Smosh Mouth - S1: #24 - Why Ian Shouldn’t Get Married

Episode Date: July 31, 2019

Ian, Joven, and Lasercorn take a break from their apocalyptic battle and chat about the worst Smosh Summer Games punishments of all time, that one time Ian was banned from meeting Barack Obama, and Joven tells Ian why he absolutely shouldn’t get married. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Find a Toyo Tread Experts dealer near you at treadexperts.ca slash locations. From tires to auto repair, we're always there. TreadExperts.ca Ramble. Smosh Summer Games Apocalypse podcast takeover is still going on so that means we're out in the desert still we're cooking our little butts off we're talking about all the smosh summer games uh dramatic moments that have happened in the past and let me just let me just get right into the podcast i'm just gonna shut up right now so they said we can said we couldn't meet Obama,

but we can meet Joe Biden. We were just like, nah. Never go to bed angry. If you're about to go to bed angry with each other, just end the night with some light dueling. Person had to pick another player and suck one of their toes. It's funny because

I got the punishment, but really it was Courtney that had to endure it. Oh god there's too many dudes in Smosh Summer Games. It's a sausage fest let's just say it. Well you know during the summer you got a barbecue you gotta whip out the sausage. Yeah you gotta whip out the sausage. We're camping. Alright I need to move on from this. This is getting a little weird. This is gonna be about getting it. it. Don't worry about it. I'll flash you a 10.

All right, flash me. All right. Okay. I want them to go away. Nope. Hello, everybody. Welcome to the Smoshcast. It's a special Smosh Summer Games apocalypse.

Apocalypse. Apocalypse. I am joined by my two apocalyptic friends here. Joven, the Jovenshire, the Paranormal Pirate, the Ovenshire, the Joshua Ovenshire, just all around dumbass Joven. I really wanted 50 minutes of just that. Yeah.

I believe in you. Did I cover all the names? Probably. You got the paranormal pirate yeah uh uh the sexy shire you missed that one no i missed that one on purpose uh and and i'm also joined by the uh dave i have never really said your name before david is it david david do not speak my mortal sorry only laser corn the laser corn lord of the streak the corn to the ian corn yes yes that's true the corn dear ian the ship that will never die yeah the ship that cannot be sunk you cannot be sunk

yeah i'm very sorry for anyone listening and not viewing this because you cannot see that my nipples are out which they very much are you know they are's like so, like, you're like the last person that would ever cut nipple holes out of their shirt, and yet here we are, just nipples exposed. I felt that I needed their power for this competition. Yeah. Did you feel like you needed them to get a little more sun, like you want to tan your nipples? Yeah.

Yeah. I felt like my nipples could be a little bit darker. Darken those nipples up. Nipple tan. Just to flash forward two years, you sitting there at a doctor's office, I was like my nipples could be a little bit darker. Darken those nipples up. Nipple tan. Just to flash forward two years, you sitting there at a doctor's office. I was like, it's strange. We've never seen this before,

but you were the first case of nipple cancer. Yeah, it's never happened before. What about like... Joe, I'm pretty sure they just call that breast cancer. Ouch. But that's when it's inside of... I mean, it's part of the membrane. So a lot of people, when they get breast cancer,

they have to get the nipple taken off as well. Here's the thing. You can still tan if you put on the sunscreen that protects you, right? So what if I invented some sort of device that covered the rest of you but only tanned your nipples? Yeah, they're called peekaboo bras. Just get a, oh, yeah. Is that a real thing?

Yeah, it's for k It's kinky stuff. I was thinking for breastfeeding. Oh, yeah, I guess for breast... Ryan, back to some of this. You've... This is going to sound creepy, but you have a wife that is breastfed before. Yep.

Wait, but so have you. Yeah. So you should know this. Do they make bras with, like, the hole cut out for the nipple so you can just, like, poke your little nip through and yeah it's like a little latch i don't know if that's how she did it though but that's kind of optional did you always just look away whenever she exposed her breast and you're like oh god she would usually go so if we were at the

mall or something she would go to the little parents area in the mall i would do that and i would just hang out and like play video games video games. And she did the pumping thing. She was big into pumping, so a lot of times she would just have a bottle full of already breast milk there. Already breast milk? Yeah. I can't wait to start fatherhood just to start getting advice from Lasercorn like this. I don't think...

It's just like broken English and some half-true... My English isn't broken. Well, no, it's not that you're broken. Like you almost stutter your sentences when you're talking about like stuff sometimes about like parenthood. I don't stutter. I don't have a stutter. You, sir, can't even use the right words in a sentence.

How dare you? No, I'm dyslexic. Are you really going to make fun of my mental disabilities here? No. Is it dyslexia? Or is it you just can't see the keys on your phone? Well, both of those are different things. Okay.

I am astonished. I have a lot of ailments. Yeah, so if you guys don't follow Joven on the socials, and you should, it's really entertaining because... Not if you're triggered by typos, though. Yeah. I like how I feel like half your comments

on any of your photos are people just making fun of your caption. I call that engagement. Yeah. I should start doing that. I should start doing that. My engagement's shit. So, yeah.

And I get so weirded out when I see you made a post that has zero typos. I'm like, okay, who wrote this for Joe? No, I get freaked out too. I had to double check my correctly spelled stuff because I'm like, okay, who wrote this for Joe? No, I get freaked out too. I have to double check my corrected spelling stuff or correctly spelled stuff because I'm like, no, one of these is wrong. One of these is not like the other. It's very out of, it's off brand for you

and I don't think you should do it anymore. I think it really clashes with your brand. But you're really dyslexic? So I'm a little dyslexic, yes. And it almost gets triggered because of the blind spots in my eyes because I won't see the complete word. And so my brain will try to fill in the gaps, but then sometimes switch the words around

or sometimes in some cases actual words will switch together. Yeah, that's wild, man. Jamie Lannister is dyslexic, so you're in good company. Yeah, it's something that can be overcome. Well, Jamie Lannister never had to write, so you're in good company. Yeah, no, it's something that can't be overcome. Well, Jamie Lannister never had to write an Instagram post. That's true. That's true. And he's also doing his hand.

