Test Match Special - No Balls: The Cricket Podcast - We Back, Baby!

Episode Date: October 29, 2021

Fresh from their holidays, Kate and Alex reconvene to catch up on all things travel, World Cup cricket and get stuck into some of the emails bursting out of the No Balls inbox.

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Now, back to your podcast. And cross strikes in the first over. It's what England we're looking for. Heartley balls. Down the track comes scoring. This time, she connects. It's either six or out. It's six.

Hello, and what an absolute shambles our last 25 minutes has been. I've got a microphone. It's not working. So welcome back to No Bulls Click It Podcast with me, Alex Hartley, and you, Kate Cross. It was actually loads better when the microphone was plugged in, and no one could hear you. So do you want to do that again, and I'll just do the podcast. Just do it on your own? Yeah, maybe this is a sign-all.

I've got the wire. I got the microphone, but I got no sound. Closed. So if my microphone sounds really bad, it's because I'm not using it because I don't know what's going on. Do you know it's really ironic? People have been emailing us, DMing us, tweeting us, Instagramming us for three weeks now, saying they're desperate for us to come back and this is what they're coming back to. I got in 25 minutes ago and it's taking us 20 minutes on FaceTime to you, try and teach me how to use my microphone.

and I don't know, it's just not working. It's not good content this starts, this podcast. So, Al, how are you doing? How are you? I'm all right. Do you know what? I haven't seen you since the end of season dinner because we've just not crossed past.

We've literally had three hours in the flat together and we weren't really in the mood to talk and catch up. So we've actually done the right thing by the podcast and we saved everything for this call. We have not spoken properly. for three weeks so we're going to just do it now we're just going to have a catch up in front of everyone that listens to nobles of cricket podcast 50 000 of you hello and welcome back we're home honey well you're home i'm not i'm in luffra yeah i thought i had that dreaded

crosses on a way home what have i done with the flat hmm yeah it it does blow my mind a little bit that it's happened a few times now and i'll go back to it i thought you were home tomorrow got my days mixed up no you don't a text yesterday saying i'm getting picked up for the airport in three hours but when i woke up this morning ready for work i got ready got there to work and you're like on my flight i was like oh no i have noticed that so you've got this thing about the toaster in the flat haven't you you think it should live on the counter and i came home and it was living on the counter so I was like oh she's doing that thing where because I'm not there you're just having the house how you want it to be yeah but you know what it is because I use that toaster every day so

I don't see the point in unplugging it putting it in the cupboard to get it back out how lazy are you wow I left the washing machine door open I know that for a fact no I did a wash oh okay but you do leave cupboards open a lot I've noticed that about you as well those covers open anyway leave the cupboard open. Anyway, my sticky note is absolutely ginormous. Yeah, how are you, first of all? Oh, thanks for asking, yeah. Yeah, after tidying the flat up again, I'm good. Yeah, really good. No, I actually am. Been so, so, so busy doing stuff that I'm not normally busy with. Well, I'm sorry, but we might as well touching it, but you've literally just got back from Dubai. I've just been in Dubai for the weekend. Who am I?

For the weekend. Who am I? Influencer. I wasn't being an influencer. I was being part of the corporate team at Lancashire. It's very different, Alex. Well, I never. I know.

It was actually, I was just speaking to the girls because I've literally just got back today. And I was speaking to them about, I saw a different side of sport this weekend. Like I saw the side of sport that we just take completely for granted because we're not involved in any of it, if you know what I mean? Like the sponsorship side of it, partnership side,

that stuff. So it's really interesting. It was bloody tiring. Wow. It was like three jam-packed days of meeting people, doing things, activating, going to the Expo in Dubai, which we need to talk about because that is just, I honestly, I feel like I've been in the future. We'll get on to it, but yeah. Technically, you have been in the future, technically, because you went forward in time to Dubai, which is ahead of England. Yeah, we've talked about this before, haven't we? but now I've gone time travel back three hours yeah yeah anyway anyway we stopped this podcast because me you and producer henry we're all having a holiday how was your holiday

that seems so long ago but yes it was lovely thank you me and my mum went to de brovnik and we had a nice time it was just the right amount of everything you need in a holiday but when I was talking on the pod last and I was saying we've not had a holiday and we were like oh yeah the last holiday that we had was when we went on the cruise yeah then i was like no um harley you had a week in portugal with the boyfriend last year yeah forgot about that forgot just conveniently forgot just yeah oh well how was your holiday oh amazing like honestly amazing just it looked so nice where you were to do nothing the sunsets were incredible every single day and i went out on my own for like two and a half days three days then my mum came out and we had the best time how did you cope

being on your own loved it it was absolutely fine until i had to go out for dinner right then so i'm going out for dinner i'm like right i'll take my book so that no one knows no I don't see anyone did I take my book forgot so then I'm in this restaurant on my own with like hundreds of other couples who are clearly looking at me on my own going why the hell is that girl on holiday on her own I don't know though if I saw someone on their own in a restaurant I wouldn't I wouldn't judge anybody I'd just be like well that person needs to eat and they've got no one to eat with but when you go on holiday or go out for dinner with a friend a partner whoever you're always like looking at other couples going what's their stuff

story, how long they've been together, and you play that game. And I reckon people are playing that game to me being like, what's her story? Why is she on her own? Yeah, but they would have played that story whether you were with someone or not. So, I just got a very self-conscious. I was going to say, I bet that was probably more in your head than it actually was going on, because you probably thinking, I remember, I've done it once. I've been out for dinner once on my own, and it was in Loughborough and I went to the harvester. And I loved it because you just, you don't have anyone to worry about. You eat what you want to eat. You go when you want to go. Like, easy. Yeah. It was fine until one of the waiters on the second night

made me do shots with him. Oh. Yeah. And then so I rang my dad. I was like, I'm just on my way home. The waiter was making me do shots. He's like, oh, that road down there now, Alex. Yeah. Right. Yeah. But you're all right. You survived it. Yeah, I'm fine. And you had an experience on holiday that I actually want to talk about on my sticky note. So shall we get into our sticky You know. Yes, please, because mine's really long. Same. So you went on holiday with your mum. Mm-hmm. And you were halfway through dinner one night.

