seen, that I can sleep at night and that he, if he blamed, because the first letter I wrote wanted something from him was like, I'm saying these things and I'm sweetening this and that. So maybe he'll just apologize and we can be better. But in the more holistic version of being

not being estranged anymore and feeling genuinely comfortable around him, it was a version of writing something where even if he blamed everything on me and said I was crazy and whatever, there was still something that I was gaining from the letter. And that's where my heart breaks a little bit because I'm so and but to loop back to what you're saying, but I'm so lucky that the letter back that he wrote was, I feel lucky, was reflective. He didn't say you're crazy.

Nope. Like he hadn't passed. He was like, oh, I made you uncomfortable in this way. I'm so sorry. I did that. I didn't know that was wrong. I was sorry. I was shocked. What are you talking about?

Yeah. I was shocked. When I was reading, I was like, what? Who is that? That's why like I said, when I read that, I was like, I don't know if I'm believing this, but I feel like,

like in the next chapter you're about to be like and then yeah he proves that he doesn't actually that's fair i don't know i like i also i love the way you wrote because i was able to project my own feelings onto it i was able to like read it through my childhood my eyes also and like trying to relate and it's funny because i had that initial feeling of like okay who is this guy right i want to talk to him yeah that shouldn't happen but then what's crazy is when you wrote the letter I somehow knew he was going to write back to you in this in this I'm sorry I blah blah and I don't know if it's because like my mom writes letters when she she's a very she cannot she is not a let's talk it out person my mom writes letters I know makes me emotional I know I almost just are but like the cool thing about the letter part sorry new mom I know I know I know I know I But the cool thing about the letters part is that you're able to really like, I think that they are really able to express themselves.

And so when you wrote a letter and you did it multiple times with your therapist, you were able to actually present a letter that fulfilled, like replenished your well, replenished like your cup so that you were able to be like, whatever happens, I'm going to be okay. and whatever your responses. And I think that honestly, that that was the right formula for your dad. I don't know your dad, obviously,

but I went through all the emotions with him, but there was something that was very connected to my family and that like, when you laid it out, I'm like, there's only one way that he could respond if he was, if this relationship was ever going to make amends. And it was that. And when he did that, I was like, they're going to make amends.

It was so, it was so impactful to me. Wow. Well, and who knows, and thank you for sharing that. Who knows if like, it was, you know,

after the coming back together, after the estrangement, we did not have a lot of time together. Like I, and I didn't know that he was going to, you know, get sick. And so we happened to make amends really soon before he found out.

And so, listen, my dad and I, I say this in the book was best when he was taken care of. So the fact that I became his caregiver, it was like the best version of him. Yeah. Who knows? I mean, you know, who knows if he had lived five years? Would we have gotten another huge fight? Possibly in Italy. Would we

you would be in Italy? He really wanted to go to Italy. He never got to Italy. Spoiler. He wants the server and you're like, dad, give it one second. And he's like, don't tell me what to do. Another weird thing when parents are like, don't tell me what to do. Like when you're in his place and you set up the oxygen and he's like, why would you? And you're like, uh-oh, he's throwing pillows. Yeah. Yeah.

Did you wash the strawberries and the vinegar anna? They last longer that way. I was like, we will leave your condo. Please stop speaking to me that way. Yeah. So I don't know. Like life is funny, but it is the way that it ended where we got to end in a really beautiful place. but it also isn't a perfect bow.

It's not. And it rarely is, I think. No, and I think, I do think this is very much an internet thing. And we do a lot of shows where we talk about a lot of different types of situations and relationships. I think we want so badly to just be like, to make black and white out of situations. And it would be so convenient to do that. And I think your book does a great job of exploring, like, how complicated. everything is. And that kind of, you're never going to feel like you're doing the right thing,

ultimately. It's always kind of just like, well, this is what I have to do. And I'm saying there's something in your book that's kind of beautiful of like kind of the in between of like the cutting people off and not of like you gave yourself some space and you're able to communicate to your dad in a place where you weren't beholden to him, you know, where you're like, okay, this is, this is true to me. Yeah. And I'm saying this and I'm getting it off my chest. So I think there is almost like to people who are debating on what they want to do with their parents. Like it's it doesn't have to be forever. No.

But it is okay to also be like, hey, like if I'm in a complicated relationship with my parent where I can't communicate honestly to them because they're this authority figure and they're looming over me to like if you need to take that time. Yeah. To then communicate. I think it's also like what do you want from your parent? I felt like it was just like what you were exploring is like what do you hope to gain? because they're not going to come to you and erase all the trauma from the past.

But our inner child wants that. We want a softening of memories. We want like a redo because it sucks to go to bed thinking about the memories. We're thinking about the conversation. You're like, oh my God, those edges are so sharp. Like I want a softness. But like they're not, that's why when people say they're never going to change. I think it's more like they're not going to do that thing.

you want them to do. Yeah. And you're changing because we're growing up. We're going from children to adult. And so our needs change. And I think the best parents, there's a flexibility, even if they're not going to, like, change deep into their core. They can still pretend.

Right. Hey, come on. Just pretend for a little bit. Just don't say that at dinner to my boyfriend this time. Yeah. For sure. And that's enough. Yeah.

But my mom's like a rapid changer. So I was thinking about her when you said that on the other end where like she changed her name when she was 75 from Janet to Jana because the uh is more open and it reflects me. Your mom is definitely. Your mom is definitely the funniest, was the funniest to me, but also the most terrifying at times. Yeah. That's her. The blanket, the prayer blanket.

Oh my God. The church blanket. You know what I love is that. I thought my parents were going to like get back together eventually. That was a love story. Your mom can come visit. Yeah. After not seeing, after not seeing her for.

15 years, I thought, like, am I going to, are they going to, like, kiss right before he dies? Is this like a fucked up notebook? You're like holding the button, the most toxic. Yeah, mom's the one kiss. There's like a, kiss, four, five, one more. Mom, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss. For those who read the book, that is the darkest joke. But that's what made me laugh the most because, like, our brains go there.

Yeah. To, like, the darkest place. Because I swear that's what she wanted. Because there was this seeking drama from my mom. Oh, yeah. How can you feel the deepest of things in your life? And I must see my ex-husband's dying eyes and tell him I love him. Yeah.

You know, I'm a nurse. I can help. I can help. And yeah. And then I was like, is this going to happen? And then on one of the last days he was, because I kept asking. He's like, no. Can mom come?

No. Wow. Okay. That's the pin in that story. To be under death then say that is pretty intense. And to get that. Get that blanket off me. He was like.

I got the last, because she divorced him. Yeah. He got the last, like, I'm divorcing you for life. I'll be honest, that's got to probably hit pretty hard. That's got to feel pretty good. He was like, I'm going into the other life, feeling good, man.

I'm like, there's a few things when you're, like, about to die, like, what probably feels so awesome and getting that, like, last little bit? Yeah, she's like, ha, ha, ha, I got her, and her person left her. Like, that person, they were like, mom? Yeah. Oh, it's awful.

But like, but then again, it's funny. It's so funny that it's like, it's the heaviest shit. You're good at capturing the funny of like really dark moments, which is very impressive. I don't know why I like funny and dark. I think when things aren't dark, I don't think they're funny. Well, they, is that weird? Tragedy and comedy are like right there. Wait, what did you mean by that?

Wait, what did you say? I said, I said I think when things aren't dark, they're not. I agree. Funny. Like, there's like a darkness to even like, even, even. I agree with that. I don't know if that's true across the board, but that's what I'm the most attracted to.

