Test Match Special - No Balls: The Cricket Podcast – The Emergency Post Test Episode

Episode Date: January 31, 2022

England bowler Kate Cross and World Cup winner Alex Hartley reflect on the near miracle of Manuka. Kate has the inside story of one of the most dramatic Tests of all time and Alex explains how she coped with the tension in the TMS commentary box. Kate talks us through how she ended up saving the game in the middle and what the dressing room was like at the end of the match. And Kate and Alex even have time to answer some of your e-mails.

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And cross strikes in the first over. It's what England we're looking for. Partly falls down. the trek comes scoring this time she connects it's either six or out it's six it's six hello and welcome back to

cricket podcast with me Kate Cross you Alex Hartley and we're back in the wilderness we're back in the wilderness and this is take two because the last one was couldn't have been more shambolic if we tried we have high levels of expectation of shambolic and it exceeded them.

There was three bin men, not men, three bin trucks. Lorys, like pretty much rolled over the laptop. Yeah, and we both got really grumpy talking about test match cricket, and that's not what we're about. No. We've moved location. We're sat by the river in Canberra. I didn't say Canterbury.

No, we're not there. Yeah, and we can see, it's actually quite nice. So you'll hear people, you'll hear birds, but at least it's quieter. So this is the emergency podcast that is our normal. recording day anyway so emergency because something cool happened but normal recording time well we couldn't have done it last night you had a few bevies i had a few bevies so it would have been even worse but i actually i actually think it would have been less shambolic last night than that one that we've just tried to do yeah i think we did 15 minutes and both walked each other went shall we do this later

let's can this put it in the bin terrible yeah um how are you yeah i'm all right i'm all right i'm definitely better than I was this morning. Just a mad five days. I think it's been pretty hard to process it. And I think my opportunity to process it and dissect it is now on this podcast. Brilliant. Yeah. So all the emotion's going to come out now.

Yeah, I think so. Okay, that's all right. We can deal with that. How are you? Yeah, good, thank you. I had a few drinks last night, so I'm a bit, probably feeling, oh, I've just burnt as well. I'll probably feel in them as well as you are. But, yeah, it was an emotional rollercoaster yesterday,

so I think I'm a bit flat today as well. Test match cricket, for women in particular, I actually don't know about the guys. They might probably do feel this as well. But because we play it so little, I don't think we quite know how to regulate emotions over the four days. Yeah. And I think day three was the perfect example of this,

because we went back out after lunch, having been bowled out, 50 behind can't have gone out day three after lunch it rained all day just before lunch went out Brunty takes those two wickets we're high as kites

and then you sit doing crosswords for the rest of the day because it rains and honestly that night so it was Saturday night for us I was just laying bed at 5pm nearly falling asleep like what is this I was sad and it was all just because the adrenaline

was so high and then literally so low in the space of two hours. So I think the emotional regulation of the emotional regulation of emotion. Regulation. Regulating emotion. Is not something that we're very good at over four days of cricket yet. But yeah, well, you don't play it enough, you know, twice in a year is actually an anomaly in women's cricket to play a test match twice in a year, so it doesn't surprise me.

There must have been so many ups and downs, like, throughout. I mean, I don't even know how to ask. like what to ask you, but are you, how are you right now about your emotions on the test match itself? Um, I don't really know, to be honest. Maybe we'll just try and work it out as we go. Yeah, I remember, well, I came off the pitch and I was quite happy because I'd done my job. So I knew I was going out there to save the game, which made it very clear for me.

I knew I just had to defend and then two balls I did have a little swipe at, but, um, which I heard you slated me for it. Yeah, I didn't slate you. I just said, oh, no, she looks like a tail ender, and now I'm nervous. Oh, tough. Tough school. I think there was a bit of nip, though.

Like, the bull did do a bit. Thanks, thanks. No, I didn't. I missed a straight one. So, yeah, I came off the pitch happy, but then I saw all my teammates' faces, and it almost was like we'd lost, so I was, yeah, I don't know,

it was a complete mix of emotions like the dressing room afterwards was really, really quiet there was a lot of tears because it was a game that neither team deserved to lose a draw didn't feel like the right result and both teams could have won which in a way was like the most fascinating game for a neutral I mean Meg Lannin was smiling at the end of the game

and Heather was crying I guess that that sums it up because England should have won in the position that you know Heather, Nat and Dunks put you in, it got less than a runner ball. I think that's probably why it was so tough to take it and it felt like a loss probably for about an hour after the game

because we got into a position where we could win and in a way that's worse because then there's the hope and wow, what if we do this? What if we knock this off? Because it would have been a record run chase, wouldn't it, by nearly 70 runs or something. So we knew it was going to be something special

and then you just kept thinking, what if, you know, what if, what if you get so close and then the fact that we didn't lose it was obviously a decision that had to be made to keep us in the ashes as well. So yeah, there's a lot going on, there's a lot to work out, but I think when we all take a step away from this and I don't even know how long that will be, but we're going to be so proud to have been involved in that game of cricket, it's just really hard to see that right now. was honestly the best test, well, it was easily the best test match of the winter slash Australian summer, but it was so, so good to watch and so good.

