Test Match Special - No Balls: The Cricket Podcast - dating apps, dog poo bags and David Warner's helicopter

Episode Date: January 15, 2024

Cricketers Kate Cross and Alex Hartley talk through another week in their lives in cricket. There's a remarkable story about directions, and Kate remembers a joke gone wrong...

This BBC podcast is supported by ads outside the UK. To embrace the impossible requires a vehicle that pushes what's possible. Defender 110 boasts a towing capacity of 3,500 kilograms, a weighting depth of 900 millimeters and a roof load up to 300 kilograms. Learn more at landrover.ca. Hello? Claude, it's Ed Gamble. Hi!

Quick one. I've had an idea. I want to do an official. Traitors podcast for the new series. Go on. Well, we've got these amazing reactions of the banished players when they find out who the traitors actually are. Yes, yes. Goal. Plus, I can actually get them on the pod

for their first post-show interview. Ask them all about their experience in the castle, who ate the most quassons at the breakfast, all of that sort of stuff. This is genius. I'm so sorry, but I've got a shepherd's pie burning in the oven. I've got to go.

Keep me updated. Oh, okay. Bye, Claude. The Traitors Uncloat. The official companion podcast with me, Ed Gamble. Listen on BBC Sounds BBC Sounds

Music Radio Podcasts Hi everyone The BBC have told us that we've got to issue a warning We swear too much Henry does beep it out for us Because he's a good man It is actually so that your family can all listen Your kids can listen

But we will say Sugar That's not a story He's had a really bad one. Cross. I'm doing round, the wicket. Boulder, boulder, leaving a ball alone, Litchfield. I think it's the wobble ball, and it just nips back.

It jags back. It's the nipbacker. That is a beauty from Kate Cross. An absolute seed. That is a beauty for cross. Hello and welcome back to No Balls of Cricket podcast with me Kate Cross and you, Alex Hartley. If we sound really good, it's because we've made it to the studio for the first time this year. And the good news is Alex has worn a jumper that it looks like she's designed,

so we can all see it on the visuals. There is absolutely nothing wrong with this jumper. It's cool. It's got a really nice back as well. Is it? I do joke you look like Tony Hawk and you still go the Tony Hawk vibe. Although I've got my Reebok classics on today and they are. They are a throwback. Yeah, they are.

They're not Tony Hawk. How are you? I'm all right, I've been busy. I've been in London this morning, got back up for the podcast. You were late. I was late. My apologies. Sorry, everyone.

Half an hour late, Chrossie. I know, I'm sorry. I hope there's no one. Is anyone in this studio after us? Yeah, when we get kicked out in 12 minutes. If it's a short podcast, it's my fault. But I'm okay, thanks Al. How are you doing?

I'm good. I'm tired. These early morning big bash games, they're not for me. You're a big bash game. I'm a big bash girl. So I've got today, tomorrow, I've got a week off, so bliss. Nice. Yeah.

You had a week off last week, didn't you? Yep, yep. So it's basically just the early mornings. It's just the early mornings. I can't hack it. I fell asleep on the sofa last night and a half-past five, danger nap. It's the weather, I'm telling you. Yeah.

It's this time of year, isn't it? I always struggle in January, so I always try and go abroad. But I'm not going abroad in January this year, so it's sad. That is pure sads as well. It's real, genuine sads. It does affect me. It really does get me. Have you got the sad lamp?

out yet. Not yet. You told me to get it out. But it's just, because it goes dark at like 2pm, you want to get in bed at 5, don't you? It's getting lighter, crossy. We did say this, 39 days, was it? Until it goes, the sun sets at 7pm, I think it is. Probably 38, 37, 37, 36

by the time this podcast comes out, who knows? Who knows? No, it's meant to be timeless, don't say that. But you're good, otherwise? Yeah, I heard, but okay. Honestly, all good, all good. I've seen that the Thundergirls are off to Mumbai. at the weekend

not jealous got a bit of FOMO because my friends are going obviously You would have been on that as well because it's a spin camp I know I honestly can't think of anything worse

Well because you've retired from cricket now So going on a cricket tour Would be a nightmare Yeah would be terrible But yeah no I was just like oh Go well It's cool that though isn't it

So good Because this isn't pre-season This is like a genuine Go and get better at a specific skill So there's part of me that goes Oh come on a couple more years you could have been on that trip but it's the cricket bit that put me off

that's why you retired you got to remember that yeah you all good yeah all good getting back into training now we are going on a bowling camp a fast bowling camp not spin bowling camp in February start of Feb to Desert Springs I'm hoping it'll be a bit warmer

but I'm sure we did a trip like this a few years ago and it was colder than it was here yeah I think Desert Springs this time of year is not exactly tropical Louis tried to get us to South Africa and that didn't get the go ahead I wonder why but he tried maybe you could go like Abu Dhabi like the boys

We could but we're going to Desert Springs Yeah I will Unlucky So yeah going getting ready Do a bit of cricket next week Start getting ready to think about cricket again And then come back from the bowling trip And then it's WPL time