Has he ever had to, like, read or write anything in that show? I'm pretty sure he just stabbed people. No, Tywin makes him read a letter. They're in the tent. He makes him read. And he struggles through it. Wait, is the actor dyslexic or is the character is dyslexic why is that a detail what because it it adds character depth oh in the book

tywin's talking and he's like uh yeah jamie almost couldn't read he had the letters get turned around in his mind but i made him do it or something interesting Yeah. So this is the third week of Smosh Summer Games. Guys, we are deep into it. Deep. As you can see, my- Balls deep in Summer Games. Please don't describe it as balls deep. Why?

You said we're deep. You set me up for it. I just don't want to- Because now I'm like picturing like half of the Smosh Summer Games sign like penetrating the other side of the Smosh Summer Games. I don't know. It's a strange- I don't don't know why and we're all there it's i mean that mushroom cloud is kind of like nope anyway so yeah as you can see if you guys are watching on youtube i am covered in silver splatter um i'm assuming that one has already came out but if it hasn't yeah and if you haven't seen

the video you should go and find it and watch it right now it's good stuff that's a miracle moments punishment archery bow yeah zombie zombie celebrity it's gonna be a good clickbaity title you guys will see it yeah um we shoot bob ross yeah yeah he had it coming. What? What? You had something against Bob Ross? Yeah. What? With his calm voice and his happy little trees. He's hiding something. It really is the opposite of what Lazer Corn is, so he wouldn't trust that.

I don't trust a man that just is always that calm. Have you seen the military photo of Bob Ross? No. There's a military photo? Yeah. He has obviously no hair. He has the crew cut, and he looks like a completely different person. Really? Yeah. He has like no, he has like obviously like no hair. He has like the crew cut and he looks like a completely different person. Really?

Yeah. It's awesome. That was Mr. Rogers thing too, right? He was in the military and then he's like, I just don't want to be mean anymore. Well, wasn't he a sniper or was that a rumor? No, I think that's true. Yeah. I don't know.

Someone on the internet, look it up and leave it in the comments. Mr. Rogers has probably killed more people than than jesus no he's definitely killed more people than any of the people involved in smosh combined i would hope so we don't know we don't know that you heard it here first laser corn mr rogers is a ruthless killing machine he said not me. I think he's a wonderful human being. Him you like, but Bob Ross is a no-go. That's correct. Okay. Hmm.

It's funny where you draw the line. Or should you say draw the happy tree? Yeah. There's something behind that tree. Clown with a knife. So Smosh Games, man. You guys have been in Smosh Games since the inception of it. Since the 80 hour work weeks. Yeah. Yeah, do you guys remember like when you guys

started, we were doing two videos a day. Yeah, it was awful. That was a stupid idea. Why did we think that was a good idea? I mean, that was like a kind of a defy initiative. I won't take blame for that. Yeah. Well, it's funny because over at Clever we were doing like two videos a day. And so we're like, when we were doing Clever Games and we're like, oh, we'll do that for Smosh Games.

But the videos we were doing were like, hey, look, there's a new character announced in Borderlands. Let's take a look at him. And then the next one would be like, here's how to get a secret costume in the new Spider-Man game. And it was much less involved. No, it's the same thing as doing a backseat gamer and a dope or nope in the same day yeah yeah i mean like yeah when you had to when you had to come over to smosh games you had to actually make quality content what was your least favorite show our content was quality oh my least favorite show on smosh games what was your least favorite um gosh they're all so

they're all so bad well of like the batch, I'm trying to think of like, there's probably something that I really didn't like and I just forgot what it was. You probably hated Sagnut. Sagnut. What did Sagnut stand for again? Smosh Action Games News Update Today. It was a great...

Fist pound. Yeah. It was a great title. That was one thing that we murdered out the gate. Smosh Games. We had the best titles for things. Game Bang. Game Bang was great.

Raging Bonus. Raging Bonus. Raging Bonus. Dope or Nope. Dope or Nope. Which we came up with. And then later on, I'm just going to say it, Matthias, he had a big YouTube channel. Then he did these other sort of channels.

He started a channel called dope or no. Let's do it. Let's do his balls off right now. There was lawyers. Get me my lawyer. Very early on. Someone shared with us a review of a car. It was like a,

and it was like a, a highly ranked, like a, like a good publication of a review of a, like a new Mazda or something. And the guy, the writer of the article was talking about how his son was a big fan of this video game show called Dope or Nope. So he's like, I'm going to do it in the same format like those guys do. Oh, that's funny.

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I always wanted Top 5 Friday on Saturday. That eventually happened, and I was so angry about it. Yeah, but we didn't call it that, did we? It was just changed to Top 5. Yeah, it was just called Top 5. Top 5 blank. But I really wanted to call it Top 5 Friday on Saturday it was just changed to top five yeah it was just called top five blank but i really wanted to call it top five friday on saturday i forgot about raging bonus raging bonus yeah it's just whatever we want and then obviously uh gamer nation what's up guys welcome to gamer

nation gamer nation was a terrible idea let's be honest well look it was a it was a it was a gaming news show you can only make a gaming news show you can only make a gaming news show so interesting so you guys decided well what to make this quirky and smosh like let's add this annoying robot smosh bot dude don't smosh bot yeah don't do that the biggest regret we have is that smosh bot isn't around anywhere yeah do you know whose idea smosh bot was so basically smoshbot was? So basically Smoshbot was this like this robot

this sad robot that was having like an existential crisis. He just wanted to die. It hated us completely. He had zero limbs. He was just the TV with a sad face.

And he and he just wanted to die. He hated us for creating him and he also hated his life in existence. The crew hated us for making him.

