Test Match Special - No Balls: The Cricket Podcast - Tortoises, training camps and The Ashes

Episode Date: December 7, 2021

Kate Cross and Alex Hartley have a look ahead to the start of the Men's Ashes, launch a pronunciation argument and celebrate exciting news for a big friend of the podcast.

This BBC podcast is supported by ads outside the UK. To embrace the impossible requires a vehicle that pushes what's possible. Defender 110 boasts a towing capacity of 3,500 kilograms, a weighting depth of 900 millimeters and a roof load up to 300 kilograms. Learn more at landrover.ca. BBC Sounds, music, radio, podcasts. Before you get stuck into your podcast, I'm Jonathan Agnew talking you through a very new mini-series hitting test match special. It's called Project Ashes.

Over the last year, I've been speaking to the people who are in charge of England's attempts to win down under. It's loud. They let you know that they don't like you. Got to try and embrace it if you can. We're under no illusions. You know, in our last 10 tests, but 9-0 down. England have only won once in Australia in the last 34 years. but could that change this winter? And in comes Pat Cummins from the far-ready Bowls to Stokes who hammers it before!

I've come up against this baggy green thing that they keep talking about and I'd love to stick one up on. This is Project Ashes. Listen on BBC Sounds. Now, back to your podcast. Guys, this is your warning. We do swear occasionally. Every now and then we'll say the word

sometimes. Sometimes. And even maybe. But don't let that put you off. We're nice people. We beep them out. Like your kids can listen. Enjoy.

And cross strikes in the first over. It's what England we're looking for. Partley falls. Down the track comes scoring. This time she connects. It's either six or out. It's six. Hello and welcome back to No Balls of Cricket podcast with me, Alex Hartley, full of a colds,

so my sounds slightly different than you, Kate Cross. Hi. Now, I'm going to put it out there before this, we get deep into this podcast. Your Wi-Fi is rubbish. I hear a word of that. Yeah, so that's exactly what I just said. I literally, no, Zoom went quiet. I didn't hear a thing.

What did you say? I literally just said, before this podcast gets started, I'm going to put it out there, cross these Wi-Fi's crap. Oh, good timing. Good timing. I thought you were going to put it out there that you've been poorly because, I mean, it was the first thing that you mentioned. But you were a bit rough, aren't you?

You've been in bed for three days. You're just recovering from a nosebleed that you've wiped all over your nice new jumper. Honestly, you've given me this nice lovely jumper. And because when you've got a cold and you're like blowing your nose 20, or seven. Sometimes you just do a little sleeve wipe, don't you? So I did a little sleeve wipe. It's blood. Oh, God. Maybe it's because you've been horizontal for three days and now that it's just falling out of your nose because you're vertical again. Yeah, maybe. I'm having a shock. I'm coaching at five o'clock as well. I'm going to have to wear a hazmat suit. Oh, gosh. So we've actually barely spoke for a week. So this is our, we're using this podcast episode as our catch-up, aren't we? Since I've been a no.

man, which I actually didn't tell anyone about on the podcast, but I'm in up now on a training camp for two weeks. We just not spoke. Yeah, just, just went. Kind of got a bit sprung on us. It was a bit of a surprise. But yeah, we haven't spoke. So I actually text you the day being like, honey, like, where are you? Do you hate me? Like, what's going on? Yeah. It's been nice to have a bit of time off my phone. A bit of time away from the wife. It's like one of them where you're like, oh, didn't take my phone with me to training. Right, whatever.

No, I've actually, I've not been on the data out here. I've not been on the Wi-Fi much. So it's been a real nice, like my screen time's down to like two hours a day. It's absolutely bliss. I wish mine was. Mine was like 23 hours yesterday. Because you're poorly Yeah, I know

Is it COVID by the way? What's happening? It's not the vid I've done a couple of lateral flows Okay Well, we're obviously out in Oman at the minute We've come back on Sunday And Boris has sprung this

PCR on us, hasn't he? So we've all got to find a way for getting a PCR while we're over here Oh, you've got to do it while you're there I thought you have to do it when you get back No, that was the original rule and now we've got to do it two days before we fly. So Dr. Tam, thankfully, is out here

and he's on the phone constantly trying to work out how we're going to do it. But otherwise, I might be in Oman for Christmas. Oh, how good would that be, though? Well, no, it wouldn't really because I'm not with anyone. I'll come out. All right, okay. Have you got, I've got something on my sticky note that I've worked out whilst I've been over here

because I've been with the squad and we're obviously chatting, having dinner, that kind of thing. I've worked something out that I think. is a bit of a northern, southern divide. Oh, really? Producer Henry. I've asked producer Henry to stay on the call. Here he is.

He's popping up now. Hi. Hi. Hello. No, I'm not the most southern person because I'm from like Oxford, not like Cornwall. But I get what you're saying.

