The 40k Lorecast - Episode 76 - The Harlequins pt 1 - Where they come from, who & what they are.

Episode Date: March 4, 2025

 On today’s cast we begin our coverage of the Harlequins! We start with the history of the Harlequins (what we know of it) and more importantly their god Cegorach. From there we move onto the masques of the Harlequins and how they interact with greater Eldar culture (Craftworld, Corsair Fleets, Exodites, and Drukhari). Then we dive into the different masque forms and how they wage war. We then close out on the weaponry of the Harlequins and their units.PatreonMerchandiseDiscord Link:Our WebsiteRetro RecallOur Sponsors:* Check out BetterHelp: https://www.betterhelp.com* Check out Pebl: https://hellopebl.com* Check out Pebl: https://hipebl.ai* Check out Shopify: https://shopify.com/loreAdvertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy

Welcome to the 40K lore cast. Welcome to 40K lore cast with me, John Barciati and Bradchester. This guy. On today's cast, we're going to fanboy about Eldar stuff. Clouds. We're going hard on the paint because I love Harlequins. I know Brad likes them, but I know I love Harlequins. But as always, for those of unaware, the 40K lore cast is a weekly podcast

in the lore of the Warhammer 40K universe, with new episodes releasing every Monday at 7 p.m. Eastern Time. Before we begin, we also always ask everyone to follow and comment on the cast. So the only way that we're going to reach new listeners is via word of mouth and the stream platform is promoting us. And the best way to have that happen is for your comments to bump us up in the algorithm. So for those of you who are leaving comments, thank you. I do read them. They are quite funny.

Seriously, I appreciate. Additionally, in the show notes, isn't about. You can see the link to our website, the 40KLorecast.com, along with our Discord and our Patreon. Our website is growing. It's a space where we now have more information on the cast, Brad's coaching services, merchandise, and even upcoming events. that we are hosting. The Discord we also bring up to because it's an online community that we established with the cast in mind.

The goal is to make a place that we could interact with our listeners, but more importantly, our listeners can interact with each other. Right now, at time of recording, we're close to 6,000 members. Nope, we're over. Fine. If you're listening to this in the future and you can't find our Discord. We are over 6K right now. No, I believe you.

I'm just saying that if in the future someone tries to find the Discord and they can't find it, it's because I burned it to the ground. You're real weird about this, too. It is a, well, I, okay, so I do want to call out Kevin, Nick, Masey, Brian, Ethan, Steve, Ryan, Trevor, and David for moderating the Discord. If it wasn't for you, I would have exterminated this thing so long ago because 6,000 people on the internet speaking to each other is not always a recipe for good. Probably being fine. I've never seen the internet, the anything but informative, correct. Yeah.

And nice. Very, very polite. That's what it is. So thanks to our moderators, it actually is a functioning Discord. And I recommend anyone to come join it. It's built a really healthy community there. But if they ever all decide they want to moderate it anymore, it will probably cease to exist pretty quickly. It's only a couple clicks.

Lastly, for those of you who play the game, Brad is a coach of 40K with 31 years now playing the game. I've been playing for several years. So I think it's at 31 years. close to 10 years of coaching, Brad's really a wonderful resource for anyone trying to improve their experience on the tabletop. If you want to know more about it, you can go to our website, the 40KLorecast.com or our Discord and contact him directly about his services. So with that, onto the cast. It's clown time. All right. So the harlequins. Harlequins are outside looking in the dumbest, maybe the dumbest thing in the entire range. I think you meant to say the most

awesome thing. Well, just the aesthetically looking at it, you're like, so there's a bunch of random clowns you can play. And it's like, well, let's put what they look like before we get to what they're. Exactly. They look like clowns. I mean, like actual acrobat outfits. They look like carnival.

They look. I mean, not everyone goes as hard to paint. So I will be candid. I painted, I've painted 90% of what I own, which is a lot of 40K. I have painted zero minutes, zero seconds and zero milliseconds of my harlequins. They are all custom. They're all commissioned painted because they have a beautiful checker pattern on them. And there's no scenario I could do that.

Also, did you get the Eldar face for their bikes, a forge world? No. That's forever ago. That might be 20 years ago. That was, yeah, that's no one yet. What do you mean no one? I know people that have that. Because you know people have been playing the game for 31 years.

I know other old men. There's other old people who like, when I was younger, we didn't have electricity. We had to play games by candlelight. We had to carve our own D6s out of wood. And then we played a sci-fi game. Yeah, we played a sci-fi game because, you know, future's future. So the harlequins look kind of odd. I'll be honest, first time I saw them, I was like, what the hell is this?

And then you start learning about them, and they're the most awesome, I think they're the most awesome thing in the entire galaxy. They also put out plays. That's a real thing they do. We're going to get to that. So let's talk about. I know, but I'm saying you have to set the stage for, why do they keep, why are they saying clowns?

