Tara Brach - No Mud No Lotus

Episode Date: December 21, 2011

2011-12-21 - No Mud No Lotus - Our attitude in the face of life's challenges determines our suffering or our freedom. This solstice talk explores the light of compassion that blossoms when we honor our difficult times with a deep, mindful attention. Please support this podcast by donating at www.tarabrach.com or www.imcw.org. Your donation makes a difference! Thank you!

I thought I'd begin by letting you know that a few weeks ago I was walking with a very dear friend of mine by the river. And she was telling me some of the difficulties she's going through, but she was speaking of them quite cheerfully. And then she kind of showed me her necklace. And the necklace said, no mud, no lotus. Now, if you know a little bit about the symbology of the lotus, the lotus roots in the mud, and it's nourished by the mud. it blossoms into this beauty that in Buddhism and in some of the other Asian religions symbolizes the awakening of our heart and mind. And the understanding here is that sometimes one friend of mine describes it as manure for

Bodhi, Bodhi being awakening, that we, that we awaken, not because we manage to sidestep the difficulties, but because of the quality of presence. that we bring when the inevitable stuff of life appears. So tonight, this will be our exploration, no mud, no lotus. And I think that for most of us we know that it's the times in our life, those seasons, when we really encounter something very, very difficult. And it might be a major loss of some sort, a big relational, conflict, something with our health, something very painful occurring for someone we love,

that those are the times that require that we dig deeper into our reservoir of resources and spirit. We discover more of our strength and of our depths. And for most of us, you know, there are times that we get caught in reactivity, but when we really let ourselves dive deep. we discover resilience we discover a quality of soulfulness or of strength and I love the way Pema Chodon describes this way this path and she said it's not like we're climbing up a mountain to get some pinnacle of light but it's more invert the

mountain it's more that we're going down down down into the the mud and the realness and the vulnerability down and down until we find at the bottom and we're going together holding hands, this love that will not die, that when we root deep into the mud with presence, this awakens the heart of compassion. So it's quite appropriate. It feels that on the solstice, the shortest day of the year, that it's the time that we know seasonally, we can feel it can sometimes be bleak in the winter. It can sometimes seem like not much as happening. You know, they say that not every season of our life can be harvest, right? That we have winters in our life and that it's at those times there's a huge amount happening

that's invisible to our maybe earthy eyes. But if we trust this awakening and we let ourselves encounter what's difficult, we actually discover tremendous freedom. So what we'd like to explore a little sometimes I do here is from an evolutionary perspective. And it's quite interesting to me that it was really our vulnerability that gave rise to empathy and compassion. That in order to care for our offspring who came onto this planet really knew. neat, very helpless, that first the females developed this capacity for attunement for being able to emotionally read and resonate and respond with care, that the centers of the brain

that are responsible for compassion and empathy were a response to the perceived helplessness of our offspring. And then it generalized to men, so men and women have the same equipment. But here's an interesting piece. I'll read you. One day I was walking through the Stanford University campus with a friend, writes friend, Peevy, who's an activist. She says, I saw a crowd of people with cameras and video equipment

on a little health side. They were clustered around a pair of chimpanzees. The male was running loose, the female on a chain, about 25 feet long. Turned out the male was from Marine World. The female was being studied, and the spectators were trying to get them to mate. now the male was eager

he grunted and grabbed the female's chain and tugged she whimpered and backed away he pulled again she pulled back and watching the faces of these chumps eye a woman Fran writes began to feel sympathy for the female suddenly the female chimp yanked her chain out of the male's grasp

to my amazement she walked through the crowd straight over to me and took my hand Then she led me across the circle to the only other two women in the crowd, and she joined hands with one of them. The three of us stood together in a circle. I remember the feeling of that rough palm against mine. The little chimp had recognized us and reached out across all the years of evolution

to form her own support group. So there's this understanding that mammals, more and more, that mammals have this wiring for empathy, and it's gaining ground. And a study I read last week that I found helped me understand something fresh. This was a study of rats. And it showed that rats, when they're put in a kind of a large cage together, if one of the rats is in a smaller enclosure and trapped in there,

and then that rat gives a distressed call, the other rat that's more freed up, will come over and learn to open the small enclosure and free its fellow rat. And these rats already knew each other from past lifetime or past cage or something. Now here's another piece of it that if the freed up rat was given a hoard of chocolate chips, it would save one, save a treat for the captive rat until it was free. I think that's really interesting. That that's part of the way these rats are designed. Now here, here, Here's another interesting piece, that the male rats were not as effective in freeing the trapped rat as the females.

