Smosh Mouth - S2: #83 - The Pressure of Being Perfect

Episode Date: October 7, 2020

Ian gets to know Kimmy better on this week’s SmoshCast! They answer the questions you submitted on Twitter covering everything from how she got into the comedy world, to the pressure she felt growing up to be perfect. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Same game, parlays, it's all fine You'll put a smile on your face Bet on the sports you love with that river sports book take a chance must be 19 plus available in ontario only please play responsibly if you have questions or concerns about your gambling or someone close to you please contact connects ontario at 1-866-531-2600 to speak to an advisor free of charge you know a lot of people put on this like audition persona i feel like what we got was kimmy but it seemed like an audition persona that just never went away my close friends are like people think that they can kind of get away with certain stuff with kimmy but if they actually try

something with her she'll like she'll she'll she'll snap. That anxiety and like striving for perfection manifested itself in other ways. The way that I would start to handle that anxiety and stress too would just be with eating. I am a much taller and oftentimes white passing individual. I have like weird stories from elementary school. We had like a pickup soccer game at recess.

So it was like the Asian kids versus the white kids. Oh, great. And they were like, Kimmy, like, which said you should. Pick a side? Oh, God. Yay. You okay, Ian? Sleepy boy.

Yeah, I don't. It happens. It was a weird morning, man. You know what it was? Yeah. I feel like there's a lot that happened to you this morning. Plus just like consuming a full breakfast burrito and it's probably just digesting right now. I think so.

It's hitting your stomach so hard. I think, yeah. I think my body just is very confused right now. Yeah. Hello. Hi. Welcome to the Smoshcast. Today I am joined by, by the way, I'm Ian. That's Ian. I'm Ian. Today I'm joined by Kimmy.

Hi, I'm here. Kimmy, as many of you guys know, is in Smosh videos. I'm a human woman. She's a human woman. She has two arms. I have two arms. Two legs. Two legs. I'm not supposed to know about the second one. I do have two legs.

We have been concealing one of her legs. If you actually go back into any video that Kimmy's in, you will not see one leg. We're always hiding one. It's kind of like, you know, in Home Improvement with Wilson behind the fence. No, exactly. You never see all of his face. You just see a portion of his face. You just see a portion because I feel like I need to keep at least like one leg to myself from my public persona you know that's that's really

that's really smart for me yeah i just need to keep some things private so maybe maybe you'll see my other leg today we'll see because we're getting deep all right yeah we are yeah we plan on we plan on getting a little deep because because i feel like kim, you are a hard nut to crack. What? You are this nut of positivity and brightness. And I want to crack into that nut. Crack it open. And get into the good stuff, you know? The trauma-y, gooey inside.

Yeah, you don't have to get into all trauma. It's not all trauma. No, it's not all bad. It's not all trauma, but I want to get inside. Yeah, you don't have to get into all, it's not all trauma. No, it's not all bad. It's not all trauma, but I just, I want to get below the surface, you know? Sure, sure. So we got a couple of things planned today. We're going to be talking about identity, growing up. Dope, dope, dope.

Sort of, you mentioned there was sort of a need to be perfect when you were growing up. Oh, hell yeah. Potentially talking about some unhealthy dieting fads. Cool. there is there was a sort of a need to be perfect when you're growing up oh hell yeah potentially talking about some unhealthy dieting fads cool uh and we also got a bunch of questions from you guys about kimmy so we got we got a lot of stuff and thanks for putting in those question guys i saw some of those comments y'all are really sweet that was fun before we get to that how are you feeling i'm good i'm good i'm just noticing i, in this chair how bad my posture truly is. Do you ever notice that when you're sitting for a bit?

You're like, crap, I am an elderly grandmother. Recalibrate yourself. I got to recalibrate. I'm a 26-year-old with lower back issues at the moment. So I'm like, this is bad. This isn't good. Well, there's exercises for that. I need to do them.

A lot of stretching. Do you ever do yoga or stretching i'm getting into it because for a long time there i just couldn't touch my toes and i'm like that's also a problem um i need to fix that so i've been slowly getting into stretching okay but yeah but anyways how you doing dude what's going on with you i'm good i was telling i was telling kimmy about uh how this morning i woke up and I was like, I'm gonna work out. So I went- Which is so impressive.

I didn't know, I had the will to do nothing in the morning. Yeah, I mean, the problem is I have zero will to do it at night. Cause at that point I'm just like, I just wanna like sit and watch the boys. Not like some random boys out on the street. You just want, yeah. thank you for clarifying that um we were all very concerned yeah president of our company ladies and gentlemen

no it's a really it's a really great show on amazon i've heard great boys it's so much fun but it's extremely gory you know look i i think we're reaching a point where like, just because you can doesn't mean you should in terms of like violence. Maybe I'm just getting old, but I was never really a fan of like ultra violence, gore stuff. Like it doesn't excite me. That's good.

That probably means you aren't a mass murderer, serial killer then inside. Like you're not cut out for it. Maybe you would be if you were like, okay with that stuff. But because you aren't okay with it you're like i'm gonna hold back on those tendencies yeah maybe yeah but but like i was saying i woke up this morning and i and i wanted to work out yeah because i just need to and i was i was like lifting weights and because i just have some like weights at my house i was like doing like a little dumbbells. Yeah, lift weights, bro. Yeah. Lift, bro.

And I started feeling like really lightheaded and kind of like just nauseous. And this happened to me a couple of times. And one time it happened to me at the gym and I like ran into the bathroom and threw up and I was like, that's not right. And yeah, with this morning, I was working out and then I was feeling a little light-headed and

i was like oh i don't feel good and i laid down i was like oh i still don't feel good and i went to the bathroom i threw up and i don't know why i'm doing that and i think it's just because just going from like sleeping to then suddenly being like is that how you lift weights no no i'm very all right look but i would love that oh my gosh no you're very wet you're very wet i think i'm i'm pretty good with like my form you know and like and taking it slow because you know like with a lot of like weight lifting it's not about like getting like fast crazy reps right kevin, Kevin could back me up on this. But like, sometimes you want to do it slow. Like if you're curling, you don't want to just go.

That's not it. It's not the full muscle workout if you're doing it that way. That's right. It's not the full muscle workout. You hurt yourself. Although CrossFit bros would probably disagree with me, but CrossFit. I feel like CrossFit's like the more speed, the better. Yeah.

Do this fast and throw that and then go over there. That's my impression of CrossFit. crossfit i feel like crossfit's like the more speed the better yeah crossfit's just like that and then go over there that's my impression of crossfit just seems like road to injury town i i don't get it but hey man those crossfit peeps they look good i got a nice bad i have to admit collectively it works it works for me they see the results yeah that's true so about kimmy let's talk more about crossfit bodies um so let's let's jump into some uh let's jump into some questions questions hell yeah let's do it uh this one comes from christy fratato one whenever you're on camera you always seem so nice and bubbly have you always been that way and if not then what does help you make that adjustment that's that's a cute question.

First of all, thank you. That's a nice compliment. I, in general, do consider myself to be a pretty upbeat and bubbly person. Like I like to look, I'm an optimist. I like to look at the good side of things. And I feel like it takes a lot to get me down, which is great, especially in the industry that I'm in. But it definitely comes from my mama for sure. She, if you think like I'm any bit like sweet

or like if someone's like, whoa, Kimmy, you're like too much right now. Like you're so, you're like too happy. Yeah. They haven't met my mother. I'm like a little fraction of my mom. She's like Kimmy times 30. Dude.

Oh my God. That's right. No, like some people haven't met my mom yet. That needs to happen. She is, yeah, she's much tinier than I am am but she is just like bursting at the seams with sunshine um i do not know how she like maintains to be she's just so happy all the time she's so sweet and bubbly and i feel like too there's this part of me too that is like a little like over apologetic at times like i'll apologize to like an inanimate object for like hitting it or something you know like and it definitely comes

from her as well like we're both just that those kinds of people so I think if there's any dark side to me it's probably my dad but my mom is definitely like responsible for that bubbly upbeat side for sure interesting and then I guess if there's ever a time when I'm not feeling so bubbly or upbeat, it's like my way to kind of get back into that place because it is like

for what we do, it is good to have energy on camera. It's good to kind of to be entertaining and upbeat, but I will probably just kind of like

take a beat and like do the opposite of what I was doing and like meditate and just be like, hey, am I good right now? And like, and what am I experiencing? And if so, if I'm experiencing something,

can it just maybe hold off for a little bit longer so I can just be in the comfort of my own home, chilling and processing. And then I'll do that. I'll try and just kind of put it away for a little bit and, but always handle it later. And that's kind of, yeah, I don't know. That's very healthy.