Have you seen the rumours Yeah the rumours are true The tremors or trumers Yeah, so it's going to be Bangalore for 10 days And Delhi for 10 days How good So personally I'm really excited about that

Because RCB Going to be playing in Bangalore Going to have the home crowd Yeah, that's so good It is going to be so good But there is a lot of people from RCB Who don't want me to sign for them We have to remember that

So I've got to win everyone over Yeah, I've got bad news for you Do you know how last week's pod I planned to come to India Yeah Yeah This week's pod I can no longer come the PSL want me for the whole tournament now

which is amazing obviously I'm going to coach for the whole tournament rather than just like the buildup so I can't come to India So what's the bad news? Thank you I'm only joking As long as you leave that hoodie at home

I don't care what you do I'm not wrong with this jumper I want to do something with you out I want to take us on a bit of a throwback scene so you got your robot classics on I want us to bring back trough and peak of the week Troff and peak of the week

Sounds better in the studio Doesn't it? Yeah I don't think we'll ever Have done it in the studio No we won't have So do you want to start With your trough or your peak

I've not even thought about my peak I just got a trough That I wanted to talk about Right okay Do you want to kick us off then Right so my My trough of the week So I'm on a few dating apps

Yeah And I got a man I matched with a guy I don't even know if this is a trough Or a peak actually Match with a guy Peak It's a trough

When you read the messages, it's a trough. Well, peak that I matches. Yeah, well done. I'm not going to give you his name, but B-Bu said to me. When I matched with him, that's a smile I could get used to. Kiss. I was like, okay. Didn't read it.

I don't go on these apps all that often. You didn't see it. Didn't see it. And then the next message you sent me a few days later. Is your friend in the second picture single? She's gorgeous, kiss. Let me know. Prehan's heart emoji.

Oh, no. Who was it? Laura. My friend's on school. She is stunning. I'm not gutted because I don't know this guy but this is what dating apps are So he's matched with you to see if Laura's single

Well I'm not getting that from the first The first message that feels like he was interested in me Yeah But then I think because I didn't reply Now wants you mate He wants me mate Anyway Laura's married Dom so you can't go there And I did put it in the WhatsApp group with my friends

And yeah It's a no so unfortunately But yeah that's my peak No that's my trough of the week That's your trap of the week Okay that's quite It's a good one isn't it It happens a lot that though

I hate it I hate dating apps I hate them They're awful Yeah but you're never going to find anyone Unless you're on them Well no I will Because I should go out

And actually meeting people But I don't I don't do either I'm just a little hermit Yeah but how good is it Staying in Exactly I'd rather stay in

Than go out What's happened to the neighbour Have we not Have we not done The neighbour update Oh that's done It's over That's done

He didn't like I feel bad saying Talking about this Because I don't think he listens But I think he's someone's friend's sister listens and that's who knows but yeah that's done in dusty

he didn't like that wasn't at home a lot basically which is fair but we're still friends oh that's nice yeah yeah my trough of the week is

that hoodie no the weather crossy it's so cold and I was just getting used to it being cold and it's not awful

awful at the minute but I went to meet a friend for lunch today Danny Collins And she's off to Mumbai on Sunday. And she goes, oh, you've got some snow coming next week. I don't want any snow. Yeah, there is going to, I've heard about the snow.

And it's meant to be like minus eight degrees next week. Like, that's just so, so illegal. Yeah, it is the winter though. I don't know what, do you expect it to be warm? I'm never at home in the winter. Oh, sorry. Sorry about you. I'm not used to it.

I don't know what to do. What do I wear? You're going to be in India now as well, weren't you? Yeah, so I'm a bit sad. So that's my trough. Okay. Peak of the week for me, what have we done?

What day is it, Friday? We've had a cool little experience, didn't we, this week? Went down to Lourdes and did some coaching. Got two-hour train for a 45-minute session to come home. Yeah. But it was good. No, but it was good. We did it for the Ruth Strauss Foundation,

which it's taken us ages to organise because we're not in the same country at the same time. And we met two lads. We did some coaching. The dad got involved. The dad got involved and played some cricket for us. But I feel like that was good. We got to spend some time together.

I see you all the time, no Yeah, it's getting a bit boring I was when I see you for coffee today You pipe me off Yeah, I was in London And the other day You said oh sorry I'm going to go play golf instead

I don't know worries Yeah, sorry about that But that was good Ivo and Kit Ivo and Kit We said we were going to give them a shout out this week Because they don't listen to the podcast

So but the dad does Dad does So hopefully you're listening this week Ivo and Kit Hope you get more dip on the ball Ivo Lovely, it's all about that front arm mate, all about that front arm

Just keep concentrating on that You'll get that dip and spin At my peak of the week Crosset's quite a serious one Like people out there are going to be like congratulations I came on my period for the first time since October Great news How good is that those are the little wins we celebrate in the Hartley household

Well done It means I'm eating well I'm consistent with everything I'm doing You're going to the gym Three times this week Yeah Because you found out that those classes that didn't exist Do exist?

