Smosh Mouth - #33 - Answering YOUR Dating Questions!

Episode Date: February 12, 2024

Go to http://hellofresh.com/smoshmouthfree and use code smoshmouthfree to get one free breakfast item per box while subscription is active. Go to http://rocketmoney.com/SMOSHMOUTH to cancel your unwanted subscriptions. We asked YOU for dating questions and Shayne, Amanda, and Tommy are here to answer them!  0:00-0:59 Intro 1:00-6:59 Do we like Valentine's Day? 7:00-10:49 Shayne's music journey 10:50- 31:35 Answering your dating questions 31:36-33:44 Sponsors! 33:45-1:11:56 Answering more questions 1:11:57-1:17:06 Smart Mouth SUBSCRIBE: https://smo.sh/Sub2SmoshCast WEAR OUR JOKES: https://smosh.com WHO YOU HEAR Shayne Topp // https://www.instagram.com/shaynetopp/ Amanda Lehan-Canto // https://www.instagram.com/filmingamanda/ Tommy Bowe // https://www.instagram.com/tomeybones/ WHO YOU DON’T HEAR (usually) Director: Amanda Lehan-Canto, Shayne Topp Producer: Amanda Lehan-Canto, Shayne Topp, Selina Garcia  Assistant Director: Amanda Barnes Art Director: Cassie Vance Assistant Art Director: Erin Kuschner Art Coordinator: Alex Aguilar Audio Mixer: Scott Neff Audio Utility: Dina Ramli Camera Operator: Eric Wann Director of Photography: Brennan Iketani Director of Design: Brittany Hobbs DIT/AE: Eric Schinzer CEO: Alé Catenese EVP of Production: Zoe Moacanin EVP of Programming: Kiana Parker Executive Coordinator: Rachel Collis IT: Tim Baker Operations PA: Katie Fink Post Production Manager: Luke Baker Production Manager: Amanda Barnes Production Coordinator: Marcus Munguia Production Assistant: Ovsana Tsaturian Senior Manager, Channel & Strategy: Lizzy Jones Marketing Director: Dani Howe Social Creative Producer: Peter Ditzler, Tommy Bowe Social Strategist: Erica Noboa, Mallory Myers Talent Coordinator: Selina Garcia OTHER SMOSHES: Smosh: https://smo.sh/Sub2Smosh Smosh Pit: https://smo.sh/Sub2SmoshPit Smosh Games: https://smo.sh/Sub2SmoshGames El Smosh (Spanish Dub): https://smo.sh/Sub2ElSmosh FOLLOW US: TikTok: https://smo.sh/TikTok Snapchat: http://smo.sh/OnSnapchat Instagram: https://instagram.com/smosh Facebook: https://facebook.com/smosh Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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If you have questions or concerns about gambling or someone close to you, please contact Connex Ontario at 1-866-531-2600 to speak to an advisor free of charge. Ben MGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with iGaming Ontario. Hi, welcome to Smosh Mouth. I'm Shane. And I'm Amanda, and we have a very special guest here, Tommy Bowe. I'm so special. Hey. So special.

Every guest we have here is so special. Mm-hmm. Yeah. But mostly Tommy. Hey. So special. Every guest we have here is so special. Yeah. But mostly Tommy. Mostly it's Tommy. Thanks. And it's almost Valentine's Day. It is. Isn't that cute?

Yeah, it's really cute. So we wanted to do a little love line. Yeah. Oh. We reached out to all of you listeners a while ago asking for any dating advice that you'd want to ask us. And I think we got a lot of questions from our subreddit, probably from other places, but got them all here. We picked a good amount of them.

We're going to answer them in a little bit. But first off, Tommy. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Tommy, do you like Valentine'sine's day um no not not okay oh reel it back in um i don't dislike it it always like when you're in a relationship there's

like this well every time i've been in a relationship there's been like a pressure even though in person it's like oh valentine's day you know that's like a bit who cares but it's like, Oh, Valentine's day. You know, that's like a bit, who cares? But it's always like, but, but do they know I love them? I will prove it. and I'm, uh, I also like for Christmas, like my family this year decided not to do gifts. And I was like,

yes, because I don't, I mean like, like my parents and I, but like extended family. Cause it's like the pressure of like getting the right gift, all that, that same pressure I feel like applies. And I don't like that pressure i think that's totally fair yeah i hear

you i think i think of valentine's day too much it just feels kind of like one of those i don't know i think there's other things like in a relationship that i would put above it like anniversary or just i don't know valentine's Day just feels a little cheesy to me. Yeah, Valentine's Day is my birthday. Okay, sounds like a bad day. It was the day of my birth. So do you celebrate, like, do you care about Valentine's Day because your birthday is on that day? Well, my older sister is born on Valentine's Day as well.

Oh, right. So both me and my sister were born on Valentine's Day. So Valentine's Day has always been a very special day, but I, the thing is we never go out to restaurants. Like my grandmother would always cook us like heart cakes, like the cake shaped as a heart. That's cute.

Yeah, it was really cute. So I always loved Valentine's Day because it, no matter if I was single or not, I celebrated it with my older sister. Oh, I always had her celebrating your you're celebrating your birthday. We're celebrating my birthday. And Valentine's Day. So your birthday has

a built-in theme, is more the vibe. Exactly. And you're still cool with a Valentine's Day theme to your birthday? Yeah. I think it's great. Okay. Because you know, my name means love. Amanda means love. Really? I am love. I am pink and hot. And in person. Yeah? I am love. I am pink at heart.

I didn't know. And in person. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. I didn't know any of these things. Okay, we're learning so much. Amanda is Latin. It means to be loved.

Oh. So I'm just the most lovable creature. A man. Duh. Okay. Duh. You're a child. Okay.

Amanda Hugginkus. And you are loved. I am loved. But I will say Valentine's Day as a holiday, I never really got to the point where I was like, oh, it's cheesy. But I can understand why it is because that's probably why I don't go out to restaurants

because they're just, they make it cheesy. Like I don't get like red roses or anything on Valentine's Day. I think that's cheesy. Got it. But Valentine's Day is a very special day. What's not cheesy? Like what's the middle? Yeah, what's the right? I still think boxes of chocolate is awesome. Okay. Always get box. My dad would get me a heart

box of chocolates. I like that. Heart cakes. Honestly, heart. I've never heard of like, saying heart cakes I've never heard of. Like I've seen cakes shaped as a heart but I guess I've never. But like, saying heart cakes, I've never heard of. Like, I've seen cakes shaped as a heart, but I guess I've never. But as like a cake style. What kind of flavor are these heart cakes? So mine was always chocolate with vanilla, and then my sister's was double chocolate,

because she's a chocolate freak. That sounds way cooler. So, okay. It sounds way better. I don't get offended when people say that Valentine's Day is kind of lame because I get it is it's one of those holidays it's just like a lot of pressure it's almost like a diamond ring for an engagement like it'll last forever like I don't like that on society so I guess I got lucky that I get to celebrate Valentine's Day as my birthday rather than like, oh, I'm

single and blah. You know what I mean? That's a great holiday for your birthday to land on. Because others, it sucks. But that one's good. Yeah, like my sister's is New Year's Eve. My other sister, her birthday is New Year's Eve. And I think she's always not liked it.

Dropping these babies very accurately. And my other sister's is George Washington's birthday so she's doing well oh my god he's back George is back and better than ever

she can't tell a lie yeah yeah so I I've always loved it okay pretty cool

yeah there is pressure though I do feel that there is pressure around that holiday to like make everything like hearts and roses and stuff. In relationships, I don't think I've ever felt that pressure. I think I would do something small, but not.

It just doesn't feel like, I never felt the pressure like, oh, we actually have to do something. Yeah. Let's go on a date or whatever. It's just like, oh, flowers or something. I don't think flowers are cheesy. No, no, no. I love flowers. I love flowers. Red roses. I

don't know what it is, but me and red roses, I've started to try to get them to be like, okay, do I like red roses? But something with me and red roses, I'm just not... I'm not a fan. Blue roses. Okay, yeah. They're dyed. They're fake and stupid. But. Blue roses. Okay, yeah. They're dyed.

