Test Match Special - No Balls: Snow Balls the Christmas Podcast

Episode Date: December 25, 2025

Kate Cross and Alex Hartley lift the cricketing mood by bringing you some festive cheer, interluded with a little bit of Ashes chat as England lose the series with two games still to play. Plus, can they guess which of Santa's elves have been spotted in Australia?

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Not another one. And you need to remember that your grandma listens to this. She does. She also abuses me on social media. But don't worry, we beep it out. See your kids can listen. And Grandma Jean. First ball, castled. Now I'm celebrating for crossing.

That one was for crossing. That was a beautiful delivery. The wobble ball again from Kate Cross. And that is such an important wicket. Kate Crossing for the Hattrick ball. Oh, it's so wide. Hello and welcome back to No Bulls, the Cricket podcast, with me, Alex Hartley and you, Kate Cross. It's great.

It's good to the future now. It's only just be. It's Christmas! It took me 17 minutes to find that bit in a song. I always thought it was at the beginning. Yeah, you said, what's that song that's start? with it's Christmas and I knew exactly the song you were talking about. Merry Christmas everybody, very Christmas Crossy. Merry Christmas, it's the Christmas festival. God it's flown

by hasn't it? Happy New Year everyone. Should we get in the spirit out? I think we should. I think we oh you've got your Christmas hat. I don't have a Christmas hat but I have got an Aussie. Is that what Australian Santa wears? Yeah I've got an Aussie Christmas hat so I'm ready. Do you think when Santa fly over each area of the world that he puts on the representative hat because obviously there's flies in Australia so he'll, this won't keep the flies out of his face.

No, but this one will. I like a cork hat. I don't really understand them if I'm being completely honest. Well, it stops the flies getting in your face. Yeah, but I bet it doesn't because look at your face now. A fly could fly straight into that.

As could Santa. Anyway, How are you? Yeah, I'm all right, thank you. I'm all right, how are you? I am very well. I couldn't feel less crucial. You're not, why you're lying?

Don't lie. Tell everyone, tell everyone that you had to set an alarm for this podcast, even though it's 8pm over there. I did, I did. I had a night out last night, Christmas night out, you know, in Adelaide. Works Christmas party? Works Christmas party with just me and Jack.

Yeah, nice. Oh, so I missed the podcast Christmas party? you did miss the podcast Christmas five oh you could have FaceTime in I did try and send you a few photos yeah you know you sent me the same photos six time yeah I could only apologize for that so today's been a real real tough day um yeah but yeah I don't feel Christmasy which is really sad because you know how much I love Christmas I know you do but you've already had your Christmas day so this is technically like probably Valentine's Day for you isn't it don't do that oh sorry okay well uh pancake day so i bit that pancake day's here better better how are you yeah no i'm okay

thank you i don't feel christmassy and i the only thing i can put it down to is it's just not that cold here well you look christmasy right now thanks it's good hat this isn't it don't know where i found it is it not that cold no it's been really mild so um saw a family that i've known for ever um from Australia on Saturday they've come over for Christmas and I was like it's not that cold you know when you're the Aussies come over and you're like oh are you okay you cope it's just not been it wasn't really a topic of conversation so I didn't think we'd get on to global warming but here we are no but if you're not feeling Christmasy let's up the moon step into Christmas there and together we can watch the snow for forever and ever

just gonna throw a few Christmas songs in every now and then get one in the mood yeah yeah what's your favorite Christmas song I think it's it is stepping to Christmas by Elton John it is a good one that is it I just like we wish you a Merry Christmas of course you do because I can't think of any more off the top of my head right now there is some bangers though I'm just on this playlist you just told me a good good fact about Felice Navidad yeah let me get it on I don't know if anyone's realized this but if you listen to Felice Navidad it could sound like a person from Liverpool, he's saying that the police have stolen their father.

