Smosh Mouth - S2: #59 - Love in the Time of Quarantine

Episode Date: April 15, 2020

Ian is (virtually) joined by Shayne, Olivia, and Courtney where they catch up on Ian’s online dating adventures, quarantine lucid dreams, and why Olivia thinks social distancing is making her relationship stronger. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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BetMGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with iGaming Ontario. Ramble. I don't know if you guys have been following the news, but a lot of Chinese Americans, Asian Americans have been attacked, like physically and verbally attacked. I did one video chat date and she was like doing her dishes or something. You know, we're all friends. I'm like, we're all on the same page. We're like, yeah, obviously don't be racist. Don't be racist. Cool.

No one's racist. And then you go on social media and you're like, oh yeah, these people live different lives from me and haven't learned the same things I've learned. So you were saying is a big deal that a random YouTuber shows up there. Meanwhile, Chuck Norris lives there. Wow. Ian Hecox. All we got is this boring Chuck Norris over there.

Hello, hello, hello. Welcome to the Smosh cast. We are still at home, baby. Staying safe, staying sexy. And with me today is the ineffable. I actually don't know what that word means, but I heard it in Cats. Courtney Miller, Shane Topp, and Olivia Sway. Hi.

Ineffable sounds like unfuckable. Oh, really? Oh, no. I don't know. They say it in Cats. Do you remember the part where they're like, ineffable, ineffable, ineffable. You watched Cats? Good for you. You really are in quarantine. I saw it twice in Cats. Do you remember the part where they're like effable, effable You watched Cats? Good for you. You really are in quarantine. I saw it twice in theater.

This is the funny thing about the state of like theater going. Well pre-quarantine is that I missed most of the Oscar movies when they're in theaters but I saw Cats twice in theaters.

That tracks. That's so strange. That just goes to show. Ineffable when they're in theaters, but I saw cats twice in theaters. That's so strange. That just goes to show. Ineffable means too great or extreme to be expressed or described in words. Oh wow, thank you. I should find a different word then. You should just like every girl you meet on a date, you should just say you're ineffable.

And they'll be like, what? You don't wanna bang me? Oh wait, it's a compliment. It's the perfect amount of being mean and being nice to a girl. I know. Yeah, but if she's not effable, I'll still say that and be like,

ha, you thought it was a compliment, but you're not. And that's how supervillains go on dates. Yeah. I'm basically the Lex Luthor of BumbleDate. Nice. I feel like you're the go-go gadget because you're like an inspector following leads and you're having to use technology now because you can't see them in person.

Have you been doing that? Have you been doing video chat dates or what's the situation on that? I've done one FaceTime date. I'm trying to set up some others oh but it's weird like i feel like i think everyone kind of burned through like what they thought they were going to like do in their quarantine in like the first week and now everyone's just like what do we do now i fostered a dog today so yeah dude wait yeah wait can i show you guys how she looks like? Yes, please.

She's here. Yeah, she's here at the house. But I also have photos of her. What kind of doggy? She's a husky mix. Is she big or medium? She's a puppy. Oh, buddy.

Oh, what a little lady. Or even on Instagram. I just posted her. That's so smart. Fostering an animal right now. Because you're at home all the time time, there to take care of it. We don't need to go anywhere. That's so smart.

She's so sweet. And that's why I was late to this podcast. I got a text message this morning to pick up the foster. So then I literally, Sam pooped so fast, right? Super speed. super speed. Super speed. I super speeded it too, by the way. So you both were like, we got to go pick up this dog.

So we both need to shit right now. You guys have excited poops? No, like we just like, we're like, we need to leave now. We need to get there. And then we get there and then we're the first ones there. But the pups weren't, they didn't arrive yet. out we need to get there um and then we get there and then we were the first ones there but the the the the pups weren't they didn't arrive yet and we waited for like a super long time and uh more people started showing up and this woman was just like kind of freaking out because she was the only

person there and i think there was like 10 different dogs whoa and everyone's like waiting to pick one up and um she wasn't sure which puppy or which dog went to like who so we were all like no no we we wanted this like black uh little puppy but it's okay anything works so she was just handing off these fosters and like we had to decide like which pup like it was just awkward do you know what i mean like we all wanted a certain one but then the person that we told wasn't there so we're all just like are you okay with this one like and we don't want to be assholes like they're they're puppies they're so cute like who cares but it was like, just, it was weird.

And then this girl, and then this girl just comes in. We've been waiting for, like, more than an hour. And this girl drives up, and she's, like, parked in the middle of the street. She goes in the house, just takes one in and leaves. What? And then we're just, like, wait. We were all, like, waiting. Like, it was weird.

We were, like, uh. I think you just witnessed a puppy heist it was it was a lot but um we're really happy that uh we got to do it it was and we saw a bunch of friends that were there too it was literally the actors of los angeles meeting up on this tiny street getting puppies jeez so what so then where are these puppies coming from? It was really sad. So there were two – there were two dogs, like, grown. They were just dumped outside of a ranch. Oh, they're abandoned?

In Bakersfield. Oh. And then, yeah, it's really, really sad. And a lot of the puppies were just, like to like a farm or somewhere like far out. And this dude just goes and picks them up. Oh, wow. That's really sweet. I think now is such a, yeah, it's such a perfect time to foster.

