Smosh Mouth - S2: #61 - Ian’s Quarantine Date with Courtney’s Sister

Episode Date: April 29, 2020

On today’s episode, Courtney third wheels an awkward first date with Ian and her sister, Kari Miller. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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If you have questions or concerns about gambling or someone close to you, please contact Connex Ontario at 1-866-531-2600 to speak to an advisor free of charge. Ben MGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with iGaming Ontario. Ramble. I was swiping on the Bumbles. I came across

Carrie on Bumble. And I was like, that'd be kind of funny if I swiped right. You have to have thick skin if you're doing standup. And they're showing you what's laughable about you that you can just take ownership of and like use yourself. I can't go on Bumble. I can't put myself out there first. And then some guy being like,

the girl from Smush hit on me. What a dummy. Yeah, I try to be as un-serial killer as possible on dating apps. For me, I go, hey, it's so easy to kill you, but I won't. Could kill you. Let's just get that out of the way. I don't want to. I want to date you.

A couple weeks ago, I forgot to press start recording until about like maybe almost halfway through. Yeah. What happened? I was having a really rough week no not how did you fuck that up possibly but like how did you how'd you recover from that you just had half of the well kevin records kevin records this uh stream so excellent and luckily courtney's voice is really clear through through chat so she somehow has this magical voice yeah exactly welcome everyone to the smosh cast uh today is is a very um let's just call it let's just call it the karma episode

because today i am joined by uh courtney and courtney's sister carrie welcome hello can you guys Can you guys hear me? Yeah. She doesn't know where to look. Hey, guys. Thank you so much for having me. Just staring up at the wall. Welcome.

Welcome. Dude, I love you have your brick wall over there for the videos. Yeah, I've been playing around with some stand-ups. So, yeah, I got that set up there wall over there for the videos. Yeah. I've been playing around with some standups. So, um, yeah, I got that set up there. Yeah.

So that's really real listening. Uh, she's got like a tapestry hanging that looks just like a brick wall. She posted a video on her Instagram, uh, like doing awkward quarantine standup, but it was really, you know,

we could also just call it quarantine standup. Um, and that works too. But if you thought it was awkward, then that's fine. You idiot. I know, I know. Can you give us a sweet quarantine joke? Don't do that.

Don't do that to stand up comedians. I'm going to save it. You guys can tune in. Oh, you're a comedian? Tell us a joke. Yeah, don't do that. A classic. God, she's predictable.

But I will say, I just want to give a little backstory obviously carrie's been she was on show with no name a while back um she's she's met the squad a few times she's come to the new office she went to defy a few times i'm just a fan and uh she's she was all she was just also the sibling that like taught me what was cool always growing up you hear that siblings i have honestly uh and then also she's gone incredibly viral uh before uh i don't know if you guys have seen the video where carrie did uh the kiki challenge and they made it look like she got hit by a car we sure did we made that shit real oh can i swear it was yeah oh absolutely oh thanks um and it was on the news all over the planet everywhere is she dead was uh the wondering uh

yeah you guys did really good vfx on it and like made it look like your body got like warped from the car what i have to say about that which was crazy was that somebody attached a video of a girl wearing the same outfit like getting loaded onto an ambulance like actually injured and so everyone was like that's really messed up that you took it so far i'm like no no no that's not me i hope she's good but my stuff is edit it's an edit guys like thanks for watching but it got a little dark because somebody had the brilliant idea of making it look uh yeah people want to take that next step that's like an oddly that's like an oddly smosh thing to get hit by a car like we've had so many

videos where people get hit by cars great punchline i can't tell you how many times i've been in a weird outfit and wig and just standing in a street and having to go. Yeah. Pretend that I got hit and then run out of frame and then you run out. Yeah. OK, bring the car through. Yeah, man. We had to wait so long for that car to go by.

It was like a decently busy street. And then when we needed the moment, we all just like stood there for 20 minutes. Just like wait. Yeah, that always happens. It's always traffic never obeys the way you want it to like back when we used to shoot in sacramento we the house was one house away from a highway it like and it was like a common like thoroughfare for like semi trucks so and there was a light right down the street so the trucks would always like downshift like right next to our house so we'd be shooting and be totally quiet and then the moment we start rolling you'd hear a truck yeah it was a pain yeah man that is a pain in the ass. Yeah, man. That is a pain, man. Traffic, dude.

Another reason. Another reason. Another reason traffic sucks. Well, now's a good time to shoot. There ain't no traffic. That's true. Oh, my gosh, yeah. It is a very eerily quiet morning, like morning this morning,

especially with a little bit of the wind. Yeah. It's almost like October, like spooky fall vibes spooky fall i keep i keep uh i mean like when it's like good weather outside i usually leave my windows open at night and it's been nice dude it's been so nice and lately i keep having to check my windows to make sure they're open because i don't hear any traffic outside like i'm so used to hearing like cars driving by but But like at night now it's complete silence. I'm like wait is my window open? Oh yeah there's just nobody

out right now. Whoa. That's really weird. Additional backstory for this episode of the pod. What is this? I guess I should bring in. As I thought it would be great I did bring Carrie on obviously for many reasons. But one of them being you know what? Quarantine. Life is crazy. Screw it. Let's bring Carrie on obviously for many reasons but one of them being you know what quarantine life is crazy screw it let's bring her on especially after the the first time we ever

talked about her on this pod I think it was uh I feel like you talk about me all the time but I do actually I talk about my family a lot because Me too. We're obsessed with each other. Yeah. That's the way it goes. Wait, what was the thing I said? I found an old Instagram caption that I posted. It was from 2013, where I was just looking through old Instagram posts one day, and it was a birthday post for Carrie. And I was like, happy birthday, Carrie. Love you. Wood bang, but incest.

