Snook - Unexplainable True Reddit Threads

Episode Date: April 13, 2026

From a user asking for help finding a strange boy she once knew to a user who found human bones washed up on the beach... these are some Unexplainable True Reddit Threads. I hope every OP in this video is doing better now. Would you like to see me make similar videos in the future? Leave your thoughts down below in the comment section, and make sure to like and subscribe! Please do not attempt to contact anyone talked about in this video. Join the Patreon! https://www.patreon.com/SnookYT ⁠⁠⁠Follow me on instagram and Spotify! If your story or post was included in today's video and you wish for it to be taken down, please reach out to this email. [e-mail] And yes, I'm a human voice. NEXT SUB GOAL - 1,000,000 subscribers! So make sure to subscribe! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hey, what's up guys and welcome back to the channel and today we're getting into some unexplainable true Reddit threads. You guys have been loving these Reddit threads videos. So I'm going to keep making them as long as you guys keep watching them. So comment down below and let me know if you'd like to see more Reddit thread videos in the future. But today we have some crazy, mysterious and unexplainable true Reddit threads. They're going to be super, super interesting and scary and also a little bit weird. So you want to stick around. please like the video, subscribe to the channel, and yeah, this video will be long enough already,

so sit back, relax, and without further ado, let's get into some unexplainable true Reddit threads. When I was around 10, I met a strange boy who seemed to appear from nowhere. Him and I became super close friends, but after about a year, he disappeared. I never found a way of contacting him again. This is going to be a long one, so you'll have to be. bear with me while I try and explain everything. Okay, so I was probably around 10 to 11 years old the first time I remember the boy turning up. It was the middle of summer, and my friends and I were swimming in a lake in one of my parents' fields.

I grew up in a small farmer's town with a population of no more than 200, and so everyone knew everyone. There were two schools in the town, one for boys and one for girls. I'm not sure why they split them by gender, and I'm pretty sure both have merged now, but that's what it was like when I lived there. I'm going to tell it how I remember it happening, but my friend who was there at the time remembers it slightly differently than I do.

So as I was saying, my friends, I think it was about four of us in total, and I were swimming in the lake at the bottom of one of my parents' fields. It was about a 15-minute walk from my main house. We have been playing there for a while. when we heard someone calling us. We looked over and saw the boy standing at the edge of the lake, completely unclothed.

Once we noticed him, he shouted if he could play with us. He looked to be around the same age of us, maybe a little older, but not by much. He was super pale, like white pale. I remember being amazed and kind of jealous of his super bright green eyes. He also had shoulder-length white blonde hair, like Draco Malfoy blonde. I looked at my friends and we said yeah, and he could come in the lake with us.

None of us recognized him, which as I said was weird because we had all lived in this tiny town for our whole lives and everyone basically knew everyone living there. He introduced himself as Richard, but he said he prefers if we call him Richie, so we did. I remember asking Richie where he was from, but he'd go all awkward and would never give a straight answer. Anyway, after a while more of playing in the lake, Richie seemed fun and invited him to come back to my house for supper. He straightaway said he would love to come, and my friend was like, don't you need to ask your mom? To which Richie said something like, oh, she won't mind. Remember how I said Richie was completely unclothed? Well, that wasn't so strange.

In fact, I'm pretty sure we all were. My friends and I were all boys and we would skinny dip in the lake normally, so it didn't stick out. to me when he first arrived like that but what did stick out to me was when we got out of the lake dried and dressed ourselves richie had no clothes with him to get dressed into which i remember thinking was super weird but he said something like oh i must have forgot to bring them which again i thought was very weird like how do you forget your clothes i wasn't sure how my parents would react to me bringing home a unclothed boy so I gave him my briefs and my overshirt to put on.

But yeah, that stuck out as very odd. My friends went back home and Richie and I went to my house. My dad was like, where's his clothes? I just made something up. I'm pretty sure I said something like his clothes got wet, so we left him in the sun to dry. I got him some trousers to put on. We ate supper, which I remember him having three or four plates of.

As I said, Richie is a super skinny boy. I was pretty small and skinny at the time, but he was definitely more skinny than I was. So I was confused how he ate so much, L.O.L. Ritchie was super polite and sweet to everyone while he was at my house. After supper, I took him upstairs to my room and we played on my Nintendo 64 together. He had never seen one before and was super amazed by it. At the time, I thought he had never seen one because they were so old. This was 2010.

But my family was poor, and that's all I had. It started to get dark, and I asked him if he wanted to sleep over. He was really excited by that and said, yeah. I checked with my parents, but I knew they wouldn't mind because they were both super drunk. So we continued playing on N64 until it was super late. After a while, I said it was time that we went to bed as I was tired, but I don't remember him seeming tired at all. Richie asked if he could shower before as we've been playing in my.

my fields and he was really muddy. As he was showering, I made my bed for us and put a movie on the TV for us to watch as we went to sleep and I got into bed. Ritchie came in like five minutes later and was completely unclothed again. I was like, did you walk from the bathroom like that? He said, yeah, and didn't seem to care at all. So even though I thought it was strange, I didn't say anything. He got into my bed. I asked him if he wanted any pajamas, and he said no, it was too hot. which to be fair, I do remember it being really hot that day. I had a Scooby-Doo movie on, and he was really excited by it, and didn't know anything about them, which I guess isn't too weird,

but looking back, he didn't seem to know any pop culture stuff at all. I mean, we were pretty behind the times in my small town, but we still knew most pop culture. I'd slept in quite a lot the next day, but when I woke up, Richie wasn't in my room. I went and asked my mom if she'd seen him, and she said he left early that morning after his parents rang her house. How they knew he was with us or where to ring, I'm still not sure.

Richie had taken some shorts from my room because my mom said he couldn't leave without clothes on. I was a little disappointed he left without me, or at least without saying goodbye or without leaving any way of contacting him again. He turned up again a couple days later when my friends and I were swimming in the lake again. This time he brought clothes, but I'm pretty sure he only brought some. briefs and a shirt with no pants, which again, I thought was weird. Over the next year, him and I became super close. We were like brothers. Over the year, I asked if I could see his home or meet his family, but anytime I asked anything personal about him, he would go awkward and

did not want to talk about it, or he would just change the subject. But I could see it made him feel uncomfortable, so I didn't push him to tell me. He did tell me he was homeschooled, which I thought was cool because in my mind that meant no school. As I said, we became really close over the year. I felt like he was more than a friend to me. It's difficult to explain. It's almost like we clicked from the first time we met. We became close really quick and I felt like I could tell him anything and he would always help and support me. He helped me through so many hard times and he definitely encouraged me to be a better person. It was almost as if he could sense when I was going through anything. For example, when my grandma passed away, I went out into my fields to cry as I

didn't want to do it in front of my family. But after sitting down in some random place, Reggie turned up and sat next to me. He said some things that I remember helping me a lot. When I asked him how he found me, he said that he was just on a walk. Not too long after this, he just vanished. It had been a little over a year since the first time he appeared at the lake. It was around September the year afterward. So it had been around a year and two to three months. He never turned up again. Never said goodbye. Never left a trace. I was massively upset. I really, really missed him. I would walk around the fields looking for him and I would hang out by the lake where he first met, hoping that he would turn up, but he never did again. I still don't know what happened to him.

I've tried searching social media for him, but with no luck, and since he would never tell me that much about his life, I didn't have that much to go on. I asked my parents what they remember of him. They said they remember him being odd, and that they were unsure about him at first, especially how he had a tendency to strip unclothed whenever he felt like it. But they also said that he and I were inseparable, and wherever I was, he was sure to be found there too. They said they remember me being heartbroken when he stopped appearing. And they weren't sure whether they should call the police about him being gone, but they never did. I kind of wish they did. I suppose this is a long shot, but if you're reading this, Richie, reach out to me.

I'd love to speak to you again and get some answers to all the weird things about you. It's completely possible that there isn't anything paranormal about Richie, but it is definitely strange. And then the OP Mixing Update saying, I'm visiting my parents for a couple of weeks. I will search the house for any photos, Us, Richie, and I, that I could share there. Though, with seven older brothers

and a lot of family photos, I'm not sure I'll find anything. Also, there is a fun day at the local church to celebrate these schools breaking up for summer holiday. As suggested by a commenter, I'm going to attend the coffee morning where all the old people who live in the village go. Even if this means waking up at 7 a.m.,

I am going to be asking around to see if anyone remembers Richie. I will update this threat tomorrow if I find anything. Thank you, everyone, for your help. And then the OPE makes an update or a second update saying, I've asked around at my local church today. No one seemed to remember Richie. I started to lose a little hope. But word must have spread around that I was looking for someone.

