Test Match Special - No Balls: The Cricket Podcast – Brunty bows out and best cricketing chat-up lines

Episode Date: May 5, 2023

Alex Hartley and Kate Cross pay tribute to their former England team mate Katherine Sciver-Brunt who’s announced her retirement from international cricket. They also celebrate the career of another pace bowler Shabnim Ismail who’s also giving up playing for her country.Plus Alex and Kate reflect on a frustrating start to the Rachael Heyhoe-Flint Trophy for them and share your best cricketing chat-up lines!

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We swear too much Henry does beep it out for us because he's a good man It is actually so that your family can all listen Your kids can listen But we will say Sugar I nearly said a really bad one And cross strikes in the first over

It's what England we're looking for Partly balls down the track Come scoring this time she connects It's either six or out It's six Hello and welcome back to know Balls to Cricket Podcast, the forgotten podcast, though we've been old podcast, with me, No Balls to Create a podcast, with me, Alex Hartley, and you, Kate Cross.

That can't be the welcome back. Hello, welcome back to No Balls at Cricket Podcast, and me, Alex Harley, and you, Kate Cross. The award-winning podcast. Sorry, the two-time award-winning podcast. The Nighthawker Stalker podcast. Can't remember what else we spoke about because it was weeks ago. Wow, welcome back, everyone. on hope you've missed us sorry it's been what do you reckon three weeks i think it's only been two

feels like three feels like about three months um it's my fault um i wholeheartedly apologize i've been missing in action haven't i you've been very poorly you've got yourself better we did the parasite podcast and then it came back can you've been down and out man down somebody going to see if She's still alive. Not good at all. Yeah, it came back with a vengeance. I thought we'd got rid of it. We really didn't.

Played a game of cricket, don't know how. I literally, your kit was drowning you for the first time ever. Like, I was like, oh, okay, well, she must be all right. She's played this game and you just, you bowled really nicely. A bowled all right. It's in you since. Yeah, I was literally down and out after that wasn't our proper, proper man down. I

looking back I had sickness the night before that game and I was like I'm just going to play cricket like that was what my norm was that I was just throwing up the night before and then was like oh I'll go and play 50 overs today so yeah I'm really sorry everyone I've not been able to do a great deal

so podcast certainly wasn't top of the priority list well I kept getting like when's the next pod out and I was like honestly I ain't even going to ask crossy you didn't do you want a pod should we have a pod? Because you'd have been like, fuck off. I don't think I'd have had the energy to tell you to fuck off. You'd have been like, sorry you didn't reply to that.

Yeah, sorry, I've been asleep for four days. But I hope it's good news, Al. I really hope it's good news. To put some context into this, I'm on my seventh set of antibiotics. Wow. Someone was asking me the other day. It was shippers actually the Trent Rockets. No, that's a lie.

The Blaze. I get there eventually. The Blaze essence. Like, how's Crossie what she's up? She's like, she's on a third set of antibiotics. She's really struggling. Seven? Seven.

Oh, Len died, didn't he? What? Len Goodman. Seven? Passed away. Oh. Side note, really that. Yeah, seven set of antibiotics.

Actually, the ones that you can see there in that jar on the table, they are the magic pills. They're the finisher. These actually look like, do you know, when you watch a film, someone's addicted to medicine and it comes in those bottles and they like sneak it that you're in that. It's old school, isn't it?

I text our doctor the day that I took those because they're like a really high dose of whatever it is, something that's probably bleached. Take four tablets by mouth. Sorry what else am I doing with them. Look what it says at the end as well. It's like, do not drink alcohol. It's like underlined in like bold letters

right at the end. Oh yeah, warning do not drink alcohol. So I've taken them There's four tablets in one go, the highest dose of anything that I've taken in two months. And hopefully that will kill whatever's inside me. But I can't drink alcohol for five days after I've taken them. So what on earth are they going into my body? Madness.

Has it been freaking you out? No. I've actually been, I think I would have got quite anxious about that a few years ago because it's something that's living in my intestine. And I think I'm trying to look at it as like I've got a really hospitable intestine that this parasite really loves living in. and it's thriving in there and it's doing really well. It's because you eat all the great food.

You're in great shape. You're healthy, you're fit. You were anyway. I was. I'm not anymore. I actually think I look so poorly at the minute. I look really waxy. Do you know what you look like?

