Table Read - Ren Faire vs. Aliens - Act 3

Episode Date: March 21, 2023

ACT 3: After an alien ship lands on earth and erects a gigantic forcefield, trapping a local renaissance faire inside, high school senior Zoe must face her fear of responsibility and save the world, armed only with medieval weaponry. ____ REN FAIRE VS. ALIENS:  When high school slacker Zoe Winter signs up to play the princess in her local Renaissance Faire, the last thing she expects is an alien invasion. Soon, however, Zoe finds herself and the Faire trapped inside a massive forcefield, along with her best friend, her crush, a jester who can't break character, and an endless supply of rancid turkey legs. And after the Faire's king is vaporized by an alien laser beam, Zoe is crowned queen. Can she conquer her fear of responsibility and lead a gang of Ren Faire weirdos to save the earth, armed only with medieval weaponry? Written by Harry Aspinwall ____ Follow Table Read (@TableReadPodcastLA) on Instagram for more info! Visit: https://www.tablereadpodcast.com/ Contact: [e-mail]   See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Ren Faire vs. Aliens Part 3 When 18-year-old Zoe Winters signed up to participate in the Hillsboro Renaissance Faire, the last thing she expected was an alien invasion. But following the gruesome death of the Ren Faire's king, Zoe has been crowned queen. Now, sealed inside a massive force field with the aliens, she and a handful of Ren Faire weirdos are humanity's last hope. Before the invasion, Zoe and Ben had made a bet that if Quinn, the Faire's jester,

cracked under pressure and swore, she would finally have to make a move on her crush, Doug. and swore she would finally have to make a move on her crush, Doug. If, however, he lasts the whole day, Ben has to admit to the girl who's infatuated with him that he's gay. At this point, the bet is the last thing on Zoe's mind, but Ben is determined to make Quinn break character. When we left our heroes, Zoe and Special Ops Commander Katrina Cook figured out that the alien ship has to lower the force field surrounding the Renfair when it uses its weapons. Zoe came up with a plan to get her friends out of the force field by luring the ship to attack.

Instead, they were all ambushed by alien pods and driven back into hiding. They're running out of time. Is it too late to save the world? Exterior, field outside Hillsboro. Day. Outside the force field, soldiers wait nervously. The barrier is stronger than ever. Interior, police station, night.

Commander Cook watches the monitors, waiting for Zoe to make her move. Sheriff Schwartz, Deputy Brunel, Renfair Knight Michaela, and Zoe's dad, Mark Winter, all stand nearby, looking on in silence. I'm sure they have everything under control. Cut to interior, park service building, day. It's pandemonium in the Ren Faire base. Doug collapses dramatically into a chair. Bridget holds a bleeding arm.

I don't know how much longer I can take this. I've had nothing to eat but turkey lights for 14 hours. She grabs an axe, smashes open a barrel, and starts quaffing mead. Quinn the Jester twitches frantically. Zoe slumps to the ground. What did I do wrong? I failed. I'm a terrible leader. My noble royal queen, say not thou hast... Their alien captive, locked in a medieval pillory, laughs sickeningly. For the bachelors, you cannot stand against our mother. Ben takes Bridget's axe and marches towards it.

Quinn tries to stop him. Quinn! Master Benjamin, comport thyself with... Quinn! Grow up! He snatches Quinn's jangling jester hat from his head and tosses it out the door. Be honest with yourself for once in your life! Grow up, Quinn. Quiet, knave.

He half turns, warding Ben back with one hand. Oh, thou brain-sick, tallowed catch. Soon, forsooth, you all shall be mowed down as wheat to the sky. Silence, Knave, I say, lest my temper o'erthrow me. Thou art the Knave, joint-head. Ready thyself to meet thy worthless god. Quinn! Quinn is losing.

Verily I do warn thee. Bye, Scullion. Now! Fuck, fuck! Well, guess what, Susan? Fuck you! Shocked silence fills the room. Ben lowers his axe.

