Smosh Mouth - #17 - Revealing Our Dating Histories w/ Chanse McCrary

Episode Date: October 16, 2023

Shayne, Amanda, and Chanse get real about their past relationships. SUBSCRIBE: https://smo.sh/Sub2SmoshCast WEAR OUR JOKES: https://smosh.com WHO YOU SEE Shayne Topp // https://www.instagram.com/shaynetopp/ Amanda Lehan-Canto // https://www.instagram.com/filmingamanda/ Chanse McCrary // https://www.instagram.com/phatchanse/ FOLLOW US: TikTok: https://smo.sh/TikTok Snapchat: http://smo.sh/OnSnapchat Instagram: https://instagram.com/smosh Facebook: https://facebook.com/smosh Twitter: https://twitter.com/smosh Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome back to Smosh Mouth. I'm Shane. And I'm Amanda, and we're here with our wonderful guest, Chance McCrary. And I'm Chance McCrary. And today, we are talking about dating. We're just dating and everything that comes with it. Our dating histories, what we're like on dates, anything. There's no rules. And how different we are from each other since we all grew up in different places

and we're just all different. And different, different, um. Uh. Yes? Signs. And we're different astrological signs. Does astrological signs connect to your date? What?

Yeah, 100%. Oh, I can't wait to hear this. You don't think it does? I don't know. Maybe it does. Do all Virgos suck at dating? Because if that's the case, okay. That's what's going on.

For sure. Okay. Let's figure out how to kick this thing off. Let's get into it. When did you first start dating? And it can be stupid dating. It can be like it wasn't technically real but it if you thought you thought it was real you thought you were entering the dating sphere because

I know have a story I do what is it I feel like people are gonna be mortified but it's not bad only tell what you want to tell and all names are gonna be changed or just redacted I would say the first date like dating thing that I had and this feels like really young yeah but this is when I was like really into I would say the first dating thing that I had, and this feels like really young, but this was when I was really into someone, second grade. Wow. Oh my god.

I get what you're. It's not like we went on dates. I know what you're saying. We were really close friends. He played the tuba. Okay. Amanda. And he was following me around going.

Listen, he played the tuba. He lived. And if you could make me laugh. Wait, the tuba was bigger than him. He's in second grade. Are there smaller tubas? No, it was very big. It was a child's tuba.

It was very big. Child's tuba. It was very big. And he carried it everywhere. He didn't have a thing fora. It was very big, and he carried it everywhere. He didn't have a thing for it. That's so cute. So he carried it everywhere. He was so white and so nerdy. And so jacked for carrying that tuba.

He wasn't jacked at all. His arms were fucking jacked. Dude, I liked him. I had a crush on him, and we were friends. So one time, I would hang out at his house. See, this is me. Whenever people talk about this stuff me i'm like whenever people talk about this this stuff i'm always like what's his name name him i won't make you do that but there's

something about it there's some power in a name that i'm like name him well i'm not gonna name him i'll just call him tuba boy i like that and tuba boy and i would hang out and one time we were hanging out and we were just sitting there and we never kissed or of course anything we're in second grade i don't even well not of course i mean i actually i think i kissed in second grade anyways so we were just hanging out and he was playing the tuba for me okay okay and he took off his shirt oh and his mom... Did you like what you saw? I mean, it's a second grade. Man, playing this tuba has really got me sweaty.

Better take this shirt off. He took off his shirt. I'll never forget this because it was the first time I was really made to feel bad about liking someone. He took off his shirt and I thought I was just like, we like each other. That's crazy. The first time you've been made to feel bad about liking someone.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which infers that it's happened so many times. Oh, so many times. Who's making you feel bad about liking someone? Well, I'm just like a girl, and people are like, you shouldn't do that. Not my family. My mom was very cool about it. But like people in school, teachers.

You know what I'm saying? But you're really just, in second grade when you're dating someone. But second grade I was young. You're just hanging out with someone. We weren't even, we weren't dating, we were just like friends. Yeah, you're literally friends.

But he did take off his shirt while playing the tuba. So that was the first one you were like, we're dating. No, I was like, I didn't even know what it was. I wouldn't even say the word dating was in my head. Ain't that the fucking truth. I was like, I like you, and you play the tuba. And he took off his shirt, and I remember him being like, this is awesome. I like you, and you play the tuba.

He's like, awesome. That's it. Nothing happened. He took off his shirt and continued to play the tuba. And his mom walked in, and she was like, you need to go home. And she had my mom pick me up immediately. Oh, my God. She knew what the fuck was going on.

And we didn't hang out after that. Oh, no. That was the end of Tuba Boy. Did you ever talk to him? Yeah, we talked, but he was really, like, stayed away from me. Did he go to the same high school as you? Yeah. Well, middle school, yeah.

Did he have a, oh, middle school. Or whatever it was. And you went to different high schools. You would remember if he was there. Yeah, he wasn't there. And that kid? Kenny G. Oh, God, Kenny G, no.

Kenny G. Hot, hot. As a kid. Okay, wow. That was really the first one, and I think that was a big lesson for me when I got in so much trouble when I'm like, I didn't take off my shirt.

He took off his shirt. And we didn't even do anything. Yeah. Yeah, but what were you wearing? I was wearing a big dress. I was wearing a dress. That was a layered joke. That was very layered.

You have to be very nuanced. No, I know. But let me tell you honestly, I was very into it. Crazy. Crazy. Okay. I was very into it. Crazy. Crazy. Okay. I was into big dresses. AD just spit out her coffee. She said, holy shit.

I wore a mini skirt. No, I actually was very into old colonial dresses. I know. I feel like every second grade, back when I was in school, every second grade girl dressed like it was the 1800s. 100%.

Like four cardigans. And especially back in the 2000s, dude, the amount of layers everyone was wearing. I looked like an American Girl doll. I had like the colonial and I had a huge... I had big puffy dresses in second grade. Okay, no wonder the tuba guy liked you.

You got layers on layers. I was literally like, good sir. He's like, shh, shh, she's like a human tuba. Oh dear, Mr. Darcy has his tuba out. And the mom was like, get out. We're breaking up your mom immediately. And I was like, okay. I grabbed like my handkerchief.

I'm like, dee, dee, dee, dee, dee. So Shane, who was your first? Okay, so Shane, who was your first? Okay. So not second grade, but I do remember kids dating in like second to fifth grade, but it was really just that they hung out, you know, did they hold hands?

Oh yeah. It was stuff like that. It was just that their, their boyfriend, girlfriend, and it was just something that we'd say, but there was really nothing else. There was nothing they could do because they were inside.

And really, I didn't have any crushes or anything, but there was a girl who everybody was just like, yeah, she's the like. She's the one. She's the one. And we didn't even know what we were saying. The Regina George. It was just kind of like, yeah, she's the one we're supposed to think is.