I try, I try. It's kind of, yeah, I don't know. That's very healthy. I try. I try. Not all the time, but you know. So you meditate sometimes when you're feeling like stressed out about things or angry about things? I meditate to the best extent of like someone that has anxiety can meditate. So I'm just kind of like looking at like there's this like therapy term of just like looking at each of your thoughts

and like analyzing like what's behind them. Like if that's just like an intrusive thought or if that's something that you're actually concerned with right now so it's kind of just like analyzing what the heck's going on in your noggin man have you experimented with meditating at all i haven't it's hard i like i don't think i can legitimately do the actual meditation thing that's just my form of meditating okay got it but yeah i don't know the the calming do the actual meditation thing. That's just my form of meditating. Okay, got it. But yeah, I don't know. The calming music and having to sit in one place for so long is my nightmare all at once. Because you're more of like a high-strung type person.

Oh, for sure. Easily distracted. Definitely. Too much energy. I definitely was the ADD kid that was always constantly moving and couldn't sit still. And to this day, too, I feel like I can't just sit in one place for too long. Like I'm always having to move around. I don't know.

I don't know what it is. I'm like a shark. I need to keep moving to survive. Have you heard of that? They're like, don't have to keep swimming to survive. I'm bullshitting. I didn't take marine biology. I think that's right. All right. I'll look it up. like, don't they have to keep swimming to survive? I'm bullshitting. I didn't take marine biology. I think that's right.

All right, I'll look it up. No, you don't have to. I just like think I either said the entirely right thing or the entirely wrong thing. I'm not sure which one it is. But I feel like they do have to keep moving. But yeah, I do. I do need, I do move a lot and I am like constantly distracted by things. It's a very entertaining existence.

Really quick. The answer to your question, Kimmy, is that that is a myth. That not true that's good to know i learned something today thank you kevin some of them might have to but most of them are totally fine without doing that huh do they sleep do sharks sleep that's i think they've got to sleep do they sleep while they're swimming they never sleep when they're tracking you in the water always. Some sharks don't sleep like people, but they do have active and restful periods. So they don't sleep sleep like we do, but they- They just meditate.

They just meditate. Sharks meditate. You heard it here, fact, Kevin just said it, sharks meditate. Sharks meditate, I did not say that. Kevin confirms this message, he approves. That's wild, sharks- If that's wrong, go talk to kevin sharks are so peaceful bro

they're so peaceful so kimmy is like a shark i'm a shark you're like a shark i guess so that's never made that comparison of myself because i feel like sharks are scary but i can't say i've ever been scared of you i'm sorry really yeah no darn no i just have to try harder but hearing but hearing about your mom being like very super ultra positive does explain you a little bit. When you first came on, so you auditioned and a lot of people put on this like audition persona and i feel like what we got was kimmy but it seemed like an audition persona that just that just never went away just they're just like this girl and i'm just like is this is this girl for real like i i couldn't like i'll be completely honest i didn't i didn't know yeah. And I don't know if anyone knew.

They're just like, she's just very positive. Like there's nothing negative we can say about her. She's just very positive and it's weird. Oh my gosh. I wouldn't say it's weird. No. I'm not saying that your behavior is weird. I mean, it's okay.

It's a little weird. I understand. No, I completely, I've gotten that comment before. I for sure have. And there are definitely, I think I also, I have this like need to not be a burden to anyone too, where like that transcends to like all aspects of my life. So if there are times when I'm feeling like really tired

and down on set, I like, and I'm maybe like going through something, I really try hard to keep it to myself if I can.'s it's a weird thing where like i'm scared to like and like mind you this is just a personal fear but like i'm scared to ask people to help me to like move or do things like i the reason my back is kind of hurting is legit because i tried to i tried to move like really really heavy furniture on my own without talking to anybody else because I didn't I didn't want to bother anybody. I just like I don't know what it is. You can't do everything on your own, Kimmy.

It's OK to ask for help. Now I got smushed back. No, it is OK to ask for help. And I'm like slowly learning to be better with that. But it's a working process I think like a lot of just my experience growing up was like hi there's something going on I deal with it like if there's you know like if if I'm in a group of people I want to make everyone feel good and happy and like not be the burden not be the person that like has to get some help and like assistance like it's it's it's it's a. Because you were the big sister, right?

I'm the big sister, yeah. So maybe that's what it is. Yeah, yeah, it might be. Yeah, like even just like when I was a kid and some of the topics we'll get into, like it all I can like expand upon more, but it is, it is just something where like I learned to kind of do things alone

and not like I have the best parents. They're so supportive and helpful, but like so many things that I went through as a kid, I'm like, oh, best parents they're so supportive and helpful but like so many things that I went through as a kid I'm like oh that would have been so much easier if I just talked to somebody about it instead of like trying to do it all myself and like stressing to the max yeah I never I never wanted to bother my parents with anything either yeah what what you because you have siblings right yeah I have an older sister you have an older sister so you're the younger yeah yeah and I guess how far apart in age are you two like two and a half years okay so pretty close

yeah it's sort of similar to you right you just have one sister just have one sister she's four years younger than me okay yeah i never wanted to like bother my parents with anything no it's true i just i didn't really want them to know what I was doing. Not that I was doing anything illegal. Yeah. I was like making like little cartoons. Oh, yeah. And writing Halo fan fiction. Oh, cute. Which is incredibly embarrassing. Little baby Ian.

Yeah. I love that. But they never knew. As far as I knew, they never knew. Yeah. But I just never wanted them to know what I was doing with my time on the computer. Like that's my private time. That's me just doing things for myself kind of thing.

Yeah, I just like didn't want them to like ask questions. And I don't know if it was like a thing like I was afraid of being judged. I mean, that's probably what it was. I was a teenager. It's so funny that that was your past. I'm sorry to interrupt, but like you were scared of your parents kind of seeing what you were doing on a computer. It was your space.

And now look at you, Mr. Smosh. And my whole life is out. He's out. Bare to everybody. Yeah, it's like, yeah, I don't know what it was. I don't know if it was similar for you where you didn't want to ask for help because you just didn't want to involve people in your business.

Yeah. Yeah, it was. It was very similar to that. And I think it was also I don't know. I think I almost as an adult now have like overcorrected where I'm like too much of a communicator at times. Like I will like dive so deep into something but like back at the in the day when I was a kid I think I just like by not talking to people about things I would just like read and like fill in the blanks in my own head and like and that would just be like not asking for help be like this is something that's like

that's every human does so like I have to do this or like this is what's normal and like I didn't know what normal was I just was like making up what I thought that was. But yeah, lost my train of thought there. But like essentially, yeah, like it was just, I just kept, I was an extrovert, but I would for sure keep a lot of stuff to myself. Interesting. Yeah. What do you mean? What do you mean by you communicate too much now?

Like what is, what is that? Yeah. I feel like that is just at times, like, I don't know if it's just like having too much therapy at times, but like, I feel it's just like having too much therapy at times but like i feel like i'll need i'll like think like see something that is i think to be an issue either like in a relationship of mine like with like family or friends or whatever and i will like pick apart at this like tiny little minor thing that like ends up being a non-issue in the end but i'll drive myself crazy about it. And I'm like, this was what?

That wasn't a problem. Like that was fine. Like everything is okay. Or that was something I could deal with on my own. Like that is actually something that I could like kind of internalize and be like, okay, we cool. How are we doing, Kimmy?