Me too. Strangers with Candy, the comeback, those are things that the characters are, like, so broken in different ways and so desperate, and pretending and posing to be fine. Yeah, like, that's a darkness that I'm like, I can never, I want that.

Yeah, it's absurdity of just like, what the hell is anyone doing? Your dating show. Yes. The will you be mine? That's all I want, like, characters that are like, it's so dark. It's so dark.

It's, you know? me scrunching my wig. I loved that wig because it looked like it was half scrunched, so I just kept scrunching it. So good. I mean, I keep adjusting my hair sitting right here. Well, that's when my hair's up. If I just put this here.

Trust me, I do that too. I'm just like, but my favorite, I loved dark comedy so much too because it's so honest. It's the truth of it. If you're just like, oh my God, me too. Right. It's like, yeah. I want to say that.

It's like I don't, I know a lot of comedians feel this way, but I don't come home after a day of work, you know, doing comedy and put on comedy. Right. I'm like, it better be dark as hell. Intervention. Power on. Yeah. Horters.

Whoops. What about you? Porter's? No. I love porters. Porters is maybe, that gets, that's, that is the scariest show of all time. But there's something so, um,

psychological and therapeutic about it towards the end because that I'm not in it. That I'm not there. Well, they pile on all the clothes because they're hiding this shame, this sadness, this like, man, what is, this brain does not focus species. Oh, this brain doesn't go to space. We are freaky, freaky, freaky. Can I ask a bit of a topic change? But I was so fascinated, and this is the same with Penn 15, you're so good at remembering dialogue from your life.

Like specific scenes. You have a three-page scene between you and two other kids, when you're like six, I think, where you guys have an argument over whether the cat, the stray cat that your family adopted actually belongs to you or not? And it goes on for so long and it's like line by line of like an agonizing argument

between children. And I was like, I remember having these types of arguments. I don't remember what was actually said. There's some moments that I that there's just like a lot of, yeah it's auditory, like I can kind of hear it. But there's plenty that are not. Like we were talking about this before and like if I lose my, I never can find my keys, my phone, but there's just like these moments of, like, that was a defining moment for me of moving

to Massachusetts and like leaving Vermont, which I loved as a kid and my moving into my parents in this idyllic looking house and the cat had just like, the neighborhood cat had just moved into our house. And that was like a real comfort, you know? And there are these like two neighbor friends that could be my best friends if I try. Or enemy. Really hard. And like what an amazing, I was always in fantasy. So, like, what an amazing life to have, like, these two friends near garden. Our cats running around.

So for them to be like, that's actually the neighborhood cat. How dare you bring it into your home? Like, that, yeah, that's just alive and well, unfortunately. And that's this brain. Like, I remember a lot more than I wish that I did. You could just take it out. I feel like you're thinking with, like, your imagination fantasy. you're like, whoa, how beautiful the world could be.

And then there are these people coming in and being like, no, Anna, that's not. And it's what everybody else's life looks like to me. Yes. Where I'm like, I'm just trying to reach the happiness that other people have. Yeah. Interesting. I think it's like a breaking of your own script of just like this. Because I also relate as like I felt like I was literally in the secret garden.

Like I was like, this garden is secret. and magical and fairies are everywhere. And then my mom would be like, get inside now. And I was like, how dare her. How dare her. It's true. I lived in my head a lot. Yeah, me too.

Did you ever have feelings? I rarely have this anymore, but especially when I was kid, especially when there was like intense moments, funny or otherwise, of like a zoom out of being able to see yourself. Yes. Oh, yeah. It's kind of that. That feeling of like. Interesting.

Like you're observing your own life like a movie. I wonder if you sat down and you. you like just were like put yourself there if you could be like and he said you know you're dick oh yeah and i said that like if you started in a granular way i wonder if you could like you could definitely extract it maybe i feel like if i could tap back in i think if i could i think i think i think i think you could go i think how i go there is i tell definitely okay oh a thousand percent how often do you think about your childhood All the time.

I'm so jealous of people that don't. I think about it all the time. I have thoughts, but like there are, there are, it almost scares me where I'm like, there's years, like big, like five young cheer, five year chunks of my life where I'm like, I don't know if I remember a single thing from that era. I want to get out. And it's, maybe it's maybe it's that I don't, maybe it's that I don't think about it enough. No, I don't think about that enough. I want to get some hypnotherapy. I know.

I want to lock it to a chair. I'm a certified hypnotherapist. Really? And I have, I'm just kidding. I was so excited for a moment. I had a therapist, I had a therapist try to do hypnotherapy and it didn't really wait. My sister was a hypnotherapist for seven years.

Did she like, and she stopped and then moved back to Vermont. Why'd she stop? She couldn't do it well? No. She actually didn't in front of me or by accident. She was like, huh? Past life regression? I was what?

A buffalo? No, she. I want to do that. I did that. What were you? Whoa. Whoa, whoa. You were a lady from Massachusetts.

Mine was very legit. I was just a woman collecting oysters from Massachusetts. It was so weird. No, I was like. Oh, I'm so gullible. No. What kind of oysters? Fantasy world.

Me too. No, I was like, I did this past life regression with my sister. So at first, with our hypno sessions, I was like, her voice. I was like, what are you doing with your voice? She was like, and your blah, blah, blah. And then finally, after a few times, I really got there. And I was like, oh, this is fun. Wow.

And my past life regression was actually pretty legit. I was like part of this community. I don't know what year it was. I have no idea. Would you like the queen of the community? No, I was definitely not the queen. I was like the rejected. Oh.

But I didn't want to be a part of the community. Yeah, I was. Your sister's like, in a past life, you were a huge fucking loser. My sister's like, you were covered in shit. Everyone hated you. You were not the pretty sister. You were actually kind of ugly, which is so interesting. We should unpack that later.

But the main theme of it was is that I wanted to leave this community and like explore. I was like I loved my community but I wanted to explore. And when I got back, they drowned me and killed me. No. And my sister was like, I think.

No, wrong. Not true. No, whatever my sister said was totally true. It's totally healthy to have your sister to your past, like regression. But I also mean it was societally wrong. Yeah. Not cool.

Not cool to drown someone. Guys, to drown in a well is a really tough experience. In a well? Oh, yeah. Okay, I call bullshit because that's their drinking water. Yeah, well, they put me in there. Yeah, that's gross. Can I have the corpse put in the drinking water.

They put a corpse and then the community couldn't drink. They're the idiots. Wait. I should go back. And then they all died. Amanda, there's something sweet about that. You drowned in a past life. Yeah.

I drowned as a child. And then we found each other in Smosh. What do you mean? I drowned. Oh, wait. I don't remember this. This might be tricky. This is really sad.

For you, mom. And I also interrupted you earlier when you said that your sister stopped for a certain reason. Hypnotherapy. Oh, no, she just stopped because she just couldn't do it anymore. She wanted to change. Okay. She was like so bored with your past lives. Shut up.

Okay. No, but this story is crazy. I've told the story many times. No, this is very funny. You're alive. You're here. I'm alive. I'm here, I think.

