Test Match Special - No Balls: The Cricket Podcast - Steven Finn waits for a takeaway

Episode Date: August 3, 2021

Steven Finn - two-time Ashes winner and Manchester Original bowler - talks through his career, his legs, and his penchant for a game of Twister. Oh, and Phil Salt reveals all...!

This BBC podcast is supported by ads outside the UK. Bring more gear, carry more passengers, face greater challenges. Welcome to the world of Defender, with seating up to eight, ample cargo space and legendary off-road capability. It's built to make the most of every adventure. Learn more at landrover.ca. and cross strikes in the first over it's what England we're looking for partly balls down the track comes scoring this time she connects it's either six or out it's six hello and welcome to nobles the cricket podcast with me stephen fin and my co-hosts Kate Cross and Alex Hartley

It's a pleasure to have you here on this podcast Thanks for having us, Finney. How are you? It's a pleasure. It's nice to be hosting a sophisticated podcast for a change. Hello everybody. Welcome back to No Bowls to Cricket Podcast with me, Alex Hartley, you Kate Cross, and if you didn't guess, we've got Stephen Finn. We couldn't be bothered doing our bit on our own. So we've got Finney on for the whole episode, so we're sorry about that. You told me that it was because I was your favourite Manchester Originals player

that I was here for the entire show, not just 15 minutes. I actually put you down on the app as my favourite player. Yeah, but when you were asked the other night, you didn't say me. So it doesn't count. No, she didn't. So she bottled it. Well, he asked me on my Instagram questions. Who's my favourite player?

But I didn't realize it was him that had asked me. So I put Parkey. And then he was kind of sad about it. No, I'm not kind of sad. Yeah, I'm like, well, you lied to me. What are I'm for? I think my favourite Manchester Originals player. In fact, I put you, obviously, Crossie.

Oh, I put Ellie Threl cold. Brilliant. And I put Parky. Did you? Yeah, obviously. Well, he's got a mural of himself in Manchester. I drove past it the other day. It's good, isn't it?

Yeah, just Parky looking down on me, yeah. Imagine having a mural of you. First time someone's looked down on you, surely. It was the first time he's looked down on me, certainly. And probably the only time he ever will look down on me. Have you got a mural of yourself in London? No, it'd get grafeited. My best hope, my best hope is a mural in Watford, I think.

Okay. But even then we've got Elton John, Anthony, Joshua. I'm just some one who plays cricket. So, yeah, I think I've got absolutely no chance at that. Surely someone that listens to this from Watford could get that sord out for you. Absolutely not. Who do we think we are? A three-year-old drawing a stick man on a wall and try and call that a mural.

As long as it's long, it's fine. Yeah. Oh, it'll be long. How are you both? I'm good, thank you I am shattered again Oh, shock, shock horror Sing a new song

Playing and working But I'm in a good mood today Good We've had a good day's training We've had a crisis meeting Finney We're not winning cricket games are we Well I can't really talk

I've come from middle sex Where we weren't winning too many games of cricket But into this we've started all right But we're only halfway through the tournament goals It should have been a galvanising talk of positivity and we can do this win four games and we're in the in the semi-final well we decided that the first three games just warm-up games they don't count here you go perfect we're just getting used to the format yeah so we've had four warm-up games we start on Thursday at old

trafford playing southern brave no southern brave god I should look at a captain this girl's meant to be captain she can't even know she's playing yeah your head can't be that fried surely breaking news we're changing captains cross out Hashtad cross out. You know what? I think I'm one loss away from that. How are you anyway? Yeah, I'm all right.

Thank you. It's been, it was a sad weekend, wasn't it really? No? No? It's just a game of cricket, mate. It's just a game of cricket, mate. It doesn't matter.

I'm actually all right. I do actually feel galvanised, good word, after our crisis chat this morning. You've galvanized yourself? Galvanized myself, galvanize the team. I feel like we're on, there's literally only one way we can go here. Well, we can't get any worse, can we?

Exactly. Everyone keeps saying to me, what's going wrong? I'm like, well, keep getting bowled out for 110. Yeah, it's cricket, though, isn't it? It's just it changes around. And then you get on a roll and momentum. It feels like I'm pumping your tires off. Yeah, no, it's gone.

I've not got a wicket yet. Tell me how good I am at cricket still. No, you're amazing. I've seen the revs that you're putting on the ball. It's a mystery that you haven't took a wicket, to be honest. Well, I'm a mystery spinner, and everyone just, you know, just blocks me out. Exactly. Sash went for 28 again.

That's all right. I'd take that, I think. Who knows what's great. good in this format. No, no. You don't know. How are you? I'm all right.

