Test Match Special - No Balls: The Cricket Podcast - Too much information, Alex

Episode Date: December 5, 2022

England bowler Kate Cross is fresh from a comprehensive win in Antigua, Alex Hartley has just seen one of the GREAT Test matches in Rawalpindi. Look out for more excellent 'icks'.

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We do swear occasionally. Every now and then, we'll say the word. Sometimes. Sometimes. And even maybe. But don't let that put you off with nice people. We beep them out. Like your kids can listen.

Enjoy. And cross strikes in the first over. It's Waddingham. Looking for. Hartley falls. Down the track comes scoring. This time she connects. It's either six or out. It's six. Hello and welcome back to No Bowers of Cricket podcast with me, Kate Cross and you Alex Hartley. How the devil are you? I am very good, although I'm a bit concerned that there was no enthusiasm behind that, Crotty.

What? Hello, welcome back to Nobles. That was my best. It's not 10 a.m. yet, voice. Okay. Hello, welcome back to Nobles to Cricket Podcast with me, Kate Cross and you, Alex. I'm Alex. I'm Alex, and I'm enthusiastic all the time. I'm not.

I'm absolutely exhausted, Chrosy. I know. Well, I actually didn't think that that was too bad then. But well done you for being here and for agreeing to do this podcast that we both work for. Well done you for being here and agreeing to do this podcast. I actually really need this podcast. It's a selfish podcast from my point of view because this time difference has meant that I've not been able to watch a single ball of the men's test. And I've woken up this morning and it's like the best test win ever in the history of a weight test wins.

And I don't know really what happens. So off you go. Right. Okay. They were playing on the flattest, the flattest wickets that I've ever ever. ever come across. It was so flat, even Ollie Robinson said

it was flatter than we were expecting. It was that flat. I thought you were going to say it was so flat that even Ollie Robinson scored some runs. Well, he did. He actually did. It was that fat flat.

Jimmy looked quite good with the bat. So they're playing on this stupidly flat wicket. England do what England do. Score at seven runs and over, is just ridiculous. Madness. We played an ODI yesterday

and we didn't go at sevens. We went at sixes and it was a good day. Yeah. For a long time of your ODI yesterday I was like, God, those strike rates look so bad compared to the England men's test side. It's crazy, is it?

It's actually crazy. So England's got bowled out for 650 on the first day and then they wanted 750. But what they wanted was 750 and 100 overs. So they wanted another 250.

in 25 overs on day two but got bowed out. Do a bum. Bass ball. Bass ball, do it. So they were 100 short of where they wanted to be. They really didn't care. They bowed Pakistan out.

England batted again, flat. They do a bullsey declare. Like they set Pakistan 330 to chase with a session left on the third, fourth day, and the whole of the fifth day to bat, and it's flat. It's the cat. He dangled the carrot stokes, didn't he? Everyone said it was too soon.

Didn't dangle the carrot? He dangled the whole garden. Oh. Yeah, because everyone's after the whole garden. Like the cabbage patch, the whole thing. He dangled the cabbage patch. The whole thing. He picked up every fruit and veg in his garden and went,

come and munch on this. Right. So the point being, everyone was like, it's too soon. He's cocked it up. worst captain in history 24 hours later best thing since sliced veg according to Jack Grealish Slice Fetch

I remember that So and it's flat So it worked out that they needed 3 and over When England had been scored Was the pitch flat Was it a flat pitch? Yeah it was like

Yeah You just hadn't mentioned it So I didn't know whether it was a good pitch A bad pitch A flat pitch it was flat crossy I went to see it every day of the test match and no word of a lie

day five it was still flat no I'm joking day five it just had some spike marks in it that was it well there's been a bit of like the Pakistan board came out

in there and they were like it's not good enough we know it's not good enough but then England have still managed to get a result on it so actually it's fine yeah England got a result because Ben Stokes is so row like he is a machine

he bowled an 11 over spell right he was like sweating running back to the top of his mark going again it's going dark it was madness he had fields that I'd never ever seen before Jimmy Anderson had a slip cordon in front of the bat

I saw that I saw it look like he was bowling to a spinner's field and I was like I don't know whether to be impressed or offended for him yeah and then he was it he had a leg slip a leg gully a short leg a catching midwicket

a straight midwikin a silly mid on and I was like what I know you're just trying to ball at the hip is this going to work and then he picked up two wickets