Because they are fully dressed in. They are dressed as clowns. They're posed as clowns. And not Bozo the clown. We're talking. Like Cirque de Soleil. Cirque de Soleil. Yeah.

They look like carnival acrobats. They look like carnival acrobats. They're very awesome. Let's talk about them with them. So the Harlequins are, they're actually really mysterious part of the Eldar race. Because they've lived forever entirely within the Webway in a pocket that no one can get access to unless guided there by the Harlequins. And their master's of said Webway. Oh, yeah.

There's no one knows the Webway better than the Harlequins. So. the difference is while part of the Eldar race, the motives and actions of the Harlequins are actually a mystery even to the most knowledgeable Eldar. Put them at odds a lot of times too. Right, because the Harlequins, like, they'll never align themselves with the enemies of the Eldar, like the chaos, but their actions will oftentimes put Eldar or Drukari at risk and even to death from, you know, said demons.

But they would never, but never, there's always a reason behind it. Right. A lot of times the Harlequins, the rest of the craft worlds will talk it out eventually. Yeah. To other Eldar at least. Yeah. Why they did what they did, the Harlequins will just smoke bomb and leave and you're like, what the shit, man? Yeah.

Why did you? We just lost half our forces in Eldar. And the Harlequins literally just are just not there to respond. Yep. Very fun. From the standpoint of the Imperium, the Harlequins are maybe the most concerning of the Eldar. And this is because their motivations are completely unknown to the Imperium. their place of origin can never be assaulted.

And the Harlequin's ability to travel within the webway has created some security concerns. I mean, it's not like they just showed up unannounced at the palace. Yeah. On Terra. On Terra. And fought their way basically to the doors of the Golden Throne and then went. And then legitimately forrest Gumped it. Yeah.

I'm kind of tired now. I'm just going to go home. Yeah. And again, it told no. one why they were there. Yeah. The custodes just all of a sudden started getting wrecked by a weird Eldar clown. It was one guy.

The Solitaire. Yeah, the Solitaire. And then they brought all the custod forces to go deal with Salterre. And the Solitaire went, all right, that was fun. And just left. No, no information. No one has any idea why. So let's just say.

What they were doing there. Do they take anything? No. Do they get to anything strategically that they needed? Nope. We don't think so. Yeah. Exactly.

It's also true. We have no idea. And that's what makes the Harlequin. So I like, yeah, the Harlequins, the Imperium is not a huge fan of the Harlequins in general. I'm not a fan of any Xenos, but the Harlequins are the one where like the Drukari, it's like, hey, we should wipe them out. But the Harlequins are the, what the, WTF, are they here? Someone figures something out about them. Oh, God, panic, panic, panic.

But even within the Eldar, the Harlequins are met with concern because, as we were just saying, saying, they will go from your ally to your enemy out of nowhere. So not necessarily in the same battle. They have done that a few times, but it's primarily where you as, like, Sam Hain, are fighting somewhere, and the Harlequins will come out of nowhere. No announcement, by the way, just appear. Fight by your side and help you win.

And then fast forward, like, two or three years, because, you know, that's a short period of time to an Eldar. Sam Hain are fighting, and they're fighting against the same harlequins that they just seen. Like, what the hell? And they'll only kill a portion of your force and leave. Yeah. They're like, I don't know what just happened.

Why? Now, one thing I will say with the sad face is Brad and I both do agree on this that the tabletop to lower harlequins are the furthest apart. Yeah, it's good. It's very close with custodes, but Harlequins. It's not. It's not. I'm sorry. It's just not. Individually, with certain models, especially. Yeah, I mean, custodes are, don't get me wrong, custodes are good on the, on the tabletop. I mean, this is a thing where like, I play guard. As a guard player, I should take 20 Kriegsmen, run them at a single custod. And the custod should kill all of those Kriegsmen with the, with the Kriegsman. Like he picks up the first guy and he's windmill jamming.

It picks up the first guy and then beats to death the next 19 with that first guy. That's fine. And they don't do it. Harlequins do that to the custode. The harlequin attacks the custod. The code never lands a hit and just get stabbed to death while a harlequin talks shit. Yes, because certain things, and we'll talk about it a little bit later. But things like they're flip belts, things like the fact that they can just phase in and out of reality effectively.

It works on the board, but also there's so many stories of them killing the most heavily armored opponent because they just went, hey man, I left my knife inside you. Goodbye. We'll do more of this later. But like, for example, the death jester has the accuracy of Deadpool. That's the best way to explain it. And on the tabletop, no. No. Like, we'll tell us some fun story with these guys later.

But anyway, it is what it is. They also, as we said before, do represent the most difficult paint job, I think, in the entire game. It looks so cool, though. That's why it's the most difficult. Because the difference is, like, I don't have great vision. I'm in my 40s, I have to wear reading glasses, all that stuff. My armies look fine. Harlequins, the problem with harlequins, you can't get away with fine.

