Tara Brach - Trusting Your Basic Goodness
Episode Date: March 3, 20102010-03-03 - When we don't trust who we are, we are unable to be at home in our world. This talk explores how we come to be at war with ourselves and the pathway to realizing our basic goodness....
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So last week I spoke on really how we align our behavior with our heart
and just acknowledging that there's really no freedom
if we're moving through the day
and we're kind of blaming people and judging people
and getting angry or violating our own body with addictive behaviors.
It's very hard to come home to who we are
when we're acting in ways that don't really connect
with who we are. And if we investigate, because every one of us acts in ways that in some
level we feel this isn't the way I want to be, and if we investigate what's behind those
behaviors, we will find that in some way we're hurting. Always, whenever we cause suffering
or harm to ourselves or others, there's hurting underneath. There's unmet needs that we
haven't become conscious of and that we haven't addressed. And there needs to feel safe. And in a very
deep way, we each have the need to feel lovable and worthy. And if we don't feel that, we end up
behaving in ways that make us feel less lovable and less worthy. We get into this cycle. One of the
ways I like to put it is that we each have a need to trust our basic goodness.
That term basic goodness brings up questions for people,
so I just want to just take a moment with it.
You know, according to many philosophies,
we are not basically good.
I mean, starting from Eden on upward, right?
You know, we got kicked out of the garden
because of, in some way, being sinful or bad.
And then you've got Hobbs,
who says, without laws to govern us,
we live lives that are solitary, poor, nasty, brutish, and short.
So, basic goodness.
And I got very interested to find that the derivative of the word good, the root of the word good,
it comes from the same Indo-European root, GE, as the words gather and together.
And goodness really implies the realization of our belonging.
to the whole, that when we feel a sense of I'm part of this earth and I belong to others and I belong
to presence and I belong to life, there's a natural sense of goodness. There's an inherent sense of
goodness. And sometimes the metaphor is given that no matter what weather systems are going on,
if you, you know, flying a plane and you get above the clouds, it's again, there's light, there's warmth,
there's sunshine, you know.
And that sometimes the clouds of our conditioning make it hard to see that.
So we don't trust that basic goodness.
And of course we can look around the world and sense the horrors that go on and say,
wait a minute, are humans basically good?
I can speak from my own experience that for me, beginning to sense that no matter what conditioning was playing out,
deep down
we're basically loving
each of us. When we're not
afraid, when we're not freaked
out, when we're not stressed out,
love is there.
And the realization of that is
homecoming.
If you can more and more
trust that what you
are is loving presence,
you will more and more live
in a kind of inner freedom.
And it helps the conditioning
to quiet down in some way.
So this is what I want to talk about tonight more
of really how we find our pathway back to trusting our goodness,
especially when we're caught up in feeling unworthy.
And I use a lot of the metaphor of forgetting and remembering
that each of us forgets.
We forget presence and we forget what matters
and we get caught up in reactivity.
And each of us,
times of remembering. So you can just watch a single meditation sitting. And you can notice how the
mind drifts into trance, how we get caught in planning what we're going to do tomorrow or
remembering what happened and the thoughts meander and we're just to forgotten. And it might not be
huge suffering. Like we're not connected to presence, but we're just kind of drifting. But we also
know how in our daily life we can disconnect and really get caught in a chain of reactivity
where we become really small or mean-spirited, are self-centered in a way that we really
don't like. And we don't like ourselves and we don't trust who we are. And I think that trust
is, that mistrust of our okayness is about as deep in anguish as humans know. When we
we really distrust ourselves. In general, when we're disconnected from presence, the body is
inclined to then vigilantly fixate on what's wrong. That's just our habit. It's evolutionary.
