Tara Brach - Heart Meditation: Forgiving and Freeing Our Hearts (retreat)

Episode Date: June 15, 2018

Heart Meditation: Forgiving and Freeing Our Hearts (retreat) - Forgiveness for others becomes possible when we've held our own being with great compassion. This short talk and guided meditation brings forth our most awake and tender presence as we ask for forgiveness, offer care to the woundedness within us, and then extend forgiveness to another who has hurt us. (from the Spring 2018 IMCW 7-day Silent Retreat) Join Tara in a 10-day online course on forgiveness available through Insight Timer: Free Yourself From Blame & Resentment.

The following meditation is led by Tara Brock. To access more of my meditations or join my email list, please visit tarabrock.com. In Buddhism, a forgiving is considered the precursor to metar, loving kindness. And the understanding is that while it's quite natural for hatred and anger and blame to arise, when it's sustained, it becomes a kind of armoring around our heart. It hardens. And our identity gets caught in it.

So when we are locked into non-forgiveness, when we're locked into blame, in those moments we're in a kind of trance. We've lost access to our wholeness. We're no longer able to see clearly who another is. where our lens is narrowed and we're just fixated on the badness. And we're not able to really remember who we are. We're living from a small and disempowered place in us. So the process of forgiving, of letting go of that armoring,

is really for the freedom of our own hearts. It empowers us when we're blessed. blaming and unforgiving, we are disempowered. We're caught in a victimized and small place. The challenge for many is there's a misunderstanding that forgiving is in some way condoning. It's like saying, oh, what you did is okay and you keep doing it even if you want, you know. And far from that, you can forgive some way. and absolutely create whatever boundaries or whatever actions are necessary to fully take care of yourself or a loved one or whoever you need to protect. It's an inner shift, an inner

releasing of hatred and blame that frees your own heart into wholeness. And in fact, when you have forgiven, there's actually a lot more access to... to the wisdom that guides you and taking right action, being able to be wise. There's a, I'll just share one story and then we're going to practice, and I share it a lot because it inspires me. And it also took place locally in Washington. This was told by, shared by a man who worked with gangs in Washington, and in one, A gang, an innocent teenagers, was shot by a gang member who was kind of recruited and was trying to prove himself to the gang.

And when he was brought to court, when the verdict was guilty, the mother of the murdered youth stood up and looked him in the eyes and said, I'm going to kill you. and then the young man was taken away to a juvenile facility. And so after the first half year of being there, the mother started visiting him. And she made a number of visits because he didn't have anybody, he didn't have any relatives or anybody, just bringing him things to eat and books and the like. And towards the end of his stay, she asked him what he was going to do when he got out,

and he didn't have any way to get a job or anything. So she offered a job at a friend's company. And then she said, where are you going to live? And he didn't have anywhere to live. So she offered him temporary place at her home, a spare room. So for eight months, he lived at her place, and he ate her food, and he was very regular. and good going to the job. And then she, one day, said, you know, I want us to talk.

They sat down and she said, do you remember when I said, I was going to kill you? And it goes, I sure do. She said, well, I did in the way. I killed the boy in you who could kill someone else that could do that. I killed him. And I'm going to read you what else. She said, that's why I started to visit you and bring you things. That's why I got you the job and let you live here in my house. That's how I said about changing you. And that old boy, he's gone. So now I want to ask you, since my son is gone and that killer is gone, if you'll stay here. I've got room and I'd like to adopt you if you'll let me. And so she became the mother of her son's killer, the mother that he had never had. Now, when I share that story, I'm really aware

that it's not, I have no idea what my capacities would be for forgiveness in that kind of a situation. But it speaks to, in an arctippal way, something our hearts can do. Our hearts can wake up and see beyond their initial reaction. of closing tight and just seeing a bad other out there. They have that capacity, no matter who's wounded us. There's something in us that can, if we can take care of our own hearts, and that's the first step always. There's such a thing called premature forgiveness,

where we kind of say, oh, I've already forgiven that. But we haven't. We can't until we actually go. through something that's really hard, which is go to the soft place, the wounded place underneath that armoring. So we're going to practice together and I encourage you not to choose something that feels traumatizing, especially if you don't feel like you have a sense of that you can hold some space for yourself.

