The 40k Lorecast - Episode 73 - Random Xenos of the Galaxy pt 2

Episode Date: February 11, 2025

On todays cast we complete or coverage of the xenos of the galaxy. Diving again head first into a ton of super random Xenos that GW has written into the game. Although we do start with the Jokaero, ...so that is awesome! Some others are the Enoulians, Laer, Maug, the Hrud, and others. We also talk a bit more about the times the imperium has made deals with xenos in exchange for technology, and each time they end up killing lots of imperial citizens, and eventually the xenos. PatreonMerchandiseDiscord Link:Our WebsiteRetro RecallOur Sponsors:* Check out BetterHelp: https://www.betterhelp.com* Check out Pebl: https://hellopebl.com* Check out Pebl: https://hipebl.ai* Check out Shopify: https://shopify.com/loreAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Transcript
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Starting point is 00:00:00 Welcome to the 40K lore cast. Welcome to the 40K lore cast with me, John Barsodi and Brad Chester. This guy. On today's class, we close out our random coverage of the random zeno races in the 40K galaxy. Before we begin, 40K lorecast is a weekly podcast releasing every Monday at 7 p.m. Eastern Time with a focus on the lore of the Warhammer 40K universe. If you guys want, in the show notes, you'll see a link to our website, the 40K lorecast.com. Our Patreon, our Discord, as well as our upcoming 40K tournament here in the
Starting point is 00:00:48 metro Detroit area, which are people not from here is a fancy way of saying kind of near Detroit, but not too near Detroit. But really close to the airport. Yeah, but very close to the airport. That's why we picked that location. Those of you haven't done it so far who are listening for a while, if you could follow and comment in the cast, it really does help us out a ton. I personally get a massive kick out of your comments.
Starting point is 00:01:10 So if you just want to make John Giggle, write something funny. Which is a weird thing, by the way. I realized this when I was doing this other day, I get to decide if anyone ever gets to see your comment. So why? Just, it feels, I don't know, I just feel, it feels like if you don't like what I do, I shouldn't be able to say, well, no one gets to hear that.
Starting point is 00:01:36 Like, man, that's a, it's a lot of power to put in someone's hands. But anyway, if you want to, if you go to our website, 40KLORCast.com, you can see links to our merchandise, Patreon, our Discord, Brad's coaching service, etc. Hey, who's wearing... Yeah, the Fortykey Lorcaps shirt. Yep, that's in there. And the hat.
Starting point is 00:01:55 In those links, you'll find a link to our Discord. We always encourage people to join our Discord. It's a free server that we built with our listeners in mind. It's a place to interact with both the cast itself. I like I wrote the cast itself. It's interact with Brad and I. I keep writing. It's a great place to interact with the cast.
Starting point is 00:02:11 There's more than the two of us. You go in there. There's Eric, who, who, through 73 episodes still hasn't said a word, but he's in the cast. We should have somebody. Like teller? And we should, just randomly in an episode
Starting point is 00:02:25 and just be like, what are you talking about? That guy's here every time. Yeah, we did a podcast, but we have a teller. He's just doing card tricks. Exactly. It's like, this is perfect.
Starting point is 00:02:39 But yeah, the Discord's great. It's also got stuff on literature, year, gameplay, hobbying, memes, et cetera. As always, before I do, massive shout out to Kevin, Maisie, Brian, Ethan, spelled incorrectly, Steve, Ryan, Trevor, and David for moderating. I really would have burned this thing down if they weren't there, like, to the ground and been just gone to bed comfy. I would have done.
Starting point is 00:03:04 I would have hit delete, finish my wine, and just gone to bed. Oh, anyway. We also do have on the website links to Brad's coaching service. for those of you who are looking to learn more about how to play the game or just get better at playing the game, I'd encourage going to our website to learning some more about it. You can also reach him on the website or via our Discord. Via Discord. Yeah, the Discord is a little bit easier.
Starting point is 00:03:29 So, anyway, back to the cast. So at the beginning of last cast, I said it would be a random adventure of Zeno Species. And I think we're hitting that pretty hard because some of these, candidly, are like a two-paragraph thing. in a random codex, and others are entire themes of novels. So I hope you guys liked what we did last time because we're doing another one. We're doing the cool ones now. Oh, it's just as random. But we're going to open with the orangutan party time.
Starting point is 00:04:02 By the way, is it, is it Joquero? I actually don't know. Yeah. Okay, that's what I call him. I was worried it was Jacaro. I was my dad. Who cares? I mean, someone will tell us, but.
Starting point is 00:04:12 Yeah, we'll get corrected. Mostly me. We're for sure not pronouncing it correct. It's fine. But, I mean, we're really, we get continuity with that. We're consistent. Yeah, the Joquero are the Boba Fettes of the 40K universe in that they, GW wrote them as a whatever thing. And they, and then it's popular.
Starting point is 00:04:32 Yeah, everyone was like, tell me more about the orange monkeys. And it's like, the what? The Joaquero, we wrote space marines. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyway, too much talkie, talkie, talking. more Jo Caro. I want to know, I want, I want, I want Joe Caro novels. Keep going.
Starting point is 00:04:49 This does go a ways back too. Yeah, well, that's the problem. This is the bonus line. Back when the old ones were in the war in heaven, they started like uplifting and creating species to fight for them. And the last two big ones they made were the Cork, who were going to be the muscle and violence to push the, but were now the necrons and the Cetons back.
Starting point is 00:05:09 But they also made the Jochero to be the master. of technology. And for no conceivable reason, none, by the way. The Jochero are giant orange apes. Orangetans. There's a giant orangutans. Written at a time millions of years. And I mean millions of years before the first ape ever appeared on Earth.
Starting point is 00:05:30 This is 65 billion years ago. Yeah. This predates apes. That's when the meteor hit. So just for the record, there was a T-Rex who was about to have a horrible day. and no orangut tanks, but there was one in a different section of the galaxy. Making weapons like a madman.
Starting point is 00:05:49 Yeah, so the Jochero abilities what makes them so cool. So their ability from the old ones is they just intrinsically understand technology and can create it from basically anything. You put a Joacharo in a front of a pile of scrap, and you'll have weapons, engines, battlesuits, whatever. McGivers it. Yeah, every single time. It's fantastic because he can make a bunch of different.
Starting point is 00:06:11 stuff too. I also want to be a little bit older than you and say he 18s it. Just make myself a little bit younger than you. That makes me just a hair younger than you. Ooh, just go for modern times. He's just going to jinx it. I have no you're talking about. What? Do you watch nothing? No. I have, I have this podcast takes up time, child, jujitsu, job. Not a lot of like, I wonder what's good on TV. That's hardful. Arcane. You don't watch Arcane. Sure, why not? I'm what a shot. I just like, It's, man, it's, it's tough keeping up. There's a lot of TV out there.
Starting point is 00:06:47 John, look, all you're going to do is never sleep. Yeah. And you can do whatever you want. It's super good for you. My doctor's recommend. You do have more doctors than me. Exactly. Like, dominate.
Starting point is 00:07:00 Dominates. Anyway, so in the 60 million years since the fall, the old ones, the Joe Garrow, I've just been kind of bouncing around the galaxy. They live in these just, family units that seem to just only want to survive. But the real reason, but the better explanation for that is that they've survived for 60 million years because no one wants to mess with them. Well, no one wants to mess with them, but also no one wants them around either.
Starting point is 00:07:28 Yeah. The Joker are comedically problematic because it is this element of like you can't attack them because if you do, they will build technology that would kill you. the Eldar were terrified of them because they were worried that they would build a Dr. Strange Love level weapon. They just don't want you to start nuking. It just blow up like, yeah, well, the thing is, the Joe Carroll could just build to me. There just blows up a third of the galaxy just disappears.
