Test Match Special - No Balls: The Cricket Podcast - Hartley's been in Amsterdam and a cat in a car!

Episode Date: June 21, 2022

Join Kate Cross and Alex Hartley as they discuss an amazing run-fest in Amsterdam, answer more of your questions and discuss whether it's ever acceptable to have tuna on a pizza.

This BBC podcast is supported by ads outside the UK. Bring more gear, carry more passengers, face greater challenges. Welcome to the world of Defender, with seating up to eight, ample cargo space and legendary off-road capability. It's built to make the most of every adventure. Learn more at landrover.ca. BBC Sounds, music, radio, podcasts. Guys, this is your warning. We do swear occasionally. Every now and then, we'll say the word.

Sometimes. Sometimes. And even maybe. But don't let that put you off with nice people. We beep them out. Like your kids can listen. Enjoy. And cross strikes in the first over.

It's Waddingham. Looking for. Hartley Falls down the track comes scoring. This time she connects. It's either six or out. It's six. You're not. You lot. Welcome back to No Balls of Cricket podcast with you Kate Cross and me Alex Hartley. You can't say alright you lot because it's been so long since the last episode came out that there's actually not a ULot anymore. more. We need to get people back in. Yeah, do apologise for that. I'm going to, this is the public apology. Sorry that we've been AWOL for.

It's been 10 days. I think it might be longer, you know. Look, we've had people to do things to see. To see. Wait. Oh, sorry. Oh, sorry. So this, we're back.

Speaking of, wait, wait there. The timer. Let's get the timer on. Get the timer. I should we just make it 12 minutes? A bank, no, I was going to do 40 I'll do 38 Yeah, nice

38, 3, 2, 1 She's off Yes, proud of you How are you? I'm good, thanks How are you? You're looking very summery In your little old vest top there

Tell you what I was sunbatving on the balcony this morning Monday morning Sweating my little bit off I was Right, so I put my vest top on Put my shorts on Went out for lunch to meet my new sponsor no um freezing absolutely bloody freezing so i had to put my match kit on to train

because that's all i had in my bag yeah brilliant that is that that story sums up summer in england yeah yeah terrible anyway congratulations crossy it was never in doubt but you have been named in england's 13 for the test match against south africa thank you very much i uh put a little tweet out actually just the little love heart the little lion emoji with, you know, quote tweeted the England one and someone replied saying, where's Al? And I actually felt like replying being like, where have you been? Al is, Alex's cricket careers in a deep, deep black hole. It was just like, if you follow me, they probably follow you. They might listen to the podcast.

They probably don't actually if they're tweeting things like that. But yeah, someone was actually devastated. You hadn't made it. Sorry, mate. Oh, well, I can't believe the ECB didn't ring me to tell me I'd not been picked. I know. Anyway, I've told your dad to stop tweeting me like that. It's getting annoying now. Yeah, yeah, he needs to stop, didn't he?

Anyway, speaking of my mum and dad, they're in Ibiza. Saw this, they're at a wedding, weren't they? Yeah, eight days in Ibiza, pretending they're 18-year-olds. Has he got his tucked-up with him? No, but I did go into the man cave the other day, so I bought a new belt, and it needed another couple of buckles on it because I'm a bit skinny than I thought. A new notch on the belt? No, it certainly didn't.

I added three notches to the belt. Oh, you're like. Anyway, I went into the Man Cave. How have we got that there? Right, okay. Went into the Man Cave. I saw the Tuck Tuck in all its glory. Right?

Have you driven it? Three other motorbikes in there as well. Oh, he's lost the plot, hasn't he? I said, does Mum know about these? And you just giggled. and I was like That would be a no Well sorry Dave

Something else has been announced On the podcast of something that you've bought That Julie I was going to say your mum That Julie doesn't know about So But the Tuck Tuck's massive It's bigger than my 4x4

Do you know what we're a bit like You know when Okay magazine Get the rights to people's like weddings and stuff We've got the rights to your dad's money spending Garage We just announced him what he's been up to but there was a sad thing that came out of me going home they're selling the family home

oh but isn't it actually a lovely reason why they want to be a bit closer to me and my brother because we live in Manchester it is that's nice I said don't come too close it's funny though because they actually before they want to sell the home they went on a year around the world trip didn't they so they couldn't have gone further away

from you both Yeah, and they were probably like, oh, I think we should go a bit closer. Yeah, that's nice, though. I love the home, but it's too far away. And I never go back. I'm bothered. Yeah. On the Tuck-Tuck a bit, what's you going to do with the Tuck-Tut now in South Manchester?