Was it hard? Is it hard to like get like set up to do that? No, not at all. A lot of my friends have been fostering through this foundation and they've been getting like an overwhelming amount of applicants because of social, little less than that. And then she told me to hang tight because there's a lot of applicants. But Sam's so I'm quarantining with Sam, my boyfriend and Cameron, their roommates and best friends. And they both have like experience with training puppies. And yeah, if you need any help, I don't mean to brag but i have very good experience with training dogs and yeah why don't you why don't you foster a couple yeah i think i

would sooner foster a cat which is why i'm interested in what you're saying i would probably foster like an adult cat that hopefully won't like freak out and i'll text you the information and the woman that i was talking to i'm like so excited i've never had a responsibility of taking care of another like living thing so i'm excited to like but the boys are having fun we don't have a name for her yet we're thinking of banana oh that's so cute because you've been working with banana so much i feel like that would be that'd be a great name for a dog that shane is fostering it is monday don't take the name but i was texting garrett this morning too telling him i was running behind and he was like oh my god like where are you doing this like what kind of a dog is it like we're thinking about doing the same thing

so i think a lot of people are hopping on that foster train and i really think we're gonna get so attached to this pup she's so sweet oh yeah yeah there's also yeah fostering kittens is is a big thing as well i don't yeah i probably would want to give like an older cat a chance do they do do they do foster i guess they do right they do fostering for i think so pups and cats of all ages and and sizes because like all those like every kind of animal gets abandoned yeah by a farm like i am still like working quite a bit so like i want to be able to have a cat that's like still kind of independent so i can be like filming and stuff, but also have someone to like hug so tight that I almost pop them. I know because we were talking to Tommy yesterday, our social editor. We had a group of people all in a Google Hangout.

And he's like, I am just so desperate to touch an animal. Like, I just want to give like belly scratches to something. I'm like, if you want, I could just put my dog out front. You could drive by and just like pet her. And he's like, don't, he's like, I will do that. I will jump out of my car as it's still going. No, it's not safe. My neighbor has this little dog that is so confused why I won't walk up to him and pet him. But I'm just like, yeah, it sucks. Like I haven't had a dog in like a month and a half. And then my neighbor, he's like, yeah, I mean like kind of almost willing to offer.

And I was like, Nope, it's not safe. Like I, we don't know. Like I could. And he's like, yeah. And the dog's just like, what is going on? Dogs are so confused right now. Maybe you could just tell the owner to like brush the dog a bunch and collect all the fur and then give it to you and you could just like knit another dog if i had a dog i would probably be like hey if you use hand sanitizer i will let you pet my dog and then i will just like get like wipe my dog down because they have like puppy wipes that clean them i think that's what we need i think we need to they have puppy wipes that clean them.

I think that's what we need. I think we need to get some puppy wipes. They're great because bathing a dog is good, but you aren't supposed to do it too often. Wipes are great because they make them smell nice and get the immediate stuff. I'm going to tell Sam to order some online. Yeah, puppy wipes are great. Try not to get anything too perfumey. Try and get some very gentle stuff because puppies are, they're skin sensitive. Puppy skin. Puppy skin. What are we, Fruella DeVille? Ian, so you've only gone on one video chat date? Yeah. Like I was saying,

I feel like all the dating apps were popping off on the the first week of lockdown really you think so but you can't like yeah but like everyone was just desperate and bored so i think everyone was just kind of really the apps because they couldn't meet people in real life but now i feel like it's definitely like mellowed out a little bit maybe but yeah i did i did one i did one video chat date it was fine it was it was it was like how do you guys like did you get naked yeah i just had my butt I did one video chat date. It was fine. It was like- How do you guys set it up? Did you get naked? Yeah.

I just had my butthole showing the whole time. That's Omegle. Yeah, that is. Were you having coffee and eating? It was like a date or were you guys just chatting? Well, I had a glass of wine. Oh my God, bitch. And she was doing her dishes or something

oh my god it's completely different yeah so it was married for 25 years that's so rude to do dishes while on a date just so loud clanking of the plates yeah a quarantine date should not have chores going on i've been doing more chores than like ever if it's a flat or a squeal, a wobble or peel, your tread's worn down or you need a new wheel, wherever you go, you can get it from our tread experts. Conquer rugged terrain with on-road comfort. Until June 15th, receive up to $60 on a prepaid MasterCard

when you purchase Kumo RoadVenture AT52 tires. Find a Kumo tread experts dealer near you TreadExperts.ca slash locations. From tires to auto repair, we're always there. TreadExperts.ca The first thing I do in the morning, I go downstairs and I start wiping everything down. I've been doing that for like 29 days. Damn, can you just live at my place? Because I'm not doing anything.

So I'm cleaning Sam's place and my own place. I go back to my apartment to wipe down everything, even though I'm not there. Oh, man. I'll be saving chores to do different days so that I know I have something to do. I finally was like, all right, it's time to mop my floors. I feel good to be clean and be like,

virus, you can't touch me yeah and just like having i feel like maintaining a clean space will help a lot like for because if i was sitting in a mess during all this stressful stuff happening like i would be 10 times worth it worse than how i am now yeah like what we're we've been we've been now filming with a little bit more gear for sketch and stuff and with pod like getting getting gear like it made me nervous at first because I was like I don't know where to put this I live in an apartment yeah um but I actually I went and bought stuff and created a workspace. So I have like my desk and I got a computer that I'm playing Sims on now. But I like, I have like a organized corner now

where my gear goes and stuff. So I feel better about it. I only clean when somebody's expected to be over at my place. That's definitely good motivation. So without that motivation, I'm like, well, I do have like a plate that I use for dinner sitting on my table, but I don't really need to get rid of it right now.