Because an old lady, I'll call her Sharon in this, who I know, but I haven't ever really spoken to before, came up to me. She says she thinks she might know Richie's maternal great-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-old great-a-ant. She is going to try and find the contact details for me so I can reach out and see if the great-aunt has any info on Richie. Sharon says if Richie does belong to the family she's thinking of, then he would have lived at a cottage around an hour and 15-minute walk from the

main village. She said the cottage is secluded, with no neighbors. Sharon has no idea why he disappeared. But she said she isn't that close to Richie's great aunt. I hope this is a good news. I might actually be a step closer to finding Richie again. I'll update with any more news if I find any. I'm hoping that this possible aunt is still alive and hasn't changed contact details.

Wish me luck. And then the OP makes a third update saying, I've contacted Richie's potential great aunt, PGA for short, LOL, with no luck. I called the number that Sharon gave to me a couple times, with no answer, though I have left a message explaining who I am. I sent a letter first class to the address that Sharon gave to me as well, which should get there tomorrow or the day after.

Hopefully the PGA is still living at the address, and I'm able to get some answers. In the letter, I also explained why I was interested in contacting her, and I gave my phone number if she would like to call me instead of writing back. I will update as soon as I have anything new. Oh, and one more thing. I visited the cottage where Sharon thought Richie could have been living. The cottage is abandoned and run down. Seems likely that he could have been living there.

It gave off massive, creepy vibes, though. And then the OPE made a fourth update saying, I've heard back from the PGA. I'll name her Jan. Someone suggested that I check if the number was linked to any apps like WhatsApp. It was, and I reached out to Jane there. This seemed to do with the trick and she messaged me back relatively quickly. After describing Richie to her, she said pretty confidently that she is related to Richie.

This is where things took a bad turn, though. Jane hasn't been in contact with Richie in many years, but she does have the phone number of Richie's older sister. I have no idea he even had any siblings at all. Jane insinuated that I won't find out what I'm looking for when, contacting Richie's sister. I fear the worst. It seems as though something has happened to Richie. Jane told me that Richie's sister will be able to tell me more,

gave me a number, and then hung up the phone. I am incredibly anxious to reach out to Richie's sister. This could be the end to the search that is taking me so long, but I fear that it isn't the ending that I have dreamed of. I will update this thread once I know more. And then the OPE makes a second post four days later, and that post reads as follows. This is an update to my original post from a couple days ago, which can be found here, though my original post was only around four days ago.

That is eternity and Reddit time. So I'm not sure if anyone will even care about this update. First and foremost, I want to thank each and every one of you who have helped with through this process, and have helped me find closure on my childhood best friend and my first and only true love. This journey has been difficult. Many years have searched for answers on where Richie is now. Sadly, it is not good news. Deep down, I think I feared and perhaps avoided searching for Richie in case this was the outcome.

But the help of everyone here and so many lovely commenters, I tracked down a distant relative to Richie, who put me in contact with, Richie's older sister, a sister that I did not know existed. For the sake of clarity, I will name the sister Sarah. Sarah helped put into context Richie, his odd behavior, his unwillingness to show me his home and his disappearance. Sarah and Richie both suffered abuse and neglect at the hands of their father. Their father, who suffered with severe mental health issues and drug-related problems for most of his adult life,

their father was terrified of the outside world and thus kept them secluded away in secret. According to Sarah, their father was convinced that the world was months away from ending at any given time. He was convinced that the devil was planning to take over his mind and body and was convinced that Jesus had spoke to him and told him the only way to keep him and his family safe was to keep them secluded from the outside world. Sarah shared that their father would not often be physically abusive, which I suppose is of some relief. Richie and his family would move often throughout his childhood, never staying in one place for too long, as his father feared that the devil would soon find them. Sarah said they were most likely moved in the middle of the night with no forewarning.

Though she can't remember the specific time, they were moved from my town. This helps to explain how Richie seemed to appear one day. and disappear 15 months later. Richie passed away at age 15, around two and a half years after vanishing from my town. Sarah struggled to go into the details of Richie's death, and I didn't want to push her into sharing something that was painful for her, though it seemed that Richie committed S-word.

Sarah told me that Richie would often speak of me, and the time we spent together, and that all Richie ever wanted to do was to come back and find me. Sadly, he never managed that. She said she thought I was just imaginary. She isn't sure how Richie would sneak out of the house to meet with me, but said that their father would keep them locked in their rooms for days and sometimes weeks at a time. Sarah told me she has a collection of Richie's diaries, which I do remember him writing

occasionally. She's offered to send them to me, which is lovely of her. She told me that a lot of the writing is about me. about our time together, about how he wanted to find me again so we could run away together. Again, she never thought I was a real person. Hearing that was so incredibly bittersweet. I look forward to reading those diaries, even though it will be incredibly difficult at the same time. She said she is glad that Richie managed to have an impact on someone on this world.

I wish that I was able to express the impact that Richie. had on my life. I want everyone to know Richie. I want everyone to know what an amazing, kind and beautiful person Richie was. This post is difficult for me to write. Deep down, I

think that I resisted searching for Richie more in case this was the outcome. Sarah told me a lot more information, but I've decided to leave out most to respect her privacy. Sarah is away and safe from her father, which I am so glad about.

Again, I just want to express how thankful I am for all of you who have helped, for all of you have offered emotional support. Thank you so much. Richie, I love you. I'm sorry I couldn't help you. I'm sorry I didn't pick up on these signals that you were in danger. I hope you can forgive me. Richie, you were the only true friend I've ever had.

It's so hard for me to write this. I feel so sick that I didn't do more. Richie, I want you to know you saved me so many times throughout my life. So many low moments in my life have been helped because of the memories of you. I'm so sorry I wasn't there for you the same way you were there for me. I love you so much, Richie. And then the OP makes an update about a year later, reading, Hello everyone

Almost one year ago I made a Reddit post searching for answers about a childhood friend of mine that went missing It received a moderate amount of attention and with the people of Reddit's help I was able to track down the relatives

of my missing friend I posted this under a different now deleted account However, I have sent the mods of the subreddit proof of me being the OP I deleted the Reddit account because honestly I didn't want to think about

what happened to Rich anymore as it was too painful for a long time after I discovered the truth. Recently, that post had resurfaced on this subreddit, and so I thought I'd give you all an update on where I am today and how I'm doing as well as how Sarah is doing. It still pains me to think about Richie and think about how I could have and should have helped him and how I failed to save him.

It does really hurt to look back on it. I really don't have many friends, and I suffer from pretty bad anxiety, and I wish I had Richie here with me. Sarah and I still occasionally talk, but not really as often as I wish we could. I've met her in real life once, which was nice. I hope that me posting this update is all right on the subreddit. I just seemed to me that so many were touched by Richie's story that I thought I'd put this out there

and I'm happy to answer questions of anyone who has them. And then the OP makes another update on the same post saying, this post got a lot of replies, and I'm trying to make my way through and answer as many as I can. I didn't think this post would get so much attention, especially since this was posted relatively recently. To answer a couple of common questions, yes, I'm currently in therapy. I started it not too long ago with some medication as I have suffered for a while with severe anxiety. I'm currently requesting permission from Sarah before I post any of Richie's journal entries, as I feel she should have a final say on if she wants those out on the internet.

No, I am not writing a book about Richie. No, this is not a promotion for a book. If anyone was to write a book about Richie in his life, I would think it should be Sarah. However, she does not have any interest in sharing her story. She would much rather leave the past in the past, and honestly, I can't blame her. It really breaks my heart that there are so many people in here sharing that they need to knew a Richie, or they were a Richie. I feel like so many children even now go under the radar. The lives they live and the abuse they receive with no one there to help. It hurts to think that

there could have been so many with us today that I've sadly passed on and are no longer with us. I think everyone has a right to be remembered and I'm so glad that Richie has had an impact on so many people here. And I'm so sorry if I don't respond to a comment. There are a lot on here that I thought would be too difficult to respond to, I can say a million times that I shouldn't feel guilty. And I know that also, but it is very hard not to. And it's very hard to hear that I did all I could do when Richie isn't around anymore. That might sound mopey or ungrateful. I'm grateful of all the love I've been sent. I'm just not entirely sure if I deserve it. could this by chance be a human bone?

Originally posted to R slash biology and the OPE's post reads as follows. So I basically found this in a beach here in Portugal. It was swimming in the ocean near the sand. I want to bring it home, but I don't know if it could be human. And I'm going to blur the bone because I don't know if human bones are allowed on YouTube.

