Smosh Mouth - #35 - Try Not To Laugh: The Podcast w/ Courtney Miller

Episode Date: February 26, 2024

Can Courtney finally take home the $60 gift card prize? SUBSCRIBE: https://smo.sh/Sub2SmoshCast WEAR OUR JOKES: https://smosh.com WHO YOU HEAR Courtney Miller // https://www.instagram.com/co_mill/ Shayne Topp // https://www.instagram.com/shaynetopp/ Amanda Lehan-Canto // https://www.instagram.com/filmingamanda/ WHO YOU DON’T HEAR (usually) Director: Amanda Lehan-Canto, Shayne Topp Editor: Kortney Luby Producer: Amanda Lehan-Canto, Shayne Topp, Selina Garcia Assistant Director: Amanda Barnes Art Director: Cassie Vance Assistant Art Director: Erin Kuschner Art Coordinator: Alex Aguilar Audio Mixer: Scott Neff Audio Utility: Dina Ramli Camera Operator: Eric Wann Director of Photography: Brennan Iketani Director of Design: Brittany Hobbs DIT/AE: Eric Schinzer CEO: Alé Catenese EVP of Production: Zoe Moacanin EVP of Programming: Kiana Parker Executive Coordinator: Rachel Collis IT: Tim Baker Operations PA: Katie Fink Post Production Manager: Luke Baker Production Manager: Amanda Barnes Production Coordinator: Marcus Munguia Production Assistant: Ovsana Tsaturian Senior Manager, Channel & Strategy: Lizzy Jones Marketing Director: Dani Howe Social Creative Producer: Peter Ditzler, Tommy Bowe Social Strategist: Erica Noboa, Mallory Myers Talent Coordinator: Selina Garcia OTHER SMOSHES: Smosh: https://smo.sh/Sub2Smosh Smosh Pit: https://smo.sh/Sub2SmoshPit Smosh Games: https://smo.sh/Sub2SmoshGames El Smosh (Spanish Dub): https://smo.sh/Sub2ElSmosh FOLLOW US: TikTok: https://smo.sh/TikTok Snapchat: http://smo.sh/OnSnapchat Instagram: https://instagram.com/smosh Facebook: https://facebook.com/smosh Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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If you have questions or concerns about gambling or someone close to you, please contact Connex Ontario at 1-866-531-2600 to speak to an advisor free of charge. Ben MGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with iGaming Ontario. Welcome back to Smosh Mouth. I'm Shane. And I'm Amanda. And we have a very special guest today, Courtney Miller. Howdy ho. That's right. And we are going to do another round of Try Not to Laugh. I'm so excited. And we have things planned and also things not planned. Yeah. Angela doesn't know that we're doing this.

She had two attempts. She had two attempts. She could not win. I'm so nervous. I've watched both. I am a pretty active listener of the Smosh Mouth podcast. Thank you. But yeah, I have watched both Try Not to Laughs.

And damn, you guys, you laugh a lot. We do. But it's good. And Shane wins every time, which shocks me because he laughs at his own fart. So that's what gets me. I love that I laughed at my own fart and that that fart I had already played on Smoshcast before and I'd forgotten. And it was the fact that you were like,

I'm not going to laugh at this. And you play it and you laugh the hardest I think I've ever seen you laugh. Yep. No. I'm not going to laugh at this. I do. Wait, you just had to.

I'm f***ing farting. Wait, that's real. Wait, really? Wait, that's real? I'm f to fart. Guys. I can't believe I did that. That's probably the hardest. I've never seen him like this.

It's probably the hardest. Dude, do you know how hard I laughed when I'm going through recordings and I go, what is this? And I sent a message to myself four years later and I farted. Yeah, it got me. It's just so stupid. It's so stupid. My dream,

I've said this before, my dream on regular Try Not To Laugh on Smosh Pit is to fart on camera. Like a real fart? A real fart. You have farted. But it was weak. It was really weak.

Yeah, it was one time on Try Not to Laugh, one of the old ones, back at Defy, I think. Noah was in the hot seat, I believe. And I was like, Shane, time to do something funny. Do something funny, Shane. And he was like, all right. And then just. It was really weak. It was not good.

It was not good. But we heard it, though. Subtitles were required. I want to go out and I want to like rip one. Blow one up. I want to blow one up. I realize how risky that game is. You could.

No, I want to assess the situation. You could hall pass it. You know that scene from Hall Pass? No, I want to assess the situation. You could hall pass it. You know that scene from Hall Pass? Oh! You don't want to know it then. That's a crazy scene. She's like, I don't feel well, and then she sneezes and shoots shit all behind her, and she's like, God, I feel so much better. And the guy's like,

Luckily, she was sitting on the edge of a bathtub, so it was just the back splash of a shower. Okay. You watered it down. That's very graphic. Good morning, everyone okay water down that's very graphic good morning everyone but anyways that's my dream but so that's your dream okay the only way i've ever had a fart i'm trying not to laugh is that i recorded it i forgot it did make me laugh a lot it's just so stupid and it caught when i like because i didn't have it listed as fart in in my voice recordings it was just voice memo number blah blah blah new recording 35 or whatever and so when it just played

I was like what the fuck? I have so many recordings in my voice memo app that I have not listened to for years so I might just like go through them today. Let's just see. Alright that's real risky. Yeah me too. Okay. Well mine are

Yours are like five minutes of you rambling as a character. Exactly. Well I shortened are... Yours are like five minutes of you rambling as a character. Exactly. Well, I shortened them. I can see them here. They're shorter. You have them out already? No. I'll get mine ready. You guys are prepped.

I don't have anything on the table. I don't have anything on the table. Yeah, but that doesn't mean that you don't have stuff. You don't know that. That's true. Okay. Okay. Are we about to begin this?

Wait, I want to know one thing. What is the thing that makes you laugh the most? We know it's farts for Shane. Farts. Farts. His own voice. Okay. Other things.

Farts. His own voice. Everything he does. What, what, what, this is ironic for me to say, cause I think I'm really bad at a lot of times,

but when other people just commit really hard to something, that makes me laugh. You do commit. I've seen you commit. I commit, but when, like, I break so easily, but when people are just fully committed to something so insane, that always gets me. If people are locked in. I know. They're so deep in the character that they're like, this isn't funny.

This is just me. Yeah. Okay. Let's just start. Okay. But can I say what makes me mad at me yes okay what makes you laugh little silly things i like silly noises you like silly noises i like when someone i don't know that well makes a noise i've never heard before from them like never come

out of them before i like like that's what's great about new cast members it's like i haven't heard you make many noises yeah yeah and then like like physical stuff. I like physical stuff. Tension. So even if you aren't talking, I love to laugh. Here's the thing. So this is going to be really hard. But I think I'm going to win this for Angela. Oh, you're going to win it in her honor.

Oh, yeah. This is for Angela, guys. OK. There's $60 on the table. Wait, really? A $60 gift card. Well, gift card. OK. Yeah, because it started off at $20. Then it got bumped up to $40. Now it There's $60 on the table. Wait, really? A $60 gift card. Well, gift card. Okay. Yeah, because it started off at $20, then it got bumped up to $40.

Now it's at $60. So I keep winning. Yeah, Angela has no chance at winning it right now. $60 to Tesla. Are you saying that if you win it, you're going to give her the gift card? Yeah. Wow. You don't have to do that. This is for her. Angela's champion. I hesitated

and I didn't feel confident about that answer. You don't have to do that. This is for her. Angela's champion. I hesitated and I didn't feel confident about that answer. You don't have to do that. Okay, well. Selena will be keeping score. Okay. So don't slip up. I like did a crazy core workout yesterday. And so my like lower stomach is like really sore.