We good? We good. All right, let's move on. But yeah, I don't know. How do you feel you are as a communicator? I think I'm in a similar position as you. And I think this also just goes back to like, I think to a certain degree, like deconstructing the sort of toxic masculinity

that I probably had in me. I wouldn't talk about my feelings. Like I wouldn't communicate very much about what I was going through or what I was feeling. feeling and then so then i kind of then did a flip where i was like no i'm gonna say i'm gonna i'm gonna like try to communicate as much as possible yeah what's going on in my head right now and then find that you know the flip side isn't always the answer either like you do kind of have to like and this and and now i'm kind of in this phase where it's like no okay so like i need to i need to like think about you know what

i'm going through and like acknowledge like what's what's going on in you know my head and then process it and then say it to somebody because a lot of times like i'm just i was just like stream of consciousness saying something and then that person ends up getting hurt because of something that i was thinking that wasn't like quite processed i'm like hey i'm just being honest and it's like well that that doesn't always you know saying everything you're thinking isn't always the best because it's like not everything's being like evaluated exactly it hasn't gone through like a filter or like any, like some sort of just checking checks and balance of like, wait, is this something that this other person I'm saying

for the benefit of them, or I'm just literally thought something and I like, I'm like, you know, just spraying it out. Like what, where is the motivation behind it? That's definitely, I can totally relate to that. Like in past relationships, I for sure, I'm just like, this is being close to someone. It's just like having no freaking filter and i'm just gonna say whatever it is in my head and that's not always good yeah yeah i mean an ex called me an accidental asshole because i would because i would say things not with the intention to hurt them but i would say things because they were going on and i would look at everything in like a rational way and not in an emotional way. And then would end up saying something that just came off as like blunt.

Yeah, I gotcha. And so I got that term. So it's like, I was never trying to be an asshole, but sometimes the things that I said came out that way. Yeah, I totally understand. Half of my family, like my mom's half is they're all like very sweet and outgoing, like very much so. Like like my mom and I, I really had to get used to the other half of my family that I actually spend more time with these days, which is like the Russian Jewish half on my dad's side, because they are they're so loving and they're so sweet and considerate and supportive but they can be very like self-proclaimed blunt people like they tell it how it is sometimes there's not as much like emotion on the back end like they say something without thinking about how it kind of hurts might hurt your feelings or might be a little bit like jarring to another person

which is great like they're so smart and they tell it like it is. They just sometimes like will not have a filter and tell you something that you're like, ow. I think like, yeah, and I've heard like bluntness being used to describe a lot of different cultures. And I think a lot of like American culture is like very passive aggressive. Like we don't like we're're gonna tiptoe around the issue because we don't want to hurt feelings absolutely or or we're gonna kind of like we're gonna you know not completely tell the truth because because that could end up making a friendship harder or whatever yeah and i think that's a i think that's a very i mean i'm sure there's other cultures that do it too but i think that's a very American thing. I agree. Of like not wanting to confront the issue because confrontation equals bad. Yeah.

No, it's true. It's like the little white lie concept of like, yeah, people say these things that aren't necessarily true to kind of like protect someone's feelings and like minimize what they consider to be the damage of like sharing with them the actual truth. Yeah, it is not something I enjoy. I don't like passive aggressive behavior, just passivity in general. Like communication is rough. Yeah. It sucks.

I mean, like I, yeah, I've been in plenty of situations where both myself and the other person were extremely passive aggressive and nothing ever got done. No. Nothing ever got sorted out because we were all just being too polite to each other no like we never confronted the issues yeah because we were

tiptoeing around it yeah so it's like i think there's a i think there's a superpower to being blunt you just have to totally you just have to read the room i think and know like like who you can be blunt to and how blunt you can be to them i also like i do believe in the fact that like with being blunt there is a way to deliver the truth that isn't like insulting like you know like that there's a way to kind of say like i've noticed this and not like you're such an asshole because you do this like you know like not deliver your own like opinion on that person just like kind of like stating what the fact is and like and that's it like i feel like there is a level to um being truthful but also yeah like being able to to not go beyond what

you need to like you can have the truth you don't have to necessarily like insult the person while you're doing it because i've definitely like had some relationships where people are just like they like in the name of being blunt they'll like say something super insulting and i'm like that's what yeah i mean like that goes beyond that might go beyond blunt just being mean it's just being me yeah like it's there's definitely a divide there but i completely agree i think being blunt is a superpower and it's something that i for sure had to like get used to because i'm like that is that is healthier That's healthier to like be able to tell the truth and not to have to like lie to someone about it.

Cause there's, it always just ends up snowballing in some way, shape or form later on. Do you feel like people ever take advantage of your kindness? I would say so. Like in that situation where you're saying like, this person is being like very blunt in this relationship. And you know, I can't imagine,

I can't imagine you in an argument. You just be like, yeah, you're totally right. You're totally right. I'm sorry. You know, it is my fault. Yes. You know it is. It's my fault. It's totally my fault.

It's so funny. Well, like what's funny is like people like that. It's shitty. And I've had to go through some of this before. Like the people that take advantage of me and my kindness are the ones that are like the closest to me like that obviously aren't anymore like once i recognize that happening they're out of my life but like in terms of arguments and whatnot i think a lot of people do try to step to me in that way they're like oh i can just like fucking steamroll this girl like

she'll do whatever i ask like she's just going to be super compliant with anything I do. And like that's dope. And I am like, I will snap. That's when you pull out your dad's side. Oh, yeah. Like I pull out my dad's side. And I'm like, it's it's too if it's if it deals with me, if it's someone that's trying to take advantage of me. And I like and granted, like I will admit that like when someone is closer to me,

sometimes I don't always recognize that right away. I just think that that's part of being in a relationship. It's so weird. But with people that I'm not close with, I'm like, oh, excuse me? No, no, no, no. And then I like will tell them how it is. I feel like I've had so many conversations

with people about my apartment and stuff like this, where I'm like, oh, you think that you're going to do that? No, legally, no. What do you mean with your apartment? I don't know. Just people trying, trying things with me. I don't think my landlord's ever going to watch this. I just like I like my apartment. I don't want to be kicked out anytime soon. But no, just like things like them trying to get away with doing too much and not like pruriting the rent, like kicking us out of our apartment and like things taking too long like that's like the most recent way i can think of just doing like typical scummy landlord stuff yeah scummy landlord stuff

and then once like i and also i will say that extends to like if someone one of like someone is like trying to insult or step to like one of my close friends too like i hit like a protective mom mode and snap but yeah like that's always a comment of like of my close friends too. Like I hit like a protective mom mode and snap. But yeah, like that's always a comment from my close friends are like, yeah, people think that they can kind of get away with certain stuff with Kimmy, but like, no, like there's,

if they actually try something with her, she'll like, she'll snap. Oh, okay. But I do try to maintain civility to a certain extent where I'm like, okay, can we like, can we just deescalate the situation nicely? No, no, okay. okay yeah I don't know it's like confrontation especially for someone that doesn't do it very often can be kind of fun sometimes I'm so bad at it me too I just I don't even want to like I can't

I can't get in a shouting argument with somebody I think I've shouted at one person one time really it's not it's not for me. I don't like arguing. I think shouting is the wrong way to argue anyway. So that's probably a good thing. Yeah, if you're just yelling at somebody, like what actual communication is occurring during that? Like not much.

No. That's good. I feel like I've yelled. Also in certain situations that could be considered assault. That could be. Yeah, don't do that. Just for those out there that maybe get shouted at a lot. You could be in an abusive relationship.

All right, let's move on to this next question. Yeah. This one comes from McKinto Mouse 57. They ask, is comedy something you wanted to do when you were growing up or is it something you kind of fell into? And then they put in parentheses, does that make sense? LMAO.

They just had like a self crisis at some point like we would. I don't know if that question makes sense. It makes a lot of sense to me. It makes a lot of sense. No, you had no reason to doubt yourself there. That question was totally, totally sensical. Yeah.

No, comedy. I've always been a big fan of comedy um i grew up watching a lot of uh like monty python with my parents like they introduced me to that at a young age which i was so thankful for and my mom's like which which which ones were your favorite i think i think the holy grail i like there's just such a like such a soft spot in my heart for it. Just the fucking rabbit coming at the guy. I just can't, that image will, like, forever be seared into my brain. Oh, yeah, it's incredible. It's so incredible. And the coconuts, oh, God, I could just keep going.