She's the one we're supposed to like., she's the one we're supposed to like. What does she look like? Looking back, normal. 1800s dress. She looked like every other, there was really nothing. You have to describe it. I really don't know. Well, because every other for me is probably different every other than a lot of people. I just mean, looking back in my memory, there was no reason.

Blonde or brunette. I was about to say blonde or brunette. Was she white? She was white. She was like a dark blonde, I think. But it was really, I am genuinely confused as to why. I think it was just determined, and it might have been because she had a boyfriend.

What color were her eyes? You can't even remember. I think blue. I can't even remember. I think blue. I really don't remember. She had horns three feet high. I wasn't too infatuated or cared.

Someone said they had a crush on you? It was just the thing that was kind of determined. She was the one. But overall at our school, it really wasn't. Dating wasn like a thing. In elementary school we had like the girl that was like hot and she won most attractive senior year

of high school. Of high school. Whoa so. She um yes she was hot. The prophecies were true. There were other hot people that could have won a hundred percent but it was like she was it was always like she's the one, no matter how she's aging.

She is the one. But I didn't care too much. And then I would say the first time that I had a crush was in 6th grade. There was a new girl at our school, and I remember for whatever reason, I was just like, oh my

God. I didn't talk to her. New girls? What is that? But it was just, well for whatever reason I was just like oh my god I didn't talk to her new girls what is that but it was just well I think it was just I hadn't seen a new person in since I started at this school so it had been five or so years that I had just been hanging out with the same people and so and then suddenly there's a new person and I'm

just like but it was still I was still very young so it was really like infatuation and it was just like, but it was still, I was still very young, so it was really like infatuation. And it was just like, whoa. But wait, you didn't talk to her? I didn't, I mean, yeah, not really. Like, I think there's probably some conversations, but I didn't, we didn't like hang out or talk.

I just was like, she was in the same class as me of like 30 kids, but. So who was the first one that you were like, I'm talking to this girl? Well, so cut to a year later, seventh grade. I still think she's just so gorgeous and stuff. But, you know, yeah. Eventually, I forget how, but there was the opportunity.

A friend of mine was like, yeah, she thinks you're cute. What? And I was like, what? When you get that information oh my god it changes everything it's like you got a million dollars when someone's like hey bubba thinks you're cute you're like no no no no you're like lying on something but to put things in perspective as i i guess it's to say like i'm an anxious person now i don't know how that's that's read but i am an anxious person now but back when i was kid, up until my mid-20s, I was so anxious and in my head.

So I did eventually ask her out. I forget how. And I don't even know if it was – it must have been just like, hey, do you want to be my girlfriend? And she's just like, yeah. And I'm like, okay. What do we do now? So what do we do now? We dated for a week.

We held hands. We did nothing else. Of course. I never even, we never even exchanged numbers. Cause we were so, I was just so like. You were like, I did it. I did what I had to do. I truly, I truly had.

And I want to get into this later. Cause I was talking to someone about just dating culture for straight dudes and how fucked it is uh in so many ways but from our own perspective but that really was part of it and uh yeah once we were in it i i was like i don't know what do we do we would sit next to each other at lunch i would sit with her and her friends and i would just kind of sit there um and so here's, I'll tell you the first cringiest thing of my dating life. This was the first. I had heard this joke from a friend of mine

and I thought it was so funny. No, no, no, no, no. And so I decided, you know what, I'm gonna throw this out. Not at the lunch table, I hope. At the lunch table in front of her friends. Oh my God, that's your type five right there that's you guys are gonna see this coming from the first sentence but mind you we're

in seventh grade so this was this was perhaps revolutionary at the time i'm sitting next to her and uh there's like a break in the conversation i just just go, dude, the other day, the other month, I was fishing with some friends of mine. And it was crazy. We were sitting there for hours and nothing. And then suddenly, I got a bite. And I was like, oh, my gosh. And nobody had had any luck that day. And all of a sudden, I'm reeling it out.

I'm pulling it back in. I'm reeling it out. I'm pulling it back in. And this thing is, I can tell, this is unbelievable. Everyone's freaking out. It's tipping the boat. And I'm pulling it back in I'm reeling it out I'm pulling it back in and this thing is I can tell this is unbelievable everyone's freaking out it's tipping the boat and I'm sitting there and I swear like

a half hour goes by and I'm fighting this thing and finally I pull it out and I swear to god this fish was this big and then I put my arm around her and then

Shane oh no no Shane here's the thing I didn't see it coming I didn't. I didn't see it coming. I didn't either. I didn't see it coming, and I wish it never happened.

I wish it never came. It would go back in. I wish it never came. Oh, God, dude. Please tell me that the friends were like, what happened? I think they all laughed, but what else are you going to do? Some of them cried. I think they all cried.

They all cried so hard. think i was uh yeah and then i then my arm was there and then i had no clue what the hell to do once again once again it was a what do i do now uh i've only thought about how to get to that point that's but that's such a common thing in dating, though. What do I do now? There's no fucking playbook. And I'm going to repeat this several times throughout this, but for straight dudes, at least, because that's the perspective I'm speaking from, so much of it is just about,

this is what I should be doing. And who's telling you that? This is what I, I mean, society, media, everything. Anytime I would Google anything, like it it was just it's, you know, definitely then. I mean, it's probably worse now of just it's pickup culture and it's entirely about getting the girl. But not has not. We are never, ever taught about how to actually how to actually be in a relationship. Yeah, there's nothing.

That is so. Zero resources. Zero men are trying to talk about that. It's all about, here's how you get the girl. Here's how you ask her out and get on that date. It's like, okay, great. Once you're there. I think there are men.

This actually makes so much sense for my past dating. Because all the women are like are you gonna do something like what but that you guys don't know well i think we in two intuitively well and and furthermore a big issue for me and i think it's the case for a lot of dudes is that we are so uh focused on doing the impressive thing or the right thing that we're not actually forming any sort of real connection because i I'm not actually there. I'm sitting there trying to play a board game in my head. A board game is exactly what it is.

It's what it is. Well, it's a game. It's a game. And we refer to it as game. And we talk about that. That guy's got game. And so we're all trying to have game, but we're not actually forming real connections

or actually being there with a person because we're putting on a persona. We're doing moves. And so you don't actually feel any sort of joy and so 100 most of my dating life uh and especially that one was just uh anxiety there was no actual joy i didn't have a good time wow that that week and then she she she just ended it one day. And I was like, yeah. Remember the fishing thing? Yeah. That was really fucked up.

I was frankly relieved when it was done. Because I was like, I don't know what this is. It's exhausting. It's also exhausting. And I had no idea what to do. I realized, I was like, I don't know what the fuck a relationship is. To be honest, that explains so much. Because you guys present yourself like you know exactly what you're doing. Oh. Straight men. Straight men present themselves like you know exactly what you're doing. Oh. Straight men present themselves

like you know exactly what you're doing. Clueless. And then when it comes down to it, I'm talking about when I was younger, when it comes down to, or older, you're just, we're just like, hello? What? Yeah, that's everyone.

