Tara Brach - Blessings of Soul Recognition

Episode Date: July 4, 2014

2014-07-02 Blessings of Soul Recognition - We live under an enchantment that has us see ourselves and each other as separate egoic entities. This talk draws on an Arthurian legend and explores the pathways of presence that enable us to see past the mask - our own, others - and recognize the spirit that shines through these temporary incarnations.

The following talk is given by Tara Brock, meditation teacher, psychologist, and author. One of the inquiries that I find most useful in personal healing and spiritual awakening is very, very simple. It's that question in the moment of what is between me and really feeling happy, are really feeling peaceful, right, in this moment? And when we check in and we sense, well, what is that? And I do this often at workshops, at Kripalu or Omega, and we kind of share a bit about that some day longs. What we find when we begin to pay attention, like what's really between me and really being

at peace or free right now, is there some background of a belief that something's wrong with me or something's wrong with you or something's wrong with life? but there's some limiting belief or idea in the mind that's separating us. Often it has a quality of judgment and often the judgment is aimed at ourselves. I can say for myself that when I'm noticing I'm in a bad or unhappy mood and I do even the slightest bit of scraping beneath the surface,

on some level I feel like I'm falling short. I feel some sense of personal failure. And in Buddhism and most, most spiritual paths I've encountered, the source of suffering is described in a fairly elegant, simple way that we have this delusion about who we are and we don't see the truth, that we do not recognize the truth of who we are. We forget this awareness and love that really is shining through every being, every form. We forget.

One of my favorite stories that I like to share comes from when my son was in a Waldorf school and in the art class. The story that was circulating was that the teacher had been in the classroom and children were at these tables, four children at a table, doing their picture, their project of the week. And the teacher was circulating around and looking over their shoulders. And one little girl was really into what she was doing. And so the teacher kind of stood there for a while and she said, well, hon, what are you drawing?

And the little girl, didn't really pay attention to her much. He says, I'm drawing God. And the teacher chuckled a little. And she said, you know, no one knows what God looks like without looking up, without even skipping a beat. She said, they will in a moment. There's a certain freedom in that. and I want to take some time in this class to explore that, the freedom that comes with trusting and sensing

the divine or the sacred and how it's living through all beings, really trusting, sensing how spirit shines through this incarnation. I sometimes like the language of soul recognition. And there's a lot of different interpretations, but soul recognition, meaning that the way the spirit is uniquely shining through this being and then this being, but that same loving awareness. So what we'll be doing, and you can kind of sit back on this warm summer evening and listen

a bit, is I'm going to share with you one of my favorite legends. And this one comes from, I've shared it here a few times over the last 10 years, I think. This is one of the King Arthur stories. Okay? And in this story, King Arthur encounters a very dark figure, a knight with powers that were way greater than his own who casts a spell on him. And it creates a lot of terror and it renders him absolutely powerless. So the knight offers him his life and freedom if he can return in seven days with the answer to a question. And the question is, what is it that

all women most desire? So if you haven't heard this story before, you can begin to reflect for yourself. So he agreed, and he went around asking everyone that he possibly could encounter the girl hurting geese and the al-wife or the great ladies, and none of their responses rang true. So finally, the final morning, he turns toward the Knight's Castle with a heavy heart, knowing that he must submit and die. I'm going to read to you. Not far from the King's from the Knight's Castle, Arthur heard a woman's voice, sweet and soft calling out to him. Now God's greeting to you, my Lord Arthur. God save and keep you.

He turned and saw a woman in a vivid scarlet gown, the color of holy berries, sitting on a mound of earth. He had expected the owner of the soft voice to be fair, but she was the most hideous creature he had ever seen, sprouting long wart-covered nose bent to one side, a long hairy chin bent to the other. She had only one eye. Her hair hung in gray, twisted locks,

and her hands were like brown claws. though the jewels that sparkled on her fingers were fine enough for the queen herself. In his amazement, Arthur is struck dumb, and he has to be reminded by her of his coat of chivalry and how a knight is supposed to comport himself in the presence of a lady. She mysteriously knows on what errand he rides. She knows that he has asked many women what it is that all women most desire, that all have given him answers and none the right answer.

