Tara Brach - Three Blessings in Spiritual Life – Part 2: Inner Fire

Episode Date: May 23, 2024

This 3- part series explores three capacities we all have, that when cultivated, bring spiritual awakening and serve the healing of our world. Drawing on an ancient teaching story from India, we explore together the power of a forgiving heart, the inner fire that expresses as courage and dedication, and the inquiry of "who am I" that reveals our deepest nature.

Greetings. We offer these podcasts freely and your support really makes a difference. To make a donation, please visit tarabrock.com. Namaste. Thank you for being with us. As some know from my past recent talks, I'm a bit puppy obsessed right now. Our new babe Nikki is five months and so people send me cartoons and dog things and one that I've really enjoyed. There are three dogs. They're all buddies and they're kind of sitting around and they're super animated and they're sharing about their favorite experiences. So one's saying, you know what I love? Rolling in Dead Squirrel. Oh my God, yes. The second says, how about peeing on the floor at Petco?

The third's going, wait, wait, what's the furthest distance either of you have rubbed your butt across a carpet. So what that has to do with today's talk? Well, we're in the second week of a three-part series, and it's based on the story from ancient India of Natchikita. And the focus today is on cultivating what's called inner fire, and that's the energy we devote to what most matters to us. So you could sense the inner fire lighting up those pop. you know, and I know it's a stretch, but I wanted to share the cartoon with you. So, this talk, we're really looking at how our lives become more energized and meaningful, the more we're really connected to what most matters to us.

So I hope this is inspiring that you enjoy it. The last class that we were together was the beginning of a three-part series on looking at the three key inner strengths that really support us as we moved through the spiritual journey. And for those of you who are tuning in fresh, it was based on a wonderful story from the Upanishads. I've always loved. The protagonist is a young man, Natchikata, and he's gone through some very challenging times. A few of his friends died and he got into a major and very painful conflict with his father. And at the end of that conflict, his father basically said,

I give you to Lord Yama, and Lord Yama is death. So the young man very earnestly went seeking out the Lord of death, Lord Yama, and spent three days waiting for him and underwent exhaustion, fatigue, and hunger and pain from his exertions. And when Lord Yama finally arrived, he was very impressed. with Natchikata's dedication. So he offered him any three gifts he wanted, any three gifts for continuing on his journey.

And Natchikata made his three choices, and they reflect the wisdom of impermanence, the wisdom of really getting that this life is passing. His first gift that he asked for was the freedom of a forgiving heart, because Nachi Keta knew that he really needed to free his heart from any armoring of hatred or anger orversion in order to love fully. It's in the same way that for each of us we know that if we are on our deathbed,

the smaller resentments, the ways we've held back our love from a partner or child, or friend, it falls away in the light of impermanence. And so Natchikata knew that, that given the reality of this living, dying world, he wanted his heart to be open and awake. So that was our last class and it's recorded so you can get hold of that if you'd like to listen. This class is the second gift he asked for, which is called Inner Fire and that's connected with spiritual aspiration.

that energy and courage that moves us forward on the path. And just to give you the sneak preview, the next class is really that realization of the truth of who we are. The gift was a mirror so he could really look inward and discover the awareness, the love, the core of our being, of all of our being. So tonight, this class, the inner fire. And I begin with a brief story about Molinazrudin, who's a well-known Sufi, wise man fool, and his stories are always good teaching stories.

And in this one, Malinazer Dean had lost his wife's bracelet, and he got really panicky. And he said, oh, dear God, help me to find this, and I'll do anything. I'll devote half my weak salary. I'll completely dedicate myself, my life to you and to your life. service, then he notices it's behind the cushion, he goes, never mind God, I've already found it. So this is a relevant story because really inner fire is about that sincere dedication. It's that and that we're connected with what matters and it really engages our energy and it carries us forward on the path when we're remembering. Now, the Buddha described