When we're not in some way really remembering, we tend to conclude that things are off.
and one of my favorite more recent little cartoons
has two women on a park bench
and one of them says oi
and the other one says
oi and then the first one says okay
enough about the children
and they go on
the Buddha described the
noble truce
you know he basically began with
it's our universal predicament that we
forget that we
disconnect from presence and that we're feeling separate. It's just our conditioning. This is
just how it is. And that out of feeling separate, what happens is we think we have to grab onto
things and we have to push away from things. So we get caught in most of our day, we're trying to
get more comfortable and we're trying to avoid discomfort. That's what we do. What locks us into
trance, and I call this adding insult to injury, is not only do we go through this reactive
chain of pushing away and grasping, but we make the conclusion that I'm the one doing it,
and it means that I'm wrong, I'm bad. And I've described this here before as the Buddha's
term was the second arrow. It's as if we got shot by an arrow, the arrow of the arrow of
discontent and grasping and avoiding. And then rather than investigating are pulling out that
arrow, we shoot another hour saying, I'm so bad for this, I'm bad that I'm anxious, I'm bad that
I'm greedy. We add on I am bad, I'm wrong. And what I've found in working with people, and I find
this, you know, whether it's, I'm doing a session just during daily life, or at a longer retreat,
is that if we don't catch that layer of how we've turned on ourselves, we've locked the prison door.
We've locked ourselves in.
If you're moving through life and on some level, there's a conclusion underneath of your own not-okiness.
Not seeing that and not facing that means,
that you will continue to be caught in a reactive mode of behavior.
So what happens is that because most of us have unmet needs,
because most of us, if you had to say,
what is a child most need, you know, a young, young child,
there's two things.
One is to be seen, to be understood,
and the other is to be loved.
and we have to have both
it's not enough just to be seen
if you're not embraced for what's seen
and it's not enough to have somebody embrace you
unless they get who you are
so those are the two needs and for most of us
because of the culture
and our parents as messengers of the culture
it was done imperfectly
so we have insecurity
about am I understood
am I okay
and then we go through life
with strategies
to get more comfortable about our not okayness.
And I sometimes call these false refuges
that we're trying to in a way compensate
for the something's wrong.
So what happens?
We try to numb or soothe ourselves with food
or are we overconsume.
Are we spend time trying to prove ourselves in different ways
and we pretend some?
You know, we exaggerate
and, you know, mislead sometimes
because we're trying to present a person that will get approval.
And if you observe yourself in any interaction,
usually there's an agenda in that interaction
in some way wanting the other to experience you a certain way.
So from a very early age,
we kind of stretch and manufacture and present.
I've shared with some of you.
These are letters, Dear Abby,
admitted she was at a loss to answer.
And a couple of them I like.
Dear Abby, I have a man I can't trust.
He cheats so much, I'm not even sure the baby I'm carrying is his.
See, I think that one's a sleeper.
Dear Abby, I've suspected that my husband's been fooling around
and when confronted with the evidence, he denied everything
and said it would never happen again.
So we have our false refuges,
and there's the kind of covering and protecting,
and one of them is being very aggressive and blaming others.
biochemically we get addicted to anger because it feels so much better than
sinking into feeling in some way powerless or inferior. And then we fixate on
self-improvement. Most of us go through our life with a kind of chart in our
mind of how we're doing and how we should be doing and how we're trying to get to how we
should be doing and that's another fixation. And then we fixate on how other
people can solve our problem, the perfect mate. Somebody sent me this a few years ago. It's described
as one of the best single ads ever printed. And it appeared in the Atlanta Journal. Single black
female seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant. I'm a very good looking girl who loves to play.
I love long walks in the woods, riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping, fishing trips,
cozy winter nights lying by the fire. Candleight dinners will have me eating out of your
hand. Rub me the right way and watch me respond. I'll be at the front door when you get home from
work wearing only what nature gave me. Kiss me and I'm yours. Call 404. Da-da-da-da. Ask for Daisy.
Over 15,000 men found themselves talking to the Atlanta Humane Society about an eight-week-old
black lab retriever. So we fix it our hopes on things, right? This will make it so I'm okay.
