Tara Brach - Healing Trauma: The Light Shines Through the Broken Places

Episode Date: March 10, 2017

Healing Trauma: The Light Shines Through the Broken Places (2017-03-08) - Most of us have encountered trauma either in our own direct experience or with someone in our immediate circle. This talk examines the shame and suffering that arise from trauma and how meditation practices can support a path to full spiritual healing. We focus on practices that help us access a sense of love and safety, and then increase our capacity to bring presence to the unprocessed, unlived life in the body. (Note: For many who suffer from PTSD, therapy is invaluable and these practices are not considered as a substitute.)   Your support enables us to continue to offer these talks freely. If you value them, I hope you will consider offering a donation at this time at www.tarabrach.com/donation/. With gratitude and love, Tara

Greetings. We offer these podcasts freely, and your support really makes a difference. To make a donation, please visit tarabrock.com. Namaste and welcome. I often talk about trance, so I thought I'd start tonight with an illustrative story, and this was shared by a mom who very much is into organic foods and a healthy lifestyle and describes one evening when she hadn't had time to get to the grocery store and she was exhausted and I'll read what she writes. She sent this recently as an email to me. She says, I looked for what we could possibly eat for dinner and thank goodness there was a frozen

pizza in the freezer. Okay guys, we're going to have frozen pizza for dinner. I tried to keep the guilt out of my voice that it wasn't going to be handmade, homemade, organic with love meal. My son instantly resisted. But I don't want frozen pizza. I remained calm and said, but that's what we're having tonight. And he remained resistant getting more and more upset on the verge of a tantrum. I don't want frozen pizza. I don't want frozen pizza. I tried to remain calm and repeat out loud a calm mantra. This is dinner tonight. It's what we have in the house.

It'll be okay. Have you ever had frozen pizza? All the while going crazy in my mind. I'm such a bad mom. Of course my kids don't like frozen pizza. I don't like it either. I'm doing the best I can. and I'm falling short today, but it's the best I can. And I've created a monster of a child who only eat healthy, organic, homemade food. He's spoiled and doesn't understand how much work it is.

I've completely lost my sense of myself to these kids. They're taking over. I'm raising entitled brats. I'm a bad mom. Maybe I could make it to the store. No, that's just giving in. That is what we're going to have tonight for dinner, sweetie, and I'm tired, and that's what we'll have.

It'll be okay. I say relatively calmly. I take a deep breath and look at my son's tear-streaked face. He looks at me and says, actually, quite calmly for a three-year-old, okay, mama, but could we at least heat it up? So this is a mild-mannered trance story as a kind of prelude to really what I'd like to explore tonight, which is a much more painful kind of trance

that occurs when our, because trance means that our perceptual filters have narrowed and we're just taking in a kind of a sliver of the world and when it's driven by our negativity bias or the kind of sense that something's wrong, we get very torched. It's a lot of suffering. So I'd like to explore how we work with trance when the trance is very strongly driven by fear or trauma. and it feels like a really important domain to explore

because trauma and strong fear are so pervasive. Even for those of us that don't think of ourselves as traumatized, we all have seasons where we get in the grip. So we'll be exploring this tonight and for those that are interested, next week I am starting an online course that fleshes out a lot of this subject, called Awakening Your Fearless Heart and you can find out more about that on my website, tarbrock.com.

So, question I am most regularly asked after classes or workshops or whatever is what do I do if it feels like too much? Okay? Because the instructions are so often come into the body and open to what's here. Be with it, with kindness, with clarity. What do I do if it feels like too much? What if I do if I feel like I'm going to get overwhelmed? What do if I feel so agitated I just can't even sit with it? These are the kind of questions I get. And the reason it keeps coming up is because many of us have within us pockets of fear and

agitation that we actually organize our lives around not feeling. and often they're trauma-based. Give you a little bit of the statistics. It's estimated that 70% of us have had a traumatic experience in our life and that 20% of those of us that have had that go on to experience the post-traumatic stress syndrome, the different symptoms that circle around trauma. That's one of five of us that are sitting here.

