Tara Brach - 3 Degrees Friendlier: Small Shifts That Transform Everything

Episode Date: January 29, 2026

What might change if you were three degrees friendlier than you are now? Not more accommodating or self-sacrificing, but authentically friendlier—to your inner life, with others, and in how you meet the world. In this talk, I explore what friendliness actually is, why it so often shuts down under stress, and how small, accessible practices can bring it back online—and, over time, uplevel your friendliness quotient.   As our hearts become more friendly, we become more inwardly free. Our everyday interactions grow more alive, engaging, and surprisingly heart-opening. And finally, friendliness can offer just the kind of global warming we most need in these times.   Our introduction music is from "Opening" by Adrienne Torf, © 2025 ABT Music

Welcome, friends, to the Tara Brock podcast. I'm so glad you're here. Each week, I share teachings and guided meditations to help us awaken our hearts and bring healing to our world. You can learn more or support this offering by visiting tarabrock.com, where you can also join our email list. Now, let's explore together the many ways we can live from the love and presence that's our deepest essence. Namaste. This fall we experimented for about six weeks with including an ad before this podcast,

and we've decided not to move forward with any more advertising. Many of you shared that it disrupted the flow of your listening, and I really understand it didn't feel aligned with the spirit of this offering. These teachings and meditations will continue to be freely available and your support truly makes that possible. Thank you, friends. Thank you for whatever you've offered and for your continued generosity

in whatever form feels right to you. Namaste. Welcome, friends, and thank you for being here. I'll be beginning with a story that I love, which is a woman tells about a tired-looking old dog that wandered into her yard. And she said she could tell from the collar,

there weren't tags or from the collar that the dog was well fed and clean. He had a home. And so he followed her into the house and down the hall, and he hopped on the couch and fell asleep. And she said, well, my dogs didn't seem to mind and he seemed like a good dog and so on. So I was okay with him being there

and I let him take a nap. and then about an hour later he just hops off the couch, goes to the door, and she let him out. And so the next day, he was back, and he resumed his position on the couch and slept for an hour. And so this went on for several weeks. And she got curious. So she pinned a note to the dog's collar and wrote, every afternoon, your dog comes by to my house for a nap. And I don't mind, but I want to make sure it's okay with you. and the next day the dog arrived with a different note pinned to his collar and it read

he lives in a home with three children he's trying to catch up on his sleep may i come with him tomorrow so i've always loved this story because it brings up this feeling of community you know of welcome you're welcome in my home a kind of friendliness and a warmth we love the feeling of friendliness. I mean, think of it. Someone travels to another country and you ask about the highlight of the trip and it's, oh, the people are so friendly.

Or if you just reflect on a recent moment, a genuinely friendly interaction, we know it. When dust is dust, this is what matters, that kind of a heart connection. So friendly relationships sustain us in the deepest way. And there's a story told by the Sufi teacher, Andrea Shah. He says that there was this dervish who was really wise and beloved.

And every time, you know, he'd sit down at one of his favorite coffee houses, he'd immediately be surrounded by students and devotees. And he was humble. He didn't proclaim to be something special. But those were the very qualities that created this kind of vibrant aura that attracted people. So he was often asked different questions

about spiritual life, but the most frequent was personal, which was, how did you become so holy? And invariably, his response was, I know what is in the Quran. So this went on for quite a while until one day, after hearing this response, a kind of arrogant newcomer challenged him. He said, okay, so what's in the Quran, you know, and he was demanding. And after regarding him kindly,

the nervous responded this way. He said, in the Quran, there are two press flowers and a letter from my friend Abdullah. Our capacity for true friendship and more broadly for friendliness, it's an expression of an awake heart. And as we cultivate this capacity for friendliness, our heart keeps waking up. You can intuit this, that when we're feeling friendly, inwardly, we're just more aware, more open, more free. So today I want to explore what ups our friendliness level. and the title of this talk is three degrees friendlier. We'll be looking at how three degrees friendlier in our personal life

and by friendlier, not syrupy, not cloying, not fawning, not pretending, just a little more warm and open, how three degrees can actually be a kind of tipping point. In your own life, you know, as mentioned inwardly, more free, transforming your experience with other people, and also helping to change the emotional climate in our society. Which brings me to why I'd be talking about friendliness in our current times, because here we are in this world where significant numbers of people report not having any friends, especially generation's years, much isolation, are in-person social. socializing, you know, participating in religious and secular community. It's at an all-time low.