And what they found is that both sexes of rats have empathy. They both sense and want to respond to vulnerability. But the females have better control over their own stress reaction. So in other words, they can downregulate strong emotion and respond in a different. difficult situation to the trapped rat. So they're better able to open up the cage. And to me, what is fascinating about that is what it says about how we in difficult times when the reactivity of stress takes over. In other words, when our fears, our shame, our anger takes over, then we lose contact with our capacity to respond from empathy and compassion.

so that it becomes critical that instead of responding in a healing way when we get stressed out, we get stuck in the mud. We encounter the difficulties, but if we don't know how to work with stress, rather than responding from our heart, we get stuck in the mud. We get identified. We get reactive. We get angry. This is Maya Angelou. She says, I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person. By the way, here she handles these three things. A rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights. I like that. So this is one level of the stressors. How do we respond? Is it mud that we just open to and blossom out of? is it do we get stuck? One writer said that a sign of enlightenment is whether when we have to take a detour,

we can still enjoy the scenery. So what we find is that we all have very strong conditioning when we encounter the mud, the seasons that are difficult, to react, to get stressed and to get caught up. We all have that conditioning in us. And to assume that something's wrong. So the first thing is it's useful to sense, well, how do we do that? Where do we get caught? So we end up rather than down regulating the stress reaction and coming from our heart,

what's our patterning? And one of the main ways that we get stuck, as we know, is when something goes wrong, we think this is bad, and we look for something to blame, and often we'll blame others. So if we find ourselves blaming others, those are moments when we're not having access to the parts of our brain, our heart, and our spirit that really have this capacity for compassion. Some of you might remember this. A devoted wife had spent her lifetime taking care of her husband. Now he had been slipping in and out of coma for several months, yet she stayed by his bedside every single day. When he came to a sense of emotion for her to come near to him, she said,

He said, you know what? You've been with me all through the hard times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you gave me support. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. You know what?

What dear, she asked gently. I think you bring me bad luck. So that's one reaction to stress. Now, the other, as many of you know, when we, get stressed out, we start moving faster. And again, that disconnects us from our apparatus for compassion. And we can excuse the dry terminology. But again, when we speed up, when we move faster, when we race around, when we get busy,

we're unable to contact the tenderness of our hearts. There's a saying that even if you win the rat race, you're still a rat, you know, unless you're one of the real compassionate rats. So that's another way that we leave this innate capacity to respond with heart and to have the mud become really this part of awakening. Another to mention is addictive behavior because so many of us will go to what numbs us, what soothes us rather than learning to stay.

We don't learn to stay. We turn to food. We turn to our email, to online surfing. You know, there's only two industries that call their clients users. Computers and drugs, right? Right? Okay. I think that's interesting.

A friend of mine handed me this about eight months ago. A man goes into a bar and orders a drink. Bartender gives it to him and he pushes it off to the side. He orders another drink. The bartender serves it to him. This time he drinks it. What gives? The bartender asks.

Well, I go to day. meetings and I hear it regularly. It's the first drink that leads to trouble. So we have our addictive behaviors and then we have this mind that rationalizes and justifies and keeps us in the various strategies that actually keep us from our heart. The most common of all the strategies that really keep us disconnected is what I often call the second arrow. The first arrow is things are tough, the second arrow, it's my fault. I'm bad. Something's wrong with me. You know, I'm failing, I'll never get it right. I'm the one that's different. I'm the one that's really, really not a good person, that kind of thing. So I'm bringing these up because what the critical piece in all

this is when things get difficult, when we have a season that is, what I'm calling mud, the vulnerability, the fear, the loss, how do we relate? And even if we relate immediately with maybe blaming or whatever, how much of a lag time is there until we go, oh yeah, this isn't really a detour. This is the path itself. This sickness is not like I'm waiting to get over it so then I can live my life or this divorce, this hurt. the sense of insecurity about finances. It's not like, I've got to figure this out, or I've got in some way get through this,

