Test Match Special - No Balls: The Cricket Podcast - "I'd offer you a nut, but covid."

Episode Date: September 8, 2021

After a brief break, Kate Cross and Alex Hartley return to discuss cricket (briefly), best/worst birthdays and getting spotted by No Balls fans. Oh, and Crossy meets her heroes...

This BBC podcast is supported by ads outside the UK. The Dakar Rally is the ultimate off-road challenge. Perfect for the ultimate defender. The high-performance Defender Octa, 626 horsepower twin turbo V8 engine and intelligent 6D dynamics air suspension. Learn more at landrover.ca. and cross strikes in the first over it's what england we're looking for Hartley falls down the track comes scoring this time she connects

it's either six or out it's six hello and welcome back to no balls the cricket podcast with me Kate cross and the birthday girl Alex Hartley Hello everybody Happy birthday Happy birthday to you Happy birthday to you Happy birthday

Happy birthday Happy birthday to you Okay that's enough of that How are you? I'm good thank you It's my birthday Yeah we wouldn't know You wouldn't know

No it's my birthday I've reminded everybody Every day for the last four and a half weeks Yep Including me And I actually nearly forgot about it because it came around really quickly. Like, we're in the middle of September now.

You say this all the time. Your birthday always comes around really quick. I'm like, it's still in the cricket season, that's why. It throws me because it shouldn't be in the cricket season because your birthday is in September. We're recording. It's your birthday, but it shouldn't be a summer birthday. But how hot was it yesterday?

Literally the hottest day of the year, summer birthday. Yeah, but it shouldn't be. But anyway, we're in the middle of the season still, and then it always comes around quickly and throws me, so I was panicked buying on Amazon last week to get you some birthday. present but you did get me a belter got you the ultimate no balls present the ultimate no balls present i have my own mug with an a on it i got you your own mug so now we can't argue anymore there's no excuses there are no excuses however however you go hopefully you go into the england bubble soon

and i will be using your mug why why i won't i won't now i've got my own it's a really nice one It's beautiful. It's got a gold handle. I might sell it. You're a nightmare. You're an actual nightmare. I did this so that we wouldn't argue and we start in a new season with a little argument. On your birthday as well.

For anyone that doesn't know, it's Alex's birthday. 28 never felt so old. I feel every little bit of 28 today. Why? Because we played cricket yesterday. Yeah. And I am stiff. And it was a 50 over game of cricket and it felt like three days worth of cricket.

Well, it was three 100 games. It's mad, isn't it? And it felt every bit of that. We back. first and we ordered a deliveroo to the ground because we got really hungry and then we were like right must nearly be time to start warming up to bowl 14 overs had gone yeah we'd eat in a subway god's sake the s and c was like who's got deliveroo and i was like yeah it's just the england player she's hungry and you know we we all jumped in and got subway to be fair we're so

used to playing the short format of the game where you have a meal before and you have a meal after I forget that we had a meal, like, during this game of cricket. We had cricket tea as well, didn't we? Proper cricket tea, first time since pre-pandemic. Cakes, pizza, chicken nuggets. I felt disgusting. Anyway, so we batted for 30 overs. We got like 280.

We were really good. Balled them out for like 22. It was probably one of the worst games of cricket I played in for a very long time. Yeah. So we actually only fielded for 30 overs. Felt like 40. But I think that's good. Ease ourselves back into, like,

long format so to give a bit of context to this because it's not like us not to um we've played the charlotte edwards cup so we finished the hundred we went back into regional t20 cricket we thought we were going to make finals day we didn't win a game lost all three in a row so we didn't make finals we didn't even get close to finals day you know what i think it is we won all our games without you oh it's me yeah i think it's you all right okay what about eccleston is she not involved. Oh, she's not played

either. She's not played a TV. So it's Akelston, not me. No, but she's not played that either.

We've lost when you've played. No, we won some game. Don't be like this. I've been like this. I captained and we won. You're being a nightmare

today. I don't know why I agreed to record this podcast when you're in such a good mood. Guess who's back? Back again. Hartley's back with her friend.

Guess who's back? Heartle's back. Crossie's back. no balls is back I have so much on my sticky note because we had an impromptu holiday for two weeks we told the BBC

we were having a holiday and we found out when he was edited in the last episode you went oh you're having a break are you yep but we needed it didn't we because the 100 was so so manic

and then we decided that we weren't in a cricket bubble anymore which we weren't we went out we need to discuss things so I'm looking at my sticky note right now We've got a lot to catch up on. We promised in the last season that we'd do a shirt give away.

Yeah, what happened to those shirts? We don't know. They got signed by all the players. Men's and women's ready to give away and they've disappeared. Yeah, they have. So we're trying to find them. So whoever keeps tweeting us

and Instagram knows we do know we're going to give a shirt away, we've just lost the shirt, so bear with us. Yeah, they could be absolutely anywhere between Manchester and Taunton, wherever we've been. And if you found some signed shirts

by the Manchester originals. Congratulations, you won our giveaway. Well done you. You stole our giveaway. Yeah, honestly, let us know, though, if you've seen anything. They're in a black bin bag. Yeah. Probably in the trash now, in the bin.

