Smosh Mouth - S1: #6 - Why Shayne Won't Talk Nerdy On A First Date

Episode Date: March 27, 2019

Ian is joined by Shayne and Smosh’s very own Meme Queen Sarah Whittle to chat about Shayne’s near-death toothache experience, their opinions on Jordan Peele’s “Us,“ and how much of themselves they reveal on a first date. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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an active shooter training. They were using airsoft guns and injured the teachers. When I have no makeup on, I look like a tiny little Asian boy because I'm half Korean. Sara Weedle. Sara Weedle, Sara, Sara Weedle.

Sara, Sara. Yeah, right, Sarah? Uh-huh. Look at me, Sarah. Hello everyone and welcome back to the Smoshcast. Today I am joined by the very lovely Shane Todd. Oh, yeah. And a new guest to our podcast, Sarah Whittle.

She, I guess the easiest way to explain you is meme queen. Yes, yeah. Of Smosh. Yeah, well, I obviously have worked for Smosh for three years. I had a little gap in between the Defy shutdown and this new Smosh. But you guys know I produced for Smosh Pit for about a year and a half.

And then I moved over to our social endeavors on Facebook and Instagram and Twitter. So right now I'm like the lord of all those. Yeah, you're just on Facebook all day. Wow, Shane's just calling her out from the very start. So you actually don't do any work? But for your job. No, for your job.

That's actually not wrong. Not wrong. I'm on Facebook all day and I actually had a big meeting with people from Facebook yesterday. She met Mark. So I'm a big deal. Yep. The Zush. She talked to Zuckerberg.

And Tom from MySpace was there for some reason, just hanging out in the background. Well, yeah, he just is on the streets. He was like this still with the thumbs up. He's like, can I get a job? It's the only way that people remember him. Remember me? Yeah. I'm Tom from MySpace.

Tom, I had a bunch of friends on MySpace. You remember when I lost a decade's worth of music? Oh, I heard about that. What? How do you lose all the music? That was the day the music died. Jesus. We are hitting it hard today.

Yeah, so MySpace lost like a decade's worth of music that was uploaded to their website. Oh, no. Like 50 million songs or something like that. I'm just shocked Myspace was still a thing at all. It got bought out by Justin Timberlake and then it never really caught on again. RIP Myspace.

I hope Justin Timberlake's doing okay. I think he'll do alright. I sure hope he's doing fine. I worry about him sometimes. Sometimes before I go to bed I. Boy, I sure hope he's doing fine. I worry about him sometimes. Sometimes before I go to bed, I'm like, I hope JT is all right. Yeah. Well, the last thing I saw of him was he was like wearing like a flannel in the woods. People are calling him like a lumberjack or something.

Oh, a sexy lumberjack. That's the last I heard of him. That was like two years ago. I think he's doing okay, though. I know he's doing very okay. Yeah. I know. We're friends.

We're friends. I text him all the time. Yeah. So, Sarah, like with your sort of involvement in Smosh now is sort of like, because we're like, oh, like we got this YouTube thing. That's on lock. But then we have all these other things that I'm personally, and I think I've already mentioned on the Smosh cast before,

but I'm personally very bad at social media. So it's nice that there's other people that are actually interested in it that know how to use it a lot better than me. I have a love-hate relationship with social media. We all do. I think it's very fun, and I think the essence of it's very fun, but then there's the dark underbelly and probably the long lasting

psychological effects that are happening to people who are obsessed with social media. Even me, I hate how much I'm on social media. I look at my phone way too much. I look at my computer way too much. And even when I'm not working, I'm like, oh, I wonder how that like meme we made is doing. And so I'm just checking up on that just to see and grab data, see what works out there. And I don't like it because I want to be more present and I want to be in people's faces. And I get like that people don't work in social media and they're still on social media crap ton too. So that's the crazy thing to me, because if I wasn't doing this and I was just still working

at Chuck E. Cheese or whatever, I don't think I would be on Instagram trying to pump up my likes. But maybe I would. I don't know. But for me, it's a tool. It's a way to get what I'm doing out there. Yeah. I'm not – like if I was just like working a regular job, if I was a lawyer or something, I wouldn't be trying to boost my engagement. No.

And for me, it's like professionally. Obviously, that's a goal of ours to be making good content. But personally, like my personal social media. It's all just your cats. It's just my cats. It's just makeup. It's not like optimized for likes and engagement. Like it's really just kind of like a diary for me that's public.

And I just do what I like and occasionally stalk a couple people. That's what my personal. That's what it's for. And I can't even stalk people on Instagram because I know that people are watching who I'm following. So like I can't follow like certain accounts that I think people are going to like judge me for. Or like I don't like to follow friends that aren't really like in what we do because then I feel like people are going to see

that I'm following these like people that aren't in YouTube and go bother them. Yeah. So I'm like very like mindful of like protecting the people that, you know, aren't in this stuff. Oh yeah, for sure. Because it is, it is public. Like that's the thing that's like,

sometimes we don't all realize it's super public. Like when I Snapchat my cats, I'm like people are in my apartment right now watching my cats like my life it is it is a very private yet public forum so it's great because like you know Shane and I are always on Twitter like exchanging jokes and stuff like that and DMing jokes and and it's it's fun on that front but then there's the underbelly of it that's not great. But also because I don't follow that many people, I actually don't really get that many updates on Instagram or Twitter, but I still find myself refreshing and, like, scrolling through.

And it's so mindless because I'm not actually getting, like, anything new some of the times. But I'm like, I just feel the need to do this. And I have no idea why. And I'm going to the Instagram explore page, which is just a lot of hot garbage. For me, it's all makeup and animals. Oh yeah. Cause that's like all my accounts I follow.

I'll find myself in that loop, which is I'll go on Twitter, be looking through the news, be looking through whatever, be like, Oh, I wonder if there's anything interesting. Oh,

there's something. Okay. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah there's anything interesting. Oh, there's something. Okay, blah, blah, blah, done. Let me check Instagram. What's on here? This is a bit, blah, blah, blah. And then I'll be like, oh, but now it's on Reddit.

And then once I'm done with Reddit, I'll be like, now what's on Twitter at this point? Again, yeah. I'll go through that cycle. You know what it is, and you're going through college for psychology or whatever you're doing, but you can probably speak to this is

because i find myself doing the same thing just grabbing the phone and looking at it and opening everything up and it's like i think we're actually as a people or generation we're afraid to sit alone with ourselves and we're afraid to just sit and think maybe be present maybe you know think about life and where you are and i think that is uncomfortable for most people and social media has made it easier to distract yourself from that i think our time has become so much more precious because our brains have gotten so used to constant and rapid fire stimulation, that it's why entertainment is so short now. It's why the idea of a 10-minute sketch or watching a movie or a TV show is harder because it's like, oh, do I want to commit to this?

Whereas it's like, oh, I can commit to a seven-second thing, though. And we're committing to constant seven-second, second things over and over and over again. That's why I feel like comedy movies are sort of dying because you're never, I was telling my friend this, like you're never going to get the same amount of laughs out of an hour long movie that you're going to get of an hour of looking at memes. Like there's no way. Like, if you're looking at memes, scrolling through memes for an hour, your laughs per minute are going to be much higher than if you're watching any kind of comedy movie. No matter how good that movie is, you're not going to be laughing as much as an hour of just scrolling through, you know,

Reddit or whatever. But yeah, it's a little weird. Maybe it'll swing. Maybe it'll, because, you know, everything's kind of like works in circular patterns. Like maybe it'll slow down soon. No, memes forever. Memes will never die, Sarah.

It is kind of weird that like memes, I guess, are kind of like the democratization of comedy though. Oh, 100%. Because anyone's able to do it. And like people that are really proficient at it are come from like the most random places yeah it's also fascinating how every social media platform has a very different personality oh very different uh there's a lot of jokes about how instagram is like look at my life it's so incredible and twitter is like i hate myself my life. It's so incredible. And Twitter is like, I hate myself and I hate

everything. It's very true. It's so weird. That's true. Like Twitter is a lot of depression content. It really is. And Instagram is the exact opposite. Nobody posts a post on Instagram being like, wow, I hate myself today. Everything sucks. But that's like- Well, they do. We just don't follow them. Well, no, it's just like, even when they do do that like i notice um girls do a lot of like you know hashtag no makeup selfies like this is who i am we need to accept who we are and when we wake up and and i'm like even that is manufactured so i have a hard time it it is a highlight reel on instagram yeah everything everything people post it seems like on instagram

is some sort of way of like heightening yourself. Exactly. Because even when it's like, it's like, this is me without makeup or this is me like in an awkward position.

I'm like, yeah, but in a way it's still flattering or even if it isn't, you're doing that as a means of showing off your personality

in a highlighting way. For sure. You're face tuning your personality in that sense. Yeah. When you see a no makeup selfie from me, it also has my three other chins in it.

