Smosh Mouth - S1: #42 - You Can’t Trick Someone Into Falling In Love With You

Episode Date: December 11, 2019

On Twitter, we asked you if you needed advice on anything from relationships to adulting— and Ian, Shayne and Sarah are here to help!  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Find a Toyo Tread Experts dealer near you at treadexperts.ca slash locations. From tires to auto repair, we're always there. TreadExperts.ca Ramble. The weirdest thing about me personally, I am at my least nervous and most comfortable with myself on camera. You won't even get a job at Smosh with a face tattoo of Smosh. No, no. Smosh right across the forehead.

Oh my God. So did I get it? When you're in a relationship, both sides have to feel compelled To do the next step He's not taking the next step He's not feeling compelled to do it You can never ever ever force him to do it That's not romantic

This is like fuck boy Ian right here The most romantic thing I've done Is sometimes I fuck really good It has nothing to do with fucking good And I'll flash you Yeah flash me The Damien's fans Nothing to do with fucking good. And I'll flash you. Yeah, flash me. The Damien fans have the craziest handles, for sure.

Well, you used to, too. Like, I used to see a lot. I don't see them as often. Damien's the hot new boy on the crew. But mine were like puns. It'd be like Shane Toppat. Damien's are like, it's like five paragraphs. And Damien is an angel sent from heaven above. Literally, it's more like that. Mine were never like that. It was like Shane Top Hat.

Well, hello, hello, hello. Welcome to a special Smoshcast, Smosh advice, advice cast, advisory episode. Advisory. All the advice, all the time. Today I'm joined by certified advice expert professionals, Sarah Whittle and Shane Taub. Yep, we got our certification from the University of Phoenix. Advice giving was our major. Yep. It's a Bachelor of Science, weirdly enough.

Yeah. Yeah. That sounds like some BS. Never heard that one before. Oh, good. Because you have a dad. Why did that sound so insulting, but it wasn't? Not at all.

It was just like the tone that you had said that in. That's true. I was like, should I be hurt right now? Probably because you have a dad. Let me try that again. Because you have a dad. Yay. Yeah.

So we reached out to you guys, and we asked you guys to send us your questions if you were looking for advice on all sorts of things, and we're going to be here to answer some of them. So let's start off light, because you guys asked some pretty deep stuff. So let's start off with the light one. And this is a little bit self-serving. They said, what's each of your favorite merch item? This is from Gosh Grossman.

Oh, merch. Do you want to go first, Shane? Sure. I have a couple. I mean, obviously the You're My Favorite Pizza Place t-shirt, one of the original ones that we threw out this year. It just is. It's just really cool.

And it was interesting to see a joke that I'd made get to be something that people liked. It was really fascinating. And then of recently, I do actually think the hoo-hoo beanie is just very cool. The hoo-hoo beanie is so cool. Our last line is all of it, I think, is legitimately very cool. I think, honestly, everything that we've dropped except for maybe the I Helped t-shirt, which was my idea, has been super litty. I think we've just been killing it.

I agree. I agree. I agree. I think back in the day of Defy, we didn't really have any say or control as to what the merch was. So it was very kind of like the Ikea of merch. It was just very like, this is what it is. And it's just like, the creativity stopped here. With us being kind of a smaller operation this time, everyone can be involved and everyone can be, like, put their little artistic touch on it. It's really, really cool. The merch didn't feel connected to us in any sort of way.

Back at Defy, I was like, oh, that's that thing that someone else is selling. Whereas now it's like, oh, yeah, this merch represents us. It didn't before. Now it's like, oh this this merch represents us it didn't before now it's like oh yeah yeah yeah and i love the hoohoo beanie and i also really really love the sweatsuit jogger set we came out with initially we were just a little backstory initially we're just going to do the joggers because we loved we did joggers a couple years ago and everyone still wears those so we wanted to come out with um new jog. And when we saw the sample, I was like, hey, let's do a hoodie too because it's very on trend to have like a matching hoodie and jogger.

And me personally, I love like any outfit that matches because it's like when you're tired in the morning, you just throw it on and it looks put together. So that's like definitely one of my favorites too. Yeah, that's something that strangely the merch company that we work with, like, they kind of like strangely advised against matching sets. They're like, yeah, people don't really

like to buy, like they like to buy like a varied thing. But I think the matching set totally made sense and I think we're seeing people

are enjoying it. Yeah, it's so fun. Yeah, the hoo-hoo beanie, there's something about it that's just hot. I like it. It's hot. It's hot. I'm a big fan of it.

We sold out of them, like, almost immediately. Yeah, I think 10 hours. Yeah. 10 hours, 12 hours. 10 hours. People like them beanies. Yeah. So we're trying to get some more for the holiday season.

The supplier that has that color and that type of beanie, like, they don't have a lot of them, so we might have to go for a different color for a little bit. I think that's totally fine. But I think there's just something about it that's really cool. I think we could come out with more hoo-hoo things. I'm sure Courtney would love that. Yeah.

But, yeah, I think it is it is kind of interesting because like the wait this isn't even an advice question I just realized yeah I know when you when you said it I know we talked about it earlier but when you said it I was like this is not advice yeah this is just this is just us promoting our merch our advice is to buy our merch yeah that's our advice smosh.store let's get on to some actual advice. Anyways, let's move on to the actual advice question. How can I subscribe to the channel? And how do I hit that notification bell? No, we're here to give you any kinds of advice.

So on Twitter, we asked like last week, love, career, life. I said your Cold Stone Creamery order, whatever you wanted so so that's what we grabbed today well actually i'm gonna i'm gonna skip one real quick and go to one that's i i'm gonna i'm gonna ease us into some some you know real hardcore questions so let's see so delirious haas asked how do you save money and then they give like kind of like a sad face and then a hand i don't know quite what that means but um sad face and then a hand i don't know quite what that means but um sad face and hand like they're disappointed they're like girl i'm bad i think so how do you save money oh i'm very bad at saving money but um yeah uh it's necessary

i would say first of all if you are young if you have a job start a 401k immediately everyone's everyone older than me at the time 10 years ago said it's free money and to you that just makes no sense at all but if your job offers a 401k this is super boring answer but if your job offers a 401k deal and they a lot of companies do matching so if you took like 3% of your salary and you put it away in a 401k, they will match up to a certain point. Some places do that. If you do that, do that. Like if they are like, we'll only give 5%, then do 5% of yours. Then you're getting 10% of your salary every year into savings. And I know in my first job that I got offered 401k, it's still going.

And I haven't worked there for five, six, seven years, but it's still building money. And it is free money because I might've started out with like two, 3,000 when I left the job and now it's at like 15,000. So the earlier you start or ideally in your early 20s, then you'll have all that savings for when you retire. I'm kicking myself in the ass right now because we offer a 401k here at Smosh and I have not still signed up. I know it's so stupid. I think even if you don't have a 401k,

a lot of these 401ks are very similar, think to um mutual funds which is sort of like a it's uh they spread your money out across a lot of different stocks so it's not like you know a lot of people like they invest if they want to invest in a stock market they're gonna be like okay like i want to invest in like coca-cola or something but like a mutual fund is basically just like a fund that that basically spreads your money out into a bunch of stuff. You can tell them like, you know, if you have a financial advisor or somebody like you say like, oh, I want to go to like a medium risk mutual funds. And then they'll put your things into things that might be a little bit risky. And then some things that are

more like a sure bet that won't, you know, low risk means basically low reward, most likely. High risk means potential for high reward, but also that company could crash and burn, and then you could lose your money. But the great thing about mutual funds is that spread out across a bunch of different companies. So it'll grow money over time, but it won't make you rich tomorrow. But that's not really the goal of a mutual fund. If you look historically at mutual funds, basically the goal is you throw money in there as early as you possibly can in your life and you continue to add to it. And by the time you potentially retire at

60 or something, that money has grown beyond something that you could possibly imagine. It's super important. That's what my dad, who's an accountant, always kind of hammered into me. And I started a mutual fund with his advice when I was very, very young. And it's done well for me so far. And I'm only 30. I'm almost 32. Well, I guess by the time this comes out I will be 32 so you know I still got I still got 60 years till I will probably ever look to really

touch it so 60 30 30 you'll be 90 you're gonna be 90 when you touch that retirement yeah well he's banking on Elon Musk to make that you know cyber, cyber body that he can hop into. I think like, you know, even with the sort of like how a 401k works of like taking a small amount of your earnings and putting it away. Like you could just do that on your own. And I do that as well. I do a Roth IRA, which takes money out too. The just great thing about the 401k is because your job is involved and hopefully they're matching. And that the 401k in particular is probably not a high risk

type of savings account. But since you're starting in your early 20s, the interest that it's going to grow over the next like 40 years is exponential, especially if you started at 30. That 10 years doesn't seem like a lot because you're not making that much money. You're probably not saving that much, but it does make a big, big difference. But what about every day? Like this is all the super nerdy crap. Well, this is also for people who are, a lot of you listening might be too young or you're making minimum wage, which is you're probably not offered a 401k. You're probably not making enough to start those big savings accounts or whatever and takes time to get to that, which is unfortunate that that's the situation. But I think for me, an on the ground way of really saving money is learning how to cook and cooking your own food it is astounding how much money we end up spending

going out or ordering food every month it'll be like sometimes i've checked and i'm like god it's it's absurd compared to everything else and obviously you don't have to stop going out eating or whatever but it's just like if you can be the majority of the time cooking your own food you will save so much money. The importance of a pregame before going to the bar will save you a lot of money. Yeah. Or just don't go to a bar. Don't go to a bar ever.

