Tara Brach - An Evening of Inquiry

Episode Date: July 25, 2014

2014-07-23 - An Evening of Inquiry - In this class, Tara offered a guided meditation, some brief words on connecting with the felt sense of our experience, and opened the class to questions.

The following talk is given by Tara Brock, meditation teacher, psychologist, and author. So in this class, as I mentioned, there'll be the opportunity to ask whatever questions are coming up for you about this practice and about bringing the practice into areas in your life that might be challenging. And in some way, all of our questions come around to the same deep question of, of how in any moment, can I really come home to my heart and to awareness? And yet the moments are different and they get complex. So the ground of awareness training, as you've been finding,

for those of you that have been practicing for a while, is that we're learning to wake up out of the thoughts that keep us in some small reality, the thoughts that keep telling us that we're less than who we are, that others are other, that there's something wrong. We're starting to get the knack of, okay, that's a thought, and it's just a thought, and I don't have to believe it. That's the first freedom that comes.

I don't have to believe that. And then coming back to this living aliveness of our bodies and our hearts, what's sometimes called the felt sense of experience. We just keep learning to come back and come back, and come back. It is our portal to wholeness. To be able to feel your body and your breath and the aliveness that's here

will give you access to the full measure of your intelligence and your heart. And in Buddhism, this awareness of the body and the senses is called the first foundation of mindfulness because every other experience, we have, whatever's going on in your life, whether it's obsessive thinking, or whether it's, you know, being really hijacked by strong anxiety or fear. Underneath that's a constellation

of sensations that in some way we're trying to control. So what meditation training does is it begins to decondition the ways we're trying to control things. We're always in some way rigged to get away from unpleasant sensations and to create more pleasant sensations and if that's going on our lives are always in some way being hijacked we're not going to be able to come to any real healing or awakening there's a story I love about a hermit that was a real recluse lived way out in the wilderness and people would go to visit him and get his wisdom but in order to do so they had a really track

through challenging terrain. They'd get there and they'd sit together with them and then he'd invite their questions but he'd say you have to promise not to tell anyone and then they'd make the promise

and he'd share one piece of wisdom that was life changing and he said and it was really a question which is what are you unwilling to pay attention to. And you might sense that as you begin to feel different areas that you're stuck in your life, where you're wanting to know, well, how can meditation help me with, da-da-da,

fill in the blank. What am I unwilling to pay attention to? For all of us, the process of healing and of waking up is to be able to kind of cut through the habitual thoughts and discover what we're not paying attention to. We keep ourselves going. One of my favorite little one-liners is mother sends telegram to son. And it just says one thing, it says, start worrying details to follow.

And isn't that the way we are? You know, it's like we get rigged. So I'd like to just read a little bit of what's called the title, this is a felt sense prayer that has to do with this willingness to feel what we've been running away from. This willingness to pay attention to that which we've in some way been avoiding. And we all have things that we are avoiding and the way we avoid it actually ends up creating almost the structure of our personality. So we'll listen to this and take this in and then we'll just open it to whatever questions

happen to be here. You might close your eyes as you listen. Felt sense prayer. I am the pain in your head, the knot in your stomach, the unspoken grief in your smile, I'm your high blood pressure, your fear of challenge, your lack of trust, I'm your hot flashes,

your cold hands and feet, your agitation and fatigue. You tend to disown me, suppress me, ignore me. You usually want me to go away immediately, disappear. You mostly are irritated, or frightened and many times shocked by my arrival. From this stance you medicate in order

to eradicate me. Ignoring me, not exploring me, is your preferred response. So I implore you. I am a messenger with good news. As disturbing as I can be at times, I am wanting to guide you back to those tender places in yourself, the place where you can hold yourself. with compassion and honesty. If you look beyond my appearance, you may find that I am a voice from your soul, calling to you from places deep within that seek your conscious alignment.

I may ask you to alter your diet, get more sleep, exercise regularly, breathe more consciously. I might encourage you to see a vaster reality and worry less about day-to-day fluctuations of life. I may ask you to explore the bonds and the wounds of your relationships. I may remind you to be more generous and expansive or to attend to protecting your heart from insult.