I was actually last night being like what you've done for women's test match cricket and the game, you won't realize now, but it's unbelievable. Like it was, it was nail biting. Yeah, it was amazing. And I think the irony of the whole thing was, it became a one-day game. Yeah. And that's your bread and butter. Exactly.

So I actually thought that was better for us because we know how to do run chases like that, especially when Tammy and Lauren, to be fair to them, set the game up for us. Like Tammy back in how she opened was just absolutely phenomenal really because she... Set the tone. If they hadn't started how they had, we wouldn't have got to a position where we only needed sixes. And when the field spread, it was so easy to get sixes. Yeah, so you got, you needed 104 off 17 overs. And in the previous 17, you got 101.

So it was literally set up perfectly. So I was sat next to Tim, who's our bowling coach, and Lisa, who's head coach, and they had the notebooks out, and Tim was literally like crossing off every single run that we scored. And when we got to, so the last hour obviously means 17 overs needed to be bowled in. It was actually two hours, wasn't it? It was ironic because it took ages to finish it. But I think that's what made it so special because Lannning was having to speak to her bowlers every ball.

Yeah. And you were having to wait to face deliveries every ball. That was the worst bit. genuinely i was like i can do the batting bit but what do i do in between i was just kind of wandering around just like oh there was a moment you and soph studied the middle and um on air they said what they're going to be chatting about i said to be completely that's probably what they're going to have for dinner try and distract them well i'll get to that in a minute because there's some good stories there but when so i'm sat next to tim and lisa and they're doing the

maths and we had our game plan was that we could chase 80 off the last 10 yeah so if you could get to the point where we needed that and that was only going at five and a half sixes for most of it. And then Dunks went in and batted the way she did and got us ahead of that and you're thinking, wow, it's actually an easy run chase

from her. Yeah. But then the pressure of that situation and people being on the boundary when you normally only have five out in one day cricket. It was nine people on the boundary. It was, I've got a picture.

It's the most incredible thing. And then you had nine people around the bat. Heather said this morning, she was like, imagine if you'd never seen cricket and tuned in for that last over when there was nine people on the boundary and then next minute they were all around the belt. Like, well, how do you explain that to anyone?

But Dunks made a really good point because she said when, so the last hour started 17 overs and then one more over went and dunk said right this is a hundred game now we need 99 off of 100 balls effectively so that if you played that in if you were you know at the oval chasing that as southern brave you'd back yourself every single time to do it so I think the clarity of what we knew we needed to do made it not easier for us because you still had to go and execute your skill out there but it it made the decisions for us so I think that was then easier because

it had kind of been set up in a way that, yeah, we didn't need to make decisions really. But then there was a passage of play where it was almost like everyone forgot they could get one. Yeah. And they were just trying to hit boundaries. And it was not frustrating to watch because England was still ahead, but you were just

thinking, and Sutherland bowled brilliantly to Dunks. Dunks hit her for 17 off and over because Sutherland kept bouncing her. So Sutherland went to slowball bounces at the body and ball amazing. Yeah. And it completely changed dunks's game plan yeah yeah it honestly dunks was brilliant actually because um she was so up for it

like she was on the sideline she was quite funny to watch and then she said oh can i paddle the lana king and the next ball ironically nat did and got to so i think that gave dunks a bit of confidence but then when dunks went in the game plan that she told her she was going to do she did so she was so clear on what she wanted to do and went out and did it so yeah i to do that in your second test match. I know. And the way she batted in the first test match last summer was amazing as well. But there was a lot of talking in the commentary box that Danny Wyatt should have been playing at seven and England went with the extra bowler and I said the whole way through, no, they've got

dunks. I said dunks is an aggressive player. She can bat and she proved that yesterday. Yeah. You said to Heather at one stage something, didn't you? What? Yes. Yeah. So when we probably needed 60 to win, I turned to Heather and she was so frustrated with how she got out. I don't if you saw her backhand her glove to the man on the camera. She didn't mean to aim for him, but she was so angry that she threw a glove and it nearly hit the guy on the Segway. Knock him off. But I said to her, right, Heather, four runs to win. Two balls left. I'm out there, so we're obviously nine down. What do I do? Do I try and win the game? Or do I try and save the ashes? And she just said, she laughed and she just said to me, she went, I back you, mate. Whatever you decide to do,