Drive it through the city. Oh, God's sake, Dave. Don't think he quite thought that far. No, he probably wouldn't have done when he was buying a Tuck-Tuck. He probably didn't envisage where he'd be living in. in the next three years. Anyway, how are you? Yeah, I'm good. You've asked me already once, but I'll say it again.

I'm good, thanks. Just made it down to Taunton, set off four weeks ago and just made it down now. So horrible drive, never nice. How long? How long did it take? Well, I had a wedding in the Cotswolds on Saturday, one of my best friends from school got married, and I thought, perfect. I need to be in Taunton on the Monday. Didn't work out that well because I then needed to go to Loughborough to Bowl on Sunday.

Then it was Father's Day, Father's Day, Father's Days on Sunday. Went up to see my dad, then it took four hours. It should have taken just under three, and it was shocking. It's so far away, isn't it? You think you're there when you get to Bristol, and it's like another hour? No, Miles. I looked the other day, so the first 100 gamers in Southampton for the men that I'm working on. And I was like, can't be that far from Cardiff, down south, isn't it?

Three hours. Days like this, I'm really pleased that. I didn't grow up in Cornwall. Oh my God. Yeah. Or Devon. Was that the same place? Yeah, we're still four hours from there now, probably.

Eisha's wedding was down there, wasn't it? St. Ives, yeah. How are you? Yeah, you've asked me, I'm good, thank you. Oh, right, brilliant. Brilliant. Are you got anything who's sticking out? Yeah, I have.

I have. I've been making notes this week. Have you? I've got a few things written down, yeah. But a lot of people have replied to the Instagram story. you put up about what we should talk about on this week's pod also last week's pod and there's a lot of things that are probably going to jog our memory about things that have happened cricket wise the non-cricot podcast that talks about cricket or whichever way around it is so um but i do have

some things written on my sticking out go on then long way of long way of saying that really sorry yeah it was just the answer is yes yeah i'm just trying to waste some of those 38 minutes on the timer so i've got a uh a bit of an embarrassed in confession to make I played club cricket last weekend which was brilliant loved it

got to play in my brother's team for Haywood again I needed to get some overs in it was great tied it in with the game bit of time on feet test match prep etc

I had to register though because I've not played club cricket for like five years so I registered for the league played my tenor as my subscription whatever it is

but I somehow wrote my name wrong and I put my surname in twice so on all the scorecards I'm now Catherine Laura cross cross cross cross I like that cross cross cross as if you had to register I know a Mitch our scorer from Lanks tweeted us

saying it's so good they named her twice nice yeah very good very good did they make you pay your tenor for the match fee well I paid my subscription I owe some fines because you can't find for all sorts So I got fine for having my brother in the team, brother on pitch,

mum and dad watching, England kit, apparently showing off, if you got England kit, my England bag. Yeah, that is properly showing off. Well, what do you do? Do you go out and buy something from Sports Direct? No, new balance must have sent you a bag. No, well, yeah, it was England kit. Well, stinker.

Oh, so anyway, fines, match fees, what everyone around at the end of the game. Expensive. Expensive day. Did you get any wickets? A little fourther Well there she's back everybody Kate Cross is good at Red Ball cricket

My brother was fuming Because he'd got 100 and he was like For God's sake Kate You come back and take wickets on the day that I get 100 Just so that no one mentions me Yeah nice My sticky note I can't remember where I was

Yeah I do Went to Amsterdam didn't I You did That was only yesterday I'll So why we're forgetting that Yeah I forgot It's been bloody long weekend. I had to pay to go for a wee.

Oh, this, oh, I was really hoping you wouldn't bring this up because this winds me up. Honestly, two things you shouldn't have to pay for in life is what you said to me when I text you that, and they are. Ween, never, ever, ever should you have to pay to we? And you should never have to pay to take your own money out of your own bank account. No. ATS that charge you £4.50 is we.

to Chris. Silly, isn't it? And they wanted a five are out. So what I had to do, so I'm in this nightclub in Amsterdam, 50p to go for a wee. Obviously, I've only got my card. I was like, well, please can I just go to the toilet? And the lady was like, no, you have to pay or you can't wee.

So I was like, right. I had to go to the bar and pay 50p on card to get a 50p coin. Wow. Seems a bad system that. Yeah. So why was it 50p? No, it's 50 cent. We, shoddy in the club.

