Tara Brach - Divine Abodes: Equanimity

Episode Date: November 2, 2011

2011-11-02 - Divine Abodes: Equanimity - Equanimity is the mental state of balance and non-reactivity that arises when we are resting in open, wakeful presence. This talk reviews the key pathways to equanimity in the face of difficulty. We also explore the blessing of equanimity: the freedom to respond to our life with wisdom, compassion and love. Please support this podcast by donating at www.tarabrach.com or www.imcw.org. Your donation makes a difference! Thank you!

Many of you have been listening to or part of here in this class the last few weeks where we've been exploring what are called the divine abodes. And the divine abodes are actually the expressions of our awakened heart and mind. And the four of them are loving kindness, which arises when we experience goodness. And compassion, which arises when we sense suffering. Joy, when we open to that vastness that really includes both. And tonight, equanimity, which is this balance of heart and mind that is non-reactive and therefore able to give rise to these others' expressions of love.

Each different expression of love relies on equanimity. In fact, as one, I got an email this week, one man wrote to me, In my relationship, I'm finding that equanimity and loving kindness have to work side by side are neither works very well at all. Hand in hand. So equanimity is this mindful presence that we are cultivating through this meditation that really is the presence that is neither grasping onto anything or pushing it away. It's a very open, allowing presence.

and it allows us to respond to the world. It allows us, rather than reacting, to respond with our deepest intelligence and heart. And one of the kind of metaphors or descriptions that I've really enjoyed over the years is from the Spanish word, Crencia. Crencia is the place in the ballroom where, where the bull feels absolutely safe. If he can find that spot, he's able to become still and regain his strength.

In that spot, the bull is renewed, his energies become energized, and he's fearless. In fact, so much so that it's the Matator's job to keep the bull from that spot. That's the matador's job, because that's when the bull becomes dangerous. So in our human lives, we each have this place of Crencia in our own hearts. Where even in the face of difficulty, in the face of Mara, the Matador, you know, Mara's the shadow side,

those energies that can goad us and drive us to reactivity, even in the face of that, we can learn to come to this place, Crencia, and find that calm, and silence and power that allows us to then respond in a way that moves towards our own freedom. So Crencia, I think it's a beautiful expression of coming home to this quality of equanimity that we're exploring tonight. So as I often do, I like to go to evolution because like every living organism, we, our most primitive conditioning is not towards

non-reactivity and crincia, it's towards being highly reactive. We're completely rigged when there's pleasantness and our brain stem and our limbic system, you know, grasping at it. And when it's unpleasant, our quick flinch

reflex way faster than what the thinking mind might tell us is to push it away. So this is our cross-the-board conditioning and it's part of surviving you know it's what gets us to pursue food and pursue sex and pursue having shelter and avoid danger so it's it's basic part of our our rigging that we smell something that's noxious we know don't eat it you know don't eat it and we see the sight of a snake and it's terror because in the old days that was one of the creatures that could cause

the most trouble to us. So it's still in us. So this is universal that all creatures reflexively move towards pleasure and away from pain. In this little reading that I'd like to share,

this is Louis Thomas, who many of you might know, a wonderful biologist, then writer, he writes, he says, the messages are urgent, but they may arrive for all we know in a fragrance of ambiguity. quote, at home, 4 p.m. today, says the female moth, and releases a brief explosion of bombacall,

a single molecule of which will tremble the hairs of any male within miles and sent him driving upwind in a confusion of ardor. But it's doubtful if he has an awareness of being caught in an aerosol of chemical attractant. On the contrary, he probably finds suddenly that it has become an excellent day, the weather remark bracing the time appropriate for bit of the old wings a brisk turn upwind on route traveling the gradient of bombacle he notes the presence of other males heading in the same direction all in a good mood inclined to race for the sheer sport of it then when he reaches his destination it may seem to him the most extraordinary of coincidences the greatest piece of luck bless my soul what have we here you know