inner fire in an interesting way, he said, our entire life arises on the tip of intention, on the tip of intention. So this means that what we're intending in any moment, okay, I'm intending right now to be open and receptive, or I'm intending to plan tomorrow night's dinner when guests are coming over, you know, I'm intending to get ahead of that car that, you know, so I can get to the, through the light before it turns red, whatever. it is, that creates the mood and the energy and the experience of our moment. A lot of our intentions unconscious. So part of this path is to wake up the inner fire is to get really conscious about what really matters to us. The sign of inner fire when it's fully contacted

and pure and full is a quality of sincerity. And you can see it in people. It's not a deluded kind of sincerity. It's just very lucid. But there's a quality of caring about life and interest in life. Caring about waking up and being all we can be. Caring about helping, whatever it is, we're in touch with it. And there's a lot of different expressions. Some of you might be aware of you might be aware of of inner fire when you feel your love of nature, when you feel that kind of awe or wonder or that poignancy at beauty and that kind of connectedness with all living things.

And others of you might feel the inner fire when you're serving a cause that you, it just really matters to you, whatever that causes. And some might feel the inner fire when it's really to do with how can you take care of your family and really, really give your all to your loved ones. And it comes in different ways. But when we're in touch with it, there's a quality of presence and a capacity to be available to what's going on because we're not planning ahead. We're really in touch right now with what matters. There's a story I ran into told by a poet and writer Mark Nippo that I thought was a beautiful illustration of this.

And he talks about a cyclist who spends tons of time preparing for a major race. And he's worked out and he's for months, you know, really built himself towards it. So there they are and they're out in the country and the day comes and he's in the lead. He's ahead of everybody by a lot. And then all of a sudden out of nowhere this great blue heron sweeps over him and right over his hand. handlebars. And, you know, he's transfixed, he stops and he's straddling his bike because the path of the heron opened him up to something he had been chasing his whole life, that moment. And he can't keep going. It's like there's some message or something that

wants to just unfold out of that that's that he just has to like open to, something he hadn't expected. And so now I'm going to fast forward to the end of the story down years later, people would now and then ask them, well, what was it that cost you that race? And he'll look to the South and say, I didn't lose the race, I left it. And Mark talks about how sometimes he'll share this story and the conversation that comes out of it is this choice that we have of either pursuing the race or opening to the experience with the heron. Do you understand?

He calls it taking the exquisite risk, and I love that language. And the exquisite risk when it comes to the inner fire is this risk to keep choosing presence and be available. And how many of us have been engaged with something that we thought we were doing because we were trying to get this done so that could happen or have this experience? experience and found out that there was a whole other reason or a whole other experience embedded that we hadn't anticipated. I think of times that you might take a class in something and find that what really touched

your life was the friendship that emerged with somebody in the class. Or you go on a trip and then you realize there was something you wanted to write or create. Or you lose a parent and you open to a part of yourself that you never allowed to. express. We lose a job and a whole new opportunity opens, but we think we have the course in our mind of how things should go or how we want them to go. And the gift of the inner fire is it keeps this radical presence so we're open to really what is embedded in that situation. We're available. So when the heron swoops down we don't feel compelled to keep running to the endpoint, wow, what is this mystery opening up right now?

Very rich way of living and the beauty of it is that when we're connected with inner fire, it includes everything that's going on in our life. It's like that remembrance is there as we're taking a shower or brushing our teeth or doing our email, starts pervading everything. Two men, Saul and Mort are walking from a religious service as this story goes and Saul wonders whether it would be okay to smoke while he's praying. And Mort replies, well, why don't you ask Rabbi Schwartz? And so he does.

He goes up to Rabbi Schwartz and he says, Rabbi, may I smoke while I pray? And the rabbi looks stern and he goes, no my son, no you may not. That's utter disrespect to our religion. goes back to his friend and tells him what happened. He says, what the good rabbi told him, and Mort says, I'm not surprised you asked the wrong question. Let me try. Some work goes up to Rabbi Schwartz and asks,

Rabbi, may I pray while I smoke? To which, of course, the rabbi replies eagerly, by all means, my son, by all means. So we remember what matters. We carry it through. And the key understanding is, the more in this moment that you're authentically in touch with what you care about, the more you're at home and who you are, the more you're in touch with what really matters,

the more you're connected, the more you're aligned. And so the blessing of this is that no matter what happens, when you're connected with your aspiration, let's say for presence or for love or for awakening or for truth or whatever it is, What that enables is for any circumstances to arise and for them to be part of your awakening. So it's not an obstacle, it's not like you get a certain diagnosis and that's getting in the way of your path. Everything becomes the path when you're connected with inner fire.