She then informs the astonished king that she, and she alone knows the answer that he is seeking and that for her to tell him he will have to swear a solemn oath that he will grant her whatever she asks of him in exchange. To this he readily agrees. So she beckons him to bend his ear to her lips and whispers into it the answer that he's looking for so that not even the trees may hear. The moment he heard it, Arthur knew in his very soul that it was the true answer. He caught his breath and laughter, for it was such a simple answer after all.

The answer that he was given to the question, what is it, that all women most desire, was sovereignty. Arthur asked what she would have in return, but the lady refused to say until he attested the answer on the dark night. So Arthur went off, gave the true answer, and with it, won his freedom. He then made his way back to the spot where the lowly lady was waiting for him. Upon his return, the reward that Dom Ragnall asked for that was her name of the king was that he bring to her from his court one of his own knights of the round table, brave and courteous

and good to look upon to take her as his loving wife. Arthur staggered and repulsed by this inconceivable request has to be reminded that he owes his life to her and is made a nightly and kingly promise in exchange for her help. Of course, for Arthur to assign the task to someone would be to disrespect the sovereignty of one of his own knights, the choice must be made freely. When Arthur returns to the court,

he told the full story of his week's adventures to an astonish gathering of knights, and his son and his nephew, Sir Ger Gawain, out of loyalty to his uncle, the king, and out of his own goodness, offered to marry the lady himself. Arthur, ashamed and heavy-hearted, would not let Gawain make the vow without seeing her first. So, the knights rode out in company and next morning to the woods, and after some time they

caught a glimpse of the scarlet through the trees. Sir Kay and the other knights were sickened by the sight of Lady Ragnel, and some were even insulting to her face. Others turned away in pity or busied themselves with their horses. But Sir Gawain looked steadily at the lady. something in her pathetic pride in the way she lifted her hideous head caused him to think of a deer with the hounds about it.

Something in the depth of her bleared gaze reached him like a cry for help. He glared about him at his fellow knights. Nay, now why these sideways looks in ill manners, the matter was never in doubt. Did I not last night tell the king I would marry this lady? And marry her I will, if she will have me. And so saying, he jumped down.

down from his horse and knelt before, saying, my lady Ragnell, will you take me for your husband? The lady looked at him for a moment out of her one eye, and then she said, and that voice so surprisingly sweet, not you too, Sir Gawain. Surely you jest like the others. I was never further from jesting in my life, he protested. She tried then to dissuade him. Think you before too late. Will you indeed wed one as misshapen and old as I? What will you secretly feel? You will be shamed and all through me, said the lady, and she wept bitterly. Lady, if I can guard you, be very sure I can also guard myself, Gawain said,

glowering around at the other nights with his fighting face on him. Now, lady, come with me back to the castle, for this very evening is our wedding to be celebrated. To which Damragnell replied, truly Sir Gawain, though it is a thing hard. to believe you shall not regret this wedding. Word ran ahead of them from the city gates and all people came out flocking out to see Sir Gawain and his bride go by. All were horrified beyond even their expectations. That evening the wedding took place in the chapel. Queen herself standing beside the bride. The king served as groomsmen. Sir Lancelot was the first to come forward and kissed the bride on her withered cheek,

followed by the other nights, but the words were strangled in their throats when they would have wished her and Sir Gawain Joy in their marriage, so they could scarcely speak. Only Cabell, the dog, came and looked her hand with a warmth, with a warm, wet tongue, and looked up into her face with amber eyes

that took no account of her hideous aspect, for the eyes of a hound see differently, from the eyes of men. Dinner conversation was feverish and forced a hollow pretense of gladness. At last the forced festivities came to a close and it was time for the newlyweds to go to the wedding chamber in their castle. There Gawain flung himself into a deeply cushioned chair beside the fire and sat gazing into the flames.

