Smosh Mouth - S1: #4 - We Don’t Agree On Michael Jackson

Episode Date: March 13, 2019

Ian, Keith, and Noah discuss whether or not Michael Jackson is innocent, why Ian wants you to hold him accountable for his actions, and why Noah keeps ruining cars. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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When there's a 10-year investigation on you from the FBI, they find no evidence whatsoever. It's just hard for me to believe that it's actually accurate. My parents, they just have a very specific opinion about me. And it's one of like deadbeat, unsuccessful, like didn't go to college. If other people, you know, have a faith of any kind, that's fine with me as long as it doesn't infringe on my rights. Can you imagine committing crimes

and then just being like, buddy dances. Stop, okay. Guys, you see his hat? That's what I wanna do. I'm gonna step out of here. You definitely have done tap. I don't know how to do tap. I don't know.

But you've done tap. No, I don't, actually. No? Not even for a show? Not even like false tap? No, I've never had to do tap. Wow. Yeah.

But have you done tap? I've pretended to do tap before. Ian, have you done tap? Have I done, like, tap dancing? Tap dancing, yes. Why would I have ever done tap? That's the thing. He's asking me like he expects me to.

Hey, bro, watch your smack. Watch your taps. Oh, okay. Sorry. You're tapping. Sorry. The table tap. You gotta take the table tap back. I've ever done tap? That's the thing that he's asking me Watch your smack, watch your taps Oh, okay, sorry The table tap, you gotta take the table tap back Ian's never done tap, have you done tap? I guess I've pseudo tapped, one time I had to tap That doesn't count Okay, fine, then I have it

Yes, and, continue No, you said that doesn't count Alright, let's just get right into this Welcome everybody to another episode of SmoshCast. I am your host, Ian Hecox, and today, who am I joined by? Hold on, where's my camera, first of all? The seat. The seat can.

Don't even worry about the cameras. Where's the wide? Okay. But they're on me. This is three bros bro-ing out. Bro-ing out. All right. We don't do this that often.

I'm sorry. Anyway, I'm Keith. I'm Noah Grossman. Okay. Now everybody's just going to be self-thrown off. Oh, it is a podcast. I'm so sorry. We in there. You got to start it off with confusion. We need visuals.

This is YouTube. This is all about visuals. It's not just on YouTube. It's on every single podcasting app that you can possibly think of. Look, but this part is all about the vegetables, right? The what? The vegetables. The vegetables.

Did you eat your vegetables? I didn't say that. I said the bitchables. Oh, oh. I said the bitchables. Yeah. I wasn't going to do that one. I felt bad cursing.

You can say bitchables. Bitchables? It made me think of like Lunchables, but for specifically someone who's like a bitch. I'm confused already. This is great. This is going to be a great start. We have 74 minutes left to go on this. I don't mind.

It's nice to know that we're off to a great start. Yeah, I wanted to start with a lighter topic before getting into all the Michael Jackson stuff. Okay, nope. I wanted to start on a lighter topic before insert heaviest possible thing. Let's go soft and then go hard. How about that? You want to hold off on? Let's just ease.

Okay, fine. I ain't talked about this yet. Shit. So, Keith, you took Noah to church. I took him to black church. Yes, I did. Oh, black church. Yeah.

And Noah is Jewish. Are you Jewish? Yes, I did. Oh, black church. Yeah. And Noah is Jewish. Are you Jewish? So I'm half Jewish, half Catholic, but I'm the type of Catholic and the type of Jew where neither religion actually identifies me as the religion. So to be an Orthodox Jew, you have to have your mother be Jewish and to be an Orthodox Catholic, your father has to be Catholic and I'm reversed. Oh boy. What are you going to do? Whoops. I guess you'll have to become a Satanist. Yeah. Hey,

that's my boy. But yeah, Keith took me to, what is it called? One Universal? I took him to One Church LA and it was the best

experience of his life, right? It was pretty nuts. it was the best experience of your life. It was the best experience of my life. The name of the church makes it sound like it would look like an Apple store from the inside.

You're really close. Welcome to the one church. Welcome to the one church. Is it one of those, like, stadium churches? No, actually, it's actually a very, like, chill. I mean, it's a theater, but it's not a stadium. It's not, like, a big, it's not too much. It's just enough. But it's a theater, but it's not a stadium. It's not a big, it's not too much. It's just enough.

But it's a black church? Oh, it's black as fuck. It's a thing. Do you have two different churches you go to when you're feeling like you don't want to go to such a black church? Okay, so I go to a black church. Growing up, I went to black churches, but my dad is a minister of music. He's into the church. My whole family's churchy as fuck. Shit, thick shit can i say that yeah you can say all those

things are y'all gonna bleep me uh on youtube we will but if you're listening to this on any of the podcast apps hell yeah my dad's a minister my dad's a minister and uh like he ended up playing for like a white multicultural big church that had everybody. And I got the best of both worlds. And you know what? I'm going to be honest, and this is me going for it. I'm going to say something controversial. I learned the most teachings and beliefs that I have from the white church, believe it or not.

But that doesn't mean that the black church is not the shit. Okay. Interesting. Is that a lot? This is a podcast. You can speak your mind. There's no shit. Okay. Interesting. Is that a lot? This is a podcast. You can speak your mind. There's no judgment. Yeah.

I learned some great teachings that will help me throughout every day. Interesting. So what separates it? So there's just more lessons at multicultural church? No, it's not that there's more lessons. The pastor that actually gave me the wisdom and like the goodness that I like take with me

throughout each and every day not all the time was actually just said the he said the realest shit that I've ever heard what did he say

like you could say the realest shit this is the thing if you believe in yourself believe in yourself think it act on it pray on it

like all of those things this is the thing like people call it the secret it's beyond the secret this thing has been around forever just believe act on it pray on it, like all of those things. This is the thing. Like people call it the secret. It's beyond the secret. This thing has been around forever. Just believe, act on it, pray on it, do your shit. I can't say this and talk about the church.

I can't. No, it's fine. I was curious. It's like he gave you the scientific method of like spirituality. He was like, step one, make a hypothesis. Step two, pray on it. Oh, okay. That's where we're going.

We're going to fight before the end of this. No, not at all. Not at all. You took me to Black Church and that was a great experience for me. I had never been... How great? On a scale of one to ten,

how great was it? On a scale of one to ten, I would give that like a solid nine. Like, Black Church is a straight up nine. If you go to... That's an 11, motherfucker!

You know what? It might be an 11. It might be an 11. Thank you. But I've been to three churches in my life. One was a Chinese church. One was a Catholic church in New Jersey

on Easter. And then the other one was a black church in Los Angeles. And black church in Los Angeles? Oh my God. They had a live band. Four-piece band. They had a guitarist. No, they had like a six-piece band. Let's be clear. Keep it going. Keep it going. Any woodwinds? I don't remember. They didn't have woodwinds that Sunday.

It does count if you count the vocalists. I don't know why I was only counting the instruments. The vocalists count towards the band, right? Oh, bro, they have like six singers. Yeah. Keep going. It was crazy. They didn't have what wins that Sunday. It does count if you count the vocalists. I don't know why I was only counting the instruments. The vocalists count towards the band, right? Oh, bro, they have like six singers. Yeah, yeah. It was crazy. They had a drummer doing drum solos in the middle of church. Straight up drum solos. Wait, so like while the guy is giving a sermon, dude's just like...

So, that's not how I remember it, but like, I mean, for your... I remember showing up. The outside looks like a movie theater, and on it, it's like I mean for your I remember showing up the outside looks like a movie theater and on it it's like the movie that they're displaying is like today's prayer something like that so you're walking in and you're like oh today I'll check out you know 319 praise

God whatever it is you're getting a trailer essentially but this is the first time I heard Noah's like side of the story we never fully talked about it because I think we both just enjoyed it yeah and we also went with your friend Nick, who's also my friend, but your friend Nick.

And so we go in and it's straight up a movie theater. There's probably enough seats for 400, 500 people, like rows of the movie theater seats. It's so comfortable. The chairs are so comfortable. Everything is so clean.

It looks like you're on the set of Ellen, except it's all the walls. Ellen is probably just one side, and then the audience is sitting in the chairs. No, everything looks like Ellen. This is the first time I'm hearing about this. Keep going though. It is well lit.

It's amazing. And then there's a band and they're just like jamming out and they're playing. And I mean, they're all really feeling the music. And I didn't know when the dude would come out. But he comes out from like the side, kind of like you're doing like an, like we're asking him questions. It just seemed so like it's a boxing match he just comes up I'm about to let y'all

play one church one church no no no it was really awesome the dude came out he gave his sermon it was like a solid 30 minutes and then after that

like he was like thank you very much like God bless whatever oh just 30 minutes that's what I remember I think it was a quick one he's lying he's a liar

I'm a liar I'm a dirty liar it was an hour and a half but it felt like 30 minutes because the word was so good. It touched your life. Oh, right there. Blessings. Holy water.

Hold on. For those listening, Keith is currently blessing us. I'm telling you guys, I went to church for the last three weeks in a row. I've been going through some things and I was like, yo, I need that help. Three weeks is in one day a week? Yeah. Okay. Don't people go to church like every day?