It was great. He was constantly falling apart. Did we ever kill him off well not on camera uh the production manager i think yeah oh my god with like anger he recycled away yeah he upset a lot of people at the office smash bot and then um what happened was b Dynamics went through our trash. Yeah. And stole him and created a better prototype from his bones. Did we bring Smoshbot back for when we started doing the SGA channel? We started doing old episodes. No, I'm sorry. We didn't do old episodes. We did old shows again.

And did we have Smoshbot as a? I think we had some kind of reprisal of the SmoshPod. That it was like introducing stuff. By the way, can I take this opportunity to apologize for Smosh Games Alliance? Because that was definitely a Defy idea. That was not our idea. We're like, we don't know anything about starting a network. We make videos and they're like, you have to do it. That Smosh Games Alliance was the, the grossest money grab that Defy tried to do we kind of forced it upon us and we made the most that we could we tried to turn it we so basically Defy was like oh this MCN thing this is great all we have to do is just it was an MCN inside another MCN yeah they're like all we have to do is just rope in a bunch of like uh people that

don't that don't know any better and we'll we'll take a percentage of their ad revenue this will be great we had to watch so many videos to come up with the clip show but then the ones we'd always wind up picking unfortunately were like they weren't in the mcn but there wasn't any organization to the program so we didn't know who was in or not yeah there was no way there was no way for us to like check and see who was in so when people would tweet us videos that are like hey put this on would tweet us videos, they're like, hey, put this on Smosh Games Alliance. They're like, is he in the alliance? I don't know.

Do you remember the name of the guy that we always liked? Blasphemous. Yeah, he's over a million now. Is he? Yeah. We started Blasphemous. If you haven't seen his YouTube channel, go check it out. Check out Blasphemous.

Tell him that we made him. Yeah, he always says titty sprinkles. He's awesome. I love that dude. Sounds like we raised a monster. What? him yeah he's always says titty sprinkles he's awesome i love that sounds like we raised a monster what no he's phenomenal yes an awesome monster so smosh games alliance we were basically we had an mc enforced upon us and we try to make them we try to make the most of it we're like okay it can't just be an mc and we have to use this as a way to raise these sort of smaller creators up get give a platform to basically showcase other people's talents and then grow them and then

maybe which in theory is is great it was a nice idea but but there was no like selection process literally like you could just submit your channel and I think you got accepted it wasn't the best thing ever and it could have been done better but it was forced upon us we made the most I of it. I remember, and it was kind of weird, it was after a VidCon or Wizard World or some kind of convention where an angry fan went up to Matt Robb and was like, I want answers about the Smosh Games Alliance and when are we going to get paid?

And he's like, I don't know. And it was like, we were still a part of Defy, so it was like before we could bash on Defy 2 openly but it's like it wasn't on us like there was literally one person working on that

whole project whoever actually created the MCN and the network and the back end of it didn't communicate with us at all I to this day

don't know who this person was are we allowed to like crap on Smiles project this much are we allowed to do that it was a Defy project I'd say

I'd put this on Defy. Yeah, it had our name, but not our stamp of approval. I think it was something that somebody in the high up said, let's do this. They're going to do it. All right, do it right now. And then the actual people that had to work on it were like, well, this doesn't work.

And then the higher ups would like, well, too bad. Just make it work. Just whatever. We'll give you a guy. We'll give you a guy that'll just take care of everything. And then there's probably thousands of people that signed up. And then this background guy's like, wait, so I have to manage? Yeah, and I remember that guy also still had his other job at the company, too.

So he was just drowning under it. Yeah. Ridonculous. Let's talk about happier things. Let's talk about theous. Let's talk about happier things. Let's talk about the games. Let's talk about the worst Smosh Games punishments. Oh, okay. Worst punishments?

The summer games and winter games, or just in general? Let's talk about summer games. Okay, the worst summer games punishment. Butt Sunday. I don't know if I ever got a Butt Sunday. Oh, I did at Wild West It's just sticky and sugary You're just out around bugs

And now they just all want to go towards your ass Yeah It's not good But your ass must have been delicious Did you taste the butt sundae? Did you get a spoon? I could assume I know what whipped cream tastes like

I know what chocolate sauce tastes like But you've never eaten it out of your own butt I have not No. Did you get a spoon? I could assume. I know what whipped cream tastes like. I know what chocolate sauce tastes like. I know what ice cream tastes like. But you've never eaten it out of your own butt before. I have not. And I would like that to go on record, too. May we just confirm that. Yeah, mine, Courtney waxed me during the archery.

That was unpleasant. That was my first ever waxing. Oh, yeah. Yeah, my legs. And I don't know if we can get a shot of this. I have very hairy legs. There's a lot to be waxed. And, uh, yeah, a lot of hair came off. It looked like, uh, like, like someone had ripped the fur off a small squirrel.

And, uh, it was, it was not pleasant. It was not pleasant, but thankfully it was, it was over quickly. I think one of the worst punishments may have come this year. And dear God, I hope it comes out before this podcast. And it's funny because i got the punishment but really it was courtney that had to endure it oh god okay joe and and and if you guys were watching i believe the travel vlog you were you were saying how excited you were i like from the travel log even before that in the concept when these ideas were told to us i was like that's the one I'm going to get

so what's the punishment so the punishment was called I think like a dystopian I feel like there was another word in front of it but it was the pun was the play on word with toe suck right dystopia

person person had to pick another player and suck one of their toes and I just knew I know what works on camera I know what those moments are going to be so the moment I heard it I was like I'm going to get that

that's what I'm going to get I said it like maybe a hundred times if you don't believe in the secret rethink it you were way too excited because you had to make it real like if you're going to do something like, rethink it. You were way too excited to suck toe. Because you had to make it real. If you're going to do something, you need to make it real in your head, and that's what happened. It even got to the point where if you watch carefully,

and I don't know how it got edited because we're still filming, but I pull it out, and Matt Robb's next to me, and I even kind of look at him to kind of think, do we fake it, and do I just say that I got it? Are you telling me that you willed it into existence? Yes, I wasted a wish on this. Yeah. And we kind of have a look back and forth.