I might have you laugh more, spend more time in nature, eat when you are hungry and less, when pain or bored, spend time every day if only for a few minutes being still. Wherever I lead you, my hope is that you will realize that success will not be measured by my mind. eradication, but by the shift in the internal landscape from which I emerge, I am your friend, not your enemy. I have no desire to bring pain and suffering into your life. I am simply tugging at your sleeve too long immune to gentle nudges. My charge is to energize you to listen to me

with sensitive ear and heart. You are being so hard. You are being so hard. vast, so complex with amazing capacities for self-regulation and healing. Let me be one of the harbingers that lead you to the mysterious core of your being where insight and wisdom are naturally available when called upon with a sincere heart. Let me be one of the harbingers that lead you to the mysterious core of your being where insight and wisdom are naturally available when called upon with a sincere heart. So we open to inquiry how we can be paying attention and new and fresh and creative ways to our life to keep on waking up. And I have a number of questions that were emailed to me, but I'd like to first just open it. Maybe we'll go back

and forth a bit, but to see if anyone in the room is wanting to begin. And I'll give you a few guidelines for this. Janet has a mic and I know there's a mic over there. Yeah, there we go with Glenn. So anybody willing to begin? And there's someone right behind you, Janet. So I wanted to ask if you could help us distinguish between grasping versus a sincere desire to change something, whether it's a circumstance in work or with a relationship, how do you distinguish between the healthy versus the grasping. And just to ask you, what makes you ask this, maybe just to say a word or two?

So it's feeling stress when something isn't the way that I would like it to be and sincerely wanting to improve the situation but not knowing how to, feeling like it might be imposing my own judgment on what it should be versus what it is. Okay, so that's really, you're naming it pretty perfectly that, so you're aware that there is, like, I wanted a certain way, there's a certain tension, but you also know there's somewhere

in there's something very sincere, right? So here's the thing that just as the way you're describing it, our intentions are marbled. They have different layers to them. And when we're most in fight, flight, and freeze, when we're feeling most triggered and, like our needs aren't going to be met, there's a top layer, it's kind of like the ocean, the waves are much more like that. And we have to pay attention to that, that's where we start, and it's just to know, okay, there's some grasping. There's a good intention down there, but there's grasping. And the way you go from grasping to a much more sincere and pure aspiration, I just really want to be all that I can be as loving, be undefended, is to start right with that part of you

that wants to control and just bring your attention to it and sense what it feels like in your body and breathe with it and then start asking, well, how come I really want this? What does this matter so much to me? What's the deep one underneath it? And then you can begin to feel what's marbled inside it. But if we dismiss it and say, oh, that's grasping. I shouldn't be wanting that. We've actually missed out on the portal into a much more deep heart aspiration. The way you'll know the difference between grasping and a heart aspiration

is the felt sense. You'll feel it in your body and I bet you've had times, you can tell me if this is true, when you felt it more kind of like the innocence or the prayerfulness of just feeling that purity of wanting to be true to yourself.

You know. Keep tracking the felt sense. At times when it's like this, Just pay attention. It'll open back into that more relaxed, pure flowing place. Is that helpful? It is. And I think also opening up to what's causing the stress from the other party,

I think the compassion about where they're coming from, perhaps, even though it might not be... That's a natural extension. Yes. If you're present with feeling how difficult it is for you and you bring some kindness there, then you'll be able to look and say, oh, of course, that person's stressed too.

but you won't see it unless you first bring presence inside. Yeah, thank you. From what I could hear, near the end of the meditation, you said perhaps we could approach things, I think, in such a way as to feel more relief or something like that. What was it you said?

And then I'll tell you what I want to ask. We're talking about the guided meditation earlier. Near the end of the meditation, you said for this last part. I said for the last part, you might relax a little bit more and see if it's possible to relax with whatever is arising. So let's say what's arising is a sense of feeling sad about something, then you just hold that with a kind of relaxed presence. Good, because that's what I thought you said.

I'm glad we're together on what I said. So what came was I long to be here. I long to be in the meditative state I'm in right now. But I feel I'm not making progress. So what would you suggest? Let me just ask you a question because I want to understand. What's the sign of not making progress? Where do you feel your stack or repeating something?