People notice when it's just fine. They're like, oh, you're playing competitively, so you painted these guys quickly. I mean, there's a big deal on that because I painted up the orcs. Yeah. Then I was about to start with the Eldar, and one of my buddies went, whoa, whoa, whoa. And I went, what do you mean? He's like, you can paint orcs as orcs. Yeah.

You can't be painting Harlequins and Eldar. As orcs. As orcs. No, no, no. It's the same with, like, Death Guard's a great one for that because Death Guard can be a little bit sloppy. They're allowed to be, but like, thousand sons can't. No. So, anyway, let's dive into the history of the harlequins.

So the Harlequin. So the Harlequins are a pseudo shootoff of the Craft World Eldar. Kind of like the Craft World Eldar. They fled the Eldar civilization before the fall. And they did like the Drew Carrey. They went into the Webway. But they did this well before Eldar Society even had a hint of collapsing. Yeah.

We actually don't know when they started. I love this part of the history. It's one of the things that I don't want you to tell me why what happened. Leave it in mystery. Exactly. No, totally agree. The origin of the Harlequins actually is with one of the Eldar gods, Kegarach. It's spelled Segurak to any American because it's a C.E.

It's the first two letters. I was presented to Sagarek, and then people kept telling me, no, it's Kegarak. Whoa, whoa, back it up. I think you meant to say the Laughing God? Yeah. Yeah, there you go. I will never say his name ever. It's Kegarak.

It's a laughing god. So Kegarak is known as the Laughing God and because he's a trickster of the gods. Not like Zeech, who's trying to say. to undermine and like manipulate mortals and fool them. Kegarach instead kind of just laugh. The line they use is Kegarik laughs at the follies of others, kind of letting them choose their own paths and enjoying. Letting that choose their own doom.

Yeah. But he also did he did that with the other Eldar gods. Oh yeah. He's basically chaotic neutral Loki who was chaotic evil. Yeah, because what I liked about is that what he relishes in is serving as the pun when those paths. Like he's the Kegrakew just shows up to laugh at you while you like fall into the volcano.

Your decisions made in your most prideful moments. Yeah. That's what he's there for. There's nothing he loves. I heard you talking all kinds of how awesome you are and how this is the only decision that is right. I'm right behind you. I'm going to follow you the whole way and I'm going to literally bring out a 10 piece

orchestra to play as you as you fail and die. Yep. I like Kenne Wreck. I think most of us do. He doesn't have ill intentions. That's the whole thing. Exactly. No, no. Is he a dick sometimes? Yeah, he's a lot. Oh, he's horrible. He's a wild trickster. But again, when we say trickster, I want to make it clear to people. He's not a trickster like Zinch. Zinch is actively trying to deceive. He's a manipulator. Exactly. I would say he's a trickster god. He's not, but, and when I say Loki, I don't mean Loki from the Avengers and stuff. I mean Loki from the, I mean Loki from the. actual mythology. He was kind of a bad dude, a trickster. More than kind of, but yeah. He did some weird shit.

I'm saying, but he's more just straight up a trickster of I just want weird stuff to happen. Yes, I think a different way. My viewpoint on Kegarach is more that he effectively has infinite precoq. He can see forever and just choose, but doesn't, because he knows the future, he's there kind of, it's like when you watch a movie for the second time, that's what Kegraak's doing to the entire galaxy.

And he just sits back and goes, ooh, there's a really good part coming up. And he's super excited where someone's about to get their comeuppance after talking. He's not he's not lured people into the do. He's just watching it. He just watches it and doesn't. Although the question on Kagorak is, does he get involved? And this is why he's so important in modern lore because he may serve as a greatest chance for the materium to defeat the immaterial. Yes.

We'll get more on that later. More importantly, Kegarach was believed to be the only elder god to survive the fallen birth of Slynesh. We now know that Isha is in Nurgle's garden. Kane has been shattered into a bunch of shards, but still pseudo-exists because the artisan can resurrect him. You can bring him back as a piece of him in the avatar. He's every.

He just is shattered. He's shattered, exactly. And now we have Yenid. The god of death. The god of death, which is very important for some stuff coming up. I love this with the Yerter, with the old. The ultimate trick. You remember, Slanesh came and did all this, destroyed the Eldar civilization.

The laughing God talk shit. Yeah. Just Sleneh. Two Slenish from the webway, knowing she couldn't get there. Right. And she was like, yeah, you ruin everything, but also you kind of suck at everything. Yeah. And Slaneh was like, I just dominated your civilization.

It's like, good to hear. Yeah. I'm going to trash your stuff anytime I can. Yeah. Whenever I want to, I'm going to pop out of a gate. you can't see or access and jack up your stuff and then go back through said gate, good luck with that. Have a nice day.

