Smosh Mouth - #87 - Bob The Drag Queen Loves Zendaya
Episode Date: March 31, 2025Amanda, Courtney, Shayne, and Bob the Drag Queen bond over tv shows, history, and books! The right stay can make you a fan of any U.S. city. Book today on the Booking.com site or app. https://Booking....com, Booking.YEAH! Bob the Drag Queen’s debut novel HARRIET TUBMAN: LIVE IN CONCERT is now available wherever books are sold. (https://readthedragqueen.com/ or https://bobsignedbook.com/) 0:00 Intro 4:42 Bob the Drag Queen! 7:50 Traitors and Werewolf 12:24 Sponsors! 14:52 Reality shows and comfort zones 22:31 Bob & Zendaya 26:48 Bob the Drag Queen wrote a book! 56:08 Book adaptation possibilities 1:01:58 Future books! 1:05:48 Quickfire questions for Bob PODCAST: https://bit.ly/SmoshMouthSpotify https://smo.sh/SmoshMouthiHeart https://bit.ly/SmoshMouthApple SUBSCRIBE: https://smo.sh/Sub2SmoshCast WEAR OUR JOKES: https://smosh.com WHO YOU HEAR Courtney Miller // https://www.instagram.com/co_mill/ Shayne Topp // https://www.instagram.com/shaynetopp/ Amanda Lehan-Canto // https://www.instagram.com/filmingamanda/ Bob the Drag Queen / Caldwell Tidicue // https://www.instagram.com/bobthedragqueen/ WHO YOU DON’T HEAR (usually) Director: Selina Garcia Editor: Kortney Luby Producer: Amanda Lehan-Canto, Shayne Topp, Selina Garcia Production Designer: Cassie Vance Art Director: Erin Kuschner Assistant Art Director: Josie Bellerby Stage Manager: Alex Aguilar Prop Master: Courtney Chapman Prop Assistant: Abby Schmidt Wardrobe Assistant: Elizabeth Park Set Decorator: Carly Hough Set Dresser: Tayler Nicholson Audio Mixer: Scott Neff Audio Utility: Dina Ramli Director of Photography: Brennan Iketani Camera Operator: James Hull Assistant Director: Alexcina Figueroa Executive Vice President of Production: Amanda Barnes Senior Production Manager: Alexcina Figueroa Production Manager: Jonathan Hyon Production Coordinator: Zianne Hoover Operations & Production Coordinator: Oliver Wehlander Production Assistant: Caroline Smith Post Production Manager: Luke Baker DIT/Lead AE: Matt Duran IT: Tim Baker Director of Design: Brittany Hobbs Graphic Designers: Ness Cardano, Monica Ravitch Senior Manager, Channel & Strategy: Lizzy Jones Channel Operations Coordinator: Audrey Carganilla Director of Social Media: Erica Noboa Social Creative Producer: Peter Ditzler, Tommy Bowe Merchandising Manager: Mallory Myers Social Media Coordinator: Kim Wilborn Brand Partnership Manager: Chloe Mays Operations Manager: Selina Garcia People Operations Specialist: Katie Fink Front Office Assistant: Sara Faltersack CEO: Alessandra Catanese EVP of Programming: Kiana Parker Coordinator Producer of Programming: Marcus Munguia Associate Producer, Special Projects: Rachel Collis OTHER SMOSHES: Smosh: https://smo.sh/Sub2Smosh Smosh Pit: https://smo.sh/Sub2SmoshPit Smosh Games: https://smo.sh/Sub2SmoshGames El Smosh (Spanish Dub): https://smo.sh/Sub2ElSmosh FOLLOW US: TikTok: https://smo.sh/TikTok Instagram: https://instagram.com/smosh Facebook: https://facebook.com/smosh"
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Hi, welcome to Smosh Mouth. I'm Shane.
And I'm Amanda.
And we have a very special guest with us today, Bob the Drag Queen.
If you are not watching and listening, this is Bob's voice. Hey, Bob.
Hello, my name is Bob. I just do a weird voice.
Hi, I'm Bob.
Nice to meet you, Bob the Drag Queen, yeah.
And also we have Courtney. Courtney's here.
Well, yes.
Courtney's our special guest.
So my name is Bob. I'm a member of Smosh, my podcast
We're here to interview you
About your book
Your beautiful book
Hair at Tubman Live in Concert
I noticed you pinned it under my name
Which is kind of crazy
I had to have an alias, you know
That's crazy
I'm actually here because I was like
I must be here
Because I am a huge fan
Oh, really?
Yes
He's a huge fan
She busted in here
We were like, you can't come in
What's your size?
What's your huge? Five, six I here. We were like, you can't come in. Advertise. Advertise.
Five, six. I was at a party last, well, not a party. That's not
true. I was at a benefit last night.
And when I was
there, I gotta say it was
the whitest night of my life. It was.
Wow. And I gotta, honestly.
And this is the whitest day of your life.
No.
You've had that whiter day than this.
Last night was, I mean, the show was Paul Schaefer.
Okay.
Weird Al Yankovic.
Okay.
Okay, very white.
Rufus Wainwright.
Yep.
Wow.
I do love Rufus Wainwright.
I love Rufus Wainwright.
Paula Poundstone.
Okay.
Okay.
It was white.
Yeah.
It was like Crest Whitestripsstone. Okay. Okay. It was white. Yeah. It was like Crest White Strips white.
Sure.
Someone who I really admired growing up, Weird Al Yankovic, was there.
And I really wanted a picture with him.
So I had to be cool the whole day.
I was like, yeah, Weird Al, you're cool.
You're a cool cat.
You're a cool cat.
All those instruments and those funny songs.
And by the end, me and Melissa Villasenor were standing outside.
We were both like, we want a picture with Weird Al.
We don't want to be fangirls, but we want a picture with Weird Al Yankovic.
We're comedians, come on.
And then Weird Al came out and we were like, I'm so sorry.
Please, Weird Al, can I please have a picture with you?
He was actually really, really cool about it.
Oh, good.
He seems cool.
He seems sweet.
Cool cat.
And one of my favorite things about him, I used to do, I told him this too, one of my favorite bits of random trivia.
I'll always name two artists, and I'll say, who do you think has the most Grammys?
These artists.
I'll be like, I'll just name two random people, like, you know, Britney Spears and Janet Jackson.
Then it's like, oh, who has the
most? And then I always do the one that
seems like an easy one is like Weird Al
and Jennifer Lopez.
No, that doesn't
seem easy. Who has more than Weird Al and
Jennifer Lopez? Who has more Grammys?
I would have guessed
Weird Al. Weird Al has five Grammys.
What? J-Lo has
zero. Wait, how did I not know that? Weird Al Yankovic has five Grammys J-Lo has zero Wait how did I not know that
Weird Al Yankevich has five Grammy Awards
He's one of the most Grammy Award winning comedians of all time
Why did I think J-Lo had at least one
I think she's been nominated maybe two or three times
Zero wins
Weird Al five of them things
Weird Al is so nostalgic to me
Because we all listen to it. We're all
obsessed. His music videos were everything.
Does he still have long hair?
Long hair. That's crimpy.
Way long. I'm
bald and considerably
younger than Weird Al Yankovic,
which feels like a curse.
But he looks
the exact same.
Incredible.
I will show you a picture of Weird Al
from last night,
so you know this was mad recent.
We're gonna see the pic.
And he looks like the exact same.
He's like in his 60s, right?
Am I wrong?
Oh, he has not changed.
You are psyched.
Oh, so psyched.
We'll put it on camera, right?
Yeah.
You are so happy. It's like so in this section, you know what?
It's like he slept in with braids.
He has two French braids.
That's what his hair looks like.
It's like these beautiful curls.
He looks exactly the same.
I don't know how he got there,
but it was a really white night.
No. That's amazing.
But I got to be word out.
You ever had Smash Mouth hair?
Huh? No.
You ever had Smash Mouth hair?
Well, he passed.
He's the lead singer of Smash Mouth. He did. He. You ever had Smash Mouth here? Well, he passed. He was a really good singer of Smash Mouth.
He did.
He died not that long ago.
Bob, I'm so sorry.
I didn't know.
Jesus.
I mean, I wasn't a huge fan, but I didn't know.
I was like an asshole for saying that.
I mean.
No, no.
It was part of our lives.
Oh, my God.
I mean.
Walking on the sun.
If you're a millennial.
Oh, yeah.
It's huge.
Literally, Smash Mouth.
We were thinking about Smash Mouth.
We were like, oh, Smash Mouth.
And then he died.
I've been told that I have a really distinctive voice.
You do.
I think you do.
Yes, you do. But it's not easy to imitate, though. It's a little smoky, oh, Smash Mouth. And then he died. I've been told that I have a really distinctive voice. You do. I think you do. Yes, you do.
But it's not easy to imitate, though.
It's a little smoky and it, like, dips.
Yeah.
Well, I have a lot of peaks and valleys in my voice.
But it's hard to imitate.
But it is, like, I feel like if you heard my voice behind you in, like, a Walgreens, you'd be like, is that Bob the Drag Queen?
Yes.
Yes.
Absolutely.
I think so.
Yeah.
I love it.
And if you don't know who Bob the Drag Queen is, somehow you are season eight winner of
RuPaul's Drag Race.
Yes.
But also many awesome projects after.
Yeah.
You may know me from RuPaul's Drag Race, We're Here, The Traders, Cherry Pop, Tales of the
City.
Your own YouTube channel.