so then I can enjoy things. It's right now what's happening. And it is the mud that serves awakening if our attitude, if our way of relating, is mindful. So let me ask you to reflect, as I often do, just to check in for yourself. And as you pause right now, the sense that you're coming home to your breath, to presence, and let come into your awareness anything that might be going on in your life right now

that you might consider as something difficult or challenging, something that might bring up a sense of insecurity or hurt, anger. might be something in a relationship might have to do with your health or the well-being of someone you care about now just scan and sense how have I been relating to this have I been thinking of this

this is a bad thing that's happening this is a detour that something's wrong with life or with me or with somebody else that it shouldn't be like this notice if you have been feeling either victimized or offended by what's happening burdened,

and just sense if it's possible to regard whatever this difficulty is, not as a detour, but this is the path, that this is exactly the mud that serves and nourishes your freedom. Should you pay attention? A way to explore that is

to just sense that longing in you, may this difficulty serve to awaken compassion and wisdom. This is the traditional bodhisattva aspiration. Bodhisattva is an awakening being. May this difficulty serve to awaken compassion and wisdom. And the more sincere you feel you are holding that prayer, the more you really write this moment, this isn't just like a little exercise

you're going through mechanically, but the more your heart says, yes, really, may this difficulty help to wake up this heart? The more actually you have aligned yourself in a way that makes that possible. Imagine how this might serve awakening. Barbara Kingsolver writes,

here's what I've decided. The very least you can do in your life is figure out what you might most hope for. The most you can do is live inside that hope, not admire it from a distance, but live right in it under its roof. What I want is so simple, I almost can't say it. Elementary kindness. Okay, so open your eyes. Come on back. Okay. So now we bring this inquiry right to the heart of things, which is, so what allows us to call on our hearts rather than get caught in that reactivity where we get stuck in the mud? And we come to this training in mindfulness, in meditation.

There's been a lot of research on compassion in recent years, a wonderful Compassion Lab out in Stanford, and there are many places. And a lot of the articles written have mindfulness, as the context for compassion, that when we can bring a real presence to what's happening, it's the alchemy of that presence that actually unfolds compassion. And if I had to say it differently, it's when you actually have the mindfulness to contact the mud, the vulnerability, the fear, the clench in the heart, the feeling of the heart beating, the shame, the hurt. When you let your attention root into the mud and are,

able to at the same time in some way wish yourself or another well, then that wakes up the parts of the brain that are really filled with empathy and compassion. So we go into the mud and we look towards the light simultaneously. We'll talk about this a little more in a moment. When we begin with compassion, it said that the very heart of Buddhism is compassion. The heart of compassion is really for ourselves. If we don't have this capacity to stay with what's difficult in our own body and heart, then our compassion for others will be abstract. It'll be one step removed. Compassion has to be embodied. Hence the mud. Hence, we have to be able to contact the difficulty, the unpleasantness of it. And yet, if all we're doing

is fixating on the unpleasantness, that's what I call being stuck in the mud, identified. So a mindful presence, both contacts what's here, but also senses a larger space. It has the wisdom to sense the space things are happening in.

It's allowing. In the moment that you contact the mud, but there's this allowing quality, you'll find the space that actually lets it be a kind of a light of compassion. spring forth. And we'll explore this together as a closing meditation. But just to say that when we've been able to do that for ourselves,

when we can be in touch with what's difficult in ourselves and open in that way, when we see another struggling, we are immediately and spontaneously responsive. Our heart cares. Story for you. One day when I was a freshman in high school, I saw a kid from my class walking home from school. His name was Kyle. He looked like he was carrying all of his books.

I thought to myself, why would anyone bring home all his books on a Friday? He must really be a nerd. I had quite a weekend planned parties in a football game with my friend, so I shrugged my shoulders and went on. But as I was walking, I saw a bunch of kids running towards him. They ran at him, knocking all his books out of his arms and tripping him, so he landed in the dirt. His glasses went flying And I saw them land In the grass about 10 feet from him

He looked up and I saw this terrible sadness In his eyes My heart went out to him So I jogged over to him And as he crawled around Looking for his glasses I saw a tear in his eye And I handed his glasses to him

I said, those guys are jerks They really should get lives He looked at me and said Hey thanks There was a big smile on his face It was one of those smiles That showed real gratitude I helped him pick up his books

And asked him where he lived It turned out he lived near me, so I asked him why I'd never seen him before. He'd gone to private school. So I smacked him on the back and said, hey, big guy, you'll be great. You looked at me with one of those looks, a real grateful one, and said, thanks. We talked all the way home. I carried some of his books. It turned out he was a pretty cool kid.

