Smosh Mouth - S2: #66 - The Return of The Damien & Shayne Show!

Episode Date: June 3, 2020

The Damien & Shayne show returns! Well, sort of. The boys are roasting their bosses, discussing what it’s like to work with your best friend, and debating matching friendship tattoos.  Learn ...more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Starting point is 00:00:44 Until May 30th, receive up to $70 by prepaid mastercard with purchase of four new Michelin passenger or light truck tires. Find your pro at your local tread experts. Hey everyone, before we start this, I can't start this podcast without bringing up George Floyd and the many other racial injustices that are happening and have happened in this country.
Starting point is 00:01:10 And I just want to say that Smosh stands fully behind the Black Lives Matter movement. And if you want to get involved, we've posted four organizations on our Twitter, and we strongly encourage you to support any of them. I would suggest the NAACP Legal Defense Fund. It's a great organization, but obviously it's tough times for a lot of people out there. So if you can't support, there's a lot of other ways to get involved and we strongly encourage you to do that. So with that said, enjoy this best friends pod that was recorded a little while ago. Well, I mean, that's literally like how we met. You came out of your dressing room and you're just like, hey man, I think I kind
Starting point is 00:01:44 of like interrupted you at lunch yesterday when we were all talking. So I'm really sorry about that. That's me. Putting others before yourself is not a bad thing, but sometimes you have to take up space yourself and be okay with that and know that you're worth being able to do that. And I think you are now. After Disney, we both thought like our careers were going to stay steady. Neither of us thought we were going to be famous, but we were like, but we're going to get work. We've never both gone to an Aspen tree and said, baby, please. Baby, please. Oh shit. We just did. Oh, the stork is barreling through my window at breakneck speeds. Oh God. There's a dead stork, but the baby survived. What do I do with this dead stork? It's protected in California. I can't go away for this.
Starting point is 00:02:25 Shane, I will do the intro stuff, but then otherwise always feel like you can do whatever. This is us. Oh, of course, man. This is just chill. And even though this is like two siblings that are being left at home by their parents, Infinity did put me in charge as the older, more powerful sibling. Jesus Christ. Already starting off.
Starting point is 00:02:47 I know, we're here, right? What's up, everybody? And welcome back to yet another SmoshCast. We are so excited you decided to join us today because today is going to be a very fun, very special cast between two people and only two people. Usually we have way more. You heard that voice just now.
Starting point is 00:03:03 You know who it is. Well, first of all, my name is Damien Haas and this is my best friend. Shane Topp. Shane Topp. That's what I was going to say. Damn. I was going to say, look at him. Four letters in our last name.
Starting point is 00:03:14 That's all you need. That's all you need. Look at that boy. Legs all the way to the ground. Two arms. Two arms. That maybe work. Teeth. Flipping flipping mouth chalk full of them um just so many no spaces for new ones um but yeah guys today we're going to be doing a best friends cast there
Starting point is 00:03:36 isn't necessarily a rhyme or reason to it we want to sort of free form talk you know we have the questions that you guys have been asking us over the years and we could have asked for those yet again but we kind of just want to check in and see how we're feeling right now just the two the two dudes the two dudes yeah just uh just a recap on our friendship and uh see where things are now speaking of recap what do what do people so for those who don't know us or whatever how do we very quick recap what's our friendship story all right so we were both on disney channel i was like do you forget uh so wait ah shit what how did it go uh we were both on disney's so random where we worked together for about eight months and became best friends. And then after that we were
Starting point is 00:04:27 unemployed for a long time and we became roommates. Roommates. And remained friends and we weren't always roommates in that span of time. Eventually I joined Smosh. Then eventually I was able to get Damien on Smosh. And now here we are. Here we are, baby. And the rest is history.
Starting point is 00:04:43 Thank you so much for joining us. That's it. That's it, that's all of them. No, so we've just got some random questions from our, from that we've written ourselves and that our dear head writer has also written. But some of his are ridiculous, like who smells better? Yeah, our boss likes to ask very strange questions.
Starting point is 00:05:03 He likes to try to start drama amongst us, which is impossible. Yeah. Just can't happen. You can't. He's always like, he's always like, hey, hey,
Starting point is 00:05:11 they're the two boys. Hey, listen, I do have a question for you. Okay. Which one's funnier? I'm just fucking with you, but just kidding. Hold on.
Starting point is 00:05:16 Which one is stronger? No, just kidding. Which one gets the girl? Which one's the best smelling man that gets the girl? And he's just like, okay. Oh my God. I've said it before the
Starting point is 00:05:26 most insane people at smosh are behind the camera yes you never see them you never hear them but they are the craziest yes and and arguably the funniest too but just in a sometimes in a scary sometimes in a scary way uh it's actually yeah i never know what i'm gonna get with him and it's it's a good thing it's a good thing he texts's a good thing. He texts. Sorry, go on. I was actually going to say he texts to ask permission to call, which is always super nice. And you're like, sure. And then you hop on call with him. He's just like, hey, Damien, there's the boy.
Starting point is 00:05:53 Hey, listen, what are your thoughts on like big cats? And I'm like, like, like my fat ass cat. And he'll be like, no, no, like ocelots, tigers, panthers. Like, what kind of what do you say? I'm like being near them. He's like,'s like yeah super just like being near them and like feeding them meat hey i'm just kidding listen can you give me that script like that's never happened but like it's a hundred percent of oh i would i fully believed that that was real he texted me last night at like 8 p.m it just just texted me shane question mark exclamation
Starting point is 00:06:24 mark question mark exclamation mark he just texted me out of nowhere sh mark, exclamation mark, question mark, exclamation mark. He just texted me out of nowhere, Shane. And I respond, I'm like, it was just a question mark. He just goes, just checking in, man. I was like, I'm doing good. He's like, awesome. Love to hear it. And I was just like, how are you doing?
Starting point is 00:06:39 He's like, I'm great. I was like, what the heck is going on? I think that's really sweet, though, because it's very difficult for when someone is like a tippy top boss and you're their employee. It's difficult to maintain a good friendship there. But I do consider Finnerty a friend. So, you know, there are those times where like he'll text me on a Saturday and he just wants to show me something cool, but it sounds like work.