So we're not always aware of when we are in the grip of these primitive systems of chasing after something or avoiding it. It's very much part of our identity. And in the humans, it's live and well. It often overrides rational thinking, empathy, any form of our intelligence overridden in an instant sometimes. And what we find and what really can give us compassion is that the more we can have genetic tendencies towards getting overridden by these primitive impulses and our personal historical experience in our families

with significant caregivers, when there's not good attachment bonding, when we haven't felt seen or loved, when we felt abused or wounded, those unmet needs feed the survival equipment we have to lead to a more quick flinch reaction of grasping and aversion. It's easier to get caught in addictions. So what happens? Wherever we are on the spectrum of how dominating our limbic system is,

we all have some of it that runs us, that makes it hard. hard for us to rest in that equanimity and respond in a way that's balanced. We all get tugged around, every one of us. And I sometimes describe what we do when we're triggered off as a false refuge, that when we get triggered with this wanting or this fearing, we go down some very familiar pathways over and over again to try to soothe ourselves. we feel that urge for wanting and rather than respond by coming into presence

and noticing the urge of wanting we're immediately off chasing down what well for some of us we overconsume you know just too much sugar which is as much of an addiction as anything for others we might exercise like crazy which can become an addiction you know for others it may

drugs you know that we get addicted to one man writes my father was the town drunk now that doesn't sound so bad but New York City you know so we have our we have our strategies and for many of us one of the biggest strategies is you know this one of trying to win approval whereby we find that we're our reflex rather than rather than being with someone and just being there and noticing what's going on for that other person and responding with spontaneity, in some way we need to prove something. In some way we need to impress. And that can be a gripping one.

Or it may be that our agitation leads us to blaming, that we feel better if we're blaming or judging, are to judging ourselves. So we have all these different styles, as you know. it's completely natural that we would grasp and that we would avoid. And as the Buddha teaches, it's entirely natural that we notice it and we wake up from it. That's our capacity. And that's why we're here together.

Because we intuit that, yeah, I have all these reflexes, and we have within us this awareness that can notice and wake up and actually change the patterning of our brain. There is neuroplasticity. We can wake up. And we can live and respond to our lives in a very different way. In the Majima Nakaya, one of the Buddhist scripts,

the Buddha says, develop a mind that is vast like space where experiences both pleasant and unpleasant can appear and disappear without conflict, struggle, or harm. Rest in a mind. mind like a vast sky. Rest in a mind like a vast sky. So I love that language, you know, sensing that this mind, this awareness is merged with sky. It's that vast and that we can rest

in that and the clouds can come and go and we can enjoy and appreciate and care but not get caught. And it's extremely challenging. It's extremely challenging. So what we'll explore tonight is the two primary pathways that help us wake up out of reactivity and rest in a larger sense of being that makes it so that when we have our traditional triggers in our life and we each have our particular favorite set of them, that rather than that flinch response, that rapid fire triggering and reaction, there's something in us that remembers, that pauses and that taps into a deeper wisdom. Okay, so two different approaches. And very briefly, one is you start exactly where you are contacting what's happening right here. So the first response has to do with being awake and

noticing right this moment, here's what's happening. And the second response, and the second pathway has to do with in some way remembering something larger, the space that's happening in. Love. presence in some way remembering an enlarged sense of being. Now, they're actually embedded in each other because when you start contacting presence, right, what you're noticing right this moment, in that presence, you start finding space. And in the moments that you begin to remember space, remember the sky, remember love, there's actually room to contact this moment's experience. but we sometimes begin with one versus the other.

And I'd like to give you a bit of a feeling for that. And then we'll practice together. And I'll invite you to come up with some situations where you might react. Some years ago, one of the teachers I was teaching with at a retreat, I was working with a student who was having difficulty with walking meditation. And for those of you that aren't familiar, walking practice like sitting, is just bringing your attention, your awareness, to the experience of moving.

