Smosh Mouth - S2: #72 - The L-Word, Lowering Your Standards, and Confronting a Lying Partner (Smosh Advice)

Episode Date: July 22, 2020

Ian, Courtney, and Sarah are dishing out advice for your dating & relationship dilemmas, from finding the right time to say “I love you,” to catching your significant other in a lie (and what to do about it).  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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If you have questions or concerns about gambling or someone close to you, please contact Connex Ontario at 1-866-531-2600 to speak to an advisor free of charge. Then MGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with iGaming Ontario. Ramble. Saying I love you is not a will you marry me? It's just that it's a feeling and it's nice to say it. Like you hate confrontation. Unfortunatelyfrontation is a part of life and you really need to like learn how to respectfully bring things up. I don't think that there's any way of being like,

oh, we are perfect for each other right now. And we are gonna stay perfect for each other for the rest of our lives. Sometimes I can be a little bit judgmental of a person. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Both of you guys like, mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Guys, there was a Batman marathon on tv the other day when i was with my dad like all the movies like batman forever like the jim carrey riddler one

and then the george clooney one yeah i think the one with michelle pfeiffer and um i haven't seen that one I haven't seen that one. Isn't the George Clooney one, like, doesn't it have a lot of, isn't it, like, very secretly homoerotic? Oh, I don't know. I don't think I've ever seen any of them. Dude, Batman Forever is the one where he can't turn his neck in the suit. So it's literally, like, when he gets on the roof, he's like.

Doesn't he also have, like, nipples on his, like, chest plate? Yeah, and then there's a straight up posed butt shot, he's like. Doesn't he also have like nipples on his like chest plate? Yeah, and then there's a straight up posed butt shot as he's getting suited up. You know what, I'm, you know, I love a good butt shot. I'm not complaining. That used to be the thing, like Brad Pitt in Troy, he had like a butt shot and Ben Affleck in Gone Girl. You just get a flash of butt.

I mean, who's gonna complain about a flash of butt? Yeah, I'm not going to complain. I'm not complaining. I'm not going to complain. A little dash of butt. Sons of Anarchy. You get to see some Charlie... How do you say his last name? Hunton? That's the second time I've heard someone mention Sons of Anarchy. I've never seen that show. It's a very

popular show, but I haven't gotten into it. I watched three seasons and that was enough for me. But you get to see that guy's butt. Oh, but I haven't gotten into it. I watched three seasons and that was enough for me. But you get to see that guy's butt. Oh, by the way, who am I talking to? Hello, it's Ian Hecox of Smosh. Today I am talking to Courtney Mealar. Hi.

And Sarah Weidel. Hello. Hey, big sis. Today we will be going through a bunch of relationship advice You guys submitted a bunch of wonderful questions to us on Twitter And we're going to go through a few of them And give our best advice

Of course I am a single person So maybe my relationship advice shouldn't be taken completely We've got some different perspectives on all these things Yeah, we've all been through different on all these things yeah we've all been through different things we are not licensed yeah we've been through we've been we are not licensed relationship doctors yeah love guru no i'm not a love guru and i but i'm a i'm a love who who i'm just coming for my brand I love who who yeah I like it cause we're all

kind of like in different walks of relationships we've obviously all had different types of dating styles I think knowing each of us we all date a little differently and then obviously I've been married for two years in September so I also

have that under my belt. But also many failed relationships as well. Oh, yeah. Haven't we all. Yes. It must be so nice for somebody that just finds the one on the first go. And they're just like, all right. Their life is just set.

I mean, it's different for everyone. But I think you should date around because that's how I found out what I liked and what I didn't like. And you learn so much yeah yeah and what what i could deal with like because no one's gonna be perfect and what i just could not deal with yeah learn your own value along the way i just wonder like what the heck happened with my the grandparents on my mom's side like they they i mean my grandma married my grandfather at like 18 and they stayed together this whole time. I do think it's just a different time because back then there wasn't dating apps.

There wasn't the internet. You know, the prettiest girl in your town was the prettiest girl you've ever seen in your life. Unless it was like in a magazine. Yeah. And you could work one job, like one person could work one job and be able to support the whole family. Yeah, that must've been nice. It's different.

It's different now. But now we're in the year of 2020 where all is uncertain and things are weird. Things are intense. It's a very intense time. Yeah, and along with that, relationships are weird. Things are intense. It's a very intense time. Yeah. And along with that, relationships are intense.

You guys submitted some great questions. We're going to jump into it. Are we good to jump into it? Or do you guys want to? I want to dive in. Spitball. All right. Let's dive in.

We're going to dive in. Smosh dating advice. Love hoo-hoo. Smosh love hoo-hoo. Smosh love hoo-hoo. Smosh love hoo-hoo. Smosh love hoo-hoos. I love hoo-hoo. Kevin, please make a very complicated song. Remix that, please. And I want you to-

Get DJ Tommy on the beat. Yeah. We just got many ellipses from Kevin. Yeah. Yep. Okay. All right. I'm very ready. I know you said it earlier, but let's just blanket statement like this is just advice coming from three relatively normal people, not professionals in any type of relationship giving or therapy or anything. So yeah, we speak from our experiences. Exactly. So these are not, you know, we're not demanding you to do anything

and we're not forcing you to do anything. And if we ruin your relationship, we're sorry, you shouldn't have trusted us. But if we tell you to get a divorce, you should definitely do it. Oh my God. And good luck. Yeah. Okay, ready? I'm ready. Let's swan dive in. All right. We, this one comes from Zucko Yucky. They say, I have serious social anxiety and fear of being judged. When I decide to look for someone currently not dating, how can I manage those anxieties and fears in order to build a solid relationship?

I can relate to that a lot. I'm just like super anxious about dating in general, especially when it's someone I don't know. I say every time that I was able to get past that was being able to take things slow. For me also, I know it's hard now, but it's something to just think about in general in life. Group dates are awesome.