Yeah. There was a streamer. Her name is Pokimane. And she got a lot of flack because people took unflattering screenshots of her from her Twitch stream. And she wasn't wearing makeup. And then she was like no like look here's me without makeup but then she was all like very like posed

shots and like bright lighting and it's like no you're still trying to make yourself look good and that sucks she was put in that position because like that's not fair I mean women on you know Twitch or any platform are going to be criticized a lot more than guys.

Yep. Yeah, I don't. I think we all have to accept the reality that we all look ugly sometimes, and it's totally okay. I have no shame about that. When I have no makeup on, I look like a tiny little Asian boy because I'm half Korean and I and that's just what I do and my husband loves it he loves the he loves the little

Asian boy side and the super glamorous side of me because that that is who we are there's lots of listening to this podcast Sarah what are you saying he's Italian he's legit Italian is this where we start doing 10 minutes of imitating claudio yeah i do uh i've been working on my impression of sarah's well we gotta give him a little background okay he isn't like okay so my husband claudio he's an italian fisher she found on the port of venice i used to be a mermaid and i sold my soul she was out she was finding herself in italy like a typical Julia Roberts movie. He was trying to find a green card.

She read Eat, Pray, Love and just took it way too far. She was out in Venice and he was out fishing and he just goes, hello, beautiful woman. You're so gorgeous. Yeah, that sounds exactly... Claudio? My impression is getting there it started off just kind of like Spanish. You guys are very good at him saying my name, though.

It's the only thing I really hear him say. I don't think I've ever heard Claudio say anything else other than Sara. He can speak English. No, I've never heard him speak, ever. He just says Sara a lot. You just understand his language. He's like a Pokemon. He says your name over and over again.

Sara Weedle. Sara Weed and over again. Sarawiddle. Sarawiddle. Sara. Sarawiddle. You toss him a treat, he's like, no. Sara. He's gonna love this. He's gonna love this.

He's really the greatest guy. And then at a bar where it's loud, it's like, Sara! Sara! Sara! It is like that all the time. But he barely responds to when I call him Claw.

Like, I'm like, Claw! Claw! That's because that's weird. You shouldn't call him Claw. I don't think that's a good name. Claudio!

He only responds to Sara. You have to say your name and he'll be like, Huh? Sara? Sara Weedle? He's the sweetest boy. Do I have a doppelganger here?

He's the sweetest boy. And it's a real marriage. It is a real marriage. It's not a weedle? He's the sweetest boy. Do I have a doppelganger here? He's the sweetest boy. And it's a real marriage. It is a real marriage. It's not a fake marriage? It's not a fake marriage. Not a green card marriage? Not a green card marriage. Oh.

It's a real marriage. But there was a time limit, right? Well, okay. So he is an immigrant. And so we had to go through the marriage process and it's, we had to get lawyers and everything because they actually interview you to see if you're a legit couple. So a part of getting his green card is the interview. And so the lawyer actually gave us test questions because they will ask anything. What they are they intense some are intense

and then some aren't intense at all and so they want to figure out they have like a representative there from the government interviewing you you have to bring pictures of you guys together i had to bring social media posts from like two years ago because you have to prove that you are in love because i guess like guess technically somebody could pay you off, and then you could pretend like you're married for three years or two years or whatever. Exactly, and that happens. That does happen. And actually my mom, because she's Korean from Korea,

they had to go through the same process too. And my mom and dad. She had to dig into her Facebook photos from 1963. So obviously they're testing, like they want to make sure you've been hanging out for a certain amount of years. But are they also testing Like you're in love Like this is real

It kind of is Or is it like No because you can just hang out It's like hey If we arrange this We'll just live together And go do stuff For five years

They're not like Make out in front of us We'll see if it's hot or not Like they're not like That would be my test Why are they all You're interviewing From a bluear comedy tour?

Well, let's see if you're really in love. Make out. But some of the questions... French. All right, make out? Nice. All right, the interviewer's ready to see you. I'm just the secretary.

Oh, yeah, I like that. You guys look like you're real in love. They ask questions like, you know, have you met each other's parents? Questions like that. What do you like about each other? But then they're also like, you know, have you met each other's parents? Questions like that. What do you like about each other? But then they're also like, what color is her toothbrush? What does she wear to bed? What side of the bed does she sleep on?

And sometimes they'll separate you guys during interviews. I think if they feel like it's really sketchy, they'll like put you in separate rooms. Make sure you have the same story. Is it like a YouTube video and you each draw the thing on the whiteboard and you're like, what do I wear to bed? And you both hold up the sign like, boxers? Silly. It's the newlywed game, but like legal. But you die

if you lose. Yeah, so we had to go through that whole interview process and it was... How did you do? Like 90%? We failed. No, I'm just kidding. We succeeded. The guy at the end was like, okay, I believe you guys. You guys should have the paperwork and your green card coming soon. You both answered Sarah Whittle for every question.

Sarah Whittle. Sarah Whittle. Sarah Whittle. Yeah, but we were both very nervous. Because also the lawyer was telling us that if you get someone who's in a bad mood or someone who's just a little more strict. Or just jealous of your love. Or just jealous. Honestly.

Like, and just thirsty and sad. No. Or someone who falls in love with Claudio at first sight, which is very possible. Also, like, I'd imagine, like, I'm sure when they're hiring these people that are doing the vetting, I would assume that they make sure that they're not racist. But if they're deciding which nationalities of people are... Well, yeah, and that makes it more difficult, too. Because obviously a lot of people have probably different sort of preconceived notions of when it's a certain ethnicity coming to...

Well, my parents, when they went through the interview many decades, in the 80s, they, my mom was in the interview with me in her arms. And the guy was, like, hitting on my mom in front of my dad and questioning if it was a real relationship. And my dad was like, it took everything to, like, for me to not just like kick his ass and it was it sucks because that he was the decider in their relationship position of power exactly and it's like so scary that's scary as hell dude what but obviously my parents marriage is real because they're still together yeah 30 years later 32 years later hell yeah well you go through something like that it's like we're gonna stay together were you were you born were you born here or i was born here um but i think they were probably on like a fiance visa this is like all stuff that you learn throughout this whole process so because they had met in korea obviously like

many military because a lot of military guys my dad was in the air force they had met in korea obviously like many military because a lot of military guys my dad was in the air force they get stationed in korea so they met in korea there's a lot of half korean babies that are military rats um and they they he proposed her very quickly because he had to come back to the u.s and uh yeah they moved here and had me like two years later and i had to go through the interview process then. Oh, wow. My dad was stationed in Korea probably a few years after him. Yeah, we've talked about that.

But your dad was a pilot, and my dad was like a military cop, so maybe they wouldn't know. Your dad would have been trying to catch my dad doing bad stuff. Hey, you're doing bad stuff. My dad's like, I'm going to get in my jet and fly away. And your dad's like, ah, you get away this time. All they gave me was this baton. That's how the military works.

No, he had a gun. No, he had lasers. He had lots of guns. Many guns. He actually was in charge of the armory at some point in Wyoming, which was like their cabinet of weapons that they had. Oh, that's right. You're from Wyoming.

You're from nowhere land. You're the only person from Wyoming. I'm sure all of our listeners in Wyoming, all two of them. All two of them. And they're both elk. We will see that Wyoming bump after this. I tell you what.

Even if we got all, everyone in Wyoming could listen to this and we'd still be like, man, these numbers are not great. It would not reach the numbers of Ear Biscuits. It's a very low population. I think it's around 500,000 people. That's literally the size of like where I, the city that I grew up in. I think that's like our block we work on. Yeah, literally.

There probably is that statistic where it's like there's more elk than human. There are, yeah, that is that statistic where it's like there's more elk than humans. There are, yeah. That is a statistic. If the elk decide to have an uprising, which they are planning. They're huge. Humans are screwed. They're huge. And moose, if they get the moose on their side too, and the deer. Come down from Canada.

Oh, moose are there. They're there, yeah. Moose are there. No, they stopped them at the border. They're like, we don't trust you, moose. They're like, what's this all about, eh? This is how slow news is in Wyoming is one day a moose was like on the front lawn of the library and it made like the front page paper.

That's pretty impressive. That's hilarious. Yeah. That's hilarious. What's like the lamest news that you ever heard? Oh, this is how I knew. I was like, because I've always wanted to be in media. I used to want to be in television, like television news or reporting or something like that.

And I knew I had to leave Wyoming because they had done a report on how hot the slides get in the summer. Yo, that's real though. And the guy like touched a slide and was like, it can get up to 98 degrees. Oh no. And will burn your child. 98 sounds like kind of lovely.

Isn't that like, that's like the temperature of your body. I don't know what burning temperature is. No, your body is 86.9. Don't come here with the science. It is. Is it? Yeah.