And we tend to slow it down some so we can really notice what it feels like. Well, she didn't like it, and she was wondering whether she could just practice, sitting practice for most of the day, you know, stretch in between. And his suggestion was, how about doing it the other way around,

just stop sitting and do a whole day of walking. They negotiated, and she agreed to a half a day of walking meditation. Okay. I want to read you the note she wrote about her experience. Long walking meditation

all morning. Assignment completed. Thank you. Now I can meditate while moving. I thought I might discover why I've been so resistant to it, but no,

circumstances taught me something else instead. I chose to walk in the annex walking room because it's small, beautiful, and usually quiet. today however it was noisy as hell there was some guy in there walking as the little engine that could wearing little noisy boots well thought i surely he'll be gone when the walking period ends no such luck this madman pounded his way through an hour and one half except when he paused to drink or remove a noisy layer of clothing i tried meta loving kindness practice surely he must have a lot of people pain to be so driven. Then I realized that I wanted to kill the SOB. I stood there noting hate,

hate. Later I stood in the middle of the room and wept, tears, tears. Then I got to the point that I realized that whatever problem he had was his, not mine. After that, I got quiet and he was just sound. And so I walked and breathed, and he pached and pounded, and pretty soon it was all the same to me, his noise, my breath, the movement of my body. After an hour and a half he left and it was incredibly quiet, which was different, but not as much better as I had expected, mostly just different. Thank you.

Can you sense the equanimity that grew out of that experience? That she stayed. I mean, she could have left that room. She could have, you know, decided that, you know, she had done the job, but she stayed, and not only that, she stayed with the actual experiences that were going on inside her. You know, okay, trimetta, nah, hate, hate, feel that, weeping, weeping, and then quiet. By bringing presence to the different layers of experience, she discovered the space of presence, and that space is an essential component of equanimity.

As soon as we have space and we're present, then noise, sound, breathing, feelings, they can come and go. What shifted, she was no longer identified. So I want to just flag that, that the key element in discovering equanimity is a dissolving of that sense of such strong identity. Have to have it this way. Can't stand if it's that way. there's just space for it to come and go. What she discovered, and this is the wisdom of equanimity,

remember that final piece? It wasn't as much better as she thought. Everything in her was pitched against how this experience was. When it finally changed, it was different, but not so much better. And that tells us that really our happiness and freedom doesn't come from having things our way. It doesn't come from people cooperating with our agenda,

or having it be a sunny day versus a rainy day, or even having our body feel terrific versus having a headache or a stomach ache. It comes from how we're relating to our circumstances. When we find that space and presence to relate to our circumstances, without strong preference, without pushing things aside, without grasping, there's a freedom in that. There's a happiness. So equanimity allows us to see more clearly that our happiness

doesn't come from getting what we want. Okay, so this is the meditation training we do here. That we're basically training as things come up, notice them, and you notice how during the guided meditation when it's difficult, can we say yes? It doesn't mean we like it. It doesn't mean that we are going to want it to keep going that way. It's just in this moment, yes, I'm willing to let this moment be just as it is. It's an allowing. So meditation trains us to notice without controlling, which means that we're mindful of the wanting or the fearing that comes up. but we're not hooked by it. Okay, a poem for you.

Because this equanimity, this space of awareness, helps us when we're in conflict with others. It helps us when we're struggling with what seems like a real tangle. And it helps us in dying. And I want to read you a verse or short writing by a woman

who was dying of cancer. My days are short and as I grow weaker I experience so much gratitude for my meditation. Not only the joy and ease it brought but the hard parts. For every bored

and restless sitting and every fearful fantasy and every pain and ache I sat through and every itch I didn't scratch was a training for kindness, a turn of

training for the muscle, for bearing witness, for the trusting spirit that carries me now as I face my death. So as we practice this meditation, we develop this very profound appreciation. What happens is then things happen in our life, and I cannot tell you how many people have come to me and said, if it weren't for the Dharma, meaning this path of practice, if it weren't for these practices, I wouldn't have gotten through it. Just had one friend come to me today describing the period, the stretch of time without a job and that he'd gone through it some years back

and how much, how tormenting that can be. And this time, because of mindfulness practice, there was that space and that presence so that it could come and go without his identity being so hooked in. So this is a training, this training in equanimity that carries us through all situations.

