The 40k Lorecast - Episode 40 - Congratulations on joining the Imperial Guard! Here is a handy primer you can reference for any and all questions.

Episode Date: June 24, 2024

On today's cast we cover the fantastic journey that is joining the Imperial Guard. We are aided in this endeavor by one of the greatest pieces of literature ever produced by Games Workshop "The Imperial Infantryman's Uplifting Primer." We discus the unparalleled training and equipment you will be given. We also talk about the support you will be granted from leadership such as your noble Commissar. We even spend some (unnecessary) time going over the pathetic Xeno species you may have to deal with (easily).PatreonMerchandiseDiscord Link:Our WebsiteRetro RecallOur Sponsors:* Check out BetterHelp: https://www.betterhelp.com* Check out Pebl: https://hellopebl.com* Check out Pebl: https://hipebl.ai* Check out Shopify: https://shopify.com/loreAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Welcome to the 40K lorecast. Welcome to 40K lorecast. With me, John Barsovi and Bradchester. This guy. And today, we'll be talking through what it's like to join the Astramilitarum, or known as the Imperial Guard, for 30 years at the damn game. I don't know what that first set of words you said, but we're talking about IG Imperial Guard, correct?

Yeah, I'd really never. It was so weird when they flipped that over, where they were like, oh, now they're, it was it six edition or seven edition codex, where it just became Astromelter. I think it was, the thing might have been eighth, because that's when they changed, they renamed everything to have IP so they could copy it.

I actually know that was a reason. I just remember all of a sudden you're like, Imperial Guard, Imperial Guard, Imperial Guard, Imperial Guard. That's why Eldar became Eldari, because they could trademark certain things on that. Oh, all right. They made up their own names, even though they've had literature for forever about the elicists.

For those of you born before 1989, and now you know, because the only is half the battle. I graduated 89. That's not good. Anyway, so today we're focusing on the experience of a guardsman upon joining the guard. Is it all propaganda? Oh, yeah. Yeah.

And some of the propaganda is legendary. We are effectively writing this cast after reading the Imperial Infantrymen's uplifting primer because it might be the best thing GW ever heard. Also, there is, if you search on YouTube, There's a guy that narrates this and just reads it out. Yeah. I was playing Civ 6 while listening to this dude read out the propaganda. And I was right after I read it the first time.

Yeah. And it is fantastic because it's actually canon lore. It's good. This is canon lore. It is exceptionally well written. I'm guessing from the book, because it's got a date early 2000s, late 90s. I actually don't know when it came out. Because it's referenced in the fifth and third edition codexes.

Right. It's early. Yeah. So it's got to be that 90s. I probably should have looked that up, but we're already recording. I don't think we can get up now. Getting up seems hard. But for we again, please follow, like and follow the podcast.

Because that's what you actually do on Spotify. And leave a positive review. And leave a negative review. But if you really, really want to leave a negative review, you just two options. One, join our digital. discord and tell us directly and we will fix it or two find the darkest quietest room in your house and just shout it into there because or finally at a tournament and tell me all about how terrible I am exactly oh thank you uh thanks for everybody in the discord that keeps tagging me

and Marines can get poisons well they can get poisoned Brad I'm not the one who wrote the rules wrong you're the one who plays who actually plays Marines sorry also uh last Lastly, Brad is not only a hostess podcast, but he's also a coach of 40K. We weren't promoting this enough before. We probably should. For any of you who are looking to kind of play the game more, either on the tabletop or TTS, similarities, Brad is available for coaching. You can reach out to him at some email address.

Old man, Brad, 40K at gmail.com. Not helpful. Anyway, just go to the www. The40KLORCast.com. He's got a bio there. If you click the bio, it'll email him. 40K or you can try and figure out what he just said from an email address. On to the topic at hand.

So let's start off with, Brad, why would you join the Imperial Guard? Well, obviously, you have undying love for the God Emperor. Your savior and protector, the person that is keeping the entire Imperium safe from all comers. And they make it pretty scary, by the way. They do make it pretty scary. And not just all comers. And also, he's in duress. The key thing about this is true.

He's not just this, as much as powerful as the God Emperor is, he's also constantly being beset by evil forces. And he is the only person stopping them. And if you don't help him today, he might die tomorrow. By the way, the G.W. totally stole this from, like, if you're in the U.S., it's the Uncle Sam, if you're in England, I don't know the name of it. It might just be what's his nuts. Not, I was about say Cromwell, because I'm a Winston Churchill. Churchill. I don't know why the Cromwell for a second there.

Why not? Actually, it's not even, it's actually not Churchill. It's a random marshal. By the way, pointing out at you saying, join Army. That's, they stole this from that because it's awesome. Yeah. But the truth is, yeah, the emperor did. The truth is the truth to do an imperial guardsman is that the emperor gave his physical self to stop the heresy.

You as an imperial guardsman, you can now go fight side by side with the emperor. He's ethereal, but you're there fighting. No, but you're according, again, according to this prime. the emperor, remember, the battle cry? The emperor protects. And not in a, he's there for you in spirit. No, the emperor. He is protecting you with his powerful magic, basically.

Which isn't completely wrong, by the way. The other option we should point out after our last cast is we could be talking about the emperor in quotation marks because it's possible that the emperor that you are here signing up to fight for has forearms. Also, this is such a bummer after we did the talk about tiranids because half, about half of any GSC-ridden planet, their guard isn't the actual, but you've been working for them tirelessly the entire time. And then you have to go, oh, man. I got to fight Eric. Eric and I have friends.

Eric's a tyrannid. Are you sure? Yeah, he literally shot, he shot Sam. You're like, since I've been seven years old, I've been fighting for these guys. You're like, yeah, you're the bad guy. Yeah, he's the horrible person and we need to go kill him and everyone that he's friends with. You're like, I'm friends with him. Ooh, sorry.

Also, you should kill him, but also I'm just letting you know. Yeah, but also there's a commissar who's going to watch you kill him. The afternoon schedule is going to be bad for you. Yeah. The funny part, though, is, as we said in the last one, is that the guys who are in the Imperial Guard who were actually part of Genese Southern Colt, maybe the best soldiers in that army, too.

Because they're so desperate. Rocking up the numbers. Yeah, they're like, he's the bravest soldier I've ever seen. Did you see Bob fight? Yeah, Bob is brave. Yeah, Bob really believes in the emperor. Bob's also really fast and strong. He's incredibly fast, incredibly strong. I'm pretty sure he got shot five times.

Nope. Those are all glancing blows. Bob is just fine. Fast forward. 40 years when the sky is falling with spores. Turns out Bob's a dick. Bummer. Shouldn't have made him your gods. Another good reason though to join the guard is you live in a hive city and life sucks.