So I'm going to blur it, but basically it is just a small piece of bone that the OP obviously thinks is human. And let's get into the comments. Someone comments saying, osteo-archologist here. I believe this is a human humorous. I think you should probably contact the local authorities.

And the OP responded saying, I'll do that tomorrow since they didn't actually know what to say when I called earlier. Anyways, thank you. And I mean, how chilling is that? Finding a human bone on the beach. But then a short while, while after the OP post and update. Let's get into it. So far, this is what we know, or think we know.

This is probably a human humorous. It's almost the same size as mine. I'm a 17-year-old male, and it's also broken. The edges are not sharp, so it's probably been in the water for a long time. Day one, I tried to contact authorities, but they said to contact other people and didn't even know exactly what to say. Police in Portugal rarely do any shit. so I think they might not find anything out. Still, I'll try to contact them again. Day two. Tomorrow. Yes, that means I went home with the bone.

I'll try not to touch it and keep it safe. I want to have some closure. Also, a lot of people sometimes go missing on beaches because of the strong waves. I still don't know if it was broken or cut, but it's probably broken. I didn't find any specific news that could help. Small edit. I already contacted the police. They were the ones I called yesterday.

Location, Prya da Montarota, Algarve, Portugal. They found August 2nd. And then the OP makes a second update saying, Hello everyone, I just woke up. I barely slept to be honest. But I'll try to share my thoughts and things I think might be relevant. First of all, I wrapped the bone with some paper towel, as some people said to me, and I'm trying not to touch it.

Turning the bone to authorities might not give us an answer to this. case however but it's probably the only solution i have i only got until day six to do something since i'm from another location in portugal i don't know if they are able to keep us updated but i'll try to ask for that maybe the news will in case anyone notices it when on the news tell me please i personally won't report to the news channels because it might be from some member of a family and maybe the family doesn't want it to appear on the news quick reminder that i know where the bonus found. It's easy to remember since I always stay in the same place in that beach since I was a kid. Anyways, it was swimming on the water for a long time, probably. So location might not be that important.

I also don't feel like spending my personal money to have someone tell us about the bone, ha ha. And I don't know if I can just give it to university. Maybe I have to talk to the police first. I'll try to ask for that, but I doubt they will say anything useful. And thanks to everyone helping. everyone interested in thanks to the ones giving awards i'll probably call them later and after that i'll try to keep you updated by the way i'm trying to keep me out of trouble or my parents since i'm only 17 i really don't want the authorities mad at me l m ao and before we get into the third and final update from the op i just have to say like i i think it's wild how like relaxed the opes about this they're like i found a human bone um i guess i'll call the police later like if i found a human

bone, I would be freaked out. I'd be like, where the fuck did this come from? Who does this belong to? Was it involved in a murder? Did someone die? Did someone drown? Like, and give it to the police ASAP. I think it's crazy how the OPE's like, yeah, I'm just kind of holding on to it. I wrapped it in paper towel and I guess I'll give it to the police later. I don't really know. Like, they seem so casual about it. I mean, if I found a human bone, I would be freaked out. But I guess they're just like, yeah, it's no biggie. I guess we'll figure it out. But then the hope he makes a third update saying I gave it to the authorities this is what happened before trying to call them again I sent an email to that guy I mentioned before he answered me saying it does

look like a lot like a human humorous and thanked me for reaching out he said that the bone looked recent and bones for most recent years are considered a forensic case and not an archaeological one so he said that I should try to contact the police again so that's what I did and No, I did not call 1-1-2, like they said before. They don't seem to know what to do in these cases or even how to properly proceed with it. When I called, they said it probably wasn't human because that would be weird and because it was found in a weird spot. They asked some questions and said it was probably nothing to worry about,

and I could take some time to actually do anything. Still, he told me I could give it to them in Faro's Policia, Judiciary Department, which is weird because when I called yesterday, they told me. me to do something completely different. So there I went with my bone. When I got there and they saw the bone, they were like, okay, it is probably human. Not those exact words, but it's like how they expressed it. So they asked me a bunch of questions, like the exact coordinates I found it, my phone number, my sister's phone number, since she was the one who actually saw it inside the water, and they asked me to describe exactly what happened. To be honest, it didn't seem very

professional. There was a lot of noise and I could barely concentrate. They were like speeding it a little bit, so I might not have given every detail they could get. And there was not a type of report that even matched what I wanted to report. Supposedly, I reported for a possible crime. They wrote it down, made me read it all the way through, and said I didn't need to sign or anything like that. Authorities also said, there are no missing people in that area. Now they will send it in for an inspection and verify if it's human or not. If not, the case is just archived. In case it is, there are two outcomes. First one, if it's a match from a DNA from someone, they'll probably investigate it more, I think. And second one is if it doesn't match any DNA, in that case,

they'll keep the bone in case something new appears. I guess this is basically it. They don't know if I'll ever get feedback, and even if I do, it might take a long time. In case it does, I may update it here or a new post. We might never know anything, and I guess that's life. Thanks to everyone who helped. Everyone who shared, enjoyed the post, and again, everyone who gave me awards. I really wish we still got some closure. Anyways, I hope the owner of the bone rests in peace.

And then one of the top comments on this is kind of poking fun at it, saying, note to self, if I have to get rid of a human body, dismember it and throw it away somewhere in Portugal, no further consequence. Someone else said that body could have been me. When I was 17 and inter-railing in Portugal and on the Algarve, I went recklessly swimming far out into the ocean and into all the caves and grottoes along the coast. It was awesome, but I could have easily drowned. When the tide rose, I got trapped in caves occasionally and had to dive out through the tunnels.

One tunnel too long and that would have been that. And with the proficiency of the Portuguese police, my parents would never have found out what happened to me. And, you know, like those two comments really show why it's important for the OP to be a little bit more, you know, quick with it. And same with the police. Like, why were they also lax about it? They're like, yeah, human bone. They show up sometimes. Like, what?

No. Like, it's a human bone. If I saw a human bone, I'd be, like I said, freaked out. And it's crazy how the police are like, yeah, yeah, that's probably human. Yeah, sure, just fill out this sheet. And then they were just so relaxed about it. It's like, come on. This could have been the key in solving a murder or solving a missing person's case or solving something,

but instead everyone was so relaxed and I guess we'll never know who the bone belonged to or what happened. But yeah, I just find it pretty concerning how everyone was so relaxed. And I don't know why the Portuguese police didn't feel the urgency in needing to get the bone and try to figure it out. But like the O.P said, I hope the owner of the. bone may rest in peace. My 32 female boyfriend, who was 35 male, of six years disappeared while I was out of town and I don't know what to do. Originally posted to R slash relationship advice and the post reads as follows.

Last Tuesday evening, I, 32 female, came home from a being out of town for two weeks from work. My boyfriend, 35 male, Nate, was supposed to be able. pick me up from the airport, but once I got in, I wasn't able to get a hold of him, and he never showed up. I was a little annoyed, but not too worried because I figured he had fallen asleep. When I talked to him earlier that morning, he said he didn't sleep very well the night before and was going to lay down before he had to come get me. So I called my sister for a ride home. When I got home, Nate was nowhere to be found. I checked the garage, and his car was gone.

So I sent him a text asking where he was and headed upstairs unpack. When I opened the closet to put my things away, I saw that almost all of his clothes were gone. At this point, I'm confused. So I start calling him, it just keeps ringing, and then goes to voicemail. I check his office and everything is still there. Everything in the house is still there and in place except his clothes and his car. I'm really starting to freak out at this point. So I call my sister and she comes over and we both try calling and messaging him and still get no answer.

His computer and his laptop are both still in his office. I logged on to his computer and my sister on his laptop. I know all his passwords, but we didn't find anything out of the ordinary. So I started searching his desk and found his iPad in the top drawer. I logged into it and checked everything I could think of and found nothing out of the ordinary. My sister suggested checking the Find My iPhone app on his iPad to see if we could find out where his phone was. We logged into the app and saw that his phone was pinging in the next state over. I started calling him again but still got no answers to my calls or text.

I really started to lose it here. My mind starts going all over the place trying to figure out what could be going on. I called the police because I think someone has to have done something to him. The police came out, but they said there wasn't much they could do because he hasn't been gone long, and his clothes missing was a sign that he left on his own volition. Over the last few days, I've done everything I can to contact him. He doesn't have any family except for a brother that he cut ties with before I met him. I found him online and sent him a message, but he said he hasn't seen or heard from him, Nate, in years.