Starting point is 00:07:54 Whoops a daisy also. Yeah, because, well, we thought it'd be interesting. So they've just survived. They kind of float through the galaxy. And whenever they show up, everyone just kind of goes, ah, crap. Well, the crate, I love this bottom because they have, no agenda. They're like crazy space orangutan hippies that are just wildly wandering about going, oh, here's the best weapon ever in the galaxy. What are you going to do with it? I don't know.
Starting point is 00:08:20 I was going to make a sandwich. You're like, I'm going to, I'm going to disassemble it and build it into something else. I also wanted to make some coffee. So I'm going to make it into a coffee. They're basically like speed building Legos. Like just back in for all right. It's a pirate ship. Now it's a spaceship. Now it's. And so. But what's cool about them is when we say we make technology, I mean they make incredible technology with insane precision, like a handheld Las Canon or like a power cell you could power an entire ship all out of. That's the size of Brad's Dr. Pepper can.
Starting point is 00:08:53 I mean, they just do, it don't make the horrible sound. I have to edit out later of your can hitting the table. I got to give Brad a softer table, make him start recording in the carpet. It keeps moving my table, by the way. Yeah, every time Brad gets here. Well, I have to build. stuff whenever time Brad gets here. And he gets upset that I don't,
Starting point is 00:09:12 you know, two or three weeks after the last time we recorded, even a week after last time we recorded, don't put the table exactly where it was the week before. I feel that's an viable bitch. I have a grape. Your feet are touching the ground today. Be thankful.
Starting point is 00:09:27 I have, actually. I can swing my chair back in for it. One of the things that's really back to the Joe Caro, that's really great about the Jo Caro is the Imperium is obsessed with them. And they obsessed them because they keep realizing that Joquero are the source of all the stuff in the galaxy they find most interesting. A good example of that is the Blackstone Fortresses, where Imperial scholars, when they, you know, look at recordings of the interaction of
Starting point is 00:09:57 Blackstone Fortresses, then the recordings of Jochero ships realize it's the same tech. So we know who built them. Well, the crazy part about this is that Jochero have had a direct line for 65 millionaires now. But give zero Fs about anything. Anything. Yeah. They just don't care. You're like, what are you guys doing?
Starting point is 00:10:20 Like, I mean, we could have probably just built some stuff and taken over. But what are you going to do? I was going to go again, make a sandwich. And if you would stop interrupting me, I'm making this coffee maker. Yeah. I'm actually making a machine that will make the greatest sandwich that's ever been made. in the history of time. That's what I'm going to make.
Starting point is 00:10:38 And then I'm going to eat that sandwich, and then I'm going to disassemble that machine and make something different. Yeah. Probably watch a movie tonight off of it. You're like, what is even happening right now? Whatever. Leave me wrong.
Starting point is 00:10:48 My favorite part of the Jochero lore, though, is how the Ordo Zenos feels about them. This is a giant orange ape. They look as human as an orangutanan looks human. And the Inquisition's viewpoint on them is that they are A-OK. It was super awesome to fight with them in my great knights at Fifth Edition. Exactly.
Starting point is 00:11:09 There is no reason for us to do any level of exterminatus on a jokero. In fact, if you even imply that they would be an enemy of the Imperium, you will now be an enemy of the Imperium. These things are awesome. And one of my favorite parts of other jacero is they're definitely not Zenos. We can't. We don't have to get rid of them. Yeah. And you're like, yeah, but they definitely follow the creed of the Imperium.
Starting point is 00:11:34 No, they give zero. They don't do that either. Do not care. And the Ordo Malius and the Ordo Hereticus also are like, yeah, that's okay. They get a pass. Yeah. You're like, but if there happened to be on the same battlefield as you, they will fight the other guys. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:11:50 Actually, more point, they will make a weapon for you that will, it's the end of the other guys. Yeah. So the Jochero are technically part of the Imperium. That is true. They don't even know this. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, the Imperium just claimed them.
Starting point is 00:12:05 The Imperium just yelled dibs when they saw Joacharo, and the Joacharo just moved on with their day. The best is they could make whatever weapons they wanted. They had a cool rule. They had a real date. So they were in the game for a couple editions? I mean, maybe two. It was fifth for sure, because I played it with Grey Nights.
Starting point is 00:12:23 Yeah. Because you could do. I mean, they had models till a couple months ago. Yeah. Well, me, that's right. They existed until the release. But those are but say, you couldn't order those for the last five years. But they were there.
Starting point is 00:12:35 I think they may have had rules in 9th. Yeah, they did. There was a road trader entourage. You could run them in in 9th edition. You should know what they're because they weren't any good. Because the problem is GW never gave them the rules they should have had, which is, I have a Jochero. Does your opponent have a Joe Carrow? No.
Starting point is 00:12:51 You're going to die. You win the battle. Because he got bored. Yeah. It was just like, yeah, whatever. Yeah, this Joe Caro took the two rhinos that your army has and turned them into, and entire planet wiping laser. And then a salmon. So then, and then afterwards, turn into a barbecue.
Starting point is 00:13:12 And everyone had brisket. And it was damaging to the morale of the troops. Yeah. Because they never ate anything as good. Yeah. Because that's the Joe Caro, as you can tell, we enjoy them. Here's another fun random one, the Grendels. Oh, these guys are hilarious.
Starting point is 00:13:31 So the Grendels are. are just super random because they appear in a single space wolf novel. That's it. It's a massive creature. And it basically is made out of the black rocks of the planet. It's between one and five meters in size, which is a pretty wide. I am also between one. Actually, I'm not.
Starting point is 00:13:53 I'm still smaller than one meter. No, no, you're a meter. No, not sitting down. Fair enough. But, Max, yeah, it's like, you're bigger than life. My kids are over a meter. You're bigger than my son. I'm not two of them.
Starting point is 00:14:04 Yeah, not two of my kids. Yeah, you're well under two meters. You don't need the two. Schnaarfs. So anyway, these things are funny to me because they have these giant rocky outcroppings on their bodies that are specifically written as being resistant to bolter fire. You know what this is, though, right? This is corg. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:14:26 I know it's cork. Yeah. Hey, guys. How's it going? But they don't speak, though. That's the problem. They don't speak. They're just, oh, yeah, they also have big.
Starting point is 00:14:33 claws and sharp teeth. Of course they do. They always do. What I like about them is they have no higher consciousness. They just fight whatever attacks them. So all you had to do was just move around them and not bother them. But they're in a space wolf novel. Some of space wolves look down and see a chance to get in a hand-to-hand combat with a five-meter tall rock monster. I'm just assuming it was just sitting in a chair. Just like just what? Well, I guess. What's happening? And so this entire, just my opinion, the entire Space Wolf mission to the planet got delayed because just Space Wolf after Space Wolf wanted to have their own saga. Also, the Space Wolf was the ones that named them the Grendels.
Starting point is 00:15:16 And it just seemed like a random, apparently what I believe I read was that it's a random slang term for that thing in Fenrisian. So they fought a bunch of things. They didn't have the time, the name. But it looked at it, but they turned on the go. They flipped on the GoPro and grab the X. Like, don't start recording until the guy starts swinging back. Yeah. Because it'll look pretty lame if I punch this guy while he's sitting.
Starting point is 00:15:48 All right. So from there, let's move on to the Anulians. And so the Anulians come from a role-playing game in the 40K called Dark Heresy. They updated this, by the way. Yeah, it was okay. It was. I'm saying, they've got, Sniggs has these books. They updated the books.