And so laughing hurts. So hopefully that will help me. You're going to win. Because I don't win. Ever. Because I forget. I'll like be having so much fun and then I just forget. Yeah.

And then I giggle. All right. All right. Shall we begin? We shall begin. Try not to laugh. The podcast round three begins now. Good morning.

All right. But it's still a normal podcast. So let's not act weird here. Yeah, let's not act weird. Amanda, you were talking about how you have a bunch of stories you want to tell today. I do. I have a story. I was just in San Francisco this weekend, and we stayed at an inn.

Like one of those, you know, the painted ladies in San Francisco, those houses in Full House in the beginning. Right. Did you ever watch Full House? Oh, so much. I watch so in Full House in the beginning. Right. Did you ever watch Full House? Oh, so much. I watch so much Full House. I watch it now. Okay, great. Well, Full House is the best.

I saw the Full House house. Don't. I saw the Full House house and the Painted Ladies. Okay. Painted Ladies. What's the Painted Ladies? It's in the beginning where they're singing the opening song and you see all those houses. Oh, it's houses and they're just called ladies. They're called the

Painted Ladies. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. The pretty color houses. They're really cool. So we were in a house kind of like that. The inn is from the 1800s probably. And the guy who owns it was so sweet, hilarious, but he walked like

like I felt like a year went by when he passed me like he was so slow so slow so nice and we were a comedy troupe and the first thing he says to me and the other girl in my group was like I heard about you guys I heard about you guys you guys are trouble you guys are gonna be trouble trouble it gets so we're in like this courtyard with all these beautiful greenery and he goes

well I just wanted to say thanks for sleeping with me and I go what and he goes I heard that at an innkeeper's conference. No. Thanks for sleeping with me.

Because essentially, you're all sleeping with me. Wow. Give me a break. Don't laugh. What did this guy look like? Old. Old. He was old.

He had like a box-shaped top with like smaller legs. Like, I don't know. I feel like his legs are going to crack under the pressure. He was Roblox? A little bit. He had like a hat. His face was just weathered storms. Weathered so many storms.

And he was just white. And he just looked like an old turtle with like a lot of barnacles all over him okay that actually somehow is the most defining detail does that make sense? and then as he's telling us yeah actual barnacles is crazy and then as he's telling us this

he I'm sitting there and a little rat starts slowly like pounce, walking towards me and the girl who are sitting in the garden like this. And he's telling this story and he's like, huh? See you guys later. And he slowly walks away and the rats there and I'm, I'm about to grab her arm to be like, we need to go. There is a rat slowly beelining it for us right now. What?

It's daytime. This is San Francisco? And then the rat stands up and it goes, thanks for sleeping. Yeah, thanks for sleeping with me. I heard that at a rat conference. I own the rat inn right here. No. So anyways, as I think that he's about to leave, he turns back and goes, another thing.

And the rat's like. The rat stops dead in its tracks like and he goes no this is real he goes zen after 10 all right zen after 10 and then he slowly walks away and the rat goes and then it slowly turns away and just starts crawling away with a song. I'm dead serious. This really happened. This whole thing happened. So the whole time we were like,

well, we're sleeping with one dude this whole weekend, and he owns the inn. God, the whole old, what? Nothing. I was not laughing. Was that a little sneeze? No, it was a breath. I probably laughed like three times in my own story.

No, you're good. You've held it together enough. Yeah. Well, because I told it 17 times already. I just, the whole like, you do look like trouble is such an old guy thing to say. I experienced, you know where I experienced like old guys like that just show up sometimes? You know how they just appear like a spirit? Yeah.

Where you're like, I think you might have died a hundred years ago. When I was on Goldbergs, whenever we filmed on location, you would know that an old guy would just show up on the outskirts of the production. And he'd just be there and he'd just be like, so you guys filming something here? And then they'd go into some story about something that happened to them in the 70s. They're like, you know, I used to work. I used to work with Rock Hudson back in the day. And they're like, well done.

We're filming. So quiet on set. And they're like, quiet on set. Yeah. You know what I feel about those stories? Oh, my god. Okay. That is horrendous.

That's someone snoring. That is horre- That was pretty good. That's someone snoring? That's someone snoring? Yeah. Who? It's a guy.

Who? It's just a guy. I can do a pretty good impression of it. Okay. Do it. Whoa, you're I can do a pretty good impression of it. Okay. Do it. Whoa. Sorry if that was too loud, Scott. He's standing up.

I'm across the room. Oh! Oh! Oh! Yeah. Oh! I got myself. Okay. You got me and you got myself. Okay.

You got me and you got you. Do you snore? I think so. I think I snore pretty bad, actually. You know when you wake up and you're like, wow, I was really blasting off last night. Because I'm not a monster. I don't snore like that.

Okay. Got yourself with that one. I don't snore like that. Okay. Got yourself with that one. What do you snore like? Are you a honk chew or a honk? No, none. I'm like this. You're an open mouth sleeper? Oh yeah, I sleep wide open. That's way worse.

I go Stop. Got you, I sleep. That's why I don't way worse I go Stop Got you got Courtney you sleep like like the beginning of a horror movie like the like the a cold breeze Yeah, and I and I sleep talk you guys want to you guys want here. I sleep got Amanda That's awful. Yeah, just Amanda's just like this. Don't go in there. Bananas and peppers. Five roasted frenchies.

This is how I snore. Joe Biden. Joe Biden. Joe Biden. I know who this is. Joe Biden. Is this that guy that you guys love? What is this? Where are you pulling this shit from? Is this that guy that you guys love? What is this? Where are you pulling this shit from? Is this that guy that you guys love? Mr. Bean or something?

No, no. You're thinking of... You're thinking of... Mr. Bean! Somebody else. She brought a soundboard with her. Guys... No, I'm thinking of that guy that you guys love on TikTok that you love.

Don't you like him too? Oh, oh, oh. Mr. Pork? Oh, yeah. Is that him? Marcus Pork. I don't think that was Marcus Pork. Pork? Is that him? Marcus Pork. I don't think that was Marcus Pork. There's Marcus Pork Sr. There's now Marcus Pork Jr. who's this super buff guy.

Yeah, Skibbity. Oh, that was Marcus Pork Jr. Yeah, there's Marcus Pork Jr. now. And he's ripped. At first I thought it was Marcus Pork had a bunch of work done. I thought it was a guy. I thought Marcus Pork entered his thirst trap era. Have you,

oh, this is going to be outdated by the time this podcast releases, but Amanda, on TikTok, have you seen Pookie? Have you come across

Pookie at all? Pookie TikTok? The more you say it, the better it sounds. There's this like wealthy couple. They're probably in their 30s.

Pookie? Pookie. So it's this guy, it's this guy in this. So it's this guy, it's this guy in this. So it's a hot, a hot woman and her partner who he, he's a charming looking guy, but they're always dressed in like really fancy clothes.

And they, they, in their outfits, they, they turn on the camera, they step back and they're like, they're like, uh,

Pookie is looking absolutely fire tonight. Pookie, what are you wearing tonight? And she's like, I'm wearing a Chanel jacket. Like Gucci shoes. Gucci bag. He's like, I'm wearing a Chanel jacket. Like Gucci shoes, Gucci bag. He's like, I'm wearing an Hermes belt. I'm wearing a Ralph Lauren jacket.

Is this real? This is real. And he's like, and Pookie, Pookie's looking absolutely fire tonight. Yeah. Is Pookie his wife? I think girlfriend or wife or fiance. But I'll tell you what, I'll give it to this guy.

You watch them and you, at least I, you feel this initial pull to just hate on them. He's punching. You just want to hate on them. Yeah. But then. But you love them. But this guy, this guy is thirsting after Pookie so hard. Yeah, this is him.