In the Mormon religion, they're all about group dates when you're young but it's a very valid thing because there's less pressure, it's a bunch of people even if you're like with your friends you're like hey my friends are doing this thing

do you want to come with us? You can bring your friends and then it's a whole outing obviously you can't do that right now unless you're living in a place where everything's good congratulations, wish we were you. But group dates are great because then you also are not only less pressure for you and that person, but also like you get to see how they interact with other people because that can be very telling too. It's hard to really get to know someone when it's just one-on-one because it's like a hit different. I think it's really important to get confident within yourself.

And obviously, like, we're all work in progress. And I never was like 100% confident in who I was. But there's parts of me that I really, really enjoy. And there's parts of myself that I love. And that's the parts that I like to share. So I think once you have that confidence within yourself, you know, you have a couple of attributes that you really like about yourself that make that automatically gives you that confidence that you're not worried about getting judged because you believe in yourself. It's like corny as that sounds like you really do have to believe in yourself because if you

are looking for a partner, that partner wants someone that's confident and open and excited about themselves, too. So I think it's all about kind of like it's some self coaching and a lot of self work to know that you got to be your own person and confident in kind of your attributes before you can share it with someone else. Sometimes I could be a little bit judgmental of a person. Both of you guys like, but I understand that sometimes we do that to protect ourselves too. Like, yeah. And I just, I don't know. I see certain attributes on people and then I sort of make a judgment on like who they are as a person. So what happens is I end up doing that to myself. Like, I'm like, Oh, like these are my interests, but that makes me look this way. So I don't really know if I should be that open about my interests and whatever it is. And one thing that I've gotten better at is just being more open with who I am and what I enjoy with whoever I'm dating, rather than be afraid that I'm going to be judged for who I am,

because eventually they're going to find out. And it's pretty liberating to be like, no, this is who I am. This is how I choose to spend my time. These are the things that interest me. And you don't know, that person that you're interested in might also be interested in those things as well, or at least find your interests interesting. And I will say, I like Courtney's point of taking it slow and getting to know each other because first impressions do count for a lot, but they're not everything.

Even Claudio and me, for example, my first impression of him, it's completely different than who he actually is. And I think he was nervous. I was nervous. We're, you know, flirting and and stuff like that. So, you know, the first date I went on with him, I was like, I don't know, but he's like really cute and he has a nice little accent.

So I'll go on another date with him. And, you know, obviously with time, I could only see with time that he's like an amazing wonderful person and i didn't get that that first date because it's a lot of pressure yeah dude yeah man the group date thing is really interesting though because i for a little bit i dated somebody that that grew up in brazil and she was like yeah we don't do like the dating thing like we don't go on dates it's like a group of friends will like meet up and all like go out that's the same with italians too yeah they're like usually just in a friend group hanging out and there's no like formal date or maybe madam may i ask you out on a dinner like that's just

not a thing in those those different cultures it's a very americanized for two people to go on a date so they just all hang out as friends So they just all hang out as friends. Yeah, they just all hang out with friends. And then, yeah, they date for 40 years and then they get married. I don't know. This one comes from Nerdy Ginger 101. They said, how do you get over someone? It's been three years since I've even spoken to this guy who was never even into me.

It's not like he's an ex. He was a friend who didn't like me back. And yet I still have this idea of him so built up in my mind that it feels impossible to move on. Well, I mean, I guess I would say like, it's been three years since you've even spoken to him. I'm sure he could very well be a completely different guy. I don't really follow why. Well, it's the idea, right? Because obviously, like she had very good memories with him if they were friends. And, you know, she developed a crush and, you know, you daydream.

So it's those feelings. Rose-colored glasses. Yeah, it's those nice feelings that you go through and you miss that. Look, I believe that you can miss those feelings and you can have those feelings and you can feel that way. But I think also, you know, look at it as a nice point in your life, as a nice little chapter in your book. But write more chapters with different characters, with different side characters and main characters. That's so true. Like, don't, like, you're wasting this time on this one person. And there could be

other people around you who are clearly better options. Because like, I relate to that. I mean, it's also hard when it doesn't go your way. And obviously he didn't, or that person didn't like you back. And you're just like, oh, this thing went wrong. And it's not I can't I wasn't able to control it and make it work or it didn't go just the way I wanted. And like, it's hard to let go sometimes when maybe you maybe he doesn't maybe that person you were hoping that they saw you in a certain way. And like, I can relate. I had a in high school, I was actually starting freshman year was like summer going into freshman year. This boy, him and I literally dated for a week, but I was like literally hitting puberty hard. So my hormones and everything, I was like, I love this kid. I love him so much. We literally only

hugged. I was like, I love him. And then like my friend somehow like messed it up. Like, I guess she was texting him on my phone and he got mad and broke up with me oh no I was in my emotions like so I was like no I lost him he doesn't understand why like we would have worked we would have worked yeah and I couldn't let go for so long and like if I saw him at future events stuff I was like oh my god it's him I was honestly like my emotional attachment I I honestly just I'm like oh oh, it was my hormones and my puberty. And like I was very emotionally connected to this person and they simply were not connected to me in that way. I think understanding that you can feel that way for someone and it's possible that it's not mutual and like you just got to let it go. Yeah. And I think you can make peace with the memory of how positive the feelings were.

Because I've had plenty of relationships that broke up, not on bad terms, but just because it just didn't work out. But that doesn't take away the positive moments I had with them and the positive relationship I had with them. I don't talk to them now and I'm not involved with them, obviously. But I think you're allowed to look back on those relationships and go, yeah, that was really fun, but I'm not going to let it close me off or set unrealistic expectations for the next thing. Yeah, exactly. I think also they know exactly what to do. They acknowledge that he didn't like her back

and that they haven't talked in in three years so yeah sometimes i think gotta hear the truth yeah i think deep down i think deep down they they already know are there like tips and tricks to like get someone out of your brain i guess like you just gotta focus on something else and i understand i also can understand it's like man i worked so hard and built this thing up inside for so long and now now I have to start over with someone else. Because I remember in high school being like, who's my next crush going to be? It's hard. It's hard starting over.