That's everyone. What was your first? My first. Crush or dating? I had crushes that were all girls. I had a crush in second grade. I went and gave her a valentine. Second grade.

Yeah, baby. Oh, it was second grade. You're right. Yes. But the first girl that I asked out was in middle school. And she, I was reading Harry Potter at the time. Very cool. And I went to a very white high school, super white high school,

and there was this girl who reminded me of Cho Chang, and I loved her. But I loved her because she reminded me of Cho Chang, and it was Harry Potter, and I wanted to be the main character. But she was also really cool. You wanted to be Harry? I wanted to be Harry. Okay, got it. Which, I'm not Harry. Not at all. No.

Not at all. You're more of a Slytherin, I would say. And I do not ever wanna. Anyway, we're gonna move past that. And I don't wanna be Harry. But I asked her out and she was like, no. And so that was like, I was like, oh, fuck. Because I also felt othered.

I also felt othered. And so I was like, maybe we can connect, because you're different. I'm different. And she was like, fuck no. And I was like, oh, no. But then I asked out this other girl freshman year of high school. That was my second bout. I was like, let's do it.

And I asked her to go as my date to a senior's birthday party. It was a disco-themed birthday party. And I, at this time, had a fro. I had a huge fro. So I was like. We've seen those photos of you in high school. I was like, I'm the guy. If you're going to a disco party, I'm the guy.

She said yes to the disco party. And then at the disco party, I was like, do you want to be my girlfriend? And she was like, yes. And then word got out that we were, I don't know how it got out so quickly. Of course. The next day I show up at school and everyone's like coming up to me. She's like, congratulations, like blah, blah, blah. Really weird, really weird.

And then she comes up to me and she's like, hey, can we talk? And I was like, oh no. Oh no. And then she break up with you right there. Oh, she broke up with me the next day. Dude, I had that sort of happen once. It was like, she talked to her friends. She talked to-

Her friends. It was her friends. Do you think one of her friends maybe liked you? Was like, ooh. Oh, Shane, I've never thought about that. It's possible. I don't know these people. I took it personally, and you're not supposed to take things personally.

No, not when it's like that, because she barely knows you. Yeah. We knew each other. Okay. We were in the same friend group. If anything, it could just be that this avalanche

of everyone knowing about it, she maybe just was like scared. I'd be scared of that. She's now married to someone who was in my small group. Yeah, in the same small group. Does he have a big afro?

No, he doesn't. Could you imagine? No, he doesn't. A bigger afro. I'm like, fuck, it's that guy. He has a bigger afro than me.

That's her type. This is crazy because just hearing about this, it answers so many things for when you're first starting to date. Because I feel like when you're first dating, you are so influenced by everybody. You are so, I think still, but more so when you are in high school, middle school, because you're basically all in camp together. Yes.

And you're so influenced. And you see each other every day. And you're so influenced by your friends. Yeah. Your friends. Yeah. Say what they want to say. Your friends will tell you to do things, and they don't always do it.

No. Because they. You're right. They're like, oh, that person's not good for you. Sometimes it no because they you're right like oh that person's not good for you sometimes it's because they have a crush on that person that's fucked up i didn't have because i didn't go to a physical high school but i had i can relate in a lot of ways because being here amongst like a bunch of child actors we kind of formed our own like i was hanging out with people my age all the time

it was a smaller group and as i've mentioned before the dynamics were weird because the popular kids or the cool kids were the ones who were on tv shows which i think gives them a lot more basis for being my god yeah you know it's like oh it's like well yeah you're on a TV show, and we're all trying to be actors. So you're also, you've achieved the thing we're all out here to do. Oh, that's hard. So the dynamics are really tough. It's like, dude, he's on Zoey 101. He's so cool.

That's really hard. There was, oh, the Zoey 101 crew, the Victorious crew. Oh, my God. You had so much anxiety. I think we can all say that. Oh, yeah. Ours, the seniors were just like, they were really good at football.

They were really good at hockey. They were really, that was our like, top. But in your sphere, that's also like being on TV. That's true. It was the same thing.

Because they were in newspapers. We went to a super, it was a weird southern school, where it was equal parts sporty and equal parts artsy. So like, the really, it was like divergent. Are you artsy or sporty? You must choose. Or are you smart and you can be multiple.

And there were people that were multiple. They were on the football team. They were like, he plays football, but he also likes to paint. He is divergent. Shane only sees things we realize in TV shows. I can't relate to real life. It has to be TV or movie or I don't know. I love that.

Okay, go on. So you're divergent. I'm not. Hold on. You were art. I was art. Yes. You were art. I was art. Yes. You were art. I was art, but I was like the head, I was like the big guy,

I was like the guy to do the art thing. Nice. But then there were people who would like cross over and they were so powerful, they felt like the avatars of art high school. When they had crossover. If they're on, you can be the running back and then you can come do the open mics and kill a song. That's cool. And then you're on do the open mics and kill a song.

That's cool. And then you're on student council? No, dude, that's too powerful. See, ours were totally different. If you were on student council, we were like, okay. Oh no, we were achievers. Oh no.

No, us, we were like woods parties, football. Oh no. You were just in Dazed and Confused. We were literally in Dazed and Confused. We were literally in Dazed and Confused. And it was the person who was like the really mysterious person with the dirt bike. We were like, oh my. Well, maybe it was just me.

I was like, oh my god. I fully get that from you. You get that from me? Yeah. I never wanted to date a football player. Mine was always like the dirt biker, the guy in the woods party. Oh, shit. You like the gr biker, the guy in the woods party.

Oh, shit. You like the grungy. The jeans that were shorts. Think about it. The long jeans shorts. You were into Fred Durst. Oh, my God. Give me that every day.

Chain, a chain, a t-shirt. So we know Amanda's type. When you talk about that, I'm like, who did I have crushes on in high school and middle school? And the people that I had crushes on, I don't think I knew that I had crushes on or I was just lying to myself about even having crushes. Because I'm

gay, so the clock starts later. You have to come out to yourself before you come out to other people. So you are gay, so when did you start actually going after boys, men? I mean, it was in college. I went to school in Chicago, and it was such a different ecosystem of people compared to Tennessee, where in Tennessee, it wasn't like shame, it wasn't like they were like, it was shame, actually.

It was shame, but it wasn't a vocalized thing, it was like, oh, you can't do that, like a side eye. Or like, oh, bless your heart. Societal. Societal, but it was a shush-shush shame. It wasn't like we're gonna beat you up. Some people it was like we're gonna beat you up, but it was never like that.

Because we're all about love and acceptance, but we're gonna beat you up. Some people it was like we're gonna beat you up, but it was never like that. Because we're all about love and acceptance, but we're not really. And I go to Chicago and then they're actually about love and acceptance, but with this hard exterior. And so it was a different ecosystem, so it was like, okay, now you're allowed to, even though I was allowed to like boys there, still stayed away from it for three years in Chicago.