And your mum was like, Kay, please can you explain to me? The Wobble Bowl. Yeah. Oh, it was kind of really sweet. So she obviously watches my games in the summer and stuff, but she doesn't, she never played cricket. She just knows how it works. she doesn't really understand. No, that's doing her a disservice. She does understand it. But she went, I always hear them talking on the commentary about the wobble ball and you're good at bowling it. What is it? So I literally had, you know, the tiny little pots of mayo and ketchup that you can get.

Yeah. And I was like trying to use the lid of that as the seam to explain it to her. So I was literally sat in this restaurant in the middle of Dubrovnik explaining the wobble ball to my mum. And then she was like, so does Jimmy Anderson have a wobble ball? I think he invented it actually, mum But I found that story like really sweet That she really wanted to know About your game a little bit more But you had to explain it with a pot of mayonnaise

Yeah And then I was like oh maybe I should ask her about her work So I was like, how do you do a will? And it wasn't the same How do you navigate a divorce? Yeah Ask her for a friend God, my sticking out

So we actually forgot to talk about this next thing that's on mine before we went away we had a weekend birthday bonanza didn't we I'm still getting over it yeah I'm still not recovered from it but we both wear a recovery band

on our wrist it's called a whoop and the whoop is it's actually pretty good I've been converted I must admit but Ellie's got one Boyce's got one a few of the girls wear them Lauren Tammy but they're men to help you like with your fitness regimes aren't they and help you sleep better

and be a better athlete, basically, get into good routines. They give you a better understanding of when you work hard, when you don't, if you've recovered, blah, blah, blah, all that niche stuff that we should probably know about, but we didn't. Yeah, and like you fill a journal in every day,

don't you saying, like, you read before you went to sleep, or you commuted to work that day, or you had coffee. So it works out all these trends, so mine tells me that if I have coffee after 3pm, I don't sleep well at night, little things like that. So it's quite clever. Anyway, it does a strain.

So your daily strain, is how hard you've worked. So if you play cricket, it's normally up at 20, 18, 19, 20. If you do a run, it's like 14, 15. Just normal day is like a 6 or a 7, isn't it? Just a recovery day is chilled. We had that many nights out that my whoop told me that the next day, my strain couldn't be more than 4.

And I remember telling you this. And when you wake up and step out of bed, your strain is 4. yeah you're literally you're strained for a day where if you have a rest day as an athlete where you sit on the sofa all day you don't move it's probably like a 5.3 my whoop basically told me after three days of going out that all I needed to do the next day was wake up and I I was like good luck because it's going to be honest honestly at one point I didn't know if I was going to achieve it oh gosh um I've got one thing to talk about from my holiday i messaged you didn't i saying i don't know what to do crossy i've got a cold shower

there's no hot water in my hotel and you were like what am i supposed to do about that and i was like well i don't know but help and you were like go to reception i was like nah i'm not comfortable doing that i wait till my mom gets here so i'm having freezing cold showers i have to wash my hair in the sink because the water is that cold mom gets here gets the evening we go to shower and I'm like, good luck shower and there's no hot water. I turned the tap the wrong way. Oh. So for three days you had stone cold showers just because you had it actually on stone cold setting. Yeah, but I could have sworn I tried it both ways.

Okay. And it was cold and obviously I just had the tap turn the wrong way. Wow. Alex hardly everybody. Yeah. You know what? That makes me really, really question. why your microphone isn't working, because there's definitely something that you've not done. Have you even, like, plugged it into the machine? Yeah, honestly, I don't know.

But without you, I'm a mess. Right. Next thing on my sticking out, speaking of you being a mess, the probably one hour that we've had together in the flight in the last couple of weeks, I made myself a bagel in that time and put the bagel knife, the bread knife in the sink, and washed it. You got this from your nose. I know. It's like, you wash bread knives.

I've put you don't clean bread knives. You wash a bread knife. Who doesn't wash a bread knife? Nobody washes a bread knife. Well, I asked my mum on holiday. So when she asked me about the wobble ball, I asked her if she washes bread knives. And she, a bit different because they have an area in the kitchen

because it's big enough where they've got a bread, a breadboard with a knife that sits on the breadboard. So she was like, well, I wouldn't wash it every time I cut bread. Yeah. But Al, I put the toaster away. Obviously, I'm going to clean the bread knife. Like, my top note is you wash bread knives. You wipe it on your trousers and put it back in the knife thing.

I literally cut a piece of bread or a bagel, give it the old on the thigh and put it back away. Why would you not just clean it? I do not understand the logic. There is no need to clean a bread knife. Why? Because it's not dirty. But it is.

Because you've used it to cut bread. It's got crumbs on it and they just wipe away. Yeah, but dust wipes away and you still do it. You still clean it. You wipe dust away, actually, if you want to get into it. Now, I mean, this is probably going to open a debate and I'm really keen to hear whose side you're on here. If you do or do not wash bread knives,

contact us on No Bowls podcast at BBC.co.com. Because we need to know who's right and who's wrong. Yeah. Yeah, I'm really keen to know this. Right, so we've both ticked something off our sticking out. Your sticky note didn't look that long there. I've got three more points. I've got one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve. Wow.