Starting point is 00:07:04 And so I'm like, oh, I'm getting work fixed on a Saturday. But it's actually just him being like, hey, I want to show you this cool, fun thing I found. I just feel bad. Yeah, I think probably part of it is like being our boss. There's always that trepidation of like, oh, crap, did I do something wrong? Or is there some work involved here? So there's no way for him to contact us without it having that response
Starting point is 00:07:28 in some sort of way he's gonna hear all this oh he's yeah this is boss cast no longer smosh cast or bros cast this is boss cast just boss cast just gonna talk about our bosses not much they suck Sarah Whittle get out of here Ian Hecox if that is your
Starting point is 00:07:43 real name stop stop it. Yeah. Just stop. Stop. Stop it. Stop it. Just get out of town. How do you feel about hopping into some of these questions now that we're done with Finner
Starting point is 00:07:53 DeCaster? Yeah, I think it's I think it's a very good time for us to be doing this because I'd actually like to point out something crazy. We learned in the pod. Was it last week or the week before that you and i got into acting the exact same way exactly not and not just like oh i signed on and then i did a commercial no literally exact same way third grade play was it third grade for you too it was it for me it was fifth grade oh wow so just a couple grades off but interesting but it was willie wonka and the chocolate factory
Starting point is 00:08:29 and not only that we both played the role of willie wonka that's right that was our breakout role was the exact same i think subtly that might be what started our like anime style rivalry like you know where it's never a bad rivalry but it's always like i've got to get stronger for that because if you think about it where i'm about a year older than you you did in fifth grade and i did it in third so i was three years ahead of you yeah in okay power level and career strength points just sixth grade just super career strong yeah well my power level at sixth grade was incredible by the time i reached sixth grade i had already finished willy wonka three years ago by the time you finished you got to sixth grade it had only been one year you were ill prepared damn it i know shit and i remember all my lines how much community theater did you do how many plays
Starting point is 00:09:23 did you do so much shame see i only did one play really i did you do? How many plays did you do? I did so much, Shane. See, I only did one play. Really? I did Willy Wonka, then I did Best Christmas Pageant Ever. That was basically a Smosh sketch, wasn't it? I did that one community theater play, and then I hopped right into film and TV. You know, just got to keep it moving. You know what I mean?
Starting point is 00:09:38 Oh, yeah. No, I mean, I guess some people who don't practice just working on the craft and honing it before jumping in the water. That is definitely a move some people would make. That's fair. I myself caught the bug of the theater and the bard after Willy Wonka and was in a legally distinct from Disney version of Snow White and the Seven Dwarves. And then Tom Sawyer, Charlotte's Web. I was in the Life and Adventures of Santa Claus. Really just bangers. Dwarves. Oh. And then Tom Sawyer, Charlotte's Web. Oh.
Starting point is 00:10:08 I was in The Life and Adventures of Santa Claus. Really just bangers. Wow. Those are some classic works there. Yes. That is some Daniel Day-Lewis level, yeah, criteria. And then you also trained, you did train classically. You studied musical theater. I studied The Blade.
Starting point is 00:10:24 You fool. While you were busy kissing girls, I studied the blade. While you fools were... While you were busy kissing girls, I mastered the blade. I don't know if I stole that from Game Grumps or if that's a well-known meme. I think it's just a meme. I just see the meme everywhere. While you fools were out partying. I studied the blade. I studied the blade.
Starting point is 00:10:42 No, so yeah, I trained classic voice training for singing and stuff because like musical theater. And then I did like a touring company thing in Atlanta where I went from like school to school to school and put on these plays and actually got paid to do it. So, wow, gosh, I guess while you were being a professional on camera actor, I was being a professional theater actor. One of those sounds way harder to do in this day and age. I wonder if this, we're just going to mess with each other the whole time. Just, just shit talking the whole time.
Starting point is 00:11:12 So, uh, what Shane, enough about me. What are your credentials? What are you, um, what are you good at?
Starting point is 00:11:19 Anyways, moving on. What gives you the right? Why? Um, so, why are you speaking? Anyways, moving on. What gives you the right? Why? So, Damien, why are you speaking? Anyways. Oh, God. Oh, shit.
Starting point is 00:11:32 Yeah. Dude, it's so crazy to think back that you were like, you were doing the classic college life when I met you. Yeah, sort of. On Disney, like you were at Disney Channel working every week while still like living with a bunch of college roommates. I think you were still, were you still going to some classes at the beginning? I was. Dude, that's nuts. It was crazy. I would wake up super early for like, I had this like science general elective and I would like skateboard to the class as fast as possible, hop in, like take the test, finish and immediately
Starting point is 00:12:05 bolt out the door and like skateboard to get to my car to drive to Hollywood. I would make it to so random stuff like directly on time with not a minute to spare and be like, I think I passed that test. You know, it was it was too much. That's what's funny is that sounds like a Disney sitcom in itself. Like, yeah, boy, I'm late for class, but I got to go to this show I work on. Yeah. It's like two lives.
Starting point is 00:12:28 He's got two, two lives. How's he do what he do? And then I just, it ends with me going like plump. And then the title screen and I'm crossing my arms for anyone who doesn't. Yeah. Doing the classic Disney cross arms. Cross arms.
Starting point is 00:12:42 So yeah, I think friendship questions about us, if you wouldn't mind, can I hop onto this list a little bit? Do it. Do it, man. I mean, let's warm up real quick before we hop into the nitty gritty stuff. There's a question on here that says, who has better taste? And I originally would think that that means like who has good taste and things, but it is directly after the question who smells better,
Starting point is 00:13:03 which makes me think that they are sort of like, if a blind folded person licked an arm, who would they be like, ooh. Ah, man. I don't feel like I would taste good. I feel like I probably, I'm just bland. Really? Yeah. I would say that I'm just bland.
Starting point is 00:13:22 My diet is very boring for the most part, I think. But that's the thing, Shane. Like, first of all, you smell like pepper. So that's some seasoning right there. You're the only one who says that. I don't think so. No one else has said that I smell like pepper. Well, I don't think anyone else has the right because I'm your best friend.
Starting point is 00:13:38 I can say that to you. I don't think I think other people probably like wait till you're gone. They're like, does he smell like pepper to you? And they're like, I think he smelled, was that him? No, that was him? Like, yeah. I like the idea of you stopping someone from saying what I smell like because they don't have the right, like, like, oh, Shane, you smell like, and you're just like, oh, you
Starting point is 00:13:58 may not. I put my entire hand over their face. I'm like, you basketball shoved them away. You will not say that to him. You grab their face, lift them one foot off the ground, and then throw them. That's true. I am quite the supervillain. If we're talking about food, though, you definitely do have better taste than me.
Starting point is 00:14:19 Like, you have an insane palate. Oh, thanks, man. Whenever we travel, you're the one, you know about every food. And it's not just like, like when we were in Australia, you were like, oh yeah, this there, they serve this type of crab here that is only native to this region of Australia. And I was like, what? I was like, I would never know that. I appreciate that. I think it's because I'm such a glutton and that's what I'm excited about. So it's not like i'm googling like things to do in australia what beach should i go to i'm like okay what's the best most decadent food that i can only get here and then they in australia they were like well it's
Starting point is 00:14:55 a weird underwater sea bug it looks like a nightmare from a uh from the dude who produced alien and you're like great gimme it like i don Like, I don't know. It was created by James Cameron. James Cameron. But I don't know, man. Like, I think in terms of taste of other things, you generally do better. Like, I'll gladly take the food one because I just like being a bit of a new food hunter.