He looks at Zoe, then pointedly towards Doug. After a long pause, Quinn slowly rises and makes his way into the garage, closing the door behind him. Exterior. Police station. Night. Commander Cook comes out the front door, pulling a pack of cigarettes from her pocket. Mark is already there, looking off into the night. Mr. Winter, smoke? Mark thinks. You know what?

Sure. If we're all gonna get wiped out by aliens, one cigarette's not gonna make a difference. We don't know that that's what's happening. She hands him a cigarette and lights it. But it's definitely a possibility. Michaela exits the front door. Hey, you guys got an extra? As Cook hands her a cigarette, Schwartz, Brunel, and the FBI agent all come out too.

Man, I could use a smoke. Can I get one of those? Commander, permission to have a cigarette. Jesus Christ, someone's got to stay in there to monitor the situation. They all look down the line to the FBI agent Fine He goes back inside Mark stands at a distance

With great concentration he takes a drag Then stifles a cough Michaela comes over to him You don't actually smoke, do you? No You don't actually smoke, do you? No. I heard it calms your nerves, though. You shouldn't start. I just wish there was something I could do.

I wish I didn't feel so powerless. He gives up and throws the cigarette away. I know what you mean. I feel like I let them down by not being there to help. He gives up and throws the cigarette away. I know what you mean. I feel like I let them down by not being there to help. They look towards the distant sky, lit up by electric purple by the shimmering force field. A hangover and 45 pounds of armor is no joke, though. Do you know Zoe well?

Not really. Just through the fair. She fair she seems cool though when she talks about you really raising her by yourself she's proud of you mark thinks for a long moment exterior police station parking lot night mckaylee's horse is tied up in the station parking lot a police officer is feeding and tending to it very enthusiastically, whispering lovingly into its ears. Michaela leads Mark around the building. Get on. She unties the horse, mounts, and gives Mark a hand up.

They're about to take off when... Wait. Take this. She leans down and pulls her medieval helmet from somewhere. Take this. She leans down and pulls her medieval helmet from somewhere. Mark puts it on and grips Michaela as if they were on a motorbike. What's the horsepower on this baby?

They gallop off. Interior, Park Service Building, night. The door to the garage creaks open. From the gloom beyond comes a monstrous sight. Quinn, in khakis and a polo, hair slicked back somehow. A dour expression on his face. The others watch him approach. Quinn.

Who's Dagonetto Hot Frog the Jester? I'm just Quinn. That's what I said. Quinn Sparacello. A 21st century loser with enormous student loan debt and no good job prospects. Trapped in a dead-end job. All grown up. The alien clicks at him.

Welcome to Earth, arsehole. It sucks here. How shimpy. Quinn throws a spoon at the alien. Welcome to Earth, arsehole. It sucks here. Thou simp'ry. Quinn throws a spoon at the alien. It flinches, but the spoon bounces off its head shield. In a cold fury, Quinn tosses a tankard, a phone charger, a horseshoe, someone's wallet. All bounce right off and land around the room. You like that?

Quinn. Who gives a shit, Bridget? There's no Geneva Convention in space. Amidst the violence, Ben turns to Zoe. Zoe. Don't ask me anything, please. I should have never been queen. I can't even keep a neopet alive.

It's not your fault. I'm the last person in the world who should be trusted with responsibility. I've never even made a decision for myself, even being here. She looks up at him. I didn't join the Ren Faire because I wanted to get closer to Doug or because I needed a job or even because I love nerdy fantasy shit. It was because of you. What do you mean? You're the decisive one.

You're the leader. Everyone listens to you. You came out of middle school and became everyone's hero. I mean, you have all these girls crushing on you and you don't even like girls. It's always been easier for me to just follow you. Zoe. I couldn't survive by myself. In the background, the violence continues.

Coins pepper the alien's shield to no avail. Not canst thou do to harm me, weakling. Thy... Quinn flings a child's wooden sword. It smacks the alien right in the face. Ouch! Silence. Everyone turns to look.

Uh-oh. Hesitantly, Zoe rises and walks up to it. She holds the metal tankard above the alien and drops it. It bounces off. She pulls her own wooden sword and brings it down gently on the alien's face. Don't touch me. Wood. Wood goes right through.