Yeah 1230 every day So good So good So good There's a lady that goes to the class actually And I was watching her the first couple of times at the start of the week and um i was thinking a bit lazy not doing much but whatever floats you about if you want to go to the gym and not do much then that's absolutely finally she's going and

you're moving today she's in the gym and it's a hit class so we're doing some like squats and some dumbbell presses on the floor i looked over i just sat on her phone nice i like that's like she's literally that person that says i went to the gym i went to the just went to the gym yeah nice so good i like that though yeah and she's not lying to anyone she'd probably telling everyone she's gone to the gym. Yeah, she went to the gym and sat on her phone while I was sweating. I was that

tired after today, the lady next to me went, do you want me to put your equipment away? Oh, no. Please, I can't breathe. Don't be that person in the gym. I tried really hard. Well, that's good you try and have up. Don't be that person that has to have their equipment put away from. Do I look skinny? You look happy.

Have you got anything on your sticky note? Yeah, I've got a few things actually. Yeah. So, like yesterday, last week we recorded a podcast and we spoke about David Warner losing his hat and we finished recording you went on your phone and you went David Warner's found his hat 35 minutes after we finished recording I've got down seven minutes after we finished you said that I was like brilliant

hindsight podcast again well why don't we speak about hindsight David Warner the absolute state of it was I don't understand I messaged you today I said why is David Warner in a helicopter so it's his brother's wedding at the other side of New South Wales and Australia's big New South Wales So if you were to drive it, it'd take hours and hours and hours. So he went to the wedding, watched the ceremony, chopped in, landed on the ground, started waving to the press. They absolutely carry on with it.

It was outrageous. It was ridiculous. It was hideous. It was also great. Well, it's given us something to talk about. But surely you're just not playing that game, David, just drop out for that game. We've just come out back from a test series. Like you don't need to play for the six.

Was it the six? Yeah, Thunder. Thunder. Brother only gets married once or should only get married. It might be able to see it again. Statistically, he will get married more than once. Really? Well, by 32, apparently, if you're still single at 32,

you've statistically avoided your first divorce. Wow, congratulations. Thank you. Fraddy. You're two years and you'll have one. Get a handshake. But then you told me something great about Sean Abbott, which made it all better for me.

So there's obviously got wind of the fact that Warner's turning up in this helicopter. So Sean Abbott hired a lime bike and cycled in on a public bike. Oh, a bike? Yeah, it was a public bike. That's perfect. Cycled in and then the caption was no chopper, no problem. I can't imagine ever landing at a cricket game in a helicopter.

It just feels unnecessary. I don't think it's ever been done before. Apart from that guy with loads money at Lords, he was a helicopter man. I don't know who you're talking about. but back to his wave did he like like he was the queen

it was like a hi I'm here Was he in his kit Was he in his thunder kit Yeah Glassies on He had the headset on With a little mic

You know how they're like The captain's like Oh please shut the door Shut the back door They do don't they It's like they're reading the microphone Oh we're just descending into Melbourne Oh gosh

So much carry on I love no I don't love it Sorry David Warner Do you not love it. I think it's ridiculous. I think it's absolutely ridiculous. But hilarious, funny, just don't do it again. Don't need to do it.

Or if you are to do it, David, park around the corner and walk. You don't have to, he parked on the ground. Oh, it was on the ground. On the ground. Oh, God's sake. Like where it said thanks Davy on his little. It was at the SCG. It was a SCD.

He parked on the thanks David. Do you think we didn't do enough for you for your retirement now that we're seeing all this, thanks Davy? Well, yeah, thanks forgot. Yeah, they did forget. Yeah, like did nothing. You completely forgot about you. You made it into the video, though,

that they've put up about their 160th birthday, so well done. I'd be human if I wasn't on that. Have you got anything on your sticking out? Yeah, mine's a bit of a rogue one. But do you know how you brought up the TikTok thing last week about how do you see the months of the year? We've got some emails about that. We need to go through them, but yeah.

Well, I saw one today or yesterday, and it actually blew my mind a little bit. But in England, do you think we've called? caught all the pigs, cows and sheep because you never see them on their ones, like just roaming around, they're always in a farm.

So do you think we've got all the wild ones, like into farms? What? Never see wild pigs, cows or sheep. Yeah, but pigs, cows and sheep aren't wild in England. But they were at one time. Yeah, years and years and years ago.

Yeah, so do you think we've caught them all? Well, but they're bred in farms now. They're not bred outside. Yeah, so we have caught them all. Yeah. Mad that, isn't it really? I don't think it's all that mad. It is?

It is. It is. That is a rogue one. We don't have wild pigs, sheep or cows anymore. Yeah, that's fine. Scottish Highlands have got wild cows. Right, okay. There's no wild sheep.