I keep checking his phone's location, and since Saturday morning, it has been pinging in the same location in the PNW. I took off work for the rest of the week and my sister and I are flying up there to go to the location. His phone is pinging. Has anyone ever dealt with something like this before? How do I even confront him? What if he is with another woman? What if he isn't there or worse? I'm so lost and hurt right now. My mind is all over the place. I can't think straight. I'm so lost right now. And then the OP makes an edit saying, Yes, I've called or messaged all of his friends.

None of them have seen or heard from him. I do have access to his bank account, as we have a joint account, but not his business account. He last uses debit card Friday night in a town west of Seattle, Washington. He owns his own business, but has taken a step back over the last year, so he doesn't communicate with them regularly. They haven't heard from him in over a month.

I am five months pregnant, and we have known for three months. He did become a bit reserved and withdrawn since we found out, but it's not uncommon for him to do that every so often, especially around this time of year. I don't truly believe that he would abandon me and his child. That's just not the type of man he is, but I don't know what to think anymore. Small update.

First, I want to say thank you to everyone who suggested the welfare check. We call the department where his phone is pinging, and they have sent someone over to see if they can make contact with him. It's been over an hour, and we are still waiting to hear back. I'm hopeful, but still have an overbearing sense of dread. All I want to know right now is that he is okay, and I can figure out everything else later. I just need to know he is okay.

Update. The police were able to do a welfare check, and although they were unable to make direct contact with him, they spoke to the couple who live at the house. They said they were old family friends and that he was there on Friday and Saturday, but they went to the Olympics Sunday morning to go hiking for a couple of days. The officers informed them of what was going on, and they told him. They believed he was okay and that they would contact me at night to try and help explain the situation.

What does that even mean? I'm even more confused. Our flight to Seattle is at 9.45 a.m. tomorrow, and at this point, we are still going. I hope these people do call, but it's been a while now, and I haven't heard anything. New update.

I think this will be my final update. I have to get ready and get my stuff packed for the flight in the morning. I've just spent the last hour speaking to the couple whose house he was at, and they against his wishes told me what is going on.

They have known Nate since he was 12 years old. He started dating their daughter, Ashley, when they were in sixth grade, and they continued dating, all through middle school and high school. Ashley got pregnant towards the end of their senior year, and they got engaged. I don't know how to even write this next part. When their son was a year and a half old, they were involved in an accident with a drunk

driver. Nate was ejected from the car, and Ashley and his son passed away in the accident. She said that he blamed himself for it because, according to him, they were never supposed to be out that night, and it was his fault they were. She said he withdrew from them and everyone else, and that up until last Friday, that they hadn't heard from him since he left.

She has offered to come get my sister and I from the airport in the morning, and she can try to answer any questions I have while we wait for him to return. She said they know where he is. He is at the spot they spread their ashes. She said he told her that he needs to be with his son one more time before he let him go. I'm honestly in a total state of shock right now.

I don't know what to think, but I know he is in pain and I need to get to him and I can figure everything else after. Thank you to all the kind people who reached out and offered your suggestions. I honestly don't think I would have had this information right now if it wasn't for you all. So again, thank you. And then the OP gives us an update 10 days later. in the update reads as follows. First, I want to say thank you to everyone who reached out

and offered your advice and help on the other hand. The people who are just mean or all the men who came into my messages, you should be ashamed of yourselves. We did fly out to Seattle last Tuesday morning. Kathy, the wife of the couple, picked us up from the airport and took us back to their place. On the way there, she said her husband was on his way to go find Nate so he could bring him back,

but it would likely be a few hours before they arrived back. As we waited, Kathy did her best to answer some of the questions that I had. I knew Nate lost his mom at a young age to breast cancer, but she said it had deeply profound effects on him, and he became a very troubled child. She said that when him and Ashley met that Nate was in a group home, I did not know this, because he was in a lot of trouble for fighting and drug use.

He was 12. I was kind of taken back by this because I've never known him to do anything besides smoke weed from time to time. He doesn't even drink. She said that when they met Ashley immediately took on a role of protector on him. She could feel his pain and she wanted to rescue him from it. When they finally got to know him, they decided that they would take Nate in if he wanted that once he was out of the group home. When he was 16, he finally got out of the group home, but was still on probation, so we had to live with his dad, who was an alcoholic and abusive, but he would spend most evenings and weekends at their house. He's still gotten in a lot of trouble because he kept failing his UA for marijuana, but he was no longer getting into fights.

He credited Ashley for that and felt like she and her family were the only people besides his mom to ever show him any compassion or love. She asked if I'd like to see pictures of them And when she showed me the picture of Nate holding his son For the first time I broke down Because I have never seen him in these six years We have been together with a smile like that He was so happy He smiles now from time to time

And he's always laughing But I've never seen that smile That gleam It just broke me to know that He had been living in that pain for 15 plus years and hit it from everyone. We looked through more pictures and she told more stories and spoke of how sad she was when he left.

We talked for hours and then finally her husband came through the door, but Nate was not with him. George, Kathy's husband, said that he had found Nate where he was supposed to be and explained that my sister and I were at the house waiting for him. He said when he told him this, that Nate laughed and said, of course. and that he would head back.

He just needed a few more minutes alone. So we waited for what felt like forever, and finally, a little over two hours after George arrived back, Nate walked in the front door. He looked at me, and the first words out of his mouth were, I should have known my notes wouldn't be good enough and that you would come find me. I love you and I am very sorry.

I said what note? and he said the one I put in the front seat. He put in my car. I never even thought to check there for anything. I'm going to leave out a lot of this next part because it's very personal, but I asked him why he would just leave me at the airport and why he wouldn't just call or text me that he was leaving. He said that while I was gone,

he wanted to put some of the things that we had gotten for the baby in the nursery and start painting it before I got back, and that everything was fine until he started putting together the dresser. and the changing station. While he was doing that, he was flooded with memories of his son and Ashley and that actually knocked him off his feet, and he broke down. He said every time it closed his eyes, he saw them.

That's why he couldn't sleep. He said he decided to take mushrooms to try and help him get out of it. What? But all that did was make things worse, and he realized that he needed to not forget them and not hide them, and that he needed to go make peace with them and ask them to forgive him

for abandoning their memory. He knew that when I got home, that I would obviously know something wasn't right with him, and he also didn't know how to tell me he had been hiding a huge part of his past. Anyways, he expressed how sorry he was and that he understood if all of this was too much,

and if I didn't want to be with him anymore, that he would completely understand. I let him know that as long as he agreed to never hide something from me or disappear again and would agree to go to therapy and couples therapy that I wouldn't be going anywhere. He promised he would do whatever I asked of him. I asked him to fly back with me and my sister, called her husband to fly in and they would drive his car back. So we're going back home now.

He hasn't started therapy yet but has an appointment next week. Our baby is doing okay and so am I. I just need him to be okay and everything will be good again. Anyways, thank you again to all the kind hearts who reached out. You gave me a lot of positive vibes in a dark time and I really can't thank you enough for that. And now let's get into some of the comments about this saga of posts. Someone says, dude is practically a stranger to her. He hid so many big life details from her.

And I agree. I mean, this guy completely hit a. entire life from her. I mean, he had a wife and a kid and he never told his current wife. I mean, yeah, it's totally understandable for the wife to be completely blown away by all of this. Someone else says, a note is good communication when you're going to be home late from ping pong club, but personally, it would not be good enough for me here. I hope Nate gets enough help that he will no longer be traumatizing others with his actions around his triggers, because that's what happens to wife here now.

Someone else comments underneath that saying, it still baffles me that he left the notes in the car and just expected her to find it in the car. Didn't leave it on the table or the door or somewhere obvious she could find it? Heck, he probably could have texted it to her so she could get it when she was off the plane. She was looking all over the house for him

and calling the police thinking he was missing because his note was in the car. Who would think to go check the car their husband didn't take and why did he put it there of all places? And people have a lot more to say about this and saying that the husband really, really did not take the right approaches here. And it's also very strange how he hid his entire previous life

from his current wife. I mean, very, very crazy. But I really hope that the O.P. and their family now are doing much better. I hope the O.P.'s husband was able to, you know, recover from all of this in the past trauma, which is totally understandable. I mean, his wife and child died in a horrific car accident. But I hope that he was able to process those emotions, and I hope the O.P.

was able to process all this new information, and I hope their baby was happy and healthy. And I just, yeah, hope everyone's doing better now. But rest in peace to the O.P.'s' husband's, uh, wife and daughter who passed away. O.P. finds out after her husband dies that he had another son, he had been hiding from her. In the post, reads as follows. My life was turned upside down last month when I was informed of my husband's death in a work-related accident. This would, of course, be hard enough to cope with.