Imperial Guard, well, the propaganda is pretty good. Also, even if you knew the truth, you'd still probably join the guard because of a hive city. Yeah, if you're in the bottom rung of a hive city and you know the truth of what will happen to you in the guard and you know the truth of what will happen if you stay in the hive city, the guard's the right call. I just, I'm sorry. You're like, at least I'm getting fed and semi-paid.

Yeah. I mean, otherwise, you're going to work in a, live in a tiny box and then be recycled. So, like, the joke I made here is true is that your best chance to interact with nobility when you're in a hive city is to die, be turned into the corpse starch that they eat. Like, at least if you, because the truth is, if you join the guard, You do have a chance to end up on a planet. Carpstress is gross. If you've seen Snowpiercer, it's basically that.

Yeah, I mean, to be fair, the game's old enough. It's what's it called green? Soil green is people. Yeah. I mean, but also, maybe you just need to get away from something. Did you piss off a local gang? Yes. I mean, right about the time that you just decided to stand up for your rights

and then found out how little rights you actually have in the imperial. Like those kids that have been harassing you and everyone around you that you said someone should go do something about. So maybe you hit one of them. And then a imperial fist explained you that those are his recruits. And you're instantly going to be killed. Time to get off planet. I'm going to leave. Or if just an inquisitor shows up and you happen to have talked to somebody that might have known.

Time to go. You're like, I think that that guy might have known the mailman of the daughter of the guy. that may have seen a chaos cultist walk by one time. You're like, yeah, I'm off planet. Yeah, you get off planet. Or just even simple one, the one I more laugh at is, yeah, you actually do know what's going on. Maybe you're like an R-bite or whatever it is, and you now have like stumbled upon a Jiesler cult infection on your planet. You have two choices.

One, tell someone about it. Two, leave. If you have any knowledge of how the Imperium functions, you go option two. You send in a non-in-this email. Yeah, on your way. Off planning. Yeah. Like, yeah, I don't know what happened.

As you're about to warp. Yeah, I'm never going to see any of you again and neither will the Imperium. The Imperial Guard will get you off plan. Is it going to get worse? I mean, to quote Monty Python. Yeah, making it worse. How could it be any worse? And you guys are Jehovah, Jehovah, Jehovah, Jehovah.

It's one of the best lines of that entire movie. But the biggest reason, the biggest reason. the biggest reason you join the Imperial Guard is what, Brad? Well, a big old ship shows up and you get on the ship because everybody that doesn't get on the ship gets shot in the face. It's done a choice here, guys. Sometimes they don't even really tell you what you're getting on the ship for. You were part of the planetary defense force.

Yeah, it was. It was this local militia and we kind of police the streets and the thing. Neat, now you're in the Imperial Guard. What? Roll that wood back because that's the most. However, if they're not meeting their numbers and you're a baker and you happen to be outside, you just joined the guard. I forgot about that. They used to, this is older lore and the older codex.

They did refer to that. They basically had press gangs one year round a la England and like the 1600. Legitently at a counter and you're like, we were supposed to pick up 10,000. We only got 9,000. Grab those people and people are like, what? It's a guy with groceries. just like, wait, what? But I mean, it's all corpse starch, but still, I was going to go home and make something with this.

And like, all right, I guess I'm going here. Thanks for the last one. I'm in the guard. You guys know that I literally am a farmer. You're like, not anymore. Yeah. Like, oh, okay. But what's going to happen to me?

Nothing great. One of much. I'm sorry. We're doing some imperial primer. Lots of things great. Good news. Good news for you, citizens. Good news.

We've just changed your life for the better. We're wasting your life away, just making widgets. Now you get to do something with your life for the emperor. Also, this is a commissar. Yeah. He doesn't look super exciting. Why that guy scowling at me with his weird hat? Oh, we're going to explain it.

Don't worry about him. He also looks like he's not a full part of any of these platoons. Yeah, just deal. Yeah, don't worry about him. He's here to support you in the large. largest air quotes that have ever been written. So what to expect? You are now a member of the Imperial Guard.

Well, So, sorry. I had fun writing these notes. I know. You know, screw it. I'm just going over the notes right now. So congratulations. You're part of the guard. The best is I couldn't stop laughing because, well, I play the game at or read the lore. And the top thing, and this is part of the primer, you're not part of the greatest fighting force the universe has ever known, which isn't technically wrong.

Yeah. You have the greatest weaponry? Wow. That is like bananas' pants wrong. The best armor? You don't. I mean, you know some guys. You'll see some guys probably.

Yeah, you'll see a Terminator armor who will actually go down to your rifle, though. But my favorite is just because of the way we fight, oh, I say I love we. It's fine. The greatest tactics. Yeah. The base tactic of the, I'm sorry, there's a bunch of great tactician. Yeah. But the overview of the Imperium is we have more people than anyone else.

We are the rabbits of the galaxy. We'll just grind you down. But also the best leadership. Weirdly enough. It depends the book you're reading. It's the book you're reading, but also it's hard to say that you have better leadership. with people that can see into the future. But you're missing the best part.

You also have the full protection of the golden throne. That's true. You're nigh invincible. Who's really going to be able to stand up to the might of the Imperium and the power of the only an idiot or a coward would oppose the Imperium? That is, by the way, an actual quote from it. Yeah, that's straight out of the book. And I'm like, yeah, we're writing this one down.

Also, length of service, here's even better news. Your length of service in the guard is not a set period of time. You're not fighting in the guard for 10 years and 20 years. You only have to fight for one engagement. That's all it is, a single engagement. And like we said, you have the light of the emperor behind you. One single engagement. And you're good to go.

The Imperium will triumph and you will retire to live on, one of the newly settled planets that we are conquering in this galaxy thanks to your contribution. That's so great. Because... Especially on the eastern fringe. There's a nice one out there. Only one engagement. I love that.

I'm going to wait for the towel people to find out. But I love that there's one engagement. And the fact is, is the engagement never ends. Yeah. It's like, well, it's one engagement. Well, what is the engagement? The elimination of the tyrannins. It's going to be a while.

It's going to be a wrong. If I'm not in that one, oh, we're going to close the eye of terror. Which is now the riff. Isn't it the riff now? Yeah, we're going to close it. Oh, what are we building? We're not building anything. We're just going to shoot everything that comes out of it.

But then it doesn't close. You're like, yeah, now you're getting it. We got this. Trust me, if we just kill enough of them, it'll close. You'll find out. So now that you're in the guard, what do you start learning? And I think the first thing you learn is, sure, a lot of rules around here. Well, also, you have to find that, you also find out that, hey, if you don't follow the rules,

actually, it's not even that. Whoa, that sounded way too leaning. I felt like a heretic just saying that. Don't question the rules. Just follow the rules. You just get shot if you don't. Well, yeah, there's lots of rules. But the rules are important.

