Test Match Special - No Balls: The Cricket Podcast - Hey, Cow!

Episode Date: December 15, 2021

With the men's Ashes underway, Alex and Kate discuss the first Test and get busy going through the No Balls email inbox.

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Hartley balls. Down the track comes scoring this time she connects. It's either six or out, it's six. Hello and welcome back to No Bulls the Cricket podcast with me, Kate Cross and you are Alex Hartley. Good morning. Morning, you've been awake for all the four minutes. Yes, 40 minutes probably now. Yeah, you've had some brecky.

Had a coffee? No, not yet. I was going to have one, but then I thought I'll take one with me. I can't have to. Where? I'm off out this afternoon. I'll take one with me. Anyway, welcome home. Thank you very much. Thank you.

I've been up since six. Yeah, jet lag. Not ideal. Not a real thing though, apparently. Maddie Villas. Yeah, so it's a myth. Still manage to miss another training session in Omaha. Of course you did.

Can happen. How are you doing? I'm all right, thank you. Are you? Yeah, I mean, I've not seen you for two weeks, obviously, because I've been abroad. Has it been bliss? Yeah. In a way, bliss is probably a bit harsh.

It's been, I've got into some good routines while I've been away. Yeah. Good. Yeah. But we've barely spoke actually, have we? No, I noticed this. And I found it really hard the last two weeks you've been away. Well, you text me saying you've been a bit flat.

And I didn't know if that was because you've been in the flat on your own. Well, I don't know. Do you know when, like, it just went really slow. Yeah. And I was just like, oh, I've done nothing. Yeah, nothing to show for two weeks. It's a horrible time of year as well, isn't it? Yeah.

It's the perfect time of year to go away and get some winter sun, but the worst time a year to be at home training and just being a bit miserable. Yeah, because we're not spoke really and I take you saying, hello, you're okay and you're like, yeah. And I was like, I'm not. Yeah. Help. The time difference was just, it's a small time difference, but it's a tough one because like when you get in from training and a message, I'm already asleep and then I get up and go to train and probably don't reply until after I get back.

So it was a bit bitty, wasn't it? Yeah. But did you have a good time? Yeah, it was really good actually. obviously we had a bit of a catch up when I got in last night but it feels like it was really necessary training and I was a bit not skeptical about going but probably skeptical about the timing that we went

because it's obviously ashes and World Cup buildup but then we're home for three weeks and we're back indoors and I thought is it the right time to go it's the toss up between getting Christmas at home and getting you prepping but we didn't do any trip we had one training session which was just purely

nets and then the rest of it was match practice so we got actually out in the middle and oh my god the facilities were amazing genuinely i think one of the prettiest grounds i've ever played out oh my god honestly the photos that i've seen and you put on the internet because you were doing the media job yeah while you're there yeah if anyone's actually noticed i've changed my twitter and my instagram bio have you actually yeah i've changed it to photographer for england cricket and our content manager harry he messaged me and he was like i've seen what you've done did you take a camera and just use your phone no i was just using my phone But I'm saying to the girls,

I've never had the privilege of playing at Newlands in Cape Town with the Table Mountain in the background. But Oman and Queenstown genuinely two of the best cricket grounds that I've ever played at and they were both this year. Oh man, oh man, it's beautiful.

Oh man, it was beautiful, yeah. So you've not been great? No, no. I did, however, go to a sponsored do for Lanks last Tuesday and all the big wigs of Likes were there. And Daniel Gidney came up to me and said,

Al, you spoke to your mate much recently. I said, no, I haven't. She's in her man at the minute. He said, did she tell you what happened in Dubai? And I thought, here comes a scrambled egg story. Oh, no. And he went, Crossie, put her tampons through the length's expenses, right? So I was like, no, she didn't.

No, she did not. And I swear to God, then Liz, his, what's Liz's job? I don't even know. She's head of, like, partnerships and stuff. foot lengths. She came up to me five minutes later. Did Crossy tell you she put a tampon through the expenses? So, I mean, this is, I was actually going to touch on this,

but we got so much amazing feedback from last week's episode about talking about periods because it's not actually something we've done. And now we seem to be doing it weekly, so I'll tell this story. Al, it was so, I've never been more embarrassed in my entire life. And I shouldn't be embarrassed because this is the whole point why we spoke about it last week. But I was only away for three days and I was like, there's not a chance that I'm going to come on my period and I'm just having a few issues at the minute I'm just a bit irregular and like day one that I was there I've come on my period and I didn't take anything with me

so I've said to Becky and Liz I was like for any chance you're not I know anything with you have you that I can borrow yeah um and I had to ring concierge and ask them to go to or if I could buy some from the hotel and they were like yeah no problem it'll be 40 dirham I did durham that they I don't know, but that sounds like it's like nine quid or something. Yeah, they were expensive. But I hadn't put my card on the room because when we checked in, I checked in with Daniel, the CEO and he put his card on my room. So I was like, oh my God, I've just expended some tampons to our CEO.