Do you remember it? See this picture? No, I don't. How old are you? I was 18 months old. this was in Florida we laugh about it no we we love dark humor here

when I was 18 months old my parents were on the other side of the house I was behind a baby gate I got past it because I'm fucking awesome back at that track yeah

did a front flip over it probably and I went out to our pool and I was throwing rocks in the pool you're probably dropping them in there how do they know how do you know that part because there's rocks in the pool got it

he did a pass like there's rocks in that pool no he did a pass like if you don't remember How do you know that they're rocks in pool? They assessed that I must have been dropping rocks in the pool, fell in, and then they found me in the pool. I was gray,

I wasn't breathing. Oh my God, I just started throwing up. My dad jumped in. He was wearing his full, like, flight suit, Air Force flight suit, jumped in the pool,

got me out, and then my mom started doing CPR. And then when the ambulance came, they took me in there like, you know, like, I was, she had just got me breathing again.

again, I think, when they showed up. And then the funny thing, I've told this. I've told this many times, and I think this is really funny. Okay. Is that they were like, they were like, he's alive. We don't know if there's brain damage and you're not going to really know until kindergarten. And I think back on my memories and I'm like, man, that's so funny that every time I brought like a drawing or did anything, I was like, check this out. They're like, ha ha.

Is that a tree or is that? Oh. My dad was like he was going to be in the Air Force. Now he's going to be a fucking actor or some shit. Rub podcast talking into it. Yeah, he's like he's going to be a podcast or he said that in 1995. Like, what the hell? Oh, no.

No. So I, I drowned and was brought back to life in Florida. Oh, my. Which is a very Florida thing to do. This all happened in Florida, not Arizona. Florida. No, this is very Florida behavior. This is Florida behavior.

Yeah, throwing rocks in a pool. You know. As a woman, hearing that story now is quite, hard to hear. But then I remember it's okay, he's fine, right? I think when I finally had nieces and nephews and they were 18 months old, I think it hit me then. I'm just like, oh my God.

If I had to see one of them like not alive for a second, I'd be haunted. My heart is still beating hard. I know. I'm so happy you're here. Another funny thing. Another funny thing is. So my family, I was like, wow, that's like the most haunting moment of their life probably, that I don't remember.

but my brother and my dad, my nickname was Shane Bobber for so long. And I actually didn't know. And it wasn't until I was like 12 that I connected of like, oh, it's because I was bobbing up and down in the pool. No. They called me Shane Bobber. Wait, wrong. Your dad is funny. Is he funny?

I don't know if it was my dad or my brother. They're both funny. They're funny. My family's funny. They're funny. I mean, that's fucked up, but that's funny. It's pretty funny. I don't know how much, how long.

It's dark. It's really dark. This episode of Smoshmouth is sponsored by Zoc Doc. Amanda, I've been getting into a bad habit. Oh no. Do you want to talk about it? I do. You see, lately when I've been getting sick, I've been going into these spirals where I search up every single symptom. It has me so anxious.

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Yeah, but then I got to drive and find parking. See, with ZuckDak, you can log on and have a remote appointment. I mean, I personally prefer in-person appointments, but it's whatever floats your boat. It's so easy. I love using Zoc Doc. I can always find a doctor within my network. I got to download the Zoc Doc app. Whoa, okay. Stop putting off those doctor's appointments and go to Zockdo.com slash Smoshmouth to find an instantly book a doctor you love today. That's ZOCDOC.com slash smoshmouth. Zokdoch.com slash smoshmouth. Thanks Zock doc for sponsoring this message.

Back to the show. Now we're talking. Now we're talking. Okay. Let me just remember that. Let's get put in my memory. Let's play a drinking game where every time I stop at a page, I read it, and then we all take a shot. Don't cry. I'm sorry. Mom, don't cry. No, no, no. We're going to stop the thing. Come on. Don't bring out the depressing shit. Shane Bobber.

Shane Bobber. Yeah. Wow. It's giving me a mental image. That's the problem. Do you read, do you read a book? No, me too. Do you read a book and you have the whole image in your head? Projecting it. And so then whenever a book has turned into a movie, you're like, uh-oh. That's not how I pictured him. Yeah, I don't like that. Ben is like wasn't supposed to be in Gone, Girl. That's not what's supposed to happen. But I've realized it's also why I could. be a better speaker. Because let me finish. What? Let me finish.

What? Speaking is happening. That's a perfect point. Because I feel like I picture everything that said. So like I can write it down. It's like nice to be like see it and then like write it down. But like when I'm talking, just hit the mic. It's like an oh I get like overstimulated.

Do you guys feel like? Oh. You do? I picture everything like. Yes. A thing, okay, another in joke here at Smosh is that I laugh at all my own jokes, right? And I do. I laugh at my jokes too.

But it's because I just want to laugh all the time. But here's the thing. People think that I think I'm funny. I don't think I'm funny. In fact, what frustrates me is when I'm saying a joke, I'm picturing this image in my head that's making me laugh. And I never deliver what I'm seeing in my head. But I'll be like, I'll say a joke, but I'm imagining someone else saying it in my head. I never knew that.

makes me laugh. So like... Who's saying it? It'll just be... Me. Always. It's just like anybody else. Right?

Like, I'll just be picturing some imagery in my head as I'm saying it. It's kind of saying whenever I do an impression, the way I do impressions is I truly just, I'm barely seeing what's in front of me.

I'm thinking of the person in my head and I'm just having them acted out. And it's almost like I'm... To me, that's so interesting. Yeah. Wait, do you not see like a face? I see a face. Okay, okay. No, I like... It's the person. Well, no, it's, it'll be different every time. Okay, okay, okay. So I'll be saying a joke of like, oh, it's like as if this person was

saying this. I don't know. It's hard to describe it. Yeah, yeah, I relate to that. Yeah, but I'm imagining someone else saying it usually. But it is a funny idea that all of your jokes are someone else, like one specific person in your head saying it. I didn't know that. Yeah, I'm usually trying to like like, like Santa. It's always going to be Santa. You're like, it's always Santa. But Mrs. Claus gets one joke, one joke a year. What's going to? on with Mrs. Claus. Why do I... What does she think about her a lot? We think about Mrs. Claus all the time.

Do you guys? No. I think about her all the time. What about her? I just want to know what she's doing with her time for the rest of the year. She's relaxing. She's probably the one building all the things and wrapping it and fucking... No, the elves. They're barely doing anything. I will not take elf slander on this podcast. Mrs. Claus is doing probably almost everything. She's doing the books. She's doing the budget. She's doing the financial financial budget

She's working with Quickbooks She's all be She's managing all the elves The elves show up late They leave early They're wasted They love the water slide They're always looking for

Yeah Drinking rum And she's wearing jeans most of the time She's wearing jeans She's not wearing like Velvet Reds Yeah she's wearing jeans She's with it

I agree I don't know why I'm thinking about that But talking about impressions She wears thongs Oh she wears And high thongs Thongs that like reach The Midway

where when you see her in the thongs, you're like, whoa, very sexy. You know, like 80s thongs? Yes. Yeah. And they've been asking for human resources and they don't have it, but it's awkward because whenever she bends over,

you see like the sort of thong and they're not allowed to say anything about it. And the elves are like mostly offended. She chooses. Except for Howard who's turned on, but he's too young and it's awkward. She's singing Santa. He's way too young. And he's talked to Santa about it.

He's like, how long are you and Mrs. Claus going to be together? And he's like, why are you asking me these questions? son brother son because all the elves are his sons yeah they be fucking yeah they all be fucking that's the thing and it's kind of weird because santa and mrs claus are humans and mrs claus are elves but their children are elves well they have a genetic um it's a weird thing yeah it's like when you put the genetics it's like recessive genes it's like we're not elves but our children are elves yeah yeah it's like when it's like two people with brown eyes have a child with blue eyes it's like how does that happen? And every birth is a litter yeah we're turning middle

Mrs. Claus into some sort of eldritch terror. There's some runts. That's the North Pole guys in case you needed to know. That's also in your book. So I love the chapter where you talk about the North Pole. The epilogue is actually about Mrs. Claus. It's a metaphor and the thong is about being oppressed by the patriarchy and not realizing that you're just trying to please the patriarchy.

