Table Read - Little Man - Act 2 / Part 2

Episode Date: April 18, 2023

ACT 2 / PART 2: Doug confides in Carl that he's cool with being a kid again. It's his second chance to finally get his life on track. Ethan has become like the father Doug never had. Now Carl has to break the bad news to Doug: that's not how the do-over works. When Carl told him he'd stay a child if he didn't change his bad ways, he meant 8 years old FOREVER. No growing up all over again. Doug freaks out. This sucks! This isn't fair! Could things get any worse? ____ LITTLE MAN:  A hysterical irreverent comedy! "SHALLOW HAL" meets "13 GOING ON 30"...with a generous, dusting of "SUPERBAD." Our all-star cast absolutely destroys this script...guaranteed. You'll laugh out loud! Imagine a world where karma is a magic blue popsicle. LITTLE MAN is a comedy about a foul-mouthed loser who gets an unwanted "do-over" as an 8 year-old. But to turn back into a grown-up, this little d-bag has 10 days to become a decent human being or he'll stay a kid forever. It's hard to be good when you've been bad for so long. Time's running out. Tick tock! ____ Follow Table Read (@TableReadPodcastLA) on Instagram for more info! Visit: https://www.tablereadpodcast.com/ Contact: [e-mail]   See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Exterior, Ethan's house, night. Ethan and Fugly pace on the porch. Francine's car rolls up. Ethan approaches. Where have you been? Selling cookies. It's one in the morning. Shh.

Look at that little darling. In the car, Doug is out cold, sleeping like an angel. Ethan opens the door, pulls Doug onto his shoulder. You too, Reek. Interior classroom, day. Super. Day six.

Small hands drop envelopes into a box labeled, Cookie Money. Doug slumps on his desk, head on a stuffed grocery bag. Next to him, Rachel wrinkles her nose. You smell like my brother's room. You smell like your brother's butt. Anyone else?

Doug rises, takes his grocery bag, trudges to the box. He pulls out two big Ziploc bags bursting with money. Ooh, from his classmates. Julia's eyes pop. Teamwork. He yawns, digs in his pocket, pulls out one more crumpled bill, crams it in the box. Interior auditorium day. Crowded.

The energy is electric. Teachers, students, all grades are present. Kindergarten through fifth. Principal Garcia addresses the school at the podium. All the money raised through Cookies for Caring benefits children in third world countries. I'm so proud to announce we've exceeded our goal by 50%. Everyone cheers and claps. And now the moment you've all been waiting for. I will announce the winning class and the

recipient of the cookies for carrying trophy. She motions to a huge golden trophy in the shape of a cookie. The kids squeal with excitement. Doug nods off. This has been the closest race I've seen in all my years at Fairview. Doug is now asleep in his seat beside Wyatt.

The winning class by a difference of only one dollar. Everyone holds their breath. Ashford, Jake, and the fifth graders look very confident. Second grade! Screams of joy from Doug's class. He wakes. On fifth graders. Shocked faces. Ashford fumes. Classmates jump up and surround Doug, their hero. Wyatt high-fives him. Doug smiles for the first time since coming to school. Julia grins. He needed this. Principal Garcia hands the big golden cookie trophy to Julia. She raises it high, cheering, applause. Exterior, school pickup area, day. Doug is once again the last kid left. Screw this.

He walks off. Exterior, neighborhood park, day. Doug walks past the park. He spots the Mr. Chili truck. He runs toward the truck. Stop it! Doug halts. Across the park, Ashford and Jake harass Wyatt.

Think you're so cool because of a stupid cookie contest. Leave me alone! Doug looks toward the Mr. Chili Truck, then back to Wyatt. Torn between his need to talk to Carl and his undeveloped sense of right. Pissy pants gonna cry. Diaper wet? Ashford grabs Wyatt's soda. Jake pins Wyatt's arms behind his back. Ashford dumps the soda all over Wyatt's head.

Ha ha! Pissypants peed on his head! That doesn't even make sense! How's he gonna pee on his own head, ass fart? The older boys turn to see Doug. Poo-bacca's gonna rescue his girlfriend. Jake, your head's so far up ass fart's ass. You can tell what he had for dinner last night. Seriously, it's okay to just tell him you love him. You don't have to do some weird sadistic bonding shit with Wyatt

when what you really want is for Asphard to hold you. The boys gape confused, trying to comprehend Doug's words. They look at each other and pounce on Doug. Brawl! They dump him headfirst in a trash can and run,

muffled profanities from inside the trash can. Wyatt pushes it over. Doug crawls out. The boys sit silent. Soaked. Filthy. I'm used to them pigging on me.