No, just put it in your sink. Yeah, but it's like the sink's over there and the plate's there. My new thing is because like dishes are loud with the sink and everything. I don't have a dishwasher, which just makes me so sad. But I will put on my noise canceling wireless little like gym headphones and I'll listen to a podcast while I do my dishes. I like doing chores now. I've changed. Quarantine changed me. Dude, yesterday it was so funny. We got that like thing going and everyone started posting silly photos i was waiting for yours ian yeah ian why why didn't you do okay well yeah so let's explain

the the backstory if people don't know so basically when yesterday morning uh i woke up and i was like frick i need instagram content so bad and i look i open Instagram Olivia you're the first thing I saw and I was like that'd be really funny to copy her and then I soon as I posted it I literally worked so fast and then I went into the quarantine uh group chat I was like guys you guys get a copy Olivia with me that's oh I thought it was like organically everyone just started doing it joe did it i didn't know joe was gonna do it it was like it was so funny i really wanted ian to do it because he's got the most i mean i just don't want to put you guys to shame you know well you should have what else were you doing yesterday so much like he was on his like he was still on his

um date yeah except no one was on the other end no one's on the other end i'm just waiting for her to call me back just like staring at the phone the facetime thing has been going for days you guys have been quarantining alone right like all of you guys yeah i tried visiting my family like really carefully a little bit ago and it was it was nice but also just like kind of frustrating because I want to be able to just like hug my family and like forget I'll sleep over like whatever but it's just we're living in completely different towns and like my my sister's still like going to stores and stuff pretty regularly. Like I try and do only like super necessary errands and stuff. And like,

I just, I don't want to risk any cross contamination of any kind. I'm not like, not like what are the, whether it's them maybe carrying it or me, maybe carrying it like whatever. But yeah. Cause I think some people are just taking it a little more seriously than

others, which is hard. Everyone's got to take it very, very seriously. I was talking to my best friend, Lily, who was on my podcast this week talking about, you know, what's really going on in the frontline. And she works at a really big hospital in L.A. and she works in the COVID positive patients ICU. So she's like seeing this like 18 hours a day. She only sleeps for like three hours and like she is like dealing with this and she was saying she was like I've seen 90 year old people be okay and I've seen really young people like us like like horribly dealing with this.. It's painful. It's really, really sad. So

the best thing is to take it super seriously. What's the harm in taking it super seriously? My sister, she's an EMT and she's been around. They actually asked her to go into Seattle to possibly help transfer patients and stuff. She wasn't really working with any positive patients for a while but now there's sometimes having to like transport them like okay you don't need to be in the hospital you can continue care at home so she's their job is to like transport those people back home to safe and she's she's careful like because she lives with a bunch of people at home it's like her group of people that she sword fights with, you know?

It's that sister that is a knight, Logia Knight. She like takes off her gear and leaves it there at work. Her knight gear? No, her EMT uniform. That'd be so funny if she wears her suit of armor out to like go grocery shopping.

It might as well be that because they are, it's like going to war with this virus and there's no masks like they there are but it's they're just taking a lot of donations our wardrobe person that we had for the longest time then she like went off to go do this like tv show yeah she she also has this like company or not company it's like her hustle or side hustle i think it's called witch and heathen. She makes really cool like candles and stuff like in like random jars and

containers with like crystals and herbs in the wax. I would buy that. And now she started making like really pretty cloth masks with like filter stuff in them, like in pockets to put filters. That's amazing. Yeah. I've heard that like a lot of, a lot of like the la costumers are switching to like manufacturing masks and stuff so it's

kind of cool like it's you know obviously all the costumers in la that would normally have jobs working on television shows and digital shows like they're pretty much all out of work yeah because there's like a apparently near where my sister was living uh an aircraft like a navy um vessel or aircraft carrier was coming in and they were like sending out a request for basically to have like a huge line of people making those cloth masks so my sister's roommate who's been also like making those trendy masks got like called up to go and do that and like start making masks for the for like the people coming coming in the navy how is it like being alone quarantining alone i mean i i haven't been too lonely i mean like i've been

facetiming with my family regularly i got my i got my 8 p.m cheer for my for my neighborhood so that's that's my social interaction with with other people. So every every night at 8pm, like my whole neighborhood, like does like a celebration for like medical workers and central personnel. So people just like yelling. Yeah, like it gets it gets more sophisticated every, every week. I think luckily, they're not doing it anymore but somebody brought out like a high-powered laser and was like shining it around and i was like ah okay maybe don't do that but there's been like a sixth grader with a with a trumpet that's like playing the national national anthem that's the worst right a sixth grader playing a trumpet yeah it's look it's not

i was a sixth grader playing a violin it sounded's look it's not i was a sixth grader playing a violin it sounded like scratches it's not the best but it's it's so adorable because like you you know he's like trying and and then after like he's done like the whole like the whole neighborhood's like yeah so it's fun and you get to scream into the void. And there's something really cathartic about just screaming as loud as possible for no reason. Shane, how have you been dealing with a homie lonely? I've completely lost my fucking mind. At about 7 p.m., I put on war paint and I try to catch my shadow. And I'm getting really close.

He's very fast. But I'm going to get him. Then generally at some point in the day, I just post random dumb stuff on Instagram and Twitter. This has actually been pretty stellar for my content because my content has always been stupid things at home by myself. That is literally all I've ever posted on Instagram. That's true. You can scroll back. So really this quarantine, that's been one of the only plus sides for me is that I now have no excuse but to make the content I usually make. Have you been exercising, Shane?