No, not the people that I have, no. Are churches open other days? Are churches open other days for prayer? You can like walk in, right? We have a Thursday service. We don't. I'm not necessarily a member there, but I go there for like, just like, it's how I grew up. It's like a part of my essence.

It's a part of my like culture so i go there to get what i need yeah there's a lot of things questions that i have within that whole aspect but beyond that that's something that i have for me that i do sure yeah yeah i'd love to go again i only know like when you're talking about like going like just if you can just show up to a church in the middle of the day i the only experience I have is from watching movies where the dude goes into the Catholic church, like the killer, like the hero or something. He's down on his luck and he walks into the church in the middle of the day and sits down in a pew.

See? And then the father comes in. He's all alone. Yeah. The father comes in. He's like, what's troubling you, son? That's movie church. That ain't church.

Come to black church with me. This is the thing. Everybody has the opportunity to go to black church. But if I'm an action hero, can I walk in in the middle of the day when I'm down on my luck? Man, you walk in with your Batman suit. You play Batman real good. You walk in there. You say, Carol or Sharon or whatever.

Rachel. And give God the glory. I'm telling you, say Jesus. I'm telling you. I mean, you're going to fill somebody in. Tell me. Come to black church with me. We should do a blog where we all go to black church. I'm telling you, say Jesus. I'm telling you. I mean, you're going to feel somebody then. Tell me. Come to Black Church with me. We should do a blog where we all go to Black Church.

I'm telling you, it would change your life. This is the thing. Whether you believe or not, you're going to get something out of it that you like. It's an energy. It's a feel. It's like. It's great. It was super nice.

It's a community. It's a community. That's what it is. That's what it should be, first and foremost. It's a community. It's a place for people to gather, whether you believe in everything or not. Yeah, exactly. Look, y'all need a black community.

Get up in this. Y'all need to join the black community. Can you let us borrow your black community? No. Y'all invited to the cookout just to see what's going on. Speaking of cookout, this is actually my biggest question about these different church experiences that you have had, Noah, because you've sampled the platter.

Who has the best food? Who has the best food? Okay. Off of that, the only place that I ate was at a Chinese church. And it was a Chinese church out in Los Angeles.

My great grandmother, now deceased, God bless her heart. You know, a woman with, I've got different opinions about her, but she was very sweet. And she would dedicate all of her time to this Chinese church. And I don't know why she picked this one. And I honestly think it's because it was the people who would listen to it. She's not Chinese.

She has no affiliation to China, the Chinese people, or the Chinese culture. Straight up to the point where, like, she is the only one that doesn't speak Chinese there. And, like, I was brought there. I must have been maybe nine. I had a PSP, and I had Star Wars on my PSP. And I remember being bored, so I, like, just started walking around. And there was, like, a back area that all the kids hang out. And, like, there's just probably, like, 30, 40 Chinese kids.

And we just all started playing on our PSP. And, like, we didn't even really talk. Not that they can't speak English. They're obviously like normal humans. We just didn't need to talk. That came out wrong. That came out wrong. That came out bad.

Yeah, it came out so wrong. It's okay. You know what? Thank you. Thank you, Keith. You're our culture. Thank you, Keith, for blessing my shoulder. And you know what?

For Olivia, like she's going to love to know that you're not her first, like, you know, she's not your first asian friend did you want to move your mic a little bit more over towards yeah is that a little better for you it'll make me talking to it yeah keith what's it like always being the problem if it's a flat or a squeal a wobbler peel your dreads worn down you need a new wheel wherever you go you can get it from our tread experts. Toyo's open country family of tires will get you through tough weather in a variety of terrains. Until May 31st, save up to $100 in rebates on select Toyo tires. Find a Toyo tread experts dealer near you at treadexperts.ca slash locations.

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Oh my God. I don't think you want those problems either, Noah. So we're not going to do that either. Sorry, I didn't mean that. So what was the food situation at the Chinese church? Honestly, what I remember is a Chinese chicken salad, which I think is not a Chinese dish.

I just think it's something very easy to make that everyone, you can have like 60 serving sizes. Yeah, but that's not what it was. There we go. That's what I'm saying. I didn't actually expect Chinese food to be at Chinese church. It just seemed like it would be. You don't go to church.

You ain't never been to church, have you? Okay, so. Yes or no? I went to one Sunday school one time. I had to go because for a while, when my grandfather remarried after my grandmother died, That woman was a church-going lady. So he thought, hey, yeah, I'll try this. She was saved. And so I was with them for one of the weekends. So I had to go to Sunday school.

Did you buy Jesus? No, I didn't. Oh, Jesus. What I found was traumatic. Oh, my God. We had this competition to remember Bible verses or something, and then for every one that you got wrong, they would pop a balloon. You had a series of balloons, and then if you got it wrong,

they would pop a balloon. And I was like, this isn't right. You know what, Ian? This sounds like Smosh summer games to me, and you sound like you hating. This is a thing. This is a game. You gotta play with it. This is a thing. Okay, so, they got a balloon. This is a game. Look at it as a game. A game. So, the balloon

popping. I don't like balloons. My mom don't like balloons. I don't like them because of my mom. Whatever. The thing is, with the balloons going off... Can we dig into that? We can in a second. Y'all want to go to the balloons well first keep going with you because i mean i want to talk about my mom and how she don't like balloons and how i don't like balloons because let's talk about that okay so i said it a little bit in smosh summer games uh like last time uh pretty much whenever we went this house saved my family this is how saved me and my family are well my family more so

it got thank you we're teaching Keith podcast etiquette thank you sorry let me get up in this oh yeah baby so much better that sounds so clear we used to go to Applebee's

every Sunday after church after whatever you know it was a special occasion Applebee's every Sunday after church, after whatever. You know, like, just it was a special occasion. Applebee's in Ohio is like. It's lit. Oh, my God. That's fancy. That's fancy.

That's next level fancy. Well, we would go there, but my mom's afraid of balloons because we were kids. The waitresses would always give us, like, balloons. Okay. But my mom hates them. Why? Okay. She hates them because they pop.

I promise you that's it. Because they pop. Oop. That's exactly why she hates them. Okay. So with them popping, whatever, blah, blah, blah. Before we would get in the car, my mom said, you ain't bringing those in the car. But she stopped saying that after a while.

And what she pretty much said was, like, give them up to Jesus. Oh, so pollute? Yeah, that's the thing. She doesn't know any better. Come on. Give her a break. Mom, don't make any, don't make case in my nephew. Like, give them up to Jesus.

Like, let it go. Let go and let God, but don't let them go. How about that? That's really funny. Wow. Can I really quickly just talk about your Sunday school? That sounds like torture. It was terrible. I hated it. I did not like it one bit. And that was my only Sunday school

experience. I don't think I ever sat through a sermon. I think both my parents, both my grandparents were religious church going people. And then they all just sort of fell out of it. My parents weren't into it and they, they never, they never said anything negative about, about church or about religion or whatever, but it was always one of those things where like, yeah, if it interests you, then, then, you know, go after it. Um, it's never, it's never been something that has particularly appealed to me. I think that if other people, you know, have a faith of any kind, like that's fine with me as long as it doesn't infringe on my rights. As long as you're a good person, man. That's what it's about.

There's a saying. It's really bad. We'll cut it out if it's too explicit. But they say religion is like having a penis. It's okay to have one but don't go shoving it down my mouth or my children's just the kids no no they would say don't shove it down my mouth. That's all they would say. Oh, my God. Stop. Stop. Do you know how many of them are in prison?

Do you want to talk about how many priests were arrested last year or found with child pornography in just Pittsburgh? I don't know. It was like four entire churches. It was like over 400 members. I think you talked to me about this. I think there was like 700 victims. They distributed.

Yes, they produced and they distributed their own child porn on church grounds. Hold on. There's way more than that. What? They produced their own child porn on church grounds. Hold on, there's way more than that. They produced and distributed child pornography on church grounds for years. Everyone wants to know where these pedophiles come from and where the child porn is coming from. It's the Catholic Church. At least some of it. It's coming from a lot of different places.

Pedophiles go everywhere. Definitely not just the Catholic Church. They're just predators. R. Kelly got it too. Oops. God. Good Lord. This is not a subject that I like to talk about.

You know what we should talk about right now is that new doc. You guys heard about this new doc coming out? Speaking of. What doc? Children. It's just generally, it goes into like how predators groom different children. Okay. And kind of like how they could be separated from their families and brought to, you know,

places that might be called Neverland Ranch. Put a name on it. Put a name on it because I'm about to go off and I don't know if this is right. This is a thing. This is a thing. Put a name on it. Put a name on it because I'm about to go off and I don't know if this is right. This is a thing. This is a thing. Put a name on it. No, I have not seen the documentary,

but I'm talking about the new Michael Jackson documentary. Can I just say, this is a thing. Like, I don't want to make, if this is true, if it's true,

I wasn't there. I don't want to make people feel that like what they have gone through, if it is true, like I don't want them to feel that their voice isn't being heard. I will say this is the first time out of all the like the years that like Michael Jackson had a time to like honestly say this was like the vibe, like I didn't do this. Now we live in a time where like the Me Too movement and everything's going on. Like people are able to say their claim to like we live in a time where like the Me Too movement and everything's going on, like people are able to say their claim too. Like we live in a social media world. This is the problem that I have with

everything that's going on. Yo, I've been watching murder mysteries for like the past month and the FBI seems to know everything. So if the FBI does a 10 year investigation on yo ass, yo black ass, yo black white ass, Michael Jackson, and they don't find any evidence. What the fuck do you want? Like, what is it? This is the thing. There's evidence against R. Kelly. Like, he's in a tape. He's in a tape.