A sudden drop drove the candle flames sideways and somewhere very far off as though from the heart, heart of the enchanted forest, he fancied he heard the faintest echo of a horn. There was a faint movement at the foot of the bed and the sulk and rustle of a woman's skirt. And a low, sweet voice said, Gawain, my lord and love, have you no word for me? Can you not even bear to look my way? Gawain forced himself to turn his head and look, and then sprang up an amazement, for there between the candle scones stood the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.

Lady, he said at half-breath, not sure whether he was awake or dreaming. Who are you? Where is my wife, the Lady Ragnel? I am your wife, the Lady Ragnall, said she, whom you found between the oak and the holly tree and wedded this night in settlement of your king's debt and maybe a little in kindness. But I do not understand, stammered Gawain.

You are so changed. Yes, said the maiden, I am changed, am I not? I was under an enchantment, and as yet I am only partly for. freed from it. For now, for a little while, I may be with you in my true seeming. Is the Lord content with his bride? She came a little toward him and he reached out and caught her into his arms. Content, oh my dear love, I am the happiest man in the whole world, for I thought to save the honor of the king my uncle and I have gained my heart's desire. And yet, from the first moment I felt

something of you reach out to me and something of me reach back in answer. In a little, the lady brought her hands down and set him against his breast and gently held him off. Listen, she said, for now I have a hard choice that lies before you. I told you that as yet I am only partly free from the enchantment that finds me. Because you have taken me for your wife, it is half broken, but no more than half broken. Dame Ragnall explained that she was now able to appear in her natural form for but half of each day, and Gawain must choose whether he wanted her to be fair by day and foul by night, are fair by night and foul by day.

That is a hard choice indeed, said Gawain. Think, said Lady Ragnall. And Sir Gawain said in a rush, Oh, my dear love, be hideous by day and fair for me alone. Alas, said Lady Ragnel, and that is your choice. Must I be hideous and misshapen among all the queen's fair ladies and abide their scorn and pity, when in truth I'm as fair as any of them. Oh, Sir Gawain, is this your love? Then Sir Gawain bowed his head, nay, nay. I was thinking only of myself.

If it will make you happiest, be fair by day and take your rightful place at court, and at night I shall hear your soft voice in the darkness, and that shall be my content. That was indeed a lover's answer, said Lady Ragnall, but I would be fair for you, and not only for the court and the daytime world, that means less, to me than you do. And Gawain said, whichever way it is, it is you who must endure the most suffering. And being a woman, I am thinking that you have more wisdom in such things than I. Make the choice yourself, dear love, and whichever way you choose, I shall be content. Then Lady Regnell bent her head into the hollow of his neck and wept and laughed together,

oh Gawain, my dearest Lord, now by seeing that it was for me to dismay to, side, by giving me my own way, by according me the very sovereignty that was the answer to the original riddle, you have broken the spell completely and I am free of it to be my true self by night and day. For seven years Gawain and Regnell knew great happiness together and during all that time Gawain was a gentler and kinder and more steadfast man than he had ever been before. But after seven years she left. No one knew where she went and something of Gawain went with her.

So what is sovereignty? We really take a spiritual lens. It has nothing to do with external power, though to experience sovereignty is fully empowering, but it's not about external power. It's not about being independent because these lives are innately interdependent. We're all intertwined. hear, the meaning of it is to be who we really are, to free to inhabit and live from and express our deepest nature. To be sovereign is to live true to who we are. That freedom,

and it's an inner freedom, to really discover and express the love that's here without holding back, to live from that awareness, that wakefulness, that creativity that shines through all beings. So what makes it possible, what makes it possible for us really to be free in this way is this clarity of seeing what I've been calling soul recognition so we can actually remember and see that spirit, that essence that's within our in ourselves. in each other. It's a remembrance of spirit. I think one of the most direct ways to think of it is many of you are familiar with the term namaste, such a beautiful kind of expression that in the