Well, not only when you go through a, you know, in Madden disorders. That's what I feel like. But you also look like your skin is just attached to your Skellington. Skellington. I forgot that you don't know what that right word. days. This is funny because we're laughing about it. It really wasn't funny a week ago. I was at my lowest, like most desperate point. I was on the phone to the ECB, to the doctors and just

cry my eyes out because I just wasn't coping anymore. I'm in a much better place now, which is why we can podcast again. But I just want to say, I cannot believe how unbelievable ECB have been about this. They've been non-stop working around the clock. I've got tropical disease specialists from London working out how to deal with. this thing. It's really, really rare that it's not being got rid of, hence why we're having to have these tablets. So fingers crossed, like I said,

it's a waiting game now, but if I'm not playing again next week, then everyone's going to know it's back. Yeah, I selfishly, I've really, really missed you. And I text Hen being like, I just feel so helpless. And every time I text you and you don't reply, I feel like I'm badgering you. I'm like, hi, hi,

hello! Are you there? And then there's nothing worse than someone asking if you're okay, day but I've been like I just need to know if she's okay and then I nearly just knocked on the doorbell the other day and I was like I know she'll be asleep and I was like it's not like when you were mentally struggling I had to just help come in and be like come on we're going out we're doing something but it's like we can't go for a coffee we can't eat you Feeb G your house mate she took my place um you moved out came around last night for dinner and she said it was

really sad one day last week she just had plain pasta it was probably the lowest point of this whole thing. Do you know what's a real positive for me in the whole of this thing though is that I can haul my head up high and say I haven't shit myself at any point? Yeah. Which feels like a real win. It's remarkable that really to say I shit myself in South Africa and there's nothing wrong with me. Yeah. But can we become best

friends again now you're getting better? Yeah, of course. The thing is I've not been able to be social. I can't go for coffee because now I've become lactose intolerant as well to add on to all of this. And you know I love milk. Me and my porridge are just like what gets me through the day. And I've just not, I can't do anything that I should have

be able to do and so yeah this is why I'm just so so hopeful that this is the end of it and I don't have to talk about this anymore because we've now done six and a half minutes of my tummy basically yeah but you've put on to KG yes I lost seven

put on two which I think is just my colon filling up again that's good we really don't have any secrets with our listeners doing how are you Well, funny, on the reverse crossy, I cried last week because I couldn't put my jeans on, they didn't fasten, and I texture, and I wasn't happy.

And you were like, can I have them? I was like, not now, not now. That's such role reversal, such role reversal. And I was like, I'm really not in the mood for that right now. I was like, ha ha, funny. You actually said, let's not talk about this right now. Yeah. Can I have your jeans, though?

No, I'm going to get back in them. So you've lost seven kids. G, and I've put it on. Anyway, yeah, I'm all right, thank you. No, I'm really, really, really exhausted. You're paulie. I've got tonsillitis. Between us are a right, pair.

So I'm on antibiotics too. Nice. So we cheers our antibiotics. Cheers, yeah. Cheers. To health and wealth. Health, wealth and playing cricket. This is typical, by the way.

You look well, you've been ill. Yeah, this is it. Yeah. So I'm just really tired. I was really sad at the weekend because I got dropped from the Lank's team. Well, we don't know if you got dropped because you didn't get a game in on Monday. So technically you didn't get dropped. But, crossy, it would have been the first time in 17 years.

But I think I'm... I bowled really, really well yesterday when I made sure I bowled at the captain. Yeah, always, always good. So we'll see what happens this weekend. But you know what? There's nothing you can do about it, but I was so sad. Like, so sad. It's awful, isn't it?

And we, oh, God, I feel like we say this all the time, like, every episode on this pod, but people's opinions of you are what matter in sport. And, like, I think for the first time ever for you, you've come back from, well, you came back from Fair Break this time. But when you come back from commentating, you normally, like, on the money straight away. And this is probably the first time you haven't been. And it's like, what do we do? Yeah, it's like, oh, my God, let's just drop her. Yeah. And I spoke to head coach and Pazzi, the assistant coach and has some really good chats.

I don't actually spoke to Elie. Ellie probably feels a bit of a good place. I love that you've not spoke to Ellie yet, so the first thing you do is talk about it on a podcast that goes out to like thousands of people. Yeah, that's all right. That's all right. I feel much better.

But it's made me feel quite flat. So at training yesterday, I was like, what's the point? It really, I think it makes you feel like that. And that's where when you're younger and you've got the fire in your belly to keep going, but as you get a little bit older, it's like, how much more have I got to give to this? Can I be asked the last two years of my career being in and out of a team?

Yeah. But I said this to you. I said this to you. When you're bowling your best, you're in everyone starting 11. That's what you've got to remember. If you were at your best now and you're not in the 11, then you question it. But you know you're not your best. You've got something to work towards.

