Tara Brach - Awakening to the Sacred

Episode Date: January 13, 2010

2010-01-13 - Awakening to the Sacred - The tendency to think "life should be different" and to try to control experience removes us from the wisdom and compassion that naturally gives rise to healing and transformation. We learn to trust the power of our heart and awareness by meeting both the pain and beauty of this life with sacred presence.

So I was reflecting that often I listen to the news or all see a commercial or watch movie or see magazines out and realize that the real suffering in our culture is an absence of the sacred. That we see a kind of a fixation on the what's wrong. And when I say the sacred, what I mean is that which we. experience as holy or that which we revere some of the words that come to mind are beauty and beauty matters so much and truth love compassion there are really expressions of a wholeness that's beyond the appearances of separation beyond the preoccupations of our mind and and there's an absence of the sacred because there's an absence of

paying attention of presence. Presence reveals the sacred. And we can see if we move through our day in the world around us and our own minds, just the, this is the conditioning, is to get narrowed rather than a kind of open presence that's available to see and sense the mystery. We're preoccupied.

We're already occupied. There's not the space. And we're fixated. We're on our way somewhere else, as I mentioned a lot. And trying to achieve or accomplish it. We're trying to get out of the red in some way. Try to make up for something. So we're not so available. And last week I described it in a way that's helpful to me. It's as if we're on this bicycle and we think we're trying to get somewhere and we keep peddling. We keep being pretty busy with our minds and our activities and our figuring out and our worries.

and the faster we pedal, we're pedaling away from presence. And it doesn't mean we can't be present and active, but our minds get fixated and lean forward, and we're not present and active. We're just peddling away from the moment. We're not here so much. And I find the flags of this trance that we get into where we're not here, not available for the beauty or the goodness or the love.

The flags of the trance of the trance that we get into where we're not here, not available for the beauty or the beauty, trance are a kind of a speediness and we can feel it in ourselves. Another flag is judgment. That in some way we're assessing ourselves or the world is not okay. And another flag is that we disconnect from our senses. That in the moment we're not actually aware of the sounds that are here or the images or the smells, the sense, the the sensations. We might be in some gross way, in a peripheral way, but we're usually elsewhere in our virtual reality. So those are the flags.

The pathway to the sacred is awakening presence. This is what we really explore every week in different ways. It brings us back to an appreciation and a wholeness and a tenderness that's holy, that has a wholeness to it. And just to say that when we talk about touch the sacred, it's not some polyana notion that the sacred versus the profane and that we're trying to get away from part of life and into some mysterious, mystical, beautiful other. In fact, the very nature of sacred presence is inclusive. I was reflecting today on how many of us, how many people I know are really so painfully touched by the tragedy in Haiti. We'd watched the Lair News Hour one night, and we saw the kind of the hopefulness, the possibility, the you could see in some of the interviews, you know, that some of the money in this world is pouring in.

And there's some sense that maybe this is our chance in Haiti to pull out of some of poverty, have more freedom. And then 24 hours later, just being smashed by this, you know, natural disaster. And by the way, we have posted here some ways to respond, and it'll also be on. on our web if it's not already there. But the question is, what does it mean to awaken presence? How does touching the sacred? What does it have to do with this horrific pain that's experienced in the world

and often in our own lives? And just to say that part of presence is presence with the suffering. And when we bring our presence to suffering, we awaken the heart of compassion, which is an expression of the sacred. So the sacred isn't, always yay beautiful feel good it's the it's a different beauty it's the beauty of an incredibly

tender available heart when we are present truly present we can respond uh with care to our world not in the habitual ways we do and so many of us we we mean well and we'll write the check but we're not fully there or we mean well and we'll say the right thing to someone but we're not really there. To be in touch with the sacred means that there's a wholehearted presence that's responding. So the Buddha said that the core of our suffering is to not be connected with that wholeness, to not know who we are, to not be living from that presence. And there's in the Tibetan scriptures, some of the verses start with the language, oh nobly born, oh nobly born, do notably born. not forget who you are. So we leave that quality of sacredness. We forget the divine.