But shortly before the funeral, a young man at my house claiming to be my late husband's son, My husband didn't speak a word about him to me. He claimed to have not known about me or either of my daughters, 12 and 8, until he was notified of my husband's death and found the obituary in the online version of our local paper. The young man was 18 and must have been born before I met my husband. He also claimed his own mother died years ago and was never to his memory and a relationship with my husband. So the boy's existence is not proof of infidelity on my husband's part. However, I still just feel betrayal. My husband never breathed a word of him to me.

This boy lives in the UK, where my husband sometimes worked. I live in the U.S. He traveled a lot in his line of work, and I can't help but wonder how many other secret children did he have? How many times did my husband visit? this boy and never tell me about it. What else was he not telling me? This boy had pictures of himself and my husband at various ages. He says he was brought up at a boarding school and my husband visited him sometimes. Though I very much want to, I have no reason to doubt his story. The boy

asked to come to the funeral. I want to say no, but I feel like I have no right. My kids see me talking to this stranger and poke their heads in to ask what's going on. Before it can stop him, the boy introduces himself to them as their half-brother. Now, not only do I have to figure out how to cope with all this information myself, but I also have to find some way to explain it to my children. My 8-year-old doesn't seem to get the full implications of her father, keeping this kind of secret from all of us, but my 12-year-old is clearly upset, although she won't talk about it with me. At the funeral, the boy kind of lurked in the corner, but when lunch was served afterwards, he approached both my girls and was playing games like tag with my eight-year-old

and some of her friends who joined in. I didn't think this was appropriate. And when I told him, so he apologized and said he did it to raise their spirits, and it's what people did for him when his mother died to cheer him up. Something about his answer irked me, and I got the impression he was trying to manipulate me into feeling sorry for him and using my children to do it. My mom and my sister came over to help me after I got the news about my husband. Of course, I talked to them about what was going on and they were shocked. My mom brought up to the point that the boy might be after money. All of our important assets were in both our names,

and I am the only beneficiary of his life insurance policy. But I was not sure what could happen if he tried to sue. I asked the boy frankly if money is what he was after, and he said, No, I couldn't take any of your money. You have kids to take care of. It irked me in the way he said that as though I was offering money, and he was trying to show how good he was by turning it down. It felt as though he expected me to give it to him anyway.

I asked the boy what he wanted, and he said he wanted to get to know my children because they're his sisters. In my opinion, they might be, his sisters, but he's a stranger to them regardless of biological relation. Apparently, at the funeral, he told my 8-year-old he was going to ask me if he could take my girls to the aquarium, and so that got her hopes up about it before I could even make a decision. I said yes, only if my mom or sister went with them because I wasn't about to let my girls go with a strange man, no matter what. Over the next week, he also took my girls to the park,

ice cream place and the lake, with my sister as a chaperone every time. I agreed to this and it was helpful because it gave me a chance to break down and cry to my mom without the girls around. When he left and my eight-year-old hugged him and told him not to go and he said, I promise I'll come visit again. I stepped in and said, No, I think it would be best if you didn't come back here.

He looked hurt and my eight-year-old cried, but I was sick of him promising things without getting to visit. approval. She thinks it's a cool mystery, like from a TV show, that she has a secret brother, and she doesn't realize how disturbing it is that her father hid his existence. My sister asked me later why I told him not to come back, and I told her, I think the whole thing is weird. I don't know this boy or his real intentions. He could be some kind of weirdo trying to get my girls alone. My sister says I judged without ever getting to know him, and he seems like a very sweet to young man. He grew up mostly without a family, and he could have been jealous that my girls got

all of his father's attention, but instead, he wanted to connect with them. My opinion is that even if those are his intentions and he's totally innocent, I still don't want him around my home or my girls. To me, he is just proof that my husband lied to me for years, and it makes me sick to look at him. My girls don't need this drama either, and even my eight-year-old is going to traumatized once she is old enough to realize how much her dad was hiding. Me or my girls don't owe him anything. My sister says that I don't want him in my life, but I don't have the right to deny the girls their brother. She pointed out social workers do everything they can to avoid separating siblings because of the trauma. I said it's not the same

because my girls have only known this brother for a week. My sister said it's also important because my girl's brother is now the only person they know of their culture. My husband was like an eighth Hawaiian. He rests white and Asian. And so the girls and their brother are like one-16th. The boy appears to be white and my daughters and I are black. But this boy was raised in the UK and he isn't part of Hawaiian culture. And honestly, I think culture is something natural

and not something to force because of your genetics. My girls don't live in Hawaii. Hawaii, they live in Oregon. So that is their culture. Not black culture or Hawaiian culture. I don't force myself or my girls to participate in African culture just because of our genetics. I thought my 8-year-old would get over her brother and she did go several weeks without asking about him. But yesterday, she asked about him again.

I feel bad about ever allowing them to go anywhere together and bond. I wish I'd handled the whole thing differently. And now I don't know how to explain the whole situation of my kids. My 12-year-old hasn't asked about her brother, but she has been extremely closed off since her father's death, and I don't know how this issue might be complicating what she's feeling. I just need outside opinions to know what to do about this. And then most of the comments under this post,

the people were calling the opian asshole, or saying she need to allow her daughters to know their brother, And some people asked the O.P. Why she didn't just ask for a DNA test, to which she replied this. I thought about maybe asking the boy about a DNA test, but I didn't know what it would achieve. I don't want him in my life or my daughter's life either way. And even if the DNA test came back negative, it would only raise more questions. And I don't know if it would open up any legal troubles where I now owe the boy money for my husband's estate

if it comes up positive. And then a lot of the comments suggest that the brother might be lying or trying to scam the O.P. And let's get into those comments. Someone says, I'm going with not the asshole. Call me a skeptic, but get a DNA test first. Something about this entire situation sounds fishy. I wouldn't even have let my kids hang out with him. Someone else says, the way he phrases his answers does sound manipulative.

What people did for him when his mom died? He didn't need to convey this information to you during your husband's funeral, but he did. The way he phrases it sounds like he's trying to make you feel bad for trying to establish boundaries. And yes, it sounds like he's lying to guilt trip and gaslight you, making you feel like you're crazy and paranoid. Someone else says, further, he didn't outright reject your money. He phrased it yet again in a way that he's fishing for a longer haul. He could have easily said, no, I don't want your money.

But instead he said, no, I couldn't take any of your money. See the difference? And the moment you let him into you in your kids' lives, he has been persistently around. Offering to take the kids out without you or any adults being present indicates a possibility he's manipulating your young children to get what he wants. The appropriate approach would have been to ask you, as the parents is fine with him taking your kids out.

Someone else says he has now heavily inserted himself in you and your kids' lives, all through your children. You need to start asking questions. Alarm bells are ringing in my head. And then in response to these comments about it being a scam, the OP makes these edits to her original post saying, well, the comments alerting me to how this might be a scam attempt have opened my eyes. I didn't want to introduce this stranger my kids.

But when he showed up to deliver such shocking news, my children came in and asked what was going on. He introduced himself before I could think about how to tell my children. He asked if he could show up to the funeral and I felt like I couldn't say no to that, but then used it as an inn with my children. He offered to them behind my back to take them somewhere, so then I felt like I would be a bad guy if I said no. It rubbed me the wrong way, but I brushed it off.

I was in a vulnerable state. not thinking clearly, and he took advantage of that. I should have trusted in my instincts from the beginning. The idea that there could be scammers that prey on grieving families is just horrible, and I had no idea of such a thing. I've contacted a lawyer to figure out how to establish if there is truth to a story and what my legal obligations are to this boy. I'm also going to have a long talk with my sister to see if during their outings,

he had done any kind of prying that might have led him to learn information about my family that he could use somehow. I'm already in the process of getting therapy for myself and my children. And then the OPE makes another edit too saying, people have been saying a lot of nasty things about me, and I don't think I'm going to get much productive input out of this. So this is going to be my last post on this topic. I consider taking this post down,

but I decided to leave it up so people, People can be aware that scammers operate like this, that they can be so good at what they do that even hundreds of third-party outsiders will take the scammers side. In hindsight, I can't believe I didn't see it and I cannot believe I ever let such a person step foot in my home or even speak to my children. Apparently the goal was to not ask for money right away. It was to get close to me and my children and ask me for money later for a fake emergency. Other commenters elaborated on how it worked. If my daughter asked about her brother again, I'll tell her that she was tricked.