I asked him if he wanted to play a little football with my friends. He said, yes. We hung out all weekend. And the more I got to know Kyle, the more I liked him, and my friend thought the same of him. Monday morning came, and there was Kyle with a huge stack. of books again. I stopped him and said, boy, you're going to really build some muscles with this pile of books every day. And he just laughed, handed me half the books. Over the next four years, Kyle and I became best friends. When we were seniors, we began to think about college. He decided

on Georgetown when I was going to Duke. I knew we'd probably always be friends that the Miles would never be a problem. He was going to be a doctor. I was going for business on a football scholarship. Kyle was valedictorian of our class. I teased him all the time of being a nerd. He had to prepare a speech for graduation. I was so glad it wasn't me having to get up there and speak. Graduation day, I saw Kyle. He looked great.

He was one of those guys that really found himself during high school. He felled out and actually looked good in glasses. He had more dates than I had and all the girls loved him. Boy, sometimes I was jealous. And today was one of those days. I could see he was nervous about his speech. So I told him, don't want him. worry, you'll be great, and he gave me that smile again. Thanks, and he began his speech. He cleared

his throat and began saying, graduation is a time to thank those who helped you make it through those tough years. Your parents, your teachers, your siblings, maybe a coach, but mostly your friends. I'm here to tell you all today that being a friend to someone is the best gift you can give them. I'm going to tell you a story. I just looked at my friend with disbelief as he told the story the first day we met. He had planned to kill himself over the weekend. He talked of how he had cleaned out his locker so his mom wouldn't have to do it later and was carrying his stuff home. He looked hard at me and gave me that little smile. Thankfully, I was saved. My friend saved me from doing the unspeakable. I heard the gas go through the crowd as his handsome popular boy told us all about

his weakest moment. I saw his mom and dad looking at me and smiling that same smile. Not until that moment did I realize it's depth. Never underestimate the power of your actions. With one small gesture, you can change a person's life for better or for worse. We're in each other's lives to impact each other. Look for the goodness, the vulnerability in others. Your lives are inextricably bound. We do underestimate the effect we have on each other. We are entirely interdependent. This idea that we're supposed to be independent, our very waking up is a waking up to realize non-separation, to realize who we are beyond these changing forms, to realize that timeless presence and that awake heart that really is our shared source. And what happens is that when we forget, we get caught in fear.

And when we're in fear, we end up. not seeing who others are. We can't reach out. I want to share very briefly another story that a friend of mine passed on to me. It's a video that you can see on YouTube. This is a young boy, Jonah Maori. And Jonah in middle school, Jonah was gay. He was pretty much tormented by the homophobic and cruelty that's in our society and certainly among kids that age. And so the mud that he had a contact was the incredible pain and shame and despair he was feeling. And what he did was rather than do himself in, that tragically has happened to so many young gay people, rather than disconnecting or getting addicted or getting into blame and rage,

he did this video where he named the depth of the pain he was feeling and this video went viral and why did it go viral this is a human in a very evolved way naming the truth of the vulnerability and from a place of a very very large

and wise heart naming it in a way that other people became safe for them to feel their belonging to the amount of compassion that it brought the wave of it that came towards him and then towards others in similar situation is why that went viral it is part of our evolutionary equipment to learn to relate to what's difficult in a way that can free our hearts not keep us stuck in the mud that's our capacity every one of us has that capacity every one of us and I've seen people go for years and years and feel like well I'm just never destined to be

the one that actually gets freed up through the hard times and then a slight shift in perspective of getting that this is actually perfectly the thing that I need to stay and feel this can free this heart actually ends up unfolding us when we stay with our own own pain and start waking up, we see past the mask in each other. We see just as this boy did

with Kyle, we see who's there. And we see it more and more quickly. It's as Naomi Nye says, before you learn the tender gravity of kindness, you must travel where the Indian and a white poncho lies dead by the side of the road. You must see how this could be you, how he too, with someone who journeyed through the night with plans and the simple breath that kept them alive. So this is really, to me, the hope of evolution and the hope for peace and harmony and social justice on earth, that we have the courage and the mindfulness to be present with the difficulties we encounter, that we can contact what's the way. true and then reach out across species to other creatures because we get into this

idea that we humans are different we are of the earth we are the earth to reach out to this earth to reach out to those with different sexual orientation or different race or different politics whatever it is and discover the vulnerability and the goodness that dwells in each person discover that the light of the star shines through us. You know, there's a Serbian saying that goes like this. It says, be humble for your maid of earth. Be noble.