Starting point is 00:16:02 Did they? Because it had some mechanical problems in the game for sure. Game's still fine. It's kind of what I would say about. It's a cool setting, though. So the Inolians are a small humanoid race, which I think is written to be like a mix between a halfling and an elf. Because they're one half meters tall, cough, cough, cough.
Starting point is 00:16:21 God damn it. I don't. All right, fun story on that, I looked it up. You're over 1.5 meters. And I had to look it up. I was concerned. 1.5 meters is actually under 5 feet. So you're okay.
Starting point is 00:16:34 But I did while writing the show notes, took a break to Google if this was taller than bread. But very slight of build. So the opposite. Yeah. So you're good there. You're good. What's funny about them is just the way they wrote them. They also say that their skin exudes a lubricating material, which makes them really hard to capture and hold on to, which is a cool idea.
Starting point is 00:16:57 But it just means that they're gross. Like everything they touch, they just leave an oil slick on. They're covered in K-Y jelly. Yeah, I'm just thinking about having like your child eat Cheetos. It's like, neat. Now I know where you've been in the entire house. You can always find you. Exactly.
Starting point is 00:17:13 There, they're just little track of them anywhere. Yeah, so basically the worst possible shipmate. Everywhere they go, they're just someone with OCD following them with this endless supply of paper towels. Can you imagine the servitors on that? Just like, blah. It's the only thing that they do in life. thing you have to do is keep the ship clean. It just,
Starting point is 00:17:33 the servitor would probably actually might regain sentience to kill the, kill the Illunian. Anyway, the Illunian, funny story. Actually, due fair, there's not a lot of servitors because they hate the Imperium with a passion.
Starting point is 00:17:49 Not humans, by the way. They're totally cool with trading with humans, just not agents or followers of the Imperium. Yeah. No reason why is given just that they hate them. And they're pretty, what I like about them is that they're extremely technologically advanced, but they hide it. So they wear what look like normal clothes, like simple tools.
Starting point is 00:18:09 But if they're threatened, all these tools turn into like special rifles. Yeah, they get specter gadget stuff off. Yeah, exactly. And their close combat weapons are called something going to whisper line, which is a monofilament technology. They will slaughter you. Well, they also have splinter pistols. Of course. Brad, so everyone knows, Brad was doing the finger guns while trying to think up what the gun was he was doing.
Starting point is 00:18:36 Now, by the way, not once, like shooter McGabbin over and over again. Like he was playing cowboys and Indians and shooting out. Look, it's shard weapons and they shoot a lot. All right. Thank you very much. Way to go. Again, the Marionette show continues. The Ordo Zinos, though, are really, really concerned about the Anulians.
Starting point is 00:18:56 And not because they hate the Imperium, that doesn't make you special in the galaxy. It's because when they trade with humanity, they do some, their trades don't make sense. They will offer up precious metals, items, technology, valuable goods. And what they ask for in return is like plants, bones, literal garbage. It doesn't make any sense. And so the Ordo Xenos are worried that they're actually performing dark rituals. They think that they're doing. voodoo on the imperialist.
Starting point is 00:19:27 Yeah. That's what I'm very good. So the Ordo Zinos want them all dead. But they want most people dead. It's not special. Except for the Jekiro. Yeah. So the Jokero, because the Jokero aren't aliens. Actually, be fair, I shouldn't have put them in the cast. They're not Zinos. They are. True. They are humans.
Starting point is 00:19:44 My mistake, guys, sorry. I just realized that. I should. This is the wrong guest. We'll do random, random, totally not aliens of the Imperium. It's just the Chokero. And the, and the, and the ogren and the rattlings. Anyway, the Bargat the Bargassi, I'm going to say, I'm going with Bargazzi.
Starting point is 00:20:02 It's easier. He's funny. We're just going to Nate Bargassi. Yeah, we're doing Nate Bargassi. I'm almost positive. He does not know this. I'm quite positive. He does not.
Starting point is 00:20:11 But anyway, the Bargazzi are an alien race from the right side of the galaxy that were encountered. Of course they are. Yeah, everything's either the fringe or the right side, which is where nothing's south, nothing's the bottom or the left. Yeah, if you're on the right, it probably sounds. A lot of aliens. They were actually kind of during the Great Crusade by the White Scars.
Starting point is 00:20:32 How'd they go for the White Scars? Not well. It sounds about right for the White Scars. They do love charging into battles they shouldn't be charging into. So the White Scars discovered that Bargazzi and lost almost entire brotherhood to them. And the reason why is because the Bargazzi are, spoiler alert, razor sharp claws with sharp teeth. But more importantly, they have a really tough hide that is resistant to most imperial weaponry, and they're lightning fast. When we say lightning fast, not we're working the jab fast, as in, oh, we didn't know we're being attacked by these guys.
Starting point is 00:21:09 Yes, they come out of nowhere. And so the only reason that the white scars didn't die is because Fulgram the Emperor's children showed up. However, even with two legions and multiple primarks, the Bargotsie, still couldn't be eliminated. So they ended up just saying, you know what, we're just going to jam them into the Grendel stars and call it a day.
Starting point is 00:21:33 I think you meant to say the eastern fringe? Nope, Starboard. The Starboard side of the galaxy. Starboard side. Equally accurate. I love a nautical term for it. Equally accurate. Why? Why can't we do that?
Starting point is 00:21:49 We'll go starboard. Watch out for the bow. There's a lot of rough stuff up there. All right, so two things about the Bargasi, though, that are pretty interesting. First, the Jukari are aware of them and like them. So, Jukari, Beast Men, which... Well, they like them for a specific reason.
Starting point is 00:22:04 It's not like they go, oh, these guys are cool. No, they want them to fight in the arena. Yeah, because they're cool as hell. So the Drukari will actually do raids into the Bargasi, or Bargazzi, whatever they are, and to capture them, to have them fight in the arena. The only problem with it is that they're not really domesticated. So you basically... capture one, then you release it in the arena.
Starting point is 00:22:25 And it's in the arena until someone kills it. That is true. Almost everything that they have, not everything. Most of the things that they capture, they sometimes use in battles. Yeah. And they can't use these at all.
Starting point is 00:22:41 Yeah, no, these, these just as soon as you let them go, you're just like killing everything. 100%. The cooler story about them, though, is the Imperium is terrified of them, especially with the Tyrnid invasion happening. So the Tyrannids, as we covered before, they adapt and change depending on the biomass they consume.
Starting point is 00:22:59 And the Imperium knows this. There's actually a shadow campaign happening out on the right side of the galaxy where the Ordo Xenos are doing all that they can can to keep the tyranids away from the Bargasi. Because their fear is if the tyrantz were to consume them, the new being that would come out of that would be just nightmare town. Which also, a couple of these, the Imperium is so ready to virus bomb and wipe out places. And then they just don't with stuff like that. Yeah, this is, well, I think my theory on this is that the Imperium knows that in order to kill the Bargasi will cost them endless amount of lives. And right now, by just by just keeping like a blockade up, they lose like nothing. So they leave them alone.
Starting point is 00:23:46 But this is the, it's the chapters known as the Iron Lords. The Iron Lords are sitting out there. And their entire mission is if a hive fleet does make contact with the Vargasi, they are to exterminate the entire, just basically blow up the sun and the stars, everything there. Do not let the hive mind learn about this genetic code. They should do that right now. It'd be way better. Let's have fun with the crave.
Starting point is 00:24:09 Oh, Jesus. Super cool looking. 100%. Super cool looking. The crave are a mix between a jukari and a bat. and they actually live both in the materium and the immaterial at the same time. And they basically are the Jukari, if I'm being honest. They raid colonies, but instead of like raiding them to take slaves back, they do it to eat.
