Test Match Special - No Balls: The Cricket Podcast - The Battle of the Spuds

Episode Date: August 18, 2022

With the Hundred well underway, Kate Cross and Alex Hartley bring the latest from the tournament - including their game against each other. Plus, giraffe suits may have been worn.

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It's Waddingham. Looking for. Hartley Falls. Down the track comes scoring. This time she connects. It's either six or out. It's six. Hello and welcome back to No Bulls the Cricket podcast with me, Kate Cross, you Alex Hartley, and she's mouthed in the words because she knows what I'm going to say. I'm crossy. I'm so tired. I'm going to fake it. I make it. This is what the podcast is about.

Oh my God. I need to say sorry. We need to say sorry. When was our last episode? Yeah, about that. So this is the Commonwealth Games Roundup episode and the 100 preview episode and we're seven games into the 100. Yeah, we've already played each other.

Oh, gosh. Right, we have got so much to talk about. Yeah, we have. I don't know where to start. Okay. do this logically for the first time ever. Let's start with, how are you? Yes, very, very, very tired. I was meant to drive home from Knott's last night, and I thought I might fall asleep, so I've checked into a hotel here. I'm going to

drive back this morning. Okay. My own fault, I had a big night out, went straight to work. During the 100, we played Manchester, went out in Manchester. It was so nice to to be back at Mojos and I miss that place so much so I'm tired but I'm loving life Do you regret anything? No, I never

There you go then We're fine There you go, I got in at half four My alarm went off at like 10 a.m. I was like, what, what is that? Oh wow I did see that you had a hat on for commentary and I thought she must be hung over

because she got a hat on When have I ever worn a hat? Yeah, probably 2017 was the last time I saw you in a hat yeah road how are you there it is

thanks I was waiting for that yeah I did ask you I did you I didn't hear you sorry yeah I'm good thank you

we are currently in Southampton we've got a game this afternoon also tired because back into the captaincy mindset and don't know

how to switch off oh for God's sake not sleeping I don't get it how can you not sleep Because, do you know what I was thinking about last night? What? Who are my boundary riders in this game and who's going to field player?

Right, okay. Your boundary riders are the same boundary riders as last game. No, they're not because I don't know if you saw, well, you should have done because it was in our game, the Battle of the Spuds, which we do need to talk about. Amy Campbell ran the wrong way at Deep Cover and now has told me that she actually didn't like fielding on the boundary, so I need to get someone else on the boundary and get Amy in the ring. Okay. I think she might just be protecting herself a little bit there. No, she's, she's, she's, Al, she's like, she says this herself, but she's like, I get really

hungry and I just switch off and I just zone out. So you have to really keep an eye on her because in the warm-up games, I was like, you need to be five off the boundary. She was at deep cover. I was like, you need to be five off Amy. And then four balls later, I look, and she's just outside the ring. And I was like, Amy, I said five yards. Or like, off. the boundary, not off the inner rink. She's just wandering around, so you've got to keep an eye on her. Okay, yeah, I did see that, that she ran the wrong way, and then you stood there and was like, I didn't see it, can't see?

It was, but that can happen to anyone, can't it? It's a genuine mistake. We were on the sideline with that happened, and I was sat next to Nicola Carey, and she went, does she just get a subbed out of her under the wrong way? I was like, yeah. She was like, that is so harsh. She did it herself.

She was like, Lammy, come here, I can't do this, you come here, you commit. So I was like, oh, that savage from whoever was bowling to change it. Or Lammy might have gone and done it. But no, Amy did it herself. She was like, I can't see. But she's Jordan. She's like, I can he see? I'm glad you said that because we were all saying Cross is such a harsh captain. No, I did think I came across really badly there, but that wasn't my decision. All right. Um, congratulations. Battle of the Spuds, inaugural winner. Well done. I hope you're happy and your sad, miserable life. I didn't get that quote, you know.

Oh, you texted like, what was the quote? I was like, what? Let me send you the clip from Come Down with me. Very funny. Very, very funny. And also my reaction was the same as the woman's. She's like, I don't get it. And I was like, I don't get it.