But there's more beyond that. There's more. I don't know. I don't want to say like, this did not happen. I don't want to say that. I don't feel that I don't want to say this did not happen. I don't want to say that. I don't feel that it did. Only because, not only because I'm a fan, Michael Jackson was open for his love for children. He was always like, yo, I love this.

I love kids. I love them. You can share your bed. Anybody that's trying not to share their bed or chill with children would honestly be like, I don't like kids. R. Kelly ass. That's what he said. I don't like kids. R. Kelly ass. That's what he said. I don't like kids. R. Kelly doesn't go for the kids.

He goes for the teens. It's kids. No more kids. No more kids. They don't take kids. But this is the thing. When there's a 10-year investigation on you from the FBI and they find no evidence whatsoever, whatsoever, it's just hard for me to believe that it's actually accurate and then

some of the the people involved within the case man like when it comes down to it like i'm cool with like some of the jacksons too and like beyond me being cool with them like there's certain people that are coming out with these claims that are kind of like fraudulent and like people that have said like in his like last try his last try he doesn't want to be here anymore he hurts somebody else talk take it

I mean this also becomes a problem of like everybody's truths right because you know obviously Michael Jackson had a very large impact on a lot of people, including yourself. Say it again. Michael Jackson was, I mean, he had a great impact on a lot of people. Thank you.

You added great that time. That was good. But, look, you can do a lot of great things and still do some pretty reprehensible things as well. I'll give you that. I mean, I think we can all agree Michael Jackson will always be the king of pop. You know, he's created amazing things. Had to show my eyes. Let's go.

But... You think he did it is what you're saying. No, you're just saying it. The only people that know the truth are him and those people that were kids back then. Nah, all I'm saying is the FBI, they strong. If you watch these murder mysteries, forensic files on Netflix, man, I watched the whole thing. And every time they come with the... Man, they know everything.

So what about the kid? There was one kid I think his name is Jordan Chandler I've not watched it yet so this was a kid that he settled out of court so they reached a settlement and he was

able to describe the markings on the bottom of Michael Jackson's genitalia, and those markings matched his genitalia. Oh, I wasn't there. So that's like one of those things where it's like, okay, so that matched. Why would a child know what the underside of Michael Jackson's penis looked like? Could it have been a good guess? Maybe, but the whole thing was Michael Jackson had vitiligo.

He said he had a spot or something? Yeah, because vitiligo is the skin condition. I don't know what it is. So, he was able to describe the markings. They're very specific markings. It's the Metro map from New York his markings are

very specific I'm sorry Keith the sea train goes from his scrotum how much longer do we have they actually don't talk about

I don't think they even talk about it in the doc I watched the doc you watched it there was two there were two parts so what is

do you watch both what's your opinion after watching it I think I mean honestly we'll never know the truth. That's the thing. Am I willing to just give MJ a pass? No.

Like, I do believe, I mean, I think what we can all agree on is those parents, fuck those parents. Like. Fuck those parents. Like, Michael Jackson, maybe he did it, maybe he didn't. Maybe the kids lied, maybe they didn't. But those parents, I think we could all agree, are the worst. Because they were like, yeah, you know,

he's Michael Jackson. It'll be great for his career. So, sure, you could sleep in a bed with him for nine months. Let's not blame the parents. No, let's blame the parents. I'm not here to blame anybody other than if it happened, the person that did it. I don't believe he did it.

Let's go to where it actually is. You get to a place where you trust. You know what I mean? If your kid's in the entertainment business, if you go hang out with Michael Jackson, the biggest entertainer alive. Like, you know, it's certain things like that. I'm not saying that it's excusable for the parents to do what they did.

But beyond that, let's put the blame where it deserves to be put when the wrong has been done. If the wrong was done. I guess from that perspective, you're kind of right. Like, the victims are in some—I mean, the parents are in some degree victims because they were groomed, too. Do you think these parents are actually— To actually, are actually hand over their children to a degree but sorry man this is the thing y'all talking about michael y'all not about to look i will interrupt you every time no go for it i just wanted to comment on you talking about the fbi like like i get you like they definitely investigate it but this is my issue like harvey weinstein the entire catholic

church you know the 2008 market crash, no one gets arrested. Like the FBI is out here, like catching people they want to catch. And if you're literally not only like a multimillionaire, but the most important person on the planet, who's to say, not only can you possibly get out of the FBI, but you can just pay witnesses to life. Yes. But there was no evidence. The FBI has no evidence.

The FBI. And they like, I'm telling you, watch Forensic Files. I'm telling you, Forensic Files I'm telling you Forensic Files I don't watch movies on Netflix let's just be clear I don't watch movies

on Netflix I watch Forensic Files so it's always like yeah and then he killed her and then yeah and then it's like I'm telling you

that's Forensic Files is that the one where they solve it in 48 hours oh my god that's 48 hours that's 48 hours that's 48 hours

this is Forensic Files this is like this is like this may be a 10 year span this may be oh my God, that's 48 hours. That's 48 hours. That's 48 hours. This is forensic files. This is like, this may be a 10 year span. This may be a one day span. Like it's all of that. This all happened in 39 seconds. There's evidence against R. Kelly, which I like, I've not seen the tape. Part of me wants to see it.

Like with the new allegations that he's going through, I want to see it. But like at the same time, like, yo, did I just watch child porn? You don't want to watch it. You know what I mean? It's, like, that weird, like, in-between. When there's no evidence, I'm just, I'm telling you, they can get the hair, like, bro,

if we hook, if we hook, they got the hairs. I got you on that. I got you on that. That's why I don't take those DNA tests because they caught the Golden State Killer from a second cousin. Are you a that's the problem no i'm not what i'm saying is every yeah every single person who's in prison who has their dna given everyone who does these tests like it is being run which like go for it no one's doing anything wrong like that's great but it's just on the idea of like great like i just got caught or someone was able

to do something like god forbid I want to be the president. And like you frame me for murdering someone. It's just like, oh, shit. How did that happen? Like, oh, my brother in 2018 gave his spit. Can you come over and watch Forensic Files with me? I would love to because I love nothing more than videos that scare me. I don't know which one it is because they just go back to back to back.

You want the best one? The best Forensic File? Chapter nine. What is the best one so far? Is it the most difficult case to solve? Or like the bloodiest? Like what is the best forensic file? I feel like all of them are sad.

Honestly, when you watch all of them, they all say the same thing. Like somebody didn't get caught at first. Somebody did something and then they found a thing and then they caught it. Yeah, and sometimes it takes years to get to that point, you know?

But they find evidence. The two things that I think really stood out for me from the doc was how much I did not respect the parents and how insane a fandom can be. to it didn't matter what may have happened. There were still people that were willing to believe Michael no matter what. Before the jury even said not guilty when the one case went through. There was all these people that were like,

no, he did not do it. He did not. And it's like, well, how do you know? The dude literally makes music. Why are you defending this guy? Like, you like a song that he made. Like, I just, I have, I think that fandoms, fandoms of any kind, to me, are toxic. Because it clouds people's judgment.

Okay, can I, okay, as somebody who has like a fandom and like you have allowed the the five of us to come up be a part of like something that you've established with anthony i mean i see what you're saying but at the same time like does that mean like you're ungrateful for it like you know what i mean because that's what we like you have that bro you have people people you have that beyond anybody in this whole crew that we like have now you have people that have been die hard for you and it's just like we can say that this and the other but like at the end of the day when you're going through your like bullshit or like you got like a something going on that may be true or may not be true these people

are gonna stand up for you you know know what I mean? So, like, I don't want to be like, yo, Anthony, I almost called you. Shit, that's an in-ear. Oh, my God. No. But, like, when it comes down to it, like, we got to be grateful for what we do have. Like, I mean, I see what you're saying, but, like,

just go through something. And I'm sure, like, the Smosh universe, we got little issues we got little problems and like just imagine if the same people the people that like look out for you and Anthony and like whatever what if they didn't like fuck with you at all what if

they didn't give you that respect at all what if you didn't have people that really like loved you at all yeah and I don't really relish in the idea of somebody supporting me no matter what. I think I should be judged just as much as everyone else.

So I don't enjoy this sort of fandom beyond reason. You know what I mean? If I fuck up, I don't want people that are in like the Smosh viewership to to just fully defend me without reason. Like, like, I would like it if they said, like, yes, you fucked up.

And like, let's let's move on. That was no fuck ups. What do you mean? You say that with no fuck ups. There's no fuck ups that you've done. There's nothing there's no There's been no smosh. Well, I certainly haven't touched a child. Oh, no, for sure. I'm not saying, no, that's not. That's unexcusable. Unexcusable.