My sticky note. I was going to say you're going to get yours up, but we're just relying on mine. Yeah. My sticky note, it's empty. Oh, you have been on holiday. I have been on holiday. Actually, there is, I don't, did we talk about congestion charge? No, we didn't.

Right. Is this a bit of a bone to pick? With London. I've got a few. bones to pick so let's let's have a little beef get the beef out right negativity out the way first and then we'll go into the show 17 pound 50 to get to the oval because i had to drive through london the privilege of driving through london what is that about what is that about 17 pound 50 no it's cost me 40 quid in petrol to get there that's that's cheap 40 pound in petrol got an

economical car i mean what an economical car an economical car Economical. Well, whatever word you said before was neither of those two. Yeah, and also, I've found out, from driving to the Oval myself, if you drive down a one-way street the wrong way, that costs you £65 in a fine. That happened to you. Yeah. You were telling me about that when we were driving somewhere else and then you got course feeding.

It was a bad day. It wasn't a great day, that was it? Yeah. Okay. Right, my bones to pick. I've got two written on my sticky note here. why do guys not tuck their cricket shirts in? Yeah, wondered what the hell you were going to say then.

I've got something about guys as well, but we'll talk about cricket shirts first. I don't get it. It really winds me up. It looks so village. Awful. And I've just noticed it. From watching the T20 blast mostly.

Yeah. Tuck your shirts in. It's the first thing you learn as a cricketer. It looks so, I don't know the word, disgusting when it's not tucked in. Disgusting. Disgusting. It looks shableness. My word would be.

Shabby. We have the test that in the background and actually quite a few of them have got their shirts tucked in. Test cricket I feel is a bit different. I'm watching Jadajabal. He doesn't have his shirt tucked in. However, a lot of the originals did it.

Calvin Harrison, I'm looking at you. Took your bloody shirt in. DJ, tuck that shirt in. Took it in, right. My bone to pick with blokes. Go on. Why is it? Oh, God, this could be its own show.

Why is it when blokes go to the toilet? You're in public. They go to the bathroom in a restaurant. Right? You're in public, then they're going to the toilet. We're in a restaurant, me and you. Bloke, we're sat near the toilets. They go to the toilet, they come out.

Why do they do their zipper when they're out of the bathroom? On their way back to the table. Like what? Why? Yeah, it's a bit dissettling. The amount of blokes when we went out for tea the other night and I was just staring at their crotch because they were doing up their zipper.

It also goes to show they're not washing their hands because you'd have washed your hands before you're doing your zip up. Yeah. Another bone to pick. Okay. we have been hotel hopping all summer yeah we have literally been in and out of hotels because cricket is mad busy yeah why are the breakfast times so horrendous oh my god i didn't go to breakfast once who stops breakfast at 9 a.m like come on guys we're not playing till half to i want my breakfast at 11 this

yeah it's a massive issue that i've had for a while now if your hotel breakfast stops at 9 a.m. You've got to have a word with yourself because just to extend it for at least 45 more minutes after that. Two hours, 45 minutes. We're an anomaly at cricket. Yeah.

So people can't work around our cricket times. But 9 o'clock. Yeah, I just didn't bother. Also, breakfast makes me laugh because Emma Lamb, hoarder, steals all the breakfast things. Anything and everything. Her and Andrew, our analysis.

Analyst. Analyst. You know I always get them mixed up. honestly four apples two bananas bit of jam bit of ketchup pockets bags off they go i know it's hamprete does that as well does she we went down to she's got so much money wales it was she took a muffin to from breakfast she actually left it on the table and she text you saying please can you take the muffin and bring it on the coach she just traveled with that muffin all the way down to it she didn't eat it she just traveled with it just carried

a muffin just carried it round with her like a little pet yeah maybe she was missing a dog There's a muffin. It was cute. She didn't eat it. I wonder if she's still... She might not have eaten. It might have still be in Wales. She might have still have it.

She might have travelled with it back to India and now to Australia. Who knows? Let us know, Harmon. Any more beefs? Because I feel like this has been beefy. Yeah, it has been beefy. That is all my beefs. Any more sticky notes?

A lot of sticky notes. Here we go. Okay, so we are watching the test match. It's the fifth day at the Oval. We really politely invited Jasperit Bummerer to be our first ever No Ball's ambassador. We did. He didn't get back to us. No, it's rude that actually.

But we have had a reply from one Indian man, Ravi Ashwin. Ravi Ashwin. He is going to come on the podcast. He is this season. This season. He might be our first guest next week. We need to have a chat with him. He's not really been that busy with the old crickets, has he?

No. I messaged him being like, any danger are you playing? And he was like, well, obviously I want to. Well, he messaged me saying, why weren't you playing at Hove on Saturday night in the T20? I was like, Ravi, I wasn't in the T20 squad. And he was like, oh, you and me both. It can happen. So we are going to try and get him on.