And most pointly, the atmosphere in our wider culture is not friendly. I mean, in the United States, with our current Trump regime, attacking other sovereign nations, wanting to take over by control, different countries, violating, detaining, and killing our own people, armed occupations in some cities. And it's part of a kind of growing tide of authoritarian governments around the globe. And I'm naming this because the message of this, and this is with all strong men regimes, is that we're being governed by intimidation and force, rather than collaboration, rather than respect, rather than care for the common good. And our nervous systems register the world is more dangerous.

It's dangerous to protest. Fear starts shaping how we relate. And this has been studied in fascist countries. The level of mistrust is so high. People increasingly suppress empathy, suppress cooperative instincts. It's just less open and friendly. Okay, so three degrees friendlier.

We know tipping points are real. I mean, mostly we talk about it in terms of climate, and it's kind of staggering, how just a few degrees of temperature can unleash so much suffering. I mean, we're seeing it now with melting glaciers and rising seas and warming ocean and how it's disrupting weather systems, increasing floods, droughts, food shortage. So a relatively small shift in average temperatures and whole systems begin to unravel, you know, forcing people from their homes. So there are also tipping points towards healing.

I mean, researchers have been studying hundreds of social movements, and they've concluded that when about 3.5% of a population actively and invisibly participates, especially through nonviolent activity, major cultural political change becomes hard to stop. 3.5% get active. Just a small, committed, critical mass. I have to say, 3.5 was an awkward number for this talk, so I stayed with three degrees.

But, you know, one of my deepest prayers is that a growing number of us will feel our care for life and participate in actions that save democracy, that we create that critical mass. And today's focus is on the quality of heart and consciousness, the relational care and respect that actually makes this transformation successful, building bonds, building bonds, remembering our belonging. And the truth is, the only only place that relational shift can begin, it's right here with each of us. So three degrees or if we're ambitious 3.5 friendlier. So let's pause here. I just want to do a kind of check-in and opening reflection. We're each taking stock of our own friendliness

quotient and please without judgment. Just be curious. And ask yourself, do you think of yourself as a friendly person? And you might sense, well, what does the word actually mean to you? And as you reflect, you might sense where does friendliness come easily for you? I mean, there are probably certain people, certain settings. And also to sense where does it drop away? Or do you get cut off from friendliness? Is it public places with strangers when you're under stress, when you're tired or rushed?

Look back on a recent interaction, could be with a friend or family or a stranger. Can you think of a moment when friendliness could have been possible, but you were on autopilot in some way? And as you do this, you might sense what could have shifted if you were three degrees, friendlier in those moments. Okay, take a breath. If you closed your eyes for that reflection, open your eyes. You might wonder about the word friendly in three degrees friendlier versus, let's say love or three degrees more loving or more compassionate or kinder. And some of you are probably familiar. The poly word meta, we think of it as meaning loving kindness. The other key to description of metta is friendliness. Listen to the metasuta. It reads like this. It says,

just as a mother would protect her only child at the risk of her own life, even so should one cultivate a boundless friendliness towards all beings. A boundless friendliness towards all beings. Okay, so in my own life, over the years I've held right front and center that intention towards being loving, being kind, compassionate. And more recently, I have found that reflecting on the sense of friendliness is actually more actionable in a daily way. And it's also really fun. It makes every, when I have that intention, okay, so what's friendliness?

is going to be like here, it makes every interaction more interesting, more engaging, more gratifying. So part of my motivation in this talk and reflection is, of course, to deepen that exploration for myself and invite you, invite you if you haven't done this to experiment. Like, what happens when we enter different situations with the intention of friendliness? Because here's the thing. Friendliness, it's not only accessible in daily life, it often doesn't take that much. I mean, just enough friendliness you remember to express appreciation. Or to smile, or to a stranger, or to add a bit of humor to an email, make such a difference.