I'll back it. But when I went out to bat, there was the nerves. around whether it was a no-ball for a start so I was kind of ready to go out and then I was like oh I'm going to sit back down do you think it was a noble I've not looked it to be honest yeah um so I'm kind of like oh I'm going out I'm going and I turned to Lisa I went what am I doing and she just went save it night so that again like my clarity was there so I knew what I needed to do that you're a bit gutted though I was because I do feel like obviously it's if I had got out oh my god it would have been devastating or if sof had got out but I think you still feel like you've got the capability to get 12 off 12 balls so it's hard but you've got to obviously you've got

to do what the coach tells you to do if you want to keep your contract yeah well true you you kept the action series alive yeah which was the most important thing for us and like I said the dress room felt flat when I got back but I just thought god how how would it have been if if we'd have lost that way yeah um but yeah at least you said save it to me so I walked out to the middle and Sophie I've never seen Sophie's face like this so I tried to like smile hey mate you're right show what's the message I'll I was like, we've got to save it. And stuff went, save it.

I said, yes, so, save the test match. She went, save it. I went, Sophie, we don't get out. We absolutely do not get out. She was like, right, okay. She wanted to go for the win? I don't know. Was she just asking for clarity over and over?

I think she just really needed the clarity, which again, I think made it easier for me because I just knew. I think I'd have been worse and more frantic if I had to try and score runs because it was so simple my job when I got out there. but yeah it's just how close we were to winning it

and in my head there was a tiny little bit of me that could imagine hitting the winning runs and having that moment is so finn it obviously just didn't happen but it was still incredible so the stories what we were talking about in the middle

we'd just go down and do a bit of gardening because Lannin was talking and Sophie just look at me and she'd go keep going and then I'd be like five left four left three left I have got something

that I want you to talk me through in the first innings you had a role of facing the seam not the spin given by the captain

yeah wasn't your choice no very clear role said right okay and then you're saving a test match the last ball

of Sutherland's over you knock one down to long on and you run a single so you've got six balls of the spinner to survive what are you thinking

that that exact moment I was like oh god what have I done but I think you can hear it on stump camp or stump mic I hit the ball and I realized there was a single I was like do we run it so do you want it and she just looked at me and I was like yeah all right and we ran three so I think there wasn't much thought that went into it other than there was a single there yeah but a few people have tweeted me saying like oh what clarity of mine to get on strike for that last over and I was like no I didn't think of it that way

I was saving soap. Yeah. Well, I wasn't, no, because obviously I know Sophie can bat. Well, there's a batting hierarchy, isn't there? Yeah. For a reason. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. So I think I, God, if I'd have got out, though, then,

I'm stupid for taking that single. But he didn't. No, I didn't. I knew as well, I thought to myself, if she bowls full, I'm fine, because I can smother that. Absolutely fine. Literally, you were fine. I knew if she bowled one short, though,

because Healy had dropped me, didn't she have the cut short from King in the first innings, but I knew if she dropped one short, I don't have a back foot defence. And she did drop one short. and it was hitting middle stump and you like back foot cut punched it into the floor

yeah it's all I can describe it as but it was funny and it wasn't out and I laughed I was like it's alright she survived she survived and then the last ball of the game was a full bunger

my nemesis actually I'm the worst at it hitting full tosses and your little start 33% of them get wicked I was really surprised by it but the shot that I played to it was actually that the photo was terrible I've got a front straight leg I've got a straight front leg

my bat's like just pointing out of the ground it was not good but they're full tosses are ones that you could have like just tried to smother and could have gone anywhere do you think she meant to bowl it nah she would go on for the yorker right she definitely didn't meant a bowl it what was worse smith's half-tracker for jimmy

when he was saving a test match or a full bunger of yours to save a test match I think a full bunger, because you've not given it a chance to do anything. So I think if I was king, I'd be frustrated with that ball, then Smith would have been frustrated. There was so many comparisons, wasn't there, between that test match and an hour test match. We went on tail enders last night and spoke about that with Jimmy and Greg, and Felix wasn't there, was he? He was asleep.