Unexcusable. Catch me unexcusable. But you want people to be there for you regardless of the fact. And when you fuck up, which we play clean, our chill is fit. When we got chill. I don't want to use our following

as a crutch. I want to rely on friends and family, but I'm not going to use the people that are watching us or listening to us as a device to. I come from a place from unconditional love. So like sometimes it's just that they don't know.

They don't know. Like nobody knows. But some people are just willing to be down for you even when you're wrong. You know what I mean? Like that's unconditional love. That's beautiful. But I think that's also on the person who is receiving like attention in the sense of not only have you not done anything wrong, but you're obviously very honest to what your online persona is and also what your real life persona is to the point of there's no back room where you're doing lines of cocaine and there's girls who aren't allowed to talk.

Things that other YouTubers really have been taken down for. You're not flying to events and talking to people that you shouldn't because they're 14. Ian is like really clean cut. Like honestly, he doesn't do shit. It's really what it is. There's not a problem. And I think like obviously

because you're a legitimate, like respectable human. And obviously I think like you've got a lot of wisdom and age on some of these like new kids who are going out and they're 16 and they've been popular since they're 12 and they don't understand

the influence that they have. That if you were to do something wrong, you're obviously not about to hide behind children on the internet or even fans in general. You're going to be the first to stand up and be like, no, let me be an example of what to do even when I've not done something, and that is let me defend myself. Yeah, well, that's very nice.

Thank you. No, like you good. Bro, you're good. You don't got no problems as far as I'm concerned. Thank you. I think it is that thing where you said unconditional love but the fans don't really know

the person that they're a fan of so like unconditional love from you know your mom or your sister like they know everything about you no they don't there's mothers that have unconditional love for their sons who are murderers.

But they're going off of what you've portrayed. So be grateful for it. That's the thing. Be grateful for what they know of you. They're going off of what you give. Okay. So look, if I hear a Michael Jackson song come on the radio, I'm still going to bounce to it. Yeah, I'm definitely still going to it. Yeah, I'm definitely

still gonna listen. He has some great songs. He has some great songs. He has all the great songs. You wanna be starting something, human nature, I'm just about to name titles. For me, it's his music videos.

I was very young. I knew Michael Jackson from a CD cover that my parents had, the PYT cover. And I knew him from, it might've been 2004, 2005 when he stands on top of his limo in a crowd of people in front of the court. Like those are the two images of Michael Jackson I had. That was during his trial.

Yeah. That's all I know him for. So watching his music videos with Keith, like over the last probably four years or just knowing you, it's been like very eyeopening to someone who is legitimately creative, legitimately trying to express themselves, actually has something they want to say to communicate. It's just that this person also possibly most likely was a child predator. Shut your mouth! It's just unfortunately what it is. I mean, there's no doubt that he was flawed, as we all are. We all are, but he didn't do it.

I mean, he had a pretty crazy upbringing. Yeah. And I'm sure he didn't really have the best. He wasn't equipped with exactly a healthy upbringing. That could have messed him up. Oh, it did. I mean, that's just all he had. He talks about it.

That's the thing. Michael Jackson has been so open about his love for children and just the things that he's been through because people are always on his back. What he was when he was alive. That's the thing. I just feel like if you would try to cover it up more, I really believe that. He's hiding in plain sight. Ooh, don't do that. I'm sorry.

I mean, he did have a lot of things to cover up. I mean, he had in his lot of things to cover up. I mean, he had, like, in his Neverland Ranch, he had, like, multiple doors to get to his room. He's Michael Jackson. He would have a bell that would go off when somebody was coming down the hallway. Okay, Ian. Ian does not like to, like, go out places. And, like, Ian is very reclusive.

Very reclusive. In the best way. No negative anything. But very reclusive. Just imaginelusive. In the best way. No negative anything, but very reclusive. Just imagine being the biggest pop star in the world. Pop store. Being a pop store in the world. You got to continue like that. But just imagine being the biggest pop star in the world.

Like, everybody. Like, bro, if anybody sees Michael Jackson ass, it's next level. You can still walk down the street a little bit. You know what I mean? But if you, like, say, like, I go to Hollywood all the time. You couldn't just do that sometimes. Like, throughout the day? No, bro. You would get stopped. It would be like a thing. You know what I mean? Imagine all that.

I want this door. I want this door locked. I want this bell right here. Ding, ding! I need all that. Who is this? Who is it? Are you trying to be Michael? There we go. That's me. I'm telling you.

All the doors. The last statement that I'll make is past any sort of predatory nature. Like what is 100% proven is like his intense drug addiction and drug abuse like for tens of years. To the point of like all I'm saying is maybe if at 30 you've just had some thoughts. Like maybe at 50 when he's nearly dead off, you know, some shit that puts him to sleep 23 hours a day, like, who knows? That's a horrible thought that I just put into my own head and everyone else is listening. Let's change that topic.

I didn't like that. So that's your final thought. What do you feel? Do you think he did it? Yes. Yes, really? Yeah. Damn.

Yeah, I do. I haven't seen it. The testimony is notwithstanding, but if the kid could describe markings on the dude's wiener, it's a little suspect. I saw an episode of SVU like that. SVU never gets anything wrong. It's really, they stopped a prison guard off of that.

They identified a mole on his testicle. Wow. That actually happens a lot. It really stuck with me. That happens a lot and I'm assuming that's why they had,

they took photos of all of Michael's bits because this happens a lot. They'll have a victim describe any distinctive markings. Wow. Apparently, we all got some weird markings on our dicks, I guess. It's like...

I got them all. You know, they say cheetahs always have different stripes or spots. Yeah. Stripes. You got weird spots? You got like a spot, like a... We'll see, because if I say... Oh, yeah, don't say where. Just say, like, you got a spot. A spot. Give me the coordinates. No, I if I say... Oh yeah, don't say where. Just say you've got a spot.

Give me the coordinates. I think I'm clean. Clean? I'll check and I'll let you know. The way that you check is you put a mirror on the floor. I'm not going to say that I have a mole on my balls, but I've got a mole on my balls.

I didn't know that. And I know which one it is because I've seen one of them and that one didn't have the mole. Oh my God. Okay, let me just be clear. Noah did not just see my balls. I think I showed the whole cast. I showed all. We were shooting something and I was trying. Was that when Noah was 17 when we

started? Oh, you will not do that. No, Jesus. Uh-uh, Jesus. You won't take me down. That's where we are. Come on. That is not. Jesus. You won't take me down. You have to be started something. You have to be started something. That's where we are. Come on. That is not. We will not play into that at all.

But the thing was, like, we commit on such a level, and we're all really close. So I decided to show my balls, and everybody laughed. So it was good. Right? Was everybody? Were you cool with that? No, it was great. Great memory. Okay, cool.

Cool. I think I've seen your balls. Yeah? Also seen your mangina. Right? Oh, yeah. Didn't Great memory. Okay, cool. I think I've seen your balls. Yeah? Also seen your mangina. Right? Didn't you mangina? I did send a picture. I did send a picture.

Oh, that one was so funny. That was funny. Oh my goodness. He said, tucked in or out? That was so funny. Oh my goodness. Wait, wait. What is that from?

Is that Scary Movie 1? That's 2. 2? Oh my goodness. We love Scary Movie 1. Moving on to another. from is that is that scary movie one that's two two oh my goodness we love scary movie moving on to another oh wait do you have a final thoughts about or do you think you've said your piece i said my piece when the fbi come up with more like i don't want to hold on let me bring it back i don't want to come off that way because that energy is not what it is yeah that's not

really who that's not that's not who i am and when it comes down to it like with things that i've gone through growing up and just like life situations and life, whatever, not to go into it too deep, when it comes down to it, like you don't want to not believe people and what they've gone through

and what has happened to them. But I will say with, and I hate to say about motion forensic files, these motherfuckers, they got evidence. They had no evidence on my phone.

And that just messes me up. That's just like, yo, once they got evidence they had no evidence on my phone and that just messes me up that's just like yo once they get evidence once they get once the fbi get evidence and this is when i bring it back to that energy once the fbi gets evidence then i will be like okay but until then like you don't have a 10-year investigation it don't take that long unless like you got shit he ain't do it period fight me how do you think they would have gotten evidence if it's you know like an entire maze in order to get into the property they could have got lost uh between door six and door seven and they could have died there could be an fbi agent skeleton on neverland property we We would never know. This is the problem. He's the problem. That's what I won't do. You know you are triggering me.

Next question. And move on. One of you guys wrote Blueface, the worst rapper alive. Who is Blueface? You don't know Blueface? No. I don't want to say he's the worst rapper alive. I wrote that. That's what everybody comes at him for.

He raps off beat, yo. So off beat. If you ever heard anybody rap off beat. But it's funny because he makes it work. Okay. It works. So you know how hip hop is just getting worse and worse and worse? Worse is the word.

It's going without even letting you. I'm going to try to correct myself. I said it three times worser and worser and worser that's where it is now and like we

we support it so Tatiana blue face you killing the game bro like I wish I could come up with some offbeat ass song and be like

oh okay so that's that's blue face Tatiana and then what's the other one drop the floor drop your phone I can't leave it.