But if you do, make sure you tip your bartenders. Don't save that money by not tipping your bartenders and dicks. True, true, true, true. And then I do think making a budget like – Yes. And just holding yourself to that and keeping track of all your money will help you. And if you – you know, even when you're not making that much money, if you can just be putting away a small percentage of it, that will add up over time. And I think also too is like, you know, we're all in the age of like treat yourself and self-care and everything like that. I think that's very important to do, but also know what's in your means. So if you're like self-caring and buying clothes every day, like I used to when I was younger, your maybe you go to happy hour instead of going to a regular menu price thing.

And then you're already like, you know, dollar oysters versus $3 oysters. You know, you can treat yourself on a price with a happy hour menu. And I mean, for, for those that are, you know, running like a, like a small business kind of thing, like you, you, you have like your little small business, whether it's like an Etsy thing and you have like an LLC or something like that, like writing off mileage is insane. Like it's so, like you don't realize like

if you can like attribute every like sort of like drive out to get like supplies or whatever, like say you're a YouTube channel and, you know, you have an LLC with that, like wherever you're going, anything related to business, you can write off that mileage. And that adds up crazy, like crazy amount. Cause I don't, I don't remember what the, what the mileage write offs right now. I think it's like 50 cents somewhere, 40, 50, something like that. But, yeah, 50 cents a mile, something like that.

I will say just as a last point, and then we can go to the next one. When I really had to save money because I was moving from Arizona to L.A., I did, like, buckle down for a year, and I did get a second and a third job. So I was working, like, a full-time job producing TV, and then I was waitressing, like, four nights a week and everything that, and then I also was like auditioning for other side projects too. Any money that I didn't make from my like nine to five, I immediately put in the bank. And that was like the easiest way. And I just knew it was a temporary thing. I was like this one year, I'm going to buckle down. I'm not going to have that much

of a social life. I did also get a discount because I worked at a bar. So it was great all around. And that's how I was able to move out to L.A. I think it also says something that setting goals actually has, it helps because then you can be, if you have to be on that grind, you know it's temporary. You see a light at the end of the tunnel. Even if you're not sure of that goal, too, I think it's good to even be setting goals. Like, if you're like, okay, this is the career I'm heading towards. I'm not sure if that's what I want to do, but it's like, until you figure out there's something else that you want to do more,

just be working towards that just to give you that motivation and to know it's not forever. Cause I'm sure there's plenty of people listening that are in a bind right now. And yeah, I was, I would, I would go to work at 6 a.m. I would stay there until 4 or 5 and then I would go and close a bar at 1 a.m. It's the American dream. Working multiple jobs. And that's what I was doing and I'd just dump all that money there

because I just needed to make money faster to get out there. And it's certainly not fair that so many people are in that situation. But it's unfortunately the reality that we're in. So for the time being, you got to do what you got to do. Like for real, until things change, you got to just push through. But also I guess it's like, yeah.

It's all a balancing act. I mean, yeah. It's also like know your worth. If you think you're being exploited like stand up yeah yeah i wasn't being exploited i just needed more money i think that is the thing too but don't be afraid of change because a lot of people probably think they're in situation a lot of you might be but a lot of you probably think you're in a situation where you're like i can't change but it's like, you can, you, you just think like, look around

and really break down your situation and see if it is possible. And obviously like, yes, we realize we're saying this from a privileged position, but, but like, really like we've all, we've all been able to look back on previous things that we've done and said, oh, I did have more worth than that. When I worked at Chuck E. Cheese and I got a raise after a year of 25 cents, I was like, no, I could have asked for more. It would cost them more to try to retrain somebody back into replacing me.

So it's, yeah, just know your worth. Because Chucky was making. Bank. Bank. Chucky was making. And he was just the animatronic in a band. Yeah, and they were just throwing money at him. Yeah.

It was like J-Lo in that movie, Hustlers. Oof. Okay, so. I liked that movie for the first 15 minutes. I haven't seen it. Usher shows up. Oh, no. Anyway, next question. Now haven't seen it. Usher shows up. Oh, no. Anyway, next question.

Now I've got to see it. Everyone's got a pro. Need tires? I've got a pro. Car making a weird sound? I've got a pro. So who's that pro? The pros at Tread Experts.

From tires to auto repair, Tread Experts is always there, helping you with Toyo tires you can trust. Until May 31st, save up to $100 in rebates on select Toyo Tires. Like Toyo's open country family of tires. Find your pro at your local Tread Experts. From tires to auto repair, we're always there. TreadExperts.ca If it's a flat or a squeal, a wobble or peel,

your tread's worn down or you need a new wheel, wherever you go, you can get it from our tread experts. Toyo's open country family of tires will get you through tough weather in a variety of terrains. Until May 31st, save up to $100 in rebates on select Toyo tires. Find a Toyo tread experts dealer near you at treadexperts.ca slash locations. From tires to auto repair, we're always there. TreadexExpress.ca So,

at Blacklist Candy said, they asked, how does one survive college? So, Sarah, you're the only one that went to a real four-year college. I went to a community college in person for a little bit. And I went to a community college in person as well. Did don't live on campus at community college.

I did. Really? I had to get the fuck out of my house. Yeah. I was like, I need to get out of my house. I didn't know that you could. Yeah, you could. We had like a dorm in our college.

Oh, interesting. How was that? It was fun. I became an RA, so I didn't have to pay rent either. So it was pretty fun. I don't think I was that good of an RA, but that's just because I'm on my own business. So I wasn't like, let's all do crafts together and decorate our doors. Was that back in your home state? In Wyoming, yes. Wyoming. Wow. Your dorm mate was a moose.

That's interesting because like, yeah, they didn't have dorms at my community college. I didn't know of any community colleges that had't think that they did i think the reason because maybe it's a wyoming thing well it's a wyoming thing because wyoming's really trying to hold on to their people and so they even had like a scholarship that if you stayed in in college at any of the colleges i think there are three like two community in one state that might be wrong but if you stayed you would get a certain amount of money every semester. So that's also why I stayed. They're just paying you to be like, please just stay here.

That's exactly it. Your anthropology teacher was just a tree, just a pine tree. It's just like, just listen. It was very educational, that tree. But yeah, I think they were trying to get people to stay. So a lot of, since there are so few community colleges, people who lived seven, eight hours away still lived in Wyoming, but they had to go to school in Cheyenne. That's fascinating.

Did they do a lot of like foreign exchange? They did. Yeah, they did. They did do a lot of that. Yeah. So I went to a two-year college. I stayed in a dorm there. And then I went to New York and I went to a four-year college

and I stayed in a dorm there as well. You went from Wyoming to New York City. Yes. That's good. I had my sights set on the city. Was that crazy at first? I loved it. I'm a military brat. So I thrive off of change. Okay. So you moved around. You weren't like, you didn't just grow up just in Wyoming. No, no, no, no. Yeah. So I'm, and I'm very extrovert and everything like that, which is why this question is great, because college is a fun time. It's also very intense. But I think like how do you what was it? How do you survive?

How does one survive college? I think honestly, my biggest, biggest, biggest piece of advice for surviving college is finding your group. And it's luckily with college, it's a lot easier than it is in the real life. Cause you're like, Hey, I like TV. Hey, I like theater. Hey, I like sports. Hey, I like drawing. You can find those so easily in college because they have clubs, they have classes, they have whatever. So I think that's the most important thing. And also realize, you know, if you're a freshman going in, everyone else is a freshman and they're kind of fresh there too. And, and so it's like, you do kind of have to like tap into your side of like making friends and reaching out.

But some of my closest friends are still from the four-year college I went to because we all just, we did a sketch comedy thing together. It was so much fun. Improv. That really says something like, if you feel that you aren't being accepted by people that you don't belong, it could be that. And it's obviously, this is just a possibility that you could be seeking approval from a group that you just don't fit, like don't, that you just don't have a lot in common with. And maybe you should need to be more improving of the people who are more

like you. And yeah, it's interesting, but it's true in colleges. Everybody's there. Like there is everybody, but also if, if college and high school are a bad time,

it's important to remember that like, there's so much life after it and it's so different after it. Yeah. Yeah. But it is and it's so different after it. Yeah. Yeah, I agree. But it is really the time that you're most submerged with other people your age. Yeah. And it is, yeah, it's a great experience, and you won't quite get the same chance to sort of form a community

or form a friendship with somebody. Cause it's, it's a little bit harder in adulthood because it's like, it's, it's, it's, it's very strange. And I haven't quite figured out how to make friends like outside of like the people that I just know in my sort of like, you know, the YouTube Well, and that's why when I moved out here, it was four years ago, I would do meetup.com. Yeah. So meetup.com was kind of like the college clubs of adults. You really are such an extrovert. Like you really are.