But yeah, Jasperit, you are our ambassador. We'd like to see you doing a bit more for the podcast. Yeah, you're actually offering absolutely nothing. And as an ambassador of the podcast, we need more. We do need more. Back to the sticky notes. Rewind. Few things, but we're nearly there.

We went out. Oh, no. This is the story of the last two weeks, and we went out. We went out. And I had a fango moment, didn't I? Thought you going to say a fight? No, I didn't have a fight. Okay.

You had a fango moment. Fangil moment. We're out in Manchester. My favourite program ever on the TV. I forgot about this. Is Gogglebox. And who has sat at the table next to us? The goggle box people.

Julie and Tom. Absolute cult heroes. Best, them and the two in the caravan, my two favourites. And then the Manchester crew with the dogs always on the laps. I got to meet them. And they were belters. You actually asked for a photo.

I was that person. I went over. I was like, I'm so sorry. It turns out it was Julie's birthday I only found out yesterday So I went up to them And was like, I'm so sorry to be that person But please can I have a photo

Because I love you Anyway, I had a photo They were so keen though They were like right, we'll get up Everyone stood in the line Great picture, I'm going to get it framed Did you say I'm famous too? Well no

Because why would I ever say that Do you listen to the podcast? Have you heard of Jaspit Brummer? It should be ambassador in for us I've got a podcast. Do you want to listen, Julie? No. So that was a real highlight for me, actually, over the last couple of weeks. Anything else? Because this is, we're reeling them off here. One more.

Okay, come on. We are actually, we've played a lot of cricket in the last four weeks, haven't we? So much cricket. Even when the 100 finished, we had seven days off and then we were straight back in. The girls were in training on Friday. We finished Tuesday. Yeah, we weren't because we were out in London, gallivanting. I'm working, Shoresy. I need some time off.

Anyway, played a lot of cricket in the last four weeks. And who has been following us around? As in a person? She's been at all our games. Sue Redfernall. She's been at every single game we've been involved in. Yeah, okay. You've been there.

Yeah, Sue has. I was thinking I have no idea of some media manager. She's been following us around. Every time we go to a game, Sue's there. Literally every seat. Does women have a day off? Well, also, does she just look where our fixtures are and then? I reckon so.

I reckon she does as well. Anyway, we played against Western Storm at Sapphire Gardens. Turn up, who's there, but Sue? Sue. With a biscuit ankle, getting it taped up. And she really randomly had a, had some nuts in hand. Oh, yeah, she did, she did. We had a drinks break.

Yeah. Can't have been a tactical time out. Anyway, there was a drinks break, so it was a T20. Don't know what happened. Neither. Innings break. Innings break. She took nuts out after the in hand.

Yeah, that was it. And so she had nuts in hand. And I was like, hey, Sue, what you're eating? Because I was bowling at her end, obviously. Obviously. She went, it's some nuts. And she goes, I'd give you a nut, but COVID. What a line.

I'd give you a nut. But COVID. I'd give you a nut. But COVID. That's been the rule, actually, isn't it? Well, it has, isn't it? I'd give you a nut, but COVID. But two meters.

Yeah. So there you go. That's my sticking out. I'm up to date. Perfect. What we haven't done is the question, the question. how are you? I'm good

I've enjoyed being back with regional cricket it's been lovely because we all bonded in the 100 didn't we? Oh my God yeah we had a team

that basically is the same as the regional team so spent loads of time with the girls loved it and then got to spend more time with them in the regional

environment so it's been nice to have you it's been really nice yeah it's actually I love cricket at the minute really yeah so much fun

isn't it except when we got absolutely hammered by Northern Diamonds that was a bad day Don't want to talk about it. Dark day. We got bored out for 90 and they chased it down in 10.4 overs.

We dropped three catches. Yeah. But we love cricket. But we move. We love cricket. We do. Oh, I'm like, you good? Yeah, I'm good, thank you.

It's my birthday. Is it? Yeah. Oh, happy birthday. Yeah, we should have mentioned it. Should have said. No, I'm really good. I have been 10 out of 10 exhausted.

And you did me a massive favour last weekend. Did I? Yeah. Like, probably not the nicest thing you've done. because you always do nice things for me but you spoke to henry morano producer of the podcast and said please can you give alec to day off work and he spoke to the big boss adam and adam tech saying have the day off it was more the fact that you would have had to drive down to hoven back in a day which worried me yeah and we then had that warm up game the following day so i was a bit concerned

about you but you then said you'd be a bit worried that you'd let them down and i thought i'll you've worked more than anyone at the BBC this year. Yeah, I was worried that I didn't want to be that person that's not responsible, reliable. I'm not responsible. You're not responsible. But I am reliable. So they gave me a day off and honestly,

I cannot thank everyone enough for that because I had two days on the sofa and I am back, baby. Yeah? Yeah, I'm good. Feeling good. Best went fresh and you turn 28 now, so. Yeah, hell. Hmm.