Thank you. Yeah, I'm an honorary Mankunian for a month, which is, I've not quite picked up the accent yet, which I don't know if I'm going to get that. Eventually, we've got another couple of weeks, haven't we together? But it's been fun, like getting to know all of the Northerners. Because we don't play against these guys at all in the T20. And I wouldn't have played much international cricket with any of these guys at all. So it's like coming into a completely.

new environment but it's been great fun everyone's been in a good mood and good spirit we've played well and then the obviously added bonuses that i get to socialise with you guys that that's the icing on the top of the cake for me yeah there's um there's a rumor vicious rumor going around that you want to play a game a twister yeah been practicing for years for this opportunity i mean all the sports that they're put in as an olympic sport now i think twister might not be far off i reckon you could get in yeah yeah we've actually bought twister for the occasion it's at home with the gin

so it's ready to go yeah I think a couple of jins will limber me up I've been stretching especially for it just you know get your leg there and you couldn't get your leg past 90s I'd cover a lot of I'd cover a lot of space

yeah you would actually I reckon someone would be able to go under you well you're only one way to find out this podcast take a turn for the worst yeah can we cut that have you got anything on your sticky note this week crossy yeah I do you said something to me a couple of weeks ago.

Oh, oh God. And I was quite shocked about it. Oh, no. And I've done a few things recently that I've shocked it. Yeah. Yeah. You told me that you love a fishing show. Oh, my God.

I love extreme fishing. Is that with Robson? Yeah. Why are you pretending that you know what it is? It's such a good show. I think I do know what it is, yeah. I have watched every extreme fishing. episode and all the fishing episodes on Netflix.

Watch them all. Everyone. Yeah. What fascinates you about it? I just think like you get a rod in the water and you... Well, technically the lion goes in the water. If you're in a bit of strife, I think you're probably going in behind it if the rod's in the water. You've not been paying attention of you.

And then you pull out like a river monster. River monsters is what I like, extreme fishing slash river monsters. What's a river monster? Well, that's the beauty. It could be a snake. A piranha, a shark. A piranha? Where are they fishing?

In like, I don't know, the Maldives or somewhere. The Maldives. It does not have piran. Extreme fishing in a lake in the Maldives, right? Yeah, the Stingray. Great show. And I feel like there are some people out there that watch it, so please back me up. It was just not, I just wasn't ever expecting those words to come out of your mouth, I don't think.

Yeah, more like of a Love Island girl, or I or something like that. Yeah, below deck. It has been good, to be fair. It has been good, hasn't it? We're not talking about Love Island in this podcast. No. Banning it. Fair enough.

I've got nothing more to add, then. Thanks for having me here. Yeah, bye. Cheers. I have something on mine. You asked me if I had one of your polo shirts the other day, Manchester Original's polo shirts. Oh, this was dirty. And I was like, yeah, I have actually, Crossie.

I've got your shirt. She was like, leave it, like, give it me. I was like, yeah, it's been washed, ironed, blah, blah, iron. We don't even have an iron. I don't, I don't, I don't, you know what? I don't, you know what? I think ironin's a myth. Yeah, same.

I don't think you need to do it. Anyway, I gave you a polo shirt, which turned out to be dirty. What, like, smelly? Yeah. I really actually did smell. Yeah, like I did the sniff test on it. I was like, on what bit, the armpits? Yeah.

It's not, the kit's not great for the old smell, though, is it? Have you noticed that? No, the first time you wear it, you need to get a wash out the way, but then it shrinks a little bit. Yeah. It's just a bit figure-hugging, I think. Yeah, very figure-hugging, isn't it? It's unforgiving, I'd call it.

Are you one of them blocks that likes a tighter t-shirt to make them look bigger though do I look like that sort of person you sat here looking at me now do I look as though I'd wear a tight t-shirt to show off my pipes tight trousers yeah

yeah I don't need those but the um what are you laughing at the t-shirts yeah I'm not no I'm not a tight tight t-shirt man as you can probably understand you got long limbs haven't you

well relatively I'm six for eight You're sort of saying it to me as though it's a bad thing. No, no, no. I've got long lips. It's a podcast. People can't see you. Some people might not know who Stephen Finn is. There's a lot of people who don't know who Stephen Finn is.

We've not done the actual intro for him, have we? No, but we'll get to that when we get to our Stephen Finn part. Okay. Should we go on to the Stephen Finnberg? Have you got anything on your sticky note, Stephen? I've got, I might have a more serious one for you. I hate the no-ball rule of for head-height bounces in cricket. Yes.

There. It's the only, yeah. I found out on air, it's two runs. Yeah. I did not know that. It's two runs for a no ball in the 100. Yeah. No, it's not.

Is it? No, it's not. Yeah. Are you joking? No. What? A no balls? In domestic cricket, it's two runs for a noble, yeah.

And then if you bowl a bouncer that's overhead high, it's not a wide. It's a noble. It's a noble. And that counts as two runs, not a free hit, but it counts as two. who runs and if the batsman hits it and it's still above their head it's still a no ball it's a no ball and it's not out if it's caught yeah I think the rule is ludicrous yeah that needs to change yeah also if the ball pitches outside the leg stump it's going to hit the stumps should change that should be out you've you've spoken about this before yeah

shit rule yeah I mean I'm not as in favour of that one as scrapping the no ball for a head height bouncer I don't often bowl head height bounces no true I'd like to see try I tried today. We had Colin Monroe come to training. Yeah. And we, I was like, right, little practice, let's bowl with your opposite arm. He can bowl right and left arm. Sorry, do you wonder why we're losing games of cricket?