Yeah. So yeah, for like the first time ever I went in like six and a half and over. Well, Thunder, we've not had a great start to the season, have we? We're on the board though. yeah because we got rained off so we've got points on the board yeah it's been a real shame because the energy and the like just what's the right word juve jub what's the word jubilence yeah energy and vibrance vibe i think it's something like vibrant anyway the energy that we've come back from our preseason tour with was unbelievable and then it rained for a month

yeah we were back indoors everything kind of felt like it got halted and then we've gone out and played cricket and not played good cricket and everyone's just a bit down in the dumps and it's it's so early in the season to feel that way yeah i spoke to early actually on the bus not about me but and she was like why is cricket just better in Dubai why is cricket just better when you're abroad and you're winning but it's like there's so much of it that when you're on pre-season tall like the results just don't matter when you then come back in and it's rachel hayho and your points are on the board and you're on a literal standings with against other teams like there's pressure yeah but

we're three games into a 14 game season. There's so much time. And I think we forget about that, don't we? So we play on Saturday. I'll keep you hydrated. But then I did say to Paz, I was like, if I'm not in the team, don't put me in the squad,

it's bank holiday weekend. Get out, get out and do something. That's where you're at. But no, I was like, no, no, I'm joking. I'll keep the girls hydrated. So we'll see. I mean, they didn't name a team for the Monday where it got rained off with it.

Between me and Asima. Yeah. which is also a really good place to be because it's not like you or another spinner so they're not putting you up against someone else and also Sophie Eccleston the world's best spinner came back into the team the world's best left arm spinners well

which really really I mean it's kind of repeating itself I know I was like I've been through this before why why go and play for not so no don't so stay with us we need to win so apart from the tonsilitis and the cricket cricket you're okay yeah I'm good thinking

How has everything going with the new house, mate? Yeah, good. It's been really good. He's settled in. It's so nice to have him. I really, really love it. Do you know what? That's a really good stage to be in a relationship

when you're happy that your partner's moved in with you. It's so good. And you like having him there. Yeah. I get to get home and he's just there. That's nice. And because I had a really tough weekend and cried, he was going away Monday night.

And he's like, I've got a surprise to you at home and he bought me a bunch of flowers. And I was like, oh, cute and went into my room and he just sat on the bed like hi i didn't go away and i was like oh my god he's a actual keeper isn't he speaking of being a keeper we put something out on instagram didn't we yeah do you want to do it now should we just go into it shall we well i've got a sticky notes but i just want to i really want to go through the things that we got sent yeah so for anyone that doesn't know who doesn't follow us on social media first of all followers um no balls tcp

No, both TCP, and we put out a little request to get some of your best chat-up lines. And I don't really know why we did this, we just thought it'd be funny. Right. There's some belters, by the way. I'm going to go right to the bottom. Okay. So the first one we had, are you a parking ticket? Because you've got fine written all over you.

I don't even know why we're doing this, because it's the, is the, is the outcome so that people can use it? You don't need child blinds anymore. I do need child blinds. I can use them on Harry. I guess you could, but you're there. I guess this is probably for people like me who slid into Stuart Broad's DM saying like,

well done on the game you did really well. So maybe we could use it as like people can trial them, let us know if they work. Okay. Or just keep sending them in, it's funny. Did I just nick a ball to you while you're standing directly behind me because you're a keeper? Nice.

Are you me batting because you're bad? Have you got a map because I'm lost in your eyes? These are so bad. Is that a ladder in your tight? Or is it just a stairway to heaven? Do you believe in love at first sight? Or should I walk past again? Can I borrow your box?

I seem to have lost mine. That's not a child line. That's just not got a box. Also, why are you saying that to a girl? Are you a sea lion? Because I can see you lying on my bed laces. I hope you know CPR because you just took my breath away. Oh, that's cute. That's a good one.

I've lost my phone number. Can I have yours? That is a great one. That actually, no one really uses these, did it? Like, chat blinds, I think. But I had a similar one to that. Do you remember when we went out in Manchester that time? Yeah. And I went up to that guy. And it's actually probably one of my better chat blinds.

But I went up to him and I was like, I've got a survey on my phone that I needed to fill out. And I gave him a ad contact. Yeah, it was good. And he, like, put, but I don't know what his name was. so it's still somewhere in my phone and I've never been able to text him because I didn't get his name. I just walked off.

Hi, he found your number in my phone. Yeah, it was seven years ago. Are you the ashes? Because I want to bring you back home this summer. Nice. Good one. Topical. You've obviously never set a feel before

because you've got two fine legs. One of my favourite ones. I need to go. Here it is. I may not be the best-looking guy here, but I'm the only one talking to you. Yeah. Oh, I really needed that.

We got one more belter. Someone said, are you playing in the WPL? I don't think that's a child blind. Do you like raisins? How do you feel about date? Yeah, that's all right. One of the better ones that I saw, actually. I see it quite a lot on, you know,

when people screenshot things like that have been said on, Bumble and a hinge. It's like how much does a polar bear way enough to break the eyes? Yeah. Great, great opening line that one. When I send a photo of you to my group chat, which one would you like me to use? That's a good one. Yeah.