My own YouTube channel.
Fortnite.
Fortnite.
My podcast, Slaving Rivalry. Yep.
I be in these streets. That's what's
crazy is like I feel like you've
been able to dip into every
type of art form almost at this
point. Well I you know the only thing
I'm really super skilled
at is stand up comedy. Yeah I was gonna say
being funny. Yeah. And outside of that
I just really love doing a lot of things. Like I love
to write music.
I love to stream.
I love to, I like to, the thing is, I actually, I never saw myself as like a reality TV contestant,
although I've been on several reality TV shows.
I've been on Last Coming Standing.
I've been on America's Got Talent.
I've been on RuPaul's Drag Race.
And I competed on The Traitors.
Yep.
Yes. So I've actually done four competition shows. I've been on RuPaul's Drag Race. And I competed on The Traitors. Yep. Yes.
Yes.
So I've actually done four competition shows.
I've only won one of them.
Listen, we can get into The Traitors.
It's not about winning, though.
It's about winning.
There was issues there.
I think it's about being the most entertaining.
And you were one of the most entertaining on Traitor.
Yes, yes.
Thank you.
People, there was a rumor online that was like,
Bob actually had somewhere to be,
so he made himself obvious.
No.
I was like, no, guys,
I really wanted to win.
I thought I was doing a great,
I genuinely think my game was great.
There's people online who said
that I was, quote unquote,
the worst Trader of all time.
Oh, please.
There are worse Traders than you,
and we know who they are.
And we know it.
I mean, I was the first Trader outed,
but I got turned,
like, when I was kicked off the show, episode four of season three,
which I think is the highest rated episode of the season.
Or just the highest viewed episode of the season.
That moment is the best.
Like, at the time it aired, it was the most viewed episode of the traitors of all time.
Because it's so good.
But I was actually doing pretty good going under the radar.
Everyone at home is always like, it's so obvious.
Yeah, you're doing a test with all the answers in front of you.
You're literally sitting at home
with all the answers
and being like,
how are they getting this wrong?
Yeah, bitch,
you're literally sitting at home.
You know the answer to the test.
The people in the castle
did not know that I was a traitor
until someone who absolutely
knows I'm a traitor
because he's also a traitor
made it obvious to them.
Boston Rob.
But he knew.
And there was one guy,
Dylan Efron,
who kept trying to come for me,
but no one ever believed him.
I saw.
I saw. That was hilarious. I was like,, but no one ever believed him. I saw. I saw.
That was hilarious.
I was like, your brother's not a good actor.
I was like, damn.
The line was, I grew up with an actor, to which I said, well, not a good one.
Would you have anything against Zac Efron?
No, it's fine.
I just wanted to.
No, you're entertaining.
Oh, man.
It was so awesome watching that exit because as it was happening I felt like
you wanted to fight and keep playing
but you also were like this is incredible television
I felt very proud of
I was very very proud of my exit
I did want to give a little nugget to bring down
Boston Rob I thought to myself
if I'm not going to win he sure as hell isn't going to win
and you know what
he didn't win I think it was two episodes later
oh he was screwed
I think he messed up his game.
Even he admitted on the reunion that he messed up his game by going for me.
Sure.
We play games like that all the time here.
Like, we play, like, Werewolf and stuff.
You never invited me?
I know.
If you want to play Werewolf with us.
You are busy.
Very busy woman.
You are busy.
Very busy woman.
But watching you.
But just so you know, when I play, like, Mafia, Werewolf, Blood on the Cocktail, I'm very busy woman. You are busy. Very busy woman. But watching you. But just so you know, when I play like mafia, werewolf, blow on the cocktail, I'm very confrontational.
Okay.
But you need that.
You need that.
Because if you sit back too much, then all the heat's always going to be on you.
Yeah.
There's like a few people whenever we play werewolf who are like, and then like, you
are clearly.
You're clearly a werewolf.
You're clearly the werewolf.
They're like, no, I'm not.
And then they aren't.
And you're like, why didn't you say anything i started doing a version called witch
hunt where where it's just because i i do it on my patreon with my patrons we do it on zoom
oh fun and it's like i just i'm like i'm like we are the town i'm the mayor of the town um and then
we got to find these witches like these witches are like they're they're they're killing us at an
alarming rate we have to find who the witches are And then the witches meet in the cauldron.
And then I'm also the headmistress of the witches as well.
I don't know this.
And it's like, I don't make any gameplay.
I'm just doing the bidding of my fellow witches in my coven.
And then I wake up in the morning.
I'm like, good morning, everyone.
We survived last night.
What a great night.
We actually caught a witch.
But we got to get these witches out of our town.
I love playing
these games and I would love
to come over and be a
participant. You would be so good.
Did y'all see when Lizzo
did it with Kai Sinet? Lizzo
played Mafia with Kai Sinet and
a fight broke out.
It could happen. Over what? I can't
remember, but Lizzo was like, this is
crazy. She's like, I have to get out of here.
People go hard on those games.
Because you have to.
If you really want to commit, especially because I hate being the werewolf.
I'm like, I want to just be a really good villager.
And it's also more entertaining that way, too.
As we know, I will attack your family members.
But your exit had me watching, thinking, when we play we know, I will attack your family members. But your exit
had me like watching, thinking when we play the games, I'm like, I always get pissed, right? It's
impossible to not get pissed if you care about the game. But I was learning so much watching people
like you and Boston Rob of like, okay, here's how you'd be entertaining while you're doing it
though. Like I think it's going to shift my game after this. Well, sometimes no shade to my fellow castmates
on The Traitor, but sometimes not being entertaining
can really get you a long way.
Like, I...
Like, Lord Ivor...
I was mentioned in more
episodes than Lord Ivor, and he won
the show. Like, what's going on
with Lord Ivor? He's like,
hello, everybody. Good morning.
Do you believe that she is rather cold today.
I was wondering if anyone had chamomile or gold.
That must be a girl.
We're all like, I think Dorinda.
He's like, hey, my dear.
There's a chip in this.
He was there.
He was like, I'm a royal.
I think they forgot he was there.
And his speech at the end was like, you know, I'm always in so much drama.
I just don't want drama.
I'm like, you're on traitors, Lord.
At one point he was like, I don't
have the ability to lie.
And I was like, it's better when you were straight
for like 35 years.
That's actually factual.
I think you do have the ability to lie, Lord Ira.
Yeah, that's factual. I couldn't possibly
tell an untruth.
It would be that rather uncouth of me.
Every participating moment he'd have, he'd be like, I think it's a girl.
It must be one of the girls.
The girls.
At one point he was like, we need rather strong men to sail in the boat to row.
And I was like, no shade.
Are you a strong man?
I couldn't handle that episode because I was like, stop sending these housewives to these fucking rafts where they're like, hey, when are we going to get off?
If you want strong men to stay, no shade, honey, but Nikki Garcia is a world championship Hall of Famer wrestler.
Gabby Wendy was a NFL cheerleader, and you are a man in his 60s who is not in particularly
great shape.
We need strong men.
I feel like your season was very
much like, it's got to be the girls.
The girls are the ones.
It was two girls to be fair.
They were wrong.
That is true.
Actually it was three girls. Three out of the five trainers were girls.
So in their defense. And I hate when they used to gender the knocks.
They really used to be like, that's a girl knock.
That's a boy knock.
I hated that, and it was always the opposite.
Whenever it was a big knock, they were like, that big gorilla man hand that Bob has.
And it's Britney.
She's like.
That's got to be the King Kong of the castle.
Bob the drag queen.
I was like.
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Also, your outfits were fucking incredible.
Thank you.
They were incredible.
And I don't know if you can reveal this, but did you guys all have wardrobe and everything on there?
You mean do they provide it?
What do you mean?
Do they provide it or did you guys bring your own wardrobe team?
No, we bring our own wardrobe.
So I work with my stylist.
Imagine if they gave me what they gave me and they just threw Lord Ivory's sweaters.
Imagine if they were like, Bob the Drac, with a pink tuxedo with a pink kilt.
Bob, do you like Argyle?
That's what I was wondering.
I was like, because this isn't equal.
This isn't.
Imagine they're like.
They just have a bunch of caps for Bob.
And most of the time, you'll wear a backwards hat, right?
Which you love.
And Lord, I remember,
what, khakis?
Khakis?
Now, Bob, think sequins.
Yeah, no, I got you.
No, I provided my own.
I provided my own.
We provided our own.
Well, actually,
fun fact,
when we arrived,
because, you know,
they actually film in Scotland.
It's not filmed on, like,
a soundstage here at LA.
That makes me happy.
You're actually,
they will fly you to Scotland.
It's not,
no shade to the Highlands.
It's not a beautiful part of Scotland for me.
For you.
I'm not a nature girl.
I'm a city girl.
I like the city.
We love Edinburgh.
It's gorgeous.
And you are in like the high grass.
Every step you take, they're like, watch out for ticks.
Every scene, watch out for ticks.
There are ticks here.
I was going to say.
Tons of ticks.
So you guys, because you you guys those were your own clothes
you guys were like wrapped up sometimes I feel like you guys were
matching well on the
challenge they provide you with like a
like sweatpants and stuff like that right you had like your competition
yeah but also I brought my own too
there were moments where I had like my own cute little
sweatpants and stuff that I would choose to wear
no you looked good all the time but they wouldn't let us all wear
hoodies because then it's kind of hard to tell who's who
sure so if everyone has a hoodie on and the shots from the back, you can't tell who's who.