Because that's what I trained. That goes on in the next, does it? Let's fold the wrong arm. Sophie's running in bowling, see him. Yeah, so he started bowling left arm spin, then a bit of right arm spin. I was like, what are you doing? He's like, you wouldn't bowl the bouncer. So I tried.

I bought a massive half folly. What a natural half folly? Yeah. So you've missed your length? About 15 yards. Nice. I've not got the snap and the height, I don't think, to be a seamer. No.

Was there much pace behind it? Yeah, a bit of in swing. It's what a ball at the minute anyway, isn't it? A bit of in swing, yeah. Mystery spinner bowling in swing. They're handy, those. I've got some else. Go on.

I've been given the dicky slippers. Yes, you have. So the dicky slippers, Finney, are someone that gets dick of the day. whoever does something stupid in a game at training or whatever gets Dick of the Day and has to don the slippers for 24 hours Our analysis Analyst

Got Dick of the Day About two weeks ago Yeah And he's meant to pass them on every 24 hours He kept them Yeah it's weird wasn't it He's had them two weeks Right

And there's been so many things That's happened and he could have passed them on Like Steve Harry Our coach turned up to training with his shorts on backwards. I fell in that plant pot. Do you remember you were there? Yeah.

Fell in that plant pot. Ellie Threlkeld appealed for a stumping to point twice rather than the square leg umpire. Nice. So things have happened and he's kept hold of these dicky slippers. So he likes them, obviously, yeah. Obviously likes them, but it was his time to pass them on. So he goes, right, I need to call an emergency meeting.

And that's come from your analyst? Yeah. That's what we're in. So he calls this meeting, we all turn up. And he goes, right, it's time to pay. pass on dick of the day and he goes Alex Hartley stand up and I'm like oh no what have I done I'm trying to think I've not done anything and he went it happened late last Thursday night and I was like I had a few drinks I can't remember what was said I had anxiety for you because I was like what

has she done I was like my anxiety is through the roof anyway he made up a story that I'd signed for the Welsh fire and not told anyone and he found the press release he put a picture up of you next to a sheep next to a sheep on this presentation It was the worst thing I've ever witnessed. Sounds like a honking bit of banter. It was honking. He said that he was up until 2 a.m. laughing his head off. And I was like, so I've got Dick of the Day for doing absolutely nothing.

He's like, yeah, but it's a good story, isn't it? No. No, Andrew, it's not terrible. Does Andrew listen to his podcast? You've let yourself down, Drew. Drew, you better than that. I called him Drew the other day, didn't that? Yeah.

Right, let's move on to, as everyone happy with the sticky notes? Yeah, well, not spoke about Sufell. falling over. We can do that when we go upstairs. Okay. Okay. So Stephen Finn, welcome to our podcast. This is where you should come into the podcast.

So we have done some research on you. And this is actually your second appearance on No Bowls, isn't it? It is, yeah. Yeah, we did a little crossover. You do your own podcast. The first one was an absolute shambles. What did you mean? Well, it was the worst podcast episode we've ever put on the internet.

Why? Behind the one that was silent. what was so bad about it you were on your phone not true that's slander and also have you noticed him looking at his little

iPad here yeah there's a game of cricket going on I'm interested in it I can do two things at once I don't know about you guys have a day off any no I just love cricket so much we found something out earlier

because we obviously the internet is so reliable and it's true you used to play a little bit of basketball county basketball I heard do you know what I did yeah absolutely I did yeah why did you go with cricket then because the basketball scene in the united kingdoms not not all that great and i wasn't like i was good but i was like the tallest kid so i think i was

you know i was probably pretty good because of that and then i sort of stuffed up the game the one game for the county that i did play i sort of stuffed it up so they never really asked me back after that so you chose cricket did you play both at the same time uh yeah Yeah, but not see. I was never a serious basketball. I love playing it at school, but like cricket. It was never an actual career possibility. I mean, I wish it was.

I would love to be sat in America and not here with you too. You could be in L.A. right now, but instead you put the Hilton Garden in. What a place. LeBron James. Is that a basketball player? Yeah, Stephen Finn would have been well up against LeBron James. And then he sat with Kate Cross and Alex Hartley. Exactly.