I was like genius yeah absolutely genius do you know it just goes to show though that team is pretty much the same team that lost 17 games in a row

like it's not changed drastically no the only thing that's changed is their mentality like cricket is all in your head it's a mad sport yeah

and I've got a new friend crossy the head coach that we're mates we're we are friends we're going to have a beer we've had a beer nice is he going on the pod didn't ask him actually i should i should i should i'm very good at that you've got your guard down here you need to get better come on i've asked hollynwood because he did a podcast for the BBC yesterday and he just said ha ha i was like oh okay never mind oh oh no i don't know i'll try i'll try again maybe they heard dan's feedback

about how unprofessional we are and they don't fancy it. Yeah, yeah. Hi, Dan. Welcome back. I'm sure you're listening. I'm sure you are listening after all this stick you got on Twitter.

Did he get stick? Everyone was like, don't listen to Dan. Keep going with your shambolic podcast. I love it. Anyway, I was talking to bars about how the mindset of this team's changed and he went,

well, they've all got capability. They were just scared of getting out. but I told them that they get out anyway That's so true though Isn't it? So true Yeah And he's like every time you bat you get out And he's like so you might as well have some fun when you do it

This is a message to all the youngsters listening out there You can't be scared to fail Because you're going to fail anyway That is the England men's head coach Of the test team saying that He keeps it that simple Amazing Yeah, so England took 20 wickets they won

It was historic You know, first time in years and years and years Only their third ever winning Pakistan So pretty cool I actually think it's going under the radar That they're taking 20 wickets every game Like that's actually what's winning them the matches isn't it It's like the bowling units doing as good a job

But kind of going, it's less sexy the bowling side of it So I feel like they're going a bit more under the radar Yeah, 10 games, 15 innings Bould a team out 15 times Yeah And that's what that is What wins your games? Go on.

Who won the ballers? That's enough about the men because this is a female podcast, no balls podcast. We're not exclusive though. We do include men into here. Yeah, we include everybody, but I'm sick of that now.

I want to talk about you. Okay. Okay, dokey, I'll talk about me. Talk me through your game because Crossy, before we get into it, I tried to watch, the live stream was God-awful

and I was watching a pixelated screen for three hours and I gave up. Yeah, I had a little chat with my brother this morning and he said it's kind of gone back to that, well, it's gone backwards basically. He was like, remember when you first went over to the West Indies in 2013 and everyone was just kind of pleased to be able to watch you play cricket, it's a bit like that. So it is a shame. It's a big shame.

However, people did get to watch somehow, I think, I think. Balmy army did a funny tweet about the devices that were being used to, stream that was a funny one if you've not seen it go and see it and again

Bobby also tweeted saying he thinks it would have been a better experience for him if my mum and dad who were at the

ground would have just FaceTimed him to show him the action yeah I got a message actually in my DM saying

Alex I know it's nothing to do with you but please could you make the point on your podcast no balls or elsewhere

that the girls deserve so much better than this absolute horses coverage they they've got a lot of people at home wanting to follow them and this level of coverage is only going to damage

what brilliant brilliant work they have achieved so far thank you keep up the good work from Crossy 16 yeah and it is I had loads of messages being like it's such a step backwards and it's nothing to do with the ECB this is nothing to do the ECB everyone's known at the ECB yeah it's nothing to do with BT Sport either

it's they get the stream that is given to them it's but it's basically and it's such a shame but it's a reflection on the West Indies cricket board and how much they're willing to put into the women's side of it and ultimately we can't control that and it's just a shame it's just such a shame so you're going to have to tell us what happened so it was a really really really really flat pitch

like really flat pitch was it flat like got to day five and it was just so flat still no no hour five you mean so we lost the toss we wanted to have a little bowl first because there's been a bit of rain around which is surprising

because there's a blue sky here all the time but when it rains it just chucks it down and then it stops raining and then you play cricket when it rains it pours baby literally yeah it's like thunderstorms and then it's just nothing so anyway there's a bit of dew about

and a bit of like a tacky pitch so we wanted to have a bowl but we didn't we had a bat and Alex Katsy opened the batting for us I'm not going to run you through it ball by ball. It does sound like I'm going to

but I'm not. We got to about 300 and something. Yeah. Siver back. 310. Sivers back just with a 90

just as you do first game back. I know. Literally like you've never left. I'm going to have a break from cricket. Look, best went fresh.