Yeah, but we also, look out the window now. Imagine if there's a couple of sheep. We're in the middle of media city. You're not going to see wild cows here. There's a mea cat on the loose. I've seen that. Which, where is it? There's a zoo in Manchester.

Cavisham something. There's a mere cat in Manchester on the loose. We're going to try and find it. Yeah. We want to catch the me. You text it to me like, I hope I find it. As I was sat on the sofa, no intention of leaving to find it. Right.

My next stick in, are you happy with the cows, pigs and sheep? to me one. Yeah, yeah. That hasn't aroused me as much as I thought it would when you said it was rogue. It was okay. Why are people adding me on Strava at the minute? Yeah, I don't know. I find it really odd. Yeah. It's not my social media. Please stop adding me. Is that because they just want to see if you're doing your runs? I don't know why, but it's never happened, but I had an influx of followers of people. I don't know. It was when you put that run up on your Instagram to prove that you'd done a run. No, it wasn't. It was to compare how hilarious, how hilariously slow

I was compared to my last run. Well, your last one was in March, 2022. Yes. It's now January 2024. But I left the house and went for a long. Which is great. We're celebrating the little wins in the heart of the household, but why are people adding me on Strava? Stop it. I had random people comment on my Strava

being like, getting out the house is the hardest bit. It's like, thanks. Putting the gym kit on's the hardest bit. It is actually. It is, especially when the tight those leggings are tight now. Where did we go? I had leggings on. I was like, I can't wait to take these. They're cutting me and I.

Yeah. Well, it was when we went to see I have own kit. Yeah, it was. Oh, awful. I've got nothing else. I've actually got my car insurance password. I wouldn't read that out. I've got one more thing.

Phoebe Graham, my housemate, lost her house keys the other night. Yeah. We'd just finish watching the traitors, going to bed and I've been really good. And I was like, I need 10 o'clock bedtime this week because I'm really tired. Get us to 10 o'clock.

She's like, should we watch one more? I'm like, I need to go. go to bed febs. Anyway, like 20 minutes later, she's faffing around in the flat. And she's like, I've using my house keys anywhere. And they've also got her car key on it.

And maybe her key for her mum's. So like a lot of significant keys. So we literally tip the flat upside down. The flat's not all that big. So it didn't take as long to work out the knot in there. But she'd gone up to the village to get some bits for RT about an hour before. And we were like, well, you must have dropped them somewhere.

And she's got some new AirPods. So she was faffing about with the AirPods on the wall. But if she's dropped her somewhere, she wouldn't have been able to get back in the building? Yeah, I buzzed her in, which I found weird. So I was like, why is she not? She never doesn't take her keys out with her. Anyway, so it gets to like midnight, and I'm like, right, the car for me is the big problem. Because if you drop your car keys around a car park, someone's just got to press the button and the fob's lights up, sorry.

So I blocked her in. So I drove my car and parked it in front of her so no one could steal it, which I was like, that's genius. I told you about that, and you're like, brilliant idea, and then you text me the next morning and is Phoebe's car still there? Because I thought about it And you could probably do a 25 point turn And squeeze your way out No, because of the bush There's a bush on one side

And the car on the other So she couldn't She was completely blocked in Okay Well I was, that's what I was thinking about at 4am Right, okay Anyway, so long story short We've looked everywhere

Every single thing that we've spoken about that night I was like, I'll check around So like we're talking about making banana bread Because there's loads of bananas I checked under the bananas To see if she'd put the key Like every single You know when you

Like one of those things Where in four weeks time you'll go into the porridge where you keep the porridge and like there's keys in there and you're like, oh, Phoebes, I found you here. They dropped, I don't even know how she managed this. She'd put them in my shoe, in a pair of shoes that I don't wear near the front door, but in the corner where no one goes. Perfect, of course she did.

Why? How? We were nearly going to bring the police at half 12 to be like, we've lost the keys. I just had visions of both of you walking around town. Oh, we did. We went after a walk. With your torches on, looking on the floor. going well they could be in Tesco

but Tesco's closed now We did exactly that And I was like Phoebe's where did you walk Because she started walking down the middle of the road I was like is this the way that you walked She was like no one walked on the pavement I was like well let's walk on the pavement then Because you didn't walk down the middle of the road

But you know when someone's just so worried about The scale of what's happened So she's obviously really worried She's lost to set of house keys Car keys etc and she just wasn't thinking all that logically And then they were in my shoe Weird

Really odd But you got them We got them And I feel like I can be a detective now because I found them. Probably not. Oh. Anyway, yeah, I've written down, I was rooting through the bin.

I went through my bin. You'd never catch me in bins. I'd rather, rather clean a toilet than empty your bin. So that is why Phoebe, you've got to move out next week. She doesn't listen to this, I don't think. Anyway, right, sticky notes done and dusted. Should we go upstairs? Yes.