The reason we have the rules is that you just have to follow all of them under pain and or death. usually both. Both. I'm saying, but they exist, though, for good reason. Because every guardsman is a critical piece of the war against their enemies. Like a guardsman, people forget that a guardsman is an unfettered killing machine. And you can't just let an unfettered killing machine operate with impunity. We have to have rules for what, for the incredible force we are going to turn you into. We've got to have rules in place or else the galaxy would just,

fall apart by individual guardsmen just going. Dominating planets. Yeah. How would you ever stop them? So a couple of the key rules. Cowardous. Shot. Drunk on duty.

Flogged and probably shot. Striking an officer. I mean, shot and then probably shot while your dad again. Failure to salute. That one you don't get shot. You just get beaten until you almost die. Yeah. My favorite one is disrespecting an officer.

Their opinion. Yeah. Not yours. Their opinion. opinion. Yep. Also, shot. Complaining about how an officer treated you. You put down flogged by said officer, but oftentimes it ends with you being shot after he flogged. Yeah, but I do like that. Whoever you complain about beats you. Yeah. And then, actually, that's a better point. The person you complained about beats you and then someone else shoots you. You're just like, oh man, that was the

This book is gold. Fighting another soldier. This is wildly different because for some unknown reason, if John and I get to fight in the bar, we can hang. We don't waste a boulder shot on them. One of my favorite one is not showing enough love towards the emperor, which is like, what kind of a monster would do this? And also, this is even worse.

We might talk about this a smidge later. Penal colony, which then you're at, asking someone to shoot you. You're like, I will try to escape as much as humanly possible just to try to get you to kill. Now, not showing enough love towards the emperor is different than making a negative comment about the emperor. Oh, that's no.

Just flogged and shot. Flogged a shot. My other one is worshipping a false idol. You want to get flogged and shot because they turn you into a servitor, which a servitor, I mean, some of the servitors completely have no awareness.

But the worst type of server, when you do it just right, still has consciousness. Just correct. The biggest one, though, is harboring a psycher in which this is crazy. This is in the primer, by the way. Yes.

We didn't make this up. So they whip you, which, yes, of course they do. They're flogged everybody. But then for some reason, they blind you. Yeah, they take your eyes out and then they hang you.

Yeah. You're just like, Why? Why? Why the extra step? Also, no trial, by the way. If an officer decides you did this, it's over. But remember, that's not because your officer is a psychopath.

It's because the ever guiding light of the emperor is within them. So there can't be a mistake. Correct. Because the emperor sees all and sees all through your commanding officer or commissar. You were issued orders. We're issued orders, just deal with them. Yeah. But it's not all bad, though.

I mean, that's all the bad stuff. Let's talk about the good stuff. I mean, there's so much more bad stuff. It's mostly good. Come on, you get, you're going to be trained in the ways of war by the imperium of mankind, the most successful military ever. In the galaxy. In the history of the galaxy.

Don't, don't sell them short. You will be molded into a, you'll be coming from a man or woman because a guard, by the way, even all the models are male in the lorette is. is cross-gender. Because they grab everybody. Which would also, honestly,

it just makes sense. Like, you don't, you don't, if you're trying to wage a war against the galaxy, you don't only use 50% of your freaking citizen. No,

you literally look like a whale going for scroids, just pulling everything. Just get everything. We're going to turn you into a weapon of war. And that, yes, it's going to look like a lot of marching and,

and listening to rules. But that, that's just, Also, lots of preaching. Yeah, but that's how you could do the arts of warfare. I mean, it is. If you can't walk in line, I mean, you are going to get, you're going to get hand-to-hand combat, ranged combat, artillery combat, utilizing the emperor's might, not with psychic powers. That's important.

So the ship that you cruised on would have been very dark. Very, very different. And the best part is we're going to teach you how to defeat, how to identify and defeat all the foes of mankind, knowing all their weaknesses. Oh, this is. And the good news about that, we'll get to it in a little bit, is all of the enemies of mankind are riddled with exploitable weaknesses. Wild weaknesses. I mean, it is pretty, it's like really, once you've under, once you've really been trained properly by the guard, you'll realize how little a threat a tyranny jeans dealer actually is. is.

Because you're also equipped with Imperial Guard equipment, which is top tier. It is the greatest equipment ever created. You know, you are going to, because remember when you were stuck on that hive world, building all of those things, now you get to reap the rewards. Even though you're not wearing any of those. They're giving you a last rifle. You got a Las Rifle? We're getting it in a second.

But we are going to give you the greatest weaponry, clothing, armor, food. You won't need it, but medical care, just in a rare situation that you make a mistake and get injured. And it's definitely on you, by the way. You're also going to be transported around some of the most sophisticated and well-built ships and craft ever.

In 65 million years, nothing. I do want to do the side note on that because that's one of my favorites, because when they do the lore from the other aspect, when they talk about Eldar and other races seeing our ships, and they talk about all of our ships as being nightmares inside of them. Yeah. What the hell happened?

Why did they make this? Like, is this some sort of prison ship? Like, are you punishing people? Nope, that's just how we build them. You're like, why would you do that to anyone? I just believe the necrons could talk. They would walk into some of their ships, be like, seriously, guys, this is cold.

Yeah. Dude, we're robots. We're robots who have like no outward feeling whatsoever, and we're like, we at least put paint on the wall. Now, remember, as an imperial guardsman, you only have yourself to blame if something doesn't go right. Well, also. The Imperium has put up great expense and effort to outfit you with the greatest weaponry, armor, and equipment in the entire galaxy. With also the greatest training. Yeah, and the greatest training.

So all you need to do is basic. Pray to the emperor, clean and maintain your equipment, obey your commander, follow the manual. And the manual actually does have an answer to everything. However, they're terrible answers. But they do have really an answer to everything. Oh, they're damn amazing. We're going to dig into some of them here. So we'll start with your basics.

The most powerful weapon in the galaxy. The last gun. The last rifle. Also, sorry, known by. everyone in 40k when you play as I'm going to shoot my flashlights. I'm going to shoot my flashlights at you. Your last gun is a marvel of technology. Nothing ever built has been more reliable, accurate, or powerful than it.

It can even take incredible amounts of abuse. You can hit people with it. You can drop it. You can put it in mud. You can submerge it. You can use it as a digging tool. Weirdly enough, that isn't just propaganda on the, that part. Yeah, but there is a side note on that. If you take your Las rifle and you submerge it in

water, get it dirty or hit something with it, that is a violation of the treatment of your, of your rifle according to your handbook and you will be shot accordingly. I mean, yeah, I mean, it's a little bit, a little bit odds with the way you were just told. Yeah. So given the power and capabilities of a Lasgun, you do need to make sure that you take care of. Oh, God, we're going to talk about the litany. Hold on. I got to get my cheat together, everyone. This is my favorite part of this.

Come on. So there are certain things you have to do when taking care of your Lous rifle. It's not just that you have to actually do them, but you have to make sure that you're expressing the proper love of the emperor while doing it. So, Brad, if I'm, let's say I wanted to put a new power pack in my, and in my right, what should I do? You have to do the Lidney of Loading, which, by the way, when I say Lidney's, these are not short prayers.