Well, you're more southern than us. I mean, isn't Blackpool more south than we are? No. Anyway, for anyone that actually hasn't listened to the first 50-odd episodes of the pod that we did before we went on on the BBC, Henry, you might sound like an unfamiliar voice to a lot of people because you don't actually feature. You have featured. You've been a guest on the pod, but not since we've gone on to the beep. So welcome to nobles. What can I say? It's always a joy and it's lovely to see your faces. It's one in the morning here. No, it's not. It's just on midnight. I'm in Australia. You're in Amman. You're in Manchester, Alex. Yeah, just south of Blackpool. Yeah, just south of Blackpool, west of Gouaharty and north of Campoogia, is it out? This is the first human contact I've had for days. Let me off. So, Emery, the reason that I want you here is because I've got a question to ask.

So we were talking the other night about animals because we went swimming. We were meant to go and see some dolphins on a boat trip, and we didn't see any dolphins, but we got to go snorkeling. and Anya stumbled across an animal that has got a big hard shell on its back and it is completely sparked debate in the group because the northerners say it one way and the southerners say it another way and we needed a southern voice on this podcast. When she was in the sea, she saw this.

Yeah. What a turtle? And like a turtle, but a tortoise. Tortoise. Tortoise. Tortoise. No, what? So this is this

This is what you've got me up at midnight To be dealing with Yes All the southerners say tortoise And all the northerners say tortoise Yeah tortoise like porpoise Like the thing a bit like a dolphin That you didn't see yesterday

Well let's be honest It's actually a turtle isn't it Yeah well that one was But not the one we're talking about Is it the same animal? No Shut up ways you joined me on commentary the other day

and asked if the sun was a planet. Shut up. A turtle and a tortoise aren't the same animal. I've literally just learned that. Wait, wait, wait, wait. My wife I was a bit bad then. I've missed a bit there. You thought the sun was a planet? I did question if the sun was a planet or not. Yep. Good, good Godfrey. But it's a star.

For anyone confused out there, it's a star. Thanks, Brian Cox. Oh, my two-year-old niece knows it's a star. Oh, whatever. Anyway, back to the tortoise. Tortoise. How's it spelled? T-O-R-T-O-I-S-E.

Tortoise. Okay. So where do you, what's that place where you go and train in the East Midlands Crossing? Loughborough. How's that spelled? L-O-U-G-H, B-O-R-U-G-H. Lugabura. Lugabaruga. Luga. Isn't it?

By your logic, if you're pronouncing everything, how it's spelled. I think you should. But why is it changed? Where has it changed? Like what for Gap? This is a good question. So someone like a Brami, who's a Brummy in your team? Georgia. She says Tortoise. Oh. We need to go further south. Who have we got further south? Why don't we? Why don't we open it up to our listeners?

and maybe try and find where it does change. Maybe let's work it out. Yeah, nice. This is a little social experiment that we can do with all the free time that we've got at the minute. I have got something. While Henry's here, shall we just talk about the ashes rather than turtles?

Yes, because we wanted to have a official correspondent out in Australia, like Finney and Henry and Ellie Oldrod. So, yeah, let's talk to him about it. Have you seen Asia go I made of sad? Yes. No. Okay. So part of the local TV coverage has got Isha. Who else is it? Adam Gilchrist. I think Shane Warren, their heads made of sand. And apparently, Isha was saying, I had breakfast with Isha yesterday.

They got someone to come around her house and scan her entire head so they could then make her out of sand. A bit like how they've done Mount Rushmore, but Shane Warren, Isha Goa and someone else, did you say, Gilchrist? Yeah, exactly that, basically. I've got a question about ashes build-up. I saw recently, and I don't know whether to be concerned, Joe Root likened winning the ashes to like eating a shepherd's pie. See, this is interesting, right? And I was really confused by this headline,

but I spoke to Aggers, who's going to go on this podcast, by the way? He's really keen to his. He's done. He's well out for it. Anyway, he was saying that he had a shepherd's pie making competition with Joe Root and Stuart Broad that was judged by Stuart Broad's mother which sounds like the weirdest reality

as you do as you do right and Joe Root won because apparently he put like Tabasco sauce in and that made it great or something sounds a bit like a budget bake-off yeah and then apparently he described winning the ashes

would be like winning the Shepherds Pie competition and that got like confused into being like winning the ashes is like a shepherd's pie Ah, see, I thought he said it'd be like a shepherd's pie Because he's, is he from the north? Yeah, he plays for Yorkshire So he'd be like, oh, I love a shepherd's pie

I thought you know when people really get the words And the sayings mixed up I thought he thought it was like the cherry on top of the cake But he said like it'd be like Winning the Shepherd's Pie I thought he just got himself so confused Or like the dog's pox That is the absolute shepherd's pie

The absolute shepherd's pie Maybe it needs to become a thing the shepherd's five. Let's talk about the ashes. Let's stop this terrible chat. Right. We were actually just talking about this afternoon. I think it's going to be a close series.