Yeah. Yeah. How? yeah yeah i uh i have um i bought a couple dumbbells and a kettlebell and i have some resistance bands and a jump rope and i just kind of at a certain time of the day if i have a window i just go until i literally feel exhausted so that's anywhere from an hour to three hours and whoa yeah well i just have all the time in the world. So I'm just like, all right, I'll just keep going until- Three hours? I think it's like-

You're just like keeping going. But it's also, I'll put on like a TV show. So I'll just be watching episodes while I just continue to do stuff in that time. Wow. I don't even know. I mean, three hours is like max, but that's also me like taking breaks in between stuff for like a few minutes or whatever. Do you take like a snack break no i'll often like make a protein shake that i'll drink throughout

the workout um or maybe i'll sneak like a cadbury cream egg or something naughty boy yeah how's everybody else's workouts going i've been running a lot nice i i'm like really proud of myself because i don't like to run but i've downloaded this new app called nike run club and you set a goal for yourself and then you just like they tell you in your airpods um how your speed how much you've ran and then you you like win badges cute however yeah it's great i love running outside but i've been carrying a pepper spray with me i ordered it on amazon that's good and um sam's actually been so awesome with um running with me sam runs like for a five mile run his time is like 36 that's insane he's like super fast that's a really good mile yeah he averaged like seven minutes. That makes sense because he plays basketball. So I would

imagine he has good endurance. Yeah, it's crazy. But I feel bad because I slow him down. But he's willing to just like run with me because he's like, I don't know if you guys have been following the news, but a lot of Chinese Americans, Asianicans have been attacked like physically and verbally attacked so sam is just like really worried just about me being in public and like running errands and stuff like that so he's just been i guess a couple days ago i was running by myself because i was like i got this and then he like called me three times in my run making sure that i was okay oh that's cute so sweet he's your personal buddy guard. He is. I can't believe this shit's actually still happening.

I can because people are dumb. Yeah, it's fucking terrifying. It's really scary. I don't even like my mom will tell me. She's like, yeah, like I went out to get groceries and I'm just like so worried about her just waiting in line and someone just looked. It's just, it's a very horrific, disgusting situation

that Asian Americans are being put through right now. I just worry about my family and my friends being out there. It's dangerous. It's good that you've been like using your your platform and like your podcast and everything, bringing awareness of that stuff, because we do have a voice and it's important to use it, especially now. Yeah. And this is not even like politics or what side you're on it's just human decency and it's just having compassion you know so no matter what political point of view you have this is just pure racism so just don't be a racist don't be a little don't be racist dude like you can be anything you

can be affiliated with any party just don't be a fucking racist but yeah even on my social media i've been reading like comments like you know oh are you gonna eat bat soup like oh my god no i don't even like pay attention to it but the the fact that, you know, people have the audacity to even comment that or just even bring it up and talk about it. It's such a shock usually because, you know, we're all friends and like we're all on the same page. We're like, yeah, obviously don't be racist. Don't be racist. Cool. No one's racist.

And then you go on social media and you're like, oh, yeah, these people live different lives from me and haven't learned the same things I've learned. So, like, it's still – but you never get used to it. Like, Livia, you and I were talking yesterday, like, just when you're scrolling through comments and you're like, oh, wow, these people are still making derogatory comments like that, like, about our cast. And, like, cool. Like, you're – like, what is – And I think especially right now a lot of these comments are stemmed from fear, you know? And I think being fearful of this virus makes you do crazy things

and makes you think about some really hateful things. So, I mean, I think education... It's tough, yeah. ...has a lot to do with, you know, how you want to react to things like this. Also, it's not hilarious, but the thing that just kind of exemplifies the dummy attitude of some people is the people that have been physically attacking Asian Americans. It's like you're coming into contact with these people and you're saying that they have the virus. Yeah, that's smart.

That's some big brain thinking. Just zero logic. I mean, you're probably talking about the same people who are not drinking Corona beers out of fear. I mean, that's a legitimate thing going on. The potential for stupidity is kind of infinite if it's a flat or a squeal a wobbler peel your dreads worn down or you need a new wheel wherever you go you can get a pro conquer rugged terrain with on-road comfort until june 15th receive up to 60 on a prepaid master card when you purchase kumo road venture at 52 tires find a kumo MasterCard when you purchase Kumo RoadVenture AT52 tires. Find a Kumo TreadExperts dealer near you

at treadexperts.ca slash locations. From tires to auto repair, we're always there, treadexperts.ca. That is kind of the great power of the internet is that now these racists are being outed.

It's like, okay, there. It's all out there. It's all now public knowledge. And it'll probably be attached to your name and face forever. So have fun with that. But the thing is that the ones that I've seen, right? It's on social media. And there's a lot of just these situations happening to Asian Americans where it's not documented.

Right. And it's not put all over the Internet. So, you know, this is still happening. But maybe just because it's not on the Internet, people don't know as much about it as, you know, the ones that have been viral. Well, and the problem also is people are getting outed and they're not caring. People are now openly and proud of being racist. And when you have a racist president,

if the person at the top is just as racist, then you're not worried about punishment or anything. I think the one that really just... I read the article and i just cried um was that this little girl got stabbed at a supermarket with her family and it was a 19 year old guy who did it and um he just told the police that he thought they were spreading coronavirus in their town yeah so he felt like he needed to protect his town and his people. So he just stabbed the crap out of this Chinese family. Yeah, that's a big old yikes.

Yeah. And you know, I've always felt like, when I walk out in public, I feel like I'm pretty confident and I don't really think about how I look. But this, this time right now has made me really look at myself from the outside. And like, kind of know, I don't know why this sounds like kind of fucked up. But it's like, I know my place now in America. You know, I think most people are on the same page that these things that are happening are insane. Right. And even if it's not a physical act, or like somebody outwardly saying something, it's just the mentality of people thinking that a Chinese person in America has Coronavirus, or that they brought Coronavirus to the country, like, that is just dangerous in itself, you know, and enough to put fear in Asian Americans, that other people, maybe they're not verbally saying it to us in public, or they're not physically attacking us. But just the, the cruel thought that we are a virus scares me.