Thomas Meriden said it's so beautifully. It shines through all of life and this is not a nice story. It's true. We forget. So tonight what I'd like to do is really just reflect some on the primary ways of forgetting how we leave presence, how we lose sight of the sacred. And what the pathways of remembering that are right here available to us. And the two key ways that we forget, totally related, that really keep us from the sacred is that we believe stories about ourselves that are limiting and then we react out of them. Some of you might remember, this was Annie Dillard who writes this.

She says, I read about an Eskimo hunter who asked the local missionary priest if I did not know about God and sin, would I go to hell? No, said the priest, not if you did not know. Then why asked the Eskimo earnestly, did you tell me? And I love that little vignette because in a way our separation from ourselves and our world comes because we, I mean, we have a, we're programmed to feel separation and fear, but what locks us in

are the stories or messages we're given about how we should be different. We don't trust our naturalness. We don't trust our okayness. We're given messages very early on by our culture, by our families, of how we should be. There's a standard that we have

and there's a sense that we should be different. So one way we leave sacred presence is we're believing a story that it's not the way it should be right now. And then the second way is we react to that story by trying to control things, trying to make things right, trying to get away from the uncomfortableness,

trying to feel better. So we're constantly, if we watch ourselves, trying to control our experience. Just watch. The mind is trying to get somewhere, figure something out, work it out. It's always as if there's some problem. us off. Some of you might remember this couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when

one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing. His eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator. My friend is dead. What can I do? The operator in a calm, soothing voice says, okay, just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead. There's a silence and then a shot has heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says, okay, now what? So we are never comfortable not doing something. We have to do something, even though how many of us have seen how we will be driving and we make the wrong turn and then we make the next wrong turn and the next wrong turn because we're just getting so anxious that we keep trying to figure it out. Are we lose something

and we just make this huge mess trying to find it and we've created more trouble, we add on to our troubles by doing. So the Buddha said suffering, this is his basic teaching of Dukha, suffering is wanting things different. In any moment. Now, sometimes it's light Dukha.

We just a little bit restless, just not completely at home. But often, the suffering is deep, that it's really not okay how it is. There's a notion that it should be different. And if you sit in meditation for even a few minutes, this is one of the first insights we have. We find that when something pleasant occurs,

we want it to stay or we want more of it, and in some way we're chasing after it. When something unpleasant happens, we want it to go away. I mean, how often do you have an unpleasant experience when you're meditating? And there's not some place to you that's waiting for it to go away or wanting it to go away or trying to figure out how to make it go away. So this is what happens through our day, through our life. We are constantly trying to adjust what's going on there.

And so one of the inquiries is to start noticing how many layers. of your life in some way there's an assumption that it should be different than it is. How much are you in that trance? Just watch yourself as you go through the day. First of all, notice the sensations in your body and sense, is this okay? Or is there something in me that wants to be more comfortable that doesn't like, that thinks the tiredness is wrong, or thinks that the restlessness is wrong, or this ache or pain is wrong, that I should be more sleepy.

it's time that I should fall asleep. Should. It should be different. Watch for the word should in your own mind, energetically. How often through the day is there some emotional state that we think shouldn't be that way? We shouldn't feel this anxiety.

We shouldn't feel sad. We shouldn't feel restless. Our mind should be clear and lucid, not tired. Of course we have all sorts of ideas of how we should behave. You know, the Boy Scout creed of a cheery smile and a helping hand at all times. And then we have these ideas of how we should be as a partner as a parent. Somebody sent me this the other day, two married crocodiles are talking. And one's saying, whenever Mother's Day rolls around, I regret having eaten my young.

So we have ideas about how we should be as a parent. we have ideas about how accomplished we should be and how quickly we should master meditation. You know, the story of the Zen student and goes to the monastery and he says to the abbot, I want to work to attain enlightenment. How long is it going to take? And the abbot says, 10 years.