Yeah, he didn't wake up. He didn't wake up for it. And then Lanks tweeted this morning saying, like, it was me, Sophie, and obviously Jimmy that were there at the end. The tail end. Yeah, so it was quite sweet in a way. But, yeah, it was sweet, but also completely different because Jimmy was obviously saving the test, England, we're going to lose another one. Whereas you were in quite a tough situation because you needed 12 off 12 and it was like, no, can't go for the win. Yeah, well, I actually got a bit of stick on Twitter.

I was looking last night and a few people who obviously don't understand the context of the multi-former ashes were like how heartless you were that you didn't go for it. and I don't think people realise that if we'd have lost the wicket, we didn't just lose a test match that we're out of the ashes. Lost the ashes. Well, it's multi-format, but you've kept the ashes alive. Yeah. I mean, it's going to be tough because of those rain-affected games in the T-20s, but, you know, going into the one-dayers,

if you'd have got out, the one-day has just become World Cup prep. Yeah. Yeah, so, yeah. I think the dressing room does realize that it was honestly so... It was such a tough, probably 40 minutes after. the game. And then we got the families in who were doing all the chanting and they were brilliant. They were brilliant. You were calling them a Farmy Army

right now. Family Army. Female Barmy army. Yeah, no, they were brilliant and the songs like genuinely Brunty was fired up because of them and... That's good. Like, God, we've not even spoken about Brunty and Heather and how like historically amazing those performances are and they'll go down in history

as probably the best ever. And I think that then almost made it more frustrating that we didn't win because if you imagine if Brunty's taking eight in the game, Heather scored 200 and odd runs. I mean Brunty said she believes it's her last Ashes test match and had she had won that

that would have been really special. Yeah, she honestly, she was so emotional. Everyone was emotional. I cried when she got her fifer on the pitch. Did you? I'm walking off holding the ball up, I had tears in my eyes and when Heather got a hundred I was tears of my eyes as well because you just don't get the opportunity to

do that. So it's so special when it does happen. I was laughing on her saying when Eisha ebbs and Charlotte Edwards cried when we won the World Cup, drop that one in. And I was like, as if they cried. And then at the end of the game, I was in, I was, I couldn't speak on the radio. I was like, I had to pass over to Kristen Beams to talk because I was just so upset. So emotional, yeah.

And again, that goes back to like the emotional regularity that I talked about at the beginning. We're not, we're not used to that. The tiredness, the fatigue that comes with test cricket as well. Like, the first, going into that first day, I got four hours sleep. because it was my first game of the trip I was overthinking I was playing in an ashes test like there was so much going on

Heather didn't sleep overnight did she when she was not out she said she probably got about 30 minutes yeah so I think there's so much that goes into it but so when you asked me right at the beginning how I'm feeling I also just had a really strange game

yeah and I think I found that really difficult to get my head around as well so like I was I had to go sit on my own and day four lunch time I couldn't sit with the team because I just couldn't control myself I was just crying

so I had to go and sit next to the ice bath with a plate of pasta which is a bit of a sad sight probably but again that's the stuff that people don't see and then you've got to get yourself up to go and bat and save a test match honestly it was amazing

so why were you so upset just because you hadn't had any wickets or just because you were frustrated with everything the frustration of it that, I think, I don't think my figures reflected how I bowled in this test match. No, not at all. And I know that, and my team know that, and my coaches know that, but, I don't know,

you look at a scorecard and you see that and you think, oh, God, she's not done well. Yeah. But I felt like I created so many chances and just didn't have the look of it. And I know that's cricket, isn't it? I get that. And we speak so much on this podcast about that. Have you given Amy Jones a bit of stick? So, only because we had a cry together.

Okay. So Amy came in the dressing room. And I was the only one in there, so everyone had gone to get some lunch, and I was just still sat pretty much with my head in my hands. And I was just so emotional and so frustrated and so angry, and just everything that I spoke about already. And it just all came over me, and I was just crying. And then Amy realized that her dropping those catches had caused that.

And I said to her, I was like, I'm not sad at you, I'm not angry at you. I know you'd never mean to drop a catch. I mean, she did take seven in the game and dropped two of yours. but I think it was just more the frustration and the tiredness that kind of crept in and then I was sad that I'd upset Amy because I think she said something along the lines of you know you make a mistake and you don't want to make the mistake but then you realize someone else is involved in your mistake so um yeah and Brunty actually did an amazing thing when she got the Lanning's wicket she came up to me and gave me a hug and she said that's for you

so that was sweet um and like she made a real effort and she like she came up to me at the end of the game and said, you know, you had a match changing spell that didn't go your way, and we all know that. But yeah, I think it was just the frustration. Ups and downs of cricket. God, honestly, they have some flows of it. It was amazing, wasn't it? But I want you to be really proud, because you've saved the test match crossing. Yeah. There was a few ugly shots, well, three, actually. Or four if you're including the full toss, but I did enjoy that one. I don't know if you've seen the video, but I videoed the last ball, and I laugh out loud on the air.