And honestly, it's the first thing he told me. He was like, she can't believe she did that. And I said, well, what did you say? And he's like, well, obviously I just thought, well, I've put them through. In my defence, I did pay for them before I left. but the guy tried to charge me 5,000 dirhams for them. What? I was like, I think he tried to charge me for the room rate.

I was like, no, no, no, no, no. So, yeah, it wasn't great. Certainly brought the team closer together because we all had a chat about it on day one. Yeah, nice. That was cool. But otherwise, it was a good do for them talking about my tampon fiasco. It was a good do, but training the day after for me and Laura Jackson was a bit of a struggle.

Always gets a bit carried away on those kind of nights, doesn't it? Well, yeah, it was like Phoebe Graham went home at half-past ten and was like, look see you at training tomorrow yeah no worries Laura wanted to go home at about 12 I was like I'm not leaving you know what I get like you don't want to go home ended up dancing on the tables in Albert Schloss you're a shocker because you're like I don't want to go like I couldn't think of anything worse and then you're there

like last man stands yeah you are a shocker for that that happened um another thing I wanted to touch on on my sticky note we asked we didn't ask actually we weirdly got given plant advice Yeah. Because the tree is not looking great. I had a job to do while you're away.

Yeah, I just want you to look at it and don't laugh. I shredded it this morning when I woke up at six. I've got tears. Oh, crossy. It looks so. sad. Look, how much I shredded off it? Well, I was scared to shred it because I tried to pull a couple of leaves off

and they're quite tough to get off. It's been sat in the sink or morning. I'm trying to revive it. That is my new goal is to bring that thing back to life. It's so much funnier I can't have ever imagined. It's gone curly.

But I did what I did. So obviously leaves decomposed, don't they? Yeah. And they wouldn't have fit in the compost bin they were too long so what i did was throw them out the kitchen window but as i threw them all out of the kitchen window i heard people walking down the streets so i think i've thrown a load of leaves onto some kids walk into school so if that was you this morning in the middle of didsbury i'm really sorry it wasn't intentional oh my god that is so

good that's why i wanted you to sit there so you didn't see it because you've not noticed it this morning i do realize that it's a podcast and a lot of people can't see what we're talking about and we'll post the picture. But we basically put a picture on Twitter of the tree and someone whose wife slash partner who's very good at plants, good at plants,

gave us some advice, didn't it? Yeah, yeah. The advice was to shred it. It's mad because we've got one that's actually really thriving. It's got another little leaf coming off it, but that one, I think. That looks like you did at training on Wednesday.

A bit wilted. Even like the fresh leaves are like, dead yeah they were wet as well i don't know i it was so dry that poor thing so so so dry well i thought it needed drying out no no i think it needs a bit of love a bit of tlc anyway i'll keep you updated because look at that poor thing brilliant um we've got a new one to remember we do we do again they don't know about it no but i'm hoping one day he'll be part of this podcast and come on as a guest that'd be lovely um ambassadorial role should we get rid of bummer he's not really done a lot for us has he? He's not. Let's bomb him off. Yeah, get rid of him. Ben Stokes. Welcome

to your new ambassadorial rollers. No Balls a cricket podcast. No ball bowler. Yeah. Get the name out there. He's done well for us, didn't he? Done really well for us. Really well. I was watching it at the time texting Henry Moran or Ash's correspondent. Mash's. Mash's correspondent. Sorry, and he, I was a couple of balls behind because he's obviously out there and I was watching it on my phone. couple of balls behind and he texts me saying something's about to happen and I was like oh really obviously he'd seen the wicket yeah and then I was like yes wicket oh my god yes come on stokes he's like I'm gonna put you out your misery it's a no ball oh oh no so the um the technology that they used went down didn't it just before they started so literally no no no ball was called yeah up until the wicket which as a bowler

I know if an umpire tells me I'm getting close to the front line I'll change my stride pattern and try and sort it out. So from an England fan's point of view and we're really clutching here because it wasn't a great week but we really needed the umpire to let him know, didn't we? Because then he would have dragged his foot back

and got himself behind the line and he just didn't get the opportunity to do that. I've got a question though for Seymours because quite often Seymours bowl no balls in practice like all the time. Like they've overstep and therefore it becomes a massive shock when they then bowl no balls in games.

Yeah, so I, Because you're a noble bowler. Always in training. So one thing that really, really grinds my gears about batters is when they're in the net. Do you want to know where your front foot is? I'm like, absolutely not. I can see where it is.