Starting point is 00:15:20 But like, in terms of aesthetics, like your design eye, you, I you i mean look even the shot of your apartment right now like there's decoration there's symmetry i've got this going on every time i come over to your place you're like hey man uh you oh yeah you haven't been here since i did the blank to my apartment like i turned myself upside down and moved my surfboard into my ceiling and i'm like oh my god this looks great like no way and like every time i come over it looks better same with clothes i'll be like that's a sick jacket you're like thanks i decided to invest in it for the year and it'll be like the piece that i sort of center everything around and i'm like whoa didn't even think you could do that that's
Starting point is 00:15:55 cool like i don't know i think we've for for anime rivals we're pretty aware of each other's strengths and celebrating them yeah because what i would is, for lack of a better term, I think we're both kind of, I guess, obsessive is a word where we like we hone in on a thing and we're like fascinated by that thing. And we're all about it. Right. Yeah. And for you, like food, like you're just fascinated. You want to know all about it. For me, like if I get into like, oh, like I'll start getting into like, you know, clothing or like sneakers and I'll be like all about all of it. Like I'm like, I want to know everything. Yeah. And so. And I'm
Starting point is 00:16:29 the same way with like different things. So you and I have very similar drives for learning about stuff too. And I think it's also, you and I are very, we like to take opportunities when we see them. And I think that's, how to phrase this. If you want to learn something nowadays, it's on the internet. All the information is there. So I think you and I are the kind of people that can't just sit still knowing that that information is there and we could learn about that thing immediately.
Starting point is 00:16:56 You know? Yeah. It's like we, we go and do that. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah.
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Starting point is 00:17:21 19 plus to wager Ontario only. Please gamble responsibly. If you have questions or concerns about gambling or someone close to you, please contact Connex Ontario at 1-866-531-2600 to speak to an advisor free of charge. BetMGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with iGaming Ontario. I've been on a history kick, man. That's been my thing. Yeah, you've been telling me about that podcast you were listening to.
Starting point is 00:17:40 Yeah, I mean, I've been listening to podcasts. I've been watching historical fiction shows. I've been reading history stuff. I've been watching historical fiction shows. I've been reading like history stuff. I don't know. I don't know why it's suddenly like, I go through those types of crazes every now and then. But yeah, man, I'm loving. I was listening to this podcast all about World War I
Starting point is 00:17:58 and World War II and all sorts of other stuff. Read a book about Cleopatra earlier this year. That was nuts. Whoa, that's dope i always find that interesting where it's like it's not just information or encyclopedic about cleopatra it's like a whole book about it i'm like how did are we learning new info about cleopatra like yeah man oh dude it's so legit the way it's told because it's told like chronologically like us you know and it's there's some some Game of Thrones level stuff in her life.
Starting point is 00:18:25 I mean, basically they're talking about like and this is way up until even now. Didn't she die by taking an asp or something? Yeah, that's the legend. But I think she ultimately just poisoned herself. But Mark Anthony, who was I can't remember. Yeah, he was there with her. He attempted to stab himself with a sword and it failed to kill him and so he just like died a slow miserable death um it's damn yeah if you were if you were a uh roman leader
Starting point is 00:18:56 your uh fates were rarely good uh yeah generally basically everyone was trying to kill you um yeah i believe octavian was the one who was trying to kill her i think i may be wrong there's a lot of information we'll tell you what i can't fact check you but i think that's interesting i think you are probably enjoying theater not theater uh history because it is your body telling you it is time to become a father um it's a very dad thing i don't know just like yeah imagine like coming downstairs it's just like you know there's there's that like singular interview with a person that's like now the thing we didn't know about herbert hoover at the time is blah blah and then it cuts to the black and white photos like but herbert hoover's victory was short-lived because you know it's and that's the history channel um and you can only watch it if you're a dad you can only have to
Starting point is 00:19:52 have a kid like you gotta accidentally flip to the channel and then there's a knock at the door and be like hey do you remember that time you went to a diner five years ago and saw that really hot waitress and then things let one led to another and you're like oh is my five-year-old son no there's no way for that to happen to me but i i often think about that scenario really like i it look there's no incident in my life where that could have happened i'm just being honest here but i'm just like how crazy would it be if you found out you had a kid and you didn't know at all like how crazy would that be i just think about that you just told everyone you had a kid and you didn't know at all like how crazy would that be i just think about that you just told everyone you were a virgin i'm sorry now it's impossible because
Starting point is 00:20:33 i've never uh i've never held hands with a lady therefore she could not have gotten pregnant yes and that's how it works but that has not happened we've never rubbed our tummies together in front of a bird so that it could tell the stork that we're ready. Exactly. And therefore... We've never both gone to an aspen tree and said, baby, please. Baby, please. Oh, shit.
Starting point is 00:20:53 We just did. We just did. There's an aspen tree. Oh, no. It's there. Oh, the stork is barreling through my window at breakneck speeds. Oh, God. There's a dead stork.
Starting point is 00:21:03 But the baby survived. What do I do with this dead stork? It's in california i can't go away for this baby you take the heat you're young you can withstand prison i'm getting out of here here take these cigarettes in this knapsack and go it's the only way i can help you your name octavian never kill cleopatra and don't you go back in time don't you do it it is it is um 11 45 in the morning uh we we are completely sober this is just how we talk i just woke up so i had to tie one on you know just the whole thing of jack daniels white cloth for breakfast am i right everyone no i'm kidding i do like some of these things uh this is a more meaning question would you ever live with each other again oh that's a tough one I think the the thing is this I do enjoy having my own place I don't know if I ever will end up living with someone
Starting point is 00:21:59 um unless I'm like married or whatever so all, but, and part of the reason is this, having a job, like with the amount of work we do at Smosh, I do love coming back to my own space. Like it has being like, this is my, mainly for my own kitchen. And obviously when we lived together, we had a bunch of roommates. So the kitchen was always crazy.
Starting point is 00:22:19 It was impossible. You would get like, you had your quarter of the fridge, you know, and that just like drove me crazy and there was nothing to do about it because by the end our roommate situation was dope like we were all very legit we were like yeah i think we're all you know like we were all younger like i was definitely not like i'm cleaner and more organized now than i was then like i definitely would still we would all like throw shit in the sink. Like we would just all do that sometimes.
Starting point is 00:22:48 I think we worked as roommates though, not just you and I, but that whole group, because generally we had similar, you know, definitions of what was clean and what was okay. Like, you know, and I think we were okay with having conversations, but also like we were young twenties and living in a house that was for some reason
Starting point is 00:23:05 just the cheapest possible thing. It was falling apart. Like legitimately, it was the type of house that you would open a cupboard and it would like come off. But at the same time, man, like the rent was so cheap. Oh yeah. No, it was great. It was great. And it was safe. I felt safe there you were safe enough to live in a shed with no locks i felt semi safe i didn't feel always super safe that's fair i mean i kept trying to give you karate lessons and you wouldn't let me do no but these will deflect bullets these karate chops i think i would live with you again but i don't foresee there being a circumstance where that's even a thing. Like it's if life happened where we both needed roommates again or whatever, and it was just like, oh, what are we going to do? I would be more than happy to live with you again.