I don't want to do that to her unless I'm completely sure, so I most likely will be asking the boy for a DNA test, birth certificates, etc. However, not until I have the chance to talk to my lawyer. And so this is a wild situation. The OP thinks that there is this scammer that is pretending to be her, her dead husband's son to get money out of her in some way, which is a completely terrifying scenario. But then the O.P. makes an update a few days later titled, I was wrong, and I was the asshole.

My husband's son, I wasn't trying to demean him by calling him the boy. I was avoiding using names. I was telling the truth. My husband's name wasn't on his birth certificate, but the DNA test did show up he was related to my kids. He also had more photos, cards, and voicemails. Tons of evidence to prove that my husband did keep regular contact with him. Apparently, the son's grandparents were his legal guardians. My husband occasionally gave them cash as under-the-table child support.

I did notice that my husband sometimes made large withdrawals when he went overseas. He said it was because shops there didn't take his card. I wanted to believe it was a scam because I thought it made more sense than my husband having lied. Talking to my husband's son a bit more revealed, he'd been lying to him too. Apparently, he told him he was a cowboy and a pro football player. Then, when my son Googled him, he switched to saying he was a gangster who had done prison time. Needless to say, none of that is remotely true. I can't fathom what could possess him to behave this way.

Lying to me, lying to this kid, not raising his kid. I'm questioning everything my husband ever told me and wondering if it was me who died. Would he have abandoned our kids as well? I feel horrible for that boy. I'm in therapy and working on ways to cope and forgive my husband for my own peace of mind. She's helped me work out why I reacted to my husband.

husband's son the way I did. I thought he was manipulating me and my kids. But what I actually sensed was that he wanted something from me and my kids. I felt like me and my daughters were not in a place to give anything emotionally or financially, so I recoiled from him. But that doesn't mean he's a threat. My kids went to therapy as well. 12-year-old has weekly sessions. However, my 8-year-old hated it, so I've pulled her out for now. Many people have shared their own stories who being separated from biological relations and the effect it had on them. I don't understand it because genes don't mean much to me. However, I don't have to understand to respect it.

I personally don't feel like I'm in any place to have any kind of relationship with husband's son, and I don't think he wants one with me. He now appears scared of me, which I do feel bad about. I wasn't trying to hurt him or scare him, but I will allow him to visit sometime if my girls want to see him. My sister agreed to continue to supervise. As far as money goes, the lawyer advised me that there aren't many assets that the son is entitled to because they were in both my and my husband's name, except for a few investment accounts that were only in my husband's name, thankfully. Not where the majority of our savings are.

I know people think I'm an evil witch for caring about money, but I needed to feed, clothe, and educate my own children. And then the OP goes on and talks about how they're feeling, but I don't think any of it's kind of new. I think the O.P. is just kind of venting and trying to process this entire situation, which is understandably very, very hard to process. But I'm not going to read the rest of it just because it's kind of her trying to process everything and laying out her thoughts and ways to kind of cope with it and learn how to deal with it. But I just don't think it's very relevant to the original story. but I mean, I wish we would have heard more about the husband's line. I mean, him calling himself a cowboy and a pro football player and a gangster.

Like, what was going on with him? I mean, clearly he had issues if he had a family he hid from his other son in the UK and also would lie about his career and he wouldn't tell his wife in Oregon about. his ex-family or old family in the UK. I mean, like, that is crazy. He had two different families at the same time and would visit them simultaneously. I mean, that is just such a wild, wild story.

And I can't imagine how the OP feels. I mean, imagine finding out your husband passes away in a tragic work accident. And then he figured out he had a whole other family, but then he was also lying to that family about what he was doing here and et cetera, et cetera. just so, so wild, and I feel so horrible for the O.P. And her daughters, I hope they're doing better now. This was posted a few years ago, so I hope they've been able to process everything. I hope the

O.P.'s half-son, if that's what you call it, is doing better now as well. I hope he's been able to process everything and hopefully get a family of sorts and get a good relationship with the O.P. and her daughters, because it really seems like he genuinely wanted some help. And, um, It didn't turn out that he was a scammer, but it turned out that he was the OPs, um, husband's son. I mean,

it is just a wild, wild thread. And, I mean, that was a roller coaster all throughout because you're like, is he a scammer? What is he want? And then you're,

oh my, you're like, oh my God, he isn't a scammer, but then why was the husband line, etc. I mean, just a crazy thread. And, um,

I hope everyone's doing better now. But on to the next one. My 32 female, fiancee, who's 37 male, is a, Homicide Detective, and I'm starting to feel like he treats me more like a suspect than a partner. And the post reads as follows.

My fiancé and I have been together for almost four years. He is a homicide detective. My friends immediately started side-eyeing me. They said, don't date a cop. It's not worth it. They are all abusive, etc. None of them have ever actually dated a cop, so I found their opinions more anonymous. than anything else.

I just felt like they were basing their judgment off a stereotype. My mom said similar things, but she dated a cop who was former military with PTSD like 49 years ago and based everything off that. Lately, though, a few things have started to bother me. I don't know if it's just that these incidents seem to be more frequent or if I was just willingly blind to it before. I'm just bothered by these things now. He records our arguments. I've known about that for a while. He told me it was to, quote,

to make sure we remember things correctly and communicate better. And I believed him at first. I didn't like it. And I thought it was pretty stupid. I asked him if he saved the recordings and he said he deletes them once the argument was resolved. I have since found a folder on his computer labeled with dates and times. And they are recordings of arguments or other conversations we've had going back over a year. He notices tiny changes in my behavior and asks questions in a way that feels more like

an interrogation than concern. I also recently discovered he's done background checks on me and some of my friends and coworkers. Sometimes his phone buzzes and he steps out for hours without explanation. But he just says he's handling work stuff whenever I ask. He makes cryptic comments like, you know I can only trust what I can verify, or I like to know everything that might matter. When it comes to things between us, not strictly talking about work, then he laughs and off, but the words stick. It's hard to tell when he's joking and when he's serious. I love him, but it's like sometimes I feel like he's treating me like I'm some sort of suspect. He doesn't seem to trust anyone, including me.

Every little disagreement feels like it could be evidence. Recently, he's made some comments related to having kids about having a tracker on them at all times and never letting them spend the night at friends' houses. This came after I told them that people at work were saying their kids don't have sleepovers like we used to have. He said he'll never let his kids spend the night at somebody else's house and that he'll do background checks on every parent of our kids, friends, and teachers.

I feel like these sort of comments are becoming more frequent and it's just escalating. How do I handle this with him? How do I discuss this in a way that won't just turn into a dumb argument that he inevitably records for no reason? I honestly don't know how to bring this up to him. I've considered telling him he needs therapy because he cannot continue to live life so suspicious and paranoid about everything and everyone. I'm pretty sure he'll refuse that. And now let's get into some of the top comments.

Someone says, so he's controlling and suspicious, which are precursors for coerce of control and abuse? People warned you. And the OP replied saying, I wouldn't really say he's controlling. And the OP got severely downvoted there. And another commenter says, holy shit, why would you want to stay with this unhinged person? This is personality disorder slash mental illness territory. and that is completely unethical that he does background checks on people without their consent. You should run, not try and figure out how to make an abnormal person be normal.

It isn't going to happen. And the OP replied saying, unhinged? I mean, maybe if he worked in a completely different kind of work. I feel like I understand where most of it comes from at least. Another person says, they have the highest rates of spousal abuse and infidelity. But you ignored every warning, so why, why would you? would you suddenly listen now? Don't date cops. In the OP replied saying, it doesn't mean every single

one is abusive and or a cheater. And the commenter replied saying, don't gaslight yourself. He's controlling, does not trust you, and disappears for hours and won't say why. He lied about keeping records of your arguments and you say you can't tell when he is serious and when he is joking. You won't realize how bad he is until you can devine him. You are already walking on eggshells out of fear. Let your friends and family know your doubts. He will get more dangerous when you try and break away. You will need people to help when that happens. And the OP replied saying, I truly don't think I fear him. I might be really annoyed by his behavior, but I don't feel unsafe. I basically had to give him an ultimatum regarding our relationship

and getting engaged, so he didn't seem desperate to ensnare me. And then someone asked the question, is the OP happy in a relationship? Is you getting anything out of it? And the OP responds saying, I feel happy in the relationship most of the time. This isn't how he is 24-7. Well, internally, it probably is, but we do have fun together.

He is enjoyable to be around for the most part. I feel secure with him. My comment about him giving me an ultimatum is probably coming off wrong. The commitment aspect is difficult for him. And I don't mean in an infidelity sense. He doesn't like the, vulnerable aspects of a serious relationship.