And I was like, don't change it. That's just funny. Like, that's just how we like to joke. We like to be the most shocking. Yeah, but Ian always jokes and thinks it's so weird, like how affectionate and close we are. I mean, don't say that. Sorry.

I've never said it's weird. When have I ever said it's weird? You said it was weird. We love each other. I've never said it's weird when have I ever said it's weird you said it was weird how like my brother Clark is the one taking some of my swimsuit photos sometimes they're around when they're down or like when your brother took the naked butt shot of you

well let's put a little more context on that no just leave it at that no it was the we were in my car our whole family was yeah on our way to a concert there were plenty of people around for there was plenty of witnesses ian okay but yeah i had i had wrote i had wrote fuck you on my right butt cheek and that's hard to take a photo of on your own yeah i agree who better to trust when you have a family member exactly it's not I mean we moon

we moon we be mooning us our older brother our oldest brother king king of mooning king of mooning

when you don't expect it and then you take a family photo and then you look at it and you're like ah again that guy beautiful ass

that kid okay but sorry I keep getting out of topic oh uh uh Ian wait wait wait

I was just gonna say um it was smoshcast number 13 but that's oh wow but that's uh that's not the weird like what but never mind i was gonna continue the bit of you guys but okay go what is it well now it's now it's too late now okay but i was just gonna make a joke about yes i was gonna make a joke about you guys all kissing each other on the mouths. We haven't done that in a long time. I don't think we've ever done that. Isn't that strange? Siblings don't.

No. No. That's kidding. Kiss on faces. No. Maybe on like the head. Like when I was a little kid, I'd kiss my dad goodbye or goodnight. Yeah.

You know, like that's normal. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But on the lips, it's weird. And especially, I guess, once you're an adult. Yeah. Yeah, you know, like that's normal. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But on the lips, it's weird. And especially, I guess, once you're an adult. Yeah, agreed.

I mean, dude, remember when we went to Mexico, Carrie, and like that creepy dude was like horny over the fact that we were sisters?

Yeah. It was the weirdest. Yeah, the sibling, it's annoying. It's just like, why is that where your head's at, man? We're just like,

literally related. He's like, are you guys twins? Literally related. Yeah. Okay. I've been waiting to post this on Twitter, but I can't find a good version. Do you remember that incredibly cursed?

Well, now the commercial feels cursed. Back then it was just like, oh, yeah. But do you remember that? I think it's a Coors Light commercial. And twins. What? Yeah. What? Yeah. What?

It was like a straight up. This is a dream you had. No, no, no. It's a straight up. Twins? Yeah. It was like a super, it was a Super Bowl commercial. Kevin.

Kevin's saying we can't use that because it's monetized. That's no. No, come on. It's a commercial. It's fine. It's fine, Kevin. I don't even think it no come on it's a commercial it's fine it's fine Kevin I don't even think it exists Kevin

copyright yeah I think it's a fever dream because no Corona commercial no it's real twins it's not Corona it's

twins yes and it says it twice it says it twice in the song where the hell is that air it talks about like I love football on TV

and like hanging with my friends and twins twins i see that i could dude i mean no brilliant writing if anything it's so cringy but it's like i think it was from like the 90s creepy classic yeah i don't know i don't get the fetish i don't uh but we keep dancing around why ken is really here you know what ian why don't you express how you first came across my sister via your telephone let's start it let's get it started come on let's talk about it what's the story what's the scoop ian what's the wait. When was the first time? What about a telephone? Don't play dumb. When did you swipe right? Oh, you're talking about that.

Yeah. Is that what started... Talk about my bumblebees. So, yeah. Is that what kicked it all off? Yeah. I mean, I'm trying to. On the podcast episode 13,

I don't know how we brought up my sister. Oh, no. It was because in the office one day, I mentioned that my sister was single because like her and i were hitting that right single life for a bit and then my then i whoa i'm ian you know and that's weird is when i almost just called you my brother um but i was like but then ian was joking about that and then one day you find her dating profile yeah yeah so i i i get a lot of i get a lot of pleasure out of making people uncomfortable with jokes so yeah so i like to needle courtney with oh

jokes about like oh yeah you know i mean it's probably inevitable that at one point me and your sister are gonna get married and then we're gonna be at dinner we're gonna like have like thanksgiving dinner and it's just gonna be great and i get to call just laugh about it i get to call um your dad uh dad yeah but then who's the boss of who like you're my boss but then my dad is your boss then i'll be like my dad's gonna beat you up if you he probably oh my god he definitely could nah he's he's getting older it's not that it's just that he wouldn't it's just that he simply would not yeah he's not a fighter i was um swiping on the bumbles and uh i came across uh carrie on on bumble and i was like that'd be kind of funny if i swiped right and so i did tell me about my profile was it cool did it seem like i was like fun i'm just curious about your impression you know like i just wonder how i come off sometimes i get weird feedback yeah yeah it

was all it was all good i want to say there was there was something there was something on there that was like very very like very weedy and i was like i don't know yeah because you're conservative oh my god based off that you were like i'm not sure this chick blazes too fast yeah i don't want to i don't want to kick it with this stoner right exactly for sure blaze too too strong yeah so that's interesting but i swiped right anyway just just for the bit uh and i i have to say i have to report never got a match dude never saw you dude cordy was like one day cordy was like did you know something don't notice something different on instagram and i was like uh no uh what's up and she was like oh and then she kind of like filled me in on everything but I had never seen you I made

follow you on Instagram to see what happened I didn't catch it yeah she didn't even notice smosh people come in and out you know they pop by I was a little viral at the time it you know um and uh yeah i didn't see it okay i have a i had a lot of settings at the time yeah so so you had a lot of filters you have a lot of things people yeah i really fucked it up with the filters you know i was just like boom boom boom i never want to meet anybody if they don't if they don't blaze too fat you know yeah that's also like a filter yeah sometimes that is a thing. I'm like, he seems cool, but he says he'll never smoke. But it's the silliest thing.