Starting point is 00:23:55 It's difficult when you work with a friend anyway, but like when you work with a roommate and you're seeing each other all the time, it's not even that you have a problem with each other. There's just no time to uh like decompress and if i'm associating you with work as well like how could we have a rule where it's like coming home never talk about work don't do it we got to leave that there like that that would be tricky don't look at me for the first hour that we're back home don't do it don't look me don't look me in the eye yeah i that's what i say like if we were both unemployed again like if we both found ourselves in a situation where we were out of work and we were trying or we're trying to make ends meet, we're just working small time jobs.
Starting point is 00:24:29 Then I'd be super down. Cause that was the situation. And it was fun because like, we did have a lot of free time. We were kind of like figuring out what our lives were. And so it was really nice to have a friend right there. Like that was great. Disney,
Starting point is 00:24:42 like after Disney, we both thought like our careers were going to stay steady. Like I didn't think, neither of us thought we were going to be famous, but we were like, but we're going to get work.
Starting point is 00:24:51 Like, yeah, well, you have like a resume now where it's like, oh, I might get some guest star roles more easily, you know? And when you come out to LA, you're told like, all you need is to get
Starting point is 00:24:59 a couple things on your resume. If you get that one show on your resume, then you're going to be just fine. And we got that. We had 26 episodes of a show on our resume. If you get that one show on your resume, then you're going to be just fine. And we got that. We had 26 episodes of a show on our resume and you're thinking, oh, I'll at least be able to book commercials. And then years went by and like, I was just, I would, I booked like one commercial in like three years. I think you and I had little successes here and there, but like, yeah, it was not a steady stream. Like I had to get a side job right
Starting point is 00:25:25 away. And that was actually the whole reason we became roommates in the first place is because I, when I first got off of Disney, I was still like, you know, living by myself in a one bedroom and I was very excited to be doing that. It was, I did that for like, I think I did that for like a year post Disney before we became roommates. And I literally, I didn't get a job then because I was like, oh, I have to be available for auditions and this is going to continue on right away. So I ran out my savings very quickly, but it wasn't out of like laziness. I legitimately thought like, no, this is the best option. If I get like a, you know, $8 an hour retail job, like I'm not above working that job, obviously.
Starting point is 00:25:58 But if it interferes with my auditions, then that's no good. So, yeah, it was, you know, rude awakenings. It was also a great time in life. Like, I don't know, we were both just young fellas figuring out the world, playing video games. We both had girlfriends at the time and it was just like living our lives, you know? I look back on it extremely fondly.
Starting point is 00:26:16 Yeah, you know, like I lived alone right when I was 18 and like pretty much right after I, like it was a little less than a year that I got so random. So my first years as an adult, I had this structure of like, oh, I have this great job and like everything. And so those few years and the years of us living together was me really like, I became an adult in a lot of ways because I had to figure things out on my own. Would you say that this sort of took the place of what would traditionally be a college experience
Starting point is 00:26:44 for you? Like this was your dorm life? It's the closest I have of like living with a bunch of people my age. We're all trying to figure things out. It's like it's there is a chaotic element to that house because the house, the house didn't. It wasn't, you know, like I sometimes joke about like, oh, it looked like garbage, whatever. It didn't. It like it was a it was a regular house, but it an extremely old house it was from the early 20s or 20s well i don't know close enough
Starting point is 00:27:11 but it was around that time and you know it's just like a mishmash of everyone's furniture like a lot of areas were just kind of like oh we're just storing our furniture in this corner of the room dude the ac didn't i didn't have AC in my back house. And it was too expensive to use it indoors. So it was hot everywhere. I mean, blisteringly hot inside. But the good thing about that is we all sort of had to keep our windows open
Starting point is 00:27:37 and therefore we got this beautiful cross breeze. It would feel so refreshing and I'd sleep with my window open in the backyard that we shared because, okay, so it was my room had a big window, which looked out in our like little concrete seating area in our backyard. And then Shane's shed was across the way from there.
Starting point is 00:27:52 So we could shout from each other's windows or whatever. But there were three fruit trees, one of which was guava. And the smell of guava in the hot summer sun being the first thing that you wake up to was incredible. It was like poetry. Yeah. It was so good. Like, I just have such fond memories of like summer, waking up.
Starting point is 00:28:11 I don't have anything to do today. Like, ah, God. Yeah. And, you know, it's funny. I love, I do love living alone. But when I lived in that house, most of my time was spent, I would go to the kitchen and I would like be hanging out and talking to whoever was hanging out in the kitchen. Like I did that so often.
Starting point is 00:28:30 And I love that my spot was kind of at that, that table in the kitchen area. Like I would just be chilling there. I would love to study there just because I was like, oh, people will be walking by or whatever. I'll just talk to people as they're here. It was really dope. Yeah. I'm getting all sorts of like sense memories right now. It's weird. Yeah, man, that, that house was,
Starting point is 00:28:46 that house was cool. It was really cool. And living with roommates was cool. And we, we filtered through. So, cause you know, people were kind of like coming out of college or just trying to like
Starting point is 00:28:54 figure out where their next step was. So we went through like, dude, we lived with like six different people in the course of a year. Yeah. It was crazy. It was really cool. But the good thing is that it was never out of conflict.
Starting point is 00:29:06 It wasn't like, this person's out of here and then this person can't pay rent, they're out of here. Like it was always just like, hey guys, I'm moving to Chicago to pursue my dream. That's great. Well, someone's gonna take my place. They're also an artist. That's great.
Starting point is 00:29:18 Like, you know, it was always fun. There was never a fight or anything. No, not really. I think I had some head-butting with one of our roommates a little bit. Oh, yeah. Yeah. But I think that's the challenge where, like, I think we both had some growing to do. I also think that, like, sometimes people go straight from their family lives to, like, a roommate dorm situation.