I think Australia aren't quite the powerhouse that they've always been. I think with Pat Cummings being captain, I think they're a bit underprepared because has he captained much? But what he can do is just stare people out because he's got great eyes. Right.

That'll work. Yeah. It's the world's best test follower, but let's just stare. I reckon when he goes to do the toss Joe Roots just going to be staring into his eyes and get put off. I don't know if it's just me

but I feel like the England boys are just talking differently about this Ashley series it feels like the more like fight, they're going to fight for this one not that they've ever not fought but I don't know just the way they're talking about it seems like they're a bit more rupt for it. I feel like they've gone very Australia on Australia.

Like Australian, the Australians are always like we're going to win, we're up for the fight. I feel like England have gone very much down that route. There's also something in the weather that is basically a guarantee that England are going to win. And that is El Nina, which is what is making all this weather really rubbish in Australia, which some of the Hispanic starts in like Mexico and it causes bad weather in this part of the world. But in previous ashes years when this weather system has been in place,

England have won more than they've lost. And when it's not like this, they basically lose every single time. So weather-wise, this is as good as it could be for England. It's 5-4, though, isn't it? With that weather. It's better than not 8-1. It's 5-4, and the first one was in 1905, so we're clutching the straws. Yeah, but 10-11 was one.

That was the last time. Yeah, okay. Okay, my question before we let you go, Henry, is Ben Stokes. Is he or isn't he? Oh, I forgot about it. Playing that first test match. He is. Yeah.

Definitely playing. He's playing. Even just as a batter, if he's not unprepared of his bowling. I think I'm going to answer it myself quickly because Ben Stokes had this much time out of the team. Having him in the team allows you to play somebody else, so it allows you to play a spinner. So I think Jack Leach has missed out on 20 test matches

with Ben Stokes also have been missing. Yeah, I think they'll play him. I just think there's been too much hype around it as well. You see, do you know what Laya said as well? He said yesterday, he said to, Ellie, that he still has nightmares about Headingley and Ben Stokes. And it's not his batting, it's his bowling. He's my, this generation of Flint off for me.

Like, he just makes things happen. He comes on and does things with the ball, does things with the bat, does things in the field as well. Yeah, I don't think he's going to be in the team to necessarily bowl 20 overs, but if you can get 10 or 11 out of him, then he's doing his job, isn't he? And then he can back further down the order. how do you both feel about calling it the mashes and the washes I'm good about it actually

I'm really you like it yeah I'm really the men's ashes women's ashes Al she looks very confused mashes men's ashes and the washes women's ashes women's ashes right hang on a second who the hell has come up with mashes and washes someone actually Instagram does Al saying that yeah how do we feel about it for the mashes and I just thought it's quite quirky no one else is doing it

A bit like the hat stacking that we've got going on. Before I like get on board or don't get on board, is this like something that Cricket Australia have come up with, so I'm going to have to hate it? No, it's not like the Beat England thing. Okay, because that Beat England thing still gives me nightmares now. First day we turned up for training, I can't remember where we were now,

but I can literally remember we pulled up on these like golf buggies and all around on those like metal barriers that they have at cricket grounds to like herd you through into the, the stands. There was just these, pardon. Fencing. Yes. The fence is. They just had hashtag beat England in like the yellow and the green and Elise Perry and I was like oh my God this is going to piss me off and it did. And they did though. They beat England. It worked. Yeah. I'm going to we're all in agreement on that then. Yeah, I'm up for the mashes and

washes. Though the weather in Brisbane, but it might be more the splashes. Splashes. Hey. I'm going to write on my sticky. Have you got any like Ash's stories that really stick in your mind? Like any horror stories or any ones that you just think, yes, I played in an Ash's or, oh my God, that was the worst Ash's series ever. I've got, I've actually got a pretty cool one. So I was lucky enough to make my debut at the Wacker, which is any fast bowl is absolutely paradise and it was an incredible game Henry you'll remember it won't you I think daggers was certainly commentating on it but I remember um everyone just basically saying how much of a game it was that ebbed and flowed and you never knew who was going to win literally until that

last wicket or last run was scored and we ended up winning it with half a day to spare and my brother text me and he said whatever you do he said just go out take a beer just go sit on the bank for a bit and just take it all in because he said this will be one of the moments that you'll never forget in your career. And I was already on the bank at that moment with my beer. I just had to take myself off because everyone, we'd sung the song in the dressing room and everyone was up and about and it was amazing. And I just had, like, got a bit overwhelmed. And I had just went and sat outside and I'd turn my data on which back then, you know, for, wasn't getting paid to play cricket. It was like, it cost me about 45 quid, I think, to send that text to my brother.