Immediately there's that sense of, oh yeah, here we are together. Or in the larger society, just that sense of seeing somebody and just sensing, okay, we're in it together. I mean, everyone has a hard struggle. I have to really look and sense that deep down others care. They want to love and be loved. So definitions. You know, what do we really mean by friendliness with our friends, with our family, with our colleagues? And again, I'm not talking about agreeing or pleasing or pretending and definitely not about abandoning boundaries.

Some of you might remember this story about a couple that were, they'd been married for 60 years and just, they say that to stay together that long, you have to be completely honest with your partner. So the husband and wife were very open and shared everything and didn't have any secrets from each other. Well, almost. The wife had been keeping a shoebox in the closet, which she asked her husband not to open or even ask about.

and the man never thought about the box in 60 years until the day his wife got very sick and the doctor said she wouldn't make it and while trying to sort out their affairs the husband took the shoe box out brought it to his wife's bedside and she agreed it was time for him to see what was inside and the man's eyes widened because he discovered there was $95,000 and two crocheted dolls in the box when we were to marriage, she said. My grandmother told me the secret of a happy marriage was to never argue. She told me that if I ever got angry with you, I should just keep quiet and crochet a doll. And the husband was really touched. He said, you know, two dolls means she was angry with me

just two times in 60 years. And honey said, you know, after the overwhelm of the emotions, you said, that explains the dolls, but what about all this money? Where did it come from? Oh, that, she said, that's the money I made from selling the dolls. Okay, point of telling this story is that friendly does not mean bypassing emotions, the hurts, the fears, the anger. As we'll talk about, when strong emotions come up, the starting place is to befriend what's inside us, those emotions. But what is it?

what really makes up friendliness? And when I explore it, my understanding is there are three very interrelated and trainable qualities that emerge when we're friendly. Presence, acceptance, and care. P.AC, presence, acceptance, and care. I've been thinking of it as my portable friendliness pack, you know. So noticing what's here, presence. Presence is attending with a natural interest. When people are present and they show interest, they're aware,

they're not lost in reactivity or preoccupied, they're listening. That is a quality that allows us to feel we matter. Then the second, acceptance, which is allowing that we're receptive rather than judgmental to whatever's there. We're not closed, we're not defended. So acceptance is this willingness to open rather than shut down or turn away. And I just want to note, of course, judgment arises. I mean, presence will then notice that and there's an intention not to live inside it. Presence, acceptance, and care. And care naturally arises when there's an accepting presence. It's that felt sense of warmth and kindness that gets expressed. It's a capacity to nurture.

Okay, so when these three qualities are present, even in small amounts, the felt sense of authentic connection becomes possible. Friendliness is the temperature at which compassion can happen, honesty, loving kindness, gratitude, spontaneity, play. also healing. You know, some of you might remember this. I was really inspired by hearing about friendship benches that started in Zimbabwe. Elders, grandmothers, as it turned out, would sit on benches and people having difficulty would come and sit with them. And the training for the elders PAC, PAC, they were trained in presence, so listening, just listen, acceptance, and care. And one of the grandmothers tells a story of a man who came to sit with her week after

week. And at first, he just didn't speak. Mostly he stared at the ground. He had a lot of trauma, a lot of loss, very isolated life. But after several weeks, he finally looked up and he said, this is the first place where I feel like I matter. You know, friendliness. It lets another know they matter. Just to say that those friends have been. Some people from the United States heard about them. They were brought to Washington, D.C. And many people that went to them said the same thing, which was, I didn't know how much I needed to be listened to

until someone actually did it. In the Netherlands, there are chat benches in parks intended for strangers to connect, to have friendly encounters and there are friendship benches in schools. And I'm sharing this because what a why and beautiful kind of community healing and nurturing. I mean, it just feels like if there was a park and I saw a friendship bench and somebody was on it, I'd be very interested to sit down and feel that possibility of friendly connection in that way.