It's matching your lifestyle. It's okay. Yeah. It's taking in so many things like into account. And if you're doing things at face value, I'm like, fuck it. I'm just going to be, I'm just going to set the bar so high because I don't want to like, I don't know, you know,

I'm like, they need to be this tall. They need to have this lifestyle. And I'm like, Oh, there's, I literally run out of matches, man.

Let me tell you. Okay. It's like, that's it for now. Uh, maybe change your settings. Ooh. Yeah.

Actually I got that on, I got that on Bumble as well. Damn. Swipe through them all. Swipe through them all. And they're like, and they're like, pleaseiped through them all. And they're like, and they're like, please expand your,

your preferences. And I was like, calm the fuck down. This boy don't settle. Yeah. He don't settle. Thank you. But Carrie,

you mentioned the, the, that you have like height requirements and stuff. And I guess, I mean, I'm tall. You're not tall. I'm tall.

I'm the tallest Miller woman. Okay. What are you? Five, you five seven five eight and a half pushing five nine my friend uh you know since i've been doing yoga my spine's gotten a lot longer and i think i'm five eight and a half now so okay i just i just enjoy um a taller partner you know it's what it is it's what it is and that could change i could fall in love with any height you know is it what is the height requirement like what's the minimum i just keep it i start at six and i and i realize look it's shallow as hell that means nothing about this person i'm gonna

meet it doesn't it doesn't mean anything it's just like fuck it i'm just gonna i just i want them to hit all these uh these uh requirements and you know what haven't met really anybody there is kind of that meme of like if you're like six three you don't really need a personality but it's i hate them though okay so i will yeah yeah i will say like it is a common thing like i think all across all genders like there's there's people are there are people who have a height requirement and like some some people find that really controversial's people are there are people who have a height requirement and like some some people find that really controversial some people are like nope that's what it is that's what i want um it personally bothers me i don't know it's nothing against you carrie because you're tall

and i understand what you're what you're looking for i think for me it's like it like yeah like what you said and like oh if you're six three you don't need a personality but that's like that's like borderline when if you're looking for someone at a certain height like oh he needs to be 6'5 I feel like that's like really shitty yeah dude no it's not and there's been plenty of like 6'5 dummies where I've been like oh it's too bad it's too bad like it's truly not going to like help me in any way it's just like if you like if you're judging people based on photos and prompts, it's like it's going to be shallow. You can't get an actual vibe.

Yeah, but I mean, I think, look, I think there's, I think you can't go fully one way or the other. You can't be completely superficial, but you also can't go completely off of, completely off of maybe personality because i mean you have to be attracted to the person so if there's a if there's like a just that kind of physical attraction to somebody that is taller than you because it's like a certain thing like you can't deny that like that that's just what you're into and does that mean does that

mean that that somebody shorter than you might happen to be the perfect person for you maybe but that's not that's not the kind of but more often than not maybe not i don't know people like what they like and if you got those settings i mean play around with them i think it's great that they have those options for people to have those settings honestly yeah sure yeah like i can end up with a short king we don't know i would say like i've only dated one guy that was significantly taller than me like every like serious relationship i had like the high school boyfriend and that other serious boyfriend like they were only a couple inches taller than me i actually might be taller than my high school boyfriend now yeah it might be yeah i don't know how it just happened like that i don't know if it's like me like seeing like oh we're equals so like

yeah i know it's not like eye to eye it's not like a it doesn't mean anything like physical i don't think it's just like oh who, who's that? You know, it's kind of like in my, my, my thing. Oh, oh, what's up? Oh, who's that tall drink of water? You know, I can't help that reaction. But certainly not going to be, you know, how Carrie finds love. So that's how, that's how Carrie never saw Ian on the dating app. So that's how I reject Ian.

You had your filter set to six foot? Yeah. Minimum? Yeah. And I had a friend who was like, I saw you on Bumble and I was like, right. And I was like,

cool. I didn't see it. And I didn't realize that. And then I realized, oh my God, that's why I also didn't see Ian. So I was just an asshole across the board. But if you change,

if you change your filters, they'll all be there in your little box. So I'm just saying. Really? I might still be sitting there. Yeah. Oh my God. Because I kept getting these notifications from Bumble

saying that people liked my thing. And I'd go there and it was always empty. I was like, okay, something's broken with my Bumble. But then I realized I just had to remove the advanced filters. And then all of a sudden, like a ton of people showed up that weren't what I wanted. So I was like, yeah, I guess the advanced filter is kind of important. Okay.

So once I redownload the app, because I have not been on Bumble literally since then, because it made me uncomfortable being like, the girl is the one who initiates. And I just like don't like that. I'm like, hey, what's up? Yeah, I felt that too. That wasn't.

But hey, I'll download it and I'll see if you're in the queue. Yeah. Just I'm curious. But I guess it's kind of like dating apps are, I mean, a weird territory right now with everybody staying home. So like, have you guys had any luck or anything? Boy, we've been trying. You have to define luck. I did a second video date.

Oh, yeah? With the one that you were talking about in the last one? No. With the one that was doing dishes? Yeah. Not that one. I was like, you know what? I'm okay.