Starting point is 00:29:39 And you don't really learn what is normal. Your family life, what is normal to you might be crazy to someone else. So there's always got to be compromise. So this is a good question. Does working together and actually Shane, any of these questions that I ask, if you're like, ah, that's heavier, I don't feel like it. Like just, we can move on to the next one. For sure. Yeah. Does working together put a strain on the relationship or make it better? So does working together put a strain on the friendship or make it better? Man, I don't, maybe this isn't a good answer. I don't feel like it has necessarily affected it. Yeah. Negatively or positively because we, we, our friendship started
Starting point is 00:30:14 working together. Right. Then we went to not working together, but we coming back to this, you know, it's just going back to how it started. And our job is also so weird. Like the thing is, our job is often just this, us hanging out talking. If we had a job where it's like, we are lawyers and at work it's business, even if we have to be cutthroat towards each other and stuff, it's like, no, our job is to hang out. We create things together. Yeah. I think it hasn't put a strain on it at all. I think the only way it's really affected it is the fact that i mean obviously before quarantine we would see each other so often that there's much less of a drive necessarily to like make the time to see each other outside of it because you spend so much of your week together already so we definitely don't like hang out on
Starting point is 00:31:00 weekends as much anymore but it's not like an active choice it's just like you know i saw you like yesterday you know yeah i'm tired i'm tired too yeah it might be old hearts i will segue though that that does remind me like obviously you're extremely funny on camera the probably the funniest the the level of funny that you reach when we're like hanging out playing video games just just chilling is insane like it's impossible to it's impossible to recreate it on camera because like there's the element of like oh we're we're on camera i don't know there's just a looseness but man dude because like i wish i could explain to people listening like the i wish i could do it on camera uh the hilarity of wombo combo oh but i mean i'm the same way like it's just you're never like you can't recreate like everyone listening knows like when you're just hanging out with your
Starting point is 00:31:55 friends just relaxing just bullshitting that's when the funniest or at least maybe it isn't the funniest but i laugh the hardest i'm the same way yeah it's it's hard to fully let go and just let yourself like be on camera um and i think we're pretty good at that but at the same time there is like a bit of a pressure and like i often have two trains of thought running as well where like you know my mind is almost like directing a video while i'm in it too because coming from a sm games background, that's sort of what I was taught to do. Like Joven would say stuff like that all the time where like, I think when I first started Joven really tried to like, you know,
Starting point is 00:32:33 take me under his wing a bit and would, you know, keep giving me advice, which was appreciated. So it was always just like, you've got to be thinking about the story you're telling in the video front to back. Like, where are we right now? What would be amazing to see? Like, what is the best way for this video to end? And it was, you know,
Starting point is 00:32:50 so that's always run into my mindset as well. Now, when you're playing Minecraft, think about what's your drive here? What does your character want? And what's standing in your way? Creepers. But yeah, I think working with you, I've learned a lot more about you. And like, I've learned about, yeah yeah I think Working with you I've learned A lot more about you
Starting point is 00:33:05 And like I've learned about Yeah I think so Because I've learned about Differences between us and well And just like How we work And how we approach things
Starting point is 00:33:14 How we approach conflict What our mindsets are In terms of like Socialization in the workplace And how you go about things Like Neither of us is wrong We're just very different
Starting point is 00:33:22 And I think That's actually been cool too Because It's not like It's just It's just learning more about a friend. It's like, oh, this is who you are in this situation. This is who you are in that situation. And I think that's been cool. And I think anytime we ever have had a conflict, open communication, we're so good at it where it's just like, Hey man, that thing actually didn't sit great with me. I'd love if we could talk about this and try this going forward.'s like oh yeah of course like we're so we're so you know not what's the word cut i just feel like yeah it's
Starting point is 00:33:51 like there's a there's a trust there's a trust there and like yeah you're you're also very good about you never let something sit like if if something bothered you or you're afraid of you offended someone you you bring it up immediately. Like, you're not going to, like, be like, well, we'll see, you know, you know. Because it occupies my entire think space. Right, right. I'm like, I did a thing wrong. Well, I mean, that's literally, like, how we met.
Starting point is 00:34:17 And I've told that story before. But, like, it was, like, the second day of work. And I was walking in and you came out of your dressing room. You're just like, hey, man, I think I kind of like interrupted you at lunch yesterday when we were all talking. So I'm really sorry about that. I was just like, I don't even remember. But that's me. No, it's funny.
Starting point is 00:34:35 Like that's it's just such a defining moment. That is one of the questions here on the list is what was the moment you became lifelong friends so it was probably just after that hanging out in my dressing room and probably somehow like a character made each other laugh or we both did probably when we both did like anime voice i think yeah so i think the moment that i i think that i think of is there was the sketch it was sterling was playing the like super sarcastic kid, right? Yeah. And you were playing this character and you had this like, this like red haired, like curly, curly, like. It was like a short and tight, like curly. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:35:14 Reddish brown afro. We were just joking about the hair because it looked so silly. And then you were like, yeah, I'm like one of those Tekken characters. And then you just started doing the like, the like back towards camera, but turning around and then saying like a taunt thing, but in Japanese. And I laughed so hard.
Starting point is 00:35:32 It was so funny. I forgot about that. Wow. Cause that's when we started joking about anime and like, just like the anime, like inflections and just, yeah, it sounded so crazy.
Starting point is 00:35:43 And then, uh, I think that's how like the anime brothers sketch was born right there oh yeah because you started to do it and i was like that's so funny because that is also like such a specific thing too like it's more common nowadays like i don't know like i think in the past 10 years i think people have just been like yeah any kind of nerd culture awesome but for me to like be cast in a tv show meet another actor and like make a joke about like anime characters and fighting games are totally like this right and for
Starting point is 00:36:11 him to like not only be like oh yeah that makes sense but to like yes and it and be like oh yeah totally and it's like this too it was like oh my god someone like legit gets me like this was it was really cool i i i wonder what that show experience would have been like if it wasn't for Yumi and Doug having a lot in common. Because Yumi and Doug very quickly were like, oh, we all love video games. I think it took a bit for Doug to sort of join in to Yumi and Matthew Scott, too. But I think you're right. Like, we got there. It was Yumi and Matthew Scott sort of in solidarity as the new people, even though he didn't have as much as common with us in terms of like interest.
Starting point is 00:36:45 But then Doug would join in. Like we all started playing video games in my room and it was just fun. Yeah, it was so great. Which of these questions do you want to do, my guy? I wrote this one down. Like what's the hardest the other has made you laugh? Like, and just the problem is there's too many jokes.
Starting point is 00:37:02 Too many, man. Like I said, I brought this up earlier, but one time Damien was playing Bloodborne and I was watching him play and he just started getting so into it. And like Damien's a very like animated, as you see on his Twitch streams and just in Smosh games, like you talk a lot and you're like very animated when you're playing video games. And you were just crushing through a level and you're like, oh yeah, baby. Wombo combo. Like just taking out this zombie and then you decided to go into an impression of the zombie getting murdered and you're like Well, I brought it up I was like imagine like the last words that you hear are some dude just like sprinting a go like yeah Baby wombo combo like because wombo combo was the thing and in smash. It was like a well-known like trending video or whatever
Starting point is 00:37:44 So I was just like Because Wombo Combo was a thing in Smash. It was like a well-known like trending video or whatever. So I was just like, Wombo. Like as you're just like sliding in the blade. It's dark. Yeah, you never think about how terrifying it must be to be an enemy in a lot of video games. Because like, can you imagine for like a Goomba? Your last sight is an Italian man just jumping 20 feet in the air and then landing directly directly on your skull just killing you on your boneless body because typically they just like like just immediately like they crumble under his weight and i think i think um people don't realize this but this is
Starting point is 00:38:18 nintendo lore mario's bones are hollow like a bird so he doesn't have a lot of uh like mass so the velocity has to be obscene just squishing right through those boys uh you'll just go on these tangents sometimes like i don't know it happens it happens so much sometimes we're like we'll be talking about something i'll be like yeah i went grocery shopping and it was crazy it was so crowded you're like yeah and then it's like this and this and it's like a squid just rolling through the forest. Just like, I'm just like, what? Where did you get to that? But I think that's part of why, like, it's almost like a selfish reason, but that's part of why it's so fun being your friend is because like you find joy in comedy in small things. Like if someone is going to tell you a story, if someone's going to put an image in
Starting point is 00:39:03 your head, you're really going to put yourself there. You're going to think about it like you have a vivid imagination for things like that. So I'm a lunatic and I just sort of stream of consciousness stuff. When you point out specific things that I say, I don't even remember saying them usually. But you hear them and you acknowledge them and you'll start laughing about it. And that gets me in that moment, too. And then I'll start laughing about it and that gets me in that moment too and then i'll start laughing about it and like i think the moments where we laugh the most are just the ones where we together at the same time fall into those sort of laughing spells and like keep them growing together it's so good when it
Starting point is 00:39:34 happens it's a plus if you ever got matching best friend tattoos oh what would they be god damn that's a that's a good. You've mentioned getting a tattoo of your left leg on your right leg. Yes. To confuse predators. What if I got your right leg tattooed on my left leg and you got my left leg tattooed on your right leg? And so when we stood next to each other, you couldn't tell that we're not one. That's insane, dude. Because I literally had a sort of a canned answer for this because I wrote the question. Very similar.