But I'd said, like, I've seen in a picture and I said, I'm already here doing it. And I can still remember, like, exactly how I felt in that moment. So that's like my cool ashes story. That's a good one. I don't really like, you know what my memory is like, so I don't really like remember a moment. I just remember being at the test match and I was running drinks and didn't get picked. And my mum and dad like, go, pst, ow!

I'm like, look around. I'm like, yeah, mum, this is boring, we're leaving. Wasn't that when you and Danny, Hazel had said how funny it'd be if you were still there on day four and Elise Perry is 200 not out and she was 200 not out on day four. Yeah, we sat on the bench day one and Danny Hazel said, imagine if we're sat here and at least Perry's 200 not out. She got 200 not out. Well, I'm sure we're going to have more Ash's chat, sorry, or Mashes or Wash's chat throughout this little period because we've got our Barryon correspondence over there. But Henry,

thank you very much for joining us. Hey, my pleasure. Any time at all. Sleep well. Mua. Love you lots. Speak soon. Bye. Right. Can we quickly do a sticky note before we do our emails?

Yeah, let's fly through them. Right. First one of mine, you left last Sunday. Mm-hmm. So a week ago, you've been away a week. You traveled for nine hours and you were still in the UK. Yeah, bad journey. One of the worst I've had, actually.

We were supposed to, Al, I'm actually, I was quite calm in the situation, but you know that I'm not very good with things like this. But we're supposed to me at Heathrow at 5pm. At 5pm, I still wasn't past Milton Keynes. And I was like, I'm going to have to get on the next flight there. And then your driver was like, we're just going to have a quick pit stop when you're like, what? The driver's like, do you want a coffee and pulled into some services?

I was like, I think we're going to be on the minutes, mate. So I'm all right. I'll be fine. I just have a quick way and just get back in the car. And he's like, all right, how long should we have then? I was like, minus 20 minutes, please. Yeah. Please, can you put your foot down?

Honestly, because it snowed that day. Actually, it worked out quite well, though, because I got to the airport and was literally straight on the plane. But then we sat on the plane for two hours because the de-ISA wasn't working for the wings. I was thinking, how important is that? And actually, it's really important

because the wings wouldn't have worked otherwise. So I'm glad they sorted that out. You wouldn't have been in a plane. You'd have been in a submarine. Yeah, shambles, really. So, yeah, I'd text you didn't necessarily. and I've been travelling for nine hours and I'm still in the UK. What a shambles.

Yeah. And I was like, oh gosh, I think I've had an afternoon nap. I'm walking up, made some dinner and he'd still not left. Freya fell asleep on the plane and woke up and thought we were there because we weren't moving and we're like, no, babe, we're still on Heathrow's Terminal 4. Oh, shocker. Yeah. Speaking of shockers, we were sat just before I left to go to him and we were sat in my living room,

having a bit of a chat. and you claimed which is just an incredible incredible thing for you to say that you didn't know the story of Goldilocks and the Three Bears and you actually said you said is that the one with the three wolves where they blow the house down

yeah and so you actually made a hybrid of a fairy tale that is ingrained in so many people's memories I got are we made Goldilocks and the Three Wolves you made because you didn't

think that porridge was associated with Goldilocks and the Three Bears and I was like, what? No, I just thought it was a winter thing that you have. It is, but Honestly, how you get through life without people holding your hand actually surprises me every day.

See, I've not seen anyone for a week. I'm struggling. Right. I've been on my own. Have you finished that story? Sorry. Yeah. So I've been on my own. And I thought on Wednesday, I'll treat myself, have a little bath. And as I'm shaving my legs, I'm in the bath. And I think, do you ever hate anyone you've never met? Because the first woman to ever shave her body, I hate her. Because why is it that women have to shave their bodies and men don't? I thought you were going to tell me the story about when you got in a cold bath this week because you didn't check the temperature before you got in. No, that was two days later. That was yesterday.

That was bad days. Yeah, actually, this ties in quite nicely with a few people I hate. Whoever decided, they don't really affect me that much, but whoever decided that you drive on different sides of the road in different countries, like why is that? What's that about? Yeah. Yeah.

See? This is a thing. It's a debate. And whoever decided that plugs should look different in different countries. So you've got to spend 20 quid at the airport with your adapters because you forget them every single time you travel. Yeah, and every single time you travel, you buy a worldwide one because you don't really know what you're after.