I'm chilling. Yeah, she's busy. D busy dish date she's really busy with her dishes so tell us about the second date uh it was chill was it like facetime was it planned facetime or was it like spur of the moment oh hell no i'm not gonna spur of the moment talk to a stranger thank you there's this one person who keeps like just facetiming me and I'm like, ah! No, that's creepy. That's so creepy. Nacho. It's like you're not my friend. Like this is a, this is a, an arrangement. Yeah.

That we're going to, I don't know you. Don't call me out of the blue. A spur of the moment FaceTime feels like somebody like popping up in your life. Like, hey, what's up? How's it going? Like in your face, you know? Yeah. And you're like so seen and it's not. Yeah it's yeah no no they literally can't see you yet yeah you just see yourself yeah an unwarranted facetime should be considered assault oh it honestly does feel like at least like a flick on the forehead you know like that's like i feel like oh my God. Yeah. Hey. What's up? I feel like I have a story. Do you guys have any like scary dating app stories?

Wait, I want to hear how the second, how your second date was. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. The second. It was, it was fine. We just talked. Was she funny? Did she make you laugh at all? No.

Nobody makes me laugh. No, I guess. I don't know. Maybe. Maybe. I don't know it's it's i can't think of anybody in like in in like a normal in a normal conversational circumstance where i'm like oh man that person's really funny you know yeah sure i feel like all the times i've seen you like laugh laugh like one of my favorite moments is like when we did that pizza, there's a Domino's pizza mukbang and we called our favorite pizza places.

That was like the hardest I'd seen you laugh like ever. But even like when I first met you, like I'd be talking to you and you just like never laughed. You'd be like, yeah, yeah, that's really funny. And I guess when you're just in comedy for long enough, I don't know. When you're dead inside enough. Yeah. I acknowledge that it's funny.

I know it's funny. I just don't laugh. I acknowledge that that is funny. Is that what you do at improv shows? You're like, I acknowledge that that is funny. Acknowledged. That is funny. Yes.

I go to stand up. I go to stand up. I go to stand up. I go, I get that one. That's a good one. Thumbs up. Not bad. The setup was good, but the delivery was a little weak. That actually is like every person.

Please be at my next open mic. Yeah, that is every person at an open mic, right? So you've done. Brutal. And we'll go back to the dating stuff. So you do a little standup action, Carrie. Yeah. I've been playing around with, with the medium. Um, there's, there were like a couple, um, open mic theaters right by my apartment where I used to live, like right before like quarantine happened, I was going to like one a week,

two a week, which in like standup culture is like not enough. Like you're not working hard enough if you're only going to like one a week. But yeah, it was fun and brutal. And I bombed a bunch and like it is what it is. It's super cringe. I was on. Is that a sorry? And then I was on the comedy store, Kill Tony open mic, which was kind of streamed. Oh, God.

And I just, oh, it's brutal, man. It's brutal. I tried. I tried listening to that. So Kill Tony, can you explain that to the audience? So you enter a drawing, you like sign up, which you have to go like two hours before the show. You put your name on a list that's like 150 comics, which I think some of them put like two names or something just so that they increase their odds because it's a big

pool and you have a chance to be seen because they stream on YouTube live and it's a podcast. And Tony Henchcliffe is like a huge, his specialty is like roast comedy. Like he's written for all like the major roasters and he's just like the king. So he gives you one minute, you get drawn, your name gets drawn out of a bucket and you get one minute of standup. And then after that, they kind of roast you and ask you questions. And for mine,

they just hit on me the whole time. Oh my God. That's not where I can joke. That is not my place. So I was just like, fuck, like that's literally my weakness. That is so cringy. All my friends were like that's literally my weakness that is dude it was

so cringe all my friends were like pissed about it they were like don't worry it's like yeah but they could have been way like cooler about that that's the kind of stuff that makes me want to tweet yeah it's it's kind of like the the podcast it's pretty popular i tried i listened to it a couple times but i just couldn't get with it because just it was just mean it's it's pretty mean which don't get me wrong, is healthy in a way that it's like they're showing a comic. You have to have thick skin if you're doing stand-up. Absolutely.

And they're showing you what's laughable about you that you can just take ownership of and use yourself. So it's incredibly valuable as an experience. And it was a major learning experience for me. I'd love to go back and do it again someday. But it's a lot learning experience for me. I'd love to go back and do it again someday, but it's, it's a lot in one like tight segment. And my set apparently did okay. I got some good feedback. I just talked about, we have a large aunt and oh boy, let's not get into it. Oh, wow. You talked about her? It was great. It went well. It went great. Totally insensitive. I figure let's go dark. And I did. And,

and, uh, dude, what a thrill. It was cool to, to be on that platform and to like joke, but it was really like eyeopening. They're like,

Oh really? You're only, you're only going up. Like once that's when I really got roasted for like not working hard enough. I was like, shoot, like I really need to be ready for stuff like this. Uh,

it's a thrill ride. Well, and also like, I've heard that like la is basically the worst place to start doing stand-up because really yeah because well apparently like the open mics so like in sacramento you'd go to an open like i've gone to an open mic not to perform but to watch and everyone in the audience are people that are there to watch comedy in la the way i've heard it is every open mic is all comics waiting for their turn to go up exactly it's all open micers so it's so like dark and like the vibe is grim because everybody's mad that nobody's laughing yeah and

sometimes i just want to like go up and like tony robbins everyone and be like you that was funny what you did but then you got mad before like guys we can do this like how Robbins everyone and be like you that was funny what you did but then you got mad before like guys we can do this like how sad is this come on like I want to like bring everybody up but like I would just get destroyed you're not performing in front of like yeah smiley bitch get out you're not performing in front of like actual like people that are there to like laugh at comedy you're performing in front of people that are like oh yeah i get this joke i i study comedy i know this joke oh nice job good and you see each other's competition too yeah exactly like if she blows up i'm gonna be so mad or whatever

you know it's it can be that way so maybe it helps to bring friends for sure if they'll if they'll stick it out with you, those have been my best sets. Also, I'm more motivated to have a better set because I have people that I actually give a shit about in the audience. Cause I know that the rest are just like, just like other open micers.