Seventeen. Crossy, we only get 45 minutes. No, we've got as long as we want on this one. We're back together. Okay. Reunited. My birthday present, we've not even touched on it. The chair.

The chair. Didn't know how I felt about it at first. I've assessed that situation in my head again because I'm actually quite disappointed with my reaction to the chair because my sister had done a year's worth of work to get to that moment. And no doubt played that moment over and ahead hundreds of times and was expecting me to be probably crying.

And I was like, what's that? But like I said, I've replayed the moment again. I've assessed it. I was so hungry. This was the day my whoop wanted me to just wake up. Yeah.

I was in that bad estate. I think she delivered it at the wrong time. Also, you, it's your 30th. You weren't expecting a chair. Who,

I would never expect a chair ever. But this chair, I'm going to let you describe it, but it is incredible. Well, it went literally viral on Twitter because, like, Barmy Army tweeted about it, everybody, everybody messaged me about it,

but it is un- believable the amount of effort that my sister has put into making this chair. And it's one of those presents that then all the family were like, oh, we'll chip in, that looks good, we'll chip in. So Jen's done all the work, so I'm going to give her all the glory on this. But she's basically had this chair made out of every single shirt and every single team that I've ever played in. And it like covers the chair.

So I think there's one shirt missing, but she did give him the shirt, the guy that made it. She did give him my MCC shirt, and it's just not somehow made it onto the chair. But literally, it is, credible is and it but someone said tweeting me the other day being like sit on crossy's chair when she's not here it's not here yeah i took it away ah because you knew i'd sit on it no i it's it's a chair that you need to have a room for i think and i don't even have enough room for me and you in that flat so i feel like the chair didn't quite work with what i've got so in my head i've kind of got that it'll be if you've got a pool table with a little bar and some like memorabilia

around the room. The chair then sits in the corner and it's a bit of a statement piece, but it just won't fit in the flight at the minute. So it's had to go back to mom and dad's in storage. Oh, okay. I see. I see. I did try and sit in the chair, but ended up on the floor because it wasn't there. What else you got on your notes? I've got something really bizarre on my sticky note. Go on. Shock us. Right. You were going to be shocked. So I went to Old Trafford to pick up a birthday card and present from our Nobles fans, the guys that do the Instagram and the memes. Yeah, yeah.

The fan zone. They sent me a key ring with a potato on it, which is brilliant. It's on my keys. I love it. But as I was driving away, some woman came running out. It was like, Alex, you've got another.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right, I remember now. I know what you're going to say. So I was like, oh, right, okay. So we got home. I opened this what I thought was another birthday card. someone sent me homophobia hate mail yeah we both read it didn't we were like has this gone

to the wrong person but it was definitely addressed to you and it was like to Alex have you got it there with you I know I put it in the bin because we looked at it and we were like what on earth is this and basically it was somebody they'd sent me male being like transgender homosexuals blah blah blah all this is wrong and everyone should die yeah we were a bit we've never really had or you've so well, neither of us had anything like that in person, have we? It felt really personal that they'd... And it sort of felt to me, I was like, what if I said on the radio?

I was like, oh my God, at work, I've said something really bad. And obviously I haven't, like, I rang Henry, spoke to Henry about it. And he's like, no, no, no. Yeah. It blows my mind, really. That it's like the step further to trolling someone online. Like the anonymity of someone sending you a letter. And like I said, I feel like letters are really personal.

really personal thing. Obviously they didn't send it to the house, thankfully, so they don't know where we live. But we got, we get sent like fan mail all the time, people asking to sign stuff, blah, blah, blah, and all stuff that is really lovely and I love receiving, but I've never in my life received anything like that. And I was a bit like taken back by it and a bit like, it freaked out. I was shocked reading it really. It's like, it kind of blows my mind about like people have their own opinions and people are going to think what they think about that sort of stuff but then when you try and ram it down someone's throat and try and insist that everyone else's opinions are wrong that's the bit i don't understand and even if i was gay

like what's it matter to anybody else yeah strange really strange but that's all i've got on the matter i was just freaked out by it and please don't do it again all right well to counter that on my thinking out i was thinking the other day i because it was my birthday I don't know if anyone knew about I had a birthday recently. You did a birthday? Yeah, recently. I got a nice chair for it off my sister.

My birthday is third of the 10th, 1991. And I need to get this right in my head because otherwise it won't make sense why I've brought this up. But you always say 1991. You never say 1,991 for your birthday. But if you were born in 2021, you say 2021 as well as 2021.

So what I'm going to start doing is saying that my birthday is the third of the 10th, 1,991 and just see what happens. See what people say. Yeah. But why do we not do it? Why is it not like 1,000? It's a mouthful that, isn't it? That is a mouthful.

So it's 2021. Yeah. So why since we've got, why since we've gone past 2000 do we now say it as a number? But what would you say 2000 if it wasn't 2000? 2020 or whatever year it is, 2021, 20-08, 20-09. Yeah. Do you know what? I bet there's not very many people in the world

that have ever thought about that, Crossy. That is a little insight into my brain and what I think about when I'm on my own. What a loser. You can tell you've done some long haul flights recently. Yeah, yeah. I feel like we've actually got loads of. of cricket stuff to talk about this week.

I've got one more not cricket thing to talk about. Well, why don't we do a little bit of cricket and then come back to the not cricket? Okay, because I think it's a little golden nugget and everyone will enjoy it. All right, so we'll keep the listeners interested. The IPL happened. Yes, he did. So much has happened since we've had three weeks off. Okay, quickly.

