Tara Brach - Guided Forgiveness Practice (retreat)

Episode Date: October 26, 2013

2013-10-20 SatPM (retreat) Guided Forgiveness Practice - Instructions, then a guided forgiveness meditation.

The poet Rumi says to seek not for love, but to discover the barriers we've created against love, to sense what's between me and loving, and just discover the beliefs, the judgments that have pushed others away, the ways we create separation from others and from ourselves. and so it's in that spirit that a lot of the Buddhist teachings say that the forgiveness practice the letting go of our armoring, of our judgments, of our aversions towards ourselves or others is the beginning of truly awakening and freeing our hearts.

So we will practice and explore that a bit in this afternoon's guided heart practice. And you can, I'll just speak a little to create a context and it's fine just to sit and with your eyes closed feel free to shift if you want to sit in a way that's more comfortable than you are now. From my experience all the forgiveness practices come down to at the center the capacity to forgive our hold our own being in compassion. In other words, self-forgiveness and self-compassion is kind of the centerpiece. The understanding in this practice of forgiving is that as we let go of judgment, of aversion,

we're actually then having to face that which we were avoiding, which is woundedness, hurt, fear. So it takes a certain courage, and it's a life practice to forgive. It's not a one shot. Each time though that we forgive we become more familiar with and resting more fully in a larger space of heart. Often forgiveness requires the support of a healer, therapist, teacher. So we have to be very gentle with ourselves in the process

and one of the basic understandings is you can't will yourself to forgive, but you can be willing. You can have the aspiration to move in that direction. And that's what opens the door, this willingness. So perhaps as a way to begin this meditation together,

just to sense your own sincerity that in you which wants to love fully, that in you which wants to love without holding back, and just sense in whatever way you do your willingness to to begin to explore this letting go of the habit of blame either against yourself or others to the degree it's there to stop the war

so forgiving is this practice of not pushing any part of ourselves or any others out of our heart and it doesn't mean that we don't have boundaries and we don't take good care You can forgive someone and absolutely dedicate yourself to never letting a certain kind of harm happen again, even to not interacting or seeing that person again. The forgiving is really a movement of the heart to release armoring and aversion.

So we forgive for the freedom of our own hearts. And the beauty of it is because everything in this universe is connected, in some way that opening of our hearts influences our world. The classical practice begins with asking for forgiveness, then opens to forgiving ourselves and then to forgiving others. And there's a real intelligence to this because it begins with really letting go of how we've turned on ourselves. For most of us, unless there's truly freedom. and truly awakened hearts, there's somewhere that we are not accepting or not forgiving something about ourselves, some way that we're demanding that we're different. So I begin with

a short reading by Dana Falls. She says, why wait for your awakening? Do you value your reasons for staying small more than the light shining through the open door, forgive yourself. Forgive yourself. Now is the only time you have to be whole. Now is the sole moment that exists to live in the light of your true nature. Perfection is not a prerequisite for anything but pain. Perfection is not a prerequisite for anything but pain. Please, oh please, don't continue to believe in your stories of deficiency or failure. This is the day of your awakening. Take some moments, if you will, just to feel the state of your heart right now.

Just to acknowledge respectfully how it is for you. You might feel that the breath as you breathe in can touch the heart. can be received deep in the heart that as you breathe out the breath can be released from that deep open awakeness in the heart we begin by bringing to mind some circumstance

where we have caused harm we've hurt someone else and in each of our life stories there are examples where out of ignorance or confusion, out of our own unmet needs, we purposely or not purposely caused injury. So take some moments to sense where this has been true. Just one example. It could be something from the past or something ongoing. And as you land on a person, a relationship,

see if you can bring it close in so you can see that person's face and eyes and get familiar with the sense of that person right here and let come to mind a circumstance or situation where you can rerun in your mind how the hurting happened and as you feel and sense the injury you might sense it by just seeing a person's face and how something's registering or just with a felt sense, your own felt sense.

Just to feel what's going on inside you as you mentally whisper the person's name and just say I see and feel the harm I've caused you and I ask your forgiveness. Please forgive me. Perhaps whispering that again, mental whisper with the person's name. just being aware of what happened inside you as you ask for forgiveness. See if there's an openness to feeling forgiven to that possibility. I see and feel ways that I've hurt you. And I ask your forgiveness, please forgive me.