So part of practicing three degrees friendlier is an understanding, and that is that one of our most basic relational needs is to fail safe enough. If you think of our evolutionary makeup, the first thing that happens when we encounter somebody is there's a flash of a scanning which is really asking, is this person safe? And if we sense judgment or contempt or unpredictability or that they're inflated, have a superiority thing going or inauthenticity or they're not emotionally available or they're dominating. Not safe. Our nervous system tells us to protect, you know. But when instead, if we pick up the signs of friendliness that there's presence and interest, acceptance, care,

our nervous system can relax. I like the way Albert Schweitzer taught about this. He said, a friendly word, a friendly look, a friendly gesture. These are the foundations of peace. So we're social creatures, and friendliness nurtures us. It gives us a sense of belonging. The psychologist Luis Koza, you know, put it this way. He said, we're not survival of the fittest, we're survival of the nurtured.

And of course, without nurturing, we become sick animals. Now there's a cartoon, a dog with a psychiatrist, and he's saying, I guess I'm okay, but I don't know. I just like having places where I'm allowed on the couch. So quite naturally, if we have much historical wounding and trauma or if we're in a time of intense anxiety or fear, it's harder to extend our received genuine friendliness. I mean, we're focused on survival in those moments, and our systems for connection and empathy are down-regulated, and we're not going to be drawn to the friendship bench. Instead, and this is an anonymous quote, when women are anxious, they eat or shop.

When men are anxious, they attack another country. So, as mentioned, the given is that the stressors and trauma are society-wide, which means that up-leveling friendliness right now, not only does it take intentionality, it has to begin again and again with befriending our inner experience, nurturing our inner experience, helping ourselves to feel safe. You know, in teaching for all these years, much of my focus has been just this, befriending the inner life, self-compassion, self-kindness. Today, our focuses on friendliness with others. But it's important to know that if you're feeling unsafe, if you're feeling reactive, the first step in three degrees friendlier is to befriend the inner.

One of my favorite places to practice three degrees friendlier is when I'm walking my dogs on the trails that are near our house. And some weeks ago, I had a back spasm. And I'd recovered some covered some and I was intending to go out there and do my three degrees friendlier. But I was really self-focused. You know, I was soon to fly west. My body felt very vulnerable. I felt a lot of fear like, am I going to be able to make it? How will this back spasm come back? I was grim. It was not a biochemistry of friendliness. And so I realized, okay, this is time for inner befriending and I did this pack presence acceptance care you know I was present with the fear okay this is fear accepting allowing okay this belongs and then care and I just said thank you for

trying to protect me I'm okay right now and I just kind of kind of washed through my body with some kindness and something softened you know it's just more inwardly connected and safe and soon after I saw a family walking, they were coming from the opposite direction toward me, and I could see a eight-year-old, I guess, seven-year-old boy who was eyeing our puppy. And so when they got close in, I said to him, would you like to pet the dog? If so, here's a treat. You can give her a treat. And I showed him how to do it and so on. They had a great time. And when he was walking away, I could hear him really excited and laughing, telling his parents, she was. really liked me, she really liked me. And I, of course, left pain-free and happier.

Inner befriending is essential. So in that spirit, let's just take a pause, just to get a taste of grounding in this way, wherever you are, just let your attention go inward and take a few full breaths and gently ask yourself, am I present? Am I aware of what's happening inside right now? Let yourself be curious. Deepen your tension, your presence with your inner life. Just asking yourself, can I allow what's here to be here? And again, take some moments. If there's something difficult, you might say, okay, this belongs, this belongs.

It's a wave in the ocean. And then ask, can I meet this with kindness? And just sense the possibility of warmth of care, washing through. you might put your hand on your heart and take some moments to deepen that sense of presence acceptance and care and notice that as you inhabit these qualities

the more you do the more you're actually resting in who you truly are in loving awareness the friendliness is a path of homecoming take a few breaths and if your eyes are closed please open them So we're going to turn to practical friendliness, three degrees with others.

And we'll draw from, I just want to review a set of simple practices, and you can find them on the website. I've published them on social media. These are really guidelines that are ways that we can up-level friendliness, and the beginning is always intention. if you can remember your intention to be friendly before an encounter, it will make it possible. And this is most clear when we look back at the encounters that actually felt habitual where we missed moments of real contact.