Now I mentioned a second route, which is that not only do we contact what's here, but there's a possibility, and sometimes even before we say, okay, let me feel what's right here, we remind ourselves in some way of some larger belonging and I like that kind of language

a larger belonging because it could be our belonging to the earth it could be our belonging to each other it could be our belonging to a sense of a spiritual figure the Buddha or the Bodhisattva of compassion just belonging to that loving presence

it could be belonging to this whole universe to the web of life. Whatever it is, when we remember belonging to something larger, it helps to loosen that sense of personal ego identity that's saying it has to be different. I have to have this. I can't have that. And if we're afraid and we remember that belonging,

what happens is that there's actually room for the fear. We're not so gripped. So give you an example of that. And this is one man who returned from Iraq, and I worked with him a couple of years ago. He was struggling with, he'd vacillate periods of rage and fear, and then he'd go completely numb. And it was wreaking havoc on relationships, as you can imagine. So he got involved with a support group with other vets. And one of the reflections he'd have that would really help him was quite simple,

was when he'd feel completely gripped, like really gripped by a sense of rage and a sense, and it wasn't rage, it didn't even have thoughts to it, just rage. Art, terror, he would just say to himself, others are experiencing this too. Others experience this too. And of course, being in that group, He found out again and again how true that was. So it was grounded.

It was a truth that was really grounded. And he could find that when he could remember that, it didn't make him feel a lot better, but it gave him just enough space that he could begin this kind of a thing where he could say, okay, I care, I'm sorry. He still felt grip to some degree. It took him, oh, he's still working with it.

PTSD from war is not something that's easy to wake up out of. But that gave him that opening of space that has really made his recovery, his movement towards recovery, possible. So again, I just want to emphasize that equanimity, this final element of the Brahma Vajara's, final expression, has to do with this lessening of this personal sense of self and this space that lets life come and go some. There are different ways we have access to that.

I'm going to give you another story that really touched me, and I'm purposely taking two women that were struggling with very serious cancer. And as I mentioned, the first woman, being with this and this and this. That contactful presence helped her sense the spirit that carried her. Now here's another way. This is Jan Adrian

and she's a woman who founded Healing Journeys. It's a support group for those that are touched by cancer. So she had a chest X-ray done to see if the cancer had metastasized to her lungs. and the doctor called and he said there's a nodule on your on your lungs and we have to do a CT scan so she got it on a

Wednesday told the results would be in the next day Thursday her anxiety is over the top and she couldn't concentrate just felt like crying all day you know what if it's metastatic sized cancer

all this healthy diet and exercise hadn't made a difference and she was angry she'd have to she just might not have the energy to fight it again. So she just was going through all the scenarios. She called the doctor's office twice. He promised he'd call back. He didn't.

Thursday night. She said she read and meditated. And then she remembered on Thursday night a prayer that had really been woven through her life, which was make me an instrument. Use me. And as she remembered that, she asked herself, well, what if having cancer again was the way I could be most useful, that I could be an inspiration to others?

And she, in some place in her got that it was more important for her life to be meaningful than easy. And by meaningful, that she belonged to something larger, that she was serving something larger. Now, just to say, it didn't mean she wanted in any way to be uncomfortable. She didn't want to feel bad. She didn't want anything bad for herself, but that it mattered to her if she could trust that this had meaning, that she could serve from whatever was happening, in a way she started touching a larger space of belonging.

She says that the reflection gave her peace and calm. The next day, Friday she called the office. her doctor had left for a two-week vacation. The on-call doctor would call. Finally got the results. Nothing to worry about. The nodule had been there in a prior scan. It was stable.