They're not bad. They're quick poems. They're in the back of the primer, by the way. You can look them all. I'm just saying. It's not like you're like, hope this magazine works. It's not two words.

Yeah. It's quite a few. And also, you're supposed to do this in battle. Oh, no, yeah. This is all live. You can do this ahead of time

because then the emperor won't know you need him. Same with if you need to, if your power pack is empty, you have to unload your power pack. It's a two-step process. You have to do a litany of loading and a litany of unloading. Yeah. It's not fast.

You might get killed while this is happening. But let's say once you're back at base after conquering your enemy, you have to disassemble your lasgun, you better make the, make sure you do the litany of the lasgun. When you're disassembling, this is one of my favorites because after you've just fought, obviously one of the low-powered, low-technology fights you're going to fight. Yeah. And you go back and you're also cleaning out your pants because you probably just proved yourself. because it's scariest thing in the universe. You're just like, hey, man. You're on Space Marine.

You do poop. Yeah. And also, again, you were told all this in my primary, and then I don't know, a hive tired, a demon prince, any, a wraith showed up and materialized in the middle of people. And you're like, hey, man, I'm Brad, some dude from Earth. This was pretty scary, man. But you still got to disassembly.

your last gun. And I have to do the litany. And while I'm currently working through my now trauma, if I don't do the litany, a ever-present commissar will shoot you in the face. But it's good news. But also don't forget when you put that last rifle back together, do your litany of completion. Because otherwise, there's really no purpose to it. And then when you're, you also, you probably got pretty dirty while fighting your steam imprints. So make sure you do your litany of, cleanliness after polishing. We're going to go into one of my favorite because it's about to be the most important. Because if you don't do the litany of unjamming, I mean, you could clear out, you know,

the rifle or you could say a prayer to unjam your weapon. Tell me me me honest. I think when, I mean, I have a guard army. I play it on occasion. I think maybe next time when I'm shooting with my last rifles before I shoot, I should just do the litany of unjamming. But make sure you get maximum shot. I bet you'll hit more.

I think you will. Emperor. I actually would. John. I will never do this for the record, but I would love to buy a bunch of loaded dice. Oh, God. This year-in-foot tournament and constantly just do litany of unjamming or litany of accuracy in their role.

I'm going to go one up on you. We talked about this. I will not do this. I will not do this. I wanted someone to do it, but you have to make it, it can't be like loaded like, you know, cheat-type dice. It has to be loaded like they can only roll a six. ever dice. I could make a bunch of dice.

I actually could just pick a bunch of dice that are all like fives and sixes. Yeah. And it's because I said the litany, I get to roll those. And you have to make them wildly counterweighted. So they just like rock back and forth. I would make, oh, just drill all of them. Yeah, I'd make a six and a day that's all fives and sixes.

Don't even make it five and sixes. Well, that would be the litany of accuracy. That's true. My bad. So I will say the other one is that is to remember that if you don't do the correct litany, you will anger. a machine spirit. Which sadly, this is actually a real thing.

Yeah, machine spirit. All of these other things are complete and total idiocy and trash. However, weirdly enough, they have embodied multiple vehicles. With a machine spirit. And that is actually something that will get mad at you and not just not work. So I would also remind everyone, it's important as Imperial Guardsman, because that's what we're talking about here. if you are found with a non-functioning lasgun,

oh, it's your fault. You will be shot. It's 100% your fault. Why did you not recite the correct litany? Yeah. I mean, you could have had your gun jam because it's basically full of blood from everyone dying around you

and getting their bodies exploded by psychic attacks. Why would that affect the last gun of rifle, Brad? It's a perfectly designed weapon. Clearly. Maybe if you just, if you'd recite the lettney of cleanliness, all that blood wouldn't have gotten inside of it. Just calling a spade of spade here. Now, there may be moments that will come up to you as a guard's in

where you're actually outnumbered, and your last rifle's not enough. Good news. You have been issued an imperial fragment. The way that they tell you to use these is fantastic. We'll be right back after a quick break. So it's a very simple system. Twist the timer to set. Pull the pin.

Say the prayer of Ignatio. Throw it at the enemy. Now, before throwing at the enemy, make sure you also recite the ode of timing and the chant of accuracy. Woe is you, if you don't know these or if you speak in a slow cadence. It's very important. Now, remember, if you fail to take out your opponents with a fried grenade, you really have only yourself to blame. Well, yeah, obviously. That goes to my saying.

Now, there may be also moments where, as a guardsman, the enemy will shoot at you. Good news. Every guardsman, no matter what world you come from or how low your birth, is equipped with state-of-the-art armaments that will ensure your survival on the battlefield. Side note, in the history of the Imperium, no guardsman has ever, no ever, recorded as dying due to armor malfunction. It's hard for a bulletproof vest of malfunction because that's what you're wearing, kids. You are wearing flak armor. It is specifically designed for the combat you're going to encounter in the galaxy.

As long as the encounter is people trying to shoot you center mass with something that is a 45 millimeter or less. Yeah. At a good disc, not up close. Well, no, whoa, whoa, whoa. That's crazy. Not close. all you have to do, it has, but I mean,

right, you're underselling it. It is, it is overlapping. True. It does stop some energy weapons. And I, just for the listeners, understand, when I say this is overlapping armor, feel free to look up any picture of an imperial guardsman to see how

overlapping this armor is. It's a bulletproof vest. You do have a helmet, though. Some guys have paldrons, not cat a chance. No, they did not. Not cat a chance. And there might. They don't even have, they have, they have vests. They're not even wearing... They're topless.

Katachan... No, no, I'm saying. If any... I'm not... I didn't mean bulletproof vests. I mean, some of the guys are wearing just vests.

Yeah, it's pretty cool. Most of our topless, I'm saying, but they're wearing like, you know, I'm getting ready for my... Yeah. By my stripper at a wedding thing. Embude with the light of the emperor, Brad.

Why are you not... Why are you not following this system? I didn't know that Timmy that was working at Vegas stripping at the same armor. You know what? I think under the problem. Brad doesn't understand that these guys are reciting the litany of protection and the ritual of strength before going to war. True.

That is a big deal. It's important. Also, if your armor is found to not be clean, you will be shot. Now, some guardsmen, a very specific group primarily, will find themselves in a hostile atmosphere. Death worlds. Yeah, or worse yet, an enemy that's using barbaric tactics like chemical or poison warfare. Which we use constantly. Don't worry.

Luckily for you, not the space Marines, but for you, we have a solution in place. How are guardsmen better at dealing with poison than Marines? From the rules they're not. But as I was writing this, I was thinking how awesome it would be if Krieg was like immune to poison. Puss me out so much. Anyway, every guardsman is issued a state-of-the-art gas mask. As long as that state and art is somewhere around 1940. Yeah, no, no, 1917.