Feliz Navidad, Feliz Navidad, yeah, it does sound like police nab me dad. Yeah. Anyway, what have you been up to? Where are you? You're at home? You're your mum and dad's like, talk to me about your life. I'm at home at the minute, it's in the morning for me. um really could do with you guys coming back from australia so i don't have to keep setting a while to do a podcast although you had to yeah i think jack did as well to be fair yeah it's been a long day for you guys um what am i doing i'm going down to my sisters for christmas um she's got all the kids so easier to do that and then i don't i don't really have

much plan this year it's funny because normally when i come back for christmas i'm like oh i have to pile everyone in and see everyone but i'm kind of here now so I don't, I feel like I'm going to have a normal Christmas. Have you done your Christmas shopping? Yeah. Parents are well hard to buy for. Yeah, you just, because we're at the age, when my dad are as well,

like, you just got to ask what they want and what they need. I know. My dad had a theory once, which is probably too late to tell everyone. If you're struggling for what to buy for people, you should get everyone for things. Something they want, something they need, something to wear, something to read.

oh nice it's good that isn't it but buying four things for my dad's like impossible i just get him a block of dairy milk every year and he seems quite happy so no he loves that though he does he does he does yeah um what about you we will talk about cricket in a minute but you've just got to melbourne yes yes this morning this afternoon christmas in melbourne boxing day test crossy as if anyone forgot well i think a few english fans They're trying to forget. Yeah, it's... Are you feeling Christmassy?

No, I couldn't feel less Christmassy in my cork hat. Because I haven't seen like any, like, father Christmases or anything. Like, it's just not cold. It's just not Christmassy. I think there's two types of Christmases. There's English Christmas, which you know and you've grown up with and you get. And then I think we can be quite used to Australian Christmas. And if it doesn't even feel like an Australian Christmas,

then I think you're struggling. I know, I know. And the last test match was called the Christmas test match. They should have all maybe worn, like, test shirts, but that had, like, felt red piping on it. Make it a bit more Christmasy. Yeah, yeah, wore Santa hats as they're running into bowl. But no, we've got some nice plans over Christmas, actually.

Andy Zaltzman's cooking for us. Andy Zaltzman's on Tasmaster later. He's well famous at the minute for that, you know? yeah what's going on there yeah he won't tell me how he's done though because he knows I'll tell everyone well it's it doesn't matter it's on today tomorrow last night

so Andy Zaltzman's cooking for me Jack Henry Simon Philip Brown which would be lovely and Christmas Eve tough as his hosting a get together so that would be so nice nice nice have you got like little apartments or you're in a hotel is it going to be easy to have a Christmas

we're in an apartment but there's two chairs in mine so we might have to bring your own chair you're going to have to be brutal with who you invite then yeah no it's orphans only so if you've not got anyone else here or you've got all the plans

yeah right nice okay well it'll still be lovely whatever you do I always think that battles your Christmases they're always really lovely you just don't feel like you're having a Christmas Cricket Crossy Cricket let's just play a quick Christmas song

to make everyone feel Christmassy I can't listen to this one without thinking of that film Mean girls, and they do a really sexy dance to it, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Right, cricket. Oh, we've lost the ashes at the earliest possible opportunity. Wasn't it even earlier than that because of the actual amount of time they've been on the pitch?

It's like the quickest Ashes defeat ever or something or what on? days it's not, but over's bowled by England, I think it might be. And ours? Yeah, it's been a bit of a yeah, it's been a bit of a disaster actually. And you know what's frustrating, Crossy, because I don't know how much you watch this week, is

we've finally played like competitive cricket, like we won sessions, but it's just too little too late. That was my, I actually did watch a bit, we had our Christmas party on Wednesday, so I got in and turned it on and then it's like six in the morning and I'm still somehow watching cricket. But

that was my overriding feeling was this whole wave of frustration that was like if they just started with this game I know or even if they're just bloody prepared properly

right I'm going to talk about this because this is where hindsight is amazing because you can then say that their preparation wasn't very good and I think historically preparation hasn't been very good this feels like the preparation