Yeah. Thankfully, it's actually English plug so I like the people of Oman. Please with them. But you bought a worldwide plug socket because you needed one. And that was my 17th that I've got over the last three years. What a waste? It's like them travel pillows. You get a new.

one every time you go to the airport because you always forget yours. Yeah. So yeah, I reckon there's a lot of people around the world that hate somebody that they've never met because of a certain something. Yeah. I hate the first woman who shaved her legs. Makes sense. I think I've found another one of your LBWs. Okay. I think you're the only person that I know that will shower before you go to a training session. And I find it odd because you know you're going to get sweaty. Yeah, yeah, I do Actually, I've got something to admit I shower on a Friday morning before training

Yeah, but Thursday's normally a day off So I don't shower You shouldn't admit this Why? Because you can't not shower I mean, people don't shower Yeah, like homeless people who don't have access to a shower A lot of people shower daily

I never shower on a Thursday Thursday is a bad day for you but then I find it really weird that you're getting a shower on a Friday morning just because you've not showered on the Thursday I find it odd because you know you're going to get sweaty in the day look if I was going out on a Thursday and I wasn't just sitting on the sofa

if I was going to meet a friend or out for breakfast, lunch whatever I would shower but for the last like three weeks I've sat in the house all day Thursday so I haven't showered so I have to shower Friday morning find it weird but I do shower Monday, Wednesday before training as well, but that's just later on in the day.

I find it really weird. I just don't want to get back. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But do you know right? Do you know what it is? You always go to training, there's certain people that have a bit of a sniff. You need a bit smelly. I don't want to be that person.

Yeah, and it's difficult, isn't it? Because training kit normally doesn't hold sweat well. I had a message on Instagram this week And normally I don't Don't read too much into these DMs that I get And it was off a Well funny you should say that crossy Because it was off a woman, never heard of her

Hello This might be slightly odd But we are cousins Okay So put it in the group chat Yeah so put it in the family group chat Being like anyone heard of this lady my dad was like

never heard of her mum never heard of her my brother never heard of her so this woman thinks that we're related none of my family have heard of her

have you messaged her back no because what if what if she's weird I think you should message her back explore this option because you don't know you might have like

a long lost relative somewhere and she might be or you might be your only family that she can get in touch with it might have been a really brave move

for her to message you Al I know that is And I was just about to say, I can't be bother with another family member. But now you've said that I might be her only one. You've made me feel a bit guilty. Especially around Christmas time. Oh. I feel like you need to investigate this and come back to us.

Okay. I will. How many more sticking notes have you got? Two. Okay. I've got one, which we've been given permission to talk about. And it's quite a big topic, so we need to address it properly. Okay.

Our big friend of the podcast, Henry T. Fingers, made an announcement on Twitter recently. He did. And if anyone has got the pleasure of following them on social media, they'll know exactly what we're talking about. But they have come out recently as trans non-binary, which is an amazing thing to do. I'm so proud of them. Like, that was a big thing for them to do. And we tried to support them as much as we can throughout this journey. The fact that Henry Two Fingers is now going to be known as.

Well, the reason that I brought it up was because someone replied to that message saying, what does this mean for the drinking game now? So I spoke to Henry and said, how do you want us to do this? Because you're a big part of the podcast. And they said that they are more than trusting. of how we will do this. So we have decided that if you are playing the drinking game, throwback, Henry Two Fingers is no more.

And instead, H, two fingers. H two fingers. I mean, they've been H to us for a very long time. Yeah, they have. It's not news to us. But for anyone that is listening to the pod and when we then now refer to H or Henn or Henners, Henry will from now on not be mentioned

it's H H HN or Henners I am so proud of them for telling their story and coming out and saying that though because for somebody that works in the public eye works for the ECB like doing something like that is a huge huge move and will inspire so many more people you know what amazed me the most

and it shouldn't have amazed me but it did was how brilliant the comments were so many people said how fantastic it was to see cricket being so inclusive and especially at a time in cricket's life where it's having troubles, let's be honest, to have the response that they got from their announcement was just so, so good to see. And I think that was what made it even more special for me to read was how many people congratulated them on getting to that part of the journey.

And it's not over yet, the journey's not over yet, but it was a big, big move. So, H2 fingers. There we go. On my sticky note, I don't think we've spoken about this topic on the podcast, and I feel like it's because we don't necessarily go through this quite often, but there are a lot of young girls out there that do.

And on Wednesday, I felt a bit under the weather. He got sent home from training, and it turns out I'm actually ill. But I had my first period for six months. months and it hit me like a ton of bricks and I was just like oh my god like I've forgotten what this feels like and it's actually for athletes it changes the way you train so much you know what that's really ironic that you say this because I've been having loads of problems with my back at the minute like just getting really stiff and tight more than usual because obviously I do get that because I'm a fast bowler but it's all like transferring into my hips

and I'm really struggling when I sit down for too long like it's hurting to stand up and the first question that our physio asked me yesterday was are you due on? And I said, no, I'm on the pill so no, I shouldn't be a due on for a while now that day I came on and I was like, are you some sort of magician

because what, how have you, what? And he said all those symptoms they completely fit with like period time and he said, you know, that's just where you've got to be a bit careful when you're on or when you do on because things don't quite work the same as they would do if you're not.