Yeah. Should we for the first time in weeks? Go upstairs. let's go upstairs and because she's been following us around so much i think we should double up all right okay i i want to go upstairs with a new one all right so i think we should take them both up because sue's been incredible in the hundred yeah but this umpire new to the scene breakthrough year listens to the podcast biscuit ankles has she got biscuit she tripped over a mat um anna harris Anna harris what a year she's had oh so beautiful she actually said to me at the start

at the 100. She went, listen to the podcast, just asking if you've brought your shirt. I forgot one of my shirts. So let's double up and go upstairs with Sue and Anna. Okay, so Anna, this is the first time upstairs with us. Hope you enjoy it. Hope you don't leave disappointed. Let's go. I'm going to start us off with an incredible email. Dear Crossy and Alex, I simply cannot thank you enough for producing some. an amazing podcast week on week. I have, unfortunately, been in hospital since February of this year. In some of my darkest days, your podcast has brought me out of my depressive state and into a much more positive mindset. You've brought a smile to my face on multiple occasions

when I really didn't feel like smiling at all. The work you do on the podcast, in the media and on the cricket field is utterly incredible and unbelievably inspiring. Please never stop doing what you do. I also want to say a massive thank you to Crossie, who, when I informed her I was in hospital and a passionate cricket fan, sent me one of the most amazing presents I could ever have asked for. An England women's cricket test shirt, signed by the whole England women's team. Oh, did you? Thank you so much, Crossie. Your gift made my week.

Thanks for everything you do on the podcast and on the cricket pitch. Keep up the amazing work and she wants to remain anonymous. Oh, Crossy, well done you. So basically you've just stroked your own ego. Well done. I didn't actually be, I read the first bit of it. I read the first bit of it. Rossi's amazing.

But now, thank you very much for emailing us in. genuinely do read all of our emails. That's an incredible email. But I thought, what, amazing start to the season, getting a message like that. It just reminds us why we do it, doesn't it? It does. I've decided not to... Here we go.

I've decided to not much this too long to help Alex. I mean, that doesn't help me read it. That's probably not what it says. I've decided to not much this too long to help Alex. You read it. That's exactly what it says. That does say that. Right?

Poor start. Hope you are both doing well. I'm loving the 100 and rooting for Manchester Originals. Sorry. My question is, what is your favourite moment with Harmon? Why do you guys choose to go by Kate and Alex rather than Catherine and Alexandra?

I've always been Kate. I mean, I've not because I was Chris and Catherine, but I've just always been a Kate for as long as I remember. I'm not really a Catherine, am I? It doesn't suit you. It doesn't, no. And it's spelt weird, and I can't spell it.

Shock. That's probably why you've shortened your name to full. letters, isn't it? I don't suit Alexandra. I'm not posh enough for that. No.

You're just Alex, aren't you? Yeah. Also, I don't think we get to choose stuff like that. It's normally like your parents and your friends

at school that decide that. And I don't call you Kate. No, you don't. When I talk to your sister, I have to call you Kate if it feels weird. Yeah, because she's also a cross, isn't she?

Yeah, it gets confusing. Favorite moment with Harmon? There was loads this year. She was on great form, wasn't she? Mine, it's always going to be a standout. First day we met her, she fell asleep on the bus,

and you drew smiley faces on her toes. Yeah, that was a night. Well, she didn't really know us then, did she? I think this time around, the spuds. Yeah. Was a highlight, and it's become a part of the podcast now, so that's pretty cool. We've got psychopath spuds that follow us.

I think cricket-in-wise, it would have been her shot. She played at the Oval on the first night. She just hit one over X recover and just held the pose. And the video clipped up. just shows me and Ellie on the bench looking at each other and we're like whoa she's back baby she's back I've got so many highlights with Harmon

just Harmon yeah just Harmon sad she only played three games actually my favorite part of this summer oh no with Harry every time I saw her in the lobby of Old Trafford the Hilton she goes cross she calls me cross she doesn't call me cross

she doesn't call me cross she goes me cross cross my food's not turned up again oh every time i've paid for my food and it is not here we had to order her food so many times didn't we yeah and then she then she wanted to pay back so she just got out this wad of cash it must have been about grounding cash and went take it one more harm and highlight god there's so many coming flooding back to me i hosted a fajita night at my flat you miss this actually you went here she came around and she said cross i want to help and i said all right okay can you oh she was watching me cook i was cutting up some onions and she was intently watching me and then videoing me i was like harman why you're videoing me and she was like i never do this

she doesn't cook ever she doesn't cook ever she never cooked never even poured herself a bowl of cereal this girl so i was like right that is it so i got her on the on the pans and she was in charge of the chicken and in charge of the beef and then i realized that i might be giving everyone salmonella if a girl who was never cooked he was in charge of the chicken and she thought that it took like four hours to cook chicken she thought i had to boil it and then fry it and then put in the oven i was like no harry just as long as it's not pink 10 minutes it's fine she was blown away she said cross it's changing color yes she's like why is it going why i was like that's good harry that means it's cooked so loads of highlights with harry very good summer very very good i've got