Three years. So you were still kind of having dating history with women? Yes. I have girlfriends in college. Oh. What was that like? I'm just so curious. Well, I was in the theater program.

And so it was like, it's already slim. You were just making out with everybody. It's already slim. No, I wasn't. It was already slim pickings for women who want straight guys in a theater program. And I was one of the straight. I was one of the straight guys. They all.

And so I was like one of the guys. And I felt like a king because I was like, well, you can't choose anyone else. Musicals and everything. You were like, I'm going to date. And all the guys were like, I want to. And you're like, nobody. I believe. And now he's straight., hi, you want to? And you're like, no, buddy. I believe.

And they're like, he's straight. You're like, Paul. Are you sure? No, he's straight. No, 100%. They did that shit. So I dated a couple people, but it didn't work. And I was doing all the right things, and I was so romantic. Oh, my God, I was such a good boyfriend.

But you were just kind of playing out a script. Yes. Yeah, so you weren't actually you were just kind of playing out a script. Yes. Yeah, so you weren't actually having a, like, you're probably okay, you might have been

having fun, but not, you were actually. No, I was having fun, but I wasn't doing any of the things that I wanted to be doing.

But, I will say the first boy that I hooked up with, I won't say dated, but I will say hooked up with, was my crush, so I went to a play, I went to,

I went to see The Wiz. Oh, yeah. My first week at Northwestern. And I saw a guy who was the Tin Man. And I was like, you, you are so cute, like so hot. Like I was like, that's my type. Even before I was out, I was like, that's my type. I was like, I know you are the Even before I was out, I was like, that's my type. I was like, I know. You are the one.

The Tin Man was your sexual awakening. So then when he was graduating, he was a year above me. When he was graduating in that summer, he was like, do you want to come to a party I'm having? Well, he was in a theater program. I was like, yeah, absolutely. So I came, and he like. Yeah, absolutely. Not me going into.

I was in a frat. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, for sure, dude. I was in a frat. Yeah, absolutely. Hold on. Just got to grease my joints really quick. No. No. No. No. D, for sure, dude. I was in a frat. Yeah, absolutely. Hold on, just gotta grease my joints really quick. No, no.

No. You gotta keep that. No. So I went to this party with them, which also the frat we need to talk about too a little bit. Because that is like dating, but dating friendship, but not hooking up with people. Some people hook up, but.

Okay. Some people hook. But it's like, you're having all the parts of dating without, without. That's what I love about dating, some people hook but it's like you're having all the parts of dating without without that's what I love about dating it depends on the ecosystem

that you're in changes all the way that you date totally but keep going yeah so I went to a party and he was like

escorting me around and I was like this is my coming out I have not hooked up with a guy I've never been with a guy ever and it was the tin man

and he walked me around the party he got me a couple drinks, then he knew I wasn't out, but he was very much out. And so he was like, do you wanna come sit by me on the couch? So I came and sat by him on the couch. And he's like,

No, no, no. I'm just kidding. He put his hand in the cushions of the couch, because all my friends were around, and I wasn't out. And he was like, Chance. And he like gestured to the couch, and I put my hand in and I got to, chance. And he gestured to the couch, and I put my hand in, and I got to hold his hand in the cushions of the couch.

That is actually so sweet. That's like, I'm surprised I haven't seen that. That is very sweet. And then all my friends started leaving, and it was his apartment, because it was his party. He was like,

I was like, I need to probably leave soon. He was like, can I walk you out? And I was like, yeah, of course. And he comes and walks me out. I'm not out yet. I'm not out yet. I've never done anything.

And he walks me to the stairwell, and he's like, can I kiss you? And I was like, absolutely. This is my crush. When I was a freshman, I was like, oh, my god. So I kissed him. And he was like, do you want to come into my room? And I was like, no, too much. Slow down, slow down, slow down.

Good for you. Is that good for me? I don't know. See? Society. Yeah, I had such shame that I was like, I can't go to your room. But I understand why.

It was overwhelming. I understand. That's so much. It was so much already. But also, Chance, good for you because I think you would have been like, whoa. You got time to process that.

Were you still in your head saying, I'm straight? No. But you knew internally, but you just hadn't told anyone. I hadn't told anyone. So then right after I walked away from his apartment, I'm calling my friends. I'm like, me and Kyle just hooked up. Did you guys date?

No. We didn't date, but I did sleep with him the next week. Nice. It took a week and he was like... See? I know. In a way, it's like societal pressures are sometimes like, hey, don't shame me, but then sometimes they poke us enough

where we can be like, actually wait, let me take some time to process this. And that's a good thing. Yeah. Because when you rush into something, then it's like when you go, it's like when you do too many things in a day. You're like, I don't even know what my day was. Right.

And I think we underestimate how much time we have. Yes. You can be patient. Also, a kiss can last like days. Yes. Thinking about it. Totally. It's so fun.

A good kiss, a right kiss. Yeah. A bad kiss. A bad kiss can also last days, but for the wrong reason. Or it can last a lifetime depending on what you got in that mouth. Yeah. No.

That's also I feel like very connected to worst dating stories. I feel like kissing is like 80% of a worst date. 80? Holy shit. No. For me? As soon as I sit down at the table or wherever we are, as soon

as I walk in, I will see your aura, I will know your vibe, and I will know if it's a yes or a no as soon as I walk in. Okay. But then when you kiss them, if they're a terrible kisser, what happens then? I think I'm such a good kisser that it doesn't matter.

They'd have to be horrendous. They'd have to be horrendous. They would have to be so bad. I really can only think of a couple people who are bad at kissing. That's one, because bit too much. Two, because mouth too slobbery. But that's not on the skills mouth too slobbery. Okay. You sound like you have really bad kisses.

Maybe you're a really bad kisser maybe maybe you're the operative maybe maybe it's you incredible kisser okay no i've had a couple bad kisses for sure and they have it has wow i definitely i think when i was a teenager i because i it was so few and far between and once again I was like this is probably I had no clue what I was doing you were kissing girls? not much I had a couple wait so when was your first kiss?

13, Natalie Booth hi Natalie she would love that when was yours? I think I was 14, it was truth or dare yes mine was too yeah it was in front of everyone it mine was too out of bonfire and um yeah but i i definitely look back and i'm like yeah i had no idea what i was doing i think it was you know i don't know when my first kiss was thank god for

truth or dare it might have been tuba boy later but i think it was a resurgence of tuba boy 10 years later tuba boy shows up my first kiss i remember when it was i was 12 i had braces on and my boyfriend we were like do you want to date yes well i didn't what was a boyfriend when you were 12 that's fair but we were we were boyfriend and girlfriend. We would hold hands. Everyone knew that we were dating. And it was in our friend's house. And they were peeking through the door. And they watched us kiss.

