Tara Brach - 2014-12-31-Retreat Meditation - Forgiving Ourselves and Others

Episode Date: February 8, 2015

2014-12-31-Retreat Meditation - Forgiving Ourselves and Others - Instruction and guided heart forgiveness practice from the 2014 IMCW New Year's Retreat.

The following meditation is led by Tara Brock, meditation teacher, psychologist, and author. Many of the wisdom traditions, a key understanding is that love is intrinsic, and the key pathway is really to recognize, to bring into the light of awareness, the ways that we resist or block that loving. And as many of us know, that often comes in the shape of being turned on ourselves or other people in some way. So in the Buddhist tradition, as many of you know, the forerunner to Met our loving kindness is the forgiveness practice. And today, once again, we'll go a little further, continue on in this process of letting go of the armoring around the whole. heart. Really, one way to consider it is unless we're completely free, we all have some ways

that we resist or tighten against life and defend our hearts. So it's really, it's a natural and ongoing process, not something that's kind of, oh, we're pathological and need to do this practice. It really is like taking a bath every day. It's a regular way of washing and cleansing and opening ourselves. And the natural beginning is just to gently sweep through your body as you have many times now. And just sense how your body might be in some habitual way tensing itself. Just gently run the awareness through the body and just notice where there might be tightening wherever the body is tight. That's in some way a part of the habit of resisting life.

As part of sweeping through the body with awareness, you might also notice parts of the body where there's a discomfort that on some level you might be aversive to. Just see if you can bring a bit of forgiveness to that presentation of unpleasantness. Forgiveness meaning to let go of the barrier or aversion towards

it to let be. In one of the classic versions of the forgiveness practice, we begin with the reflection of where we might have caused harm to other people. For all of us, we each in some way have caused harm to others knowingly or unknowingly through our actions, our words, our thoughts. You might sense where this is true for you. bringing to mind a particular person where you've caused injury either in the past or currently, you feel you are causing injury. And see if you can let the person and the situation be close enough in that you can bear witness to the realness of that person being hurt in some way,

letting your nervous system register the hurt. and that takes a certain courage, bravery to kind of sit in close on that one. In the classic recitation, you might mentally whisper the person's name as you reflect on this. The recitation is, I see and feel how I've hurt you. And I ask your forgiveness. Please forgive me. And again, whispering the person's name. I see and feel how I've hurt you, and I ask your forgiveness,

please forgive me. Notice if you can imagine and sense feeling forgiven by that person, and if not to let yourself feel that, feel whatever's true for you. This leads right into the next reflection, which is bringing forgiveness to ourselves, and you may choose to focus on forgiving yourself for hurting this or another person or for something else. So just sense what feels unforgiven right now, ways you have not yet forgiven yourself. And it may be for some way that you've injured your own being. And we're going to take our time on moving into the self-forgiveness, and the first invitation

as you reflect on this is to bring the situation up close again and just sense what feels unforgivable, what action, what way of feeling or being is unforgivable. And with that sensing how you, the conviction of I should be different, the notion that you should be different, that there's some way to be different, that you should have been. and just sense behind whatever you've done that feels unforgivable to the fear, vulnerability, anger, hurt, drivenness, to the energy behind it. And just take some moments to investigate what caused you to behave in the unforgivable way. as you begin to sense the pain, fear, hurt that drove you or drives you to behave in hurtful way,

see if you can look through the eyes of your deepest wisdom, your tenderest heart, at your own being, with the remembrance that when we cause suffering, it's because we're suffering in some way. seeing if it's possible to behold yourself through that wisdom and heart, offering these words of forgiveness, I see and feel the ways I've hurt another or myself. And I forgive myself now. And if not able to forgive myself now, it's my intention to forgive myself. You might take a moment to reflect and sense who you might be,