That's true. We're going to do more World War. You're doing the wrong war. Yeah, my bad. This is the one where it comes from. So the mask is to be adorned whenever your commander says so, when you do so, when you do so, As always, if you die from poison or from whatever chemical is, it's because you forgot to recite the litany of vacuum as placing it on your face.

I love that these are actual things, by the way. I want everybody to know. It's not like we're just like. Yeah, we are not making any of this stuff. This is not a zero percent of today's thing. This is tongue and cheek. Ha, ha, ha. This is straight from multiple GW sources.

And it is all of the litany. We haven't even talked about the litany to start. Oh, we'll get there. Yeah. One of my other ones, too, is that while wearing your gas mask, the entire time you're fighting while also reciting litanys of accuracy and litanys of time, the other words, you need to be constantly lit and reciting both the profession of faith and the litany of protection so that none of the alien gas gets in your mask.

Duh. So you do that the whole time you're fighting at all times. Otherwise, the mask may fail. Another really important point is that do not under any circumstances try to inspect or repair the canister that is attached to your gas mask. That is for a taxier only. Who has an entire different set of litmus? And I'm quoting here, its interworkings are impossible for a guardsman to understand. So don't try.

if you do try and we see you doing it, you will be shot. You will be shot. We're seeing a common theme here, by the way. Yeah. Now, once joining the guard, you may notice some of your other soldiers are different. Because the Imperial Guard is made up of all citizens of the Imperium. The Emperor's love extends to all of his subjects.

No matter what world they come from, no matter what their background. All of his citizens. Yeah, they are all equal. Unless you get too abhuman, then, then. Well, those aren't citizens. Those are abominations. Those are dirty Zenos. It should be slaughtered.

Unless you're really useful, cough, cop, polygram. We'll get them in a second. Yeah. So, no matter, there's just some of them may be more brash than others, but remember, you are here together to conquer the foes of the emperor. Although, if you do see someone doing things that are forbidden, Oh, this is so good. You better report it immediately.

Or you'll be shot. Yeah. Failure to report a fellow soldier's improper actions, you will be executed. You got to take that to the next level. If they find out someone's doing something that was in with you and you didn't report it, and then you go to the next part of it, which is, why didn't you know about it? Of course. You will also still be shot.

Moral of the story, if someone's doing some shit, they're not supposed to do, kill them secretly and quietly and move on with your life is pretty much what you're supposed to do. One of the most important things you need to know as a guardsman is your command structure. Know your rank and every rank above you and understand how to identify everyone's rank around you. Anyone above you, they tell you what to do, you will do it. Anyone below you trying to tell you what to do, she'll be reprimanded instantly. By the way, at your own discretion. You decide.

One exception here are the commissars. Commissars pretty much operate independent of the chain of command. They can be snuffed out by, I guess, bigwigs. You know what I mean? Like, Lord Solar is not going to be told what to do. But it's okay. But commissars shouldn't be snuffed out because the immortal emperor in his wisdom and divinity, has charged these noble soldiers with upholding his will on the battlefront.

I love that you say they lead his forces with zeal. They don't ever lead. They're in the front lines. Yeah. Right behind the front lines. That's why it says in the Imperial Primer, should you ever feel that your nerve is fraying and look to your commissar for inspiration. because believe me, he's looking at you.

That was the best part about the commissars. Weirdly enough, they're not really looking over the battlefield that often. Yeah, the commissar, should you falter, just know, your commissar sees all. And he's got a bolter that doesn't just work against the enemy. Weirdly enough, it seems to be aimed at the back of a lot of people's heads. Don't worry, he's a motivational speaker. Very motivational speaker because he just shot Eric. In the head.

Eric almost turned and ran. Yeah. Eric said, oh, no. And then Eric's head exploded from behind. And then the rest of us got much braver. But you also will have tech priests serving next to you. This equipment we're giving you is highly technical. And it's, you could not maintain it.

But don't worry. the Adeptus Mechanicus has granted us their best, only their best, tech priests, to help maintain all of your equipment. I'm not really sure why I gave John the OK symbol. It's fine. This is beautiful stuff. Now, a key part about your tech priest, if a tech priest becomes endangered by an enemy force, is the job of every guardsman to lay their life down to protection of these critical assets. Because if we don't have a tech priest, nothing's going to work.

Ever. Yeah. But you may sit there and say to yourself, well, what if I do feel fear in the battlefront? And I don't want to get shot in the back of the head. Is the Imperium thought of me? John, luckily for you, we have priests to spread the word of the emperor. Also, to spread the word of the emperor to planets that haven't heard of the word of the emperor. Because a lot of the worlds you will be sent to haven't discovered.

the light of the emperor. Like, I don't know, a filthy cow people who seem to have the wrong opinion. Don't worry. We've equipped you with priests to help you spread the light, but also these Ecclesiarch masters will be there to help drive you on the battlefront.

So you can feel the light of the emperor as you charge into your enemy forces. I'm just thinking about how, on a quick aside to get out of our character mojo here, how insanely annoying would it be that you've just escaped with your life? You had this battle,

luckily you didn't die. Everybody's surprised at this. You're mumbling all your litanies, so no one shoots you while you're doing them. And then you have one of these priests just giving his rousing, shitty performance that he got kicked out of high school drama for about how awesome the love of the emperor is. And all you're doing is going, man, I sure hope I don't die tonight.

This sucks. Like, just spoiler alert, this sucks. Like, if you could just be quiet for just a second. Can you just, please, just shut down. Like, tone it down, even just settle it down for just a minute. But instead, they're in your base camp inspiring video. You also may have a primarous cyker, assone to you, not to be confused with regular psychers who are to be shot on site.

Well, they're obviously heretics. Yeah. They are an unfortunate need in our fight against the heretics because they can't help turn the tide against our most evil foes. but they also have a group of people with them. Yeah. Whose job, I guess I'm doing full air quotes on this, handlers, there's a bunch of guys that are pointed at the psycher to shoot him if anything goes wrong.

But even with those people, there's some very simple rules for every guardsman when interacting with the psycher. Do not speak to the psycher. Do not look the psycher in the eye. However, if you see the psycher or their handlers, acting in a strange way. Shoot them right away. Shoot them right away.

Don't take the chances. Because while they're designed to be your ally, you need to understand. A psycher can be a foe in an instant. Always, heretics can be anywhere. You also, depending on where you're from, may have never seen an abhuman, not to be confused with a zeno.

This is one of my favorite parts about the Imperium. It just gives me the Doc Hollis. holiday. Apparently, Wyatt, there is no limit to my hypocrisy. And I know I ruined that line, but yes, that's basically what he says. And that is what the Imperium does because they go, kill all Zenos, all mutants. Well, wait a second. What's your, what is your mutation? What are you good at? That seems like fairly useful. Okay, don't kill that one. That one's a lot. So the first one we'll discuss that you may be, that you may be sitting with would be an ogren. I mean you shouldn't sit with the ogre.