Santa, whatever. And let me tell you, everyone looks good in an 80s thong. Really? Oh, yeah. I'm really trying not to do thongs anymore. cable guy? Where you like, hold up your thong and you were like, yeah, a little in the mirror. No?

Or you're talking about just like out in life? No, no, no, no. That's a whole episode of Penn 15. Yeah, that's a pet. Yeah, that's a thong episode. And I know that. Yeah, honey. I know that.

I'm winning the host award. Yes. Wait, wait, wait, no, hold on, hold on. You better cook something up quick, Amanda. Bull cut, bowl cut. Oh, you got the whole. Red station wagon. Um, um, um, was it red?

your whole book. So Mrs. Claus. Yes, let's say ding, ding, ding, ding. I'm sure there's a red station wagon in there. But I'm winning. I'm winning. I'm winning at life. Okay. That's true. But I will say one thing.

That's true. This is what I wanted to say that I love that you therapistized your life through Penn 15. That's true. And I have to ask a question. I know your dad had a response about reading it. But what was your mom's response? Because I know you wrote your parents.

No, Penn 15. Oh, and Penn 15. They were both pretty supportive. My mom would always go like, it's fine, I'll move out of the universe. Just move out of the universe. Kind of as a joke. Of course.

But then, for example, like, I did Jimmy Fallon one night. Hey, honey. And, I mean, that's not a big deal, but and she accidentally, because, you know, all the conversations are mostly pre-planned, obviously, blah, blah, blah. What?

Not here, guys. Let me just give you the end. Jimmy Fallon is my Santa Claus, where I'm like, it's all real, right? I didn't really know. Until the first time I was like surprised. I know, I'm such an idiot. Sad, no. I'm saying I'm sad by that.

Oh, yeah. I thought that there was like more. I mean, there is. I think they all do it a little differently, right? Every late night host does it a little differently. But Jimmy Fallon. It's fully. Or Jimmy, sorry, not Jimmy Fallon.

Jimmy Kimmel. Well, Jimmy Fallen too. All of them. I'm really bad with names. Jimmy Fallon I used to wait on when I waited tables. They loved a mimosa brunch. Oh, I've heard. Craft bar in New York City.

Oh, I've heard. Interesting. Not. Jimmy Kimmel, we started talking about my mom and that was, it took a turn. And I talked about her changing her name. And I thought she was going to be really mad at me afterwards. She wasn't. She was like my friend Jimmy.

Oh, see, she probably loved that. But with this book, you were saying that your mom. was read the whole book. Well, so I thought, yeah. So, yeah, she read it. I sent it to her a while ago before it was finished, finished, and was like, because I wanted to give everybody a chance to read it and be like, this is my memory or this isn't fair, blah, blah, blah.

And obviously, like, it's not the moments that she intended to let be public. Sure. And she was so incredible while she was reading it, honestly, and she was like writing me apologies. just like and also explaining things that I included too of like I'm work I was working three jobs and I was like when your dad got fired I kept you know whatever um and then you know a week or two before this was going to be final final I was like I think I'm going to change this one other thing someone's name and she was like I have no idea what you're talking about and I was like but you read you read it and she was like I scanned it oh oh I That's her. That is who she honestly was validation that like who she is. Yep. She's like, I'm a vegetarian and you're like, you're eating a steak and she's like just Tuesday.

Yeah. I don't usually eat steaks. And then she goes and she's like, is that bacon? I'll have a little. That almost like juxtapose but fits in like you were talking about how like you live in like a fantasy or like whatever. And she's really living in a fantasy. This is very. She is the idea of herself in a way.

Absolutely. Absolutely. She's like, I am this person. So many people's parents. Because the way people talk about their parents, just like, oh, I am, whatever I say I am. Is that just what happens to humans? Like, will we all be like, like, are we like that now? Are we going to be like that?

Are we going to be like that? Because there's things people say to me where I'm like, wait, that's how I am. That does happen to us sometimes. Same. A thought that I have a lot, because I don't think about my childhood, I'm having these other thoughts, is. We're going to get in there. Don't worry about.

Having a time machine and going back to seeing your parents when they're the same age as you to be like, because then you could be like, okay, am I, were you just like me? Are we, how similar are we? My mom's just a huge bully. And then you go back and be like, were you like you are now then, but I'm just remembering differently. To understand if they're a mirror of you or not now or if you can see them. Just all sorts of things, right?

Kind of everything. When I was a teenager, I thought about it a lot. I'm just like, I wonder what my parents were like when they were teenagers. I never think about that. And would we have even liked each other if we were just. That's very back to the future. I'm thinking about. Sure.

Isn't he fall in love with his mom? Well, his mom's kind of weird to him. Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. Not that's, yeah. Not that's, yeah. I'm not talking. No contact.

Write a letter. What I would really want is to go back in a bubble, invisible bubble. They can't see me, but I just get to observe like them and just be like, what were you like? And then especially when it's like, you know, when they're, the age that they, you were born. Yeah. It's like, what were you like? Oh, my parents were. I don't want to know.

I mean, we had like video camera camera footage. Yeah. And my mom was very. my mom was very much like she was in her power all the time every time the camera went to her she was like what are you doing and I'm like

that's kind of cute I hardly have any video it was really cute I hardly have any video of my parents like of childhood videos there's not much I got a video camera and I kept filming them and I would zoom in on my mom what are you doing and I would zoom in on my dad

and he'd be like get that camera out of my face Amanda like so I learned a lot And then I was like, oh, but they're different. They're kind of different. Yeah. Like my, you know, so I don't know if I'd want to see them at that age. I guess I saw them there, but they knew I was filming them. So what would they be like if they didn't know I was there?

But it is the thing, because people think, like, oh, am I going to become just like them? Like, how much do we change over time and how much is generational? Yeah. Like, how much is, how, what were baby boomers like when they were in their 30s? Yes. And then how much do we become like that? but I definitely think a part of us is like them and that's what makes us frustrated about them. Sure.

Yes. All the time. Well, I also heard this. I can't remember where, can't remember what could have been a reality show. I heard about a study that I meant to look up. It's fine. About mice that I want to say they were shown the color orange and then they were and then there was a loud sound and they would like jump or something like that. I'm butchering this.

But it was like four generations of mice. And then they stopped doing it. It was four generations of mice later when they saw the color. I know I cried when I heard it. Yet I can't remember it exactly. They saw the color. Orange. And they jumped.

There was still a reaction compared to other mice. Huh. So we're fucked because of our great, great, great, great, great grandmother's issue. We're so fucked. I can't wait for you to do it past my progression. One day. Yeah, one day. I also am dying to know what you were like in middle school and get into your childhood memories.