I do go to a group that meets once a week and we'll meet twice. But on my own, I often, when I am moving toward meditating, will feel an inner resistance. You know, I don't want to do it. Ah, so in a way, the lack of progress has to do with how you're relating to meditation. There's some resistance. Part of it, yes. part of it. I noticed that I have a certain

level of anxiety that's causing me to live more superficially. Be more concerned with details rather than other things. I could give you a whole list. No, but this is good. This is helping me tune in a little.

So let me say back what I'm hearing, but keep the mic there in case you know, what I'm hearing is that you have this longing to really live in a more meditative state. but what you feel is between you and that is that there's this anxiety that really kind of creates a resistance like you don't really want to sit down and be quiet and it keeps you in a more superficial place and so first to name that I

can feel the purity of your longing and it comes across and that's an important thing because ultimately if the longing is there the aspiration is there it'll carry you home you can trust that So that's just something to know. Doesn't mean there's not layers of resistance. It's just longing will carry you home. You are like most of us. There's usually something between us and fully resting in presence.

And usually the resistance is that there's some anxiety and we don't want to touch the rawness of it. And so we keep choosing not to come into stillness because as soon as we come into stillness, it's like we're signing up for being with what's really there. So to say that you're actually quite self-aware, you're tracking what's going on, which again is if that's there, you'll keep waking up.

And the trick is to not be at war with the resisting place. That you might say, okay, from now on every day no matter what, I'm going to in some way come into stillness, but give yourself that back door of, it doesn't matter how long, but at least you've gotten into a rhythm. And nature loves rhythms. So if you commit yourself to every day no matter what, it's a gift to the soul that in some way you're visiting yourself, but it doesn't matter how long. And then let your intention be when the resistance comes up to see how much you can bring

a quality of friendliness or gentleness, just, to listen to it a little, to sense how it wants you to be with it. So that all you're doing is working with your relationship to the resistance. Rather than framing the resistance as you're getting in the way of my progress, that is where you're paying attention. It's like it's not in the way, it is the way. The resistance, the anxiety, that is the place where you're being asked to bring your heart and attention and not to evaluate how easy or hard it is or how long you stay put. But just to know that you're just going to make the effort just, okay, I'm with you,

I'm listening, enough already, I'm out of here. That's okay. That counts. How does that sit for you? Well, I noticed and was thinking about, of course, something you said, which I've never really read or heard said before. when we're meditating and our thoughts carry us away what I've heard and I've taught some meditation

I've said it myself is just gently you know call it what it is and then gently come back without a negative judgment being made but you went on to say at one point maybe something in you needs attention right now maybe it's physical discomfort maybe it's psychic discomfort and I felt you were inviting us

to be so tender and generous with this thing standing in the way and you're doing it again right now with the resistance you got it so it's very beautiful thank you yeah you understand it's the ideas that when we're repeatedly leave

in thoughts that's because there's something fueling that leaving we wouldn't be leaving repeatedly unless there was some energy that was aversive and driving us into it. So rather than trying to force ourselves back to the breath, okay, what wants attention? It's the same thing as with the hermit. What is it that we're not wanting to pay attention to? Because there's a part of us that needs attention. It's just difficult to be with that part. And we can't do it all at once.

It may be that you can only dip in a little bit, at least you're sending a message like, okay, I know you're there, I'll be back as well as I can. And that begins the healing. Thank you. Yeah. Beautiful question. I wanted to piggyback off of the first question when we're grasping, and then we settle into being relaxed with that to become aware. And how do you make the distinction between resignation and relaxing into allowing that feeling to be with you? So in a way it's a little bit of a question like with acceptance. Like if there's something that's going on inside you, what's the difference between accepting

it or allowing it and being kind of passive? Yeah, and just being in resignation, well, resigning to all this is the way it is. Well, do you know if I asked you, do you know what it's like when you're feeling resigned? Do you know the kind of thoughts and the kind of feeling tone in the body? Well, when I feel resigned is because I'm clearly not in control of something. So I kind of try to let it go. And I probably am intellectualizing it by letting it go, and I'm with the breath, and I'll meditate with it.