Pick an umpire, any umpire? Um, who umpired this morning? I don't know Okay Sue, not been upstairs for a while A New Year with Sue Yeah

New Year New Sue Better not be a new Sue Not be a new Sue Not the same old Sue Okay New Year's same Sue Yeah The drama

They're having to be separated They've both been shown The Red Card The Entertainment The Superstars The Superstars Welcome to the Planet Premier League

Podcast I'm Mark Chapman And every week, Cess Fabricas, Nadim Anua and myself talk all things Premier League. They have this dynamism and this quality that they can play anywhere. They need to prove themselves in scoring more and more and more goals. I think if they don't win the title this year, the season is a failure in the league. Planet Premier League. Listen on BBC Sounds. Kea ora, tell me the country.

Kiaora? I thought that was a person. No, that's Rita O'Roura. New Zealand. Yes. It means welcome. Maori? Kiori and Maori.

Help. Yes, getting nods from the studio. Help. Help us, we're thick. Love your podcast, your interviews with your guests are first rate. The English teams are my second favourite. after the white ferns and black caps. The men's tests last summer at the basin was amazing,

a great experience to see legends like James Anderson, Joe Rue and Stuart Broad. What a privilege. I've just bought my tickets for your games in Wellington. Can't wait. I've never played cricket except for family backyard cricket. And at 72, I think it's a bit late now, but I've been a fan for around 60 years

and just loved the game. wishing you every success with your podcast, your cricket, Kate, and commentary. Alex, regards Judith. Judith. Get playing Judith. Enid Bakewell is still playing cricket at the ripe old age of 1,428.

She could still play for England, Enid. So you can play some softball cricket? I wouldn't go straight to hardball. No, but some clubs, I don't know whether they'll do it in New Zealand, but we play prececo cricket over here where you go on a Friday night with anyone who wants to play, but it's mostly the girls of the... Mums.

Mums, girls, girls. You know what I'm trying to say. I actually have no idea what you're trying to say. Easy words. the wives or girlfriends of the players that play in the first team are normally like we can do this let's give it a go sisters moms etc basically to stop people having to do the teas

or the really stereotypical women things that you have to do at a cricket club they started a Prosecco cricket league so maybe Judith could start one in New Zealand that would be amazing I feel like that's good ages to get to but I'm there Judith I will come and play with you there you go Judith you've got two players do anything for a glass of a second.

Maya wants to know what's for dinner. Great question. I'm going around to Fee Morris's house and I think she's making me fish tacos because someone texts me saying enjoy your fish tacos tonight. Perfect. She makes a really good salmon taco

and she does this like avocado and mango salsa salad thing. I think that's what we're having. You're in for a treat. Excellent. You're not coming, are you? No, because she invited me but said there's not enough room for me

and Harry. And I've not seen Harry properly. Harry's going. Oh, how about you? You have a nice evening. I'm only joking, he's not. It wouldn't surprise me, you know. I'm on, I don't know why I did this. I'm on a vegan chili.

Oh. A three bean chili. Nice. That'd be good. Yeah, I'll hate every moment. No, you'll like that. Right, this is the one about the months of the year. We've had a few of these. Hi, Kate and Alex.

So for anyone who didn't listen to last week, you need to go back and listen. But I asked Alex how she sees the months of the year, like how she visualizes them in her head. and you said in a list, like January, February, March, April, whereas I see them as how it is on... A piece paper? No, how it is on my phone. So January, February, March, April, May, June, in lines of three. Anyway, hi, Kate and Alex.

I was listening to your most recent podcast when you're talking about how you visualise the months of the year, with Alex seeing them as vertical list and Kate's somewhere to the iPhone calendar. I have always visualised each year as a semicircle with the months going around clockwise and the new year being the other half of the circle, with the months again, going clockwise. So it's a two-year cycle. So January, three to January, like that. Does that make sense? Your face suggests it doesn't. What? I wondered what your thoughts are on the matter and if I am a psychopath or not. You are. There's a diagram. You psycho. It's even colour-coordinate. You see the diagram? Can you see the diagram?

That is so illegal. So January starts here for 24, all the way through 2025 and then. No. I don't like that at all. No. That's from Chaz. Chaz, I think you need to reinvent your brain. Thanks for everything you do. I always enjoy listening to your chaotic podcast. Oh, nice that we're getting diagrams on our emails, though. There was another one actually, but you find you go next and I'll find the next one.

Warner flew in by helicopter. What has been your most memorable journey? Great question. We've had a lot together. We have. But one that sticks out for me is, Do you know when we were younger, there was no sat-navs? Yeah.

And you used to have to get on the computer. And print off your journey. Print off your journey. The AA route planner. Yes. And print off the instructions and the... So I'm dyslexic and my mum is also dyslexic. Yeah.

The two of us together, two peas in a pod. She's going, where are we going next? And I'm going, in 100 yards. Oh, you missed it. She's going, turns the car around. So then she goes, where are we going? I'm like, in 100 yards. You just read that one?