Wait, yeah. This thing totally got knocked out by a tree branch. And my javelin went right into one of the pots. And my arrow. The only one without a metal head. That's right. Doug slumps back down. Doug, I did something too.

Charlie gasps. They turn to her. Of course. For millennia, the aliens left Earth alone because their technology can't detect organic carbon-based material. They're weakest against people clad in skins and plants, fighting with sticks and stones. Now that everyone uses metal weapons

and always wears clothing with metal and polyester and carries phones and watches, it's the perfect time to strike. Think about it. Knock on wood, sticks and stones. A History Channel moment. Aliens. A beach.

How do you know that? I don't. I'm just riffing. You know nothing. No, you know nothing, motherfucker! Where's the big ship? Why didn't it come out? The alien laughs tensely. Fear not, milady. Tis but resting for the night.

On the morrow, when the sun favors us once more with its power, it will rise and make an end of ye. And as our dome turns towards our homeland, then we can hail our vasty navy to descend upon this ripe sphere. Well, humanity, we had a good run. It was probably nearly over anyway. You know, species are going extinct hundreds of times faster than the meteor that wiped out the dinosaurs. Thanks, climate change.

Wait, wait, wait. This is a good thing. We have until dawn. We can still do something. Belle has tricked me again. Charlie steps up to the pilloried alien. So if organic material can pass through these shields... She slowly reaches out a hand. It passes through the alien's shield and rests on its unprotected head. Gross. Then we could get through the dome whenever we wanted to We can get out

Organic material Okay, give me eight seconds She starts stripping off her polyester tracksuit But if there's only a few hours and we can't even warn the others They look at her What do you mean? I don't know, forget it Bridget takes Zoe's hand They look at her. What do you mean? I don't know. Forget it.

Bridget takes Zoe's hand. Zoe, a maniac handed you a crown. It was dumb luck. You didn't ask for it. But here we are. Democracy, I think at this point we all know that's a joke. We need a dictatorship. We need one person making decisions, or we're going to keep running around like headless chickens. So tell us what to do.

Zoe looks at Ben. You don't have to do it alone, Zoe. We're all here with you. He looks down. Listen, I'm not as strong and self-assured as you think I am. There's something I've been wanting to tell you. A ghostly sound interrupts the revelation. Zoe! Zoe, do you hear me? You stop!

Dad! Are you? Exterior. Field outside Hillsboro. Night continuous. Silence. Mark and Michaela are with the soldiers waiting outside the force field. A small crowd is gathered, including seven teenage girls and one massive burly man, all with signs saying, We love you at weird underscore flex underscore Doug. Mark yells into a megaphone. Zoe!

Mark, she can't hear you. Mark doesn't listen to her. Zoe! Interior, alien mothership, bridge, night, continuous. Captain, there's a disturbance at the perimeter. Investigate.

The pilot presses a few buttons. Exterior, field outside Hillsboro. Night continuous. Zoe! I'm here! I know I'm really bad at talking to you and telling you how I feel. This morning, that confusing diarrhea story, it all, it came out all wrong. The soldiers glanced at him. Not like, what I meant was that you don't have to run away from responsibility. But you also don't have to do everything yourself.

Relying on others isn't a weakness. I wish I had people helping me throw sawdust and spray Clorox and wash scrubs and coax the cats down from on top of the fridge. All right, Mr. Winter. Just write her a thoughtful card. You do have people. You have a team. Exterior, park field, night continuous.

Zoe looks around at the other reenactors. I can't believe that my daughter is literally fighting aliens. Exterior, field outside Hillsborough, Night, continuous. Mark takes a breath. I love you, Tiger Cub! I'm so proud of you! Save the Earth, Zoe! It means the world to me! He trails off. Inside the bubble, glowing lights appear through the trees.

Alien pods, attracted by the noise. Mark takes a step back. A soldier steps up and bangs on the force field with his gun. The pods gather around the noise. More soldiers do the same, drawing pods out of the woods. Exterior, park field, night, continuous. Dad? The reenactors watch as glowing lights vanish into the woods, heading towards the disturbance at the perimeter.