Starting point is 00:24:32 Mostly people's brains. And don't forget the other part. What? The fact that they also suck their souls? Yes. Out of their bodies, fine. They're like, hey, man, this whole process is real sucking. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:24:46 What's crazy about the crave is that they actually predate the Eldar. They're one of the oldest beings in the galaxy. Like the Eldar, they are immensely powerful psychers, and the Eldar are kind of afraid of them, to be honest. They appeared in a bunch of Eldar writings. One of the cool examples of them is in the Lions book, The Lord of the First. So after the Battle of Eleanor, the Dark Kings were sent to a portland of an imperial, they're just gone dark. And they got there, and there's a bunch of them. world's under the control of these Zeno psychers.
Starting point is 00:25:20 So the lion decides, well, that's not happening. Kill them all. As soon as they arrive, the crave sent millions of thralls at the dark angels. And as they got closer, the crave actually began mind dominating the dark angels themselves, having a dark angel's turn on each other. The lion, of course, does what he does best, this moment in time, and says, nope. Yeah, not going down like that. The lion only has boots of my ass kicking.
Starting point is 00:25:52 Like which one of my boots of my ass kicking by putting on. They're already on. He just looks down at them and says, we're doing this. We're doing this, right? Boots and the boots go, yeah, we are. And they just wreck the crave, although not enough to exterminate them, just in this one, in this one area. The crate have since retreated back to the ghoul stars, but in some of the more recent
Starting point is 00:26:16 stories have been popping through in the in the imperium again they're so terrifying because their their mind control is of massive power but they don't see it as a limit and they know you don't know how many you have to have yeah they don't say like one crave could mind control 100,000 50 thousand can be entire system yeah you know you have no idea they because it looks like they can do it kind of at will so let's do one that a lot of you should be aware of the interacts and the kinebrae So if you haven't read Horace Rising, read it. It's one of the best books they've written. So the Kennebrac and the Interacts are a really key part of that book.
Starting point is 00:26:57 So the Interacts are actually a mutated human. So not true Zenos. They settled on their world during the Golden Age of Technology, and they've mutated now to have bat ears. Just why not? Yeah, because, of course, why wouldn't you have bat ears? That's it. In that period of time, though, they became, you know,
Starting point is 00:27:16 friendly to Zinos and one of the ones they were friendly with were the Kinnabrak, who were an ape-like alien, which no idea what that means, by the way, just that's what they say. So I'm going to repeat it. I assume they looked like people. My thing is I just said that they were big because they were larger. So I was just thinking they were a bunch of like. Gorillas.
Starting point is 00:27:35 Yeah. It's a gorilla. Fine. And at some point. It may be something completely different. The cool story in them is at one point they were actually at war with each other, the Kinnabrach and the Iraq and the interacts. And then eventually the war end.
Starting point is 00:27:46 and they made peace, and they joined each other's societies. During the same time, they met the Eldar. And the Eldar taught them all about chaos, the warp, all of this. And the Interox of the Kinebrak joined the Eldar in their mission to exterminate chaos for the galaxy. Luckily for them, Horace and the crew, including Erebus, just randomly showed up on their planet. Holy Erebus. Yeah, and despite having a ton of knowledge about chaos, they never learned how to determine. It's teched it. Again, Aerobus is so comically evil. He's just twirling his mustache. But what makes them important is technologically, the Kinebrake were master crafters of weaponry. And one of them was a special sword called an anathamine, anathamine, whatever.
Starting point is 00:28:37 It's wild because these are anti-weapons. You know what I mean? Well, it's a really, yeah. So the anathemy is a, it's a sword that's semi-sentient. And all you have to do is speak the name of its target into the sword, and it will always strike that target. Erebus finds us and goes, totally taking that. This is mine now. Gives it to a corrupted governor named Yugin, Yugentemba, and the rest is called the Horus Heresy. Yeah, that's neat. And then should happen.
Starting point is 00:29:08 Yeah. Sadly, the interaction in the kid back got to get eliminated, not that long after the Horace heresy by, by, by, imperial colonial efforts. The Imperium goes out there and discovers them and says, nope, wipes them all out, and there's now a nice, happy imperial colony where there's civilization used to me. And one of those also should have probably picked up that tech since they were creating slayer swords. Yeah. Like, eh, meh, meh, orbital bombardment. All right, the lacrimal. So, before we dive in, I'm on called the Ordo Xenos classifies all Zenos in the galaxy. It's mostly,
Starting point is 00:29:46 murderable and then definitely murder, but there's some that are murder with absolute speed and maximum effort. And these are classified as Xenos Horrificus. This is a real thing. We're not making that. Yeah, no, this is completely really. I just want to say this is 100% of real thing. So all Zenos are a threat to the Imperium, but the Zenos horrificus pose such an exceptional threat that they have to be dealt with, although primarily these threats are often due to subterfuge. It's they need to be discovered and eliminated quick. Some of them, just for the record, Xenohorificus also includes the tyranids. It did include the Zotes at one point, but those don't exist anymore, which is great.
Starting point is 00:30:26 We don't speak that name. But a big one for them are the lacrimal. And this is because the lacrimal are shape-shifting vampires. Yeah. Big problem. They also enjoy showing up an imperial space. Yeah. And so the lacromal, what they do is they sneak onto imperial.
Starting point is 00:30:43 ships in the form of regular imperial citizen and then slowly consume each and every one. Is this the plot of the movie thing? Yep. Is that movie awesome? Yeah. Also, yes. Again, there you go. That's another movie who you go watch today.
Starting point is 00:30:58 Go watch the thing. The original one. The original one. Don't watch the remake. The original one. Yes, some of the CGI is not the best. Yeah, it's 40 some years old. But it's not 40 years old.
Starting point is 00:31:10 Is it? Yeah. The 70s? I said we're in the 80s now it's right I'm 40 something years old I like I just love watching it dawn on you that's how long ago things are
Starting point is 00:31:27 God it's fine I don't we're going to come up in like the 40th anniversary of the movie Commando soon that's going to go weird uh anyway when I said I was going to kill you last yeah I lied it would be so good
Starting point is 00:31:41 movie so good It's so, why does that dude wear a chain mail tank top? Like, there's nothing more 80s bodybuilder than a guy walk on in a chain mail tank top for just no reason. No reason. And not even like, well, what if I get stabbed? It's really thin chain mail. You can see you right through it. It also covers just the front.
Starting point is 00:32:03 Yeah, exactly. It's completely pointless. It's a cut down on the size. Yeah, you're right. It's almost a strappy. You're right. Oh, it's still an incredible film, though. My friend's very tired.
Starting point is 00:32:12 And you would, by the way, 100% die if you just hung onto the wheel of an airplane. And jumped off. And then jumped off into the lake at the LAX airport. Remember his pants get. Yeah. Maybe. A little bit wet. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:32:29 But it's like also, I fly out of LAX all the time. You're only going 200 and some. There's no water there, though. I'm awesome that piece of, I'm not sure with that random piece of. Didn't know. All you needed. Maybe it was Orange County, but even there. You know how few people have seen Commando that are listening right now?
Starting point is 00:32:45 That would bother me if that few people. They will bother me if you guys haven't seen Commando. I know I haven't seen a lot of things, but it's Commando. I love everything about it. All right. We'll be right back after a quick break. In my professional life, one thing I know well is how challenging managing a global team can be. Just the act of creating one has been an extreme challenge over the years.