how your life might be if you released the blame. Just let yourself get a taste of that. Who would you be? How would your life be? If you truly release the blame from the poet Dana Fawds, forgive yourself. Forgive yourself. Now is the only time you have to be whole. Now is the sole moment that exists to live in the light of your true being. Perfection is not a prerequisite for anything but pain. Please, oh please, don't continue to believe in your stories of separation and failure. This is the day of your awakening. Forgive yourself. Forgive yourself. now is the only time you have to be whole. Taking some more moments to scan and sense

how we might be holding something against ourselves, to sense where our heart is armored by self-blame. I'd like to invite you to place your hand on your heart as you scan right now. and whatever you notice, wherever you've turned on yourself or your ways of being, ways of acting, ways of thinking, let the touch and let your wisdom heart offer inward, just the simple words, forgiven, forgiven. Let it be your intention to let go of any ways that you push yourself out of your own heart. We continue now in widening the circles, nourishing this forgiving heart, by bringing to mind someone who is yet unforgiven,

that we're in some way pushing away with blame or resentment. You might bring to mind where that's so for you. And bring the image and sense of the person close in enough so you can remind yourself of what really has caused the, reaction of what's caused you to push that person away from your heart. There may be a particular incident or a number of them, but let yourself make it real just to sense again what has caused you to in some way reject or separate from this person.

And as you remember what has happened, the person's behavior, the message that you've received, sense how it's made you feel, behind the arm ring, what's the feeling of the hurt, the fear, and just let your attention go right to the place of vulnerability, right to the place that deep in you has been in reaction to this person. And again, you might bring your hands your heart and just breathe with and feel your own vulnerability. You wouldn't have pushed this person out of your heart unless there was some pain, some deep unpleasantness. So we begin forgiving another by bringing an authentic, tender presence

to our own feeling of woundedness. See if you can breathe with it, just feel where it lives, how it's expressing, and send to your own being that message that you're with yourself, that you care about this suffering. You might imagine and sense the care of your wisest, deepest heart, just kind of moving through your hands into the wounded place.

Or if it helps to sense another being that's loving and caring helping you with this, to sense that washing and flowing into your heart and into the wounded place. so that you feel really held in loving presence. There may be some particular message to the place of wounding that's helpful.

One offered by Hawaiian healer is simply, I'm sorry, and I love you. As you feel that space of tenderness surrounding and holding your own being, and begin to widen the attention now, and bring into your awareness the person that you feel has caused the injury. See, if you can sense, just as you did with yourself earlier, behind that person's behavior, the vulnerability or hurt or fear or need

that might have been driving their action. See, if you can let your heart be touched by that person's vulnerability, that person's pain. In a classic language, this meditation, that we then extend to the other, and you can always alter however you'd like, just to mentally whisper the person's name. I see and feel the ways you've hurt me,

and I forgive you now, or if I'm not yet ready to forgive. It's my intention to forgive you. to forgive you, to no longer push you out of my heart. And again, whispering the name of this person, I see and feel the way you've caused me injury. And I forgive you now, or have not yet ready to forgive.

It's my intention to forgive you. Letting go now of your sense of this other person, and then bringing your full attention right here to your own body and heart. It's quite a natural part of the process when we do these forgiveness practices to, on some level, be judging how well we're doing them. So scan and sense if you're holding anything against yourself on just how you're doing this process.

And see if you can bring a very unconditional, and gentle presence that says this too, this too is forgiven. Forgiven, forgiven, forgiven. Let yourself settle more deeply into that intention, that deep intention, to live from the love that your true nature. You might reflect on these words from the teachings of Babuji, who says, break your heart no longer. each time you judge yourself you break your heart you pull away from the love that is the wellspring of your vitality source of your being now the time has come your time to live to celebrate and to trust the goodness that you are there is no evil no wrong in you your true essence is pure of all

awareness, aliveness, love. Let no one, no thing, no idea or ideal obscure this truth. If one comes, forgive it for its unknowing. Do not fight it, just let go. And breathe into the goodness that you are. This last few minutes, just sitting quietly and sensing this heart-spiritly. the tenderness, openness, warmth that's possible, this field of loving. Whatever arises, let it be touched by this heart of compassion.