Where are they going? It's empty. This is our chance. We can't run away. She thinks. We need a plan and we need a team. She looks back towards the park service building, where Quinn hangs back, still gloomy. We need everyone. She leaves the others and approaches Quinn.

What's up? What do you think? What should we do? Who cares? Let's just get out of here and back to our boring lives. Come on, Dagonetto. You always have creative ideas. He scoffs and turns away. Zoe clears her throat. Forsooth, Syrah. Thy wits and bravery are beyond compare. Thou hath never been afraid in the field of battle, valiant Jester. Today our duty is to face our foe in brave great danger,

and I, Queen Zoe, choose thou, bold Dagonato Hot Frog, to be my right hand, my general. Bold Dagonato hot frog to be my right hand, my general. Where I alone would fail, together we merry band can defeat our enemies and save the world. The others have come up behind her quietly. Quinn looks up at her. Past. What? Nothing.

People have pushed me to be normal for so long. No one ever wanted me to go the other way. Zoe spots the jester's head lying nearby. She picks it up and places it on his head. Arise, Sir Dagonetto. He smiles and stands proudly, his anachronistic spirit returning to him. My queen, where hast thou learned to speak thus? It is a great power. A great power indeed.

I learned it from you. So, team, what have we got? The power of imagination and pretend. An absolutely chaotic sense of bravado. We've gathered information. We have a team. Raw physical strength. Ben rests his hand on Zoe's shoulder.

We have a leader. And I think I have a plan. Great. I'm totally on board, as long as I get to keep any valuable alien plunder. What is it with you and money? Um, maybe the fact that I have an MBA and I still walk dogs. I'm a mercenary. Listen closely.

Man, there's something's happening. Hey, get down there and keep an eye on things. Brunel glances around, a fresh coffee mug in his hand, but every surface is covered in paperwork and equipment. Finally, he puts it down in an open drawer, closes it, and heads for the door. What is it? What do you see? Exterior. Field outside Hillsboro. Night. Continuous. The soldier doesn't respond. Beyond the force field, dozens of pods have gathered, looking out at the humans. Cut to exterior. Alien mothership. Night.

The vast body of the alien mothership squads in a clearing, shiny and vaguely organic. A beat-up pod zooms out of the woods. As it approaches the Mothership's hull, a door slides open and the pod enters. Interior, Alien Mothership, pod bay, night. The bay is long and curved, shiny and chitinous. A rush of steam as the pod docks. Most of the other pod docks lined in the cabin are empty. An alien supervisor stands nearby

with a clipboard. Man, that thing got beat up. What happened? You try and race through a grenade factory? The pod starts to open. The alien supervisor's eyes widen. Interior. Alien mothership.

Bridge. Night. Business as usual on the bridge. Several aliens man various workstations. Lights glow like veins in the walls. Through a transparent floor, the workings of part of the engine and the cannon array can be seen. The captain is joking around with the crew.

So anyway, then I told her I wasn't going to pay for a new hyperspace recoil shaft. And if she wanted someone to yell at, she could take it up with the Admiralty. The crew laugh. Mother laws, am I right? A light starts flashing on a control panel. They peer at it. What does that mean? A loud thump and the jingling of bells.

The aliens slowly turn around. There, in the doorway, are Zoe, Ben, Bridget, Doug, and Quinn brandishing wooden weapons. Charlie carries her camera. Quinn holds a stubbed toe, wincing. Hey, assholes! A beat. Get them! The aliens ready their weapons and begin to charge.

Zoe's smile falls. Oh, shit. Flashes of her nightmare. Armored friends falling beneath sword and spear. It overwhelms her. Then, all of a sudden, ghostly voices echo in her head. We are all in this together! You're a competent leader.

You can do this, Zoe. I'm Jon Snow. I'm so proud. Ne'er but ne'er break thine character. She looks over to see Quinn lifting his crude wooden club unsteadily. He locks eyes with her and smiles. My queen. Zoe steals herself. Hey, alien! She raises her sword. Time to eat wood! Behind her, Ben makes a face.