When you check your temperature in your mouth It should be 86 degrees. No, it's 98. It's like 98. I thought it was in the 90s. I always thought it was in the 90s. Well, I'm just a cold-blooded bitch. Why do you think the band was called 98 Degrees? Oh, because of the hot bodies? Because it was the normal temperature.

Nick Lachey is a moose. So Sarah, you're our age. You grew up in the heyday of boy bands. Mm-hmm. Which one? All right. So if you had to put it at NSYNC, Backstreet Boys, O-Town, 98 Degrees, how would you rank them?

Well, we got to go Backstreet Boys because we saw them. Yeah. I actually, not just because we saw them in Vegas, but because they were the best. I really enjoyed Backstreet Boys because they were all little, you know, a lot of – what? They were all a little like weird looking, which I've always enjoyed. Backstreet Boys?

Yeah. They weren't so generic. Yeah, because NSYNC only had Chris Kirkpatrick, who was a little weird looking. Yeah, and Joey Fatone was like Joey Fatone. True, true. The Backstreet Boys. Timeless.

I loved Kevin and AJ with the tall, dark, and handsome facial hair. You were an AJ stan? Dude, I was an AJ stan. I was always a stan for anything that was like less popular yeah aj was the worst for sure because i didn't like just like if anyone i never am jumping on the bandwagon you just felt bad if any of them are on megan's law it was definitely aj but didn't he he carried the concert aj he you when we went to the concert in Vegas a month or two ago, he carried the concert. It's because nobody likes him, so he's trying extra hard.

Or maybe he's the only one with talent. If you're Nick Carter, you're just looking like a snack. You don't need to work that hard for the love. Yeah, exactly. You don't need to have the talent if you're looking like a snack. Right. Yeah, it's a weird one. Because I feel like with the other boy bands, the most talented was kind of leading it, right? Like NSYNC,

JT led it. And then later on with One Direction, I feel like Styles carried it. But I don't know. I don't know. But the difference with One Direction is they all split off and had amazing careers. They really crushed it. Most of them, yeah.

They've all had careers. Only three. Four of them have had hits afterwards. I mean, they've all had careers. They've had a career, yeah. No, no. Four of them have had hits afterwards. I feel like they've all had hits. Am I wrong? I don't know much about them. Yeah.

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Going back to Backstreet Boys and Vegas in particular. So Sarah. He's going to yell at us. You. What exactly? He's like, I'm bringing this up to yell at you, Sarah. So you had a party out in Vegas, Sarah.

What was it? It was my birthday party. It was your birthday party. And you invited Shane. Yeah, that was great. And several other people. And I was at home and looking on Instagram. I was like, wow, I know all of these people that are having so much fun in Vegas.

Matt Robb was there. Why was I not invited? Matt Robb was there, yeah. I think I did invite you. Nope. I'm pretty sure I invited you and Courtney. And it wasn't like an official invite because this is the thing. I don't ever want people to feel like they're obligated to do something big like that.

And I have a weird thing of like even when – no, no, no. I just love this. Like, hey, I'm having my birthday party. You don't have to go. It wasn't – Please, you don't. I'm just saying like no pressure. You don't. I have a weird thing. Please don't go. It's like You don't have to go. It wasn't. You please, you don't. I'm just saying, like, no pressure. You don't.

I have a weird thing. It's like, I don't want to ask too much of people. I don't want to ask too much of people. And I don't want to be like, if you don't come, then you're not my friend. I'm always like the, hey, if you want to come, let me know. I would like to have you there. But, like, I'm not going to force you to go there. There is that.

For those listening, Ian has a tear rolling down his cheek. So I might have like casually invited you. It was so casual that you didn't speak a word of it. It was so casual that you were talking about it with someone else. I walked up and then you stopped talking and you shushed the other person. Okay, I fucked up. I fucked up. I'm sorry, Ian.

You're definitely invited next time. For what it's worth, we had a great time. Good. It was amazing. And that's the tea. I watched the Backstreet Boys concert from like five different Instagram accounts. Yeah, you really, we all did just. Steve Zaragoza, he just kept zooming in on weird dads who were not that into it.

Yeah, I actually enjoyed that the most. It was a very solid group. I feel like that, yeah, because the people, just talking about the weird dads that were at the concert. Like, I think a lot of those people that go to those concerts, they just get those shows like comped from like Vegas things. We were so confused because it was us, Claudio, two of my friends, Elliot Morgan from the Valley Folk, Steve Zaragoza from Valley Folk, his girlfriend, and then Grace Helbig and Matt Robb. And so it was like a big group of us. And Grace and I were next to each other during the concert.

And there was just a dad in front of us sitting the entire time. And, of course, Grace and I are dancing the whole time, screaming and shouting and crying and everything. And this guy was just scrolling on Instagram. Like, why would you go to a concert if you don't enjoy it? Like, just leave. Just go to the casino. I don't do it. We had a friend.

I had a friend on the trip that he was not into it. So he just didn't come. and he just met up with us later because Vegas is like Disneyland for adults. Like you can find something to do for two hours. I would say Vegas is the Vegas for adults. No, you. It's kind of a trash heap. Oh, well, yeah.

I honestly don't love Vegas that much. I like if I'm with a group of friends. Like I enjoy hanging out with friends and stuff. But overall, Vegas, I'm just not a big gambler. I think it's because I just have shit luck when it comes to gambling. I have really good luck in almost all other areas of life. That's the area where I'm like, I just can't. Yeah.

I think everyone has shit luck because it's luck. Yeah. I did win like $3,000 when I went there for my bachelorette party. Don't say that on this. Don't encourage people to gamble. But this is the thing. No, I will say I don't love Vegas. Vegas is one of those towns that you have to make it what you want it to be.

Right. So it's like I'm not going to be wearing heels and a tight dress and like go to the clubs. Like I am wearing sweatpants and getting free drinks and eating at buffets and hanging out with my friends, doing karaoke. Like it really is what you make it. You very clearly see the two types of people at Vegas when you're walking around there because you'll see people who are wearing suits,

dressed up, it's 7 a.m., but they're dressed up like that. But there's always that guy who's wearing a like, just a, I don't know, a frigging. The shirt with the tuxedo print on it. Or just a shirt that's got a fish on it or whatever. Like, what are those, the caballos? Tommy Bahama. Like, Tommy Bahama shirt or just. Oh, like the vacation badge shirt.

They clearly got, like, a shirt at a gas station. They're wearing shorts and flip flops. They're walking around right next to those people with the vacation dad shirt. They clearly got a shirt at a gas station. They're wearing shorts and flip flops. They're walking around right next to those people with the tuxes. I think one of the big issues with Vegas, apart from the fact that it just simply shouldn't exist. I mean, it's a giant city in the middle of the desert where there's no like, I mean, it shouldn't exist in the first place. It's also just like, I think people have the wrong idea of Vegas and they come there and they're like,

Sin City, I can do whatever the fuck I want. Treat everyone like shit. I'm God here. So you get a lot of just like really like bad people. But also you get strangely a lot of families. And I'm like, why? I was brought to Vegas when I was really young. Me too.

I hated it. I don't get that. And we accidentally went to a topless show with my family. That's the thing. That's awesome. See, I wish something like that would happen. I was 13 or 14. I don't know how they rebranded Vegas as a place to take your kids.

Because there's dudes standing on every corner handing you these cards with naked ladies on them. And everyone's drunk. It's not a family-friendly place. It should only be, like, a 21. Mainly because it's just not fun for kids. It's not. When I was a kid, I hated it. I hated it.

No vacation is fun for a kid. That's not true. That's not true at all. I had great vacations growing up. There are such – my family didn't really go on vacation, but I think there are definitely vacations that are good. I mean, what if you go on a Disneyland vacation? Okay, fine.

Yeah, we went on Disneyland. Disneyland. Or like you go to the Bahamas or something. That's a fun vacation. I think, I don't know. I went to Yellowstone with my, with some family when I was a kid.

I loved that. I loved camping. But also maybe I'm just lame. Yeah. But Vegas especially, because you kind of get dropped off at like, they'd be like, all right, hang out here. It's Circus Circus. Yeah. The Vegas especially, because you kind of get dropped off at like, they'd be like, all right, hang out here.

It's Circus Circus, the play place. There's a clown smoking a cigarette in the corner. You can talk to him. So, yeah, I didn't get to do much. And you're not allowed to like walk through the casinos or anything. No, they'll stop you immediately. I'm like, this sucks. I hate this.

Don't bring your, guys, don't bring your kids. Food is insane. The food in Vegas is really good. That's really what you go for. There's a lot of really good, like, Asian food out there. So good. The buffets. I love buffets. They step that up.