That you kind of can't, you got to respect it. This guy, he'll be like, Pookie is looking absolutely fire. And then he'll turn and she'll be talking about what she's wearing. And he's just like. Yeah. And then he'll turn and she'll be talking about what she's wearing. And he's just like. Yeah. And then he says this. And because she's so hot. Whoa.

Okay. You finally. Okay. Okay. Courtney came in hot because she has a full soundboard and it's amazing. I customized it. This feels like an old radio show. I'm really glad

Courtney's bringing that humor of an 11-year-old in 2010. You gotta really respect it. Wait a second, no. People on radio stations still use that word. It's like... It's Jerry Bean in the morning. Pussy. Yep, it's Jerry Bean in the morning. Whoa, whoa, whoa,

whoa, whoa, whoa, pussy. Yep. That's what they do. Oh, you're going to lose so hard.

Cause now I'm thinking about them. Growing up, my parents were always like, we just had the radio cause it was the nineties, but that shit, I hated even as a kid, I was so annoyed by it. Just you'd get in the car,

you're going to school. It's 8am. You're tired. You hate everything. You're you're seven. And you just hear like, it's Jerry in the morning. Whoa.

Yeah, that's right. My mom hated sounds. She hated when there's like a baby crying in a song. So she would get so worked up and angry if that was on. She's like, you need to turn it off. I don't want to hear sirens or a baby. I do freak out when songs nowadays put gunshots or ambulance sounds in them.

I'm like, huh? Yeah. Because in this city. I think that should be illegal to play. Yeah. Wasn't there like an Eminem concert where he blasted like gun sound effects and it was actually terrified the crowd. It was like, sorry, that was really serious. No, but like when I'm driving and there's an ad or something that has a siren, I start to like stop my car.

Or what about... Remember? Yeah. What is that? That's an Aaliyah song. What are about... Remember? Yeah. What is that? That's an Aaliyah song. What are you... R.I.P. What?

The hell? What the hell? The hell was that? What? Sometimes I feel like I was born in another century than you guys. Okay, I know who Aaliyah is. I'm not that old. I know, but it's just that sound was a lot.

Stop it. That's like different. Stop it. That's a different sound. It's not making me laugh. It's making me lot. Stop it. That's like different. Stop it. It's not making me laugh. It's making me scared. Pookie. Pookie is looking absolutely far.

That's making you scared? It's weird. Well, it made my mom scared too. You know what those noises did to my brain? Oh, God. Damn. I've heard that sound so many times. She's going to win.

I have a pitch for you guys. Okay, let's hear it. Okay, no, I need you to read it. And you both have heard of this. Oh, shit. It's one paper. I'm going to give it to a man. Bernie's coming in hot, and I love it.

Is this too soon? No, you're allowed to do it. There's no rules. Okay. Besides don't laugh. There is. There's one rule. Don't laugh.

There's a single little tiny fly. I see it. Flying around here. Yeah. Let us know in the comments if you see the little fly. There's this theme song. Here's. There's one rule. Don't laugh. There's a single little tiny fly. I see it. Flying around here. Yeah. Let us know in the comments if you see the little fly. There's this theme song. Here's the fly's theme song. Come on.

No. I think I've laughed the most and I need to watch. Are we going to get copyright struck by Wile E. the Coyote? Don't stress her out before her pitch. That almost made me go. Time to read my pitch. Okay, but first. Whoa.

So my birthday is this year. And. You don't say. Wait. My birthday. That's the craziest shit I've ever heard in my life. My birthday. That's so crazy. birthday is this year So we're all Capricorns? Shane, is your birthday this year?

You know? Wait, you're a Capricorn? It is No, I was joking that we're all Capricorns What are you? Virgo Oh yeah, what are you? Gemini

Aquarius Pluto's in my chart Watch your back What are you, a fucking loser? My birthday I got you Pookie This is a big day that's coming up And I have something that I really want to do

And you both have a little bit heard about this What I want to do for my birthday And so I would like Amanda to read this pitch And please Please read it word for word, please Yes ma'am Yeah, you can read the whole thing.

The whole thing, including the title. Oh, I know this pitch. But I don't know all the details. This is Courtney's pitch for her birthday. And she's having a birthday this year. So everyone watch out. I have my birthdays this year, guys. The wenching hour.

My pitch. For my birthday, at the strike of 4 p.m., everyone will gather holding small wooden bowls, starving and begging for soup. I will arrive wearing a big tattered brown cloak, holding a large pot or cauldron of soup and a big wooden old ladle, the type of big wooden ladle that I could knock someone out with. Bonus points if everyone else is in peasant cloaks too. And I hobble in with the soup. And I'm sneering and shrieking as I take spoonfuls of soup and serve it to each peasant. Everyone is moaning and whining because they are so starving for soup.

No one is breaking character. And there are no spoons. You have to sip straight from your bowl because you're just so hungry. And even after everyone has soup, it's not enough. And people keep begging, please, please, wench, please give us more soup we need more soup the soup will be like a hot stew red in color with potatoes and carrots and onions and other things not too thick not too thin it will look amazing in my ladle that I could clobber someone with it if I wanted to, but I won't. When people aren't begging for soup, you just hear little slurping sounds like kittens lapping up milk and me groaning and heavy breathing because I am a wench and that's what people do. And that's what I do. Go back.

Say the whole thing again. And me groaning and heavy breathing and me groaning and heavy breathing because I am a wench and that's what I do. Thank you. I keep hobbling around giving soup

and sneering at people and making sure they behave. End of pitch. Thank you. That's my favorite Robert Frost poem. I would like to have this on a live stream. Wait, you told me this pitch in person and I was like, that's the best thing I've ever heard. And now reading it, I'm like, it's so dark and amazing.

And no one's allowed to watch. They have to participate or they can't be in the room. Yeah, no watching. And they have to have soup and they have to love the soup. Are you invited, Shane? I don't know if I'm invited to the wenching hour. Yeah, it's like for wenches. Yeah, it sounds like it's for wenches. No, I am

the only wench. Oh, correct. And everyone else is peasants. And they're in my inn. And I'm the wench and I'm serving you soup. And you must behave. And there's not enough soup. There might be enough soup for everyone to have two helpings, but you have to

make sure you beg and plead for more soup. You're laughing! That's because when you pitched it to me I can just picture the whole thing And having us be like Soup soup So what's going on

No you cannot Break character Just in between We're just like What the fuck No No you're not allowed Are we getting cocktails soon

I think this is it I think it's just I don't think there's drinks If you do that During my wenching hour You will be removed from my inn It's a dry event Let do that during my wenching hour, you will be removed from my inn. It's a dry event. Let's be clear.

The wenching hour is a dry event. No, the only wet is the soup. The only wet is the soup and our sweat. And the sweat on my upper lip. And do you want to hear the wench, how she sounds? Oh my God, yes. Okay, let's hear this. Yes.

Courtney's getting up right now. Courtney has put her jacket over her head. This would be like this You're gonna hurt your voice For an hour Do you know what I want? I want her to do all the sound effects Even when she's ladling

I might if no one's delivering enough. What would really mess with everyone is if there is no soup and you're just pretending there's soup and everyone's expecting it. It's weird that you said that because I just watched Hook. Remember that part? Oh yeah, the imaginary food. That's the best scene. You are kind of just

Captain Hook in this situation. No, Captain Hook is way... He has full language. He's brilliant. Dustin Hoffman as Captain Hook in this situation. No, Captain Hook is way... He has full language. He's brilliant. Dustin Hoffman as Captain Hook? Yeah. Courtney Miller as the wench. Not nearly as good of a performer. Well, she doesn't have any words. No,

Dustin Hoffman has a lot of literature that he's saying. She's going... And also, Dustin Hoffman ate garlic to repulse the children when he was. Yes. That's so messed up. Wait, he did?