or that are listening. And there's further research that kind of narrows it down. It says one in five Americans was sexually molested as a child. One in four was beaten by a parent to the point of leaving a mark. And one in three couples engage in physical violence. That's a lot of people. Okay. So we sometimes think of trauma as emotional, as sexual abuse

or physical abuse or war or major natural disasters, but there's a whole range of life experiences that are traumatizing. And they can include surgery and illness and loss of a loved one, sudden loss of a loved one. They can include this ending of a relationship when it's not expected even when it is. In our society and I think many people can feel kind of plugged into the nervous system of our society,

there's a lot of trauma. And it really, it's from all sides of the political spectrum. It's the trauma, many segments of the population, traumatized by loss of jobs, sometimes for generations. Traumatized by poverty, the trauma of immigrants, the trauma of refugees, the trauma of non-dominant populations that experience regular violence, injustice, oppression. And a lot of the trauma is generational.

I think of so often, you know, just like what is the trauma of slavery of having your people transported as slaves to another continent and then continued violence and violations through the institutions of that country? It doesn't go away really quickly. And now research is showing that generational violence is handed down. You can actually see it biologically handed down. Faulkner says, the past is not dead, it is not even past. Okay? So you can see it in families, families that have, you know, emotional abuse that's handed down

through the generations or sexual abuse. It goes on and on. So I wonder here, and just us that are gathered in this room, and there's probably about almost 300 of us, How many of you have known trauma close up either in your own being or with someone in your close circle? Can I see you by hands? I just want to, for those that are listening to the podcast and thank you, I appreciate you sharing that. That was most every hand. I saw a few that weren't up and that may be the case.

I mean some of us just aren't for some blessed reason. But the reason I ask that is because if we want to be able to help ourselves and each other and our society. We need to understand the challenge of trauma. It's very easy to see the effects of trauma and just be angry at yourself or the person that's traumatized or the society that's traumatized and not get the tremendously powerful set of circumstances that are driving it. There's something that I've noticed and this is now the other side of things, which is there are many people that when they have come to terms with, okay, there's trauma here, and they've actually gone into a path of recovery from trauma,

have come into an experience of profound spiritual healing. So trauma and the awfulness of it, when faced, can bring about a very deep kind of a waking up. Many of you know Leonard Cohen's Wilhelmine online, in the broken places the light shines through. In the broken places, the light shines through when we deepen our attention. So I've seen, and I've worked with so many people

that have been traumatized and I have it very, very close up in my life too, like all of you, most of you. I've seen that trauma is a cutting off. And we're going to explore what trauma is. It's a cutting off within our own body. It's a cutting off with others. That's the pain, the pain of separation. But the process of recovery is a reconnection that can really reconnect us to the sacred,

to a real sense of spirit. So this is what I want to look at in this particular talk. Like how can, what's the path of recovery? that really goes all the way to that deep sense of freedom and awakening. And we're going to do it in four parts. This is somewhat of a new talk, although some of the pieces I've drawn from other talks and we'll see if I can fit it in. The first part will be able to recognize and understand the suffering of trauma

because, as I mentioned, if we don't, we'll blame. There's a lot of shame that surrounds trauma for those that are traumatized and a lot of blame outward. So that's the first, is that we can relate to it with compassion if we can understand the nature of its suffering. The second is how can we resource trauma? How can we bring in enough safety and love to begin to work with it? Part three is presence.

How do we really reconnect with the unlived life that's there that we've been avoiding? And then the last part is how do we then live from a more fearless heart. Okay, so number one, what is trauma? And in a simple way you could just say that when our nervous system is overwhelmed and our coping strategies don't work, we get traumatized. When our normal ways of coping, fight-flight freeze, being able to navigate a situation, don't work, we get traumatized. And if the trauma's not processed, if we aren't eventually,

able to fight off what's attacking us or get away from it or in some way manage it, then we freeze in a way that the fear, the unprocessed fear gets locked in our body, in our tissues. It's there. And then that brings up all the symptoms that are called PTSD that include anxiety and include depression and include dissociation because we're trying to get away from our body and includes intrusive thoughts that come in and really torment us. It includes sleeplessness for many people and then avoidant behaviors that very much turn into addictive behaviors.