Because we know you've got to make a video good. But then I unfold it. And just I look back at him. And the shock in his eyes made me laugh. Because I actually got the dystopian. We did not fake that. I've been talking about it for weeks. And I was like, I got it.

I finally got it. Not only talking about it, he's been on WikiFeet looking for who in the cast has the best feet scores. That is why I had to avoid Mari. What two am I going to suck? Mari's got some ugly feet. I don't have a foot thing.

It's not my thing, but I know what's funny. Yes, he does. I love shock comedy. I'm all about it, sometimes with actual shock collars. And this was just, I knew it was going to be funny. And the fact that I had already... You sucked that toe for like a minute straight.

I bounced around with it. What just felt like a minute? Because we did not like to watch that. Yeah. How do you think Courtney felt? There might be a conversation when we get back where I'm not allowed to be in videos with her and I partly understand.

Yeah. Yeah. Sorry, Courtney. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But also, we did it. We did it for the video and it was hilarious, I think. How did the toe taste? It was uncomfortable.

Well, there's a trick to it. Like, I've done some pretty disgusting things in my career just on Smosh alone. It's not the first thing you sucked for a job. Yeah. So, like, there's things you can do to make it not as bad for you. Like, I don't think her toe got any tongue. So it was, like, a whole lot of saliva and lip.

And so, like, it really wasn't too bad for me until afterwards. I was like, you can feel like there was dirt. Like, her feet are dirty. We're walking around in the desert, and there's sweat, and there's everything. So it's not good. But it was definitely worse for her than me. Yeah. You just have to know how to turn it off in your brain and just barrel forward.

Yeah. I think I might have just taken the point loss on that one. I don't want to suck anyone's feet on camera. Yeah. On camera. You specifically said on camera, people. Well, in general. I kept watching everyone's punishment, and I'm like, gosh, some of these are really bad. i'm glad i didn't get them and then i mine wasn't like too bad it didn't it didn't which

one was yours you had the i had the witness me the witness i was actually worried about that one that's why i got all the silver all over me because we've done that in the office uh a while ago and it i don't know if it was the same stuff this time as it was then but then it was like nasty they gave you real paint oh they were trying to kill you uh that makes if it was the same stuff this time as it was then, but then it was like nasty. They gave you real paint. They were trying to kill you. That makes sense. Well, it was, they gave it, you did it right out of the aerosol can. I don't know if it was real paint or not,

but it was definitely much more unpleasant than the stuff you were using. Yeah, mine wasn't that bad. Yeah, they specifically didn't use the can again because I tried it once and I did it and it like, everything burned afterwards. My tongue and throat is not yeah that might have just been paint yeah you might have just sprayed paint into your mouth yeah it was I don't I didn't like it witness me getting cancer in my mouth well here's the thing is I did it for like a Instagram video or something and I got through it I'm like witness me and then immediately after I was like oh what was your but what was your worst punishment Ian Ian, so far in a game?

I feel like I've never really gotten a really terrible punishment. I think I had wasabi. I had to eat some wasabi paste. Was that in Summer Games or in general? I think it was in Summer Games. If we open it to everything, do you ever have a moment that was like, maybe I don't need to do these anymore? I mean, for one of the punishments, it was the...

I don't think it was the Game Bang 272, which was our big fake celebration of like, oh my God, it's our 272nd. 272. Everyone was like, why 272? We were like, just because. It's like, why? Because it's an important number.

We don't want to do 273. That's why. But it was a big tournament that we did. Do you remember when we brought everyone together? Everyone came back for it, yeah. I think that might to do 273. That's why. But it was a big tournament that we did. Do you remember when we brought everyone together? Everyone came back for it, yeah. I think that might have been 272. The lowest four people had to eat habanero peppers and sing karaoke, I want to say. Was that for that?

That might have been for that. I don't know. Whatever it was that I ate, because obviously we've done habanero peppers several times. I have a strict no peppers rule anymore because it shuts me down afterwards. It causes tummy troubles. For some reason, this time I was like, okay, I did it. It was normal. Obviously, it sucks

in your mouth and everything. But then on the drive home, an hour later, all of a sudden, I just started getting the worst stomach cramps. I thought I was going to shit my pants in the car. Of was like it's LA so it's like an hour to get to home yeah luckily it was like 10 minutes with from from my house so I was like I was just like just strangely like twisted in my car I was

like okay I can make it I can make it I like how in this recreation you're still on your phone okay tiny wheel you're listening like this. No, this is me holding on my little tiny wheel because apparently I drive a power wheel to work. I think, though, and it's funny because we did mention this on the way up, is this thing that we've kind of blocked from our memory. The absolute worst punishment that we've ever done that should not have been done in the first place, should not have been filmed,

and definitely should probably get taken down, is the Dragon City Skinamax video. Oh, no, that's amazing. Are you kidding me? That needs to get taken down. It is wildly inappropriate. None of us can join office now. No, you're just embarrassed.

We re-watched that on the drive up here, and I still found it hilarious. I don't know. This is the weird part. That was a brand deal. It was a brand deal. How did we get away with that? I don't know, because I think it was like a weird foreign company.