one here hi alex and kate i discovered your podcast over the summer and love listening to it in fact it got me into the hundred so much so that i drove up to nottingham from london London with my son to see your team. I could have seen another team at the Oval, which would have been a lot easier, but I'm now hooked on the Manchester originals. Yes. On the way up, we listened to the podcast

with Sophie Eccleston as a guest, and we both felt we knew at least three of the players took out for. Anyway, my question, I was at the last day of the Lord's test where England threw away the test match by Bowling Short at the Tail Enders. It was a pretty bad-tempered game, and there was some really bad feeling

between some of the players. Do you recall this one? Nope. So this was when Jasper Brummerer bowled loads of no balls we made him our ambassador because no balls was trending and he kept trying to just hit jimmy yeah why do you think this never happens in the women's game conversely how come the men never dance like hartley does when they get a wicket i wonder if things could go better for the men's team if they lightened up about it and had a bit more fun thanks for the podcast it's really brightened

up my summer all the best justin justin biba timbreake show you uh um why don't they dance like me i mean I'm just a bit of a loose canon. Yeah. So not everybody dances, just me and Carlos Brathaway, you know? Yeah, well, Carlos does dance. Yeah, he dances. Why were they just bowling short at the tail enders?

Probably so they don't have to bowl. Yeah, the question is, why does it not happen in the women's game? Because nobody can ball that quick. But it's relative, isn't it? Yeah. We also don't play enough test match cricket to be able to have that tactical side of things. There is that because, obviously, in white ball cricket you can only bowl two short balls.

per over or per five set if you're playing in the 100. So I think there's getting a bit more of that in the women's game now, isn't there? Yeah, I wouldn't want Ishmael not to bounce me because she liked me. No. Also if you bounce me, you're not getting me out

because it's not hitting the stump. I also think as well, in history of women's cricket, we've never played on pitches quick enough or good enough to bounce people. That's something why I've not bowled a lot of bounces in my career because we play on generally pretty average pitches.

I think now we're playing. on the same pictures, the men, the hybrids, you'll see people doing it more. Yeah, I think you'll see a bit more of it in the game, won't you? Right, we've had one, a mystery sender. Hey, both, love the podcast and looking forward to its return soon. We're back. I write this as I have a slight dilemma. I've been talking to a member of my desired sex a lot recently

and started to wonder if there might be something more to it, but there is a problem. I'm a rat. And this person I'm talking to is probably, Probably more of a pig. Oh, no. Will we survive, or should I bail out before it's too late? This is the dilemma with the theory,

because if you let it get into your head, I mean, it could cause divorces. It could, it could, but I discovered yesterday your sister is a rat who's dating a pig, and they've been together a long time. They have. Doesn't necessarily mean it's going to work, though. It probably is not going to, is it?

It's a theory, and you've got to take, it with a pinch of salt because it is a theory and it's one that me and my housemate made up so however is it a red flag potentially but not a deal breaker might not be a deal breaker could be a red flag maybe maybe have a chat with him or her and explain the problem and maybe see where she wants to go with it she might be having the same dilemma she might be thinking oh no this guy's a rat he's a rat I'm a pig the rat and pig theory it's gone global by the way has it i see it all the time and people talk about it i was listening to the radio and they're like right and pigs i was like but that's crossy yeah maybe we need to like trade market

yeah i think we do i mean it's actually me and beck yeah but we may i i'm the podcast you're the podcast sorry not beck you are on the podcast with me this is not your podcast no no no wow wow it turns 28 and she thinks she owns it wait till you're 30 honey oh Hi, Kate and Alex. Hope you both well. First off, I want to wish Alex a very happy birthday. These are for you and they've sent three spud emojis. Lull, hashtag spuds. I'm aware that by the time you guys read this, it might be December, given that you haven't read any emails during the 100 because of the guests. In that case, happy holidays and happy belated birthday, Kate. Anyways, you asked for some questions on Twitter, so here's a few you don't have to answer them all. Number one, the elephant costume photo posted today reminded me, how is the elephant that Alex? adopted and have you gone back and visited it again well the elephant's no longer mine or part of the elephant you adopted it for me for a year oh is at all and it ran out oh right okay so i don't have an elephant or an elephant trunk anymore i'll look into that question two oh we've not

been back have we we are planning on going back to chester zoo you do owe me a trip to chester's i owe you a trip to chester for you two two i've always wondered what does a player do if they have to go a number one or a number two in the middle of an innings. If you're fielding, do you get to get a sub to replace you for a while? What do you do if you bat in? What if you get food poisoning? Any personal stories would be much appreciated. Right.