You don't sit with the ogre. It does kind of suck a little bit. But while they are very low intelligence to the point where some of them can't speak. Freaking ogren. Because they're an ogre. They're an ogre. Know that they love the emperor maybe more than you do. Yeah.

I mean, yes, they do. And in combat, they can handle even the greatest of the emperor's opponents. However, they can be confused easily. One of my favorites is that they had to be accompanied. This is a rule. They had to be accompanied by a leader because they wouldn't get, if they weren't accompanied by a leader, they wouldn't get in vehicles.

And the rule was it's dark in there. Oh, we'll cover that. Yeah. It's my favorite rules about Ogrin. Like, yeah, there's a solid A. Team, my friends, it goes on with O'Grath. Oh, yeah. We'll cover the next guy.

There's just B.A. Baroxic everybody. We'll cover the next cast. But yeah, Ogrin are fun. The other one you may get C-R-Rond are rattlings. While they are smaller than you and have hairy feet, cough-cough, their hobbits, they do have incredible eyesight. And so we use them as snipers.

They have weird telescopic eyesight, actually. So while you may find their temperament and their presence unnerving, no, they are critical to your war effort. However, if you found another race that wasn't as you, you have to kill him immediately. Oh, no, no, these are only two. Look to your commander. They will tell you who is.

True. What am I saying? You're not making decisions. Look to your commander. Your commander will be very clear to you in which of the species you're allowed to keep and which ones you're not. So let's spend some time talking about what your role will be in the Imperial Guard.

Because all guardsmen are expected to perform for the Imperium, but the Imperium is intelligent and all-knowing, and it knows that some of you will excel in certain areas versus others. Those of you who are very good at stealth will be employed as a scout, not the children that Brad used to use tabletop, that this screen not works. Hurtful. They should have been immuned to poison at least.

Actually, no, they didn't have full power. They didn't have full power. definitely were a seven multiple boys said. So those of you who are there, you will be granted the honor of being able to move ahead of your regiment, completely exposed. Weirdly enough, this might actually be safer than a lot of the other engagements, though. Well, it's important because you're going to go and search for the enemies to learn their movements, record their size of their forces, and discover the attack opportunities for your fellow guards. Which is a kind of a bummer sometimes when you meet your opponent's scouting units, which have magic. Nope.

Fine. They have magic, but you know what you have? The litany of stealth. It's true. I'll just say the litany of stealth and the protection of the emperor. So all you need to do is recite the litany of stealth, kill the opponent's scouts. You may want to say a prayer. of invisibility to help you to make it even more useful when scouting in hostile territory,

but be sure to eliminate any enemy scouts before doing. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Silently. Always silently. Come on. I wouldn't want to alert them. For those of you who are not granted by the emperor's will to be good at stealth and scouting, you will be able to go out on patrol.

Thanks to your brave scout comrades, though, don't worry. You will know where all the enemies are. their position and their weakness. Every single guard story that I've ever read, whoever's on patrol always instantly dies. It's the beginning of every... It's the Star Trek red shirts. Whatever chapter begins with a battle,

it's always whoever's on patrol duty instantly gets in usually a terrible way. Well, you know why? Because in the novels you read, they don't do step three here, which is make sure you shout the litany of smiting before you attack the foe. And the books you read where they recited a litany of smiting? They did not want. They did not, you see? And that's why it didn't work out.

Because they didn't remember also, obviously they didn't take it to heart that the enemies of mankind are weak and cowardly. Yeah. And so it seems pretty basic to me. Now, you will spend most of your time in the... the guard. Guard, guarding, for lack of a better phrase. You know what?

I'm going to, we're going to dump propaganda for just a second. The guard for this. Because guarding freaking rocks. Yeah. It sucks. But it's like the best thing that can happen.

Oh, yeah. Because like if you're just sitting guarding an installation of fortress, you know, a research facility, sorry, research, full air quotes, because we did this last week, research facility. If you're just sitting on one of these,

there's a chance and a great of the damn emperor that nothing actually happens, especially if you were towards the inner core if you're going Star Wars. Not maybe I'm on Kedia. No. But I'm saying if you're just guarding one of the logistic agro worlds, there's a good chance nothing actually happens. I mean, you're going to get ruined when something actually does happen. But this is like the pinnacle of what a guardsman's life is.

Man, I am on boring. Guard duty. I'm on boring guard duty. Yes, I hit the lot of. Now, what do you do on guard duty? Well, you stand vigilant and alert for any movement because the life of you and your fellow soldiers are at hands. Now, remember what happens if you don't remain vigilant?

Yep. You get shot. also though if you see suspicious activity you are to raise the alarm however raising a false alarm could expose us to the enemy so you will be shot it's so fantastic with that so if you see something we're not don't say something investigate the something and immediately get killed also if you leave your post to investigate that something you will be shot you will be shot I mean we've got good system, I don't see what could go wrong. Now, the most important act that a guardsman will do is in tacking the enemy head on. This is critical to our war effort. Now, it may sound

you will join the billions who have come before you. And it's, actually, that's a low number. It is way more. It's quadrillions. It's untow. It's, it's okay. It's. It's okay. It may sound like a monumental task, but don't think of it that way. You've got armor, as we've discussed. I mean, you've got artillery. You don't have armor, but go ahead. Mechanized combat, heavy weapons, and more. All the full might of the Imperium is going to be brought to bear

and will then be used to bring all of our enemies under the heel of the emperor. You know, this part of the propaganda is actually pretty decently accurate. though, propaganda. You are actually bringing wildly powerful tanks and heavy weapons. I mean, you're not using any of them unless you get upgraded, but there are, these things do exist. The most upgraded member of the Imperial Guard is still kind of adorable compared to a custode. Everybody's adorable compared to a custod. Look at their stuff and go, all right, that's neat. But it is nice to be one of the guys that's in a more.

crew in the middle of nowhere. That's true. Yeah, you mortar crew, ratlings actually kind of have it pretty good. I'm being honest. I mean, ratlings, unfortunately, are forward deployers,

so, like, people get real annoyed that they exist and occasionally do something about it. But they also don't have commissars. True. Just say. So the last thing you are entrusted, always remember,

as a member of the Imperial Guard, you are entrusted with the security of the guard itself. enemies are of mankind. They are cowards. So they don't really, they're not going to fight you in a stand-up fight. They could never win. Where they can never win? Because your weaponry technology and your tactics. And your tactics are so much beyond them.

So they will use subterfuge undermined you. So it's critical that every member of the Imperial Guard keeps it close high on their peers. Now, when we say peer, we mean peer, not superior. It's not superior. What we said before, we'll say it again. Should you accuse a superior officer of being an enemy of mankind, you will be shot. What are my favorites? There's multiple stories about this.