And then the student says, what if I double my efforts, work harder? 20 years. Hey, wait a man, that's not fair. You just doubled it. In your case, I'm afraid 30 years. So you know you have standards And one of my

For those of you that have been here before You know one of my favorite stories Is It's kind of a verse that says If you can start the day without caffeine or pet pills If you can be cheerful Ignoring aches and pains If you can resist complaining and boring people

With your troubles If you can understand when loved ones are too busy To give you time If you can overlook when people take things out on you when through no fault of yours something goes wrong. If you can take criticism and blame without resentment, if you can face the world without lies and deceit, if you can conquer tension without medical help,

if you can relax without liquor, if you can sleep without the aid of drugs, then you are probably a dog. So I'm spending a little time on this because we do live, if we start investigating, we do live with an inner template of how life should be. We shouldn't be sick. We shouldn't have other people treat us a certain way. We shouldn't feel bad.

We have that. And we live in that. And then, of course, we extend it to others. They shouldn't be the way they are. Barbara Streisand once wrote, Why does a woman work for 10 years to change a man's habits and then complain that he's not the man she married? you know, that kind of thing.

So it's cute, but we reflect on ourselves and find we think things shouldn't be the way they are. And here's the deal. In any moment that you're wanting it to be different or thinking it should be different, that's leaving presence. Any moment. Any moment that you want another person to be different,

that's leaving presence. The implications are in those moments we're not connected with the fullness of being alive and we're not feeling present presence in aliveness go hand in hand in those moments

we're not connected with the wholeness of our heart with an awakeness of our heart and in those moments of wanting it different we cannot see into the truth of what is wisdom arises from a presence that sees

this moment into the nature of reality. It's not an idea about reality. It's direct realization. So the question comes up often to me when I talk about the power and necessity of presence to be whole, to be happy, is if there's suffering in the world,

like what's happening in Haiti, or if we're creating suffering, the way we're behaving, maybe we're doing an addictive kind of a behavior that's hurting ourselves or other people. Is the answer then that we're supposed to not want it different? Is the answer that we're supposed to just be present? I get that this is a question I get a lot.

Isn't that passive? Isn't that like lying down and just letting what really feels wrong in this world just kind of roll on and on? So it feels like there's an important inquiry and saying, okay, so what's the alternative? Let's say that you've been locked into a habit of being irritable and lashing out at your partner. Okay?

And what's the alternative to wanting it to be different? I mean, does it help to think you should be different? Does it help you when something in you says, I shouldn't be angry like this? Does that help? Does it help when you blame yourself for your own? for your anger. Can we blame ourselves into the right behavior

and then have it come inside out and have real healing? This is just things to consider. Does it help to pretend it's not there or to avoid being with our partner? To blame our partner for evoking, to put the blame outward? So these are the inquiries and the deepest is to sense

what really changes us. And in the teachings of the Buddha, we can't change the past. We can't change that we were angry five years ago or five minutes ago, and we can't change that we hurt people with our anger, or whatever the subject is. The only place of power is the quality of presence in this moment. In this moment, our presence uproots the tendencies or begins to, this moment and this moment for the future.

We change the future by the quality of presence right here and now. The Dalai Lama was at a meeting with a whole group of Western teachers some years ago in Asia. And one of the teachers asked, you know, when we go back to our students in the West, what's the most important message that you have for them? And his response is one that really has always stayed with me, which was to trust the power of heart and awareness to awaken through all circumstances. We don't have to control ourselves into being different

and we don't have to control each other to trust the power of heart and awareness to awaken, to awaken us, to unfold us, to free us. So sacred presence is our refuge. It is our true refuge. So let's just to explore, like, what really is the pathway? How do we arrive? And as we've talked about many times here, if we are encountering difficulty and we want to find

our way to presence, want to retouch the sacred, the first step is pausing. We have to step out of this kind of habitual peddling away of reactivity. to be aware of the shoulds and drop them. It's not that it should be different and it's not that I should be different. It's not that there's blame to drop that. And for the time being to put down the typical ways

we try to control ourselves in each other, that's the beginning. We have to clear away the old habits. Okay? I'll give you an example from my own life of a pathway back when I was stuck in reactivity. And some of my examples, my best examples,

the real live ones, are in parenting. Because parenting is a setup to both believe that I should be different and you should be different. And it's never one. If you're blaming yourself for bad parenting on some level, you're blaming your kid for being the way they are. And if you're blaming your kid, deep down, it's my fault.