Maybe. That was just like, yeah, sure. It was a Chinese company. It might have been a Chinese company. That makes Dragon City, yeah. Yeah. So basically, the pitch was we're gonna have like these battles and everyone is like in these like really elaborate like cool

like dragon costumes and makeup but the losers because in the game you could like have dragons mate and make a baby so the losers had to do a full-on like mating scene and it was like a set it was like a dragon sex scene um all my all my scale what do they call like like furry people but they're into dragons like scale scale scale i don't know it might be scalies i don't know i didn't know that was such a thing all my dragon kin out there um probably really dug it you know or like we're offended because we didn't respect it yeah the last shot of it is kind of awesome with like our wings opening apart and then there's mario reveals the baby yeah yeah but i mean like you guys all doing your your dragon mating it was it was very beautifully shot yeah and it was sensual and you can see like anthony

and i are just like kind of of awkwardly standing behind it all, like, what the hell is going on? What do we say? Yeah, it was definitely the strangest brand deal. Well, I don't know. It's the top two cringiest videos for me that I've done that if they went off the internet, I'd be happy. Yeah, the Sonic video.

Oh, no, no, Sonic wasn't even that weird. I thought that was pretty cringy. If I can get rid of the Emma Watson video, if I can get rid of that, I'd be happy. You got to talk to Emma Watson on that. That was great. It was the rap. I can't.

I can't. I can't. I can't. Yeah, what was the rap again? I don't know. I blacked out. It was better than the West rap. Yeah, but anything's better than the West rap.

I think we also mentioned the West rap in the podcast with Matt Robin. You got to bring up the West Rap. Yeah, but anything's better than the West Rap. I think we also mentioned the West Rap in the podcast. You've got to bring up the West Rap. That's a pinnacle moment. We haven't mentioned it at Summer Games yet. We haven't actually brought it up in a video. I don't know if there's going to be a rule about us not mentioning it for the belly flop at the end of the month. Because we're doing the belly flop competition, guys,

so make sure you stick around for that. I'll just mention it before the belly flop competition. I think we should. I don't know, man. I think the joke has had its time. I think that ship sailed. Okay. We can let it die.

Please. But let's roll it one more time. We'll probably bring it up. We'll probably bring it up. But now that I'm on Wes's team, I don't know if I want to mess with his head like that. Don't get into his head. I don't want to Wes with his head. I'm excited to see what he brings

because we think that he's been training this whole year. He's almost died in a belly flop incident. His belly flops have been more flips than flops. They've always been... He tries. Let's just say that. It's one of those things where in your head you can see it, but your head doesn't tell you, no, we can't do that.

Yeah. He's got the American confidence. Do you know what I mean? Like, yeah, I could do that. Barrel forward! The confidence with no real reason behind it. Yeah, yeah, exactly. There's no reason to believe I should be able to do this,

but I do believe it. That's the American way. because like we call that manifest destiny and i don't know words all right but this one's been fun so far like it's we've got a kimmy here which is actually kind of cool we've got a like just new energy i i told her afterwards i was like you were in the crosshairs i felt like it it was too soon to make you think I was the weird one. Oh, were you thinking about sucking your toe? I was thinking about it. I was like, how did, like, way to get you.

I tried to throw Kimmy into the fire right there, because we were all talking about whose toe will you suck. And I just instinctively stepped forward, and I was like, my volunteer's tribute. But then after everyone thought that would be a bad idea then i was like okay kimmy kimmy now she knows that like she got her free one and she doesn't know when i'm gonna get her okay yeah oh you gave her a pass on that one yeah i'm still i'm still hoping we could break kimmy by the end of Summer Games. This is her first and last Summer Games.

She's got to be broken down to be built up. That's how it always works. Have you seen Whiplash? That guy was such a jerk. We got to Whiplash Kimmy. Over the different games, you had Shane had his first Summer Games where he was a ref. You had Damien. His

first Summer Games was Wes. Now Kimmy gets this one as her first appearance in Summer Games where he was a ref. You had Damien. His first Summer Games was Wes, and now Kimmy gets this one as her first appearance in Summer Games. So, you know, they're keeping the... Yeah. Yeah. There's just too many dudes. There's too many dudes in Smosh Summer Games. We need a... Smosh Games

is a sausage. It's a sausage fest. Let's just say it. Well, you know, during the summer, you gotta barbecue. Yeah, you gotta whip out the sausages. Yeah, you gotta whip out the sausage. It's a sausage fest. Let's just say it. During the summer, you've got to barbecue. You've got to whip out the sausages. We're canceled. I need to move on from this. This is getting a little weird. Start talking about sausages.

The food's been great. This is probably the best year for food we've had so far. The food spread was stellar. Gosh, they just had everything. That's the funny thing about the caterers up here in Barstow. They go ham. Without even having ham. Did you see those potatoes?

The potatoes were the size of footballs, every single one. They were all individually wrapped in foil. And it's like you see a bunch of huge potatoes. You're like, okay, I'm going to search for a small one. And you couldn't find one. No small potatoes here. Gigantic. Yeah, that's from the radiation from the nuclear test that they do out here.

Oh. The Barstow nuclear tests. That's right. Now all their potatoes are giant, and they may give you superpowers. Or cancer. It's a coin flip. Whichever one comes first. Yeah, maybe cancer is a superpower.

We don't know. I've seen Chernobyl. Not a lot of people flying around. That's true. I couldn't do Chernobyl. I couldn't do it. Oh, it's depressing. It is. It's just too sad.

And you watch the first episode and you just know, this isn't going to go well for anyone. I'm good. I think it was described best. Somebody was like, it's gooey. I was like, yeah, it's pretty gooey. And I think around episode three, it's pretty gooey yeah i think around episode three gets pretty gooey yep didn't make it that far it's it's really it's really really well made apparently russia's working on their own we're in america yeah i heard about this we're an american spy uh blows up the

yeah that's their angle on it yeah that's so dumb that it was american sabotage we don't know that didn't happen not russian incompetence yeah of course not they've got like some good scientists right they got a guy that made tetris they got smart people yeah but even smart people can do stupid stuff yeah i'm aware do it all the time and also it wasn't they cheaped out on uh on the rods or whatever and those were like the uh that's what they said in the show anyway, and that was like a bureaucratic decision, I'm sure. Yeah, it was the fatal flaw because they went with a cheaper alternative, apparently.