And there's little things in the guard when people have been possessed and or acting irrational. Yeah. And you can't tell anything about it. So if you're immediate over you is doing something jacked, you're just like, okay, everybody has to killed him and then we just pretend that Tim's always been Lieutenant Tim. And you just move on with like, but that happens like a lot. It does. You're right.

I said the stories where they think whoever most resembles the commander. Like, nobody knows. You're him now. But I'm not. Yeah, but no one's ever seen his family. So we're good. Yeah. Like there's so many of us.

We're faceless in innumero. You know what I mean? Either all of us die or we kill him and you are now commander Eric. Yeah. Your choice. Thanks, Commander Eric. But I haven't been, I'm shooting this guy. Shut up.

Now, the last piece that you really need to make sure you know as an Imperial Garth is how to handle are the enemies of mankind. Pause on this because we're about to get super psyched up. All of these things are in the primer. Yeah. And this is wildly the funniest thing in the primer. Oh, it's the best. So the first one we'll dive into, obviously, is what to do with the orcs. So while they are of significance,

size and stature, they are no less susceptible to a guardsman's trusty Lazre rifle than any other being. It's important to remember that. They are remarkably low intelligence, and honestly, the most simple tactics will easily overwhelm the orc brain. They'll just stand there. Yeah, and they'll be

rendered useless. Highly primitive weaponry, their guns routinely jam and miss fire. That's actually not wrong. They almost never hit their target. Also not wrong. Also not wrong. So keep low, and you'll be invincible. Unless they get there.

Yeah. No, but it's okay if they get there because their melee weapons are in a constant state of disrepair. They'll likely break while striking your flack armor. You know, the first part, fairly accurate. Second part, wildly inaccurate. They are highly unarmored. A well-placed Las Rifle shot.

We'll actually kill, yeah. Well, actually, in the primer, it does refer to them. They'll take out the war boss. You shoot him in the face with your last rifle. You got to think about how many guardsmen were wildly in disbelief as their lasgun hit a war boss in the face. And the war boss turned and went, why? Why did you? Now I'm mad.

Yeah, I'm so angry. I fight a war where I like to fight opponents. I didn't think you were a threat. Now I'm going to. I wasn't even sure you were a combatant. I'm definitely killing. I thought you were watching. But it's a key thing that through numerous battles,

we have proven time and time again, orcs are no match for the Imperial Guardsman that remembers and follows their dream. Although some of you will, of course, get deployed to the Eastern French, where the tyrantid threat is, and we say threaten quotes and quotations here. The tyrannid presence is a way.

I'm reading this part because this is one of my favorite parts. This is directly from the primer. And I also look this up in two different writings. This is in like a third edition codex also. Tiernids are an unintelligent race for Beyond Stars. Like, I mean, the opposite of that is banana's true. They have a intelligence that we can't fathom. But you know, whatever.

And the better part is if they were intelligent, they would realize that they're up against mankind and they would immediately leave the galaxy in search of anything else because they know they cannot win. What's wrong about this? I see we did three casts that all back this up completely. I mean, number two is not wrong. No, they are governed by a centralized intelligence.

So in companion, it's all you have to do, just kill the biggest tiernative that you see and all the smaller ones will fall apart. Unless you shoot the non-Sineps, but yeah, whatever. But it's okay because they also have minimal armor protection. It can be easily penetrated by Imperial. Especially the bigger ones. Almost never.

Yeah. My favorite one in this was that the interinids are slow and cumbersome. And this was actually referring specifically to jeans dealers, that they were slow, cumbersome, and their claws were not very pointy. And they probably can't get through your flag armor. Yep. So just take your time and aim carefully. Because you definitely have time. Because it's going to take them forever to get over here.

Now, should they get close to you, look to your commissar for inspiration? To be fair, again, we give commissar shit, but some of the best most badass people in the Imperium are commissars. because apparently every commissar is bonkersville nuts. They're all ex-special forces. That's actually the truth. I'm going to next cast, but all commissars are formal.

Because like those dudes, while they're really ready to shoot people to try to run away, also when shit goes down, those dudes are like, same shit, different day. A commissar will, if a hive tyrant breaches the lines, you can expect the commissar to walk up that hive tyrant,

holding a sword and a pistol. and say, bring it, bitch. Like, that is, he is one negative, that's a lie, Kifes Kane beat a hot time. Yeah, he did. And it's funny, I'll be candid as someone who wants a Guard Army. I wish commissars are more badass in combat than they are.

It's actually, that's kind of annoying. I'd be like, wait again. You could name them all Typhus Kane. Also, if you ever read his novels, they're the most lairish ever. All right. Now, the next one we're going to cover, a little spoiler alert here. The Imperial Uplifting Primer was

written before Tower in the game. And if you think I was going to miss an opportunity. I love that I literally went, when I first looked at these notes, I went, Tao? Yeah, Towered in there. Towered in there. And John went, they are now. They are now.

Because if you think I'm going to skip this opportunity, you're out of your mind. Anyway, Tao are a nefarious race who are trying to undermine the emperor by sowing seeds of doubt. So most importantly, beware of their lies of peace. and community. They have no understanding of the power of the Imperium and just don't have his greatness.

The power of the emperor. Yeah. Any imperial guards been found in possession of Tao literature will be shut. Now, the good news is, and this is actually kind of true, they are the easiest to kill

of all the Zeno species. They are smaller and weaker. If they're not in their suits, their suits are significant. Those suits are slug. Those suits are slow. I'm getting there. They are smaller and weaker

with inferior weaponry and tactics. A towel poses no threat to a properly trained guardsman. Their large armor carapaces are full of weaknesses that can be exploited and are very slow moving. I mean, you're not wrong

that if a guardsman fought a tow in Queensberry rules, fisticuffs. Yeah. The guardsman would beat the crap out of them. But it's okay. But honestly, those battle suits are full of exploitable holes. There's nothing. There's nothing. There's always like flaws in the armor.

Just imagining how many meals a riptai could eat sitting behind the guard line if there wasn't any heavy takes. It's like, you're still shooting at me? Yeah, I was, I'm still eating guys. I'll be, be with you in a little bit. I'm going to kill all of you in two minutes. This soup's going to get cold. I don't feel like eating it cold. This isn't an issue. And I spent a lot on, you know,

Grubble Hop to deliver to this war zone. Now, you may occasionally find yourselves against the El. This is my, I'm such an El-Dar Homer that the first line pisses me off so much. Which one? That while they're most similar to humans, they are a poor copy at best. Eldar have basically ninja reflexes and movement and intelligence compared to. No, no, no. The primer is clear.

They are weaker and less intelligent than even the most basic imperial citizen. The immortal guy that is, quote the inquisitors, disturbing to watch move because they're so fast and precise in their movement. Chumps. It's because the inquisitors are bitches. Because Eldar are nothing more than space pirates, clearly. Well, that's what they are. They are nothing more than space pirates. That's why they raid the weak, and then they retreat the first sign of resistance.