Bye. And so with the birth of Slanesh, Kegarak, we said, hid. With that, though, let's spend a bit more time on the actual Harlequins themselves and their function in Eldar society. Here's the bet my favorite part about one of my favorite. I'm going to say this 15 times. This is going to be worse. I want everybody to know this will be worse than what I say literally. which is every part, every episode.

But I'm going to say my favorite part because there's multiple things that I'm getting really excited about because I get excited about whatever I can see at that moment. But the Harlequins have always been, maybe not always been with Eldar. We don't know when, but effectively forever. But they're the scalds and the poets and everything. They keep a history of the greatest achievements and the greatest falls of the elder. Let me, yeah, let me kind of dive a bit more into their function because it is, it took me a while to actually grasp this as someone who was reading about them years ago, is that the Eldar are poets, historians. They have incredible amounts of knowledge, but they also, the way that they perceive the world is different. They need to be able to tell the stories and the lore of, you know, of their being.

And they can't do it with just writing it down and reading it. And that's what the Harlequins are. The Harlequins put on a performance. But it's a performance, a psychic performance. Exactly. It goes in everywhere. Because, again, we have to touch on this as smidge. Remember that we talked about this forever ago.

Eldar feel everything 10 to 20 times more than a human does in everything. And they feel it in different ways, too. Exactly. And that's what the Harlequin's purpose, at least pre-fall, was to take all the knowledge of the Eldar. and express it in a form that would effectively drop an Eldar. I mean, when I say drop it, what it means when the Harlequins perform, the Eldar stop functioning. They just stare at this performance.

Yeah, they can't even go anywhere. Because it just hits all their senses. Their play is happening in every sense on the psychic plane. It happens. It's a psychic thing. But the biggest thing is that when the Harlequins put on their play, you feel that you are, you recreate the event, not just like you are there operating a mech or something,

but that you feel what it felt like to be at that event. And that's a big deal for the elder. Yeah. And so the Harlequin's in my mind, I can, I know where GW stole this from, it was the Globe Theater. There's no question. They stole this whole concept from the Globe Theater of it being traveling.

Because they travel around, they put on performances. There's a central hub somewhere, which is the globe. but that was holy it's moved around and did all this stuff they've taken in some cirque du solet kind of i think more in the models but not in the story it's more of the story well i guess cirque du celi does tell a story too but let's say do you don't you don't speak bad about my serk to saleh what's okay sir la i was like this is really this is going to be really stupid why am i going and like five minutes in i'm like this is the most amazing they've ever seen also how can anyone be that jacked also these guys put on two shows five days a week.

How is everyone not dead? Well, I assume they're all under 30 because I think I do it. You want me to do 47 flips every night, twice a night? If you were a Cirque Dissile performer in your Discord, let me know. I actually, I genuinely believe that they take these people out like a horse,

like a race horse. Like, are you going over there? I just think they're all sitting in that floating liquid pool of regeneration. They're doing the Raza Gour pool. If you haven't been to Cirque du Soleil, honestly go. It is, you've got Two very different people. Like, Brad and I are friends.

We've got different tastes and stuff. We both are like, yes, like this is awesome. So anyway, the Harlequin performance. So when a Harlequin does a performance, it's called a mask. Sorry. What? They used to be so much better about this in the game. I know.

The different masks mean a lot. Well, this is what I get, the problem is the term mask also gets used too many times. Because the performance is called a mask. But even the troops are part of a mask. A mask. But each one's a different. Yeah, they are. Oh, that's right. That's how that. Jesus, I forgot about that.

You're right. It's right. Each of them, I totally forgot, each of the masks only puts on a specific play. Right. Wow. It's such a big deal in that. And these plays are amazing. Also, if you're Eldar, currently, you kind of don't want to see the Harlequins plays because most times Harlequins show up, something's about to go down. Yeah, and the lore, they are some pretty heavy plot armor. The pretty heavy plot foreshadow. Like, oh, the Harlequins are here. They're like, oh, this is going to be an awesome show. Wait for it. Wait for it. Wait a minute.

Yeah. Are we going to get invaded tomorrow? Son of a bitch. Cool thing about the masks, though, when they perform them is that it's, as I was just saying, it's a full performance. It's not someone coming out and giving an oratory speech. So the Harlequins, they do speak, but they don't really speak in clear terms. When they perform, it's the audience's job to interpret the truth behind the displays.

And if you're basically, if you can't follow what we're doing, you're too stupid to be an Eldar or. Yeah. And they put you in an emotional state specifically. So you, they just, you have to understand that. This is one of the things that the Harlequins are so well respected by everybody, including the farsewers who are effectively the guides. Yeah. Even the Drukari have a thing for the Harlequin. It's like, you know, the Dr. Curi homunculi will go and watch a harlequin.

Also, nobody messes. with the Harlequins when they come and put on their play. Oh, yeah. Oh, you're auto dead. You do that. Everyone would kill you. Everyone would kill you because, well, for two reasons. We'll get that more than.