Starting point is 00:40:14 What is what's yours? My right arm. I would get the left side of Obama. Okay. And then on your left arm, you would also get the left side of Obama. So when we put our arms together like this, it's like, oh, double left side Obama tattoos. Symmetrical Obama. You don't put them together. It's not symmetrical.
Starting point is 00:40:35 It's two amounts of the left side. So it's just double of the left side of Obama. So it would be like we got it in a mistake, but like we planned it and that's the joke that and we're also not political people so people be like you really like obama and you're like i guess some good policies like you just have to play it off like so you know what in that way we should get a president that's not even from our time we're like taft yeah just just taft would taft fit wasn't taft very large you're thinking of Wilford Brimley. No, I think you're thinking of Grover Cleveland or Taft.
Starting point is 00:41:09 I don't know. His name reminds me of Taffy. So maybe Taft is the colossal man. Oh, Taft is massive. Oh, yeah. Taft's not putting on our... Taft dummy thick with 18 C's. Welcome back to the Dummy Thick History Podcast.
Starting point is 00:41:23 Who was the most dummy thick president? Good question, Shane. I think the most dummy thick president would have to be William Howard Taft. I think he died in a bathtub. It means you can just wash him down when he's dead. You just open up the drain and then down he goes. Whoever discovered his body was like oh a treat we're gonna be the only people who managed to get canceled for what we said about taft oh i'm sure the internet can find a way to cancel us for taft i'm sure it'll happen. God damn. People have a lot of time right now.
Starting point is 00:42:06 I just like that. We were supposed to all write some questions on this doc. And one of the questions is if we were to race down Dead Man's Bluff to both save the ski lodge and see who gets the girl,
Starting point is 00:42:17 what would happen? Okay, I'm interested in your answer for this. If we had to race down Dead Man's Bluff, so I'm assuming we're skiing, right? Or is it during summer? So it's...
Starting point is 00:42:27 We are skiing, but it is during summer. Well, that's up to you. Are we skiing on gravel? We're skiing on grass or gravel. Ski! If it's snow, I think I would win. If it's gravel, I think you would have some sort of trick
Starting point is 00:42:44 up your sleeve. Little does Shane know that the end of the path dead ends in a pit of lava. You just have one of those very classic bombs, like the round with the fuse. The bowling ball with a string? Yeah, I do have one of those. You have a long mustache. Gadzooks and
Starting point is 00:43:00 Botswain. Sade will never make it to the bottom of Deadman's Curve. Lest he be a dead man. Okay. Here's what I think would happen. It's late fall. We just got the first bit of fresh pow pow for the season.
Starting point is 00:43:15 Because it's very cold. We start skiing at the same time. You're bolting down there. I'm falling behind. But wait. What's that to the left? What did I just pass? As I'm going down the hill, I noticed an injured animal.
Starting point is 00:43:26 So I turn my skis around, start skiing up the hill to get back to it. It's a snow turtle. It's stuck on its back. Just standing perfectly still, but just going uphill on skis. Yep, exactly. Snow turtle. I flip it back upside down. It grants me one wish.
Starting point is 00:43:42 I look up to the girl on the mountain. I said, I just want her to be happy. Flash forward. 10 years later, she and I are living together. We have two beautiful children that we've sent to boarding school because we're sick of their shit. We look outside the window. You're standing there holding a radio, playing a romantic song. But it's for me.
Starting point is 00:44:00 And I say, dude, I just want us to be best friends again. Let's never let a girl become between us again. And then I leave my wife so we can become cool roommates again. And we high five on dead man's curve where we look up at the same time on top of a mountain, see a beautiful girl. And we look back at each other and we go,
Starting point is 00:44:16 here we go again. And that's the whole end of the movie. Not again. Not again. What's up with girls being attractive i mean this sucks all right so i've got uh in the same vein shane uh in this doc one of my favorite questions is where is the amulet damien i'm never going to tell you where the amulet is ah damn it i thought that would work no just because it's on a podcast doesn't mean I have to answer it.
Starting point is 00:44:48 Well, that's not true. I don't know if anyone's ever fully read the Patriot Act because it's quite a mess. But if you are on the podcast, you do have to tell the truth, especially when revealing the location of all powerful ancient relics from Sumeria. No, I will never give you the amulet.
Starting point is 00:45:06 I don't care about the fact that you have my research assistant held hostage. Geraldine will be one with the scarab soon. Ha ha! I don't even care. Geraldine sucked. I have a new assistant. I've called your bluff and eaten Geraldine. No!
Starting point is 00:45:27 Damn you! There's still time before the tummy juices kick in. Just stuck in there. I've swallowed her whole. I'm extremely uncomfortable with my distended tummy. I'm dragging it along the ground with a human shape she's pissed realistically both Geraldine and I only have a few minutes left you getting into a car having to swing your stomach into the past I'm trying to get in like no
Starting point is 00:46:01 you have to sit forward so I can get through damn it Geraldine listen to the sound of my voice. You go to a McDonald's and be like, all right, can I get a, all right, what do you want? No, you're not going to eat a large fries. You can get a kid's meal or nothing. Nuggets, nuggets, a burger, Geraldine. All right. Jesus Christ.
Starting point is 00:46:23 There was a good, there's a question that i'm sure people listening will want to hear is what are our favorite characters that the other does like what's what's my favorite character that you do what's your favorite character that i do because i think i know and i it's it actually is a recent well it's not super recent but i had a favorite and then that favorite got beaten out for you shane the the difficult thing about this man is that like you have this awesome ability to even in scenes where you have to be like the normal guy the regular dude or whatever you're good at finding character within that so you're never just going to answer like yes or no even if you have one line in the scene
Starting point is 00:47:03 you can tell that it's like a fleshed out character so that's the hard thing because like everything you do is a character so it's literally like what's your favorite thing that shane has ever done and that's hard like i can go to so random days and say fly guy i can also you know say mr goodman from the so random days and from smosh literally everything dude, dude. I don't know. Like someone like Bryce Cricin or whatever, I'm sure just had like one, you know, appearance in a sketch at one point, but like we gravitate toward these things and we're like, we got to make this a thing.