Shottie, what do you need? It's on other words, but everyone knows the tune that we're trying to see. Yeah, we're all bobbing along to it. How was Amsterdam? Oh my God, crossy. Like, so good. The most unbelievable game of cricket I've ever watched my life. Well, no, I'm not even talking about the cricket,

but like the fly-in, fly-out aspect of what happened to you. You were there for like 12 minutes, saw Josh Butler score 700 runs and then came home. Yeah, it was great. I flew in. like you say, did a day's work the day before the game, or the day's work? Worked in inverted commas there.

Yeah, work. It was the most relaxed work trip that I've ever been on. Watched England win and then flew out and went straight to loads to work the next day. It was a mad game of cricket, wasn't it? Like they nearly scored, let's just slow this right down. They nearly scored 500 runs. I remember when like 300 used to be a really good score in one day of cricket,

And now it's not. But you know the funny thing is, crossy, the day of the game, we were all doing score predictions in the scorebox, and I was like, oh, 390, and everyone was like, yeah, 360, blah, blah, blah. Is this just in the power play? Yeah, Henry Moran went 500s on. And everyone went, shut up, shut up. And then I was like, actually, probably could be, you know, 498.

Like, there was a ball, I think it was a penultimate ball that went for a one-bounce-four, Liam had hit, Liam Limitson had hit that for a six, then the 500 was on because he hit the last ball for six. Three players got 100. Salt is made in ODI 100 was totally overlooked by the fact that Josh Butler got 170 or 60 balls. I mean, if Salties got overlooked, Davy Malam was chewing him. He was going, striking at 120 and he was chewing him. I told him that, you know. I said it's your fault they didn't get a 500.

He went, oh, don't. If I'd have known it was on, I should have gone harder on no. Honestly, absolutely crazy. And think in that team they're missing Stokes, they're missing Birsto. Who else are missing? Root and Malam, same same. Yeah, honestly, mental. And then Liam Livingston.

First three balls went for six. 66 off 22 deliveries. He was 41 off 11 balls. Gets overlooked because Jos Butler scored 100 off like 16 balls. But also it took himself. 17 balls to get his 50. What was he doing for them, five? He was on 41.

I know. Shocking, really. Really. They're the game changes, aren't you? Look at those little moments. They're the moments. They've really got to grasp and get over that 500 mark.

You text me. You said, Matthew Mott, in his last two battings as head coach, has scored over 850 runs, which really made us all laugh. Yeah. 360 of them were off me.

No. you bolder right everyone said that and everyone's like Crossy Boulda right in that World Cup fan I said yes I can best ball

as she went at sevens podcast purposes don't like the truth getting in the way of a good story yeah I forgot you went at 407s not sevens hey that was Blackpool that time

don't bring that black up I'm not ready to talk about it um a bit more cricket had happened in between us not doing a podcast because the Charlotte Edwards Cup concluded

and I just have a question about why not more is being made out of the fact that Charlotte Edwards won her own cup. I don't think she likes the fact she's won her own cup. I don't care if she likes it or not. Why am not more people talking about the fact that she won her own cup? Yeah, yeah, she did. Congratulations to the Southern Vipers.

They were two of the worst games of cricket I've ever seen at finals day. Someone said that. I think it might have been Threlk, said that she watched the games and it was just a bit of a disappointing final really to say that the tournament and the Vipers in particular had done particularly well throughout it. They were the best team, weren't they? There were something else happened as well in the cricket world. The greatest of run chases in a test match that anyone's ever witnessed.

Crazy. More craziness. Johnny Burstel. Just straight back from the IPL, bosh, bish, bosh, bosh, bosh. What? Yeah, I think we know what you're talking about. Bish, bish, bish, bish, bish. Before we talk about the Nottingham test, We actually didn't talk about the Lord's test in the last podcast.

I think that was too long ago. It was too long ago, Chrissy. Well, let's just very briefly talk about the fact that Joe Roots the best in the world. Yeah. And obviously they won. It was a big, would they not won for 17 games, they won, well done. And then they go and do what they did at Nottingham. Yeah.

Do you think Joe Roots like, lads, any danger of doing this when I was captain? I actually feel a bit sorry for him, you know, because the whole thing about Trent Bridge for me was like they had this positivity that no matter what New Zealand got they were going to go and try and chase it. What were they talking about for the last two years in the dress room as a batting unit?

Well they had that game at loads that they didn't try and chase to whatever it was, didn't they? But I made a really good point and no one's really taking it. Okay, go on then. Right? I think your test match in the winter has changed test cricket forever.