west we see people and we go, hey, hi, how are you? And it's in a way the handshake is to show we're not carrying a gun. Whereas in Asia, namaste, which means I see the divine that shines through you and you and you and this being and all beings. What an amazing way to move through life. Just to have that intention to see. So this is what the rest of our exploration is how do we see, how do we wake up that scene, seeing past the mask? Because that was really the essence of this story in some way Circle Wayne saw past the mask. To the degree that we see, the degree that we suffer. We're living in an enchantment. We're living in a trance. And in that trance, we're believing in a story of a very limited and separate and usually deficient, although sometimes

superior or self. But it's no fun. Even if you feel superior, it's not fun. So let's just take a little closer look at this enchantment that in some spiritual traditions is called the dream that we live in. The kind of narrative that we keep running about, who we are, what we're taking ourselves to be, that kind of ego excel. Because when we are taking ourselves as limited, we can't see who others are. We're just seeing, it's like an ocean, we're just seeing the surface waves, we're not seeing into who the other person is. So how we sustain this enchantment or dream is by continually leaving the present moment.

We continually, it's I've also described as a bicycle that we're peddling away from the present moment to go get something we think we want and need or to get away from something we think is bad. But there's a continual reactive movement that takes us away from presence into thoughts, into kind of reflexive actions. We're leaving all the time. And in the moment of leaving, not liking how it is now, there's a contraction that can't really sense the soul, the spirit that's shining through. And it's very, very clear. Some

of you, you'll find it's most clear if you think of where your addictions are. We all have some form, whether it's minor or major, we all have addictions. And we know what it's like. If you think recently of when you were caught up in whether it's overeating or over-sleeping, some substance, whether it's caught up in sexual fantasies, caught up in gambling or shopping, or whatever the busyness is. In those moments, we're not here. We're numbing or grasping or resisting, but we're not here. We're living from a really contracted dimension of who we are.

A man and a woman are sitting beside each other in the first-class section of a plane, and the woman sneezes, takes out a tissue, gently wipes her nose, and then shudders quite violently for 10 or 15 seconds. Man goes back to his reading. But a few minutes later, it happens again. She sneezes, takes the tissue, wipes her nose, and shudders.

The man's becoming curious. After it happens for a third time, he can't restrain himself, and asks her, you sneeze three times, you've wiped your nose with the tissue, then you've shuddered violently. Are you all right? I'm sorry if I disturbed you, the woman replied, I have a rare condition. When I sneeze, I have an orgasm.

The man was a little embarrassed, but even more curious, and said, well, I've never heard of that before. What are you taking for it? The woman looked at him and said, pepper. So this is part of the enchantment. The trance is that we're addicted and we keep on our thoughts and our behaviors keep feeding it in some way.

We can see it. A lot of times it's an addiction to another person. I mean, most people have had infatuations. Remember, when we're in the enchantment, life is distorted. We're in a trance. We're in a narrow sliver. or who here, and you don't have to raise your hand, but who hasn't made a fool of themselves in some infatuation?

Or the projections, I mean, come on. It's amazing what our minds do. And then we go into trance when we get in a rage at each other or just resentful or angry or judgmental. It's like the world shrinks, and the person becomes this unreal other that's in some way violating us, and we become the victim, we're in a trance.

And with each of these, we're generating stories that maintain the trance. We're generating stories and if we just want to begin to cut through, we'll ask, what am I believing right now? Because we're buying into something that's keeping our world small. Another illustrative stories of a magician working on a cruise ship because this is the creation of illusions, right? He has a parrot that's always ruining his act saying, in the middle of a trick. The card's up his sleeve, or he has a dove in his pocket,

or he slipped it through a hole in his hat. Well, one day the ship sank. And the parrot and the magician found themselves together on a life raft. For several days, the parrot sat silently and stared at the magician. On the fourth day, the parrot said, okay, I give up. What did you do with the ship? So the core enchantment are the core element of the trance. that we have is that we, as much as we might say, oh sure, I'm going to die, everybody else is going to die, we deny impermanence and change. On some level we go through today as if it's always going to be like this and life's going to go on and on.