Just like, eh, you know? Yeah. Oh my gosh. So my, my recommendation would be moved to Minnesota. Oh,

okay. Start, start there. Okay. No. Yeah start there okay you know yeah yeah that's my that's my expert minnesota minnesota uh st paul hey they have the mall of america you could go there oh yeah perform open mic at the mall of america at the mall of america the mall of america is great to be here at the mall of america fun fact they have no tax on buying clothes and at the mall of america in minnesota no no sales tax did you just google that or just clothes no i went there once you went to minnesota yeah with my eggs classic yeah yeah i bought i had that one denim jacket with a snake on the back and i bought that out

there and there was no sales tax well that's a good memory that's the only one you still gotta pay the tax and you bring it back to california you're supposed to put that right yeah it's just uh put that in your uh oopsie don't tell the big boy just say you left that jacket in minnesota you never brought it to i did i left it with my feelings too oh shoot oh shoot dude man i wish we could talk about our aunt um i know i'm like no no no no no no okay let's be nice but yeah with dating apps i wanted to know if you guys had any scary stories because i did have that one but it wasn't like that bad but also kind of really bad what remember the guy ones the skin guy oh i mean yeah he just like commented on like your skin oh no that's not it at all we actually had cut it out

of uh the bumble episode that we changed show why we're bad and it honestly it's very possible that maybe i was just reading what he was saying wrong and're Bad. And it, honestly, it's very possible that maybe I was just reading what he was saying wrong, and maybe he's just a normal guy, but it's very unfortunate that he came across as a serial killer. So... It sucks when that happens, dude. Yeah, I mean, and I was like, it was Tinder, right? So that was like a whole

other... It's the wild west. What are you doing? That's the one, right? What are you doing, Court? I was two and a half years ago, three years ago. That ago that's the one right that's the one everybody uses okay um yeah and this one like i was so dude i'm a picky swiper like even if they're even if everything looks right i'm like everything looks right that's wrong and i would like swipe left like i it's it's amazing that you're single courtney i'll pick one thing and be like oh yeah i don't like that dog exactly or like wow he just has a picture

of him with a dog because he knows it's gonna get him swiped right pick number one with an animal like even if they really did like because it's so hard to tell the authenticity on that freaking app but like yeah then this one guy seemed cool i think he had like a reference that i liked in his bio he was into film and i'm always wanting to like date i want to date people in my industry or whatever he was like very eager to move to the phone like texting and stuff and uh i was very naive and like unsure but i was like okay i guess and like i but i let him know like yeah i'm kind of just on here to talk i'm not really ready for that he's like oh my god totally like i really

i love talking to you like it's totally fine but then like every like day he would be like so like date like let's go and i'd be like no like i'm not really ready for that like well well wait come on like we could just go on one date and then we don't have to go on another one for a while oh oh oh no that is that is the date equivalent of just the tip oh yeah oh that's so true it's like what's happened on this on his one shot like then he knows it's his one shot and then like what's he gonna do just once just once come on baby very very persistent he came across very poorly whether that's what his intention was or not. Yeah, that's just desperatiously. I'm sure it's no one's intention to come across anyway.

But I literally had to be like, hey, listen, like, I don't, I'm just on here to talk. And I'm like, I want to make you clear. Like, I'm not trying to go on a date. And he was like, you're right. Like, the last thing I would want is to lose talking to you. Like I, I like, that's totally fine.

He doesn't know you either though. So why is he so swept up? He was like, people are complex. Like, uh, like men more so than women. Like the female skin is much more elastic and stretchy than male skin and i was like haha wow

like as a joke i was like haha wow i didn't know i was talking to a serial killer haha good for you and he was like i was just saying that people are complex oh god and then like i was like i eventually started to like kind of start to distance like you know slow motion goes yeah you don't want to set them off even though you didn't give him your number but then he flipped out no i did that was the messed up thing that was all over text and he i was like hey man like this is really overwhelming like he was starting to send like long long stuff i also he was also kind of trying to send me YouTube videos he was in. So I don't know if he like knew I was from Smosh.

That's also a huge anxiety I have with dating apps. For sure. Especially that's why like, I can't go on Bumble. I can't put myself out there first. And then some guy being like, the girl from Smosh hit on me. What a dummy.

Like my worst fear. I wouldn't worry about that. I know. I know. I've worked through it. I worked through it with the bumbling queen on that show but

yeah he freaked out he was like I can't believe I'm losing like I can't even remember what he said I might even have screenshots but like he was having a meltdown over text and I was like hey you're really overwhelming like you're freaking me out I gotta go I'm sorry and I blocked his you good for you you gotta do it you gotta set

your boundaries i think carrie carrie brings up a good point though she's like he doesn't even know you yeah yeah to hold on to you like so tight it's just that's true that's so insane then you know what's crazy i just forgot um months and months later uh we were at we were at like that place we like to go dancing uh all of us were there and like we had a couple girlfriends with us uh like our group and i remember at one point this girl that we were with had grabbed me and moved me away from someone and i was like what's going on and then two weeks after that night i get a text i guess i'd unblocked his number to see if anything would like pop up like if he was like gonna kill me or something you know give him a second shut up at your house so i had unblocked

him prior and then like that night that dance night happened and then two weeks after that dance night happened i got a long text hey like i don't know if you remember me but i saw you and i tried to talk to you but your friend pulled me away or pulled you away from me oh my god so my friend loki saved me because she's she like she know that he no i think she just saw a guy trying to talk to me and she's like ew and just like grabbed me yeah anyway that would happen occasionally because i i i remember I don't know if it was from that time, but, but yeah, we,

we all go out in a group to this, this fun dance night. And, uh, I remember there was a guy that was like trying to like talk to you or trying to talk to the group. He was trying to like work his way in. Cause we're all having a good time in our little circle.