Zoe charges. The other reenactors follow. Ben and Bridget go left. Doug and Quinn, strafe right. Charlie, now! Charlie lifts her camera and takes a picture. The aliens falter, staggering. Zoe connects with the first line and moves through her fight choreography.

Jab, riposte, block, overhead sweep. This time, it's fucking awesome. Aliens are battered down by her attacks. Nearby, Bridget hammers down her foes with a wooden mallet. Quinn drums them with a club. Ben wails on the aliens with a quarterstaff. Zoe turns to see the face of a snarling, intimidating alien. For a moment, it seems like she's met her match.

Then a wooden arrow zips past and buries itself in the alien's throat. Zoe is sprayed with dark blue blood. She turns to see Doug giving her a thumbs up. Nice. She gives him a super giving her a thumbs up. Nice. She gives him a super awkward blood-spattered wink, then batters one last alien. The invaders are defeated. Huzzah!

The ghostly voice of Jon Snow sounds in Zoe's head. I knew you could do it, Zoe. Thank you. Could you do it one more time and say, this is Jon Snow again? Please. I knew you could do it, Zoe. This is Jon Snow. Thank you.

Eyes closed, she kisses the air. Ben nods toward the far side of the room, where the alien captain cowers. The reenactors nurse fresh injuries. Cuts, bruises, split lips. They stride over to the captain. Hey, you! A pulsing light appears on a panel on the captain's chest. Quinn gets up in its face, shit-talking Renfair-style.

What now, thou base ruffian? What sayest thou now, huh? By the hammer of Vulcan, prepare to feast on dung, thou mother-lover. Aye, aye, forsooth. The panel pings. Translator calibrated. I prithee, Seraz,

spare me. They turn to look at Quinn for fuck's sake. I shall excuse myself. He goes to stand in the corner. Noble conqueror, I entreat thee. Sooth hast thou lobed me, yet dispasseth me not. Listen to me. You better get the fuck out of here, alien.

Earth is for humans. We don't want your kind here. Bridget. Sorry, my queen. She stands back. Hey, I'm not sure how exactly, but I think that's racist. A spaceship full of alien invaders with advanced weaponry versus a team of nerds with wooden weapons,

and we beat you. It's over. You're going to take your pods and leave this planet and never come back. I, brave queen. It shall be as thou commandest. Swear it. Thy will be done.

Swear. She readies her wooden sword. Yea, I do avow. We shall quit this world in peace. Ne'er to return. Satisfied, Zoe gets up and begins to move away. Then turns back. Seriously, though. Fuck you.

Quinn leans in close to the alien captain one last time. Fuck you. Exterior, field outside Hillsboro. Night. The soldiers watch the eerie glow of the pods. All at once, the pods vanish back into the trees. What's happening? Exterior, alien mothership, night. Glowing pods pour back into the mothership. Exterior, park field, night. Zoe, Ben, Doug, Bridget, and Quinn stride back across the field triumphantly, wiping blood and sweat from their faces.

We did it, y'all! America wins again! Fourth of July, Super Bowl, Military-Industrial Complex, booyah! Wait, we're the good guys, right? Charlie pulls up her camera to show Doug his shot of him killing an alien with a perfectly executed bow and arrow strike. Whoa. Want a copy for the gram? Yeah, maybe. Then nudges Zoe. Hey, this would be a great moment to grab Doug and make out with him. Zoe glances back. Feels like the wrong mood.

Bridget pulls out a tooth. Oh, fuck, I don't have dental. Oh, fuck, I don't have dental. Exterior, field outside Hillsboro. Night, continuous. Brunel runs up, panting furiously. What did I miss? Exterior, park field. Night, continuous.

Charlie jogs in front to get a group shot. Then blue light washes over her. She looks up in horror. With a roar, the vast hulk of the mothership looms up over the trees, accelerating towards them. Interior, alien mothership, bridge, night, continuous. The alien captain sits back in its command chair. Other aliens have returned to their stations. The captain raises a hand. The aliens work their controls. Exterior, park field, night, continuous. The ship speeds faster. The weapons array begins to glow. The reenactors watch helplessly. Exterior, field outside Hillsboro, night, continuous.