You can literally see your spike marks when you're over the line. But my run-up is based purely, and my take-off point is based purely on where the umpire stands. So I have a specific mark where the umpire stands. So if there's no umpire there in practice, I'll go over the front foot. Okay. Over the front line.

but I won't do it in matches but you do sometimes do it in matches but seamers do everyone sometimes goes over the spinners do like that's part of that's part of it

but generally my gauge is the umpire it's so strange and I really struggle with it there'll be times where I think I'm really far over the line or really far behind the line and I'm just my concept

of where I am in comparison to that line is so off so do you measure where the umpire stands or do you just know no I measure it you measure it so I put a little when we mark

I run-up set before the game. I was put a little mark with him by the stance. I never noticed that. Never noticed that. Because Henry was then speaking to Stephen Finn about it and why Seema's bowl, no balls all the time in training. He was like, well, quite often men can't get their run-ups in the nets. Yeah, there's that as indoors especially.

And it sounds a bit pathetic really, but when you're indoors, you get more spring from the ground. Oh, I hate bowling indoors. Yeah, so you get further with your stride pattern, whereas when you're on grass and you kind of get sucked into grass a little bit more because of you gravity in your weight, you don't get as much from it so that's why it's really difficult

when you first go to outdoor training and it takes a while to get used to bowling outdoors honestly last season we went from indoor to outdoors I thought why am I standing in a swamp yeah it's mad and it's like boggy land and you're like running around right we're on the mashes we might as well talk about it

yes the second test starting in a few days Thursday Thursday first test no good not great we had one good session

two good sessions to be fair to my lanham route I've actually got quite a lot to sail on the mashes right there's good of you well we could definitely have a discussion about it I want to talk about everyone saying that England should have bowled yeah because right

it's all stats base isn't it so England like right we're going to have a bat and it's so easy after England being 40 for four to say they should have bowled but we've got to trust that Joe Rue and the coaching staff have made the right decision. I saw a quote this morning actually from an interview that Joe Root had done

and he said it's easy to say we made the wrong decision at the toss but if we'd have scored two 70 to 80 no one would be saying that so it's all hindsight. It's the classic Gino de Campo if my grandma had wheels should be a bike.

Yeah. Is he? Well we're pundits, we're sat here doing this we're not out there playing yeah, you know. Yeah, I genuinely think and this probably comes a little bit from having just experienced their man as well

they just lacked so much game time and there's such a difference between batters needing game time and bowlers needing game time because bowlers I think it's generally about your fitness and how you're pulling up on day four and can you back up that third spell that you're bowling in 30 degree heat

batters it's all about decision making and getting used to the rhythm of batting and that's just what you lack completely when you've not had that game time so we played a warm-up game we did like a scenario based session on day one and the batters in every single session were 30 for four yeah by the fifth game that we played when we had the red ball out and we were doing a two-day practice game we didn't take a

wicket all day yeah because they just got within that five six days of training and those match scenarios they'd got used to what it's like to bat in the middle because in nets there's just no consequence no and there's no movement or anything in the nets is there yeah you're facing a seamer it's just up and down it comes onto the bat really nicely yeah and you've not even got like the intensity of the fielders around, you're throwing the ball in, people chirping at you. I mean, it's the ashes, mashes. There's obviously going to be a bit of stick going on out there.

So you just don't get that game intensity, which is what that rain leading into this has, I think, been the biggest problem. Well, it has, because you can just tell the batters just, you know. The only person that looked half decent on the first day was Haseeb. Yeah. He was actually leaving the ball really well. But then you compare him to Labashain,

or England to Labashane, who, Labrisham was leaving. the ball on length and just letting it hit him and he's going well I know this is going over the top of the stuff but England didn't do that yeah and that's getting used to the conditions as well again that's what those match practice and the warm up games do for you as a team and they give you confidence yeah Rory Burns now is just did you see he didn't face the second ball it's like the first time yeah in his 270 games he's only ever done it four times or something yeah and immediately that I mean I don't I don't

know we've not obviously not spoke to him but we immediately from an outside of point of view you think he's lacking so much confidence well if you were australia you'd be going oh here you go mate yeah not fancy it might um but yeah so they're probably getting stuck into him so he's now going into a second test match low on confidence whereas joe ru got a good ball in the first innings comes out and bats for his life in the second innings with milan and has that amazing partnership and suddenly now you think right joe can go on and score big runs in this series so could milan so i think that's just Travis head another perfect example he's going to be flying through this series now

because he's going to be on he's started so well but I think series like that the beauty of it for the guys is that it's a five-match series so they know they've got time to come back into it but you'd never want to start

those series badly no and it didn't have really gone much worse could it they did all get an extra day off would probably have helped yeah there's another thing I want you to talk about Broden Anderson

where were they so So I heard on the grapevine that Jimmy's had a, they called it a calf concern. Okay. Not an injury, a concern. Oh, okay. Which I think is what happens when you get to 39. Yeah, and you're a bit tight.