There were times it was so cold.
Like, I need a hoodie.
Like, it's so – so you can have a sweater, but you can't wear a hoodie.
And I'm bald.
I was like, if anyone needs to cover their head, me –
Oh, yeah, your ears.
Me – there were a few of us who needed to cover our heads because it was just so fucking cold out there.
But, yeah, we provide our own clothes.
What about makeup?
Because since you do drag,
did they have makeup artists there
or did you choose to do your own?
Well, I didn't do any drag on the show.
I did some makeup.
Some makeup, yeah.
But I just did my own makeup there.
And for the most part,
I usually do my own makeup
except for TV appearances.
I have a makeup artist named Tyler Devlin
who does my makeup for like big, big gigs.
But if I'm at like a college gig
or like a theater show
and it's not being filmed,
I usually do my own makeup.
And I was like,
baby, let me tell you right now.
I was like, honey,
I am,
because I'm not a diva,
but I'm not not a diva.
You know what I mean?
I'm not like that.
I'm not that chill.
But I was like,
oh, well,
when they called up,
I was like,
well, let me tell you right now, honey,
I'm not doing this show
unless I can bring my stylist
and my makeup artist.
And you send that back to
them and you tell them what I said.
And they were like, no. And I was like, alright, I'll do it.
Stop. Fair.
Okay, cool. I think it never hurts to ask.
You know? I was demanding.
They were like, no, we're good. They're like, no, we're good. You're like, fair.
I'll be there. Yeah, literally. I'll still be there.
But I'll be complaining the whole time.
And that's fair. And you're valid in that.
You've done so many different types of reality shows.
We were talking about, like, you've been in all types of what would be considered, like, uncomfortable conversations or situations.
Is there, like, anything that's out of your comfort zone, would you say at all?
Because I feel like you're so comfortable going into anything at this point.
Well, I am uncomfortable, but I don't mind discomfort.
I was talking to someone about, me and my friend,
I went through a real tattoo kick where I was getting,
I got like, I have maybe like 16 tattoos,
and I got them all like within like two years.
I was like really onto tattoos.
And I had this one friend named Marty Gold Cummings.
They were getting a tattoo on their ribs.
Very painful spot.
Tattooed on their ribs.
And they were like really putting on a show, like really going on.
And they kept being like, oh, my God, like how do you like do this?
And I was like, doesn't it hurt?
And I was like, yeah, it does hurt.
It does hurt.
To be clear, I am in pain, but I can really endure a lot.
I can really suffer through, including with uncomfortable situations and awkward moments.
I can really suffer through a lot of pain and awkwardness.
And I also don't like, I prefer the awkwardness of confrontation to the awkwardness of small talk.
Sure.
I really hate.
Small talk is the death.
I hate small talk.
I'm so bad at it.
When I'm at parties, I'm like, so is your grandma dead or what?
I actually appreciate that so much because I think I think I'm an extroverted person, but I get overwhelmed when I'm going to parties because I'm like, who am I going to get in a corner with?
And they're going to ask me, like, what do you do?
I hate it.
What do you do?
They're like, what's your favorite color?
I'm like, blue.
My mom died last year.
And also, there's this thing when you go to a Hollywood party.
Y'all been to these Hollywood parties with celebrities and influencers and stuff?
Don't you lie to me.
This is a very popular podcast.
There's no way I'm the most famous person you've met.
Let's keep it a buck.
I don't know.
I'm at this party, and when I was at Madonna's, I've been to Madonna's Oscar party like three years in a row.
Okay, well, you do win that.
We've been there.
You do win that. We've been there. You do win that.
But when I'm at these parties,
I'm really bad with faces and names.
Especially like,
because I don't watch,
I don't actually watch that much
movies and television.
I'm with you.
I only really watch
competition reality television.
So if it's a reality TV show
like the Kardashians
or any show like the Housewives,
if they're not competing for something,
I don't watch it. Not saying it's not good. Kardashians might be the best show in the housewives if they're not competing for something I don't watch it not saying it's not good
Kardashians might be a bitch in the world. I literally have no clue. I've never seen an episode of it
But I and I don't I just don't watch a lot of I only TV show I watch is severance. Yeah
I'm also like Breaking Bad
And then she like Fresh Prince of Bel-Air like old shows as well
Yeah, so I just don So I just don't watch
it on the TV. And when I'm at these
parties and I meet people and I know they're famous because of how
they look and how they're dressed, but I go up and I
introduce myself and because
they're so famous, they think I know who they are.
So I'm like, hi, my name is Bob.
They're like, oh, hi. I'm like, okay.
I'm a comedian and I hosted Madonna's
tour. That's why I'm here. And they go, oh, that's so
cool.
I'm like, and I hosted Madonna's tour that's why I'm here and they go oh that's so cool I'm like bitch what's your fucking name what do you do
when at a certain point of your fame
do you just stop introducing yourself
I think I found
January Jones is one
I met January Jones I didn't know who she was
and I was at a party with
Charlize Theron and I was like oh my god
I love your dress it's such a cute dress she's likeeron, and I was like, oh, my God, I love your dress. This is such a cute dress.
She's like, thank you.
And I was like, what's your name?
She's like, January.
I said, oh, my God, I've never met anyone named January.
That's such a cool name.
How do you know Charlize?
We work together.
Oh, are you like her lawyer or her accountant?
She was like, no, we just work together on stuff.
I'm like, oh, okay.
Okay, cards close to the chest, I guess.
Anyway, so I'm a comedian.
I do this.
She goes, oh, my God, that's amazing.
And I was like, okay, i guess i'm a comedian i do this she goes oh my god that's amazing and i was like that was like okay i guess i'm leaving now and my boyfriend was like that's january jones and i was like who's january jones and he was like she's a famous actor i will say
though that name it doesn't come up a lot like i feel like if you were to say january jones
because it took me a second i was like january jones oh yeah mad men or they do this thing where
they act really modest.
And I really, I don't mind it.
Like, I met someone the other day.
They were fans of mine.
But they're more famous than me.
But they were fans of me.
But I just didn't know who they were.
And I can't even remember their names.
But they came up to me.
They were like, oh, my God, Bob, we love you.
I was like, oh, my God, thank you.
What are your names?
They told me their names.
I've already forgotten.
But I was like, what do you guys do?
And they were like, oh, we're just small actors.
No one cares about us. We're just like shitty little Hollywood actors. No guys doing? They were like, oh, we're just small actors. No one cares about us.
We're just like shitty little Hollywood actors.
Holding their Oscar.
Oh, we're nothing.
Anyway, they were on Euphoria.
Oh, wow.
I love Euphoria.
I was like, come on, man.
Imposter syndrome?
I mean, again, I didn't watch Euphoria, but I've heard it's a really great show.
One time I was at this other party.
Okay, I'll move on.
I was at this other party, And you know Law Roach?
He's a stylist.
I love Law Roach.
Several people in the room were just like, oh.
He's Zendaya's main stylist.
And he was on, what's that competition show?
Legendary.
Zendaya from E4.
This is a Zendaya story.
Is it Zendaya or Zendaya?
It's Zendaya.
Zendaya.
Zendaya.
So I was at the party.
By the way, y'all, I need to make it clear to anyone listening or watching. This is not about Zendaya. This is not shade to Zendaya. Zendaya. So I was at the party. By the way, y'all, I need to make it clear to anyone listening or watching, this is not
about Zendaya.
This is not shade to Zendaya.
I'm just stating facts.
This is no critique of Ms. Zendaya.
Okay?
So we're at the party, and Zendaya had just won an Emmy.
It was the HBO Emmy party.
I used to be on an HBO show for three seasons.
And I saw a lot of roads.
I was like, oh my God, a lot of roads. Like, hey girl, we were just chit-chatting.
He goes, oh my God, do you want to meet Zendaya?
She had this giant line, a
huge line of other celebrities
who are literally waiting in line to congratulate her
on her Emmy. And it was maybe like 15
people. She's just standing there holding
an Emmy. I don't know if y'all, the Emmy might be
the biggest award
besides maybe Dancing with the Stars.
It's a gigantic award.
And she's holding it.
And there's these people lining up.
And he goes, do you want to meet Zendaya?
And I was like, I'm good.
And he was like, you don't want to meet Zendaya?
I was like, well, the truth is, I don't watch any shows she's on.
I don't watch any movies.
I've watched The Greatest Showman.
And I watched the Spider-Man movie she was in.
And I feel like there are people who just want to meet her a lot more than I do yeah who would have something
of substance to say and I would just be like hi my name is Bob it's a pleasure to meet you
goodbye congratulations but obviously congrats on all her work but the truth is I don't watch
I don't watch euphoria yeah and it's because I don't think I'm interested in watching a TV show about high schoolers fucking and doing drugs.
A lot of drugs.
The show is obviously very brilliant based on the reviews and the awards it has received.
It is a good show.
But I think I'm a little long in the tooth to be watching.
I have never heard that phrase.
Long in the tooth?
Yeah.
Horses have – the only way to tell how old a horse is is by how long the teeth are. to be watching. I have never heard that phrase. Long in the tooth? Yeah. Oh, it's horses have,
the only way to tell how old a horse is
is by how long the teeth are.
Because they kind of,
they kind of,
horses are like weird out.
Blowing my mind.
Horses don't age.
Back to weird out?
Yeah, like weird out.
Horses don't age visibly
unless you look at their teeth.
So you ever heard also an expression,
never look the gift horse in the mouth?
No.