Well, it just just go to show. You know, taking time away can do you the world are good sometimes even though she was still scoring that amount of runs

when she wasn't feeling at her best. Heather's back, back from injury She's had a tough old rehab period She obviously missed the back end of the summer So it was nice to have her back Nice to have a bit more senior seniority on the pitch again Nice for you not to be the oldest Is that what you're saying?

Yeah, yeah, basically, yeah That was nice. I'm not though because Danny Wyatt was still there in the summer Danny Wyatt made a hundredth appearance in ODI cricket So that was a landmark occasion But Catherine did a nice speech before the game And then unfortunately, sad news coming out of the England camp

is that Alice Capsy has broken her collarbone diving for a ball and has to fly home tonight to have surgery tomorrow so... Surgery? Sad times.

Yeah. I saw the x-ray this morning and her collarbone is not together anymore. Oh no, is it not? No, it's like... I woke up with a message being like,

Matthew's gone off injured, Capsie's hurt itself, gone to hospital. And I was like, what does that mean? I've told you. I said, no, no, no, what happened? I've told you.

caps he went to hospital. I was like, no, no, no, no, no. What happened? So I still don't know what happened. What happened? This is a little bit like when you text me about Livy's injury saying he's hurt, his knee and I was like, yeah, what happened? You were like, just collapsed. I was like, yeah, but what happened? And you like, where he just fell over. I was like, yeah, but what happened? So this, you can't, you're just caught in the kettle black there, Al. Maybe, or cat calling the kettle black as my mom says. Yeah. So Lauren Bell, steaming in, running in like Lauren Bell does,

bounces, I can't remember who was batting, but bounces her, top edges goes to fine leg, caps, she's running around to her right to stop the ball going for four, and it was like a one bounce over the rope, so she's kind of had to, like, dive upwards.

And as she's landed, she's basically landed on a shoulder, and it's just gone and broken. Ow, ow, ow, yeah, oachy. Um, you, I want to talk about, you, you're having some problems, not problems with your bowling, but you're getting frustrated with your bowling because you were working on loads of bits and bobs before the tour, new bowling coach, and you things weren't clicking. Your figures look really good. How did you

feel? Yeah, so I've been doing a little bit of technical work, which is always strange when you play in international cricket, because you never really that far away from playing competitive matches. It's not like you've got the winter period to work on something. So, yeah, I had a bit of, well, I had a few breakdowns with it, actually. mini meltdowns so Matt Mason our new bowling coach got to witness that quite early in our working relationship so that was good um but yeah it's just going to be one of them that like it's not going to be a quick fix overnight so I've got to keep working on it and actually I watched my bowling back this morning and my front leg is not where I want it to be at all it's basically

how I bowled in the summer so some are good some are not good um but it's just a bit of a work in progress I well um I felt like a bowed all right actually yeah to say that I've not played for two months, a bit rusty, but yeah, felt all right. And it was nice to take the new ball. That was fun. That was my next question. Did you finally, finally get to open the bowling? Well, I was opening the bowling in the summer.

Yeah, but you're not a new ball bowler? No, I'm not. I'm not a new baller. I've only done it all my life, but no, John Lewis. John Lewis has come in and said he wants me to open the bowling, so that was nice. And I've got a lovely text from Heather the night before the game saying that she's been really impressed with how I've bowled and I deserve the opportunity to open.

You got a text from Heather saying it wasn't my decision. I like yours first change. I love you through the middle but unfortunately you've got to open tomorrow. Head coach gets a trump card. So yeah, it was a good win. Obviously we haven't,

we've not got any championship points or hadn't until yesterday. So it was nice to get on the board with that. It felt like a solid win as well. It felt like a very convincing win. And so it was a good start to the trip, minus the Alice Capsy incident. Yeah, poor Alice Capsy. But one person's misfortune is another person's fortune

because Emma Lam, who had been dropped, through no real fault of her own. She had an amazing summer last year. In fact, she had more than an amazing summer. She was unbelievable for England. It was on the sidelines. She'll most likely get to open again. Potentially, yeah, we'll play again tomorrow. So it's going to be a quick turnaround.