And I get more comfortable, but there's a part of me that feels, I've resigned to the way it is as opposed to accepting the way it is. So I think you're answering your question. You said the word intellectualizing. If something's not going your way or if it's out of control

and you just say, well, I can't control it and that's not really acceptance. That can be resignation. Acceptance is only possible when you have an embodied experience of the fact of what is going on so that you actually are contacting the fear, the hurt, the loss.

And when you contact it and let it be there, you'll know the difference between that kind of acceptance, embodied acceptance and resignation, which really has a mental narrative with it that's really defeatist, like something's wrong with what's happening. Acceptance doesn't have a feeling of something's wrong. Acceptance actually has a feeling, even when it's painful,

it's like you've opened to become more of the ocean and the surface waves may still be there, but you've sensed the space that it's happening in, and that's a gift. So acceptance does not feel painful, I mean in the sense that it has the space that can include. Resignation is a very confining narrative. My invitation to you, though, is when something comes along

and you can't control it, go right into your body and breathe with the feelings in your body and see what happens when you really try to, in a cellular way, accept what's happening, not with your mind, but with your body. Thank you. Yeah, thank you. It's a really important question. I am wondering where political consciousness comes in

to the meditative process. When we're thinking about things that are bothering us, there's usually a political context for that. Clearly the massacres in the Middle East, for example, in Gaza right now would be a concrete example. How does this body awareness give us insights that are useful in being effective political actors? I love the question, and I'm going to just frame it in a way,

how does this practice of coming into our body and waking up our hearts make a difference in terms of transforming in the world? How does it lead to responsiveness? And I just got an email from a very good friend in Holland. A lot of people from Holland were on the plane that went down in Ukraine. There's been a lot of loss, a lot of personal loss, and she was saying how incredibly grateful she was to the practice of being able to actually let herself feel it. In other words, one thing this practice does is that we don't intellectualize loss.

We don't say, oh, those poor people in Gaza, it's almost like you really let in the realness of what it's like, whether it's your friends that went down in a plane or other beings in Gaza. So the first step is with practice, like this felt sensing, is that you're awake in your body and you can feel it and there's no way to have compassion without feeling it in your body. When we feel things in our body, there's a natural caring. And the actual part of the brain where all the networking is for compassion is right by the motor cortex. And the description of compassion is not just a felt sense. of, oh, you know, resonance with suffering, there's a movement to act. Now, what I have found, and I've seen it a lot in my own life in terms of social activism,

is that when I am reacting to a situation and I feel anger about it and I make others bad guys, I'm not able to then respond in a way that is actually healthy and healthy. transformative. And one of the stories I share sometimes because it really was a teaching to me what goes way back, but it's always the same drama of violence. And it goes back to when we were about to attack Iraq, beginning of 2000s. And I would read the newspaper and I would see, I could see what was going to happen. I was going to see the cycles of violence and the pain of it. I would read the paper and everything in me would be outraged and I felt so much anger and I had certain enemies in my mind that were in the administration that were pushing forward,

the militancy and so on. And so I began this practice when I was reading my newspaper practice where I'd read something and I'd feel the rage in me and then I'd allow it to be there. I'd feel it in my body and as soon as I really made space for it in my body it would unfold and underneath the anger was fear, fear for what the horrors that I could see were coming and were already existing, and I'd open to that fear and if I really let it be there, and when I mean let by let it be there, is feel it in my body, recognize it, agree to letting it be there, that would unfold and under the fear would be a sense of grieving. I would just feel that the rawness of loss and if I let that be there fully it would

turn into caring, that I just care about this world. If I could unfold it like that, then I could act, and back then acting meant the Buddhist Peace Fellowship and others were gathering together to protest, and a number of spiritual leaders, religious leaders, humanistic leaders, and so on, had a protest at the White House, and it was not one of those raging, shake your fist at the bad guys. it was posters of all the different people that would suffer Iraqi children and American nurses and this person and that parent, you know, just all the people that would suffer. And I'm looking around seeing one friend that was actually with me that day, and a number of

us got arrested, and I remember in my patio wagon there were two noble laureates. It was amazing as when the police were very sympathetic, because I was, you know, the police were very sympathetic, because this again was just very open-hearted. It wasn't belligerent. We happened to be breaking the law, but it wasn't belligerent. And as they put some of the ministers into the paddy wagon, they all were saying, hey, it's white-collar crime, you know. But the reason I even share this story from your question, because it feels like such an important question, that spirituality is not often a cave or on a cushion.