May I be forgiven? Expanding your attention to notice how and where you are unfurricular, forgiven in your own heart. And it may be in regards to this situation. It's the difficulty of forgiving yourself or hurting someone else. Or it may be somewhere else where you feel that you have yet to really forgive or accept yourself for something. So take some time and sense what might want your attention, where there might be some deepening and opening. Where have haven't you forgiven yourself yet? For what?

And when you've sensed what the situation is, to bring it in close up so that you can really feel the situation, let yourself sense the behavior or whatever it is about yourself, how you've acted or been, that is difficult to include in your heart, the behavior that brings up a sense,

of aversion, judgment, blame towards yourself. And sense if it's possible to look deeply behind the behavior to what the suffering within you has been that would bring this behavior out. What is the fear, the hurt, the pain that would then give rise to the behavior you're judging? Can you sense how your own leg was in a trap or is in a trap when you act in ways that you then reject? As you deepen your attention, you might place your hand on your heart a way of really accompanying yourself right now.

You might say and whisper to yourself, I see and feel the ways I've caused injury to others, the ways I've behaved that are defunding. to accept. I see that and I forgive myself now or have not yet ready to forgive. It's my intention to forgive. For some it's simpler to simply to notice the suffering, your own, and others and simply say, forgiven, forgiven. This deep commitment to not add more blame, more pain. Or you might use the word, I'm sorry. or it's okay sweetheart, something that expresses compassion to the predicament. Again from Dana Faults, please, oh please, don't continue to believe in your stories of deficiency,

of failure. This is the day of your awakening. What if you could really forgive yourself? The door opens with just the sincere intention that you care. about letting go of that which is between you and loving. We continue to widen the field now by bringing to mind someone who's caused injury to us. And again, for each of us in our personal history, we've experienced wounding, whether it's in the form of being misunderstood or not seen, whether we've been pushed away, rejected. abuse, traumatized, betrayed. Each of us has felt that severing of belonging, that disconnection, that hurt.

So, scanning and sensing one relationship where you're feeling a sense of continued blame, resentment, a lack of forgiveness for someone, a person that you'd like to be able to have more freedom. in how you're relating to, more capacity to be open. And let the person and the situation of where you felt wounded and hurt in some way be close enough in that you can reconnect with what has caused you not to be able to forgive. The first step is to be willing to feel the rawness of what happened. and for now to take good care of yourself,

to just feel where the hurt is, the fear is, the feeling of being pushed away or disrespected or whatever it was, and to breathe with the place that's vulnerable so that you're taking care of yourself right now. Just breathe with that place. And again, if it's helpful to put your hands on your heart or your cheek or your belly,

so that you're really keeping company with wherever you're feeling vulnerable right this moment, breathing with, keeping company, feeling where most lives the wound, the hurt, sensing what that place most wants from you, right this moment.

How does it want you to be with it? There may be some reminder this place needs from your own wise, awake self, some reminder of being loved, being safe, being cherished. So if there's words that come to mind that would be helpful to offer right into the place of vulnerability, just whisper them inwardly. Last night I just offered the simple language of, I'm sorry, and I love you. Ticknod Han says the word. words, darling, I care about the suffering, holding this place of woundedness with as much

tenderness as possible. And sensing that tender space is a very deep, intrinsic part of who you are, this capacity, this space of tenderness, so that as you again bring to mind the person that was part of creating this experience, the suffering, you can stay very much inhabiting that tender space and begin to look at that person through the eyes of real wisdom, clarity. Is it possible to see how that person had his or her leg in a trap? Can you see that person's fear confusion, unmet needs, sensing the possibility of including this person in this heart space.

You might whisper the words, and this is the classic language in the meditation, to whisper the person's name and say, I see and feel the pain you've caused me, and I forgive you now, are if not yet ready to forgive. It's my intention to forgive you. You might sense the person, sense the action or what caused injury, and sense the possibility that you can have this heart space include this being. We're seeing the human vulnerability. I'll gently let go of any image or story of another person

and bringing your full attention right here to your heart as it is. your body, your emotional body, just breathing with yourself, scanning and sensing what's happening. Notice if you're holding any judgments towards yourself or how you've just navigated this meditation and sense if it's possible

if you recognize a judgment that in that recognizing to gently and with great kindness, Let go, let go. Taking these last minutes in silence to sense the possibility of resting in this heart space where whatever arises

is included where everything that is is welcome. Poet Dorothy Hunt in this choiceless, never-ending flow of life There's an infinite array of choices. One alone brings happiness.

To love what is. Namaste. Thank you.