I don't understand. So by mistake, I actually said the right thing. Yeah, that's true. I think we gave you the win. Right. Well, let's talk about the battle of the spuds because... Let's call the spade of spade. It was crap.

Yeah. Me and you didn't even see each other during the day. No. We... I actually avoided you. Well, I actually saw you leaving the ground before the game had started because you forgot your dancing shoes for the night out. So you had to go back to your flat and pick them up.

So that was the only time I saw you other than when I gave you a hug in the handshake bit at the end of the game. So we big something up and it was 10 out of 10 rubbish. Yeah, it was. I hope the crowd liked it. Yeah. But Crossy, like, there was people, like, with Battle of the Spud shirts in the crowd and stuff. And that little girl who had Kate Cross, Manchester, Alex Hartley-Welge fire, like, sick. She was the girl who got hit by Phil Salt's cricket ball.

I know, I know. I didn't know if I should mention it or not. But she obviously listens to the podcast, so we hope you're all right. Well, I got in touch with her mum to see if she was okay. And she said she's a big fan of the podcast. She's called Emily And I promise, promise, promise that we'd give her a shout out Emily

We've got a fat lip We can't make you laugh We won't make you laugh in this episode So we don't rip your stitches open Also like, imagine being hit in the face With a cricket ball at a cricket game Did you see what happened? It like hit the metal thing and skidded off it

Yeah, skidded on So it gathered pace into her own mouth, poor girl. Ouch And she mopped up the blood With like our t-shirt That had our names on it That is the definition of a cricket ball sandwich Yeah literally

Anyway we hope she's okay Yeah but going back to you Giving us the win You told me yesterday Because you were 110 for none You were 110 for non Chasing 150 and we won Brilliant

Yeah take it Definitely felt like at that point It was yours to lose But I'm delighted because we've got points on the board, so thank you. Welsh fire and none from six. In all. Men's and women's walked into that out of a slosh.

The other night, after I came and one of the boys went, not from six, baby. Oh, no. Oh, no. Well, Manchester men. You'll cry. Manchester men were nought from three at that point, so it was like they were praying for no rain

so they could play to hopefully get some points. points. I heard they were playing four reigns. To get a point. One point eight, share it. Yeah. How is the hundred going? It's good. It feels different to last year. It is. Well, not having you there is obviously, I said that in the post-match interview with when we did our battle of the spuds debrief.

But yeah, it's just different. And I don't know whether it's because we had such high expectations from last year that it's not quite as good. Not that it's not as good, it's just, it's just different. It's got a different tone to it this year. It's because it's been some haying, aren't there? That probably is. I do think we're only playing six games is quite, it feels quite rushed. Yeah, yeah.

Although I say that feels quite a rush. I've got a week off. I've got no games for a week. Yeah, that is strange. We're similar next week. We've got like just a week in Manchester without a match. Yeah, during the test match, though, so you can enjoy that. Yeah, that is true.

But yeah, it is good otherwise. We had a bad start and then a good game. So we're like, no. You didn't have a good game. We had a bad one. I think we did all right. No, you did. Echo some and DED were brilliant.

Do you know what I'm learning about the 100, which obviously there's not many like, what's the right word? There's not like, for me. like oh okay yeah what i'm trying to say trends there's no trend there's no real trends yet because we've not played enough games but the thing that i'm finding that i think is different to t20 is that the sorry something just popped up i've lost my train i thought um the thing that i found different is that the momentum seems seems to shift so much more drastically in the hundred than

it does ever seem to in T20 cricket and I don't know why that is. Because I reckon there's just less time so that everyone's got to be more aggressive. In other news, moving away from the 100, do I sound... You're going to ask me how I am?

Oh, how's your 100? Yeah, good, thank you. I'm like, you know what? As much as I miss Manchester, miss the girls, I miss playing cricket with, like, my best friends. I've really enjoyed being away from it. Nothing has ever been more certain than you coming to Manchester

and bowling like an absolute God. I was like, I'm going to have a good day today. And Breezy, our head coach, when all I want from you today, Alex, he's just still level-headed. I was like, level-headed. I'm the least level-headed person, not you'll ever be. Someone said we did our pre-match where you'll go through all the players. And someone's like, do you think Alex will give celebrations if she gets us out?