So that expression is because
if you get a horse as a gift and you're like,
how old is this horse?
Let me look at its teeth.
Oh,
okay.
Okay.
Don't look a gift horse in the mouth.
Got it.
Just take the horse and say,
thank you.
I never,
I always thought that was just like,
you're going to get bit in the face.
Yeah.
So anyway,
so I never,
I never watched Riverdale or,
or any shows about high schoolers.
They feel passed. Since I was like 23 or 24 maybe about high schoolers. They feel past.
Since I was like 23 or 24 maybe.
Yeah.
And so I just never, I mean, I'm sure Euphoria is great.
I just never watched it.
This is not a dig at Euphoria or Zendaya, but I was just like, I'm just going to let
other people who want to meet her.
I'm very, it was nice to see her from a corner because she's quite stunning.
Yeah.
And incredibly talented.
I didn't want to take up her time, you know?
I see that.
But the Weird Al Yankovic walks by. I really wanted to meet you.
Well, that's like your,
I don't know if it's your childhood,
but like that matters. Oh, for sure.
When I found out there's some more, the comedians,
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Baby, I was, if I saw like Zendaya and some more together, I'd be like, oh my God, I'm
going to go over to some more because I love her comedy.
If I see Adele Givens, these are the people like that, you know, I really love funny people.
When people ask me, who's your diva?
For me, everyone's like, you know, Gaga, Beyonce. I have I have a giant tattoo would be Goldberg on my arm I have a tattoo of
Carol Channing on my other arm I love funny people yeah nice
Whoopi Goldberg is incredible her at the Oscars I was like whoa she's amazing
yeah stunning I gotta tell me I relate to that like wanting to like talk to a
specific person because there was a while
Where I was going to
A bunch of movie premieres
And I went to
There was one
It was Jennifer Lopez
Starring in it
And Ben Affleck was there
You mean three time
Grammy loser Jennifer Lopez
Yes
Our girl
Her official title
Our girl
Her god given name
But at the after party
I saw the guy who plays
Uncle Rico in Napoleon Dynamite
Gang gang
And I was like
I have to say hello
You're like J--Lo, move!
Get out of the way!
I'm talking to the guy who plays Uncle Rico.
So we're talking about
all these things you've done. I mean, you are
such a busy person. I feel like
you're doing something every day.
In the span of all this, and the reason you're here, is you wrote a book.
I wrote a book. I hope you rest.
I'll rest when I'm dead.
Okay.
And it's not just like any book. It's not a book about your life. It's a novel. It wrote a book. I hope you rest. I'll rest when I'm dead. Okay. And it's not just like any book. It's not a book about your life.
It's a novel. It's a story.
Yeah, so I got a... I was
filming season one, episode one
of We're Here. I was in Gettysburg, Pennsylvania.
Wow. My manager called me and was like,
hey, we have a book deal offer
for you. And I talked
to them about it and they were like, we want you to write a memoir.
And I said to them, and everyone thinks I'm being modest want you to write a memoir. And I said to them,
and everyone thinks I'm being modest. Everyone who knows me knows
I'm not modest. I'm not a modest person.
That being said, I don't think my life is interesting
enough to write a book about. And that is because
I don't really do anything crazy.
I write jokes,
I podcast, and then I
go home and I go to sleep. Like your whole life is
on camera. It's already on camera.
You can see it there. Like I'm not really doing any, I don't do drugs, I don't sleep. Like your whole life is on camera. It's already on camera. People can watch. It's all there.
Like I'm not really doing any,
I don't do drugs.
I don't drink.
I've been sober for 16 years.
That's incredible.
Thank you.
I've met some really interesting people,
but everyone's like,
oh my God,
you met,
you work with Madonna.
I'm like,
yeah, I did.
But like,
I met Madonna when she was 64 years old
and she was a mother of six.
What do you think we're doing?
Like lines of coke?
No,
you're hanging out in a living room.
We were like,
we were like singing our songs, doing our dance. And then we would go coke? No, you're hanging out in a living room. We were like singing our songs,
doing our dance, and then we would go
back to our, I would go back to my hotel room, she would go back to her
palatial mansion.
And then we would meet me back up tomorrow and do the same thing
again. We weren't doing anything crazy.
You know what I mean? And the stories are like
kind of interesting, but when you listen
or read to like Viola Davis'
autobiography or like
Tina Turner's movie
or like these,
those are autobiographies.
My story is just,
it's just not that interesting.
I live a pretty boring life.
So I said,
I don't want to write a book.
I said,
I wouldn't read that book.
I don't want to write a book
I wouldn't read.
I wouldn't even pick up that book.
I wouldn't even glance at that book.
So I don't want to write that book.
But I do love, I do love historical fiction.
I had just finished reading The Good Lord Bird by, I think, James McBride. And it's a historical
fiction piece about John Brown, the abolitionist. And he kidnaps this formerly enslaved kid,
and he mistakes him for a girl. And this little boy has to live as a girl for years.
Whoa.
For years.
Whoa.
He's afraid that John Brown will find out that he's a boy.
John Brown was really religious.
And he didn't want anything weird to happen.
So he was like, yeah.
And John Brown carried guns.
He shot people all the time.
So he was just like, OK, I'm a girl.
I'm a girl.
And my name's Onion.
That's who I am.
What?
The book is really ridiculous.
It got turned into a Showtime show with Ethan Hawke and Dave name's Onion. That's who I am. The book is really ridiculous. It got turned into a Showtime show with
Ethan Hawke and Daveed Diggs.
And I just love that book so much.
It was just such a good book.
I love reading about and finding out
more and more information about Harriet Tubman.
And I was torn between this and another book idea
that I had. And I had already been working on this
as a play.
I could see this as a play.
I actually have some original music
that I really actually
want you all to listen to. Wait, really?
Yeah, I really want you to listen to.
Even if we take a break and you listen, we come back
and you are just all gushing
over how brilliant I am as a musician.
I would love to. As well as an author.
But it was somewhere between this and this other book I did that I had
and had already been working on this IP for
the play, and I was like, I'm going to turn this into a book.
Are you still going to possibly turn it into a play?
100%.
Okay.
I love that.
It has been like eight years in the making, this play.
Wow.
The book took me four years to write.
Okay.
Which I'm very embarrassed by because it's not a book.
There's a lot of research in it.
You said the average time of a book being—
Books take a long time, I feel like.
Yeah. I never hear—because I love books, I love reading lot of research in there. You said the average time of a book being... Books take a long time, I feel like. Yeah.
I never hear, because I love books, I love reading, and I love authors.
Are you like a physical book or are you like a Kindle?
Physical book.
I like physical.
I have to read a physical book.
I know the book, when we were planning for this podcast, the book wasn't released yet.
No.
And I was like, oh man, okay, I'll read it on like...
My phone.
Send a code or something to read it.
And I was like bummed about that.
And then there was a physical copy. I was like, sweet. And I read it in a day. So did we send you guys this? We sent it over. Yeah, I'll read it on like a... My phone. Send a code or something to read it. And I was like bummed about that. And then there was a physical copy.
I was like, sweet.
And I read it in a day.
So did we send you guys this?
Or did you guys like...
We sent it over.
Yeah, I got it.
I was so happy.
There are some Barnes & Noble
that release it early.
People are like...
It happens, yeah.
People are like, I have your book.
I was like, what?
How did you get my book?
You like hacked the mainframe.
They got like Wade and Kim Possible in there
hacking the mainframe.
I am just jealous of everybody
who gets to hear you read it to them. Well, I mean, well, that can be all of you because there's an audio book. I recorded the mainframe. I am just jealous of everybody who gets to hear you read it to them.
Well, I mean, well, that can be all of you because there's an audio book.
I recorded the audio book, and the audio book actually does have two original songs in it.
Ah, that's what I was wondering.
That I'm so proud of.
Are they the ones at the end?
Yeah.
Yes.
Yes, yes.
And let y'all know, like, so I've read books in my day.
I don't read a ton of books.
I read maybe, like, one to two books a year.
More than most. Which is
especially more than most men. Actually on average
women read like six books a year and men on average
read like one a year. I thought it was zero.
What can't be zero?
That's 25. I think like most
people do. Not Shane though. Shane reads a book
like a week. I love books. That's insane.
Love them. I read this in a day.
I was hooked. I did also read it in a day. It's an easy read
because I'm not I don't write like, I'm not like,
Ew, here for yonder does that with a break upon the dewy sky.
Like, I write the way I speak.
So you can almost hear my voice when you just read it.
Absolutely.
And doing the audio book, have any of y'all ever read an audio book professionally?
No, that's what we want to ask you.
I've read excerpts, and it is not easy.
Y'all, reading a book is one thing to yourself.
Because you don't realize this.
When you're reading, you're actually often skipping words.
You're piecing sentences together.
Your brain just kind of corrects it as it goes.
Reading a book out loud, you feel like you're going crazy.
Words stop meaning things. Have you ever been driving and then you realize after 15 minutes you're just driving through a McDonald's?
No.
Have you ever been driving and you're like, oh, my God, I'm driving?
Yeah.
I'm driving.
I've been driving for 15 minutes.
What's going on?
That's what it feels like when you're reading.
You're like, I've been reading for 40 pages.
Where did I go?
Yeah.