But, yeah, the Monty Python was so good. My mom's favorite movie, at least at the time, I'm not sure if it still is, was The Princess Bride, which I also just adored. And on top of that, with like television, we watched a good amount of SNL growing up, too. Like we would try and stay up like actually like on that night and see it. You got to stay up? Like every once in a while. And it was definitely when I was older because like my bedtime was obnoxious when I was younger. I was for sure one of the 830 kids that would go to bed normally. But like on the weekends, there was some flexibility sometimes. And we would try and stay up and watch things

when I got a little older. But yeah, I was always such a big fan. And it was something that was always fun for me. I don't know if I ever like considered myself in like my friend groups to be like the funny one per se. But I think other people probably would have said that. But it just didn't seem like I was always such a musical theater kid I did acting when I was younger I just like a thought that was just being outgoing and I was just uh obnoxious but like fine with it like down with my obnoxiousness um and I think it was honestly not so much later so like comedy um specifically I don't it was like probably once I did like even like my smosh audition and like I was just before then like it just kind of worked out perfectly where I was starting to like dive into sketch

comedy with a friend of mine I'm like this is really fun to write and be a part of and characters are so interesting and then I had my smosh audition I was like oh this is actually something that I think I can do and then I started taking like groundlings classes and like just in general, like studying more comedy and like watching more standup and like just trying to kind of educate myself about it. So you started taking groundlings, which is like an improv group.

You started doing that after the Smosh audition? Yeah, after Smosh. Like I had taken like improv classes before, just like from like random acting studios and things and in school and stuff. But I yeah, I hadn't like really started getting down to like the nitty gritty until after I started with Smosh. So I was like, this is really fun. And like I've already just kind of naturally gravitated towards it. Like with my friend, like we were doing a bunch of like Insta videos together just with our downtime from auditions. Like we wanted to try and kind of stay creatively active and we both liked writing

sketches. So we're like, cool. Like, I don't even think we quite understood the concept of a sketch at the time. We just were kind of like, these are short and these are fun. And here are two characters like, cool. So I always, I always loved comedy. I just didn't know that it was something I had such a passion for pursuing until like much later in life. And I'm so thankful for it. It's so much fun. Yeah. I mean, I'd have to say it's like the same for me. Like I had no idea that this is what I would do.

Right. That I would do comedy or be an actor even. Yeah. It kind of sneaks up on you sometimes. I mean, I was even further away from it than you were. Like I wasn't even in theater. Yeah. Like I wasn't a theater kid.

I was a cool jock, all right? Cool jock. I did cross country, which everyone knows is the coolest sport. Objectively, the coolest jocks. Cross country jocks. Check me out. Oh, yeah. Totally the coolest.

Totally the coolest. Yeah. Every high school movie trope. Except not. But we all had some good legs, though. You guys had... I bet you had some great legs. Oh yeah. Y'all probably had some nice butts too.

Just like the full downwards package. Actually, well there was one guy that would always moon us. What? It was so covered in hair that I couldn't I can't really evaluate his butt. He wasn't ever really naked then. If he had hair covering. Yeah, we called him the vortex.

Because his ass hair swirled in the direction of where I assume his his butthole was just the fact that you guys got a good enough look at his ass hair to determine that it was a vortex is a sign he liked to moon us on

runs like he would run he would like sprint ahead of us and then moon us or moon other people now i think about it's like oh that probably wouldn't really fly anymore because people would probably say it was sexual harassment yeah but it was it was always like it was always around the boys you know it wasn't it wasn't like a way to like sexually harass anyone it was just you know being silly boys don't go out there and show your show your parts to people not unless they specifically ask for it and then you're both consenting adults yeah if there's consent involved can you imagine like that that scene replaying of

him like trying to run in front of all you guys being like hey bro you consent you consent yeah do you guys all consent we consent i think i mean nobody ever nobody ever told him like hey please don't ever do that again i'm really offended by that so i guess that well no that's not no i can't say i can't say that was a no i'm just saying i can't say that that was a that was a form of consent yeah by not saying anything yeah right but i think we all had a good laugh. We always had a good laugh. Yeah, good times. That is just insanely hairy butt. So much hair.

I don't understand. How did we get to this part of the conversation? Hairy butts? Hairy butts? How is that not always our conversation? This entire podcast is brought to you by hairy butts. Yeah, how did we get there? I don't know.

I don't know. Oh, we were talking about like our younger selves and you were, I was a theater kid, but you were a cool jock. Is it true that all the theater kids make out? If they did, that would make me really sad because I just always wanted to be made out with. No one would make out with me. No one made out with you? I had my first kiss when I was, I think, like 16. So I had a few years there of like just longing for boy attention. And I never got it.

There was quite a bit of like incestual couples within the theater community that would occur. And then they would make out with each other. I never experienced, like I never really got invited to like a cool kid party until probably college. Like I never got like no one drank at the parties I went to. There was always someone's mom in the corner like doing really loud karaoke like that. What? They were fun. Karaoke? I don't know. I just like like sometimes moms feel like they had to get the parties going especially in Irvine because they were just like super involved and like hover parents for sure so they're just like yeah look at us having fun i'm sure my mom probably did that at one of my parties too

which would have made me so happy because my mom and i are just like so down with each other like we're so close um but yeah i don't know bless their little souls they're just trying to get their kids to have a good time i remember cuties i remember because because your your mom is filipino right i remember watching like an anthony bourdain episode and he went to the philippines yeah and like there was like this whole thing about how like in the philippines they take karaoke so seriously so seriously is your mom serious about karaoke that she's just like crazy into it it's she she was when we were younger like we had so many different karaoke machines like we had the big fat boy really we had the big fat boy and then we had

like a smaller boy and then we had i'm sorry i'm getting for right we made a smaller boy and then we like later on dealt like started to transform into the sing star family and we did that quite a bit we didn't spend as much time with my mom's side of the family growing up but when we did that was like our entire party was just like singing karma karma karma chameleon uh and like i don't know probably some celine dion's on my grandma's a big celine dion fan we that would be so much of the parties my mom missed it a lot and like would try incorporate it into like our friend like my friend group and we'd be hanging out or like if we had a party at our house or something like there'd be karaoke involved but yeah i feel like filipinos do take it very

seriously because also like so many filipinos are so just like naturally talented singers and or dancers and it makes no sense like there needs to be way more talent scouting competitions in the philippines because i see videos all the time that have like gone viral of this like kid in like a poorer section of like some island that is just like busting to move and is so good or like an amazing singer like hitting these riffs and notes that like who else can achieve i don't know like freaking whistle tones and stuff but yeah i don't it's it is it's somehow a part of our culture and i don't know like, I'm very curious about the origins of it all, but we are so on board. So, Ian, I don't know if you were going to get to this, but were you referencing the

social phenomenon that happened in the Philippines, the My Way murders? Have you heard about that? No. So there's a whole thing that happened in the Philippines. The song My Way by Frank Sinatra is really big in the Philippines in karaoke. And there was a rash in like the early 2000s. There was a rash of murders. Somebody got murdered every time they played it on the radio.

Well, during karaoke at karaoke bars when they would sing that, because apparently people, it was such a powerful song too, that if people would sing it badly, they would get booed off stage and fights would break out and people would get murdered over the song. That's insane.

Whoa. It's like a, it's like a soccer match. Like when the referees would murdered over the song. That's insane. Whoa. It's like a soccer match. Like when the referees would get murdered. Damn. That's crazy. So per the article here, in the Philippines,

they take karaoke very seriously. Don't ever sing my way wrong. Oh my God. Never, never. That is insane. And don't sell drugs in the Philippines either. Don't sell drugs in the Philippines.

Just don't do anything weird in the Philippines. Let's just be safe there. It can be a little scary at times. Be safe in the Philippines. And I mean, obviously, we've always had a really big viewership from the Philippines. So shout out to my Pinoy boys. Hey. Hey.