If only, it's called if only mind.
The most fundamental of our false refuges,
the most fundamental ego strategy that we have
to try to get better, ironically enough,
is to blame ourselves.
We're not blaming ourselves to be mean, really.
We're blaming ourselves, because if we get an edge on it,
if we catch on to what's wrong,
maybe we can fix it.
We're afraid not to blame ourselves.
We're afraid to trust ourselves because then we might get worse.
So it's a very basic addiction, self-blame.
So this is the second arrow.
I read in The Washington Post, they have these T-shirt awards,
and one of the winning T-shirts, this was a number of years ago,
is I have occasional delusions of adequacy.
So this is,
the trance that we are mostly in. And sometimes it's not, it's not like, oh, I'm a piece of
garbage, you know, and this kind of real overt. It can be very subtle that we don't really allow
ourselves to relax or rest because there's some sense that we need to still change or improve
or be different. We cannot, it's not as if we can say, I really accept myself just as I am.
Now let me just say by that phrase, that doesn't mean it's cool if I go around, you know, pillaging and plundering and raping.
It's not like that.
It means that in some deep way we sense the who we are.
And in some deep way we cherish and honor this awareness and presence and heart that's right here.
But the trance doesn't let us do that.
we don't get to rest in that deep trust.
So how to come home, given that?
And I'll read you first, just a very brief verse from Sri Norsar Gadata, who's an Indian
teacher that has been a wonderful inspiration for me, no longer alive.
He says this.
He says, all you need is already with it.
in you, only you must approach yourself with reverence and love.
Self-condemnation and self-distrust are grievous errors.
Your constant flight from pain and search for pleasure is a sign of love you bear for
yourself.
All I plead with you is this, make love of yourself perfect.
Make love of yourself perfect.
Deny yourself nothing.
Give yourself infinity and eternity
and discover that you do not need them.
You are beyond.
You might hear the words,
make love of yourself perfect.
And maybe what comes up is saying,
well, I thought in Buddhism there was no self
and what's the self we're loving?
And my understanding is that
if we take the spirit of that,
make love of yourself perfect,
the invitation is to make love of this life
that's right here perfect.
And that if we truly want to fall in love with life,
if we really want to embrace this life,
it has to begin with a life that's right here.
I mean, doesn't that make intuitive sense
that if we can't really honor and cherish the life that's here,
this aliveness right here that we call self,
how can this heart really embrace this world,
make love of yourself perfect.
So there are really two pathways
that are totally interwoven
that we train in
in really opening our heart to the life that's right here.
And they're described in Buddhism
as the two wings of the bird
that's awakening to freedom.
And one wing is the wing of understanding
that we can't love this life right here
unless we see clearly what's happening.
So we ask the question,
and you can just check in,
just what is happening inside me right now.
And that wing of wisdom and understanding
is to see what's true in this moment.
Now, the other wing is the wing of compassion,
which is to profoundly allow what we see
with tenderness.
The understanding is that if we,
We really accept the life that's right here.
That very acceptance is tender and loving.
So the wing of seeing what's here
and the wing of profoundly allowing what's here.
So give you an example.
We often will use the acronym Rain
and how to really wake up those two wings.
And the rain begins with recognizing and allowing the two wings.
Rain, R-A-I-N, recognize and allow.
the eye of rain is an investigation.
It's a deepening of presence.
What's really happening?
And it's an intimate investigation.
Can I really open to this with kindness?
So recognize, allow, deepen it with investigating, with intimacy.
When we open with that kind of presence,
we get to the N of Rain, which is non-identification.
No longer am I identified with this bad self, this unworthy self, this grasping self,
because instead we're inhabiting natural presence again.
Rain is a homecoming to that natural goodness, that basic goodness.
So an example, and one I thought I'd share with you tonight from my own life is about 10 years ago,
I was at a holiday gathering.
It was over Christmas holidays with my family in New Jersey.
And I found that I was in reactivity and judging everybody.