As I have come back to a couple of times already, PTSD is almost always very much coded by and held together by a sense of shame. like it's a really terrible catch-22. Something happens. We get traumatized. We're coping as best as we can with these strategies and we hate ourselves for it because they don't look good and feel good. And that shame by the way binds the whole process. So what is actually going on inside us when we get traumatized? And this is what gets interesting to me because I'm beginning to more and more understand trauma as a breakdown in communication. We have, when we're an integrated person, we have communication going on through

all parts of our body. There's a flow of energy and information moving through. But when we get traumatized, that breaks down. So there's certain parts of our brain that have evolved to monitor for danger. And what happens is when they get overactivated, in other words, when we've been traumatized and they're overactivated, they're constantly monitoring for danger and they pick up on all sorts of triggers as, oh, this is trouble. That might be just associated in some way in the mind but are not really danger. So the body is constantly in a flush of stress and reactivity. And we're seeing the world basically instead of through rose-colored lenses through the lens of pure fear. And the way I've shared.

and those of you that might be familiar with it, just to, for those that aren't, for me, the most useful way of understanding this breakdown in communication that goes with trauma is an image from Dan Siegel, who's a psychiatrist and author, where he says, okay, so this is your brain, this fist. You might want to make a fist yourself if you haven't done this before in particular. This is your brain and if you open it up, this is your spinal collar, column going up into the heel of the palm, the brain stem. And your thumb is your limbic system, okay? And your brain stem and your limbic system work together to regulate arousal, fight, fight,

freeze, emotions, okay? The four fingers come over, this is your frontal cortex here, okay? And your frontal cortex is, first of all, thinking it, the cortex is thinking and reasoning and the frontal cortex in particular where your forehead is, that's the site of mindfulness. It's a site of compassion, that whole the whole compassion network. It's a site of morality,

it gives you kind of moral direction, perspective. Now, when the brain is integrated, this frontal cortex down regulates. What that means is, you might get a message saying, danger, danger coming up. The frontal cortex will say, no, it kind of seems like that thing that happened in the past, but now is now and you're okay. And so it calms down the limbic system in there.

Now what happens when you're not integrated and in good communication? In other words, when you've been traumatized and there's not good communication going on and the frontal cortex isn't giving its information, is fear and messages of danger come up and you flip your lid. Okay? You're basically totally lose contact with the frontal cortex. And so you're going around in an unintegrated state where this subcortical looping, all fear-based, is in control.

It's hijacked your system. Now, here's what I didn't know until more recently was the stress chemicals, mostly cortisol that flood through your system when we're really frightened actually destroy neurons and they particularly have an effect on the neurons that connect the more far-reaching parts of the brain so that if you've been traumatized there's less communication

already between the frontal cortex here and the limbic system and it's much more quick that you complete completely lose contact and then you're living in that place of completely feeling like I'm in the thick of it. I'm in the thick of in danger with no really good ways to deal with it. That's the communications break down. If you think of the opposite when communications are flowing, in a way the state of enlightenment is a state of full integration or everything, all the circuits are connected

and you're able to really light up, right? So, not only do we have a communications breakdown internally when there's been trauma, but our interpersonal communications also breaks down. Why is that? This frontal cortex that down regulates emotions also is what allows us to pick up really important information from each other, to be able to have empathy, to be able to sense what's going on for another person. And when there's not good communications internally, we can't tell whether another person means well for us

or another person's a threat. And we're much more at the mercy of that negativity bias that's perceiving threat and feels unsafe and can't trust. Does this make sense? Is this connecting for you? Okay. Because I feel like revisiting it really helps. Now, just to say, everything that has been disconnected can be reconnected.

I'm going to move on to the whole rest of the talk will be how we reconnected. But I want to say that because it sounds pretty awful, okay, communications are cut off inside and they're cut off with the world. But when we're in the state of trauma, it is pretty awful, okay? Now, interestingly, to communicate fully in order to... be able to play and to mate and to nurture our young and to nurture each other, we actually have to be able to turn off our defensive systems. You can't really make love and be nurturing if you're in high alert and your defenses are on.

And there was a very interesting experiment that happened. This was back in 1998, a neuroscientist named Jack Ponsup. He had young rat cubs and they were in their cages. And he observed them doing the whole rough and tumble of their play and he watched them for a number of days playing. And then he took one cat hair, put it in the cage, left it there for 24 hours and then removed it. And what do you think happened?