You didn't have to do that. Sure I did. Those guys are dicks. Yeah. They're dicks. Carl watches from afar. Nods, impressed., returns to his truck. Side by side, Doug and Wyatt leave the park.

Doug mock punches Wyatt's arm. Wyatt does it back to Doug. Beat. What's a dick? Give me that one more time. Give me a little bit of a... Oh, I'll explain to you. Interior Classroom Day. Super. Day 7.

Julia reads the last page of Charlotte's web to the class. Wilbur never forgot Charlotte. Though he loved her children and grandchildren dearly, none of the new spiders ever quite took her place in his heart. She was in a class by herself. It's not often that someone comes along who is a true friend and a good writer. Charlotte was both. The end. The kids clap and cheer. Some are a little weepy, The kids clap and cheer. Some are a little weepy, including Doug.

But Doug doesn't like feeling weepy. That ending blows! The baby spider just bailed and left Wilbur all alone? I hope Templeton eats him. That rat's the man. A mixture of shock and giggles from the kids. Doug, that was inappropriate. Please move your pin to red.

Doug slogs to the behavior chart, moves his clothespin. Doug's POV. Everyone's pins are on green. Doug's pin is the sole inhabitant of the red zone. Like always. Doug glowers. Are there any questions? What's the point of this thing? Motions to the behavior chart. I meant about Charlotte's web, but that's okay. Who would like to answer Doug's question?

Several hands go up. Julia calls on some classmates. So we behave ourselves. It tells us if we're doing, and if we're not, we try to be better. It doesn't do jack. Good kids stay on green. Bad kids stay on yellow and red. Same old, same old. It's supposed to motivate you. It's a reminder we suck. Gasps from the class.

Makes us feel like crap. Bigger gasp. Julia remains calm. Doug, please, you need to... Welcome to Loserville. Population one. Points to his pin on red. A spark ignites. He combusts. When it's in your face all the time that you can't do anything right. It's like, whatever. Screw it. Why try?

Everyone's already made up their minds about you, no matter what you do. So you keep on doing bad things. It's an endless cycle. Doug points to the butterfly life cycle poster. Makes a circular... That's a hard one. Circular motion.

Makes a circular motion. I got it. Makes a circular motion with his finger. Julia is shell-shocked. She gulps from her water bottle. Just saying. Time for recess. Kids scramble out the door. A flustered Julia watches Doug through the window.

Later. Kids work in pairs. Wyatt quizzes Doug on spelling words. Okay, next word, butter. Butter. Butt-e-r. The boys snicker. Okay, everyone, time to pack up.

Doug, can I talk to you for a sec? Students pack up to go home. Doug pl can I talk to you for a sec? Students pack up to go home. Doug plods over to Julia's desk. I know. Inappropriate. It's just easier to remember, but plus ER. It's what you said about

the behavior chart. I was just trying to... I appreciate your honesty. Thank you. You're welcome. Are you. You're welcome. Are you sure you're eight? Age is just a number. He leans all cool on her desk. Julia laughs.

Shoes him out. Interior classroom. Day. Super. Day eight. Kids enter. Commotion. Surprise. Chatter. Kids enter. Commotion. Surprise. Chatter.

Doug checks out the source. The behavior chart is gone. Settle down. We're trying something new. I put the behavior chart away. Mixed reactions. Shock. Frustration. Relief. Joy. We don't have to be good anymore? Of course you do. Just follow the rules and treat others how you want to be treated. Let's give it a try.

Nods and murmurs of agreement. I'll remind you if you need to get back on track. She winks at Doug. He stands up a little straighter. Later, math time. Julia notices Doug concentrating. His pencil moves across his paper. He's doing his work.

I see you're working, Doug. Great job. Before Doug can react, she takes his paper. Her eyes go big. Doug, what is this? Um, it's, uh... Interesting.

Self-expression? Yep, just expressing myself. She walks away with his paper. Doug groans. Wyatt pops up beside him. Can I express myself? Interior, Charles Schwab offices, day. Sea of cubicles.

Ethan sits in his, listens to voicemail. Hi, this is Miss Jones. I have some concerns about Doug. I hoped we could meet after school today. Interior classroom, day. Ethan takes a seat across from Julia. Thanks for coming on such short notice. I know I haven't been around much.

Work is really hectic. Doug mentioned that. It's great what you're doing for him, but it must be hard on both of you. We're getting by, adjusting. Ethan's POV. Through the window behind Julia, Doug pokes around in the learning garden. Doug's an interesting child. He's different. A little rough around the edges? Inappropriate, impulsive. We're working on that. But his drawings. Ethan gulps. He knows Doug's drawings all too well. Julia holds up Doug's paper. Ethan's eyes pop. Among Doug's typical axe-wielding barbarians and Amazons with heaving bosoms, there's something new. Swirling plant life, insectoid images of larva, pupa, a butterfly with gossamer wings emerges from a chrysalis.

