Tara Brach - Ask Me Anything: Questions & Responses with Tara - Part III

Episode Date: September 10, 2026

Our introduction music is from "Opening" by Adrienne Torf, © 2025 ABT Music

Welcome friends to the Tara Brock podcast. I'm so glad you're here. Each week I share teachings and guided meditations to help us awaken our hearts and bring healing to our world. You can learn more or support this offering by visiting tarabrock.com where you can also join our email list. Now let's explore together the many ways we can live from the love and presence that's our deepest essence. Namaste. Namaste. Welcome, friends.

Thank you for being here. As many are now aware, we put out a call some weeks back for questions, for themes that you wanted me to explore. We got quite the abundant response, and I've already explored two sets of questions. And today we'll do a final grouping of your questions, many about how we live and respond to today's world. So I hope you find this of benefit.

This is from Darnell, North Carolina. My older brother physically bullied and abused me, starting when I was very young, maybe five. This went on for many years. My father figured we need to work it out. Now as an adult, my brother's having a hard time dealing with financial troubles and a messy divorce. We see each other at family gatherings and I'm civil, but I'm still angry. Why should I forgive him? He left me with scars and never acknowledged what he did to me. Same with my father. He let it happen. And I don't want this to hold me back on my spiritual path. What do you think? So, Darnel, I'm really glad you asked this because so many people wonder about forgiveness after they've been deeply hurt. And I, I, I, I, I,

wanted this question because there's a theme here that we're hearing through several. And like you, many senses of forgiveness is part of healing, but they're not sure what it really means. And for me, forgiveness is not about what another person deserves. It's about what you want for yourself, for your life, for your heart. And well, ultimately, that means including all beings in our heart. It starts with tending our own wounds as we've been talking about here. You were a young child when this happened. When you were powerless, you were abused by your brother and your father failed to protect you. So that's a profound injury. So my invitation is to keep bringing compassion to that younger self. I mean, let him know that you're here.

Let him know that he didn't deserve what happened. And as you care for those wounds, you'll increasingly inhabit your own away cart. And here's the thing, your away cart. Once you've tended to the wounds, it has amazing capacity for forgiveness, for mercy, for compassion. A man who worked with juvenile offenders in Washington, D.C., told about a 14-year-old gang member who killed an innocent teenager to prove himself. At the trial, the victim's mother was there sitting silently, and at the verdict, she stood up and looked directly at the boy and said,

I'm going to kill you. Six months later, she visited him in juvenile detention. True story. He'd been living on the streets before the killing. She was the first visitor he'd ever had. She kept coming. She listened to him, brought him food, eventually helped him find a job. And when he was released, she invited him to live in her home.

Months later, she sat him down and said, do you remember when I told you in the courtroom that I was going to kill you? Yes, he replied. She said, well, I did. I didn't want the boy who could kill my son to remain alive on this earth. That's why I came to see you. That's why I helped you. That boy is gone.

And since my son is gone and the killer is gone, I'd like to adopt you. And she became the mother of her son's killer. Now, I don't tell that story because it's what anyone could or should do. More, it's because it reveals this amazing capacity of the human heart when we've done our own inner healing. And we don't know the inner journey that made that forgiveness possible. but it reminds us that forgiveness isn't pretending something didn't happen.

It's seeing another human being beyond the conditioning that caused so much harm. You know, I often reflect on how our world would change of more and more of us could see the human beyond the wounds and beyond the fear-based behaviors, you know, like Mother Teresa's language of Christ in his distressing, disguise. We'd have so much more mercy and understanding in our world. Okay. This is from Anisa who says, how do you live with the injustice, racism, violence, chaos, xenophobia in the world today? I can't seem to find any peace and feel sad, defeated, scared, disappointed, frustrated at the same time. I feel guilty and indulgent if I try to engage in any joyful activity.

So, hi, Anisa, and thanks for asking this. So many of us, and I'll speak personally, it's just the feeling of such deep disturbance and horror and sadness for what goes on in our world. And many, I know, share what you spoke to, which is that kind of guilt when you turn towards something that might bring joy. So I'll take this in a couple of parts. The first is how do we live with the suffering of the world? And in particular, the way humans violate each other. So for me, I have a few kind of guidelines. One is to intentionally pay attention to the suffering. I will intentionally take in the news and let it register. There's different ways to read the news.

I use the lens of when there's really violence against humans, what's it like to be those who are vulnerable? I mean, recently, I think the Supreme Court ended humanitarian program allowing Haitians to live and work in the United States. Many of you are aware of this. So it affects about 350,000 people. it's just part of a growing movement of deportations. So I'll just imagine being a family who lives here

whose whole life is upended. Or listening to the story of one man who was deported, a man who came from Cuba and who was deported to a country in Africa and he's in jail there and there's no way out. I mean, it's just the horror being one of the millions who lost food assistance from SNAP. Literally, people less able to give children and themselves what's needed. So one element is to go ahead and take the news in. Not too much news.