You can awaken through all circumstances, all the inevitable losses, and challenges, all the obstacles that we think are getting in the way become part of the way. So this is again the domain of meeting Lord Yama. What do we wish for? Well we wish to take off that armoring of the heart that keeps us judging and blaming. And we wish for that aspiration, that inner fire that allows us to keep remembering what matters. Keep us guided and on track. Now what gets in the way for all of us really to some

degree is that when we're in the grip of fear, that same energy, it's that inner fire energy gets funneled into our survival strategies. So it doesn't go away but it gets torched and narrowed. So rather than this energy that really keeps us remembering love and presence, it's kind of torched and twisted and it gets us focused on something's going to go wrong and what can I do and what's wrong with you for not da-da-da-da, it gets diverted. So what happens is that we can go through days or decades trying to get through the day, trying to win the bike race rather than being available for the mystery and the love that's here.

That's when the limbic system is taking over. So I want to look at that with you, the different ways that we get diverted because reconnecting and opening to the purity of the inner fire happens as we start noticing where we get diverted where we get pulled off course. Rumi puts it this way, he says, gamble everything for love. If you're a true human being, half-heartedness doesn't reach into majesty. You set out to find God but then you keep stopping for long periods at mean-spirited roadhouses. I've always loved that one, you know. You set out to find God but you keep stopping for long periods at mean-spirited roadhouses. long periods that mean-spirited roadhouses.

Can you relate a little? And we all know it. In fact, I think of it often, Kabir has this line that we keep connecting with this daily sense of failure. And I think it's because we sense deep down this longing to follow that pure inner fire, really be all that we are, to love without holding back, to be here for ourselves and each other in an awake way. And yet we watch each day the ways we get tugged around, the way we get small-minded or mean-spirited

or just caught in a little trance of, you know, distractedness. That daily sense of failure. Yeah. So Rumi says, you know, we said it. out, you know, we have that inner fire, but we get pulled off to these mean-spirited roadhouses. So what, how does that happen for each of us? So the Buddha gives us a tip when he says that whatever you frequently think about or ponder, that becomes the inclination of your mind.

If you feel like you've been distracted for decades, it's because there are habits, regular habits of thinking, that can keep us trapped for a long time. You know, habits of thinking where we are constantly hooked on planning the next thing. How will I win the race? How will I avoid looking bad? Habits of thinking where we're judging ourselves or others. And you can ask yourself, just if you review today, and I like to do this periodically just to pause and say, okay, where's my mind been? You know? And it's not something I'd want to brag about.

You know, where has it been? And, you know, it's awfully, it can be awfully small-minded. I sometimes think of somebody was whispering my ear, the nonsense I tell myself, you know, I wouldn't put up with it for a moment. So you might ask yourself that today. You know, just close your eyes for a moment and sense. What's today been like?

What have you been thinking about? What have you been focusing on? What is motivating your actions? Sometimes our actions and our thoughts are circling around like surface currents and you can feel the tugs of the wantings and the fear and the anxiety and proving ourselves and so on. sometimes we're in touch with the deeper currents, the deeper longings. What was today like?

The more habitual surface thoughts, the automatic thoughts, are the deeper ones. You keep your eyes closed or you'd like to reflect that way or open them but the shift from having our inner fire commandeered by the limbic system by fear as I mentioned is beginning to see how we get waylaid, beginning to recognize it. When you bring it into consciousness, you have more choice. So there are a few basic ways that we end up getting hitch to these mean-spirited roadhouses that we kind of end up lingering for a long time. And one of the real common ones that we all know about is that we are going, we're looking for gratification. So we go grasping after temporary pleasures that are all