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Starting point is 00:34:05 or planning to grow. The fastest growing companies in the world use Pebble to stay organized and reduced risk and founders use it to scale faster without feeling like they need to become HR compliance experts. Bottom line, it simplifies global people operation so you can spend more time growing the business and supporting your team. Pebble's new standard discounted pricing is only $399 U.S. dollars per month per employee. That'll help you contain costs. Go to high pebble.a-i to get a free estimate. That's high p-e-b-l-a-i for a free. estimate. Back to the cast. The lair. So the lair were another chaos worshipping race. They specifically worshipped slanesh. So this probably isn't going to go well. They're a mix between,
Starting point is 00:34:52 I can't write this better, a snake and an ant in that they had a snake body with an insect head and giant mandibles. Anyway, Great Crusade, their target for destruction by the emperor's children. My only put two together here, guys. Didn't go that way. Yeah. So this ended up being the downfall of the emperor's children to Slinash. So the Lair prioritized perfection in everything they did. Upon birth, the layer would decide what their author were going to be,
Starting point is 00:35:28 and they would begin genetically modifying them to make them the absolute best at this, like a messed up version of the Eldar in all candor. The perfection caught the eye of Folgram while he was slaughtering them. And he kept walking around this campaign of genocide and just couldn't stop staring at all the perfection around him. The way the buildings were built, every angle, every piece was absolutely perfect. Even their food, their designs, they're just everything. Even the way that they fought, they fought, Fulcrum was amazed at having this incredible opponent who fought with real, like, beauty in their savagery. The flip side, though, is the lair worshipped slender.
Starting point is 00:36:11 Nash and they wanted to pull Fulgram. They're poisoning. This was never about winning. Exactly. They extended the war. And what happened was the layer were well beaten. But it was still, I think it was over a year. They fought. And it only ended when the final
Starting point is 00:36:27 layer was killed by an emperor's children. This burned in Fulgram's mind. And Fulgram began even more obsessed with perfection and perfection and perfection. And here, Flanesh got her first taste of Fulgroom and began pushing him down the dark pan. And it was a cool deal because Fulgram gets very slowly. I like Fulgram's fall quite a bit.
Starting point is 00:36:53 It's one of the better falls. Because he doesn't know he's having fall when he finally realizes he kind of just doesn't care. Yeah, right. Because when you think about like Angron fell before he started, same with Conrad. You know, they pre-fell. Morty and Magnus were tricked. Horace was actually, even Horace was kind of tricked. Lorgar was all in.
Starting point is 00:37:17 All in, yeah. Well, it's not even Largar. Let's be, to be fair, didn't use any of those for it. Aribus leads the Legion. That's true, yeah. At the point, yeah, but you're right, Fulgram's fall was more just, it was slow. It was slow.
Starting point is 00:37:31 And when he realized, he kind of just accepts it. Is it because Fulgum is also kind of an idiot? Yeah. Well, I mean, he also gets taken, he gets, Is he the dumbest? Is he the dumbest primar? No, Lorgard. Yeah, Lourgar comes up a bunch of plans.
Starting point is 00:37:46 That's the say. What is? Oh, it's, um, Jagatai. You hate him. He runs into combat for no reason all the time. Like, we are safe behind this wall. We can sit here and pummel our enemies from afar. I'm going to go run at them.
Starting point is 00:38:02 Why? We're literally winning this battle. And you're, I'm going to go out there. You know what, man? You wouldn't be able to sing Yolo Swagons. You do you. Anyway, here's a random one. Sirens.
Starting point is 00:38:14 I'm going to let you go off on this one because you're going to poop all over it. Of course I am because like this is every, this is the only one I'm going to shit on hard and I have to do with what. Sirens are identical to the sirens of every other piece of lore around the siren. The old, the sea hags that are tempting men to be in, but they're actually secretly a trap and they're going to eat them. Like the siren of 40K is not that different than the siren. of Witcher 3, except that they're a psychic race now that enthralls their victims with visions and feelings. And then when they get closer, they mentally enslave them and slowly consume their soul. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:38:55 I was just more, we could have skipped them. I was just mad they wrote them in there. I literally included them in our cast, so I could be mad about that. So anyway, the gulg. Fun name. The gulg are from a single planet in what is now Tau space. they're a giant bulbous being with like six tentacle arms. I kind of thought they were Dresolites.
Starting point is 00:39:15 No one's going to get that. That's from Star Frontiers, which is a TSR space setting. Jesus Christ, no idea. Yeah, that's 70s and 80s. 80s. TSR was in the 80s. You're not that old. It's not that old yet.
Starting point is 00:39:30 Somebody put it in the comments. Somebody tell me that you know what a Dresolite is. Oh, yeah, go for it. Anyway, so these are, These beings were living a very happy and content life on their plant. They were perfectly attuned with the nature. They had a life. There was no suffering.
Starting point is 00:39:48 There was no struggle. And then the Tao showed up. And the Tao kept going on and on and on about the greater good. And all we know is fast forward a little bit. And there are Golg in the Tao army. All over. But more importantly, there's Golk mercenaries all over the galaxy who hate the Tao. They broke them.
Starting point is 00:40:10 Yeah, because the tau, what they were, the therials, mind-controlled some of the Grog, but some of them were resistant to it and the ones who isn't left the planet. And so they're all out there serving on mercenary, with mercenaries and pirate ships. Let's just say those groups will have TOW in them. The Galg serve a really important part and point in the lore, though, because the Gogg are usually found in these mercenary groups, though, because they're really good at shipboarding actions. It's a giant... It can take up entire hallways.
Starting point is 00:40:44 Hallways and they can resist a lot of fires. They're used... Well, they're also immunal, like a bunch of things that everybody else is susceptible to. I'm pretty sure. Poison doesn't accept the... They're not susceptible to it. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:40:58 They might be my new favorite race now. Not susceptible to poison. Yep. Someone's going to... Unlike the necrons. Yeah. I've been poison. I can only imagine that other neckhounds go,
Starting point is 00:41:12 what are he talking about? Yeah, what happened? I'm dying. No, you're fine. You're not on fire, Ricky Bobby. I can't feel anything. You put that evil on me. Let's move on to the Barasana lush.
Starting point is 00:41:31 I just read this as Barassadhi when you sent this over. I'm not surprised. It's that they can tell you lots of times about my life. I had last name being mispronounced. All right. So the Barrosanelish are actually a mystery race in the galaxy. They're mostly made up of rumors. They're bipedal, but they have four arms.
Starting point is 00:41:47 Two are bigger and two are kind of smaller arms. I knew this race. God, I forgot about this. This is something from a bunch of different animas and random cartoons and stuff. They have two hulking arms and they have two basically arms that manipulate small. Yeah, exactly. So the two big ones can. punch you and hold the big gun and the small ones, you know, text.
Starting point is 00:42:11 Yeah, kind of. But they're used for, you know, doing other, just manipulation of small objects. Yeah, so they appear in Janus Drake's book. And the reason I bring this up is that he actually, he's never seen one. He only found them when he happened to uncover in heavy air quotes, some ad mech records. I'll say uncover. Yonis feels a lot of stuff. Heavy air quotes.
Starting point is 00:42:33 I just found this. Yeah. In his rambles around the galaxy, he finds a lot of stuff. Yeah. So the admec, an admec exploratory fleet, encountered something that they called the Barrasana Leshiers and just labeled them as hostile. That was it. But Janus decides to keep going. And he goes into the Eldar archives to learn more about them and has to go back to.
Starting point is 00:43:03 And again, his Eldar archives. must be quite robust because he ended up finding Eldar writings from the dawn of the Eldar civilization where they referred to a monster and that their civilization was at war with and it was the Barisanolysh given that the Eldar grew for over 60 million years you'd expect that the Barisana lush would have been eliminated because the Eldar were the most powerful thing in the galaxy for at least 55 of those million years, probably closer to 60. But no, the Admec encountered the Barrasana Lesh randomly. To be fair, the Eldar are real bad at wiping people out.