Yeah. So on Monday at training, like over the weekend and like a Monday at training we were diving, I was like, oh, the boobs are a bit tender. And I was like,

that's really strange because I'm definitely not due on my period slash I don't have them. And I got a bit niggly and I hurt my groin and I was like, oh, and I thought of Harmon Preak because she always gets a little bit

niggly around the time of her period. So I was like, maybe I am going to come on. Wednesday, I came on my period and I had a little niggle, yeah. And I've been ill since. It's something that we... Hey, at least you're not pregnant.

It'd be a miracle. It would be. It's something that we don't often talk about, do we? Because we have quite a lot of men that listen to this podcast. So it's not something that guys in particular find comfortable talking about. But it's definitely a bit of a taboo subject with female athletes. But do you remember Rajasthan Royals did an incredible video in last year's IPL? And they used all the male players to talk about.

periods and buying sanitary products and it was just amazing because I've never seen any male athletes talk about it either. Yeah, no, it wasn't. And that's why I thought, actually, like, whenever we're on our periods, we don't talk about it and I just wanted to get it out there. Well, we do, me and you do, but we don't talk about it on the podcast. Yeah, and I reckon we've got thousands of young girls that listen that, you know, might actually feel quite embarrassed if there are cricket training on their periods. But we as a Lancashire group or a Thunder group, sorry, have all had, like, a lesson on periods, if that makes sense. So we've done loads of chat about it and what can happen coming up to your periods.

And we actually fill out a questionnaire now every single day. And one of the questions is a year on your period. And the coaching staff have done the education as well. So, like, on Friday, our bowling coach is like, are you on your period? Yeah, I am. That always used to be a thing, wasn't it? When a woman was like sad or angry, they'd be like, feed you. like shut up

I will kill you I am well there you go is that you trough for the week being on your period yeah it really is we've been doing this podcast for a long time shall we do some quick questions

okay who do you want to go upstairs with this week Al well I'm clearly missing Sue because I told Mark Wood to see a soon. I see Sue. That was weird, wasn't it? Who do you want to go upstairs with?

I'm happy to go up with Sue. We've not been up with Anna for a while. Oh, why don't we take them both up then? Right. Upstairs are Sue and Anna, let's go. So we've had one here, and Henry forwards these emails onto us, and he started it by saying,

too long to read, but funny. But I'm going to cut it down because it's worth talking about. Okay. So a guy has sent us an email in saying that when they were in their early 20s, they went to visit a friend at Oxford University for the weekend, and they had a bit of a boozy weekend by the sound of it.

And it got to dinner time, and they suggested having a takeaway. But his friend Alyssa said that she was going to a college formal and that he should join her for it, pointed out that he was only in T-shirt and trainers and trousers, hardly formal attire. But she said not to worry about it. It could just borrow a shirt from a friend. And as such, he lent me a very bright orange and blue shirt.

Now, I assume they both knew the truth because lo and behold, I arrive at the dinner and everyone is in black tie and gowns like those Harry Potter robe things that people wear at university. And I stood out like a spare prick at a wedding. And worst of all, the dean of the university was right, had to walk right past me to get to his seat. To make matters even worse, I drank through at least one bottle of wine, which came to the table, only for a girl set opposite me to ask where her two bottles were that she'd paid for in advance. Oh, no. He didn't dare tell her that he'd polish them off. Anyway, no cricket involved, but hopefully your dad will feel better knowing

he's not as big a tit as I am. Very good. That's from Joe. I'm naming and shaming. Naming and shaming. Is your dad got over that yet? He listened to the pod. Message me saying he'd listen to it. He's up to date. He said he had a little giggle. Yeah, good, good. Hi, Kate and Alex. Having listened to the recent podcast, I thought I'd email him to say that like Alex, I find my index finger roams around while holding a mug or a glass or really anything that you'd wrap your hand around. Oh yeah. Even a cricket bat. When I look at my grip, I find my index finger is pointing straight out and only my other three fingers are actually wrapped around the bat. Please keep exposing all these LBWs that we all have. Nice. Is that the one that's titled How I Hold a Mug? Yeah.

This one's titled. Hi, both. Samuel here. Just wondering, why in your intro do you've got Alex getting hit for a six? Thanks, Samuel. Because we spoke about this in previous episodes, but when I lost my England contract, we decided to do this podcast. So we thought it was very apt that you were taking a wicket being a current England player and me getting hit for a six, not being a current England player. We actually have asked Henry to find something from the 100 where we're both featuring, aren't we? Because I think there was a wicket that you bowled and I caught for you. And I wonder if we could find that. Maybe that can be a new intro for us. Maybe that can be our intro during the 100.