Beautiful. And not what Ethan expected. Doug's gifted. You mean special. Gifted. Artistically and intellectually. Intellectually? He has remarkable analytical skills. Makes keen observations for a child his age.

Frankly, there are times I feel I'm talking to a peer. He's an old soul. He's bright, creative, a leader. Doug? He needs to believe in himself. Needs encouragement. A cheerleader in his corner. I just need your authorization for gifted testing.

She hands Ethan a form and pen. Ethan's POV. Doug has a hose with a big nozzle between his legs. He wiggles it like a huge penis and pees on the plants. This could open up opportunities for Doug. He deserves this chance. Interior, Ethan's car.

Moving. Day. Ethan drives. Doug fidgets, nervous. Was it my drawings? Ethan shakes his head. Would you just tell what she said already? She thinks you're gifted. She said I'm... special?

That's what I thought, but she said gifted. Like super smart? Remarkable analytical skills. Fuck yeah! You're a talented artist and a leader, among other things. She thinks I'm a son of a bitch! She didn't say that. Julia is Charlotte.

Ethan still doesn't get it. Duh. The spider? From Charlotte's web? Read a book once in a while, Neanderthal. If she's Charlotte, then you're Wilbur, some pig. Terrific. Radiant. Humble. Ethan laughs at humble. Doug bounces in his seat, rolls down the window, yells. I'm gifted! Woohoo!

Groot! He fist pumps a passing trucker. Trucker toots his horn. Gifted! I'm a tiger! Woohoo! Considering you're actually 30. It's the I am Tiger with

the thrill of the fight. Riding up to the challenge of our raffles Ethan drops it. He's never seen Doug this happy. And the last known survivor Stalks his prey in the night And he's watching us all with the Eye of the Tiger Interior, Ethan's house, day. of the Tiger. Interior, Ethan's house, day. Survivor's eye of the Tiger continues.

A series of shots, Doug's new attitude. Doug rounds up trash in his room, vacuums. He sorts through his dirty clothes, loads the washer. He tosses his hustlers in a trash can. Takes a couple out.

Ethan and Fugly watch with disbelief. Later, Ethan works on his laptop on the couch. Doug walks up, dish towel on shoulder, hard seltzer in hand, offers it to Ethan. Thank you. That was thoughtful. Ethan smiles, takes a sip. Doug returns to the kitchen. I'm making dinner. Pasta.

We should invite Francine. Ethan chokes on his seltzer. An hour later, Francine enters with a baguette and wine. Nice sweater. Blue's good on you. This will make a great buchetta. Doug takes the baguette and wine. Francine narrows her eyes, glances at Ethan. He shrugs. You're not Doug. You're an alien. You killed him and you took his place.

Doug pulls her chair out. She sits. Fine by me. You like pasta al dente, right? She nods. Doug darts to the kitchen. Ethan smiles, amused. What mez is he on? Self-esteem. Later, food and laughter. Ethan pours wine. Doug has sauce all over his face. Fugly sits on a chair beside Francine. She gives him a chunk of bread. Seventh grade. The used tampon.

Ew! The worst Halloween costume ever. No one appreciates my creativity. Halloween costume ever. No one appreciates my creativity. Time lapse. Pasta and bread disappear. Wine glass is empty.

Exterior. Front porch. Night. Ethan and Doug watch Francine drive off. Doug waves Fugly's paw. Bye. That was really nice. Francine's not that bad. Fugly's paw. Bye. That was really nice. Francie's not that bad.

Fugly barks in agreement. Ethan smiles at the boy and dog. Interior, Doug's room, night. Bedtime. Doug and Fugly settle onto the mattress. Gonna be up for a while. Good night. Night.

Ethan turns off the light. Ethan? Yeah? I'm sorry. Click. Light goes back on. You heard me. I know. In 22 years I've never said I'm sorry for

anything. I want to apologize for being such a pain in the ass. I'm sorry for this whole situation. Apology accepted. Go to bed, gifted child. He turns off the light. And thank you. Click.

Light goes back on. Okay, overload. Did you say... You mind? I'm having a moment. Ethan sits beside him. Thugley crawls onto Ethan's lap. I...

I want to say thank you for everything. For taking care of me. Way before the do-over. You let me and Thugley live here for free. You bought all this kid stuff, and you have to act like a dad, and- You're welcome.