That's also the hard thing with like ending a real, like an actual relationship is like, wow, I'm back to square one. Just got to get ready. It's a new chapter. Be excited. This one comes from Miss McKenzie. She says, I'm 22 and have never been in a relationship. I have a very specific idea of what I want

from a relationship and the type of guy I want to date. I've been told that maybe my expectations are limiting my possibilities. Should I lower my standards or try to be more open-minded or wait? Or wait. She should just wait for the perfect guy to come. I mean, look, how are you supposed to know what kind of guy you want to date if you've never dated before?

Not that I'm saying that you should just rush into a relationship just to try it and see what happens. Like, if somebody's a piece of shit, yeah, don't give them, don't enter into a relationship. I think it depends on the specifications that she's looking for. I think if it's like he needs to be 6'2 and athletic and have blonde hair. Like I think that's obviously. Yeah, if you're Courtney's sister. Hey. I just think if you're going too particular, you probably will be disappointed.

But if you're looking for someone that's funny and charming and trustworthy, like, obviously, those are normal things that everyone is seeking out. As far as like lowering your standards, I think don't always judge someone immediately. That goes back to my point about Claudio. Yeah, the the dating apps are pretty brutal when you're like left, right, left, right right and deny get you know and like trying to approach someone at a bar is also brutal sometimes like if you want to be open to a relationship that's something you're ready for you want that person to also be open and not so cutthroat with you as well because it's it's two two sides got to work towards it. So I think if you're giving these potential suitors too much of a checklist that they need to check off,

that's not completely fair. Also, I feel like I don't go on a date with the expectation that I'm going to be married to this person for the rest of my life. Like I'm going on a date to get to know the person and we might not be a good fit or we might become friends or there might be something more,

but I don't ever go into the expectation that I'm gonna meet my perfect soulmate because I don't know the person. So I think you really gotta try dating. Don't date with expectations. Yeah, maybe you'll find something that you didn't even know was interesting to you. Yeah, I will say like, it's interesting

because when we had the bad at dating psychic and he was like, hey, there is no perfect person. In a way, like imagine if you're dating a guy and you're like, you met a guy and he was like, I don't like you because you're not quite as short as I want or, oh, you don't make the amount of money that I would like like there's just like trying to put someone in a box and it's like hey this is a whole person they have a whole

life like you that's not fair like because and I think it's a it would be healthier to just start with hey I feel attraction toward this person and I'm getting to know them more. And if there are deal breakers, that's fine. But I've been all over the map with dating. Like I, in high school, I was like, yeah, oh my God, my dream guy is going to have chestnut hair and wear flannels. And like, he's going to love film. And like, I even like tried to like find people on Instagram, like my age who liked film, who looked like that and like tried to follow them. I was crazy. I don't fucking know.

I think I was just trying to be cool and just be like unique. Cause I'm unique. I'm not like. I think you were like Anna Faris in high school. You're like, Ooh, I just want.

Ooh, chestnut. I think, I think also you bring up a good point for me is like, don't be afraid to change your expectations. You don't know what you want, truly. Well, I mean, obviously there are some deal breakers. Like some people really, if they're a certain religion, they really, really want a partner in that religion.

I think that's completely understandable. That's a valid. Politics. Like if you want someone who aligns with you politically, that's completely understandable. But I think all the other things that aren't like super deal breakers, like they are flexible, and you'd never know until they're flexible until you meet that person. For me, I am Christian, I am Christian. And I always thought I would have a Christian husband. But I that was never a deal breaker for me. Because it was like, at the end of the day, I want a husband that's a good person and that shares the same values that I'm learning through Christianity as me. And Claudio isn't

Christian, but he shares the same family values, the same morals, that we will have the same conversation with different contexts. So at the end of the day, that wasn't a deal breaker for me because I saw him so much more than just this one thing. And at the end of the day, you're 22. You have time to just experience things and say yes to life a little bit in terms of like meeting guys or whoever it is you want to date. And like for me, when I was younger, if I just found out a guy liked me, I was like, I like them too. And I just wanted to date that because I just wanted to be liked. I wanted the validation because that me, I was like, I like them too. And I just wanted to date them because I just wanted to be liked. I wanted the validation because that was where I was at mentally.

But in through that and in meeting people, you're like, oh, I've actually experienced a relationship with a human being. And I found things that I do like and don't like. But because having a stencil before you've actually started will make things just harder for yourself. Yes, I agree. Yeah, I guess rather than looking at it as standards, maybe look at it as self-respect or self-esteem. Don't settle too hard. Yeah, yeah.

You should know what hurts you and what helps you. What helped me with my anxiety and worrying about being judged on a date was I don't look at it as going in to meet the one or even a sexual partner or even a relationship. I'm just literally meeting a new person that's outside my bubble. And then you figure out from there if it's romantic or platonic or if there's nothing there and you just had like an hour and a half with someone that's not in your bubble. I think that takes a lot of pressure off. Yeah. if she's 22 and she's wanting to date and she can't find that perfect um person to go on a date with like you should go on some dates

that maybe you're not feeling it completely so that you can practice too to get to know someone and maybe even during that you find something that you really enjoy yeah because i'll tell you by trying to find the guy my dreams on on Instagram, I was single hopelessly for years. Next question. All right. Next slide. Next slide. This one comes from Dstar952.