You come from the stars. So we'll take a few moments to explore this no mud, no lotus in our last little sitting. Perhaps the most well-known mantra in the Buddhist tradition, Omani Padmehum. the meaning is literally the jewel is in the lotus and the understanding is that as we awaken, as we awaken we discover the jewel of compassion.

Our awakening comes from this dedication to being here with a life that's right here. So in this practice, this very simple heart practice, I'd like to invite you to bring to mind someone that at this time in our history, this time in their life, this solstice time is having a hard time. Someone who's having difficulty. You might sense your wish for this person

that whatever the mud is that they're encountering, the difficulty, that it really serve. His or her awakening, his or her wisdom, happiness, peace. you might ask yourself, what is it like to be this person so that it's not abstract, as if you could be inside this person's body and heart and eyes and look through the world, see what's it like?

What's this person believing and feeling? And the most deep way asks yourself, what does this person need? What does this person need to experience? Is it to trust his or her goodness? is it to feel loved, feel understood, sense that energetically whatever's needed that you could offer with your heart and your prayer, you might whisper mentally a message of love, as if you could your words and perhaps imagine your hand on that person's cheek or around their shoulders

communicating in a very direct way your care, and then to sense all those that are suffering in the same way, that your heart really is holding all those that suffer, including your own being. And we'll close this meditation with this chant, Omani, Padme, Hume. And again, I'll say the word slowly. Omm, Mani, Padme, whom. Once again, Om, Mani, Padme, whom. So what we'll do is we'll just start chanting it slowly together and then as before if you want to change the pitch to harmonize

please feel free and we'll stop when you hear the gong so first just listen for one round and then join in Oh my God may introduce you to the next part of our program and gathering we have a new sensation in the Dharma world it's called Dharma Rock and we have a new sensation of a performer for Dharma Rock who's going to be coming up here in a moment. We're ready for you. La Sarmiento.

So when the Buddha got enlightened, he actually was pretty skeptical about the ability of human beings to wake up. He thought, like, ah, this is going to be really hard. And I oftentimes, like, imagine him, like, looking out of his little hut or wherever he lived and thinking, never mind. There was just really no hope. So I just want to acknowledge how courageous, how brave all of you are to be on this path to wake up because it's not easy.

And this song will describe that. So due to the recession, I didn't have any money or for some backup duop people. So I'm going to kind of do this on my own. So the polyword for suffering is duca. And you'll find that happening in this song as well. So duca, doca, doobie do down, doby do down, down down, doca doca down doby do down down down down Waking up is hard to do Don't take my pain away from me

Let me live my life in misery Because if it goes, then I'll be blue, because waking up is hard to do. I love it when my mind is tight, and it keeps me up through the night. Come on, Buddha, it's just you, because waking up is hard to do. They say that waking up is hard to do. Why just one arrow When there can be two Don't say

My suffering can end Instead of waking up I want to be a couch potato again I beg of you Just let me cry Wise effort I don't want to try Come on Buddha Get a clue

Because waking up is hard to do Doobie do down, down. Doca, doca down, doby do down, down, down. Doca, duke, down, doby, do down, down, down. Waking up is hard to do. I'm Leo, born in the year of the dragon. You really don't want to do that. So this next song is about the holidays

and about the equanimity that we all need to practice during the holidays, right, being with family and all that sort of stuff. So in honor of the fourth Brahmavahara, this song comes from my dear Dharma buddy, Maureen Brady, who is from the Snow Flower Sanga in Madison, Wisconsin. Well, the holidays can be frightful, but the Dharma is so delightful, since there's no escaping ho, ho, ho. Let it go, let it go, let it go. With the family there is no stopping. I'd rather die than keep on shopping.