And that's always, by the way, a flag.
If you notice you're judging everybody.
But anyway, I was so in it that I didn't quite get it right away.
You know, one person wasn't helping out with the meals and clean up.
Another, my family was sniping at the others.
somebody was withdrawn and sulking
and my son was exiting out with friends
and anyway, so I was in judgment
and I had made a commitment
months earlier
to whenever I got caught in judgment
to pause and practice rain
this presence
because it became clear to me
in a very kind of heartbreaking way
that whenever I'm judging
I feel separate.
I just am not that good
that belonging is not there. So this was kind of a wake-up. I saw I was judging everyone.
So I went out for a walk and started practicing rain. And the first part of rain recognizing
allowing is just saying, okay, feeling angry, feeling tight. And allowing is just like pausing.
It's like saying the gestalt of it is, okay, it feels crummy right now. Let it be. Don't try to fix it. Don't
avoid it. Just let it be. Recognize and allow. Okay? Then I began the investigating. And there was this
kind of hot, compressed, squeezed place in my heart. So allow that, let that be there, investigate
some more. And sometimes what I'll do is I'll ask that place in me if it could express something,
what's it feeling, just to express it, what's its view? And like if my heart could speak right now,
And what my heart said is, I'm actually not liking myself.
You know, it's like I'm not doing what I can to make everything work
as if all the disharmony going on is my fault,
and I don't like myself for being judgmental,
and basically I'm falling short.
It all came back to me.
Now, that happens with blaming.
You'll notice if you're in a lot of judgment,
it's pretty easy to have it turn back on yourself.
But when you're in the middle of judging, you forget.
So this investating was revealing the trance of unworthiness I had turned on myself.
And I kind of then sensed how many moments of this life,
how many moments on some level have I been at war with myself,
not liking how I am.
If you ask that question,
there can be this real soul sadness that arises
because you can get almost the shape of your,
incarnation and sense how many moments in some way you have not been at home with yourself.
And it is sad. It's like it doesn't have to be that way if we really were awake, but it just
is that way. So that's what came up and at that point I did what I often do and I teach
about which is I put my hand on my own heart. Because what is that hurting place, need, the place
that does not feel good, contact, connection,
the way back to feeling intimate and at home.
So I put my hand on my own heart
and just offered a kind of presence
and a kind of kindness to that part of me.
And as I did that,
there's a shift in my sense of self.
And the shift was,
not to this great self,
but more from a, you know,
angry judging self to a self, it's my fault, to a sense of presence, not identified.
It didn't mean that the currents of sadness and of pain weren't there. The currents were still
there, but the what I was had enlarged and relaxed back to being at home. So this is just to give you
a little bit of a sense of how we can bring presence to when we're seeing.
stuck and re-arrive in the who we are beyond that small self.
I want to say a little bit more about this hand on the heart piece.
I was teaching up at Insight Meditation Society last weekend, and I was about to talk about
this self-compassion, and somebody sent me this article from the New York Times that last
week in the times there was kind of research that validated the power of touch and the research
basically said that more than gestures more than facial expressions more than tone of voice or words
touch can communicate in a highly subtle and discreet way all these different experiences and we know
when touch is compassionate and when it is compassionate it totally alters
our biochemistry, it changes us in a more powerful way than anything else.
And there's been so much research done on how fear levels they can track it, you know,
because there's so much good scanning of the brain now, how fear levels get settled out
when somebody is being touched by a loved one.
In this research they described how if you go to a doctor's office and the doctor, other than
just the examination, you know, just gently puts a hand on your shoulder or something.