I'm becoming more of an introvert, which is very interesting to me. But yeah, at the time I was like, I have no friends in LA. I want friends. I need a social life. I need to create a life.A. I want friends. I need a social life. I need to create a life out here. And so I literally went to a happy hour meetup.

That's cool. And that's where I met my best friend out here in L.A. And she was one of the maid of honors at my wedding. I think the biggest key to making, and this is probably going to be a question later on, but the biggest key to making friends is being open to making friends and really being interested in the people that you're meeting. Being interested in other people, even if you don't have anything in common. Yeah. That's the same with dating too, honestly. Like ask questions, be genuinely curious about other people because what will turn me off from dating someone or even becoming friends with

someone is someone who just wants to talk about themselves. Yeah. But if someone's like genuinely like, hey, how are your cats? I'm like, oh my God, they're good. How are you? Like, I love that. And maybe you don't find something right off the bat that you relate to with that person. But the more questions you ask, then you find like, oh, you like that too?

I do too. And you're like, and then before you know it, then you're, you know, you got something. I think Shane and I are a good example. We don't have a lot in common, but we are friends. Yeah. And we can talk forever.

Yeah. You. Well, I'm, I'm just a man of mystery. Nobody can crack this show. Are you talking to your therapist about that? Oh yeah.

Nobody can be my friend. I'm a great question asker on dates, but I also realize it is like... But you don't give enough information. No. You don't give any information. You have to be vulnerable. That's creepy.

No, I do, though. I do, though, but I'm so interested in... Alexa asks me questions sometimes. I'm so interested in the person that I'm with that I just keep wanting to ask them questions. But they have to be interested in... Alexa asks me questions sometimes. I'm so interested in the person that I'm with that I just keep wanting to ask them questions. But they have to be interested in you, Ian.

That's actually really true. I ask Alexa a lot of questions and she's not into me at all. See, that's a one-sided relationship. That's abusive, Shane. You should... But I actually, Ian, I do that same thing, like, where I ask so many questions that I realize I'm not... I don't then feel connected

because i'm not giving it no i mean i like seeing like when whenever you bring up cars and stuff like i don't like cars i hate everything about cars but if you're genuinely passionate about it i can get on board you know i mean and that's what interests me about a person is like knowing what they're passionate about and excited i've gotten more comfortable with talking about with talking about my passions with people because before it was like I was just, I was like, no, people don't want to hear this shit. Like this is like lame to them. But then it's like, oh, okay, no, like I'll talk about things that actually interest me

and then usually they're interested to hear about it. Yeah, you're like a salesman. You find the best way to like kind of pitch the thing you're excited about. Maybe that person is not excited about it. And you don't know until you talk about it. Exactly. This advice changed. But surviving college, that instant ramen. If you don't know where to start with like that group of friends,

like I remember in college i was a part of like a um it wasn't party planning but it was like events planning around the campus so they do different parties here and there maybe it was like for cinco de mayo or like i put on a male pageant one time just for fun like you can be that that's a nice way if that's like a strength of yours to just kind of meet new people. Oh, not instant ramen. Get an instant pot. That's how you can survive college. Are those allowed in college, in dorms?

Because it's like a pressure cooker? Yeah. I don't think they're allowed. What? I don't think crockpots were allowed in college. Oh, interesting. No, that's just a Wyoming thing. Just tell everyone it's a rice cooker.

Yeah, instant ramen. And also, don't be afraid to change majors. Yes. Yeah, on to the actual education part of it. That's why I got a two-year degree because I was like, I wasn't sure what I wanted to do exactly. And then I was like, well, the first two years are a wash. You're taking your requirements. You're taking English.

You're taking math. You're taking science. It's just very blanket statement. So it doesn't really make a lot of sense to like have a major at that point. I think mine was very general, like communications. And yeah. And so then when I went to a four-year college, they were like, yep, you're good with all those prerequisites. Like now start studying TV or whatever you want to do.

So now start watching TV. That's what I did. All right. Let's move on. Let's move on to this one. We started talking a little bit about relationships somehow because that's how it always ends up because Shane and I are just, you know.

Everybody's looking for love. Very, just hopeless romantics. Are you? Shane. Are you guys romantic? Are you romantic? I don't know. Maybe.

What's the most romantic thing you've done? I mean, you saw in my house tour, I got a lot of candles. That's even just for me. That's self-romance there. Come on. That's great. What about Ian? What about you, if you're willing to share?

I don't know if it's appropriate for me to say. Oh, okay. But. I don't know if I want to know more. Okay, real talk. I actually, I love flowers, and I do love buying flowers for people. So when I'm dating someone, it's really a good excuse for me to be like, oh, hell yeah. Flowers were tough in my last relationship because of all the cats.

And the cats would eat the flowers. I don't ever want flowers. It sucks. So this person. Wait, real quick. What's the roast, the thing you didn't want to say? What's the most romantic thing you've ever done?

if you don't want to say it. So I'll just say it and we can cut it out. He was like, I'll hold it in her hands. If it's TMI. Well, I feel like I told you guys cause of the spelling bikini wax, uh,

you know, uh, was it a wax? Is this romantic? I got the full, I got the full on, that's not romance bro. I got the full on bikini wax. Hey, I suffered a lot for that. Is this something she asked for? She was interested in it.

But this doesn't seem like romance. Oh my God, Ian. All right, let me think of another one. Did you cook her a meal and then have flowers? I cooked her several meals. I do romantic stuff all the time. Sometimes I have sex with people and that is romantic. Sometimes I show her my nipples and then she likes it.

Well, geez, guys. That's not romantic, Ian. What do you mean it's not? Something that's like you're creating an environment of romance and how much you care for that. It's putting thought into making them feel really cherished. Yeah, like you're like, oh, look at all this thought I put into this thing that you care about or something that I know will.

Yeah, and if she said that she likes her men like seals, and then I've listened to that. I've taken that into consideration. That's not romantic. And I've done that. This is like fuck boy Ian right here. Like the most romantic thing I've done is sometimes I fuck really good. It has nothing to do with fucking good. Sometimes I kiss her on the mouth while we're fucking.

What? Ian. What? I'm very romantic. We're going to have a talk afterwards. Sometimes I get hard. It's got nothing to... It's like, it's like, what's a romantic thing?

It's like... We're cutting this out. We're cutting this out. Let's just move on. We're cutting this out. Move on. All right. It's so funny.

It's really good. Sorry, we're definitely giving you a hard time. I'm trying to think of like how much I suffered for that shit. All right. I did too. I've done a wax too, but I wouldn giving you a hard time. I'm trying to think of how much I suffered for that shit. I did too. I've done a wax too, but I wouldn't say it's romantic. If showing someone your junk... It's got nothing to do with showing the junk.

It's the principle. It's the principle of her saying, hey, that would be nice. That's more sexual. That's more of a sexual I took it in that's more of like a sexual thing not really romance it's the it's the effort

that was put into it okay she didn't explicitly ask me to do it uh huh and then as a surprise

I did it I did do some other things that was like a Valentine's Day thing I did some other things which I forget what they were okay

but that's I just remember that because that because i wish you would offhand say like the most romantic thing like oh and then i just like i just like one time i a tree house and then like had a romantic one time i surprised her by taking to a concert of her favorite artist and uh kissed her in front of her where our first date was yeah i that. I did like a scavenger hunt thing. That's romantic. Why did you start with that? No, I did like a scavenger hunt thing. And there was like little poems.

That's like things that I like about her. Ian, what the fuck? Sorry, I forgot about that. Now we have to keep some of it. Now we can make fun of you for the other thing. Because, yeah. What did that end with? It ended with some kind of really nice thing.

I forget what it was, but it was the, yeah. All right. Well, anyway. This person, Sarah Jane, asked, how do I trick a man into falling in love with me? Well, it's very simple. You get four bay leaves and the finger of, no. Hmm, how do you trick a man to, you can't trick a man into falling in love with you.

Yeah, you don't trick someone into falling in love with you. That's the thing. They gotta either be interested in you or not because if you are not being completely yourself, eventually that facade will break down and then you will not be the person that they had fallen in love with for me i think and i always say this a lot to to people who are like what what you when you're in a relationship both sides have to feel compelled to do the next step. So if it's like, if you're in two different spots in your life and like, let's say, for example, the guy isn't, you know,

committing to you all the way, or he's not being romantic or he's not taking the next step, he's not feeling compelled to do it. You can never, ever, ever force him to do it. That's why it's like whenever I hear about relationships, about women being like, when are you proposing? I'm waiting for the proposal. It's like he doesn't feel compelled to do it. We're sounding really like 90s advice radio, but that's really what it is. And so it's like you are not on the same page. You're not on the same page and you're never going to be on the same page because that's the tricky thing about romantic relationships and trying to find a boyfriend or a husband or a wife or a girlfriend.