A bit older. So I think if I remember right in 2019, he had a similar, he was coming back from an injury, a similar concern. And they played him and he bought four overs and was out for the rest of the summer. Okay. So I completely understand why they've. giving the old block a day off giving him a couple more days to prepare especially with that preparation we're just talking about when you're not getting those overs in your legs like wokes wood um probably robinson to a certain extent but they've what the two that wood and wokes have

been at the world cup so they've been bowling regularly um but broad i think as well he's come back from a serious injury a complete calf tear another concern we'll just call them concerns now not injuries just a little concern i'm a concern you're a concern that tree's a concern look at it bless it so I think they were probably didn't want to risk them at the gabber knowing that they'd be

effectively at their probably best in a pink day night game where it's swinging a bit more I do get that I do get that I think now England have got to obviously bring in Broden Anderson I think you take out

Leach and Wokes Would I'd take out I think Wood bowled so well Yeah I know I'm not saying that Yeah you did actually And I guess Wokes is probably too similar To you broad and your Jimmy

To you want a point of difference in that attack And then if you need a spinny You've got Joe root Yeah But I guess you just I mean I said I was really looking forward to this series Because England were talking differently about And it felt like they were just up for a bit different

And it's just not gone the way that anyone Bang, bang, bang, bang, bye. Yeah, not good. But that, so we don't play much red ball cricket, do we? But I always remember getting told, you can't win a game in a session. No. But you can lose a game in a session. And when England are having bad sessions, they're having, like, match losing sessions.

So that's what they've got to work on. It's that wickets and clusters that if you're the fielding unit, you think, oh, if we get too quickly here, it just completely changes the score line. Yeah. The good thing is, though, the second test starts at 4 a.m. England time. So therefore, I'll actually be able to watch a bit more. because I've been staying up to like three o'clock in the morning and I'm like four and asleep in the middle of the day

well we were four hours different from here when we're not watched quite a bit well if you wanted to watch it you had to set your alarm at four o'clock so on the first night we actually had a day off the next day so a few of us set our alarms I sent my alarm for 355 and I saw that we'd won the toss and we're batting and I just went out I'm going to go back to sleep and then I woke up the next day and I was so pleased because I don't know how I'd

managed to comprehend this at 4 a.m. But I thought, if I wake up in England and I've done well, I'm not bothered about missing that. But if I stay awake and they don't do well, then you'd be like, oh. For God say, what if I've done? Yeah. Win, win.

Yeah, win win. Win. Except not as an England fan. No. Yeah, but for your sleeping pattern. Yeah. That's a lot of good cricket chat to say that we're not a cricket podcast. I'd like to think so as well.

Have you got anything else on your sticky note? Yeah, another thing from last week's episode, Hot Cross Buns. I can buy them all year round. Yeah. A lot of people wanted to tell us that. Yeah, we've had a few pictures, haven't we? In Tesco's 17th aisle with all the crumpets and the hot cross buns.

So, yeah, you can go get your hot cross buns whenever you want. I don't actually really. Like, I like them, but I wouldn't go into Sainsbury's. I don't have never been to Sainsbury's. That's odd. I would. Full stop. I'd never go to Sainsbury's.

And go, oh, I'll just get a hot cross bun. No. The other thing that a lot of people wanted to talk to me about this week was I put a picture of myself in the ice bath up on Instagram. I can't tell you how many people replied saying it was effectively disgusting that had my socks on in the bath. Yes, but I keep my socks on an ice bath. It's just something that makes you think your feet are warmer.

They're not. They're obviously not, but there's something. I think it's just the comfort of having something enclosed around you, your little feet, because that's the worst bit of ice baths is when your feet going on. It's horrible. But yeah, I just put that picture up. just not really thinking about it

and that borderline got a bit of abuse for it it was a bit of a concern it was a concern yeah don't wear your socks I don't wear my socks in a normal bath obviously but ice bath or it's a game changer for anyone that needs to do ice bath in try it because it genuinely does change things um

Laura Jackson Lancashire Thunder or Thunder now player is it Lancashire Thunder I don't even know Northwest no it's not that bombed off ages ago oh it's definitely not Lancashire I think it's going back to captain this team Anyway, the Thunder.

Our latest contract signing, Laura Jackson, the star of the year, as Daniel Gidney kept saying to her on Tuesday. Congratulations, Laura. She listened to this podcast. Yeah. She pictures everybody in life without her. So she'll go, they're quite good-looking. But I've just pictured them without hair.