And then it was also really emotional, too, because from the time that I started writing the
book to the time I finished the audio book, it had been five years. I'm going to say the last
chapter of this book and the audio book might be inaudible. I was crying so, I was like bawling
because I was like, I can't believe I just wrote a book. I cannot believe I actually, actually wrote
and I finished, it's done. There's nothing else to do with this book besides promote it and beg people to buy it but in the end the end chapter brings it all together so much
even i was reading it and i read it in a day and was feeling and when you read in a day you're so
connected to it and i can't imagine five years but like reading the end you were just like
it was like you were on a fucking roller coaster like going up and you're like yes
here it comes here it comes and i love the themes that you tied together with it like i just and i also was like
harriet tubman is a real person out there today right now right i'm gonna find her i wrote the
book to mimic what i imagined a journey to freedom on the underground road would be like you know it
starts with the with the desire to to go and then the courage to take the first steps and then the
dangers on the journey
and then in the end
freedom. And I wrote
the book to mimic that. So the book is about
Harriet Tubman coming back to life.
The return. Yeah, she's returned. It's the return
a lot of people are coming back to life. Not just Harriet Tubman, a lot of people
are coming back to life. Cleopatra's back.
Abraham Lincoln is back. Frederick Douglass
is back. Emily Dickinson is back. I thought I didn't mention her in the book, but she is back. Just know that.atra's back. Abraham Lincoln is back. Frederick Douglass is back. Emily Dickinson is back.
I thought I didn't mention her in the book, but she is back. Just know that.
That's lore. That's canon.
Yeah. And
in
Herod's return, she wants to continue
her work as an abolitionist, but it means
the goalpost
for freedom has shifted now. And now
she wants to continue her work by
writing a hip hop album.
She'll see,
Alyssa's the help of a former hip hop producer
who was like pretty acclaimed
with the Grammy Awards
and some BET Awards and stuff.
And,
but he's kind of out of the business
for a while,
but she wants him specifically
to help her write this album.
And he shows up
and he's also a big Harriet Tubman fan.
So he shows up to help her write this album.
And then on the journey,
he realized that he has a journey toward freedom as well that
she helps him with.
Did you see yourself in Darnell?
Did you see yourself in him?
So when I started the play, I was Harriet Tubman.
When I wrote the play, I was going to play Harriet Tubman.
Amazing.
Because initially when I started the play, it was actually a concert.
Imagine Hedwig or Alter Boys or Lady Dead,
Emerson Bar and Grill. One of those where you go in and you're actually at a concert. That was the
initial concept for the play. I tried to write that as a book. It was too hard for me, especially
for my freshman novel. It'd be very hard to write that kind of book for me personally. So then I
decided to make it about the creation of the album.
So I created the character Darnell
and Darnell is very loosely based on me.
Darnell is much nicer than I am.
He's much more
meek than I am. He is a version
of me that probably
I strive to be.
Yeah, but I'm a bit of
an abrasive Brillo Patty type.
That's why we like you.
Yeah, I'm more of a scrub daddy.
Love a scrub daddy.
Because so much of the book is the main character, Darnell, is a very fearful character.
I feel like he's very nervous.
Whereas you write Harriet Tubman, as I'm sure she was, completely fearless.
Yeah.
Just not second guessing herself for a second.
Well, you can second guess yourself in these scenarios
and she also demands
that of the people around her.
You know, she famously
carried the blicky.
You know, she was carrying.
Harriet carries
the blicky Tubman.
And if you tried to turn back,
she would, you know,
if you turned around,
you know, she would be like,
you know, if you take a step back,
that would be the last
step you ever take.
And that's not because she was just like such a badass. It's because if you turn back, you know, if you take a step back, that would be the last step you ever take. And that's not because she was just like such a badass,
it's because if you turn back,
you endanger everyone who's gone before you
and anyone who wants to come after you.
You know what I mean?
So when you're on this journey,
you have to have bravery beyond your own capacity even.
And that's what I, so I tried to reimagine.
So obviously I'm imagining Harriet reimagine. So obviously,
I'm imagining Harriet Tubman.
This is,
for all I know,
Harriet Tubman might think this is the best book
in the world.
She might think
it's a horrible book.
I have no clue.
She will read it though.
She will.
Because she's out in the world.
She's out and she's back.
She's out in the world.
So, you know,
I had to reimagine
Harriet Tubman
while also wanting her
to be able to be human
and not just this like idol because I always say Harriet Tubman is America's first black superhero like she literally
has superpowers like I don't know if y'all know this but she had like precognition like she could
like she would have these fainting spells you read in the book yeah she had like a trauma-induced
brain injury where she would pass out not faint like pass out. Like she wouldn't be like... Like out cold. No, like body splayed.
Like you know how
Peter Griffin... Yeah.
The famous... I guess knocked out.
Arm broken. For like hours at a time.
But when she'd come to, she would
have these visions that
God would send her. I'm not religious,
but you know, obviously the book has
a lot of my religious trauma in it too.
And to her credit, she took about a dozen trips back and forth and was never caught one time.
That is wild.
And the trips got further and further.
It started going from Maryland to Pennsylvania, but then they passed the Fugitive Slave Act,
which means that any person who is free, who used to be enslaved, you are now a fugitive.
You must be returned back to the people who technically own you.
So then they started going all the way to Canada.
That is outrageous.
She did all of this in her late 20s, early 30s.
She was roughly five feet tall.
She was disabled.
She couldn't read.
She could not write.
But despite all of that, she was able to just do it over and over again.
An unbelievable fact that I feel like isn't talked about enough in general, just in education and stuff, is that she was the first woman to lead a military operation.
And with Trump's new DEI initiatives, it'll probably be another at least four years before we even get a chance to think about that.
Yeah, of course.
Real.
Everyone says she freed a thousand slaves.
That's actually, it's actually probably close between 600 and 800.
But a lot of people don't realize that, like, most of those were on the same day.
Wow.
That was during the Combahee River raids where they went from, they went to three plantations.
So she had this plan.
So they elicited her help because she knew the back roads and the woods better than anyone.
No one knew the swamps and the woods better than Harriet Tubman did.
So she came up with this plan, this brilliant plan to go.
She got some Union soldiers and some formerly enslaved people who had already been freed and who were working for the military to go to a plantation,
free all the enslaved people there, and then give those enslaved people the opportunity to join them and raid the next plantation.
And then they went to the second
plantation with more than
double the people, free all of
those enslaved people. Okay, Khaleesi.
Right? She's just building and building
and building. And then she gave them the opportunity
to join them to
raid the third
plantation.
Damn.
All down the Combahee River raid, yeah.
Wow.
You know what I love so much, too?
And I was thinking, I was like, is this a spoiler?
No, it's fine.
Spoiler alert.
Spoiler alert.
I loved so much towards the end of the book when she was like,
I didn't deserve to be a slave.
I didn't want this.
I fought for it because I knew I deserved freedom.
Can I play a song for you?
Yes, please.
So I want to give you this.
I want you to hear about this part of the song.
So in the book, Harriet Tubman talks about the first time.
This is like an account.
All of Harriet Tubman's stories are just like secondhand because she couldn't read.
She couldn't write.
So we don't know for sure what Harriet Tubman said or did.
But there are lots of historians who corroborate a lot of these read, she couldn't write. So we don't know for sure what Harriet Tubman said or did, but there are lots of historians
who corroborate a lot of these
things, this narrative, right? So Harriet Tubman,
her youngest brother, his name is Moses,
which actually became one of her nicknames
in her life. And her name was actually Araminta.
And then she took Harriet as her mother's name.
Oh, that's why Minty. Yeah, Minty. Yeah, Araminta.
She was actually called Minty. That was
actually her nickname. And then when she
got to freedom, she changed her name to Harriet, which is her mother's name.
So she saw her mother Harriet.
A lot of her children had been taken away and sold to other plantations.
It was quite common to break up these families.
And when her youngest child, maybe Harriet Tubman's mom knew this would be her last child.
I don't know.
Or maybe she just was sick and tired of being sick and tired.
But when Moses was born, she was like, they're not taking this.
They're not going to take my child away.
Not this time.
I cannot have any more of my children taken away from me.
So they would get a win that a slaver would come to look at Moses to see if they wanted to have him.
And then when Rory would get back, they would hide him in the woods.
They would hide him in other cabins.
They would just move him around so they couldn't find him.
Well, one time they just caught her off guard
Harriet as in hair time his mother hair had been caught off guard and then next thing she knows she looks up in
Brodus the slave owner was standing there with another slaver who was trying to buy her child and sell him downstream
So you don't want to be you don't want to move further into the south, right?
Because it gets stricter and stricter and harder and harder
It was a man from Georgia Georgia and Mississippi were known to have some into the South because it gets stricter and stricter and harder and harder. It was a man from Georgia.
Georgia and Mississippi were known to have some of the
harshest slavers in
the Confederacy. You really
don't want your kid to go to Georgia.
She's caught at her front door
and she sees these two men
and she has this club in
their slave quarters that they would use
for protection. She just
picked it up and they're standing at the door.
And then she says, allegedly, quote, anyone who says foot in this house, I will crack
your skull, Wado.
And so everyone's freezing because they're like, oh, my God, you can't do that.
First of all, women can't threaten men.
Not in the 1800s.
Also, black people can't threaten white people.
So a black woman certainly cannot threaten
two white men, one of them who
legally owns you, and the
other one who's looking to purchase your child.
But for some reason,
they just left.