Oh God. Yeah. I don't know. I don't even remember seeing him at all. And I also like, wouldn't seeing pictures and seeing him in person. Like, I don't even think I could connect the dots.

Like, was he just kind of like a white guy with a dark brown hair? Very basic. Um, very basic. I can't tell any of those dudes apart. Um, but like,

I can't tell myself apart from any other white guys yeah i look in the mirror and i'm like who are you i go yeah i'm like uh but he was like yeah i guess i understand why your friend moved you away from me but i hope you're doing well and i was like oh yeah again he maybe was a nice guy no okay hell no you're like thanks block like it's just unfortunate he came across that way like i just want to say because i'm trying to like bad mouth a human being like for sure for sure they're going through their own stuff weird don't talk about skin to a girl you don't know dude yeah i saw one profile recently that was like i like our ideal first date and he was like

i know a short hike nearby and it's like dude why would you advertise that it's short because that sounds like i'm gonna go on this hike with you and you're gonna murder me immediately because it's low commitment oh my god yeah short hike it's really short you won't even notice it it'll be short you. Because you're only going out. Exactly. But also, I've asked a guy to go on a hike as a first date. And he was like, you should never go on trails with a stranger. And I was like, bro. I was thinking like Griffith Park, like public, like something really like chill.

And he was like, you should be safer. And I was like, fuck you. So I can see both sides. I mean, there's certainly a line where it becomes serial killer and i don't think i crossed that but i try to be yeah i try to be as un-serial killer as possible right on dating apps because i i realize the the dangers that are inherent with uh with something like that so i'm always like very public place yeah for me i go hey it's so easy to kill you but i won't you just squash it immediately like yeah could kill you let's just

get that out of the way i don't want to i want to date you well you don't want to hike with me it's really short yeah yeah i don't know if i don't know if i mentioned it on the pod but if you want to talk about being like yeah let's talk about your preferences yet preferences yeah so uh and i'm sure you might you might be the same i feel like a lot of people in la are have this have this requirement uh no actors oh interesting it's definitely i'd say it's an orange flag on my end come on sam learner is like, he's an actor, but he's a gem of a human being. Yeah, but also Sam Lerner. Sam Lerner is Olivia's boyfriend. Oh, okay. I'm like, who are we talking about?

He also has like, he actually is an employed actor. Well, I guess it's hard to tell. You're an actor, Ian. No, I'm not. Yes, you are. You're acting acting right now you're trying to act cool yeah no i am cool i'm never asking i just am i was born this way but i get it because dating an actor it's it's not like a steady gig and also two two actors dating like that can be turbulent i'm sure yeah you know like two series talk to each other two shining stars yeah like

could be tough yeah i mean i don't know like i just i the actor in life is is not is not exactly a a steady um not non-term emotionally financially it is a roller coaster and that's what it's supposed to be yeah and it's like i i admire people for for chasing after that dream it takes a certain kind of crazy to think you can come to la and you and you you of of maybe 300 000 other actors you think like a million you are going to be the one that is going to make it. And there's only a small, there's only a small group of people that are going to get that role.

That chance. Yeah. And so they have to have that inflated confidence. They have to have that like, yes, it's me. I got this. And Ian's basically saying, I can't date you because I don't believe in you.

Because who the fuck do you think you are? That's so sad. She's got too many dreams. She's shooting too high. Your dreams are too big. Get out of my air. I mean, if you want to be an actor, I mean, you might have a better chance moving to like Georgia or Vancouver. Dude, it's tough no matter what because you're trying to be on, like there's only many shows movies i mean there are a lot of things and opportunities out there and even if you're

incredibly talented you could just have like one physical detail that eliminates you entirely yeah it's you're just up against so many other passionate people so naturally not to say that it's not impossible and like you know there's obviously like if you if you're if you can become a career actor like there's there's also great money to be made in commercials. So yeah. Actors, guys, just know if you're an actor, you can do anything except date Ian. That's right.

Because he thinks you can do anything, but also maybe you definitely won't make it. Okay. Right. Can I tell you guys, this is a bit of a change of subject, but I can literally hear my neighbor right now. Yes. Is I tell you guys? This is a bit of a change of subject. I can literally hear my neighbor right now. Yes.

Is she talking about soup? This morning. Dude, I hope she can't hear. I love the stories about her. But I actually do want to share that audio clip to the people of the podcast. Because I've been tweeting what she said. But like, dude, this morning I woke up to her going, no, fucking fuck her. She just yells.

She's so mad. Why is she so mad all the time? I feel bad for this woman. I know. But sometimes when she's, okay, so guys, I have this neighbor. She lives next to me. And I feel like she's just always screaming at her phone. But sometimes you can't tell if she's happy or mad because she's just excited or verbally abusing her boyfriend over the phone.