often a substitute for wanting to feel nourished and loved. So we end up having a more compulsive focus on food or alcohol or drugs or sex or shopping or certain kinds of reading or the internet. But we can get waylaid. I talked to my son a couple of years about video games because this has been one of he knows a lot about getting hooked on video games from a personal... He explored it himself to see what it was like. And how he described it is how the inner fire deviates to video games because he's passionate

about them in his own way. He says the reinforcement schedule hooks you. He said there's this irregular reward and it gives you a sense of mastery when you get it. And that sets off all the dopamine, all the reward network in the brain gets lit up. And he says, so you might have a deep longing for a liveness and, you know, you might have a deep longing for a liveness and to feel the inner fire in a pure way. But when you're tired, it's a real easy, quick dopamine fix. This is just because it's the way he thinks and talks now.

But that's for a lot of us how we all get waylaid. It's like we want something deeper but our energy is low and it's a habit so instead we go for something that's a substitute. Does that make sense? Yeah. Okay, that's a big one. The second one that you mostly know about that we get hooked on, and it can be again for many, many years,

is that we get fixed on getting people's approval. We're going for connection and we want to prove ourselves, we want to impress, and we end up shaping ourselves to be the person other people want us to be in order to have connection. But in doing that, we disconnect from the real aliveness of the inner fire.

There's a little line saying, Dying begins at birth but it accelerates at dinner parties. So we present the person we think we should be and you know I worked with one woman who was dying and she was trying to die the way she thought she should die as a spiritual person. And it was very sad and it wasn't until she really took and I think of it, this is the exquisite risk. Dying's no different than any other part of what's going on to just open to what's the reality here. Oh, grief, fear. Really hard. And it was when she opened to the realness that she could open to a kind of loving that was so vast that it carried her through

her final weeks. But that's the exquisite risk. It's like our habit of getting waylaid is to be who we think we should be. Meeting other people's expectations are really meeting our internalized shoulds, but that keeps us from that inner fire. There's an interesting I was reading about Henry David Thoreau and you know at his time, one of the neighbors described how he was viewed an irresponsible idler, a trial to his family and no credit to his town. who was seen as a loser.

And as a writer, he was disregarded. In fact, Walden languished on the bookshelves for years. At age 26, he went to New York City wanting to really kind of establish himself in literary scene there, and he tried to develop his career in a conventional way and be the writer that, you know, fit the times, and he tried to match his style to the prose of the day. So, interesting. He was a huge failure.

went back home, tailed between his legs, you know, he's rejected totally. He did some soul searching. And he returned to his beloved woods, you know, with wisdom from his failure, basically being be who you really are. And it was there that he found that still point within. It was really 1.5 miles from his home. In fact, his mother brought him cookies and sandwiches. He was still not glorified.

He was still a loafer in the public's eye. But his attentiveness, this is the inner fire, his attentiveness to get past the shoulds and ideas of who he could be in the view of others and just be true to, okay, what's real here, put him in touch with the creativity that we all can honor now. That's the message. He said, he put it this way. One should be always on the train of one's own deepest nature, for it is the fearless living out of your own essential nature that connects you to the divine.

So other ways we get waylaid, we talked about last class, the judging, the aggression. These are ways we're trying to control life. The limbic system tries to control things but it torques the inner fire. We try to control things to get what we want rather than opening to how it is. I saw a cartoon of a mediator and he's mediating Henry the 8th in Anne Boleyn, kind of an argument and he says, when you say off with her head, I'm hearing, I feel neglected. Okay, so we judge, we aggress and then there's this the over-controlling day by day of other people, trying to manage others, trying to manage things, even in a benign, seemingly

benign way in our closer relationship someone will share a difficulty and how hard is it just to simply keep company, you know, stay right with just presence versus trying to fix something? So there's the fixing. Back to the basic theme, most of us can sense day by day, you know, it's a very, you know, It's in a deep intuitive sense that we're leaving ourselves, that we're leaving our deepest being and waylaying by getting caught in some of these, whether the judgment are chasing after a fix of some sort to feel more comfortable, you know, trying to fix over-fix, whatever it is.