they've had for what the last three ashes they go over and play the lions in like a two or a three day they do a lot of netting um but there's not actually that many warm-up games which i often think they're they are going to be best preparation but if we'd be two one down now would we be talking about preparation or are we just talking about it because they've lost we've been speaking about it over here since the very very start um yeah and bazzie came out after the last test and said sometimes as a coach got it reflect and I think I got that wrong. Yeah, but he wouldn't be saying he's got it wrong if they'd done well. I don't know, I don't really know why I'm defending this because I just think there's such a fine line

between, they've got a five-match test series and when they had a five-match test series versus India in the summer, I know prep looks different because you can go back and play county cricket, but they're not playing warm-up games for that. there. Oh, it's different because we're in the middle of our summer. I get it. But I just think, as a player, there were times where I was like, oh, God, we've got two

warm-up games. I'm going to be so tired by the time we get to the T-20s of the ashes or something. Like, do you know what I mean? There's always the worry of fatigue. Yeah, of course there is. Of course, I'd like to get that. But like, when your bowlers have only just started bowling the right lines and lengths during the third test match. I don't know why I'm defending it, because I do think there. been under-prepared. I think I'm just playing devil's advocate. I don't know why.

It's nice sometimes to argue with yourself. Just what? Yeah, let's just be annoying. Just disappointing. But yeah, did you watch much? Yeah, I watched quite a lot of us. Well, you know when you're sleeping and you wake up in those wickets and stuff.

Yeah. But then when Will Jacks and Jamie Smith went out to bat the other morning, I was really quite calm. And I text you didn't, and I was like, I think they're going to get quite close to this, like slash could win it. had this, like they're two great, really great batters. They could do this and it's, Alistair Cook was saying on comms, he was like, you've got to see this as an opportunity to go

and do something really special. And they can go and, if they'd have got 70, 80 each, then we would have won that game. I know, I know, it's so frustrating. And then Jamie Smith, I was like, what are you doing? What are you doing? Yeah. But a young lad, he's a young lad. He won't make that mistake again, will he? Well, I think he probably will. That feels like what this team's a bit like Harry Brooke came out and said I hold my hands up, I play some really bad cricket shots and then I didn't see his innings but then I saw a lot of people angry at him

for how he played his innings at Adelaide so it's like they're saying one thing to the press but then coming out and not doing it. I thought I actually gave Harry Brooke the benefit of the doubt because he got out playing the reverse sweep to Nathan Lyon and Nathan Lyon is obviously obviously a better bowler than Travis Head and he was playing it really nicely against Travis Head

he was scoring runs off it even if it was 1 or 4 and then Lion comes on and he plays it and gets out but it was it was a I think it was the right passage of play the frustration I saw on social media wasn't for that shot it was for him ramping trying to ramp the seamers again but there are going to be a lot of frustrated England fans

because it's the same old story of that going over to Australia, feeling like it's going to be a really exciting series and it just hasn't been, has it? How do you cope, Crossie? You obviously had the 16-0 whopping in January. Can we just go one episode without you bringing that up? No, because I want it. I want you to tell the fans how tough it is as a player right now.

I mean, it's not the only Ashes series that I've been a part of that was a disaster. that for me, probably the one in 2015, was it 15 or 16 when we, that was when we had the Elise Perry massacre at Kent. Do you remember she got seven foot? Yes. That was probably the one that I can relate to the most because obviously I didn't play in January. So as much as I felt that and it was really hard being a part of and obviously I was losing so badly, I think when you're playing it, you feel more responsibility. Yeah, okay. So in 2016, It's almost like you know you're going to lose because you've got, you look around the dress room and there's just so little confidence in the dressing room.

But you have no choice but to go out there and face up to it. Yeah, and try to win. And obviously you go out there to try and win. You have to. Otherwise, what's the point in going? But I remember Belly saying in this ashes that's just gone recently, it's like you know you're going to get punched in the face, but you have to just go and get punched in the face.

and that's the best way I can describe it. Belly summed it up perfectly. Like, you know you're going to, you know it's going to be awful. Well, you've got to do it. You've got no choice. Yeah. Obviously, I'm not, obviously, not sat in a Ben Stokes dressing room, but the thing that we've heard for the last three or four years

is how empowering him and Brendan have been and how much confidence they give to their team and how much they believe in each person in their individual roles. So they might not be feeling like that. They might be going, do you know what? We were really close to winning that game there. And I saw, oh God, I saw Zach Crawley said that if we come away with 3-2, then the whole series looks a bit different, which is...