that it's like this. So I've gone into both of them. So the typical setup for my son and I, with Narayan and I from way back, but let me give you a more recent example, is that my temperament from early on was much more of a striver, and I found incredible misery in it, and I'm trying to be in recovery from it. His temperament's a non-striver, and he's actually much happier than me. but I blame him for not striving hard enough so that's where I get stuck so towards the end of freshman year in college he was really into non-striving

and his energy was primarily distributed between two things and one of them was partying really hard and the other was chilling really hard and he'd go back and for him so I became increasingly angry and anxious and I had my proper concerns of all this money's going out and

you know to school and he's parting and chilling but what would happen is that you know the more I was uptight and the more I conveyed my uptightness the less phone calls I got so that that's the way things go but I as many times in my life had to do just what I'm talking about here and say okay put aside that you should be

different and then put aside the I should be different for not having whatever I could have done parenting to make them not striving but at least a little more responsible or whatever it was put that aside pause and check into what's going on here what's this anger what's under this anger if I couldn't be angry and blaming and this is an important question what would I have to feel it's an important question because there's always layered experiences there So I found under the anger, as you might imagine, the fear that if he doesn't become more engaged and put more of his energy into this, he'll never be happy. he was happy I was the one that you know was having a hard time but anyway that he'd never be happy but there was something else I found under the anger which was a kind of grieving that if he

doesn't engage himself in a way that grows him and matures him then he and I won't have enough place to connect that I won't actually have as alive and intimate and richer relationship with him so in a way he was depriving me of a relationship with him by not being the way I wanted him to be I know it sounds convoluted, but there was a kind of grieving and a sense of loss that he wasn't emerging in a way that I could have a close connection with him. When I got in touch with that, and this is presencing, being present with the layers, then I could do what I often do, which is just start offering a kind presence that, okay, fear here, okay, a sense of loss here, just stay, really nailed to that moment, fear, lost kind of compassion there. As that started opening and softening me, then I began to touch what I call sacred presence. Then I could look through the eyes to say, okay, so what's going on for him anyway? And see much more clearly that he's playing out what he's playing

out and who he is behind it, behind the space suit self, as I describe it, just to see the being I wanted to be close with who's always there no matter what conditioning is playing out to see the sacred living through him that brightness and he's bright and his incredible affection

and the way he's his loyalty and dedication to his friend I could start seeing the warmth of his being that was all obscured when I was in the mode of he should be different now you might say but

wait a minute, maybe there were some things he could use some feedback on, and it's true. But it wasn't until I could presence into those layers and look and see the sacred that I could then offer, which I was able to do, some reminders that could be received, that could be listened to because they were not hitched to anger. They weren't hitched to a narrowed view of him. So we're exploring tonight really the trance when we get narrowed and fixated. I should be different, you should be different. And how by presence we start opening into an awareness that can see in a much larger, deeper way, the sacred, and then respond to the immediate situation but with more wisdom.

The training is really coming into this moment, the truth of this moment. And often the truth of this moment is that they're suffering there. And it's part of this path to have this courage to touch into the suffering. It's a gateway to the sacred. About four years ago, I read this in the post. A woman's little short essay, a woman wrote, she said, I loved him before he ever was, and now so much it hurts sometimes. eyes the color of green tea soft cheeks only promise a beard

at 19 he slipped from my grasp his friends joined frats he joined the National Guard they're going to college he's going to Iraq barely a man he wants to fight a war that can't be won he's my son the baby I bore the child I nurtured a proud American soldier each day he left for school I reminded him

be kind what do I say when he leaves this time? So touching the sacred is not to look away from the very real horror and pain and sorrows of the world, the globe, the earth that's struggling and has so much disease, our own bodies when they have disease, it's not to look away.