He's also terrified to have kids because of what he's seen in the world and he knows I want a family soon. So he was scared to commit to that. And he's been honest about all of that. I think I've been understanding, but at the same time, wasn't going to forsake what I wanted because he was too scared. I essentially told him we either had to decide if we are heading in that direction or not. Another commenter says,

you love being monitored, recorded, interrogated, and controlled. This is the life you want for yourself? Your future children? What happens when he decides you've done something wrong and it's his job to correct your behavior? Will you submit to his punishments because he knows what's best and you need to earn his forgiveness? What happens when he decides your crimes are unforgivable?

Do you want to find out? And another commenter says, she'll end up on ABC's 2020 true crime documentary with her being the unalived victim. Her friends and mom warned her but she didn't listen. A classic pattern in most

of these true crime documentaries and the opier plot saying they didn't warn me about him specifically. It was just about dating cops in general. My mom loves him now although she doesn't know about some of the things I've posted about here.

Another commenter says he told you he'd delete the recordings. He didn't. That wasn't an accident. How many other things is he telling you what you want to hear about, but actually totally disrespecting your wishes on? I'm just going to say it.

The recording messages is pretty psycho behavior. I've never heard of an example where that ends well. It hints at a severely controlling and manipulative personality. Also, you didn't consent to it in the beginning. You've been kind of pushing. into it. My key question would be, how often does he quiet you back to you to undermine you? Because that's the flag so red, it's on fire thing. It kind of sounds like he's stringing you along

regarding marriage and kids and maybe holding it over you like a care on a stick. So you'll comply with increasingly unreasonable demands to get it. He's nearly 40, grow up, and you're at the age where if you want family slash multiple kids and you've gotten together for years, this fucking around is wasting your time slash your fertility. That said, not sure you should procreate with this dude. He sounds controlling. Imagine if he wants to record arguments to your kids. You'll end up trapped at a home with him calling the shots even more than now. The background check thing, to be honest, I'd relate to that a bit. People are sketchy and abusive is unfortunately common. Seeing terrible things, fine. That's traumatizing. You go to therapy. You don't weaponize your

trauma against your partner who's done nothing wrong you have not killed anyone you don't deserve to be treated with suspicion your friends and mom were right to be worried and the opi replied saying i now realize that based on all the comments here this will sound ridiculous but i never considered the recording thing to be psychotic or unhinged or anything like that i found it annoying i thought it was stupid and yet I realized that should have been enough for him to stop doing it. I just told myself it was something I felt was stupid, but made him feel better for a reason I couldn't understand. And just let it continue because I didn't see it as harmful.

I was more upset that he lied about deleting them. It's the lie that bothers me. I'm sure it probably sounds like I'm being argumentative here, but that's not my intent. I can't really think of any demands disregarding the recording aspect. I'm sitting here trying to think of any demands or things he tried to make me do or not do, and I can't really think of anything at normal. The background check thing wasn't that weird to me.

It's not like he's done it on everyone I know. As far as I'm aware. I'm sure he did one on me too. He didn't say yes verbally, but basically admitted it when I asked, but I've often heard of women doing one on men when they start dating. I don't quite understand your question here. My key question would be, how often does he quiet you back to you to undermine you?

And then someone who says, has the O.P's fiancee been distracting slash isolating her from her friends and family? And the Opie responds saying, he hasn't distanced me from anyone. I see my family and friends whenever I like and as often as I'd like it. He spends time with my family too

and my mom really likes him. I spend time with my family and friends as often as I want without him needing to be there. I have hobbies that I do alone. I feel like I can do what I want on a day off. I just took a few days off on one of my hobbies, which is something that doesn't involve him at all. I don't ask him for approval when spending money.

I don't feel like I need his permission to make plans. Sure, if I was going to be at home at my normal time and decided to stop somewhere on the way, I'll tell him. But I'm telling him. Not asking for his permission. He does the same. I don't have any close male friends, and I would never go out to eat after work with coworkers.

Not because of him. I just don't happen to have any close male friends. And I don't like hanging out with my co-workers after work. And then the OP gives us an update about one month later. And the update reads as follows. I think a good starting point would be for me to admit that I do believe my fiancé is a good man. He's not cruel.

He's not aggressive or a violent man. And he believes with all his heart that he's right most of the time. Of course, I realized a lot of people were pretty negative in their comments towards me in response to my original post, and part of me wants to thank you all for your concern. But another part of me wonders if part of this negative response is simply because of the nature of his work. After sitting on all of this for a few days, I decided I couldn't put off this conversation anymore. I told him that we have to talk and this isn't about winning an argument. I began with the recordings.

I told him I knew he had been stockpiling arguments with our friends going all the way back a year ago and how it makes me feel violated and threatened. He did not deny this. He explained to me why he holds them, quote, in case things ever get twisted and, quote, protecting himself. To hear my fiancé speak of a relationship in a way that implies he considers our life a potential lawsuit, threatened me. When I mentioned this style of questioning me and observing small shifts in my behavior, he explained that this is simply how his brain works, and that given all he's observed in his work, he can't simply shut it off. He explained to me that pointing out details doesn't mean he believes

I'm doing anything incorrect, simply that he likes to, quote, verify rather than assume. He told me most detectives' girlfriends simply get used to. it, leaving me to wonder if this is a common fact or simply a defense people make when they're in fact engaging in port of behavior. The background checks on my friends and colleagues escalated into a bigger problem. He confessed to doing them and stated definitely he would do the same on people in relation to our future children. He did not think it was an invasion of privacy, but being informed.

Those people with nothing to hide did not need to worry. The talk about children was most sobering. He doubled down on trackers, no sleepovers, and careful screening of every adult in their lives. When I called this controlling, he said, quote, healthy doesn't matter if they're safe. That phrase has stuck in my head since. I asked him if he trusted me. He paused for a very long time before answering me. He finally said that he trusts me.

as much as he trusts anyone else. I think he did not realize how very unnerving this answer was. I just want to know where his limits are. I asked him what would happen if we broke up. He said he would never do anything illegal, but that he thinks a man must take care of himself all the time. What's that supposed to even mean? I've asked for some space and him currently staying with family.

He didn't appear angry, and I really thought he would get an attitude about it and accused me of being dramatic. He acted very coldly and matter of a fact about it. While I am not putting an end to our argument just yet, I'm definitely considering everything. As much as I love him and think he genuinely wants to do good in our relationship, I don't want a life where I am observed, recorded, and assessed, rather than being in a relationship, where I have someone's support. Moreover, I don't think I can raise children with a man who prioritizes control over trust.

And now let's get into some of the top comments. Someone says the OP needs to move away from her fiancé, and the OP says, I'm not in the position to move far away. Someone else says, Healthy doesn't matter if they're safe is something the villain in a Disney cartoon says before attempting to forcibly lobotomize everyone on the planet. You're dealing with an obvious sociopath. He's not clocking the same emotions you are.

That's not his fault, but maybe with some education, he could learn that sociopathic shit is actually bad, not good like his cop buddies tell him. And the opi response saying, I have a hard time believing he's a sociopath. And the commenter responds to the op here saying, why? when all of his behaviors and responses are cold and inherently sociopathic.

And the opi response to this saying he doesn't normally act cold towards me. On a day-to-day basis, he's caring. Another commenter says, Good people don't stockpile evidence to use against their spouse just in case. You want to believe he's good because it will shatter your world if he's not. And then the opi responds saying, Yes, it would. I still love him.

I still envision him as the father of my future children. I have a whole life planned out with him and I don't want to give it all up. And then someone asked the general question of, has O.P's fiancé been in a relationship prior to the O.P. And the O.P. responds saying, he was in a relationship for five years prior to me. He always said they broke up because she wanted to get married and he didn't want to. Someone asks saying,

Does O.P.'s fiancee have any tracking apps on her? her car phone or listening devices and the opi replied saying none that i'm aware of and then people ask if the opi feels like her fiance is controlling her and the opi responds saying i don't feel like he controls me oh you're just in denial everyone says i'm not denying everything else i've shared but i don't feel controlled by him at all he never stops me from going anywhere except when i want to walk to the end of the street at night to get the mail he doesn't control who I spend my time with, I just don't see what he does as controlling towards me.

It might be other things. How is it controlling? And then people comment on the OP not understanding why many are not agreeing with her thoughts of her fiancee being a good man. And the OP response saying, for some reason, people on the internet think somebody in my position is going to read their advice and what?