But I'll invite you to choose someplace where you'd like to look at you it more closely where there's been separation and blame and pushing away. And I think the most important thing to know is forgiveness is it's a life path. Some people call forgiveness really right at the center of the spiritual path because our hearts recontract again and again and tighten again and again against what we perceive as, you know, in some way hurt. And so we have to keep re-releasing and re-releasing. But every time we go through that process, we become more familiar with the heart space that's very free as really our home. It's a life process. Often it needs support. If there's real trauma, real deep trauma, because we need to be able to feel

the woundedness, we sometimes need somebody else to help hold a space for it. And we We often need to, it can take a really long time. There can be many layers that need to unfold, first of rage and anger and then of fear and then of perhaps deep grief. And yet by not forgiving we don't get to be fully alive because that armoring blocks really letting in love and giving love. Hence it's the precursor to Meta. Okay, I think enough contexting here.

I said more than I meant to. So if you'd like to adjust in any way right now, this is a good time. Set yourself in a way that feels as comfortable as can be and also you'll be awake. I find the beginning of a forgiveness practice is to know that we can't will forgiveness. It's entirely organic.

All we can do is be willing. So, to begin by just sensing your intention towards awakening this heart, freeing this heart, as sincerely as you can touch it, that intention. And along with that intention to free your heart is the wisdom to not judge the process because that only closes the heart. So if you find as you go through the guided practice, you can't really feel like you're not really opening or you're not touching something, you're not really able to forgive, or you're falling asleep or whatever happens.

Perhaps the most beautiful gift you can give yourself is okay, this too. It's okay, really. You may begin by taking a few nice full breaths. You breathe in deeply and fill the chest. and lungs, and then a very slow out breath, releasing and feeling the release of the breath. And again, nice deep in breath and a slow out breath, letting go, letting go, inhaling deeply again. And slow out breath, releasing, letting go, letting go. and allowing the breath to resume in its natural rhythm,

relaxing with the movement of the breath. And sensing as you sit here that you can gently scan through the body and notice where there's tightness or tension, perhaps breathe with that area, sensing a letting go with the out breath, a softening. So you might soften the eyes, the jaw, mouth, and the shoulders, softening the hands, relaxing the chest, the heart, softening the belly, releasing any tension or tightness through the thighs.

See if you can feel your whole body energetically as a field of sensation. This whole breathing body, slight smile at the mouth, and sensing a whole field of friendliness that's here and pervading, friendly to the life that's here, and smiling into the heart, letting the image and felt sense of a smile spread through the heart to help make room for the life that's here. One of the more classic versions of forgiveness is to begin by asking for forgiveness. So you might sense where in your life you've caused injury to another and it could be past, our current, and just choosing an instance we've all caused injury, intentionally

or unintentionally, out of our own pain, out of being in our own trance at a time, in some way lashing out words or actions, thoughts. Letting the person come to mind in a very close in way so you can take some moments to really register the injury, including in awareness your own feelings as you reflect on this, be a witness. Practice is one of sending a message from your heart, mentally whispering the person's name, I see and feel the hurt I've caused, and I ask your forgiveness. Please forgive me. And again, feeling however you feel as you reflect on the injury that's been caused,

remorse, sorrow, guilt, sadness. And again whispering the person's name, I see and feel the hurt I've caused you. And I ask your forgiveness. Please forgive me. And continue to reflect on the person, the injury, and sensing your wish for their healing, their well-being, whispering their name. I see and feel the hurt that I've caused you. And I ask your forgiveness.

Please forgive me. Feel your sincerity. And if it helps a few more rounds, the power. of this is just to feel your own sincerity in asking for forgiveness. And sense if there's a receptivity in you for feeling forgiven, no matter what actually happens with the other, just for feeling that if that's a possibility for you to feel it. And just witness that, notice that. And we continue by bringing forgiveness to ourselves and to sense

what is unforgiven in you. Where have you not forgiven yourself? And it may be for causing injury to this person or somewhere else, some other way you feel that you've caused harm, perhaps even to yourself, you may be focusing on something there. But to choose something that feels unforgiven, you have yet to accept and release blame. Allow yourself to view what you've done through the eyes of wisdom, what you might describe as your future or most awake self, a kind grandmother, wise grandmother, a being that you most respects, looking through another's eyes are the eyes of your own wise self, at you in that smallness and trance causing harm in some way.