You'll leave feeling that you had been in that appointment twice as long as if you hadn't
been touched. That was good. Of course, they also researched last season's basketball games,
and they monitored every touch that basketball players did, you know, whether it was the
high fives or the bump hugs or whatever, and then compared it to success and individual players
and teams and clearly where there was more touch, there was more in the flow, more success
competitively. So I thought that was kind of interesting too. But bottom line, touch, we secrete
oxytocin. We feel better. So that is all to say that there's a real power and when you
experiment, you might close your eyes for a moment and put your hand on your heart right now.
and as you do, begin to vary the pressure
until you get a pressure that feels tender
so that you're actually communicating
and just imagine in a sense you are communicating
at least your intention to make love of this life perfect.
It may be that there's something going on in your life right now
and just even a few moments right here,
of acknowledging with your own touch,
okay, I'm aware of this going on right in your life,
that maybe there's some message in the touch that you offer
of forgiveness or acceptance
or just showing up for yourself.
So touch communicates and we can offer it to ourself.
And sometimes it can be just a light touch on your own cheek.
That's got a bit of a different but profound.
kind of tenderness to it. One writer describes finding all the untended wounds within her.
And she says, and lifting them one by one close to my heart and saying, holy, holy.
So we're talking tonight about really how to return to a sense of basic goodness.
When we've gotten caught in some sense of, I'm not good, I can't trust myself, something's
strong and the two wings that we train in. And this is really the whole of practice
is this mindfulness or understanding where we notice what's going on. Oh, okay. Heat, squeezing,
anger, judgment. We notice it. And the other wing and the gestures the hand on the heart,
but it's energetically forgiven, accepted, cared about.
These are the two wings.
Now many times when I'm working with people,
what they'll find is that they'll realize
that they're caught in shame or self-loathing or something
and yet it's so gripping that there's no way of offering a gesture of self-care.
It's too opposite the current state.
and it's really important to say that sometimes we need to imagine and sense and feel that that care is coming from a source beyond this self.
There was one woman I worked with many years ago who had as an adult her daughter had let her know that she had been abused by this woman's then husband.
and when this woman realized that her daughter had been sexually abused by her husband
she went into not just a profound anger and depression
but a quality of self-loathing that made her suicidal
and you know we can all in some way relate to when you feel you've caused injury
to someone you love it's very hard to tolerate and this was her daughter
and so she went to a Jesuit priest that had been
a teacher of hers once
and told her how the misery she was in
and the anguish she was in
and he took her hand in his hand
and he drew a circle in the middle of her palm
and he said right now this is where you're living
and it's a place of anguish
and fear and horror and self-loathing
and he said you have to feel all that
you have to see it and feel it but also remember
this and he put his big
priest hand over hers.
And he said, and this is the forgiveness and mercy of God.
And he said, if you can feel what you're feeling, but also remember this, you will discover
a freedom that you never knew was possible.
He was telling her the two wings, okay?
Feel what's here, but also remember this.
Now, for many, many weeks,
When she would go into that anguish and that self-hatred,
she would imagine this field of loving,
and she would feel the priest's hand on hers,
and imagine that she was being held in this field.
And that would soothe her,
not so that she didn't forgive herself, like saying,
oh, it's okay, I did that, that I was oblivious,
that I didn't take care of my daughter.
It wasn't that.
It was more that the basis,
the goodness of who she was was intact. She was still a worthy being. Many, many weeks of having
to feel the priest's hand as the comfort, as the compassion. And then gradually she began to sense
that that kingdom of mercy was really her own awakened heart. But it took first feeling it from
the outside. And that's why I share this story. Because we're not meant to
do it on our own. And sometimes the pathway back to trusting our basic goodness is when somebody
else that we trust looks at us and reminds us, you are good. You really are good. You are
lovable. Your essence is dear. And it's like when someone else, when the message comes in,
then that can help us reconnect with that and us which knows that truth.
For some people, the Divine Mother is a kind of bodhisattva of compassion.
Kuan Yin is that energy of being able to say holy, holy.
We can in some way sense that there's this field of tender loving that surrounds us.
And you can meditate on that and feel it's almost washing through you.
And then as you relax and let it wash through you, that love and that compassion,
there's a relaxing into realizing that is what you are.
You are that loving presence.