Is that you? I wondered who was laughing. Yeah, it was me. And I laughed because I was so relieved. And I was like, oh my God, it's a full toss. I'm just so relieved that, you know, we can go into the ODIs still in the Ashes series. Yeah. I think if I'm to sum it up, it could have been a lot worse.

Yeah. It could have been a lot better, but it definitely could have been a lot worse. I mean, on day one, England looked like they were going to get bowled out for 150. So to be in the position that we were You were incredible The greatest women's test match I've ever witnessed I'm going to put it out there

Yeah I mean I was involved in the Perth one Drop that in there And Get some wicket We win a game in Australia And I thought that was the best that it could get But to still have three results

Possible with one Technically With one A tie imagine if you tied it oh my god I'd have cried so yeah four results still possible with an over to go and that's what I love so much about test cricket is that it goes for four days and it can still get down to that last ball

and it felt genuinely really really felt last night like everyone in the world watched it oh yeah my Twitter went crazy same I've not been able to read all the messages like it's unbelievable so and so many people calling for this emergency podcast like Greg James asking us to do an emergency Nobles podcast. So we're doing it. We're doing it right. I mean, I hope we've done it. I hope we've done it justice. It's hard because I think we're trying to digest it as we go, aren't we? So it is maybe something that we can reflect on again in a week's time. But we've got, so we've got a couple of days off now and then we're going to go into one day prep, which we just had. We actually

had yesterday. Had an hour of that yesterday. Yeah. Oh. What a time to be alive, Crossie. What a time to be alive I mean have you got anything on your sticky notes Yeah I have I've got you hitting a first test boundary Yep So congratulations Thank you

You got that Off the mark with a remarkable three Yeah good shot Yeah great shot And I nearly got evicted from the ground Oh Yeah What?

Yeah What do we want to know Yeah I didn't even do anything bad I was just sat on a table By an open window And watching the cricket I was absolutely glued It was just when Brunty got two wickets

before he went off for rain and I was like, this is the turning point in this test match, like it could go either way England are going to get a few wickets they're going to win and someone came into the comms box they were like you need to move away from the window and I thought he was joking so I said ha ha yeah good one

and he said no if you don't move you're going to be evicted from the ground Invicted like Big Brother style Very aggressive isn't it like very aggressive and I'm guessing it's because I could have fallen out the window Yeah, well, I mean you would have probably died But he was really rude, like really rude

And if he'd have just said, look, health and safety, please can you move? I'd have gone, yeah, no problem, bit silly, but no problem But he's like, you need to leave, you're going to be evicted I was like... Imagine if you'd got evicted? I nearly told him to do one, but Henry Moran like played peacekeeper. Nice. So did you have to have the windows open because of COVID?

The window, it's just nice to have windows open in the comms box for like atmosphere, yeah. Even though there was like two people there. Yeah, that was a shame, wasn't it? because I've kind of, I don't like to criticise. I don't know, so I'm not going to, this isn't a criticism. Probably is, actually. But I feel like Australia you do so much well with the women's side of the game, but we've never had good crowds here.

No. Never. And like, that was one of the best games of cricket you're ever going to watch, possibly in Canberra. COVID as well, to be fair, though. That wouldn't have helped. Wouldn't have helped. Yeah, all right, fair enough.

But still, I don't think I've played in front of a good crowd in Australia. The people of Canberra turn up on Thursday. Yeah, so we've got the next ODIs Thursday, well, the first ODIs Thursday in Canberra, and then we moved to Melbourne for the last two. We'll play them at Junction Oval, which we've played a lot of women's cricket at. But, yeah, yeah, she's still alive, and we'll be here again next week to sort you through it. Yes, hopefully positive. Yeah.

Got to win all three, haven't you? Yeah. Big ask. It is a big ask. Doerable. Australia have shown that if you get on top of them, they crack under pressure. Yeah, and I think in a way, like, the fact that Meg Lanning was smiling after that game and we were crying.

I mean, I don't actually know if it's a good thing for us or not, but I think we've just taken it to them, and I think in the past, that's probably where we've let ourselves down is we've cracked under pressure. And I'm not saying we didn't crack under pressure yesterday because I do think we should have won the game.