What's it called? It's the dance move. It's with the pants. What's that one called? Yeah, I know what you're talking about. I don't know what you're talking about. Because that's what blew him up. I watched, so my connection to it is I've got a friend and his little brother, his name

is Jacob Gordon, goes by JG and he's a rapper. JG? Yeah, JG. I guess in San Francisco. He was able to perform or open for Blueface for $500, which is, I guess, how it works. It's like, if you want to open for these artists. Be nice.

People don't make money, brother. I thought Blueface was like really, really big. No, no, no. Blueface is huge. He made $500. Like, no, Jacob paid $500 in order to perform before Blueface. You paid to perform? We didn't know that.

See, that's what I'm trying to describe. That's a straight up scam. No, that is what all of these rappers do. Everyone. And that's probably even Blueface before he showed up anywhere. Maybe not Blueface specifically, but other rappers that are getting on local shows. Like in order to open for people, you will have to pay money. That's a bull.

Yes. Which is also, at least from my experience with people that Jacob knows, is also why a lot of them are drug dealers. Because they don't have normal jobs. They really want to be rappers, and they need to come up with $500. Hold on, this is not the type of friend you want. No, no, he's not a drug dealer. No, but you just said your friend's name. Yo, what's his name?

Because he's a rapper. Look up JG. You just asked a friend to be a drug dealer? JG. He's not a drug dealer. Noah, the FBI, remember how there was no evidence on Michael? There will be evidence on JG. Watch Jacob's music videos, and there's evidence for the FBI, but there's also evidence of modern hip-hop.

You can't help the case. You can't help them, like, put him in jail. I'll be on the witness stand. He didn't do it. He didn't do it. Michael didn't do it. Jacob didn't do it. Sorry, I brought it back, and I didn't mean to.

Can you please tell Jacob sorry? Yeah. Sorry, I brought it back and I didn't mean to. Sorry. Can you please tell Jacob sorry? Yeah, Jacob, I'm so sorry. Noah, do your parents still think Keith stole money from them? Okay. All right. All right. First of all, no.

Okay. So I don't know. Okay, you talk about it. No, I didn't steal. No. Whatever. So never in my life have I loaned Keith money. Never has he taken money from me or taken money from my family or my parents. Thank you.

My parents have, they just have a very specific opinion about me. And it's one of like, honestly, deadbeat, unsuccessful, like didn't go to college. So all of those things just really punch into their head that I must be stupid and must make very, very bad decisions. Mind you, I'm going to like tag along. They just really care about their son. That's what parents do. That's what parents do.

Keep going. I'll take that. Look, I'm going to look out for mom ice and daddy yo. Essentially, in the first year of me working at Smosh, or always, I've been really good friends with Keith, but I would go over to his apartment probably like twice a week three times a week I would like drop him off we'd ride together um he was 17 no I was 18 at that time oh cool yeah I still want to drive so whatever but uh but yeah I was spending time over there and I don't remember what it was but my mom was just kind of like upset and I'm totally throwing her under the

bus she's a great woman, very nice. But she's also super passive aggressive. She's tried to fight me a couple times. Oh, my God. Like actually physically fight me. That's what moms do sometimes. Throw up. Be nice.

Like push me into a corner and like throw up arms. And I'm just like, shit. And I'm like, I'm not going to fight you. What is going on? I know the situation. She just wanted his attention. Yes. That's all she wanted.

She really wanted my attention. That is true. That's really true. That's all it was. No, she wasn't going to hit me she wanted. She really wanted my attention. That is true. That's really true. That's all it was. No, she wasn't going to hit me or anything. She definitely wanted my attention. It's all out of love. That's a very aggressive way of getting attention.

I'm telling you, I grew up in a black household. Yeah, she grew up in a household that fought, fought a lot, fought a lot of people. And each member should be arrested, but instead two of them are prison guards. They strong. So they can beat people up legally. Yeah, yeah. Instead of just on their front yard. Great.

But yeah, my mom and my dad both one time at dinner just kind of blindsided me and was like, hey, so we don't think you're managing your money well. Like, where's it all going? Are you loaning money? Like, are you giving money to Keith?

Did you loan $3,000 to Keith? Like, all out of nowhere. Like, they were building. And it's all because, like, I definitely spent my money not smartly, you know. And we hang out all the time. Yeah, we hang out all the time. Listen, if you have money, put it immediately into a 401k. You can start it at any age.

So, yeah, I just was spending money how I shouldn't have spent it, which was on a lot of food going out. And they thought that I was loaning Keith thousands of dollars. Why did they jump to Keith and then have no idea I don't want to go into specifics but the thing is man like like we all we have a great understanding like we they know that I've never like stole or taken anything from Noah I need money but I won't take from you. You know what I mean? It just, it was one of those things.

They're just being parents and they're like wondering who is influencing and who is a part of their son's life. Noah joined Smosh at 17 years old. They're gonna look out for his ass, period. And I mean, they're not racist, but like, of course. No, I think it's really just like when

she's fighting no no my my parents aren't racist my grandfather you know just like any 75 year old white man is a 75 year old white man yeah I didn't want to I didn't want to say that because that's it's unfortunately really aggressive people are racist too I'll like join in there it's a difference I mean I would I would even I would argue that to you and i shouldn't but i would argue prejudice over racism because racism is like systematic like you can be prejudiced but then there's racism which is like hundreds of years societies built like systems made yeah history books written images shown to the public like everything about it is that that's racism versus like prejudice but i think my parents once again were really trying to get my attention and just like talk shit about

all my new friends talk shit about everyone that's near me just so that I would give them attention they love you and they're like genuinely involved in like your well being and although like I used to tell you like it's gonna take for you to move outside of like being with your mom and your dad living at home in order

for the relationship that you guys have to heal because it's just like the older you get bro like you want to do things and you can do things because you're grown they can't stop you but as long as you living under their like walls that's just all it is that's just all it is so like

bro they just care about you and that's all it was they just care about they son and they making sure that Keith Lee Jr. wasn't taking money. Mom, Ice, and Daddy, yo, I wasn't taking none from Noah. Noah has been one of my, like, closest friends, like, within the last four years. And, like, he has helped me out, but, like, it's never been a situation where it was, like, alone. No, no.

I'm giving you rides places. Yeah, that's the thing. I can't give you that. So you bought me food before. But it must be hard to move out because your car payments are insanely high. I'll just be fully honest if people are really curious just about what the financial situation is in the real world. Because I imagine a lot of people watching this are older than me and a lot of people watching it are younger than me. So realistically, I attempted to purchase a home, a down payment on

a home to move out when I was just got hired at Smosh. And no matter how much money you can put down on a home, unless you can buy it 100% in cash, they will not, a bank will not approve a loan unless you have the monthly income guaranteed. And I think that's a rollover from the 2008 market crash, but also I think that's how it always was supposed to be. But on the monthly income that I was provided and like I was fine, you know, I could not own a home no matter how much money I could put down. So instead I went and I bought a car. And that has been the worst decision I've ever made in my entire life. Look, this is the thing. I'm devil's advocate.

Like I don't know how to drive. I don't know how to maneuver a car. Ian actually tried to help me once before. I did try to teach Keith. I had this beater Subaru that I was going to sell to you for 500 bucks. Okay. My dad told me not to buy that. What? Yes. That's the thing. Why? Because it's just like, yo, I'm not about to ride around in some like, I ain't doing it. My dad told me not to do it. It's a perfectly safe car. We've never talked about it. It's a Subaru legacy. All right. It's a perfectly safe car. We've never talked about it. It's a Subaru Legacy. All right.

It's a very safe car. But it had no air in it. I ain't about to do that. Do y'all understand? No air in it? It had no air. Was the AC out? The AC was gone. I think you just need to put Freon in it.

It don't matter what it was. My dad told me not to do it, and I don't know how to maneuver cars. Is this why you don't drive? Because your dad just told you no, and then you just never did. No, that was my reason to not drive your car. Oh, okay, okay. That's the difference, brother. That was the difference.

That's why I didn't buy your car. We all got to start somewhere, man. No, and I thank you for the opportunity, but it was just not for me. And it was just like, bro, like, I'm getting to the point. I will say, like, hindsight, I really appreciate you. Like, guys, there's a picture of us, Ian and I, just like ah, and I'm just in front of this car like ah, and my like little brown hat. Like, bro, I'm getting to a point

I'm getting older. I need to learn how to drive, I will say. I will teach you again. Yeah? Not in my car, though. Right, right, not your car. This is the thing. Beyond that, like, I feel like we could make it a whole vlog and a whole thing. Like, I used to say, like, why doesn't Olivia's Asian ass teach me how to drive?

She can't drive. We should take you to bumper cars first. Have you ever done that? Yes, I have. Or don't you disrespect me. All I'm saying is I passed the driving test and I'm still where I am. I don't know if you should get on the road. All right.

How much do you think you've spent on Uber fares in the past three years? Oh, yeah. Wait. I'll try to think the actual price that I've spent on my car and actually the price. Oh, no. It's a lot. It's a lot, y'all. But, I mean, you don't have a car, so you have to take an Uber.

I do. I do. So it's not like a brag of like – but how much do you think you – do you not want to say? I don't want to say. And it's just a lot. Like, at this point, I could have had two cars. But I mean, car ownership, insurance, that's also a lot. So there's also an argument to never have a car.