Right. Okay. I've got slight IBS. Yeah. Therefore, when you need to go, you need to go. Mm-hmm. So you're allowed to go off the pitch to go to the toilet, aren't you? Generally, you try and time it with?

the drinks break or yeah the the one that gets me which i think is actually probably a discussion point on the podcast is the waiting to go into bat we yes because you padded up it happens a lot actually well we saw it a lot in the 50 over cricket because there's obviously a longer time to wait to go to bat and you padded up you don't want to disrupt how you feel in pads skins all that kind of stuff so you you have to go in the drinks breaks then and if you have to go really have to go you have to tell the next batter that's in and go into the toilet if a wick it falls you're in yeah and then you miss your opportunity could happen couldn't you could end up back in like six does happen get on that slippery pole all because you had a we

or because or a poo so um yeah it's an interesting one I've not really got any personal stories I've heard of stories where people have done stuff on the pitch which is my worst nightmare question three what is the funniest interaction you've had with a fan online or in person. I don't think I've had anything funny. We've had some weird stuff, haven't we? Yeah. What about that guy that got a tattoo of Danny Wyatt on his arm?

Oh yeah, that was a bad one. It didn't even look like Dan, did it? I mean, it was funny because it was so bad. Yeah. Yeah, we've not really had anything like that. We do have our Nobles account, fans club who speak to us every day. Literally every, I text this person daily and I don't know who they are. We don't know who they are.

And I'm like, I'm friends with you. Is it getting to the stage where it's weird? But no, no, really. funny stories that I can remember. No, neither. Absolutely love the podcast. It's always the highlight of my week when you guys upload. Loved you guys on commentary together last week too.

Good luck for the second half of the Rachel O'Hillard Flint Trophy and good luck to Kate for the ODI series. I am however rooting for the White Ferns, I'm sorry. And Alex on commentary for the rest of the series. Continue being amazing and absolutely killing it. Sorry if the email was too long. Whatever your name is, if you're supporting the White Ferns, get in the bin. Get in the bin.

Hi Kate and Alex. My wife's cricket team was sat just behind you where you did pitch-tied pieces to the camera at Chelmsford against New Zealand and the international T20. The attached pitcher came after I tried to persuade our youngest to shout psychopaths on tour. But understandably, he was a bit reluctant. I mean, he's only eight.

But his older brother then said to me, is that Kate Cross and Alex Hartley from the Manchester originals? That's what visibility does. All of us were absolutely captivated by the 100, all of it. My two boys watched as much of it as they could. We've loved the game and love the two T-20s that you've both worked on. Keep up the good work. Love the pod.

Amazing. Start them young as well. Eight-year-olds shouting about psychopaths. Love that. Love that. But how good that his eldest son recognized us through being able to see us. We spoke about that so much, actually, didn't we, with the 100? Like, I've never, never felt famous ever in my life.

The last two weeks, especially doing commentary at grounds where, obviously there's people in there that know about cricket. I've had people asking me for selfies like when I'm not in cricket kit which is the first time that has ever happened. Imagine how David Beckham feels when we're walking through cricket grounds being like oh yeah. One person.

One person. Listen to the podcast. Love the podcast. And they're probably a psychopath. Well definitely a psychopath. Because I listen to the pod yet. But David Beckham can't even go to his local supermarket. That's why he wears all those really bad hats I think. Probably. Hi Alex and Kate. This email is titled

birthday questions because it's your birthday. Question. Questions? Hi Alex and Kate. I hope you both well and happy birthday Alex. A few questions on birthdays. Oh yeah. What is the best slash worst birthday present that you've ever received?

Well, funny you should ask that. We went out for lunch today and my mum came and brought some birthday presents over and said, here's a present from your grandma. I opened it, a pair of socks. Such a grandma thing to do. I rang her on the way home. I said, Grandma, I just want to say thank you so much for the birthday present and the money, more so the money

than the socks. She started laughing. She went, well, I just thought, you mentioned something about your feet on Saturday, so I get you some socks. Cute. Cute. But she said, they're just ones to wear around the house. Oh, bless her. It might stop you wearing them bloody cornish pasty slippers that you've got. They're awful. Were they your worst birthday present? They were last year.

Best birthday present? Um, I had my eyes lasered for my birthday once. Oh really? My dad bought me laser eye surgery. I can see again. If that had gone wrong, that would have definitely been your worst. Probably my best. Probably best, yeah.

You might have been able to field a little bit better. Okay. What is the best slash worst place you've spent your birthday? Oh, um, my 21st birthday. I had an England Academy. game. Oh. Not good.

Where at? Loughborough. Oh, God. So that's the worst. Yeah. The best place, you know what, I've had a pretty good day today. Today? Yeah.

Didsbury? With you and my mum. I'm going to see the girls later. Nice. If you could choose one place to celebrate your birthday, where would it be? The Maldives. Oh yeah, nice. So you can go piranha fishing.

Yeah, go and see the piranas and go and see everything else. else. Yeah, I want to go to the Maldives. That would be pretty lush, wouldn't it? Great job on comms the other night. I'm really happy the podcast is back. All the best, Phil. Cheers, Phil. Thanks, Phil.

Cheers, Phil. Hiya. Fairly new discoverer of the show. Show. Just come back from New Zealand versus England at home. Hashtag psychopaths on tour and met some fellow psychopaths as they were having a brain fog moment,

remembering who presented the podcast with Alex Hartley. Lucky Crosby. Wow, thanks. My question is, now that you are on the BBC, said, of course, in Robert De Niro-style, New York, Bui-Bee-Bee-Soo-Soo-Ey. An invitation to take part in Strictly, or similar shows to MasterChef, must be on the forthcoming.