Congratulations, Crossy. Say it like you mean it, come on. Crossy! congratulations she won the IPL yes baby fourth title and to celebrate you got a yellow streak through your hair yeah I have my hair done I've had some blonde put in what'd you reckon it actually really suits you it looks nice thank you um I'm gonna put it down because this is being recorded but I came home and showed you my hair here we go blonde and you said oh it's really nice but you look older I think you do I think it genuinely makes you look older and I'm not sure if that's a good

thing or not well okay when i said that i meant it doesn't make you look like a 16 year old girl anymore which you often look like yeah okay i'll give you that but maybe you just are getting a bit older now i mean you are i know i've had it yeah true um so good stuff CSK won the IPL well done then a world cup has started a world cup has started you've worked on a couple of days i've worked on I've got done every day. Yeah, you've been there. Yeah. I mean, we've not done trough and peak of the week, Al.

We don't need that this week. Right, okay, no trough and peak. I got to go to two of the coolest games, really, because I got to see England's first game of the tournament, and then I got to go and watch the big one, the Pakistan versus India, in the UAE. So it was almost like both of them had a home match. And honestly, it was unbelievable.

Talk to me. Like, talk to me. I can't. Whatever I say, everyone's going to be like, it can't be like that. I mean, you get the idea of the atmosphere

when you watch it on telly, because it's so loud. But there was genuinely people there who lived and died in those moments of that game. Like, people spoke to me and they were like, who you're supporting today?

Because obviously we, what, you didn't have Indian or Pakistan. shirts on, which was an anomaly in the ground in itself. But, like, I said to this guy, he had a Pakistan shirt on. I said, oh, do you live in Dubai? And he said, oh, no, I've flown in for this. I've come from America just for this.

I'm going home tomorrow. Wow. That was the extremity of people needing to be in that venue that night. I mean, it is probably the biggest game ever, isn't it? I don't care about ashes. Like, that has so much hype. But this is the one that people literally, live and die for? In terms of rivalry, there's so much packed into it, isn't there? Because

there's the cricket rivalry, there's the political rivalry. There's then the internal rivalry of who's got the best captain because each country will die for that player. And then you've got the fact that Pakistan had never been in India in a World Cup game ever. India are probably favourites in the tournament. There was just so much on this game. And yeah, I guess as well, like Pakistan have used the UAE and as they're home for the last, God knows how many years, actually. But then also the IPL has been home in the UAE as well for two years. So there's a lot going on in this little night.

And I somehow managed to stumble across the fact that I was there. We got in, there was probably, this is an hour and a half before the start, and there's enough people in there to make noise. And then this massive cheer goes around the ground. And I was like, ooh, what's happened? What is it? Virac Koli just came out of the dressing room. Yeah, went to warm up.

And the noise, there was probably a quarter of the capacity of the ground in there, and the noise was like amplified massively. There are not many times in life, Chrossy, that I am jealous of you. But honestly, the weekend you've just had, I've been so envious. Yeah, like, honestly, there's so much in this game. So me and I was over there with Keaton, we were doing all this activation stuff with Emirates. And just having a chat at one point, and the noise around the ground, something happened in the game so I was like oh there must have been a wicket looked at the game

someone had just hit a one out to cover and the cheer that went up like it honestly it was mad it was like you'd look around and there was just green everywhere and you're like wow there's 90% Pakistan fans in here and then india had hit a four and everything turned blue and it was like the flags then came out for india it was almost like people were switching allegiances in the moment but it was just them getting up out of their seats and then forcing that colour onto the ground. It was honestly, it was mad. I can't really describe it to do it justice.

And then obviously the game of cricket was incredible in itself. And the highlight, that absolute highlight of the whole day that will never, ever, ever get beaten, I don't think. I was down on the bottom of the stadium so I could get my picture taken to say that I was there and someone in the crowd shouted, me and went crossy. I'll listen to the podcast. I mean, oh my word. Someone in Dubai at a Pakistan India game, a youngish lad who was about 1617, he was from India, he had his Indian

shirt on, said, I'd listen to the podcast. And I was like, oh, wow. Our little tiny idea that started two years ago with me and you sat in your living room with our phone between us at a World Cup game with however many thousand people there, one person picked us out and knew who we were and knew what we did. Crossy, I think we've made it. In that moment, I was, I nearly cried. I was like, are you joking? Are you actually joking me?

Do you listen? I was like, come here, we're having a photo for me, not in you. Yeah, we're having a photo. Oh my God. It is mad, isn't it? It is mad. We went on that night out for the end of season dinner, and we got stopped twice. and people like, I love the podcast.

And we were like, wow, we're on a night out. Like, we're getting recognised, Chrossey. But recognised for the podcast as well, not even for the... I mean, he obviously knows we play cricket because he listened to the pod. But honestly, I was blown away by that. And that just made the whole day then. Like, that started it well.

But yeah, it was an incredible experience. Like I put on my Instagram, it was like bucket list stuff. Yeah, amazing. Amazing. I've just spoke for so long about that one game, but we started that with the World Cup. well I love the World Cup I've been working today we've had West Indies versus South Africa South Africa and then we've had New Zealand versus Pakistan

are you were you there did you work crossier it's been such a long day they are running two games in a day's hard isn't it grind doesn't stop does it but even today's games like incredible and the fact that Pakistan have now beaten New Zealand and if New Zealand be India, India could be out. Like the whole thing, I just love tournament cricket. We're probably going to touch on the World Cup next week as well, because it's going on obviously for another couple of weeks. But to keep it short this week, who's going to be in the final?