And I think it's really interesting the way the legend ended. Did you notice that? Seven years and she left. It's part of not being in the enchantment. Things end. Alan Watts says that we move through life as if we're winding. winding the watch, a watch on the way to the gallows. Winding a watch on the way to the gallows.

Just take a moment to reflect. Let's take a pause together, okay? And take a moment to arrive. I like the language of relaxing back. Just sense that whatever the mind has been kind of focusing on, you can relax back and open and just sense the breath and the body, breathing, being present.

And with some interest and without judgment, you might scan through today, or might be yesterday and today. And just see if you can notice for yourself the quality of trance or enchantment. We all have some. For many, it's great swaths of time. So this would be the parts of today or yesterday where you wanted life to be different.

You're trying to get away from what's going on in the moment. that there's a background or something's wrong with how it is, where there's a judgment of how you're doing or how another's doing, that creates separation. Maybe it was a strong sense of addictiveness. But just notice the confining quality of where your mind and sensibilities were, how much smaller it is than the who you really are.

The enchantment is strong. is strong. The conditioning is strong, very deeply patterned. But even since as you observe the quality of mindfulness that's right here, and feel your intention to regard with the quality of kindness with a sense that by paying attention this can serve waking up from the trance because the only root out of enchantment is deepening our capacity for presence. And the remainder of our time will explore the two key pathways when we're caught in trance. We're in a reaction. So the two key pathways, the two entries into presence,

we're opening to the waves of what's going on, and sometimes the waves are difficult. So that is opening to vulnerability, this willingness to open to what's going to. that's uncomfortable. And then the other pathway is sensing and opening to what's beautiful, what's good, what's sweet, the mystery. So let's start with the first and we go back to our legend with Sir Gawain and Lady Dame

Ragnall because the first seeing when he first encountered her, that was a quality of opening to the vulnerability, opening to what's difficult. was some soul recognition and he said it to her. He said these words that are so powerful and yet from the first moment I felt something of you reach out to me and something of me reach back in answer. This is the waves of vulnerability and I'm opening to the humanity that was there. So this is the training of awareness where we get that we're bicycling away and we get that it's difficult, we get that our body's uncomfortable, we get that our mind is

restless, we get that we're in some state of aversion, and we say to ourselves, for the sake of sovereignty, of really being true to my being, I'm going to stay, I'm going to breathe with this, I'm going to touch what's here. And it takes practice to lean in. Fear arises and we want to get busy or distract ourselves or get something done so we can soothe it. So we're training to pause. We're training to say yes and breathe and be with what. what's there. I'm going to share an example that I really love. This is an essay that was written by a woman named Rachel, 17 years old. She's gone to some of the teen retreats that are in this area and also attending a high school that's very organized around mindfulness, so that she'd

clue you in a little. 17 years old, then she just lost her dad in the last year. It's titled Happiness Question Mark. Perhaps it was the weather. Maybe it was some argument I had just had. It could have been that I was in a mood for no other reason than it just was what it was. I walked into my bedroom, dragging my heels across the carpet, feeling the empty absence of a smile on my face.

Out of reflex and habit, I thought to myself, I need to watch a movie or something to make me happy. I stopped dead in my tracks at the realization of what I had. I just said to myself, I needed something outside of myself to make me happy, that watching some funny video or listening to an upbeat song would create happiness for me. Is this what addiction is? Is this what drugies and alcoholics tell themselves in the dark of the night when doubts and fears come rushing in without respite? I need to do this to make me happy right here, right now, and this second. Why would I need something to make me feel better? Am I devoid of

the power to be happy for no reason other than just because the stars still shine in the darkness? A thought struck me then. Why do I feel the need to be happy at all? Can I not just take what I'm feeling in this moment and live with it, make space for it to simply be for a while, and then send it off with my love and thanks? Why do I feel the need to be happy at all? Can I not just take what I'm feeling in this moment and live with it? make space for it. So this is the first very powerful way of breaking the spill is to not go away, to learn to stay.