But I actually don't know the team yet. I'm not being all coy and stuff. I actually don't know it. But you would presume that Lammy would come in. And I just said to her, it's like, well, when she was obviously so disappointed not to be playing, I said Lammy, sport changes super quickly, just keep ready. And then this happened. And I was like, I hate to say I told you so, Lammy, but I did tell you so.

Lammy will be just getting a bat out of bank. I'm ready. But yeah, obviously, you felt for Lammy you did because there was, like the element as well of the girls that had come and played from the Big Bash had been playing competitive cricket. They looked, you know, they're just going to look different in the nets because they've been in that competitive mode for a couple of months. So it did feel for Lammy. But like you said, the injuries happen. And if she gets the chance to go and open tomorrow, then I just want her to do really well and go and prove you basically, this is where

you want to stick your finger up, don't you to the coaches and be like, you should have picked me in the first place. Yeah. West Indies, the scorecard suggests they aren't very good what's going on um they didn't they didn't bat with all that much intent to say that they needed to chase 300 but um hayley getting cramp and having to go off kind of halted her innings obviously a little bit um wait wait wait wait wait wait wait she got cramp and went off thought she'd been shot in the hammy it did look like bad cramp it was the best dot ball I've ever bowled like Tammy

from Fine Leg was like scraping around on the boundary trying to stop it diving and I was like oh that's gone

for four oh no it's a dot how good but without her well they she does she does look like to be fair to them

they've got like they've lost DD the staff's not playing anymore so it it does feel like they've, they need some senior players to step up now and it's, I guess, who's going to be doing that.

So, yeah. Yeah, yeah. 20 minutes of cricket again crossing. Cricket, chat. What are we? It's like we've had a professional cricket podcast. Bloody out. How are you, by the way?

You're right. Oh, God. Be well. Yeah, yeah. You look, you look good. You've been ill or whatever the saying is. Yeah, I'm good. Thank you.

I'm good. You're good. You're not got the shit like everyone else. No, I've actually got rocks. Nice, too much information. Fair enough. I did ask. I did ask.

Right. Speaking of the virus. Speaking of the virus. Here's my Joe Root story. So I go down to the ground today. Before you do this story, can I just double check? Have you spoken about this on air? Or is this exclusive?

Yes. So this has been spoken about on air. So it cannot be edited out the podcast. Okay, perfect. Okay. because it was on BBC 5 Live. So go down to the middle today. And I'm like, hi, Rudy, you're all right? He's like, all right, Al.

He went, yeah. I was like, you're feeling better? He went, I've got a nappy on. I went, pardon? He went, yeah. I went off five times yesterday and I've got a nappy on. He's owning it, isn't it? I like it, but he's just owning it.

But I did see a clip the other day. from the cricket game where someone was like taking guard and you just hear Root in the background shouting to the umpire, I need to go off, I need a poo. Yeah, Stokesy got the wicket of Barbara Zam

and he goes, carry on Stokesy, I need a poo. So... Why is he on that field? Yeah, he went off five times yesterday and his arsees that bad. He's got a makeshift nappy.

He's got like a towel in his boxes. Oh my God. You know what's funny about all of this is that, or maybe not if it's just the towel, but I was thinking you rely heavily on your manager when you're on tour to like find ways of fixing things. Like if you can't get hold of something,

they're enjoying you from getting it. And I wonder if there's been a text exchange between him and the manager saying, is there any chance you could get me some nappies? Some adult nassies. Or a sanitary pad. You should have sent him some. Maybe that can be how we lure him onto the point.

podcast you send him some sandpods i send him a tampon so that's my Joe root exclusive our thoughts go out to Joe root we hope you're all right we hope you've got enough spare pairs of trousers with you because I hope you're not wearing never getting in the next test match on that note shall we go upstairs with someone yeah should we go upstairs let's do it Who was umpiring this week? Who did Joe Root tell he needed a poo to? Let's go upstairs with him.

Joel, Joel Wilson, I need a poo. Right, we're going upstairs with Joel. Hi, Kate and Alex. With touring around Christmas, which do you prefer? A, touring before Christmas so you can have a big dinner, but you miss out on the buildup, or touring after Christmas so you get to experience it with family, but you might have to be disciplined with the food.