Starting point is 00:47:33 Love Harbinger. Love that you just had this wacky idea and you like, we're like, yeah, what if I'm like this crazy old man? Like, you know, it was like, careful, don't go in there. And then you made a whole character based on that. Like you impressed the hell out of me with that stuff. So maybe I'll remember something as we go. Oh, and yeah, it was like, careful, don't go in there. And then you made a whole character based on that. Like you impressed the hell out of me with that stuff. So maybe I'll remember something as we go.
Starting point is 00:47:48 Oh, and yeah, for those listening, I just realized this. He doesn't necessarily have a name, but the dumpster wizard, we often refer to as the Harbinger. Oh, did I just reveal some big Smosh lore there? No, no, it's fine. We refer to him as the Harbinger because like in movies and stuff, the old man who's like, ah, best be careful about that.
Starting point is 00:48:07 Uh, is that's what it's called. But I figured I was like, that's not like a catchy name, but I, I don't care. People can call him whatever dumpster wizard Harbinger, the garbage. The garbage. Um, see for me, it's about whatever, like any character you have, you'll just go into those. What I can't do that you do is you go into those phases where any character you have you'll just go into those what i can't do that you do is you go into those phases where you're just you're just spouting off so many jokes
Starting point is 00:48:29 that it's like it's lightning speed and the first time i ever saw it was mr mcnamara in so random but this was during a rehearsal where you had a chalkboard behind you and the whole point is you're teaching a scene or you're teaching a class we're making fun of you for your irish accent um but during the rehearsal you just started writing stuff on the chalkboard that this was not specified you didn't have to write necessarily much down there was a couple things but you just started going and like at one point you drew a circle and next to it it just said babby or a zero or egg zero or egg and then you just the whole chalkboard was filled by the end of this one take of a rehearsal and i was dying at every scene because you were just nonsensically going and it was all insane shit um and then obviously back then
Starting point is 00:49:19 unbeknownst that it would become a show later at lunch i would like take swigs of water and damien would try to make me spit it out with laughter and he would always resort to randall and i just thought that character was is that these guys like women huh like that's that's that dude the first time because you said like ah i thought like my grandma my grandma slept in the fridge but it turns out everybody yeah it was something to that effect where it's like you ever lose your grandma and then you find her in your fridge but turns out she's made of ham like that kind of what are you talking about yeah i'm a lunatic and so randall held the spot for a long time but i gotta i gotta say i think augustus is like you like augustus
Starting point is 00:50:00 dude the it's why it's a vr chat episode in smosh games is my favorite smosh games video of all time because it's you as that character just going off for like an hour i mean thanks man and people got fascinated by it people who didn't know that you were on smosh games people who didn't know like you were doing this for a video they just thought they met some random person in vr and you had like a group of like seven people just following you around listening to what you were saying because it was so nice. That's really nice. Dude, thank you. Holy crap. Should I stream
Starting point is 00:50:31 VR chat? Should I get a headset and do that? You could totally do that, man. Hell yeah. That'd be so funny. If you did a gust if you did an Augustus stream that would be incredible. That's a good idea. I've only done that for Goose Game. That's the voice I did when I played Goose Game. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:50:47 Yeah, but thank you, man. That's really nice. VR chat was hella fun. For those of you that don't know the episode, it's called Damien Nosed Away. It's when, like, the Knuckles thing was, like, doing it all the way. The character that I chose for VR was Midna
Starting point is 00:50:58 from Twilight Princess, and I did my Augustus voice. You know, Shane and I have written an Augustus sketch for Smosh before, and it hasn't quiteus voice. You know, Shane and I have written an Augustus sketch for Smosh before and it hasn't quite seen the light of day, but maybe this character will find his placement at some point. I don't know.
Starting point is 00:51:11 Yeah, yeah. We wrote a sketch where Damien as Augustus would be Ian's dating coach. Yes. I'm skeptical it will ever make it to the air. It won't. Oh, don't worry. It won't. Oh, don't worry. It won't.
Starting point is 00:51:26 It won't, but that's okay. It's been hanging out for about a little over a year now. Maybe, yeah. But who knows? That's okay. You know, sometimes things don't quite make the cut, and that's okay. One day, Augustus will see the light of day, and then you will know my name. Exactly.
Starting point is 00:51:43 Okay, we're getting close here to the end. So I guess it's time to switch it over to a shoot dude. Really? Already? I think so, man. Okay. God, we're having so much fun. Well, okay.
Starting point is 00:51:56 One last thing though, because he says wrap up the friendship convo. Okay. So can I ask one more question? Because I think this would be cool. Do it, man. There's no rules. No rules? Just Roy. There's no rules. No rules? Just Roy.
Starting point is 00:52:05 There's never rules. Epic Steighaffs. What if we just kept talking and they just can't end the pod? What if we call this Kevin's difficult day? 24 hour pod. 24 hour podcast. Our writer had asked some good questions here and I think it's a good note to end on. Shane, how has Damien grown?
Starting point is 00:52:22 Shane or Damien, how has Shane grown? I think you've gotten, you've definitely gotten more confident in yourself over the years. And like, yeah, I don't know. You just, you've taken on so many things now. Cause there was a long time. I remember, I remember, you know,
Starting point is 00:52:35 I wasn't the one who necessarily got you into it, but I remember forever ago being like, dude, you should do Twitch. And you're like, I don't know. And now like here you are kicking ass there. And like VO, like I've watched you take on so now like here you are kicking ass there. Oh, thanks, man. And like VO, like I've watched you take on so many endeavors. You've always been a hard worker, but now like you really do take on a lot of things and you get things done.
Starting point is 00:52:53 Thank you, man. And that's cool to see. Thank you. That means a lot. Yeah. Well, also somehow maintaining our insane like brains and comedy, still managing to like become an adult, you know? Thank you, man. That means a hell of a lot. I'm very proud of you for finding your focus.
Starting point is 00:53:12 I think you are such a multi-talented individual that like you were blessed with too many options because of how many things you would be good at. I think it's been very impressive to see you focus that drive on like one or two things and really excel in them which you have i also feel like you're no longer afraid to like take up space i would never think that you're an unconfident person but putting others before yourself is not a bad thing but sometimes you have to take up space yourself and be okay with that and know that you're worth being able to do that. And I think you are now. You're more comfortable speaking your mind. You've always been a kind person and that's not changed. But
Starting point is 00:53:49 now you're able to like, I don't know, just talk about things when they bug you and before they build up and own things professionally and like, you know, be like, no, this is my space. And I feel like this will be a good idea. I don't know. Like, I just, I'm proud of you in general. I feel like you've really come into your own and you're someone who was so heavily influenced by like your brothers who are older than you and all that stuff. I don't feel like you're chasing anybody anymore. I feel like you are comfortable being Shane and being successful in your own way. Thanks, man. Yeah. Hey, thanks. No worries, my dude. But definitely, you've definitely been my like biggest cheerleader over the years.