They're fake and stupid. But I love roses. I love like all, like rose gardens. What about white roses? Very nice. Yeah. White roses are beautiful. Those are good.

They remind me of, you know, like swans. Someone here, after the live show, I think it was Courtney, someone gave her some black roses. Gorgeous. They were in like a cool little box. And I remember walking by and being like, those look cool. That's gorgeous.

I like all flowers, even red roses. That's so inclusive of you. Yeah. So I guess you'll be getting red roses in Valentine's Day. Yeah, it'd be really cool if I got some on Valentine's Day. Oh, God. I could see Shane as like the basic bitch. Like all these like balloons that are heart shaped

with red roses. I get those. I got my Stanley cup and I'm just like, yeah. He's taking me out tonight to a steak dinner. That would work. I'd be down for that. Change the subject. Slight update.

I'm still listening to albums. I'm still, just so you know. Tommy. Sorry. What? I made a resolution. This is going to sound funny. I'm truly like, oh, Tommy sorry I made a resolution this is gonna sound funny I'm truly like oh I need to listen to music

Jesus Christ so one of my resolutions was like I'm gonna listen to albums like an album so I'm still listening and I told Spencer and Amanda some and they made fun of me no I thought it was very fun kicked it off with

Olivia Rodrigo and album. And then Mitski. And then Mitski. Oh, okay. I don't know anything about Mitski. Are you emotional, my guy? I'm picking random albums. I don't know music that well. You got sad little girly stuff. I literally saw this album and I was like, oh, this is apparently a really good album and it's

newer, so I was like, cool. And I'm listening to that Mitski album while I'm working. Which is not... It was so funny it was funny while i'm like actively bench pressing to have like like the saddest yeah sounding song i've ever heard in my life your tear ducts are gonna be jacked yeah they were um so what are i picked i picked one that i knew i would like because i've heard some of the songs i picked ice Ice Spice's album. That was rad. I can't help but feel like you're my dad telling me about LimeWire or something. Do you remember LimeWire?

What album am I supposed to pick? No, Shane, it's very adorable. It's no album. There's no correct answer. It's just fun to hear. It's funny. I think it's so sweet that you're like, I'm going to actively listen. I think it's awesome. Yeah, I agree. And'm listening. I'm going to actively. I'm, I think it's awesome. Yeah,

I agree. And I'm not making fun of you. I am just, there's a delight. There's a delight to hear about it. Cause it's like Spencer. Oh, Spencer's like,

I want to wait and see what, what you're like into and what, what albums are hitting for you before I make my recommendation. Right. Okay. The other one I picked was like a very random one i truly just was like i saw an album on a list and i was like okay it's called with a hammer i forget the artist i but it was dope it was experimental and crazy sounding it was awesome cool i want to send you

some albums yeah even like old school albums if you go oh yeah that would be helpful i will say when i'm looking up stuff i'm getting stuff from recent years. Do you like Elton John? Yeah, I love him. There's one album that I still go back to all the time, Tumbleweed Connection. It's one of his first albums he ever did. And it is stunning. All right. Come Down in Time is one of my favorite songs on it.

So Tumbleweed Connection. OK. I'm going to listen to it, too. Yeah. It's very, like like 60s but like not out there just like more piano more focused on like scaled back 60s scale back cool okay okay okay yeah well hey congrats i need to review thank you i need to review the everyone's top artists and and pick some of those and go and do that yeah i'm trying to remember what yours were um that was

so hard because it's like, oh, I listened to like a million things. It was Sophie's number one, Caroline Polachek, oh, and J. Paul. J. Paul? Oh, you're gonna have fun with J. Paul's leaked album. Leaked album? Yeah, so he basically, I'll do it really quick, he had an album

he was working on as his debut album. Someone stole his computer and leaked everything, and so half the tracks are like unfinished and halfway done. But there's a raw energy to it that's really cool. Awesome. He probably was mortified. Yeah, no, he didn't. Oh, that sucks.

He stopped his career for 10 years. 10 years? He finally came back with new tracks three hours. What? Or three years ago. That sucks. Yeah. Holy shit, I thought this happened recently.

No, no, no, he's got a cool lore to him. It's awesome. Oh, that's dope. J-Paul. I thought this happened recently. No, no, no. He's got a cool lore to him. It's awesome. Oh, that's dope. Jay Paul. So he's returning now. Yeah. Well, he opened a music institute with his brother that helps other musicians and stuff. So he did something with his life, but he's back now.

He just played at Coachella. He spent 10 years tracking. He just did Coachella. Yeah. He spent 10 years tracking down the guy who stole his computer. That's a revenge story that I bought. Okay. Well, thank you guys. Yeah. I just wanted to give a little update on that that I bought. Okay. Well, thank you guys.

I just wanted to give a little update on that. I'm so glad. My foray into music. Yes. Which is apparently pretty good. Yeah. Yeah. Now let's get into back in the world of dating.

Dating advice. So we reached out a while ago. We got a bunch of questions from our followers and listeners. A couple takeaways right off the bat. A lot of people mentioned wanting a queer perspective on this. Luckily, Tommy, we had already cast you on this. I'm like, no, you were only cast. No, we already had.

But we did get a bunch of questions from people from LGBTQ. And they were like, hey, maybe you should have someone else other than just Amanda and Shane. I was like, okay, don't worry. Correct. Well, our last dating episode, we had Chance, and it was so eye-opening for all three of us because all three of us were dating different types of people,

different styles. And it was so interesting. I think we enjoyed talking about dating, but it was so cool that we got to open up the forum and have you guys ask us these questions. Yeah. And then a lot of people, and I wasn't surprised by this

just because I feel like the world at large nowadays, but a lot of people have said they have no dating life. Yeah. So seeing that, I'm like, hey, it's really common. So if you're one of those people, don't bad super calm and also like i'd say an overarching advice i'd have from this from the top is like your identity is not your dating life agree you know

that's not your worth like get into things that make you happy get into hobbies get into things that you enjoy and that's more important, I think, than having a partner. Because when you have a partner, it's not like, let's go sailing. It's like, yeah! It's like they put a mirror up to you and they go, you said this.

And you're like, uh-uh. That's what it is. That's exactly what it is. And they're like, hey, you said this. And you're like- You said this. You look like this. You made me feel like that. And you're like, hey, you said this. And you're like. You said this. You look like this. You made me feel like that.

And you're like, oh, shit. Oh, I'm a monster. I don't know myself at all. I'm going to go travel the world. Goodbye. Let's go sailing. That's when you're sailing. By yourself.

It's just you. By yourself. Yeah. All right. Are we ready for this first one? Yeah, let's do it. Okay, here we go. Our first question we got is from Yiftmaster29.

I know I shouldn't get down in the dumps and feel like I'm too old to start dating, but how do I get past my social anxiety and put myself out there? This is a tough one. It's one I've many times in my life I've related to. I have felt this way

as well. I feel like, first off, it is hard. it's really hard and there's been a lot of talk about like the lack of third places nowadays third places third places

like not your home not work but like where can you go where you don't have to spend money especially if you like don't drink too

like there's a lot of bars I will say you're never too old yeah there's some there's some old men starting some new relationships right yeah absolutely golden bachelor you know that i just feel like you're never too old but i can understand the social anxiety especially now since like people don't really meet face to face anymore. Right. It's, it's really, really hard. And here's a,

here's like a negative little tidbit you can hold on to. If you're comparing yourself, don't do that. Obviously everyone has their own track and their own path, but it's like, if you're seeing a quote younger couple, it's like, are they going to stay together?

They're going to have to start over also. Yeah. So like, try not to compare yourself to a younger, I will say, uh, getting past your anxiety. I will say you can't,

you, you can't do it on your own. Like if you have a community, if you have kids or if you have siblings or you have friends, have them help you. Because my dad was single for a while and me and my sister put him on a dating app. Whoa. We straight up.

And he was like, I don't want that, girls. And we were like, we're going to put you on a dating app and it's going to happen. It was so hard to find a good picture of him, though, because every picture was him in front of a plate of food with his thumbs up. This was really hard. That's up. This was really hard. That's awesome. It was really hard. So we found some good photos. And my God, my dad's online dating blew up.