He said that before they lost, like before the game was done. Oh, God, that's for me. What is going on with them? Do you know when your mate's doing an interview and you say, right, you've got to get this word in? It's a bit like that, isn't it? Yes, yes. Oh, do you know how we've got no balls bingo? there's definitely, definitely an England player bingo to be done.

Although... A media bingo. Yeah, media bingo. Although we've heard from the bowling coach, the swim bowling coach, the assistant coach. We might hear from the bus driver next week. Like, honestly, they just... I think we should. Get him on.

He'll be an Aussie. Yeah, he will. He'll be going, this is bloody great, Mike. Bladdy great. To embrace the impossible requires a vehicle that pushes what's possible. Defender 110 boasts a towing capacity of 3,500 kilograms, a weighting depth of 900 millimeters, and a roof load up to 300 kilograms. Learn more at landrover.ca.

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You're not sending a player out who's in a vulnerable position. But then Australia's then Nathan Lyon out on the morning of the test match that he's dropped. Why are you not doing that? Get back here on the telly. I think Australia are really, really good at doing interviews and stuff. I think they're better at it than we are. I think they're just honest, aren't they? And that's the only thing you want.

As a sports fan, want is to hear your team be honest. Yeah. Yeah. And I think that's why I've come away from this series with a lot more respect for the team because at the end of the last test and it was 2-0, the end of this one, 3-0,

Stokes and McCollum have actually been really honest with the media and they've come out and be like, yeah, we might have got the prep wrong and Ben Stokes said, I don't want weak men you know, we're not playing well, we're not executing for long enough. It's like, finally, you're not trying to gaslight us like other people have done.

Yeah, but you also know what that's like. You've been in dress rooms where you're not gaslighting, but you have a narrative. You go into a tour and you told your narrative and that is how you talk to the media. Like sometimes you even get a whole list of like, if you're asked this, this is the route that we're going to go down. This is how we're going to talk about this.

So they'll have had that and they'll have stuck to their guns with that even when they're losing. But I think the second that you do lose the opportunity to win the ashes, then you have to be a lot more honest. But could you actually imagine, if Ben Stokes and Brendan McCullough had come out and gone, no, we think we're doing really well. Like, they just can't do that in that situation.

No. No, that's what happened in January. Yeah, that is true. Yeah, we stuck to our guns, didn't we? Everyone was like, oh, okay. I think, Crossie, I might have a Guinness Book of World Records on the horizon. That's a throwback. Is that still going? I would presume so.

The most watch the most Ash's defeat. in a calendar year? Well, quite a few people will probably be there with you, aren't me? Yeah, Henry. Yeah, every England fan that watches both the men and the women. Yeah, a bit of shame, really.

Yeah, it's been not a good year. That's what me and the fans are got in common now. Not a good year. But, Zike Crawley's right. If they come away with a 3-2, it looks better than 5-0. absolutely does it really does it was like ebb the other night on them when we were behind we were behind by about 220 and she asked alice to cook if it's better to be um a hundred behind

or 200 behind let me think about that one uh it would it would look it would look better abs um three two right here's the three two everyone let's have a Christmas song I'm not a this is a good intro oh three two Do you know what that one's called? Churchill. It's called Stop the Cavalry by Jonah Louis, which feels quite apt because it's nearly John Lewis's name. There you go.

Crossy, I think Jack's got a game for us. Christmas special game. Yeah, I've heard about this, a little Christmas special. Also, everyone, happy new year. Happy New Year. Merry Christmas, everybody. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas.