Starting point is 00:54:26 Every convo I feel like I have with you outside of work or outside off camera is me being like, yeah, I don't know about this thing. And you're going, dude, you should totally do that. You can do anything. Totally do that. Like, yeah, it's definitely. Because you can, Shane. You can do anything.
Starting point is 00:54:41 If you were like, I don't know, I want to make a video of two minutes of just me looking at the camera and going, no, no would get six million views no you're a very supporting person and i think it's i think it lends to why your uh twitch stream has done so well is because i think i think you give people uh you give people confidence and you give people hope uh that means a lot you believe you believe in people and it's it's very rare nowadays. I feel like most people nowadays kind of are very pessimistic about everyone. And so it's very refreshing. Thanks, dude. Well, hell yeah.
Starting point is 00:55:12 Hell yeah. Best friends. Best friends. Locked in. No take backsies. William Howard Taft tattoos unite. Unite. He will be riding a skateboard and say,
Starting point is 00:55:25 uh, uh, scub way, eat fresh scub way. Yeah. And I don't know what scub means. I think I made it up. If it's a weird word,
Starting point is 00:55:32 then ignore me. All right. Great. Let's do that. Shoot, dude. All right, guys,
Starting point is 00:55:36 let's, we're going to swing it over to our shoot. Dude. Shoot, dude. Shoot, dude. Shoot,
Starting point is 00:55:42 dude. Shoot, dude. Shoot, dude. Shoot, dude. Shoot, dude. Shoot, shoot, shoot, dude. Shoot dude. Shoot dude. Shoot dude. Shoot dude. Shoot dude. Shoot dude.
Starting point is 00:55:49 Shoot dude. All right, this shoot dude comes from Jordan. All right. Jordan says... I'm going to be skeptical. Oh, yeah. Okay. Yeah, Jordan, you better have something good because you got two skeptics.
Starting point is 00:56:01 And make it quick, Shane, because I really got to take a big old crap. Great. Jordan says, about two years ago, I worked as a shift manager for McDonald's in my town. This specific store was actually located inside of a Walmart. And being that it's my hometown, I saw a lot of people that I knew. One night, this girl, who I went to school with, and her boyfriend come to the counter. While I do know this girl, I'm better friends with her best friend who lived out of state since i know this girl i try to make small talk with her to understand why i said what i said you have to know two things this is in all caps oh now it's now it's no longer
Starting point is 00:56:35 in all caps one her best friend let's call her mary was pregnant at the time two Two, the girl I'm talking to, let's call her Ashley, is a very petite girl. I'm talking like toothpick size, but she seems to have a little bit of a belly starting. Jordan, I don't, oh man. I don't know what more you can say to make me be on your side through this, but go on. Okay. So his friend Mary is pregnant, but lives out of state. This girl is very petite, but looks like she has a little bit of a belly starting. Great. So what my dumb ass decides to say is,
Starting point is 00:57:12 hey, did you and Mary decide to get pregnant at the same time so your kids could be best friends too? Because that's adorable. This next part, this next sentence is in all caps. I'm sure you can assume what her answer was.
Starting point is 00:57:26 After apologizing profusely for the next 60 seconds, I take their order. Nuggets and a small fry. But I still feel bad. So as a manager, I bump them up to a large fry as a way of saying sorry. On the way out, one of my co-workers heard Ashley say, he called me fat and then gave me a large fry. Yep. Shoot, dude. Shoot, dude then gave me a large fry. Yep. Shoot, dude.
Starting point is 00:57:46 Shoot, dude. Here's a little tip. Doesn't matter how close or not close you are with a person. Maybe just don't comment on a woman's body ever. Maybe just don't. Like, I know it was the first joke that came to your mind, but just like, don't. Just don't. That's, oh, that is a nightmare that's a that's awful that's such a
Starting point is 00:58:08 shoot dude oh god i can't believe i've i've had i literally i've seen like i'll like say hi to a friend that i haven't seen in a long time and they're very clearly pregnant but i still don't say anything no in case that they got very strangely like gained weight. Yeah. Just all the weight formed in a perfect sphere. Yeah, they're like, I'm suffering from malnutrition
Starting point is 00:58:30 and therefore my belly is swollen and that's why I look like that. It's like, no, no, like just don't. Just that's a major shoot, dude. Just don't. Just don't do it.
Starting point is 00:58:38 Oh, God. It's also like it's not, just don't comment on people's bodies in general. Yeah. Unless you're at the gym and it's another bro and you're like, hey, looking gains. Like even that's weird. But like, even if people mean it nicely, like, hey, you're looking tired.
Starting point is 00:58:54 You getting enough rest? Like it's, nobody wants to hear it. It's not fun for someone. I saw a tweet that I actually really live by. And it was like, hey guys, and probably this is for anyone, but it was like only compliment people on stuff that they made a decision to like be a part of their ensemble that day. Yep. Right. Like, like, and only use like just like positive adjectives like, hey, cool hat.
Starting point is 00:59:20 Oh, nice shoes. Like stuff like that. And I complimenting people's shoes is my go-to because i love like i'm obsessed with shoes i think shoes are dope and so when people have cool shoes i always point it out i'm like dude nice shoes yeah women's shoes men's shoes i don't care doesn't matter yeah cool shoes i let them know that's nice as part yeah absolutely let it be a choice like whatever their choice was that they made you can say good choice everything else yeah i hurt i heard that that one's real that one's real i think it's probably real that's for sure real it's the setting is very believable oh man oh yeah and adding the large fry i see where
Starting point is 00:59:57 you were coming from but oh boy yeah you're just like oh sorry fatty do you want a big old big old fry like it's just it's the worst thing. Like, you definitely added insult to injury. So. Oh, God. Brutal. Oh, all right. Or Norbrew.
Starting point is 01:00:13 Hey, guys, you can send your shoot dudes to shootdudeatsmosh.com. It is shootdudeatsmosh.com. Yes, that is true. With two O's in the dude. And y'all, we do this SmoshCast every week. We are available on Wednesdays wherever podcasts are found.
Starting point is 01:00:32 If you like what you saw or listened to, please rate us five stars. It really helps us out. And we would greatly appreciate it because we love doing this and want to keep doing it. If you want to see a video version, that comes up on our SmoshCast YouTube channel on on fridays otherwise uh yeah we'll catch you next time y'all yeah guys just have a hey have a good ass week if i could make a wish for you anybody
Starting point is 01:00:56 in this world i hope you get yourself a friend as good as shane so oh shit bye my friends you guys get a good friend as damien thanks man let us know uh let us know what tattoos matching tattoos damien i should get that's true have a wonderful week y'all and we'll see you next time goodbye bye

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