And he was like 60-something. And he's like, girls, there's a lot of women who just want to talk. And I'm like, that's great, Dad. Yeah. And I think that you have to get uncomfortable. Yes. And I do think it's really good for you because he was just going through his routine all the time. And I think once you get older, it's like use your community to help you meet people.

Right. And I don't say just like have friends create an online profile without you looking. Not like what i did but use friends or community or or just go out and kind of push yourself to go to those little like uncomfortable places yeah and and with the uncomfortable thing it's like the first time you make yourself make yourself uncomfortable to try something new that's not the time you're going to meet someone you have to continuously push against that uncomfortability and then you're going to be more open and stuff, you know? More opportunities you give yourself.

I think also for me, my advice is like, you're talking about getting past your social anxiety. I felt that way a lot too. And the answer is that maybe you won't get past your social anxiety. You're sitting there at home in your head trying to be like, okay, how do I get out of my head? It's like, you, how do I get out of my head? You're going to sit there and try to solve that problem forever and you're going to try to solve it by thinking. And that's in your head.

That's never going to happen. You go out there and you put yourself out there despite your social anxiety with it. And you can't help it, so you might as well just go out there and immersing yourself is going to help. That will help.

Yeah. I also think being honest. People don't just say honestly what they feel. You could go out there and meet someone and be like, this is scary. Meeting people right now is scary. I think just being honest and genuine about where you're at is great. And more people relate to you than you realize because most people nowadays have social anxiety. Yeah.

We all just went through what we all went through for several years. Right. We've all gotten a little more accustomed to just being inside. Yeah. So you're not alone. And you just got to go out there. You just got to do it. I've found for me, because it's also like when you say, well, you just gotta go out there you just gotta you gotta do it I've found for me

cause it's also like when you say well you gotta get out there it's like what does that look like right for me what helps is when I

I stop focusing on dating and I focus more on I'm gonna be a really good friend to my friends and I'm gonna really connect with them yeah because then you're strengthening your network

yep and you don't even think of it that way try to try as best you can and I'm going to really connect with them because then you're strengthening your network. And you don't even think of it that way. Try as best you can to not think about that stuff, but be like, I'm going to try to make more plans with my friends and do more things. I have this hobby. How do I get out in the world with this hobby? It's like, you might enjoy reading. We'll go to a reading club.

And it may not be that you meet someone at that reading club, but the more people that you're meeting and connecting with, the more likely you are to meet more people and get out there. Yeah, expand your community. Focus on that. Don't worry about finding that person. Just focus on people in your life and know that it will maybe come along. Agreed. That's a good one. Yeah, that's a great start. We can move on to our next one here.

Let's do it. PuzzleHeadedBit585 asked. Great name. Yeah. Oh, wait, sorry. I skipped over one. This one comes from AtMartin2016. Do either of you have tips or advice on how to meet people in person?

I've tried the apps and I've had no luck. I feel like you touched on that. I feel like that. We just kind of did. I think it's the same thing. Go take classes that you like. I don't know. Pottery classes, paint classes.

I feel like going to bars feels like, yeah, go to a bar, but not everyone drinks. I feel like that isn't even more, that's scarier. Yeah, it does feel super scary. I never did that. Did you guys ever try that? Going someplace kind of in the back of your head with the hope of meeting someone?

Was there any place that you did go that you met people? Because I never felt like I had much luck. I definitely met and dated a bartender, so that doesn't count. Same. Same. Yeah. Yeah, I don't know. I think relating to what we were talking about,

if you go to these places, you can't just go and expect something to happen. You have to go because you want to go. Because you want to go, not because you're trying to find someone. Your joy is what people are attracted to. So it's like go to a class for you. Exactly. And also, I will say, it's kind of a lot of pressure if you're going to meet someone because we can feel it. It's like, okay, this guy's ready to meet someone.

He comes over, he's like, hello. And you're like, okay, this guy's ready to meet someone. Right. Like he comes over, he's like, hello. And you're like, oh, where are we going? Honestly, one of the biggest issues I feel like for straight dudes is that. Yeah. That they're so, you become predatory. Yes. Because you are literally being a predator. You are seeking something out so much that it's going to push everyone away.

I know I said in the last dating, dating episode that I was like, hey, loving yourself is a love life. And I'm like, I think that's actually what you need to do when you're single. And that is actually the key because I, people who are just living their own life and interested in what they're interested in are the most interesting people.

Exactly. So it's the most attractive. Yeah. Regardless of what your physical form is. You want someone that is like, all right, they go out and they care about themselves and they think about themselves and they work on themselves. Yep. I don't want someone who's like, oh my God, thank God I found you.

You're going to get me to that place. And you're like, oh. Oh, yeah. Too much responsibility. Also karaoke. Okay. Karaoke is a good. So I met my husband.

Wow. Oh. Yeah, he came up to me and asked me out and I was like, no, I was like, I appreciate you writing your phone number down on a napkin. That is adorable. And I kept it. I kept it for like two years. We were dating and I found it in my car and I was like, oh, I found your thing. He's like, so you did want to go on a date with me. I was like, yes, but I just wasn't like, I wasn't ready. I could tell. I was like, oh, he's serious. He's like a serious person.

Can I ask how he like, like what was his vibe when he came up? Like he wasn't predatory. He came up, he was like, you have a beautiful voice. You sing so well. I'd really like to talk to you sometime and take you out if you'd like. Here's my number. And then he left and went with his friends. And he had his

friends. And his friends were like having a blast. And then I said no. And he was like, okay. No worries. Like, not a big deal. And then the next time I saw him, I'm doing a terrible accent of him, by the way. And then the next time I saw him was a month later. Your advice is so gorgeous. Yes, Raph.

Hello. Good advice. You sing well. And you do it the numa numa. I'm doing like Italian. But the next month he came by and I saw him and he was like, hello. And I was like, hey. And he wasn't like, so.

He wasn't mad or anything. He was like, hello. Hi. So you're back here? I was like, yep. And he was like, cool. Ever still want to go out and hang out? We can get ice cream.

You said that? No, he said that. He said we can get ice cream? He was like, do you want to get ice cream maybe sometime? And I thought that was the cutest thing ever And I didn't feel pressure at all And I said sure So we got ice cream on Easter

That's so cute Wow okay there you go See it sounds like he was rolling a ball to you Instead of pitching That's a baseball He put the ball on my court I didn't feel like if I said no to him, he was going to get mad at me. And also, just because I said no to him the next time I saw him,

it's not like he held a grudge at all. He was just like, hey, what's up? It was like I didn't owe him anything. I think a lot of people feel rejected sometimes, but what they don't realize is that the girl or the guy or anyone is going through their own thing at the same time so it's not it's not always a rejection of you it's a rejection of timing um the place how they feel in that moment like yeah maybe they're having a bad

week exactly like i said no to him and thank god that he was like okay all right maybe now you're married and have eight kids yeah 50. 50 little kids running around. Little angels. And we take them to karaoke and we get ice cream. I think the rolling the ball to you thing, though, is pretty, like, it's a good description. Because I think what a lot of dudes don't do well is they don't make the other person feel safe. And that's, like, a big key if you're trying to like talk to someone new. It was always my biggest fear

is I was just like, I don't want to make them feel. And so I just didn't talk to them. But I think he did it in a great way. He was just like, hey, I'm giving, I'm letting you know something and I'm going to walk away.

Your decision. He was very confident in himself and that was already a plus. And also, I felt like his life would go on and he would grow and live without me and that was a big plus for me I was like if I said no to him again he'd be like all right have a great night like I I just I desperately wanted someone who was independent of me I don't want to be like some people people love that. I personally get very scared of

being one person. So I enjoyed that he was like, balls in your court. I won't be mad either way. I'm still going to live a life and grow and build this version of myself. Because if you're living your own life you're not desperate. Yep.

So I think people sit inside and they gear themselves up to go out and ask people out, and then when they do, I think all that energy comes out at once, and the other person doesn't feel safe. No. Not that the fact that we think you're gonna murder us right away, I mean. It's just a lot of energy.

It's just a lot of pressure. It's a lot of pressure. Yeah, you want it to be easy going, you want it to be fun. Yeah. Yes. All right, next question. You wanna pressure. Yeah, you want it to be easygoing. You want it to be fun. Yeah. Yes. All right. You want to be friends. You don't want to be like, hold on.