And we both had braces. And that was my first kiss. So what was your first relationship? That. That was your first relationship? We dated for four years. Whoa! That's a long time, Amanda. And he gave me an engraved Tiffany's bracelet

when I was 14. With our names on it. Yeah, but the disposable income of a 14 year old is 100%. His dad owned a car shop and so he worked all the time. And I remember I would hide, it was the old school Tiffany's's the silver with the big like link chain and it had a heart and our names were engraved on it and i had to hide it at dinner all the time so i would have it underneath sweaters and i would

hide it and one time at dinner and my mom did not like him because he rode a dirt bike and he would pick me up of course you're back of the house and he would pick me up from the back of the house and he would pick me up and we would go dirt bike riding and my mom just spies. That's pretty cool. Put me on the back of a motorcycle. I've been on that. Dirt bike in the quarry. Do you know what a quarry is? Yeah, I know what a quarry is.

So we would be in the woods and do these crazy things and I remember I hit it and my mom saw it and I was in so much trouble. For having a Tiffany's bracelet. Yeah, and also for dating one guy for four years. She was like, don't you want to explore? I remember she said that.

She was like, don't you want? I love that. My mom was very supportive about dating. Remember, I had two older sisters. But that's very Portuguese. Very Portuguese. Dating was like living, like breathing. Like it was like, my mom was very supportive.

My dad was like, just shut the door. Like couldn't. But that was a big thing for me. That was like a big relationship for me. So, yeah. Wow. I had no relationships. Like pseudo like one month or two month things

where nothing really happened. And, you know, it was pseudo, like, one-month or two-month things where nothing really happened, and, you know, it was just more like, yeah, we're talking, but, and that really, I had, I had, like, only one, and that was when I was, like, 14, 15, but then for the majority of my teenage years, I really hardly dated. I hardly had any. What about your 20s? Even then, I really struggled. I wasn't in a relationship until I was like 22, 23. You're saying that like it's late, but I would like to reference the gay clock again. Yeah.

Because that's when it starts. A lot of people, now it's a little different, but a lot of people don't start until after they leave their parents' house. Well, I know it's really, I know it's. Which is 18, which is when you start even experimenting with having a crush on. Sure. I wasn't really, yeah, because I came out here and so my mom and I were in an apartment and I was like going to auditions and stuff. It really wasn't.

You were working. It wasn't. I was, I auditions and stuff. It really wasn't. You were working. It wasn't. I had a career. And so a big thing of why I think I was also anxious was that there were stakes where if I got in trouble, there was something huge that could be taken away. And they never threatened it, and nothing ever really happened.

But I knew like, oh, if I fuck up, we will move back to Arizona. That is so much pressure. So I really did not get into trouble because I was like, I, if I fuck up, we will move back to Arizona. That is so much pressure. So I really did not get into trouble because I was like, I didn't get into trouble because I was like, I don't want to get into trouble. I didn't get into trouble because I was like, I don't want to lose this whole thing. Of course. My whole life. I'm like, my career.

I'm going to be a big actor. I need to do this. That's so much pressure, Shane. I'd put it on myself. No. No. Not really. I guess.

Yeah. myself but no not really i guess yeah but um so i think that that hindered a lot of my ability i think back on if i had stayed in arizona and just gone to high school and really had no stakes if i was just like i'm just going to high school i'm doing my there are still states there's still stakes but i i would have probably done a lot more stuff, right? But I didn't because I was very focused on my career. And I had acting coaches who were constantly saying stuff like, focus on your career. Like, do not do anything else. Like, don't put anything above that priority-wise. And I listened to that.

That's also the power that adults have. Careful the things you say. Well, that is a... That's also the power that adults have. Careful the things you say. Well, that is a... That's, again, a societal thing. I think we see so many child actors end up in bad places once they're older. And I think a big problem is that for child actors, the authority figures in your life

are often telling you misguided things. Or they're just so focused on the career. And they're just trying their best. They have great intentions for the most part but they're all and you know there's a lot of layer stuff. But also they probably had their teenage years.

Probably. No they had. I'm so grateful for my teenage years. I am so grateful that my mom was like if you get brought home by the cops that's on you. Which has happened. And it's like I am so grateful that my mom was like, if you get brought home by the cops, that's on you, which has happened. And it's like, I am so grateful that my mom was like, go, get your heart broken a million times,

go love, go party in the woods. And it's not like she said that, but that's what happened. But I feel like as time progresses, now your 20s are like your teenage years, weirdly. I think things are different now. Things are very different now. Yeah.

Yeah, I want to move on from teenage years because I think we're going to talk about that more next week. Yeah. But, yeah, I think things are changing. And everything I read about nowadays is talking about how people are lonelier than they've ever been. Yeah. Dating is more like dead than it's ever been. Especially, speaking from my perspective, all I read about is how straight men are like,

yeah, we're just not dating. We're perpetually single. Yeah, because I think people need to find microcosms. They need to find their own ecosystems, and it's hard to find an ecosystem when you are accessible to everyone. Is that because of, do you think online dating makes it way harder?

Do you think online dating makes people feel more lonely? Listen, as I had the apps for years, I got rid of the apps about almost two years ago. And I have had so much more success dating off of the apps. This is an anti-Tinder message. An anti-Hinge message. Because you start looking at people and the places that you are, like physically, or like the people that you know. And it is so much better to meet people in person or through other people than it is on the apps. And the apps gets you in a mindset of like, yes, no, yes, no, no. It's so much more complicated than that.

It is so much more complicated than that. And there are so many people who I see them in pictures, and then I see them in person and I'm like, oh no. No, no, no, no. Even if I see them in videos, I'm like, yes. Then I see them, I start talking to them, I'm like, no, no, no. Even if I see them in videos, I'm like, yes. Then I see them, I start talking to them, I'm like, no, absolutely not. Human, human connection.

But then there's people who I'm like, I see them in person, and I'm like, yes. And then I see their Instagram, and I'm like, whoa, yes! You know what I mean? I'm like, that's what, you did that with that?

Because I was already into it, and now I see what you're doing. Yeah. There's so much more nuance in person. So much more. And there's a lot of people who you see photos of, and the's so much more nuance in person. So much more. There's a lot of people who you see photos of and the problem is

a photo is a photo. A photo is a photo. It can really not capture a person. The other thing is TikTok too because now I can see this person moving

and talking and like it but it's still not the same. It's not who they are. Why do you think people why do you think people are lonelier than they've ever been?

I do think dating apps have – I think it's fucked up our own heads. And once again, I'm going to primarily speak for my perspective and people who I think share my perspective is that as a straight dude on dating apps, it is mostly getting nothing in return. And I'm sure also a lot of guys who are in my realm of if you are shorter or if you are not as attractive or whatever. And yeah, like on photos, when you're just boiling it down to two dimensional, yeah, you're probably not going to get the same amount of responses. But I also think dating apps, you just don't get a lot of responses as a guy sometimes. And there's probably a lot of responses as a guy sometimes and um and there's probably a lot of reasons to that you know and i just think it gets you in a bad mindset yes the

swiping i'm like this is this is messed up and it also gets you obsessed with dating in a way that i also think is unhealthy and i think we are more obsessed with it than ever of it being a kind of societal marker you don't have it then you're not successful you need to it is it is a requirement not true and it's so unnecessary and it it did make me want to just kind of rebuke it and not participate yeah um but i because i agree getting getting rid of it i found i had i wouldn't say i had more success, but I just felt better. Yeah. I just absolutely felt better. Yeah.