Food's great there. I think I've been to Vegas, like, six times, and I've never really had a Vegas experience. I've always been there for, like, some other reason because, you know, people just don't invite me to like their birthdays. So, you know,

I just, next time, Ian, next time. Oh, sure, sure, sure.

I mean, I actually had another, this reminded me, this thing that you actually did invite me to, we, we did a little, a little St. Patty's day or pre St.

Patty's day pub crawl. So we could instead be hung over on St. Patty's day or pre-saint patty's day uh pub crawl so we could instead be hung over on saint patty's day which i think was a very good strategy it's very smart celebration so we could be okay on monday and i was i was talking to one of your friends and he's a guy that you that you met on some like meetup thing yeah and and he was like and he's like yeah i i think i'm like i think i'm sarah's like best guy friend and and i was like, yeah, I think I'm Sarah's best guy friend. And I was like, oh, that's cool. I was like, yeah. And I was going to say, I was about to say, yeah, I guess I'm Sarah.

And I was like, wait, no, I'm not even Sarah's best co-worker guy friend. I'm just, I'm nothing. Oh, come on. Because I'm like, well, that's Shane. Or it's Matt Robb. Ooh, who is it? Ooh. Well, I hate Matt Robb.

We're very different kinds of friends, I feel like. Yeah. I feel like Matt Robb and I are the angel and devil on your shoulders. So Matt Robb is kind of like my older brother. Like, he always is bullying me in the office. He's always making fun of me. He actually handcuffed me to my desk last week. So he's like my older brother troll.

And Shane is more like we're just peers. Like you're my twin. He's like my twin. We're the same person. We're the same person.'re the same person you guys wear the same makeup if i don't wear makeup that i look like a little asian boy no him and i shane and i go from having very dumb conversations to very intellectual questions to just staring at each other in silence really with anger with anger just like at each other in silence. Really? With anger. With anger. Just flipping each other off and stuff like that.

But Ian, you're a very close friend of mine too. Stop it. Don't make... But Ian, you're president. Yeah. That comes above all relationships. You're kind of my boss. Yeah.

You're like a Jedi. You got to like, you know. No, we've never actually spent a lot of quality time together, to be honest, Ian. That's true. That's true. Shane and I have spent a lot of time because we did a lot of shoots together and all the summer and winter games. But you and I have never really had a lot of time to bond. Never done a one-on-one.

I've been trying to get you to go to dinner with me for weeks now. That's not true. It's true. I have receipts. I have receipts. I have texts on my phone. You probably have. Yeah. I'm so bad with text messages. It's true. I have receipts. I have receipts. I have texts on my phone. You probably have. Yeah.

I'm so bad with text messages. You're terrible. I need to text my dad back. I texted you. I was like, hey, let's go to dinner sometime. And you just went, yup. Oh my God, you did. He just goes, yup.

And I was like, cool. Yup. Dude, I don't know how I feel about texting yup. Y-U-W. I don't know. I think it had yup. Y-U-W. I don't know. I think it had a period on the end too or something. I don't think that, that just feels like you don't care. That was the energy I got.

A yup or a yep is basically a no. And I hate people who end things with periods in texts like that are supposed to be fun. Yeah. So it's like, let's hang out sometime. And they're like, yes, period. Well, that sounds fun. Oh, no, no. I didn't say yup.

Okay. I said yes with an exclamation period. Well, that sounds fun. Oh, no, no. I didn't say, yep. Okay. I said, yes, with an exclamation mark. Oh, that's very different. And then you said, cool, we'll do it. And then the next week you said, dinner next Tuesday. And I didn't respond. Wow. Flat out dinner ghosted.

I'm so glad we brought me on this podcast to just call each other out. Yeah, yeah. But I feel like that's because we ended up, like whatever we needed to talk about, we actually talked about here. Like we got some time to, you know, do a one-on-one. And then we had fun on St. Patrick's Day. We did. Sorry, I couldn't make it.

Yeah. You were dying. Shane died that weekend. I was at the Goldberg's wrap party. No, but then you were dying. And also I couldn't make it. Yeah. You were dying. Shane died that weekend. I was at the Goldbergs wrap party. No, but then you were dying. And also I was dying. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, last week, around like Wednesday, I started to feel some pain in my face. Like my right jaw, bottom teeth. I was like, ah, it's not feeling so good. And I was talking to him. I think it was on like Thursday. And meanwhile, I've been kind of gone the past couple of weeks. I've been filming on Goldbergs.

He's never here. Yeah. Shane decided. Well, let's hold on that. Go ahead and tell your story. And we'll talk about how you're never here. Okay. So I'm filming on Goldbergs, but I'm also coming here to film some stuff.

And I think I was here on Thursday and I was talking to Sarah about like, I'm like, yeah, my face kind of hurts. I think I grinded my teeth in my sleep. And I think my jaw hurts. I think that's it. It'll get better. So Friday it's worse, but I'm like, ah, it's fine. It's just my jaw.

It's okay. TMJ, too much jaw. Yeah, too much jaw. And we were supposed to wrap the season on Goldberg's on Friday night, but we still had some extra scenes that I had to shoot on Monday. So we wrap and to wrap the season on Goldberg's on Friday night, but we still had some extra scenes that I had to shoot on Monday. So we wrap and I'm kind of hurting that night. I'm having trouble sleeping. Saturday, my mouth starts to really hurt and it's starting to spread.

So I'm like, that's weird. I don't, that's not normal, but I'll be okay. Because I hate the dentist so much and I don't want to go. So Saturday night is the wrap party for Goldberg's. And I go and I meet up with, at 5 o'clock we get dinner beforehand. And Olivia's there with Sam and a bunch of the cast. And I'm in enough pain there that I'm like kind of silent at dinner. I'm just kind of sitting there like, ha ha, this is a good time. We're having fun. And I get to that.

That's the worst. And my mindset was also kind of like maybe if I drink some beer, it'll cure it. Like, oh, like maybe that'll help. But I started drinking some alcohol and that made it so much worse. My gums were immediately just like inflated like a balloon. And I was like, oh, oh God, that's maybe one more beer will help. Not recommended. Maybe another beer.

Yeah. If you feel any sort of pain at all, don't drink anything. It's a bad move. But I wanted to go to this wrap party and I wanted to have fun because it's like, it's once a year. And it also might, we don't know if Goldberg is going to get picked up for another season. So I was like, I want to enjoy this with these people. Yeah.

But it was so bad. I mean, the pain was getting so bad. I even got a chance to meet like a comedy hero of mine, Patton Oswalt was like talking, because he does voiceover for the show. He's talking to me and some of the cast like about, he's like, oh, you guys are great, whatever. And I was just like, kind of just looking at him,

just, but not seeing anything. You're just crying. I eventually leave early. I just just it's 9 30 and i'm like i gotta go and granted the party started like 6 30 super early for some reason but uh i leave i get home i don't sleep from saturday night until sunday morning or i don't sleep until monday I don't sleep until Monday. And I'm just writhing around in my apartment. It's getting so bad. It's the worst pain I've ever experienced in my adult life.

My side of my face is throbbing. It feels like my teeth, my lower right teeth are going to explode. Sunday morning, I have not slept. It's 5 a.m. I know my dentist doesn't open for another couple hours. I call them and I leave this like frantic message. And I'm like, and I, meanwhile, they've been calling me the past couple weeks being like, hey, you're due for a checkup.

Like, make sure like having regular cleanings will keep those cavities away. So I call them at 5 a.m. And I'm like, hi. Help. Yeah, literally. It's like the beginning of a horror movie. Like, uh, I'm like, um, uh, my name is Shane top. Uh, and, um, you're like the guy that ate too much weed brownies and they call 911. I think I'm dying.

I think I'm, I'm dead. I think I'm dead. Uh, no, I'm not kidding. My message was probably like that. I'm like, I, um, I'm having a lot of pain in my face. I need, I need an appointment today. I need to come in today. And if they were going to call back and be like, I'm sorry, we have no appointments. I was going to go to the ER because it was that bad.

I'm not kidding. It was so... I was like, holy God. If someone said I wanted to jump off a bridge at that point, I was like, I can't do this. I cannot do this. They call back and I had to go. I had to go at a 6 a.m. call time. So I went and I shot Goldbergs and I had a scene where I had to be like super jovial and happy. And in between cuts,

I'm just off to the side, just holding my face. They call back and they're like, yeah, we can do 1.30. And I was like, great. And then I get home at 9.30 and I call them back and I go, I need to come in now. And they're like, okay, And then I get home at 930 and I call them back and I go, I need to come in now.

And they're like, okay, yeah, we can see you now. And they're walking distance from me. So I ran there. So they must have been like, yeah, we can see you right now. So please come over. Hang up the phone and burst open. I'm just like, yeah, I'm here. Oh, please.