I don't even know you, man. You are friends on those first couple dates. Yeah. That's all it is. That's ultimately. Yeah. Puzzle-headed bit 585 asks, when is a good time to fart for the first time in front of someone

you're dating if you're like me I don't really I don't really I which is probably surprising considering my personality yeah

I don't in relationship nasty guy really fart why yeah I don't know okay I don't know

I don't alright interesting what if I just do you suck it back in what if I just let one rip right now I'd feel comfortable

with you I would not be shocked I don't know if I suck it back in? What if I just let one rip right now? I'd feel comfortable with you. I would not be shocked. I don't know if I... Suck it back in. Suck it back in. That's not healthy, Shane. I don't think I do that. I think I'm just like,

I'm just going to be a little more stealthy about it. If you have to fart on a date, I'm not going to let... Where are you going to go? First few dates, no, absolutely not. What if you can't? I will say, and I've probably gotten better about it.

I don't know. I used to be, there'd be times where I'd be in pain. Oh, no. Gotta, can't let this out. And then you get in the car after that date, and it's just like, your car's like. You look like Violet from Willy Wonka. Violet, you're doing Violet. You okay?

Oof. you're like rolling to your car are you okay remember that commercial from like the 80s where the guy picks up the girl do we remember the commercial from the 80s or the 90s wait guys come on it's a well known commercial where the guy picks up the girl from the date and goes hey and she goes I'm so excited

and he goes yeah and he puts her in the car and then he's walking around the car and she looks around and she's like, and she lets out a huge fart in the car. And then the guy gets in and goes, woo! Woo! And he goes, you met Janet and Mark? And they're in the back seat and they go,

yeah, we met. I have seen that commercial. Oh my God. It's a good one. It's it's a good one anyways sometimes i have to go off on that no okay what about you guys have timelines uh fart timelines fart timeline um i don't know the i feel it's kind of like a feel it when it's right kind of a thing um i feel like there's a level of comfortability that you like you can know, cause it's like, okay, like you piss and you shit at their apartment. Great.

We've already, you get through that like level. Then it's like, Oh, I'm changing into like more comfortable clothes. Or it's like, I took off my pants and now we're hanging out in like pajama style. Right. It's like,

okay, we've got done that. And so it's like, you've kind of re it's like once you're kind of like blanketed up and you're like watching a thing and it's like, you've had a few bits and you're feeling good and the and then you know you get a little puffy in the downstairs you gotta let it loose you go a little poof poof down into the um into the couch if they smell it the conversation begins if they don't we start testing the limits i'm so glad we have a queer perspective

are you are you are you guys, though, like, in your idealistic relationship, are you the type, like, eventually you want to have the toilet, the bathroom door open and, like, be letting them rip all the time? Weirdly, I don't want to see my partner, well, I don't care. It's just like, that's

not what I want, but I do want them to, like, just rip a huge one in front of me and me be like, fuck yeah, that's awesome. That's what I want. Because do want them to like just rip a huge one in front of me and maybe like fuck yeah that's awesome yeah that's what I want yeah because that's how I was raised yeah that's how I was raised too I don't want like the door open just ripping it yeah that's a little too some people are like yeah leave the bathroom door open while you're here's the thing we leave the bathroom door open just because the door sometimes gets locked and we get locked in here's the thing i think farting in front of each other is the ultimate way to be like all right we're in i i absolutely i could not imagine being married to someone that i couldn't fart in front

of just because just because you're a human you're human and you're an animal but here's the difference i don't think i don't think it's cute when a guy's like hey babe watch out see i'm like aruga happy valentine's day babe and then they just fart on your head and then dutch oven you like i don't want that but i i i was telling you that i love like that fucking thing going around on instagram guess the fart i think that shit is so oh that's what see that that's what i mean partners farting i think it's so funny and you know what i think it's great yeah it's like a and and it's fine if you don't like it i get it listen i i get it i i think it's great. Yeah. And it's fine if you don't like it. I get it. Listen, I get it.

I think it's fine if you don't like it. But I, Amanda, couldn't imagine. Yeah, you want to be able to. So are you ever gonna? I think I could. I could be like, okay, I would be okay doing it. But I'm not going to be openly like, yeah, ha ha, pfft. Not gonna have that kind of...

I wanna say that's not exactly where... That's not my goal, but I'm fine with that. I am a person in relationships, door shut for the bathroom. Okay. I've lived alone for a lot of periods of my life and I keep the door shut even then

I like privacy I never had privacy growing up ever I had sisters coming in and out now to this day but that didn't make you want privacy yeah I wanted privacy but I don't know

I'm just so I think it feels more comfortable Yeah, I wanted privacy, but I don't know. I'm just so... Sure. I think it feels more comfortable. Yeah, I don't know. Even when my sisters, when we were older, if we go to a restaurant, we'll both be like, we'll use the bathroom together.

I don't know. It's just... Okay. Yeah. Wow. All right. All the time. And then sometimes I'll be like,

hey, do you want to come in the bathroom with a friend? And they're like, no. No. I don't need to do that. And I'm like. Okay, I got a big one brewing. It's going to be crazy. You want in on this?

I just want someone to witness. It's not that they're coming in. I'm taking a dump. Okay. Check my log. Okay. Let's move on to the next one. Jesus.

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Okay, this one's a little different. Okay. Princess Danielle 143. Your Highness. Which means I love you. Asks, how do I get over someone when you have to see them every day? 143. Your Highness. Which means I love you. Asks, how do I get over someone when you have to see them every day? It's a coworker.

This is juicy. That's a juicy question. That's a tough one. I feel like a lot of people experience this. How do you get over someone? So they've either already expressed interest or they know they can't. Be with them. Or they don't want to to do this um there's a lot of reasons in a workplace why it may not be right oh boy how do you get over

someone is a really good question right i feel like there's a few ways like i think the co-worker has to do something that really makes you feel like oh like f you dude and then you can start to like get over them like cancel them in your mind you mean like you mean that stage of like a breakup or something where it's like you're mad and so it's like oh now i'm free because i'm mad at you and there's no like sorrow yeah i don't know is that what you're going for it's no i'm thinking like if you want to get over them but you can't and you see them every day. Right. I don't know.

Find a way to get annoyed by them. Find a way to get annoyed by them. Find an ick. There you go. That sounds like maybe not the healthiest way, but there's something to be said just about acceptance of like, you know, just like this isn't going to work. This isn't going to happen.

And reminding yourself of that and being like, okay, there's so much more in life than this person. But I think it's hard when it's your coworker. It's tough when you see them every day. And it depends on what the split was. Because if it was just like a, I guess we're not a good match kind of a thing,

then there's like this, oh, every time you like see them, you know? Get another job, as if it's that easy. That's what I was saying. What if the split was on them? What if they were like, I can't do this anymore and you were like,

wait, what? And then you had to see them every day. That's the danger of dating a coworker. I mean, you know, but also I'm assuming this could also be someone who just as simply has a crush on their coworker

and they, maybe it's been going on for months or a year or years and they just can't like. So how do they get over it? And I think people deal with this a lot in high school and stuff, but you graduate eventually. I think high level, if it's really intense,

I think it is leave your job, get a different job, move forward. I mean... That's hard, though. It's very challenging. Transfer? Yeah, but that's... If possible, yeah. If possible, but... There's got to be other ways. It's very challenging. Transfer? Yeah, but that's... If possible, yeah. If possible, but there's got to be other ways.

Just find another person. Yeah. Find another coworker that you have a crush on. Not another coworker. I'm just kidding. Find another person outside of your job that you have a crush on. Also, I know it's tempting to date people at your job, but it is so hard. It's so...

It's very hard. So hard. Yeah. But sometimes it's unavoid hard. It's so hard. But sometimes it's unavoidable. Dangerous game. Yeah, it's a dangerous game, but it's also dangerous, I feel like, when you're dating someone in your

friend group, stuff like that. That is so... Dating just comes with stakes. Relationships and dating comes with stakes, man. Friend group. I almost sometimes feel like dating within a friend group is more high stakes than dating a coworker. Yes.