that to experience the truth and fullness of who we are, this awake heart and awake mind, means that we realize our belonging to the larger world and we act for the good. And for some people acting for the good is going to mean that in your particular job, in real estate or this or that, that you have the kind of context where you help people know that you care about them and love them, want to serve them. it may mean a parent being more awake and how they step out of judgment and really see the goodness in their child. And for others, it's going to mean getting arrested, or it's going to mean very actively bringing to the culture more awareness about climate change,

or it's going to mean learning in areas where there's violence. How can we begin the dialogues where people can go from being enemies to being able to sense the other's humanity. How do we do that? How do we use these practices of presence to do that? So, as I said, I'm really grateful for the question because waking up presence means waking it up in all our relationships and with the earth. So thank you very much. I know you've talked about this a little bit, and Pema Chodron talks about this. I try to be open, my practice. I try to be more. and more open to more and more people and people I know who are difficult.

But there are some people who I find so toxic that are in or were in my life, I cut them out of my life. I feel kind of odd saying this, but I don't miss them. And I should miss them, but I don't. And I feel not guilty, but I kind of curious about that. And they're very, one would say they're very important people, but I don't miss them. And I feel odd about it. But I also feel like there's a line at which point, you know, if someone keeps hurting you

over and over and over again, how can that be healthy, no matter how many times you try to sit with them and say, look, this is not working out. You can't. But then you were just talking about, you know, the whole war thing. So I relate with that and the whole issue of trying to work in your practice with people who, if you can't work it out at home or with your family or with your close friends, how are you going to work it out, you know, with the Gaza Strip? Beautiful.

Beautiful. So first of all, I really want to honor what you're saying because the reason I spent a lot of time talking about, okay, let's bring up somebody in our circle, in our close circle that we're at odds with is because that's really, I mean, if each of us left this class with a little more intention to bring the curiosity that you have, to how do I create separation, and is there a way to take care of myself, but have my heart as open as possible. That would be the question. Because I don't believe that we, that in order to be open-hearted means that we decide

we're going to include everybody in an active part of our life. I mean, you can create all the boundaries you need in terms of time and space and who you talk to. But there's an inner quality of, do you feel like you don't miss them, or is there some part of your heart and identity that feels armored in a way that's less than who you can be.

And that's the question. Is there a way to create the boundaries, but in some way soften your heart, kind of even from a distance, sense a little more what another person's struggling with and soften? And that's a question for you.

I've done that. I've completely tried to be in their shoes. Yeah. I understand they... I just sort of reached a point where I didn't want to be adorned. or mad anymore. But that's, and that to me is intelligent,

that you knew you needed boundaries to be respecting and not insulting your own soul. And I, and I'm all for that. It's just not the end of the process. And the fact that you have curiosity tells me that you, something in you intuit, it's that too. My sense when there's difficult people is there's one piece of the process that we need to attend to first, and we can't get to true compassion until we do it. And that is to be fully present to and forgiving of the place in us as having a hard time.

So if that person was making you feel like a dormat, if you felt mistreated, the part of you that feels wounded, hurt, threatened, that part needs more attention. And when you've brought a full understanding and compassion to that place, that quality of understanding and compassion will be able to include the other in a way that's visceral. not just mental. So tell me how that sits for you. I have. Do you feel like you've been with the pain of the difficulty?

Yes, I have. I have. And you feel like you've offered yourself the kind of compassion that you feel like you've taken care of yourself in a inwardly kind way. And I think a part of taking care of myself has been making that decision that this person can't be in my life anymore because they don't get it. So let me ask, is there anything wrong or missing with how it is then? Because you did take the mic and ask a question, that meant to me that in some way you're feeling unsure or not completely at home and how you're doing.

I feel like it's unresolved. And of course, you don't have to resolve everything. Right. But it's a pretty big. It's big because it's a real important person. It's a real person. It's a family member. And it's a big deal.