I feel weird talking about this with a handlebar mustache. What does your hat say by the way oh this is um i got this hat this is a i think it says westwood lumberjacks oh nice i was out and it's this little tiny mountain town out near sort of like where me and my family go for like holidays it's like up in the mountains up north north california i heard there was like a new coffee shop out in the little town. So I was like, oh, check it out. So I went there. I was like reading a book.

And like the person behind the counter was like, you look familiar. I was like, oh, I do like YouTube stuff. She's like, oh, my God. Yeah. OK. Because it's a small town. I think she was the theater teacher but also like the english teacher at the school and she's like she's like one of my students is like a huge smosh fan i was like oh

that's cool uh and then so like so i'm still there like reading a book whatever and uh and then and then that student comes in oh my god and she's like i'm she's like, I'm sorry. I just had like, I had to tell her. I was like, that's no problem. So like, I, I, uh, took a picture with her whenever I was talking to him for a little bit. And then like another kid, like comes like bursting into the, the coffee shop, like out of breath. And I was like, did you like literally just run over here from your house he's like yeah oh my god this is crazy oh my god and so it ended up being like six like six kids and they're all just like hanging out this teacher like mini docks you a little bit like yeah it didn't matter I mean like look it's it's a small town like yeah

how often does like a weird thing like that happen like some random person you're watching on youtube is randomly at your coffee shop and there's no one else in the coffee shop it was like literally just me and then the person working there that That's cute. So we're hanging out. Oh, they mentioned, dude, this is the craziest thing. They put on a theater production. And they did, I think, a couple sketches from our Smosh Live production. No way! Yeah. So they did the hangman sketch.

Wow. I don't think they did Intergalactic Whip, but I think they did one other one. But yeah, they did the hangman sketch. Wow. That's so funny. So they gave me a hat for free. That's cute. Wow.

So I'll wear it with pride. That's so crazy. They did a little mini smash live. Yeah. That's really cute. They're like, yeah, Chuck norris lives around here too he like goes the same church so you were saying it's a big deal that a random youtuber shows up there meanwhile chuck norris lives there yeah i don't know if he like lives there all year round yeah

chuck norris is bullshit to them they don't give a fuck no chuck norris is definitely a bigger deal because he can like roundhouse kick and all those other jokes that people made 10 years ago wow ian hecox all we got is this boring chuck norris over there olivia i'm glad sam is there for you and it's really sweet that he's so protective of you like that and yeah i feel like um sam and i have gotten like closer in this quarantine you know i feel like most people I have gotten like closer in this quarantine. You know, I feel like most people either get really tired of each other because we have been together for almost 30 days. Yeah. I don't think he's ever, you know, spent that much.

I don't I've never spent that much time with someone. I asked him and I was like, so what do you like think about this? Like us quarantine? He's like, honestly, I feel like it's a, it's like a different type of love. It's like a deeper love that I have for you now. So when the quarantine lifts, y'all get married? No, I'm divorcing him. Oh man.

I'm moving to that little town you're at and hang out. What? I said, you guys definitely like learn a lot about each other, huh? Honestly, like I tried like the first week i was like i'm gonna ask you some questions and he was like shut the fuck up well you can't run anywhere so now's the perfect time i know right i was like i was like so like when you were little like what were the things that like your mom would and he was like uh what he like, why do you care now? That's so cute.

There's no running from this, Sam. You have nowhere to hide. You have nowhere to hide. Corey, you know that seal that you gave me? Yes, the one I got in San Diego. You know he's been with me everywhere. That's so cute. I even saw you like were traveling with him, right?

He went to Milan with me. He went to New York with me. And you wouldn't even tell me I would just see it in your Instagram story like you using it as a pillow and stuff. Wait, I like he sleeps with me. You don't understand. He's a part of my family. And he almost got lost in Milan. It's like a harbor seal, right? It's like a harbor seal right it's like a baby harbor seal is that what it's supposed to be like I don't know it's like white his name is seal it's like a white seal right yeah yeah it's a little it's a little guy I it's an extension of myself so I thank you for taking me everywhere with you that was that was my childhood uh stuffed animal I think I still have it somewhere but it's's like a smaller. A seal? Yeah. It's like a little white seal pup. It's like smaller than that, but it was my childhood

stuffed animal that I kept forever. Yeah. It's like the beanie baby, but it's for babies. So they don't put beans in them. They put this like, it's not normal fluff. It's like this extra almost like. It's like a marshmallow. It's almost, yeah. It's like this extra, almost like. It's so, it's like a marshmallow. It's almost, yeah, it's like marshmallow-y, how soft it is. And I knew, I was like, I'm getting this for Olivia. I love imagining just like little Ian with a little toy. Cause he's such a grown ass man.

Damn straight. Especially with his mustache. Like, I just like want to think of you as like a little baby. Just so cute. I cut all of his like fuzzy fur off because i dropped him in the toilet once when i was peeing so oh yeah i remember that story yeah so i cut all his fur off and then like like had my mom like wash him yeah you told that story on

show with no name yeah yeah do you have a do you have a childhood toy shade uh yeah weight a 10 pound weight yeah i talked about my uh my childhood things once i think on show with no name but i had i had the pillowcases from oh yeah when i was a baby from my bed like my uh crib um i i had the pillows the the pillow, and I called them my cold pillows. And I would even sometimes throw them in the freezer for a little bit. And because I liked I would like hold them to my face when I slept in my bed as like an extra cushion. I would just ball them up right there. And I like that they were cold because I get too hot when I'm I still it's why I don't sleep under the covers. So back then it was like a like little cold thing and i would just have them all the time with me

and then for most most of my childhood i just had them in bed like they i would just sleep with them i didn't like carry them around all day shane is that a real plant behind you yeah oh yeah it's a plant this thing needs like zero sunlight it's a snake plant right yeah it it's a plant. This thing needs like zero sunlight. It's a snake plant, right? Yeah. It gets like a little bit of sunlight in this room, but it's doing fine. Dude, my mom is like calling me nonstop because I told her that I fostered a dog. Oh, my God. I'm so scared.