It's to have the presence that can hold with tenderness so that we can rest in that sacred. to do that with ourselves, to see each other, to take our attention to really see where another is. Naomi Nye writes this. She says, before you learn the tender gravity of kindness, you must travel where the Indian in a white poncho lies dead by the side of the road. You must see how this could be you, how he too was someone who journeyed through the night with plans and the simple breath. that kept him alive. So this presence that we practice here connects us with the qualities of the sacred. It connects us with this quality of tenderness and openness. But there's another

pathway I want to mention to the sacred, which is an intentional looking towards the goodness that's here. Our conditioning is, and this is really true for most people I know, our conditioning out of fear is to scan ourselves and our environment for what's wrong. And we overlook the beauty that's here. We deprive ourselves of that kind of presence that sees the sacred, sees the beauty. And so we each need to be reminded. And as I was reflecting on this this week, I remembered a story that I had come across some years ago,

and I wanted to share it with you because to me it has so much to do with pathways back home to the sacred. This is written by a nun, and she was a teacher. She says he was in the first third grade class I taught at St. Mary's. All 34 of my students were dear to me, but Mark Ecclund was one in a million. He was neat an appearance. He had that happy to be a live attitude that made even his occasional mischievousness delightful. Mark talked incessantly. I had to remind him again and again

that talking without permission was not acceptable. What impressed me so much, though, was his sincere response every time I had to correct him for misbehaving. Thank you for correcting me, sister. I didn't know what to make of it at first, but before long I became accustomed to hearing it many times a day.

One morning, my patience was growing thin when Mark talked once too often, and then I made a novice teacher's mistake. I looked at him and said, if you say that one more time, I'm going to tape your mouth shut. It wasn't 10 seconds later when Chuck blurted out. Mark's talking again. I hadn't asked the class to help me out,

but since I had stated the punishment, I had to act on it. Walk to my desk and deliberately opened my draw, took out a roll of masking tape. Without saying a word, I proceeded to Mark's desk, tore off two pieces of tape and made a big X with them over his mouth. I then returned to the front of the room. As I glanced at Mark to see how he's doing, he winked at me. That did it.

I started laughing. The class cheered as I walked back and remove the tape. His first words were, thank you, for correcting me, sister. At the end of the year, I was asked to teach junior high math. The years flew by, and before I knew it, Mark was in my classroom again. Since he had to listen carefully to my instructions in the new math, he didn't talk as much in ninth as he did in third grade. One Friday, things didn't feel right.

We'd worked hard on a new concept, and I sensed the students were frustrated with themselves and edgy with one another. I had to stop this crankiness before it got out of hand. I asked them to list the names of the other students in the room on two sheets of paper leaving a space between each name. Then I told them to think of the nicest thing they could say

about each of their classmates and write it down. It took the remainder of the class period to finish their assignment and as the students left the room, each one handed me their paper. Charlie smiled. Mark said, thank you for teaching me, sister. Have a good weekend. That Saturday I wrote down the name of each student on a separate sheet of paper, and I listed what everyone had said about each other. On Monday, I gave each student his or her list. Before long,

the entire class was smiling. Really, I heard whispered, I never knew that meant anything to anyone. I didn't know others liked me so much. No one ever mentioned those papers in class again. I never knew if they discussed them after class or with their parents, but it didn't matter. The exercise had accomplished its purpose. The students were happy with themselves and one another again. The group of students moved on several years later. After I returned from a vacation, my parents met me at the airport. As we were driving home, mother asked the usual questions about the trip, the weather, my experience in general, but then there was a lull. My father cleared his throat. The Eklins called last night he began. Really, I said, I haven't heard from them in years. I wonder how Mark is.

Dad responded quietly. Mark was killed in Vietnam. The funeral's tomorrow and his parents would like it if you could attend. I had never seen a serviceman in military coffin before. Mark looked so handsome, so mature. All I could think at that moment was Mark I'd give all the masking tape in the world if you would only talk to me. The church was packed with Mark's friends.

Chuck's sister sang the Battleham of the Republic. It was difficult to be by graveside. the pastor said the usual prayers, the bugler played taps. As I stood there, one of the soldiers who acted as Paul Bear came to me. Were you Mark's math teacher, he asked? I nodded as I continued to stare at the coffin. Mark talked about you a lot, he said. After the funeral, most of Mark's former classmates headed to Chuck's farmhouse for lunch. Mark's mother and father were there obviously waiting for me. We want to show you something, as father said, taking a wallet out of his pocket. They found this on Mark when he was killed. We thought you might recognize it.