The graphite. Yeah, the tips were graphite. I feel like there's just some things you don't skimp out on, like toilet paper and, you know, nuclear reactors. Nuclear fission. Yeah, nuclear control rods. Those ones you get the name brand. Yeah, yeah.

You've got Costco brand name control rods. The Kirkland of nuclear reactors. I think when it comes to, you know, large governments like that, the people that are writing the checks and making the decisions aren't the scientists. So the scientist is like, hey, we shouldn't do that do that and they're like but it's cheaper this way so i mean it not explode yeah do your job and shut up just don't put all the control rods in at the same time like when is that ever going to happen it It's not going to happen. It's fine.

Graphite tips. Who knows? Like, this accent's getting worse. I'm just going to stop. I'm digging it. I don't know what it is. Next week's podcast, Ian's only doing that accent.

Just bad, bad, obscure, Eastern European accent. It's good. If you don't keep it specific, it's not racist. Yeah,

keep it vague. Because if it bounces around different regions... There's safety and ambiguity. Exactly. See? You don't know what accent that is. It's like Arnold just suffered a henna injury. He just got drop kicked.

Yeah. Did you see that guy that drop kicked him and just, like, bounced off? And Arnold's like, oh, I didn't notice. He didn't notice. He still, like, went forward. And I was like, oh, I didn't notice. Yeah. He didn't notice. He still like went forward. And it was sort of like, ah. Yeah. That guy literally ran at him and jumped in the air and kicked him.

And he barely moved. And he just like, huh? What? Oh, OK. Yeah. And he made some funny tweet about it. I love Arnold. I can't believe he was our freaking governor.

He did a good job. That's so weird. He was a governor of California. Did he do a good job i don't i don't know what he did during his time i mean we're still here so i guess it worked out okay uh i just love that like during his tenure as governor of california all the airports had really annoying shirts because all the shirts were like the governator yeah and it was just like god can we just get past this timeline i'd like to point out

though that during his tenure not once were we attacked by predators same thing could be said about jesse ventura and wherever he was yeah minnesota or something both of those as soon as they took over both of those places were entirely free of predator no entirely free of predator attacks during their entire term i'm not saying it's a coincidence but and now we have a predator in the white house sorry no leave it in well facts are facts i mean it's just a fun stuff i mean i don't think we're gonna i'm looking at you for guidance i don't expect to be invited to the white house so i guess it's probably okay that't think we're going to... I'm looking at you for guidance. I don't expect to be invited to the White House, so I guess it's probably okay.

That's fine. We were invited to the White House once, and they were like, you can meet Obama. And then we were like, oh, cool. And then they did like a background check, and they're like, you can't meet Obama. Wait, what came up? What flagged you?

I have no idea. Oh. We did like a presidential rap. It was this character we had a long time ago called Boxman. And he was running for president against John McCain and Barack Obama. And in it, he says a lot of very disparaging, totally untrue things about both John McCain and Barack Obama. And I don't remember a lot of it but i know that like we said that john mccain smokes crack and um it's one of those things barack

obama has a chubby belly and we just like photoshop barack looking fatter wow it was hilarious it was really that's a blatant lie he's an in-shape man yeah and we put we put cocaine dust all over we made uh john mccain look like look like the crack guy from the Des Chappelle show. Oh, nice. Tyrone Biggums. Yeah, Tyrone Biggums. And I'm sure, like, they didn't have to do a deep search. All they had to do was search Smosh president,

and then see what videos pop up. I think that's what they did. I think that's what they did. And so they said, we couldn't meet Obama, but we can meet Joe Biden. And we're like, hey, Hanselman. You mean future president Joe Biden? Yeah. We were just like, nah.

We didn't go. No thanks. Like, no, we just want to meet the- I just picture Biden sad somewhere like, oh. What doesn't smash one of- I love the Pokemon rap. I wanted to meet those guys. Liking all your videos

So you guys are both married Yes Do you have any tips Do you have any tips for me For when I finally Find my heart And give it to someone That deserves it

Get married but don't get married. Oh. Because here's the thing. When I got engaged, one month later, we had some friends of ours that saw us at a party, and they came up, and they gave us the advice. They said, hey, we're so excited for you. We just got married to you. Just a heads up. Don't have a wedding.

What? And I was like, wait, what? And he's like, yeah, we put that money towards a house. And we did this, and we were able to do this, and we had a big party. I was like, wait, what? And he's like, yeah, we put that money towards a house. And we did this, then we were able to do this, and we had a big party. I was like, oh, that's pretty cool. But then like, we still had to spend way too much money on a wedding. But it's funny because like, I in the world of production understand what a budget

is. And so we sat down one day early on, and I was like, okay, so we're gonna have a wedding. Alright, so here's the budget. And then she's like, oh yeah, here's the budget, and then we'll wind up spending more. I was like, no, no, no, no. Here's the budget. She's like, yeah, we have a budget, and you always spend a little bit more than the budget. I was like, I don't think you know what a budget is. So like, oh yeah, here's the budget And then we'll wind up spending more And I was like, no, no, no, no, here's the budget She's like, yeah, we have a budget And you always spend a little bit more than the budget I was like, I don't think you know what a budget is

So wait, Joven, when you tell me you're the first person in existence To set a budget for a wedding And stay on He's saying he's the first person to stay on budget No, because it didn't work It doesn't happen, you never stay on budget And I now understand, you can't stay on budget with a wedding It's impossible.

And that's why we ended up freezing our asses off outside. In Colorado, yeah. In Colorado after the sun went down. With the wind blowing. After it just rained. Days before winter started. Yeah. No, that's.

And then afterwards, like, you had the wedding. It's nice. And it's a wonderful thing. I don't regret it at all. I just don't remember it. Where that could have been. And then when we moved to the city that we moved to like that could have been the difference like the money that we spent i could put that towards a larger place in a better city and like that's the difference or just a bigger down payment yeah

bigger down payment with smaller like there's just weddings are great sure whatever but at the same time it's a lot of money yeah i think i think, I think generally a lot of people now, I mean, everybody says it, but I think they all just end up doing the wedding. Yeah. No, it always happens.