They just said, okay, they turned
around, and they just left, and she got to
keep her child. So
this was a huge moment for Harriet Tubman when she
realized, oh now
i see that um there are other options out there yep so now that you have that in mind i wrote
this song about harriet tubman telling that story and how it impacted her um the way that she sees
herself and her options all right this is the best song i've ever written i'm so proud of the song
okay the way that she sees herself and her options. All right, this is the best song I've ever written. I'm so proud of the song. Okay.
She was standing in the doorway, her sweat like rain.
The epiphany of her daughter helped her mask her pain.
She was a woman at her wit's end.
She had finally awoken.
My mama might have been big, but she could never be broken.
She had to dance with the devil, and mama got the upper hand.
And finally, it's something I can truly understand.
Yes!
Thank you.
That was gorgeous. That was incredible.
I'm so glad you played it, When you're thinking about it you don't have the music
But it's gorgeous
That's what I'm excited about
In the audio book the songs will cut in
They're not at the end
They're actually put into
There's only two songs
But they're put in in their appropriate places
When those songs were written
So again I'm so proud of this It's a huge departure for me It's not as slapstick songs but they're put in in like the appropriate places when those songs were written um so again
i'm just like i'm so proud of this it's a it's a huge departure for me it's not as slapstick and
silly as some stuff i've done there is humor in it because the concept itself is absurd sure right
the idea is absurd it and there is certainly comedy because there's a bit of comedy in every
single thing i do i can't i don't think i can do anything i mean when my mom passed away my friend
a friend of mine zach Zach Noe Towers,
called me and he was like,
he and I, we kind of like jab each other
all the time back and forth.
And he was just, you know,
he was really being sincere.
And he was like,
if there's anything I can do for you, let me know.
And I was like, there is something you could do.
Please quit comedy.
Like even in those moments.
So there's always going to be a bit of humor
in every single thing I do, every single time.
But that being said,
you know,
I want people to know,
like this book is,
is not,
it's not written,
like it's not an SNL sketch.
No.
You know what I mean?
No.
There are fun moments,
but it's also not trauma porn.
It's not like The Color Purple,
which by the way,
is literally my favorite book of all time.
But it's not like,
you know,
Roots or,
it's not,
it's not like a,
there's no like stories of like lashings on stuff.
It is it happens today. It's happening current time.
So we read this book. Just know that. Don't expect like, you know, like a lot of people say, like jokingly ask me.
There was a drag queen named Simone who played Harriet Tubman on RuPaul's Drag Race for Snatch Game.
Like it's not Snatch Game. it's not Simone as Harriet Tubman it's not but also it's not like
as intense as like you know LeVar Burton and and uh playing Kunta Kinte but there's somewhere it's
somewhere in the middle right yeah it's not slice of life but it's still like this is happening
right now in this moment if you could imagine Harriet Tubman coming back now to a hip-hop
producer and is like I want you to do an album that made me laugh just in general
that concept is funny yeah yeah and she's just
standing there with her coffee and I'm just like
this just makes me laugh yeah
writing the way Harriet Tubman drinks coffee is actually one of my favorite
no she keeps blowing on her coffee in between sentences
I truly I felt
that when I was reading it I'm like it was
the way you used dialogue
and how I'm like I'm reading stuff that like
is really dark history like really tough stories that happened to real people.
But the way you tell it is like, I feel like it was it was such a breezy read.
And I felt like I was learning so much in a casual way.
It felt like your friend was telling you this story.
Well, the truth is, we have been so desensitized to the trauma of black people in America.
I remember it just kind of
dawned on me one day so i'm from atlanta and we probably take black history month a little more
seriously than other places do um atlanta is a very black city and georgia has a very dark history
with um racism and um and chattel slavery The KKK had one of their first meetings right outside of Atlanta, a place called Stone Mountain.
So we have a lot of history with racism and, you know, a very troubled past.
So we take it pretty intensely there.
And then I just, one day I was just, I got so used to hearing these stories and seeing
these things and then seeing, you know, black bodies mutilated and beaten and
hanged in my books that I just, it kind of just became like, yeah, this is what I see
in my books.
And I was listening to This American Life, which is my favorite podcast, actually.
I love that podcast.
Next to Smosh Mouth.
Very good.
Please.
There's some more category, you know.
There was this story about this school here in LA that went on a field trip to go see Schindler's List.
It was a black high school that went to go see Schindler's List.
And it's a pretty heavy movie for high schoolers to watch.
And obviously, you know, kids get really uncomfortable with situations like that.
And they laughed at one point during the movie.
This group of black kids laughed during this point in the movie.
And it was like someone fell in a way that was like they were uncomfortable
and they responded
by laughing
and then other patrons
in the movie theater
were upset
and then somehow
this high school
full of black kids
had been labeled
anti-Semitic
oh okay
and it became
it became a
massive story
I don't know if any of you
remember this
it was so big
that Arnold Schwarzenegger
who was the governor
at the time came to the high school to have a chat.
It was so big that Steven Spielberg, who directed the movie, came to the school to have a chat about anti-Semitism to these high school kids.
It was a massive, massive story.
I feel like I remember hearing that.
And then at one point, one of the kids stood up and was like,
well, when are we going to get to hear our story?
When are we going to get to hear our story?
Who's going to write our story?
And oddly enough, a few years later,
Steven Spielberg directed Amistad.
And he was like, well, I guess your story should be heard.
I don't know that he was the one who should have been telling it.
Right, exactly.
But I mean, Steven Spielberg loves telling black stories.
He was like, I was there.
I mean, he loves telling black stories. He directed like, I was there. I mean, he loves telling black stories.
He directed Color Purple.
Right.
That's insane to me.
Yeah,
Steven Spielberg directed
Color Purple.
But I will say,
it's a brilliant film.
It's a really good movie.
That being said,
it's a really brilliant film.
So it's just like,
you know,
hearing these stories
and being desensitized to them,
especially where I came from,
and then seeing it juxtaposed
to people who were like,
I don't hear a lot of our stories,
was really interesting to me.
And I did not want this to be Amistad.
I didn't want this to be Schindler's List.
I didn't want this to be – because those stories are great and they're brilliant and they're told.
I wanted it to be an opportunity for people to learn about Harriet Tubman, my favorite veteran of all.
Do we have veterans that we love?
My favorite veteran.
Do we have, like, veteran trading card. Harriet Tubman, who is like, and also that so many
Americans have directly
to thank for a lot of
the liberties that they have today. Particularly
black people and women
have, so sorry that you're not included in this one.
Yeah, it's okay.
He's fine. I think I'll be alright.
He can handle it.
He can handle it.
I have so much to thank Harriet Tubman for. You know, I go on tangents. I can handle it. I have so much to thank Harry Tubman for.
You know, I go on tangents.
I'm enjoying it.
I was in Selma, Alabama doing an episode of We're Here.
And I had this really like this like survivor guilt moment that was like fucking with me.
I was like, I broke down.
I started crying so bad.
It's all on camera.
I was sitting with foot soldiers from the Edmund Pettus Bridge on Bloody Sunday who actually were actually there.
And then I was in this room.
It's like this experience that you have in this place in some Alabama where you go through a slave ship.
They built this space to emulate what it's like to be on a slave ship doing the transatlantic slave trade.
So I had that guilt of being like,
my God, like someone had to go through so much so that I could be here today.
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not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. And a lot of these people were not
choosing to go. It's not like people were like, I'm Mark. They were just like, you know, I'm just doing my thing.
And I've been snatched off the west coast of Africa.
And then talking to this one woman who was telling a story about how she had been beaten on the Edmund Pettus Bridge.
And at one point she was kicked so hard by this cop that she was airborne.
Like he kicked her literally into the air.
This man kicked her when she was like 19 or 18 years old.
And then she was saying that she had seen footage of it
that she had never seen before.
Like, she was like almost 70.
She had never seen this footage once in her
life. And it made her quite emotional.
So then I became quite emotional.
And I had this, like, guilt of, like,
um, I mean,
the long and short of it is, like, someone
went through all these things, and here I am
telling dick jokes. but the truth is you know people fall for these rights so that i can sit
here and tell jokes i know that sounds absurd no that's what you but that's what you wrote in your
book to have the freedom to to tell my fucking dick jokes you know what i mean exactly um to tell
my fart jokes you know what i mean and also to pave a path for people down the line to do whatever
it is they want to do whether it is you know if they want to march if they want to write
if they want to sing if they want to be lures or they want to be couch potatoes you know just to
have the right to be able to do that yeah i feel like that really comes through in the story and
like i i totally see where you're coming from and how you wanted to write it because as an
entertainer like you naturally are an escape for people to like just laugh and so i totally i felt that and i love to laugh
wait really yeah i love it it's so good i hate not for me i hate laughing for me i was really
amazed in because it's roughly like 220 pages how much you packed into it because i felt like i
learned so much in it and something that i
i thought was amazing that you talked about is um i think when we talk about this history we go like
well that was how it was back then like everybody like agreed but you talk about all the people who
were actively fighting against it for so long that we kind of dismiss and then it all gets kind of
brought to like abraham lincoln and it's like oh abraham lincoln did this and it's like i loved
your take on abraham lincoln so many people i loved your hot take on every i was And it's like, oh, Abraham Lincoln did this. And it's like, I loved your take on Abraham Lincoln. So many people.
I loved your hot take
on Abraham.
I was like,
it's not that hot of a take.
I mean,
Abraham Lincoln.
Yeah, I guess it's not
a super hot take.
Abraham Lincoln
was not an abolitionist.
A lot of people think
that Abraham Lincoln
was an abolitionist.
Abraham Lincoln
wanted to punish the South
and he was like,
well,
hit them where it hurts,
right in their pockets.