That's like actually I'd reply to that. Are you the managing director of England cricket? Because you've robbed the key to my heart. Oh, yeah. That's an ick and a chat-up line all in one. Well, I enjoyed that. Yeah, me too. I could go for these all day.

Have you got any sticky notes? Yeah. Yeah? Yeats. So one came up to me actually. Two people at the Blaze game at Wellbeck, and I just want to give them a little shout out because it was really nice to speak to the...

I forgot to ask the lady's name, which is really rude for me, but a lad called Paddy and said he wouldn't be here. during lockdown if it wasn't for the podcast which I was like wow I've actually I was like oh gosh we'll pod soon yeah sorry crossy's not well but yeah do you know we we get loads of lovely emails like that don't we and like you do forget that time I don't know why

but for some reason in the last couple of weeks I've been talking to a lot of people about lockdown time and like what would we doing well I really liked it was I wouldn't like another lockdown But it was quite peaceful. Three months at home with your parents, and the sun was shining. The sun was shining, that's all I really remember about it. It's hot. It's that time of year as well.

We're on time hop, all my stuff and my videos come up, and I was jet washing the floors at this point. Why was it so hot, and now it's freezing? I know. We had a lovely, lovely letter sent to Emirates Old Trafford for us. It's nice when we get joint mail, isn't it? And it was from Dan, a long-time listener, Dan, and he's actually sent producer Henry a gift, sent him some socks.

Some socks, because Henry, please buy some more socks. You've always got holes in your socks and your pants. How do you know that? Because, you know, when men sit down and their jeans go, like, halfway down at the bum, but you can see their boxes. Yeah. Henry's like, materials coming away from the waistband. Men do that a lot.

I don't really get, just buy new pants. Yeah. Anyway, someone, Dan, sent some socks saying, beat them out on them, and I love it. So I need to pass that one to you, Henry. We will do that. He's actually coming up next week, isn't he? Because we've got some exciting news. Yeah.

Should we tell it? Yeah, why not? We're doing no balls in the studio so we can give you some video footage. We're going no balls visible. Are you going to, like, put a bit of makeup on? You're going to have to, aren't we? Well, I look like a wax figure at the minute,

so I'm going to have to do something. I put some tinted moisturiser on at 8pm the other night just because I needed a bit of colour in my face. Yeah, but your legs are still brown. I know, that's really annoying. I got a really beautiful tan. from being away for three months and then I looked like a ghost. Yeah.

We had a lovely day trip to London the other day and we went to Lords. We did. And we got to Lords, Chrissy. And this is a bit of, yeah. It's a sad note, this actually, isn't it? Sad, sticky note. Got to Lords and the Middlesex were playing Nottingham. And we got to the pavilion and we were desperate for a week.

So we're in a rush. We've got our passes on and we're like, we need to go to the museum, but we're just nipping there for. a wee. So we said to the security man, please could be nipping here for a wee. We're best in our, we're dressed in our commentary clothes, so we look nice. Better than our average, let's put it that way. Yeah, I've got a nice pair of pants on a strappy top and a coat, and you've got trousers, strappy top and a coat, really smart coat. And he looked us up and down and went, you can't come in here dress like that, because we didn't have heels on. His toe, he looked

us up and down, and the tone that he used with us, it was like, not like that. And we went, I was like, oh, this is my Sunday best. This is what's wrong with Lord's Cricket Ground. And, like, there's so much chat about cricket trying to get more people involved. And, like, two people who are heavily involved in cricket get spoken to like that. If you'd have just been, like, really sorry, there's a policy of high heels on game day. No trainers, yeah, we did have trainers on. But if we'd have taken our shoes off, I reckon we'd have been allowed in.

Madness, wasn't it? It was really, like, it really wound us up, actually, didn't it? Fired us up. And ironically, we were there talking about the history of women's cricket and how far it's come. And that wasn't about us being women at Lords, to be fair. That was about us not being dressed right. But my gosh, the tone that he used with us was just awful, wasn't it? Not like that.

Not like that. I mean, not like that. You today? No, a joggers and a hoodie. Purple and odd socks. I'm in Lank's kit, to be fair. I can't say anything. This is probably a bit old now, but it's on my sticky notes, so I'm going to say it.

But I forgot to tell you that I picked up an injury around Easter weekend. So I got my Easter egg out of the fridge And you know when Well I love my chocolate in the fridge for a start Some people think it's an LBW but it just tastes better It's just the right way around And because it's rock hard I was like I'm just going to punch my eggs

So that it cracks and I can eat the chocolate And I punched it and you use this knuckle here And then I got to train in the next day And I was like I can't hold my back Like I've really And to this day what was it like four weeks ago I've really hurt my hair My fist.