The tank operator, leaning against the tank, blows a massive bubble. The tank operator, leaning against the tank, blows a massive bubble. The force field flickers and drops out. The soldier yells into the walkie-talkie, Commander, the shield is down! Interior, police station, night, continuous. Cook has been pacing. Hearing this, she springs into action, knocking Schwartz back, who drops his coffee on the ground.

He holds his empty, coffee-less hand in the air, but this time it doesn't get refilled. No Brunel. Go, go, go! Exterior, field outside Hillsborough. Night, continuous. The soldiers pour into the forest. Brunel, still massively out of breath,

draws his gun with one hand, brandishes his badge in the other, and dashes in. Hillsborough PD! Michaela grabs Mark and holds him up into her horse. Together, they charge in. Interior. Alien mothership. Bridge. Night. Continuous. The captain smiles cruelly. The sound of engines and machinery is overwhelming. Exterior, park field, night, continuous. The roaring grows. The weapons array glows fiercely.

The reenactors are sitting ducks. Interior, alien mothership, bridge, night, continuous. The roaring cuts out abruptly. The captain's smile drops drops it looks down through the clear floor we can see Zoe's wooden sword jammed into the weapons array the captain looks up all is quiet Oh fate so cruel that profits thus an end to one that hath endured thy endless wars, unyielding kings and sovereigns brought to bend, and greater planets subjugated scores. He rises and moves slowly through this silent bridge.

Though mightiest among my kind I be, still as the lowest I am laid to rest. Among my kind I be, still as the lowest I am laid to rest. Then mark this well, or you would follow me. T'was earth, so seeming weak, that did me best. Exterior. Park field. Night. Continuous. The mothership explodes. Flaming debris rains down around them. Fire lights up their faces. A charred wooden sword sails under the sky and sticks in the ground right in front of them. Sorry to burst your bubble. Did you guys hear that?

Don't you know? Through the flames and smoke, the galloping horse bursts, carrying Michaela and Mark through the smoldering remains of the alien invasion. Smoking is bad for you? Nah, just... With surprising grace, he leaps from the saddle and snatches Zoe up in a hug. Fire roars behind them, and the alien equivalent of a hubcap rolls along the grass. Slowly, Charlie lifts her camera.

Match cut two. Interior, Zoe's kitchen, day. Insert, Hillsborough Times newspaper. The headline reads, Ren Faire vs. Aliens. Underneath is Charlie's picture of the burning wreckage of the spacecraft. Five Ren Faire reenactors standing in front. One proud dad. And a knight on horseback, charging through.

Interior. Winterhouse. Zoe's bedroom. Day. Zoe's alarm clock rings. Zoe wakes abruptly. She shuts off the alarm, then looks around, disoriented. She locks eyes with the poster of John Snow. Was it all a dream? She struggles out of bed. No, no, no Un boccone ricco di gusto Se conosco il posto giusto

Siamo d'accordo su su via Tutti alla piadineria È tornata la solare Con crudo e stracciatella Aggiungi salsa mango, aglio nero o peperone Amerai ogni boccone La piadineria La più buona che ci sia

Interior, winter house, kitchen, day Pia di Neria, la più buona che ci sia. He got you. Good job, Harry. Interior, winter house, kitchen, day. As Zoe comes downstairs, she spots Commander Cook standing with Mark in the kitchen, chatting. Mark has his hand jammed down the garbage disposal. Morning, Zoe. Look what Katrina brought you. Katrina? She glances over at the wall. Her charred wooden sword sits on the shelf next to her lonely National Latin exam medal. Wow.

No time for breakfast. We need to get to the studio. Zoe takes a deep breath. Mark smiles. You got this. Here. He hands her his truck keys. Exterior. Winterhouse. Day. They step out. In the driveway, the pickup is horrifically smashed up. All at once, masses of reporters rush over the lawn, clamoring with question.