Give me a prediction. England, Pakistan. Okay. What about you? I genuinely, having watched Pakistan to beat New Zealand, I genuinely don't see how anyone's beating them this tournament. but I'm going to go Namibia

Scotland the final that we've all been waiting for without taking the Mick before we digress and before he tell us two incredible stories there and I just want to touch on them because Scotland have got through to the Super 12th and so of Namibia

and it's just two stories that are going to change Scottish cricket forever. You know, it is honestly incredible and those two teams have absolutely nothing to lose now and just so much excitement.

And also, like, it will probably change the way that people view those countries because when you said that you were going to go and do some work on one of those games last week, you asked me where Nambia was. Yes, I said,

I don't even know where Nambia is and he said it's Namibia. And Nambi I've got to say, Al. My prediction for the final is Australia, Pakistan. Wow, Australia.

I think England, I don't know why I said that because I think England no one can win it. An Australia, Pakistan final, but England win. England win. They get the moral victory. I don't know why I said that. Talking of moral victories, we've got a competition going on no balls.

the hat stacking crossy this is the best thing to come out of the World Cup this is so good and it's a thing now people tweet us with hat stackers Marmadilla from Bangladesh

Armadillo the holiday Armadillo Marmadilla from Bangladesh was winning and so he's winning

the lead and then the Vuma came along and I got it wrong so I tweeted the photo of him and I was like Wow. Glasses on hat, on glasses on floppy. Whatever it was, there was a, there was a pair of glasses in there that I missed. He had glasses on glasses on hat, on hat, on floppy, on glasses.

That's so good with a couple of towels out his trousers. Why not? Why the F not? But here, right, here's my thing. So we've had a four-capper. Yeah. Yeah. Four-capper. So you've got your own cap. at the bottom, wicket keepers on second, yeah, bowler's third. Who's the fourth? Who's the fourth?

Where's that hat come from? Where's the hat come from? On air today, Carlos Brathaway thinks it's the bowler from the other end that forgot to get it back. No, I'm not, I don't know. I'm trying to think of my experiences where I've had people's hats on, but it was a test match. I'd love to see four caps and then just go up to the skipper.

I have at night, be like, hey, make you just keep holding my cap. But she's got five. Five hats. Where is that fourth hat come from? That's a mystery. But guys, get in touch with us, tweet us, Instagram, email us. Keep it coming.

This is what our winner of this World Cup is the cap stacking game. Yeah. And it's hashtag hat stacking or hat stacking. Okay. Yeah, let's go with it. Just go with it. I'm going to be thinking about this fourth cap now. Yeah.

Also, extra points for the floppy. Oh, if you can get two floppies in there, I am delighted. Yeah, she loves the floppy. Get as many floppies in there as you possibly can. Yeah, hashtag floppy stacking. Hashtag flop on. Get your flop on. Get your flop on.

Okay, moving on. Crossing, we're going to have to do some emails soon because this is going on and on. I've got put right two more things my holiday yes this would have been my trough of the week so I feel like I probably do need to explain it we've been out to the end of season dinner the night before I flew away

we were still in mojo's at 3.30 a.m and my dad was picking me up for the airport at 6th so I was like I'm going to go home try and pack get some sleep the one compromise I'd made with my mum about going on holiday was that I wasn't allowed to be a shambles on that first day yes your mum said actually on your 30th if you're hung over on that first day I'll be really mad

really mad so I was obviously obviously I slept all the way there I slept as soon as we got to the hotel from like 3 p.m until 6thia I wasn't great company and then I went to bed at 9 and I slept all the way through then trough of the week this is where it comes in I wake up the next morning to my mum pulling open the curtains what is it with mum's doing that? And I literally, so I was lay there and I was literally like, what sort of an effort is that, mum? And she was like, what? I said to my mum, I was like, my retinas have burnt. So I'm still asleep. I'm really annoyed. And I was like, mum, what are you doing? Sean, I thought you were awake. I went, what? No, because I would have spoken to you otherwise.

And then she goes, oh, well, I'll close them again. I was like, well, the damage is done now. So she's closed the curtain she gets back in bed and she went oh i slept well last night did you she went i don't even remember turning over i went do you remember bloody opening them was curtains 30 seconds ago and you're ruining my holiday it was why would you do that what's the etiquette there mums do that my mom did it my mom was really considerate she would wake up get up go and sit on the balcony read a book go for a run and i said if you wake me up before half nine month i'll be mad this is my holiday as well so every day half nine bless her she woke me up. Oh, okay, that's quite sweet. Yeah, I don't mind that at all. Didn't mind it at all.

Yeah. Also, this wasn't that, like, it wasn't late. It wasn't like 10 o'clock and she was trying to wake me up. It was about half eight. What are you doing? Yeah, I've got another couple of troughs, actually, which happened on holiday, not a holiday. This happened when I was in Dubai. One of them was the medball. Everyone probably saw it on Twitter and Instagram, not myself out at the medball. I had another incident which probably a bit worse. I sat at breakfast with the CEO of Lancashire, Daniel Gidney, eating my scrambled egg and I dropped my scrambled egg onto my legs. I was like, that's a bit embarrassing. Not only did I drop it onto my own leg, it all went in my shoe, which was on my foot, which I was like, I was wearing my shoe,

and scrambled egg went into it. And I was like, oh my God, do I even recognize that I've done this in front of the CEO or do I just carry on so I had to walk around with scrambled egg in my shoe no you didn't you didn't you didn't just thought oh gosh somehow it's ended up in my shoe well I tried to like scoop it out it kind of gone down my heel bit and I've actually got similar well I've got the trainers on that I was wearing but like I don't know if you can see but there's like a bit of the back that's like a little you know what crossy the amount of times if you tried to throw scrambled egg down there you wouldn't be able to exactly how did it happen. Anyway, trough of the week.