It is awful. I think maybe the first thing to do is to verify that she's actually talking to someone. Yeah, you can hear her talking on the phone sometimes. Look for a phone in her hand. You hear her. And I've talked to her. She's the same person. She to her like she's a great person she's she's like she's like she's like it's just the phone that sets her off um geez yeah it's her

phone voice this i guess she didn't set her date preferences that well dude i think she's been with this guy for so long but they're just like fighting so yeah kevin kevin's gonna put the audio audio clip right here that way she ended the call though call me back in 10 minutes. I need to get some soup. That way she ended the call though. Call me back in 10. She's literally berating this man, yelling at this man. And then goes, call me back in 10 minutes.

I need to get some soup. Are you kidding me? You should give her like a little get well package with some like throat coat tea. Cause how can you scream that constantly and not just like the horse. You put soup, you drink soup and it heals your throat. The warmth and the vegetables.

She's rejuvenating for the next call. She's ready. And it's been happening for as long as I've lived here. And this sounds so clear. Like does she leave her door open or something? No, I think it's just our doors. Like, I don't know. They're just not, like, soundproof.

Here's the thing. I complain and I talk shit. But since this quarantine, I've been filming myself screaming in my apartment quite a bit. So now I'm no better than she is. Maybe she has a podcast where she talks shit about you. Dude, it's insane. And I think the scary thing was like, I think there was a part of me that was worried that she had COVID and wasn't telling anybody.

Because one day she was on the phone really distraught talking about like coughing and how she's not going to talk to anybody and she's not going to see anybody and she's going to take care of herself. And then a couple of days later, I saw like a package bouquet of flowers at her doorstep. And I was like, oh, God, what is going on? This is scary.

But yeah, I'm literally no better than she is because just yesterday I'm screaming, my son isn't going to graduate for this freaking sketch. Also belting Disney music for karaoke live streams. Like, I'm obviously no better. True. true i mean we're all doing that shit dude someone this is really funny because it connects to the dating app thing somebody on there's this app i'm on called meet mindful and it's like a spiritual dating app and i'm talking to this guy who's like yeah yeah, I'm pretty sure I have it. And I was like, oh my God. He's like, I don't know what to do. He's like, I just ate some garlic. That'll fix it.

He was like, what should I do? And I was like, okay, well. Why is he asking a girl on a dating app what to do? A hundred percent. But here's the thing. I told him some stuff. I'm like, vitamin C is great for your immune system. They're saying that's helping a lot.

Just like, take care of yourself, man. and i have not heard back he's probably dead dude oh my god i can't believe my credit card companies are emailing me the basics on the virus like come on you can find information it's everywhere it's on soundcloud uh yes how many how many guys but not spiritual like you think hold on the bar is high like chakras and stuff right it's like that just like people who do yoga people who meditate it's just like it's a way yeah how many guys how many guys have long hair or man buns almost all of them do it and it's unfortunate that i'm not into that either so if i mean it's definitely not been the most fruitful app, but I had to check it out because I do have a lot of, you know, lifestyle perks, quirks, I guess you would say.

So I had to check it out. Oh, and I saw like, dude, there's some, there's some people on there that seem so interesting, but it's the thing that like they created a profile when it came out or something. And I just haven't been, that's why they haven't gotten back to me. Because everyone makes a profile and they like ditch it. So I've reached out to like people and just never heard back. That's definitely why they're not getting back to me. Yeah. The only reason.

Obviously, you care better. They just don't know that I'm witting in their likes. I will say I have like, I do have like weird random hang-ups of like i guess not a hang-up but like i definitely want to date someone who's like we are able to like afford the same things because i'm not like i'm not obviously david dobik rich got it right for sure but you know i want to be able to like you just don't want no scrub and i don't want no scrub i guess that's what i gotta yeah yeah yeah someone who's who's able to take care of themselves i don't i no scrub. I guess that's what I got to say. Yeah. Yeah. Someone who's able to take care of themselves. I'm not like they need to be making more than me, but like, you know.

Yeah. No, I don't need a bunch of, you know, presents all the time. Not that kind of girl. But I do want somebody who can like be an adult and manage their finances. For sure. That's respectable. And just like not have to rely like, like you don't want somebody that's dependent on you. Yeah, dude. I dated someone who was like

I want to spend money so Like I don't want to go out to get food And I'd be like that's fine I'll just be for it You know we've all like had that Where we're like dude I want to fucking eat out So like if it's up to me That was low key It sucks when you get suddenly you're someone's mom

In a relationship Boy It's real It sucked low-key it sucks when you get suddenly you're sudden someone's mom in a relationship that sucked uh so we got 10 minutes left ian do you want to do the shoot dude uh yeah do you want to take it this time yeah i can read it all right so carrie you're encountering your first shoot dude and i'm really proud of you guys for making it through this podcast and without any awkward silences so that's cool because this is weird just so you guys know just so you guys know this is weird but it wasn't super obvious that it was weird until now so good job

I'm now making it weird because it was weird I'll continue that later oh god here we go I just wanted the weirdness to happen just a little bit you know it's happening right now we're waiting for that shoot dude i'm waiting for you guys to know we're just having this huh i'm just gonna say that that i'm gonna start doing yoga so i

can get to six feet there you go hey how do you god i'm waiting for you i'm gonna collect some crystals just loosen up those chakras and you'll stretch right dude short kings but also it's okay dude you're perfect as you are man I'm not a short king I'm like our dad is 5'10

I'm like a what's like not a king but just like in the middle ranks just like great as you are like what's in like the what's like not a king, but just like in the middle ranks, just like great as you are. I mean, like what's in, in like the sort of like hierarchy of a kingdom. Who's like, I truly don't want it to come off as like hype making.