You reckon? because you tried to chase 360 or whatever it was and you got within four runs of it and I think everyone's gone actually it is possible I think it was 270 I don't think it was 360 I've been telling everyone it was 360

I don't think I don't remember it being that many I remember it being like 250 off 40 something over so it was a good day game yeah it was a one day game basically but yeah that probably is a good point because even now so when we watch when I watch that Trent game, the New Zealand men's and England men's game,

I was like, oh, we could have won, we could have won our game in the ashes. Like, we could, we could have done it if we'd have just, oh, but anyway, anyway, that's nothing, it's not good, back down that rabbit hole. Women's ashes, have you seen that you might be playing at Trent Bridge for the ashes? Someone told me that today, but apparently it's a big secret, so I don't know whether we can talk about that on the podcast. Well, it is in the newspaper. Oh, was it? Is it the vicious rumour that's going around?

Yeah. That's how I found out I also saw a vicious rumour about potentially playing one of the T20s at the Oval on like a Friday night or something which would be wicked Yes I did an interview for your last game of the season at Lords

And they were like sold out loads again I was like is it they were like not yet but we're hoping to Yeah I love that That's what they did with that World Cup final though in Australia Sell out the MCG and then everyone did They just believe their own hype and it happened Yeah. Back to Trent Bridge.

Trent Bolt needs talking about on this podcast. Why? Because he is the bowling version of Steve Smith. Have you seen him when he runs into bowl and someone, like say the ball goes to mid-on, he like points at mid-on and he's like, get it. Like he's got all the mannerisms of Steve Smith if Steve Smith was a bowler. So he's like very jumpy and. That's how I describe Steve Smith.

That was an impression of the guy, a family guy. Anyone that listen to that will get it. They'll go dig-d-d-d-d-d-d-he's like, oh, twitchy. Yeah, I mean, you're doing, your face went all scrambled up then as well, which no one will see. Yeah. The thing that really, really interested me about, again, this Trent Bridge test match, which probably deserves more time than we're actually going to give it. everybody who hates the 100 has moaned about white ball cricket and the hundred coming in and there's no place for it

if there wasn't t20 leagues hundred ball competitions around the world johnny birsto would not have been able to produce that innings so here here yeah anything else that you're sticking out yeah one more thing yeah i've got a story that happened to my sister this week can we do mine first because yours is 10 out of 10 funny and mine's not quite not okay sorry have you got anything else and you're sticking out out yeah so i went home for the last couple of weekends booked myself book myself into heartbreak hotel and went home for a few days um i was watching love island with my parents um and we're just all sat down chilling having a glass of wine. Every 25 seconds, Julia Hartley said to Dave Hartley,

why haven't you asked me to be your girlfriend yet? Right? And then she'd go, turn around, look at him and go, do you still want to pull other people? They've been married 28 years. So did Dave never ask Julia to be a girlfriend and boyfriend? Crossy, they've been married 28 years. I think it's official.

Well, it is. It's very official. I mean, you would assume so but there obviously was a breakdown in communication somewhere where Dave's just gone straight from courting to, do you want to marry me, Jules? Yeah, like she'd be sat on the sofa, like, do you still want to get to know other people?

My dad's like, shut up, Julia. And the answer's yes. Yeah, maybe my mum's asking that because she's like, please say yes. Yeah. So my story, I'm going to try and keep this succinct because I think it's funnier than it's going to be now retelling it, but I do think it needs to be told.

We got a message in the family group chat on whatever morning it was Wednesday, let's say. And it was a picture of a cat in the grill of my sister's car that she drives, like a little kitten. Just before the story goes, no cats were harmed in the making of this story. So don't be mumming about cats. I'm holding my nose to stop me laughing before. before you get to the punchline. So, I was like, what's happened here?

Don't know, there's a cat inside the car. I had to get Will from next door. Will next door had to take off the grill, like with screws and screwdrivers and take off to get the cat out. Your sister's gone to get in the car for cricket and this thing's going, meow. Yeah, there's literally like, meow. So she's like, what the hell is that?

Anyway, cat in a grill. So she's late then for your cricket match, isn't she? So I've then texted you and gone, and as Jen told you about the cat in the grill. And I go, yeah, she said that there was a cat in a car and she spilled coffee on my shoes and she's really sorry. And I thought, she was in this weird, flustered state. And I was like, all right, Jen, chill out, it's fine.

It's only a pair of trainers. She kept being like, I'm sorry. I've had a hell of a morning. But I was also a bit late. So I was like, Jen, shut up, I need to warm up. Yeah, so you do get like that when you're late, don't you flustered and there's a cat in the grill? Why would you not be flustered?