Trot for the week. I've got a game that everybody will play, but they don't know about it and don't. I haven't thought about it until right now. Okay. I'm ready. Right. You go to a public toilet. Not how I thought this was going to start.

You play public toilet don't you? Because you go, which cubicle shall I go in? Thinking I'm going to pick the cleanest. The door is shut. I've got to pick the cleanest. why is it I always pick the one with a what are you talking about

what do you mean you told me this was going to be a golden nugget and you've actually talked about golden nuggets it's so isn't it when you go to a public toilet you play public toilet you've got to try

before you get in there you think like that one there third on the left is going to be the cleanest I don't I don't think I think of it like that well you will now I think I just think which is the closest one to me right now

by going that no because everybody thinks that so that's the most used one what you think far too much about a toilet no because you've got to pick a clean one yeah but if it's not please I always think right that one third on the left got to be the cleanest floater

yeah but you don't You don't then use that toilet. You come out and you go and sit on another toilet. You don't have to sit on the one with the floater, you know. No, no, but I just, I always play the game. I mean, if it's a game, the game should then be that you have to use that toilet. If that's the one you've picked because you think it's the cleanest, you've got to deal with whatever's in there.

Well, from now on, public toilet, that's the game. I don't know if I'm on board yet. So get no balls bingo. No, don't. Great game. Great game. And also, we've mentioned toilets, which I think is one of the things you cross off on no balls bingo.

Very true. Very true. I'm done. Right. It's someone very special, very close to our heart's birthday today. It is. It's the one and only. Sue Redfern's birthday.

Umpire Sue, happy birthday. And I really want to go upstairs with Sue on her birthday. We've got her. It's a birthday. Let's give her a treat. the retreat upstairs we soon Let's go Right

Dear Kate and Alex I'm a long-time listener First-time emailer We love these people This is from Emma She actually thinks we'll read it in 2020 Potentially because it's that long 2020

If Alex is reading it Yeah The reason I'm writing to you both Is to send a little word of appreciation For the podcast It has been my go-to place during what has easily been the worst nine months of my life. You have probably clocked that it was World Mental Health Day this Sunday gone, but I'm not sure if you were aware that

this week is Baby Loss Awareness Week. It is really weird how these two events coincide and how interlinks they are to me and the way I think of your podcast. I first started listening way back in lockdown one. My eldest daughter Grace had just been born in January. I was determined to get up and out the house with her, so I packed her up into the pram. and did my aloud once-a-day walk and plugged in your podcast. I was instantly hit by the warmth of your friendship. It reminds me an awful lot of me and my best mate. We're both.

Amen. But also your willingness to be open and honest about your mental health struggles, about how you're dealing with day-to-day, your own personal demons, and everything else. I've struggled with depression myself. Grace was conceived via IVF, and I've been dealing with infertility, infertility, that one, which sent me into a downward spiral for a really long time. So hearing your stories was just like feeling that I wasn't

alone. It was also during lockdown that I found out that I was pregnant with my second daughter, Imogen. This is where your podcast became a small, safe haven in the midst of the worst thing imaginable. Imogen was still born at 35 weeks 10th of Jan, 2021. This is going to, this is and make me cry. It was, and still is, the most difficult thing that I have ever had to go through, but at one point, one of the bereavement midwives suggested that I listened to something as I try and fall asleep to help block out the painful thoughts that were always going around my head.

I instantly thought of your podcast, a warm, safe space where two mates chat a load of shit, have a laugh, and actually manage to make me smile during the darkest days of my life. For all this, I just want to say a massive thank you to you both. you obviously don't do the podcast thinking that you will ever help anybody in this way. I have never thought a cricket podcast could bring me something and help me get through something so traumatic, but it has. And to end on a happier note, Grace has totally been the light in the dark and we are raising her as a psychopath's spud.

The other day, she picked out of her dad's cricket helmet to wear, see a tack, she sent as a great photo, and has been told off at nursery for throwing animals at the other children and laughing. So I reckon her fielding skills are up there with Alex's already. Emma, I am, honestly, I'm so touched by your email. Wow. Yeah, I mean, I've actually got a tear in my eye there. That is not only to be able to tell us her story,

but the thought that us being our idiotic selves most often than not can affect someone that much. I know, and I'm actually quite speechless, and Emma, thank you so much for telling your story and I'm glad that me and Crossy have managed to get you through what it must be horrific time. It is, like she said, it's ironic that those two dates are so close to each other, isn't it? Yeah, wow. I guess I think, again, it probably touches a little bit on that letter that you got and what we talk quite a lot about on this pod,

but you just don't know what anyone else is going through and don't even try and second guess that because people are good at hiding things but just be kind to each other. She has sent an LBW. Go on them. P.S. I do have an LBW and I don't think this is an LVW.

Okay. I always, always tap the top of a can two to three times before opening it. I was always told it stops it fizzing over. My husband thinks I'm weird for doing it, but I've still never had a can explode. It is a thing that, isn't it? I see people, I don't do it myself.