I was like, yes, absolutely. I wanted to get like three or four and then turn to the dugout and just be like, sure, wasn't it? But then I just got one. Oh, you did bowl very well, though. He said to me the day before, he was like, all right, traitor.

I was like, if you'd have offered me some money, I'd have taken it. He went, yeah, fair. politics of cricket now it's the politics isn't it business yeah it's a business and i am being business like but no i'm crossy i've like loved it that much like i feel refreshed oh that's good that's really good yeah like i feel really refreshed about it all other than the fact that you still hung over from a two-day hangover you know what i mean like my cricket brain is fresh that's good it's funny what that does to you isn't it like just going to

a new environment and getting out of your, like, your standard routines, like, what that can do. Yeah. So watch this space. I might play in the year. Yes. You know what I think you should anyway, so. So does everybody.

Yeah, it's only you that wants to retire. Yeah. Yeah. Facts and now I don't, because I love the 100. I was like this last year, wasn't I? Yeah. It's the training that you don't like. Yeah.

take hard work. Right. You want to go back to the Commonwealth, don't you? No, I don't. I think we should. Do we need to talk about the Commonwealth? I mean, we probably do. Right. You don't know how you didn't,

but you didn't meddle. Didn't meddle. We didn't meddle. It was not a good time for us, really, looking back. No. I did an interview where I described it as, like, really felt like an opportunity missed especially with it being a home Commonwealth

but sometimes when things like that happen really good things happen on the back of it yes things change and yeah it might it might be like a bit of a wake-up call for us I don't know obviously it's quite soon

but yeah it definitely goes to show that we've got a lot or definitely got things to work on. Well, that's good, though. Sometimes you need that. Australia had that in 2017. Maybe this is your year.

On the back of that, the head coach announced she's leaving. Yeah, so Lisa told us, after that bronze medal loss that we had, she told us that she'd made the decision when she came back from the World Cup, basically. So it wasn't a, like, emotional decision based on the Commonwealth Games.

But it's just been, I don't know if, you've read like the press release about it but she's done the whole thing through COVID and like her contract was meant to be that she could get home a certain amount of times in a year and that just didn't happen she wasn't able to get home see her wife spend any time in a nice hot country so I can't imagine what kind of toll that takes on you as a person let alone as a coach yeah yeah I reckon she looks about 10 years older Oh, okay No, she doesn't know

she's messing But he can't Like mentally Like must be so hard So like Brendan McCullen In between the test matches He's gone back to New Zealand Yeah

Yeah Lisa just didn't get that opportunity So It probably feels like the right time For her But yeah I'm really interested to see Who kind of goes for it now

Because like how Desirable is the job I guess Like I'm really interested To see like the calibre of coach That goes for it Yeah, I think it's it is a desirable job

because you guys have got to get better and someone's got to make you better and I think fundamentally we're a good team like we've got a lot of good players like you've got some of the world's best I think the T20 ICC rankings we've got the top three in that thing like Sarah, Sophie and Brunty

so like we should be a better T20 team and we've obviously got the World Cup in February so we've got to turn it around pretty quickly pretty quick baby something's changed crossy you're not quite the same we need to talk about this because I'm really conscious about it

yeah so last Monday I got invisible line fitted and it's called invisible because it's meant to be invisible and everyone that has seen me has gone oh you've got braces everyone

so we've renamed named it. Visal line. Yeah. Visible line. Visible line. Yeah. But you're the only person I know this.

It's been visible on. Yeah, same. And it's because of these little composites, which are the things that look like the train tracks. So I need quite a lot of them on my top teeth because I've got to move all my top teeth. Oh, okay. But I made the silly, silly decision to get it fitted on the Monday

and then do some commentary on Tuesday and Wednesday. So it wasn't even like I eased myself in and did a podcast or something. It was live on TV. And Mark Butcher came up to me on the Wednesday. He was like, you're holding your mouth differently. What's happened? You're like, you'd look different.

Why? Yeah. So, yeah, I've got braces. Yeah. Well, you'll have perfectly straight teeth afterwards, even though teeth were fine anyway. Yeah, they were fine. But I can't bite.