They stopped playing completely. As soon as that trigger for danger was in their cage, completely wiped out their play and then gradually they began to play some but never again in the same way. So it brings up a really important question for us and this is even if we haven't been traumatized which is where in some way are we perceiving a cat hair, you know, where do we have that embedded association with danger danger that's keeping us on defense and stopping us from place? playing. And I actually mean the word playing because we don't play very much, you know?

We get very caught. And so whether it's being able to be playful or nurturing, loving whatever, there's a cat hair in there. And for some it's way, way more ongoingly triggered than others. So this is part one and it's basically saying that We get cut off and then we add on shame. We blame ourselves for the ways that we're not communicating well. We blame ourselves for the ways that we are self-soothing and behaving in addictive, avoidant ways. We blame ourselves over and over again.

I'll share a story from a few years ago when there was the horrific, you know, the economy dropped way down. And one man I was working with, his company had down. on size, he'd been laid off, and he just tried over and over again. I caught him like a year and a half later after he'd lost his job still looking. And he was traumatized. He was traumatized. It's like his work really, it defined him and he was really, really panicking about, you know, his family and all the repercussions.

So panic, depression, he was sleepless, he was on anxiety meds and he was addicted to them. He was avoiding social situations and his marriage was really going south. So, the whole thing was wrapped in shame as I've been mentioning. So we're working together and, you know, he was telling me what was going on and how hard it was and I paused and said, do you realize that this is trauma? You've been traumatized? And he said, and it was like startle. Like he had never named it that way. Now, sometimes naming it can be a box, you know, it can be a category that locks us in, but sometimes it can be really freeing when we get, wow, okay, this is a form of suffering that's really intense. And I added to

it, this is trauma and it's not your fault. You're not alone. They're not alone. They're lot of people I know that this is really the case. Losing a job can be really traumatizing. And there's a lot of people for other reasons that are traumatized, but it's not your fault that your nervous system is responding this way. And that's when he began to weep because the burden of feeling terrible and then hating himself or how he was dealing with it was crushing. is important we identify it, it's important that we begin to loosen the bind of shame around it. So this is part one, okay, part two is once we've got it, okay, this is trauma, and even though it takes a while to de-shame, and it happens, you can see in 12-step groups how powerfully helpful

it is with addiction to be able to really get it of, okay, we're all in the same boat here, and it's less personal. Well, so does with trauma, and we get a lot of people are traumatized. This is how the nervous system does it. Then we start beginning to say, okay, how can we resource? How can we begin to reconnect and reintegrate?

And it's interesting if you, you know, kind of look in the way the shamanistic cultures put it, it's believed that when a person is traumatized, their soul leaves their body. And it's a way to protect it from intolerable pain. And so in a process they call soul retrieval, they bring together a community of people that basically are with the traumatized person, with creating tremendous amount of love and safety,

and the soul is invited to return. And so likewise, in different healing contexts, whether it's in the care of a therapy, therapist, our friends, our group of friends, or with a teacher, we begin to find ways to create containers of safety and love. That is the beginning because we were wounded most of us in relationship and most of us need relationship to heal. I mean if you think about, especially the huge pervasive amount of traumatic wounding in early childhood, when there's neglect or when there's abuse, there's this basic lack of safety or trust and that creates huge, huge

stress for the infant or young child, so much stress that huge floods of cortisol and at the key developmental period for them. Key development for the brain and for the part of the of the brain that allow for socializing, those neurons that connect are destroyed. Luis Cozolino says it's not survival of the fittest, it's survival of the nurtured. It's a really, really good line. When we're traumatized, the first need is safety and love. There's one man I know, a young man who lives with a huge amount. of anxiety. And he's tried every modality I've ever heard of. And he said, after doing all of

these different processes and techniques, all of them, he said, there's only one thing that works and it's kindness. You can see it with children. I have this one story of a group of children. There's a, they're having a really big fight and they go to bed. And they go to bed. after their fight. And then there's this horrific thunderstorm in the middle of the night and this woman says she heard a noise upstairs and she called to find out what was going on during the thunderstorm and a little voice answered, we're in the closet forgiving each other. And another similar story I heard, there was again a storm at night time which is just you know, children get scared and this little boy wanted to sleep with the