You guys have to be on the same page. And it's like this magical thing that has to be on the same level. And that's the thing is like Claudio was the first person that had many serious relationships before. But him and I were always on the same page we were on the same page when we were very casually dating we were on the same page when we wanted to be exclusive but not boyfriend and girlfriend on the same page about moving in together like getting cats together like we were we felt compelled to like level up together on each step and I think a lot of people think,

well, one day you'll wake up and you'll realize that I'm your wife. And it just, that's just never gonna work. I don't think. I think this is- In my opinion. Yeah, I think this isn't even like, I'm guessing this person isn't even

in a relationship with this person. I think there's somebody they're interested in that they want to fall in love with them. Yeah. So then ask them out. Because I asked Claudio out because he wasn't approaching me. Yeah. And that's how we got on the same level.

Yeah. I think it's, yeah, I think it comes down to you just got to make the effort and just put yourself out there as honestly and truthfully as you possibly can. And if they're interested, then great. And if they're not, then they're not interested in you. And then you just move on to somebody else. Yeah. And I think in the beginning stages, it's tough, especially as like a female, like you don't want to be labeled crazy or too emotional or too blah, blah, blah. Or I think you don't want to be labeled as all those different things in the beginning of a relationship in a new relationship.

So, you know, girls always like put their best foot forward and and then they like switch you know the switch i think it's like it's a balance it's just like if you're going to meet someone new that's your friend you start on a good note you want to talk about positive things in your life what you're passionate about what you're excited about then slowly as you're getting closer you let them into like the real stuff what you're struggling with and what your fears are and stuff like that. Oh, I put that out right on the first date. That's not great.

I'm scared of dying alone. How about you? What's your name? Yeah. Any tricks from the boys' perspective? I mean, I just think the big thing is, yeah, you have to put it out there for that person to tell you yes or no, if they're interested. And if they're not, really, your best move then is to move on in some sort of capacity. Not necessarily to someone else, but just focus on other things.

Like being so desperate, the reason I think it's unattractive is because, and we've all been there, right? We've all been in that situation, but the reason it's unattractive is because you're someone who's not happy and confident in your own self, doing your own journey. You need someone else. And for anyone else, that's a lot of pressure. And that's also just like, oh, I want someone who's confident, who feels they deserve me. So I think honestly, like, and if they say no, if they're not interested, use that hurt and that pain that comes from it as motivation to focus on things in your own life. Focus on bettering yourself. Focus on getting the things that you want. Yeah, there's so much to life outside of dating.

And I think our culture very much pressures us to believe that you have to be dating, that if you don't find someone that you're worthless, that you're not, you're wasting your life. It's just not true. There's so much to life. Yeah, I agree. I think it's RuPaul. It's like, if you don't love yourself, then how the hell you think anyone's going to love you? I think that's very true. Like, even if you don't love yourself, because like, you're not perfect, or there's still parts of you that you want to improve, bless you, Kevin. I think you can, you still need to like yourself, because you're asking for someone to like you, you have to like yourself. And you have to have your own journey. If you're trying to make your journey someone else's, if your journey is entirely focused around someone else, then you don't, you aren't even a person for that person to like.

Yep. You have to have your own story, your own character that they can be attracted to. There's nothing worse than we've all seen this with one of our friends at one point in time where the person isn't their own person. And then they get in a relationship and they just become this other thing for this other person. And it's not attractive. And it's not good for their relationship.

No. Because I'm reading a book called Mating in Captivity. And it's about like how sex is in marriage and relationships and stuff like that. And this one happy married couple, they have kids. They love each other very much. They stopped like being intimate with each other., they have kids, they love each other very much, they stopped being intimate with each other and they were like, why? And it's because the wife gave up her friends,

her life, her passions for him and in order for sex and sexuality to work, you need to have an air of mystery and you need to have an air of separateness so that you're two people being intimate together. That's why I always have sex with a mask on. That's pretty romantic. A Zorro mask.

Well, I keep it mixed up so you never know who I'm going to be. The Chuck E. Cheese mascot helmet. Maybe I'm Jigsaw today. Oh, my God. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. That's really interesting and I fucked up here. No, it actually is. It's really true. But I also just think it's, that's, that's really interesting. And I fucked up here. No,

it's, it actually is. It's really true. But I also just think it's like, yeah, you have to be, you can only be attracted in another person. But if that person's entire identity is you,

then they don't feel like another person. There's no mystery. There's no passion. And it's like, great, cool. Yeah. You're just my shadow.

You know what I mean? Like, it's also, it's also an element of like, you're not, you have to also be both challenging each other and inspiring each other and pushing each other forward. And if you become all about seeing that person's approval, then you're not challenging them. You're not pushing them at all. And they're not it's just not gonna be exciting.

In the book, the therapist told the wife to move out of the house. So she moved out of the house and they were on like a separation, but they weren't separated. They're still together. She moved out of the house. So she moved out of the house and they were on like a separation, but they weren't separated. They're still together. She moved out of the house. She started her like degree, her higher education degree. She started reconnecting with friends.

And then like six months later, they moved back in together and it was great. Yeah. I think it makes sense. I think people are at their, I believe people are at their most attractive when they're very focused on something. Like, I think, like, I love when I see people really honed in on a craft or something they're passionate about.

I'm like, that's when people are at their most attractive. So if you're in a phase where you feel rejected or you're not worth something, focus on something that you're really passionate about and push yourself to get better at that thing. Yeah, or find it. Yeah, find that thing. Because you're talking about, yeah, she started a degree. She started her own journey again

that made her so much more attractive. It made her an individual. And she's more fulfilled too. It's not just to how she was attracted. Exactly. Yeah. If it's a flat or a squeal, a wobble or peel,

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Please gamble responsibly. If you have questions or concerns about gambling or someone close to you, please contact Connex Ontario at 1-866-531-2600 to speak to an advisor free of charge. BetMGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with iGaming Ontario. So let's say that, you know, that relationship didn't work out and then you're single. And Tamini Mouse asked, how do you know when you're ready to start dating again? I think that's entirely up to you. Up until it was like a year and a half ago, I was very much, I was in a relationship and then I was single and i was i had this massive pressure on myself to date and uh it was very very negative and inwardly toxic because if i wasn't i viewed

my worth based on just dating and just relationships and i had a therapist and i was i was like yeah you know my fear is like as i'm getting older and stuff, if I'm not dating, if it's, I don't find that person, whatever, if it doesn't work out, I'm going to be alone forever. And my therapist was just like, what's wrong with that? And I was just like, huh? Oh, and I think that was huge. And I don't know, I think I'm still in that phase. And I realize there's so much. I don't feel good enough about myself with how I am as a friend and building my friendships and my foundation that I still want to work on that. I'm still figuring out so much that I'm just like, it's more of just like, oh, it's for me right now.

It's just like, ah, like it's not a big deal is more the phase I'm in. And also it's just for me. And this is just this changed to being about. And also it's just for me, and this is just, this changed to being about me, but it's so busy. Like our schedule is nuts. Like a person, I think it was Finnerty was like, so are you dating anyone?

I'm like, no. And he's just like, oh, like what? And I'm just like, ah. And then we broke down our schedule for the next couple of months. And I'm like, that's why I'm not dating anyone

is because when the weekend comes, I lay down and I sleep. But I just think don't put that pressure on yourself is my big thought. Like focus on being a friend to people. Focus on your interest in other people. And maybe it's not about, oh, I'm ready to date. Maybe it's just you'll meet someone. Like maybe it'll be as simple as that, you know.

But putting that pressure on yourself is a surefire way to never find anything. But I do think if they're asking that question, they are interested in going out. So it's like I think like whatever if they just went through a heartbreak or something like that, give yourself time to process that in a healthy way. But then, you know, luckily there are are dating apps so you can go out there and just go on and be honest i'm just here to meet people like you don't have to like go and hook up with everyone but you know it it takes especially if it's a long-term relationship it takes some time to learn how to date again and so i think like you can go on a date and just be casual about it. Like go to happy hour and, and just talk with someone and see if that's something you're interested in, but you don't have

to pressure yourself again. I think, I think you, that makes me think of something though, is also like when you're dating, there's a lot of talk about like how you're supposed to date and what you should do on a first date and whatever. I think it's important to know, like, you get to set your own rules for what you're comfortable with on a date. And if someone disagrees with that, then great. You know that that's not a person you're going to date more. You don't have to rush things. You don't have to feel rushed. Know that it's like, hey, I'm going to go meet a new person.