What time to be alive. Lucky me. That actually happened at our school. Someone came in. it was before the 2012 Olympics and they just looked for tall people to do rowing and if you were above six foot you got on the rowing team

it's too much hard work for me that rowing and also you got getting water you don't actually get in the water if you're a bad row it you'd capsize wouldn't you it would happen if you're a dodgy rower you'd capsize it would happen right moving on from rowing don't know how we got on there you play

you've played all your cricket at Middlesex I have the poshest cricket ground in the entire world Yep And I'm sure everyone wants to know How on earth are you not fat Because of the Lord's Lunch Well how do you know

I've not got a spare tire Underneath this Manchester original Yeah I've got away with it I've been blessed with good jeans I suppose And I only have desserts on bowling days That's a great way to do it actually We'd have dessert every day wouldn't we

What is your favourite Lord's lunch I could shout I think steak and chips If you're having steak and chips On a cricket day Well no if it's a batting day Like that's when

Lunch at lords is the best When it's a batting day And you're like You know you're doing nothing after lunch So you can just go and back the truck up Have a starter A soup, bread roll Also if we disappear

Throughout this podcast And it just cuts off We have ordered a curry Yeah That's how we lured you in Yeah, that's the only reason that I decided to give my time up to come and do this podcast because if I knew I was just going to get nailed for 45 minutes, I'd have said, no, I'm all right, thanks. So your favourite Lord's lunch is steak and chips?

Steak and chips, yeah. Favorite soup? What? Who cares about that? Yeah, I'm a bog standard, no, I'm a bog standard tomato soup, man. With a red roll. No, no basil, don't complicate things. Not a soup.

It tastes like metal. No, it tastes like tomato, funny enough. It tastes like tomato. What you eat? Heinz tomato soup Yeah, out of a can No wonder it tastes like metal You uncivilised oik

Look at you They eat tomato soup out of a can Not that These are hands smashed tomatoes I bet the wine's like Dumb between people's toes over there as well Absolutely yeah People squeeze their feet together to

I don't know Extract the wine Extract the juice from the grapes Yeah Does so the Lord's lunch Is there like a rotation system where you know on a Monday you're getting your steak and chips and Tuesdays. No, it's a mystery.

It's a mystery. The only one you do know is Sunday is going to be a roast dinner of some sort. Oh, nice. But imagine having a roast dinner then trying to go out and bowl in a four-day game. It's almost impossible. I think it's a skill that cricketers learn to eat and then play cricket. Yeah, like I think I spent a good five years mastering that skill of like being able to scoff my face and then go out and bowl.

Yeah, but then if you're, yeah, if you're not bowling, you can sort of just like stand in the outfield and just be. a bit like, well... Oh, yeah. Honestly, I could eat my face. What? I could stuff my face before we battle a bowl

because I just stand up a highlight. I mean, that's the dream. Question number four. We're moving on to four already. This isn't even your actual quiz. This is just our notes. No, this is just us trying to get to know Stephen Finn. Well, you might take you a while.

Do you know who your first Ashes' Wicket was? Yes. Well, you've got to answer it. Oh, is it? Okay, yeah, fine. I mean, that makes sense, doesn't it, that I'd have to answer it? Simon Kattich. It was Simon Kattich, correct. Yeah, my coach.

Do you know how you got him out? Court and Bold. Yeah, you did. It's actually a wonderful photo. The celebrations are one of my favourite photos from my whole career. We actually just saw Kat up in the team room. Yeah. And we said, we're getting you on, and we said, do you know who Finney's first,

Ashes Wicket was? And he was like, yeah, it was me. And he reckons that you stopped him getting 100 that day, and he was only on 50-od. He said I was going to get 100 I think everyone else did in that innings for Australia I think Hussie and Hussie and Hadding got massive hundreds Yeah so I'm pretty glad I got him out to be honest Where was it? Which ground? Brisbane, the Gabba

Oh nice Yeah Loud Fast What as in I was bowling fast I can't remember Well I did used to yeah all right Jesus

Dick I Did you use to bowl fast? Like, genuinely, I'm not being the dick. Did you actually use to bowl fast? Pretty fast, yeah. He's in the 90s. Were you?

Yeah. But yeah. I mean, he's leathering it down from nine foot. Yeah, true. Leavers. Yeah. That's a fact. It was, yeah, I can't remember it being particularly fast,

but I remember it being a decent catch, actually. And then sort of threw the ball up, got excited. And they're your favourite pictures. It is a very good picture, I mean. Maybe we'll use that one to promote this pod when it goes out there. Let me, um... I mean, it's your screensaver, Finney. You don't have to go search for it.

No, I'm just going straight to the little... The bank. While you're looking for that, so Kat is now your coach here at the Manchester Originals. How's that for you? How's it going? It's really good, actually. He's nice, like, chilled out guy. I suppose you don't ever really.

there you go how's that for a photo that's class that's like that could be the Air Jordan it's like Air Finn that is class genuinely class very good photo thank you very much

I mean how where's the is that how you caught it or is that the celebration that's the ball's about 300 foot in the air then so you just launched it up underarmed it up yeah nice

um it was a bit fired up yeah first ashes wicket we'll have to remember to tweet that photo everyone's gonna have no idea what they're on about you got really long hair there, haven't you?