I mean, not we get addicted, but enough so we can say, yeah, I get how that feels. and not pushing away what arises, the anger, the powerlessness, the fear of the grief. So this takes a willingness to be touched. That's part one. If you're willing, you will get down to grief and to your love for the world. Because even in taking in your question, Anisa, you would not be asking this if you didn't care. That's part one, letting ourselves be touched. The other part is also committing to open to the goodness of the world that's here.

There's a new movie about Mary Oliver, the poet. It's called Saved by the Beauty of the World. I just love that title. Save by the beauty of the world. We need to let the beauty of the world save us, the goodness save us, the wind in the leaves of the tree, in the shape of the cloud, and the brightness of a child's eyes. and the generosity of a friend.

So this is what nourishes our heart and gives us resilience to keep caring. You know, I think of Rebecca Solnick who wrote this. She says, joy doesn't betray but sustains activism. When you face a politics that aspires to make you fearful, alienated, and isolated, joy is an initial act of insurrection. Joy is an initial act of insurrection. So I love the spirit of this because it totally reframes joy. It isn't a commandment, you know, thou shalt be joyful.

It's a responsibility. We have this ability to respond to our world with joy, with a joy that remembers why we're giving ourselves to this world. You know, a joy that loves and cherries. nourishes life, it's yes, in the deepest sense. Now, you might wonder when we talk about joy, like isn't this a capacity of privilege? What about those living with injustice and racism and violence and war? So again, our path is to honor the truth of what's here, to acknowledge the pain and to respond

for the sake of our world, to respond and give what we can. but no matter the circumstances, part of the path is to include the goodness. There is still love. There's still aliveness. There's still astonishing beauty. The awakened heart learns to hold it all. I'll share about, there's a man in one of the groups I was leading, a Mexican man living in Chicago, right in an area that had been targeted by ice,

and he was witnessing these raids and friends and family all traumatized. And his way of resourcing himself was he would listen to Christmas carols. And he said, they can't take away the peace and joy that music gives me. And then he did small things that would make a better world for the people in his condo. It's a busy street area. So he would buy plants for the outside and take care of them and remove the trash. and he says that if those 36 owners enjoy a little bit of beauty, it gives life meaning. So I appreciate these questions.

We're going to go on to the next. This is Carrenza from Belmont, Massachusetts. What is your go-to for keeping your heart soft when there's so much pain and injustice actively occurring in the world? Not to repress or suppress, but once we give space and holding to those, those parts, how can we engage in a practice that allows for softening into what's here? Thanks, Carrenza. I mean, you wouldn't be asking this question if it didn't matter deeply to your heart, that a soft heart, how much it matters. So let's begin there, that what you might

do every day is remembering your deepest intention. I want to meet this world with a soft heart. I want to choose love. I mean, that aspiration itself begins to awaken the heart. I often think of Martin Luther King's words, I've decided to love. Hate is too great a burden to bear. So he wasn't denying injustice. He was recognizing that hatred closes the very heart we need

in order to respond wisely. So let the ground of your practice be, remembering that love matters. I mentioned for myself I've become very reactive when I hear about those in power violating those who are vulnerable. So when I notice myself becoming judgmental or angry or caught an aversion, I don't take that as a failure. I take it as a flag that something matters. So it's just a reminder, okay, pause, get curious, what's going on. And if I investigate, you know, what does it do?

feel like in my body, what's really here, under the anger, what's true. I find that there's fear in there, you know, there's this contracted separate self that's afraid, and often beneath that, this profound grief for the suffering in our world. And if I can pause enough to meet that grief with awareness, the contraction starts loosening and this tenderness opens up, this caring, this presence. I think we need that. I think we need to learn to stay, to stay long enough to get in touch with our grief. We miss that in our society. We are speeding along so fast. We don't get under our anger to where the grief is. And what that means is we, instead of acting from the love that's embedded in the grief, we act from the anger and then we just perpetuate what's going on. So there's

this inner practice we need of meeting with presence and staying, but there's also an outer practice, which means talking and being with and practicing with others, sharing our pain for the world with others, mourning together. I've shared, for a number of years now, I've attended this memorial service. It's an annual service of Palestinians and Israelis, and the way it often goes as there's this naming of the names of those who have lost and the pain of that. And there's this mourning together and you can sense in that process that hearts are not hardening, they're opening. And it frees people to act and in fact this group, many, many people in this group are engaged in different ways of responding to the injustices that are going on from a very healthy,

intelligent, wise kind of a heart. So if we open to the suffering of the world, really open, if we grieve, our hearts will respond. And it may take the form of prayer or speaking our truths or protesting or supporting a cause, showing up in our community, bringing our kindness to friends and family. The particular form matters less than the spirit. Compassion will naturally express itself. Kathy from Massachusetts says, I still struggle with remaining politically active and maintaining my spiritual balance. My blood boils when I see injustice. I can usually rein myself back in, but I often do a fair bit of othering before that happens. That's usually my first reaction.