I do remember things. things. I have a character that I play here in Smosh called The Chosen. And he's just that he's just like this guy who thinks he's like an action hero guy, right? And he is largely based on like in my head. What like what I would think all the time was like, you know, just that I'm like deep down, I'm like, what if I'm actually super badass? But I'm just like not at all. And were you popular? Like were you that badass action? Were you the funny kid? Were you? Did you? Did you? stay in your own corner. Was becoming a class clown

when I was in, I think I was in fourth or fifth grade when there was this kid who like would just interrupt class and say crazy shit and it would get a laugh sometimes. And you were like, I could do that better. I was like, that's fucking. No, I was like, that's fucking awesome. I was like, I need to start doing that. Oh, whoa. And I started like being like, oh wow. Because I was, when I was a little kid,

super quiet, dead quiet, never spoke, just kind of like in the corner. And then like, for some reason, like, I saw that and it was like, okay, like, whoa, attention. What is that? Wow. And, uh, because I was like the, the youngest by a lot. My brothers were eight and eleven. So actually I felt kind of not in a bad way. And if my mom watches this. Like, like, like invisible in a way of just like, yeah, I'm just kind of like here while, while the world happens around me a little bit. And then you do things where it's like,

whoa, like, and I think I equated attention with like, I'm real. And then, uh, I'm a real boy. Like, oh, I'm a real. I'm a real person. Yeah, wow. It's kind of addictive. And then I was 12 when in fifth grade we did a classroom play. And I had never done any theater or any performing or any getting up in front of people at all. And I just got hooked on it and I played Willy Wonka.

I was the only one who auditioned for that role. Okay. No, honey, you got it because of your talent. Yeah. But I did it. And it was like an immediate response from everybody, including. my parents of like, oh my God, like, whoa, you should do this. This is amazing. So it went from like zero to like a hundred of like, zero to hero.

Holy shit. And then, so then within two years I was in auditioning for shit and going out to pilot season and stuff. So it was like going out for pilot season. Oh yeah, yeah. He did that. It happened quick. Oh my God. That was my dream. Yeah. And it was cool. But then it was also this like, oh, childhood over there. Like I now, this is my life. Wow. This is my career. Wow, that's a very unique. So that kind of also shifted, because I didn't have then like the regular high school experience. And it was just into what I'm still in now. Which is wild.

You said that was your dream. Did you know early on that you wanted to like go to Hollywood? I didn't think Hollywood, but I was like I loved, I loved like doing community theater in my town. I loved singing. There was a lot of just like pretend in the mirror. of like really adult situations crying. Like being like, no, Edward. I relate to that so hard.

I remember being in the... Jennifer, where are you? I'll never find him, go home and time. What is what? I remember being in the bathtub and the soap container. There's like, you know, mold between the tiles and whatever. And in my mind, the soap container was like the intercom for my butler. And there was always a break in.

Like really like Oscar not like trying to be Meryl Streep like no nothing irony about it like how real could I cry how real could I Don't ever remember by the way my parents being like you good no me neither I don't think my parents ever they just must have heard a sobbing in the in the bathtub and they're like that's life so your butler did he come ever save the day Did the Butler ever in your mind? He didn't really. No, of course not. No, he tried. You had to save yourself. He was busy.

Oh, that's kind of. I feel like my version of this was every, and this was going on for a long time. Maybe still sometimes. Yeah, I pretend sometimes. We'll be in the shower and like as I turn off the shower, I'm like, what if there was an intruder like in my house now and I'm buttonate, what would I have to do? What would you do? Well, I envision in my head the badass version where I'm like.

Where I like whip open the curtain and like fight. And then I'm like, no, real version, I don't know what the fuck I'm doing. You feel like version of resubbing soap. You fall, pull the whole curtain down with your ass naked. Open up the curtain and I piss and shit and spin. No. You hate your head on the faucet. What can you do if I'm doing that?

Huh? Confuse your enemy. Yeah. This episode of Smoshmouth is sponsored by Rocket Money. Time is a beautiful thing. Yeah. Okay. And I have all the time in the world right now. Oh, really? How's that?

My financial habits. Because I use rocket money. Amanda, the suspense is killing me. How is rocket money giving you all this time? Automated savings. Automatic transaction categorization. Look at it this way. I just set it and forget it, which means I get to pop onto my dashboard and I can see and find everything, which means I'm not scrolling through all my accounts on multiple apps trying to find what I am subscribed to or where. It's all in one place. Wow, that's incredible. And I'm sure Rocket Money can show you all your spending patterns. Exactly. Now I have time to do the important things. Like host Smoshmouth with you, my bestest friend.

Sometimes. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. Let Rocket Money help you reach your financial goals faster. Join at RocketMoney.com slash Smoshmouth. That's rocketmoney.com slash Smoshmouth. Rocket Money. dot com slash smosh moth back to the show let's go no sick dude nice I say yeah so we're all doing bathroom play so we're all having a fun time we're all doing bathroom play thank you we're all doing bathroom play no I think we all still imagine things we're like what if this scenario I don't know about you but

sometimes I drive and listen to a song and I'm like I am at the end of an indie film and I am driving and this is my moment and the camera is right here I'm just driving. So sometimes I'll get home. Full tears. And they're not because of my life. No. They're because of your inner life.

The indie film, this is the last shot where the camera's right on me. Well, to your point, I remember being in the car as a kid and getting a fight with one of my parents in the car and like tears streaming down my face and looking out the window and like the images are blurring and then looking at myself in the side of mirror. Of course. And I was like staring at like the cry. Do do do do do do do. Yeah, my music. And you were just like. And I'm like, I'm gorgeous.

Yeah, you're like. And you turn around, you're like, and then you catch your parents eye in the freaking mirror. And you're like, don't look at me. What? Mom, stop. Stop. Nothing. Can we stop McDonald's?

Oh, I'm fine. Yeah. I'm fine. Leave me alone. What are you listening to? Nothing, just the same song on repeat. Because I have to get the music video right in my head. Yeah, I'm thinking about math.

Yeah, exactly. God. I relate to this so hard. You do? Yes. Everything, everything is that. And then speaking of Boston, I would go in, like I was in some community theater and Mora Tai, who owned Thai casting. She, after a performance came up to me and my parents and was like, would she be interested in coming into commercials? And I was like, absolutely she went. What time do you need me? Absolutely. And then my dad was like, and I am as well free to audition. He really wanted to. Yeah. Did you guys have an audition in the book?

Yeah, and in his, I remember in his 70s, I'm now in L.A. And he calls me and he's like, I was scouted for a commercial. And they said I'd be perfect for Walmart. They said I have Walmart phase. And you're like, Dad, nothing more. He was like, they're asking for $8,000. I was like, because, you know, headshots are expensive. And I was like, run.

No. No. But yeah, so I started going to audition for commercials, which I was like thrilled about. And like it never worked out Well senior year I finally got an industrial An anti-drug Good, an anti-drug

That's a good one That's really good I remember the line was Are you stressed out? I don't believe you Everyone gets stressed out Were you other person in the commercial Like giving someone drugs?

No I was saying like we don't do that It was like dare but for like adults kind of Teens it was like a cool teen website It was like I need to know you want to smoke because we all get stressed out. We all get stressed out. But don't do that. But don't do it, right? Oh my God. I went to Dare Camp.

Oh, yeah. How much drugs did you do? Oh, it was run by police officers and I was having the best time of my life. Wait, I'm not even kidding. The Dare officer, Officer Dom was our dance DJ. Officer Dom. So he would run. Jesus Christ.

Officer Dom he comes and he's like Oh Officer Dom was in the Magic Mike show. Yeah. And then he's like, Eight ways to say he was arrested. He's in jail actually right now with his song on. He's in prison. Wait. Okay, so I had a bunch of dare officers running this.

I don't know what we did, but it was a normal camp. It was down the street from my house. No, it wasn't. I don't think it's a normal camp. And it was, we always had the briefcase conversation. Remember they opened the briefcase and it's all different drugs? Oh, yeah. And we would act out scenes.

We would act out scenes like if you got offered. drugs. And I was like, here is my fucking chance. I'd be like, all right. I don't want drugs. We're going to play out this scene. I don't know what was wrong with me. My whole time.