But they'll get two reasons. One, how dare you? But also, two, we really don't want angry Harlequin showing up here because they're not very. Forgiving? Yeah, I was saying they don't use surgical precision when they want to bench. They've also hounded down people forever. Yeah. One fun thing about the Harlequins, I was we were just discussing with the plays, is that as the

elder were going towards the fall, Harlequins were more and more present on the worlds performing the, and it was really just one mask over and over again, showing the fall and birth of Slenesh. They were telegraphing this to everybody. They just told everybody that's going to happen and everybody went, cool play. I've learned nothing. And you're like, how? How? It's literally, we wrote it to appeal to all of your senses. You did, but I'm going to go back to my murder cult over here because it's just super fun. So anyway, the vast majority of the Eldar didn't follow the Harlequin's warnings. Although the exodites actually were the first ones to watch it and go, oh, let's get the hell out of here.

They did that way before everybody else did. Yeah, but it was, I forget which codex I was reading. They pointed to the Harlequins as being one of the reasons for it. Oh, 100%. The exonites originally went, yeah, they just told if this is going to happen. I'm leaving. I'm leaving now before it happens. And everyone else was like, yeah, give it a minute.

Same of the craft worlds. But the craft roads were like, hey, we should build giant planet ships. Yeah. It's going to take more. more than a couple minutes to do this. But we'll get them done. Interestingly, though, post fall, the masks have turned now.

They still do tell some stories, but a lot of it's now forewarning. And the interesting thing about that is they will do these dances, not just for Eldar. They now are doing them for the Imperium. And other races, not orcs and not tyranns. No, but it's funny, though,

because they've actually had problems with this, because if I do it, If you do an awesome play for John and I, and neither one of us are psychers, well, we just missed a third of what you're saying. We talked about the Eldar cast. The Eldar get annoyed meeting with the Imperium because they show up to the Imperium and they have to tell them a bunch of really complex information. And they do it in about 11 seconds. And the Imperium just stares back at them and goes, I didn't catch a single word you just said. Four and a half hours later, the Eldar is breaking.

In Fuego, ad. has has finished what they did in 11 seconds and are super angry about it. The Appearum goes, all right, let's go do something about this. The Harlequins are the same thing with their plays. They're like, check this out. Pageantry, magic. You know, it's a Lady Gaga show, all this stuff. And the Imperium goes, I liked that guy's backflip.

It was a good backflip. You're like, that's all you got? Yeah, that backflip was all about impending doing. No one's a psycher here? Why are you guys? Why are you Monkais? So bad. Is there someone on the side doing the sign language thing? Like, everyone can catch up. That would be beneficial.

That is, by the way, what the Eldar call humans. Oh, I know. That's what they would need. The Monkai. Oh, I probably, yeah, because of the monkey. Yeah. Well, it's Monkai. Monkai. Yeah. It's really a stupid thing. I know. But it's Karen. They couldn't drop it. I know. They couldn't drop it. So it's like, oh, they still do this thing.

I like this point quite a bit. I love the fact that, as usual, besides my wild hand gestures, that I make all the time and I get up, I get up quite frequently. I'm also reading our notes as we go. And I like to point out things that not only you definitely can't see, but make no sense to bother talking about. Yeah. But John's got a good note here. And he says that Harlequins are chaotic good for all you D&D guys.

Yeah. And I couldn't agree more. You know, the ultimate, they are maybe the best definition of chaotic good I've ever seen because their methods are not the best. and they do not care how many people have to die for their cause so long as they destroy chaos. So if you don't or someone going, it's because they have a vow of peace.

And no matter how many people they have to kill to get it. You don't get that reference. Seriously, peacemaker is a great show. And Suicide Squad 2, 2, not 1. One was colossal garbage. With the best, the best suicide one, best trailer ever, terrible movie. Terrible movie. But Suicide Squad 2, terrible trailers,

because everyone's like the first one was horrible not watching the second one. And then you go watch second one. So fine. And it is absolute borderline perfection. We'll be right back after a quick break. In my professional life, one thing I know well is how challenging, managing a global team can be. Just the act of creating one has been an extreme challenge over the years. Because one thing you learn quickly is a difficulty of hiring global talent and how unclear those costs can be.

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Edit this real quick. Probably cut, kick, or the most energetic. Of all the major players, the 40K universe, it's because their true logistics function, purpose, and the galaxy is known only to them. We know what they're trying to achieve, but not even fully. We think we know what they're trying to achieve. Because, to be fair, I kind of think the laughing God wants to talk shit more than he wants to do anything.

Yeah. He wants to win, but also he wants to... The Harlequins are definitely going to, as their plan, destroy chaos. Full stop. That is going to happen. The problem is that we don't know if that includes blowing up the entire galaxy in the process. And just hiding in the webway. Or maybe also taking the webway.