But I could have just been putting that, like, toward, like, that bill at the end of the month. Oh, no. Public transportation would have saved us both so much goddamn money. No, I feel that. That's the thing. I've been there, done that. When I first started Smosh, that's what I was doing. Then you start making a little bit.

Then you start, whatever. You know, whatever. When that comes down to it, bro, like, no. Like, I can't. Like, I don't want to be on the bus. I don't want to be, like, within that. It takes hours. And y'all know I'd be late anyway.

I'm surprised I'm here on time. Let's be real. And this is, like, 8 in the morning. I don't know. Anyways, with that being said, public transportation is for the birds. Oh, damn. I mean, LA used to have a better public transportation.

There's a conspiracy theory about why our public transportation is bad because we used to have the tram system. It's not a conspiracy theory. It's actually taught in history class's actually like taught in history class. Like I was taught in history class. It was. Teach them Noah.

Let them know. No, it was just the, the, basically the consumer industry had vehicles, they had cars and they wanted to sell them to people and they didn't just want to sell it as like a way that you move your family. They wanted everyone to have a car because that's a lot more cars. If you have a lot more cars, you get to build a lot more roads. All of these things that kind of interconnect to each other, interstate stuff like that, they actually sold the car to young kids as the only way that you will ever date someone outside

of your town. It's at such a time when the culture is so different that the car defines the new era of what is America. But in California, we had the best public transportation system all the way up the coast. And then they tore up the trams. Every city used to look like San Francisco. And like you could see that in my 10th grade class, Mr. Lundgren. That was a great history teacher. Shout out to Mr. Lundgren. Yeah. Well, yeah, because L.A. used to have a really great tram system and it cut diagonally across the sort of city grid.

And the conspiracy was that the rubber company, like... Oh, I don't know that far, but... It was like oil and rubber because, you know, tires for cars, that they essentially lobbied to take the trams out. Yeah, I believe that. There was also an argument that they needed to replace the trams. That would have cost the city a lot of money, blah, blah, blah, blah. Well, I mean, we don't replace our roads.

Yeah, that, blah. We don't replace our roads. That's true. So they took all the trams out and now it's just a bunch of cars and then also these weird diagonal streets that end up fucking up all the traffic because they weren't originally supposed to be streets. So there's cars driving on things that shouldn't be.

Anyway, it's a pain in the ass and I think public transportation, I mean, it has to be the answer. It has to be. There's only going to be more and more people. And the only way that we can put all those people in one place is to optimize public transportation. And I'd like that. And there's no solution yet. That sucks.

Well, my solution is Uber and that is public transportation. I think it's private. Whatever. Take it how you want. So what if I get an Uber pool? I think that's still private. It's a private company, private vehicle,

private driver. It's also like, unless you're doing Uber pool, you're still just, it's just like you're driving yourself. It's not really taking a car off the road. Yeah, I never drove myself, so that sounded weird. Really? I mean, Ian

tried to help me, my dad. No, no, not for real. That don't count. Yeah, for real though, don't buy a car. Yeah, so Noah, you... Here we go! So Keith is somebody that needs to start driving. Noah, you are Here we go. So Keith is somebody that needs to start driving. Noah, you are somebody that needs to stop driving.

Dude, the issue is Los Angeles, which is at all hours. This is really what it is. Like, unfortunately, I went directly from, like, high school, waking up at, like, 7 a.m., like, whatever, going to sleep at, like, 4 p.m., what it is. Like, I've always worked when I was a kid, so, like, putting in 12-hour days is great. It's awesome. Child labor loss. The consistency of having to go into Beverly Hills from where I live is straight up a three hour round trip.

And like that is being done at seven in the morning and that's being done at like eight o'clock at night. Yeah. And the city is the worst possible place to drive. There is like two lights per street. Everyone crosses the lights. Like everyone's on their phone. No one's paying attention.

Like me included. Our boss who actually ran the company into the ground, him and a couple other people actually caught me on my phone once parked. And I was like, oh, yeah, you caught me. Like put it down. Like please don't text and drive. Don't look at your phone and drive. I've gotten a lot better at it. But unfortunately, I have never been in an accident due to like being like straight up horribly distracted, except for one time I bumped into someone's bumper dancing.

Oh, and that was with Keith. I was going to say, cause Keith, you've, you've been in the car with Noah on two of his accidents. Yeah. It might've been,

it might've been more. I just don't remember. Let's be two. It's one real accident. And one dude trying to blackmail me. Well, you know, beyond that,

Noah, you were... Okay, can we talk about this? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was dancing with my eyes closed. Just to be clear, I don't want to... He was dancing with his motherfucking eyes closed. He was just like...

With that said, I wasn't driving. We were stopped. It's just that I started dancing with my eyes closed and I started shaking my butt a little like this and it caused my foot to get off the brake just enough that my eyes were closed and Keith was like, Noah, Noah, Noah. And I opened my eyes and by the time I that my eyes were closed and Keith was like, Noah, Noah, Noah. And I opened my eyes

and by the time I opened my eyes, I had already just like... Can we also talk about how now I've been so scarred and to the point where I'm like the worst passenger driver ever because I'm just like, oh, oh, oh. It's just like all that. Come on.

And he's like, yo, he gets defensive, but he's like, thank you. Yeah, I'm always fine with it. It's fine. It's just also always at the times when. And he's like, yo, he gets defensive, but he's like, thank you. Yeah, I'm always fine with it. It's fine. It's just also always at the times when I'm like not going to get in an accident. If that makes sense. I'll give you that, but that's the thing. We've been through too many.

Yeah. Two is too many. We've been through too many. How many accidents do you think you've been in? Have I been in? I think I've been in probably seven total, two of which weren't my fault. It's a real one. He's alive still.

And some of those being small, like very small things. Yeah, and you've never really been legitimately injured. No, that one, we are not the same. No, I'm not the same. And it was shock that told me that I was fine. And then going back to work that really like, I'm tilted. I'm tilted. Oh, I remember

like, yeah, one of the days you came into work, you were not okay. You laid down for like a day, right? Yeah, that was after we did the first Smosh Summer Games. On our way home. Bro, once again, it's a situation where it's like, okay, I got to go fucking two hours and like 18 freeways that I've never heard of before to get somewhere. Someone break checked me.

I was taking Keith home. On the highway. On the highway. This person like Someone brake checked me. Yeah. I was taking Keith home. On the highway. On the highway. This person like straight up wanted me to die. They did not, Noah. There was a car before. Were you tailgating them? I'm going to let you explain.

I essentially, there's two freeways split and I have to get on one freeway and they don't ever connect again. Okay. Ever. I'm going to be stuck for another hour. So I'm going and we've got at least half a mile, maybe not half a mile, maybe a quarter of a mile before I have to get over. And the entire time, there's this car

next to me. What was it? Not a Ford, not the box Ford, but something else. It might have been a box Ford, actually. It doesn't matter. It was a van. Was it a van? Maybe that's why it looked like it. You know what? The Ford Edge. I'll talk about it. And it was this family.

And I don't know if the dad was upset that day, if the car was annoying. I don't know what was going on. But he was definitely in a battle with me about not letting me over. I tried to speed up in front of him. He would speed up. I tried to slow down. He would slow down. So finally, I slowed down even more to get behind him.

And we're at the point where, like, there's literally a metal median that will split my car in half and murder both Keith and I. So I have to slow down and try to get behind him so i slow down and try to get behind also i'm pretty sure the the freeways were wet now that i think about it um oh my god you are lying no really because when we finally got no when we finally got picked up where we stopped the street was wet when the cops were there that was after we wrecked if anything well yeah but it didn't just randomly rain it didn't randomly rain all i'm saying is is i got over behind this guy, and this dude immediately, like, slams on his brakes to the point where, like, I wasn't necessarily expecting that he would fully slam on his brakes. So I didn't fully slam on him myself.

I did lightly, and then I realized that he was not lifting his foot. So then I slowed down as much as I could, put both my feet on, slammed. The car was, like, skidding, like, guh, guh, guh, guh, guh. You braked like a Flintstone. You put both your feet on the brake, the car was like skidding, like, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you,

you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you,

you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you,

you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you,

you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you,

you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you,

you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you,

you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you,

you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you,

you, you, you, you, you, you, you know, I always played DJ in your car. You know, I'm always trying to figure something. So we listening to some, I don't know. At that point, what were we listening to?

Probably Shania Twain. There we go. Like, you're loving me forever and for always. That's probably what we're listening to. We're jamming out. I don't know what happened. The car in front of the van ended up, like, stopping, like, on the highway, which is unheard of. I mean, I don't know how to drive, but I will say any car stop on the highway is just wrong.

And I'm not going to say that it was completely your fault, but I mean, when you hit somebody from the back... No, and we're in California, too. I don't remember there being rain. I think it was already wet. It wasn't raining. I think it was already wet. I don't even remember there being wet. So, wet road, somebody breaks. When we got picked up, it was wet.

And now that I'm thinking about it, the first Smosh Summer Games, I think the second day that we were there, it rained. So did the guy stop? Like, did he just flee the scene? His car was totally fine. Oh, right under the barbed wire. So the way that I was braking was I was braking, obviously, to try to not hit anyone. So my car probably went from, like, 60 miles an hour to, like, 20, like, really quickly. And it lowered the front, and so I was able to hit under his bumper.