Anyway, so it's gone on the family group chat. and my mum and dad who are away at the minute and it's their house that my sister's staying in was like we don't recognise the cat I don't think it's the neighbours I don't know where this cat's come from so then that's it Jen's gone off to cricket for the day get another text at 5pm in the group chat

Jen going the person that I treated last night at their house which is a 35 minute drive from my mum and dad's house their cat's missing at this point I've lost the plot and I was like no way this cat got in the car the evening before

She's travelled it to Benry In the engine In the engine room Travelled it 35 minutes down the road I say down the road 35 minutes got on the motorway at that point And the cat survives it The cat's then stuck in the grill overnight

And then gets really stressed out the next morning When there's a man trying to get it out Then the cat 35 minutes away from home Just gets let loose Because your sister's done the noble thing and save this cat's life and just let it go home. We've lost the cat. Anyway, then we find out who it is.

So we now need to try and find the cat. So Jen's partner, James, is outside rustling all his dog treats and playing the video of the cat from the morning out loud to try and entice it. So they're meow. But it's going, that's my voice. Anyway, the cat shows up,

jumps out of this bush at James. So an absolute miracle story. Anyway, hens just text me like an hour ago there's been a story in the newspaper this week of a rabbit getting stuck in someone's grill and it was travelling down the motorway at Banger and Hemp was basically like where was your sister on Wednesday the 20th of June

was she in Banger? I think this story is equally as hilarious as it is mind-blowing that that cat survived. Madness, poor little thing that must have been so scared for it to stay in the bush near my mum and dad for a full day it must have been so disorientated

and stressed and scared which is obviously not the funny bit the funny bit is just I mean none of it's funny I shouldn't really laugh no it is

it's hilarious I did like honestly I laughed so much like so much the cat's fine it's back with its owners the video of James carrying the cat

in obviously then the cat needed to be kept away from Ollie because Ollie would have eaten the cat so the cat's in a different room Ollie's not the wiser but James is playing this video

imagine if the neighbour saw playing the video and rustling the treats out on the road. Meow! We'll have to put... We'll put the video on our Instagram. Yeah, okay, we'll do. Anyway, that's the end of my sticking out. Good.

Shall we go upstairs for the next 15 minutes? Let's... Who we're going upstairs with? You decide. Uh, woof. Oh, I've missed Alex woof. Let's go. Okay, so we put on Instagram, what do you want to talk about?

Number one, Brunty! Kathy B! I'm really sad about this. Yeah, Catherine Brunt has announced her retirement from Test Cricket. How do you feel about it? Do you know what? I mean, you're waiting for Sophie Eccleston to announce hers. Get yourself back in. It's really sad, isn't it?

Because she's been so great for so long. But then I was thinking. thinking, crossy with the new ball. Get in! Well, let's see, we're a week out and obviously there's going to have to be two new seamers that come in, so who knows. But what I will say is, what a test match for Brunty to go out on. That performance that she put in in Canberra was the reason really why we got an opportunity to try and win that game. She was phenomenal.

Every time we needed a wicket, Brunty turns up and just produces. I'm guessing she's retired to try and prolong her career for a little bit longer and test match cricket takes it out of you so it's the right thing to do she said it was one of the most heartbreaking decisions she's had to make but she'll get to watch from the sidelines yes she will she'll actually come and be a net bowler for us this week because we need her skill and a swinging ball to practice against really so is she down there she's going to probably be down here I'm sure

yeah so she'll be in the nets But she played, we've done a lot of warm-up games and like match scenario stuff with the red ball because we've got the dukes. Yes. And they're tiny. They are, yeah, they do. Like I swing it and I'm not a swing bowler.

They are tiny. But apparently we got the wrong batch, so they might not be as tiny for the test match. Okay. Did you get a junior one? It does. It feels like a junior ball. It's like tiny to hold.

But she has been playing in these games. So I bowled with her on Sunday when I had to go and travel and do that in Lufber. And I said, why were you playing? And she said, because, you know, the opening batters to face swing bowling. So she's still part of the squad. I mean, she always was going to be. She did only bowl four overs, thinking ahead to, you know, what's coming up,

but she still managed to get wickets. I know, I know. Anyway, it feels like the end of an era, but we're still going to get to see her, and I think that's quite special. And someone announces their retirement, you're sad because you don't get to see them play anymore, but she'll be part of the summer.

Yeah. And obviously part of the England squad moving forward, which is still really nice. Yes. Someone said, The Dutch Annihilation by Joss, the boss, but we've kind of already touched on that, haven't we? We have a lot.

Someone said here, and this I'm going to point towards you, seen as though you're on tour now, and, you know, you're in the middle of, no COVID bubbles anymore, Crossie. I know. Right? So what do you do on nights out when you don't have cricket, but you're on tour?