I mean, that's the thing. They may be taking everyone with them because, I mean, we'll get to, you know, Yonari later. But there is a viewpoint that maybe, all right, what if we just, burn the whole galaxy down, we still just defeat chaos. And from a moral standpoint, that's our real goal. So that's why Harlequin's a little bit dicey. Let's talk about where they live.

So the Harlequins, as we said before, live inside the Webway. Any of you who watch, or watch, any of you who listen to our Drew Carrey cast, know that they also live in the Webway. So they must be neighbors. No. No. Because the Webway is almost like the Imperium and that it's not a real space. So the Drukari have Kamara and some of the other, like, pieces in it. It's more industrialized.

They are building things out. There is an actual location. Anyone who wants to go to Kamara who can access the Webway, key piece there, can access Kamara. The Harlequins. And some people have gone there and went, oh, no. Yeah. Yeah, most people are at, most people have Kamara access them.

If we're being honest, it's not a great situation. but you can get to Kamara if you can enter the webway. Entering the webway and then getting where the harlequins are is not possible. The harlequins, no one actually even knows where the harlequins are in the webway. We know we'll get to the Black Library later. We know that that's there, but that's about it. We have no idea, and it's not been in any book, how and where the harlequins survive. So the webway itself, just a quick little side note there, the old ones made it as a way to traverse the galaxy.

the key part of the harlequins being in the webway is their ability to traverse the galaxy literally in an instant. And a lot of people get this, I think people get this wrong with talking about it. It's not like traveling the emitterium and it's not instantaneous because there is physical distance in the webway. Not in reality.

That's the thing. The thing is there is distance in the webway, but there are numerous with the harlequins, they appear in an instant. Yeah, well, that's the thing. They could appear across the galaxy. Yes. But there's still some distance.

Could we talked about it when we first talked about the Eldar? Well, that's more, that's new. That's the thing. I had the same thought, and I went and looked back into it. The current Eldar method of using the Webway is they have to go into known webway gates and they have to go through them.

And they actually will also have to pass into the materium. And go to another gate. That's why it takes time. The old way of the Webway, it was instantaneous from anywhere. True, because they went to point, they went to gate to gate. Yeah. Because they know all ways.

Exactly. What's happened is post the fall of Slanesh, it's collapsed, except for the harlequins. Well, they also travel because they make the bridge. Exactly. And so this is one thing that people get wrong. I found a lot in just in conversations is that the Webway versus the warp travel. And so what we talk about, the Webway is massively faster than, you know, and more convenient than warp travel. Well, it's also.

you're not getting killed. Well, so the big thing is it's a matter how you understand them. So the warp is this ever-moving, ever-changing. And so what happens is when you go into the warp, you're going into another dimension effectively, but you still have to navigate through that. It's a shorter distance, but it still is a distance. Yeah, but also the laws of time, space, and physics don't matter.

But they still do to a point. And the example I use is if you read the Eisenhorn novels, he talks about doing warp travel, it taking months or weeks to get somewhere versus Webway travel, which would be, is the dance. You still have the, I'm saying the Webway, you could lose time. Remember, we talked about that. Yeah.

We were talking to the original, the Siege and Terrant stuff, and people just showing up a year after they were supposed to be. Exactly. And so it throws stuff off. The Webway is dead instant and it's reliable. And the problem is also with the warp, honestly, is this is before even discussed the problems of like, you have to have Gellerfields or else. the warp will eat you, you know, forging a path because stuff just moves within the webway.

Something just moves within the warp. So you might be traveling a path and all of a sudden, oopsies, chaos demons. The thing, because we don't talk, well, we should do a cast on warp travel at some point. But a lot of ships just disappear in warp travel. That just happens. It's part of the deal. Cough, cough, cough, Tau try to use it. Well, that's the, that's the Tows fault.

I mean, that's just that's just the Tao's fault. I just had to throw it out there because there was no other way. We were going to touch on Tao. And I'm going to mock the Tao here. Maybe it's not, maybe it's not in the Tao's fault, but they tried to do warp travel with no psychers. Yeah,

there was never, this was no psychers and not knowing about Gellerfield. Yeah, it's like there's everything about this. And my issue with that they're there were super technologically advanced, whatever. The more important was there are humans who are part of Tao. She didn't ask a single one of them.

Hey, when you guys get here through the warp travel, what do you do? Oh, we build a big ship. Got it. Build big ship. Thanks. Have a nice day. I do.

I really, really want that Tau fleet to eventually show back up and just go, I don't want to talk about it. Hey, are you guys okay? I'm not talking about it. Where were you? Shut up. Never. Nope.

But I'm never leaving our home planet ever again. Like driving so far. I'm only living on Tau. Yeah. The seventh sphere of expansions actually, it goes to other direction. You know, they go, it's the old map that there be monsters here. Like, no, don't leave this place. Oob.