All the best, Daniel. Oh, I wonder if this is still dancing Daniel that used to email us. I think it could be, you know. I would prefer to tour after Christmas, to be completely honest. Yeah, it's sad when you get to miss the build-up. Yeah, I think I'm tour afterwards. Because also, January is just a crap month. Yeah, and, like, Christmas Day is all about food and drink.

One day doesn't harm your training. it's actually fine. Yeah. And also we tend to do a Christmas Day run, don't we? It's like become a bit of a tradition in this team that we go out and do a 5K or something. Yeah, for some reason I still do that. And every year I'm like, I'm not doing it. I'm not doing it.

And then I do it. Well, once you play Fringland, you just got to do it. You do. You're just part of the run club, aren't you? I like it though. I think I am going to continue doing it because then it feels like you can fill your boots a bit more. Yeah, yeah. I know what you mean.

There was one year I refused to, but I was severely depressed because I'd just lost my contract. Yeah, that's fair. That, yeah. Dear Crossy and Alex, I found the podcast quite late, but it means I get to binge listen. Yay, people are staring at me as I can't stop smiling while jogging with your pod on. I binge watched India's T20 Challenge and all India versus England matches and became a fan of Crossy and Harmon. I really loved the recent England versus India ODIs. Delight to watch Harry and and Crossy in the same frame.

Crossy, you are so talented, funny and smart. Alex, you are funnier and entertaining. Funnier? What? Oh, lucky, lucky. Yeah, but you're talented and smart. I'm just funny. You're just funnier than me, I'm lucky.

Great. I never thought I would enjoy cricket this much. I started following women's cricket only after watching Matali Raj's movie. I am so glad I did. My question to you guys, have you, ever watched an Indian movie and who is your favorite Indian women's cricketer other than Harmon Preak core um so I've never watched like a Bollywood film um so yeah no I've not I don't know why I'm saying that like I've watched some other form of Indian film because I haven't um but when I

was at the T20 challenge there was a film that was like a big hit out there and then when I was there and there was a dance and a song that the girls taught me which became our team celebration. It was called Bumbolea. So I got told I had to watch that and I'm just not quite got around to it. Bumboleo! Bumbolea. Yep, that was it. That was the one. You had a celebration in the thing, didn't you? That was it. That was the dance move to it. You did like a little switch around with your fingers. My favorite Indian cricketer is probably, yes, She's, she's funny. I asked her when I went over there.

I said, what's your nickname? Like, because I'm not going to call you here. Like, you just don't in cricket. You call everyone by the nickname. It's not going to call you by your first name. And she said she's, her nickname's the prime minister, because she's got a lot of knowledge. I was like, right.

Right. So my favorite Indian cricketer is Yastika Batia, the prime minister. She always replies to my Instagram stories of you with a love heart as well. It's really sweet. Oh. And she fell over that big sponge, which was hilarious in the Commonwealth. Okay. My favourite Indian cricketer is Deepty Sharma for the Mankad.

Mine is, oh, it's a toughie. I really like Shafali Verma. I've never actually met her. I just like watching her play cricket. She's a good egg. Smitty Mandana. Smitty mandana, if I can't say Harry. You spent a Christmas with Smitty, didn't you?

The most randomest Christmas day ever was spent me, Heather Nye, Smitty Mandana and Tammal Mills. Why not? Did you play games and stuff? Yeah, we played a lot of games and we played football in the street. It was so weird. That's random. Yeah, and we cooked a Christmas dinner for Smitty. This one is called Thanks and a Question.

Oh, my goodness me, it's a long one. Hi, Kate and Alex. As someone who recently got back into the game, I want to say thank you to you too for being a huge part of what has helped me to start really catching up on some of what I've missed in women's cricket. The podcast has been so much fun,

informative and entertaining, that I marathon the whole thing in two weeks. In order, don't worry. Shout out to my palou, who encouraged me to pick it up and then got the entire podcast live blogged back to her as I listened through. It's so great to get all these glimpses

into both your lives, as professional cricketers and to be able to enjoy all the interviews with other players. It has added so much to my appreciation of the game to be able to grasp all the connections between people and the history of various teams and so on.