And we sense that we've left ourselves, we've disconnected and it sometimes takes shape as really painful, addictive patterns and relational patterns, but it's not always that way. Sometimes it's just the more insidious getting in a habitual way and realizing that, wow, I've been skimming the surface. I have not paused and taken that exquisite risk to really touch in a sense what matters and live from that. So, we're talking about how our patterns of fear and wanting get in the way of the inner fire individually. But of course it happens as a society. How do a society, how is our, I'm talking now Western and I'm actually narrowing it to

the United States, how do we get so off course? What happened to the deeper yearnings for a compassionate society where we care about each other, that we respect and have a reverence for life? What happens? How do we get off track? You might listen to this. I think this is really a powerful little piece. Too much and for too long we seem to have surrendered personal excellence and community value in the near accumulation of material things.

Our gross national product now is over $800 billion a year, but that GNP, if we judge the United States of America by it, that GNP counts as air pollution and cigarette advertising and ambulances to clear our highways of carnage. It counts special locks for our doors and the jails for people who break them. It counts the destruction of the redwoods and the loss of our natural wonder and chaotic sprawl. It counts napalm and it counts nuclear warheads

and armored cars for police to fight the riots in our cities. It counts tells us. television programs which glorify violence in order to sell toys to our children. Yet the gross national product does not allow for the health of our children, the quality of their education or the joy of their play. It does not include the beauty of our poetry or the strength of our marriages or the intelligence of our public debate or the integrity of our public officials. It measures neither our wit nor our courage, neither our wisdom nor our learning.

neither our compassion nor devotion. It measures everything in short except that which makes life worthwhile. And it could tell us everything about America except why we are proud that we're Americans. This is Robert Kennedy in 1968, University of Kansas. We lose track of the inner fire, both individually and as a community. I think that D.H. Lawrence put it really beautifully when we think, okay, so what reconnects? He says it's not what the self wants. It's what the deepest self wants. And he says, and it takes some diving. We're at a time, and this is for all of us individually and collectively,

that there needs to be that presence that dives deeper in order to reconnect. It requires pausing. You know, when we're in motion we repeat the same patterns. You've noticed it the faster you go, the more cut off emotionally and the more we just do the same kind of actions. So to remember reality, to actually remember when you pause that if you're a parent and you've got a child in elementary school, it's kind of a flag. before they're going to be graduating. And if you've got a parent alive still and you have that good fortune, it's not going to be necessarily that long, you don't know. And just having a body, you just don't know. So we pause because if we get into that sense of the

truth of uncertainty, we start valuing things differently. I love that line, create a clearing in the dense forest of your life, that pausing. So we pause and then we begin to sense what matters more. One woman described being with her dying father, he'd been a kind of well-known, highly respected architect and he was very achievement-focused, very competitive, very concerned about his status and so on, designed a lot of buildings, urban centers. absorbed and so they had had a distant relationship during much of her life because he was so work-focused, that was the center of his attention and it caused her a lot of pain. She had to do a lot of inner

work but then now he was at the end of his life and these last few years she spent an increasing amount of time and then at the very end they were spending quite a lot of time together and a few weeks before he passed she recounts asking him what of your accomplishments did you feel the most proud of. It was a long pause and he had tears in his eyes when he looked at her and he said, well, why you of course? And it was something she'd never expected to hear. But he had changed because things slowed down. He paused. There's a clearing in the dense forest and he started remembering more what matters. Carlos Casignata says, death is our eternal companion. It's always to our left, an arm's length. How can anyone feel so important when we know that death

is stalking us? The thing to do when you're impatient is to turn to your left and ask advice from your death. An immense amount of pettiness is dropped if your death makes a gesture to you or if you catch a glimpse of it or if you just have the feeling that your companion is there watching you. So, Natchiketa, asks for this boon. of inner fire because he realized that we don't know how long we have, we might as well remember what most matters to us, not get so distracted, that really what most matters to us when we're connected to it, that energy brings us fully alive. Ajan Shah has a wonderful way of talking about the wisdom of impermanence, it's a great teaching.