And I think it does make you more present in the world. My advice, because I see it constantly on the internet right now, of just dudes being like, it's hopeless. It's freaking hopeless. No women want me. I feel like nobody's interested, whatever. I think a big problem, and i've said this on reddit stories where i think a lot of straight dudes what they really need is to have friends

who are women or just friends who are just not other straight dudes yeah to get different perspectives to to understand like it helps so much it kind of takes the weight off of dating i think a little bit yeah when you have a close uh friend who can offer you perspective like honest perspective of like why did why do you think that girl wasn't into me or why do you think that date went that way and and I've always had that I've had friends who who I could talk to and I having them as friends was always more impactful and more important than relationships so i would say my advice to any guy who is like i'm really struggling i feel like i'll be single forever

focus on making friendships focus on friendships and you will build your network out that is how you actually end up meeting people and that's how i've met people um and that's more than just meet people that's how everything has worked out in my life i've always been this is a crazy thing i'm gonna say i've always been lesbian adjacent what does that mean well i'm so curious i'll break that down break it down so like at work in high school i was like the lesbian in me were like always i would always find the lesbian i'd be like we're friends and she'd be like, we're friends. And she'd be like, hell yeah, thank God. Because the rest of these people... There's something powerful about the perspective of a guy,

if I'm looking at the binary, a guy who likes not women and then a woman who likes not men. So we'll tell each other exactly how it is, the way it is. Oh, I love that. It's so powerful. It is the most freeing thing gay men if you're listening go find yourself a lesbian lesbian if you're listening go find a gay

man they will tell you exactly that is so powerful or you go find someone that's not that's so funny what you are i love that because i i think i think connecting with an opposite of you is so important. It is so powerful. When we were talking about societal things back in the day, how friends have so much power over you, I really think trying to work... I have a best friend who's a straight dude, not from this country,

and I was like... I talked to him about everything. I'm not talking about my husband. I talked to him about everything when I'm not talking about my husband. I talked to him about everything when it comes to like females, men. And his advice is so like, oh. And you know what changes too? Is when you start going like cis and trans, it's like go talk to someone else and see what they say. Because they help you so much in your relationship.

Because I feel like so much of relationships is about balance. And it's about balancing out these forces. And when you're so stuck in your cis ways, you start, you put these blinders on. And you put ultimatums on things. Yes. I feel like you put, like, if this ever happens again, it's done. And I'm going to search for someone who never does that to me again. Yeah, that's not how it works.

Never. The word never can never work in a relationship ever. done yeah and i'm gonna search for someone who never does that's not how it works never the word never can never work in a relationship ever like uh it just can't like no ultimatums and trust me i we try in our like weak moments we try to put on ultimatums because it's control we don't want that to happen to us again yeah but it's not possible. We're human beings. And having a friendship with another person from another perspective, like you guys are saying, is so beneficial. I don't think I realized how beneficial it was until I heard both of you talk about this whole thing of like, oh, I didn't know what to do. How did you find your person?

Are you allowed to talk about that? How did I find what my person? Yeah. My husband? Oh, I found him at karaoke. No way. I was singing Locked Out of Heaven by Bruno Mars. No way!

And he asked me out and I was like, no. He was a random. He was a random at a bar. Random at a bar. He wrote down his number on a piece of paper. Oh my god, the love of my life. Really? I met randomly at a bar and he came up to me. And they came up to you and you went,

you have the most beautiful voice. Here's my former. And I was like, no. No, you didn't. I did because I was in a not good relationship with a friend.

Oh. Oh, I've only, I'm. So I couldn't see it and then a month later he was there. He asked me out again and I said yes and.

Wait, you were dating a friend. I was. I have a see it. And then a month later he was there. He asked me out again and I said yes. Wait, you were dating a friend. I was. I have a notorious habit. I wouldn't even say dating is the right word. Yes, it's because the friendship. Oh, we've talked about this. Oh, that's another. I'll tell you.

That's another little subtopic of dating, which is when you are hooking up with a friend. Yes, Because I over and over and over again, because what I want, I'll finish one thought before I move to the next. What I want, my ultimate goal, is to be in love with my best friend.

I want to marry my best friend. I want my partner. So it gets really confusing. Because you seek out best friends and then i'm like i want to date you now but and then we start hooking up and then it gets really confusing because i'm like but but i'm i already had these feelings with you and now the sexual chemistry is there damn what the hell are we gonna do now i just don't think that it i for me it didn't work yeah dating a best friend to to continue that for me it didn't work i had to meet someone out of my circle completely opposite yeah

but it might work for other people i think it works for some people i think the majority of any relationship is friendship right that's that's yeah 99 and then romantic relationship is just there's just a couple layers on top of that but any any actual successful romantic relationship is built on a very strong friendship i i would argue but i understand i understand you trying to seek because i did the same thing of like dating your really, really good friends for, for me, it, after time, I realized it didn't work.

Well, best friendship is that's your motorcycle. That's what you're looking for. So that's, that's what, of course what you want to find first. But for me, you need to find someone that is like,

that you're really attracted to on a romantic level first. But, but, but, but how do I separate But how do I separate romantic from sexual? Because you don't need to. I think that's different for every single person. I think it's so different. I have to because there's so much. We've talked about this.

Look at what's going on in West Hollywood. Look at the gays that I'm around. Everyone's fucking hot, so now what is romance now what is romance I think romance is maybe it's starting a relationship with someone as a friend first that's exactly

what I'm saying I know I think that's okay and this is a problem tails all the time the friend zone like straight people get in the friend zone friend zoned all the time sure but I mean if you have your network it like I said going back to what I was Sure. I mean, if you have your network, like I said, going back to what I was saying, build out that network,

and you have your group of like, these are my trusted friends, and I care about these friendships, and a friendship can be forever. And the problem is dating can sometimes jeopardize that. That's a tough thing. But if you have your network of like, these are my friends,

and then you can only have so many friends where it gets to a point where it of like, these are my friends, and then it, you can only have so many friends where it gets to a point where it's like, all right, I'm willing to. Let me show you this. Let me show you this. I'm going to open your mind a little bit. Okay, okay. I feel like, yeah.