I really want to foster a cat now, dude. You got me thinking about it. You should do it. I might look into that today. Okay. got me thinking about it you should do it i might look into that today okay this was something this was something that was brought up uh in our we had a group of people from from work all in a google hangout and and i and i thought about it i was like oh yeah and then i read a news article about it quarantine dreams have you guys been having have you guys been having like extra vivid dreams since

quarantine yeah yes i don't think well shane doesn't dream i don't shane have you been dreaming nope okay because i don't ever remember my dreams and lately i've been having like crazy dreams that i kind of remember and then and then yeah, this LA Times article came out about it. And it's like, yeah, everybody's not, well, except for Shane, apparently. But everybody's been having like extra vivid dreams. Yeah, usually stressful for me. Sometimes they're scary. I don't like it.

You should look it up. Yeah, sometimes I look them up. I even asked my therapist, I was like, are there meanings behind dreams? And she's like, yeah, usually they – it's not like a – like sometimes they do correlate with something in your life. Like last night I had a stress dream because today I'm supposed to meet with our merch person, Liz, to discuss possible future things for the Hoo Hoo line. Ooh. um, Liz to discuss possible future things for the who, who line. And last night I was having stress dreams that like merch is being released that we didn't like want like who, who popsicles.

And like, I didn't, I don't understand how. Yeah. Um, so that was last night. I've had some like, yeah.

And then there's some like weird, yeah, they've just been vivid and like, they kind of stick with me the next day for a little bit but I think I'm just starting to like just dismiss them a little more but it's definitely been wild what about you Olivia have you been having weird ones yeah this one was like a week ago I posted on my social but it was me like um like the the floor i was at the school and the floor was just crackling with lava seeping through it whoa and i was i'm like and then i try to get to the highest like desk and then i was just like on top of it on top of the desk and i see everything um below me just

hot lava like in waves coming to the school whoa geez that one was and then i looked it up online and the results were you're a little fucking bitch yeah that lines up um i have a really quick question uh i wanted to ask hi it's me kevin uh shane yeah can you elaborate on the fact that you don't dream i don't think you've ever talked about that in a podcast before. Oh, yeah. Shane, tell us about how you can't dream. Yeah. Wait, what? Well, I don't know.

I have dreams. It's just it's so insanely rare. And maybe it's just that I don't remember them. But literally, like, maybe when I was when I was younger, I used to have my dreams never made any semblance of sense. Right. Like, and they would jump around a bunch. It was never one coherent dream. When I was younger, I used to have, my dreams never made any semblance of sense, right? Like, and they would jump around a bunch. It was never one coherent dream. Like, it would be me in the woods with a weird rope trying to lasso a tiger.

And then suddenly I'd be in a car, but it wouldn't be a car that I've ever seen before. And it would be in a car full of people I've never met before. And they're kind of just speaking gibberish. And then suddenly I'll be in space floating about like it would just there's nothing for me to even google afterwards like what does this mean it would just be like all over but yeah I rarely do like I kind of I go to bed and then I just then I wake up um yeah it's so rare that I dream I mean that's kind of I mean that's kind of a blessing in a way of like I mean you must sleep well then I've never had sleep issues

yeah like so you don't even okay no it's too personal what I was gonna ask about do you know what I was gonna ask about no I'm sorry so you never even have like horny dreams? Yeah, horny dreams.

When I was younger, when I was a teenager. Yeah. Dude, I have a horny. We all are. It's quarantine. Sorry, horny gets me horny. I feel like all my dreams are always stress dreams. Horny.

The most common dreams I have is usually like i'm trying to drive somewhere and i'll crash the car or it's like time to go to an event and i don't have clothes or makeup on and i'm like yes i get that too but here's one thing i always wonder have you guys ever had a dream where you're on your phone because i've never had that yet i'm on my phone so much but i never dream about being on my phone ever. Probably because your brain is not actively thinking about looking. The activity is not looking at your phone. The activity is whatever is being presented by your phone. And that's what you're going to dream about.

Interesting. But like the fact that I'm always on social media and thinking about like Instagram and Twitter. Like I don't even have Twitter or Instagram dreams. I'm not on Twitter going, I am on Twitter. I'm on Twitter looking at a news headline and my brain is only thinking about that news headline. The news headline. My brain's only thinking about the joke I'm reading and I'm going to dream about that. It's so weird.

You're not thinking about the projection. You're thinking about what's being projected. Whoa. It's the allegory of the cave if it's a flat or a squeal a wobbler peel your dreads worn down or you need a new wheel wherever you go you can get it from our tread experts conquer rugged terrain with on-road comfort until june 15th receive up to 60 on a prepaid MasterCard when you purchase Kumo RoadVenture AT52 tires. Find a Kumo TreadExperts dealer near you at TreadExperts.ca slash locations.

From tires to auto repair, we're always there. TreadExperts.ca The dream that I remember, because I also don't usually remember my dreams, but I have been lately. I had a dream well so I kept seeing this ad pop up for that uh that sci-fi show uh The Expanse and and I heard the show's really good and I really want to see it but I don't have Amazon Prime uh but I've seen I've seen the bill I've seen like the ad so I've seen the faces of the actors and then I had a dream that I was watching the show and I had all the faces of the actors and then i had a dream that i was watching

the show and i had all the actors all the actors were in it but i just made up like a sci-fi plot in my dream that's so funny and i was like i guess this is the expanse i used to get really into controlling my dreams like when i was younger yeah that was like a thing i would when as soon as you realize you're dreaming, like stopping and making things appear or disappear and like deciding to fly. Because like I could fly in my dreams. That's lucid dreaming, right?