Take away their free labor.
Actually,
I don't know if you,
I'm pretty sure
I wrote this in the book.
You know, Abraham Lincoln's idea to end racism was like, just get rid of black people. Yeah, push them out. Yeah, I don't know if you, I'm pretty sure I wrote this in the book. You know, Abraham Lincoln's idea
to end racism was like, just get rid
of black people. Yeah, push them out. Yeah, he's like, just send
them somewhere else. He's like, if you get rid of black people,
no one will be racist.
What a good solution. Which is
crazy! And I believe it was
Frederick Douglass who was like, no, no.
I also love Frederick Douglass.
I love the way that you created
these characters. There's a slight beef between Frederick Douglass and Harriet Tubman.
I enjoyed that.
And then he's there at the end just like sitting there.
And then do you, okay, we can maybe not put this in if it's a spoiler on the story or not,
but do you like to think of like there was some kind of chemistry between Harriet Tubman and James Brown was the?
No, Harriet Tubman was a very faithful woman to her husband.
Well, she had two husbands.
One of her husbands she left because he wasn't prepared to take the journey in the way that she was prepared to take the journey.
So she remarried.
So Harriet Tubman is a very, very faithful woman.
And John Brown is a man of extreme faith as well.
John Brown, he would never in a million years.
But they did have a lot of reverence for each other.
You know, I have friends that I have talent crushes on.
You know what I mean?
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Ocean Kelly is a friend of mine that I have.
He's my drag daughter, actually.
Kevin Antunes, who actually we all wrote those songs together, actually.
You know, I have Mikey Angelo, another friend of mine.
I have, like, talent crushes on.
I think that John Brown and Harriet Tubman had a talent crush, like, for their, you know for their penchant for freedom and abolition.
That's awesome.
But they did it in very different ways.
So if y'all don't know John Brown,
John Brown is one of the craziest abolitionists in the history of America.
He would straight up ask you, are you pro-slavery or are you free state?
And if you gave the wrong answer, those might literally be the last words you ever say in your life.
He might kill you right there.
I mean, literally, he would kill you then and there.
On the spot, he was absolutely insane, and he felt like he was convicted by God.
You can't – when someone feels like I have divine on my side –
There's nothing you can do.
I have a divine right.
What are you earthly beings going to do to me?
I mean, he famously once took a judge from his home in the middle of the night and murdered him in a field for judging against slaves.
Like, this man did not play games.
He was the first Luigi Mangione.
Oh, my God.
But he wasn't as cute.
Not as cute.
He wasn't as cute because your description of him, I was like, whew.
John Brown was no shade, an ugly man.
I can't believe I said James Brown.
No shade.
No, no, you said John Brown.
It's okay.
It's okay.
But you managed to talk about all of these historical figures.
Not all of them appear in the book, but you just talk about them.
And I love how detailed and so humanized these historical figures.
Because sometimes when we read history, it's just like a page on a book.
And we kind of remove all the human parts of these people.
And I felt like you painted such a beautiful picture of all of them all the like human parts of these people um and i felt like you
painted such a beautiful picture of all of them yeah i was like harriet tubman you know she's an
older woman who lives in i was like what am i saying no harriet tubman when she was doing what
she was doing she was very very young yeah now obviously there are not a lot of pictures of
harriet tubman when she was when she was very young because when she was doing what she was
doing she had to operate in secret right so So Harriet Tubman didn't become known until well after.
It was imperative that no one know
who Harriet Tubman is
for her to be able to do the work that she was doing.
Yeah, I mean, even in the book, she's stating how
people didn't know if she was a woman or not.
She was kind of a myth.
People thought she was like a ghost, which is kind of epic.
Yeah, oh, Harriet Tubman is
more major than major.
She's insanely smart. She was incredibly she had her ingenuity, just her her social skills, her leadership skills were off the charts unmatched. She's she will go down unmatched for a very long time, for sure.
Oh, yeah. So you're saying this could still be a play one day.
Fingers crossed it will be a play one day. I think so.
And then would you still want to play Harriet Tubman?
No, so I see myself as Darnell now when I wrote this character. I see
myself as Darnell. Also, it is
important to me
physically that Harriet Tubman be a very
tiny woman because it really
shows the
intensity
of this tiny look.
Because she was a very small lady.
And I make it a point to illustrate how small she is in the book.
Because it goes to show how much power she was able to wield.
You know Men in Black?
Are you familiar with Men in Black?
Of course.
Remember the cricket?
Yes.
She is the cricket.
This tiny gun that has so much fucking power behind it
so I have a dream cast and I've already said it out loud
so I'm not supposed to go ahead and say it
one day in my brain
maybe when it's a movie
she will
stoop to our level
but in my brain one day
I would love to have Dochi play Harriet Tubman
wow
that's incredible that's my dream cast one day have Dochi play Harriet Tubman. Wow. That is sick. That's incredible.
That's my dream cast.
One day Dochi will be Harriet Tubman.
That would be fucking mind-blowing.
Right, and Dochi, if you're listening,
let me send you this music.
She listens to us.
Dochi loves Smosh Mouth.
She's obsessed.
She's obsessed with Smosh Mouth.
She loves everything we discuss.
We know you're watching.
You're in the comments section.
She keeps wanting to be on the show,
and we're like, Dochi, we don't have time.
She loves what we discuss. Maybe three more Grammys, and section. She keeps wanting to be on the show, and we're like, Dochi, we don't have time. She loves what we discuss.
Maybe three more Grammys,
and then we'll allow you to be on the show.
That's awesome.
Once you get as many Grammys as Weird Al Yankovic.
Yes, come on.
Who would you cast as Dr. Slim?
Oh my God.
Okay, in my dream.
We were talking about that this morning.
So in my mind,
Dr. Slim looks almost exactly like Wiz Khalifa. We said Wiz Khalifa in the car. We said that. We were driving. I was like, who do you think Dr. Slim looks almost exactly like Wiz Khalifa.
We said Wiz Khalifa in the car.
We said that.
We were driving.
I was like, who do you think Dr. Slim is?
I listened to Wiz Khalifa so much in high school in 2010.
I had Wiz Khalifa for sure.
I didn't think about that.
Did y'all see the Emily Dixon TV show?
No, I hear it's incredible.
So Wiz Khalifa was on that show and he played Death in that show.
And he's a pretty good actor too.
He's a pretty good actor.
And I think
Wiz Khalifa is a really cool cat. He's a huge
fan of Smosh Mouth.
He's actually sitting right next to Dochi.
And they are both watching it together
drinking tea.
But yeah, so
in my mind I would be playing Darnell.
Dochi would be playing Haritup.
Incredible. Wiz Khalifa would be playing Darnell. Doki would be playing Haritup. Incredible.
Wiz Khalifa would be playing Dr. Slim.
Who would play Moses?
In my dream world, I have the whole cast laid out.
In my dream world, Peter Dinklage would be playing DJ Quakes.
Incredible.
Because a lot of people don't know this.
So DJ Quakes is based on a real person, by the way.
Oh, really? Yeah.
So Benjamin Lay is indeed a real person.
He was another abolitionist. He's a real person, by the way. Oh, really? Yeah. So Benjamin Lay is indeed a real person. He was another abolitionist.
He's a little person.
He's from London or from Britain.
And he moved to the States to live in Philadelphia.
But he was kind of thrown out of his ministry.
He's a Quaker because he was too radical.
His most radical thing he ever did was he once stole someone's baby.
Yeah, that story was wild.
That's a real story.
That story was wild.
He was talking to a slaver,
and he was like,
it must be really hard to lose your child.
Like, it must be hard on the slaves.
And the slaver was like,
why is that so hard?
And he was like, okay.
We'll see.
He was like, bet.
I'll leave the baby with my wife,
so the baby's fine.
And then he stole the baby.
Yeah.
And he let them freak out for like two weeks or so.
And then once he was panicked,
he was like,
oh, so you mean it is actually hard
interesting very interesting
so abolitionists were
wild back then
so that would be
Peter Dinklage in my mind
Moses I have to remember his name because I
also kind of have a crush on him he's
so hot talent crush or crush
crush crush I love the idea of a talent crush though because I also kind of have a crush on him. He's so hot. Talent crush or crush? No, crush crush.
I love the idea of a talent crush though because I totally have one. But he's not gay
though and I rarely ever have anything
interesting. Oh, I wonder if I've
clocked it. I think I know. In my
mind, Moses would be played by
come on, let me find, oh,
Lakeith Stanfield. Okay.
Who do you think? I was thinking of another actor
but Lakeith Stanfield is one of my favorite actors.
I love him so much.
I think he was,
he played in,
uh,
he was in Atlanta.
He was also in,
uh,
sorry to bother you.
Oh my God.
I literally follow him on Instagram.
I love him.
And he's in,
uh,
he was Jesus's brother.
Book of Clarence.
Yeah.
He was Clarence.
He was like a,
another Jesus type.
He's so cool.
In Book of Clarence.
Yeah.
Um,
that would be Moses.
Yeah.
That would be Moses.
I see it. And Buck would be, In Book of Clarence, yeah. That would be Moses. Yeah, that would be Moses. I see it.
And Buck would be played by,
I mean, this is obviously impossible
because he's passed away,
but it's like a Michael Clark Duncan type, you know?
Right, yep.
You describe him in the book
as if Michael Clark Duncan ate Michael Clark Duncan.
Yeah.