Apparently that's a fact. I'm not kidding. That he would, so that when he was like doing scenes with them, they were like. That's gross. I know. Did you know what I heard, what I said when they told me that? That's what I said. That's, that's pretty good.

Hey, that's pretty good Does silent laughs count as laughs? Selena is the judge today Selena's judging Okay Wow Laughing out loud Okay I'm in the clear

Laughing out loud Be careful That's crazy You're teetering a fine line Where Oh Amugas I can see that this is under a tab called my favorites Line. Where? Oh, Amoogas. I can see that this is under a tab called my favorites.

Yeah, I customized my soundboard, bro. Bro, that is sick. That's pretty crazy. Hey, okay. Courtney, you wrote something out. That's really cool. That was really awesome of you to do. Thanks.

You're a good writer. I like that was really well written. We know you're a good writer. Yeah, you're a great writer, and you're the only one with a birthday this year, so we've got to make this big. Green light it. People who watch Smosh know that you've written a lot,

particularly your diary entries over the years. Are you guys ganging up on me? No. No, I literally have no idea what he's doing, but he... You're just so good at, like, yes, I think that it literally feels like you're part of what he's doing. Yeah, I am. Mm-hmm. Right. I don no idea what he's doing but he you're just so good at like yes ending that it literally feels like you're part of what yeah I am mm-hmm right I don't know but uh but you've read so many of your diary entries what's crazy to me is there's a bunch of diary entries that we haven't read that's correct and so I have a couple here uh because you've you know you've

shared them around the office oh I know that's the thing is I've started to prepare myself and know where he's headed. You know how I feel about what you're about to do? We took personality tests. Yippee! Yippee. Yeah, we did take personality tests. Turns out I'm 100% that bitch. No, that's not what it was.

In fact, you're not that bitch. I am. No, the Myers-Briggs said you're that bitch no the myers-briggs said that you were judgmental it said it said you're that bitch and for you it said you ain't even shit parenthesis fart well i'm gonna ask for not well i'm gonna get copyright struck by ice spice now um no okay courtney i have a diary entry here from my? From your diary that we have not read and I thought here on Smosh Mouth you could read it for the first time.

Whoa, so you typed out your diary entries, huh? That's awesome. I actually did. I scripted them out for those videos. Yeah, but this is its original form like before it's scripted out. Oh. Just a plain old diary entry. Wow, Comic Sans. I know.

Nice. Because that was your choice. Whoa. So she's a comedian from the start. Because when you do Comic Sans. Well, Comic Sans, actually, Sans means without. So it actually means not funny. So stop.

Yeah, but Comic Sans is the funniest font I've ever seen. Yeah. You are Sans comedy. Call me Comic Sans. Yeah. Okay. Okay. I will read this. Sorry. I will read this. Sorry.

I will read this. This is Courtney's diary entry that we've never heard before. So weird that you found it. November 12th 2000 whatever. Fallout Boy is popular. Dear diary. Just when I thought I was over

Johnny, he pulls me back in. I walked into school today with my suitcase backpack rolling behind me. Whoa, no. Determined to be an independent woman. Oh, we don't want that. Doesn't need a man. When I saw Johnny rocking his leather jacket and leaning against his locker, he winked at me and then did a little spin and pointed finger guns at me.

Oh, no. He then fired his finger guns and fireworks flew out from his fingertips and caused the ceiling sprinklers to go off. Was that in your imagination or did that really happen? That happened. Mrs. Callowitz. Mrs. Callowitz, our math teacher, immediately melted from the water. It turns out she was the Wicked Witch of the West.

Oh my God. That's crazy. What a school. At lunch. Oh, so the school day continues. At lunch, I was heading over to my table. I sit alone with a tray of food when someone bumped into me causing my tray to fill up into the air it fill up fly up fly up

your tray what magical school are you in causing my tray to fly up into the air just as i thought it was going to all come crashing down john Johnny caught me in one hand and perfectly caught the tray and all of the food on top of it with his other hand. What? You're dumb. That's in Twilight. That's in Twilight? Yeah, it's in Twilight.

Did you recently watch it? Keep reading. It was flawless. And the school bully, Flash Thompson, was super pissed off that Johnny looked so cool doing it. Oh, it's Spider-Man. Yeah, it was in Spider-Man first. Twilight came out way before Spider-Man.

Yeah, also, no, you're right. What the hell are you talking about? Don't speak to me like that. So, I was wrong. No, no, I was wrong. Edward Cullen actually just caught a little apple. Yeah, that's in the cover. But he would have caught her.

No, he did catch her because a truck was coming towards him. Oh, yeah, and he pushed. And then he went. And he punched a car. Spider-Man stopped a whole fucking subway. If Spider-Man and Edward Cullen. Okay, I have to finish this journal. Spider-Man would rock Edward Cullen.

Edward Cullen has no webs. What can he do? Oh, honey. Spider-Man would blow Edward Cullen's jaw Cullen has no webs. What can he do? Oh, honey. Spider-Man would blow Edward Cullen's jaw off. Yeah, that's no. I think it's the other way around, sir.

No. Oh, no. Jacob would No, that's Jacob's not part of this. Jacob would come in and be like, Bella, and then

Spider-Man would punch him too. I need to finish my diary. Okay, that's good. It was flawless and the school bully Flash Thompson was super pissed off that Johnny looked so cool doing it. Ugh, I can't help but feel I'm falling for

Johnny again. Anyways, it's time for me to bedazzle my face and go scare the neighborhood children. Love, Cockney. Wow, that's crazy. This is ridiculous. That was pretty nuts. I can't believe Did you ever think that Johnny might be Spider-Man or Edward Cullen or both? Johnny sounds cool, but your rolling suitcase is concerning.

I only had one for one year, and that was third grade. Did you actually have one? Third grade. It wasn't my choice. Did I call that? That's incredible. I didn't have it in middle school. I didn't know you were that much of a loser.

Rolling suitcase in my town, in my school, was like, uh-oh. It was like the guy with the trench coat and the Django jeans and a rolling suitcase. Okay, Janko jeans makes him awesome. Django. The Django jeans. Django jeans. You guys seen that movie? Django jeans.

You guys seen that movie? Did you ever have Janko jeans? No. I had whatever the F my sisters didn't want to wear anymore yeah dude it was most it was hand-me-downs until i was literally i think 13 yeah mine were a lot of spandex and like oversized t-shirts or like esmeralda skirts i literally looked like a spanish dancer most of my years of life yeah i'm not kidding okay truly you were what? I looked like a Spanish dancer For most of my high school years

That's amazing And then like Some Hollister years When my mom Was like feeling frisky I looked like a deep fried Old Navy mannequin That's awful

See I've seen We've seen photos of you When you were in middle school And stuff You looked like both Zach and Cody God

You know I've never seen zach and cody selena lost it on that one that comes up here but you do look like zach and cody okay that video is incredible do you know what that the context is of that yes okay a kid built his own little roller coaster out of toys and sticks. It's really cool. And so it's like he's about to start up his whole toy contraption he's created. I can do a perfect impression. Okay, let's go. I just played it.

Yeah, but I just did it really well. I don't know if I'm going to see that video or if I ever will search for it. Amanda, you are now locked into the internet, okay? You're fully versed in it. And people know that because they've seen us beat five people dot com know that yeah but five nights at freddy's two you did you defeated you you beat five nights at freddy's two and it was you beat a night in five nights at freddy's it was really impressive uh in fact it was so so impressive, I got a phone call, and I got a message from someone,

and I thought, no way, what's this about? Check it out, Amanda. Hello, Amanda. It is me, Scott Cawthorn, creator of the hit franchise Five Nights at Freddy's. I hear you're a new fan to my series and are growing quite adept at playing it bravo i'm happy to hear that god save the king what that's crazy why is he so rich well he's because he invented

five nights at freddy's he's making all that that five nights at freddy's yeah and i also i have something um i met markiplier the other day. And remember, you were there. And he was so impressed with your gaming. Yeah. And he said this. And let him let the whole thing. Kitty, what are you doing out here?