Okay, so she went through all of this, and she celebrated. And she said, even though accepting whatever happened, you know, I preferred health. but here's what she wrote she said she was glad that she didn't get the results immediately because it had put her in touch with an inner knowing that I will be okay no matter what and I want to

emphasize this too that when we feel identified with a personal self that's going to die then that I will be okay no matter what is not something we can find refuge in when there's some

remembrance of our belonging to each other, to love, to spirit. When we belong to something larger, it might not feel terrific and we might not like it, but there's some deep faith that really it is okay. I love the phrase, a heart that is ready for everything. That what we're doing together,

and I'm saying this to all of us here, all of us here right now, all of us that are listening, and reflecting on this, what we're doing in this practice of presence is awakening this wisdom and this heart that actually really is ready for everything. That no matter what comes our way,

we have this capacity to remember our true belonging and to know we're okay. To know we're okay. You know, we typically think of our happiness as related to certain things good happening. And in the Buddhist tradition, the word sukkha, which is the meaning for the deepest type of happiness, has nothing to do with what's happening.

It has to do with this kind of faith, our trust, that this heart can be with whatever. And it gives us a confidence. It's sometimes described as the lion's roar, this confidence that whatever life presents us, it's workable. And when that confidence is there, we take incredible joy in our moments. It's like it frees us to live when we're not resisting and backing off from the threat around the corner. For most of us, especially when our conditioning is strong,

most moments were in some way tensing against what's about to happen does that make sense that sense that something's going to be too much to handle yeah we're tensing if we're tensing we can't really be happy I mean we can't really enjoy what's here

when we have this heart that is ready for anything this heart that trusts our belonging trust the sense of loving presence that's timeless, then we can actually be here for our moments. We're not so busy resisting. Whenever we give talks on equanimity, inevitably afterwards, there's certain questions that are actually offered from a kind of agitated place. They bring, it brings, their questions that come from a place that's really a little bit disturbed. And the biggest question that I run into is, so wait a minute if this heart's ready for everything and I'm letting the clouds come and go

isn't that a bit passive I mean what what happens if I'm seeing this environment this this earth's environment being destroyed between before my very eyes am I supposed to just say well let that cloud come and let that cloud go you know you get the point right that it that that equanimity is sometimes misunderstood as a kind of passivity and I want to speak to that because it's easy to feel that way that if we're sick and we're being a quantumist, we're not going to try to heal ourselves. If we're stuck in a relationship, we're not going to seek help. There's a story of this chief executive, a large company.

He's greatly admired for his energy and drive, but he suffers from one embarrassing weakness, which is every time he enters the president's office, for the weekly report he wets his pants so this kindly president advises him to see a urologist at the company's expense but when he appears before the president the following meeting his pants are wet again well didn't you see the urologist asked the president no he was out i saw a um took a meditation class instead actually and i'm cured i no longer feel embarrassed

So mindfulness might be a problem in its own way. So the idea is not that we're passive. And I'll speak, you know, maybe to it on a personal level that I have found that one of my greatest areas of non-equanimity of reactivity is around politics, around so around the different ways that we're fine, you know, whether it. has to do with the environment, our efforts towards peace, our social justice. When I easily, my flinch response is to create an enemy. I have bad guys and good guys in my mind. And it's very polarized and I'm very reactive. And I remember it was at one of its pinnacles when we were on the verge of entering

the war and attacking Iraq. And every time I would read the newspaper, I would become very, very agitated and filled with kind of a venomous feeling towards those in the administration. And I began a meditation that really helped me where I'd sit there and I'd read the newspaper and I'd see myself going off into my reaction and I'd pause and I'd feel the anger and hatred and I'd sense and I'd let it be as much as it was and underneath it what I would find was fear. So the same layering here. So, okay, fear, fear.

And I'd let that be as big as it was. So again, this is contacting, right? Start where you are, what's happening right in the moment. Feel the fear. Let it be as great as it was. And underneath the fear was a sense of grief, a kind of a despairing, grieving feeling, that so much suffering is already being caused

and will increase with these cycles of violence. when we just, our flinch response as a society is feel attacked and attack, and without intelligence behind it and certainly not compassion. So fearing the cycles of violence, of fear, fear, grief, grief. And then if I stayed with that grief, I found this deep sense of care that I cared. I cared about the men and women from our country that would be going over. I cared about the men and women and children in Iraq. I just cared.