Look, I've got a big gap. Do you know what? It is going to remove. though hopefully the tongue between the teeth you think I think that's going to go because that gap's going to narrow so hopefully no one will know if I'm doing a genuine smile or not can you not put your teeth together no I can't bite any I can't eat pizza because I can't bite anything wow they have meat at the back for anyone that can't see this I am just staring into the screen on my laptop with our teeth

together and that's that's always been like that Yeah I've never heard You wanted me to put something on my podcast notes from last night Didn't you? Yes I just someone trying to get through my window What

Can you hear that? Yeah, what's that? I'm scared There's someone outside of a window I think it's a window I think it might just be a window cleaner It would make sense for it to be a window cleaner If he's trying to get in he's not doing a very good job

No he's being very loud My shirt from the 100 You wanted to talk about that Yes Yes crossy We've been jumping between conversations today But you text me today Last night, sorry

I said I'm going to have to wear a long-sleeve shirt tomorrow I'm like number one That's village any seam that wears long-sleeve shirt chucks it Lucky Ferguson doesn't Well All right anyone that wears a long-sleeve shirt may or may not throw it you're today wearing a long-sleeve shirt

because your short-sleeve shirts are in the wash slash you've lost one but you've got a story about your shirts well I'm really hopeful that my other short-sleeve shirt is in my cricket bag but that's at the ground so I wasn't able to check last night so my backup is a long-sleeve shirt but yeah I played the warm-up games before we started

and I got my kit on and it was massive, and they'd given me men's kit. So the day before our first game, our manager had to go to the club shop at Old Trafford and buy me two female tops and then take them to the nearest rugby ground, which I think might have been sale, and get them printed with cross 16 on the back.

So it was 10 out of 10 village. Wow, that's almost as village as Birmingham Phoenix. Why what happened? Who came to Cardiff without any play. kit because it got sent to like Southampton it got sent to the wrong place oh no I didn't know about that so what happened they obviously got it in time they obviously got it in time I don't know but apparently they were like panic stations you would you would panic when you when you go away on any cricket trip the only thing that you say is as long as I've got my

playing kit and as long as I've got my cricket kit I'm fine yeah they're the two things that you panic about our team manager is really clever so only printed one shirt for everybody the first game and was like try it on if it fits I'll print the other four if not we'll get a different size that's smart

I was like not just a pretty face are you tall Paul Paul Walter who plays for the Manchester original's men he so tall he's six foot seven like very tall tall tall Paul he one of his shirts

has got Walter's 22 but it's like sideways on his back like here it's really badly printed and he was like I didn't even notice. Yeah, you wouldn't, would you? Well, no, but I was like, he really doesn't look good.

So we need to work on that. No, he probably doesn't. Probably doesn't. We've got another thing we need to discuss. Have we? I feel like we've not laughed on this episode. We did something, didn't we? And it went down very well.

Oh my God. Yes. Has it gone down? down well. I've not checked the numbers overnight. So well. So, so well. We did it. We did. We did the inaugural. Let's make it

an annual thing. The inaugural. Crossy versus Hartley Lanky race. Yeah. Yeah. Racing is a hard word to say. Yes. I was bound to win that one. Let's be honest. But so much, it's one of those videos. If you've not seen it,

you need to go to our Instagram page. where no balls TCP on Instagram and you need to watch this video because me and Alex dressed as Lanky the giraffe the Lankish mascot and did a race but it's one of those videos that when you watch it the first time it's funny but if you watch it three, four, five, six times

there's so much more things that happen that you don't pick up on in the first watch my tail was between my legs when I was running. That was what made me laugh the most when I was watching you live because this little tail came between your legs and was like swishing around.