Which of you would have the best moves for Strictly? You? Well, that's me, yeah. I mean, I cannot dance. No, we saw that today with you dancing with your toothbrush. We've also both been invited onto a question of sport, haven't we? Yes. That's in the pipeline.

Yes. I would be terrible on that, because I only really need. know about cricket yeah when are you going on i've not been asked a specific day yeah i'm in two weeks oh nice yeah yeah yeah well definitely tweet about that yeah facts got one here and i'm excited because the title is absolute shambles in devon i've literally just clicked on this one it's a long one though so bear with i'm glad you're reading it spent the last five days traveling around devon and i've absolutely binged the podcast since discovering it on my way down there 21 episodes in five days is a good innings.

Wow. Have to admit, because I'm a psycho, I listen to them. No. In reverse order. No. So made up my own meanings to the in-jokes because I never understood any of them. You, absolute psycho. Regardless, seeing as the podcast is an absolute shambles, I tried to escape from you both

for a bit, only to be followed around Devon with constant reminders, see attached photos. Let me open these. Okay, there's one called Hartley Drive. Nice. Cross lane. Yes. And speckies, which looks like it's a glasses shop or some kind of... That's so good.

Thanks for the entertainment and keep up the stellar work, you absolute sickos. Oh, and you'll probably want an embarrassing story for the podcast, but I can't think of any. So I'll share my mates. Mate. Mate. Okay. Classic. Okay.

She was dating a guy, but they hadn't been seeing each other long when they thought it'd be nice to go down to the beach for a sunset stroll. Whilst on this stroll, they foolishly... chose to go skinny dipping. So they took their clothes off, put them in a nice neat pile on the beach, and after the swim, they returned to their stuff only to realise the tide had come in and washed it away, including both phones and his car keys. Clutching their no balls, they went to a nearby house to ask to borrow a phone, and

whilst there, they were kindly offered a couple of men's shirts to cover some modesty. But the only number, either of them can remember, was his mum's. She'd not met his family yet, and the 40-minute drive back in the back of his mum's car, wearing nothing but a shirt, wasn't the best start. Safe to say, they called it quits not long after, and she's never been skinny dipping since. And that is from Molly, and she says,

P.S, I don't know whether your comm's down in Canterbury for September's T20, but if you are, be sure to get yourself down to the pound bar for an unreal porn star martini. PPS, you'll probably read this email. in eight months so don't worry about the drink you know what i'll be at canterbury and pawn style martini is my favorite so i'll be there can we just talk about that story oh my god who decides to go skinny dipping with someone when you've really not known them that long yeah you've got to be comfortable in your own body for that haven't you not only could that not have got any work i mean

it sounds made up right okay what what would you do right you went skinny dipping with a straight a bloke you've met once or twice all your stuff has been washed away what would you do you can't go to a stranger's house completely stark naked you'd hope there's a shop I think I'd rather go to a shop than someone's house and just beg for some clothes and be like I promise you I will pay you back

slash I'm never coming back showing my face around here because you have got no money no wallet no nothing this is a danger but who's daft enough to leave their clothes somewhere and how long were they in the sea for the tide to come in Like, come on. Well, things might have got a bit saucy. Maybe it did. What?

This one, LBW questions and hi. Should we do LBWs? I've got a good LBW, so that's good. Okay. Hi, Kate and Alex. Longtime listener, first time, ELA. ELA. ELA.

Email. Nice. Apologies, Alex. It might be a long one. I hope I set out. I hope, brilliant. I hope I set it out in an easier reading way. Wow.

I've been listening since my friend Polly, the Norty's podcast host, got me to listen on the Lake District holiday in July and haven't stopped since. I'm currently on episodes Making Good Friday Great, so almost caught up. I'm listening in order, so I think I'm a... Oh my God. Anyway, she's not a psychopath because she's listening in order. I can safely say your podcast has made me cry and downright, die of laughter as I always listen on public transport. Thank you so much for everything you do. You've got me loving cricket. Surprising, I'm a non-cricot player. LBW, my friend... Classic.

Put water in a glass before concentrated squash. I do that. I know you do. I notice that you do that. Yeah, you do. And you know why I do that? And a perfect reason for this was an incident that we had in the car. You'd made a squash and you were like, oh, you drank your drink and you're like, I cannot get this double strength right. And that is why you've got to put the water in first. Do you know what, with the double strength squat, I can get on board with it.

Normal squash, not on board with it. That's exactly how I do it. Vimto, I'll just put in the glass and then the water, but the double strength I have to put the squash in second. Yeah, yeah. I never watch movies for the first time on my own. I only re-watch movie slash series with friends. I just find it too stressful.