Miss Winter! Miss Winter! Are there more aliens where that came from? I don't... Were you able to communicate with them? Miss Winter, how many aliens did you personally kill? The throng grows quiet. Jeez, I don't even know. This provokes an even greater outburst of questions. Commander Cook pulls them through the crowd.

At the edge of the throng, a woman in her late 40s, admissions officer, comes up with a friend, Kit Harington. Zoe can't make out. Please, no more questions. Sorry can't make out. Please, no more questions. Uh, sorry, I'm not a reporter. Zoe Winter? My name's Margaret Kaplan. I'm an admissions officer from Yale. It's in Connecticut.

Zoe and Mark exchange a look. Yeah, I've heard of it. Would you be interested in attending? I didn't apply. I actually didn't apply anywhere. My SAT scores were awful. You don't have to. We'd be honored to admit a hero like you. Her younger friend chimes in.

Yale's a great school. Zoe squints and recognizes him as Game of Thrones heartthrob. Kit Harington? Nice to meet you. I can't tell you how much you helped me the way you came from nothing as a poor orphan and ended up forging your own destiny and shaping the future of Westeros. That was the character Jon Snow, Zoe. That was fiction.

Did you come here just to see me? Yes. Actually, no, I'm visiting my cousins, but I really think you should go to Yale. You can have a single Zoe, no roommate. I don't know. I'll think about it. The reporters start to clamor again. A Prius pulls up nearby. Ben waves from the driver's seat.

Quick, get in! Zoe heads toward the passenger door, and the other two follow. As she passes by Kit Harington... You're so beautiful! What? Hey, Ben! Kit Harington and the admissions officer stand awkwardly in silence. A lull as the reporters watch the heroes drive off.

Kit Harington turns to them. Hey, I'm Kit Harington. The tumult resumes. Cameras flash. Exterior. Local news station. Day. The Prius comes to a halt in the gravel outside a concrete building with an antenna array. The local news station. Here we go.

Mark and Commander Cook get out and make for the door. But Ben clears his throat. Zoe hangs back. Everything alright? Yeah, yeah. I've just been thinking. The way I was so determined to make Quinn break character and just be who he really is. It wasn't about him.

I haven't been true to who I am. He fiddles with his keys. Pushing you towards Doug. Same thing. I wanted you to make a move on someone you clearly liked because I couldn't. What do you mean? Kerry Santos. I mean, who has themselves all figured out in middle school?

He sighs. I don't know why coming out the second time would be harder, but it is. I'm bi, Zoe, and I do like Carrie Santos. She asked me to do the summer dance, and I think I'm going to go with her. Amazing. I'm here for go with her. Amazing. I'm here for you, buddy. Thank you. Seeing you change, seeing you beat a literal alien invasion,

it helped put everything in perspective. So thanks. Zoe instinctively begins to deflect the praise, but thinks better of it. You're welcome. They start walking towards the station. And hey, more options. Congratulations. The crunch of it. You're welcome. They start walking towards the station. And hey, more options. Congratulations. The crunch of gravel.

Bridget pulls up on a shiny new BMX. You're bi, huh? Nice one. Me too. High five. She's already out of high five range. Nice bike. Thanks, I'm rich now. I sold our life rights. Doug holds the station door open for Bridget as she hops off and enters without breaking stride.

Hey, Zoe, there's something I wanted to ask you. He looks at her nervously for a moment. Then a chains comes over him as he puts on his cool guy persona. Well, you know how the summer dance is coming up. I was thinking if, like, you low-key want to go with me, I'd kind of slap. No. Doug stutters for a moment. Sorry, I should have pretended to think about it for a moment.

What I mean is we've all been through so much together that we're almost like siblings. Doug drops his persona. Actually, that's a huge relief. And I wouldn't want to... What? Honestly, this public persona I've made for myself, I've been realizing how much it plays into a

traditional patriarchal narrative. Men as self-sufficient protagonists, women as little more than objects, validated by the men who choose them. But real life isn't like that. We aren't defined by gender or by the roles we play in romantic relationships. Our generation has an opportunity to break this narrative and value individual expression, as well as platonic friendships, more highly. He touches her arm affectionately. And in the end, which of us

really needs validation more? He gestures to his phone. This need to be idolized? It's not healthy for me. On TikTok, I have hundreds of followers. But I'll follow you into battle any day. She's about to respond when... Zoe! They need you.