So it's a stepping stone.
This is a life practice.
We are very conditioned to get caught in a small sense of self
and in a trance where whether we're overtly at war with ourselves
are just on a subtle level really not trusting the divine that lives in us,
whether it's overt or subtle
we live in a small
limited sense of self
many moments of our day
many moments of the day
there's a kind of inner dialogue
that's going on that's telling us
what we need to do and what's wrong
and has this person thinking and what else
there's just not
a trusting and a resting in goodness
so it's a life
practice
to begin to notice that we're in a
trance where we've created a
separation from our inner life and from others. And then to bring those two wings of presence
in a very deep way to what's happening. As we do, the truth of our basic goodness becomes more real.
It becomes more the reality than the story that we usually live in. And this is the blessing
of spiritual practice. It doesn't necessarily happen all at one.
Some people might have a sudden, voila, realization that just stabilizes and they're there.
But for most of us, we get these glimmers, these times where we really feel opened and loving and sense,
yeah, that is who I am.
And then we recontract.
So the practice is to start noticing that, to be committed to making love of yourself perfect.
Committed to it.
committed to not staying in a trance that demeans your spirit.
When we begin to do that,
there's a kind of awakening where we have certain blessings that come to us.
And I want to name three of the blessings tonight.
When you start to trust your goodness.
One of the blessings is that your body and mind become more alive and open,
more vibrant.
There's a kind of aliveness
because it takes to put yourself down
squelch's energy,
tightens energy.
So the opposite happens.
There's this kind of vitality
that becomes available.
There's a cartoon I saw
that as a man's up in heaven
talking to God in the afterlife
and God's just shaking his head saying
no, no, that's not a sin either.
No, no, not that.
My goodness, you must have worried
yourself to death.
That was really cute.
So there's this kind of thing of like we kind of deaden
ourselves. And then, you know, the
opposite is a little boy who's
overheard praying, Lord,
if you can't make me a better boy,
don't worry about it. I'm having a real good time
like I am.
So there's a sense of we
start being a little, as the Zen master
say, without anxiety about
imperfection. The given
is imperfection.
We're still going to have all the tendencies to grasp onto things and resist and get self-centered.
But if we're not anxious about them, if we trust our basic goodness,
there's this freedom that energizes us.
So that's one.
The second blessing that gets revealed, this is inherent parts of our being that get revealed,
is this natural warmth and affection is free to flow.
Because when we're down on ourselves, that gets tightened, our heart gets armored.
So there's a kind of dissolving of the armor, and we're free to love without holding back.
Now, that's a blessing. It comes directly from forgiving and accepting ourselves.
You'll find it out in any moment that you notice, okay, if there's really forgiveness,
there's this like open space of warmth and tenderness.
A story on that I wanted to share with you.
Some of you might remember.
Here at the Vietnam Memorial,
there's a book that got put together called readings,
our offerings from the wall.
And it's different letters that Vietnam vets left at the wall,
at the memorial that got put into a collection.
And one of them was a letter that came with a picture.
And the picture had a Vietnamese man in and his daughter.
And this is the letter.
Dear sir, for 22 years I've carried your picture in my wallet.
I was only 18 years old that day.
We faced each other on the trail in Chulai, Vietnam.
Why you didn't take my life, I'll never know.
You stared at me so long armed with your AK-47,
and yet you didn't fire.
Forgive me for taking your life.
I was reacting just the way I was trained to kill VC.
So many times over the years I've stared at your picture and your daughter,
I suspect each time my heart and guts would burn with the pain of guilt.
I have two daughters of my own now.
I perceive you as a brave soldier defending his homeland.
Above all else, I can now respect the importance that life held for you.
I suppose that is why I'm able to be here today.
It is time for me to continue the life process
and release the pain and guilt.
Forgive me, sir.
For many years, I would share that,
and that was the end of the story.
But about six months ago,
I heard that that wasn't the end of the story,
that after he left that letter,
his name is Robert, Robert Lutrell.