his parents and each time he'd call his father and say, please can I come into a room and his father? He said, you don't have to. God is with you, you know? Then 25 minutes later, he'd hear his son calling again and come in and say, God is with you, you're okay. And finally the third time the little boy said to his dad, I know God's with me, but I want someone with skin on. We know from research that relationship, when we're in relationship, it reduces fear. There's all this research shows that when somebody is filled with fear and they hold hands with somebody that they love or trust, you could watch their brain, they're hooked up to an MRI, you can watch everything calm down, okay? And we know that hugs, you know, you get the oxytocin

if you stay in a hug for 20 seconds that really is incredibly soothing and you can do the inner practices of loving, kindness, and compassion that in your mind, invoke a person you care about with you, loving you. And that can create the same biochemical shift. Reducing the sympathetic nervous system, getting the parasympathetic nervous system going. In clinical research, and this is bringing us now to meditation and how we practice, it's become very clear over the years that it's not using,

when there's a lot of trauma and really strong fear to directly say, okay, I'm going to dive into the fear and open to it and, you know, jump off the cliff and be with it fully. That if, especially if it's trauma base, that first it's really important to do the kind of soothing and calming and bringing in a sense of safety and love. And then the presence comes after that. So I'd like to do with you is share a story that illustrates now how we can use meditation in concert with mindfulness practices and practices that bring in that sense of safety to work with really strong fears.

And we'll do a little bit of practice built into it. This is for the last 20 minutes that we have together. The person that I'd like to describe was a parole officer in a state prison facility, and she came to classes here and attended for about four months before she asked if we could meet and basically said that she's so restless, it's hard for her to sit through the class and she couldn't feel her body. You know, when I'd do a body scan, it's very hard to feel her body. and even trying to close her eyes felt hard sometimes.

She said, I'm hypervigilant and just very scary for me. And those are real signs of trauma. Many, many people find that if they've been traumatized, trying to meditate, close your eyes, come into the present moment, feel your body, it's the exact opposite of what you can do. The more trauma, the more dissociation. Okay?

So we talked together a bit about her past and she had had, as I had imagined, repeated sexual abuse her uncle for a number of years and then her pattern continued with in abusive relationships with partners. So she had a lot of shame. I mean she basically considered herself damaged goods and was very hard on herself and tough on others in her job. She was tough. But when she got triggered, she said, I'm just like this scared little girl and there's no center, there's nothing there. And when she wasn't immediately triggered,

she was self-soothing, a lot of overeating, cigarettes. So the beginning is what I already described, as the shaman described. She needed some sense of relationship, love, safety to be able to calm her down enough to begin to actually go to where the unlived life was. And I asked her some questions that I often ask people who are meditators and want to be able to find that internally. I asked her, you know, what is it that in your life gives you a sense of when do you feel safe? When do you feel loved? For her it was when she was with her sister or her, she had

one best friend. And then I asked more questions. And she included me in it over the months as one of the three. She called us her spirit allies. But I asked her some more questions. I said, when you're feeling with people that are safe and loving, what's it like? And I said, I want you imagine it right now and so she had me there already and she imagined her sister and her friend. She said, you know, it's like being surrounded, being in this warm bath. And I said, and when you're in that warm bath and feeling surrounded, what's your deepest, deepest prayer? Just may I feel completely safe? May I feel fully loved? That became her practice. So even if we weren't around. I mean, the shaman talk about having the whole community there. She was able to invoke

her community of spirit allies, right? She could bring us to mine and sense that warmth and sense being held and she would use as a mantra that prayer, you know, may I feel safe and may I feel loved. I also taught her a few other, what I consider, you know, really powerful ways to resource ourselves when there's trauma or strong fear. One is called grounding and I'd like you to, I'm going to guide you a little bit for a few moments right now so you can kind of get a sense of them yourself. So grounding and this is for any of us when we're caught, when we're stuck, when we're in that trance of reactivity, is to feel the pressure of your bottom against