And they get x-rays done. And I mean, I'm just like, please, I'm here. Oh, please. And they get x-rays done. And I mean, I'm just like, please, whatever it takes. And they're like, yeah, so this tooth towards the back, the nerve is dead and infection is spreading across your face. Oh my god. And they're like, yeah,

you need a root canal right now. And I'm like, great. Let's do it. I've never been so excited to get a root canal. And so, yeah, that, I got a root canal right now. And I'm like, great, let's do it. I've never been so excited to get a root canal. And so, yeah, that, I got a root canal and now I'm on antibiotics and I'm doing better. But that was awful. That was the worst. Yeah.

That was the absolute worst. I've never experienced like really bad tooth pain, but that frightens me so much. Also because I don't like making phone calls. I don't like, I don't like making appointments. So like, Sounds real hard Ian. I don't know what it is. I get it, I do too.

There's like a block. Can I schedule online? Can I do that? Yeah. But also making phone calls nowadays, you're kind of crazy. You're weird. You're weird if you call, like, this is changing the subject, but if you get a girl's number and then instead of texting her first you call what are you a psychopath hey this is shane uh we met at the thing the other day like thought i'd call and just see if you'd want to get dinner sometime no no that you're a psycho i wouldn't i wouldn't know what to do

i completely agree if it was somebody i just met and they called me when people call like you need to give a heads up before a call. I think it was just a good, I feel like we just entered into this world at a good time because I didn't like phone calls when I was growing up. Yeah, same. I've never liked it. I hated it. And my mom and my grandma, like if you get the two of them on a phone, they will not stop talking ever. And I never liked it. So I, I went,

I went without going to the dentist for like five years because you didn't want to call them. Cause I just, it's not that I hated the dentist. I think dentists are great. Um, but I just never, it just never struck me that I needed to make an appointment. And then, and it wasn't until my ex was just like, I made an appointment for you. You're going. I was like, great. And then I like went in dentists.

I'm like, yeah, I'm finally going to find out how fucked up my teeth are. I'm not going five years. And I had like four cavities and I was just so excited to like, just get it done. And then they're like, you're going to have to come back in three months.

I was like, great. But like, because I was already there, I could just make make the appointment but if i had to call and make the appointment like it just takes me so much longer yeah like i feel like the skin on my hand is falling off and like i need to see a dermatologist i do too i have like four things i need to go to the dermatologist for and i'm just like i just just wait till they all rack up and then just pile it on them that once.

Exactly. That's what I did last time. I just hate billing. I hate when it like with health, anything like doctor's appointments, dentist. I just hate it when it comes to billing. Well, it's expensive, man. To live. Even with insurance, it's expensive.

Super expensive. Because we're Americans. Freedom. Freedom might be free, but medical isn't. I have a friend who like she went to Prague for film school and she came back like for a visit recently. And I was like, so, yeah, you're going to move back to like work on films here in L.A. And she's like, honestly, it's really nice having free health care. I think I'm going to just stay in Prague.

I was like, wow. All right. Dude, when I was in the hospital, I was talking to a nurse, and she was talking about how, and you'll understand this probably because you probably heard some great stories from Claudio. She was in Italy, and she was on a Vespa, and she's like a big motorcycle person or something. She fell off her Vespa and broke her arm,

and she went to the nearest hospital, and they said, well, we're a private hospital. We're not the public hospital. So it's going to cost a little more. And she was like, well, I'm not going to drive across town with a broken arm. So I'll just bite the bullet and have my arm set here and cast. So she had her arms set, cast everything out the door. 150 euro.

Which is about $170. Wow. And that was the expensive hospital. Espressos are like a dollar in Italy. Yeah. My root canal is a little bit more than that.

A little bit more. Just a little bit. Just a little bit. Well, we're glad you're here and you're alive and you don't have an infected head. That's congratulations. And I'm finally like back. I've been kind of, you know, MIA for a couple weeks.

Yeah. Like you just had so many different things. It was Goldbergs and your head was falling apart. Yeah, it was mainly Goldbergs. And then I had to take Monday off because of the teeth. I almost came in, but then I was texting Sarah. I was yelling at him. I was like, yeah, I was thinking I'd maybe come into the office, but I don't know.

And I was like fresh out of the root canal. It was like 10 a.m. and I saw him doing bits on Instagram. I'm like, what the hell are you doing? I hadn't been active in a while going back to the Instagram thing. I was like, I haven't posted in forever. But he was like, even the week previously. I also saw an opportunity because Joe Beretta told me, he's like, you should do Instagram stories right now while you're numb. Yeah, while you're recovering, you should work.

Well, that's very Joe Beretta. It's the most Joe Beretta thing. He's like, you're suffering. Well, that's very Joe Beretta. It's the most Joe Beretta thing. He's like, you're suffering. Use it. Use it for your art. Use your pain. They were great Instagram stories, though. They were.

I was just, I just, I didn't even watch them. I just like immediately started momming you and being like, relax. You said you retired the last couple of weeks. Just relax. Stay in bed. Postmates food. Yeah. were tired the last couple of weeks just relax stay in bed postmates food yeah so if you guys don't see shane in videos for like a month uh it was because he was on he was on goldberg's like

it was always it was literally like every day we filmed you were at goldberg's and we're like okay we think we can get you in here and then like day before you're like uh goldberg's called the schedule would change yeah so much uh in the final couple episodes, Goldberg's called. The schedule would change so much. In the final couple episodes of Goldberg's, the writing kind of catches up to them because they're trying to stay ahead. But in those final two weeks, it's hard. So scheduling gets crazy and they're often figuring out the schedule day of.

It's so nuts to imagine. You see those shows and you just assume that it's all written beforehand and it's all planned out. And then they go and shoot it, but they're literally making rewrites on the day. Yeah, very often. Insane. I was bummed, though. I was bummed to miss the Zachary Levi Try Not to Laugh. Yeah.

And you missed some pretty good fan fiction. I know. I was very, very bummed. I had a good joke. Not a good joke, but I had a joke prepared for Zachary Levi. I was going to walk out. I was going to face away, and I was just going to yell, Shazam! Oh, oh no.

And then I was going to turn around, and you will have seen that I peed my pants. Just drenched my pants. And I was going to be just like, did I say it wrong? I think that would have gotten him. Very good. Yeah. And then I'd have been like, you're my favorite pizza place

right to his face. Then I would have hit him. He's a lot more handsome in person than I thought he was going to be. I saw him at the gym a few years ago. He's a massive person. And I was like, sup, Zach. He's like, sup, Shane.

He is massive. It's always weird when you see I was like, sup, Zach. He was like, sup, Shane. He is massive. It's always weird when you see a movie star, a television star that's tall. They're usually smaller than you think. Like Tom Cruise. But Chris Pratt and him. Yeah, they're massive people. Zachary Levi could be like a PETA around you. He could just hold in half and be a PETA.

I just stood next to him and I was like, oh my god, it's just so nice to just be next to a tall man like that. Sarah. I'm listening. Well, Claudio's tall too. Do not talk about another man. I'm sorry. I can't

say anything other than Sarah. Shazam. Shazam. Shazam. Shazam. Shazam. Shazam. Shazam. Shazame. The penne pasta with the shazame. Very good. Now I'm starting to wonder if this is just racist. No, actually I took Italian classes before

our wedding. So she's Italian. Don't worry. So I'm Italian. She can say whatever she wants. But every time in class I tried to be like chill with the pronunciation because I didn't want to like seem offensive. Yeah. He was like no more. Like more. So like the more you're actually like sound like you're making fun of Italian words like you're

pronouncing it completely correct. Right. Yeah they're passionate. They are very passionate. Romantic language. That's funny. So just the harder the more stereotypical you go, the better it is. So if you're like, bastardo, then. Yes. Bastardo, wiggle.

Yeah, exactly, guys. You guys are nailing it. I'm looking at this. We just have a little list of things to possibly keep on track. And you added a couple of things on here that I don't know what it's referring to. The story of Mufuk. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

So I think I'm wondering if this. Okay, no, it's. It was a couple years ago. I actually think this started before. So for those of you who don't know, I do a character called Courtney freaking Miller on a lot of episodes where I just wear a Courtney Miller type wig and I just yell a lot. And the story came out of Courtney was sick

during a seriously super stupid sleepover shoot. And so we were like, well, what can Shane do it? And then Shane was like, can I put on a wig and be Courtney Miller? And we're like, okay. And I kind of just, I play that character. I'm gonna lean back really far. I'm just like, yeah!

Just talk like this! I'm crazy! But anyways, where that actually kind of started, that voice and everything, was I was talking to Sarah once, how I'm like, yeah, sometimes when I'm driving, I just like yell. I'll just be yelling a lot.