Is that your Lego hair day? That's Lego hair days, yeah. NME. Anyway, Kattich. Simon Kattich, how is he? Yeah. Simon Kattich is my coach for the Manchester originals, yes.

And no, it's been great fun so far. It's been awesome, actually. It's been just nice to come away and like the ethos and the vibe and stuff in the team. I mean, we've all seen it, all three of us being part of, like it's nice that we're all as one almost.

I'm not sure every other team's working it that way. No, they're not. There's been a lot of teams that are like, what, you do stuff together? Yeah. Like the boys come down to training. Like, yeah. Yeah, I'm coming. I'm having a bowl at you on Wednesday.

Yeah, nice. I'll take you a little dibbly doublers. Yeah, divly doubler 90 mile and hour jobbies, yeah. I'll ramp the shit out of you. Probably with your forehead. So Kat actually came to training today. We just finished and he came over and he's like, girls, I need to speak to you all. So we're like, yeah, sure what's going on?

He's like, I need to know if something happened yesterday. So I was like, what? He's like, I need the gossip. I was like, I don't know, we had a day off. I don't know what you're talking about. He's like, was there some nudity involved in the gym? And I was like, yes, I saw Phil Salt's bottom, bare bottom, just before he got in the pool. Yeah.

And he needed to know the information because apparently there's a truth chair that you put people on in the dressing room and literally get the truth out of them. Yeah, you've got no choice but to speak the truth when you're in the truth chair. And you just get nailed if you're on the chair. Well, yeah, people are allowed to ask you questions and you have to answer them truthfully. Is there a consequence if you don't? Well, I suppose no one would know, would they? Yeah, no.

But if you respect your teammates. You've got to be truthful, hasn't you? And Kat came and got the research. He did his research so that he went into that session knowing full well what happened, yeah. So you saw, you need to tell the story of the scene in Sir Scotty. So in the Lancashire gym, there is like a set of stairs that go up to the hydropool

and the hydropool's got a window and the window goes into the gym. So Finney, Tom Lamanby, Fred Clarkson, Phil Salt. Phil Salt was there but he came a little bit later. Someone else was in there as well. Colin Monroe? Colin Monroe were in there.

And Phil Salt didn't have his swimming trunks on. So Finney said to him, just to let you know, Phil, the girls are in the gym. So like, you know, be careful. And he thought that that might mean if we came up the stairs, we'd be able to see him. Oh, go through the little door. Yeah. So he turned round, dropped his kecks and, like, bare ass everywhere.

I was like, oh, there's Phil's bum. Because in the mirror, you could literally see the window. Nice bum, to be fair. He's got a great bum, yeah. Yeah, he didn't realize that there's a window between the two that's like blanked out, isn't it all blacked out? But you can see in. Yeah, so. Yeah.

It was a great, great Sunday. Wow. All right, then let's be serious. What has been your favourite moment in an England shirt? My favourite moment in England shirt is probably the Edgebaston test match in the 2015 Ashes. My first game back in the team after 18 months or so out of the test team. And, yeah, it managed to take six wickets. And we won the test match and leveled the series.

Yeah, that's it. Was that when you got two and two? balls that's when I got two and two balls and then I think like very very nearly got a hat trick I think I beat the edge on the hat trick ball or something yeah you like to bowl wide on your hat trick balls no I just bowl down the leg side down leg side and gave them fine like we don't want to talk about weirdly me and finny were talking about that day because I was like I remember watching that I remember like being so buzzing that he'd come back from was it injuries uh no just loss of form not lost of form not been picked I remember being so buzzing and I remember tweeting

because we're badgers aren't we too about men's cricket um and then yeah with proper fangirling and then the next day i went on time hop and it was six years to the day that i sent that tweet what and we were talking about it the night before it was it was weird it was really weird i always used to really like it when you played for england though you were always my favorite player and i don't know why but dashingly handsome really charismatic well he's a rat we're not having this conversation I don't want to be a rat Yeah but you can't choose what you are You just are

I can't like to say I'm never ever What's supposed now I've been on the podcast You're never going to have me back I've done my one episode No we're not having you back No I can't threaten to not come on the podcast again So yeah I suppose I've got no leg to stand on So basically Sadie's not a wrigglet

Because you think I want to be an in-between Yeah I want a best of both worlds There's nothing pig about you No not one thing pig about you What you mean? Apart from your personality Oh yeah obviously

Not from the amount of curry you've ordered Yeah, there is that Right, going back to cricket What is your least favourite cricket moment If that was your best moment in an English shirt My least favourite cricket moment Would be I think Brendan McCollum hitting me for

I think 49 in two overs In the 2015 World Cup It was utter carnage Hell Yeah, not ideal Do you want to talk about? about it? Well, I suppose we'd be sort of mild therapy session, couldn't it?

Yeah, all right, let's talk it through then. So did you just have the wrong fields? Yeah, I could have done with people about 25 rows back into the stands, to be honest, at the cake tin in Wellington. I think we got bowled out for 110, and it was one of those ones where you come out and field again. You got bowled out so early that you come out and field again before the mid-innings break. Oh, that's such a kick in the tea.