Sorry, what do you do on nights off when you don't have cricket, but you're on tour? Generally, you'll go out for a bit of dinner. It depends on the weather normally. If it's nice, you want to sit outside, have a catch a few rays, maybe have a little drink. But you don't do the delivery part of touring anymore because there's no COVID. You can actually go into establishments, which is amazing. Oh, amazing. So where did you go for dinner this evening?

I went to Zee-ZZs. Had a pizza? I didn't I had some prawn linguine because I'm a big prawn connoisseur now You've changed I really have Really really have

But you know what worries me about prawns Everyone has a bad prawn story And I've not eaten prawns Up until three months ago So I'm going to have a bad prawn story And I'm scared for it Touchwood I have never had a bad prawn story

You had a bad crab story once Do you remember? I did eat crab on a piece Who, guys, you lot that are still with us because you've forgotten about us. Who puts crab on a pizza? Tuna's bad enough. You're a tuna pizza person. I had one in Amsterdam.

Crab. Crab on a pizza. Who the fuck do you think you are? Next. Next. I don't understand this one. It says, are you crisps in or out? Yeah, if you're not seeing this debate

Come on, cross it. Are you crisps in your sandwich or out your sandwich? Oh, in your sandwich. Depends on the sandwich, but I'm more of an in than an out. Yeah, I'm more than an... But on a ham and cheese sandwich, you've got to have something crisps on there. Prone cocktail?

Sorry, I mean, on your crab pizza, you've got to have crisps in there. Oh, whatever. Whatever. You can't talk about this stuff. Speaking of, like, in things that are happening at a minute, I did a TikTok, but it's not a TikTok, but I made a TikTok. You did.

Yeah, so you've seen the trend at weddings that's like, hi, my name's Kate and this is my first drink. And then, hi, my name's great, this is my last drink. I did it. But I don't have TikTok, so it's not going online anywhere. Oh, you just did it for the laughs among friends. Yeah. It was good, though.

Good little outcome. Does jam or cream go on a scone first or scone? I don't like Scones You know But if I had to do it I'd do Jam first then cream Yeah me too

Me too Yeah What about the different formats of cricket And which one do you guys Love playing I feel like we answer That's what That question every week

Yeah Both Crossie loves test match And ODIs He's getting better at T20s I would love to have played Test match cricket Love ODIs Hate T20s

The 100 to bowl like. But we love the 100. But I love it. Yeah, it's just hard to bowling. Yeah. Harry Stiles. I think every man and woman in the country is obsessed with Harry Stiles at the minute.

I must admit, I got the opportunity to go watch him at Old Trafford last week. And I turned it down because I only had one night in the flat. It turns out this one night that I had in the flat, which was meant to be my relaxing night. The dress I was meant to be wearing at the wedding. got stolen from a neighbour so I had to go to the Trafford Centre and buy an emergency dress. This was really stressful because me and H2 fingers were together and you're like, what about this one and we both had to be like, well that one, that one was the one that got stolen. So I think in some universe somewhere that was the world telling me not to get that dress.

Yeah, yeah, that's good. But what, why are people stealing stuff for your flat? I don't know. It happened a while ago, didn't it? But we put it down to the pandemic and people were struggling for cash and I don't know. Maybe someone's got to pay a gas bill and they needed to sell something. But anyway, my dress got stolen. So I couldn't go to Harry Stiles as it turns out because I was in the Trafferson until 10pm buying emergency dresses. Oh, what a nightmare.

Harry Stiles did look good. I also had to give my ticket away, so sad. But it looked wicked, didn't it? Like the concerts are all Traffield. I know it's a bit strange that they happen in the middle of cricket season, but they always look so good, so many people on the ground, and the noise it makes because it's like an amphitheatre, it just sounds so cool.

I'm going to jump in here with an LBW. You, when you're happy, bite your tongue when you smile. You've only just realised this, haven't you? I've known about this for a while. Yeah. And now I'm always like, she's not even happy. So this is, it was my best kept secret But when you've got a podcast

I don't think you can have any best kept secrets So Everyone will now know when my smile is genuine or not Because if my tongue is between my teeth In the picture It's a genuine smile If I've not got my tongue between my teeth It means I'm faking it

Honestly never noticed that before In my whole entire life You don't I've got a little milk thing on my teeth though And you've never noticed that And it's like a really big white splodge on my tooth I've just never felt like, what was that thing you once told me? If you can't change something, don't say it.

And if you can't do. A bit more specific than that. If someone can't change something within five minutes, don't bring it up with them. So if it's like food in the teeth, let them know, if it's... A white dot on their teeth, don't let them know. Yeah, yeah, well, I can't do anything about it.