That's because you're fragile. I punched an Easter egg and got an injury. Also, who punches an Easter egg? What's wrong with you? It does sound aggressive. I would hit it on the side against the kitchen counter. Yeah, I should have, well, I had to do that in the end because I... You know, when you hear people break their wrist because they've, like, punched walls.

Punched an Easter egg and got an injury. Oh, wow. I've got a bone to pick with you. Oh, God. So you are good friends with Harry. Yep. And he came around on Friday night just to see if it was Friday afternoon

and see if you're all right, check in. She's not well. She's not well. It made himself a brew. And you didn't lose your shit at him for using the K-mug. I think that's the perfect representation of how poorly I am

that I didn't have their energy for him to see my wrath. I was like, I text him to say, I'm actually mad. It's just me. She doesn't like them. So he can use, he can cut, waltz in your house and use your K mug. I was there to supervise it though, so I was like, it's okay, you can use that,

whereas you surprised me with it because you were just, like, flaunting it in my face. I'm not... You're actually really mad. Yeah, I can see it in your eye. I am. Do you want a public apology? Yeah. Tough.

I'm sorry that you're not good enough to use my mug. No. The Dakar Rally is the ultimate off-road challenge. Perfect for the ultimate. defender the high performance defender octa 626 horsepower twin turbo v8 engine and intelligent 6d dynamics air suspension learn more at land rover.ca um we need to talk about some serious cricket stuff actually because we've had a retirement yes we have shabs shabnam really quite glad i don't ever i don't think I think I've ever faced her an international cricket,

but I'm really glad I'm not going to have to face her an international cricket now. Yeah, what a woman she's being, the fastest bowler in women's cricket. And she's decided it's too much playing for South Africa, training, being at your best all the time, it's too much. So she stepped away from international cricket. Yet another player that stepped away from international cricket to play franchise cricket. Yeah. It's funny, isn't it?

Because a lot of the people that have retired in the last couple of years aren't at an age that you would think would be retirement age from international cricket but I think what people have to remember and especially for a lot of people

who haven't been following women's cricket for that long is that a lot of these girls started playing international cricket when they were like 16, 17 and I guess the lifespan for a female cricket is probably shorter for that generation

just because they've done it for so much longer. I'm going to put this into context about her retirement so she got paid about 26,000 pounds per year to play for South Africa. She went to the WPL for three weeks and got £100,000.

Crazy, isn't it? So it really, really doesn't surprise me? No, not at all. And we're going to see more and more people do it. International cricket is going to have to catch up. It's fascinating really because you'd think the 100 two years ago was the tournament.

It was the highest paid, well, one of the highest paid female franchise tournaments that you could go and play in. And now that's falling behind. the WBBL because they've had that Oh yeah They had a new MOU come in That's paid them a lot more money

Yeah earns 400 grand a year now And then the WPL is just like blowing It's blowing the 100 out of the water So these competitions if they want to survive Are going to have to catch up and catch up quickly But International cricket is going to have to do something Yeah

But the IPL in the men's game pays more than essentially contracted men's anyway But I'm just worried that But we've had this conversation time and time again. I'm just worried that you're South Africa, you're West Indies, New Zealand, whatever, they're all going to fall so far behind and more and more people will retire to play franchise cricket

because why wouldn't you? Yeah. And we're in a really luxurious stage of women's cricket where you can fit all these tournaments in the calendar and play international cricket. It's not like the men's where they're literally fighting for breathing space to get these tournaments in. We can do it.

So there's definitely room for both. It's just the investment has to happen quickly. Yeah. And it has to be significant, basically. Another retirement has just come in. Big one. Big, big, big, big one. And I'm actually like, now it's come out a bit like, whoa.

Yeah, so Kathy B. As hung the international boots up for good. And it properly is the end of an era. For good. Like, she retired from test cricket. She retired from domestic cricket. She actually unofficially retired from one day cricket, but didn't tell anyone because she said that everyone spoke to her like she died when she retired from test cricket. So she didn't want to go through that again and then have another big retirement when she was finished with T20.

So yeah, she's kind of done it gradually, hasn't she? But this is the big one. She's done. She has been a game changer for women's cricket. She really has like, I sent, well, she texts me actually because she announced it to our squad on Monday when they're all like. but Loughborough and I wasn't there because of this bloody parasite. And she just said, I want you to hear it from me before it goes out into the press. And she sent me this message.