Yeah. I think it depends because I can't like necessarily feel everything. But lucid dreaming is when you are controlling your dream. It's when you're aware that you're dreaming. Yeah, I haven't done that. I haven't been able to do that. I can't even remember the last time I tried, like since like high school. Well, next time you get one, you should try to look at your phone and go on Twitter. Maybe it's impossible. Maybe it's kind of like punching people in your dream. You can't do it. I want to, sorry, I want to add into that really quick. So for you, as far as looking at your phone or looking at data or reading things

that's actually how you lose a dream by trying to read something usually in your dreams it's pure gibberish so so if you're looking at your phone and then you read something and it's gibberish that's a good way to wake yourself up in the dream and be like, oh, it's a dream. Or you forgot how to read. That's also a possibility. Happens to me all the time. Yeah, maybe you forgot how to read. Well, I'm waiting for the day that I forget. Forgetting how to read sounds like a perfect segue

into shoot, dude. Shoot, dude. Shoot, dude. Shoot, dude. Shoot, dude. Shoot dude Shoot dude Shoot dude Shoot dude Shoot dude Shoot dude

Shoot dude So today's shoot dude Is from Brianna McLaughlin Maybe this is Maybe this is Rhett's daughter or something. Same last name. My soon-to-be mother-in-law, let's call her

Becky, took me on a trip to Florida last summer. It was really sweet of her and we had a great time. However, there was a moment that exposed who I really am. One day, Becky and I were pretty far into the ocean. We were chatting and relaxing and having an overall great day. She was facing the shore and I was were pretty far to the ocean. We were chatting and relaxing and having an overall great day.

She was facing the shore and I was across from her facing the ocean. Suddenly, I saw this huge dark mass a few feet behind Becky. It was at least seven feet long and I knew in my heart that it was a shark. In a moment of mindless self-preservation, I turned around and swam as fast as I could to the shore without one word of warning to becky i got to the shore before i thought to turn around and make sure she was okay when i turned around i saw not only her but two or three other people still next to this dark mess i expected screams of terror but what i heard were delighted oohs and ahs turns out the shark i thought i saw

was a manatee oh oh who decided to get up close and personal to the tourists the manatee swam away before i got out to becky i made up some excuse about forgetting my sunglasses which seemed oh my god she seemed to believe i never told becky the truth but the fact that i left the woman who will be my mother-in-law to be eaten by sharks will haunt me forever but to quote boneless you gotta stay safe she's brianna boneless can you uh can you say that line yeah you gotta stay safe out there wow i haven't done that in a while i've been very quiet in my quarantine so that hurt that's such a perfect like that needs the Curb Your Enthusiasm theme at the end of it because it's such a perfect scenario of like she thought it was a shark she left her friends to die

left and then it was like oh my god this is the best situation of all time oh my god so perfect oh my god yeah that's so perfect that's a shoot dude that's that's a that's a definite shoot dude that's an enjoyable shoot dude because nobody got hurt or severely embarrassed

or anything yeah I mean she got embarrassed for almost killing her mother a lot yeah but you know what she now has hopefully

that shoot dude if she's ever in a situation where there is a shark she'll now act accordingly differently yeah so I guess it was a good yeah life lesson If she's ever in a situation where there is a shark, she'll now act accordingly. Differently. Yeah. So I guess it was a good life lesson.

Oh, yeah. To literally just yell shark. So yeah, good question. What would you guys do in that situation? I'll go, oh my God, shark and swim. Yeah, I think I would, you know, I don't believe anyone who ever says outright that they would do the heroic thing like anyone who's like oh i would for sure save my friend like you don't know what you do but i do think out of fear i would probably yell something and it might just be but like

i would be something that would alert the people around me that there's something going on. So I would at least scream and pee my pants. So there'd be warmth that would maybe warm them or that would warn them. Warm them. That would warm and warn them. They'd be like, whoa, it's really warm right now. Did someone pee? We gotta get out of here.

That's how I would get them out of the water. See, that's what I do all the time. So you someone would have to save me or I'll die. Yeah, see, Olivia would be screwed even if she was. No, she's fine because she won't be in the ocean in the first place. That's true. True. Yeah.

Dude, Olivia, maybe you could use this opportunity in quarantine to learn how to swim. Where? Where? Fill up your room with water, duh. Like the guy with the Orbeez? Yeah, exactly. Just learn to swim in your bathtub. Learn to swim in Orbeez? Yeah, exactly. Just learn to swim in your bathtub. Learn to swim in Orbeez.

Dude, I can't. I think you bring up a good point, Shane, where in the moment of something really scary, you think you're going to say something, but usually what comes out is just, ah, um, yeah. I feel like realistically, I'm such a space cadet, I would be like, ah, and then point,

and then I wouldn't react until my other friends reacted because I wouldn't, usually I'm like, I'm such a space cadet. I would be like, and then point. And then I wouldn't react until my other friends reacted because I wouldn't. Usually I'm like, I'm stupid. I probably am reacting wrong. And so I'd probably die myself while they react properly. I have instances from my life that I can draw upon where I know that I make a very dumb sound. I think I've told this story before, but when i was a kid i was in florida and i was hanging out in some mangroves behind my grandparents house and i heard this scratching sound and i turn and there was and i'm not kidding it's like it's like half a foot long like or big

a rhinoceros beetle and i mean it was gigantic it was the size of a rat right next to me and my the noise the noise that came out of my mouth was. And the noise that came out of my mouth was not, ah! The noise that came out of my mouth was like, whoa! It was because I don't know what to do. I'm trying to run and scream at the same time. Have you seen that? You've seen that video of the news anchor with the lizard that jumps on him? Yes, that is very realistic. Because your muscles are like spasming.