So your network, imagine your network is hot ass gays who you also want to fuck. Okay. So that's my network. That's where we're starting. Okay. So now I'm asking them to find someone for me because they also want to fuck. So that's my network. That's where we're starting. So now I'm asking them to find

someone for me because they also want to fuck the guy they're finding for me. Interesting. Do you understand? I do because I think that us three have completely what we're talking about. I don't think there's one theme here. I honestly think

we are all on completely different themes. That's so crazy. And I agree. I also think that, like, that is really fucking hard to be like, let me find you this guy. But I also want to meet... But I want to go to a different dimension where this same conversation is happening, but I'm going,

it's just tough, dude. I know so many hot babes and they all want to have sex with me and I'm trying to find the love of my life, but all these babes just want to have sex with me. And I'm over here and love of my life, but all these babes just wanna have sex with me. All these women, man, all these women are like, let me find this hot guy for you. God, I wanna fuck them. Wow.

But to be honest. No, Amanda's over here like, nobody wants to date me. Yeah, nobody wants to date me. I'm short. I've never dated anyone, I'm short. But I will say, when I have tried to do the best friend thing where you're like, oh my god, we've been best friends for years, and to do the best friend thing where you're like,

Oh my God, we've been best friends for years. And then you have that one night where you're like, hello. And then you make out and then you're like, Oh my God. And for me, it hasn't worked out because I've always wanted the friendship more.

So when I met H it started off romantic and it built into a best friendship. So therefore, I think everything, I think it's always different. But I think what ultimately though, the problem with love and romance is that everybody's definition of it is so different. It's not the same for most people. So a lot of it is about finding someone

who feels about it the same way as you. I think ultimately though, it's looking for that mutual respect. Like, you have that connection, you have all that stuff, but you also have the same form of respect for each other. Yeah. And that is the key, I think.

So these guys hooking up with, so the guy who's searching for someone and they just hook up with them, maybe the respect just isn't fucking there at the start. Good fucking point. Do you know what i'm saying like it's about respect if someone else is just being like oh okay well this guy told me they have a crush on me but i'm gonna hook up with him like whatever whatever whatever ecosystem you're in to whatever ecosystem you're in respect is fucking number one yeah like respect yeah and and i think i wish i could tell my younger self that

if he if there is no respect there if he is literally giving you all the signs that he doesn't want to be there he doesn't want to be there babe right move the fuck oh yeah it quacks and has flippers it's a duck it's it's that lesson of also when someone tells you who they are listen duck boats if someone tells you they're a duck they're when someone tells you who they are, listen. Duck boats. If someone tells you they're a duck, they're a duck. If someone shows you who they are, believe them. Oh, 100%. That's what I think. And I do think people can change.

But in the early stages of dating. You're right. Respect. I think people can change, but don't expect them to change in your relationship. That's good. I think that's kind of what I believe at this point is if you're in a relationship and they are letting you down or they're not working for you, you can try to communicate what you need,

but if you realize it's bigger than, if you're asking a person to change fundamentally who they are, you should just go. I have a question. Do you, you don't have to answer it. You don't have to answer it you don't have to answer it do you have a one that got away

not not not not not not necessarily that like you're like oh if they were here right now

I would date them but like you're like oh that could have worked and something happened where it didn't I don't definitely yeah

you definitely do mine but mine's a little too mine's mine's like too sad okay I I don't have one that I'm like she died yeah he died okay um it was more like the one who got away and died but the thing is for me the one who got away

is hard because it's mixed up with my town and i wanted to be here so i experienced the one who got away big time because i needed to move out of that town and he was never going to move out of that town yeah mine is like old story

oldest time story I have the one that got away he went to the Marines I went to LA at the same time there you go I went to LA

and he got so deep in the town now he's in Cape Town and I love Cape Town it's my favorite city on earth well uh oh am I going to Cape Town Now he's in Cape Town. I love Cape Town. It's my favorite city on earth. Well,

uh oh. Am I going to Cape Town? Hey, he's alive. Hey, you're so right. He's just, Can we get cocktails together? All right,

we got Manhattans here. I wish. I don't necessarily have one that got away where I'm like, oh man, that would have been great. It's more that I look back and I go, damn, and maybe this is just from experience

and knowing who I am more and allowing myself to be who I am. Because like I said, so much of my, even into my 20s was so performative. So like, this is what dating should be. And this is what I'm saying what I should be saying. And I was trying so hard to impress the women I I was on dates with and I think also my that is a thing you have to do that it is right but it was so it was it was so it was it was so overt that I was a

robot but also I think also the issue was that I was also I think in my head of like what I should be attracted to because there's also this societal thing of even though I'm straight, it's like, but this is the type of woman that is hot. I love that. I love people exploring types and being like, oh, what do I actually like? Because I never really had a type, and the more I think about it, I was just like, I don't think I was into what conventionally was being told to me.

And I think that I really struggled with that. It's like the girl that everyone had a crush on and we were like, what does she look like? And you're like, I don't know. I don't care. But, you know, I hate to say it, but back when I was a teenager, I think I got over this pretty quickly. But, you know, if people didn't talk about a girl like she was hot, I think I'd be like, is she hot? Oh, she isn't hot. So I shouldn't be into her.

Yeah. And I look back and I think that's where I look back and I go, damn, I don't think that was the one. Like, I feel very confident that I don't think I missed out on anything life changing. But it's more that I look back and almost more so just friendships of like, damn, I really that was a looking back. That was a really cool person. And I think I we probably could have we could have had fun but that's part of getting older that's part of I mean I don't think I

really allowed myself to be who I was and be interested in what I'm interested in until I was like 25 or 26 man and it's so funny because the advice from older people are it's always like kiss the advice from older people, it's always like, kiss the person, do the thing, make the mistake.

It's always that. It's always that. The older people that I've been around. I don't think all older people are like that. I think older people are like, some older people are like very intense about like, don't make mistakes, don't get your heart broken. Really? Well, because we all speak from. Not the people that I'm around.

Not the people I'm around either. Everyone speaks from their own consequences right you're right i because i go back and forth with that of of if i could talk to my younger self would i be like dude just go for it but i also would be like you know what man you did what you thought was best yes and i can't you know i can't tell if you do you do something different, then you're not, you're also not living your, your truth. That was my truth. My truth was I was, I had to get out of this mindset. I had to, and it did eventually lead to me going for something completely wrong for myself and, and going through the motions for too long until I was like, I'm miserable. And then I had to have that moment. And yeah, it took 25 years, but the years, but it took 25 years and I got out of it. And so I don't know.

I'm like, if I go back and change things, maybe that wouldn't be good. Maybe not change. That's so true. Definitely not change things. But when you're in the present, Jeff Probst always says, play Survivor like it's your second time playing. I love Jeff Probst. Me too.