Right, because at work, there's rules. And at work, it's like, okay, it didn't work out. It's like, I'll just do my job. Right. Most places, I feel like you can just be like, well, we'll just do our job. Can you move your desk? Can you figure out a way?

Why are you moving? Because I love you. I don't know I mean just getting over that's a really hard one getting over someone's hard truly like that's one of those situations where I'm like

talk about it with a therapist or like talk about it with friends talk about it with someone just talk about it talk about it also I will say time

time does heal all yeah heal just all some do you want to move on? sure I don't know what else to say Time does heal all. Yeah. Heal. Yeah. All. Some. Do we want to move on?

Sure. I don't know what else to say. Yeah, I don't know. We had a hard time. It's a toughie. StardewSimp asks, what, in your opinion, is the best place to take someone on a first date?

Somewhere where you can talk, some activity you both enjoy doing. It's tough out there, man. I have the answer. Go, Tommy. Hey, what is it? Listen up. Here's the answer. Find yourself a museum, whether it's an art museum or a history museum or a weird museum,

whatever, or an aquarium or a zoo, a place where you can walk around and move around, look at something and talk about something. Now you have something to talk about that can start conversations about other things. And then there's an activity that you're doing, which is moving through a space. And then that activity ends. Then you're done. You've done the museum. It's over. You can go, bye-bye.

Or you can, you know, know keep going find a second museum that is literally genius i actually think that that is genius because i was gonna say walking maybe with like a beverage like a coffee maybe not maybe not like a bar like walking with a beverage and it's either like walking in a museum or um outside the only thing is outside gotta walk back and sometimes it gets a little quiet and you don't have things to look at and you are so right about the museum because it ends it ends you're done you run out whereas walking you'd be like you want to keep yeah keep going on that hill yeah and. And you're like, actually, no, I got to walk the hour back to my car. Right.

So I think that's brilliant, Tommy. Hey, thanks. I've done art museums before. Some art museums are bigger than I realized. And we get there. I'm like,

damn, this is forever. Yeah, but it is true. I still, for me, feel like, like just something super small for the first date like a coffee coffee date

just so it's such an easy out that because you're right it does end but there's still like a little bit of there's a little bit of a lift to get yeah and um whereas coffee it's like we're just talking and now it depends on what kind of first date if it's someone i know well enough like i've hung out like in friend groups like it's or there's something like if it's someone I know well enough, like I've hung out, like in friend groups or something, like if it's someone I'm a little bit more familiar with. Get dinner. Then I would maybe do the art museum or a zoo or something. But if it's a complete stranger, like I saw this person at a party or I met him at a bar,

then I would maybe say, hey, do you want to get coffee or like ice cream? Just something quick. Something like, hey, we're just getting this public and this. We're just sitting down here where other people are at. We're just going to talk. We're just going to gauge if we're actually down. And then second date, or more like that's the prequel to the actual first date where we then go someplace.

Mind you, when I got ice cream, I had work that day. So I had like two hours. So I had somewhere to be. Right, that's kind of nice. Which was actually really, really nice because it was like I had two hours to be and then... There's always something.

Would that be a good thing for... Because I feel like for men who are dating women a worry that I always had or have is making them feel like I don't want to make anyone feel creeped out or nervous and I think a lot of dudes have that fear

and I almost wonder if it's a smart tactic for men to give that time limit of like hey we can meet up here I have to go somewhere after. I don't know. That feels like they're not interested. Yeah. So I would say that I understand men trying to make women feel safe.

But I also think that men or women or men and men, women and women, like I also feel like there's like a fun edge to be like, if the chemistry's there then you don't have to push that hard to make me try to feel safe do you know what i'm saying like if the edge is there if you're a little if you're too like worried and polite then i'm like then i'm worried like what's right so i think that if it's like i have somewhere to go for but i can meet you it feels like you're not even like super interested and this is just me speaking from like a guy to amanda but um i think if you're like hey want to meet up at this place and if it's daytime then i kind of get a better gist of who you are if it's daytime then i'm getting a gist that you are more interested in me yeah if it's like nighttime nine o'clock at a bar, then I'm like, okay.

Do you know what I'm saying? Like time of the day also matters. And I think I will always feel safe in the day, really. So you don't even have to do too much legwork if it's coffee, daytime. Because during the day, that's usually like, you wouldn't have done this had it not been for this date is more the vibe.

Where it's like, if it's at a bar, then it's like, would you have just been here anyway correct wow or like do you know the bartenders like do you i don't know right yeah i think for tom for boy dating tommy the i have i'd love to go this and that with you and i have somewhere to be at that point i'd be like great i don't think that would phase me at all just from my own history and stuff yeah i would just be like, great. I don't think that would phase me at all. Just from my own history and stuff. I would just be like, at least he wants to go out with me. I think if it was prefaced, if it was, and this is if someone asked me out, or if I'm asking someone out, so I'm letting them know I'm interested by asking them out.

And then I'm like, hey, there's this day we could go meet up for coffee. I'm going to have to go somewhere after this. But that's what I'm saying. Just to like ease that pressure off. Yeah. I think if it was like, hey, I want to meet you here, and then the day of, it's like, just heads up, I have to leave it for Oh, yeah. Not on the day.

No, not on the day. Amanda, not on the day. Also, I will say, if the first date doesn't go well, and you still want to see them, that's okay, too. I just think the first date doesn't go well and you still want to see them, that's okay too. Like, I just think the first few dates can be awkward,

can be a little bit like weird. But I think as long as you have that feeling of like, I do want to see you again, then no matter what happened, the date went well. And I think you go in, in it with the mindset of like, we're just hanging out.

Like I'm, this is like a friend. Like I do think you have that mindset. Yeah. You have to get, you have to like, just want to get to know them. Yeah. You're just hanging out. Like, this is like a friend. Like, I do think you have that mindset. Yeah, you have to get, you have to like just want to get to know them. Yeah, you're just hanging out. Okay, next question here.

This comes from ByNFJ. There is so much toxicity among men in the dating world. What's some advice you have for confronting male friends who are acting toxic in their dating lives in a way that won't just make them angry, sending them deeper into toxicity. Yay. Brutal. Yeah, I mean, I see a lot of this stuff on social media and everything.

The manosphere is pretty crazy nowadays, and straight dudes are getting served so much bullshit we always have though like i remember as a teenager the stuff that i would be told by other men of like what to do in the dating world i realized you look back and you're like that was so freaking out of out of this world stupid. I mean, I was a teenager when The Pickup Artist was on VH1. Oh my God. And I mean, that's the type of stuff.

You get served and you're like, this is what you should do. It's terrible. And it's all bullshit. And I realized at a certain point is so many of us are complaining about dating not working out and the only dating advice we're getting is from other men and it's like no wonder it's not working man like you were not listening to the people that we want to date yeah that like what do they what are they saying don't talk to them but then we're told like these manless people that like don't listen to them like whatever it's like but it's

so funny because it wasn't a term that i'd heard until a couple years ago, but like the female gaze. And it's so interesting about like what men think men should be to be attractive versus what women actually are attracted to. I think it goes the other way too. I think there's toxicity within women too of like what they think a man wants. So then those toxic women date those toxic men. But then those toxic men use those toxic women as an example of like, they think a man wants. So then those toxic women date those toxic men. And then, but then, then those toxic men use those toxic women as an example of like, this is what women want. This is what they're saying they want.

And this is what they did to fuck me over. But we're completely ignoring the majority. And then in the gay world, you have male gays versus male gays, men knowing what they want to be attractive. And then they're both right about that. And it's bad. It's not okay.

Because we're just going, bop, bop, bop, bop, in like an echo chamber. So it's all, yeah, anyway. How do you fix that? You just... I haven't found the answer yet, Amanda. It's a secret.