Salamat for watching. Thank you. I mean, you probably dealt with this. To my Pinoy boys. Hey. Hey. Salamat for watching. Thank you. I mean, you probably dealt with this. Like, because with Anthony, because he's quarter. Padilla, that's where it comes from, right? Yeah, like Jimenez. Yeah, exactly.

And then the thing that would always happen is, like, people would always mistake him for being, like, Latinx. Oh, all the time. All the time. Dude, have I told you some of the stories of like when I first came to LA of like, I don't know if I talked about in the last podcast. If I did cut this out, because that's probably annoying. So because Jimenez is most oftenly known as a Latinx name, there were so many times when I in auditions,

especially when I was starting off and especially commercially, because like they would just kind of like cattle, like call in so many people for the same audition to read one line. They would all assume that I spoke fluent Spanish. Oh, great. It was so good. And there was this one amazing audition. I thank you so much to my agent for getting me this where she neglected to tell me that it was a fluent Spanish audition, but also that they would be testing me there.

So there was a situation where like I was, I said some lines in Spanish and then they had like a native Spanish speaker behind the camera that was just like, yeah, you don't do that. You didn't speak any of this. You go out, you leave. And they were just like rapid fire speaking Spanish. And I was like, crap, can we like slow it way down?

And can you also write it out? I'm way better at reading Spanish than I am at talking. I can see that confusion happening a bit for Anthony too, because I get the same thing. People don't really like know what to categorize me as a lot of times when they see me, they just kind of, I don't know, they see my last name and they just automatically assume that I'm Latinx and that's my ethnic background. But it does bring up an interesting conversation too, that when people do dive further into it, and I like actually no like i'm filipino like you know there was a colonization by spain for a while and there's a lot of filipinos with spanish last names that's that's a very common occurrence

so that is that is funny would anthony get that quite a bit then even like as you guys got bigger in the it was always in the comments and we made and we also like it didn't help that we made a video that was like a joke about something it was called and we titled it Anthony is Mexican so that probably didn't help yeah but yeah there was always comments being like like oh Anthony oh yeah he's he's uh he's Mexican and we'd just be like I'm sorry like no no he's not he's not not that it really changes anything it doesn't I mean that's the thing it's like it's not. He's not. Not that it really changes anything. It doesn't. I mean, that's the thing. It's like, it's not like, I don't care if someone mistakes me for that.

It's just the in general when it comes to like people meeting someone that they're like curious about their ethnicity or something like the freaking assumptions of which I'm just like, no, don't just assume anything. And then don't do like the general like questioning of things or like thinly veiled, like trying to get to know where you're from. That's just the most annoying thing. Yeah. You could possibly do to someone that is that is mixed or color. It's just it's so weird.

I don't know where that came from. Like why people think it's OK to be like you're you're Mexican. Like you're like I'm like, don't know. stop like i don't know how this matters in this situation like why does this matter yeah i think i think every every person that's of mixed race kind of deals with at some point but there is this level of like especially if there aren't a lot of other mixed race kids in your family where you're just kind of like like you feel the need to identify more with one side than another like people kind of ask you to to get into a box of sorts and they're like which one do you feel like you're more a part of which one do you feel like you're more attached to and it's I'm still struggling with and I don't know what the right

answer is to all this of like if I do identify with one side more than another or if I am just this like anomaly of a person that only someone else of like mixed race can kind of identify with in the same way. What was strange is that I think especially even like with like my like my sister, other members of my family, I am a much taller and oftentimes white passing individual. So I would like went through a lot of like, not a lot of but like, there will definitely be situations where someone will say something to me that they wouldn't have said if they knew I was Filipino or I was Asian, like they would say kind of, yeah, like racists are very troubling things. And so it's I do have this kind of unique perspective where I'm like, Oh, yeah, I'm that person that like the fly on the wall a little bit in the sense where like, I can, I'm the spy in certain ways. Because like, yeah, and they're just like, oh, well, she's like way too tall. And like, like, no, like she just doesn't

like quite have what I'd imagined to be Asian features. So like, you know, like, I can talk about this stuff. Like they wouldn't even like think about it. Like growing up in Irvine, Irvine has a very large Asian percentage of people as well as a large percentage of like white people. For some reason, still, even though there were also quite a few mixed kids. But is it integrated or is it pretty separated? Well, like for the most part, it's pretty integrated because there are there are I grew up with so many kids that are like Hapa and biracial and that are mixed. But weirdly, like I have like weird stories from elementary school because kids are just so strange sometimes like we i guess had enough of a population of like

asian kids and white kids that they so bad we had like a pickup soccer game at recess so it was like the asian kids versus the white kids and they were like kimmy like which said pick a side oh god come on kimmy pick a side in the race war i'm like what i don't even know how i ended that whole thing like i don't i don't remember what my decision was i think i tried to be the ref yeah i was gonna say you could be the ref you know like oh the I tried to be the ref. Yeah, I was going to say you could be the ref. I'm like, oh, the mixed kid can be the ref. Like, that's it. She's unbiased because she's not 100%. Or you could play either side.

You just have to play mid. Yeah, like you just, yeah, exactly. It was just, it's just kids are so strange in that way. But I think like to anyone that is maybe going through a bit of like a racial identity crisis or doesn't need, like there is no need to feel you have to be assimilating to one side or to feel like you have to identify with just one thing like I'm still figuring it out and I think everyone like everyone just kind of figures out their identity more as they grow up in general with this this um kind of inner like deeper dive into trying to figure out what my identity looks like and like who I am as a person. And the best part of all that has been just kind of learning more about each of

like each sides of my culture and trying to just kind of educate myself more on like the history of things. Like it's such a fascinating conversation. Like if you are lucky enough to have any relatives that may be like immigrated at some point, like to kind of hear their story. Like I've read some amazing letters even on my Russian Jewish side from my great, great grandparents, like as they were immigrating from Russia. And it's cool. It's cool just in general to learn more about your family and like whatever capacity that might be. And it's definitely the identity crisis is a work in progress. But yeah, I don't know. I kind of, I think I'm in a very happy place

where i'm like i don't really quite know like how i identify and that's really cool and like even as like one of the things i've been getting more into recently is just trying to write more like that's a concept i've been trying to explore and because i think a lot of people can relate to that i guess but yeah i get that i was i was watching this netflix movie that was based on a book um called indian horse and it kind of goes into it's it's a fictional story but based very much on the realities of a lot of the first nations people that lived in canada yeah um the indigenous people in canada and a lot of a lot of you know their culture was wiped out intentionally by the church and the Canadian government. Yikes.

And it kind of goes into this whole sort of like thing of like, how do you have like, you know, when you wipe out somebody's past and culture, you have people that don't have an identity. Yeah. And like the whole big like, you know, phrase that came out of that movie was like, you don't know where you're going without knowing where you've been. No, it's true. Yeah, learning more about your past and that's so interesting.

And that was on Netflix you said? I think it was on Netflix, yeah. Okay, that's so true. Do you have any idea of like your family's like kind of history or like, have you guys always been from Northern California? Yeah. I mean,

like it's never really had to be something that I, that I really grappled with. And obviously that's a privilege thing, I think to, to be like, yeah, no, I don't know.

Like I'm, I'm a straight white male. Like this place has been kind of built for me. So I guess it's okay. Like, you know, like I think I identify more as like as a californian than i do as an american i get that because it does feel like that i mean like

america is such a but then i think about it more and i'm like well california is massive and there's a lot of like ideals yeah ways of living that I don't agree with that other Californians have. So do I even identify as being a Californian? I don't know. Who knows? What is it? I don't like to me. To me, it's it's not it's not something that I that I trouble myself with very much.

I gotcha. But that's so interesting because California really does. Like if you go to another part of the country, a lot of times, like especially when I would spend a lot more of my childhood and growing up experience in California and then I would like randomly go on trips to places. It's unrecognizable at times. You're just like, wait, this is still we're still in the same country. Like these people are crazy. I mean, we shouldn't be. No.