I was like, oh, oh, sorry. And then every single car journey we would go on, we had to stop and ask people for directions because I couldn't read them quick enough. She couldn't react quick enough. It was an absolute shambles. So we stopped the car. I think we're in Wigan somewhere.

And it's a Sunday morning. So you're either got people that are coming in from a night out or dog walkers, right? So we pull up and we ask this bloke, excuse me, do you know where the local cricket club is? He leans in the car. in the car leans in the window on my side

he's got a bag in his hand and he shoves it through the window and he's waving it through and I'm going that's dog poo what dog poo and he's waving it in the car

and he's going right what you need to do and I'm going he's going take the next right and then you go left then it's 100 yards then you go over the roundabout

through the bridge and he's waving this dog poo in my face and I'm like wait who took out the way of it wind the window I'm like mum you couldn't have asked

the worst person what? minutes it took us to tell us why has he done that too much because he'd probably gone home and gone right morning this morning so waving me dog poo in this little girl's face that's not okay no no so that it was a green bag i can still see it that's your most memorable journey ever yeah because it was so traumatic i think mine was when we were in queenstown and we took a helicopter oh great we took a helicopter through the milford sounds and then we landed on a glacier

there was no dog poo involved but it was like this really stunning like 10th Wonder of the World vibe trip like once in a lifetime never going to get to do this again so yeah we weren't in Wigan there was no dog poo and we knew where we were going I think we've got our wires crossed

that was my most memorable journey I was thinking journey to cricket we have had some memorable ones So we've had a lot where we've crashed, but we've had a lot where we've nearly crashed as well. Yeah, you like to accelerate into standstill traffic. Yeah, okay. Should we move on? Yeah.

Before we get in trouble. Hey, Kate and Alex. I'm a 13-year-old girl living in Peshawar, Pakistan, which is two hours from Raul Pindi. I'm super excited to see Alex as a coach in the PSL, and I'm planning to come to a game just to try and spot her. I want to become an international cricketer for England. I'm eligible to play due to holding a British passport. Both of you have thoroughly inspired me to follow my dreams.

When I read Girls of Summer, I started to compare the amount of grassroots structure in England to the virtually non-existent grassroots structure in Pakistan. Outside of cricket, I've also been heavily inspired by Jessica Watson, who circumnavigated, sorry, 13-year-old using the word circumnavigated. She circumnavigated the world solo and unassisted at the age of 16. I also have a suggestion as to who should be a guest on the podcast, Sophie Eccleston. Add her on. We have had so fun.

She was pre-BBC, though. Okay, we could get her back. She's 13 and got a better brain. Do you know what? I think, I don't know her name, where is she? Mariam. I think Mariam would have been better at giving your mum directions in the car

than you would be now. Mariam, don't give up on your dreams. Yeah, do it. You can do it. She definitely can. And make sure you try and say hi to her when you go to the PSA. Yes, I will.

Just wave at me. Tell me who you are. I'll forget, but remind me. Shout out the words, circumnavigator Alex and she'll come and say hi to you. Yes. With Elise Perry hitting 300 appearances, Christy. Mad, by the way.

Who do you expect to break that record? I'm guessing the mean in the women's game. Yes. Eccles? That's the only person that springs. She must be close, actually. No. I reckon she's definitely done over 100 and she's only 24.

Yeah, but Perry's played for 16 years to get 300. So we'll play more cricket than Perry. Yeah. I don't think anyone else will break it though. internationally that you've got no chance I've got no chance absolutely not

I'm done I've got fluid in my knee from doing one fielding session this week I'm on the very very rickety road out of the game of cricket at the minute but yeah I think so could yeah I do I'm not sure on anyone else

I'm gonna see how many games she's played for England good look the signal's rubbish in here Sophie 5G I've got Eccleston stats can you do some quick maths I'll get my calculus she's played seven test matches seven

had 58 ODIs 58 had 76 T20s she's miles off 341 yeah no that wasn't the question oh yeah she's halfway there now and she's only been playing

for England for five years yeah seven close enough don't let the trees get in the way of a good story off there's one here

what did you take for your GCSEs oh my gosh I can't remember that well I can remember some you had to do like double science and stuff, didn't you? You could do triple and have three subjects.

What? You went to posh school. Yeah, you only found this out the other day. I cannot believe you went to a private school. How have you not known that? Because you've always told me you went to grammar. Yeah. Right, and there's a grammar in the same town I went to,

but it wasn't private. It was just like, people like me went to Ribblesdale and people like my brother went to grammar. Maybe if you'd gone to grammar, you would have been able to not have the poo. In your face? No, because you have to do an exam to get into grammar. Oh, yeah, you had no chance.

Yeah. But yeah, yeah. What was the question? Oh, what did it? Oh, so at my school, if you took biology, chemistry and physics separately, it was three lessons, but you could do dual science, which meant it was two, and you could take another one like P.E. or R.E. or something. But I think I did geography.