Maybe, yeah. Good evening to both of you. Long time listener, second time emailer. I love listening to your podcast with Woody tonight and what a lovely guy he is. Agass has also done an interview with him and his wife on Project Ashi. which was really insightful. I'm a put the bread knife back in the rack after a use person and I'm a twizzler in the shower

apart from when I'm doing my hair and then I have to face forward to do your hair. What's in the water gets your face? Surely you face backwards to do your hair. Yeah, you've got to go backwards if you're doing your hair, surely. Anyway, that's Lee. Twizzler in the shower. Day Kate and Alex, Georgia here from fellow podcast Women's Cricket Chat.

I just want to put it out there. that I believe more wine can be consumed all year round and I always keep a bottle in the cupboard even for those cold English summer months when you feel you have to be outside. Does this make me a psychopath, Georgie? Georgie, I'll tell you what, the people that are just listening

and don't, not massive mulled wine drinkers, it does make you a psychopath, but I will join you with that because how good is mulled wine? Is that a little bit like when you eat Hot Cross Bunz at any other time rather than east? yeah like can you buy a hot cross bun unless it's march time i don't think you can if i go to tesco now i don't think i don't think you can no i don't think you can i bet there's people that leave them in the

freezer they've got them all year round i bet you're right hi crossy now wait wait there hot cross bun you have to clean the bread knife after that yeah sticky got syrup on it hi crossy now we were listening to the latest pod and the dress code misunderstanding this reminds me of being inappropriately dressed for work some years ago i went to a bond theme party after work rather than dressing in a dinner jacket as most of the guys did i went a bit rogue and dressed in a sailor's commander's uniform the night was good a few of us ended up at a friend's house all fine until the next day with no change of clothes i had to get on the tube to work fully dressed as a sailor i got a few odd looks but it was a bit embarrassing explaining that one to the office. Do you know what I love as well?

I love when friends tell one person that it's fancy dress night and they that one person turns up in fancy dress and they're just in their normal clothes. It's one of my favourite things. Did you always like when you're at college go out like midweek so like Wednesday was our day to go out so we'd end up going out on a Wednesday and I remember so many times like turning up to college the next day in like a wears wally outfit because i haven't been home the night before but knowing you you just do that anyway that wouldn't surprise him a bit honestly i've this one night i turned up to college the next day thinking oh my god this is so embarrassing i'm dressed full head towing wears wally went in the common room there's like six wears wollies

none of my mates had gone home either love that hi kate and alice I'm just listening to Last Week's podcast, the one where I used talk about the Christmas markets. And I came across the story of the couple where the boyfriend listens to the podcast in complete harmony. I'm here to say to this legend of a man, I do the same thing. To the girlfriend who sent the email, I will occasionally chuck on a podcast while doing something, but mostly not. Probably because I'm giving full attention to the task at hand. I also have a serious question about cricket. Shock horror, they've written.

I'm an opening quick, and last weekend I had a game and I bowled to. terribly. This must be someone from Australia or somewhere because I hope they're not playing in England. I got dragged off after my second over conceding a grand total of 20 runs, including two sixes, two wides and one no-ball. I got really shoddy and I mentally unravelled out there in the middle, even to the point where I was considering booting the bowlers' end stumps out the ground after the second six. I figured that if anyone could give me any piece of advice to help me with this, it would be the pair of you. I'll tell you, you are. That's well bold, isn't it?

Well, bold, son. I don't know why you didn't get third over. Good day for us that. Keep up the great work and I hope Alex has an enjoyable preseason. So yeah, we're best place to give them some advice on what happens when you get a hit for loads of runs. I'd take him all in two overs for 20. No, but seriously, you've just, it's really hard. I'm guessing it was a 2020. Otherwise, if it's a four-day game, you have had a shot. You're actually, you're quite bad for this. You've punched stumps before, haven't you? You've got quite angry on a pitch.

I, I've got a bit of the claim to fame. Okay. I am the only English women's cricketer to have been banned. Was that when you punch the stumps? Yeah, so. A ball ball. Yeah. I thought it was on a live stream.

Bould a ball. And he got hit to backwood point. He went through their legs before. I turned around and kicked the stumps. I got banned. I got banned for one game. ECB doubled it to do. So right, I'll give some advice for this then.

So I'm sure we spoke about this on the podcast. But, Lachlan, you need to be able to evaluate honestly how you bowled because sometimes in cricket a really good ball could go for four or six and you've got to just know what your plan was when you're at the back of you run up and whether a batter has hit a good shot or whether they've you know snick one for four and you've been a bit unlucky so you've got to be able to evaluate in the moment which is a really difficult skill to do isn't it you've got to almost practice that in training as well however it does say that you bowed two wides and a no ball so I'm guessing that they probably weren't the balls that you

wanted to bowl and it's cricket you have good days you have bad days the beauty of being a bowler though you get to go again yeah if a batter snicks off first ball of the game that's your day done at least a bowler you've got the opportunity to come back and have another spell it do you know what as well cricket you have more bad days than good days and one bad day doesn't define you like and one bad season doesn't define you like I had plenty of bad seasons you know I've lost my England contract but It doesn't define me as a human being. I'm still a cricketer. I still enjoy playing cricket.