Yeah, we're staying here. The biggest piece of the Webway versus Warp Travel is it's a mapped route. So while we talk about, you know, the Harlequins have a full map of the entire Webway with every single exit, every single thing. Whereas the warp, you don't. You work, you need a beacon. You have to have something that you're following. Yes. Because aren't landmarks in the warp, by the way.

because they're moving. Yeah. And they're also all bad. Yeah. You're like, where is a Nergel's garden? Yeah. I'm going to mark that down.

Oh, that seems bad. Yeah. So today's journey, this week's journey is going to take us just past Nergel's garden. I don't think we're going to get past that. I'll be honest.

I think we're going to go near it. Yeah, it's going to be bad news, but it's like going through just a turbulent ocean where you're like, hey, I map the sand on the bottom. You're like,

that is definitely not going to be what's there. anymore. So the Webway allows them to get P places as an instant. I should also call out, though, necrons do have their own goofy technology that was kind of does this. They face ship, but they do the wormhole deal. Yeah, it's hard to gauge, because I do want to throw something out the Necron players who might, I don't want them losing their minds. Like, what about Necrons? You're right. Necrons have like their phase shift technology, which does allow them to jump distances, but they have to, actually, it's the same as Webway. That'd be premarked. They have, they have, they have, They can't just randomly.

Then they can do short jumps so they can guess, but that's about it. But the webway is much more, much more involved because the webway also goes a lot further. And as we said earlier, apparently is a webway entrance in the golden throne outside of the one that the emperor tried to build. So. I mean, he did try to build his own webway in the basement. Yeah. Shit didn't go great. Yeah.

I mean, but he was correct to want to do it because it wasn't, it wasn't even the chaos element. It's just, it's the speed. If he could have figured out how to make. a webway. Because he's bad plan. He is, but my point is, I look at Magnus's fault. Yeah, totally Magnus's fault. But my viewpoint on the, on the emperor's trying to do, it wasn't just, hey, I don't want to deal with chaos. It's a scene with the old ones. The old ones in my mind didn't build the webway because they were worried about chaos because there was no chaos. Yeah, there wasn't exactly they did it because it was a better system. Oh, 100%. It was so much faster. It's still,

even when the warp, the Imitarium was Old One style, which was a endless serene plane, it was still an endless plane of ever-changed. And this is where it's kind of a cool thing about this, is to the Eldar civilization, you know, obviously old ones built it. As it grew, they built more webways. So the Eldar, as their civilization,

just expand, but put webways everywhere. What's interesting about that is that that's the only method of travel they have. They have faster than light drives, barely. That's about it. So the Eldar and the Tao have about the same vehicle speed. That is the funny thing on that because the Eldar never bothered because why. Why would you make a better engine when I could be anywhere instantaneously?

Why would I make a worse engine is a better way of saying? It's like, so I can go anywhere instantaneously? Yeah, but we really want to cherish the journey. That's good. That might be the best thing said today. Yes. Go to my wife. Hey, I think about going on vacation in England.

Cool. Are we going to fly? Nope. Sailboat. Why? Just want to have really not like you after four or five days. Feels like a really good decision. So anyway, at the moment of the fall, though, when Slanesh was born, the Eldar had to shut down a lot of the webways because she was, she did get access to some webways.

No. The, some. That's like saying we close. A lot of. We closed a couple streets down. No, no, no. We closed 90% of the highways, basically. Yeah, every Webway gate in what is now the Eye of Terror, that one's closed.

Yeah. Those are already done. Those are hard done. And that's where most of the side. The Eye of Terror is where Eldar lived. That was the Eldar civilization. Yeah. It was the eye of the Eldar.

Yeah. It was definitely less now. That was the, you're like, hey, where are all the Eldar? And then they went, magic trick, they're not there anymore. There was a whole bunch of Eldar, then there wasn't. But also that was the hub of all of their travel. And then they kind of did what they should and shouldn't have done. They panicked.

And they started shutting down. And when we were talking about shutting down the Webway, we weren't just dealing some boards on an entrance. They were collapsing portions of the Webway, which I don't even know how you do that because Webway is. Yeah, they've never made it clear. Yeah, exactly what it is. The webway is also alive. And so what happens is, as we talked about it's actually in the Droucari cast, in Kamara, Osdribal, I can't pronounce his last name.

Asbril Vect. Asdribal Vect has been actually opening some of these webways within the dark realm to expand out and help the Drucari actually get a larger section. Even the craft world Eldar, they're uncovering old webway gates and reactivating. All the time. All the time. Fun story on that. the Harlequin still have full access

to every single Webway gate. Yep. So even though they were turned off, they're not all the way turned up, except the ones obviously in the Eye of Terror. Those ones, those are hard gone. You ready for Brad Theory of the Week? I think that there's wildly more space

in the Webway created by the old ones that wasn't used. Oh, yeah. They just didn't really know about. Because they were also the disciples of the old ones. They knew what they let them know. In the same way, I think, yeah, the way I look at that is I think that, I think the Milky Way galaxy is a finite space. Obviously, the universe is ever expanding.