And other people say, well, geez, that's not work. It's too bad. It's not working out. It's too bad. It says year after year, after year, after year. It doesn't work out. And how does the feeling of unresolved feel in your... Well, I wonder, you know, I'm going to be on my deathbed

or they're going to be on their deathbed and we never... And isn't that stupid? But then on the other hand, I remember what they're like. So then I just... On the other hand, what? I remember what they're like. And then I go, whew, you know, thank goodness they're not in my life. Okay.

I'm curious about it, but I'm also don't, I hate to say this, I don't think unless they got a lot of therapy, that they could come to a place where they could be kind and compassionate and listen and be with me without having to, you know, do the thing. It's like, I'm sure everybody's heard of Shempa with Pema Children, you know, that stuff that's going on underneath all the time. regardless of the conversation. Okay, so let's say that's totally true, that the person is not going to be able to transform without a whole lot, they're very, very caught. What matters in this conversation is that you feel a sense of honesty

and integrity in your own being. That's your job. And I think you asked the question because there's something unsettled in you about this. And I'm not sure exactly what it is. a little bit of justifying I'm hearing. And I also think that you were probably wise to create the boundaries you created,

but there's more to look at. So I more would want to invite you to the extent that it feels unresolved or unsettled to just keep saying, is there anything I'm not at home with about this? Is there anything between me and really feeling a sense of integrity in my own being? Just an honest investigation,

because that's the place where you're going to have the most learning. Okay? And thank you. Something in this last question just brought up something for me which is a sense of my practice having

or becoming a source of separation for me that as I go deeper I feel less inclined to cross that gap that appears between me and

others who are not experiencing what I experience. It's interesting. I used to be pretty extroverted, and I've become much quieter and really prefer being alone most of the time. So it's changed the quality of my relationships in a big way, and I find that I really only bridge that gap

when someone is right there. So there's a sense of just being aware of how much, I don't feel judgmental, I just feel much more alone. And that gap between me and others, even, you know, closest people in my family. And I don't see it as a problem, but I see it as just what's true these days. So I, it occurs to me to ask you, I don't know what the question is, but I see potential problems. Does that make sense? Seeing potential problems is feeling a problem.

I mean, if your mind is going there, then it's creating a sense of problem. I'm not hearing a lot of energy around that, but I'm hearing a kind of a curiosity. Like, could this go in a direction that might not be as wholesome? Is that kind of what you're wondering about? Not necessarily wholesome, but like, is it enough? I mean, I just really kind of want to be on my cushion. I just sit there returning to my marriage and just really finding what it is that I yearn for

is really mostly inside. I just, I don't know if anybody else experiences that, but it's such an interesting thing to really get honest about. And, you know, my children, they're right there, and many people, you know, some people, but it has created a separation. I guess that's really what I notice. So maybe just a few comments, and I'm really appreciating what you're saying, and I really honor it as a very real season.

in spiritual unfolding. Like anything, there really are seasons. And some seasons, everything in us, because we've been out a lot, everything in us is yearning to really be more interior,

just to discover what we've been leaving for so long. And it can be for a while that it really feels like we need to, whether it's going out to the desert or into the mountains, or for you kind of pulling away, away from some of the social interface and that's a really natural season. And it's not the end of the story. You'll find your balance. And the trick is to keep checking with yourself as to what your deepest intention is. And now I'll speak to all of us is that meditation like anything,

we can use it from our deepest, our deepest awareness can use, meditation as a vehicle to recognize itself and its luminosity and recognize love and come into the fullness of being. And our ego almost always has some hand in using meditation to either avoid something that we don't want or go towards something. So just to stay really, really fresh and honest with, okay, is this pulling away or is this an occupying a space that's really a natural? nourishing kind of counterpoint. I think if you keep honest with yourself, the seasons will really unfold themselves in a way that keeps on deepening the path because it's not like, oh, this is it.