And I sent her one back that was like, you should be so proud of everything you've done for, not just England women's cricket, but for women's cricket. Like she's changed how the game is played for the better. She's shown what passion looks like. Wear your heart on your sleeve, honey. If you were to, like, you can't see passion. It's not a thing. but you can when you see Catherine play

because everything that she does is 100% for the badge. It's going to be so weird not seeing her in an England shirt. It's exciting for you guys moving forward. She sort of set the standard. She's, you know, she's been fantastic. When I think of Catherine Brunt right,

I think of 2009, Black Eye, playing cricket for England, to 2017 to her crouching down at Lord's crying when we won that a final. to her playing in South Africa and showing her passion on the field. And it's just all gone. I know. I think the thing that's going to help us all, though,

is that she's kind of gradually stepped away. So we're used to seeing, like, a test team without her in it and a one-day team without her in it. But I can't imagine going to training and Catherine not being there. Like, she's been England cricket for me. Yeah. It's going to be odd. I wonder if she's going to stop playing cricket altogether

or if she'll still try and play in other competitions. The way she signed off her text to me was like something along the lines of, I won't be too far away in a hospitality box, though, so don't be shy because obviously Nat's still going to carry on playing. And Nat has a siver brunt on her back now, so there'll still be a brunt on the cricket pitch, which... Her legacy lives on. Yeah, I think that's the thing that she'll...

She's obviously not going to listen to this, but she should be just so proud of that legacy that she's going to leave because her name is in the history books. It's on that wall at Lords. It's in halls of fame. She's going to be induced into all sorts of... amazing things in the next couple of years because she's been such a servant to women's cricket. Well, you think of England cricket and you think of Charlotte Edwards.

You think of Catherine Brum. And like my whole cricket career, from when I was a young kid being a dressing room attendant, she was there, to playing against Yorkshire, she was there, to commentating on England, she was there. Hopefully she'll be in the commentary box. I think she'll, she's not going to be done with the game. She's got so much more to give to people. She's obviously done a bit of coaching in the past. Whether she'll go into that, I don't know.

But she'll definitely be around. She's always, I think she's going to properly milk this wag stage that she's going to go through now. She's such a white. She's dating one of the best cricketers in the world. But I guess. Married to, not dating. Yeah. Maybe she needs some of these child blinds.

But I guess we say thank you to Catherine. Yeah. and enjoy putting those feet up because you definitely deserve it. Yeah. Congratulations on a stellar career. Catherine Siver. What a woman.

What a woman. BBC 5 Live. I'm Mette Antonio. I'm Callum Wilson and this is the Footballers Football Podcast. We'll be discussing transfers, injuries, goals. It'll be me talking about the goals. We'll be joined by football fanatic Ricky Hayward Williams.

This is the only. place where you can hear what top professional players think about all things Premier League. Hold on. My agent's calling me. This could be a point. Hello. Chance for a live on the podcast. What's going on? No one wants him.

The Footballers Football Podcast. Just bring it on. Listen on BBC Sounds. A few questions. Shall we go into our emails? Yeah, I want to go upstairs with one umpire. I don't like her. I've fallen out with you. We've lost two games.

You're umpiring two games It's a shame for Anna Anna you've gone We've become friends at Fair Break We had that memorable McDonald's together In the airport But me and you are no more But we're going upstairs

Yeah but I'll take you upstairs for one last time We're going to have to make it memorable then I've got one here It's not an email But it's something That I want to talk about So you know when you buy new bedding You put your bedding in the wash

Before you put it on your bed Have we just gone upstairs with an umpire To not read out an email Let's pretend this is an email Okay This is from Jen Cross And Deandra Dotting Okay

When you buy beding You put it in the wash Before you put it on your bed Yeah Do you wash your knickers Before you put them on? No No

And D dot was saying I can't believe you don't Wash your new pants Before you put them on And I was thinking If I wash my bedding why am I not washing my new pants? Yeah, it's hard for me to comment on this though

because I'm at a stage in my life right now where I'm buying underwear to put in the bin. Yeah. I'm wearing them for a day and then putting them in the bin. So I'm probably not the right person to get a value on this kind of thing. But odd, isn't it?

It's really made me think. I think that about when you buy swimwear and you try it on. And I know it has that little plastic thing in it, but again, yeah, someone else has touched that and you're just trying it on. I mean, I always try it on with my knickers, but then I've not washed my knickers before wearing them for the first time.

I never thought of trying a bikini on my knickers. Always. Oh, goodness. Right. Thanks, Jen and DeAndra for that email. Hi, Kate and Alex. Longtime listener, first time email are here. Firstly, congratulations on the two well-deserved awards.

I ran my first 5K race after the Manchester Marathon this evening while listening to your episode with Darnay, which was a great listen. I got a 32nd P.B. Yeah, baby. running 1828, 5K in 1820. This takes me back to lockdown when people were saying that they ran a 10K in like 25 minutes, I remember. Illegal.

And was reminded of a segment from a few months back where you discovered that you ran significantly slower while listening to your podcast and thought you might like to hear that it doesn't always have that effect. Keep up the great work. Tom. Well done, Tom. Oh, hi Kate and Alex. Actually, hi Alex and Kate. Long-time listener, third time emailer.