Oh, absolutely. Is it lunch? Like, no, you're going back on for half an hour. No, you're back on for half an hour. eight overs yeah and I think they were they were like a hundred for one after eight overs or something. It was like it was

something silly they might have even been you know what it might have even been less it might have been like five or six overs and they got to a hundred like it was absolute carnage yeah yeah I think that was the moment the penny dropped that we were slightly behind the curve with one day cricket that was the year there wasn't it a 2015

woke up was the year that yeah things changed yeah things changed yeah I was like we were in New Zealand then we were touring at the same time and I think we came to the one in Christchurch She played Scotland That was the next game Calcutta got 100

Did he? Yeah I bowed alright that game I don't remember much I don't know three for 20 I think I don't remember this Oh I don't remember much but I got three for 20 Three for 23 actually

I actually don't know what it was Having your worst moment on a cricket pitch The game before Yeah So that's good It's an improvement Well yeah I think anything was an improvement Yeah that's true because of playing Scotland

Not Australia But it was New Zealand Brendan McCullough place for New Zealand, Alex. Cricket Padger, you sure? No, she's not. She's awful. Oh, right. She thought Carlos Brathway was the one that said, remember the name.

Yeah. She thought he said it. He was shouting it. Yeah, I thought he hit six and one, remember the name. The stunt might have done well to pick that up. That game, Scotland, I don't know if you remember, there was a streaker. I think I do remember, yeah. Yeah.

He literally was sat in front of us. And this guy just stood up naked, and I didn't, I didn't think anything of it. I was just like, whoa. Anything to write home about? Naked man. And then he bolted onto the pitch. And he did really well, then he got his, he got to the stumps. Bails off.

Yeah, he might have done. There's been quite a few streakers in this tournament, isn't it? Yeah, it's been a bit of a shambles, really, hasn't it? Like, what is happening? Yeah. Yeah, get in the bin. We've said that a few times. Literally get in the bin.

Yeah. Right. Best and worst teammates you've ever played with. As in any people. Any team. People that spring to mind, you go, oh, I hated playing with that blog. Or I love playing with that blog. Well, I've never hated one of my teammates.

That would be extreme. What do you mean? Surely. What do you mean? Of all the people that you've played with? How amicable am I. Do you think I'd not get on with anyone?

All right. Well, who's your best teammate then? My best teammate would have to be Sam Robson probably because he's my best mate. No, it's a bit soppy, but yeah, he's a very good man. And I love him very much and very dearly. He doesn't listen to this podcast.

No, he doesn't. He definitely doesn't know who we are. Just getting it out there. Just getting that out there. And then my worst teammate, well, it has to be a wicket keeper because wicketkeepers

are just grubby people. A messy. They're awful. Messy. They're kits everywhere that sit there, bite in their hands and like picking their nose

and eating it and stuff. So John Simpson plays at... No, Simo's like one of the cleaner wicketkeepers actually. He's just, he's quite particular and meticulous about the way he, like,

lines his kit up and like he's always got deodorant on him, which isn't always a thing that wicketkeepers carry around with them. He's got, like, moisturiser and stuff. He looks after himself, yeah. It's funny that, because he's originally from Lancashire as well, isn't it? Yeah, he is. I wouldn't class it.

He's not, like, he's adopted. Yeah. Yeah, like you've adopted me for the month. Yeah. But, yeah, he does speak like a Lancashire person. I've told Finney, it's not Lancashire. It's Lancashire. It's Lancashire.

Lancash. Anyway, worst teammate. Worst teammate. I'd say David Nash, probably, for anyone that is like an old school. cricket badger he was middle six he was wicketkeeper when i first started playing and he's a very very very funny man but he was brutal to play with you couldn't get away with anything um in the dressing room so if you messed up in terms of like you said something silly not on the cricket pitch but like if you said something silly or made a fool of yourself he'd be dishing out those

dick slippers to you right nice nice nice i like him yeah i like him on the pod he would be a very good value on a podcast yeah very good value before we go into our famous no balls quiz you actually you've got a bit of beef with yeah here we go so you had cricket changed the rules didn't you know speaking of being annoyed about no balls well yeah so the first game of the hundred this year well i've actually bowled all three types of no balls in this format so far and one of them is because of you because i sometimes knock the bales off and then it's a no ball free hit so when I run into bowl, my hand hits the bales. Yeah, but you've probably done that more in your career than I ever have or ever did.