So this dude's damage was, like, six scratches. And I posted a photo on Instagram because it was that shocking and that ridiculous that I had to do it. Because it wasn't even my car. It was my brother's car. That's honest. It exploded. My car exploded in a way that I'd never seen before we got whiplash bro yes really like hit all of a sudden like my lights are on there's smoke within 30 seconds there's an officer behind us like we

couldn't even i'm gonna push you off the freeway hold on can we talk about how the officer was a total dickhead like this is the thing like You got Noah and I. We're goofy ass people. We try to make light of our situations. I started to... Joking around? Yeah, there we go. I started to panic. Noah's like, Keith, I need you to relax. I need you to relax.

I'm a panicker. People don't realize it, but I'm really I mean, you calm me down. No, you scared me. The first thing you said was I can't breathe. I was sitting there like, you gotta check if I can breathe. You gotta breathe. You can't say that sentence anymore. Bro, like, oh, shit. Well, that's where we was at.

I can't breathe. Shit. When it came down to it, it got to the point where Noah and I, Noah's calming me down. We're all good, whatever. We're starting to, like, chill. We couldn't move. Noah tried to drive off. Couldn't move.

A police officer came right behind. The people are just, it's on the highway. So people are just like going, going, going, going really fast. So we're scared. You know what I mean? You're like in the middle of all the traffic. Oh my God, yeah. And I mean, the exit is down there.

So I mean like. That's my worst fear. Man, when it came down to it, the police officer, they came over like in the middle. Like people are just school, school, school passing us. And it just got to the point where like the guy came up, the police officer came up and he started asking us questions. And I don't know what happened, but me and Noah started laughing. We said, he said, oh, I don't think this is funny. I'm like, well, what the fuck you want us to do?

Cry. No, no. What he said. And this was after we got pushed to the side. And I'll be it like like, unfortunately. And, you know, this family is honestly a bunch of greedy people. Like, honest to God, greedy human beings who are teaching their children horrible examples. Because their vehicle was scratched. Six scratches.

My car exploded. My friend and I are obviously, like, injured and in shock. The back of my car just got beat up. Beat up by this cop car. And thank you for pushing me off the road, but this guy definitely was like, oh, it's already fucked up. Like, let me just kind of bash this back bumper to the point where my back bumper

looked worse than the car that I crashed into and exploded my own vehicle. Straight up, this family of like five come out. And immediately they're like, ooh. Ooh. They call other people and they don't want to talk to us. I'm trying to go over to apologize. The officer's like, don't talk to them. And I're like, ooh, ooh, ooh. They call other people, and they don't want to talk to us. I'm trying to go over to apologize.

The officer's like, don't talk to them. And I'm like, I just want to apologize. He's like, don't do it. We're standing, and I think we're laughing at how much my car is damaged and how much I'm fucked. We're just like, what the hell happened? Like, straight up how much I'm fucked. After the whiplash, by the way. Yes.

And also the joke that now there's a second van that showed up to pick up the people from this van. And they kind of look the exact same, and everyone's piling into another van um and their van they could totally drive it off but they're gonna get it towed whatever it's totally fine so this officer comes over to me and is asking us questions like i don't think that's funny like you could have really hurt people like bro who are you looking at are you looking at the car my car that exploded an airbag went down my throat that was probably because I was the only black person. You never know. The officer was black, if you don't remember.

Oh. Yeah, the officer was black. I didn't know that. Anyway. He wasn't. Listen. Anyway, I don't think his partner was. But hold on.

Let me finish the story. Olivia ended up coming to, like, we were downtown where Olivia lived at the time. She doesn't live there anymore, so watch out. Got to a point where she came to get me, took me home. Your parents did not speak to me, bro. No. They were mad at me. They probably wanted to blame you. They think that you took money from me, too. Like, during

the accident, you took my gold bar out of my pocket. Now we good. Now we all Gucci. We Gucci, Gucci, Gucci. But at that point, I was like, hello, Mr. Goat. Sorry. They were too busy being disappointed. Yeah, it's okay. You're great, bro. I want you to know you're great. You're just a kid. Thank Mr. Goat. Sorry. They were too busy being disappointed. Yeah, it's okay. You're great, bro. I want you to know you're great.

You're just a kid. Thank you. That's really nice. Well, I'm a much poorer kid. What's, I mean. My insurance, you want to know my insurance? It's $7,200 a year. It's just to drive a vehicle.

That is so dumb. Why don't you Uber? Join me. You just got a bird. Because I still have to pay the car insurance. You just got to take the bird scooter. My brother bought one for $300. He takes it.

He rides a bird to a train and then takes a train to his job. Okay. Yeah. All right. That's Sherman Oaks life, I guess. Yeah. Out in the valley, we got the orange line and that's two buses. I think it's two buses.

Literally just two. Yeah. I don't know if it matters or not, but back in the 70s, my area, the valley, tried to become its own city. And Los Angeles made it legally kind of like what happened in Spain where Spain barred, what is it, Catalon from voting to become independent. LA made it illegal for us to vote to be independent because we were so much of the tax dollars. They didn't allow you guys to secede? No.

And they told us that they'd give us a train. And then I guess by the time I was born was like 15 years after it happened and they had decided on a bus line. It's like a stepfather trying to make your kid happy. He's like, we'll give you a train. Yeah. Please don't leave us. Yeah. Man, I'm sorry.

No, it's fine. It's fine. I just, I literally. You should have the worst luck. Yeah, I put all my money into a 401k because I figured that no one could take it from me. You know, I'm actually expecting an apology from Noah. I don't know if I ever got one. I think I've said sorry before.

I don't remember. Okay, well, I'm not going to do it now. For ruining your life. Well. I'm going to wait on that. Dude, I'm definitely messed up. This shoulder pops. Like, it feels uncomfortable.

Like, everything about it is real. Bro, I might have got scoliosis from that one. From that? Yeah, that shit's sick. The 23 years before? I don't I might have got scoliosis from that one. From that? Yeah, that's what she said. The 23 years before? I don't think that's how scoliosis works. I mean, like, I probably got it, though. Yeah.

I think Courtney has scoliosis. Oh, that's not a joke. My mom has slight scoliosis. That's funny. Yeah, she get, like, half the joke. That's not a joke? Yeah, that's funny. She get half the joke.

She just got a little pimpling. Yeah, because my mom is a nail technician. So, like, when she sits, she sits, like, a certain way. And it's just, like, messed up. Yeah, because my mom is a nail technician. So like when she sits, she sits like a certain way and it's just like messed up. So her like, I guess like the way she sits, one side is lifted. She's been doing it for years. I kind of relate to that a little bit. My dad has something, I don't know what it's called, but he was born and his torso is twisted from like his bottom part. That's called the osseous.

No, no, no. It's not along the spine. It's along like the actual ribs. Like he's got very protruding ribs. called but he was born and his torso is twisted from like his bottom part and each of us no no no it's not it's not along the spine it's along like the actual ribs like he's got very protruding ribs and we all have a little bit of it um but yeah this got weird anyway don't buy a car yeah don't an uber with me i don't have money for uber anymore i literally all my money went into my car and then the rest i put into my 401k and it's a joke. Can I say one thing about 401ks that I learned? Please do. He's been trying to teach me. Yeah, really everyone out there, 401k, safest thing you could do. I don't know what the money is being invested into. It might be oil companies and I would hate to find that out. Essentially, Defy Media barred us from having, or me, from having a 401k until you were 21 years old.

So I worked there for three years and then over the last, when we were there before we shut down, I was able to put pieces of my paycheck. The main point that I want to get at is I was trying to move the money from that fund because they were going to just take it because the company doesn't pay for the plan anymore. But I was sent a letter because I was like, no, I'd like that money so I can put it into my own personal 401k. It was $5,584. If that $5,584 would stay there until 2050, it would be worth $168,374. There is no world where I can turn that into that number in that amount of time unless, like, I win the lottery or, like, it would really require magic. So if you have $10, $50, you could start a 401k whenever. Just put it in.

It doesn't matter. Yep. Mutual funds. Yeah, that's something that my dad taught me early, early on was mutual funds. I think it's similar. It's low risk, low reward. So it's not like you're going out there like,

I'm gonna invest in this tech company and maybe I'll make millions and most likely I'll lose all my money. It's usually very safe. And they have mutual funds if you don't want to invest in like war stuff or oil stuff. They have specific mutual funds so

you can still morally invest if you care. That's cool. I'm going to look. I'm going to look where my money's at. Because I have one that invests in American companies. So it's like, oh, that's kind of nice. Can I borrow $5? What? Can I start your 401k right now? That $5 will probably be like $ oh, that's kind of nice. Can I borrow $5? What? Start your 401k right now? That $5 will probably be

like $12,000. It'll be worth $6 in $20,100. I got a problem with that. Y'all didn't answer my question. Can you have $5? No. Borrow. No. I said borrow, I'll pay it back. I don't believe that. Ian is not saying anything. I wasn't listening. Ian got the money.