I'll just be like, I'll just, because like in the morning I'm tired, so I'll be driving down the street, and I'll just be like, I'll just, cause like in the morning I'm tired. So I'll be driving down the street. I was like, yeah, yeah, my fuck. And,

and, and, and so we just started, we just started like yelling that at each other. At each other. And like, it would be in the middle of a work day and I would just walk up to her desk

and she'd be in the middle of working and I'd just be like, something my fuck. Something my fuck. Something my fuck. This is a violent workplace Yeah I get bullied a lot It's said with a lot of love

You do get bullied a lot but it's all out of love It's all out of love and I've always been a girl With a lot of guy friends and I've always been Kind of like the target That's Boy I've been the target of a lot of stuff Like there's a lot to dissect there

I think it's cause I laugh, honestly, because I think it's very funny. I'm the same way. Like, getting roasted, I laugh at it. I think it's so great. A good roast is so good. Is that a defense mechanism from your growing up? Shut up. No, I'm a very happy person.

I actually yelled at Matt Robb because i found a magnifying glass in like a green room here last week and i like pulled it up to my eye and i was like look at my eye and he was like wow you're dumb and i was like wow i'm enjoying simple things in life fuck me right i just like i i i think life is very fun to put it very simply. So I like to laugh. Yeah. Live, love, laugh,

eat, pray, love. Well, I think it also comes down to like, now I feel like bullying is okay. Yeah. That's not okay.

Wow. I can't believe you said that. Oh man. But I think it also comes from like, I think you're very confident in yourself. Like in certain aspects, right? Like nobody's fully confident in everything,

but, but I think you're able to laugh at yourself because i think you're very aware of who you are exactly so you're aware of like what's a joke and like if i don't i don't see any purpose in reading into things because it's like i i'm a i'm the type of person that's like if you're looking for that negative thing you will find it totally so it's like even if claudio is like you know like i like that shirt today and if i look at that as like why today why not every day why not and that's where you go crazy because you're just reading into everything that everyone is saying and you will find that thing so if it's

like if you're literally just taking it as it is i think it's much healthier and much happier for sure damn because if you look for the positive you find the positive you look for the negative Literally just taking it as it is, I think is much healthier and much happier. For sure. Damn. Because if you look for the positive, you find the positive. You look for the negative, you will find the negative. That's actually, that's very true. I just don't go looking for anything. Well, that's, then you're never disappointed.

Exactly. That's my mantra. He said, dead inside. So yesterday we all saw us. Yeah. Because we're now doing like smosh outings as a family, which is very nice that people actually care about office culture now. Yeah, we never had an outing for like four years.

I like everyone here. I do too. And yesterday we went to dinner before the movie and I just sat around and I honestly had a moment of like, I'm so happy. Like I just had a moment of like, I love all these people. And like, you'm so happy. Like I just had a moment of like, I love all these people and like you guys are my family. I did have a couple of jobs in between, you know, leaving Smosh and coming back. And I liked those people, but it's just like, honestly, coming here was like my first day

I like came in and I felt like I was coming home. Like I gave everyone a hug and it just like, it felt like family and it was so nice. And's very cool. And so like we all had dinner. I was so happy. Yeah. It's very great. Where were you going with that though? You said. Oh, I was talking about Ian.

That's very nice. What is this for? No, Ian leans over. Back to me. Because I'm sorry, I'm bored. Back to me, please. Ian leans over at dinner before us and he just looks at me dead in the eye and just goes, Sarah, what's it like to

love someone oh my god and i was like um what are you okay because i was i was looking around and uh several of us are are hopelessly single people and and you and claudio just seem so so well matched together you mentioned that you you've never gotten in a fight with him, which I find that impossible to believe because you're crazy. I'm not, I'm a very easy going person in relationships. Really I am because I did grow the confidence. In my first relationships when I was younger,

I was crazy because I was looking for things and I felt insecure in the relationship too and like when you feel insecure in the relationship it's just not gonna work and it's like and if you're not confident in yourself it's never gonna work so um but I also got I won the lottery with Claudio because it was like he and it sounds so dumb because I was a pessimistic person I was like I'm never gonna date anyone in LA everyone's like a Peter Pan fuck boy in LA they just want like the hottest new thing and keep you at arm's distance so I was fine concentrate on my career just do it and he came into my life and all those people that say when you know you know and all those things they came true it was like it just clicked. He's so easygoing.

Everything that I thought a relationship could be, it was. And I was like excited about him. And so he's made it incredibly easy. And I don't think I honestly would marry anyone else because I realized that in all of my other relationships, I never felt compelled to get married. Because I was like, I don't feel like I want to marry you. Like I want to be with you maybe. But with Claudio, even with the green card things, but I, to keep him in the country. No. But I really felt like compelled to get married and,

and wanted that future with him. So we don't know if we want to have kids or anything like that, but. But at the beginning, like you were saying, like every time that you saw him, you were like, oh, that could be the last time. Yeah. Because his, his dating style, you know, he grew up in Italy. So it was like in Italy, men and women, guys and girls are always friends. Like they're always hanging out in big groups and there's no like maybe no romantic things happening. And then eventually you might have a spark with someone and it grows into something more. In L.A. especially, it's like, can I take you out on a date?

Let's go on a date. Like let's. Do you want to date? I find you very interactive. And especially in L.A., you know, people are dating many people at the same time. And so maybe nothing serious is happening, but you're seeing multiple people. And so him and I, like, just, I was seeing a couple of people and he was only seeing me. And so like, you know, months after we were like, kind of casually seeing each other, but he was definitely like keeping me at arm's distance.

He was like, am I the only one you're dating? And I was like like keeping me at arm's distance he was like are am i the only one you're dating and i was like excuse me what like so we had a big freak out and that was probably like our biggest like hurdle we had to get over but at the end of the day he just wanted to only date me so i'm that's not a bad thing at all you were making a face i think i was just laughing in my mind the whole thing but I want to talk about you guys and dating. Like, because it's like. Oh, no. I've talked to Shane a bit about dating and everything like that. Yeah, you've been a bit of a coach.

I have been. You've been a bit of a sage for me. I have bad luck with it. And I'm not good with dating. I'm not good at it. I feel very, I don't know. I feel very, like, obligated sometimes know. I feel very like obligated sometimes. I think as soon as I start dating someone and that's, that's a lot of pressure for me

because I feel like, oh, I owe this person. Like I need to like explain. It's just a lot of pressure. It's just also like Shane comes off as like an extrovert and, and he's very funny and he's easy to talk to, but you are actually kind of an introvert. Very introverted. In a, in a big group, you're the quiet one. It took me a solid year to really get to know you

and break through it. Like, I think you are a very introverted person. Yeah, because in a way, like the loud, comedic, crazy person that I am is very much who I am, but there's other parts of me that I, it takes a long time for me to feel comfortable. You know,

I don't feel comfortable not being funny sometimes. Like I have to do that or else, because then that's part of the obligation of like, I need to be entertaining. And it's when I go on a date, once I'm done with a date, I am so exhausted. It feels like I ran a marathon because the entirety of the date,

I'm so worried about that person being bored that i'm trying to just like entertain do so much stuff and uh which i've gotten better about um because obviously like it's a 50 50 thing it should be it should bounce back and forth yeah and it should feel like you're not putting on a show of course first date second date third date you are putting on a show. Of course, first date, second date, third date, you are putting on a show. Like the first time that Claudio and I hung out, I thought he was like so self-centered and everything. That's hilarious. Because he was talking only about himself and not asking questions. Ooh, that's a no-no.

But he was just insecure. That's fine. I definitely, I recognize that with myself too because I won't talk about certain things or certain things that I like. I'm like, oh, they won't like that about me but then I'm like why I should bring that up then because if they're not into it like I won't talk about like the nerdy things I'm into on a first date I won't talk about what nerdy things like not like that nerdy but just like video games or watching anime or something like I won't talk about that because I'm like, oh, they may not like that. But I'm like, if they don't like that, then we shouldn't date. And just my personality, if I'm not feeling like, oh, I've got funny jokes right now,

if I'm just going to talk seriously, there's nothing wrong with that. No, there isn't. What about you, Ian? Like, what are you like on a first date? I'm very curious. I mean, it could, it differs. I mean, I like to banter with people, like, especially people that I don't know. So, like, I think sometimes it could come off as I'm, like, talking shit.

Because I'll just, not that I'm, like, nagging them, but, like, I like a little, like, push and push back. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. And two, I totally agree. It's exhausting when you're just trying to do the, oh, where are you from? Oh, me, blah, blah, blah. And you're just struggling to find some way to relate to the person.

And I hate that struggle, and I don't even really want to go there and it just feels so cheap and pointless and just not authentic. So I just prefer to just like cut through that and just kind of – Give them shit immediately. Just get to like just banter. It's friendly banter and like I hope I never like offended anybody. Yeah. What's up, you dumb idiot? Thanks for meeting me at Olive Garden, stupid. But that is a bummer.