I love that this comes down to Jeff Probst. It always does. I love Survivor. It always does change. I love Survivor like it's your second time playing. I love Jeff Brobes. Me too. I love that this comes down to Jeff Brobes. It always does. I love Survivor. It always does change. I love Survivor so much. Me too. The new season starts this week. But he says,

play Survivor like it's your second time playing because you'll play a much better game that way. Yes. You're taking risks. You're not taking, you're keeping things to yourself. You're playing it like it's a second time playing

so what if you dated like it was your second time I think what that means for me is that if you have an instinct when you're dating like an instinct

that feels like you do it all the time maybe try to see a different perspective maybe go against I mean I hate to say go against your instinct but be more cognizant

but be like why do I have this instinct? Yes! Is this societal? You're saying be analytical about your choices. Just like, yeah, explore your choices. But of course, I couldn't tell my younger self that because my younger self was like,

everyone tells me not to be with this person. Hello! It's so funny because I think about all the dudes nowadays who are complaining. I'm just like, no, these women wouldn't be into me or whatever. And I'm like, the women they're often talking about are like the quote unquote unpopular girls. It's like the nerds in high school being like the popular girl. She would never be into me. And I'm like, would you actually have fun dating her?

Yeah. You guys have nothing in common. And I think that's what I'm talking about when I look back on my younger self and I go the girls that I was telling myself I should be into if I actually dated them would we have a good time you start to realize

that's so it especially with Instagram looking at people's things I want this we immediately adjust who we are to try to fit. And then we have a bad time. That's why I do think there's some truth of when people go, stop thinking about dating.

Remove yourself and then it'll work out. It's because, like I said, focus on making friendships. And yeah, one of those friendships might blossom into something else. But you're just focus on genuine connection with people and also as a dude, you know, when you come across like your primary goal is to date or to sleep with someone, you are going to come off

as a predator. You are. And that's what's going to happen so much. But I just think you remove all of that because a lot of it's bullshit. And that's why I think

when people go, it'll happen when you least expect it. I hate hearing that because sometimes I'm like, oh, it'll happen when you least expect it. I hate hearing that because sometimes I'm like, ugh, whatever. I love your witch voice. But I will say, thank you,

I will say that when I met H, I literally had done everything to swear off dating. I saw a Reiki lady and she was like, you haven't met the one and I was like, I'm done.

I'm literally done. And then she went, okay, what do you really want in a relationship? This was actually in my vows. What do you really want in a relationship? This was actually in my vows. What do you really want in a relationship? And I was like, I really want someone to really want to be there with me.

And I want them to be like a strong person mentally that I actually am into. And she was like, great. Write that down on a piece of paper. Like really write that down. And I wrote it down on a piece of paper. And I was like, this is so stupid. And I put it up on a piece of paper, and I was like, this is so stupid. And I put it up, and I looked at it every day. I was like, cool, yeah, okay.

And I looked at it every day. And then a month later, I met H. And I didn't realize that that was. I'm about to go to this Reiki lady. Can you recommend me? Yeah. I didn't realize that that was the thing. And then I realized, like, oh, my God.

That is exactly who H is. Is he really wanted to be there. And he really wanted to know who I was as a person. And I feel like that was a huge like, oh, thing for me. And that was totally in our vows. I was like, oh, I manifested you. It makes me think it's something i do want to say though for people listening and watching is you know as we're talking about

like what do you really want i think something that i am loving that i'm seeing a lot nowadays is people realizing like oh i don't know if i actually want to be in a relationship in my life and i'm like hell yeah dude yeah all the power to you i don't want kids yeah it's so kids it's so great if you feel that do not cause yeah you look dude frankly like you look at a lot of like really older people who you can tell like they did not want to be they listened to society

and back in the 50's they fucked around and they can't but I think that's also I think that's part of it like someone saying oh I don't want to be in a relationship for my the rest of my life I want to do my own thing that is your love life and that is that is also you choosing yourself and choosing how love works for you it works differently for every person and I think that's great um being in a relationship does not make you a successful person it means nothing to anyone else. All I think you

need to do is just continue to discover and explore who you are. Like literally, like being in a fucking relationship doesn't make you a fucking woman. It truly is. Are we gonna go back? We're back to Oprah. We never left Oprah.

There's an Oprah quote where she's talking about her husband or something. And she's like, he doesn't live in the same house as you. And she's like, yeah. And she's like, well, what is that about? And Oprah's like, I don't want someone in my house. Do you know who I am? I'm Oprah.

But I totally get it. I want a separate room. I will say, though, someone could probably live in Oprah's house and she'd never know it. I'm Oprah. But I totally get it. I want a separate room for someone. I will say though, someone could probably live in Oprah's house and she'd never know it. That's true. A whole family. Probably people do. People do. There is a whole colony living inside her house. Oprah could colonize Mars and you're

hearing it here first. Easily. That's what I feel like. I feel like you need to silence going back like full circle. There's no playbook. You need to silence what everyone is telling you you should do. And that's why getting another friend who has a different perspective will make you go, oh, I never thought about that. I don't actually need to get married if I don't want to. That's so funny.

I had a best friend who I started hooking up with and things got confusing. It's a tale as old as time. It's happened like four times to me. Anyways, and when we were talking about dating, like if we should or not, we had the conversation. Yeah. And I was like, he kept saying things. And I was like, who told you that?

Who told you that? He's like, we can't do, who said that we cannot do this? Who told, where are you reading these rules? Because I didn't see them. I didn't prescribe to them. I didn't say yes to them. So where is this coming from? It was just a constant obstacle.

There's no playbook. We build these spheres, and I think it's, like I said, going back, I think it's really bad for straight dudes right now, and my advice for straight dudes, there's nothing wrong with getting advice from another straight dude. But there's so many dudes out there who all of their advice comes from straight dudes. And then they don't understand why they can't connect with women. It's like because you're not actually listening to any.

And you're not actually connecting with a woman. Talk to a woman about. And if there are any straight dudes trying to experiment... Get out of here! Oh, sorry, sorry. The mic. Leave the mic alone. Damn, I wish we could

keep talking forever. We might need a part two. We can definitely do this. We can pick this back up and have a whole list of names that we can get to. Me too, me too! We can pick this back up. I have a whole list of names. Me too. Me too.

Next week, though, I think, yeah, next week we're going to be talking about high school and middle school a little bit more. Getting a little more in-depth than just the general whole thing of it. Getting more in-depth of stories and real things. But Chance, this has been so great. Chance, you're amazing. You guys are amazing. Literally, you guys gave me an aha moment during this, so thank you.

What was, which one was it? Was like about how you guys were like, I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know what to do. Like, I kind of was like, oh, that makes a lot of sense. The fish joke. You never know what you're doing. The fish joke was not an aha moment.

That was a wish never heard it here. I will admit at the end of this that I did do the firework one. Okay, and you guys made fun of me. You made fun of me. And you done it too. Well, thank you guys for watching. I hope you love yourself.

Respect yourself and love yourself. You don't need to be in a relationship. And if you are, that's cool. And if you don't love yourself, hell, is anyone else gonna love you? That's what RuPaul said you don't love yourself, how the hell is anyone else going to love you? That's what RuPaul said. Or Jeff Probst. Or Oprah, my holy committee.

All right. We'll see you guys later. Bye. Bye. What does Jeff Probst say when he lights out your thing? The tribe has spoken. The tribe has spoken. The tribe has spoken.

You are the lord of the flies.