But my, listen, and this is someone asking how do they talk to one of their male friend sometimes it might be a bit of a lost cause I mean truly

I don't know I do agree some people are so locked in and that goes beyond dating just nowadays with the internet some people have just bought in

to things I agree and you can't get them out but I would say to any dudes listening be very careful of what you're hearing online. I know there's a lot of irony in that you are hearing what I'm

saying online, but when you're on TikTok, when you're on Twitter, you're hearing these dudes telling you about the dating world. They are trying to sell you something. Yep. They want you to be their follower so that they can, they are using you, man. There's always some sort of catch,

and they're feeding you bullshit. Also, don't listen. If you are a man wanting to date a woman, or vice versa, or a man dating a man, listen to the group of people that you want to be dating. It's very true. And there's not a lot of women or men who will speak their mind, but the ones that do are the ones that you want to be listening to.

Yeah. Like if a dude is trying to sell you another, like another dude, like you got to do this for a woman. You got to get fit. You got to get like, it's just bullshit. I also had a realization recently of that, you know, men are, men obviously objectify women a ton. And I, but they also objectify themselves a ton too. And I, when you make that realization of how much you're, you're, you're making this dating world thing, just this bullshit game that has no meaning anymore and there's no humanity to it, you are fucked. And then you start complaining about it.

It's like, well, it's impossible. And you're blaming the wrong people. There is so much that's your mindset. And maybe it is going to be hard no matter what. But you are unhappy not because you're not having success in the dating world. You're unhappy because you hate yourself. Because you've told yourself because you're not having luck that you're world. You're unhappy because you hate yourself. Because you've told yourself because you're not having luck that you're worthless. You have to let it all go.

Went down the wrong hallway. None of the doors are going to open. Go to the other hallway. Knock on the good doors. I love that. Walk away from it entirely is my advice if a dude is saying like, well, I'm feeling miserable because it's like, well, then leave it alone for a while. I also think that if you have a toxic male friend and you want to try to give them advice, see if they really want your advice.

True. And also if they really want to get out of their comfort zone and learn how to truly be happy and learn about the potential partner that they want. Because some of them just don't. Some of them aren't even ready. And then it's truly a lost cause but if you feel like they are then i would say approach them with like they've never heard what you're ever gonna say ever yeah yep what are you gonna say to me i don't remember but it's also it was actually that i think that you can't give someone advice unless they want it

correct and also you know if they're the certain kind of toxic I'm thinking, if they also just don't respect you as a person and a friend, I mean, you start to question if they're worth having around, you know? Right. Screw the topic. It's like, that's not a good friend. Yeah, exactly. Maybe it's their brother. And if it's their brother,

well, good luck. Oh, got it. No, what? No, I got it. No, what? No, I got confused. I'm dumb, Amanda. No, I'm dumb. Keep going. All right.

Here's our next question. DiddyK2810 asks, how do you actually deal with catching feelings for a friend? Should you tell them as soon as possible or wait to see if the feelings are mutual? Do not tell them as soon as possible. No. I would talk to another one of your friends. I would try to, if you have another trusted friend,

maybe outside of the friend group, but definitely get a second opinion. Yeah, I would say talking within the friend group can get a little dicey because you don't know the friend that you're talking to because some friends get worried that the friend group is going to break up because of potential crush.

Or they'll tell the person. Or they'll tell the person, and you don't want that. No. I mean, maybe you wanted that in high school because that was fun, but you don't want that. And yeah, that's... And that's the news. I just went down a high school memory.

Yeah, I think getting an outside perspective is probably the best thing because that's someone who knows you. Also, waiting, you know, feelings are mutual. How do you know if feelings are mutual? I feel like... You have to ask. I do feel like, though, you know, when a parent or someone watches and goes, you and your best friend should just get married. And you're like, what?

Ew. Wait, what? Because you're like all over each other. Your chemistry is crazy. But I think it gets tricky with age, too. Like I have a lot of friends that people are like, oh, my God, you guys are together. And we're like, no, we're just best friends or just hanging out and sometimes I feel like people get that mixed up and so I don't know I think

it's tricky I think best friends you really care about them they can feel like family but sometimes that can get tricky it's like wait a second your brain can't decipher what kind of love it is yes yeah it is tricky and you have to really decide to of like okay even. Yes. Yeah. It is tricky and you have to really decide too of like, okay, even if the feelings are mutual, like,

is this worth the risk? Exactly. Or is the friendship more valuable? And usually that's the only way to find out is take the risk. I couldn't agree more.

You're gonna, you might lose this friend as a friend. I couldn't agree more. But if the feelings are so strong that it's getting in the way of like being a friend to this person. You don't know more. But if you, if, if the feelings are so strong that it's getting in the way of like being a

friend to this person, you don't know how to act around them. Right. Then you need to bring it up because that's already weird. Right. And other friends in the friend group are going to react in a way that's like, don't do this.

Don't. I've, I've had friend groups. Yeah. I have, have issues because of two people started dating and like, you know, at this age,

like years later, I don't judge either of them. I'm like And like, you know, at this age, like years later, I don't judge either of them. I'm like, yeah, it's people are being people. Sometimes you just have to take the risk, exactly like Tommy said, to see if it's even gonna work. Right. Yeah. I don't, there's so much,

at least like in a younger version of me and like younger people, there's all of this like, my friends, my friends. And it's like, okay, you know how many friends you're gonna have you know how many friend groups you're gonna morph and shift and pocket into it's like yes their friends are precious and friends can be family and all of that stuff that's not i'm not saying that that's not true yeah it's also like you know you'll make more friends you'll make more friends if you lose make more friends. If you lose this friend, it'll hurt.

You might cry. It might take three years, 10 years, whatever. There will be other friends coming to you during that time that you can build a relationship with in a friend way. Yes, exactly. That's what it's all about. That's like living. You have to take these risks.

And you're going to keep changing. So your friends are going to keep changing. Exactly. If you don't change, something's wrong with you. Something's wrong. Okay, here's a very good one. Oh, actually, can I pop in really quick? Yeah.

If you're a gay guy and you like a friend that you don't know is gay. Ooh. We kind of talked about this in a Reddit stories once, I think. And here's my take. No. Don't do it. Forget about it.

Move on. If he turns out to be straight, it get too weird. It gets too weird. I've never been someone who's done this. I just know people who this has happened to. Yes. Because when I came out, I was like, well people who this has happened to. Yes. Cause I like, when I came out,

I was like, well, I don't want to be them. So my brain went and you'll never have a crush on a friend. Don't know how that happened, but worked out. Wow. So that's,

that's just like my gay, my little queer thing is like, if that's happening, I, and you don't know they're like who they're interested in. That's where it's like spooky. Well, that's also someone who's going through something, right? Like, are there, or you don't know who they're interested in. That's where it's spooky. Well, that's also someone who's going through something, right? Or you don't, if maybe they are not fully comfortable,

you know what I mean? They're still figuring it out. Or maybe they're straight and they really care for you, so they try out that path with you. Oh, sure. But then it's... Right, well, then if the, quote, straight person, right, whatever, tried some stuff with you, then they've if the if the quote straight person right whatever like tried some stuff with you like then they've consented to that experiment and so that's a little different

it's more like this one where it's like i have a crush on my friend and i'm gay and i don't know if they're gay and so it's like that might be even heavier of a risk to take to say yeah i have a crush on you you gay dog dog? Yeah. You know? And then it becomes like, yeah. And what if they're like, yes, I'm gay, and I want to be with you? And that's awesome. You took that risk, and there you go.

And then they're like, okay, now I'm straight again. Great, and then you break up three years later. Wow. Wow, that was just profound. I wonder what it's like in the lesbian community. Well, they, I don't know. Okay. Okay. Well, I'll have to dig like in the lesbian community. Well, they, I don't know. Okay. Okay.

Well, I'll have to dig in and do some research on that one. We'll have to do another one of these episodes. Correct. Chance was talking a lot about, when we talked about our dating lives, he was talking about in his friend group, where they're all gay. Right. About the complications. Yes.

That gets- About maintaining friendships, but you're also- How they're like, I will hook you up with that guy that you have a crush on, and then they hook up with him. Right. Well, that's also like, these are two different kind of gay worlds. You can have the gay world where there's like big groups of gays, where a bunch of gays hang out together.