When I was playing Dizzy Battle My nose knocked you over You and the camera knocked me over Then you trod on my bat and fell over Like no wonder you fell over Because you trod on the bat Then there's just this moment Where it was you after my birthday

All over again Like you had this fight with gravity But with this massive head That was pulling you in different directions To which way your body wanted to go and then you just couldn't keep it on good you and you had to you literally had to run with it like in a five months carry

you're running after Dizzy Bat and you got Meow Meow because that's so good Anyone that's not played Dizzy Bat as well you need to play it because it's just for some reason the funniest game

so you put a bat on the floor and you've got to put your head on the handle and run around it 10 times and then you're so disorientated but you've got to try and run to a cone but I saw the cone you know you're like you get that moment where you're like, right, I'm going in that direction.

And I was like, meow. That's so good. I don't know why we do it. No, I'm not even. You tweeted saying totally unnecessary, but totally funny. And it's so true. So really, really unnecessary. But what can we do next?

Guys, get in touch and give us your ideas. Yeah, no-ballers on Nobles podcast at BBC.com.com. Yeah, I do. Just give us some suggestions Because you know what We'll generally try things once I mean I went to Chester Zoo dress as an elephant So we'll do everything

Yeah you did lose a pet though That's true That is true But a huge thanks to the lads at Thunder cricket Because they actually produced that video for us We were just going to film it on our phones And they produced it and got all the reactions Maybe they'll do us a little outtakes video

Because there was a lot happening wasn't there there was a lot happening there was a lot happening it really has given me a better understanding for what the mascots go through on the mascot race though at finals day

yeah so the mascot race isn't for you isn't it it's just it's just hard it's really really hard yeah it is those feet that you have to wear

how anyone could run fast in them is beyond me they're heavy yeah really heavy and Lanky's hair like sits on your neck so it didn't quite fit us did it the helmet didn't fit on my head yeah so it's no wonder like when I'm running and my shoulders were going that I just knocked

the head off yeah anyway 10 out of 10 funny go and watch it I've I reckon I've watched it 25 times now yeah same I couldn't stop yesterday it made Deandra dotting laugh if it makes Deandra dotting laugh then you know it's good yes I love Deandra dotting Do you have anything on your sticky notes? Oh, there was a young girl at the ground the other day that made Nobles the cricket podcast signed, didn't she? Yes, oh my gosh, she was adorable. She had 16 on her back as well, so I've had a little picture with her.

Just had a thing from Jack saying, you made this girl's year, thanks for sparing time, she was absolutely buzzing and pictures of me and you with a little girl. Oh, that's cute. That is really cute. I met a girl as well at the cricket who was a big podcast fan and she was I think you met her as her or the friends as well but they'd done the charity shop day

so like you've got a tenor to spend in a charity shop and you've got to basically stitch your mate up and buy a terrible outfit and she sent through a message, a really lovely message on Instagram but then she sent an LBW and it's a really interesting one so I thought we could talk about that. Yeah, of course. She said my LBW which no one seems to agree with is that I always wash dry and straighten my hair before I go to the hairdressers,

even though they wash it pretty much as soon as I get there. One of you must do this too. I do it, don't I? You do, and it blows my mind because it's strange. Yeah, and I didn't do it, and I got to the hairdresser, and I was like, I'm so sorry I've not had time to wash my hair, and they were like, fine, we'll wash it for you. That's what, like, if anything, I save that wash, knowing that I'm going to the hairdresser, And they've got to touch your dirty hair

Yeah, but that's the job of washing someone's hair Yeah, nah I don't know, it's like when you go to the dentist You always brush your teeth No, that's different Bastid How, how? Because teeth are weird

Like teeth are not nice That, your hair's not a nice To tell you that properly Yeah, but you wouldn't share a toothbrush But you'd share someone's hairbrush So it's definitely different Yeah Would share a toothbrush in an emergency

What? Yeah No You're lying In an emergency I would share a toothbrush What is such an emergency That you share a toothbrush

That there's I wouldn't share Anyone else's But a partner's Right but what's the emergency That you need to brush your teeth That badly that you were using someone else's toothbrush That you go around to theirs

If you get your toothbrush, it's the morning And you're going to work That's an emergency Yeah I'd go and buy a toothbrush and stop on the way Yeah, I've never really thought about that Brozzy, you bowled a noble I did

Someone was like, is she I get this a lot But someone's like is she actually Just advertising her own podcast Yeah, nice Nicola Carey when you bowled that no-ball said how good would it be if after the no-ball the next ball which is the free hit you got double the runs and i said nick you do about it as we bowl so many front-foot nobles in this

team yeah it's a great idea until you have to bowl it basically um yeah do you know what i said to myself in that last five i was like just keep your foot behind the line and as soon as i thought that to myself i bowed a no-ball it's like don't think of a pink elephant you think of a pink elephant yeah yeah oh my god I just saw Kate on the TV and saw an engagement ring and was like, what the hell? Who, who, who? Realised she looks very much like her sister.