If I'm throwing something at them, they're not throwing it back. I'm like, oh. Yeah, it's hard to find someone with the same sense of humor and that can keep up with you. Because I even dated a guy one time, and didn't know till like three, four dates. He was like, oh, you're funny. And I was like, oh, boy. Because you have to kind of you kind of have to do that boring crap in the beginning to just.

I hate it. I don't want to do it. You have to do it. It's boring. I mean, that's why. It just doesn't feel genuine to me. And that's and that's the issue. It's like I feel like I'm not being myself.

And so I want to be as true to myself as possible and not put up a front that's not me. It's not putting up a front. I think you're putting a foundation down for, you know something more than just like giving each other shit right and so it's like you know as a girl or as a woman i guess um when someone's like genuinely interested in in who i am and then i can feel relaxed yeah because it's like a lot of girls and and i even felt secure it's like why are we going on this date? Are you just in it because you're attracted to me? Or you just want sex? You just want to pay for this and, like, be flashy?

Like, it's tough to go on a date as a female because you don't know what the motivation is. Yeah, that's got to be scary. It's hard to sit down and, like, open yourself up. But if someone honestly is kind of, like, sitting there and genuinely interested in who you are, that's a huge turn on. Whether or not that ends in like a relationship or anything sexual doesn't matter. It's just you're making a connection then at that point. I also don't like talking about myself. So like I enjoy hearing about like the other person and then just talking about stuff.

But then when it, when it gets turned on me, I'm like, like I was talking, I was talking to one of your friends and, and she was like, so tell me something. I was like,

uh, so I just, and this was near the end of our little, uh, Patty's day, uh, crawl. So I was,

I had a couple of drinks and I was like, tell you something. Uh, okay. Uh, we dropped more bombs in vietnam than than all the bombs that were dropped in world war ii wow and i was just like real charming i was just looking to just like just see what like her she's like no like something about yourself oh good on her i was like um uh i'm sad i'm sad i I'm sad.

I'm kind of bummed. Yeah, I don't know. It's not... You don't talk about yourself much. It's not fun to talk about myself. And it's hard for me to talk about myself and what I do without like... But you don't have to talk about your job or anything. Because like working with you, there's a lot that I don't know about you either. It's fascinating because you're this very popular figure.

A lot of people know who you are. But I think it was after a year or so of knowing you that I was like, oh, wait, you have a sibling? I didn't even know that. Oh, I don't even know that. I just learned that now. Yeah. You don't talk about stuff. And it's not even just facts.

It's feelings or just like, I don't know. There's a lot that I feel like. And I mean, it makes sense. I feel like a lot of comedians are that way. And a lot of us have similar vibes. I'm sure I'm similar in some aspects. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But yeah, it's fascinating, man.

You should learn how to talk about yourself. You're on a podcast, so you're going to have to. I know. You're going to have to talk about it all. It's a lot easier for me to look out than look in. I think that's what it is. You should look in. Everyone should look in.

Now that we got our health insurance, I'm going to look into a therapist. I'm actually pretty stoked for that. Hey, look. I've been studying psychology for a couple years. Well, 10 years. But I'm still trying to get my bachelor's. It's been taking my time. But I've only learned a few really valuable like things that I feel I can say.

And one is that everyone should get a therapist. I went to therapy when I was 13 or 14 because something pretty tragic happened to me when I was younger. And they I did have like this is getting really deep. But I did have suicidal thoughts for like a hot minute. And I was really struggling when I was very young. And I went to a therapist and it helped me tremendously. And that person is never going to like cure anything out of you. But I think it really helps to talk to someone outside of a situation and outside of yourself.

Do you feel like it gave you sort of like a tool set? Yeah, it did. It did. And it probably, you know, it has made me the person I am today because it helped me rationalize, you know, my thinking. Like you, sometimes your brain just goes into crazy land. Like sometimes it just, you're just like, oh my God, are people out to get me? Like, you know know why is this happening to me like this is my life is terrible but it's all about like shaping your perspective and being able to like ground yourself yeah your own brain and mind is not always your fault exactly exactly you know with ian going back really quick it's it's fascinating too because since you were very young your whole life has been so public.

Your life has been so in the public eye. And so in a way, for over 10 years, for gosh, what is it, 13 years now? For 13 years, people have felt that they know everything about you. So that might be why, to a certain extent, you keep a lot of things close to the chest. Yeah, I think it would be really tough. I don't envy your position because it's like, you know, it's kind of nice when you meet someone new because they're new and you don't know anything about them. But obviously you're a public figure. So that's like a whole nother layer. Because I relate to that because I feel like when I was younger, I used to be better about opening up about that stuff. But the more and more I've

gotten into this realm, the more that we finish a week of shooting and i kind of just want to like go and sit in my apartment by myself and kind of close off because it's like it's just i'm exhausted from all from showing so much yeah that you know and that's i guess that's also why i'm just so bad at social media because like you know we put so much of it out there you're burned burned out. For what we're doing. Like, I don't want to take my free time to show everyone what I'm doing. Because then it feels like it's taking over your life.

Yeah. And I think that that also contributes to the fact that I haven't burnt out from this. Like, because I do separate as much of my life off of Smosh from Smosh. And for other people, you know, as much of my life off of Smosh, from Smosh. And for other people, you know, their entire life has to be their story,

their Instagram story or their YouTube story. And that's why you see people burn out because they just can't separate. It's always on. Yeah, I think it's dangerous when every aspect of your life becomes entertainment for other people. There are certain things that just need to be for you. And you should share those things, but in a very different manner.

Not as a means of, you know, entertaining someone else. Yeah, man. Do you want to talk about Us? The movie? Us. No. Yes, the movie. Well, let's not spoil too much.

Yeah. But let's just say I liked it. I have a lot of questions, and I'm assuming that the internet's going to solve it for me. But I was just like, yeah, it's well made. I think Jordan Peele has, he's going to always face an uphill battle with every movie he makes. Because going into it,

I was expecting a movie with so many layers. And it has a lot of layers, don't get me wrong. It's still, you're going to get a Jordan Peele movie for sure. You got to peel the layers. You got to peel those layers like an onion. Shrek. Anyways. Yes, you did the right thing there. It all loops around to Shrek. like an onion, Shrek. Anyways. Yes, you did the right thing there.

It all loops around to Shrek. It's always about Shrek. It's very similar vibes. Very uncomfortable. Very uncomfortable. Yeah, I was saying earlier today that it's second album syndrome, where you have a lifetime to create your first album and you have two years to create your second.

No matter how good Us is going to be, it's always going to be compared to Get Out. It's just like, what's the dude's name? Orson Welles, right? Yeah. He created Citizen Kane when he was 28. I think he was 25. 25, whatever it was. Like he created one of the most influential movies ever.

And he was forever compared to that movie until the day he died. It was like, oh, I hear you're making a new movie. Could this be the next Citizen Kane? Of course it's not going to be the next Citizen Kane. Citizen Kane was Citizen Kane. Yeah. Oh, God. He straight up next Citizen Kane. Citizen Kane was Citizen Kane. Yeah. Oh, God. He straight up lost his mind.

That's one of the... Oh, it's so... I'm sad to say it's hilarious, but also sad, the champagne commercial. Yeah. Oh, man. Because at that point he's just like... It's hard to watch.

Yeah. It's hard to watch. It's hard to watch how so many big celebrity legends, you'd think they have the best lives and they are the most miserable people but it's kind of

it goes back to what we're saying like the whole like if you make if every aspect of your life becomes entertainment for everyone else

you lose everything and I think you lose reality you lose like what created the genius in the first place I think it's same

with like Kanye West and stuff like that. Honestly, it's got to be tough. It's got to be tough that you probably don't, you only have a handful of people who treat you like a normal human being. And then everyone else treats you like Kanye West. Whoa. Well, they're all yes man around you. You don't have anyone that's like chill, dude.

Chill. Yeah. Yeah. It's tough. Like, and I feel like have anyone that's like, chill, dude, chill. Yeah, it's tough. And I feel like even with that knowledge, like if you would end up like meeting Kanye West or something, you would probably still end up acting just as everyone else. Do you know what I mean?

Like it's just- I went to church with him on last Easter actually. Oh, hell yeah, dude. How was that? Shoot, dude. And even Jesus showed up and he was Oh, hell yeah, dude. How was that? Shoot, dude. And even Jesus showed up and he was like, Kanye West!

Whoa! Whoa, dude! That's nuts! Jesus! Yeah. Jesus was in the house and Jesus that day. Dude, Jesus and Yeezus.

They should collab. It's a TBS show. Jesus and Yeezus coming to TBS. We know funny. We're still on the air somehow. I don't like scary movies. Yeah.