My fiance and I were supposed to get married in June, but due to the pandemic, that didn't happen. I want to do something extra romantic to make the wait worth it. Any advice for things I could do? Here's my thing. I feel like I want to normalize the engagement being a more in its own stage, you know? I feel like it's such a cute stage that kind of gets glazed over

because it's like, oh, we're about to be this thing. But it's like, it's more so like, no, this is just like another level of the relationship. You guys are truly committed to each other and just enjoying the engagement for what it is. I obviously can't speak from experience, but that's just my romantic idea of like, you guys should, it's just like an exciting chapter

that you can just sit in comfortably if you want it. But I digress. Yeah, I completely agree yeah i completely agree i completely agree like being engaged is really fun even like using the word fiance you feel like super dorky but you're like fiance like it's fun and you know i always really really wanted a super long engagement too because you know i don't want to rush things and i want to enjoy that. But I think Claudio and I got married at the same time. Obviously, there are some things because he's not a citizen that we had to expedite. And, you know, my family really wanted a wedding. So we got married at the right time. The pandemic, I know a lot of people that

were getting married and had to either postpone or change their plans. I had a friend through Twitter. She got married a couple months ago during the pandemic. And she's Indian. And she was going to have this huge Indian wedding because they love those beautiful, ornate weddings. And obviously, she had to change her plans. So what she did is she did a very intimate ceremony with her parents. And then she had like hundreds of people on a Zoom call.

And she loved it. She was very happy from what I can tell from that experience. And that's not for everyone. But I think it's important to stay flexible because as a society, we put a lot of pressure on that wedding day. And I felt it on my wedding day. And I was a person that I didn't love completely during that time because it was incredibly stressful.

It was in Italy. I had flown my small family over and I was coordinating all my family and friends in a foreign country to make sure that they were okay. It is not. It feels very glamorous glamorous and you're probably like on this like stupid diet to try to like get down for the well i had like done it all before i went because i actually like i actually you know despite eating all the amazing italian

food don't really gain weight when i go to italy so i was feeling fine but it was just all very very stressful and i didn't you know i wouldn't say i was full bridezilla but it was just all very, very stressful. And I didn't, you know, I wouldn't say I was full bridezilla, but I had moments where I was like, too many things to coordinate. You guys know me when I'm stressed. I think like no matter how small or big the wedding is, it's going to be stressful for anyone. You know, anyone that's, you know, part of the party. Yeah. And I think the important thing to focus at the wedding is why are you there? Why?

What are you celebrating? And what is it really about? And then cut all the other shit that is like I didn't care about cake flavors and or like courses and like the flowers. We were just like, make it rainbow. I just want rainbow flowers. And they were like, OK. And it was like a beautiful, perfect wedding.

And it's because I focused on, I'm so excited to marry Claudio in front of our friends. And even the photographer was like, you're the most chill bride I've ever seen. I was doing my bridesmaids makeup. I was doing my mother's makeup. And it was because I was confident. I was confident in what I was doing my bridesmaids makeup i was doing my mother's makeup and it was because i was confident i was confident in what i was doing there i was focused on the mission of getting married and having a good time and if that person wants like advice for like a little particular things like claudio sent me flowers of the morning of the wedding and a little note and i had give i had uh

someone make a little gift it was cake toppers of our two cats, Tartuffo and Puppy, dressed as us to put on the cake for him to open. And we did first looks so that we could just have a private moment before the ceremony to just see each other and enjoy the moment. So I think you just find what little moment you think would be sweet for each other. That's so sweet. And you don't need a big ass wedding. You don't. If you want that, sure. Save that money for your honeymoon.

I will say my sister Kat, she got engaged like I think end of last year or something. And she was like, hey, yeah, we're going to get married in May in Europe while we're in our tournament because they compete in sword and shield fighting. So cool. And I was just casual.

And obviously the quarantine stuff happened, so they couldn't do it. And then without telling family, she just like went and did it fully legally, everything, and then had like their own sweet little like medieval style. She had an elf marry them. He had the Renaissance medicine mask oh hell yeah and and her and her husband now was wearing like all furs and she had like a flower crown and so

cool their hands were tied together and like uh like light up little twinkly string it was and the photos like are so beautiful and like like, ultimately, like just do within, just do whatever. I can't even tell if the question is like, if just want to do something to hold us over before we really get married or just do something now the best way we can. But I also think there's no shame in waiting.

If you really, really want to have that big thing, it'll be worth it. It is what you make it. And it's the thought that counts. So do what you guys think is romantic. Yeah. This next one comes from Double Dare Me. How do you know when it's okay to use the L word? I've been with my girlfriend for almost four months, but I don't want to freak her out. Okay. I have an excellent answer for this. Oh, okay. Because I say, obviously, wait till you know you're sure.

And it's always better to be more sure than not quite sure enough for anything in life, honestly. I say go for it when you know you're ready. And when you do it, say, I love you. You don't have to say it back. I just want you to know that that's how I feel about you. And I don't want you to say it back unless you know that's how you feel about me. And if they're not quite ready, that's okay. Either they will be or it's a good thing you guys figured that out before.

It was way, way too late, you know? And I can say that from experience. And it was a very positive thing. Wait, the L word isn't lesbians? I mean, lesbians with you. Sorry, I love Scott Pilgrim. Oh, you mean? Nice. Courtney, for the listeners

that are watching. Just pulled out a Scott Pilgrim book out of my ass. Nice. Out of thin freaking air. I think it's more of a feeling. I think it can be fluid. I don't think it's so much of a commitment to say that to somebody. If you feel it, then you should say it. You don't have to expect them to say it back. I think you can't expect them to say it back.

Yeah. That takes time to like be okay with saying it and not having the person go, Oh, I love you too. Like, cause it's, yeah. And it's fluid. Like saying I love you is not, is not a, will you marry me? It's just a, it's yeah and and it's fluid like saying i love you is not is not a will you marry me it's just it's a feeling and it's nice to say it it feels nice to say it yeah but i think you should always like fully as as fully as you believe love means to you you should fully believe it because even growing up i never was someone that was like even to my friends like i love you like i felt like that that was such a powerful word that you it shouldn't be thrown around here and there it's funny because the first time i told claudio i loved him it was like on accident like most most like levels to our relationship but like i think he was like making a joke and i just went like oh i love you love you. And then I was like, but wait, no.