Seasonal greetings, three, two on the horizon. If you listen on the podcast, if you listen on Five Live, Merry Christmas, one and all. And we're going to do something very, very silly to cheer everybody up. Of course we are. I've been sleuthing away behind the scenes

during England's exceptional performances on the pitch. And it's really funny. Actually, in the media centre, like Santa's had some of his elves, working for him scoping out, seeing what people want for Christmas. And I thought I'd get a few of them. to kind of give some facts about themselves

and you've got to try and guess who they are. Okay, so these are people that have physically been there. Alex, it feels like you've got a slight advantage here. Well, I know the people that are there, but I don't know who he spoke to because there's like Ricky Ponting, Justin Langer, Ian Boeform, these are all the cricketing elves. Yes, indeed.

Right, I'm ready. I'm ready to work for with Alex. Play along at home as well Don't guess Until you've heard So you're going to get five clues From each elf So don't guess until you've heard The fifth one

And then there might be a little reveal as well So Do I need a pen and paper? No, I don't think you need a pen and paper I'm just going to get one anyway Nothing like being official in a quiz Everybody at home Pens and Papers at the ready

Yeah, got to think of a team name everyone, okay Right elf number one Clue number one. I played for Worcester and Middlesex. I played for Worcester and Middlesex. That wouldn't help me.

Did you make them have a suck of a helium balloon before they do there? No, no, they're Christmas elves. That's what they sound like. Oh, sorry. They have the little elf hats and then the voice comes out. That's what happens. That's where it works, grossy. Okay.

Clue number two. I played in four one-day World Cups. I've played in four one-day world cups It's weird I think the self's got a little bit of an accent I don't know Yeah, it sounds like a noddy that All one-day world caps

Plu Number three I made my international debuts in 1993 That was a year I was born He made his debut in 1993 International debut in 1993 Okay

How confident are we Don't reveal any names How confident are we feeling so far? I've got one person, but I don't know where they played. I'm hoping that, yeah. Clue number four. I played my last test match in the final Ashes test of the 2006-7 series. I played my final test in the final Ashes test in the 067 series.

I thought the clues might get a bit easier and really narrow you into the person, but it's just more facts about this versus cricket career. Well, the fifth one might help you out big time if you are struggling. So here we go. The easiest clue, here we are. I took 563 test wickets and predicted an Aussie 5-0 win for this Asher series.

I know who that is. Yeah, okay. Right. Drum roll, please. Alex Hartley, who do you think it is? That is Glenn McGra. Kate Cross. do you think it is?

That is Talia McGrath's dad, Glenn. It's me. Glenn McGraw. Yeah. That's quite triggering that. It's me. Glenn McGraw. It was at that point he took his elf hat off and his voice returned to normal, obviously.

Yeah. Yeah. What's your team name, Alex? My team name is... I'm panicking. Christmas in Australia. It's a good one. Spectual.

What's yours? CIA for short. Bounds Casey in the Snowman Band. Very good. It's good that, isn't it? Can I have a point for that? Yeah, yeah, bonus point for Crossie. That's a good team name.

Nice. Are we ready for Elf number two? Yeah. Ready? Clue number one. for Langnerbury Cricket Club. I played locally for Langbury Cricket Club. I don't know where that is.

Okay. Clear number two. I took a five foot on my international home test debut. I took a fifer on my international home test debut. I know who this is, I think. Crossy, I can see the cogs were in a way. Yeah, if it's not, there's not many in there, though. Listen to the accent, Crossy.

Two number three. I have one test match half century to my name. Oh, I know who this is. Yeah, listen to it. You can hear him. Friend of the podcast. Again, quite a strong accent might give it away a little bit. Clue number four.

I'm Middlesex's youngest ever debutant. Middle sex's youngest ever dayton. He sounds well cute. Clue number five. Despite being an elf, I'm six for eight. Yeah, got it, got it. Right, I think this one might be quite an easy one, Crossie. I think I have Stephen Finn.

Hartley, did you have the same? I think it's Stephen Finn. Stephen Finn. It's me. Stephen Finn. Friend of the podcast, the only man as well. Actually, have we had Glenn on twice, I was going to say, Fin he's been on twice, hasn't he?

I'm all the cricketer to come on twice. Maybe three times, actually. Right, we have got one more. I hope you've got two out of two at home. I love this. Elf number three, clue one. I averaged over 54 in the Sheffield Shield. I averaged over 54 in the Sheffield Shield.