Yeah, they shouldn't have any expectations of anything extra so yeah i mean the really the only rules the only rules that i kind of abide to on dates is just not drinking too much like that's yeah that's really that's a safety thing yeah yeah and it's just like and plus like if i drink if i drink too much i don't remember everything yeah yeah and it's like also you're just not completely yourself like i would just prefer to have all my mental faculties. So I don't usually exceed, like, two drinks if I'm on a date. Yeah. That's smart.

That's smart. All the other sort of, like, rules. Yeah, I think, like, oh, for every year you were dating a person, take a week off. Like, you don't have to. There's some insane rules. Just go with what you want. Yeah. If you're talking about rules, then you're playing games.

Yeah. And then you're playing games. Yeah. And then you're playing yourself. Because I think after my last breakup, I probably... Thumbnail. Thumbnail. Shane's just giving the peace sign. You played yourself.

Don't play yourself. I think after my last breakup, I think I didn't go on a date for probably like eight months, something like that. Yeah. It was, it was a while. Everyone's got a different.

Yeah. And I didn't, I don't know. It was like, yeah, I just didn't feel like the drive to like, Oh, I need to be in another relationship at this moment.

And then I, and then, you know, I, I started, I went on a couple of dates and then I kind of like exclusively dated someone for like a month and a half and I was like oh I'm not really feeling this and it was like it was perfectly fine but but I was like yeah I don't know I could just kind of see like

I was like the crazy thing was I was like yeah I could probably be with that person for like a couple years and then and then it wouldn't work out that's not a good that's not a good thing i know uh this could be this could be mediocre for a while i'm a very like go with the flow kind of guy so it's like and and yeah i i really i just really enjoy people i i think i've just become more and more of an extrovert i've like gone the opposite of you like i i feel like i was more of an introvert and now i'm being like becoming more of an extrovert. I've like gone the opposite of you. Like I feel like I was more of an introvert and now I'm being like becoming more of an extrovert where I like, I like being in the company of people and doing things with people and having experiences with people. But at the same point, I realized that. So I'm also trying to become more comfortable with just being,

being myself and being alone with myself and stuff. So it's been an interesting couple months. I feel like I'm ready to start dating again. I've been dating. I've been going on dates. But it's like, yeah, I go on a date. I put zero pressure on it. I'm just there to find out about the person. Be like, oh, like.

For me, yeah. For me, when I was like online dating, I'd go on quite a bit of dates. I used to talk about that a lot. I'd go on a lot of online dates. But for me, it was because it was my extrovertedness. I just wanted to like find out. It was an interesting opportunity to find out about people I would never run into in real life. So I was just interested. I had never really talked to like a lawyer as a friend or like, you know, some random

other jobs. But it's like, I think especially in LA, like we only know industry people. We only know people that are in the digital space. And so it was, for me, it was fun to meet people outside of that bubble. And that's a cool thing about dating in a big city is there's just so many people from so many different backgrounds

and it's exciting and it's good to get outside of that bubble of the sort of people you would normally just interact with. So how do you know when you're ready to start dating again? You do you, girl. Yeah. I think you're totally right, Shane. A lot of people do feel that pressure that their worth is less when they're single.

Right. And obviously we give you a lot of shit for being single. And we give you a lot of shit um for for being single and like give we give you a lot of shit for for not going on dates but that's also because we just know how fucking cute you are well and how you're like how you're just you're just such a catch shane well and also it's dating is also one one last thing just because like you both talk we extroversion is of course going to come up in this because america is a very extroverted culture and dating is a very extroverted favoring process, especially with things, the advice of like confidence and like look them in the eyes and like, you know, all this stuff. And it's just like if you are an introvert and you're shy, it's going to be so much harder. But just don't hate yourself for that. I still,

and I won't even feel nervous, but my body just reacts in such an unfortunate way to dates and pressure because I am so hypercritical of myself. And I know on a date, I'm like, oh, I'm being judged. Like that's, I can't help that I will be shaking and I will have a hard time speaking sometimes. And I think I am sometimes afraid of dating because even if I'm like, oh, this is going to be fun. I know logically all the nice things. I also know, oh, I'm about to, my body's about to go through this awful thing. Do you get that nervous with auditions? No. What's weird, you know, you want to hear the weirdest thing about me personally. I am

at my least nervous and most comfortable with myself on camera. Off camera, I am so much less confident in myself, so much more nervous in every interaction, less sure about everything I say. When I'm on camera doing try not to laugh or anything, sketchy even, that is when I'm fully comfortable in my body with what I think, with everything I'm saying. Well, you just need to pretend that your date's for a video. Honestly, if I had a date on a video, I'd be, but the problem is also that's a different version of me too. Like it's performance is what I feel comfortable doing.

Cause I don't know. Then I just don't feel, I don't know. I don't think, yeah. I don't think you have to worry about being judged. I think if you, maybe if you put it on the other person, like I said, you're going to meet another person to pick the other person's brain, then that will take the pressure off of you. I had that same feeling when I first started going on these dates with people that I had no clue who the heck they were.

And I found I was a lot less nervous when I was just like, I'm just going to lose myself in them. Like just focus on them, not focus about myself. I'm snapping to what myself in them. Like, just focus on them, not focus about myself. I'm snapping to what you're saying. But then you don't talk about yourself at all. No, I do. I do, because it's like, because then I ask them a question,

they say something about themselves, and I'm like, oh my gosh, here's my opinion on that. Yep. Oh my god, my opinion, that's dumb. What you're saying is dumb. You can say, I don't can say I don't agree. I don't agree. The only,

the only thing I will say is like a lot of times because I'm asking a lot of questions and I find something to relate on. I somehow like, we somehow end up talking about like some bullshit about like China or something for like 30 minutes. That's how it goes. And, but it's like,

yeah, I don't know. The best conversations are the ones that go wherever the fuck. Yeah. I mean, like my, yeah, my last date, she was like, she was like, I'm glad this is not just like surface level conversation. Do you have any brothers and sisters? Where did you grow up?

Like, yeah, that stuff is, it gets boring after a while. I wasn't going to, yeah, I don't ever go down like a checklist of like find out about them. What's your spirit animal? But it's like, can we just have a conversation? That's the that's that's the most important yeah that's the most important thing for me well this is this is a little similar but it's not about dating perfectly smosh asked oh how do i get over my fear of approaching people and making a friend standpoint that's actually so i realized at a certain age that i had, as a teenager and everything, I had, and pop culture had made me focus so much on like, oh, getting a girlfriend,

that I realized as an adult that I was like, I am not equipped to make friends that well. That's the thing. I feel like I am, I could go approach a guy to ask on a date, to go up to someone and try to be friends with them, it just gives me a next level of anxiety. Making friends is really, what's funny is it's actually easier than you'd think, but it's just not something we ever talk about. There's no articles on how to make friends necessarily. Like it's all geared on how to get a boyfriend, how to get a girlfriend.

And yet making friends, in my opinion, especially like early on in life, I think it's more crucial to happiness because friends can be a more permanent thing in your life. I agree. And also just being able to really connect with people on a regular basis is just so huge because you might go in and out of relationships your whole life,

but the ability to constantly be connecting with people is going to always be crucial. I think you can use kind of the same theory I mentioned earlier with like meetups. I don't know if they're still cool in 2019, but kind of like that same kind of theory. If you're into video games and playing video games, then going to- Okay, boomer. No, but- If you're into video games and the games- I was thinking of like a barcade, like go to a bar playing. Okay, boomer. No, but. If you're into video games and the games.

I was thinking of like a barcade. Like go to a barcade and maybe you'll meet similar people. Yeah. Go to a Forever 21. Like go shop at your, I don't know. Well, like, I mean, for all the, the majority of our office is introverts. And a lot of them go and do like Dungeons and Dragons. They go do LARPing and stuff.

Like you find your crew and you find the things that you all want to do and you don't judge each other for it. You go and do it. But how do you strike up a conversation? If we're just two people, I'm like, Hey, I want Shane Top to be my friend.

I think that's if making friends with strangers might be weird. I think it's, I think it's being in general, having a mindset of being open to anyone you meet, being like, hey, this person could be my friend. If you're immediately guarded and thinking, oh, no, then you're not going to make friends because you don't want to. I think it's all about a vibe check, honestly.

Like, Claudia and I went to Ali Wong like a month ago, and we went to a bartender and we ordered drinks from him. And the guy was, like, instantly cool. And he was, like, around our age and everything like that. And we were just chatting with him. And by the end, I was like, can we get your number? Like, you're really cool. And he gave us his number and, like, his handle.

