Table Read - "Who Knew Christmas Needed a Jew?" - Original Song from "The Jew Who Saved Christmas"

Episode Date: December 7, 2024

WHO KNEW CHRISTMAS NEEDED A JEW:By: Selyna Warren, Marissa Read, and Jason Currie BERNIE Wait. What’s happening?  SANTA Christmas feels different.  Something feels new.  The snow’s whiter, it��s so much brighter, and it’s all because of you know who… BERNIE Wait… are you talking about me? SANTA I’ve roasted all the chestnuts, killed all the Christmas geese! But it’s been so monotonous delivering world peace.  Suddenly through your eyes a brand new view. Who knew Christmas needed a jew? BERNIE  - ISH. We prefer jewish, but I think I get what’s going on here. Your next miracle is to be all Barbara and sing -  SANTA I’ve whistled all the carols that could ever have been sung. The chimneys I’ve been sliding down have given me black lung. BERNIE Wait, what? I’ve been sliding down chimneys ALL FRIGGEN NIGHT! SANTA Look! I know longer have the soot flu. Who knew Christmas needed a Jew? BERNIE Okay, if you think I’m gonna join you in some dorky little diddy then you are absolutely… correct! I’ve spent every Christmas eating chinese food alone. “The dark house on the block”, that’s what they used to call my home. But with you I thinkI’ve finally got my shot. Christmas neede a jew, who knew a jew needed Christmas?  Okay, sorry, I don't have like a magical weed given song gift. I can’t like improvise rhymes on the fly.  SANTA Ho ho …. that’s alright! I’ll bring all the jolly. BERNIE And I’ll bring all the oy! BOTH We fit together perfectly, BERNIE This Hebrew  SANTA and this goy! SANTA You lit up my yule-tide log and it’s - BOTH  - burning bright! BERNIE The sleigh is not the only thing that’s -  BOTH  - higher than a kite! A holly jolly mitzvah, yes it’s true! Who knew - BERNIE  - Christmas  SANTA Christmas  REINDEER Christmas  BOTH  - needed a you?

Wait, what's happening? Christmas feels different, something feels new. This snow is wider and so much brighter, and it's all because of you, Noel. Wait, are you talking about me? I've roasted all the chestnuts, killed all the Christmas geese, but it's been so monotonous, delivering world peace. Suddenly through your eyes a brand new view, who knew Christmas needed a Jew? Ish! We prefer Jew-ish, but I think I get what's going on here. Your next miracle is to be all ball or bra and sing.

I've whistled all the carols that could ever have been sung. Chimneys I've been sliding down have given me black lung. Wait, what? I've been sliding down chimneys all friggin' night. Look, I no longer have the soot flu. Who knew Christmas needed a Jew? Okay, if you think I'm gonna join you in some dorky little ditty, then you are absolutely correct. I've spent every Christmas eating Chinese food alone. The dark house on the block,

that's what they used to call my home. But with you I think I finally got my shot. Christmas needed a Jew. Who knew what Jew needed Christmas? Okay, sorry, I don't have like a magical weed-given song gift. I can't like improvise rhymes on the fly. Oh, that's all right. I'll bring all the jolly. And I'll bring all the oy. We fit together perfectly. We fit together perfectly, this Hebrew and this goy. You lit up my yuletide log and it's burning bright. The sleigh is not the only thing that's higher than a kite. A holly jolly mitzvah, yes, it's true.

Who knew Christmas, Christmas, needed a you? Christmas Needed a you