But wait. That's not okay. But not like that. I think I've done that too, where it's just like, shit. Yeah. I said it, so here we go. You know, don't pressure yourself to be like, by this date, I need to say it.

It's like, feel the moment. And if you really feel like you want to express that, go ahead. Maybe throw out a feeler and be like, I'm in like with you. Oh my God, yeah. Like really, really hardcore like. I do, I like you. Like I super like you. Yeah, I do, I like you.

Movies also and TV puts so much pressure of like, you said it, big mistake. Like it's really case by case, so. And you're not bound to them for eternity no no no here we go on to the next one diddly namjoon uh says yeah uh says if you're already best friends and then start dating how much is your relationship going to change and they put in print they put in parentheses this being if both parties have mutual feelings. I don't think I've ever dated a friend. I have a couple times in my life. It's sometimes, okay, so I'll speak from my experience.

In high school, I had this best friend. He's awesome. I'll just name him. His name is Ashwin. We were best friends in high school. And then senior year, I realized that I was like, oh, my gosh, I think I love him. And the feelings were surprisingly mutual. So we started dating.

It was very cute and new. And like we'd kiss and stuff. And then a month or so later, I was like, wait, this is not what I want for a relationship. Like I was wrong. So I had to end things. But since we were such good friends and he was such a good person, we still went to prom together.

We still like hung out at the graduation and stuff like that. Like we still, we haven't talked in a while, but like things were still positive. Even though like I made the mistake, he was hurt at first but ultimately we got over it because what was more important was that we had each other in our lives so that was the best case scenario of it not working out but i've also had instances where it's like oh we

tried okay and now we don't talk anymore but eventually you get over it is it like awkward is it like like the first kiss is like awkward? And like, what's that like? Yeah, does it feel like you're kissing your brother? It was extremely not quite funny. I don't know. Let me go kiss my brother and find out. It was like in high school,

it was like such a shock of like, oh my God. Like that zing feeling. How do you god like that like how do you make the move how do you make the move you you film it for tiktok you go we've been best friends for three years i'm gonna make a move right now i don't know i think it was like after we decided to like go see a movie or something i don't remember where it was but oh my gosh i remember if we'd kiss goodbye at school it was like so much uh electricity was so shocking because there's this guy i think for me it's like he was a friend and i trusted him as a person so when you're trusting this person and love them as a person and then now you get to be like physically attracted to them it's like this whole other

experience but i also obviously was very lucky because there are people where they they try it out and they're like oh goodness no yeah oh this is not working a friend of mine went on a few dates with this guy and she wasn't she wasn't like a big fan of it and then they were friends for like years and then they got together and they've been together for like five years that's so cool so it's like i think it can change i think also timing fan of that yeah like yeah i think timing in life but it's so funny because because she was saying like when they went on a few dates she was like nah nah i don't i don't really like them like that and then time went on and and then i, I don't know. Yeah. I mean, obviously,

yeah, your relationship's going to change if you were best friends and then you start dating. I mean, you can't really worry about it. Just, you know, just keep the communication very open. Yeah. That's what I was going to say. You definitely like be clear on communication, on feelings and, and, and what's really important is like, if you guys just want each other in your lives no matter what then if you guys tried to date and it didn't work then it could still be okay or if it does work then it was worth it and it's great i think it's yeah just being honest with yourself and each other have the adult conversation yeah have the adult like really communicate about it is it working is it not should we go back are you gonna

be too hurt like it's it's intense but it could be very rewarding or at least you're finding out if that works or not for you too and speaking of communication this next question from midnight snack what do you do when you know your significant other is lying, but you don't like confrontation. Seems to be my constant struggle. Why are they lying? Dude. Yikes. Dude, okay. You know what?

I will hop in a little story time of an ex. One day I found a pair of underwear that was not mine in their apartment. I think I've told this story. And I was like, and they were like pink zebra lace too. It was like. And I was like, and they were like pink zebra lace too. It was like, and I was like,

who's Arby's? And he was like, oh, my, my sisters. Those are my sisters. It's my sister's sexy panties. Cause he like does laundry at his mom's house sometimes.

But then I was with her sister at a time and I was like, or with his sister. And I was like, oh, good. Is this your underwear? Oh, good. And she was your underwear oh good Courtney no this is not my underwear my boyfriend at the time was in the other room and I said hey these aren't her underwear and he said they're my mom's or something I don't know and I just I just just I think I just like spaced out I was like okay

because like I want to just trust and believe this person yeah I've never found underwear but I've been in a similar situation where you fully believe that you're in the right and that person somehow like convinces you that you're acting crazy or you're being unreasonable I I've been in those positions and it's tough to like stand your ground but I think sometimes you just gotta like, you hate confrontation, unfortunately. I mean, I used to be the same when I was younger. I would never want to confront anyone, but confrontation is a part of life and you really need to like learn how to respectfully bring things up. And it's also a source of growth.