I know it made me even more immediately engaged and invested in a way that just simply watching the games as they air would necessarily have done. I know this is already a pretty long email, but I did also want to ask if you two could talk a little bit about team songs in general. It's clear from some of what you've said

on the podcast in the past that it's a big thing for a lot of teams and the WBBL social media accounts have also posted a bunch of their team songs after wins, which has got me wondering, is this something which every team does or is it just a lot of them? And if you're in a position to be playing for different teams, e.g. County cricket, England, franchise cricket in various places. How do you go about learning slash remembering the right words and tune? Looking forward to continuing to keep up with the podcast as and when they come out and good luck for your respective current overseas tours.

Cheers, Claire. Claire, um, I, um, I, I find it incredibly tough to remember team songs. Well, it's not because it's just like learning any song that comes out in the charts. And you're weirdly good at picking up song lyrics. Yeah, I actually am. Team songs, I've played in a lot of teams that lose a lot of games. You've not heard the Welsh fire on yet. No, I don't think they've got one.

They've not got one. No. Most teams have a team song, don't they? most do yeah or something because you just it's weird when you win a game and you just sit in the dressing room so yeah you just want something don't you so you're like open a open a drink and sing the team song yeah we actually have had a revamp of our team song um so we basically just sing it quicker and louder and it got it was really good yesterday it was one of my favorite team song performances yeah good good i like that I'd be sad when the England team song changes

because that is properly the end of an era. Well, we thought about changing it and then we were like, no, because it was the era of Lydia Greenway, Laura Marsh, Jenny Gunn, that kind of era that made this team song. And that's kind of the point is that, you know, that we want to make this song

hopefully lasts for years and years and years. And then people can look back and be like, it's connected to all those people who sang it. That's sweet. that's sweet so that's the point there is also more to this email apologies p.S I've been trying to come up with an appropriate LBW'd share and absolutely

blanking so I guess I'll offer what got me soundly roasted in the group chat a few days ago which is that I think it's perfectly acceptable to eat cake or ice cream out of a mug if you've run out of clean bowls I await the inevitable psychopath label with acceptance

I think that's totally fine because you can cut cakes and stuff in mugs these days can't you like in microwaves? Yeah do you remember when And that became a thing. You just put loads of stuff in a mug and put in the microwave and it comes out of a cake and it's a cake. You'd be like, ooh, in the micro wave and it's a cake. Yeah, that's, I think it's fine, Claire. I think you can come up with better than that, but just shorten the email.

Yeah, I'm glad you read that one out, not me. Hi, Kate and Alex or Alex and Kate, hope you both well. I'm thoroughly enjoying your spontaneously hilarious podcast. My biggest ick is people who don't sign their bank cards. I hope you read this out. Take care. Merry Christmas. Happy New Year.

Phil Prattie Pratt, age 40 and three quarters. Well, that's an ick, Phil, in itself, isn't it? You've just said you're 40 and three quarters. Do you know what's also an ick? When you ask someone what their age is, and they say, I'm 30 next time. I'm 32 next year. Yeah.

So how old are you then? How old is your child? 27 months. Oh, let me work that out. is that? How old is that? Yeah. What does that mean? Two and how old? What age is it that you stopped saying your birthday as months?

Like your age as months? Like imagine if I was like, I'm 1,022 months old. How many months do you think you are? Oh gosh. Oh, quick maths. Here we go. 52 months in a year. I've had 30, so 3.5s are 15 and 150. Hey, wait, wait, wait, wait.

There's not 52 months in a year. 12 months in a year I've had 31 3 times 10 300 times 2 carry it over Cross the T's dot the eyes 314 Wow

Wow 372 That was nearly quick maps To say you thought there was 52 months in the year That was a low I'm going to say that. So what am I, 372 months old? Yeah. It doesn't sound a lot, that, does it?

No, you sound really young. I'm going to start saying that. How old are you? How old are you? 372 months. Also, quick update on John Sina, forgot to tell you. He's not replied. Oh, okay.