Really, like, I don't like scary movies, but, you know. You should watch Hereditary. No, I'm good. I watched that shit by myself. Nope. That was a bad move. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, I'm not a fan of scary movies. And I was sat, because we all went and saw it together. I was seated right in between Sarah and Courtney. And both of them were so freaked out. And it was very entertaining. I think Courtney, she just assumed the whole thing was going to be scary. She had her arm on my arm for like the first 30 minutes, like just waiting for something scary to happen.

And then like, and then, and then I don't know, it's not like a scary movie. It's similar to get out scary, right? Where you're just, you're like you said,

you're uncomfortable. You're just like, Oh God. Oh God. I was expecting, cause even in get out, you know, when they're driving and like the deer comes out of nowhere, I kept But I was expecting, because even in Get Out, you know when they're driving and, like, the deer comes out of nowhere?

Yeah. I kept expecting, like, a jump scare like that. And I just. Yeah. It's not a scary movie. And I'd say people should go see it. They should go see it, yeah. For sure.

For sure. There's some pretty goofy stuff. And Winston Duke is hilarious. He's awesome. The acting was incredible, though. Lupita Nyong'o is. God, she's the best. Visuals were incredible.

I love what Jordan Peele's doing with sounds. Yeah. Like, he makes a rap music, like, a rap song scary. Yeah. It's awesome. So cool. Yeah. Oh, hopefully Twilight Zone's good.

He's doing that. Oh, right. He's the perfect person to do it. Yeah. Is it gonna, I wonder if the new Twilight Zone is going to be kind of like Black Mirror because, like, that's kind of what I would imagine a new Twilight Zone is like. Probably. I mean, it will be a non-technology-based Black Mirror.

I mean, well, I mean, Black Mirror is Twilight Zone but with technology. Exactly. And Black Mirror is – I feel like it's more about, like, oh, here's the dark side of technology, whereas Twilight Zone always felt had, like, some sort of moral moral to it it always had some sort of message about human nature um i want to finish this podcast with something with some funny news oh my god what yeah okay um so the school is doing uh an active shooter training oh and very funny. Very funny. This is Ian funny. And so, like, with these shooter trainings, which I never had as a kid growing up, it's like the sheriff department, like, goes in there, and they pretend to be the shooters. Oh, my God.

And they go in, and they were using airsoft guns in place of real guns and then faked executing the teachers. Oh my God. In front of people, but they were using loaded airsoft guns and shot the teachers like in the back of the head and like,

and injured the teachers. What state is this? Multiple teachers. Multiple. Wait, so after the first teacher got shot, they were like, oh, no, this is how it's supposed to go. I don't know. Maybe they lined them up.

That's terrifying. Where was this at? Where was this at? What state? This was Indiana, I believe. Okay. Oh, my God. Yeah, Indiana Elementary.

Jesus, an elementary school? Oh, my God. It said teachers were left with welts, bruises, and abrasions after they were shot with plastic pellets by the local sheriff's office conducting the session. And I read a comment yesterday that was like, they should be doing some research on if these shooting drills are actually doing more damage to kids than good. Because, like, I mean, it's like in in the uh what the 50s or the 60s they'll like get under your desk if a nuclear fire yeah and causes more hysteria than anything yeah and like you go to school every day wondering am i gonna get killed in a nuclear blast like you know now and also i was thinking on the flip side, like, isn't, so like, let's say, let's say you're thinking about shooting up a school, which I hope you're not.

Okay. Wouldn't these drills be training you on what to do. Isn't that kind of not smart to be showing exactly what everyone should be doing and where they should be going? That's kind of... What do they call it? It's a double-edged sword. Yeah. I just feel like the drill is probably the same

for anything, which is like, I mean, it's kind of like an earthquake really for many people. There's only so much you can do, right? Besides, like, locking doors or whatever. Well, I think that's what they're doing. They're, like, you know, pile stuff in front of a door. But for an elementary school, like, getting out, like, oh, that's, I don't know, man.

It's traumatizing. It is traumatizing. And it just sucks. Like, it's unfortunate that we live in this time where that is an issue because like for me that's incredibly scary and like even going through the drills yeah okay it's good that we're doing drills but it's so scary like yeah and it sounds like in this drill it's not like here's how you saw this it sounds like it sounds like they're just telling you how you're gonna die and also like why are they shooting them in the back of the head? Like, why are they shooting the teachers in the back of the head?

You don't need to actually pull triggers. These poor teachers, do they have to act like they're dying too then? Like, it's like an acting class as well. Dude, that's nuts. Yeah, do you remember in eighth grade? Yeah, the shooting drill. When the guy was like, bang, you're dead, bang, you're dead. And I was like, Jesus.

But that's what people are doing, I guess. It's nuts. And I feel like if I was a kid, that would definitely give me more anxiety rather than hearing about the stories and being like, oh, this happened at this school, but it's not happening here. I'll be honest, that is a big reason

why Claudio and I don't know if we want to have children yet. Because of school shootings? No, because of many different things that are happening in current society and the world and everything with health care and global warming and all those things. It's like, is this a place that I want to bring a new life to or am I okay with my three cats? And for right now, I'm okay with my three cats. Do I want my kid to grow up in a fallout type of situation? I don't know.

Maybe I'm just a hopeless optimist, but I feel like humans are always going to find a way. I'm not saying that it's okay that, you know, climate change is definitely happening, but, I mean, I definitely understand, like, the reason for not wanting to bring a kid into the world. Also, I don't know if I'm ready for that responsibility. It just seems very intense. We talk to the people.

Also, I don't want a kid. It seems like a lot. Like, I love my cats so much, and they were like, okay, well, now your cats have to go to school every day, and then they go to college. And I'm like, no. Now your kid has a bad attitude. No. Your cat has a bad attitude. No, because my cat one because my cat one time like will like run away from me and i like the heartbreak i feel i can't imagine like my son being like fuck you mom and i'm like oh no but also like but also

like cats hate you like sometimes your kids hate you so it is like good training right yeah i guess so my cats love me though except for the new one this is the second um anti uh having kids uh podcasts in a row because with i guess with with courtney courtney and uh i were like yeah i don't know like having kids i don't know well it's not for everyone let's just be honest it's definitely not for some of the people that have had them exactly uh i don't know if you feel like popping out one, I guess, you know. To each their own. Go for it. As long as you're, you know, I would prefer you'd be, like, out of high school.

Yeah. Maybe, like, you know. Some sage wisdom from Ian Peacock. Maybe have, like, some of your shit together. Maybe, like, a little savings, perhaps. That's tough to have. It's very difficult to have. So some lessons we learned today.

If you're doing an active shooter drill, don't shoot people in a drill. Yeah, that would make sense. That's so crazy to me. The drill is prepared to prevent. So traumatic. I learned something today. I'd love to talk about this. It's very fascinating.

Do you know that we dropped more bombs in Vietnam than in all of World War II? What? That's so fascinating. Let's date now. I'm going to use that knowledge on a date. I did read a fun internet fact the other day that made me very happy. Did you know some starfish have birth defects that make them square? No.

Yes. That's so cute. It's so cute. Hold out. It's so cute. Hold on. It's square starfish. Yo, Bobby, pull that up. Our research guy. Yeah.

Whoa. They're so cute. Look at this little guy right here. The square starfish. Look. That's adorable. Oh, my God. A square biscuit starfish a square biscuit oh my god it looks like a little throw pillow it does it looks like a little throw pillow under the water i'm gonna buy it oh my god

i'm gonna lay my little head on it i'm gonna go to sleep i'm gonna have a little sweet dream we should have more square starfish that i think that's what we can take away from this this podcast that's the joy we need more square starfish in the world. I'm guessing this is probably the result of Fukushima. Ian always, you do have a habit. You do kind of like shit on the party a little bit sometimes because it was like, I want to go to the Maldives for my honeymoon. He's like, you better go there before it's all underwater.

And I'm like, thanks, Ian. I mean, it's real. It's like the grandpa in him. Yeah. Oh, man, this iPhone's great. Well, I hope you like it because a starving child built it in another country. Well, I'm sure you'll have a much better time than the people that are actually living in the Maldives. Oh, my God.

Thanks for ruining my honeymoon. You're welcome. Make sure you tip your waiter there. These square starfish are adorable i bet they're all uh have depression all right great cool all right guys well shane sarah thank you so much for coming on this uh on this lovely podcast of of ours um and if you guys want to subscribe to the smosh cast you could do it on any of your favorite podcast platforms, or you can subscribe on YouTube,

but guess what? You can't hear us say fuck or shit or turd. Oh my God. You're not going to get any of those. Yeah. Thanks. Demonetized. I'm so sorry.

I don't say those anyways. Yeah. Turd. Um, and, um, yeah, be sure to subscribe.

And, uh, we love you so much. I love you. Bye-bye. Square starfish.