I'm not sure about you anymore. What? And I was like, have you pictured me without hair? She was like, yeah, all the time. What? For what reason? Is that just something a brain goes to? Or is that like a way of working out if people are good looking? I don't know, but I can't look at you and not see your hair. I can picture you without hair because I've used that Snapchat filter on you. Yeah. In fact, I'm going to do it now. That Snapchat filter where you've just got a bald head.

But yeah, that's, I thought it was really strange. We put it on Boisey once, didn't we? She still had a fringe. Yeah. It was remarkable. Oh, you've got glasses on. I don't like that Heisenberg guy. That's who it is. It's a Heisenberg filter. That's an odd one. Definitely put that in the LBW category.

So I was listening to a podcast the other day. Someone rang me and I had my AirPods in. And have you ever had a phone call from a number that you've not got saved in your phone? whilst you've got your AirPods in. No. Siri does something that is really, really weird. Okay.

She says the number as a number. So Siri was like, you are having a phone call from 0,700. No. From 0,1,777,000. No. Yeah. Really weird. And I was like, what is going on?

That is weird. Yeah. I've obviously never noticed it because normally it'll be like, mum is calling. I don't even get that. I don't think. Do you not? No.

Only when your AirPods are in? I don't know if I only wear them for like 10 minutes when I. When you're running, trotting down the street. Anyway, I thought it was weird. Yeah, that is odd. Yeah. I've not got anything else. Well, I've got the thing that I can't type.

Oh, this, it's starting to annoy me now. Is that why you not been texting me? So we were trying to work. So I'll, whenever I'll text me, it's like working out a code. Yeah. It's like I understand it more than most because we text a lot. But sometimes it's genuinely like hard work to understand what you're trying to say to me because you just put the wrong words into places.

You messaged me the other day. It's like your hands are going too fast for your brain. Yeah. Your fingers move faster than your brain does. Yeah, and that's probably fair. Probably, yeah, but it really, and there's a lot of times where I don't pull you up. Like some of them I'm really, I sit there and I work it out and I'm like, right, she meant that. And I can work it out and I don't mention it.

another time I'm like, I'll, I need help here. I don't know what you're trying to say to me. Because I don't notice. So then when I read it back, I'm like, yeah, it reads fine. Yeah. Because you read it with what you men are say. I'm going to, where's a conversation?

Because I actually brought it up with you, didn't I? Yeah, you did. Sleep well, can't you tomorrow? I was like, yeah, can't you? Honestly, you're the worst. And you put, I didn't even notice. I swear if Siri just suss me over. anyway can't you catch you

catch you was what you were trying to say can't you tomorrow can't you what but there's even times where you try and then like repair what you've tried to say with the word and you get the wrong word again yeah that's Siri though that is but you'll put another word that's completely different you'll be trying to say Lou and you'll say lob

and it'll be like lawn like what how does Siri doesn't even that's not a word why is Siri fixing it to a word that doesn't exist you know I spell tomorrow wrong that often, Siri doesn't correct it anymore. Oh, good God. Right, let's do some emails. Come on then.

Who are we going upstairs with? I want to go upstairs with that umpire who went viral last week for doing a handstand as a wide signal. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. I'm really keen for them to be more actively involved in this podcast. Oh my God, so good. Yes, let's go upstairs with the leg wide singular.

signaler singler as Siri would say dear Kate and Alex it's your 50 year old Chinese listener in Saudi Arabia again you got this one off as well it was a great surprise to hear

about you girls talking about periods on the podcast when is the world finally going to wake up to the reality of girls' body chemistry and how menstruation affects women's elite level sport performance it seems to be a taboo subject that no one talks about serena Williams tennis victory while in early pregnancy must rape

right up there. Just FYI for anyone that doesn't know if you're pregnant, you can't be menstruating. So that's a different topic altogether. Some people can. Let's not get into that. Anyway, this person's emailed us loads. Look, there's a whole thread.

And we've just completely ignored them. Can we just say as well, when people say we've been ignoring the emails or we're not reading them out, it's actually producer Henry that filters them for us. So you've got any kind of complaint send them directly to him. It's Henry at BBC.co.uk.

Now then, K&A. Hope you both well, and I love the podcast. I would say long time listener first time email, though, but I tweeted you the story of the chap in the village who I saw taking his vacuum cleaner on holiday with him, and I'm not sure it's as mad as you might think. Yes, it is a bit Emmerdale around here. So they are a full on,

and they put a full on in quote marks, family. Mum, dad, two little monsters, two dogs, all going off on holiday. They're going camping. Mum and dad in the front, monsters in the back and dogs in the boot, all the stuff, and there's a lot of it, in a roof rack, in a roof box, a trailer and a trailer on the roof box. When I saw him, he was packing up the stuff when his wife brought out the dice. And I said, why are you taking that?