They might say, take a picture on the beach in all of their Speedos and look identical. Things like that. It's like, there's that kind of gay person. And then there's the IP blood this morning kind of gay person. Who's me. That's me. Go watch Who Memed It if you haven't seen that. Wasn't there the comment underneath that Who Memed It of just like,

wait, I don't understand. And it's like, well, they come from two different gay houses. Gay houses. But I'm not dissing either group. It's just like, I actually was part of a like gay group of like UCB gay comedians. And that was like fun

because it was a small group and a small group and two of them were dating. And guess what? They broke up and the group fell apart. And it was, we were together for like four months. And no more beach photos with Speedos. But anyway, that's its own weird hellscape.

At least for me, as coming from this side. It's like having a crush on them, but then they're fucking them. And then I'd be like... Crushes, I think, suck. I think crushes are overall... I think crushes are fun. I remember when I was younger, crushes were often agonizing because I was just like,

because I had no self-esteem and I was so insecure. So I was just like, well, it's never going to happen. So every crush was just this like, oh, damn, it's just, it's just. I also hate crushes, but I do like flirting.

It's like different. See, I don't even know how to do that. I got a lot of things to teach you. Do that shit, man. I got to take you to a place and leave you alone with a bunch of people and go, flirt now. Flirt now. And then they're going to bring me back and be like, we found this poor child in the middle of the- Are you his mom?

Fuck you. Well, I love flirting and I love crushes. I believe that. Yeah. That's very you. Yeah, I believe that. Yeah. Okay. That's very you. Yeah, I believe that. Okay.

Okay. Moving on. What are some dating red flags and deal breakers that you look out for? Ooh. Yeah. Those are legit. For me personally,

being a woman, I look out for controlling behavior, telling me what to wear, telling me who I can't hang out with. If they ever use the word, you have to cut that person off, that's an immediate red flag for me. Not wanting to spend any time with my family, big red flag for me. Getting very jealous if I'm wearing something, you know, sexier or whatever, getting very, very jealous. Interesting.

Yeah. Coming from Boston, I experienced a lot of jealous, jealous men, and I just, I reject it. I despise it. I hate it. I hate when a guy wants to start a fight. But there's a difference. I think I've warmed up to what jealous actually means and what protection actually means. And I have to figure out what that means to me because it's totally something different now. But I think a little bit of jealousy is good.

You know what I mean? Like I don't want my partner to be like, yeah, go off. I don't care. I trust you. Whatever. Right. and just be like, yeah, go off. I don't care. I trust you, whatever. But I think a little bit of jealousy shows some fun kind of connection. It's you and me, right? Interesting.

It's there, but it's not controlling. Yeah, I'm still working on what jealousy means to me, but I think there can be a healthy jealousy. Do you feel like it's the extremes that are the red flag? So it's like if you're extremely jealous or let's say independent, you're too independent. You don't even care about. Extreme apathy is also it'd be like, oh, so you don't give a shit at all.

Do you know what I think it is? I think it's jealousy. And I'm always the culprit where I'm consistently blamed. Like you made him do that or whatever. That feels like a very past relationship thing in my life that i find as a red flag interesting um yeah the emotion the feeling of jealousy is not necessarily the problem as much as it is like them yeah it's the controlling thing it's them being like they're putting it on you they're making you feel bad yeah and also like ultimatums. Like you can never. Oh, that's control. You can never. Yeah, so those are my big red flags.

Control is, it's a lot of controlling behaviors. I mean, I think even at a young age, we all go, well, I don't want to be with someone controlling, but there's so many controlling behaviors that I think. Micro aggression, like little ones. Oh, yeah. Little ones where they're like, I don't know about that friend.

Maybe you shouldn't talk to them. And then a year later, you're like, oh shit, I'm not talking to that friend. Maybe you shouldn't talk to them. And then a year later, you're like, oh, shit. I'm not talking to that friend. I'm not talking to any of my friends. It's little, little things. Yeah. For me, a similar one, I think it comes down to controlling,

is like I remember when I was younger, I was very into sarcasm. And like, oh, I like girls with sarcasm and stuff. And they're like, you know, if they'd be like, oh, that's so dumb. Or like what I was saying. So random. But then, yeah, that's so random no uh but then it kind of turned into wait oh are they being sarcastic are they being mean yeah and then it's like oh i'm this person's mean like they're being mean to me uh and and you like i was like wait why am i but that's

partially of like oh i didn't believe I was good enough. So if they said that, I was like, ah, yeah. So that nowadays is absolutely like, I am not into any sort of like negative. I think that's also like disrespecting in public. Like when, so I think it's a big red flag when someone's like, oh, my husband's such a fucking idiot. I hate that. Or like, my wife sucks. Ball and chain. I think disrespectful name calling is such a red flag.

I think that, I don't know if that ties in with the mean aspect. Oh, absolutely. Yeah. Absolutely. It's a factor. I judge people when they are disrespectful towards their partners or friends. It's like my, farted again. That's, there's times where it's a joke where I'm like, okay, but you're not saying it with actual disrespect.

You're fucking with each other. Yeah. There's also respect in, that's like similar to our funeral roasts. Right. Where I'm like, there is so much respect in us roasting each other there. Yeah. But there is then the like actual disrespect when you see someone talking down about someone.

I hate it. So that's for me. And yeah, controlling behaviors of any sort is immediately like, nope, done. There's also like little red flags. Like if you like are at a party and you have your partner with you and they're like by your side the whole time. And they're like, hey, you know, I'd be like, get away. Or if like you're,

you'd never see them again. You know what I mean? Like, it's just like, it's the, it's the extremes, at least for me. I sometimes feel like I can't breathe when my partner is attached to my hip.

I'm literally like, I cannot breathe. Right. Yeah. But that, I always thought that that was just me like extreme, like I need my space. But I think that that is a red flag.

It's pretty universal, yeah. And then I don't know about the not seeing, I guess not seeing your partner at a party the whole time. I get that. I mean, that's not as bad as being. Depends on the party. Right. Depends on the party.

Right. Balance. Yeah. What about like flirting and? I personally would not want my partner to be flirting that much i think okay well actually i don't know no judgment actually i don't know about that okay because i'm like if they're hot i'm like okay go get it girl i don't know yeah and i could be over and be like that's my boy that's

see and that to me that's kind of like that's that little jealousy yeah right yeah yeah and i feel like the green flags are just the opposite of this i agree yeah the green question and i feel like this is yeah from god tickles me oh good Honestly, it's like your morality code. Like what you, how you live your life and what you see as good and bad, those are the flags, right? I don't know.

How do you want to be treated? I mean, green flags are just truly like kindness. Someone who's, I think, witnessing the world. There is a cool study. I forget the psychologist's name. Gottman's? Yeah, we talked about this

my favorite the like the clear thing of I'll tell you all about it we talked about this before okay of like there's the clear sign of

turning towards how a relationship will work and it's bids and it's that couples make bids where they like say a couple like we're a couple

and I go oh look the sky is so gorgeous today and if you turn towards it and admire it as well that's a bid and I go oh look the the sky is so gorgeous today and if you turn towards it and and admire it as well that's a bid like I'm making a bid here I'm pointing out something in the world and you're respecting that and you're acknowledging that with me and he they would notice this stuff and they go if if more times out of out of 10 you're doing that that's a sign of a very you're turning towards your partner aka you're acknowledging them

which is a sign of respect right but if you are don't respond or you turn away and you're like yeah okay it's fucking birds

great who cares right well there you go that's right there those are all things that they say are little things

that add up yeah the Gottmans are the best. Gottman? I love them. I truly think it's respect. It just comes down to respect. All of it's respect.

It's all respect. It's also, I will say, another thing that the Gottman I love is I forget, stonewalling. It's also like, if someone needs the space to be upset, give them the space. But also if you are getting upset, if you are getting cornered like a cat, like you're getting stonewalled, you have the right to be like, I need to take a walk. And the other person has to give you that time and space to do that. Very hard for me because if my partner

is upset, I want to get in there and fix it and also make sure like, well, did I do this? Did I? You have to give them the space and time to kind of come down and be upset. Give them the respect that they deserve to be upset to kind of go through it. upset. Give them the respect that they deserve to be upset to kind of go through it. Otherwise, if you stonewall someone so much, they're going to say something that they regret. Yeah. Or that you regret.