I can't even remember. Geography history, you have to do them, do you? Yeah. P.E. Yeah. So long ago. Also, when everyone tells you that they really matter, that this is how much they don't matter

because we can't remember what we've done. But go to school and do you. Do you get, what was you grades? 1B, 7 C's and a D. That's not bad. That's good that, isn't it? That's all right. B was P.E because I failed the exam.

Because I got an A star in the practical, and I got an F in the exam. We said about this, didn't we? you should, you'd have done better at school if you told them you were dyslexic because you'd have got help with your exams. Yeah. Big brave girl.

Do you want to know what I got? Yeah, I do actually. Four A stars, seven A's and one B. I failed the B. No, I got three A stars and the seven A's. Oh, great. Well done. Anyway, evening no ballers.

Thought Chris Broad would be a good option for a guest. Two for the price of one. Stuart's been interviewed by everyone already and done the rounds, publicising his book. you'd get a different angle from his dad who's also a high profile as a player and an official and he's good value anyway and also why don't you try for Joffre

if Sashwen he's back from Barbados and before he goes to India if he does Kate you could give him some wobble ball tips you've never done you've never oh this is really just to tell us who to get on the podcast you've never done that at least I've not heard her on no balls is there a reason we have had Nat on but she was with

Catherine yeah I think that's enough to be going on with what's going to write months ago to do with your query about Jaffa, but I fell asleep and abandoned it. Keep on, keeping on. Adam, in France. Chris Broad's a really good shout. Great shout. And especially if we don't get Stuart on, because I actually did slide into Stuart's DMs and he's ignored me.

So we tried, route, no. Broad, no. Baz, no. Bas, no. Morgan said no. At least Morgan replied. We can't have any of the men's test players because they've gone to Abu Dhabi and they're on media kind of not doing anything for 10. days with the media. Obviously.

Yeah, so we can't have any of them on. So we're really, really scraping the barrel. Aggers, are you around? Oh, I loved Aggers' this episode. Maybe we should get him back on. Crossie, you've been asked out four times on the Instagram today. Have I? Yeah.

Is it one of them... Don't ask me out. I can really get used to that smile. Who would have feared better? Who would have fared better? Who would have fared better? Crossy as a spinner, Alex as a seamer. We've had that question before

and I think I said me as a spinner. And I probably said me as a seamer. Do you think? Do you think, when do you bowl little left arm seamers? Left arm seam, very, very slow though. There's a reason I bowled spinner. I wasn't very good at seam. So this is why I'd be a better spinner.

I think I don't want to do this to you and I don't want to cause offence to anyone out there but I think bowling spin is an easier skill when you've been a seamer. when you've been a seamer. Because you've already got your off-cutter. Yeah, I just think you've got a bowling action and it's easier to slow it down than it is to speed it up.

Just you wait. I think I could have a ball spin. It hurts your brain. I'm sure it does. It hurts your brain. What did you say to IvMK? You've got to be brave. I found the other months of the year email

and someone sent more diagrams in. Oh, if you can see that. I don't see that one. Look at my face. Right, so that I don't. I don't even understand that. It looks like a graph. You're going to have to read it.

This one, it doesn't really make all that much sense to me because this person is a engineer. That's why they've done graphs. Hi, Alex and Kate. Firstly, thanks for your podcast. Your openness and honesty is so great and such a great insight into women's cricket and an entertaining insight into your craziness.

Teethrings from your last podcast made me want to drop you a message. Firstly, the 10K steps a day is b-h-ha-ha-it. It was invented by a jack. Japanese company as a way to market a pedometer. Stop it. So no need to count the exercise. So everyone that's trying to do 10K a day is your New Year's resolution, apparently a lot of bollocks.

Secondly, your question on how you picture the months got me thinking, I've got a bit of an LBW about months and even more so about years. It's difficult to describe, so I've done some diagrams. I'm an engineer. The colours are there just to make it look pretty. I don't see them and I also don't see boxes around the years, but it makes it easier to show the way I. I see things.

It makes this, they've done a diagram I still don't get it. With the months, I can view it from any position under the dotted line. So the dotted line is at the top of the diagram. Can we see that? Right.

That's complicated. Okay. So they can be in any position under that dotted line in any direction like I'm looking at it from a drone. So it's like a bit of time. The next year

has the same shape following on from the last. Nah, stop. It doesn't make any sense to me. What's he called? Look at this. No, that looks like a snake.

He used to play that on the computer. I don't understand. So who's sent this email? Chris in York. Chris, um, go for a walk. Get some steps in. And the bread knife, stick it back. Far more sustainable unless you've cut a bagel.

They're sticky. Nice. Um, how excited are you for next cricket season? Yeah. Well, cricket season. The reasons aren't really a thing for me. Yeah, true. Because we kind of play cricket all year round now.

But I had to do the cricketers Who's Who? You know, the book you've got to fill in every year. You won't have been asked to do that this year, will you? Have you ever told that story on this podcast? I don't know. I don't know. I think you should tell it again. I will tell it.