I mean, what's wrong with you is wrong with me, sister, because we're talking to. Can we take that again? Amanda, give us more. And I'm like, I don't want drugs right now. But my favorite was, I was so into like Marilyn Monroe. Everyone wanted me to do Marilyn Monroe. Don't ask me why. Well, because you're excellent at it.

I would be like, Miss Happy Birthday. So I equated that. Whoa, wait. I was like, there's one character, and that's her in the drug scenes. So I was like, I don't want that. So you were like sexy hot girl that doesn't want drugs.

I was like, 10. I was just like, God, this is a weird world, doesn't it? But my older sisters were there. Keep going. Yeah, exactly. Take that again. And you don't want drugs. And you're Carolyn Monroe.

And you don't want drugs. Let's take that again. Let's take it again. Let's do a little more improv. Take this. wherever you want to take it. Yeah, take it where you want. You're in Hollywood.

This time you take the drug. This time, take a little bit of cocaine and see how far, where are we going? See what it's like. Okay. You're open to anything. Helicopters coming in. You're open to anything. Okay. Didn't it get proven that dare cause more people to do drugs?

Yeah. That's why it doesn't exist anymore, right? More people did drugs. Does it exist? Man, I put my heart and soul into that company. Your performances were so good that people did drugs. They were so good. I'm sorry, Amanda.

It's actually your fault. that the drug wars got worse. You know what I think is hard is that every camp I went to my older sisters were there so they were just like, oh that sucks. What are you doing? You're so lucky though because I would do that and as your older sisters being like, come on

and then you got cooler. And for me, I didn't. And so I would do it and I'd be like, that was awesome. And people would be like, we're going to sit over there. And I'd be like, okay, I'll meet up with you in a little bit. And it would take me months to realize what was happening. Your sisters. You have no idea what it's like. Your sisters really feel...

I know. They filter you. They also, they tell you they're like, don't ever date this person, but they also filter you. My brother's 11 years older. And he was like, put your sunscreen on. Yeah. Like he was like an adult. Yeah.

My brothers are 11 and 8 years older than me. So they were like out of the house by the time. Yeah. And that's what you wrote that you didn't have anyone to like bounce ideas off of to be like, wait, am I crazy or is mom crazy? Well, and we didn't talk about that stuff at all until my late 20s. during the estrangement with my dad. Yeah, yeah, yeah, right.

Because then I realized that my brother hadn't spoken to him in 15 years and was like, and then he became a parent, well, a stepdad. Yeah. And then he was like, oh. Oh, my God, you really like took notes. Oh, nobody. I dug in. I got a shout out.

I got a shout out. You were texting each other. Selena legitimately. Yeah. She wrote notes on your, if you want that actually after. Did you need this? I would love to see it. And if you have any ideas for me more succinctly talking about the book, I

I would absolutely take it. Wait, I know we talked before you came on the pod. You're killing it. I know you said, like, it was hard for you to talk about the book, but like, you're, you're killing it. I think, no. Maybe it's because you're talking to other actors. No.

Hey, you're killing it. Hey, you're killing it. No, put that back. No. No. No. Hey. You know how hard it was to put these on?

No. No. Oh, my God. I regret. The last, but throwing it, I'm, I'm so. You have no idea. We fuck shit up every day. Oh, we do insane.

What if I just knock that down? We literally are. The last one we recorded, we were drinking wine. Can we do that next time? Yes. You want to come back and we'll drink wine? That's our new bit. You know what I've been wanting?

Do you really? That's so hard. No, we did it for one. It's 8 a.m. I wish. It's so early. You guys start this so early. Thank you for being here so early.

Well, we're filming a ton of other stuff after this. You got fucking shit to do. four podcast episodes today. Your teams better appreciate you because you guys are fucking working. And I'm going to guess that they don't have to do much. They, Yeah. When you're really,

did a lot here. Let me point out how much Selena did. And you're just doing everything yourself. But also, like, I don't know, you just kind of get used to the flow of it. But also, like, we're coming in, we're improvising.

We're, like, being personality where it's like, when you were going through the stuff with your dad, You were writing a show. You were going in. Yeah. That was hard. Were you filming also? We were filming and it was when my dad got sick, it was the end of the writer's room for Penn 15.

We were in pre-production. And we had insisted, it's our fault, on show running everything. Wow. You know, and so we really didn't have a break because we're going from editing to promoting it. Jimmy Fallon, Jimmy Kimmel, whoever. Jimmy. Whatever. Jimmy was there.

And then going into the writer's room, not enough time. No one has enough time. And then we're like about to go into, yeah, we're about, we're going to pre-production. And then he told me that he was sick. And we had mended things at that point a little bit. And then ended up going to see him in Florida that weekend. And then it was, yeah. And then Cockroach City.

And then Cockroach City. How crazy is that? I mean, living in L.A.? Sorry to say, but half the places in L.A. are covered in cockroaches. I mean. And I was just like, who knew? that cockroach eggs look like a bead. Small, perfect little beads.

And there was a lamp of my dad's. He was OCD clean. He was at the hospital. He stayed overnight. And Alex and I, after just getting off the plane, ending up at the hospital, Alex is my partner. Got home. And he sees these two little, I see two beads on a lamp, the edge of this white lamp. And I was like, that is a weird place for two beads.

And I was like, are those beads? And Alex was like, yeah. their beads. Why are you saying? Why are they beads? And we both started panic and we realized yeah, they were cockroach eggs. Yep, that freaked. That freaked me out. It's freaky. The cockroaches did not hatch. We put the

yeah, we put the compost disposal. You really, I'm like so honored. Oh, yeah, I went in deep. I've not had many cockroaches. Actually, sorry, I'm lying, I've had multiple cockroaches. Wow. Okay, so you see this. You surprised things. And I was 13, there were cockroaches all over my life.

Oh my God, I remember me. And my dad said, stop. Get the cockroaches, you bastard. No, I forgot. You have a time out. You will be with those cockroaches. I was going to say here, living in L.A. for all that I've lived here, I've not had many cockroach experiences, but I've had two

distinct ones. What were they? When I was living in a house in East Hollywood, this old, like 100-year-old house. Of course. That's where they live. And there was a cockroach. They party there. I was in the back, like, a time.

attached to the garage house. So I would see cockroaches all the time just on the driveway in between my my sliding glass from my bedroom to the house and so I would just see cockroaches and I was like all right I hope they don't come into my room and then there was one time where there was one in the bathroom

and I think I saw it go down the drain and I was like I was like all right it's down there so I can't I don't know what to do about that and then my roommate my roommate I hear my roommate and maybe it's my fault for not doing something about it, but I was like, what do I do? It's gone. And then my roommate, I heard her later was like, was like, oh my gosh! It had like come out of the drain.

No, no, no, no. And I was like, oh shit. Sorry I should have told you that he's there. And then, uh, dude, years later, this is a few years ago. Do you kill it? Did she kill it? I think she killed it. You just put it back down the drain. Maybe it just went back to me. She's like, go back. Go back to go back to Shane. But, uh, after that, years later, uh, I, uh, I, after that years later, uh, I, uh, I think I'm living with my now wife, Courtney, and we were... Okay. Okay.

She's also on the channel. Yeah. Okay. We're together for a long time. It's crazy. We have to split them up all the time. You didn't do it like a televised marriage. No.

You could still do it. Okay. You are so a reality show and I love it. Fun fact. Fun fact. Like Bachelorette. Yeah. You could redo the wedding here.