And he goes, wouldn't go without it. With kids and dogs in the tent, there's crap everywhere, dirt, hair, crumbs with this vacuum, five minutes morning and night, place looks like a palace, me. All right, have a good one. And off they popped. So we're now wondering whether it is psycho behaviour or not That's when I tweeted you Are you still sure that it's mad?

Yeah, it's mad Where are they plugging it in if they're going camping? This is lies Something doesn't add up here Something doesn't add up They've got stuff to clean They're cleaning up Do you reckon murders?

Yeah Although you wouldn't hoover up blood, would you? There are hoovers, you know That you can hoover up liquid with Yeah You would need a plug for that though Yeah But yeah it's weird

I love the fact that they've explained now become that bigger part of the podcast they've had to explain it also just going back to the theory that these people might be murderers would you take your kids and dogs with you look people do anything these days to cover up a story

so you're hiding it in plain sight anyway hi Alex and Kate not the first time email or the first time listener but I have a question for you both I hope you are both well you will I'm well thanks you're not I'll be alright

if you had to be stuck in a pub with three celebrities because of it you've been snowed in who would it be and why best wishes ibby pronounced with a little i so it's not liby a lubb

sent from her iPhone wasn't there a story about this recently a pub got shut in for three days and did they do oasis on repeat or something oh they were with a tribute band an oasis tribute band that'd be pretty cool wouldn't it logically you're gonna want someone someone in there that would entertain

Chris Tremlitt. So we can chop some trees down. Should we keep it cricket specific? Oh yeah, let's go three cricketers. Right. Then why? Okay, I'm going to say Rory Burns so I can give him some throwdowns.

Not I'm only joking. I'm only joking, Rory. Teach him about women's cricket. I want someone who can play a guitar or something to sing we can have a sing song jimmy jemmy jemmy i said jimmy oh he can't play the guitar he did a singing thing with henry didn't he in adelaide or somewhere yeah it was all lip synced yeah he's not coming jemmy yeah play the guitar keepers all entertained glen maxwell because he's got all the stories yeah very funny man and loves a pint yeah

he'd drink that pup dry yeah he actually would he'd he actually would he'd he'd be the person that went out on an expedition to find more beer to bring it back to the pub that they've been locked in and final one I'm assuming we're in there together so I'm not saying you and final one um tough one I was going to say Catherine Brunt then but she's not good in a small space Mark Wood because he's an absolute belter okay yeah funny um I'm going Chris Tremlett, just because I always go to Chris, Chris Tremlet. Take him wherever you are. Why can't we got a word out today?

He never know when you need a big man. So, you know, Chris Tremlet. On the opposite scale, James Taylor. Little man. You don't know when you're going to need a little man. Exactly. So it might be able to get into some small spaces. Yeah.

And then Matthew Hoggard, because he's a good chef. He's now got that chef in business, hasn't he? Oh, right. He can cook. Good thinking. Yeah. There's not much energy. no that's a dull pub actually but it's practical well we could entertain them with the podcast maybe yeah

but we've got a practical put i don't know what james taylor's bringing into the party i just thought opposite to big james taylor quite a nice guy do you know what's mad now looking through our emails how many people tell us if they wash their bread knife or not no right should we go on to some lbws yes okay lovely because we've got loads we've got loads of them Because our listeners are all weird. Yeah. Hi, both. I'm not addressing you personally, as I know this causes arguments between you as to who is named first. No, I just take it personally. I have, yeah, I have a few LBWs, which I thought I would share with you as follows.

It's quite a long list here. Number one, when I go running, I count every step in my head, which is in the thousands and the whole way around as I don't listen to music or podcasts. I'm sorry, guys. I count my steps when I'm trying to distract myself or heavy breathe. But if you're going out doing an 8K, would you count all your steps? No, I'd lose count after about 15. I think it is a good distraction technique.

I do it when I'm doing interval stuff on a treadmill because you're obviously not even got any different surroundings when you're running on a treadmill. So I sometimes will be like, right, I know it's going to be 300 steps to do a two-minute interval. So I count my steps then. Do you? Yeah. That's weird that.

You just said you do it as well. Yeah, but only's like 15. Oh. That probably says more about your educational stage. than anything. Number two, I can't walk or run over three drains for fear of bad luck. Have you emailed this in? This is actually me. We know that. That's something that I'm quite passionate about actually. Number three. To which you pushed me in front of oncoming traffic to stop me going over some drains once. It's just the perfect excuse. Then I took my hoover and cleaned you up.