Like if, as long as it's not like a violent confrontation and it's not just screaming, like you need to have these uncomfortable conversations if you want to grow. It's important to see how that person reacts in confronting situations because if you're going to be with them for a long time, it's important to know those things

and be aware of how they are. I think if you feel like you're constantly having to fall out or even if you see moments where your significant other is lying, that's a big red flag. I'll say I think one way to go about it is if you guys are together, it's never going to feel like, okay, this is the perfect time to bring it up. You just got to be like, hey, okay,

so this thing is just not sitting right with me. I have to ask just so that I know I'm sure because my mind won't rest with this thing that you're telling me and I need to talk about it more. And if that person gets upset, you're seeing how they react. And if they start gaslighting, like pay attention to how they are acting. And if it's something, yes, they were lying. And I think you should know these things going into it. If you's something, yes, they were lying, and I think you should know these things going into it. If you find out, yes, they were lying,

how are you prepared to react? How do you want to deal with that? And if you guys are able to work through it and everything's fine after that, it's really good you guys talked about. That can be a growing moment for you guys. And also if it's like you guys have improved your communication,

you find out, oh, they weren't lying, then you guys are better communicating in that way. Also, if you just don't trust your significant other, then that's a sign of a bigger problem. Yeah. Like what have they done that's broken your trust of this person? And once you've broken that trust, it's so hard to get it back. I think you really need to have a very serious conversation about this. But then again, I'm just a dummy. All right. This next one comes from is the fangirl. This person said, how do you date during COVID when you can't go anywhere? Ian. Well, there's a couple things you could do I mean video dates are easy it's tough I

haven't I haven't done it a whole lot um but meeting the person outdoors socially distanced is also I think okay yeah I had a friend um she like facetimed with this guy a lot and eventually they got to a point where they wanted to like kind of meet. And so what they did is that they met at a park and then they went and they were wearing masks and they went and picked up some to-go food and then they had a little picnic. Yeah, I think that's great. And they're going on hikes and stuff like that, kind of like outdoorsy stuff. That's so cute. And yeah, it's kind of refreshing because you're kind of like outdoorsy stuff that's so cute and yeah it's it's kind of refreshing because

you're kind of like taking the sexual parts out of dating so you actually get to like know them a little better yeah before you get into the snuggling and the kissing yeah baby and also it's a good it's just a good excuse to actually like get outside and see nature and see birds and shit. My default was always like date at a go on a date at a bar or, you know, somewhere like at a restaurant or somewhere indoors. Like my default is usually indoors. So this has been this has been actually a pretty fun puzzle, I guess, trying to figure out ways to date outdoors. Maybe go on a kayak or something. My best friend was going to a different high school and then she had this guy friend that I somehow became friends with and I only knew him through video chat all the time.

We would video chat for hours and I totally grew to have a crush on this guy. So I don't doubt that if you wanted to really pursue FaceTime dates, there can be chemistry that grows there. It's not impossible. If you want to play it as safe as possible. I'm sure. Video chat is harder than just being face to face with the person. There is something that is lost there.

Absolutely. But it is better than texting. Texting, there's so much lost. I think actually, I mean, the positive, the silver lining of that is that you're learning how best that person communicates because some people prefer over the phone and some people prefer FaceTime and some people prefer texting. It forces you to be creative. I think that's also a good thing.

Rather than go to your sort of default like it forces you to try to think a little harder about how you want to plan a date which is kind of fun this one comes from part three frank they say i'm pansexual giving me more options but i'm still single what do that's a tough one it is um because i as you guys know i'm pansexual which i will say i misspoke on the on the the uh pride episode sorry Sorry, gang, I'm just going to clarify something. I explained what bisexual versus pansexual was, but I explained it from a very specific perspective. So to the to the bi and pan people who are listening and felt that they were misconstrued. I'm really sorry, because I definitely came from as a cis

white female. If I were bisexual, this is what I would do. But if I definitely came from a, as a cis white female, if I were bisexual, this is what I would do. But if I was pansexual, which is so limiting and they're like the gender, everything's so fluid and it's a whole spectrum. So I apologize and I'm going to get better about educating myself on that. But I understand because as for the question, because there was a long period of time where I was just scared to get out there and experience newness of like, okay, I know that I'm attracted to other genders, but I never put myself in the environment to actually like try it out. And especially in quarantine, i know it's hard i think the idea of like well i'm pansexual so that gives me more options is kind of a fallacy you have a lot of options regardless of your sexual orientation there's a lot of people out there there's a lot of different so don't i would say don't put the pressure on yourself don't put more pressure more complicated

though because especially when, I don't know if they've, if they've never experienced, say, say if this person is pansexual and they've been dating men their whole life. And now they're like, now there's this whole other arena of women that I now might be attracted to. I have a clear idea of the kind of guy I like, but I have no idea based on experience. It's like being a, like a middle school girl again, where I'm like, I've never given kissed a person. Like I've never done all

these things. I'm like a virgin again. So it's, it's scary, but I have through like the internet and like social media and seeing like, whoa, this person is attractive to me. Ooh, I like that this person has this. So you can at least have a general idea of like what in a person you find attractive. So I say take those opportunities when you can to interact with people and just explore your inward of like, what do I like? Yeah. And it'll help you. And I think just remaining open. Because it's like that now that, you know, you've discovered that you're pansexual and you've really, you know, you're in that mode. Like, you do have a lot of options, but there is a learning curve to see what you're attracted to, who you're attracted to, why. And, yeah, I think it's all about being open to the possibilities.

Yeah. Like, that's so cool. And there's so many other like veins of it too, where people will be like, I'm bisexual, but I'm only emotionally attracted to females and only sexually attracted to males. Like there's a whole, it's, there's so many veins within that main, main path. So don't put the pressure on yourself because you think you have more options than other people do. You're in the same boat as the rest of us.

We're all looking for- We're all hunting down. This one comes from Adam Up Boy. I love how you read these handles. These are great names. They ask, do you think our constant search for the one actually hurts our ability to have a meaningful relationship? So I actually don't believe that there's the one.