I mean, a friend recently shared about fitting in a call with one of her old friends during a busy day. And in the call, her friend had mentioned something about stress. at work with her boss, but they quickly went on to other things, and she got off the call and realized she'd been on autopilot. She'd never really arrived. There was not a real sense of contact or warmth. They just stayed on the surface, and it was a regret. She wished she had been more intentional. I mean, I often think of the common regrets of the dying, and a key one being, I didn't prioritize relationships. My focus was elsewhere. Okay, so that's the first,

is to remember our intention to be friendly. The second is kind of an outside in, which is to smile. And it's one of the major human signals that you are safe with me, you're cared about. When I was younger, I didn't smile easily. And my husband at the time, Alex, at one point gave me some feedback. He said, you know, people find you intimidating. You have that kind of grim and tense look. And it was the best feedback I'd ever had really because it was my impact on people. So I started smiling intentionally.

And at first it felt fake because I wasn't accustomed to it. my face was just not used to making the expression. But I had a model. I had a friend who had this wonderful beaming smile, so I thought of her. And it became kind of fun. And over time, it became natural. It actually, smiling makes me happy.

And research shows this that if you volunteer a smile, even when you're not feeling it, it shifts your mood. And then the smile becomes more real, more natural. It fills the eyes. So again, a real smile helps others feel safe and liked. The next thing is eye contact. Because the message is you're seen. I'm interested.

You know, I'm paying attention. I'm present. My husband Jonathan taught for many years at the Krapaloo Center. And one of the workshops that they offered every year was really deep, really intimate, really bonding for people. And one man attended one year and he came back the following. following year with a report. He said he had been super inspired by the depth and honesty and especially the power of sustained eye contact, really seeing the soul of another being. So he told the group,

he said, you know, I went back to New York, determined to bring this practice into daily life. So there he is, and he goes, he's practicing on the subway, making this deep, sustained, loving eye contact with strangers. So he's sharing this to the group. So he's sharing this to the the following year and he looks at them and he says, apparently this is not a universally welcome spiritual practice on the New York subway. I gather that one person looked ready to call for help and another I think proposed to him. So sustained eye contact, context matters. You know, it's three degrees, not 30 degrees friendlier. Okay, the next one. Expressing appreciation. people feel cared about.

And if you are doing it, name something specific. Like, you know, I appreciate how you handled that situation, or I can sense how much you care about such and such, or your way of supporting your children inspires me because specific appreciation actually lands more deeply than generic praise. And it includes appreciation like I enjoy being with you in some way letting them know that. I saw this cartoon of these two monks and they're giggling and one is saying,

ha ha, you tell that one in every lifetime. It never gets old. So letting people know you appreciate and enjoy them. Okay, the next one. And this is one that takes training and is super powerful in upping three degrees. Ask a question that goes deeper. we get habituated we skim the surface so instead of how are you you might say something like so what's really been engaging your energy lately or if they do share something you know so what was your takeaway from that how did that land or what was challenging about that or if they made a decision in their life you know what made you choose that your curiosity signals care and you discover more

who that person is, more understanding. Sometimes I'll just say the words, please, tell me more. Tell me more about that. What else? Okay, the next one. This is one we, I think we know about. Try to listen without preparing your response. Let the other person finish.

And even pause before replying. We're so leaning forward ready to exist and put ourselves in. pause before replying this true spacious listening is one of the strongest signals of friendliness says you matter

I'm interested I'm here to add on to that and this is the next one it's helpful to mirror back what you heard if somebody says something that matters to them

you know just as simple so it sounds like you felt it lets people know that they're understood especially if there's some sort of a conflict in need, it's mirroring. So what I'm hearing is you felt hurt when I arrive late, something like that. It helps to repair and reconnect. Again, if these feel valuable to you, you don't have to be taking notes or anything. It's on the website. The next is offer appropriate

touch when welcomed. You know, a hand on the shoulder, a hug, a warm handshake. Again, remember the subway story. This is only if it feels right if it's consensual. But the truth is, touch can communicate safety more quickly than words. So touch if it's appropriate. Do one small act of helpfulness. I mean, it's always poignant to me in public settings the goodwill with a small gesture. I was recently traveling. I was in airport and I held the door for somebody, we exchanged a warm look. My heart felt lighter. It was so sweet in traffic, pausing to let someone merge in your lane or giving someone your seat on a crowded subway or at the supermarket letting someone in front of you if they don't have a lot of items.