Everybody, everyone always says like, no, we'll just like get, we'll just get eloped and then we'll throw a party for our friends. That's the best idea. That's what everybody says. But I feel like everyone's like,

yeah, but like ceremony would be nice. And pictures would be nice. The evolution starts. It's like, we'll just have a small wedding. 15 people turns to 30 people. 30 people turns into people 30 people turns into 100 we got to invite my cousins yeah that's what happened yeah that's what happened i know i know spent so much money

but like i i enjoyed myself at your wedding like it was a fun night we had a great time it was fun we lit a cauldron fire it was great and the And the next morning, we all went to Casa Bonita. Casa Bonita. I don't know if I recommend that. That was fun. No, Casa Bonita is amazing. I enjoyed Casa Bonita as well. I'm shaking my head vigorously.

For those of you that don't know what Casa Bonita is, I'll just explain it really quickly. It was in a South Park episode. Essentially, it's a Mexican restaurant. It's three levels high. It's completely indoors. There is a pool in the center. You don't get to go in the pool. You don't get to go in the pool.

The performers do. There are performers there. And it's sort of a Western recreation type thing. There's cowboys. But then there's also a gorilla named Chiquita. And there's like a jungle section. And there's people shooting. Occasionally, there'll be divers.

They'll go to the third floor and jump off into this pool. It's in the middle of the restaurant. They'll do like three flips, go into the water. The whole place, if you've ever been on the Pirates of the Caribbean ride, it smells terrible. It's just horrible. Weird plastic and resin. Yeah, it's a 40-year-old chlorine smell.

And that place has been there since the 70s. I don't think it's ever been, I don't think the water's ever been changed. There's also a fake indoor cave in there that exits out into a gift shop. Also, you get your food on this tray. It's infamously known as having the worst Mexican food ever. It is the worst food. It's pretty bad. It's not great, but if you go in

knowing it's bad, it's not bad. What are the free desserts you get though? Sopa Pias. That's another draw of this thing. They have this at your table, you have this flag and if you want Sopa Pias, you raise the flag

and they come with these little Sopa Pias which are just fried bread. I feel like we're really selling this place. I really selling this place. I am selling this place. It's not a place that people should go to. No, if you go to the Denver area, you must go to Casa Bonita. I will not guarantee that you will have a good time, but you must go. Yes.

Also, they do a promotion that not a lot of people know about. If the cliff diver misses and hits the rocks, free nachos. Yes. You know, yell stuff at him. I'm going back to, I'm actually kind of curious on what your marriage advice would be for Ian. Mine was just like, you know, don't spend money.

Never go to bed angry. If you're about to go to bed angry with each other, just end the night with some light dueling. Oh, yeah. okay see i thought you were gonna have some real like good nice advice i was like wow honestly i was actually like that is that is some cliche advice that i don't my wife doesn't like that advice she's like no i'm gonna go to bed angry and i'll wake up not angry i'm like fine yeah that doesn't sound that doesn't here's the actual advice i will give for you. There is no advice that works for every couple.

Every couple is different. Find out what works for you. Because, yeah, sometimes, like, I agree with Joven. Sometimes the person you're with just needs a night to clear their head, and then things are better in the morning. So, like, that advice might not work for everyone. So find what works for you. So that wasn't advice.

That was just you discounting his advice. No. No, I said i'm not discounting it i said it it probably worked it said it was a mile your advice was that you shouldn't listen to advice because everybody's different fine well well no his advice was don't spend a lot on a wedding which is good universal advice no matter who you don't spend a lot yeah put it towards real estate that's the that's the only piece of universal advice everything else well take it with a grain of salt what's one thing that works for you what's one thing that works for us um still like uh you're not dating anymore but still do date nights like plan something out plan some and don't and here's the thing don't do it spur of the moment don't just be like we have a free night we should go out

like actually look at your calendar be like neither one of us are doing something x night we should go do a thing we wanted to do yeah yeah because it is very and you might say like oh that's easy but it is very easy once you're married to slip into the uh well you know we'll just figure something out on the fly you know when when we have a free night together that's actually that's some solid advice, Lazy Corn. I'll give you a little clap clap. Oh, thanks. Golf clap.

Joven, hit me with something better than that. Don't get four dogs. We just have to one-up each other now? I said don't get four dogs. Don't get four dogs. Yeah, everyone knows that, Joven. Everyone knows you don't get four dogs. Stop at three.

Don't get any dogs over 120 pounds. Okay, well, I don't have a dog over 120 pounds. That's great. It get four dogs. You stop at three. Don't get any dogs over 120 pounds. Okay, well, I don't have a dog over 120 pounds. How much is it? That's great. It's 120 pounds. It's not over. 110 pounds. Dude, my big dog is the best dog. Like, Scotty is a German Shepherd. Not a German Shepherd. It's a, sorry,

I was thinking of Daisy. St. Bernard. Yeah, it's a St. Bernard. 120 pounds, but it is the biggest snuggle bunny. Oh, yeah. Yeah. St. Bernard's are total sweethearts. It's great. It's just got a giant derpy face. And it's funny because all the gravity is taking their face down.

And if I'm going to take her outside and she's excited to go outside, she'll just look up at me with her mouth down and her face is drooping. I'm like, oh, hmm. That's my favorite dog. I have a favorite dog, and I'm okay with that. Giant dogs are the best. They are. They're awesome.

Scotty is a cuddle bug, but I don't think I could deal with that monster Giant dogs are the best. They are. They're awesome. Scotty is a cuddle bug, but I don't think I could deal with that monster in my house all of the time. You got a good spread of dogs. You've only seen my dog when you come over and she's excited because Freya the golden will get really excited, so she'll get really excited.