Maybe it's like not washing a bread knife. But washing a bread knife. Well, Emma, thank you so much for getting into it. It's genuinely that that means a lot to us. I feel like us going on 12BWs now just doesn't quite, it's not the same tone, is it? It's not the same tone, but Emma wouldn't want it any other way. Okay. LBW. Good evening, Kate and Alex. Avid listener from Toronto, Canada. Canada came across an LBW the other day when I was out for dinner and at the end of the meal, one of the other people at our table immediately floss their teeth in front of us at the end of the meal. Is it an LBW or is it a big bit weird? Spuds to you both. Martin, the psychopath, Sykes. I mean, flossing, flossing your teeth. Flossing your teeth at a table is just rude.

unhygienic what's this guy's name Martin Martin's friend friend um Martin I really do think this how old is this piece of floss why would it be anything but new

but does it go around in his jeans pocket and he just keeps it well why would he not take the little pocket that floss comes in the carriest carrier I imagine he's got a string no no I'm thinking he's taking a little briefcase around with him that it comes in. Either way, don't flush your teeth at the table.

That is so bad. Really rude. Really, really rude. Hello, Kate and Alex. Why are you always first? You're, I've just got one up here and it's Alex and Kate, so. Yeah, nice. I'm not sure why a 70-year-old granddad has ended up listening to the delightful shambles that is no glass-gricking podcast. Yes. Is that Rod? This is Rodby. Rodby. Rodby. Rod lad. Roddy boy. Grandaddy. Come on, Daddy. I was as surprised as Alex to learn on TMS that the sun is actually a star. But it is a fresh, natural fun.

Okay. I heard Alex say that her favorite moment of the summer was Ravi Bapar losing his trousers at the old. It was also mine, but because of Alex's commentary, it really made me smile. As I recall, Alex said it was a good job. Ravi was wearing his underpants, or the crowd would have had a right shock. Well, Rod, granddaddy Rod. I'm glad that you listened to our podcast

and welcome to Noble Psychopaths. Yeah, the Psychopaths, Bloods. Hi, Alex and Kate. Hope you both had fun on your holes. I missed the show so much that I went right back to episode one and binged a lot again while walking to. and from work. It was really interesting listening to the mental and emotional journey that you've both been on. Letting us into your lives has meant so many people have been able to

connect and share stories of our own journey and struggles to realise none of us are alone. My LBW is this. I know it's a good one because you're laughing already. When I'm walking on the pavement, I often choose two paving slabs about 10 to 15 metres up the road to, in inverted commas, practice my bowling action, close inverted commas, to try and land my front foot on the gap

between them and if I go over the line, it's a no ball. This is probably weird enough as it is, but I am a left arm slow bowler, so I bowl off a few paces. Keep up the great work. Thanks, Tom. Did Tom disclose his age? I was literally, we're just going to say, Tommy, you're a six-year-old child who has to either kick a football,

shoot a basketball, who ball a cricket ball all the time. I mean, I don't mind that from a child. But Tom, if you're anywhere from the age of 24 onwards, I think people are just going to look at you... 24 months onwards. People are just going to look at you in that you're so strange. Who does that?

All I'm seeing is, you know, when little boys just run around doing the bowling action? Literally, that's all I'm seeing, but this is a grown man. Actually planning it as well. Very, very weird. Oh, hi, Kate and Alex. Ben's being in touch. My LBW is actually on behalf of my girlfriend. So, he's thrown his girlfriend under the bus here.

She thinks it's normal to take your shoes off in a restaurant, went out for a meal. No. Is she flotting her teeth at the same time? Pulling a cricket ball on the way to the toilet. Whilst leaving a shit in there. Ben says, what's your thoughts on this stinky habit? I mean, I keep my shoes on all the time, as I've literally just shown you all.

This is my LBW. I'm not about that. You know what? If I'm at work, then I'm commenting I often take my shoes off, but I'm there all day. You're not in a restaurant. People are eating. Do you reckon she needs to get up to go to the toilet? She doesn't put her shoes off. Oh, I hope she doesn't.

Do you know what? What is the etiquette on planes? Because I always have my shoes off on planes and I go to the toilet without my shoes on and I wonder, is that weird? But I do, but then I'm really cautious of standing in a bit of dribble. Bit of wet. Exactly, you've got to keep your feet dry,

haven't you, when you go to them toilet? So maybe there's a compromise somewhere. Maybe outside toilets on airplanes. They need to have those little bag shoes. that you wear in the swimming pool and put a bag shoe on like if you've got a barouca do you know which ones I mean

when you put those little slip-ons over your shoes for the pool this one is called Into the Abyss Catching up, I don't even say hi catching up on the pod started at the beginning because I'm not a psychopath

why does episode two because why does episode two come before one I'm now on episode three God help me spuds because there is what it was.

The reason behind it. We didn't know how to upload the podcast. We didn't know how to do it. And then we learned the next week that you could actually number them. And so we did it. But the first one wasn't numbered. So the first episode is now the second episode on our list. That was my fault, really.

I put them on wrong. We learn on the go. Do you know what? It really pains me to think of anyone listening to that first episode because I can't, I can't bring myself to listen to it because I can't imagine how bad it is. I listened to like episode eight the other day to turn it off. I was like, this is horrific. Oh, God.

I've got some questions here. Hi, both. As always, love the podcast. Not sure when you read this. So we'll say, I hope you enjoy or enjoying your holidays. Kate, I was reading an article about a footballer who was studying sporting directorship. However, I can now only see and read dictatorship. Thanks for that.