You know, it's only a game. And remember, you started playing because you enjoyed it. So it's not the end of the world. Really not the end of the world. I actually, we played a little warm-up game yesterday here in Oman. I say warm-up game. It was a practice game amongst ourselves. And I had an over.

I think it went for 19. I just got it so wrong. I tried to ball an off cutter and I slipped out my hand and nearly hit this guy in the throat. and so I've warned nearly taken out the attack but it was a learning curve I know that I need to practice my cutters

so yeah it happens often move on it can have a beer and move on yeah I agree Alex and Kate my work colleague informed me the other week that she brushes her teeth before going to the gym at 6am

gets home showers each breakfast before heading to work she also brushes her teeth for a second time before leaving is this psychopath behaviour? No, it's hygienic. No, that's normal for me. If anything, it's probably a tiny bit odd

that she's going to the gym at 6am. Yeah. If you get up and go for a run in a morning, do you brush your teeth before you go? Sometimes I do. I feel like with running, though, you know you're not going to come into contact with anyone, so it's okay,

whereas going into another building and being around people, I would want to brush my teeth for that. Yeah, I know what you mean. I've got a feeling like when I've run and I don't brush my teeth. I feel really salivary and I have to spit a lot. If I've brushed my teeth, I don't. It's really weird. That is weird.

I never had that. I've got an LBW of my own. We've already had three of yours in that last couple of weeks. Yeah. Well, when you're not here, I sleep with a bedroom door open. But when you are here, I sleep with it shut. The only people that I know that sleep with the bedroom door open are four-year-old children. Scared of the door.

Yeah. What? Yeah, I know. It's weird, isn't it? Why? It started in the summer because that bedroom is like a furnace. It's so hot that I kept the bedroom door open to let the breeze come in. Because I can't sleep with the window open because it's so loud because of the trams.

And I'm a really light sleeper. And now I've just got into the habit of when you're not here, the doors are. open? I mean, I feel like you're blaming me a little bit there. Like, there's not really a lot that I can do about the temperature of that room. No, it's not your fault. Well, it sounded quite aggressive, actually. It was quite, it hit me. There's only so much I can do about temperature. I can make things hotter. It's quite hard to make things cooler when you don't have air conditioning. Secondly, also, I can't control the trams outside again. No. Not my fault. No, no, no. I'm not blaming you at all. This really did sound like you were blaming me. Sorry. Sorry. I just,

it was quite passive, aggressive, wasn't it? It just felt a bit unnecessary. But yeah, that is weird that you sleep with the door open. Yeah, it is. I always think, like, you won't hear a burglar coming in if the door's open, whereas you'd hear the door opening. Crossie, I'm the light of sleep in the world. I wake up when you get out of bed and you're not even in the same room. What do you say to? You said something that you said, like, you hear in my electric tooth bush in the bathroom when I'm, when I am in there. Yeah. If you brush your teeth later at night, I'm like, I can hear that.

Yeah, that's what it is. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Guys, we don't know what has happened this week. It might be the best episode. It could possibly be our worst episode. But thank you to our ashes. Correspondent. Mashes correspondent.

Sorry, Mashes correspondent. By the time we do this next episode, the first test match will be done. Yeah. So good look to the England men in the Mashes. The men in the Ashes, Mashes. Mashes. And you're doing Washes Prep. Our washes don't start until January.

Don't worry about that just yet. Just think about the mashes. Okay. Good luck, boys. We're really, really rooting for you. We hope you're really rooting for you. the shepherds pie. I've lost the plot.

Don't forget to email us on. No Bowlspodcast at BBC.co.com.com.com. It's so good. It's so good. They've said it twice. Just before we go really quickly, I've got a new favourite thing that Henry keeps doing, and I think we should let people know about it. He adds something in at the very, very, very, very end of every episode. right after all the adverts and the next podcast and blah

there's always a little snippet and it's worth listening to so listen to it but yeah bye bye everyone and cross strikes in the first over it's what England we're looking for

partly balls down the track comes scoring this time she connects it's either six or out it's six BBC Sounds Across the London skyline A helicopter emerges It lands at Lord's Cricket ground

Emerging from the helicopter is a tall, brash Texan called Alan Stanford And he's come with a load of money And a revolutionary idea to change cricket One night, one game, one or take off, 20 U.S. million dollars. What was to follow was one of the most extraordinary stories to ever hit sport. This guy smells to high heaven.

He fooled important people. I'm Greg James, and you can hear Alan Stanford, the man who bought cricket, by searching for Sports Strangest Crimes on BBC Sounds. Big. Alex.