But it's because of you? Yeah, but I got penalised for it. I wasn't the person who did it in the first place, am I? Glenn McGrath, Sean Pollock did it for ages. Don't blame me, blame the on the podcast, though. The non-cicket badgers, please can you explain why that rule got changed? Because the stumps at the non-strikers end, which is the end that we released the ball from as bowlers, I would break the stumps with my knee when I got to it

I just got too close to the stumps and because I've got big long lanky legs they're very hunky musly legs but they're lanky so they're very vainy feet. I do have vainy feet right and I shaved my legs recently as well so like all the veins are popping at the moment what's popping? It's lovely my veins and yeah so anyway

I knocked the bailes off at the bowler's end and the batsman who I was bowling against at the time said it was distracting him from being able to hit the ball and I got him out whilst doing it once after having done it a number of times he even hit me for four a couple of the times but the one time that I did do it

and he got out caught first slip he complained to the umpire and the umpire changed the rules of the game there and then on the pitch he called it a dead ball So do you actually Do you think that puts them off or not? No, absolutely not. If you're looking at the stumps and the bagels

You're looking about six feet away from where you should be looking, yeah There's no way it's putting a batter off surely Absolutely no way But they've got the rule as well if like something falls out Like when I've got a towel in the back of my trousers If that falls out then that's a no-ball I actually got a wicket on that in the summer this year Noble or dead ball that's a dead ball

Well they didn't call it it fell out and I took a wicket Yeah, nice. It was in our game. It was against it when I played for Thunder. I don't remember. Yeah, no, neither. Didn't happen. Right, anyway, I've got my beef out with you, so all good.

It was less beef than I expected to be. Yeah, it's just crap, isn't it? Friendly beef. Yeah, it's just a rubbish rule. Absolutely. One of the other cricket rules that should be changed. Yeah. But there are many.

Okay. So we've got a quiz. We do a quiz with all of our guests, and it means nothing, really. You don't win anything, and it's just about you. How well you know yourself. Can I win myself a free curry? Yeah, nice. You've already done that.

You owe Carlos a lunch as well, remember. I do all carloss a lunch because I gave him a couple of points. Yeah, we were generous. I'm going to go first. Okay. Question number one, Stephen, how many professional overs have you bowled? And that includes test matches, one day cricket, first class and list day. Not 20-20?

Well, no, not. Why would you not include 2020? Because we didn't want to. Because we forgot. No, it wasn't on Wikipedia. It must be on Wikipedia. I think it might be included in your list A stuff. Right.

It's significantly less 20-20 balls, so it doesn't actually matter. No. Well, it does, because obviously I've played a lot of T20, so it bumps it up. I think that I have bowled, I mean, I am absolutely stabbing in the dark here. I've played 160 first-class games, or 150-odd. You've probably bowled, on average, 25 overs. per game or 30 overs per game 100 times 30 is

quick math 3,000 then another 60 times 30 normally they just tap in the dark 1800 so 4,800 how did you lose all your listeners for no balls yeah because you had to listen to me do maths in my very dense fast bowler's head but now you're knocking me off course here's

I'm sorry I think I've played 140 list A games in which I'd have bowled, I'm going to say, a thousand, so 5,800. You're going 5,800. Wait. Test matches. Have you added them? No, because they count as first class.

I actually think it's nowhere near 5,800, but I'm going to say... You think it's more? No, less. Okay. you have bowled 7,410 over in what we thought was all your cricket professionally then we did some maths we did we did our quick maths right and we worked out that that is roughly three minutes per over on average four I'd say well we've gone three we've gone three we thought you're generous okay generous yeah and you run fast and you've got long legs so you get

get there quickly and that worked out at 22,230 minutes that you've been bowling okay Which works out at 370 and a half hours. Right. Which works out that you've bowled consecutively for 15 and a half days. Is that all? What? That's a long time. Really?

Yeah. That's what we've got left of the 100. And you're bowling from now to the end. But that's my entire career. Yeah. Yeah. I feel like, well, I've had, my career's been like 17 years long. And you've 15 days of that you've been working.

There we go. Overpaid. Yeah. Overpaid. Overpaid. Okay, okay, well you got that wrong. Question number two, question number two, in those 15 and a half days, how many wickets have you taken? See, now this, this is where you're going to... Answer the question. No, because you're going to have to tell me what... We think it's your test ODI first class on list day. But if you know the answer, then we'll be able to work out if T20s in it, won't we?

Right, okay. So I know I took my 900th professional wicket this year when I took early on in the 10th. T20 blast so I'd have like 910 professional wickets because I got a tweet from the PCA but I'm going to say that if you've not included T20 wickets in there I think we have I think we have because it's a lot more than that you've not done much research you know test matches count as first class matches so if you've added test matches on to first class right okay new question if you were to add The test match wickets on top of your first class wickets And my ODI wickets on top as well On top, and your list A, how many? So basically double your test match wickets. 250. No, that would be, no, wait, wait, wait, 225.

This is shambles. Yeah, because you don't call your questions right. Do your research right. You think I bowl overs. 979. No, you're way off, you're way off. But you think I bought overs in three minutes. you've never watched me bowl.