Opening the bellfold, he carefully removed two worn pieces of notebook paper that had obviously been taped, folded, and refolded many times. I knew without looking that the papers were the ones on which I had listed all the good things each of Mark's classmates had said about him. Thank you so much for doing that Mark's mother said. As you can see, Mark treasured it. Mark's classmates started to gather around. Charlie smiled rather sheepishly and said, I still have my list. It's in the top drawer of my desk at home. Chuck's wife said, Chuck asked me to put his in our wedding album. I have mine too, Marilyn, said it's in my diary. Then Vicky, another classmate reached into her pocketbook and took out her own worn and frazzled list and showed it to the group I carry this with

me all the time. She said, I think we all saved our lists. That's when I could finally sit down and cry. I cried for Mark and all his friends who had never see him again, and I cried about the wonder of caring and expressing it. It is a direct pathway home to look to see what's here, but what we frequently don't pay attention to, within ourselves, to honor the goodness that's here within our own beings, and to look at each other and sense in the one that's looking back, the same longing to love and be loved, the same appreciation of beauty, the same care when touched by others, the light that shines through anyone's eyes, that what we're looking at is really the same one looking back at us as who's looking out through our eyes.

When we begin to quiet and come home into presence, we begin to see more. And one of the most beautiful trainings I know to connect with the sacred is to have the intention to see the goodness that's there. I love the way Nelson Mandela put it. He said it never hurts to think too highly of a person. They become ennobled and act better because of it. But in this culture, we need this to sense the sacred that's shining through, to stop pedaling the bicycle so much so the scenery is not whizzing by, so we can actually take in who's here.

And so we can actually sense our own heart and appreciate our own heart. There's something about this appreciation of life, seeing the light that shines through, that really is the very essence of being awake. Thomas Meriden describes it this way. He says, Saints are what they are, not because their sanctity makes them admirable to others, but because the gift of sainthood makes it possible for them to admire everybody else. The awakened heart can see the beauty of others, the beauty within and around.

So I started tonight talking about how our habits, is to leave presence. Our habit is to believe stories that make ourselves small, believe

stories that I should be different, that you should be different. That little story about the Eskimo and

sin. I think it's interesting the derivation of the word sin means to miss the mark.

That the sin that we experience is not being bad. Sin is actually missing the

mark, not seeing what's true. It's ignorance. It's ignoring the goodness and the beauty and the tenderness of our own beings and of each other. And when we lose sight of the holy, of that wholeness and goodness,

we suffer. So the pathway of sacred presence, and if you just slow right down and just sense presence right here, is really a pathway of homecoming. Perhaps the greater realization is that our refuge, our freedom is already inside us. That when we slow down, we have the presence already within us that reveals goodness and beauty that reveals the

awakened heart. So I'd like to take the last few moments to do a brief guided meditation on this. It's just a sense what it means to trust the power of heart and awareness to awaken through whatever's going on in our lives. And if you'd like to see if there's somewhere in your life where you know your habit is to think this should be different. This other person should be different. I should be different. My body should be different.

My behavior, my mood, something. Give yourself the gift of deepening your attention to that. And sensing what would happen if you put aside the idea of should be different, of something's wrong, and just increased your presence with what your experience is, perhaps with the layers of discomfort or fear. It happened of instead of should be different, you brought that sacred quality of heart, the compassion,

to just how the experience is. For some, it helps just to put your hand on your heart as a common, of offering of that sacred attention. Okay, instead of should be different, there's fear, there's hurt, there's sorrow, whatever it is. The sense behind the veil, the goodness and truth and realness of your own being, just the awareness that's right here that wants to heal, that wants to be honest, honest, but wants to be awake and free. Trusting the power of heart and awareness to awaken through all circumstances, sensing how you in this moment are sitting with several hundred others

all paying attention, sensing the shared presence that's here. Rumi puts it this way. If 10 lamps are present in one place. Each differs in form from another, yet you can't distinguish whose radiance is whose when you focus on the light. In the field of spirit, there is no division. Sweet is the oneness of the friend with friends. Catch hold of the spirit. Help this headstrong self-dissolve that beneath it you may discover unity like a buried treasure, realizing in presence, that sacred oneness that is our source. Namaste and thank you for your attention.