Thanks, Doug. She turns. From her pocket, she draws Doug's sweaty handkerchief. She gives it one last farewell sniff, tosses it into a trash can nearby, and goes inside. Ben has been standing nearby, politely pretending not to pay attention. He smiles and goes in.

Doug follows. Ben, do you want to go to the summer dance? Uh, uh, say, but Zoe, I think, I think of you as a sibling. Also, I'm going with Kerry Santos. Ah, nice one, man. Interior, newsroom, day. The anchors mostly return to their former composure, present the news. The male anchor now shows off

a flashy engagement ring. Which is great news for Hillsboro, as according to local officials, our humble state park is almost certain to receive national monument status. Now certified 100% alien free. They both laugh. Now in a very special

segment, we're joined live by the renaissance heroes Who fought off these invaders So, just what happened in that alien bubble? Montage As each reenactor is interviewed individually Music builds Lower third Ben Ortega, high school student

It was the first day And we hadn't even opened. Then these things started appearing. Charlie Fu, a Witcher-winning photojournalist. When they popped up, zooming around in their drones and shooting at us, I knew I had to do something. Zoe Winter, queen. We were never worried. We had it under control.

Doug Kimora, high school student. TikTok personality. No cap. We kept seeing under control. Doug Kimora, high school student, TikTok personality. No cap. We kept seeing like more and more of these sus dudes and I was like, whoa, this is totally... Quinn Sparacello, jester. Fantastical beyond imagining. Such creatures beggar belief. Why, quoth we, and wherefore came they hither? Bridget McMillan, big time movie producer. I mean, I expected a good turnout for the fair, but not aliens. And the king guy died. I did recon by myself.

I drew them off. I used my longbow skill to take down around 11 of them. Yeet! I taught them the king's English. And two cops, a guy selling turkey legs, a whole bunch of people. Lower third, Agnes Tiamanson, amateur horticulturalist. The gardener holds the wreckage of her flowerpots. I don't know what was worse.

The aliens or the massive disruptions by the federal authorities, which our tax dollars pay for. It was a lot of responsibility, so we came up with a plan. Police car. Antennas. Gun. Alien drone pod. Wooden weapons.

Charred bone. Fursuit. A pause. Hi, Mom and Dad. Those things. Dead eyes, like a doll's eyes. Nuts. So nuts. Crazy.

Lower third. Kit Harington, Young Hollywood Award winner. An absolutely mental situation. The U.S. spends more money on its military than the next 11 countries combined. Not gonna lie, we high-key wanted these guys to go... Fuck themselves by Jove. Back to that foul, brimstone-soaked hell that gave them birth. It wasn't a big deal.

Zoe saved the world. Zoe saved the world. Zoe saved the world. Zoe saved the world. Zoe saved the world. Oh, sorry. Even when you fuck up, it sounds authoritative. Could you do it again, please? Yeah. Zoe saved the world.

Zoe fights a smile and admits. I saved the world. Music builds into roll credits. Post credits. I saved the world. through. Interior, military base, corridor, day. Zoe follows Cook down a long hallway in a secure military compound. Cook turns and raises an eyebrow. You think you're ready for this? Not to sound cocky, but I did blow up an alien invasion. Interior, military base, catwalk, continuous. They come out onto a catwalk over a concrete warehouse. Scientists in lab coats are running diagnostics on the alien captive, still, somehow, locked in the medieval pillory.

We are the good guys, right? Cook shrugs and keeps walking. Interior, military base, elevator, day. Cook hits a button and the elevator. Interior. Military base. Elevator. Day. Cook hits a button and the elevator doors open. Zoe steps in. Cook pauses in the hallway. So, when does my training begin? Cook smiles.

It already has. She hits another button and the doors close, sealing Zoe from sight. The End.