He's not said back. Oh, I've not checked. Let me look. I'm embarrassed for you I feel like Joe Root right now This is your problem This is your problem You get embarrassed too easily

Sent at 1223 No not Reddit I'd delete it Delete message for you Shall I Yeah I'm gonna text him again Shall we do

One more Yeah Let me find a goodie Well I found a short Tour quiz for Crossie All right Let's do it then I don't know if I'm going to have to write

these down. Dear Alex and Kate, I have a short quiz for Crossy, excluding the first ODI, because that was yesterday. Who do you want to get out most and how? In this tour, Haley Matthews, and how? And how? A nice little caught behind, it'd be good, or a L.B. Or the old knit back or through the gate, it'd be nice. So any dismissal. Any dismissal, yeah, just get her out. Number two, who do you want to face the least with the ball? Henry, Chanel Henry, she's tall and I think she'll hurt me. I think if she hits me in a rib, I think it'll crack one. How many runs will you make with the bat?

Oh, good question. I didn't bat yesterday. Our bat has looked great, so it's not going to be many. I'm going to say 12. Okay. Love the podcast. Keep up the good work. Yes, Dan. I love the podcast. Tiara, I think she's called, because it's T-A-H-I-R-A.

T-A-H-A-H-A-R-A. T-A-H-A-H-A-R-A. T-H-R-A. T-H-R-A. It's definitely not T-A-R-A. That's something you're wearing it. Thanks, T-R-A. Thanks, T-H-R-T. Thanks for the quiz. We still got a couple of minutes. Who's squeezing another? Go on, then. All right, cheeky. Cheeky, cheeky.

Oh, Netflix, coming soon. Seventh, too hot to handle. Don't want to open that one. Alex, did you know that the BBC website is listing you as a former English bowler? It seems pretty harsh. Keep up the mediocre work, Tom. Wow.

And also, they've sent a screenshot on this email of you. Have you been, quote, as saying it's a flat wicket so there is a chance of Pakistan matching the score how many times have you said black wicket in the last five days so I've never seen anything flatter

apart from the morning when I wake up I see my chest um at times like this I wish I had a better laugh and just inhale him really squeakily because that was a good one. Thanks, Tom, was it? Tom, keep up the mediocre work. Mediocre way, that was bang average commentary that, actually.

I did know that because I saw you message me on Instagram and it offended me so I ignored it. Right, he's messaged you. Yeah. He really wants to let you know. You're former English player now, Al, that's not good. Well, someone said it on air not so long. got. It's actually Atif during this test match.

He said, I'm welcome back former England cricketer. I went, have you just retired me on air? Oh. Yeah. And they often say... Especially from a co-worker. Yeah, they often say former World Cup winner. I'm like, when did I lose it?

Oh, yeah. Anyway. Former England player World Cup winner, Alex Hartley, I would say. But I've not retired. What if someone gets injured? I'll just really quickly. I've just knipped back onto our Instagram account to go through

some of the later ricks that came in and there's some belters. Okay, go on. Give us a couple. Running for the bus. Yeah. I mean, it's such a necessity, but it is quite icky. This is really niche. Running after a ping pong ball and it keeps bouncing away.

Oh, I've got one. I've got one. When someone sticks their hands out to stop the lift and it still closes. Putting on a baby voice, 10 out of 10, it's awful. Crossy, I really miss you, crossy. When their umbrella flips inside out. Yeah, good one, good one. Oh, here's a good one.

I'll finish on this. Lad's running up the stairs on their hands and knees. I know I can relate to that because I've seen it so many times. I've seen. Why did they do it? I don't know. It's like some sort of animal. Literally like they've been possessed and it's the only way they can travel.

Oh, very good. Goodness me. Good finish. Well, don't forget to email us on. No balls podcast at BBC.com.com. No balls podcast at BBC.com. UK. It's so good.

They said it twice. Thanks, guys. Right, we'll see you a few days. Yeah. The regular podcast with me, Alex Harley and UK grass. bye bye bye

and cross strikes in the first over it's what England we're looking for party balls down the track comes scoring this time

she connects it's either six or out it's six it's six the World Cup on BBC With coverage of every single game on Five Live.

Oh, what an amazing goal! Killian and Bappi! Expert analysis and debate with some of the biggest names in football on the World Cup Daily podcast. What Gareth Southgate wants is that they can perform under the most intense pressure they will ever experience. And a bit of fun in Match of the Day, Top 10 with Gary Linnaker.

Micah Richards is back, along with Alan Shear and myself, for the biggest international football tournament on the planet. Take the World Cup with you. Listen on BBC Sounds Oh, Alex, you're so mediocre.