Don't these people know that I'm Po? Let it go, let it go, let it go. 2 a.m. and still no good nights. Oh, I might throw them out in the storm. But the Buddha says, do not bite. All your lifelong do no harm. In hell we will not be

frying. My dear We're Buddhists, there's no dying. Don't let the holidays get you low. Let it go, let it go, let it go. Thank you. You're very generous. So this last song is basically one I've sung for the last couple years, but to me it summarizes the whole Dharma in four verses.

So have you ever wondered what Johnny Cash would have been like as a Dharma teacher? Well, wonder no more. Namaste, I'm Johnny Cash. I hear those thoughts coming, coming round the bend. I ain't felt such suffering since I don't know when, and I'm stuck in my mind's prison, and I just can't get free. But those thoughts keep a-coming,

and that's what tortures me. So here we are in Sangha for some refuge and relief from our crazy busy lives and the boss it gives us grief as we watch our minds of wander thoughts go into and fro. Amazing what can happen when we can finally let go. The practice makes you stronger. At least that's what she says. Build you up some courage to learn how to stay. And I trust that with more practice of love and compassion. That an open heart regardless can actually be fun. So may you all be happy.

May you all know peace. Be free from suffering the ultimate release. And may the merit of your practice. wake up all beings now. As all things are impermanent, I end with a heartfelt bow. So you guys are really doing well with the singing. So we're going to have you participate now.

And this is a kind of semi-round kind of thing. And it's based on, La mentioned, the Brahmavaharas, and these are the qualities of the heart. So the mantra is metta, caruna, mudita, upeka. Now I'm going to have you say it first. Meta, Karuna, Mudita, Upeka.

It means metta, loving kindness, Karuna, compassion, Mudita is joy, and upeka is equanimity. It's that space that allows them all to arise. So I'm going to begin with everyone that's on this side to chant. Oh, no, actually we'll have you guys begin, and then I'll come in.

Yeah. They're going to begin. Sing it all at once. Okay. Here's how we'll do it. We're going to all sing it at once. And then you guys watch me, because I'm going to have you come in at a certain point with the same chant, but at a different juncture so we get some harmony. Okay? You'll understand. We're ready.

All right. So. Meta Karuna, Mudita, Upega. Meta Karuna, Mudita uppega. Meta Karuna, Mudita Umehta... Thank you both. We have come to the time

where we're going to be doing a candlelit ceremony. And what we'll need to do for this, ceremony is first have a few people that have I think already agreed to come up and help out come up front here as many of you know the the symbol of the solstice is both the shortest day and also this light that is really spirit light and the the purity of of light comes from the fact that it really is continuous it dwells within each of us we wake it up in each other we pass it on. It's something that's timeless and has a radiance. Thank you. And so the way we're going to be

doing this is we're going to have a couple of folks light the candles and then everyone in here is going to get it from passing it and receiving it. So this is our chance to really feel the community of light that is possible. So what we'll be doing is chanting back to Om Mani Padmehom and chanting it together and we're going to have the lights dim but first we'll have the in the silence first we'll have the two of you get the light from in front

of the Buddha and then if we can dimming the lights and just to for a moment just close your eyes and feel the presence and the warmth that's here feel your own heart almane Padmehum

this blessing of compassion that shines through, this light that shines through each being, may it be awakened. We'll begin chanting together. Home, Padme. I invite you to stand up in the silence you might want to take a look around. Just look around and see the lights, each seeming in some way separate and yet part of the same, continuous, luminous, inner radiance.

that shines through all. And then in the silence for just these few moments, sensing your prayer, sense your prayer for the life and the light that's within your own being, whatever your wish is on this soul's to see you, sensing your prayer for all those that have gathered. We sense this boundless heart,

this edgeless heart that includes all beings, all life everywhere. and we offer our prayer that all beings everywhere might touch the beauty and freedom of loving presence might know loving presence as their deepest capacity in essence that all beings everywhere might touch a great and natural peace

that there be peace on earth may there be peace on earth may there be peace on earth and peace everywhere May all beings awaken and be free. Namaste. The talk you just listened to has been freely offered. If you'd like to make a donation,

learn more about my schedule, or about programs offered by the Insight Meditation Community of Washington, please visit either my website, which is tarabrock.com, our IMCW site, which is IMCW.org. Thank you very much.