I don't believe that. And I'm a married person. I believe there are many ones and some might be better than others. So I think like if I think about my past and my dating, there are probably a couple of people that I could have gotten married to. Some would be more successful than others. It's all, you know, depending on the person who I ended up with. So I think to to go into the dating world and try to search for the one is kind of like, so open ended and difficult to put that pressure on yourself. It's just not healthy, I don't think. So I think there can be many ones because if you do just focus if if I

just focused on dating this person, and I was like, okay, A through Y are good, but X and Z and W don't fit perfectly. But the one would, I don't think that's completely realistic to go into a relationship like. I just think scientifically, there's just like too many people in this world that there's like, I don't know, just seems impossible. Well, you also can't just speak scientifically because there is no science to a relationship right yeah but like if that person's dna and their genetic makeup and their psychological makeup is perfectly for you like there's too many people on this planet to make that seem like so you know know? I think, yeah, I agree. There's not a the one.

It's a spiritual thing. But also, I think it's okay if the person isn't everything you could possibly ever want forever. It's okay to compromise in some areas. Like obviously, I'm not saying stay with somebody if they're hurting you. It's okay if it's not perfect, if it's not the prince charming.

They can have some flaws. I think you should allow for some flaws. They will have some flaws. There is no perfect person. Maybe there's multiple of the ones at the same time if you're Polly. I don't know. Just throwing it out there. And that doesn't mean that...

I mean, I don't want to say you can't find a soulmate or anything like that. I'm not, I'm not, because I still very much believe in the romantic aspect of finding a soulmate and a partner to build your life on. But it isn't a Disney fairy tale where you marry the prince and everything's magical and wonderful. It's a relationship.

Obviously, like you can't, even if there is a soulmate, I don't think that there's any way of being like oh we are perfect for each other right now and we are going to stay perfect for each other for the rest of our lives i think the best relationships involve growing together and teaching each other values and and learning from each other and like hey like i will my person like my significant other makes me want to be better and And so thus, I'm being a better person. Because of ABC, like, there's no finding the perfect person.

There's finding someone and you guys creating something as close to perfect together. And and yeah, and I think if you're searching for the one to get married, I think like marriage is a big, like hurdle to climb. And it's a hurdle that is going to last decades, you know, you hope. But I also think like it relies on the two people growing because you're going to grow and change over time. It relies on those two people growing together. I'm not saying each step they're taking the same step, but you're in a journey together going forward. So it's really you and, you know, you want to focus on that relationship. If it so happens that you are in a marriage or

in a relationship where two people are growing in different areas and growing in different ways, that's something that can totally realistically happen. Someone who I love and cherish right now and I'm married to right now could turn to be an asshole in five years. Can I control the fact that he turned into an asshole in five years? I cannot control that. So I think it's like it's it's a relationship and marriage is like as good as you feed it, like as good as you get into it. And you are kind of giving yourself a challenge by forcing you two to grow together over decades and decades and hoping for the best obviously. I will say like, and even if there is a soulmate.

Also, I wanna know if Claudia is just sitting in the other room going, hmm, very true, very true. He's had these conversations. Yeah, I figured that. I will say like, you shouldn't especially, and things can be hard. Okay. Because if you're pansexual or bisexual and you know that there's a soulmate out there,

are you going to have an idea of what that soulmate is? Does that mean that you have a clear idea of which or what gender you want to be with? In which case, I do think it's harder for someone who's attracted to multiple genders. Because if you walk into a room as a straight white male, you're like, ah, look at all these women. Odds are they're straight. I maybe have a chance with these women. Whereas say a single pansexual person enters a room, ah, every gender. And also, I don't know if they're attracted to me or my gender. It's going to be that much harder. And I think even if there is a soulmate, I think just going into the world open minded will help you find that person instead

of like we said or answered earlier, like having a stencil or a box of a person that you're looking for. Also, I think you might have a better idea of if they're the one, maybe a year or two into your relationship, if they're willing to make the sort of, you know, difficult decisions and sacrifice for you to make the relationship work. I think that's a better sign of the one than the first six months of the relationship where everything is like, oh, wow, this is amazing. You're perfect. You are my queen. For me, like a turning point in the relationship where it's like really shows a person's color, true colors, is how they react when you're mourning and how they react when they're mourning. I think that is really because those are the times that you really want a partner that's

on the same wavelength as you. I agree. Agreeable. So now we're going to go to the lightning round. Lightning round. Cacao. Lightning round of dating. Cacao.

So we're going to blast through some of these pretty quickly. Here we go. Hakuna Matata underscore 56 asks, how many years is too many when it comes to age gaps oh baby well i think that depends on what kind of ages you're talking about if you're dane cook being a 40 year old man dating a 19 year old yeah that's a little weird but it seems to work out yeah so what do i know case by case answers also sometimes you're in different chapters of your life so remember that if you're 20 you might be different in five years. And that person who's older might

not appreciate that. Think about that. Agreeable. All right. Miss Claudia CG asks, what are some tips you would give people, especially young women, trying to safely navigate dating apps? Don't go on a date if you feel unsafe. Don't do anything you're not ready to do. Yeah, don't move to texting before you're ready to move to texting. Stay in public places if you're worried about that. And group dates are also a possible thing of saying, hey, my friends are doing this thing. Bring your friends. It's a safe option. Leave a lot of personal data out of your bio. Yes. Lady Pharaoh asked, how to keep your parents from asking about why you're single? Say, shut the fuck up.

You're not my mom. This is a 1955. I have my own life to live. One of those. Dusty Lele asked, how long will carbon dating continue to be an effective method? Is it as reliable as they say? Or is there something else out there waiting for us to date? What's carbon dating?

Dating. Wrong kind of dating. That's checking how old dirt is. We got to move on. Yeah, that's dino dirt. We don't talk about dino dirt here. The Victorious VM asks, do you think meet-cutes are still a thing

in the world of online dating and hookups? I've experienced them, and yes. I'd say just start dropping things on the ground and see what kind of hot hunk bumps into you. That's not a, that's a slam meet-cute. That's premeditated meet-cute. We'll grease up your hands and carry something heavy and wait for love to find you.

Claudio dropped off a pizza at my table. That was our meet cute. All right. T1 Mamlet asks, what are the most important traits in a significant other in your opinion? Trustworthy, funny. Emotionally available.