I mean, you know, you know what? That is not wrong. Yeah, it's not wrong. I mean, it's not wrong. You need to be, and as a guard, you should be aware of their attempts to use stealth and surprise. So you're better off using your superior stealth and tactics to trap and kill them before they could cowardly run away. I love that they're phasing in and out of reality. and using the web way to jump in and out.

The other, actually, Bradenard, both Eldar players, the other top-tier line of the primaries. So good. In battle, Eldar use highly antiquated technology. I mean, as far as how old it is, also not wrong. Our antique technology antiquated, I would not use that the word I would use. It is still light years ahead of our technology, but it is really old. Yeah, because they are fast, because they are fast,

they are lightly armored and they can easily be brought down by the superior firepower of the guard. Also, their soldiers are this way. They're frail. They're thin. A Las rifle can, you know, or just the butt of your rifle can remove any of them, including a striking scorpion. I mean, if you're fighting guardians, though, I'll give you that. Fighting guardians for, yeah. Because you were also fighting, like, the guys that were making cookies before.

So I was a baker. What am I doing now? You're shooting them. All right. I'm still better at the. Yeah, I've still been alive for 500 years. Now, you do want to be one issue with the Eldar is you'd be aware of their psychers. Unfortunately, these filthy Xenos have employed Sykers in their forces.

And unlike unregulated psychers, these are to be killed with immediate prejudice. Much prejudice. What if their taints spread to the other Eldar or maybe another race? So at the first sign of an Eldar cyker, you need to eliminate them. On that note, the greatest threat to mankind is, of course, corruption. But the best part about that is, remember, the Imperium doesn't let people know that chaos exists. Okay. But that varies by codex a little bit.

That's what's interesting. That's what I'm saying. It's like third, fifth edition codex? Yeah, they did. Right. 7th, 8th, 9th, 10th, it went away. Right. So like you may or may not know that chaos exists, but you do know that some people

are filthy non-emperor worshippers, and that's basically the same thing. That's true. It does refer to this in the primaries that these traitors, while they look like men, like your fellow citizens, they cannot be saved.

And even if they could be saved, they don't deserve it. They don't deserve it. Kill all of them. They will be purged from the galaxy to make room for those who do love the emperor. Now, while some of them may appear, mutated.

Remember, they are no real threat to you. Just recite the libation to the emperor while fighting them, and the emperor's light will just remove them from your... One of my favorites, anybody that plays the game, sorry, I want to go to the game, because

when I read the notes for this and all I thought of this is a cursed cult is running up with their advance in charge, plus what hit, plus what a wound, hitting a unit of guardsmen and you're just going, I'll just recite my prayer and one of the guys just rips you it out. Yeah, just like, but I'm reciting the prayer.

No, I don't. They're using you to hit other guardsmen. So after you defeat these enemies. All of these enemies. Easily. A couple key things. Do not look upon the tokens that are left behind the foul trainers. That is for your commissars and priests to handle.

Well, this goes, we didn't really cover this. One of the biggest things about this is, don't touch, don't look at corrupted items, Xenos items, basically anything that's not your Lasgon. I mean, let's make it easier. You finish the battle, don't touch anything. Yeah. Just simple thing. Pretty much.

That's true. Walk away, don't touch anything. Your commissars, your priests, and other retunes to your military army may be there. Side note, Ratlings, loot battlefield. We'll cover the past. That they're actually kind of hilarious in that regard. So, congratulations. You are a member of the Imperial Guard.

You now have everything you need to know to stand and fight for the emperor. Your duty and effort will be what drives humanity to victory in the galaxy. Very simple. But to follow up the full cast, what do you have to do? Keep faith in the emperor and praise him. Obey the commands of your superiors. Remember your training, which occasionally, is nothing because sometimes they round up everybody and put them in front of the rest of the big

tanks. I mean, they train you on the way there. Enemy, kind of. That way trigger here. Yeah, there's a reason that we used to have 50 man conscripts. We did. They also used to have penal colony conscripts, which actually is kind of cool. Again, when you round up guys to sit in front of stuff, you're like, hey, we're going to fight Ternids.

What do we need? well, if we just put like bodies in front of us, it'll take like a while to murder all of them and we'll shoot them while they're doing that. We'll cover it more in later casts, but the guard are probably one of the armies in my mind have their earlier codexes are just so much better than the current code.

Blockers better. I'm just saying like lore of rules, not the sense of like, oh, this tank was better performing there. It just, the army was funnier. They were also had, one of the things we'll cover in the next is one of my favorites.

And I'm going to ask everybody to throw this in the Discord. If you've played, if you've read the lore and stuff, for instance, one of my favorites is the fact that Guard just had multiple factions in detachments. They weren't detachments at the time. Regiments, yeah. They could just fire into combat because they did not care about you at all. Yeah.

Oh, you could artillery into combat. The rest of the game said, if I grabbed John, no one can shoot at me, because I'm in combat with John's platoon. Yeah. These guys just went. Didn't feel that way. It was the chorisons.

It was the chorisons. Oh, it wasn't more than the threat. Oh, they were even worse. Yeah, they just, they went. Yeah, good to hear, man. It'll be easy. They're all grouped up fighting. I know where the enemy is.

Yeah, they're right over there. They're next to your friends. Right, right. But where's the enemy? Cool. That's back when blast templates existed. You're like, they're so close together now. We can get so many more per shell.

We should do a cast of blast templates and how they actually were awesome. A lot of yelling, but they were hilarious. TV die. Yeah. All right. Well, with that, let's conclude this episode, the 40K lore cast. We hope you guys enjoy this little foray into the Imperial Guard recruitment.

Next week, we're going to start a two-part dive into actual guard lore. This part, actually, this is more guard lore than that lore, but whatever. But we're going to focus on what the guard are, how they function, and then we'll get eventually the different regiments within. We're going to leave out, I'm saying this now for the guest, we're going to leave out the character stories because what's that? Oh, sorry. I heard a voice coming from nowhere.

But it was probably nothing, John. We'll do bits and pieces, but I'm saying we will have to do a cast or maybe two just on God's ghosts. I mean, that's a, that's a problem. If you think I'm not going to bring up Kaifis Kane as much as I humanly possibly can. I mean, but Crete, it is the greatest.

The reason why we're not going to cover them is honestly the greatest stories, I think, in 40K or fall between Inquisition, And the Imperial Guard. Ooh, here, I'm going to, I'll either make people super excited or piss them off. I'm going to end this cast with Solar Markarius is wildly better than Solar Leonidas. Oh, definitely. If anyone is, you're wrong if you disagree with that.

I'm sorry, but like, no. Anyway, so with that, this is John Barcati and Bradchester. See you guys next week.