Number three, when I see a horse in a field whilst I'm travelling, i.e. on a car journey or in a train. I have to shout horse loudly which can get a few stairs on a busy train service also if I'm with my family the person to shout horse when spotting one gets a point and a false shout of horse perhaps mistaken mistaking a distant cow for horse

you lose a point no that reminds me when we used to travel to Loughborough together we go driving home once and it's a bit of traffic and we're a bit flat and you just all of a sudden wound down the window and shouted hey cow it is a great game

I was like, what? And it proper sh-me up, but now we're always like, hey, cow. This is a game that my brother introduced to me when we were younger. So similar, really, but you don't shout it on a train. You need the animals. It can be played with sheep, cows, pigs, whatever. You need the animals to be able to hear you. So the aim of the game is you shout, you wind a down, taking turns.

Shout as loud as you can, hey cow, and however many cows look at you, you get that amount of points. it is honestly it's a fab game try it well we did play it and you enjoyed it I did I loved it but the first time you ever did it honestly I nearly flew out the roof of the car we played it in New Zealand actually we went on a little road trip

me H Sophie Eccleston Wongy and Freya all in this car and it got a bit flat and I thought it was time to bring out Haycap but there was only sheep obviously we're in New Zealand so I wound the window down and I screamed as loud as I could hey sheep and I think I got about 10 it was a really good round

and Sophie Ackleston was in tears laughing she couldn't have her go because she was laughing that much so I honestly just try the game it's great game number four we're not done not me but my wife

sniffs all food before she eats it even food she's familiar with I know psycho right I don't think I've ever sniffed a piece of toast you wouldn't need to what does toast smell like yeah I'm sure Yeah, strange that

One thing I have sniffed, Brussels sprouts Might as well put them straight in the bin They smell like farts But I do quite like the taste of a Brussels sprout Only with Christmas dinner It's like eating a little Ball of gas Hmm

Anyway, I hope this finds you well Thanks for what you're doing with the podcast I've been following women's cricket for a few years But I'm pleased the players are starting to get the recognition that they deserve And I think the podcast also helps with that P.S. glad you decided after episode 20 or so to carry on after realizing the figures were skewed by the potty mouth of Al

and that's from Sammy Nipswich. Throwback episode 20. Yeah. That was Vish's episode. No, it wasn't. Vish was 16, different kettle of Vish. Oh. 20 was the manhole cover episode. How was it? The infamous manhole cover. Hi, Crossie and Elle. Hi, Crossie and Elle. They're so good.

said it twice. It's great to see the return of LBWs. I thought I'd share a story from around 12 years ago, which my girlfriend thought was really odd, whereas I didn't. On reflection, it might have been psychopath behaviour, though. When we lived in an old block of flats, we had mice. Not feeling comfortable with killing them, I set my human, human, humane, humane. I was like, it says human, but it's got any on the end. Oh, God. Not feeling comfortable with killing them. I set my human traps, which catch, and then they then released.

After a few days, we had our first success, and on checking the traps in the morning, a little mouse was scurrying around on the inside. The recommendation is to release them some distance away so they don't come straight back in, so I decided to drive to a nearby park. This is where the alleged helpy W happens. I cannot.

I've not read this and I just don't know where this is going whatsoever. Concern that the mouse might be a little bit distressed and likely hadn't been on a car journey before. I thought I would try and help calm it by playing some classical FM on the radio. What? For a mouse they've caught in their house? When I told my girlfriend later,

She looked at me as if I was mad. We didn't have any other success with the traps. Perhaps the other mice went to join their mate from the orchestra. I've heard people put the radio on for their dogs because when fireworks go off they get stressed and music does calm dogs, but not... That was Dan. Not rogue mice.

Dan, I have never put classic FM on for myself, let alone an animal. it's a wild mouse like why why do they need to put the radio on for it no I do get the feeling the him feeling that the mouse might be distressed not knowing where it's going in a car

journey not being in a car before and then it's probably not been a cage before either it's like the classic when a bee gets in your car and then you let it out when you leave it's like where's his family yeah where am I remember when we took that ladybird all the way up to platform it was on the outside of the car

it just hits a ride yeah and we were like I wonder if it knows where it's going yeah can't be bothered flying so I just sit on this car took it a long way away from where it's come from now yeah damn that's brilliant that's again I don't think it's like a mouse doesn't know what a car is yeah yeah weird LBW weird hi both LBW for you I have two advent calendars and save one till the 24th so that I can have a chocolate per hour dumb genius Or was that like a bath? Now, I know a few people that have more than one event calendar so they can have more than one chocolate per day,

one in the morning, one in the evening or whenever you fancy one. But to have one per hour on the 24th, what if you want to pop out? I don't think they're sat there waiting for the clock to chime so they can have the next one. Well, it sounds like they are. And what, you're staying up till midnight? Wait, there's more than 24 chocolates.