And, like, him and Claudio, like, text. And we're like, hey, we're about to move. Like, do you want to hang out sometime? And he's like, oh, yeah, for sure. So I so i think it's like that initial vibe check is also very important and just being open and nice so that you can vibe i think it's also as an as a very introverted person who instinctively would always rather spend time alone it is about sometimes combating that and prioritizing social events and, and realizing that they're, that you do actually on certain levels want that and want to go out and stuff. Cause every weekend, like, cause we always work, you know, we have crazy work weeks and every weekend

I'm like, ah, I just want to like sit at home and watch TV or play video games. But there's always there's always a social situation. Or if there's not, I know that there's one that I could make. And I'm like, I should do that. I will feel better if I prioritize that. And and, you know, and it's go back to being interested in other people. I think it also helps to squad up because it's like whenever we are in a group like as Smosh and we're at parties and stuff, like people want to be a part. People are always like, who are you guys?

Or like, you know, we'll go to karaoke together and people like you guys are fun. What are you, an acting troupe or something like that? So it's like I think it's always like power in numbers. And then like if you guys are having fun, people will want to join in. And you can see someone wanting to join in. Be like, come on, come over, grab a drink or whatever. I think it's incredibly important to find friends. I think, strangely, like men having male friends is also something that's like a close friend, is something that people don't, I think, realize how much of a problem it is that a lot of men don't have.

I just looked it up, this study that was done, I think in the UK. It says, a YouGov survey for Movember asked men to say how many friends, if any, outside the home they would discuss a serious topic, such as worries about money, work, health with. Said just over half said two or fewer, but one in eight overall said none. Wow. Yeah. So said that equates to around 2.5 million men across the UK.

And I think that's a lot of men just literally don't have that friend that they feel that close to. Men, male or female, to talk that close to it, men, male or female, to talk that stuff to. Yeah, that just plays into, like, the kind of the toxic masculinity of, like, being afraid to be vulnerable, yeah. But I think, like, you know, you should be able to break down those barriers if you do have a close friend,

a guy friend as a guy, to be like, hey, can I, I think I saw a tweet going viral like a couple days ago and it was like someone had texted their friend was like hey i just really need to rant right now so let me know if you have like the emotional capability to like let me rant with you which was like very nice and i think that's like a great gateway like type of thing to open up those kinds of conversation yeah i feel like there's a lot of stigma around a guy being able to be vulnerable with a guy friend. Would you drop?

I just kicked a water bottle over my back. There is. And anyone who promotes that criticism of it is clearly just very uncomfortable with themselves. It's a learning process, too, because I've had a lot of male friends that are afraid to like share their feelings. But, you know, it's really about creating that safe space and being like, tell me what's going on. Like, just tell me.

I mean, it's incredibly important to have somebody to confide in, especially if you're not in a, you know, relationship. You should absolutely know that there's somebody that wants to hear you out. I do think, it's so cliche, but I do really think the key thing is to really, it can be a struggle sometimes

because I have to, I'm someone that if I'm like alone in my apartment, I can kind of forget about the world. Like I'll just be so honed in on a thing I'm anxious about or whatever that I completely forget about the entire network of people I love. And I think it's important to constantly every day, if you have to write it down, like, what are, what do you love about the people in your life? Like what, what is so great about them? What can you do to, to maybe brighten someone else's day? If you do that,

if you work on that once a week or something, you're giving love and that's the best way to guarantee you're going to get something back. And that's the best way to guarantee you're going to get something back. And it's the Beatles thing. What the love at the end of your life or something, the love you make is equal to the love you, the love you take is equal to the love you make. Something like that.

And it's just, it's just so true. Like you really, it's the best way to guarantee. If you're, if you're desiring friends, if you're desiring people to love you and you're not really cherishing the people around you, it's just not going to happen. Yeah. Put it out in the universe. It'll come back.

Definitely. I keep trying to find one that's like a little bit like happier before I get to a really dark one. How to kill a man. Do you guys have any advice that you need? How to kill a man. I'm trying to think if I... Well, this person said... This one's real quick.

This one will just probably just need a one-word response. At Squishy Damien... We had a conversation beforehand that I was saying, Damien handles on Twitter are the most insane. They're always just the weirdest ones. Squishy Damien. It makes me look at him differently each time I hear a new handle.

I wonder if Damien would like that handle. I don't think he would. Squishy Damien. Squishy Damien said, my long term boyfriend broke up with me over the phone and I still love him dearly

but I doubt he spares a thought for me fuck he was my best friend should I message him as a friend I miss him so much

and I think we can all just say one two three no cherish that memory the memories you had together cherish the relationship and then

close that chapter in your book he didn't feel compelled so you need to walk away yeah phone breakups rough man but that's really tough i broke up with my last serious boyfriend well he broke up with me it was a mutual it was kind of mutual um over the phone before before Claudio. And it was rough because he was my best friend. And it was a very long relationship. And I care for him deeply still. And, yeah, it's just I look back at my time with him very fondly. And it does make me sad a little bit to say that that ended the way it did. But that's life.

And I am better for it because I was able to close that chapter, and now I have a new chapter. Yeah. And, I mean, even if you guys were, you know, he was your best friend, I mean, not everyone can continue being friends with their exes. And most of the time they can't. And there's a billion other people in the world. You can get a new best friend. You can get a new boyfriend. You can get new friends.

It's possible. So I think that's just a big old heck and no. Unless, you know, later down the road he wants to reach out as a friend and you're okay with that. But, you know, be careful. Be real careful. You know, if you ever do feel compelled to text or message, then do something that Shane said. Try to focus on yourself. Find a new hobby.

Hone a craft. Do something like that. Yeah. Yeah. But that sounds ugly. It takes a lot of balls to write that, though. Yeah. Because, I mean, a lot of us have been there.

So I think that takes a lot of courage to write that. So best of luck with that. Dang, man. It hurts. It hurts. Squishy Damien. Squish squishy damien squishy damien poor squishy damien i can't imagine dating somebody that would have like a stan name of somebody else like like if i if i found out that like the person i was dating had like a handle it's like impossible to find that ryan philippe's massive dong or something our next question comes from

Soft Supple Damien. Is it just Damien under all of these? Yeah, Damien just has a bunch and he's just like, hey, I'm trying to figure this out. This has been a very intense podcast, but I think, I would just say, totally biasly, that this is

great advice we're giving. I think, I feel confident about the advice we're giving. I think it I would just say, totally biasly, that this is great advice we're giving. I feel confident about the advice we're giving. I think it's pretty good. I'll step away from relationships for one second. This one, it's not a Damien tag. Oh, shit. It's KYXGrey asked, I keep wanting to give up on my art. Any advice on how to stop thinking

everything I make is horrible well this you've just about explained almost every artist that has ever existed it's a very common thing called imposter syndrome where no matter how good your stuff is you feel

like everything you do you haven't earned it and that whatever you're doing is bad a lot of people feel this way how do, you haven't earned it and that whatever you're doing is bad. A lot of people feel this way. How do you guys feel about it? I feel the exact same way. And looking back at when I was younger, I was so focused on – because was it Ira Glass? He has this great video, the sound clip, about how when you're a creative person, you have a level of taste.

So you have very good taste when you're a creative person. However, your level of talent very rarely matches up to your level of taste. And so you constantly have this feeling in your gut that nothing you ever do is good enough. But switch it on its other side. Your taste is what makes you special. And that's what makes you a creative. So you've got to – self-doubt is just a part of life. And especially if you're a creative, you've got to kind of balance it out.

So obviously I wish I had told my younger self not everything you make has to be perfect. Just put it out there because by just putting it out there, you're able to look at it and be like, what can I improve for the next time? Also, art is a craft and you're not going to be the next, you know, Da Vinci. I mean, go to anyone's like DeviantArt or something and then just scroll back to their old stuff. Anybody that you thought was good had to start somewhere.

And as you go, you'll pick up new techniques. Hey, you might even change your whole style. You might be like, oh, I'm not good with watercolor. And you find that you're great with charcoal or something like that. You also don't get to see the first drafts of things that you are seeing out in public. You know, you are seeing the refined, finished version of whatever. And most things are and end up being collaborative efforts. So it's not like, you know, every most authors have an editor who helps them with all their

stuff. Like they gets every movie is made by a million people. You know, you can't go, oh, I'm not doing this perfectly on my own. It's like, well, not many people do. And that's such a good point about taste because I hadn't thought about that, about how, like, you know, I want to write stuff. I want to make things. But I also love, like, watching or reading the things that are getting the best reviews. Yeah, yeah. So I'm seeing what is critically the best thing right now and going, oh, I'm not making that. Yeah.

It's like, well, yeah, one person out of billions of people happened to strike gold in a way because how many people make that incredible thing and then their next thing isn't, you know, it's, it's, there's a luck element. But I think the biggest thing is focusing on the fact that you do it because you enjoy it and finding that joy and meditative fun in it. I think also, too, along the same lines of, like, changing your art medium, maybe it's something that you're not good at. Like, and you can just, like, kind of like when I said I quit acting and quit hosting and stuff like that. Like, I realized, like, yeah, I really enjoyed it. But also I got so frustrated that I was, like, my talent wasn't where I wanted it to be that I actually wasn't having fun anymore. So I stepped away and found passions and something else. I think a similar advice chain to what we said earlier is like you don't have to fall in love with someone.