I don't know what it's from either. It's just always been there. Yeah, so I've never said it because I can't do anything about it. Yeah, fair enough What was your choice of ice cream in Holland I did see the queue of the van It looks not good Yeah, it wasn't good

So I went to get some chips instead And then I saw that the chips were also selling ice creams So I got a magnum almond It's not the same though, is it You missed the wippy from the ice cream van Is what you're queuing up for basically And you just got a magnum You could get that from Tesco Express

Yeah, but I still got my ice cream Still had ticket off another list someone wants an update on the 100 there isn't one I'm not even in any group chats across here have you have you heard anything from Manchester like is there a bit of chat going on

have you had some emails well yeah we've had lots of emails actually Heggie who you know at Warren Heg great great great man he's our team manager in he rang me the other day in fact no it was just before I went to India

he's like mate I need to speak to you about the 100 and get some like get your thoughts on some bits I was thinking he's talking about training or travel or when we stay or when we get the bus back, that kind of thing. Anyway, a message me saying, just thinking about some team socials, I've got mere golf club booked in, I've got as a table at the Ivy,

I've got this, this and this. And is there anything I'm missing? I was like, oh, oh, I can get on board with this. Yeah, so you've, I'm not in a group chat. I've not had an email. We haven't even got a head coach. Yeah, that's not good from your point of view. Speaking or, do you know what I loved the other day in Amsterdam,

went to training on the Thursday the lads were playing Friday all the lads were lovely said hello Matthew Mott Beeline towards me Hi Alex how are you

lovely to see you and I was like oh my God a new era of men's cricket this is great and I said I'm really disappointed in you and he went

I know sorry I can't do the head coach at Welsh fire anymore but I am living in Cardiff if that helps I was like yeah helps a ton thanks oh brilliant

so he might be able to throw some balls at you but it'll probably be away with the men's team So probably not Someone else said hi to you That you were very happy about Owen Morgan

Look how big that smile's just gone Oh honestly grassy My celebrity crushes I win Morgan It's bad in it It's really bad But he said hi Alex How are you nice to see you And I instantly melted

Oh did you Did you fan girl it Or did you say hi Owen Yeah I'm good how are you I did that I do that Steve Smith did it This is a serious one, isn't it?

Things that have helped you through tough times with cricket, not feeling us past. Wonder what that means. I'm sure. The things that have helped me have been having a coach who I can unpick things with, like having someone that you can just ring up and either cry to, moan to,

but someone that you really trust and be like, I don't know why things aren't going well, but I need your help, basically. Yeah. I'm the opposite. I need to just relax and chill. Like, remember why I started. And ultimately why I play now is because I enjoy it. So I go back to that little girl that started loving the game of cricket.

Yeah. I also think when you're struggling with cricket, it's really important to enjoy the other bits that you get with cricket. so like if it's club cricket that you're struggling with don't not be social you know make sure you stay in the bar and speak to people and because that's that ultimately for me that's like one of the reasons I play is because my friends and and the bits off the field and you can sometimes get a bit withdrawn when you're not doing well

you can be like right I'm going to go home or whatever but trying and get stuck into those bits as much as possible because it again that brings out the why you play and your reasons for loving it have you ever tried learning any other languages yeah sign language everyone should know this everyone if you're a day one listener you know this is old this is boring crossy can just about do the alphabet

just about do the alphabet yeah I actually got taught a bit of Hindi while I was in India yeah so I can say I do ten cha punch one two three four five yes she only knows that because I was literally going one two three, four, five on my fingers. Yeah, so I learnt that.

Can you speak any languages? I mean, you can barely speak English, let's be honest. You took the words, right? It's out of my mouth. In fact, you have been having a very heartly couple of weeks. Like, you promised me that you've started, yeah, you've promised me you've started to spell checking things again, and I swear you've not.

I have, right? So I type something out, I read it, I read it, I read it, I read it again, I type it out, I read it, I send it, it changes. No, no, I know exactly what you do. You read what you think you've put. Timer, timer's going on. You read what you think you've written, so you need to somehow not do that. Dyslexia.

Yeah, that's a good point. Okay. That's like telling someone with depression to cheer up. up, sorry. Yeah, cheer up, crossy. You're only having a bad week. How do I support you through this other than point out your mistakes?

Just laugh at me, I'm used to it. Well, honestly, what did I reply the other day? I was like, you'd be dangerous if you spell checked because you write funny things. Yeah, oh, I am, yeah, because I'm funny. Sometimes. Yeah. Do you want to do a quick couple more?