If Scotty's just by herself when she meets someone, it's exciting for a few minutes, and then she's just there with them. Around the house, day to day, Scotty's cool. Just lies there and does her thing. Yeah, I agree. Cool dog. Yeah. And your Pomeranian's surprisingly not an asshole.

Yeah, no. She'll bark because it's a Pomeranian, so she'll do the barky thing every now and then. We can't get that out of her. But other than that, she's fine. She's the best. Yeah. Still not my my favorite but still good little fluff dogs who would make a worst dad and this is a question for laser corn who would make a worst dad myself or joven oh that's a tough one i'm not gonna look at you i'm not gonna i'm not gonna try to like uh

change your answer with my mind or anything i I'm just going to let you speak honestly, LaserCorn. This is rough. I don't know. Well, here's the thing. I've seen Joven around his dogs. He's very affectionate with the dogs. So, like, that's a point in his favor. You've also seen me around your child.

Yeah, that's true. That's true. But Ian came to Korean BBQ with my child once and didn't bring any present for my child ian would be the worst dad yeah that sounds about right no present for tyler i remember now oh you terrible terrible man you why would i bring a present to korean barbecue to korean barbecue it's gonna smell like korean barbecue i don know. I don't have... Tyler still smells like Korean barbecue from that night. I had to make a decision, and there's no real frame of reference. No, you're probably right. Joven would be a better dad.

I kind of look at small humans, like, they're just kind of, like, there. Yeah. I'm just like, oh, you're not, like, you're not smart like an adult. See, well, here's the thing. Like, I would be loving and present and I think a good dad but also I'd be ready and not stop my kid from doing something dumb because I want to laugh when he gets

hurt like that's going to be me and you'll put it on the internet so we can all enjoy your job I'm going to also like go fail in life yeah great yeah that was stupid there's still some of that you're going to call your kid stupid? all right i think i'm the better dad

jeans yes i've changed my mind it's not even i would say i forgot about i would i would internalize i would think my kid's stupid yeah but i wouldn't tell him that to his face i'm gonna have a weird kid unless i unless i whiplash my kid not i'm saying not like whip him but i'm saying if i do unto unto what was that actor's name miles teller if i if i was the miles teller my child and i was the jk simmons of whiplash yeah i should really watch this movie so i can get your references oh it's great i hear it's awesome fabulous i just remember though that joven consistently sends me uh gifts of children being hurt uh which i think is a really bad sign go to reddit.com slash r slash children falling over it's fantastic so i changed my answer to ian no you wouldn't you wouldn't want that because i follow an instagram account called

kids getting hurt they'd both be terrible dads. Neither one should reproduce. There you go. It's so great. You see so many kids doing what they call the scorpion. Oh my God, please. They're so bindi. They move.

They've got that forward momentum and their legs just flip over. I can't do that now. No. As an adult, I can't do that. They're so flexible. No, you would be crippled if that happened to you. They're so malleable. They just crunch it. Summer Games As an adult, I can't do that. They're so flexible. No, you would be crippled if that happened to you. They're so malleable.

They just crunch it. Summer Games isn't over. I could still Scorpion. That's true. So just one last question. Where do you see Smosh Games going, and how would you like to? Straight to hell. Okay.

No. All right. Weird. Seeing Kimmy at this trip has actually kind of reminded me how great it is to see the magic of new blood join. And seeing more of, like, the blurred lines and seeing more Smosh people in Smosh Games videos and seeing what that character's like. Because we know, like, if Lazercorn and I are in a video, we know what that video is going to be like. But to see these new combinations and see this new fresh atmosphere and the fresh blood, really, it's just like, I'm excited to see what's next. Let's get Kimmy in some SG videos.

Let's open the doors. Let's have some fun. Let's get weird. Let's see what can happen. Yeah. Let's change things up. I definitely see them moving into the future. Smosh Games has to get on board with the future tech.

The new VR. And yeah, man, have you seen the quest that went so well? That's the first time I've ever wanted VR. Like all the other things, like I don't have a PC, so I didn't want to like invest in a VR thing.

But now the heck list quest, I looked at him. I'm like, I actually don't want that into the future. Yeah. All right. Well, into the future.

That's, that's the mantra we'll carry with, with Smosh games into the future. If you guys aren't watching Smosh summer games what the frick are you doing you're listening to a podcast apparently go subscribe to smosh pit and smosh games go catch up because it's week three we got one more week of smosh games i'm sorry we got one more week of smosh summer games baby why am i always burping right at the end i don't get it it. Extra air. Yeah, I think so. Yeah, Smosh Summer Games Apocalypse. Go back

and watch the other ones. They used to be marathoning these. Yeah, this has been a blast. I can't wait for to see what happens. We gotta find out if the streak ends. When it ends. That's true. It will never end. Spoiler. The streak will never end. By the way, what was the hashtag we decided on?

Break the streak. Has on? Break the streak. Hashtag break the streak. Hashtag the streak is real. So get in those comments. Get on that Twitter. Spread that hashtag. Show your love. Also, if you want to show your love for which of your favorite team, we got mushroom clout shirts and the toxicity shirts.

I actually really do like my toxicity. They don't come with the nipples cut out no thank god this is a personal alteration i made but if uh if you hit a blazer going he'll he'll cut holes in the video yeah i'll sign it and cut some nipples please don't please don't please don't that'll be a special option every one of us like our nipples covered thank you so if you're not yet subscribed to the smosh cast please do so you can subscribe on any of your favorite podcast things and if you're watching this on YouTube which comes out on Fridays

subscribe to the Smoshcast on YouTube do all that stuff hit a like punch that bell button so you know when a new video comes out and thank you Joven and Lazercorn for coming on thank you for holding us hostage and best of luck with the rest of the games, baby.

Oh, yeah. Competition back on. You will need it. And we'll see you guys next time. Adios. Bye-bye. you