Just to lighten someone's load in a modest way. And you can always ask someone you know if they're having trouble, is there some way I can be helpful? Another, end interactions with care. You can simply say, I'm glad we talked. It was good to connect, but it really helps people feel seen and valued. Okay, friends, so these are some simple ways that we can three degrees more nourish each other. And some take more practice than others. And if you want to train, choose one or two just to focus on. Just say to yourself, well, for the next couple of days when I'm with somebody, I'm going to try to remember to ask a kind of question that'll drop it a little deeper.

So there's a little more connection. So this brings me to the big challenge. I want to name the big challenge to three degrees friendlier, is that we're often on our way somewhere else. and by that I mean especially in casual daily encounters, it's not so easy to arrive and bring our full attention to the person we're with, especially if we're living with stress, if we're feeling that sense of time crunch,

and so many of us do that there's not enough time. As Mary Webb says, to stop and be kind, we have to swerve from our path. I want to share a story. I love this one. It's told by the poet and spiritual teacher or Raya Mountain dancer. And it happened at the end of a workshop that she led. She writes this. She says at the end of a very long day, a small, thin woman with an oversized park introduced herself as Isabel. Can I do this meditation on my own? She asked. Yes, I said, I'm sure you can, although many people find it easier to establish a meditation practice with the help of a group. if it's hard to keep up the discipline on your own.

But what will it give me? What will I get if I do it every day? Her tone took on a whining quality and I felt my irritation rise as she continued. How fast will it work? Will I feel a difference after a week? How will I know if it's working? This was exactly the kind of thing I detested,

the quest for a quick fix. My sons were waiting for me and I wanted to get home. I took a deep breath. and I looked directly at Isabel and set my knapsack down on the floor. I tried to slow down my words, thinking that maybe if I spoke slower, I would feel more patient. Well, I said, meditation is more a process than a goal-oriented activity. It can help you become more aware of what's going on within and around you, and this can help reduce stress.

My best advice is to try it and just be patient with yourself. I picked up my bag and started to button my coat. I really did have to leave and I wanted to get out while I was feeling virtuous for not snapping her head off. But as I started to move away, Isabel suddenly reached out and grabbed my arm with surprising strength. But what I want to know, she said, her voice rising in a crescendo that bordered on real panic, is will it help me find God? If I meditate, well, I have an experience of something or someone out there listening. something really with me.

A wave of desperation swept out from her through me, and I was surprised to find my eyes filled with tears. This woman wasn't looking for an easy answer or guaranteed formula because she was lazy. She wanted something she knew would work and more quickly because she was hanging on by her fingernails. She was afraid she simply wasn't going to make it through months or years. I put my hand gently over Isabelle's where it gripped my arm.

It's okay, Isabel. We all feel desperate at times. Nobody does it by themselves. We all need help. Her hand relaxed a little beneath mine and she started to cry. We talked for a while later. There is no them. There is only us. When I left, I did not leave one of them. I say goodbye to one of us, a human being doing the best she can. searching for the home for which all our hearts long.

We are survival of the nurtured. Friendliness nurtures our soul. So let's take a pause here. I invite you to come into stillness, to take a few breaths. Let the breaths bring you right here, right now. And you might bring to mind someone you'll be seeing in the near future,

perhaps a friend, family member, a colleague, sense the intention towards friendliness and which of these different pathways that arouse the qualities of friendliness you might call on, perhaps eye contact, smile, touch, a question that goes deeper, listening, and imagine doing it, imagine offering it, imagine creating a space where the possibility of human connection becomes greater. So the next place I want to look is bringing that quality of friendliness into our wider world with those we don't know. And I've already mentioned a bit in the small acts of kindness, holding a door for someone and so on.