He did this a number of times, he had a favorite glass that he used to use. And he'd say, do you see this glass? And he said, I love this glass. It holds the water admirably. And when the sun shines on, it reflects the light beautifully. And when I tap it, it has a lovely ring. Yet for me, this glass is already broken. When the wind knocks it over, my elbow knocks it off the shelf, and it falls to the ground

and shatters, I say, of course. But when I understand that this glass is already broken, every minute with it is precious. So in this class we're looking at how to tap that inner fire, how to cut through all the distracting energies and remember. And really the pathway is the practices we do together of coming into presence and then that inquiry. Okay, so what is most important? What is my deep aspiration here? I remember some years ago, now it's probably about 20 years ago, I went to a retreat with Ticknod Han, great Zen master and I went with one of my very, very closest friends, someone I don't get to see a lot.

It was a treat that we got to drive together and drive back and we, at the very close of the retreat, he said, pick a partner and stand up with your partner and so we were partners and he had us holding hands and just kind of looking into each other's eyes and sensing the person's there and then he said okay now embrace your partner and he had us meditate on these statements he said meditate on I'm going to die and you're going to die and we have just these moments together and I remember in that moment And, you know, there is some insanity to racing through this life and not opening more to, hey, look at the beauty of this loving, you know, not to let it pass without more of an

acknowledgment, more of a cherishing, more of a inhabiting. And so it's in that spirit I'd like to invite you to explore this as a very brief practice right now is a reflection. Do well to close your eyes. The beginning of any practice is invite yourself right here into presence. Create that clearing. It's a gift to create a clearing in the dense forest. Feel your breath.

Feel the presence that's here. And take a moment to bring to mind someone that is dear to you and imagining face to face with this face. to face with this person. You might imagine that namaste, that word namaste means I see the divine or the sacred in you, just looking in their eyes and sensing who's there, sensing the goodness, what makes us being lovable to you, your sense of how this being loves you, how they show it. Imagine the embrace and each phrase goes with a nice full in-breath and outbrow out breath. So with the first in-breath and out-breath, the reflection is I'm going to die,

and then you're going to die. And then we have just this moment and sense what matters to you. Feel into the tenderness of the inner fire and sense what matters. In whatever form, this practice of coming into presence and asking ourselves, what do I really long for? What's my true aspiration? Is a training, like any other training, it's a training of remembrance. It's a training so that we can over and over again be able to show up in our moments so we can take that exquisite risk to open ourselves to this life to awakening, to be changed by the moment.

The poet Rilke puts it this way. You see, I want a lot, perhaps I want everything, the darkness that comes with every infinite fall and the shivering blaze of every step up. You have not grown old and it is not too late to dive into your increasing depths where life calmly gives out its own secret. You have not grown old and it is not too late. late to dive into your increasing depths where life calmly gives out its own secret. Continuing in quietness with your attention inward, as Martha Apostle-Waid says,

we create this clearing in the dense forest of our life. We ask what really matters, we feel with sincerity, what is that I care about? a beautiful way of practicing that will continue this meditation with right now where you simply ask yourself, well what do I love? And then whisper very softly whatever comes up for you and then ask yourself again, what do I love and whisper whatever's next? We'll all do this together in the silence and don't be shy about whispering. Nobody is going to listen to your whisper, but you'll find that speaking it out loud in

a whisper is really powerful. So just ask yourself, what do I love? And whatever comes to mind, a word or a few words, just whisper it and then pause and ask yourself again. We'll do this for a couple of minutes so please begin. Last few moments whispering. what you love. I'd like to invite you to pick one thing that you whispered

that feels very alive to you. There's many I know, but just pick one. There's no wrong one to pick. Just pick something. And take a moment to sense what it is that arouses the loving about this, what it is your loving. And then feel the loving itself.

Feel the warmth, the aliveness of loving itself. Just let it be as big as it is, let it fill you, and sense how big and inclusive this loving is. This is the source of inner fire, this cherishing, this visceral, living sense of loving. You might imagine moving through your day and pausing and remembering. How can this bring wholeheartedness to your moment? How can this align?

What will help you remember? You see I want a lot. Perhaps I want everything. The darkness that comes with every infinite fall and the shivering blaze of every step up. You have not grown old and it is not too late to dive into your increasing depths

where life calmly gives out its own secret. Namaste. and thank you for your presence.