Yeah. You know? So we have more questions here, but we're running out of time, so we'll have to do this again sometime. Yeah, we will. Hey, want to do this again sometime? Hey, want to do this again sometime?

I feel safe right now, Shane. Thank you. Okay, great. Okay. What about now? We should have met in a public place. We'll pick this one as the last one. As people in your 30s, what dating tips would you give to someone else in their 30s that you

wouldn't give to someone in their 20s? GWN. Yeah, GWN. This is GWN news. So wait, the question is, what would I tell a 30-year-old but not a 20-year-old? Yeah, what advice, what dating advice for a 30-year-old as opposed to a 20-year-old? And I, my honest thought is for a lot of it, I don't know. Now uh here and reddit stories there is a specific there's

specific dating advice that i give but this isn't necessarily 20s but it's like younger 20s or teen years and stuff and that's when you're dealing with a relationship where you're just like oh my god i'm so frustrated in this relationship i'm dealing with this bullshit in this relationship i'm like walk away you're so young you should still just like go out there and experience new things. Walk away from it. I do believe that. And that's – there could be different circumstances, you know, and I understand that. I understand every relationship is unique.

So I'm not saying that's like absolutely the case if you're listening to this. But my overall advice if you're 21 and you're in a relationship where you're like, my partner is being a douchebag and they actively disrespect me so bad walk away because you are you're probably going to be such different people in a few years yeah you might as well just go i couldn't agree more i think the biggest advice i could give is date as much as you can like experience people experience being alone because from what i've heard from people a lot of them have regrets of like they wish that they had more experience they've been with the same person since they were 18 or 20 and they just wish they had more experience with other people like they just get to a place like, yeah, we've been together 12 years.

They just feel like they wish they had more experience. And I just like naturally wanted to like date and have all these experiences. And I'm so glad that I did because now that I'm with someone, I feel so satisfied. I mean, hey, maybe that'll change in 10, 30 years. I'd love to ask this question at like 50 or whatever. But I would say have experiences. If you're with someone that is the worst, leave them. Because I think being alone is not as scary as you think it is.

And you should be alone and experience all of it. Right. Tommy? Oh, okay. So I should go. So get out. So Tommy, goodbye. Okay.

I don't know if I really have something so specific, but there's just this, I don't know. How can I put this? I'm not good at talking. Like this is like a big statement um not really uh but like you already know the answer to the questions you're asking yourself oh oh mic drop oh i like that you know what i mean it's like oh well i don't know it's like, oh, well, I don't know. It's like, you know, you know, stop trying to work around it. You know,

you know, yeah. I think there was times in my twenties when I, cause I was a very nervous, fearful person. I've gotten better about it over the years, but there were, there were the times that I actually felt better was when I was like,

when I'm afraid, that's when I need to take that step forward. And I will be afraid and I will probably get more afraid the more further I step, but I got to keep going. And even if it fails, you end up feeling so good because you're like, whoa, I beat that fear. That fear was there and it was trying to stop me and I didn't let it stop me. That's what ends up so many times in my life where I felt awful is because I'm like, I let that fear win. Not because of what anyone said to me or because what have happened on that date.

It's because I'm like, wow, I lost the battle inside my head. And you're, like I said, at the beginning of this, you're trying to win that battle in your head before you go out there. That battle is going on in your head and just go out there. Yep. Yep. go out there that battle is going on in your head and just go out there yep yep i also will say real quick don't let a partner hold you back from life experiences or jobs or careers or travel even something simple as like you had this like date plan when you're 20s and you have this like

amazing experience to go somewhere in the world or whatever. I don't know if, or you have this scholarship or you're in college and you're dating them and you have this really cool thing to go abroad, but you don't want to leave your boyfriend. Go abroad, baby. Go.

Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go. Like if it was meant to be, it'll be. Do you know what I mean? But go. It's just those are so much more important and harder to maneuver when you get older. Yeah. Because you have less opportunities to do that. Yeah.

Yeah. Well, I want to talk about this forever. Yep. But we are running out of time. We're going to do a little smart mouth end segment here. Oh, yeah. But Amanda, you've got some facts for us that we're going to do a little smart mouth end segment here. Oh, yeah. But Amanda, you've got some facts for us that we're going to try to answer. Yeah, I got some facts.

Here's my smart mouth. There are over 5,000 dating sites and apps worldwide. What? That's far too many. Over 5,000. And I have no success on any of them. Could it be me? Many of the sites

aren't nearly as popular, but the most popular ones are Match.com, eHarmony, Tinder, and Bumble. Wow. Okay.

Pretty cool. Match.com still popping? Guess it's still there. eHarmony is still there. Okay, this is, I will have to give credit to Kiana. She helped me with this one. So,

these are the most successful... What am I trying to say? Like, hellos? Like, the most successful first word in a message. Like, something that you say to start off your message in an online dating app. Do something that you say to start off your message in an online dating app.

Oh, okay. These are the most successful. Do we want to try to throw some out there before we... Yeah, because I have some. You have the answers? And I have percentages

of how successful they are. What about... And these are specific, like specific words, not like a generalized... Correct. Okay. It's like when you first

start a message. I'm going to go with... I'm going to go with well, hello Correct. Okay. It's like when you first start a message. I'm going to go with, well, hello there. Yeah. 0%. I'm going to say, hey, how's your day going? Okay. So, hey is actually lower than 30%. But I'm on the board.

Does that work out for messages? You're less likely to respond or click on it. Okay. Any other ones? No. Just starting off with no. Okay, that's not on here. What about ketchup or mustard?

Not on here. Damn. That'd get me. Netflix and chill? Not on here. Damn it. Would you start off saying Netflix and chill? I don't know.

I don't know.'m just i don't know do you want to know what the lowest one is yeah sup at at lower than 24 great high well yeah wow so hay is better than high hay is better than high and hello is better than high but is hay better than hello hay is better than hello so high is the worst hello. So high is the worst. High is at 23%. Okay. Hello is at 27%. Okay. And hey is at 30%.

Okay. Do you want to hear the top ones? The top ones. Okay. Which one do you think is out of these three? Which one do you think is top? I love a game. Yo, howdy, holdy's gotta win howdy wins

ola's underneath and then that other one you said yo correct yep no no so howdy does win okay yo is the lowest and ola is the middle that's what i said correct that's what I thought. I said yes, and then I said no. No, it's what you said. So yo is 33%. Hola is 34%. Howdy is 44%. Whoa. Absolutely it is. But there's two that are higher than all of those. What?

A reveal. What is it? What's up? Or? Is at 45%. What's up? And 45%. What's up? And there's one that's the highest. Can you give us the first letter of it?

H. What about howdy doody? Zero percent. Okay. I have no idea. It's kind of a question, but it also doesn't need to be a question how sure but it's it's there's three words how are how are you no kind of how's it going yes how's it going how's it going how's it going is number one 54 wow so it has an actual above 50 yeah because howdy isn't

a question unless you make it one. Howdy? Correct. Yeah. Wow. Okay. So yeah, the sweet spot for an online dating message is between 40 and 90 characters. Wow. We got two of them right here. Pretty cool, huh?

Okay. I don't know what's happening to me. I'm making really bad dad jokes lately. I don't know what's happening to me. Something's changing within me. Oh my God. That is so gross. I'm sorry. So 40 to 90 characters is basically enough to me. Something's changing within me. Oh my god. That is so gross. I'm sorry.

So 40 to 90 characters is basically enough to say how's it going or howdy. So if you are stuck, tormented, just say howdy or how's it going. Howdy. Howdy there. Tommy, thanks for being here. Hey, thanks so much.

I hope we offered some wisdom for you listeners. We will definitely do this wisdom for you listeners we will definitely do this again yeah we will definitely do an online forum where you guys ask us questions and we will hopefully

get to all your questions because they were so good they were great yeah there was a lot that we didn't get to because we only have so much time and there were 600 of them

there was a lot alright well thanks for watching and we'll see you next Monday yes goodbye goodbye happy Valentine's Day have a good week happy Valentine's Day All right. Well, thanks for watching. And we'll see you next Monday. Yes. Goodbye.

Goodbye. Happy Valentine's Day. Have a good week. Happy Valentine's Day. Happy birthday, Amanda. Thanks, guys. Happy birthday.