We didn't tell anybody until we got married. They actually didn't tell anybody. And then we posted on April. The fans had no idea. It's our proud of the moment. Did you know? Yeah. No, she didn't know.

Yes, I did. We lived on a fifth-story apartment and never had bugs. No bugs ever, and we have two cats and just never saw bugs. And then one day I see our cat kind of like... Oh, no, no. Doing some stuff. And I was like, what is she looking at? And I go over and we had a cardboard box filled with records next to a record player.

And I look over and massive cockroach just chilling there. You hate them? I hate them. I'm struggling over. And then all of a sudden there's a big old cockroach in the... there. Okay, you said this and now you just said this. What is happening? It's like, it was like this big. No, this. Sorry.

Cogroaches are huge. This big? That means it's a hundred years old and it's been in your house since the 70s. They can squeeze down to like the size of a flat nickel. I'm so grossed out. Why didn't I bring this out? They're like turtles. They live forever. No, no, no.

No. Of course, now it starts it starts crawling around really fast and our cats aren't taking care of business like they should. They're just kind of like hitting it. Gross, gross, gross. I'm proud of this, because I don't like to kill things. I grab our vacuum, our Dyson.

What the hell is worse? High technology. This is so much worse. I suck it up into it, and I see it inside the canister crawling around. And it's going like, no. It's going, where am I? It's like, wait! I take it to our trash chute.

No, I gave this thing a great life, because I open up our trash chute. I like, open it up, and it flies. And I watch it fly down the trash shoot. To another person's unit? No, to the trash. And I was like, I sent it. Where's the trash shoot going? It goes down to the dumpster.

A woman's home. What is this? The 50s? It goes down to the dumpster. I've never had a trash shoot go directly to a dumpster. Is this real? Where do you think trash chutes go? What do you mean?

Dumpster? Yes. Who has a trash shoot? What about a laundry shoot? Laundry shoot? That's where horror movies are made. I leave, I leave my apartment to the hallway of the apartment complex where there's a trash shoot room.

This is shocking. You open up a thing and you like open it and I open up the vacuum and it flies down into a dumpster down in the parking garage. And I sent it to cockroach heaven. No. That's a woman's home. She said you can put the shoot in my apartment

and then the cockroach just landed. She went, oh hello little friend. And now they're having tea together. That's what actually happened. But me talking about the cockroach earlier grosses you out. Yes, because you said this and then you said this. maybe less real and one's a fantasy. Okay.

This is where we go. As a top hat, I can handle that. Anyways. Well, speaking of actually, can I just tell another cockroach story? Yeah, please. Hey, thank you. So the night before we found the beads, so this is part of Alex's horror of seeing the beads.

He had just come, and Alex is from Malibu. So I was a little bit. Whoa. What the hell is happening here? And he surfs away. Whoa. Cheers. That's all I felt.

Brother? He's not like, you know, but like he grew up in Malibur around like. Yeah. Like I'm like, have you seen cockroaches? He's like, no, dolphins, yes. Yeah, cockroaches, yes. What's a cock? I only know nobu.

That's all I know. I know nobu. Your partner is Raphael from the Teenage Mutin Ninja Turtles. Sand and surfers and babes. That's all I know, bro. Babes. Cockroaches. I know about cocks.

Whoa. Enrages, shoes. So many others in Malibu's. That's your partner. No, that's a good stamp shot. So yeah, he from Malibu, he was like Cox and stuff. And so I was like, okay, so you're coming down outside of Tampa.

It's a little, you know, it's rough around the edges, honey. Yeah, there we go. And we were, so first we saw a couple really. baby tiny cockroaches in the tub. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Sorry, but you have to hear this. No, I do. And then at night, we turned the light off, and he had his computer on in bed. Oh!

And we heard something fall. No! And it fell to his computer. And he said, we turned, it was, and then it was like looking at him like Wally. Yeah. Yeah. It was just, it was just like, he was like, he turned and he was like, it's kind of cute. They're kind of cute.

Are you kidding? They're kind of cute. But then he told me a story of his friend in college, and then I'll wrap up the cockroach stuff. Sleeping with his mouth open. What are you saying? That's tough. That's all I'll tell you. What are you saying?

It fell in his mouth while he was sleeping. And that sucks. But luckily he'll swallow seven spiders throughout the year and they'll take care of it. I'm going to tape my mouth shut tonight. I know it's really scary. I'm going to be like full tape around my mouth and just. That's how I'm going to sleep tonight. And then when the cockroach lands on you, you can't scream.

And he just goes, yeah, he gets his top hat on. Yeah, he has his top hat on, and that's how I can handle it. And he's a cane. That means he's all of doing super well. But he likes to have him to dance. You can handle that. He's love him out and do a little dance. Yeah.

You have the most stereotypical, like, phobias because it's this and rats. Oh, you don't like rats? And rats I have zero problem with. What about Ratatooie? She said she had a hard time watching it. I don't want to see a rat near food. Why would I want a rat cooking my food? I don't care.

Yeah. No, it's a problem. He's so sweet. Yeah, he's sweet about mice. Fine, cute. Hamsters. I had a hamster. Me too.

Guinea pigs. Okay, did your hamster ever get loose and go through the walls of your house? Absolutely did. Oh my God. Chuckie. Twinkle. Okay. Chewed through the plastic cage.

Yes. Got out was lost for three weeks. And I was like, Twinkle! And he was through the house. whole time. And when he decided to come out, my older sister and her cool-ass friend, they were in, like, dyeing their hair, phase, like, listening to, like, metal. And they were out by the toaster. And freaking twinkle comes out, scurries on her bare-ass foot. Oh, okay. I thought you were going to say it got toasted. No. No. Hamsters have a way of dying in crazy ways.

Well, no. Like mine. No. I'm so sorry about it. He just got sick. And that's what happened. Oh, okay. Yeah. No, it was fine. It was fine. And I was like, oh my God, Twinkle! And the friend was mortified. Oh, my, because it was just on. It was just on her, but they're cute. My hamster got out many, many times, but this time I woke up to my mom screaming downstairs, crying and screaming. No, no, no.

And then I just remember going halfway down the stairs and going, Mom, I can't believe this isn't in the book. And she was trying to get the hamster away from my cat. Oh. Which she did. She didn't. It was really sad. And she went to sleep crying and I remember going to sleep going like it's okay, mommy. You're taking care of her.

Yeah, that was really sad. Wait, Chucky, the cat got Chucky. Yeah, Mo, Mohamed Midnight Tweakle got Chucky. Yeah, as they do. Yeah, it wasn't. No, not as they do. That's so sad. That's why I was like, oh, it was toasted.

Yeah, right. And you were like, whoa, no, it just had a party on my sister's friends. And I was like, oh, weird. Oh, that sucks for you. Oh, that's really hard. It's just flashing to letting my hamster crawl up my sleeve. Did you ever do that? Oh, yeah.

My mom was like, any memories of that? No, I never had hamsters. And I'll be at the pet store sometimes and I'll look at the hamsters and guinea pigs. I'm like, so sweet. I'm like, I can't. I can't. I don't want to see my cats become the demons that I know they are. Yeah.

I like pretending that they're sweet. Well, they sound a little soft with the cockroach stuff. Sometimes with bugs, they've disappointed me. We had a praying mantis once, and I, it was in our bathroom. Those are lucky. They're sweet. Big old praying mantis.

Wait, they're lucky. Yeah, they're lucky. But I was like, it's, what are you going to do about it? The women, women praying mantis kill the men. And so you're like, get rid of that. But I literally throw my cat in the bathroom, shut the door. I'm like, take care of business. And then I open it up to seeing the praying mantis was on a hairspray bottle.