I think you take... No, there's not. 24th takes you up to Christmas Eve. Yeah, so he's, what, he's doing a full 24 hours up just to eat his advent calendar. Yeah. Just buy chocolate bar. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, you're lying.

You're not. You're a liar. You're lying. Hi, Kate and Alex. I've been loving the podcast over the last year, and now I can finally say I'm all caught up. I thought I'd throw an LBW from a psychopath friend of mine. Okay. She loves her cereal, soggy.

So much that she puts the milk on. the night before and lets them soak for the morning. Is this insane or could it be worth a try? This is another Dan. That's like overnight oats but overnight cereal. Soggy cereal. Love overnight oats then. I've just done some.

But not... It's morning. Yeah, I'll have them for my tea. It's not overnight. Overday oats. All right, Dan. Why lying? That...

Don't like it. No. Soggy cereal? Like, what cereal? Like, because wheat of bix, if you put it in the microwave, it goes soggy quite nice. Coco pops. You don't need to soak wheat of Bix overnight,

you can soak that in a minute and it's done. Corn flakes potentially. Just changes the whole dynamic of what the breakfast is for me. Yeah. No, I don't like that. Right, I've got another one here. It's not an LBW, but I just thought I'd read it out. Hi, Kate and Alex.

Your message about H coming out was very well done, and it was clearly said with a lot of warmth and love, and the way you discussed they're coming out was a good balance of emphasizing how important it obviously is to them, but making it clear that you love H for who they are. Given the horrendous homophobic abuse you received the other month, it would have been very easy to shy away from a topic like this, and hopefully this email counters any horrendous transphobic abuse that goes your way. The way you responded will have also emphasised to any LGBT plus teammates you might have

that you will love them no matter what. Keep on doing what you're doing. All the best, Daniel. That's dancing Daniel, isn't it? It could well be. It is. Well, it's important for us to talk about things like that, isn't it? Yeah, and they're a big part of this podcast as well. Again, for anyone that hasn't listened to all the previous episodes, they were mentioned pretty much every minute that we,

they were like Don with his advent calendar every hour on the hour, pretty much. So they are a big part of the podcast, and they listened. Did they? So H listened to the podcast. Yeah. So if you are playing the drinking game, neck your drink. Because they never listen before. They never listen.

So they listened because they knew that we were talking about them. They wanted to make sure that we did it properly. We got it right. But no, they were really pleased about how we'd done it. And like I said, they're willing to come on and have a chat with us about it all. And I think that'll be amazing. Yeah, I think that would be really good. Yeah.

Guys, it's time to wrap it up. It is. You're in your Christmas jumper. I hope you're not going out in that. I am. I'm not because I wore this out the other night and I've not washed it since. but these trousers look at these could our outfits like

counterbalance each other anymore right now you've got head to toe Christmas gear on your Cornish pasties on your feet and I say not today not today I'm going to wear these cricket training these bottoms because it's Christmas one everyone in the Christmas spirit you know one more week of training to go

and then Christmas I've never felt less Christmassy it's because you've not got a tree I do look at it poor thing Someone needs to sponsor that tree. Should we set up a GoFundry for your tree? I thought about just putting it in the garden today.

And I was like, no, I'm going to put some time into it. I'm going to put some effort into it. And I'm going to bring its story to life. Yeah. Well, this podcast can tell that tree's story in six months time. I hope so. Don't forget if you want to email us on. Noblespodcast at BBC.co.com.

Noblespodcast at BBC.com.com. It's so good. They said it twice. And remember any complaints straight to Henry, C.C. Henry into it. And if you need someone, you've always got us. Anyway, we hope you have a lovely week. Next week, Christmas special.

Is it? It's Christmas, isn't it? We're doing a Christmas special? Yeah. What date is it next week? Yeah, it's Christmas next week. Right. Christmas special next week it is.

We've been planning this one for a while, haven't we? Yeah, yeah, we'll do that now. Merry Christmas. Pardon? We're not seeing that? I think it's a TikTok. Merry Christmas. No.

You have. It's like two years old. See you guys. Bye. And cross strikes in the first over. It's what England we're looking for. Hartley Falls. Down the track comes scoring.

This time she connects. It's either six or out. It's six. BBC Sounds. June 2008. Across the London skyline, a helicopter emerges. It lands at Lord's Cricket Ground. Emerging from the helicopter is a tall,

brash Texan called Alan Stanford, and he's come with a load of money and a revolutionary idea to change cricket. One night, one game, winner takeoff, $20 million. What was to follow was one of the most extraordinary stories to ever hit sports. This guy smells high heaven.

He fooled important people. I'm Greg James, and you can hear Alan Stanford, the man who bought cricket, by searching for sports' strangest crimes on BBC Sounds. Hey, cow!