Giving. Big swangin swinging titties. But Ian. Swinging. Swinging. The ability to communicate all feelings and thoughts. And gives good back rubs. Yeah.

Wait, back rubs or back scratches? Back rubs. Down to physical activities. Okay. All right. Let's go. Thinking I should ask, she says she wants yummy fried chicken. She offers the drive.

She pulls up to a KFC with a Popeye's across the street. How do you tell her it's not going to work? You tell her it's not going to work. It's a deal breaker. Of all the fried chicken places. God, KFC is horrible. Bro. It's not gonna work.

And that person should be sent to the gulag. No, educate them. Educate. Maybe they haven't been to other fried chicken places. Take them to a mom and pop place. Or take them to a Korean fried chicken place. Yes. Fun experience. Oh my God, yes. With the radishes oh my god burby and last but not least or possibly least because I haven't read this yet the turtle kmg asked is it even necessary to date if all

your homies are basically your significant others because of how close y'all are. Asking for a friend. Are you fucking all of your friends? I don't understand what this question is. You love your homies, but that's okay. You can bring a chick into the mix or whatever you're attracted to. But you do you. You do you. If you don't want a significant other, you don't have to. If you're happy with your boys.

Yeah, if you're happy with your boys. But also, I will say, as a girlfriend, it's really sweet when you're happy with your boys. Yeah, if you're happy with your boys. But also I will say as a girlfriend, it's really sweet when you see how close your boyfriend is with their friends. And also if they're welcoming to that significant other, oh my God, it's a lovely time. Make the family bigger. But also normalize people not getting married

and not getting in a significant relationship. If they don't want to, they don't have to. Those are some facts. Those are some cold, hard, lightning facts. Boom. And guys, that was the end of the lightning round. Thank you so much for playing.

You win nothing. All right. Well, how do you guys feel after all those questions? Did you reflect on your own situations a little bit? You bet I did. No, I feel good. Claudio, how do you feel? Very good.

Very good. Yeah! Claudio approved. I love him. Well, let's finish this off with a good old shoot dude. Shoot dude. Shoot dude. Shoot dude.

Shoot dude. Shoot dude. Shoot dude. Shoot dude. Shoot dude. Shoot dude. Shoot dude. Shoot dude.

This one comes from Nicole. This absolute shoot dude happened a couple of years ago. My best friend and I were going to a friend's baby shower. I hadn't had my license that long, but I was driving us to the shower and got a little lost as the directions on the invitation were absolute garbage and I didn't know the area that well. When we finally arrived at the shower, we were greeted by a family member of this friend. I said, sorry, we're late. I don't know who wrote the directions for this, but they were absolutely horrible. The family member looked me dead in the face I said, sorry, we're late. I don't know who wrote the directions for this, but they were

absolutely horrible. The family member looked me dead in the face and said, I wrote the directions. I tried to laugh it off, but they were clearly not amused and went to our friend saying how rude we were. Needless to say, we didn't stay at the shower very long. Oh, no, dude. That's a shoe, dude. But also she needed to hear it. Yeah, I've I've I've definitely been in those situations where I talked like a little bit of shit. Just my luck. And then always to the person.

Yeah. Or maybe not to the person person but then the other person very quickly found out i'm like yeah i didn't really need to say that i always had a bad habit whenever we were filming at houses that we were just renting for the day i'd be like whoa this house is weird and then the owners right yeah yep i'm always like yeah i'm always super afraid of saying anything negative about a house we're shooting in because of that reason because i don't know i mean i figured the owner's there somewhere yeah you always need to look in each other's eyes of like i want to say something but i'm not gonna say something yeah and i always like try to even if the house is like hideous i'm like

this is like this is a really cool house. I like your house. Good job. That person also is just a negative person. They weren't able to be like, oh, I wrote them. I'm sorry. Like couldn't even like keep it a positive thing. They didn't even look inward for a second. They just went to the person and said, they're rude.

I'm guessing this was a boomer. And rather than just give the address, they gave out that super long list of, so you pass after the highway, you're going to pass three intersections. Then you're going to go past the cow gate and then take a left down a dirt road. Like I've had the longest directions from somebody.

And then it was much better for me to just go on Google and just put in the address. I'm like, no, Google told me exactly where to go. They're like, yeah, no, Google gets it wrong all the time. It's like, no, no, it's right. Anyway, well, thank you guys so much.

Oh, by the way, please submit your shoot dudes to shoot dude, that's S-H-O-O-D. Nope, nope. S-H-O-O-T-D-O-O-D at smosh.com. And that concludes today's dating advice. Thank you, Courtney Milar. Thank you, Sara Wiedel. No problem.

This has been very illuminating. I'm gonna go sit silently in a room and ruminate on all the things we have learned today. What's ruminate? I like to think about something, think back on things, about all the mistakes that I've made in my relationships and come out a better person. All right. Yeah, that's right, guys. Tune in every Wednesday for uncensored audio on all the

podcasting platforms tune in every friday on youtube for our censored video but you get to see our faces so it's a smash cash you know you might as well just do both of it uh yes exactly subscribe to the smash cast channel oh yeah subscribe and please rate us five stars on your podcasting app that you listen to so so other people can learn yeah and our great advice i feel like the true fans listen to our podcasts it's like if they really really want to get to the nitty-gritty and really want to know us as people they listen to the smoshcast you know what i'm saying i so i don't want to exclude our wonderful people that like to watch things with their eyeballs.

No, no, no. I mean, No, she's saying in general. Consuming the podcast in general. That's next level. Real fans get down and deep in the pods. The real ones. The real ones.

The only fans. Exactly. And I guess I'll announce today, I'm starting OnlyFans. No. Just show my belly button. All right. Okay.

Bye. Love you. Bye. Love you, Sarah. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.