The book's offerings at the wall,
got put together and then he got sent back
the letter and the photo so he had it again
and he decided at that point that he wanted to
go find the daughter of the man he had killed
so he went to Vietnam and he
found her and
this is the story that
that happened through an interpreter
he introduced himself and he said tell her that this is the photo
I took from her father's wallet the day I shot
and killed him and I'm returning
it. And then he asked for her forgiveness. And then after a moment this woman burst into tears
and fell into his arms and there the two held each other sobbing and embracing. And her brother
was there too. And he basically said that their father's spirit lived on in this man. He said
they expect we'll think it's just superstition and perhaps they say it is, but for us today is the day
our Father's Spirit has come back to us. I share this story because, you know, if we think of all
the things we blame ourselves for, the horror of being part of a culture and a system that leads
to aggression and taking lives and being one who takes a life and then finding a way to go
forgiven, forgiven. It's so necessary that we forgive ourselves, no matter how much we think
we have caused harm to ourselves or others, it's not our fault on one level. It's conditioning.
And it doesn't turn us into a better human to hate ourselves or blame ourselves. In fact, as this
man, his story shows, when we can come to saying, okay, forgiven, please forgive me.
it actually frees our heart so we can give in a way that really is healing for others.
So that's the second facet of what we are that gets revealed when we begin to trust our basic goodness.
There's more aliveness, openness, than there's that warmth.
The third is just in the most profound way that we realize who we are.
In the deepest way in the Buddhist tradition, it's called Buddha Nature.
that we realize underneath that something is wrong with me feeling,
we realize who's really there.
And you might even ask yourself,
who would I be if I didn't believe something was wrong with me?
If you leave with any reflection,
that's one that can carry you for a lifetime.
Who would I be if I didn't believe something was wrong with me?
This is Rumi.
I've gotten free of that ignorant fist that was pinching and twisting my secret self.
The universe and the light of the stars come through me.
I am the crescent moon put up over the gate to the festival.
As we open to presence, we're not divided from anything.
We become connected with this goodness.
So let's practice just a little, a very short meditation to close the evening.
As you just settle and come into presence, just sense your own sincerity,
that in you which really does long to trust who you are, to have that freedom.
With an honesty, just scan through your life right now and sense if there's some place that you are at odds.
where you're divided from yourself, where you're mistrusting,
or you're carrying the story and feeling of something's wrong.
Just let it be a gentle inquiry,
knowing that this is an opportunity to have a little more space and wakefulness
to wake up a bit out of the trance.
Where is there the second arrow of making yourself wrong
for something that you're doing regularly,
some addictive behavior,
something in a relationship with someone
where you act selfish or aggressive,
or just some way that your own capacities
aren't the way you think they should be,
your mind or your body.
Just sense making yourself wrong,
sense who you are,
your sense of yourself when you put yourself down.
as I described in my own story
that kind of
soul sadness can arise
when we realize
just the tightness that happens
when we're putting ourselves down
I want to put your hand on your heart
or your cheek and just
offer presence to wherever there's a kind of dividedness
wherever there's a place in you
that you're rejecting
in reaction to
a part of your life
and in some way just to send that message
of presence, acceptance,
as that one poet said,
bringing the wounded place
and saying, holy,
maybe forgiven, forgiven.
But mostly let your energy,
your presence
help to carry you back home again.
What would it be like to know
that this, as with all humans, of course there's imperfectness, but that it's possible to trust
basic goodness. Who would you be right now if you didn't believe that anything was basically wrong?
I've gotten free of that ignorant fist that was pinching and twisting my secret self.
the universe and the light of the stars come through me
I am the crescent moon put up over the gate to the festival
namaste well I thank you for your presence and your attention tonight
the teaching you have received has been freely offered
if you would like to contact the insight meditation community of Washington
to make a donation or to learn more about our programs
please visit our website at www.imcw.org.