It's a large landmass. It's a large landmass. It's a large landmass. You look at Europe and it's like you drive for like an hour and you're in a totally different country. You could drive for 10 hours and still be in California. No, it's true. Even like Northern California versus Southern California, there is such a difference too. And I feel like the way that people kind of like operate and just like hold themselves. My mom was born and raised in LA and like didn't really know much else other than that. Like she went to UCLA. She spent her life there essentially. And then my parents were pregnant with me. Weirdly, we were living at the time in Butler, Pennsylvania. And this kind of like really rural part where like it was a lot of people there just like had never seen an Asian person before.

My mom was just like felt so out of place. This like poor, tiny, super pregnant Asian woman just like walking around trying to like shovel snow and stuff like, oh, gosh, wow, what a superhero. But she was just like just felt so weird and so off putting like to be living there for an extended period of time that she was like uh nope gotta go like a year after i was born like we moved back instantly she's like this is what i know and this is like i just it felt weird to be considered another in another place like that's not a fun experience but yeah it is crazy how big of like how much landmass there is in the states and how vastly different things can be from like one side of the country to the other. I think the last thing that I kind of like that we talked about talking about your sort of like struggles with, you know, anxiety or body image issues, dieting, diet fast. A lot of us have fallen victim to. Oh, gosh. Yeah.

I guess I guess it all kind of comes back to anxiety, right? Yeah. I mean, like even what we were talking about earlier of just like I didn't ask for help when I like like I didn't feel comfortable being a burden. I can look back at my childhood now and be like, oh, yeah, that was just a super anxious child, like poor baby. my family in general is just there we're all so um they're also smart and so driven and and successful like i've done a lot of amazing things so there are certain things that like other families it'd be like this is a major accomplishment to graduate from college to get all a's to do all these things for our family it's pretty like if you don't do that like what's wrong with you so i i don't know what it was so like growing growing up, I for sure was just not like, again, like I can't read it enough. My parents did not put this kind of pressure on me, but I legit would feel so bad and crappy if I like didn't do the best I did on like I could on a test. Like if I got like a B plus on something.

Your parents both like pretty like tough love, like not hard on you, but like very like just stressing success. I, you know, like I think they just genuinely thought that that would all these things like I really wanted to do. But like, yeah, we were I did. I just had way too many activities going on as a kid. Like I was president of two different clubs. I was in honors and AP classes. I was like an executive on a charity league. I was in varsity soccer. And then like I did swim for a while. And then I also was doing theater and like plays and stuff on the side. And I feel like I'm even missing. Oh, and then club soccer outside of varsity soccer, which actually would take up the most time often. And I just had all these things because it was like, you need to do these things to get to college, like, which is

true. You do need to have all of these. Oh, and student government. So I was for sure that like that overachieving kid, but I also felt that that was all necessary. And there were certain times when I was like, if my academics faltered in any way, I would just be so depressed about it. And I would be doing so much stuff. But I would also just like, I would just be so depressed about it. And I would be doing so much stuff. But I would also just like, I would not know that I had the option of like, stopping one of those things. Like, I didn't have to show up for that. Like, that would have been okay. Like, I honestly, there are times when I'm like, I really should have like, quit soccer at a younger age. Like, I kind of wish I did because it was such a life takeover and it would stress me out so much. And I would never have my weekends free to do whatever I wanted to. Like I would

have as an anxious little child, like if I knew for some reason about soccer, like the fitness aspect of it would like just ruin my day. Like if I knew I had to run, like, which is why I would never would have been good at cross country or track and field. If I knew I had to run and do like fitness stuff at the end of the day, my entire day was crap. I was just thinking about that, like from like start to end. And I would just be hoping I would like it would get rained out, hoping something would happen that I would fall ill in some way. Because you were juggling 80 other things. I was juggling so much.

And weirdly, like it was it was so, so intense. And I was so I felt like if I didn't do any of those things, like I'm sure there was some deep part of me that was like, oh, like I wouldn't be as loved by my parents if I didn't do this. Not that they ever expressed any of that. But I did put a lot of pressure on myself as a kid. And looking back, I'm like, oh, like that sucks. Because like even like I got to college, everything was great.

And when I got to college, I was going to say college must have seemed like a breeze literally the easiest thing if anything it was it was harder because I was having more free time than ever so I'm I'm so in like even even now I kind of struggle with like I like needed a very structured lifestyle I'm like I need to know that I'm gonna be at this thing from this time to this time and this thing from this time to this time and I have this thing to do when I get home. Like I needed people to tell me what to do. And so like when it came to be just more like, oh, it's your turn to kind of decide what the heck's going on with your day. I was like, what the heck?

What do I do? Like, somebody tell me like I got to hire a life coach or something. Just hearing this is making me anxious. Yeah. Well, that's too much to put on one person. It was way too much. It was way too much. But the scary thing is, and I'm like scared for like my kids in the future and just like kids now, like everything is just getting harder and more competitive. And like the things that I did are just expected. And like beyond that, also having

just like the best grades and the best test scores, like there are just more people in the world. And it's like the colleges that I got into and the ones that I didn't get accepted to, it would have been an entirely different thing if I were doing all the things I did, but I were literally like no one got into UCLA that year. Like you had to be, I don't even like literally never have gotten like a point off of anything in your life. Like it was just insane. You still ended up going to UC. I went to a great school and I'm so thankful. I don't know, like I put this scary amount of expectations on myself and it sucks because it's like, if I'm looking back, I'm like, God, like everything turns out okay. Like, you don't have to stress like that. There are so many good UCs, but if you legitimately feel like your- UC is University of California.

University of California. Yeah, no, it's, and they're great. They're all great schools. And for a California resident, they're a lot, they make a lot more sense financially. They're like half the price of the financial institution. But like, yeah, I just, I put so much pressure on myself for what? I'm like, I got a great college education. I didn't go to the place that I thought I was going to go. But yeah, like when I got to college, like you said, it was a breeze. It was so easy. And I felt like I was doing something wrong. So I'm like, this shouldn't be as simple as it is. But it was just because I'd put so much pressure on myself. But obviously that sort of like that anxiety and like strive, striving for perfection manifested itself in, in other ways, other than just like getting the perfect grades,

right? Like you had to be perfect at everything. Yeah. Yeah. I just like, couldn't make a misstep, but I think that, yeah, like, I think that the way that I would start to handle that anxiety and stress too, would just be with like eating. And it would be like, I was pretty regimented as a kid for what I could have. Like I can only have like a certain amount of like dessert and like a certain amount of snacks.

I hadn't had a first, my first sip of Coca-Cola until I was like 14, because my parents were scared of caffeine stunting my growth. So they're they're definitely like looking back at it now. Like it didn't matter as much when I was younger, like because kids have such an intense metabolism. And I was also just doing so much soccer. So it was like I could eat a fucking horse and be fine. Like it wouldn't even show up. I'd lose weight, if anything.

Like it was crazy. But then growing as I got older, I think I started to notice those unhealthy eating habits when I'd be out with my friends. And when I had a bit of my own disposable income, I was like, this is how I'm going to alleviate this stress. This is something I can control. And I can eat these things that make me happy. And that's how it's all going to work, which isn't a great way to look at food. It's like definitely an unhealthy relationship with binge eating and like and just fast food and junk food in general. Like everything's fine in moderation.