In this part, I want to look at how we can use our attention. to make people and other beings more real to us so that we feel a genuine sense of friendliness in a more spontaneous way. I often talk about unreal others, how it's really part of our design that when people are different, to not feel that they're like us, to not sense their realness, their consciousness, their heart. So what that means is that when we're experiencing the world as unreal others, we move through the world, through the public in a kind of bubble of a separate self and it's not so friendly. So three degrees of friendliness, it actually is a way to dissolve the bubble and I want to share one particular way we can do that that's really powerful.

And it's by mentally communicating to others, sending a message and then sensing a response. In other words, you're imagining a relational field and you're silently relating to a fellow being. So you can think of it as a silent relational communication. Let me explain a little because that might sound way out there. For example, in line at a coffee shop, someone ahead looks tired, guarded, and you mentally are communicating. We are friends. We are friends. and you imagine some sort of a small positive response.

Maybe this expands you to having eye contact or smiling. Something human passes between you. The example I'm sharing is something that happened also at the airport. The point is this, when we silently communicate something like, we are friends and pause to imagine a response, we're activating the brain's relational systems. because human connections, they're not only built through physical interaction. It's also built through relational simulation.

Our brain's capacity to represent another person or a group of others, and we start representing them as responsive beings, not an object or a category. For instance, whenever I give a talk and I'm nervous beforehand, it's because I'm in that bubble. But if I reflect on you, on those in the field who are joining me and I mentally sense we're friends, we're waking up together, we care about each other.

I mean, even as I say it right now, something dissolves, something opens. So we become more safe and the reality is it doesn't manufacture connection. it reveals the connection that's already there. We stop relating from such a distance. So we can do this, this kind of mental communicating when we're seeing a human, a non-human, a plant, a tree. I mean, I do it with trees all the time.

We are friends. Harcabee, we both belong. Our thank you. Or we're sharing this moment. Or may you feel safe and happy. So again, I invite you to bring your attention inside, close your eyes if it helps, take a few breaths, and imagine yourself in a public place that's in a natural setting, some sort of a park, and imagine that you in some way cross paths with a human that's of difference of some sort.

And in some way, you mentally communicate with your friends. Or may you be happy? And imagine that there's some response. People love love. That there's some response on some level energetically. Notice that being becoming more real. And that you pass by some non-human animal. A squirrel, a bird, a dog.

We are friends. And imagine a response. And sense that being a sentient, real. and a tree. You might even put your hand on a tree. We are friends. And imagine an energetic response. This is a living, sentient being.

Again, taking a few breaths. If your eyes are closed, open your eyes. Cultivating friendliness, it reconnects us with the awareness, the heart space, that's our true home. and three degrees friendlier, three degrees warmer. It serves the global warming we need, you know, a healing for our world. And here's the thing.

It's very easy to feel what we do doesn't count. Many, many people talk about that, the feeling that powerlessness in our world today. But we belong to our world. We impact our world with every thought, every act. every prayer. All our expressions of consciousness contribute. There's a reading that goes like this. A sparrow asked a dove, what is the weight of a snowflake? The dove says nothing more than nothing. The sparrow says, and listen to this. He tells how he was sitting on a fir tree while snow fell softly, gently,

no storm at all. He counted every snowflake that landed on his branch, millions of them. And when the very next snowflake landed, nothing more than nothing, the branch broke. That's what I love about the reminder that it's not one dramatic act that changes a system. It's the accumulation, the tipping point. three degrees friendlier in our own lives might feel like nothing, a warmer tone, a softer gaze, a moment of not turning away. But maybe that's exactly how the armoring around our heart begins. And more broadly, how the softening and opening and caring in our society comes alive. So just take a final moment here, a final reflection. And in whatever way it feels true for you,

sense your intention for awakening your heart, sense your intention for three degrees friendlier, and perhaps again one concrete place to practice in the next day or two, and sense our shared intention to widen the circles, to wide in the circles include in our heart all beings, just as a mother would protect her only child at the risk of her own life, even so, should one cultivate a boundless friendliness toward all beings.

So feeling our shared prayer friends, may our caring for life, may the accumulation of snowflakes, help heal and transform our world, bring a growing love, compassion, justice, and freedom to our world. Thank you, blessings.