No. Yeah. I also want to, yeah. Let's just claim really quick. Like, no, no,

you don't. Honestly, you've talked about it. You're like, listen, I'm tall and I'm not, you're not like looking for some basketball player

level insanity like you're you just want someone you can look up to Blake Griffin if you're listening dude it's all it's all about the energy like

it's all about I met some yeah cause even when you do meet a tall guy they're not yeah like you said dude nah

there's a lot of tall guys I met some short guys that are like yeah they're cool if I were a girl yeah I'd hit that if I were a girl yeah okay, I'd hit that. If I were a girl.

Okay. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. All right, I have the fricking shoot dude right here. I had it the whole time. I just wanted to make it weird for you guys. Hell yes. This is a real shoot dude right here.

Shoot dude. Shoot dude. Shoot dude. Shoot dude. Shoot dude. Shoot dude. Shoot dude. Shoot dude. Shoot dude. Shoot dude. Shoot, dude. Shoot, dude. Shoot, dude. Shoot, dude. Shoot, dude.

Shoot, dude. Shoot, dude. Okay, I hope I'm pronouncing this name right, or maybe it's a fake name. I don't know, but Demitasse Debutante. Well done. Nice. So I had just gotten out of a bad long-distance relationship where he cheated on me with my best friend in the same state.

It was my first breakup, so it hurt real bad i started spending a lot of time with my good friend he and i got fairly close and i started falling for him i finally decided to tell him how i felt and ask him out because i knew i would regret it if i didn't after i told him there was an awkward silence before he told me that he was gay but he wasn't out to anyone yet. That is a shoot dude on his own, but it gets worse. After we got back from summer break, he asked me to talk to a girl for him to see if she was into him.

I proceed to say, I thought you were gay upon which he told me that he was trying to experiment after another awkward pause. To this day, I do not know if he's legitimately going through some self discovery or if he was just trying to reject me without hurting me badly. And he was like, oh, oh shoot, I thought, oh my God.

Shoot dude. Shoot dude. Shoot dude. That's like a sad shoot dude. Like I don't even wanna be like shoot dude. I'm just like shoot dude. Yeah, like a sad shoot, dude. Like, I don't even want to be like, shoot, dude. I'm just like, shoot, dude. Shoot, dude.

Yeah, that one hurts, man. I just feel bad for like all parties involved. Yeah. Dude, yeah, this guy's confused and he's not keeping his stories. Like, oh, I was just experimenting. I mean, that's tough to play around with. Asking her to ask another girl

if she was into him. Are you kidding me? That is just bad taste. That's ice cold. Ice cold. Like that's a lack of awareness, man. That sucks. And that's not cool.

If he was lying and saying he's gay, just not out to anybody, what a fucked up way to swerve on a bitch. Have you guys ever had a crush on a guy that was in the closet? There were high school crushes that now I see that it wouldn't have worked out. I had a boyfriend early high school. Like, not even a real boyfriend. Like, two weeks, you know?

And then he ended up to be gay. But, like, he told you and you stopped him? I think I found out, like, a year later. Or, like, he, like, i found out like a year later or like he he like came out to people a year later i don't think maybe he was bi when i when i was first like into him he broke my heart who knows really it happens man it is what it is it is what it is it's just a clip that's going around on tiktok oh god i feel so old i don't even know what accent that is wow that was a shoot dude i'm sorry demitasse

sorry demitasse demitante what a name that's a fun name dude the whole the whole thing you know the breakup cheating with the best friend. It's all. It's rough. There's layers to that. That's getting, that's going through it, man. Yeah. And to those listening or viewing, if you want to submit a shoot dude moment, whether it's anonymously or with your name on, stamped right on there so the whole world can know what you went through, you can send those emails to shootdude at smosh.com.

And it's shoot with two O's and dude with two O's at smosh.com. I'm going to send some. I'm going to send some shoot dudes. Yeah. I honestly have been tempted to send some anonymous shoot dudes. But, like, I know Kevin's, like, reading them or Kiana's, like, reading them. And I'm just like, don't tell anyone. Stop talking about your life and shoot you

courtney stop sending stories we know this is about you i know yeah um but thank you guys for being on this pod with me and despite you thank you for having me each other yeah thanks for sitting through that court i really appreciate you being so cool about all this so it's not happening you're gonna be the flower girl no i've already was a flower girl for my oldest sister i'm not doing it again yeah she corny's like a she's been there you know she's done that she'd probably have to like are you gonna walk me down the aisle court yeah i think she should give you away to me i'll be your daddy yeah just give me in a way please don't ever say i'll be your daddy i don't i think that's nice i think that's a nice thing to say to someone can you just say can you just say angry though i'll be your daddy

bravo the cops are coming for me now wow this was fun so you take you're the host, so you take us out. You're hosting. Well, I feel like you were taking us out. It's just so natural to me. I'm sorry. But you take it. Take us out. Courtney, Carrie, it's been a time.

It's certainly been a time. I've had a great time. Good. I had a great time. Great. Well, this was a good this is a good first date thanks for third wheeling it Courtney oh god thanks for facilitating

Shane was originally gonna be on this episode so that I wasn't third wheeling this but like wait just be me Shane and Ian

no no like us four that'd be weird as hell yeah um no offense Shane it would be great to have you here we were prepping for a new show that we're going to be testing out so he's and he's hosting nice nice um well and then yeah subscribe rates five stars oh yeah yeah

yeah podcast doing great but it could even do better with the help of you guys. So make sure you rate it five stars on your favorite podcasting app. Leave a review. That's a podcast. And also check out my sister. She puts out really, really silly, cute, fun content. I'm around. I'm hanging. I'm on there.

Check me out. Thanks, guys. All right. Well, it's been a pleasure. It's been a blast. And I'll see you guys later hey bye yay bye bye bye bye thank you for having me smosh no problem We'll see you next time.