Did I not see you before? You're so Portuguese. Oh, my God. Wait, that's literally my sound. That's Markiplier. That's my sound. That whole thing? Yeah, that's literally my sound that's mark that's my sound that whole thing yeah that's that's me i'm a kitty and i'm portuguese yeah you were really excited you were telling angela about it the next day and this is what your guys's conversation was It's so true None of us so sorry guys None of us really

We don't listen to each other We just talk Courtney has E-bombs world pulled up on her phone Courtney you're crushing it No no no No you are No Courtney you are crushing it Let's give you that

How far in are we? We're about 35. Yeah. Wait. Why do you ask? Did you have something you wanted to share? Yeah. I feel like we've been really,

Shane and I have been really steamrolling you. No, not at all. This is fantastic. You guys are trying to make me laugh. It's not going to work. Okay. I got a voicemail, weirdly enough, from someone that I know from home.

From home? This one's under two minutes. Oh, good. Hello, Amy. It's your mother calling you. So I'm a little bit confused because it is already 1030 and you are not home. Oh. And I've been sitting in the living room waiting for you.

You said you were going out to chili's with your friends i know for a fact that chili's closes at 10 it is 10 30 you're about 15 minutes away and i don't understand where you are your father your father's so pissed that he's in the garage right now and he is banging his head against our suv so i just wanted when you come home and there's a hole in the suv it's because your father was so pissed he couldn't even look you in the eye and he started banging his head on the suv so when you get home politely tap me on the shoulder so i can fucking beat you two smithereens to a pulp all right smithereens to a pulp so much i am drinking a bottle a bottle of you'll never fucking know all right and stop going to my peach schnapps and stop filling up my peach

schnapps with water i know that it's water and i'm fucking pissed at you all right i love you i love you very much please be safe if you drunk, call me and I will pick you up. She just said she's drinking a bottle. If you are drunk, I will pick you up. The best part is that you'll play those recordings and you start mouthing it as you're listening to it. And want to hear something? I recorded that the last time. This is not new.

This is from the previous one. I recorded from the previous one and didn't play it. Oh, my God. Your father is banging his head against this movie. And I will wake you up. The peach schnapps thing is real. You know, that's someone that I know because I used to fill my mom's peach schnapps with water. Because I'd be like, we're going to drink peach schnapps tonight on a sleepover.

And then I'd fill it with water and she'd be like, Amanda, my peach schnapps is water at this point. Would your mom just drink peach schnapps straight? I don't know why she had it. It's awful. It's yummy. I want, I want, it's yummy. Peach schnapps is yummy. It is pretty good. I was being real.

No, literally, she used to have weird shit in her cabinet, like white Russian stuff. What percent is peach snaps? Like wine? I don't actually know. It's a liqueur. I added it to a Sprite. I added it to a Sprite once, and I put some raspberries in it and pieces of mint.

Oh. And for this podcast, I was over 21. 15%. Okay, so it's like wine. So it's like a little, like a spritzer. How much is wine? Wine is around like 12 to 15, yeah. So, yeah, exactly.

Peach schnapps is yummy. It's insects on the beach, y'all. Okay, okay. Let's be real. Peach schnapps and lemonade? Well, that's a cool... A fuzzy navel? What the hell?

Oh, you haven't been on an island, have you? I have been on an island before. I've been on an island. I have been on an island before with a volleyball. And we grew very close. You grew? You and the volleyball grew close? The volleyball and I became very close.

This is cast away. And then, well, I was there for four years, but I had this package that I refused to open up. Stop talking about your package. Because the package represented hope. Okay. Oh, my had this package that I refused to open up. Stop talking about your package. Because the package represented hope. Okay. And so I had to get home. And eventually, luckily, a porta potty showed up on the island. I used it as a sail.

And I got off the island. How do you sail? Okay. But I knew it was going to be tough to get off because that's twice the size of Texas. And I knew I had to get out there, get off the island. Shane, you've never left your house before? Yeah, because you just live through movies and the internet?

It happened to me. Okay. Yeah, really. Courtney, you know, I... Yeah, what? You can't hear me again? All right, enough about peach schnapps. Courtney, I have another diary entry here from you.

Oh, wow. I'm so glad you found these. Another one of your diary entries. In Comic Sans entries In Comic Sans That's so weird Sans comedy Printed Guys, this is my diary

Keep typing up your diary entries, very fun Alright, go ahead February 19th, 2000 Whatever, bump-its are in No, they're not. Well, they were in then. Okay. Dear Diarrhea,

Johnny and I are in love, but it is a forbidden love for Tommy is the quarterback of the football team and I am cringe. Tommy? Johnny. Oops. Who's Tommy?

Was that written or did you? No, no, no. It says Johnny. I don't know. Miles away. Wait. Who's Tommy? Was that written or did you? No, no, no. It says Johnny. I don't know. Miles away. Wait. Who's Tommy? Tommy's are.

Well, that's not the real name. Remember, we know the real name. Okay. Yeah, we do. Okay. But Tommy. But it is a forbidden love for Johnny is the quarterback of the football team. And I am cringe.

That's true. You can't do this. Because of this, our relationship must remain in the shadows. No one can know except for Johnny and I. In public, he pretends to be disgusted by me, even scared of me. But in truth, I can tell he loves me with every fiber of his being. When I leave secret notes in his locker,

he crumples. Sorry. When I leave secret notes in his locker, he crumples them up and throws them away, but in a manner that is filled with passion and lust. That's wrong. At night, I camp out in the bushes outside of his bedroom. This is so chosen, Koda Chain.

And throw heart-shaped rocks at his window. Sometimes he calls the cops and I must flee. It's a silly little love game we play. No, it's not. Anyways. Sweetie. I'm going to wrap my Bratz doll with silly bands until it explodes. That's funny.

Love, Cortini Beanie Boopy. It's funny because... Thinking of you typing this up just makes me laugh. Yeah, wow. Did you like get into the head of a teenager? Heart-shaped rocks? No, those don't exist. If they did, trust me.

If heart-shaped boxes exist, then heart-shaped rocks exist. No, they don't. Yes, they do. Kurt Cobain said so. They would have been on someone's front walkway in the East Coast, trust in me. Oh, in their little fairy houses? And they would have said like, love. Oh, yeah, I love fairy houses.

They're everywhere. You know fairies are real, right? Every time you say a fairy's not real, it dies. I learned that in Hook recently. Speaking of fairies, I'm reading a book called Court of Thorns and Roses. By Sarah J. Maas. Who's that? Sarah J. Maas.

Is that her name? She's a prodigy Uh yeah Cult of what? Thorns and roses Cult of thorns and roses It's horny beauty and the beast Get me that book

Except for beauty is badass And she has arrows So it's like It's like brave beauty and the beast So you know that Shane got Belle In his personality test That's me Wow Cause I read a. So you know that Shane got Belle in his personality test. That's me. Wow.

Because I read a book once. And his dad's an inventor. I read and I got that beast in me. Did you also get the results of the quiz? All of that is wrong. Did you? Because I know there was one personality quiz that the result was. 600 Civic.

2,600 Civic. was... 600 Civic. 2006 Honda Civic. 2006 Honda Civic. 2006 Honda Civic. 2006 Honda Civic. 2006 Honda Civic. Oh, he went down on that one. That one caught me off guard. He went down on that one.