I've got a 30-yard run-up. I wouldn't have bowled it over in three minutes in my life, four minutes per over. Well, we never said you win anything for this. Anyway, question number three. Sorry. Is your test match batting average higher or lower

than the number of test match catches that you have taken? Oh, good question. That is a good question. I'm going to say lower. No, your test match batting average is higher Because you average 11.16 Yeah

And you've taken eight catches Is that all? One of them being Simon Kattach's In 36 test matches I only took eight catches That doesn't They must have hid me in the field a lot Yeah

I thought I'd have more than eight You're a good fielder as well I'm not bad I'm saying you catch some eggs On the telly the other day as well Yeah Yeah And then you actually field it really well

That got messier Maybe we need to do that before the next game When I come to your session On Wednesday I'm gonna bring a box of edge and just ping them at you, yeah. Yeah, nice. Question number four.

Okay. What is the height difference between you and me? And you? Are you going to tell me your height? Nope. Okay. I mean, you're small. You're very small.

You're very tall. Yeah, I am. Also, is this Wikipedia that's got you this? Yeah, we've got you down as six foot seven. Right, so that's one metre 98, is it? We've done it in foot. Oh, God. Okay, all right.

So I think. You're off five foot three. Am I right? You're nodding. We have me down as five foot four, didn't we? Okay. I think you've been generous there. Exactly.

I'm actually 5 foot 3.7. Okay, so a foot and three inches. Yeah. There we go. Point. You've actually nailed that, which we equated to a subway and a cookie. Nice.

I like a foot long subway, obviously. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Obviously. What cookies, though, the soft bake ones? Well, it depends. If we're standing it up on top of the subway, widow and to flop down because it needs to have its hide.

You could go a packet of crisps. Yeah, subway in a packet of crisps. Yeah, nice. Question number five. So is that one point? That's your first point? Yeah, first point. Is your ODI cap number

higher or lower than the number of test runs you've scored? Oh, God's sake. I'm number 218. Correct. I know that, right? Yeah. And test match runs, there ain't many of them.

I'm going to say higher. Correct. 279. No. Yeah, so he's wrong. So you were wrong because you've scored 279 runs and your cap was 218. Oh, I've got you right. I'm not doing well here, am I?

Question number six and the final question, you're going to have to ask it because I've not got a picture of it. You have got a record in 2020 cricket and you're 49th on the list in this record. Do you know what it is? It's going to be bad. Whatever it is, it's going to be bad. No, it's not. In 2020 cricket. Okay, have I bowed the 49th most expensive over ever or something?

No. You have got the most, well, the 49th most caught behinds in 2020 cricket. I'll take that, I think. Do you know how many? Oh, five. Five, sorry. I was rushing him. Five court behinds has got you to the 49th.

Yeah, I don't know whether to be amazed or shocked at that. I think like one or two more, I think, like one or two more. you're climbing quite quickly. Okay, fine. Well, these count as T20s to 100, don't they? Yeah, they go on your 20-20 stats, yeah. Have you had any? No, no, I've had three caught on the boundary.

We won't talk about them. Well, with that, I think we should call it a day because our curry's ready. Okay. You were average at your quiz. I was poor, I'd say, but I'm happy for you to call me poor at the quiz. You actually were our most boring contestant that we've had on the quiz.

Actually, you working out how many overs you've bowled equated to how many days you've been bowling. Cricket-wise Yes Well, yeah But I feel like I wanted to commit properly to it

And also, may I just say The question is an absolute shambles Because none of them are right You're our only guess That's ever noticed Get it right next time, guys We could make these stats up ourselves We could give them a bonus question

Do you want a bonus question Well, go on But if it's, if you promise me that it's going to be correct Yeah, I can guarantee that Okay, go on How many places on the shipping forecast can you name?

Oh, none. Well, at least I'm right in. Right, guys, thank you very much for listening to this week's episode of no balls. That came out funny, didn't it? No balls. You also shouted then as well. No balls.

Finney, thank you. You've been great. You've been not watching us. You've been watching the cricket for the entire time. We've been chatting here. So if it's really boring, then, you know, we're sorry, guys. He's not coming back on.

Don't worry about it. I'll see in a couple of years. If you want to get in touch, the email is No Balls Podcast at BBC.com.com. No balls podcast at BBC.com. No balls podcast at BBC.com. It's so good. They said it three times.

We'll see you all next week, guys. Bye, bye. And cross strikes in the first over. It's what England we're looking for. Partly balls. Down the track comes scoring. This time she connects. It's either six or eight.

It's six. Spenny, we've managed to rinse all of my contacts now for this podcast. Well, fortunately, my black book bulges, why more than yours? Oh, hey, wait, wait. It's quality, not quantity, my friend. You keep telling yourself that. I'm Spencer. And I'm Jamie.

Join us in our mission to reach a celebrity and find new friends using six degrees of separation. Who do you think we will snatch next? All will be revealed. I mean, we don't even know who we're chasing yet. Oh, this is Spence, Spencer. Six degrees from Jamie and Spencer. Only on BBC Sounds. BBC Sounds, music, radio, podcasts.