Eating disorders is not a is not an uncommon thing. No. And like I kind of just did. I did a very, very, very ultra quick Googling. So don't quote me on this. But it was something like 9% of the US population deals with eating disorders of some kind. So it's something that like,

I think almost everyone has some unhealthy relationship with food to a degree. Yeah, no, it's so true. And I think the fascinating thing about like with eating disorders and I'm not up to date, it's been a while since I took psychology psychology in school with I'm not up to date with what the classifications are on DSM. But it's there is such a huge spectrum of things like I feel like eating disorders can range from even things with just like body dysmorphia that kind of affect how you view food as a result. And like just the occasional binge eating and just like an unhealthy relationship with food in general but i i do feel like a lot of us go to that especially in the states i think too i don't know i feel like just our affinity for binging alcohol food like our like access to very cheap fast food that's oftentimes the cheapest thing and the most accessible to especially someone of a lower income like i was when i was a kid like yeah it's it really does mess with our heads in a lot of ways i mean there was that that dumb fuck ceo of

uh whole foods that was like oh people are just fat because they're stupid and they're they're making bad nutritional choices because they're stupid and it's like no no fucking idiot that is the statement like the purest statement from someone of such privilege like of like literal like he has not had to experience any hardships in his life to have a statement like that like that's absolutely insane if you have two bucks you can get a meal at mcdonald's yeah or something like that like two or three bucks can get you can get you like a dollar menu fill that will give you a fill of food yeah and it's and it's is it going to be good for you i mean it'll get you it'll get

you plenty of calories it's going to be a lot of calories it'll keep you alive for sure yeah but your fat cholesterol levels like everything like that suffer in the in the meantime your macros are going to be off your macros are going to be off, Rose. Your macros are going to be off. Oh, you're going to, you're definitely not going to go into ketosis doing that. For sure, bro. But yeah, I mean, like the whole food,

I mean, the whole food system in this country and not just this country, but in a lot of places, it's so wacky. It's so messed up. Because, I mean, if we had to pay the real price for meat the dollar menu would not exist like we subsidize a lot of industries heavily oh absolutely it's it's

great yeah because like yeah the prices that we pay for those freaking happy meals and stuff they ain't too happy like it's insane like how little like we we are actually paying and then also the quality of the meat and everything that we're eating suffers too and not to say that i don't like fully smash a big mac here and there like i am a big fan oh yeah you gotta smash those macs from time to time those macs every so often but yeah yeah it's it's just it's just crazy i'm not saying don't eat fast food no absolutely not and i totally understand like that's that's what you, a lot of people, yes, they're like, if you really make the effort, like there are healthy options. But it's not, and especially in a lot of low income areas where some low income areas don't even have a fucking grocery store. Access to fresh produce and stuff.

Yeah, you don't have that access at all. It's a huge problem. So binge eating was kind of something that you. Yeah, I would definitely binge eat. I think I just like wasn't aware of when I was hungry or not. It was just more like, am I bored? Am I stressed? Am I like whatever?

And those are all reasons for me to be eating at the time. But I think it is something it's like, like you said, and like for so much of these things growing up, you're just not aware that other people are experiencing the same things. And yeah, everyone kind of goes through something like that, like a binge eating. I went through so many weird diet fads where I would be trying to live off of like negative calories and like powder food and stuff. Powder food? Like a nutrition system, you know, but like not the good nutrition system.

The like the shitty nutrition. Yeah, like the shakes, the weird, like they had so many meals that were, you know, but like not the good Nutrisystem. The shakes. The like the shitty Nutrisystem. Yeah, like the shakes, the weird like they had so many meals that were you didn't need to refrigerate or freeze. Like they were just like the weird like almost like. The MREs? What are those? Meal ready to eat. They're like what they give people in the military. Yeah.

Yeah. No, it was. I don't even know. It was so strange. It was like the way that like a cup of noodle like functions like a dehydrated like astronaut food. Like I don't know know. It was so strange. It was like the way that like a cup of noodle like functions, like a dehydrated like astronaut food. Like, I don't know. Dried foods. It was just it was so weird. But I just felt I just like didn't like myself and my body. And I'm like, this is how I'm going to like, you know, get myself to like love me again is to like try and make something happen with my weight.

And it's just it's it's such a bad way to look at food, but it's also very common. So what did, what did you do? Like, how did you, like, how, how do you, how do you deal? How did you deal with something like that? Yeah. I mean, well, I think so much of it, it was such a learning curve for me of like going and like from playing a competitive sport, which I'm sure like you experienced too, of just like running all the time, of just adjusting your lifestyle to maybe not having that ingrained of a workout in your everyday routine. But so it was like, I had to learn to like, just like listen to my body more in the sense of like, am I hungry right now? Or am I just like stressed or bored or like one of these other like outlier factors? It was a lot of that.

It was a lot of just like looking inwards and being like, okay, what's going on here? And then two, also just like gaining my self-worth from something other than my image, like making sure that I was happy with myself, like in whatever state I looked like or whatever state I was in, like with, if I was at my whatever weight, like it didn't matter. It was just about like, OK, I need to make sure that I'm making these decisions about like food and about health, like exercise and health and my body based on just wanting to like internally feel good and feel more active and like more energetic and happier, not just because I'm doing it all for the purpose of trying to like look a certain way. How did you get there? It's, I mean, it's still a process. I feel like that's a path that a lot of people are on.

And it's really hard to get to a place like that. So like, I'm sure it was like a few different things or? I had tried so many different diets and fads and things like when I was younger that just were not successful. Like they're all such like lose all this weight real quick and then that's it. And then you can't sustain that because your body isn't. Yeah. It's like it's just a form of like almost like malnutrition. Like you're just like you're losing weight quickly, but that doesn't mean it's going to stay off. It's just temporary. It's like water weight, basically. For me, like

my only diet like recommendation ever is just like just listen to your body. Like if you're hungry, eat something like and if you're not hungry, like don't. Yeah. I mean, sometimes even that's hard. No, it really is. It's easier said than done. And it's taken a lot. And then I guess in terms of just like self love, it's just giving yourself the time, as cheesy as it is, like affirm your other good

qualities about yourself. Like, what do I like about me? Like besides just like my appearance, like what, like I need to gain some sort of like inner validation from something other than aesthetics. Cause that, that is, that's just such a flimsy thing to base your entire self-worth on but it's way easier said than done like i think it's just like waking up in the morning and like reminding yourself of like the things that you like about your life and who you are and like what you're gonna do with your day that excites you that's not just taking photos of yourself and like posting them is that something you do every morning like you you? No, I'm like, I'm definitely not this like perfect person when it comes to that sort of stuff by any means.

It's just something that I like, I previously would consider it to be a very, I'd be like almost embarrassed to like, kind of like be like, oh, go me. Like it would feel a little bit like self-involved, but I'm trying to get better of just like being like, okay, like I like these things. Like, hey, I did this really cool thing today that I'm really proud of like fuck like that was an like awesome sketch I

just shot and I liked how I did that or like wow I just wrote something that I'm like this is pretty cool and I'm excited about like it's it's like noticing the things about yourself that you like and just reaffirming that and just giving yourself the time to like pat yourself on the back too for those things yeah but yeah I don't know i mean like how how have you felt kind of about that stuff well before you turn on me i'm sorry i'm still trying to understand no ask me more i apologize i'm still trying to understand how you got to that place how did you like did you read some books did you just think really hard one day like Did you go to therapy? How did you arrive to this solution?

Because I feel like there's not one way to get there. And I feel like everyone has their own journey and their own path. And sometimes the work is never done. You've sort of highlighted these things that you weren't happy with with yourself. Right. Or you said like, OK, I'm not looking at this in a healthy way. Yeah.

And what were the what were the what were the sort of steps that you took to get you to where you are today? You know, I get you. I think I think a big part of it was I think it was like therapy and being more communicative about how I'm feeling. Because there are times like when you're just kind of stuck in your own head and you start to get super hard on yourself. Like there's no one to check that for you if it's just going on internally. And if you're someone with anxiety or even like someone with like social anxiety who just constantly think that like everyone hates you and like doesn't like you or like you kind of go down this rabbit hole. So the biggest part of that, too, was like if you're like having some of those thoughts, like maybe just talking to someone about it doesn't need to necessarily be a therapist if you're not ready for that, but like a family member, someone you're close with, someone you

trust to be able to just to kind of be like, hey, I'm thinking this about myself. And that's the person that can be like, oh, hey, yeah, that's not a good thing to think. Like, that's not true. And like, here's why. And the fact that you're thinking that is just like, it's like, don't lead yourself down that on your own rabbit hole. So I think becoming more open and communicative has really helped, like talking to my friends that are like, Kimmy, whoa, like, why you are so hard on yourself about these things. Like, here are things that I love about you things like here are things that i love about you or here are things that i think are really special about you um and sometimes hearing it from another person weirdly is a good way to start uh from the people that love you were there were there any sort

of like external factors that you had to change like whether it was a bad relationship or a family member like that you identified as like, this person is toxic to my sort of like self-worth. Definitely. There would definitely be people in the past. Like I think I'd say when I was younger, it was for sure friend groups of mine. I definitely was never one of those people to have the same friend from when I was like two years old to now.