Oh, wow. Firstly, I want to say that I absolutely. love your podcast. After a bad day on Sunday, I find myself listening to your emergency pod a quarter past midnight and it completely cheered me up. I thought they were going to say it to put them to sleep. I think that was my favourite episode ever. Huge congratulations for winning both awards. For part of my GCSE English exam, I have to give a presentation to my class on something persuasive that I am passionate about. Since I am an absolute cricket badger, I wanted to do it on women's cricket, but I need a topic to talk about. Do you two have anything that

you feel should be changed in the women's game, such as boundary length, fielding restrictions, ball size. I can find my own facts and data to back this up. I just need a starting point. It doesn't have to be about cricket, it could be about women's sport in general. Any ideas would be appreciated.

According to my friends, who don't listen, but I have tried to get them to, my LBW is apparently that I listen to this podcast at all because they think podcasts are only for old people, but I'm 14. I almost agree with that. But if it is genuinely entertaining, like this is compared to other podcasts, I think I am an exception. There's a lot to go out there.

So podcasts for me felt like they were going to be a fashionable thing and that they kind of go out of favour quite quickly. But if not, they've stuck around because here we are still doing this podcast. But like, do you think they're going to be like 45 still doing this pod? They're like, I need the money. I've got no job. I don't know. Like, obviously it's going to come to a natural end at some point. But why is it?

because podcasts aren't going to be a thing? Is it because people don't want to listen to us? What should she talk about in a GCSE English exam? What have we talked about today? International cricket needing to catch up with domestic cricket. There you go. Not domestic cricket is definitely not that. The other way around.

Franchise's a topic. There you go. Maybe that's your topic. But yeah, Crossie's quite passionate on the fact we aren't going to do homework for you, Emma. Sorry, Emma. I've done my uni. I've done my time. She does have separate winter and summer dovies. They wash her bread knives and they keep their toaster out.

We keep getting tagged in things about bread knives, don't we, at the minute, because something's gone up on, there's a meme going around. And also, have you seen that Chester Zoo are looking for people to dress up as animals? Yeah. They're not going to be allowed in, though, because you got booted out dressed as an animal. So it's all a lie, I'm telling you. It is. Hi, guys.

Hope you enjoyed the jet setting and playing, commentating around the world. A couple of random questions for you. Number one, who have you met and been most star-struck by, either cricketing world or elsewhere? Ooh. Remember that time you thought you met? Hugh Grant. I was about to say that.

And it was Rob Bryant on the train. Yeah, I was about to say Hugh Grant on the train. Was it Gavin and Stacey? Yeah, but it was Rob. Rob. Starstruck, Starstruck. When we had the Ruth Strauss Foundation Day, it was a pretty cool day. That was a big, like, oh.

Yeah. We actually met Ed Shear and on another occasion, didn't we, at Old Trafford, and that was quite like, wow. Starstruck, I wasn't Starstruck because I was trying to play it cool, but I have got Harry Judd's number. from Upfly. Yeah. Yeah, nice.

We said we'd get him on this podcast, didn't we? Yeah, but I might have the balls to take some shock. You? Starstruck. That day I met Stuart Broad, clearly. Starstruck. Starstruck. I forgot about that.

I'm embarrassing. Also, I'll listen back to that episode, our emergency award-winning, double-award-winning episode. I think that was one of our most raw No-Balls episodes that we've done. Yeah, me too. It was so typically us. It was. It was very good, wasn't it?

Unapologetically, us. Yeah. Which is, if you have just tuned into this podcast for the first time, then that's what you get. Yeah. Question number two. How is the golf going crossy, and are you playing too, Al? I am not playing golf at all. It's not your thing.

It's a crossy thing. It's actually a crossy and Harry thing. It's like mine and Harry's time together, which is quite nice. But yeah, it's going all right, thanks. I'm trying to get out on the golf course, but I've been too poor. recently. I've been too poorly to wake up. Yeah, so, but yeah, watch this space.

I'm sure there'll be more insta videos that you hate. Question three, do you prefer commentating on the radio or the TV? If this puts you in an awkward position with employees, please feel free to ignore the question. Have a great season, look forward to following your games and listening to your commentary. Cheers, Dan. Hate both. Yeah, I hate it.

I love them both for different reasons. So the TV, you get to look glam. Someone does your hair and makeup. and TV for me when you're watching cricket, obviously, is what you watch on the telly, and I think it's so cool that I'm that person. The radio, you can be unapologetically yourself. Yeah.

Well, TV, it's just different skills, isn't it? Because TV, you don't have to describe anything because what people are watching is what they're seeing, so you don't have to take the f*** out of the listener. You literally just go, shod? Yeah, basically. They are both great. Sometimes I love going on the radio just to chat.

Yeah. You get more time, I think, on radio. because you can, I guess it depends on the format. Tell stories and build things. Yeah. Yeah. They're both great though. Yeah.