Okay. Anyway, but I had to fill it in again this year, and one of the questions was, what's your favourite thing about the summer or something? And I said the first day that you meet up for the international summer. it's always like a really you've got like springs in the air it's grass smells it's nice and you've got your new kit on yeah so it's just a nice day all right cricket is here so i'm going to put the emails down now because i feel like we're nearly finished we'll finish on this story actually okay if i have told this already i'm sorry if i haven't it's a belter so

me and you were in australia at the time or i certainly was i was in spain on holland oh so there was those big time difference. So I've filled out the cricketers who's who is the book that you get where every single professional cricketer fills out the questions and then you can collect the book and everyone tries to get signed by every professional cricket in the country. The questions this year that I'm talking about was like 2016 were tell us something unusual about a teammate,

tell us something we don't know about a teammate, something like that. So I wrote down that Alex Hartley has got chlamydia. And I sent a picture of it to you and was like, well. And I replied, ha, ha, very funny. Why don't you say Heather's got webbed feet? And you replied, Yeah, so then, because of the time difference, time had passed.

And I was like, oh, what did I actually write for that question? Because I filled out the rest of it properly and then sent it. But I forgot to go back and delete the fact that you had chlamydia. She didn't have chlamydia, just as a disclaimer, there was no chlamydia. but then it was 11 p.m in Australia. I didn't know what to do, so I messaged Hen. Hen had just newly been appointed as our communications manager with the ECB team. So I'm messaging Hen and it's a fury of like a help, flurry of like help Hen.

I've sent this in, I've done this, blah, blah, blah. Really not funny, really panicking. I even messaged the cricketer on Twitter being like, I'm so sorry you're going to have got an application thing from me and I was just messing around and I've put a mistake in there and they sent me a really quite arsy message back being like, please don't do this again.

It's not fun. It's not appropriate and here's the link to re-submit. Read it. Anyway, it turns out Hen had been in, was in New Zealand so they were asleep at this point so they hadn't replied. So then I've gone through the whole evening, panicking and 10 out of 10 anxiety.

And I was just laughing going, I just didn't believe you'd done it. Yeah, and I really had sent it off. So yeah, I learnt my lesson with that that if you're going to do it, just make it something that's a lot more believable. That is believable. And then Hen replied being like, really professional, just get in contact with them, send this email, do this, and then text you being like, that's hilarious.

I actually, that message came up the other day because it came up on TimeHawks, because it was like six years ago today. And my last two messages that I could see to Hen in this screenshot were like, help, please help, please answer your phone. And then Hen's like, it's anonymous, don't worry, these things get checked. I was one of the ones I had to check them. It's a bit of a ballade, but I'd do it. I was like, it's not anonymous, Henk because I know that the first question is, what's your full name?

So I know it's not anonymous. And I also put Alex Hartley. I put your surname in it. But you've never made that mistake again. No, I do do jokey ones. Yeah. Like this year, one of the questions was, describe your career in three words. so I just put better than Bobby's

Bobby's my brother no one will get that when they read it No one will get it about Bobby Yeah Crossy it's been a pleasure It has been a pleasure I like coming in the studio Oh my gosh

We've forgotten the one thing that we had to do What Vote for us Why this is why you should vote Because we forget that you need to vote We don't really want to win the award I do not want anyone else to win the award though I saw someone tweet today

Alex Tudor retweeted It's someone else out there He's begging for vote So we need to start begging better. Vote for us if you don't. I'm resigning. There's two weeks left to vote. It's weird looking at the camera.

I don't like it. There's two weeks left to vote. So please vote for us. And then we would love to win it. We're not bothered if we do or we don't, but we'd like to. I'm really bothered. Enough to have remembered to tell everyone to vote for us.

I just think we'll win. That's complacency. I know. I know. And that's where I went wrong with my cricket career. That is it. Vote for us. I don't know what the link is.

You'll tweet it, you'll Instagram it. You're better than that at me. Email us on. No Bowlspodcast at BBC.com.com.com. It's so good. They said it twice. We'll be back next week. Bye.

See ya. Really don't have comedy. Cross. I'm doing round the wicket. Boulder. Lovering a ball alone, Litchfield. Think it's the wobble ball. It just nips back.

It jags back. That is a beauty from Kate Cross, an absolute seed. That is a beauty from Cross. Encro chat was used by 60,000 criminals around the world. In summer 2020, police revealed they've penetrated an encrypted phone network favoured by criminals. Encro chat. Incro chat. Suddenly, the police were reading millions of men.

messages being sent from inside the world of organised crime. Corruption. Money laundering. Firearms. It was like being in a room with them and they are talking freely. At a time when the Met is in the headlines for all the wrong reasons. Do you trust the Metropolitan Police? It's a rare story of something that has actually gone right. Wow, this is quite major, isn't it? Catching the Kingpins. Listen on BBC Sounds. What is that? I just seen it

I'm just seeing it Jesus