Jen gets asked so much for autographs. I have something to clear. I need to clear something up. I said that I really fancy James Kettlebra, the um, it was a couple of podcasts ago. My sister voiced noting me, didn't she? She was like, um, can you just clear something up with Alex? but I think you were going to go upstairs with Richard Kettlebrough

and Alex said that he's really fit and you said James Kettlebrough who is actually my sister's fiancé. Yeah, so I'd take that back, Jen. I do not fancy your fiancé as much as you do. He's not for me. I like the umpire. So it's the umpire for you.

Speaking of umpires, I saw Alex Warfee for day. I was well embarrassed. He just grinned at me. I was like, hello. I was like, oh my God. I've not even mentioned the fact that I've worked with Stuart Broad and Owen Morgan in the 100.

Stop it, that's why you need to ignore it. So, works with Brody in the first game. And I was like, Stuart, I can't believe he replied to the Instagram quotes from the BBC. And he was like, yeah, I didn't even follow them. It just popped up. And he was like, there's my name. So I read it. I was like, you put the eye emoji, though.

He's like, yeah, yeah, I know. But he didn't really understand the story. So I explained it to him. And then we had a nice little conversation about the podcast. and I bottled asking him to come on. I'm not, he's not coming on. He is, we'll get him on, because I'll work with him again at some point, surely.

There's so, so much, because you then work with Woecksey as well, didn't you? Remember when you did the Q&A and said that Woecksy was fit? Why is it always me? I'm going to keep my mouth shut up. Because you just fancy everyone. Yeah.

I don't know what's happened in this episode, I feel like we have covered everything but I don't know if we have I don't know if we have but I'm just like flicking on my phone trying to find questions from people Yeah well we've only got four minutes left on this room Shut up have we

Yeah There's something I want to talk about Before we go When you take a selfie in the Welsh fire kit crossing Oh yeah So you know me and my selfies Like I want to get content out there Now I'm really conscious about doing it in my Welsh fire kit

because when you reverse the fire logo, it says BJ. That video you put out with Tommy was actually very, very funny. Good time. Yeah, so now on my run-up, I write the BJs. Oh, dear. Yeah. It's not a smiley face anymore. It's BJs.

Oh, okay. Highly inappropriate, but okay. Well, Billy Jeans. yeah um right well let's leave it there i've got a game to play you've got some sleep to catch up on and a drive home to do um we've got a special guest for next week haven't we yes yes or whenever we decide to use them because i feel like we've got some questions from the public we need to answer at some stage yeah we do um thank you for emailing us you can get in touch with us either through our DMs or on

No Balls Podcast at BBC.com.com.com.com. It's so good. It's so good. They said it twice. We're getting worse at that. We are, but we're never together. Good luck, Crossy. I am a Manchester Originals fan now.

We've played you. So I want you to do well. Thank you very much. I'm a Welsh fire fan now that I know what your logo looks like backwards. Do you want to sign for us next year? Right. Love you bye. We'll be bye.

And cross strikes in the first over. It's what England we're looking for. Hartley balls. Down the track comes scoring. This time she connects. It's either six or out. It's six. Hello, I'm comedian Maisie Adam and I host the Transfer Gossip Daily podcast.

Each episode, I'll be joined by some of the country's top football journalists. Yes, even Luke Edwards, as we cover the most credible and outrageous transfer rumours. It'll drop in your podcast feed every day until the window slams shut on the 1st of September. Who will your team sign? Can Spurs keep spending? And will Newcastle sign a whole new team? I'm recording this in July, so I have no idea, but let's find out together throughout the window. The Transfer Gossip Daily podcast.

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