But did I tell you that Sophie had her eyes shut for the last fall? No, she didn't. Like Ben Stokes-style. Ben Stokes, Jatley, Chesk. But she said to me when we were walking off, there's a moment. I don't know if you've seen it, but I, like, hit her head, like, with my glove.

I, like, give her a head rub and, like, push her away. And she went, I need to tell you something. I need to be honest with you crossies. I was like, oh, God, what? She said, I had my eyes shut for that last ball. I was looking at the sky with my eyes shut. I love that. I love that. No faith or full faith?

Does that show? I think no faith. Yeah, I think that shows no faith. So she was just going to go off the reaction of the Aussies celebrating or not. Yeah, yeah. I couldn't not watch it, though. I couldn't do that. I might have been able, well, I could turn my back, I think, but my eyes would still be open.

Honestly, what a day. What a four days. Yeah, honestly, the best one is test match ever. Credit to you. Well, we hope you all enjoyed it. You've called for the emergency podcast on normal recording day, so we hope we did it a bit of justice. Yes. Have we got time for one or two emails?

We've got loads of time. I think, as well, we should go upstairs with the two on-field unpads. from that test match because I think they had a great game between them although firing dunks wasn't on that first ball when it was going over

and not keen on that one yeah but then the reviews helped don't they? Yeah that's why you have the reviews Hello I was sent this at work earlier I thought you'd appreciate it it's a news article

which I can't get online I'm not online but it says it also led to a question how many spuds is too many spuds we have experienced too many spuds in a household yes we have

Laura Jackson I forgot about that there's probably still some left isn't there yeah there'll be some somewhere boycy might have eaten it'll be sprouting a bit of look sprouts grow their own sprouts don't they

spuds spuds grow their own spuds they're like sprout spuds oh my god that's really hard I think I know what you're trying to say when they get the little white bit that comes out yeah I know what you're trying to say honestly

four KG of spuds is too many Yeah. Yeah, that's a fair answer, I think. Hi, Kate and Alex. Last week you asked for questions, and I do very much have one. Before I get there, I'd just like to comment on how good it is hearing Hartley doing comments on Australian national radio. It feels like having a friend on the radio. That's how big the connection between you two and the podcast listeners is. Oh, we are friends. This brings me to my question, Alex. About 10 years ago, you played a season of first 11 women's premier cricket in Melbourne for Box Hill alongside Meg Lanning. I'd like to know the story of when you were dragged in

to play a couple of men's sub-district 3rd 11 games against Malvern and Croydon that year. From memory of when I had a look, you did pick up a wicket or two, so not too bad. But what's the backstory on you playing some subbies cricket? From an interested fan, Loughlin. I did play with Meg Lanning, and she was playing for Australia at the time,

and I felt incredibly lucky. Did he fan girl? A little bit, yeah, a little bit. She never came on nights out or anything, but her sister's a good party animal. And that was 10 years ago. Anna? Yeah.

I basically played men's cricket because I wanted to just play more cricket. There was literally no reason for it. They asked if I wanted to play and I said, yeah, and then I played a couple men's games. Nice. Do you get a stick? No, no. No, it was, yeah. Although I think I remember one day turning up being like, why have I accepted this?

Why have I said yes to this? Probably hung over as well, I'm guessing. Probably. Hi, Kate and Alex. Hope you well and all set for Christmas. Gosh, it's a while off. Very early and very on the ball, but he probably realizes that we might read this in four months time. Hope you well, and also for Christmas.

On the last pod, you talked about having to go out the next day in your fancy dress from the night before, and I just wanted to share a couple of stories from my old university cricket club, which is keel. Club socials took place on Wednesday night, and I had nine o'clock lectures on a Thursday morning, which was often problematic, although the walk to lectures was very entertaining. On one such walk, I bumped into the club secretary on his way back to his room. dressed as Scooby-Doo. Then there was another lad who was a medical student. He turned up one Wednesday night to an army-themed social

and said that he had dissection class the following morning and would only be staying for a couple. Needless to say, that didn't. Oh, it's famous last words, I see it, just having a few. My dad always says I'll be home by seven. Yeah, liar. Seven a.m. Several jugs of snake bite later, he slept in a bush

and turned up the next day to his anatomy class in full camo gear, including faceplate, and somehow managed not to vom during the dissection. He's now a GP. I'm glad to report that a large group of the old boys from the cricket cup still meet every year for a day at the test match. We're already looking at Edgebaston test next year. Both Scooby-Doo and G-I-GP will be there

despite being older and supposedly wiser. It usually ends up very messy indeed and that's from Andy. Yes, Andy. I hope they're going to go in Fancy Dress to Edgebastin because that's the rule, isn't it? Well, it'd be really good if they came to watch us play in Fancy Dress maybe one day. That'd be even better. girls you need to be kind to Henry

considering all the psychopathic behaviour shared by your fan base imagine Henry trying to filter the info for you too it must be bewildering world you two have exposed him to you're spending time with them at the minute how has he said anything about this podcast he said he loves editing it really yeah yeah he likes doing it it makes him smile but it is also a ball lake right okay yeah we do try and get away with a lot don't we

yeah we do try and sneakily get some innuendos in did you see Heather Knight got hit in the job Root's. Did she? I missed that. There's a little Joe Rooter, yeah. She was fine, obviously. Moving on.