See, if you can view that and look deeply to see where it was coming from. What was the unmet need, the confusion, the hurt, the pain, the fear, the woundedness in you that caused you to act in a way that has felt unforgivable. Look to see that. again, the process of forgiving here is through a message. You might whisper your own name and say, I see the ways I've caused harm and I forgive myself now. And if it helps you to put your hand on your heart as you do this and really mean it,

sincerely, that intention to forgive, offering forgiveness, forgive. Forgiven, forgiven, just those words can be helpful. Whatever arises as you offer, perhaps, is a feeling of I can't. And forgive and forgiven to that. It's like let there be a forgiving heart towards whatever's coming up through the process. And again, the message, whispering your own name, see the pain, the harm you've caused to yourself or others. They forgive you now.

Forgiven, forgiven. Taking the next few moments in silence to offer forgiveness inwardly, through words, through energy, through light, through kindness, for whatever's coming up inside you. Forgiven, forgiven. It's another way of saying this belongs. It's part of what's here. And it's another way of saying there's a... deep goodness in here that's more pervasive and true than any of the conditioned behavior.

Forgiven, forgiven. To deepen the forgiving heart toward your inner life, you might sense that that forgiving is coming from your most awake, loving, wise self, your future self. true nature. Forgiven, forgiven, offered inwardly. It's hearing the words and feeling the energy, the light, the warmth to help dissolve that armoring. Forgiven, forgiven. Now we widen out to bring to mind someone who's caused us injury, who in some way has violated us, neglected us, withdrawn their care, who's misunderstood us, distanced us, pushed us away, lied or taken something, someone towards whom our heart feels armored and there's anger, blame, hatred.

Knowing the intention here is to open the heart, free your heart, letting that person be close in in your attention and being aware in a very honest way of the injury. It means you might replace some of the story in your mind of what's happened, let yourself contact the hurt, the fear, the anger that's there. And you feel like you're in touch with that, in touch with the wounded place. Again, if it helps you to keep your hand on your heart, to in some way stay in touch with yourself, it's making that U-turn and really being with as much compassion as possible with the place that hurts.

You can let the person fade into the background and really sense right now is your time to bring a very clear and pure kindness to the hurting place where you've been wounded. Breathe with it. Feel where it is in your body. Perhaps how long it's been there. Sense the kind of care at most needs. Perhaps it needs a reminder of its own goodness and value. Maybe it just needs to be seen.

Maybe it needs to feel forgiven, held and embraced, bringing your full light of awareness and tenderness right to this place. This is where the freedom comes. You might sense with touch and with words, whatever you can offer to this place, whatever healing compassion you can offer. And if you feel too small to offer it, again, call on your most evolved, awake heart, our call on the bodhisattva of compassion, or the Buddha, or whatever source of wisdom and compassion you trust, to bathe this place with tenderness.

You are loved, you are lovable, I'm here, I'm not leaving, you belong, sense the truth, the message of truth this place most needs to know right now. And for some you might want to just stay with this place. For others if you feel ready to open your attention to the other and begin to look through the eyes of kindness and wisdom, you can begin to look and see the other as someone who was acting from they, their unmet needs for safety, for connection, their unmet needs from their own hurts, their own wounds. See how that person might have been suffering.

And as you feel ready to offer the message of forgiveness, whispering that person's name, I see and feel the pain you've caused me, and I forgive you now, or if not yet ready to forgive, it's my intention to forgive you, repeating the words and the message that when you're ready can free you. I see and feel the pain that you've caused me. I forgive you now or if not yet ready, it's my intention to forgive. And letting go of any image or idea of the other and letting the attention rest. very gently with your heart right here and now, noticing if there's any judgments that

have collected about the process you're in, any judgment. You can just gently say, forgiven, forgiven. That deep longing in all hearts to be free, to be free from any confinement, free to love without holding back. You might sense into who you are when you're free from blame, not blaming yourself, not blaming others. Just rest in that tenderness, that openness. Namaste and thank you for your courage and your presence.