And sometimes we can't, and to be absolutely compassionate and forgive that. In fact, it's wise sometimes to leave when it feels like too much. So there's certainly times when we're feeling waves of something traumatic and it's completely intelligent to go ahead and listen to good music. So this is not a rigid all-or-nothing kind of formula. But our resources are greater than we imagine. What we can tolerate is greater. And there's freedom.

There's some space that opens up in the moments that we say, okay, I'm not happy right now. Let's just be with this weather system. When we can be more present with what's going on inside us, It actually activates the part of the brain that can be more clearly present with others, more inclusive of how others feel, more aware of how others feel. Opening to our own vulnerability enables us to open to other people's vulnerability. And it's not a quality of pity at all that is felt.

You know how Mother Teresa puts it when she sees those struggling with, poverty and sickness. She describes them as Christ in his distressing disguise. When we can open to vulnerability we start seeing through the mask. Sylvia Borstein tells a really beautiful story about one meditation practitioner in New York who had practiced a lot of this loving-kindness practice. We're really opening to what's here with a really gentle, kind heart. Well, one evening, small side street in Soho, a disheveled man with a scraggly beard and dirty blonde hair, costed Phil demanding his money.

Phil gave him over $600 that he carried in his wallet. The mugger shook his gun and demanded more. Stalling for time, Phil handed him his credit cards in the whole wallet. Looking gazed and high on some drug, the mugger said, I'm going to shoot you. Phil responded, no, no, no, wait, here's my watch. It's an expensive one. disoriented, the mugger, took the watch, waved the gun, and again said, I'm going to shoot you. Somehow Phil managed to look at him with loving kindness and said,

you don't have to shoot me. You did really good. Look, you got nearly $700. You got credit cards and an expensive watch. You don't have to shoot me. You did good. The mugger confused, lowers his gun slowly. I did good, he half asked. You did really good. Go and tell your friends you did good. Days the mugger wandered off saying softly to himself, I did good. I did good. The point of that story is not that we can always talk a crazed person out of violence. Rather that we have the capacity to see past the veil no matter how someone is acting. If they're acting in a way that's violent, they're suffering.

We can do that. And when we do it, when we can remember who's there, when some place in us is going namaste no matter what, it helps to call that out of the person. Helps them remember who they are. I really think of this as the greatest gift we can give each other, that if we can see if there's soul recognition, we help wake up that soul, we free it, we help to bestow sovereignty on that soul. The challenge is we very quickly create unreal others and the more stressed we are, the more

others are not souls. There's no real visceral sense of namaste. They're two-dimensional characters that are either in our way, are better than us or worse than us, but we just lock in. So it takes real intention on some level. If you can, after tonight or this class, some part of you, even just a few degrees more intention when stirred up to ask that question, like, who are you really? Can I see past this? Can I mentioned some weeks ago the training of looking at somebody's eyes and just looking

to see what color eyes they have helps you to pay more attention more deeply to who's behind those eyes looking out. So it takes intention and if we're curious we can cut through the enchantment, the unreal other enchantment. I think one of the places we go into most trance of this unreal other is driving. Have you noticed how when you're driving, it's like, first of all, traffic is everybody else, right? It's not me. Everybody else is traffic. But then we even have our categories of cars and what we give kind of personalities or energy to who's in that car depending on what we see. And when we have to get somewhere in a rush, cars in front of of us going a little under the speed limit can make us absolutely insane. So humans become

obstacles. So story of my own is some years ago I made this intention that if that happened and I started really feeling aversive towards somebody in a car, I would try to come up around the side so I could look in the window because if I can see a face, then the unreal other dissolves and I have more possibility of being with a real being. So there I was some years back and I was kind of trying to get to a, I had some sort of a conference call I was trying to get to. And the guy in front of me, and it was a guy and I had no idea that it was a guy, but some part of me was going, that guy.