I was thinking about the fact that I said $00, and I was really embarrassed by that. Can I borrow 2100? Yeah, the year 2100. That's all I need. I wish I was born in 2100. What would that be like? Would the Earth just be scorched? At that point, I think the Illuminati has taken over.

I think my parents are robots, and I live underground. Possibly on the moon. Ooh, but maybe we can live underground like in The Matrix where it's just a big orgy all the time. But no, they live – oh, I see. The people who are with the robots live above ground though, right? Well, no, no. The above ground thing, that was in the Matrix. That wasn't real, you see.

Wow. Because the people lived in Zion, which was down below, because they had a war with the machines. Yeah, and they blocked out the sun. They blocked out the sun, and then the machines realized they could harvest people. But in the end of the third one, Neo goes and he plugs himself into that weird seat. Isn't that above ground? No, he reaches the surface, and then he crests the clouds. It's all beautiful.

And then he just goes back down. I think he dies. Oh, wow. Oh, spoiler. No, everyone's just in that big orgy pit in the deep underground. All I heard was orgy like three times. I heard... You want to talk about R. Kelly again?

No, I don't want to. I don't want to talk about that. Sorry, that's insensitive. That's cool. That's terrible. I don't even want to watch the R. Kelly one because I'm like, okay, yeah, that's fine. No, no. You cannot watch the Michael Jackson one and not watch the R. Kelly one because I'm like, okay, yeah, that's fine. No, no. You cannot watch the Michael Jackson one and not watch the R. Kelly one.

I think there's a little more weight riding on Michael Jackson than there is R. Kelly. R. Kelly just did an interview yesterday. Hold on, there's more weight on Michael Jackson, you think? Yeah. No, do you understand? He just, like, yo, R. Kelly has two new, tapes, but sex tapes slash mix tapes with underage girls. Slash mix tapes. Yeah.

Like he just released some stuff. Like that is so serious. He didn't release it. It's serious, but I'm saying that I just don't care about R. Kelly. Also, I think that was like super sealed. That was a dumb deal. I believe all the stuff against R. Kelly. There's evidence.

Yeah, yes. The FBI. I'm like, okay, yeah, he's a piece of shit. I feel like we kind of been new for like 10 years that he was that way. Because back in the day with Dave Chappelle about the peeing on women. That is not a good reason to believe it. Dave Chappelle is not. Hey, I know all my truth from comedy.

Dave Chappelle told me about it, I know all my truth from comedy. Dave Chappelle told me about it early. Social commentary all day, but we're not gonna be like he did it because Dave Chappelle said, like, I pee on... No, but there was a tape.

There was a pee tape. There was a tape. There was a tape. There was a pee tape. There was a pee tape, but there's new tapes. Like, two. Yeah, that's so weird.

And one of them, he says, I don't even know if I... He says something about 14-year-old. Ooh. Oh, my goodness. I think he would stop taping. No, you think he would stop being a predator.

Really, I hope. Wait, I'm going to say some predatory shit. Is that camera on? Nah, who cares? That's what he's known for. He's known for, like, recording everything. He's very in control. He's very, like, he has to have it his way.

I'm telling you, if you watch this, this freaking documentary, I told you a little bit about it what's it on but uh i watch it on facebook y'all know i get that shit i watch that on facebook and i watch all six parts in like two days like over time and when i tell you like beyond i hate to say this like they did a really good job with it. Because beyond it just being a documentary, y'all, I was entertained. I was like, oh, my God, he did this too? Oh, my God, where's the time? She was 17. Aaliyah was, oh, my God, where we at? Aaliyah was in there?

Aaliyah, yo, he buried Aaliyah at 14 years old, 16 years old. Whoa, whoa, whoa, what? That's what I'm saying. You got to understand. And everyone knew it. And, and, and everybody knew it. It came out. That's the thing. All this is real. And everyone knew it. And, and, and. Everybody knew it. It came out. That's the thing.

All this is real. Aaliyah. Okay. Dude, maybe. No. Maybe R. Kelly. Killed Aaliyah. You like that.

Oh, see, I mean, I half like that. She was on a plane, right? Yeah, but that's the thing. R. Kelly couldn't do it. She died in the dumbest way. A lot of people end up dying on planes. Well, yeah, but they told her that the plane was overloaded, and they were just like, meh.

And then they all got on the plane, and the plane crashed because it was overloaded. How do you overload a plane? Too many people. Too big of an entourage. You almost get to the point. Wait, was it a private jet? Yeah. Yeah.

Like she had her makeup people and all of that. I don't know why in my brain this whole time I was imagining Aaliyah dying on a plane flying coach. Because you ain't cultured. You ain't culture you need to know this that's the thing this is the thing if you know anything about the r kelly situation alia was the first one she came out with the album when she was 16 years old and freaking r kelly was behind it her first single is called age ain't nothing but a number oh and he wrote it. He wrote it. I'm telling you, watch it, bro. You will be beyond anything. Watch that shit. Yeah, I'm interested. I'll go find

the rip on Facebook. Yeah, you ain't about to watch Michael Jackson and not watch R. Kelly. That's real real. Trapped in the Closet was great. Oh my god, it was so great. I love it. Trapped in the Closet! He knew that was a joke, right, when he was making that? That's what I want to know because Trapped in the Closet is hilarious.

It's like 31 episodes, right? No, they're so, like, this is the thing, y'all. Like, he was serious as fuck when he came up with it. But, like, he had some, yeah, comedy. Was he the one that, like, brought real talk into, like, I feel like he kind of brought the phrase real talk into like pop culture no that's just like we all say real talk that's the thing he said it but

that's what we say all the time but he like brought it into like I don't know maybe no that's the first time you heard it that's just been like what it is that's just something we all say you know what I mean I don't think he was the first one to ever do that not the first one to do it but to make it pop culture the first time you heard it I don't think he was the first one to ever do that. Not the first one to do it, but to make it pop culture. The first time you heard it.

I don't know. Yeah. Maybe. Bottom line, feel free to idolize musicians, but don't give them a free break on anything. I think that's what we learned today. Yeah, I think most people – my issue always goes back to like really the main issues in my life are like the 2008 financial crisis where 92% of Americans had less than $2,000 liquid to their name and no one was arrested. So I'm all down for arresting these pedophiles, but also there's a lot of real ass world problems. All of our water pipes, all of

our bridges, all of our roads, everything, our electrical grid system. Like it's all, it's all pretty rough. I want a documentary on that. You'll get no argument from me on that. You should make it. Maybe I should. Maybe I should. I'll help you. Yeah? We'll figure it out.

You'll be my cameraman. And Flint water, still bad? Yeah, it's still bad. The worst part is Flint water is there's like tens of hundreds of counties that have worse water than Flint. It's just that they will not test it because they know the answer. Our actual water safety regulations, and this comes from like the 1990s, not any sort of administration or either side matters, but it is the Clinton administration. They give just random numbers

without any sort of scientific evidence behind it. It's really what it is. I'm not talking about the Clintons or anything like that. All I'm saying is technically during the 90s, they gave certain levels of what water should be. And that includes levels of arsenic, levels of lead, things like that. And the answer is like,

maybe you shouldn't have arsenic in your water maybe you shouldn't have to treat the lead with but maybe it makes it taste better you know it's a little arsenic it does that's why new york new york water is throw a little chlamydia in there is a nice nutty flavor oh my god it's really the metal in the water like i hate to bring every joke down to reality but new york bagels and everything is better and like they claim it's the water. Their water has more metal in it. I love New York bagels. You can't freaking beat New York bagels. They're so good.

Sorry. We're about up on time. Final thoughts? Any last thoughts? Don't own a car. I have no money. Don't own a car. Everybody knows I'm a Michael Jackson fan.

I've not seen the documentary. Will you? Can you do us a favor and watch it? I can do a favor and watch it. Rightfully so. I feel like people's voices need to be heard. I don't believe it with all the FBI not having. Because forensic files.

Forensic files. I'm going to go back to it, but when it comes down to it, I will watch it eventually. Right now, I'm not into it. A few people have texted me. You see it? Oh my god, I'm sick. Well, you know what? Don't text me that bullshit. I'm not ready. I'll watch

it when I'm ready. We already get into it. Thank you guys so much. Thank you, Noah. Thank you, Keith. It's cool. I feel better talking about this. I'm glad we got to talk about it. And obviously, we're still friends.

Yeah, we are. There's no friction between that. I got a problem. It's me. It ain't true. It's me. Michael Jackson is very touchy for me. Of course.

He's got good moves. Can you imagine committing crimes and then just being like, but he dances! Stop! Okay. Guys, you see his hat? That's what I won't do. I'm gonna step out of here. I'm gonna walk past this way. Don't talk about this.

Is you done or is you finished? Oh my god. Thank you guys so much. Be sure to subscribe to the podcast on any of the podcast apps that exist in the world. If you're watching this on YouTube, it's censored because of adpocalypse. So if you want to hear us say, fuck, shit, penis, then you're going to have to listen to it on the podcasty things. And it comes out on Wednesdays on the podcast thing

and on Fridays on the YouTube page. Thank you guys so much. Thank you so much, Noah and Keith, who has ran off. I'm going to come back. And we'll see you guys next week. Peace, peace.