the seat that you're sitting on, the weight of your body, body, the warmth, the place of contact, the floor and your feet. So you really feel gravity. Like just be aware of gravity connecting you with the earth. You might feel with your hands or on your legs or touching each other. Grounding means to know you're here, right here. You can also ground visually by you might open your eyes and just sense whatever you you see if you kind of scan around in front of you might be you see feet shapes of feet

you see the wood of the floor you see the different shades of color in the wood might be that you see the back of another person so part of grounding is to become aware of what's right here in the moment visually if you're at home you could look outside and and so you can actually name what's here so it brings you fully into the present moment. Now if you close your eyes, another way of resourcing is to feel through your body and sense if there's any place in your body that feels like safe space where the sensations are pleasant or neutral. So again you're grounding in your body in the present moment. Anchoring, it might be just a sense. sensations in the hands, just feel them right there.

Another way of grounding is to let the breath collect you. And for some people that have been traumatized, the breath is really helpful. For others, it's completely not helpful, so you have to kind of experiment. But if you want to use the breath to calm down your nervous system, it's a long, deep breath with a slow, long exhale. So breathing in together now, inhaling a slow out breath and a slow in-breath. Counting to six seconds, if you count to six, that is about it. And a slow out-breath.

So you're matching the in-breath, the length of the in-breath with the length of the out-breath. They're each long and slow and no space in between. It's a circular breath that just keeps going. There's much research at this kind of breathing and there's variations on it, but this kind of breathing can help to quiet and calm the nervous system. Now the final piece for resourcing that I'll share with you is a bit of what Dana did in terms of bringing to mind others. And you might begin by placing your hand over your heart.

Sense that your touch is light enough that you can actually feel a quality of tenderness. So this is part of resourcing as you're beginning to bring this quality of kindness, safety, presence, right here to the inner life that needs it. Let your breath be slow. long, deep. Feel it in the heart. Scan in your mind to sense a time in the past when you're with someone with whom you felt safe and cared about. Could be a person that's alive now or not alive.

Could be not a person. Could be an animal. It could be your dog. It could be a friend, teacher, healer. Or it may be a relationship that's not such so personal but you feel the presence of that person in your mind, a spiritual figure that really helps you to feel safe and loved. Like Jesus or the Dalai Lama, the Buddha, Kuanian. Just imagine and sense the presence of this being with you right now and notice what the

feelings are like, sense if there's a kind of warmth. that can wash through you. You're ready to relax your hand down and just sense that this experiment and resourcing is something that you can do at any time and especially when you're not caught in fear and you can start finding the pathways back to integration, the pathways back home again. Because the more you practice any one of these, the more quickly you'll find yourself coming back, So with Dana, this is what we did. She was practicing this regularly, especially her allies around her.

Then we began the, this is the third part I wanted to review with you. I'm going to have to do this more quickly, running out of time here. But she began the presencing. And the whole thing with presencing, meaning being exactly with what's here, is that you have to get familiar with what we call the window of tolerance and the window of distress. If you hit distress, that's a sign to go back and resource some more or to go have a cup of tea or go for a walk, not to retramatize. Because the bottom line teaching here is that it does not serve

to try to be mindful and present with something if it retramatizes you. So if you hit distress, give yourself permission, to stop, to do something else, to try to get a little more online and integrated again. But gradually you find that you can more and more be present with that unlived life that you're running from. And so that was Dana's process, is that she was practicing doing that, but her time of most intensely being with that, with the pocket of trauma, came when she wasn't with me in therapy, It came at a time she had just broken up with her boyfriend and he was enraged and she was afraid that he was going to be stalking her and so she was had a hard time sleeping and she realized

how terrified she was so she began doing the grounding the breathing and the calling on her allies and yet the fear was really really intense but she felt like she had just enough of a resourcing anchor there that she could be with it. And as she described, it was like broken hot glass kind of tearing through her. It was really, really intense. And so she kept whispering, you know, she would whisper our names and she would reground and let it happen. She would say, you know, may I feel peaceful, may I feel safe, may I feel loved.