Because you're trying to like dodge away from whatever. While also putting out noise. So it's not going to be one fluid motion and one fluid sound. It's going to be like it's going to be all over it. Like that's what it is. It's so insane. Olivia, are you good? Yeah, dude. His story really just like shocked me

and this whole setup got destroyed i didn't know a beetle could be so large but i've heard like in florida everything and i didn't know that they were native to florida so i was not expecting to see one of those and i saw all sorts of shit in those, in my grandparents' backyard. And I would, but if I was expecting it, if I saw like, I don't know, like I would see crazy stuff all the time, like big fish or like crabs or even like lizards and stuff. But I wouldn't be shocked by that

because I would expect it. Was not expecting this, so it threw me off. Florida's crazy. I don't think I could ever get used to that even if I grew up around that. If I saw a beetle the size of a rat I don't think that there's ever going to be a moment in my life where I'm ever

going to be just like oh yeah there it is. There's something awful about a bug so big that you can't swat it. You would have to punch it and it would probably still survive. That's not fun. Ew, can you imagine stepping on that thing?

You wouldn't, you would have to like stomp on it and it would not be like easy. It would be like, it would be like, maybe I got it. Yeah. No, I don't know. I ran away. I literally ran away. They could probably run really fast too.

And you want to hear how crazy my family is? I ran away. I ran away. I literally ran away. They can probably run really fast, too. And you want to hear how crazy my family is? I ran away. I ran inside. I tell my grandma, I just saw a rhinoceros beetle. It was insane. And she goes, well, why didn't you catch it? And I was like, oh. What?

And I ran back out, and I got a net, because I was like, oh, that'd be so cool to catch that. I would catch things back in their backyards and then release them, but it gone it'd flown away but it was terrifying wait they could fly yeah yeah have you seen bugs life yeah they can fly oh it's that guy um okay that's what i should watch yeah no because yeah my mind you uh this same backyard was where i also tried to catch a gardener snake and it bit me in the thumb like I was it was fine and I knew it would be fine but I still just stupidly tried to just grab a snake

I was like seven but it sounds like my older brother like he was always catching snakes and lizards and then keeping them yeah they're too fast yikes we had a different gardener snake in our garage every month like in a tank what the hell dude I would flip out.

Yeah. I would throw up on the snake. Yeah. That'd be effective. Why? That's so mean. They'd be like, ah. Because it's scary.

And that's like my first instinct is. That would probably work with the shark. Yeah. Throw up on a shark. They'd be like, ew, tastes gross. And they'd leave. Ew. This person tastes like vomit.

Well, wow. I wish I could see a manatee. They're like cows of the sea. They'd be like, ew, tastes gross. And they'd leave. Ew, this person tastes like vomit. Well, wow. I wish I could see a manatee. They're like cows of the sea. They're awesome. You can see them in Florida. They're all over the place. I'd like to do that. I want to see that. But then that would mean going to Florida and having to risk interacting with Florida, man. Florida's a crazy place. It is a crazy place.

We'll leave that for another time. Tune in for Florida cast next time we should do a Florida cast we should all tell our Florida stories about Florida man alright I have Florida stories well great maybe we'll have to do a Florida stories episode we'll call it the Florida project

oh we should bring Tommy cause Tommy freaking grew up in Florida yeah cut that out, Kevin. Shame. You got to cut that joke. The Florida Project? What's so wrong about that? Because it's a really dark movie that I reference.

Love that movie. It's a great movie. I love that movie. We've said worse things on this podcast. I know. All right. So a little homework for our viewers and listeners. Go watch Florida Project.

Oh, no. And come back. I love the idea of a Florida man episode, though. Watch that movie. That movie's great. I'm going to go watch A Bug's Life. Guys, also give me some suggestions for my little puppy. Banana.

Teach it how to fight. Yeah, that's the perfect name. Teach it how to fight. That's the perfect name. Teach it how to ride a horseback. It's a great time for exercising yourself and him to take him on long walks. If you get training treats, if you are, do this a lot. Literally fill your pocket with treats. And when you're walking with Banana, make a little, whatever sound you want to use to get that puppy's attention, whether it's their name or like a, or like a sound, anything. Make that sound.

And if they look at you, give them the treat and do it like every 10 seconds. Can you take puppy on walks? You just don't want them to get in contact with other dogs, really. But taking them on like walks, like it's not terrible for them. You don't want to go on extensive stuff or stairs too much for puppies is not good for their hips when they're so young. Olivia, do you have anyone that you can contact with the foster age, like who you got the dog from?

I would probably also talk to them because they might have guidelines that you have to follow. Yeah, because when they're at a certain age, it's definitely like you want to minimize exposure to stuff because of vaccinations and things like that. But I know people that are anti-vax for dogs. So I don't know. Well, that's real dumb.

Thank you guys so much. Submit your shoot dude to shootdude at smosh.com. D-O-O-D. We hope that this podcast has been entertaining. Yeah. Tell us what you think. We want to hear your feedback. Give us five stars

and write, write ha ha ha ha ha podcast funny times. Wait, can y'all read my pod too? I only have like three ratings. Oh yeah. And if you guys want more podcast content, go listen to Fish Cheeks on your local listening apps because that's a very good one. I love you guys.

I love you guys i love you see you on house party yeah see you on house party good luck with your puppy live thanks guys all right bye if it's a fly to a squeal We'll be right back. Until June 15th, receive up to $60 on a prepaid MasterCard when you purchase Kumo RoadVenture AT52 tires. Find a Kumo TreadExperts dealer near you at treadexperts.ca slash locations.