You would be dating. You also don't have to be the most successful or like kill it in the thing that you're passionate about. You don't have to make a name for yourself in any sort of way, because honestly, that doesn't bring happiness. Like that's an endless cycle. Because, you know, with acting for me, like coming out here, I had nothing. And I was like, oh, man, if I can just get this job, then I'll feel better. And it's an endless climb.

And I find myself feeling the exact same way now as I did when I first started with nothing on my resume. Yeah. Also another, another good quote about art, good artists, copy great artists, steal.

So it's like, it's real though. Like, I mean, nobody, nobody starts off amazing and it's, it's great to learn from other, from other artists,

whether you're in film or you do ceramics or you're doing watercolor, like you can learn from people that have been in that business longer than you learn their techniques, you know, don't copy them. Don't copy exactly what they're doing, but copy their techniques, figure out how to improve your craft based off of them. Um, it's what, it's what the filmmaking business has, has completely built itself on. It's why you go back, or it's why I go back and watch The Godfather. I'm like, Jesus Christ, this is boring. And that's because everyone's taken all the great things of The Godfather

and they've made better movies out of it, in my opinion. Like Chappie. Exactly. Chappie. I don't know.'t know the most random movie but I'd say just keep at it believe in yourself find the enjoyment in it

find what you enjoy out of it and really simmer that down to what you want out of it and be okay with knowing except that it might be crap yeah and that doesn't matter that it's okay smosh squad asked i'm about to move 18 hours away from my family for a job opportunity after 22 years of being super close to my family here how do you deal with living away from family and do you have any tips on how to be less homesick? That's tough. I have a lot because that's pretty much describes

me in a nutshell. I think I've moved 15 or 16 times in my entire life and the last eight have been away from my family and I was very close. I am very close with my family. It's tough. Same with Claudio. His family's in Italy. So I think keeping in touch with your family as much as possible is important. Luckily, like Facebook Messenger and FaceTime and all this stuff, like that's how I kind of like all you have in your new town, you have to create a life for yourself. This is your opportunity in a new city, in a new place, in a new job to really decide what you want out of life and what you want to do. And so you can't just go to your job and come back home. You just can't do that. You've got to create a life for yourself there. So how did I usually do that? Same theory as the college stuff. I joined an improv group. I would go meet people out. And so once you have friends and a community there in your new city, you will be like, oh yeah, you'll feel more fulfilled and it'll feel

more like your new home. And then obviously keeping in touch with your family and visiting them once or twice a year is usually what I do. But for me, that's the biggest piece of advice is I've seen so many people, so many of my friends move to a new spot and they just go to work and they just go home and then they feel awful and depressed all the time because they don't have a life. So you've got to create a life for yourself out there. Yeah, it's also, it's so easy to keep in touch with people now. Like there's rarely a day where I'm not texting some family member. So I think that's really big though, creating, creating your own life where you have to be.

Cause yeah, I knew somebody that, that was from Sacramento. They came up down here for a really great job, paid really well, but he, he did nothing but, but work and he didn't really form a community down here and he burnt out after a year and went back home. Exactly. You get lonely. Shy Greenbean asked, do you have any fashion tips for someone who's not too confident with themselves? Ooh.

Woo, woo, woo, woo. A hoo-hoo. Oh, you're looking at me? Well, I feel like you and I are going to have different fashion advice because I feel like. Loud colors. Go to the store. All the loud colors. Put them on your body and then say yes no say yes I think so much of it comes I think so much of it just comes to comes down to confidence like like I am a big fan of

Japan and then while I was there I was like oh this like this silly like Japan like bomber jacket it's like represents me because I'm like a big fan of all things Japan and and like now it's like a piece that I can like always remember my time there and it's a conversation piece because people are like well where'd you get that I was like Japan and then they're like oh tell me about Japan I'm like I'll tell you about Japan so it's like you know things that like sometimes you can like, a conversation piece kind of thing, something that you're excited about. If you like M&A's, then you can get M&A shirt, you know, like, you know what I mean? I think don't go with the trends because, for me, I'm self-conscious about my body.

And I don't always feel like I'm, like, you know, rocking the full tight 10 body that I need to be or that I want to be. You know what I mean? Like, I'm not going to be following the trends just because they're trendy and a lot. And I remember in high school, like what used to be really cool is like the low rise American Eagle and like tight shirt and, and Birkenstocks. And like, I wore that stuff and I hated it because it just didn't fit my body at all. And luckily now, like, I'm so jealous of people in high school now because everything's cool. Like, even loungewear is cool. The style is really dope right now.

So find what makes you feel comfortable. I don't like tight stuff around my stomach if we're going to get really, like, minute. I don't like tight things around my stomach. So I just wear loose, loose shirts, loose hoodies, loose dresses. Like, that's what I find. And for me, my style is very ambiguous in a way of like some days I'll look like a business bitch. And then some days I look like I just rolled out of bed like today. So, but a full face of glam.

So I think it's finding what you like on your body first, what clothes you like on your body. And then what colors like honestly bring you joy. Really Marie Kondo it. I love rainbows. I love bright clothes. Sometimes I like tie-dye. Sometimes I like black. So finding those things, once you find the fit you like,

then finding the outfit you like. Yeah. I mean, obviously it comes down to whatever you feel confident in. That's the most important thing. For me, a big thing was a couple years years ago, I like did a lot of research on it because I didn't know much about fashion or style or anything. And I was just like, what's the deal with it? And I learned a lot about just like the basic foundations of men's fashion.

And it was really interesting to me. And like getting, having like a lot of those, those foundation pieces really helped then for me to like bring out the crazy things I wanted to do. And like, it came down to just like, oh, a really good pair of, uh, of, uh, blue jeans, some like basic classic sneakers, some white t-shirts like, and then I could go crazy from there. But I do think it's actually fun. I think fashion there, you know, there's ridiculous sides to fashion, but there's also a lot of cool innate things to it. I will say like, if, if you're, you know, on a tight budget, like basics are so important because if you get, if you get some sort of, if you spend a bunch of

money on some crazy like design thing that really stands out and then you're like, shit, now I only have that. And it's going to be so obvious when i wear it every single week so basics are really great because nobody really pays attention to how often you might be wearing a black shirt yeah or something like i think basic stuff is so cool that's the problem with my outfits is like they're all so ridiculous that i actually don't have like plain black pants to like go with my things. But I think like, you know, quality, getting those quality staple pieces as boring as that sounds is really important. And like, luckily there's like TJ Maxx and Marshalls that have

really good name brand quality stuff for like hella cheap. You can get some dope clothing for cheap. Thrifting is the way to go, man. I love me some Uniqlo. Uniqlo is great, too. That's pretty available in the U.S. now. They're kind of all over now. And you guys, people have online shopping. I mean, I know sizing is an issue, but I was just talking about a couple weeks ago, prom. When I went to prom, the internet really wasn't, like, popping like it is now.

And I just had to go to the one store in the mall and get like a dress out of like the 30 that were on the rack. Yeah, yeah, no bueno. Pity me. Coming up, we got two more. This one, this is the one that I've been that I've been kind of holding on because so, okay.

At Shout23 asked, how do I comfort someone who's suffered a loss? Yeah, that is heavy. That's always really tough for me because when, you know, when somebody loses someone, you're always like the common reaction to say like, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for your loss. But it's like, can't really, you can't do anything that would obviously bring that person back. But I think the most important part, in my opinion, is just to say like, hey, if you need to ever talk to me ever, like here's my number.

Call me anytime. Like I think the most important thing is just to be there for them. Letting them know that you're there for them. I think you can let them know. But I think also it's important to like gauge the friendship. Because if that was coming from someone that I'm not particularly close with I'm like oh thank you very much but like I think also in times of of trying to to help someone when they're not feeling well is like

making that an available option for them but I think also like being able to support them without necessarily nailing that thing on the on the nose you know what I mean you know I mean like I know someone that just went through a loss recently and and they were kind of like hey you know we're saying this but like you don't have to always say you're going to be there for me you don't always have to text you don't have to because we just kind of want to like move on you know what i mean so i think it's like i think it's important to be supportive but also like when you can like really i know it's touchy like really reading that person well i think it's it's about letting them know that but then kind of backing off yeah because i think some people can be very like forceful about like hey you doing it like and and then some think some people can be very like forceful about like, hey, you doing it like. And then some because some people react differently where they're like, I don't want to talk about this at all.

And if that's their wish, then you have to. Yeah. It's tough. I think that's I think I totally agree with that. Like, just just read, read the room. Like, if you're really close to this person, just just I think because everyone everyone deals with loss a little differently. And I think it's important just to have that sort of reach out. Be like, hey, I don't want to be the 500th person to send you a text.