It's not going to always be like this. Good. Thank you so much. Thank you. Yeah. I was wondering if you have any advice for using meditation to get through a stagnated grief process. A what? A stagnated grief process. Stagnated grief. Ah. So maybe just say a little, a few more words of what makes you bring that up? What makes you ask that? Well, my husband died a few years ago and I just feel there's still a lot that I haven't processed. And I just have been

thinking about ways to focus on it more in the midst of the chaos of my life. and I'm just wondering if it's a tool that I can use. What brings it up? In other words, what is going on that makes you even want to be paying attention more? What's the signs for you that you haven't been processing? You know, it's a process. Grief is a process like anything else. And I think that it's something that comes in waves and that it comes along and then it goes away

and it comes along and it goes away. it's something that is always sort of coming and going in my life. But I feel like it's something that I haven't cried enough. I haven't been busy being a single mom. So you're a single mom, did you say? Yeah. Yeah, and trying to, you know. So you've been busy.

I mean, your time's been demanded. Yeah. Have you had much free time to really just get quiet? quiet with yourself or how old or how many children how old I have a seven year old I have a seven year old seven so you've been on yeah wow okay so part of this is that you need to find some way to carve some space where you can pause you know we have these ideas about grieving and you know how it should be and how much and so on and we there's no formula and it takes us

long as it takes and it expresses how it expresses. But it does need space to, you know, some where we're actually getting just to pay attention to whatever wants to move through us. And I'm wondering if you have a sense of how you might claim some space for yourself. Yeah, I think, you know, it makes me think a little bit about what you were saying earlier about the things that you don't want to look at and the things that you want to go away. I mean, it's a big pain and so it's a big pain. And so it's hard to face it sometimes. And I think that, you know, the moments that I have free tend to maybe be more escapist

than they should. That maybe that's when I should be doing things like meditating and focusing on it rather than looking at Facebook and, you know, things like that. Well, here's something to consider. The grief, whatever wants attention will come if you invite it. if you say, you know, what really wants attention, but not if there's a should in there. The should actually makes it kind of go under more. So I would say to be really forgiving of the fact that in your small spaces of free time,

you haven't wanted to open to the ocean of grief because it's an awful lot. And that when you have some bigger spaces, that part of you that wants to, to express itself will do it. And, but it's not going to be because you've in some way been in any way judgmental or punitive to how you've done the process. I mean, you're a single mom, you haven't had much time. And yeah, of course you distracted yourself during the small period. So forgive that.

Really, I mean, really be kind. And in some way you can even send a message to the grieving place saying, you know, I know you're there. I want to create space and how it, you know, that's my intention. And then see how it happens. So you're coming more from that invitation than I should. Does that resonate for you? Yeah, I think that helps.

Yeah. Well, thank you for bringing that in. It's an important one. Yeah. Okay, I think we are, it's just a few moments before nine, so I think I'm going to let it sit at that. I'd like to take some moments just to close with a brief guided meditation. There's been a kind of weaving theme of bringing a very honest and truly kind attention to what's here,

just starting with what's right here, whether it's an unsettledness or an unresolved feeling, our grief, our anxiety, or just a sense of separation. So I invite you right now to start fresh right in this moment and with a real honesty and gentleness, notice what's here for you? You might find that your body and heart are in some emotional pain about what's going on in the world, in Gaza, Ukraine and other places, Syria, all over. You might find that you're responding to a difficult person in your life, or a new situation, you might be caught in some sense of falling short yourself, scanning

and sensing what's here? You might be excited about something emerging in your life. You might be feeling in love with somebody or some experience. Honesty and care right to how your body feels right now. What's the felt sense right now? From the felt sense prayer, I am your friend, not your enemy. I'm simply tugging at your sleeve too long immune to just gentle nudges. My charge is to energize you to listen to me with the sensitive ear and heart

of a mother attending to her precious baby. Can you listen with that sensitive ear and heart to this inner life right now? You are being so vast, so complex with amazing capacities for self-regulation and healing. Let me be one of the harbingers that lead you to the mysterious core of your being, where insight and wisdom are naturally available when called upon with a sincere heart. Namaste and thank you for your attention and your questions and your presence.

Thank you. The teaching you have received has been freely offered. If you'd like to make a donation, learn more about my schedule or programs offered by the Insight Meditation Community of Washington, please visit Tara Brock. and our IMCW.org.