Just immediately act upon it? People get mad that they give advice, advice in the person listening doesn't immediately make the decision to completely change most aspects of their life within a few hours of receiving that advice. You have to remember, I'm in it. I've been in a relationship with him, live with him, am engaged to him. He's 100% bad to everyone here, but it's a little more complicated for me, the person who actually knows him and loves him. I get that people here is like, why haven't he already left them, but it's a lot easier for somebody not actually in the situation to say that.

And it's a lot more black and white for those not in the situation too. Comments like yours are not helpful, though. If you are trying to be helpful, please know they make somebody like me more defensive. They don't make me want to listen to anything you have to say. I'm not living with him right now. I'm evaluating things. I've put some distance between us. It's not like I said, yeah, so I decided to go.

go off my birth control and I'm trying to get pregnant now. We haven't even slept together in weeks, let alone me actually having a child with him anytime soon. I've spent years picturing us having a family together. It's not so easy to just erase all of that in my mind or heart. I think some people would be able to understand that I can feel that way while still questioning whether I should or would actually have children with him. And someone asks the OP's thoughts of having children with her fiancé and if she would let her future children be under his control. And the OP responds saying, While I do think his vision in parodying is somewhat paranoid and has a great risk of crossing over into controlling,

these specific things he's talking about aren't really that crazy though. How many parents track their kids' locations using their phones just for safety purposes? If your child is spending a lot of time around and in the care of other adults, being driven around by other adults, etc., is a background check really abusive? It might be extreme to many of us, but I don't think it's abusive towards the children involved. God forbid you find out somebody who might be regularly transporting your kid has a history of DUI or a very bad driving record. The no sleepovers thing?

Well, I don't agree with it. also doesn't seem actually abusive. I grew up having sleepovers with friends either at my house or at theirs almost every weekend. So I can't imagine being a kid and not having that experience. But I've come to learn that it's actually sadly become a lot more common to not allow sleepovers. He's even said his kids could go to somebody's house and yes, we obviously all know he'd have background check to his parents, but he would pick them up at 10. No overnight.

So while yes, this is a bit paranoid and controlling, and he and I definitely have differences and opinions about some of these things related to kids, I don't necessarily see how it could be construed as abusive, especially when you're talking about kids in grade school slash middle school. And that is the last we have ever heard from the OP on this saga of posts. And it was on a throwaway account, so I don't think we will ever see from the OP ever again. I'm very curious as to where this went, but some people had some more interesting thoughts on this. Someone commented replying to the quote of, I asked him if he trusted me, he paused for a very long time before answering me,

he finally said that he trusts me as much as he trusts anyone else. And the commenter replied saying, Really, the only part that matters. This would have to be a deal breaker for anyone in a serious relationship. And then another commenter says, this gave me the chills and I'll explain why. Eons ago, about five years into my marriage, my husband started acting differently.

I could have put my finger on it. We'd always argued, but he was somehow different. I kept asking him how he felt about me, and he would always answer, same way you feel about me, which was confusing. I couldn't understand what it meant. Until one day he was like,

okay, you want to know, I don't love you anymore. I don't want to. want you anymore. Go and think about how and why you lost my love. We stayed together for another 12 years, but I never forgot. O.P. is asking her fiance a yes and no question, and his answer is always neither a yes nor a no, because it is most definitely not a yes, and he knows she won't take no kindly. He probably doesn't understand why she won't, but even in his sociopathic brain, He feels that due to some weird quirk of hers.

It feels very important to her that he trusts her if they are going to stay together. He does not trust her and never will. This whole read scares me. He sounds like a guy that will one day murder a loved one, have his work buddies conduct the investigation, and find no leads or accuse in jail the wrong person, and have the case closed. A series of updates from someone who spirals,

hard when their anxiety kicks in. Let's get into it. I've been working at my current job for over a year. It is my first post-college job and my first full-time job besides an internship each summer I was in college. I struggle with anxiety and have worked really hard to make a good impression and keep my anxiety under control at work. It's still causing problems, though, and has caused an incident I'm mortified and ashamed over. I often struggle with thoughts about people not liking me. I'm in therapy and on medication, but sometimes the thoughts overwhelm me, and it's one of the worst parts of my anxiety.

The incident I'm about to talk about started when one coworker didn't say goodbye to me when we were leaving for the day on a Friday. I obsessed about it all weekend. I tried to tell myself it would be fine because I would see her on Monday and she would return my grief. reading. But when I got in on Monday, she wasn't there, and I found out she was off for the week.

My anxiety went into overdrive even after a visit with my therapist. I was obsessing over what I did to upset or make her hate me. Her pay stub had been dropped off at my desk and was still there because she was off work. I opened it so I could see her dress and I went to her house. Oh, Jesus. I don't know what I was thinking and I didn't have a plan. My coworker was angry. She came in, even though she was on her time off, and told her manager and HR about me opening her pay stub and coming to her house. Yeah, that's wild.

I was reprimanded and sent to a different department to keep me away from my coworker. Everyone else knows what happened, and I've heard people whispering and talking about, I am mortified at myself. I'm not allowed to talk to my coworker, or I would apologize for my behavior. She said she would call the police if I didn't keep, people away from her. I can't stop thinking about what happened and don't know what to do going

forward. And then the OP makes an update saying, I just wanted to thank you all for responding in such a non-judgmental way. I wanted to send in an update for what happened. The co-worker was not a friend outside of work, but the place I work is a friendly place where people get along with each other. People always say good morning and goodbye to everyone. I know it was my anxiety that caused me to think she didn't like me because she forgot to say goodbye one time. She had never been unfriendly to me before, and logically nothing happened to make her upset with me that she would not be speaking to me. I know it was my anxiety, which caused me to think otherwise.

It caused the interaction at her home to be a bad one with yelling and crying on my end and her nearly calling 911. My coworker knows I have anxiety and it was the cause of my actions, but she said it does not matter. I'd asked HR to pass along a message to her, and they said no and told me to leave it alone. There was also a police investigation on my theft of her pay stub regarding identity theft. Nothing came of it, but between that and the stress of what happened with my coworker, my anxiety went into overdrive. I was terminated after I kept asking HR and my old manager to give a message of apology to my coworker, even though I had been told to stop. I had switched medication,

and I have a new therapist. This whole thing has shown me I need to better manage my issue to get it under control. I realize and understand why it was a problem. I'm also looking for a less busy and stressful job. I've been reading through the archives for resume advice. And then the OP makes a final update about a year later, and that update reads as follows. I wrote into you last year,

and you guys answered my letter very kindly. I wrote in about my anxiety, causing trouble in my work and how I went to my co-worker's house because I thought she didn't like me. I was grateful for you and each person who took the time to respond and lend support. The bad. The new therapist and medication did not work out. I had a really bad relapse that led to more problem behavior and some drug use. It wasn't just with my former coworker, but a relative also. I ended up being charged and there are restraining orders with both of them. The good.

The bad stuff led to me meeting the best and most competent therapist. He has helped me more than anything ever my life. I had never used illegal drugs before the relapse and haven't since. He has changed my life. Things like what happened with my former coworker that used to cause me anxiety no longer do. I am living alone and have done things like skydiving and dirt biking. I got a part-time job through a program for people on probation with mental health issues

and I'm starting a part-time night classes soon too. I have never felt better. I'm ashamed of my past behaviors, but hopeful for the future. That's all. Thanks, Allison. And now let's get into some of the top comments responding to this entire saga of post. Someone says, I'd be very interested in reading this story from the perspective of the coworker.

I have a feeling O.P. comes across much less sympathetically. there is absolutely no excuse for stalking a coworker for not saying goodbye at the end of a shift. And someone replies saying, yes, it sounds like the co-workers' experience here was probably pretty terrifying. And then someone else replies saying, O.P admits in the first update that they showed up unannounced and started yelling and crying. So they can't even really describe what happened without seeming. a bit unsympathetic. Someone else comments saying, if someone from work showed up on my doorstep to yell and scream at me

about not saying goodbye to them several days prior, I would be terrified and would 100% call the police and tell them the person was having a mental illness breakdown. The fact that OP also casually mentioned a family member also now has a restraining order against them makes it even worse. And someone says, I'd be interested in to know what the more problem behavior that led to those two restraining orders was. And someone responded to that saying, oh God, what a treasure trove of drama, that post would yield. And that is the last we've ever heard from that OP, but hopefully they got the help they needed because, yeah, they definitely needed it.

And all right, guys, that wraps up some unexplainable true Reddit threads. I hope you enjoyed today's video. If you did, please like the video. subscribe to the channel, comment down below and let me know if you'd like to see more videos like this in the future. And if you enjoy this video, I'm sure you'll enjoy other videos on the channel.

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