And when I could stay with those layers and then act, in fact, I did. I remember missing a Wednesday night because a number of us were arrested downtown by the White House. And I was part of the Buddhist Peace Fellowships activities at that time, and Stelliam more peripherally. When there was action, it wasn't a kind of venomous, you know, waving the arm, you know, and blaming and so on kind of action.

It was an action that came out of care and it did not have that kind of violence in its energy that then creates more violence, that feeds that trance. I've seen in my life the spiritual leaders that have most inspired me over the years have expressed this pathway so beautifully. I remember reading that Gandhi would take a day off each week, and he said so that he could get in touch with the deepest wisdom, the deepest place in his heart so that his actions would be informed by that.

equanimity is a way of being able to come home to presence and balance so that we can respond and not react. Does that make sense? It's not passive in any way. In many equanimity talks, there's another concern that I hear afterwards from students, which isn't so much about passivity, just kind of a, well, it all makes a lot of sense, but it sounds awful. dull. You know, being a quantumist sounds really dull. I mean economists during a Super Bowl

game, you know, or economists during sex. I mean, really, think about it. I mean, you get the point, right? There's the sense that it's going to be like, okay, balance, let everything come and go. And I just want to reiterate that it's the capacity

for that balanced presence that actually frees us to cherish life, to cherish life. Ajan Shah, a wonderful, a teacher of many of the teachers in this country, a Thai master, he would take a glass that was really beautiful

and he'd hold it up and this is a glass that he always drank at him and he'd say, I love this glass. Do you see this? I love this glass. It holds the water admirably. When the sun shines on it, it refurbably. on it, it reflects the light beautifully. When I tap it, it has a lovely ring. Yet for me, the glass is already broken. When the wind knocks it over and my elbow knocks it off the shelf and it falls to the ground shatters, I say, of course. But when I understand that this glass is already broken, every minute with it is precious. Ticknod Han had a similar way of expressing this

point. He would describe this hug and I often share it because it's so beautiful and I hope you take it home and try it whereby you first start and stand face to face with someone when the palms are together and you say namaste which means I see the divine in you and then you reflect I'm going to die and you're going to die and we have just these precious moments. So what's the effect of that. When you sense truly impermanence, this changing world, and you let it be true. So you're contacting that reality, you let it be true. You love and cherish the life that appears. So again, the emphasis is that we don't discover equanimity, this balance, this presence, by removing ourselves from the stream. It's not true equanimity. If you, you don't discover equanimity,

if you've come upon it because you've kind of hidden away somewhere. It's almost like we expose ourselves to all the elements. It's a very courageous kind of a pathway. And it's not in any way indifference. Indifference, again, is one of the guises, but not true equanimity. It's not that we're observing from the sidelines in any way at all. that's a subtle aversion to life actually rather it's it's a full engagement but we're not so identified this is a poem by mary oliver called winter and the nut hatch once or twice and maybe

again who knows the timid nut hatch will come to me if i stand still with something good to eat in my hand the first time he did it he landed smack on his belly as though his legs wouldn't cooperate. The next time he was bolder. Then he became absolutely wild about those walnuts. But there was a morning I came late and guess what? The nut hatch was flying into a stranger's hand. To speak plainly, I felt betrayed. I wanted to say, Mr. That nut hatch and I have a relationship. It took hours of standing in the snow before he would drop from the tree and trust my fingers. But I didn't say anything.

Nobody owns the sky or the trees. Nobody owns the hearts of birds. Still, being human, impartial therefore to my own successes, though not resentful of others fashioning theirs, I'll come tomorrow, I believe, quite early. Not possessed, not driven. and yet through sensing what we want, what we don't want. When we open to Crencia, when we open to this,

what we're really opening to in this balance where we're not grasping and pushing away are the currents of intelligence and love that move through this universe. Crencia, this equanimity, is our portal. to intelligence and love. When we're not, we're coming off something that's smaller in our mind,

something that's a little more robotic, more formulaic, not so creative. So we open to that, and then we respond to the world. But most importantly, and this is the deepest level of freedom, as we become more familiar with moments where we're not chasing after something,