FYI. Having a Hoover on the move, I'd do it with a little 12V car hoover when I'm on a long road trip, even in a car rental. The car interior does get mucky and needs a good clean. Do you remember those little dust busters that you used to have? Yeah, my gran asked for one of those for Christmas. Honestly, they were brilliant.

Because you could do the stairs with a cord. It was like the first cordless Hoover, really. It lasted like three minutes. Yeah. Saying that, the Dyson doesn't last that long either. Yeah, your wireless one. Big enough for a flat. Well, it's big enough for my box that I live in.

LBW. Right, we're moving on to some LBWs. I've been ejected from the marital bed because I'm a bad sleeper. Oh. My body has always warmed up as I settled for a snooze, and I like to stick my feet out from under the duvet at the bottom of the bed. Now, as I've got older, my snoring has gotten a lot worse, and I also have started to drool.

So, understandably, I've been kicked out by the missis. Are you a pug? So I've moved to the spare bedroom. You know what? I like this. Do you? I think... I think that's the start of the end of a marriage.

No, I think it's genius. I think you should have your own bed in a marriage. What? I genuinely believe it. No. No. I know I think you should. Why?

Because then you get good sleep. Get good sleep anyway? No, not sharing a bed. Like the first few times of sharing a bed with somebody, you obviously don't sleep well, but then you get used to it. No, I'm not having it. Anyway, now I've navigated my own bed which is weird.

It's a king size but I have to sleep sideways due to the wooden frame at the bottom and I need to change pillow covers regularly due to the drool and spare white bed linen

is an issue due to the stains. Are you sure you've meant to send this email to a podcast that goes out to 250,000 people? Are you sure? Anyway, that's from

our 50-year-old Chinese listener, David. David, I don't think you should admit stuff like that. He does take his hoover around with him, though, to clean rental cars. You're sleeping sideways. His...

I just completely bypass that bit. Wait, David, do you put the pillows the other way in the bed? Or do you... Are the pillows where they should be, and you're just sleeping sideways in the bed? No, I think he makes his bed sideways. What? Get rid of the wooden slats. Just chop it off. Doesn't sense...

No, get in the bin. Strange. I, this, all this says is I keep my toothbrush in the kitchen and brush my teeth there. Yep. They do say you shouldn't keep your toothbrush in the bathroom though, don't they? But I mean... What? Yeah. Oh, because of poo particles? Yeah, a doctor told us that once.

You literally said the word poo particles as a stranger walked fast in the street. Oh, she wasn't phased. She might listen. Yeah. Yeah, because of poo particles. So it could be bad for you. But, I mean, I keep my toothbrush in the poo particles. Everyone keeps their toothbrush in the poo particles. And I don't think I've known of anyone die because of the toothbrush being in the bathroom. No, me neither. And sometimes I take mine to cricket and do it in, like, cricket bathroom.

Yeah, I do that. Where are you keeping the toothbrush in the kitchen? Is it in the utensil drawer? Or is it next to the to the toaster? Is it under the cupboard? Is it next to the bread knife? Where is that? Do you keep your toaster out?

Yeah, what do you do about cleaning your bread knife? Hi Kate and Alex First of all, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year Probably for 2023 As I assume you'll see this in about a year's time Hope 2020 is even more successful for you both And women's cricket as a whole I've got an LBW for you

Attached is a picture of Bun Buns He's my girlfriend's Teddy From when she was a child I'm having to look after him this Christmas My girlfriend is on holiday in Jamaica with her parents She asked me to look after him because she has some sort of fear that while she's away, her flat will burn down, and if Bun Bun's is left alone in the flat, he won't be able to be saved.

So now I'm essentially babysitting a teddy for two weeks and got to take him to my mum's while I visit her over Christmas. No, you don't. Put it in a cupboard and she'll never know. My girlfriend is 27, by the way. I think this is an LBW that may need to go upstairs and be reviewed by DRS. On one hand, it's incredibly sweet and sentimental, but on the other, it's a bit weird getting me to look out. after him while she's away.