That was Squidward. Oh, you don't say. Well, that's because you're a Honda Civic. I am a Honda Civic. You are a 2006 Honda Civic. Yeah, Tommy did say I'm a sexless Honda Civic. Yeah, because you won't die. No, that's because you're a Honda Civic. I am a Honda Civic. You are a 2006 Honda Civic. Yeah, Tommy did say I'm a sexless Honda Civic. Yeah, because you won't die. No, he said the cord, right?

But you're also beauty, and you're also Belle. You're also an astronaut. My Belle. I am an astronaut Belle. You're also pussy, and you're also... So many other things. So many other things. I have something for both of you.

Oh, yeah? No, guys, this is serious. Okay. You know what, Courtney? Go ahead. What's wrong? The Bluetooth device is connected successfully. That was not...

Successfully. That was not my intention. So I have some news for you guys. But I don't want to tell you myself, so I have a doctor's note. Oh, God. So if it's okay, this would mean a lot to me. Oh, you're sick? You guys could read this.

That's a lot. You're sick? Yeah. Wait. Don't read it. Is he going to pass it to me when it's my turn? Just don't read ahead. You must.

Okay. Is this okay? Yeah, I can read it. I'll just read the whole thing. No, but there's parts that are supposed to be read by Amanda, too. Yeah. And I have to hold a hand? And you guys will pass it to me.

You have to pass it to me. Oh, God. The doctor wrote it this way. I don't know what to tell you. Okay, I'll hand it over to Amanda. Why are you so mad at me? I'm sick. Okay, you could have printed out two copies of this.

Remember a walk to remember the movie? She's sick, and she didn't want you to take care of it. We wanted to get married in the church. She's not Mandy Moore. She wanted to get married in the church that her family got married in. I could be Mandy Moore. She's sick. And she wants to do the play. I will read it.

And don't read ahead. I won't read ahead. You do that. I don't read ahead. You do. read ahead. You do that. I don't read ahead. You do. I don't. That's why you're a fast reader. You're barely reading. And you have to pass it back and forth. I just glance at it.

Okay, here we go. Okay, thank you. Dear Amanda and Shane, Courtney is dying due to an illness that is so new and so rare that it is still being studied. She only has seven months to live No, that's not what it says

She only has seven moments to live Redo it Start over Courtney is dying Due to an illness that is so new and so rare That it is still being studied She only has seven moments to live My name is Dr. Granda

I must task you with a very important task. With Courtney Ruth Miller's epic passing upon us, there is a procedure that you must handle. The disease doesn't even have a name yet. It's so new and mysterious that it doesn't have a name. Crazy. Did the chosen write this? In order to lay Courtney to rest in the best manner,

you must alleviate her of any and all insecurities, Write this. No. In order to lay Courtney to rest in the best manner, you must alleviate her of any and all insecurities, uncertainties, and anxieties she has been carrying with her for many millennial. Give me a break. Please take turns reading from the following so that she may truly feel validated before passing on to hell. Facts.

I also feel like seven moments have gone. No. Okay. So that she may truly feel validated before passing on to hell. Facts. I also feel like seven moments have gone. No. Okay. So that she may truly feel validated before passing on to hell. Dash. The McDonald's in the Thousand Oaks Mall in the year 2004. This is a doctor's note. So you legally have to finish this task that I have tasked you with.

Thanks. It says your name and where you talk at the top. Courtney, no one is mad at you. Including the landlord that showed you that one apartment on Laurel Canyon and you said, this is amazing, I'll definitely apply. And you never did.

They don't care that you didn't apply for the apartment. That was four years ago. They are fine. God. This is actually amazing. Courtney, your knees are lovely. They have no creases. They don't wrinkle and make little faces

when you stand up straight. It doesn't look like you have two toddlers standing in front of you when I close my eyes halfway and zone out of focus. Your legs are so cool. Okay. This is fucking brilliant.

Courtney, Ian Hecox respects you. He respects you so much that he just can't say it out loud because if he does, he'll tear up. And he's afraid that we'll make him look gay. So he can't. Trust the process. Trust the process! Okay.

This is brilliant. You are a great driver. You have eyes like an eagle and can see every possible move before a car even makes it. You don't need Google Maps because you know this city, You have eyes like an eagle and can see every possible move before a car even makes it. You don't need Google Maps because you know this city, but you still use it because you just like to know how long the drive will take. No one can see your scoliosis. Your back is immaculately symmetrical,

and your left side of your spine doesn't have more meat on it than the right side you walk normal too you're not slightly veering to the left all the time you just like to go left because your favorite things tend to be over there your favorite things. They just tend to be over there. Courtney, when you make a joke during a meeting and people kind of laugh. This one's legit. Courtney, when you make a joke during a meeting and people kind of laugh, that shit's real right there. They are not pity laughing. You are a funny guy and no one is scared of you.

You genuinely made them laugh and they probably would have laughed harder, but they just didn't finish their coffee yet. God, that's real. Your right boob is just as awesome as your left boob. You do not have Poland syndrome. Stop Googling it. Because it's not what you have. Your rack is A+++. And you know what I always say.

Grabbing your weird boobs is better than grabbing no boobs at all. And you don't even have weird boobs, so you don't even need to remember that. I can't even pick a favorite boob because they're both so awesome. Get it, girlfriend. Oh, my God. This is brilliant. We're getting destroyed right now. This is brilliant.

Oh, God. Okay. we're getting destroyed right now this is brilliant oh god okay Courtney we just want to reiterate that no one is mad at you including that parking attendant who tried to help you put your ticket in the machine but you said no need I got it and put it in the machine yourself the parking attendant did not feel inadequate or useless he was fine

he still has a job this is so real. Hey, Bestie, you are not racist. You are aware of your whiteness and the life that has been given to you. You remember your privilege every day. Wow. Oh, come on. Courtney Ruth Miller, your TikToks are not cringe.

They aren't uncomfortable to watch at all. In fact, everyone wishes you posted more often. You are so slay. You are aging gracefully. The Gen Z girlies see you on their For You page and don't even think twice. They cannot smell your fear. Your iconic boots, Mary. Okay, that was

excellent. That was insane. You guys, so much. You should frame that. Thank you guys so much and I now can die peacefully knowing that I was right about everything. Yeah, okay, well. How long is a moment for you? I'm going back now. I don't know. maybe months or years every

moment is 10 years i i have so much to say about that because i relate to that so much thanks guys that was fucking awesome for me that was awesome thank you guys especially the parking attendant where they're like let me help you and you're like no i got it no i have hands i can put it in i see the slot thank you like okay well and you're like yeah but if you want to help me you can uh they're already gone they're already gone they do not give a shit they don't they don't they got a good life about it a lot i do think about it that was excellent that was uh that was crazy thank you so much for reading my doctor's note guys That was the craziest So where are you going to be buried?

Probably at the KFC And Westlake Where in the KFC? Hopefully the Tiles will come up pretty easily In the middle And I'll just The guy will just go,

and squish me. The colonel? Yeah. You don't want to be buried under there. Every KFC has a colonel, and I do, because that's what I was basically eating from the years 11 to 13.

But you're not going to get good food. You're just going to get oils from people standing and waiting in line. But we love oils. Not me. You love oils. Not me. You love oil. No, no. No. You love oil. We at Smosh do not love oil.

Olive oil. I had Burger King growing up. It was the kind of Burger King that my grandmother would feed her dog, who was a sumo, what's a sumo? Samoyed? I don't know. A sumo? A shih tzu. That was so far off. That was a differento. What's a sumo? Samoyed? I don't know. A sumo? A shih tzu. That was so far off. That was a different word. You said a completely

different thing. His name was Nike and she would give him a whole hamburger. I'm sorry. A Nike dog? A whole hamburger. His name was Nike. Was he okay? That is the most Boston thing. No. Hey. Hey. Hey Nike. Hey Nike. Come here. Take your fucking burger.