Fugly licks Ethan's face. You too, Fugly. They laugh. Beat. We're not gonna hug now, are we? Nah. He wraps Doug in a bear hug. Yeah. that, Barbie? Nah. He wraps Doug in a bear hug. Exterior, Fairview Elementary, day. Super,

day nine. Kids run over and say hi to Doug. He picks up trash on his way to class. Pep in his step. A series of shots. Doug's awesome day at school. Doug pays attention and participates. He actually does his math and enjoys it. Group project. Doug cooperates. Rehearsal goes great. Doug high-fives Wyatt. He got a sticker on his chart.

I am tired. Love it. I'll give you that cue. Do you want us to sing it? It's like, I am the tiger. No copyright. Well, it's already copyrighted from the thing that I did before. Doug high-fives Wyatt.

He got a sticker on his chart. I am the tiger. Exterior, school pickup area, day. Doug waits. Rachel waves from a passing car. Doug, bye. See you tomorrow. Cool.

Bye, Rachel. Interior, Francine's car, day. Francine is in a good mood. Folded a package to Doug. What's this? Open it. She rubs her hands, excited. Doug tears off the paper. On package. It's a vintage alien action figure with extendable jaws. No way! How'd you- One of my clients is a collector. He was gonna sell it on eBay. Only 500 were made. It's awesome.

He shocks Francine with a hug. It'll never replace the one I broke. I was jealous. Ethan was always the golden boy. Mom and Dad's favorite. Got straight A's, teacher's pet, had a cool best friend. Doug blinks. Cool best friend Doug Blinks cool best friend?

me? I'm going to the right place. We agree, let's go. All to the piadineria. The sun is back with raw and strecciatella. Add mango sauce, black garlic or pepper. You'll love every bite. The piadineria. The best there is. So you terrorized both of us? Made sense to a stupid kid.

You're not stupid. I never thought that. She gives him a girl-please look. Sure, I said it every day. But my point is, you're not stupid. Don't say that about yourself. Ugly? Yeah.

Because of my nasty-ass job with the hot flesh-eating butt-face disease? Where'd he get such vile ideas? They share a laugh. Exterior, Ethan's house, day. On the porch steps, Doug admires the alien action figure still in the box. Fugly sniffs it, wags his tail. A butterfly lands on Doug's arm. He grins. It flits

away to rest on a flower in the yard. Doug's POV. Blue sky, flowers bloom, birds sing. Know what, Fug? This might not be so bad after all. Chimes in the distance. Doug jumps up.

Stay, boy. Fugly whimpers. Sits. Doug dashes full speed down the block. On butterfly. Serene. A bird swoops in and eats it. Next street over.

Kids line up at the Mr. Chili truck. Doug runs to the end of the line. No shoving or pushing. Doug! I'm impressed, young man. You're turning yourself around. The last kid leaves. Carl hops out of the truck. Right? I'm totally killing this don't-be-a-douchebag thing. Keep this up and by the end of the day tomorrow, you'll be shaving again. Do-over officially over. Yeah, about that.

And I hang up the uniform. I know El Nino may have seemed harsh, but you needed a kick in the pants. Knew you could do it. Yay. Yay. Carl? I've been thinking. Thinking's a good habit. I'm okay like this.

Staying a kid, not changing back to a grown-up. But all your humming and hawing? Grown-up me's got nothing. No job, no future. I'm a loser. This is my second chance to get it right. Be the person I could've been.

Carl squints at Doug. The boy's face is serious. I'm doing well in school. Kids like me. My teacher thinks I'm a genius. Carl's bushy brows arch. And Ethan's awesome at being a dad. Better than mine ever was. Before he bailed. Doug looks down. His words hang in the air.

It's nice having someone who's a best friend, but also like a dad. Doug, son, I'm afraid there's been a misunderstanding. Carl sighs heavy. When I said you'd stay a child till you learned some lessons, I meant... I wouldn't go back to being Ferdy again. Got it. That I'd have to grow up all over again. I'm telling you, I'm cool with it.

I meant you'd stay a child forever. You will always be eight years old. Won't grow or mature. No puberty. Small forever? His hand unconsciously goes to his crotch. Are you fucking joking? Language. Son, just get through tomorrow. No hiccups. And move on with the lessons you learned. As an adult.

Sorry, that's how it works. Carl puts a hand on Doug's shoulder. Doug shrugs him off. This is so not fair, Carl! He tears off down the block. Carl sits on the bumper, tired. Sometimes life isn't. To be continued.

Hey, Bowie, can you give me one more? This is so not fair, Carl. You really kind of give it up as you walk away. You're just like, done. This is so not fair, Carl. Thank you. Good job, everybody. Excellent.

Great job. Thank you. Awesome.