It's a bit weird that you said yes. It is a bit weird that she thinks her flat's going to burn down while she's away as well. Am I the weirdo by agreeing to look after him or do I need to change my original decision and accept that this isn't weird? Keep up the great work on and off the field. Cheers Robbie, aka your favourite photographer from The 100. Yes.

Robbie Stevenson. I know who you mean. Shout out, Robbie Stevenson. Took some belters for us. Yeah, he did. I think that's weird. It's really weird. And it's weird that you've accepted it and you're going to take it.

To your mum's. Well, this has happened because it was this Christmas, so it's been and gone. So obviously everything must have been all right, otherwise we would definitely have had a follow-up story. But have you, do you have anything that is, like, sentimental from when you were a kid? Or did you have a teddy, like, bun buns? You bought me a teddy, didn't you? So I had a teddy from an ex-partner that I had for ages, and then you were like, well, you've got to get rid of that, so I'm here's an avocado. So now I cuddle an avocado at night.

But you forced me into buying the avocado, because it was one of those things that, that if you're tag a mate in this and if they don't reply for five minutes you have to buy them this and I did because I was playing an ODI at the time so you knew my phone was in PMOA so yeah you've got a little avocado that you cuddle now but have you got anything from your childhood

you know like how people have blankets and stuff we've got a poorly blanket at mum and dads which is one that every time you were ill as a kid you'd get the poorly blanket out it was like this little pink thing that was falling apart we always knew someone was ill in our household when I was a kid because you had Fizzy Lucasade.

Yeah. The Orange Lucasade. Do you remember that? I used to have a teddy actually called, it was a Dalmatian. It was called Raleigh. And I remember we went to, I think we went to Disneyland.

So I was about 19. I'm joking. I was seven. And I forgot it. And I cried all the way to the airport. I cried all the flight, cried all the way to the hotel. And then it was the first night

that I slept without Roli. And my mum was, like, devastated because she'd obviously caused the most amount of distress to her child that she possibly could by forgetting my teddy bear and then I was fine after that. No, fine. I had one called Barlam. I think I've still got it.

I think I've seen Barland. Yeah. I remember looking at it being like, what is that? Yeah, it's just a toy sheep. It's a weird thing, isn't it? I know a lot of people who, I think Brunty might even have, like, what did they call? The blankets, they've got a, like, it's not a snuggling blanket,

but there's a, it's like a, it's like a, certain material that like you hold if you're stressed and it reminds you of your childhood I don't think I need that I'm not got a stressful life no okay last one before we're going to go hey Kate and Al I emailed you guys when I first started listening in COVID times to what I now realize was the old email address I loved watching you guys smash it in the 100 at the Trent Rockets I wanted to know what music are you guys into I've heard mention of Gary Cinnamon and Connor Maynard. Two different

spectrums there, I think. Is that it? No, there's more. I've asked you a question. What music are you into? Oh, right, sorry. I've listened to whatever comes on the radio. You're quite poppy. Yeah, like, I've got today's hits as a favourite playlist, and I listen to that. Yeah. So whatever comes on.

I'm one of those people that I just like what I like. So if I like a song, it doesn't matter what genre is. If I like it then. Yeah, that's what I'm like. Yeah. Also, I agree with art on how she cuts her bagels, totally the way to do it. My W. is thinking it feels nice when the bread knife tickles your fingers as you finish cutting it. I mean, I don't like the feeling of it tickling my fingers. Someone sent yesterday or the day before how to cut a bagel to sturdy it and it's to put your finger right through the middle. That's the bagel holder, isn't it? Put your finger through. Thanks for brightening up lockdown times. You're hilarious with your inspiring stories and that is

from Guy. Thanks, Guy. Crossy, I've got to be honest with you here. You've hit the wall, haven't you? I've hit a wall. I need food. I'm hung over. We're on the emotional come down.

Yeah. Okay, well, if anyone does have any questions about the test match or about the ashes, the washes, or anything, please get in touch with us on. No balls podcast at BBC.co.com. No balls podcast at BBC.co.com. It's so good. They said it twice. And we hope you all enjoyed what was a fabulous four days of cricket. I sure did, crossy.

Thank you. Is that a crocodile? What? Oh, it's a twig. Wow. See you, everybody. Bye. And cross strikes in the first over.

It's what England we're looking for. Hartley balls. Down the track comes scoring. This time she connects. It's either six or out. It's six. Have you just missed that amazing goal on Five Live? Oh, what a goal!

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