So they'll have to be with people to watch something new. That's stressful. That is stressful. You'll never have any time on. own. I grate cheese on top of spaghetti hoops. Don't judge. Try it. I can get on board with that because you ever had cheesy beans. Oh my God, I love cheesy beans are so good. Do you know what I used to do? Beans with a fried egg on top. Yeah, you've said that to me before. Do you know what as well? I want to bring this up while we're here. You absolutely laced into me for having a pinini

and dip in tomato ketchup. Weird. It's weird. You had it the other day and did you like it? Yeah. You loved it? Yeah, I did like it. It was good. There you go. I will be doing it. There you go.

I had a tuna pinini from a certain cafe and you had some ketchup left on your plate. I thought, you know what? I'm going to take the plunge. I'm going to go in, dive straight in, knees first. Loved it. Done? Yeah.

Had a tweet here. I discovered last night that a friend in the village takes their vacuum cleaner on holiday with the 100% psycho behavior. Right, hang on. Like, I know we had a global pandemic, you're probably on a staycation. So you can take your Hoover in the car. Are you taking that to Spain?

There's a few things jumping out of me in this tweet. First of all, a friend. It's not a friend. It's not a friend. It's you, isn't it? Second of all, a friend in the village. Sorry, are you from Emmerdale? Like, what is this?

Thirdly, who takes a back? cleaner on holiday with them. P.S. I would take my Dyson because it's class. Best thing I've ever bought. I told you to get that one. It's a great one. Very good one. You aren't taking a Hoover on. It's like you're going on tour next week and taking your Hoover. If you're really a clean freak. If you're packing your bags, passport, yeah, wallet, yet, car keys, yeah, Hoover. Get the Dyson in.

Are you taking it around holding it? Because that mine's big. Like, Hoover's in general are big? You're not putting that in a suitcase, are you? What? Probably one of the weirdest we've had that. I think it could be. Had one here from Adrian. I hate it when people have the tough skin that is around their fingernails, etc. And when it scratches over fabric, I shiver every time.

Also, when they run their fingernails over paper. And when I do it, the feeling of it just makes me shiver. I've got goosebumps from that. I don't think that's weird because, right, I've got this thing. When I whiten my teeth, I can't touch tea towels. Have we spoke about that? I don't know whether we spoke about it on the pod, but you've definitely said it to me before,

and I think I blanked it out of my mind because I thought you are 10 out of 10 psycho. So, whiting my teeth, the bottom set becomes really sensitive. Right? And the fabric of a teet towel when I touch it, it hurts my teeth. What? Yeah. Are you biting it? No, no, I'm just touching it with my fingers.

And the feeling makes my teeth hurt. That has given me goosebumps because I think I'm sat with the actual psychopath. Wow. That's just weird. Yeah, it is weird, isn't it? We got one time for one more? One more. One more.

I've got an LBW and two questions. Please. We're not going to do the questions. Sorry, bye. My LBW is how I've incorporated cricket superstitions into my everyday life. Oh, these happen all the time. Firstly, when I put on gloves, I do this the same way as I would with my batting gloves. So I put the left glove on first, taking the right off first.

I've also got in the habit of lifting my feet off the floor when I see Nelson, typically on a digital clock. So 11 minutes past 1, 22 minutes past 2, et cetera. It can be a bit dodgy when driving. You see a lot of that, don't you? Yeah. So, yeah, a few little bit weirds there to keep us going. I love an LBW. Do you know what around me up last week?

Someone tweeted me saying, my coat was an LBW. My outfit was an LBW. Yeah, it was, wasn't it? My granny coat. So you had a really beautiful jumpsuit on and you put your house coat on? My house coat. It wasn't my house coat. It's an actual genuine coat.

It's a really nice coat, but I think because your jumpsuit was three quarters and your coat was probably just... It didn't quite look right, did it? So I got stick for my outfit and I was stood next to a girl wearing head to toe pink like a pink blazer and pink suit bottoms and I was the one getting the Mick taken out of me

which is staggering really well it's not because I'm known at the minute for my ice creams and my suits yeah yeah run out of suits now very true guys it's been an absolute pleasure to be back it really has Alex

happy birthday thank you one more time happy birthday thank you so could they've said it toys it's my birthday we will get some guests for you we've had a few tweets saying that we needed to just have a chat didn't me and you i hope it was entertaining because i i don't have i laughed i don't know yeah we have laughed

okay good good good time thank you so so much for all your emails and tweets and everything and also just how much you get behind us oh we love it on social media honestly we read it all um yeah and guys crossy now thinks she's famous so yeah because one person asked me for a selfie love it i love it please can you email us on no balls podcast at bbc.co.com. No balls podcast at BBC.co.com. It's so good. They said it twice. We'll get back to you in two to three working years. Bye. Bye.

And cross strikes in the first over. It's what England we're looking for. Partly balls. Down the track comes scoring. This time she connects. It's either six or out. How can you get the most out of life? That's a big question, right? I'm Eve, a rapper, TV presenter, businesswoman, and also a dreamer. Join me and guests as we go deep, asking some of life's biggest questions from how to live authentic and happy to dealing with life's big challenges.

Look, we may not get the answers, but through conversation, we can live. learn something together constantly evolving the podcast with me eve listen on BBC sounds