And he was in a very, he's plotting along this old, big old Buick kind of like a boat kind of thing. And so I was really frustrated. So I pulled up next to him and looked in and it was really jarring because, you know, he looked exactly like my father. And my father just died the year earlier. So I went from aversion to weeping. And I drove all the way back home weeping.

But what a wake-up to sense the enchantment I was in. And of course I went into slightly another enchantment because I was projecting a lot to do with my father. But who cares? My heart was more soft, you know. So soul recognition. Whether it's, with the people closest to us, we so often, and it's really, really sad that we can go through weeks and years with slight grudges or resentments, and whenever we're

wanting people to be different than they are, there's no soul recognition. When we're wanting them to cooperate with us, there's no soul recognition. We can't see. We can't see who's there. It's our partner, and we're just not wanting to leave a mess around the house or somebody that's not, a partner that's not driving away we want them to be,

our child that's not on time when they agreed to be home. Can't see. So this is one domain, okay, of soul recognition where we just open to the uncomfortableness. But the other domain, for the last piece here, is that because we're so fixated,

on what's wrong, to very intentionally look for the beauty and the goodness that shines through beings. And if we're fixated on the negative, there's the loving-kindness practice where, you know, if you think of a person and you're in reaction in some way, and you imagine that person happy and happy in a really wholesome happy way, not a gloating kind of happy, but just like, delighted or amused, are in wonder about something. If you imagine somebody when they're really loving, how they look. Or if you imagine somebody when they're really young.

Or if you imagine somebody that you're in a kind of tight thing with and imagine they're already passed away. It helps you to see past the mask. You start sensing really the being that's there and you begin to sense the goodness of that being. I think it's particularly powerful when we consider for those that our parents, our offspring, because it's so easy to, without knowing it lock into wanting them to be different or more.

Because I have Jewish heritage, I can share this little one that goes, two Jewish women sitting in a park having lunch together, one says, Oive. And then the other one says, Oe vei, and then the first one says, okay, enough about the kids.

I like that one. But we know how it is. It's like I can say for myself as a mother that throughout in Orion's life, you know, of course like every other mother, I thought he was bright and beautiful and so on, but I always had something I was worrying about, sometimes more intensely than others,

but there was always something at any phase you could have asked me, what are you worrying about with him? And I'd have something right there off the top of my head. You know, he's not applying himself. He needs more discipline. He needs to be more attuned to other people. You know, too many video games, too much partying.

You know, I always had something. So, and what I realized is where I now can sense that I've most served him is where, At those intervals when in some way I wasn't stuck inside that and in some way and very pure way I was mirroring back just my trust in his innate goodness, his kindness, his natural intelligence, the spirit that lives through. Thomas Merton says, the beginning of love is the will to let those we love be perfectly themselves, the resolution not to twist them to fit our own image.

So this is about sovereignty. This is about helping create a space where other people can really come home to who they are and live from who they are. So this is the essence of the teachings now. We're coming down to kind of the core of it, which is to see through the mask. We really need to open up to the waves just as they are. We need to open up to the vulnerability that's here. and that spirit that's shining through both.

My final story for the evening was that many years ago a woman came to a retreat that I was doing and she asked me about how to work with her partner or be with her partner because he only had a short while to live. In fact, they had agreed that she was going to come to this retreat because she really needed to kind of tap into all her resources, because they were Catholic, but they didn't want to have a priest there.

They wanted, he wanted her to kind of be the one to support him and guide him through his passing. And she was terrified she wouldn't know what to do and that she'd do it wrong. So she asked me what she could read about being with the dying. And of course I told her at this point there's not a Buddhism 101 on being with the dying. I mean, there are certainly good tapes and this and that, CDs, whatever. but the basic thing is just to love him, just to love him no matter how it is, just keep offering her presence, open to the vulnerability, open to the beauty, you know.