where we're not pushing things away, when there's that open-handed presence, we're coming home to a realization of who we are. We sense more than that kind of familiar, wanting self or fearful self, because that's the most kind of core level of our contracted sense of identity. Rather than that, we start getting familiar

with a sense that what we are is this space of wakefulness and tenderness. In other words, we're coming home to the awareness, to the awakened awareness and awakened heart that is our true nature. So it's this portal. It's this portal towards that happiness and that confidence, but most deeply towards trusting who we are. In those moments we trust our good. goodness. We trust our being. So let's practice a little. Okay? So letting these moments of

pausing and settling and be ones of homecoming. Feel yourself right here. You might be aware of the sensations in your body. It can be helpful if you scan through your body briefly and sense if there's areas of particular tightness just to let go a little. Let your senses be awake right now. Coming home to Crencia, to this equanimity, is an embodied presence. We're awake and in touch with what's here. I'm going to invite you to reflect on two situations. And the first one being a situation that's difficult, where you react with an unpleasant kind of emotion.

And I think you'll find it useful not to choose something that is super intense, that brings up a more traumatic kind of response. just an unpleasant emotion, judgment, irritation, fear. Just bringing this situation to mind, we'll just explore how we can find our way to that, the place in the bullring, that place in our own being where there's a sense of calm and balance. So what we start with where there's not,

where you're feeling some sort of a reaction. And you might stop at the frame of this situation than where it's most difficult for you and as if you could pause the action. Sense the worst part of it and feel it in your body. Let yourself just notice and you might even name what you're feeling.

Feel it as sensations in your body. You might notice there's layers just as I describe with myself. You might start with anger but underneath that find hurt. Whatever's there just to name it and in some way this too

others experience this too remind yourself of something larger it may be that your way to something larger is by offering kindness in the moment that you notice something and name it and put your hand on your heart

you're no longer quite so much in it so you can explore that just starting with what is feeling it, and then sensing the possibility of space, of love, of remembering others experiencing it too. Even the wish, may I relate to this with compassion, will help you to find some space around it. You're not as inside it as you open to the feelings, as you let them be there, as you say this too. Just sense your own experience of yourself. Can you say, sense a shift from the self that's reacting to the space of awareness that's relating to what's going on.

Continuing to sense where that lives in you, the unpleasantness, remind yourself that you're sitting in a room or you're listening with many, many others listening, all of whom are touching into difficult situations with painful emotions. that you're joining in with others in exploring this homecoming to a compassionate presence, to Grencia, to equanimity. Others feel this too. And let that space help you.

See if you can let the feelings float in space, float in kindness. And you might imagine, as we continue this meditation, and how you could respond to the situation that might be different than a habitual response. That if you have taken the time to pause and touch a little into glencia, how might you respond? Just take some time and sense for yourself what's possible. And then letting go of thoughts of this situation and of responding, come right here into the present moment

for the last part of our practice together this evening sense what's right here feeling your breath, relaxing with your breath, feeling the sensations in your body, listening to sound, letting everything happen, the sound and sensations, letting it all wash through you.

And as you do, sense the vastness of space that this living world is happening in, letting your awareness merge, with that space, sensing that space as a wake space, tender, silent. Home. These are the words of Ralkai. Center of all centers, core of cores, almond self-enclosed and growing sweet, all this universe to the furthest stars, all beyond them is your flesh, your fruit. Now you feel how nothing clings to you, your vast shell reaches into endless space, and there the rich, thick fluids

rise and flow, illuminated in your infinite peace. A billion stars go spinning through the night, blazing high above your head, but in you is the presence that will be when all the stars are dead. We awaken to this timeless presence, and may our lives be an expression of it, an expression sourced in love, compassion, joy, and freedom. Namaste. The talk you just listened to has been freely offered. If you'd like to make a donation, learn more about my schedule, or about programs offered by the Insight Meditation Community of Washington, please visit either my website, which is tarabrock.com, our IMCW site, which is IMCW.org. Thank you very much.