My cat was on the inside. And they're trading jabs. Like truly like trading jabs. at one another. They were having fun. They were just having fun. They were communicating. Yeah. Your cat was like, don't use me. I also love this idea of like you don't like to kill things. I don't. I do whatever I kid.

But then there's like a beautiful pregnantus. Well, yes, it's a beautiful pregnantus. Right? But when you were like, go. That thing was huge. And it was in our bathroom and it was like, I have, like. But do we not feel like they're like the karate kid vibes? I love pregnant. When I see them outside, when I see them outside, I love them.

But that thing actually did scare me because I at one point opened up the bathroom and it was on one of the light bulbs. Smoking a cigarette. Yeah, smoking a sick. Shane. Talk about your childhood. They'll look at you.

Most bugs don't look at you, but that thing literally, I open up, I see its silhouette and I see it just like this. And I was like, you're freaky as hell. I gotta do something about this. See, if I saw that, I would have been like, oh my God, it's a sign.

What is going on in the universe that I need to listen to? Oh, but cockroaches can't bring you signs. They don't bring me signs. They bring me signs. They bring me hell. signs? No. Cockroaches are like... Cockroaches live for 60 years. They're like in the mummy when they open the book and it's like, do not read from the book.

That's what a cockroach feels like. When the locusts come and the devil, have you watched the mummy recently? Completely different, completely different. One of my favorite movies. Anyways, do you think Brandon Fraser's hot? Yeah. Okay. Anyways. I like Anna. Do you? I do. Okay, but... At times, no. Growing up. Growing up, hot. Are you kidding me? Hot, hot, hot. I love him now. I was on and off of him, so to speak.

Okay. You're talking about this like it's dare. Which I chose a different sense. Yeah, on and off. No, we know. I got it. Yeah, yeah, mentally, mentally, mentally. You were on and off of Brendan Fraser.

Totally. I got it. Yeah, yeah, okay. Yeah, we, no, we got it. That's really all. Yeah, good, good, good. Yeah. I would have loved to have been on for a while, and then there was an off point,

and I was like, I'm off, you know? And then I came back on. Came back on. On. So we have another segment that we're going to do. Oh, I was going to read. Oh, yeah. Selena wrote down some questions, and I feel like.

To end, to end the pot. Although I feel like I could talk to you for days. We have five minutes, so pick a. Okay. Okay. Okay. So since you share some. I feel like we talk about.

Should we read one? Someone said, I clicked on the wrong contact on Google chat and sent a cutsy message intended for my then girlfriend to a former high school classmate, who I was not close with. had not spoken to in several years. After realizing my mistake, I quickly blocked him and haven't spoken to him since. This reminds me of Reddit.

They wrote it like Reddit. That's amazing day for me. Someone said I peed myself at my high school grad night and six flags. My friend is really scared of rollercoaster, so we wrote a kitty ride. And when we were on it, she was screaming since she thought there would be a big drop, L.O.L. I was laughing really hard that I peed.

And then we got off the ride. My friend was laughing at me and took a pick of my wet pants and made it her lock screen. My friends will never let me live it down. Okay. Okay. Okay. Also Wednesday. This is actually reminding me of one moment that I had that was so embarrassing. I hated it. It was like sixth grade. I was like coming into myself, like getting taller, like getting some boobs. So I was feeling a little bit like insecure and I'll never forget this. We were all in class. This is awful. We were all in class. Our chairs are like, we pushed our chairs lined up. We're watching the teacher and I'm in the front row. And my legs were

really long as they are right now. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. This is not a cute story. So I don't know why I decided it would be so fun to see if this foot could go around this foot and hook on the other side. Like this? Yeah, exactly.

But it like wasn't happening for me. So I was bending over and trying to hook this one around this foot. I was like, full. Do people know what you were doing? No. This was just a private moment. This would be cute. So people were probably watching me.

This could be an episode of Penn. Just that. No, exactly. This is why I watch Penn, and I was like, exactly. So they're doing the whole thing. Students are like watching the teacher, and I'm just like, bent over, just fully trying to put this foot behind this foot. And I'm like fully bent over.

And I'm just like doing that. And then I did the loudest fart. You unlocked something. Oh. And it wasn't like, uh-oh, it's coming. I should probably, I hope it's silent. When it scares you, bop! And this is.

this is what's awful. And this is something that I have to really look at personally about myself is I go immediately I go into survival mode and I just go that is quintessential middle school.

Yep and I turn around I go, who did that? And you find the one who possibly, the boy in your class who looks the stinkiest who probably isn't and he's actually the sweetest and he definitely didn't fart

but I straight up went I pointed right to him And I wish I could find him to this day And apologize I won't say his name Did you convince a lot of people? Everybody thought it was him No way

And he looked at me like I didn't fart I did not And he knew that I was lying To cover up my You crucibled him You know what I don't know You think he knew I bet he didn't know

You know why I can say that with confidence Because I was the blame to fart person Wow So in a way We could move forward Well in a way And we could do some processing To move forward on both our ends

Ouch Yeah my friend Corey did that to me At a Girl Scout Camp It was silent And we were doing And she farted But you can't make that face

When you did it That must have been so That must have been so hard So you fought for your life I'm sure You receive it and you pass it on Yeah Like the ring

Yeah, you later do the fart. Well, you know what? To that boy, you know, I'm very sorry because even though you looked the most stinkiest, you were the sweetest person and you probably weren't even stinky. No, the stinkiest sweetest end up being the best adults. The best person. It's me who's the nightmare. And I have to face that.

But it sounds like I faced it with you. Yeah, and I faced it with you. And now you have a podcast and a lot of other great shit going on. And this means the, wow. Just. We've all been this person and done this to someone. We've all done it in one way or another. Man.

Am I right? I would have been so much cooler. You probably can't remember. Oh, he can't remember anything. Okay, I have a mission now. I'm going to dig into Shane's memories and see what I find. Next step on our podcast episode. I have told childhood memories on this show.

I have. Got to be more. We're out of time, so I can't tell mine. It was such an absolute. Absolute honor. I felt like I feel my whole life. Same. Do you want to hang out?

Yeah. Yeah. Okay. I do. You remind me of a friend also that you'd really like. Who's stinky. You know what? And I'll take it.

I'll take it. We're going to pass it on. I'm the stinky one now. I'm stinky and I'm Amanda and I'm proud of it. And I'm stinky too. I'm Anna. Yeah. And I'm not stinky, but I'm glad to be here with you guys.

One day you'll find out what a stinkiness is. Yeah, you'll know what it is. It's real life. We're touching the truth here. And let's just do this to go out. So, I just shit the house. You shit yourself really hard.

It just shit the couch and I'm like... We don't even promote the book after that. We're just like done. Get out of here. We do a slam cut at it. Just like boom. The same one. Okay, guys. Anna Conkel, your book The Sane One.

It comes out tomorrow. Oh, it comes out May 5th. May 5th. Oh, tomorrow. This is airing May 4th. Media savvy. No, honey, you're good. Tomorrow, guys.

And your audio. book that you recorded in your own voice. I watched clips of you on your Instagram. It sounded amazing. That also comes out tomorrow as well. Maybe. Tomorrow. Yeah.

May 5th. So get the same one. Book or audio. It is amazing. So good. Thank you. Thank you for having me. Thanks for being here.

You're joining us. This was awesome. This was awesome. Amazing. Thank you. All right. Bye.