And finally her body was trembling uncontrollably and she was, yet she started feeling like she could be with it. She had enough safety and love that she could let her body. that huge amount of intense energy move through her. And she said, gradually she noticed a shift and here's what happened. The fear was still there but she was more and more aware of a space around it. She was more aware of space inside it. And she said, she described it, the space of loving that she felt held in was larger

than the scared self. And that space started filling with this very warm, luminous light. She said it was like I was part of that light and then I realized my soul was back. She said I started crying, feeling how all these years I'd been lost, living without this light, living in a broken self. That experience of being present with was a soul. soul retrieval. What does it mean her soul was back? She was reconnected to the spirit, the awareness, the love that's intrinsic to her and she was beginning to trust it more and more.

And it brings up what makes us willing to go through something like that? It's really, really hard when there's been trauma to revisit and go back into the parts of our body where it's held because it's scary and we have to be resource enough. But here's what makes us willing. There can be a time for many people that's really long that there's a sense with trauma that our spirit's been tainted or destroyed. There's that much of a sense of being cut off for Dana. She felt like she had lost her soul.

But it's not so. There's no amount of violence that can corrupt that that timeless inner oppression. presence. No amount of violence that can stain that. It might be that the waves of shame and fear temporarily feel like they're taking over. But if we continue to pay attention and to resource and then gradually get more and more present, we will discover that loving awareness that really brings grace to our life. We intuit it. We know even when we're cut off there's something more. We intuit that. I want to share with you after, you know, after this experience that Dana had, she had many rounds of feeling fear and having to reground and having to call on her allies.

But I want to share one particular experience that really touched me, which is she described, this was months after that soul retrieval experience. And she felt like even though she sometimes was feeling cut off, she knew her way home. Like when she'd get lost, she knew her way back. So she ascribed getting a phone call, or phoning a recently paroled client who had missed one of his relapse prevention meetings. And when she confronted him, he went on a rant that was, he was cursing and yelling and basically saying, you know, you're like all the rest, you don't give a shit what my life's like and he hung up on her. Her heart was pounding and her, her, body was shaking and she felt like she had done something wrong and she was in kind of it set off

some trauma so she did her practice you know she called you know she sat still she grounded herself she called on her allies and and she started relaxing and sensed again that that warmth and that light and she said I sensed the larger me holding myself then just as she had been with her inner herself. She started asking, well, okay, so what about this man who's been so aggressive and threatening? You know, what has he been feeling? So she started trying to feel into what it was like for him and suddenly she could sense the humiliation that he felt when she called him. She was confronting him about missing a meeting and he felt humiliated and she could sense the fear under his anger. And then when she asked herself, well, what does he need most?

She got it, how much he needed in some way to feel safe, in some way to feel like he mattered. So he comes in for his appointment. She's nervous but she said she felt open and confident. So first he's very sullen and doesn't look her in the eye. But then she has this evident concern. She's asking questions and so on and it becomes more disclosing about how wildest friends are and how hard it is to stay clean. And right before leaving he said, you know, maybe I got you wrong and I'm sorry about that.

Thank you for being on my team. This is a woman who was hugely hard in herself, hugely hard on others, wasn't able to read people that found her soul, her spirit and then could live it with another. So I want to close on that note. we're going to just do a brief kind of reflection that this path of recovery and healing and awakening is one of reconnecting to the life inside us, reconnecting with each other, reconnecting with all beings. And it begins in a very simple way that we create a safe and loving container for what's

right here in the moment. So I'd like to invite you right in this moment just to scan and sense if there's anything asking for your attention right now, for your acceptance, for your inclusion, and sense the possibility of whatever's here of being able to offer some space of safety, some care. It might be simply the message you belong

or I'm with you. It might be that you breathe right into the place you're feeling, vulnerability, or that you bring your hand gently to your heart and let the touch itself convey, I care, whether we've disconnected for a moment or for 10 years. We can reconnect with our heart and spirit as we begin to offer this safety. in this presence to our own being.

We close with the words of Roshan Ere. There's a brokenness out of which comes the unbroken. A shatteredness out of which blooms the unshatterable. There's a sorrow beyond all grief which leads to joy and a fragility out of whose depths emerges strength. There's a hollow space too very much. for words through which we pass with each loss, out of whose darkness we are sanctioned into being. There's a cry deeper than all sound whose serrated edges cut the heart as we break open to the

place inside that is unbreakable and whole. Thank you for your kind attention. For more talks and meditations and to learn about my schedule or join my email list, please visit tarabrock.com.