Starting point is 00:43:49 Once they win, they kind of just get bored. Yeah, my viewpoint is that the Eldar label you as a monster and a threat to their civilization. They probably would push a little bit to make you not exist anymore. So, yeah, that's all we know about the Barisanelish. They're just really kind of a hidden boogie. man. Unlike the mog. This is wacky.
Starting point is 00:44:09 The mog or just stuff. This is what every now and then someone at GW just gets to write something and no one checks it or edits it and it goes to print and it goes, that was random. Good job, guys. The mog are an amorphous blob. They're made up of a liquid
Starting point is 00:44:25 that holds at most a general form, torso, appendages and head, but nothing else. What I like about them is their bodies, are basically made of energy. So they create weapons from themselves.
Starting point is 00:44:41 The admec met them and were like, demon, demon, and then they were like, wait, no, they're not demons. Ooh, they're technology. Too late. Sorry. We already put that down next to you. Because they yelled demon, demon, demon,
Starting point is 00:44:56 ordo Xenos labeled them, ordo horrificus. This is weird of this being, though, because they say that they're liquid, but they also say that their energy. I think that it's just energy that flows like liquid. That's most likely what it is. Yeah, because the description is just, you're like, man, this isn't liquid at all, man.
Starting point is 00:45:14 So the Imperium's actually been at war with them for years to no success. Oh, God. Because they can't. It's just how do you kill pure energy? Also, there's not a ton of them. And they also are willing to just take off. Yeah. All right.
Starting point is 00:45:33 Quick hitter here that we're not going to do, the Siruthi. If you want one of, I think, one of the better Zeno stories, read the Eisenhorn novel Zenos. That's it. I'm just going to tell you if you like this cast, you should go read Eisenhorn Zenos. Those might be my favorite books. Yeah. The way that the reveal in the Surruthi is so cool. So that's that.
Starting point is 00:45:57 I love that we're not doing anything about that. No, no. That's just, I'm just going with it. The squirrel, which the first time I was saying, I read skull, like the chewing tobacco. I was like, what happened here? You know what we haven't done it a little bit? Talked about how horrible the Inquisition is.
Starting point is 00:46:14 All right. Hold my wine, Brad. Watch this one. So the scroll are arrays of invertebrates that appeared out of nowhere and started attacking a random agri-world. The agri-world calls for help and sends, of course, data on their attackers. It reaches an inquisitor who, when he watches the footage, notices the technology being used by the attackers is amazing.
Starting point is 00:46:39 And so the Inquisitor sends an emissary to meet with a squirrel who are eating. Oh, wait a second, John. Was the emissary there to tell the scroll to stop what they're doing? He said an emissary, not the Death Watch. I think we know where this is going. The emissary explains to the scoral that they're welcome to eat all of the people on the agri world. In fact, maybe even the one next door,
Starting point is 00:47:03 they just have to hand over their technology so the Imperium can look at it. The scroll said, all right, hand over a few guns and get back to slowly murdering this entire population while the Imperium reverse engineers it. To the Inquisition's credit,
Starting point is 00:47:22 as soon as they completed the reverse engineering. How is this to the Inquisition's credit? Well, they did orbital bombardment. Not only did I let you slowly and casually murder fest the population, then to make sure that you know that we're untrustworthy murder hobos,
Starting point is 00:47:41 we blow up the planet. But they don't exist anymore, so they did exterminate them. Yeah, you know? You're not wrong, I guess. Problem solved. All right, let's do it. Here we go.
Starting point is 00:47:55 The Slawn. Awesome sauce. So Brad and I were old enough and played the game long enough to remember when the slalom are part of the game. They're also part of fantasy. You're still part of fantasy.
Starting point is 00:48:03 Well, the salon were the pre-lizzard meant for fantasy. That's right. But that's right. Okay, that's right. The salon were fun story on this. I just got back from London, not that long ago. I go there for vacation. I like going there.
Starting point is 00:48:16 I went to the London Zoo. In the London Zoo, they have amphibians and reptiles. I bring this up because GW constantly talks about things being a mixed between an amphibian and a reptile. And then you look at it, you go, no, that's just a reptile. Why have none of you? ever been to a zoo. You have a nice one. So the slon were whatever, amphibate reptile, they were a spacefaring race that interacted with human colonists and space fairs.
Starting point is 00:48:44 They're awesome and fantasy. They're either of fantasy. They're leaders of lizard, but they're super psychers. Well, and they mostly inhabited the top part of the galaxy, that upper part of the galaxy, the bow of the galaxy, you might even say. The poop deck? Exactly. For four. for four editions and then just stopped existing. They never got, they didn't get retcon. They just stopped existing in the lore. And this is mostly because the original slon story was that they were the oldest race in the galaxy, pre-dating the Eldar and the Necronterr.
Starting point is 00:49:19 And it's because at some point the slon were the descendants of the old ones. But then G.W. wrote the war in heaven. and they didn't fit. Exactly. Because they were originally the ones who, in the old lore, they taught the Eldar all about the dangers of the war, the existence of chaos beings, all the,
Starting point is 00:49:41 how to build the webway. I was just supposed to say the big one, how to build the webway. Yeah. And so the GW had to, they didn't full on retcon them, but around 2004, they stopped being mentioned ever again.
Starting point is 00:49:55 And I prefer the storyline with a tyranny. are the old ones, not the random salon, so I'm fine with this. But yeah, they had did they have models? I actually don't know if they ever had models of the game. They just had models in fantasy. Yep, I mean, I know I'm from fantasy. And there's still, they're AOSS lot, no.
Starting point is 00:50:15 Speaking of the old ones, the enslavers. I hate the inslavers. I love the concept, the enslavers. Oh, just I actually, they don't hate them in the game. They're just in the game. They actually had it altered. Oh, I forgot they had.
Starting point is 00:50:30 the enslave or rule that was not so dumb you got to roll x amount of six-sided dice and that much of the leadership of your opponents came over to you during your turn you get you could shoot second edition or third i think it was third it was so annoying it was a white dwarf thing so they they would every turn they would get a random amount of your stuff to shoot it your stuff yeah it was wild that's cool though it's it's no vortex mine but a vortex mine but a vortense I'm going, but it's close. All right, so the enslavers. So the enslavers, they're kind of confusing.
Starting point is 00:51:05 So as we said in the beginning of time in the galaxy, the warp existed. It was the tranquil pool of energy. Then. Endless. Endless pool. Yeah. Then the war in heaven begins. And as the war in heaven begins, it becomes a less calm place.
Starting point is 00:51:24 At some point, later in the war in heaven, the first enslavers appear. And these are warp entities. The reason I bring us up is they don't have any relation to chaos gods at all, none whatsoever. They're just warp entities. And my theory on this, because again, I'm allowed to, because it's not written down, is that the war in heaven disturbed the warp just enough to create monsters, which honestly, as a D&D and Palladium kid, I wish they did more of. I don't like that the warp only creates demons now.
Starting point is 00:52:00 I think it's actually... It's cooler. It's full air. Yeah. But I think the concept of the enslaver is a cool thing, that the warp also can have beings coming out of the warp that are solely just warp beings. So anyway, what is an enslave? So enslaver is a giant head with a mouth like a spider and some tentacles.
Starting point is 00:52:20 And they just float around in the air using their psychic powers to levitate. They feed off the energy of psychics. and off of, well, other beings. They're not cool. Yeah, the way they do, it's cool as shit, though. So they phase in and out of the material. So they can basically do a warp jump anywhere in the galaxy, which means you can't stop them.