Yeah, let's do a couple more. We've already said how much we're looking forward to the 100. Who fills the gaps left by Shrubesol and Brunt, short term and long time? Go. That's a great question. I guess when you're looking at the test squad that you've got, you've got four young seamers coming through.

You're now the mature seamer. Oh, God, I know. The senior bowler. I can't have fun. I'm going to have fun. You've got Emily Arlett, Izzy Wong as a reserve in that test side, Lauren Bell and Freya Davis. So two out of those four have got to play, really,

or two out the three. Alice Davidson, Richard, is also in? Yep. For me, she can play more of your Georgia Elwis role. She's an all-rounder, about seven. Or your Catherine Brunt roll? Or your Catherine Brunt roll, about a seven, bowl a bit. So, yeah, it's an exciting time for women's cricket,

but it's going to be weird not seeing Brunton Shrubbs all open the bowling. No, it really is. It's opportunities, though, isn't it? Realistically, we've got a very heavy white ball summer. We've got the Commonwealth games that we're going to try and win gold at, which is so cool to say. Honestly, I'm very really jealous of you, Crossy, because, you know, we've got a very balanced friendship,

but you could pretend it's like a gold medal. Crazy, isn't it? I mean, I've got to get in the T20 team slash squad first, which I've not been in for three years, but by the bye. Anyway, I've got another one here. And this, I think, is when someone puts something in as a joke and then we're going to read it out. They won't expect us to read it out, but I'm going to read it out

and embarrass them, and it's just as big bums. Oh, right. Is that from anyone in particular? It's from Amid. So Amid wants us to talk about big bums. I like big butts and I can not lie. You other brother care din nah. When a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist and a brown thing in your face, you get sprung. I want to pull up.

Anyway, we've done a lot of singing today. Anyway, last one, and for no particular reason, is there any really depressing music that you listen to? When I need to be sad, I listen to a bit of Lewis Capaldi. Me too. No. Yeah, I love sad Alex, heartbreak Alex, loves Louis Capaldi. Yeah, I love Lewis Capaldi.

I always listen to him when I'm just like, I just need to be a bit mellow. I'm not ready to be just another mistake. He's not brought any music out for ages, has he? He's having a break. Should we tell everyone about our guest that was meant to be on today? Yeah, well, they weren't men-a-be-on but they did say they'd come on and I asked them to come on

and they didn't firmly say no, they sort of firmly said no, we'll do it another time. Joe Root. He said he's got a bit on at the minute. He said he's got a couple of test matches, India matches, something. I don't know, he sounded a bit pious to me. He did say, I promise I'm not pying you off.

I want to do it justice. Oh, that's sweet. That is sweet. We actually did threaten him and say if he doesn't come on, his wife's going to come on so i think he's definitely going to come on yeah he is definitely going to come on alister cook i'll get this week we're both working so i'll get him this week well let's say it on the podcast so it happens but we were oh she's sunburn yeah i was just looking

for sunburn she's just showing me the sunburn on the shoulders um when we were playing the charity game with alister cook sorry sir alster cook the week before last he said that he will come on the podcast but he wants us to come to the farm so we think we should go when it's like lambing season or something and do something hands on and get the BBC there with a video. Lamming this. Lamming that. Who cares, mate? If you've seen Alistair Cook's retirement video

from his teammates, you'll understand those quotes. Yeah. So we're going to go and I told Henry our little producer and he's like, I'll bring camera crew, we'll film it, we'll have loads of fun. So you remind Sir Alistair Cook about that. We'll text Carrie Root, see if she's up for it. But we've got no guess. Sorry, if you've not worked it out by now. We are going to try.

try and get one for Sunday to preview the women's test. If you want to no-ballers, you can get in touch on. No-Balls podcast at BBC.co.com. That's No-Balls podcast at BBC.co.com. It's so good. They said it twice. They've said it twice. Oh my God, I forgot. I actually forgot. See ya. Bye.

And cross strikes in the first over. It's what England we're looking for. Hartley falls. Down the track comes scoring this time she connects. It's either six or out. It's six. Travel through time with the You're Dead to Me podcast. Discover what made Frederick the Great of Prussia so great. I never knew that was a thing. Uncover the secrets woven into the book. by a tapestry. A kebab and a fight, nothing's changed.

And hear how a pharaoh didn't want to be queen. Orking. She's just all about being divine rather than being constrained by gender norms. With special guests from Stephen Fry to Lou Sanders. Johnny's, good, isn't it? Radio 4's You're Dead to Me with Greg Jenner. That's me.

Listen on BBC Sounds. Well, I was listening to your chair squeak thinking that you'd done a trump. Thank you.