It's Australian then. Clue number two. In 1992, I shared a record-breaking partnership of 236 with Gary Neville. Gary Neville? Gary Neville? In 1992, I shared a record-breaking partnership of 236 with Gary Neville. I also love how I'm leaning in to listen, but I got my iPods in so you make me no difference. Okay, Gary Neville.

Yeah, it's a bit of a rogue on that. Clue number three. I made someone storm out of the TMS commentary box in my very first stint on TMS. What? I hope you got the story of who. whoever this is. Yeah, I might have done. This Christmas self made someone storm out of the TMS commentary box

on their first stint for TMS. I could take a guess because of that. Could you? But I don't know if he's over there. Can you a number four? I hold the record for the highest test score for an Australian scoring 380 against Zimbabwe. Oh, we should know it from that, shouldn't we?

Scoring 380 against Zimbabwe. I reckon a few at home might have got it from that. Yeah, I would. And clue number five. I like the one that gives it away. Before the last one. Can you tell me the date of the Gary Neville thing, please? That was 1992.

Okay, thank you. In clue number five. I offered to run around the MCD naked if Joe Root didn't make a century in Australia this action series. This elf offered to run around. The MCG naked I didn't see it Didn't make a century

I am as well It would have been so funny That is Matthew Hayden Yeah You got me It's Matthew Hayden Or just call me Hayros

Oh Heyros Yeah nice bit of flirting A lot from Haydos Good game Jack So Hartley Crossies both get three out of three

Yeah Yeah KC and the Snowman Band three out of three. Well, I think Crossy takes that one, four, three out because of the creativity and the team name. I'm very sorry. Yeah, but she's obviously said, what's your team name? Because she knows

she's got a good one and she knows I wouldn't have one. That's how you win these things, Alex. You've got to have the edge. Yeah. Goodness sake. That's Christmas. It's Christmas. It's Christmas. Fully, fully, Christmas. Christmas. Gracie, Merry Christmas. Jack.

Merry Christmas. I'll see you in four minutes. Merry Christmas, guys. I will go back into Santa's little grotter and let you guys finish off the pod. Thank you. Bye, Jack. Good game. We never play games anymore, do we? No, I liked that. I hope people got those right before we, before the last one, the last one gave it away. I can just imagine Jack going up to people going, can you just record this for me? Don't worry, not going to, it's not like nothing bad's going to happen, and now they're going to have been played as elves and probably didn't sign up to that. Thanks for participating. I was wondering who is going to ask because I was like trying to ask Justin Langer

and I wouldn't ask Justin Lange I'd feel like he's staring at me. I thought he was the first one for the first guest actually. Did you? Did you? Yeah. I can't believe it's Christmas. It's the end of the year. It is but we're going to do something a bit different, aren't we?

We said we'd do an episode in between Christmas and New Year, which we normally have to. Yeah. Because we have a lovely Christmas. Have a great time, Al. I know it'll feel a bit different, but you'll still get drunk, so it'll still feel like Christmas. Yeah, we're fine. Well, I hope you have a great time. Hopefully it gets... I don't want it to get colder here, actually. I'll take that back.

Don't forget your emails on. Noblespodcast.bc.bc.bc.bc.com.com.com.com.com. It's so good. They've said it twice. You can text us on 8-1-1-1, or you can watch. Let's help us on 0331-123-1826. Merry Christmas. Bye. This winter, cricket's oldest rivalry is reignited.

This winter, cricket's oldest rivalry is reignited. England and Australia do battle to compete for the ashes. Hear live ball-by-ball commentary on Fife Sports Extra and get analysis and reaction of every day's play with the Test Match Special podcast. The Stops out of the ground. Test match special at the Ashes. Listen on BBC Sounds.

This month in football, everything is up for grabs. The Premier League battles intensify. The Champions League reaches its crucial turning point and the World Cup draw sets the stage for the biggest tournament on earth. Football Daily from the BBC brings you sharp analysis, instant reaction, expert insight, and the stories driving the game on and off the pitch. Your essential football podcast delivered every day.

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