Starting point is 00:52:41 At any time. Yeah, there's no, well, they have to have a way to get there is the trick. And this is how they get there. So the enslaver or enslavers can detect minds of what they call an unprotected psycher, light years away. An unprotected psycher is just a. psycher who hasn't learned how to control their powers. So usually a renegade psycher, could be a young psycher, whatever it is.
Starting point is 00:53:04 Somebody that doesn't even know, latent psychers. Yeah, exactly. They're just sitting there. And what happens is they will light years away latch into them and begin to actually infect them. So over two or three days, this victim will get very, very sick. They get, and they get very pale until suddenly their body disintegrates and they, and a flash to become a portal through which the enslaver will teleport itself and up to two other
Starting point is 00:53:31 enslavers with it. From there, now they're on the ship or wherever they are. Now they can dominate minds even have protected psychers. They're overwhelming in their psychic capabilities, driving close. Yeah, they make zoanthropes look adorable. Yeah. And so what they then do, the reduced distance means they can just start grabbing things. they especially target navigators on ships or astropaths if they're on a planet.
Starting point is 00:54:01 Once the enslavers do this, they'll start to, they'll bring in, every time they do this, they bring in, they warp in more and more enslavers, more and more and more. Then as they all come in, they'll feed off of the cykers and then start feeding off the populace until an entire colony or an entire ship is lost to an enslaved. What makes them nastier is that they also will then enslave some of the population to do their bidding. So you can have a ship full of enslave or even a planet. Well, they also have one of the crazy things about the enslavers is when they enslave you, they let you maintain full consciousness to terrify you more.
Starting point is 00:54:46 Like you're fully aware of everything you're doing. You just are not in the pilot seat of your own body. When you're enslaved with them, you feel everything. Yeah. Yeah. So you're just like, this is awful and I can't do anything about it, but it hurts a lot. Yeah. I mean, the fun thing about the enslavers is that they keep being marked as extinct.
Starting point is 00:55:08 And they keep not being extinct. Trajan has one. Trason, he's got one tucked away in his little archive. They do pop up on occasion when they do the Imperium reacts and wipes out. that colony and every colony near it. They'll just blow up sons. Yeah, they will send the sisters of silence out there, too. Just be like, we're going to make sure that this is all the way gone.
Starting point is 00:55:33 They're a problem. They are. They're cool. I just, I like boogeymen. I think it's kind of cool. And I think the inslavers are really good boogeymen. Or they're terrifying on that because they can get big quickly. It's also, what I don't know is I don't know the enslavers are that are known about by the populace.
Starting point is 00:55:52 because enslaver, to me, make a really good argument for why your imperial tithe, you give over all your psychers. Because if you don't give over your psychers, they could show up. True. That would make more sense. But the Imperium doesn't make a lot of sense. Because the Imperium can't tell them about demons. Which is always, which although, that's a weird one in the Lord. Why?
Starting point is 00:56:12 Yeah. Well, I think they do, though, because all the guard know about them. So, you know, it's like whatever. All right. The YuVoth. So the YuVoth are a chaos worship. Zeno race who also hold up the upper part of the galaxy, no idea what they look like, just what they did. So hyper-advanced race that could actually manipulate the warp, and they were a space-faring race,
Starting point is 00:56:36 primarily. So what they did was they love to do actions for the chaos gods. That's all they care about. So they use their psychic powers. They would capture and they would enslave entire worlds, and then they would just use all these slaves for rituals. Like epic rituals. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:56:54 We're talking to planetary sacrifice at one time rituals. Yeah. And then they would move on to the next one. What I love about the Yuavotho is their tech. So they have something called void skin rupture. Void skin rupture cannons. It fires ammunition through the warp like a ghost, like a true goss cannon, not a necrine goss cannon, a real goss cannon.
Starting point is 00:57:17 But as soon as the munition leaves the barrel, it goes into the warp and then emerges just before impact. So they can effectively shoot around shields. The ad mech knows about this and desperately want to replicate the technology. I love that this is considered too heretical even for the ad mech. They're like, all right, guys, this is. I mean, not all the ad mechers, but there's a, there's a mego somewhere like, just shut up everybody and building this.
Starting point is 00:57:43 I got it. I got this. I can make this work. Yeah, they are, their technology was incredible. luckily the galaxy general jerusalem after a multiple decade battle did exterminate them so all the way oh yeah yes because the thing about the imperial guard is we don't talk about enough is when the imperial guard are given a task to eliminate something they will die trying and they're good at that by the way but got a lot of stuff too they will just bomb you yeah into submission or death uh the dracon
Starting point is 00:58:18 The dragon are not long for this galaxy. So humanity colonized what was effectively the last planet and the last system before reaching the edge of the galaxy. And of course, this planet's just super messed up. It's got an average wind speed of 150 miles an hour or 5,000 kilometers an hour. I don't know. That conversion's hard. I'm kidding.
Starting point is 00:58:42 I'm kidding. It's 241. It's so fast. Yeah. You can't do it. anything here. Oh, it's okay. It makes it worse. The, their oceans are all full of phosphorus, and
Starting point is 00:58:54 there's not a single surface plant or animal. Who colonize this place? This is a fixer-upper, guys. Exactly. Look, a lot of potential. All we have to do is de-acidify the oceans and get the wind to
Starting point is 00:59:10 stop blowing and beats front property. You know what I mean? This place is going to be great. I'm telling you right now. Get it on the ground floor. Yeah, exactly. super cheap, low down payments. Like, it makes no sense why they're there. But anyway, this plant is a hundred percent inhospitable. People survived.
Starting point is 00:59:30 So the Imperium recently went there and found that the humans are walking around. I mean, they decided that humans is walking around. You have 150 mile an hour winds. I'm assuming inside of their villages that have a very high wall and dome on them, they find humans walking around. But next, but they would carry with them these like one meter long reptiles. They had six limbs who were like fully sentient
Starting point is 00:59:57 and can talk. Yep. It's in the Imperium gets there. Like what the hell's going on here with these guys? And they begin, again, it's a planet that has no, no animals, no plants on it. So they immediately go, well, where did these things come from? There's no spaceships anywhere.
Starting point is 01:00:12 There's no effort. Yeah, there's nothing there. And yeah, and again, there's no warp because if these beings were warp creatures, by now it would have you would have infected the humans. Nothing there. So they have no idea where the draken come from. But what they do know is that the humans there treat the dracon with love and affection. Like they carry them around their shoulders.
Starting point is 01:00:35 They're part of local government. Like all of this stuff, the dracon are treated as equals by the humanity. So finally, the Inquisition has to take a hard. look at it. And their harder look at it is, hey, Death Watch, keep an eye. It turns out once the Death Watch got down there began, by the way, the phrase they used was the Death Watch questioned some of the members of the colony. I guarantee you no part of this questioning was polite or peaceful. Excuse me, I'd like to ask you about your friend over there. Oh, also I'd like to set you on fire before I did that. While we're doing that, just for chits and giggles. So it turns out the
Starting point is 01:01:19 Dracon have a psychic probe that they're able to do that creates empathy towards them the dracon, and they've been using that in the colonies. Now, so far, the Death Watch viewpoint is, well, they haven't done any harm, and all the people there probably would be dead if they weren't there. So we're not going to murder them all today. Yeah, they also didn't say they weren't going to. Yeah, but we're not leaving. We're going to go up into orbit and hang out there. I really think that the only reason the Death Watch didn't kill him is because it's so lame to kill them. Yeah. Because you could just do it by punching them. Yeah. They're also in the Jericho sector. There's a lot of other issues for the Death Watch. There's a bunch of shit going on. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:02:05 I'm just letting you guys know right now, you're not cool, but you're not on my radar. Yeah. Don't get on my radar. You're like, are you punching small domesticated pets. Yeah, no thanks. Yeah, it's not as tough. We're going to talk about the grossness? The crude? All right.