Be like, oh, I'm sorry this happened to you. Because that's also a little bit of a dagger. I think also, don't be afraid. You know that person. But it's like, hey, you're going through something you want to go like, let's go get pho. Yeah. Do you want some ice cream? Like trying to, you know, help them go through something in their way.

Let them know that you're there for them. But then maybe also being a light and sharing that love. Yeah. Continue being the friend that you are to them, you know, like. And I think it's important to to because I was just talking to Claudia about this, like you learn a lot about a person on how they react to someone grieving. So like if Ian, you were grieving how I react, you're going to learn a lot about me, how I react to your grieving. And so I think it's like you'll you'll really see so I think it's like, you'll really see, if you're the person grieving, you'll really see who your friends are. You'll really see who the

people are that are there for you because they will know how to react and they will be there to support you. You'll really learn who your support system is. I also think when it comes to if that person is actually talking to you about just anything, just listening. A thing I regret the most, and I still do it a lot, and I hate myself every time I do it, is honestly giving any sort of advice in those situations. It's just never. Even if it is the correct advice, the best thing you can be doing is listening. That's always been the thing for me because I haven't experienced a lot of loss in my life. So I know that my, my experience is going to be completely useless to them. So it's like,

so I'm like, I'm like, Hey, like, I love you. If you're struggling and you need to talk, if you want to talk, like I'm here, but I always just leave it at that because it's like, hey, you know, I love you. Like, I think that's the most important thing. And for me, like when I'm grieving and going through a lot, like sometimes it is just a shoulder to cry on. Like I just need a hug and I just need to cry it out and I just need someone there to like, you know, take care of me. You just need to let feelings out. Yeah. And then say, do you want some Korean soup? And I'm like, yes, I want some Korean soup.

And then that's how I feel better. So I think it's really learning how you can support that person in the way that they need support. Just listen. Yeah. But you don't have to be the person to give them the advice that fixes them. Just listen. And a lot of times it just takes time yeah it's a loss when it's like when my grandmother's passed away like it's just time

and it still hurts and it still sucks like years later it still sucks and i still cry about it every so often it's just it just takes time and it it you got to give it its moment. Well, because a lot of people going through something, they logically know the reality of the situation and what they should be doing or what's actually going on. It's just sometimes those feelings are just there. Emotional. You logically can't just get rid of it. You can't go, oh, well, this, you know what? It's actually a good thing and they're in a better place now or whatever. And you're going, oh, no, I don't feel bad.

No, I don't feel bad anymore. It's like, no, you're just going to feel bad for a while. Yeah. Yeah. God, I can't fucking gall on some people. Like if you're not a religious person and somebody says like, well, you know, God has a plan and it's like, you want to get punched right now? It's also, it's like knowing your audience.

Yeah. Regardless of what you believe, it just sucks. It sucks on so many levels. Yeah. Okay. Well, let's end it on a slightly lighter note. Okay. This one would also just need a one-word response, I think.

Shy Green Bean, I know there's a lot of you guys that ask questions. I'm sorry that we got two from her i'm so sorry because she just asked good questions shy green bean uh said i've been throwing around an idea of getting some sort of smosh tattoo for a couple years and it's something i want to get but i just don't know what it should be any suggestions or or ideas um so first off let's begin with this one word um one two three no no uh that's very that's very nice and and i i totally get it that's i'm i'm honored i've done it yeah a few people have done it i helped tattooed on them yo that's right in comic sans yeah amazing which is which is it's it's really awesome. I really, I'm like honored.

Like obviously I love the support, but I'm thinking about you guys longevity wise. And I wouldn't suggest that. Grandma, what's that tattoo? It's Chip's ghost. The entirety of Chip's ghost from Smosh but I think the thing is like

so she's asking any suggestions or ideas and we kind of talked about this a little bit before where it's like oh maybe maybe something that's like a reference

like if you're gonna get a Smosh tattoo maybe don't do like a thing that says Smosh or get like my face tattooed on your face

but if you get if you get Chip's ghost if you get Chip's ghost on you, that's pretty legit. Yeah, what if it was like a cool artistic version of Chip's ghost? I think if that's something that you really want to do, I don't have any tattoos because I cannot. That commitment just scares me. But I think if you, like we said earlier, if you could find a way to find a nod to Smosh, that's very meaningful to you. Yeah, we can.

If you want to get a tattoo, you can get a tattoo. I mean, tattoos are, they're very personal. And everybody gets tattoos for different reasons, whether it's they want to remember this moment they were in or if it just means something to them so i mean if if if you really feel like getting a smosh tattoo that's completely on you don't get it on your face don't get on your neck that's one thing yeah that's blanket don't put it on your face yeah please that's gonna that's over you don't you won't get a job you won't even get a job at smosh with a face tattoo no no that's that's too much. Smosh right across the forehead.

Oh my God. So did I get it? Sorry. It'd be great if they ended up on a different YouTube channel. Yeah. If they worked for like the Pine Bros. They joined FaZe Clan. Yeah, the FaZe Clan. FaZe Clan got Smosh tattooed on their face.

That'd be awesome. Okay, that's a... I'd be down for that. That's incredible. That's a good promotion. Yeah, I'd be down for that. That's incredible promotion. Yeah. I, I, I'd say it's, it's completely up to you, but I am not, I'm not pressuring you or anyone to get a Smosh tattoo. Thank you so much for the people that did. That's very nice of you. But, um, it's, it's a very personal thing and you have to know that for the most part, it is permanent forever for the rest of your life, unless you want to spend

a lot of money and go through a lot of pain to get it removed later. Or covered up or something. Or covered up. Do you have any tattoos? I do not. Shane, do you? I don't. Oh my god, we're the non-tattooed people. Everyone else in this room has tattoos, right? Oh, Kevin doesn't either. Wow.

Ryan's got enough for all of us. Yeah. Ryan wearing the J. Crew sweater. Yeah. Ryan wearing like the J.Crew sweater. Yeah, covering up all his tats. And he works here because he doesn't have any face or neck tats. Look at that. But I mean, his tats were visible when he first started working with us, I think. I don't know.

I know, but not right now. It doesn't matter. Tattoos don't bother me. And I'm completely, I'm open to getting a tattoo, but there's nothing like, I think I'm in the same exact boat. The idea of having tattoos is something I'm like, oh, I'd be dope. I have, there's nothing that I'm like, oh, that image or word is so important to me that I have to have it on my body. I'd like to get like my cats tattooed, but I think after they die, I'd be really depressed. See, I've actually, the tattoo I was, if I had, if someone said, if someone pointed a gun at my head and said, you have to get a tattoo, I'd be really depressed. See, I've actually, the tattoo I was,

if someone pointed a gun at my head and said, you have to get a tattoo, I'd be like, for one, I'd be like, weird. This is weird. This is why I don't hang out in Burbank. Damien, why are you doing this? Damien, why are you doing this? But actually is like a silhouette

or some sort of tattoo of my childhood dog because he still plays such a huge part in like, like I think about him all the time that I'm like, oh, if I'm still thinking about him eight years after he's been gone, then maybe I'll get a tattoo of that. That's really adorable. I think I would get sparrow birth,

but for no good reason. No, no. Only if that person- No sparrows. Yeah, I like them. I've always liked them. I don't care if they're trendy. I'm Aquarius.

I do what I want. What if I just get all of Dwayne, the rock Johnson's tattoos, like in the exact same spots and everything. Would you please? That's so, I think it's, it's kind of racist though.

Cause I think he has tattoos that are like very like specific to cultural appropriation. Yeah. Where he's from and everything. So it'd be a little fucked up. Cultural appropriation of the rock. Yeah. So yeah. Tattoos. Yeah. I don't know. It's up to you. cultural appropriation yeah where he's from and everything so it'd be a little fucked up cultural appropriation of the rock yeah so yeah tattoos

um yeah up to you it's up to you uh but but guys we're coming up on our time uh this has been this has been a really fun

I like the advice cast I I hope that we're we've we've helped some of you guys or at least you know um giving you sort of an avenue to go down

uh that that helps yeah and I think if uh let us know on twitter if at least, you know, giving you sort of an avenue to go down, that helps. Yeah, and I think, let us know on Twitter if you want more of these episodes. They're fun to do. It's kind of fun to, like, jump around from topic to topic. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

But yeah, thank you, Sarah and Shane, for coming on. And thank you guys so much for watching. Oh, yeah, we still have some tickets going for sale on the tour, Smosh.Tour. I think Sacramento and a couple other places are still, I think we sold out in, what is it, Seattle? Seattle's close.

San Diego sold out. Sacramento, Portland, Phoenix. Yeah. Tickets available. All right. Well, if you're in any of those areas grab yourself a ticket um

Smosh.store they got some litty clothes that um that would look great on you yeah if you're not yet subscribed

to the Smoshcast please do so rate us five stars on the Apple store so people know that we're not

total garbage and uh we'll see you guys next time. Bye. Bye. Bye. Yeah, I win. We'll see you next time.