How's your mother? How's your mother? Well, she fed him a whole burger. The shih tzu? I liked him, but he didn't like a lot of people. Yeah. Bit my sister's whole bottom lip. What? Did he think it was a burger? No, she was just like too close to him and he was like, get the fuck

away from me. Small dogs don't like when your face is near their face. Also, dogs, it's hard. hard like putting your face near their face is scary our faces are huge yeah we have big faces and you're in their space imagine your size and a face that's literally bigger than this two of this table and it comes right up to your face that's not fun no it's gotta be awful i can't even see your whole face because it's so much. I would hate being a penny dog. Well, I have another voicemail, and it's short. Trust in me.

It's short. Okay. Okay, let's hear it. I actually got this the other day. This is Rick at the autoody Shop just letting you know that your Honda Odyssey 2017 is ready for pickup. We checked the engine and it's busted. So you probably won't be driving it for much longer. So might as well pick it up now and go for a ride.

All right. Thank you so much. My wife left me last week. Did you drop the voice? All right. Thank you. Pick up your car. You totally lost the voice again.

You were like, come and pick up your car. My wife left me last week. Here's the thing. I'm recording these. I can hear you fidgeting in my kitchen. Garnet is in the kitchen doing dishes, and he knows I'm recording these. And the stress knowing that he's there, because I'm not embarrassed, but I know he's going to walk in at some point and go,

What are you doing? Yeah. I wonder what it's like to live with me. It must be awful. I wish I could. Do you want to? Kind of. We have a couch.

So you can sleep on that. Oh, bitch. Oh, bitch. She cleared her conscience. Bitch. Courtney. Bitch Courtney Courtney Courtney I have one other Diary

Wait should we get a tally to see who's in the lead Yeah let's get a point check in Who's in the lead Obviously it's Courtney Courtney's in the lead. Not by much. By like five. Ooh.

Amanda is losing. Yeah. Yeah. Amanda, you. Amanda's having a blast. Thanks, Selena. She's going to live the longest because she, because when you laugh, you gain time in your life.

That's right. You know why they say, they say you're going to live longer because you're laughing. It's because instead of that, you're laughing instead of smoking a cigarette. So there's something that Courtney does. I definitely could laugh while smoking a cigarette. There's something that Courtney does where she tells a story and she, she does this thing where she wants to laugh, but she doesn't. So she'll, she'll kind of go like,

she'll kind of do this thing where she's like, you know, like, like, you know, like, you know, you do this thing where you're like kind of,

kind of holding it in. And then you're like, you know what I'm talking about right here. So, you know, like he goes, it goes to this. It's like the,

the words go from side to side in your mouth. Breathing his heart heart before it comes out he does that high pitch thing too you'll yeah like if you're if you're if you're i imagine you like robbing a bank you're like um hello um you and okay i don't do that it's like your judge in all rise your judge in all rise is so good that was you oh yeah yeah it's like that's that's that's quite enough. God, I'll never stop thinking about the spud hut. That was awesome.

All year. Iconic. That voice is incredible. We got all kinds of spuds. Spud hut. That was, that sounded like the Fettuccine Alfredi spud.

That whole video was so funny because Arasha was like, okay, we got to get to the next round and me and you are crying laughing

and Courtney's wig is so fucked. All her curls are on one side. I wanted it that way. And she's like, okay, well, we gotta stop going. And Angela's like, there's a mosquito. It's one bug. It's one mosquito. And it has a, I think it has carrying a larvae on

its chest. I saw. I saw. A larvae? She's doing what she does. No larvaP. She's doing what she does. LARP. LARP. It had one single thing under its chest. I watched it. Because roll the clip. I was looking at it on my screen because it landed there because it wanted to try and

use my soundboard. I think it tried to... It honestly landed on this one. I don't know what that is. But the mosquito had a little guy. Oh, so the mosquito's pregnant. Like it had a baby. No, no, no.

It seemed like, you know when a monkey is crawling around with a baby on its chest? Yeah. Yeah. Oh, so it was carrying another baby. A mosquito that had one child. Yeah, that's how Courtney and I get here. I carry it. I walk the whole way.

Courtney. Gunning for me, huh? Yeah. I think we're, I'm probably catching up right now. Yeah. I have one more diary entry for you. For me? That you wrote? That you wrote. Again, I wrote it. This is one of your other diary entries

from back in the day. This is the third one. You know, rule of threes. No, I don't. Yeah, you get it. For the record, all the information that you've put in about Johnny is so false. He would never be on the football team because he was too scrawny. He was the kicker. You said quarterback, sir.

Well, you know. I guess you really don't know. They're not my diary entries they're Courtney's you're so right typical Chiefs fan you typed them up stop

do not say that yeah you know I'm not I've worn a Broncos shirt on this podcast actually we're very upset he has a Taylor Swift stop it

were you very upset stop it yeah well by the time I was in San Francisco when it happened you know it's all so well

oh so everyone was stoked for that by the time... I was in San Francisco when it happened. You know, it's all... Well, oh, so everyone was stoked for that. By the time this podcast airs, we're recording this before the Super Bowl, but this is airing after the Super Bowl. I don't know what happened. I'm going to predict. Tell me. I think the Chiefs are going to win.

Because they have Taylor Swift on their side. It just feels like... Marcus is so upset, but I just think like it's... No, they have Taylor Swift. Look, I'm upset about it. Okay, calm down. Stop it. I'm upset about it. But I think that's what's No they have Taylor Swift Look I'm upset about it Okay calm down Stop it I'm upset about it

But I think that's what's gonna happen I hope I'm wrong I hope I get to watch this and I get to go Ha! I was so silly and naive

I was a silly city man Will Taylor Swift make it from Japan to the game? We don't know That's the real question She's touring She's

I am not a Swifty but I'm Swifty adjacent Taylor Swift is a singer? She'll be performing in Tokyo I am not a Swifty, but I'm Swifty adjacent. Taylor Swift is a singer? She'll be performing in Tokyo the day before. You have People Magazine. You would know Taylor Swift. Oh, I know all about Taylor, but you know what? She's not a singer in my eyes on People.

Here's the thing. She's a girlfriend and a fan. Here's the thing. Let me be real honest with both of you. I am pulling for the Niners, but I am also pulling for Travis and Taylor. Okay, Chief Keef. Okay. I am pulling for them.

I believe in them. They're doing well because people told me today that when she hugged him, he said, Hey there, sweetie, or whatever the fuck. I have to read it again. She said, I don't know about you. And he said, where are we sitting? It was after a football game. He was probably like,

No, he says, Hey there, sweetie. And she said, where are we sitting? It was after a football game. He was probably like, ha, ha. No, he says, hey there, sweetie. And she went, ha, ha, ha. A typical relationship fashion. Ha, ha, ha. What is that? That's Taylor Swift vocalizing. Oh, what the hell? So we love that.

Ha, ha, ha. See, I don't want Taylor Swift to know what's going on. I'm in a Romney. That's actually pretty good. Roll me in my rosy cheeks. That's actually pretty good. Romeo and Rosie, cheeps. Someone take my sundress. I'm a little sundress, please. I feel like Taylor's going to start.

This is my thought on. Nope. This is the only thing I know about Taylor. This is going to be what happens. This is going to be what happens after the Super Bowl. She's going to be what happens. This is going to be what happens after the Super Bowl. She's going to be performing. She's like, you know, my boyfriend, he scored 22 points in the Super Bowl. You know, I'm feeling 22 right now. And then the crowd loses their mind.

Oh, my God. Courtney. Courtney. Your diary entry. Okay. Your final one. I promise this is the last one. I was just looking to see what Travis said.