Hi Kate and Alex. I love your podcast and I'm not surprised you won two awards. I don't know if anyone knows. We've won two awards. The subject is no milk on your cereal. That's me at the minute. My advice, stick to your formula, i.e., don't go into a studio, but stay on the sofa with your phones.

It works. well we're on our phones now literally going into a studio on Tuesday about your doubts of not putting milk on cereal I have added a small amount of boiled water on my muesli for granola or granola for years as I can't have any diet she's at it again

I've added a small amount of boiled water on my musley or granola for years as I can't have dairy products I find it makes it taste much better bringing out all the flavours If I'm in a hotel, I use apple juice instead You don't need milk on cereal Well perhaps corn flakes, try it and say

Good luck with your cricket seasons All the best, Jenny Thornley, Carpeth I use oat milk on my cereal Do you know what, really got me more than anything in that email Stick to your formula Boiled water Why you're boiling your water?

I don't even think about that That's probably more of the LBW for me We've got, we've had loads of people messaging in with like apple juice on cereal now because we've opened a door for people that think that's normal when it's not. But boiled water. Get in the bin. Get in the bin. This one, Dear Kate and Alex, it's called chatter blinds.

I've not tried this, but would you ever consider going out with a blind person? Yeah. The answer most times would probably be yes. Then that's when you reveal my white cane and ask, mine are yours then. I know it's been said by others before, but during very dark times, in first lockdown, and my blindness began, you helped me get through, to the point where I'm now embarking on a virtual charity bike ride, 872 miles on the 8th of May in 10 to 12 days for a Berkshire visual impairment charity.

I think your flatmate is from Reading, Alex. Well done on the award, and all you do, keep on keeping on, cheers Andy Smith. P.S., have you tried cooking a mushy-pee chicken, call me yet, Alex? Oh, you dirty bitch! I love mushy peas I love chicken corn but they did not go together My flatmate from Redding

I know she's definitely from Bristol area Yeah I don't know exactly where she's from But I mean 873 miles Best of luck the next day Because, ouch I hope this podcast can keep you entertained On your bike ride

Amazing, best of look Andy Smith Anything else you want to talk about, Crossy? No, I think we've gone over our time I'm the moment we'll get told off again, won't we? Yeah, and your flatmate has just come back. Yes, I've got a new flatmate now. Have I told anyone about this? No, I don't think you have.

So you moved out, and Naomi Dutani moved in for a short period just before Christmas, and then she moved out, and Phoebe Graham, the one and only Phoebe Graham has moved in. Shout out to BBG! She walked in yesterday morning, she'd been away for the week, seeing her boyfriend. She came back in, it's at half night,

and she walked through the door. She's, honey, I'm home! I was like, babe, it's 9.30 in the morning, I'm asleep. So it's going well? It's going really well. She's a gem, though. She's a gem. She's lived with me through this parasite, and I really feel for her. Yeah, I do as well.

Just for you, on the bus, on the way down to Cardiff, we put on Paradise and sang, she's got her, got a parasite. She's got a parasite. You did it the one way, really. Yeah, I know. Para, para, para, Paras. She's got her. Parasite. You weren't there. It was funny. You'll be there Saturday, hopefully. Please, please, please. If it stops you singing, yaksha, yeah, it's fine.

Yeah. I'll keep you hydrated. Well, you might not. You need to not think worst case scenario. No, I think I need to think worst case scenario, so I don't have a meltdown weekend. And then it's a bonus, right. Okay. Yeah. Anything's a bonus. Well, thanks so much for being patient with us, guys. Sorry, again, for the time. that we had away, it was impromptu. It was, but surprise.

We're back on Tuesday. Tuesday? You get like two in a week. It's like buses. Oh, yeah, they're all coming at once. If you want to email us you can do on. Noblespodcast at BBC.co.com. Noblespodcast at BBC.co.com.

It's so good. They've said it twice. We've won two awards. Don't know if you heard. Yeah. It's all we've got to say about that. Yeah, we did. I would say vote for us, but voted to close and we won.

Keep sending us your chat-up lines because they were great. Yeah, please send up your chat-out lines. They have made my day. We had a right giggle with them, didn't we? I hope everything's all right. I hope everything is all right. I hope you all have a great day for the King's coronation because everyone's going to start having those big street parties again.

Happy Bank Holiday weekend. Happy King Day. Crossie? Yeah, baby. Your beauty knocks me over like Broad knocks over, Warner in the ashes. Bye! And cross-strikes in the first over.

It's what England we're looking for. Partly balls. Down the track comes scoring. This time she connects. It's either six or out. It's six. Why is it called a smart speaker? Ask it to do something and it'll be done. Just say, smart speaker, ask BBC sounds

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