Like I always had a pretty, like a lot of friends come in and out of my life and no one was ever in it for too long. And I used to take that really hard. Like I would take that as a reflection of who I am. I'm like, oh, I suck because they don't want to hang out with me anymore. And it was it was just like we never really got to know each other. Like we were all just kind of friends because it was convenient. And like those were people that like, well, they didn't say anything hurtful per se. It just, I don't think I ever felt really validated by my friends or felt supported because they just honestly didn't know who I was and I didn't know who they were, like vice versa. So like I was really hard on myself back when like I would lose those people in my life. And now I'm like, oh,

wait, no, you keep the people in your life that validate you and support you and make you feel good you take the ones out that are like trying to cut you down that are like trying to insult you or bring you down to a level because oftentimes like and that sucks for those people like they're really insecure and they have a lot of stuff to work on and there are no place to be in any relationship or friendship. But yeah, definitely more recently, like there were people that I had to kind of cut out. And I think even coming out of those like relationships, I'm like, oh, wow, I put up with a lot more than I should have. And those mistakes also kind of inform my future decisions and how I like I can recognize faster when someone is being unnecessarily hurtful or they're saying something that isn't kind

or they're not supportive because I feel like every relationship in your life should serve a purpose in some way like you should be like that person should make you feel good or support you or be there for you in some way or be honest honest with you. Or be honest with you. I think one important thing to mention to the viewers is like, you know, when you say cut out the people that are being hurtful, I think some people, I mean, you have to know that like every friendship isn't always going to be completely positive, but you have to understand that when your openness with between friends and being honest about issues is great. I don't want people listening to misconstrue that with,

with, you know, Oh, if, if I have like a rough time with my friend, that means I should cut them out. I think it's definitely the intention, right?

If the intention is to hurt or if the intention is to hurt you in some way, then, then absolutely cut them out. And I think, and I think that's something that, that you've realized. But yeah, for me, I've been working on trying to be more open with my friends and just have a deeper connection with people. It is easy to just keep things very much on the surface and be safe. It is that very American thing. No, it's so true. No, I agree entirely. I think for me, like in my with the relationships I was referencing were people that were just nothing but hurtful. Like there was no supportive aspect to that. I would have conversations with these people and try and be open and honest with them about like, hey, like that's like not the nicest thing that you said to me. I don't really feel that great when you do it. And they would just be kind of so self-absorbed. They wouldn't notice that. But no, absolutely. I think

being open and honest and communicative in any relationship is so healthy. And like, obviously, a lot of relationships go through ups and downs. And if one person makes a mistake, it doesn't mean that they're a bad person or that they're not worthy of a second chance. It's just it's just kind of gauging how you feel yeah and how you felt throughout the whole thing and and i think that's good that you gave them a chance yeah i'm nothing if not yeah i mean if anything i think i'm one to give people too many chances at times i think i'm in a very like in a place in my life right now i'm like oh yeah like that was bad bye and like just like feeling self-empowered in that sense because i've never been like that in the past, really. It's a superpower, man.

Cutting out friends that are not beneficial to your life is a superpower. Yeah. And I couldn't recommend it more. It's wonderful. Cut them out. You don't need them. All right, we're gonna move on. Cool.

To the shoot dude. Shoot dude. Shoot dude. Shoot dude. Shoot dude. dude shoot dude shoot dude shoot dude now give me um it's been a minute since i've been on the podcast again give me a little rundown of what the shoot dude is right so the shoot dude um we have petitioned our lovely listeners and viewers for stories that make us go shoot dude that's right and they have submitted they have submitted to shoot dude at smosh.com that's s-h-o-o-t-d-o-o-d at smosh.com and uh every episode we read one out so this one's

from chris and uh kevin's told me that uh this is a very long story that he has um truncated so chris please don't be mad we just made your story a little more succinct i'm using my sat words oh look at you tr you. Truncated. Succinct. I know. Chris said, besides being a teacher, I'm a professional violinist. Nice.

Cool. I was hired to perform for a newlyweds first dance at their reception. They requested Ed Sheeran and Beyonce's Perfect. The wedding planner asked me to stand slash perform

right next to the cake table that was situated next to the dance floor they had activated a fog machine which created a very elegant yet mystifying first dance by the couple complimented by my violinning is that a word my violin yeah i don't know he's a violinist i feel like he should know he should know he should know little did i know though that the fog machine had created a large puddle of melted dry ice right next to me but was still covered by the remaining fog on the dance floor that i stood next

to i proceeded to walk off the floor and stepped right into the puddle lost my balance and did a funny dance i fell on the floor in front of a large crowd of guests with my entire right side soaked in melted dry ice. Even worse, as I fell, my foot grazed the cake table and kicked it, causing the three-tiered cake to wobble. See, this is what I was worried about. Oh my God, I know, I'm like, this story is like taking turns that I didn't expect.

Okay, the cake table's wobbling. Wobbling, the cake's wobbling. I saw my life flash through my eyes that very moment but thank goodness the cake didn't collapse but you could definitely hear a sudden gasp in the crowd as i got up i could tell my face was beet red and i quickly and professionally got up and exclaimed as long as the cake is okay i quickly packed up my violin and just wanted to bolt out of the reception hall, head home and crawl in bed. I remember the wedding couple consoling me afterwards and telling me,

Hey, we got an open bar. Go help yourself to some shots. You deserve it. After that. Oh my God. Oh, there's a video.

Yep. Uh, so I, if you guys want to take a moment to watch it, it's not, it's basically, Oh, but there's no fall. to watch it it's not it's basically oh but there's no fall yes but it proves it proves that he was there that you see the whole setup you can imagine it about to happen that you just didn't catch it on the video oh my god that i mean that story is for sure a shoot dude i i mean it would have been a bigger shoot dude if he if he knocked the cake

over but then but then this is a definite this definitely seems like a real believable shoot dude yeah and it's still embarrassing as all hell like they just had this beautiful moment and then his ass just like slips and falls right there yeah right there and then he yeah it's it definitely seems like a shoot i'm like i'm so i'm just like so relieved that that cake didn't fall it's it's really that like my heart was about to drop so low he was not gonna get a tip that night oh my gosh but yeah the tip of a knife yeah murdered over cake and people have been murdered over less that's true what did we learn today they've been murdered over frank sinatra's true. What did we learn today? They've been murdered over my way.

Yeah, Frank Sinatra's my way. You could be murdered over anything. That's the fun part of this society. Well, now I know not to do Frank Sinatra's my way in the Philippines. I'm going to skip that song. Oh, my God. I'm going. It's like Macbeth in a theater. it's like the thing that you don't do

or else it's cursed bad luck yeah okay never say it apparently i didn't know i'm learning things today i love that i also learned that sharks um i everything i know about sharks is wrong and that's okay yeah sharks are sharks are pretty chill... Yeah. They're not that much of a threat. I like sharks. Well, Kimmy, this has been an adventure. Thank you for sharing things. I feel like we cracked that nut a little bit. Do you feel like you got to know me a little more?

I feel like we cracked the nut. Cool. The cracks have begun. They've begun. I'm getting into that meaty, nutty center. Yeah. Yeah. I hope that's not too creepy sounding.

Nah, I liked it. I like nuts. But thank you so much, Kimmy, for coming on. My pleasure. Anytime. We're going to jump onto a stream right now. Yep, we are. On twitch.tv slash Smosh Games.

Be watched then. We're going to go do that. And thank you guys for listening, watching the Smosh cast. As always, if you have not rated it five stars on the podcast. Go do that. uh thank you guys for listening watching the smosh cast as always if you have not rated it five stars on the podcast go do that it's wrong with you give us a review say say haha i like kimmy thank yeah that'd be that'd be nice and go subscribe go subscribe to our youtube yeah subscribe to that and thank you so much for all the questions today. Those were some fun ones to answer.

Thank you for the shoot, dude. Mm-hmm. Yeah, you know, I feel a little terrified, but it's all good stuff. This is great. It's a good way. Yeah.

Yeah, cool. And see you later, okay? I'll see you later. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. I'll see you next time.