Get those People Magazine titles. I was looking to see what Travis said. I want to hear the titles. Okay. Your final one. I promise this is the last one. I was just looking to see what Travis said. Get those People Magazine titles. I was looking to see what Travis said. I want to hear the titles. Okay. Okay, but first my strip, my diary. Your strip? What? I lost all the words. Your what? Get it together. I don't strip. Not here. May 1st, 2000

something. I own a Zune. Wow. So you know what year that is. I don't know what a Zune is. You don't know what a Zune is? I'm not that much older. Just explain it. It was a knockoff like iPod. iPad? iPod. You definitely were around

when Zunes were a thing. Well, I guess I didn't have the money to afford it. Sounds like someone I was too busy building a bridge to Terabithia. I ran with a disc man Okay Let's just be real And it skipped all the time All I have to do is watch mommy and daddy fight

And that's how I'm gonna win this game Wait until mommy and daddy That's the tea that Amanda Is drinking right now What kind of tea is that Amanda? Peppermint for my voice. Oh, there you go. Peppermint's for your tummy, dumbass.

Shut the fuck up. Damn. Oh, that got me. Damn. Okay, okay, okay, okay. Dear Lemon Lima, Johnny is such a jerk. Yesterday was prom, and Johnny had promised me that we'd be going together. He told me through secret messages he left in my cereal every morning.

Ew! But when I showed up to prom, he was there with Rebecca Jerkis. I can't believe Johnny would betray me for a stupid C-word B-word like Rebecca. You're so Disney-coded. I'll make him regret this. Unbeknownst to Johnny. Big word for a little kid.

Yeah. I can't believe they taught you that in middle school. Unbeknownst to Johnny, I implanted a device in his brain that will explode when a specific sequence of words are said aloud. The plan.

Okay. The plan. I will become a famous YouTuber. And then say these words on air. And the words aren't there yet. But Johnny will definitely be listening because he will still be obsessed with me. Here's the words. Here is the sequence.

Freddy Fazbear's big ass pussy. God. Jesus Christ. What a weird sequence to say in 2008. Freddy Fazbear's big ass pussy. Johnny is dead now. Johnny has just exploded. Wait, why?

Because you say it twice, he dies? She just said it. If he was watching this podcast, now he's dead. Do you think he is? Definitely. Dead or watching? Both. The sequence is entirely made up. Freddy Fazbear isn't even a real name since it's not 2014 yet.

Anyways, I need to go watch the most recent Smosh sketch. It's called You're a Bitch. You're so stupid. You are so dumb. It's just Ian and Anthony calling each other a bitch for five minutes while women in bikinis dance in the background.

They're the best. Love, titties. Wait, that does sound like a real sketch that's oh that is a real sketch what are you talking about wait it is pretty much pretty much i could find you i could find at least five sketches from back then where it's them looking back and forth at each other just going going, bitch, bitch. Wow. I would love to see a rapid cut of every time the word bitch has been said on Smosh. It would be Ian and Anthony saying it a bunch,

and then it would have a little bit of a lull, and then it would be Angela saying it a million times. Yeah. Bitch. Yeah. So real. Have you ever thought about writing a Disney show? Because I feel like,

oh, I know these are Courtney's journal entries, but I feel like these are so like Disney coded and then at the end like an explosion happens. It's like really exciting. Yeah, you should do like

a Try Not To Laugh sitcom or something. All right. We'll see if we can. Good for you. I'm glad I'm. Taylor Swift chats with Tony Romo

after he accidentally called her Travis Kelsey's wife. Naughty. He did that on purpose. Tony Romo's not a real name. That's true. He's not a real guy.

Wait, wasn't he married to Jessica Simpson? Tony Romo I thought was married to Carrie Underwood. You're so right. Jason Kelsey says he's unbelievably happy for Travis and can't wait to see him play in the Super Bowl. Taylor Swift wears Lucky Sweater from pal Gigi Hadid's brand to cheer Travis Kelsey to his fourth Super Bowl. People, they don't give a fuck about the Royals.

Kate Middleton had surgery. They don't care. They don't care. They're like, good riddance, honey. Travis and Taylor are out. The Royals are out. Taylor and Travis are in. Literally, look, look.

It's all Taylor and Travis. This is insane. This is all people. It's literally, you are scrolling through the website, and it is actually only. Oh, God. Oh, well. This, what is that called?

There's the hard part about people is there's a lot of clickbait. Oh, this is ads? Shitty ads. So if you have toenail fungus, try this tonight. It's genius. Yeah. That's good. It's called shoes.

Oh, you're a nightmare. Anyways. I think we're running out of time. We are. And I think, Amanda, I think we've finally, I think I've finally fallen. I have not. Have you fallen? I think. Okay. We're going to have the, hold on. Have you fallen? I think.

Okay. We're going to get the final scores, right, Meows? Yeah, but I just want to say, Shane, you could not lose because. You're not that guy, pal. Trust me. You're not that guy. Okay, that's actually good. That's really good.

Okay. You don't have anything to back it up. I know I don't have anything to back it up, but whatever. You know how I'm going to feel when I hear the score? We're going to get copyright struck at some point. No, you're not. Courtney. Wow, you didn't laugh. I didn't laugh.

And that's the only victory I need. Courtney, you have 21 laughs. I have 27. Yes. Dresses. Dresses. And Amanda has 55 laughs. So damn, more than double. You had a blast today and you're going to live longer than both of us. That's right. I'm going to live a long life and both of the five is my favorite number. So I got

it two times. Why is five your favorite number? Cause it's sick. No, it's not. Would you guys be okay? I forgot some of these, what they are. Can I just rapid fire some of these? Yeah, let's close it off with... If it's going to copyright it, I'll pay for it. You'll pay for it? Yeah, I'll cover the cost. Okay, well...

Yeah, our crew is looking real stoked about that idea. Courtney is getting $60 gift card to wherever she wants unless she wants... Yeah! Unless she wants to give it to Angela. And she's going to close us off with some radio sounds. This is what I think your brain sounds like. Now we're getting copyrighted. I know, I know, I know.

Sorry about that one, guys. Sorry, sorry, sorry. Well, we can't play that either. Sorry, sorry. Just cut the ones that we can't play. Just cut it. Hang on, hang on. Courtney is...

It's Quandale Dingle here. I have been arrested for multiple crimes, including battery on a police officer, grand theft, declaring war on Italy, and public indecency. I will be escaping prison on March 28th. After that, I will take over the world. Well, now we know that Courtney loves sounds,

Shane loves farts, and ilovepeople.com because guess what? There's a new movie coming out, and it's a horror movie called Tarot, and I'm not making that up. So Tarot hits theaters May 10th. I'm super scared. I'm dead serious. Sony Pictures releases the trailer for its new horror movie trailer. They need to pay us to promote them like that.

You know why I'm so glad shane didn't win because you can't keep getting away with this okay that's pretty good okay that's good that's a good breaking bad reference courtney you did it thank you you came in very focused very ready uh you pulled this off uh you won in angela's honor this was for you ang Angela I'm not farting That's my chair No you're farting Is it your shirt? Courtney is farting

A lot Cause shirts fart It's true Guys Thank you for watching This has been another Try Not To Laugh episode Of the podcast

Thank you for watching Smosh Mouth Congratulations Courtney Thank you Catch my birthday this year Yeah We'll let you know If the wenching hour Really does happen Yeah We'll let you know if the wenching hour

really does happen. Yeah. We'll let you know and maybe we should do this live stream. We won't be able to film it because we're all going to be peasants.

Yeah, you can't be in the room unless you're a peasant. It's an exclusive event. All right. Can't wait to eat soup. Get out of here, guys. Bye, guys. Bye.

Bye. Bye. Bye.