Suggestions. Well, first off, Kathy, what you described fits for many of us, we get hit by injustice, by domination, by violence, and we react by blaming those who feel responsible. We feel are responsible. And focusing on individuals is natural. You know, we see somebody with power using their power to injure others and we blame. We get angry and we blame. And the reality is we need to respond. You know, we need to get them out of power for some imprison them.

We need to protect. and we need that soft front that releases hatred and othering and really is acting from care, not from anger. So how do we make that shift? And what really helps me is getting that humans are not the enemy. Humans are not the enemy. It's the conditioning, the aversion, the fear that leads to harm. And we get this a bit if we read the biography.

and learn the history of, let's say, notorious strongmen leaders. You know, we think of them as being bad in some way, but look at what happened when they were children. There was the dominating violent parent, there was the abusive parent, there was the alcoholic, there was no parents. Many people read Elon Musk's bio. He was dominated, humiliated, bullied.

If we ignore that, we lose perspective and compassion. I often share that image of the dog by the tree and you go to pat it and lurches at you with its fangs bared but then you see that its leg is in a trap. Well, those we other have their leg in a trap and the training of compassion on this path is to see that. See how they're hurting. See that man is not the enemy, it's the conditioning because in the moments that we shift from othering to a more enlarge perspective, we're living more from our full capacity, our full intelligence, our full heart. So I think of this as a life practice.

I'll read or listen to the news and immediately divide people into good, bad, and do the othering and keep pausing and keep remembering. This is a play of conditioning. We need to act, but we need to act from understanding and from love. Our final question today is from Alex from Wisconsin. My 15-year-old son struggles with low esteem. He's overweight, not athletic, won't try things he predicts he won't be good at. He'll spend time with a couple of friends gaming, listening to music.

I find myself judging him for not trying harder to get outside, to get fit, to widen his friends' group, to try new things. His life's so narrow. I want to help him what to do. So, Alex, thank you for your honesty and for your love for your son. I can feel how much you want to help him. I mean, I remember when my own son was in high school, and I was chronically judging him, and he spent a lot of time gaming, and he wasn't doing his homework or chores, and he was smoking too much marijuana, and some of my concerns were real.

They were unhealthy habits, but two things gradually became really clear. me. First, my judgment wasn't helping, and second, it was creating distance between us. He'd be leaving home in a few years, and I didn't want that distance to define our relationship. So my real work became an inner process when I noticed anger or judgment. I'd look underneath and there was fear. You know, what if I failed as a mother? What if I ruined his life? and there was grief, there was helplessness. And as I brought compassion to those feelings, my heart's softened. And from that softer place, I could relate to him differently.

I could listen more when he became less defensive because I wasn't attacking so much, he started sharing more about what's going on in his life. And I could set boundaries, but they weren't coming from anger as much. He was more able to hear and, you know, collaborate where we could because we were more connected. So, Alex, with your son, it doesn't mean to stop using discernment. If our children aren't exercising, if they're isolating, if they're using drugs, it's appropriate to encourage them to do differently and to set limits where we can and to seek help if it's needed. But we know we can't control or fix others.

most deeply what we can do is be a healing, loving presence. Really, that's the bottom line. We can't fix them, but we can love them. And I know one of the biggest shifts for me was that when I wasn't caught in judgment with my son, I could actually see his goodness again. I could see his humor and his intelligence and his loving heart, his love for his friends. And I could let him know I saw those qualities. so it enlarged our relationship.

I've come to believe that the greatest gift we give each other is to mirror back goodness. You know, when we're afraid or judgmental, it narrows our attention. All we see is what's wrong. But people grow not because they're corrected. They grow because someone truly sees and believes in their potential. I often think of Rachel Naomi Remen's story about her grandfather, who called her Nishimala, which is little beloved soul. He died when she was very young and she was worried that without him, God might forget who she really was. And she told her mother about that

years later and her mother said, Rachel, I fleshed you every day of your life. I just didn't have the wisdom to do it out loud. So I love that story because I think we all long to be blessed in that way, to have someone see us beyond our fears and our habits, see to the goodness of our core. And I also am happy to share that story because I know Rachel Naomi Remen just passed away recently and she's such an inspiration. It gives a moment to honor her goodness. So let's close together, friends. These are really, I love the questions. I love the feeling of community it creates when we get to hear from each other. Let's close in the spirit of this last inquiry and I'd like to invite each of you to feel that you're pausing right here

and you bring to mind someone that you love. Just invite you to bring someone that you love to mind and imagine that you're with them and you're naming to them what is beautiful or good about them and that they're receiving that as a blessing and then pick another person, someone that you care about and in the same way imagine that you're together and in some way you're letting them know what you love about them and that they're experiencing that as a blessing and feel the quality of connection that it creates. And if you feel drawn, you might set the intention to say it out loud more regularly. Because the truth is once we are deeply seen in our goodness, something in us begins to trust it. And that might be the most healing medicine in the world, trusting our goodness,

trusting it and feeling it and experiencing it in each other. Namaste friends, thank you for your attention.