So that's saying yes to the ways. And because she was Catholic and I had just been with Father Thomas Keating at a conference on compassion, his way of saying yes is the words, I consent. that whatever's going on, I consent. The I consent creates a very big, open, tender heart. So she went home with that. She was going to, whatever came up, the fears, the grief, the feelings of insufficiency, okay, yes, I consent, opening to how it is, opening to his goodness,

opening to the goodness and beauty that's between them. So several weeks after her partner died, she called me. And she said she went home and she had all those strong feelings coming up and she kept saying, I consent, I consent. But she realized she was still trying to do it right, trying to get everything right. And one night he said to her, you know, I don't think I have long. And she right away kind of hushed him.

She said, oh dear, you don't need to think that. Today was a good day. Let me go make some tea. And in that silence she felt a million miles apart. Okay, she'd pushed away the waves. And that's when she prayed, please, may I meet what arises with loving presence. And I consent went deeper.

It went deeper. And she noticed when fear was arising, I consent. When pain for his pain, I consent. With that bottomless grief, I consent. Real deep allowing. And then she told me, Shitar, when I allowed myself to pause and come home to this full presence, I did know how to be with him. She intuitively knew how to whisper words of encouragement and caring touch and sometimes singing

and sometimes silence. And she said, in this presence she could open to the fullness of his spirit. I'll read you the rest. She said, there was no longer a sense of him and me. Rather, we were a field of loving, total openness, warmth, light. He's gone, but that living field of loving is always. with me. So I share this with you because tonight we're really exploring how do we see past the mask

our own of being, you know, for her, being the doing self, trying to do it right and afraid and so on and seeing him as her sick husband but just not really seeing past the mask to really opening to the waves and opening to that incredibly beautiful love and presence that was really what held them. Thomas Merton says, life is this simple. We are living in a world that is absolutely transparent and the divine is shining through it all the time.

This is not just a nice story or a fable, it is true. So tonight's story, Sir Gawain and Dame Racknell, the story ends that beyond his preferences, He wants her to choose. And in that moment, it was Namaste. He was honoring the wisdom, the awareness that flowed through her. He was seeing past any appearance at all, soul recognition. And so it is that we can practice.

And I think if we just perhaps close this by sensing namaste, that in this simple way, we can begin to feel the sacred, the light, the awareness, the love that's in us, and begin to sense it in each other. And it's that practice, we need nothing else if we want to discover the freedom of our own being and of each other. So I invite you just to close your eyes for a moment. I'll do a little bit of a Namaste kind of reflection and then be done.

and invite yourself home right now. Just feel your intention to come home and inhabit the innocence and goodness of your being. Come home to the light, the awareness, the love, the empty radiance that's right here. And you might bring somebody to mind in your life that you, that's part of your circle in some way, somebody that you encounter regularly, family, friend.

Just take a moment to sense, what would it mean in your heart to say namaste to this being to really see and honor who's looking through those eyes or what it is that's listening through those years, that living spirit and perhaps one other person, just to see the light in this person's eyes if it helps to see them happy or loving you or loving life, and see what's shining through. And if you sense in your own heart your deepest aspiration to love and be loved, to live true to yourself, and sense its source, the loving awareness that's the very source

of that aspiration. It says that we're not humans on a spiritual path, we're spirit that's waking up through this incarnation. Life is this simple. We are living in a world that is absolutely transparent and the divine is shining through it all the time. This is not just a nice story or a fable. It is true. There's a way of bringing this alive in our lives you might feel your intention. Perhaps tonight as you get up and move around the room to say namaste in your own way, to look, to feel, to sense the sacred in another with one or two people, and also with those at home or those that you might be seeing in the next few days,

bring it alive in the world. It's what can heal our world. Namaste and blessings to each. Thank you. The teaching you have received has been freely offered. If you'd like to make a donation, learn more about my schedule or programs offered by the Insight Meditation Community of Washington, please visit tarabrock.com and our IMCW.org.