Starting point is 01:02:24 H-U-R-D. So if I sounds like I'm saying, if I sound like I'm saying that weird, that's why. No one knows how old they are. No one knows where they come from. They are quite likely as old as the universe themselves.
Starting point is 01:02:41 Even better. Up until fairly recent, we weren't even sure what they actually looked like. I like the root a lot. So it's because they can manipulate time itself. They're covered in something that's called an entropic field. And I know what that meant, so I had to look it up. An entropic field in this setting is a field around them that distorts time.
Starting point is 01:03:05 They refer to it as their sack, spelled S-S-S-A-A-K, sack, which I'm a-s-souc. which I'm assuming when they wrote it down, no one sounded it out. Because usually you wouldn't write, watch out for my sack. That alien has a very dangerous sack. Watch out for the sack, baby. Just saying, way to go, GW.
Starting point is 01:03:29 Anyway, how? Sorry, I'm jumping ahead of myself. We captured and dissected one by Amigos. Also, how? Yeah, not sure. They never explain how they pulls off because every time that they kill them, and we'll talk about later,
Starting point is 01:03:41 they disintegrate. but this one they did. And their anatomy just confused the Magos who was doing it. Because it's basically their entire body is made up of vertebrae. So they can bend and twist in every single direction, like a prehensal tail. But their whole body, it's like, it's, you know, I think it's a body in two arms. It might be, it might be two legs on a body and two arms. Yeah, they make, they're just a tube of weirdness.
Starting point is 01:04:05 Yeah. But it's made up of, on the drawing, it just looks like it's made up of a bunch of pieces of shit, to be honest. Yeah, it's all they're made up of it. And so what happens is they're not like cuddlfish able to like manipulate themselves, but they can bend and twist and change all these crazy things. What makes them even creepier is their exterior is actually not even living. So they've got this, you know, core of vertebrae, some internal organs, but then their exterior is actually a combination of decaying tissue, fungus, and necrotic tissue,
Starting point is 01:04:39 which the Magos believed was, was a, protective layer, although I will say one important piece about them is that they're really good at hiding. This thing would smell so bad. I was just about to say everything about it is, wow. Yeah, it's like the mammal. If you ever, if you ever go to a zoo and they have an indoor mammal exhibit, like, not great.
Starting point is 01:05:03 Yeah, that odors nothing compared to what a rude would smell like. And also, they can inject poison through their furs. Because why not? Yeah. Watch out space marines. Watch out space Marines. Of course. They've got some poisons.
Starting point is 01:05:16 My favorite one is that they're referred to as being nocturnal by nature, which I'm like, first off, in the 41st millennia, a being that travels through space, there are entire planets where the sun never rises. Nocturnal, just say they like low light conditions. Anyway, but I want to spend more time. Oh, God, about it. Let's it. All right.
Starting point is 01:05:40 Let's spend time on the sack. God, honestly, when I was writing it, I was like, oh, yeah, that's not, that's not going to pronounce well. So the sack is the field that surrounds the crude, and it has a lot of effects. The first and most basic is it obscures them. The field shimmers, it's the predator. All right, it's just, it's the predator. It gives them that look, except it's better than the predator, because when they don't move, you can't see them. But the idea is even when they do move, you can't really pinpoint exactly when or where they are.
Starting point is 01:06:09 but this only obscures them from natural vision. Heat, if you have thermal vision, you can see them, but it glows, but it glows wide. So even under thermal vision, you don't get a good detail, but you know there's a crude there. So basically use a big gun. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:06:28 Shoot in that general direction. Yeah. What's crazy, though, about the sack is that the entropy field rapidly ages, anything it touches, which is why we just mentioned earlier, when they were, the megos was able to do an autopsy. Traditionally,
Starting point is 01:06:43 when the Hruid dies, the entropy field actually basically falls through their body and ages them like 10,000 years instantly, and they turn to dust. It's crazy when they're fighting, because if you fight them and they touch you, you'll just, you just melt.
Starting point is 01:06:57 It actually happened. There was an iron warrior was fighting. And this helmet recorded this, that the iron warrior went up basically power fist or Hrued. And as soon as his fist entered the sack, the entire fist began to decay, and it just decayed and fell off. And then the Iron Warrior's body itself dissolved and turned to dust and flowed out the armhole. Yeah, it's crazy.
Starting point is 01:07:22 So shoot them from a distance. This system, by the way, also is how they can tell crude have been somewhere because it affects plant structures. You'll see where it's walked down a hallway. Desimation. Everything in the way is old. and withered it's been through. What makes them really scary, though, for the Imperium is that they're a fully nomadic population
Starting point is 01:07:47 and who lack their own true mode of transportation. They have like an almost internal warp drive. I was to say they're pretty scary because they get to just do jumps by themselves. They can jump by themselves. And so they can appear from anywhere. And what they like to do is appear like in the in-between decks of a, ship, the under levels of a city.
Starting point is 01:08:11 But now I don't mean like the under hive. I mean, actually, like the gap between the floors of the city. Because, again, they can twist themselves in the tile of spaces. Whatever they want. And they'll sit there and they'll live there undetected until they decide to come out. And the Imperium, by the way, has no idea why they do this. Yeah, they just, they have zero clue. Yeah, they just appear.
Starting point is 01:08:36 And they'll appear in large groups. and they'll migrate into an area. And then as the Imperium goes to mass, a reaction, before they get there, they're just gone. They've moved on to somewhere else. They have no idea. They don't conquer. They just cause havoc, destruction, destroy things.
Starting point is 01:08:53 It's crazy. Yeah. And I just will give an example of, like, how bad this has gone for the Imperium. The crude have defeated in combat, the Mordian Iron Guard, the sons of Medusa, the dark angels, Valhalla, Ice War. Warriors, Cadians, Death Watch. And when I say, like, they hold victories, they didn't run into a couple of them. Everyone I just mentioned launched a full-scale assault on the Hruid and lost.
Starting point is 01:09:21 Pretty badly. Yeah. Or Soccer Creed, though, he won. It's crazy, though, because they barely knew how to hurt them. Yeah. And also, if they get close to you, you just instantly die. Yeah. There isn't a shield, anything.
Starting point is 01:09:36 They just, you come inside that field and you just, you just, you just ate a thousand years. It also affects weapons, too. You shoot weapons at them and like the bolt will actually disintegrate as it goes in there. So energy weapons, good. But yeah, anyway, I think that's actually, that was good, right? That was fun. I enjoyed it. All right.
Starting point is 01:09:59 Obviously, you know, we're going to call it there. I'm sure we've missed some Zinos and some that maybe you really liked and, loved. Sorry about that. We just had a triage just a bit because either close to 400 of these in the lore that I found, plus some others that got a bit more on the edge. So we just wanted to have some fun
Starting point is 01:10:18 with a few of them here and there and kind of help set the stage. Next week we're going back to our coverage of like really kind of more official lore with vampire space Marines. The Blood Angels. Space Jesus coming in, baby. I know a lot of you love them.
Starting point is 01:10:34 So we're going to be doing a multi-part on them talking about, you know, their origins, death of their prime mark and their plays in the modern game. He's got angel wings. Yeah. Along with, but then we're going to do some deep dives also in some of their more famous successor chapters, which I'll be honest, I like those more. I'm not a huge blood angels fan, but I am a flesh terrorist fan.
Starting point is 01:10:52 Blood drinkers, flesh, yeah. There's just some cool stories about them, namely that they don't get to join the Death Watch ever. Oh, no. Yeah, your chapter's secrets that you're not leaving my sight. But until next week, this has been John Barcati and Bradchester. This guy.

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