Some random questions. number one i may have missed something but how do you know if you're a rat or a pig you need to go back to episode you need to go back to episode one on the BBC because we explain it all on there but it's about the way you look it's about your features probably mostly about your nose and your mouth tell you what send your pictures in and i'll let you know if you're a rat or a pig we'll write you how rat or how pig you are out of 10. When it comes to sponsorship for cricket equipment, how do you decide which manufacturer you want to use and also the type of bats, gloves, etc., that you want? Do you actually spend

lots of time trying different equipment from different manufacturers? No, everyone pay me the most. We're not really in a luxurious position that a lot of people are wanting us to use their bats, so we often get an offer and you generally take it. It does make a difference. for me being number 11. It does make a difference, though, like, for me, the footwear as well, obviously, because I'm going to use the footwear more than I'm going to use the bat normally. So, yeah. Kay, I see that you've scored a few runs for different teams this year at different levels.

Love some of those straight drives down the ground. Thank you. Do you have conversations with the England set up about how you can get up the order and keep improving your batting skills? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, all the time. She's like, get me in at eight. Yeah.

The only way you're going to get up. up the bat in order those by scoring runs because everyone above me, there's no one in this team that's a number 11. So everyone above me is a better better than me. I genuinely think England have the best batting 11 on the circuit. It is a good one. Alex, loved watching you bowl this year and taking wickets. I also loved your clear enthusiasm for the hundred and passion for the game. When someone has been dropped from the England set up, do they still communicate with them about how they can get back in? Or are you just left to it and hope your future performances will get you reselected.

You just left to it. You put out in the wilderness and they go, free, my little rabbit, free. Rabbit? My little deer. There's less, hopefully less of that now that there's regional contracts

because there's a clear path to come back to rather than when you lost your contract, there was no professional cricket was there. But also, performances talk, don't they? You know, you'll take your wickets, you're playing well, they'll start coming to you, asking if you want to be involved again. I've not quite had the performances to warrant those conversations.

Maybe 2,022s a year Maybe The comeback is better than the setback You heard it at first Number five I have to open a packet of Chris The right way up Also, if only

That's not an LBW Also, if I only have ready salted I sometimes grab a vinegar bottle And add a few splashes Keep up the great work And enjoy the rest of your week Add vinegar to you, Chris Did I go soggy?

Why would you not open a packet of Chris the right way up? And also, why would you not just get salt and vinegar crisps? Yeah. Yeah, that might be a lot weirder actually than I thought they were. Don't not have a name. Can't name and shame. Toby's being in touch.

Who is the worst? At reading emails. Alex Hartley. Who is? The punctuation gets me, guys. Come on, you know this. Who is the worst in England with the heat? I'm guessing the England cricket team.

Oh. Oh, I was going to say it's not that hot in England. Who moans about the heat? I will never ever forget Sophie Eccleston's first tour to Sri Lanka. She was like 15. She had to miss school for it. Like she was so young, maybe even younger, 14. And she'd never been abroad.

Like, never been anywhere. We're out in Sri Lanka and she didn't drink enough water. She was severely dehydrated and she was that hot. Oh, she knew what to do with cry. Oh. Oh, so... I felt really sorry for her. Oh, she was just too hot.

She was just too hot and didn't understand. Oh, so. I don't, I can't, genuinely can't think of anyone that comes to my mind who's bad with the heat. Because I say this actually a lot, but you just get used to it, don't you? Like, you know if you go and play in Dubai, it's going to be hot. You just know, so you just crack on because there's nothing you can do to change it. But so, I don't, I think it's harsh saying so it's the worst. I mean, she was the worst at 14, which is completely bad.

Because she's just falling out of the womb, bless her. Yeah, falling out of the womb is the world's best left arm spinner. She can't even walk, she was falling better than anyone in the world. If you were to build a cricket ground in any country, where would it be? Nambia. Sorry, Namibia. I would build one. in rexham

country country I was just messing I actually know I'd go to America I'd make cricket big in America yes I'm with you we'd start in lower

Iowa Iowa I owe her I owe her five pounds I owe her what is the one app that you shouldn't have on your phone

great question great question let's have a look are you looking at yours as well yeah our mind's not that bad it's a dating app yeah I've got crash bandicoot on the run

do you also run and bowl every time you walk down the street okay and last one would you prefer to have a trophy named after you or a stand and this is stand at Old Trafford how good would that be?

I keep trying to plant the seed and if I think of it was about to say you've been with the CEO all weekend and you are definitely going come on give me a bit of that yeah I mean Jimmy's got an end named after and what more does what more do the girls have to do

to get something in that ground I mean just a photo in the dressing room would be nice yeah that is going to happen actually okay good yeah thank you thanks for encouraging

us and right you know what in all seriousness thank you for being bloody amazing because every time we read your emails emma being the perfect example we remember why we do this and we love doing it and we're just very grateful that you even bother listening to us yeah and honestly the amount of emails and texts and everything we've had over the last two weeks to say come back come back has been it's blown us away and guys we checked our number and over 50,000 of you are listening now, and that blows my mind. So much so. We've got to do it on Zoom now because they want video evidence and they want videos

to be able to put out on social media. So here we are. I just put pants on for the occasion this week. And you actually removed my leggings from that we're drying on that door behind you. Thank you so much. Guys, if you want to get in touch, it is no balls podcast at BBC.co.com. It's no balls podcast at BBC.co.com. It's so good.

It's so good. They said it twice. See you all next week, guys. Love you bye. Love you bye. And cross strikes in the first over. It's what England we're looking for. Hartley Falls.

Down the track comes scoring. This time she connects. It's either six or out. It's six. Made by BBC Sports for BBC Sounds, The Sports Desk. The podcast that takes you deep beneath the surface of the biggest sports news story of the week. I'm Sarah Mulcerns. As always, we have the BBC Sports Editor, Dan Rowan,

and also our sports news reporter, Nest to McGregor. The Sports desk from BBC Sports. Available now on BBC Sounds.