Which was, I highlighted that line
because it made me laugh so hard.
Bing Rames could be a good Buck.
And in my mind, Odessa is, her name is not Olivia Pope.
That's not her name.
Kerry Washington.
Oh, my God.
Okay, yeah, yeah.
I'm glad.
That's a great cast.
That's actually good.
But also Zendaya, who I'm obviously a huge fan of.
Yes.
Canonically.
I love Zendaya.
Is Odessa and Buck, are they based on real figures?
No, they're made up.
They're just people made up.
Odessa is actually a town in Texas.
Okay.
Okay.
That I always thought was a pretty name.
It is a pretty name.
I really liked that character.
It kind of, there's a scene in the book where Darnell takes Odessa to a restaurant and Odessa
is just enjoying this meal.
And like, it was just a scene that was like,
we get so caught up in the weirdest everyday issues that we forget like the
real things that are,
that can be going on.
Yeah,
for sure.
I really liked that scene.
And I love the idea of,
of,
of Odessa walking around Harlem and like having fun.
And you know,
Darnell was taking her,
taking her.
He's like,
yeah,
you just cross.
And she's like,
you know,
cars and moving.
She's kind of like,
you know,
it's a little Encino man.
It is a little Encino man.
Nice reference.
I love your references right now.
Oh, thank you.
So good.
Do you think you'll write more books in the future?
I already have the next book in this installment.
Oh, yes.
And I'm happy to tell you what it is.
In this installment?
Yes.
So then the same canon.
I'm in the same universe world building.
So the next book is called Jesus Christ for President.
Hell yes.
Incredible.
All right.
And Jesus Christ is running for president.
Shocker, conservatives
don't like his politics. No.
Really? Shocker.
That's a spoiler. Conservatives do not like his politics.
This is amazing.
They're like, oh my god, who's this Palestinian guy?
Fair.
He's like, I'm Jesus Christ.
Maybe you've heard of me.
I love this.
Let's keep the book on display.
Don't you?
Yes, yes, yes.
Sorry.
Keep her pretty.
Also, I was torn between.
I'll tell you the other book that I have that has nothing to do with this world.
That was torn between with this and the other book.
It was.
This book is called The Last White Person on Earth.
Great.
Now, the concept
of this book is
in a world,
there are no more
like races.
Uh-huh.
Like races don't exist.
There are no black people,
there are no white people,
there are no Asian people.
Everyone is Zendaya.
Everyone is.
You really love Zendaya.
No, Zendaya is,
I want to be clear.
I think you should have
said hi to Zendaya.
I want to be clear,
Zendaya is a black woman.
I want to be very clear
that Zendaya is a black woman. That was a be very clear. Zendaya is a black woman.
That was a bit.
But everyone is brown.
Everyone is multiracial.
Everyone is this racially ambiguous brown color, right?
This is the one world order.
This is a government mandate.
You cannot be more than 50% of any race.
You legally cannot be.
This was Abraham Lincoln's mission.
Just get rid of all the people, all the racists and there will be no more
racism so
in this world that I've built that I've created in my
head I've not even written a single page
there's a tribe of white people
hidden in the woods of Alabama
and they
are the last white people on earth
and the government is like we gotta go get
them they can't be down there we told you
you can't be white so you go in and you get them and they they kill all the white people um a dream
and the book is over they kill all they kill all the white people and then there's one soldier and
he finds this baby there's just a bay little white baby. And everyone else is dead.
And he's like, I can't kill this baby.
He puts the baby in his rucksack.
And he just goes about his business.
He goes home.
And you're in a world where people have never seen a white person, a black person, an Asian person.
Everyone is brown.
And then he shows his baby.
And everyone's like, oh, my God.
I never seen a white person.
This is crazy.
And then he becomes, what do I do with this baby?
Like, what do you do with this, the last white person on earth?
And it's a baby.
And it's a baby.
You can't raise the baby because the baby will do what white people do.
They will make more white people.
And they'll go white.
They'll spread.
We do do that.
They'll spread.
And then you can't kill this baby because it's the baby.
This is a baby.
How can you kill?
What white people have, they learn that.
There are no white people here to teach him what it is.
So then there's like a trial.
Then the whole world is like on edge about the deciding what to do about the last white person on earth.
I haven't decided yet what I'm going to do.
So good.
I love that.
It's kind of like the Jungle Book.
It's loosely based on Jungle Book where like, you know, Shere Khan is like, we can't have this man cub.
He'll do what men do. You cannot
let him you cannot allow him
to live among us because he's gonna hunt
us. He does. But of course Shere Khan
is traumatized.
Right. You know Shere Khan was
if you've seen Jungle Book he's afraid of fire for
a good reason. You know what I mean? So it's
loosely based on Jungle Book and
this little white kid is Mowgli.
Yeah. I love it. That's incredible. I feel like that'd be an awesome TV show. But his name won kid is Mowgli. I love it.
That's incredible.
I feel like that'd be
an awesome TV show.
But his name won't be Mowgli.
It'll be like Theron.
Yeah, I was like
it can't be Mowgli.
Theron.
Brandlin.
Drake.
Brayden.
What do we do
with baby Brayden?
Ethan.
Bob, before we go,
we had some quick fire questions
that we wrote out
that we wanted to ask you.
They're special to us. They're special to us.
They're special to us.
I'm all ears.
They're all about Smosh-related stuff.
Okay.
This one's about us?
They're all kind of related.
The Real Housewife one?
Okay.
Would you rather argue...
This is not very rapid, I want to say.
Would you rather...
I know.
We're going to do this slow.
Would you rather argue with a Real Housewife or an 11-year-old undressed to impress?
I have argued with a real housewife, and I got to say, it's really fun.
I love rolling up the housewives, and I do it again.
Love it.
Name three adjectives that describe a margarita.
Zesty, tangy, boozy. Zesty. Okay. Tangy. Boozy.
Zesty, tangy, boozy.
Incredible.
Those are good.
Can animatronics be sexy?
Oh, 100%.
For sure.
I kind of have a crush on the Avatar creatures.
Oh, me too.
Of course.
At Disney World?
They're kind of hot, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
The one at Disney World?
My hear-me-out is the Avatar creatures.
Oh, fair.
They're very hot.
There's animatronic, you know.
I want to, what is it?
Animatronic.
What do you call it?
Anatomically correct animatronic.
You do with that information.
Yeah.
Do you eat cereal?
Not often, but I do like cereal.
My favorite cereal is Apple Jacks.
Oh.
Oh.
Solid choice.
Solid choice.
Hands down.
Submissive or breedable?
Me specifically?
Yes. Or preference-wise?
Preference, I'd say. Whatever. Preference. Okay, preference.
I'm submissive. Okay. Yeah.
Love it. And then last one, we
actually wrote down, have you played
Werewolf and would you play it with us?
So I've never played Werewolf, but
I've played Mafia. You'll be fine.
I've played Blood on the Clocktower.
And I was cast on the show The Traitors.
Okay.
The resume is stacked.
You're going to be fine.
I think you're ready.
You're going to be just fine.
The door is wide open if you ever want to play Werewolf.
I'm going to go back and say submissive and readable.
Thank you.
Okay.
If you're listening.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
We're going to go back for that one.
Okay, so you're going to play werewolf with us, hopefully.
Yeah, I'm cutthroat.
When you have a spare moment sometime in the next few years.
You can teach us a thing or two.
Well, listen, y'all, I'm busy, but I'm easy.
Okay.
You're busy, but you're easy.
We love that.
I'm busy because I say yes to everything.
I feel like that's so true based on just like everything you've done.
I'm everywhere.
You are.
You know, once I was in this last story, my ex broke up with me, which is valid and fair.
We were great together.
But the day he broke up, like a month later, there was this giant billboard.
You know the tall wall?
Yeah, yeah.
If you drive down Sunset, it's like 9100 Sunset.
It's like a huge building.
It's like one of the biggest.
I was on like the tall wall.
Hell yeah.
Which is like you can see from his home i was like baby you will never get rid of me oh my god good morning that's
incredible i love that every day wow well we we gotta go but bob thank you so much thank you if
you guys want to get my book you can go to read the drag queen.com that is readragqueen.com. That is readthedragqueen.com. If you want a signed copy of my book,
you can go to bobsignedbook.com.
And yeah,
and again,
you go to readthedragqueen.com.
You can also get the audio book there as well.
Audio book,
and it's you reading it.
Can I say something real quick?
Listen,
hear me out,
y'all.
This is my soft pitch,
okay?
Times are tough.
I know this.
If you have an Amazon Prime account, you get one free audio book a month. I don't know if you guys know this. If you have an Amazon Prime account, you get one free audio book a month.
I don't know if you guys know this.
Just make it mine.
If you have a Spotify premium account, you get 10 free hours of audio book every month.
Do people know that?
No.
I actually didn't know that.
My book is only five and a half hours.
You can listen to my book and something else and then the first
10 of wicked and there's nothing better than when the author reads their own book as an audiobook
so and it being bob the drag queen no less is awesome and those songs will be in it in real
time yeah that's incredible to me that's like so like new i feel like that's not super common i'm
i'm so stoked for everybody who gets to hear that for the first time.
It's good music.
It's really good music.
I'm really proud of you. Really, really good.
Yes.
I feel that.
We're so honored to have you.
Thank you.
I'm happy to be here.
It was a real pleasure.
You are incredible.
You really are.
All right.
All right.
All right.
See you guys later.
Bye.
Bye.
Bye.
Bye.
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