I also think the Imaterium is a finite space in that regard with immaterial to me, it's called the upside down. It's got two. That's true. It matches the universe. I think I don't think that the universe is ever growing and the galaxy has X monosquakes. Whereas the webway actually is infinite. I think that's the thing is that the dark elder just found. And almost an infinite amount of space.

They put two sons in there just because they could. Right, I'm saying. They just found all this extra space in the webway. Joey Chestnut's stomach. Yeah, exactly. I don't know how he does that either. He weighs 110. But also, just go ahead.

If you have no idea, just Google that, you'll figure it out. He's a competitive eater. He's competitive eater, which is just, yeah. But like, I think that the webway is semi, like, AI sentient, though, because I think it grows when you need it to grow. That's possibly true. Actually, it is sentient because they talk about that when Aramon tried to attack into it, the Webway itself.

And he just kept closing itself. Start just eating him and his troops. They just kept going, nope, this is not closed. This road doesn't exist anymore. But it also opened when the Dark Elder needed it. They didn't know what to do. Really, there's all of a sudden a new galaxy-sized space to put all the dark-old. Yeah.

You know what I mean? I will say a cool thing. If you guys have access to the older codexes, and I mean like eighth edition had in there. They used to have a map of, actually, I see the codex. Just look this up online. Who am I kidding? Go online and Google it.

Sorry. Like, hey, if you guys want, go spend some money or use the internet. It's free. What is this Google you speak about? As I'm saying, like, yeah, if you guys have it, if you can get access to an older codex, you could find a cool image or type into Google Webway gate map. Anyway, and it's cool because you can see where all the webway gates are, especially the one on Terra.

Oopsies. Anyway, so back to the Harlequins. For the entire existence, we needed that piece because all things the Harlequins do is based on their access to the Webway and their kind of infinite access to the galaxy. Because with this, you know, let's dive into that, actually. The Harlequins have lived within the Webway and they have truly mastered this. And this gives them two big advantages.

within the 40K universe. One, their God's not dead, pretty big one, and two, the Black Library. I want to throw this out here because I read this two days ago, whatever you sent this to me. And I'm going to give you shit about it because I haven't given you shit about it yet.

One of John's notes is, the Laughing God surviving the Perth of Slesh was pretty beneficial for the Harlequids. Yeah. You think? Just saying, when your God is still alive, You're doing pretty good. It's better than the other gods being dead.

Versus everyone else whose God is dead. I just read that and went, I booed my computer screen. I was like, boo. Yeah. In my defense, underneath that comment, I wrote understatement of a century. So I realized. Still booed him. The thing about Eldar gods is to recap, we covered them before, is they're not as powerful as chaos gods, but not that far off.

They're still God. That's the thing to remember. And here's how powerful they are. So Slinash, as we said, eats the soul of anyone, of any Eldar who dies. This is why I booed you because this is such a big deal. Sorry. But like. What's the time of it?

So the craft world Eldar wear a spirit stone. So that when they die, the stone will absorb their spirit and the Slenash can't get access to it. Because otherwise she legitimately nourishes or grows in power. Every time an Eldar dies and it doesn't go into a spirit stone, she consumes that soul. And the Drew Kari do it by just torturing soul and somehow they get power of pain. When a harlequin dies, Kegarach just laughs, swoops in, grabs a soul, gives Slanesh the middle finger and bails. It back flipped out. It's every time.

Smoke bomb. So the Harlequins are back to being immortal. The thing that all Eldar want, the harlequins have. They are legitimately an immortal race. which is kind of a big deal in the 41st millennia. Because the old Eldar actually had full-on reincarnation with memories. Yeah. It was interesting about this.

What I don't know is if that means that their soul belongs to the laughing God. Effectively. It's the interesting thing because, as we said, chaotic good. It's always interesting when your soul is owned by chaotic good. But think of the thing. Think of the thing. of the fact that while they revered, the Eldar revered their gods, they really didn't worship their gods in a traditional sense.

Yeah. They honored them, but it wasn't a, I'm paying due to their gods. No, they were like, this is a, this is a god. Yeah, this is a god. Yeah, and they were real gods, very, very real gods who had real godlike powers. So the Harlequins themselves all have. origins in Eldar, obviously. So every harlequin is an Eldar, and they all

join the Harlequins. And this is included by when I say Eldar, I mean old Eldar. So, Kraftworld, Drukari, Exodites, any one of, yeah, corsairs, any member, anyone who is a, genetically in Eldar, can join the Harlequins.

Once they join the harlequin, they don the costume and the mask, and they become effectively unidentifiable from there on out. You'll never see them outside of that. There's no, like, oh, they're all Yeah. Yeah. That's the, the thing is, is though, and they make it, it's different in some of the

stories whether or not they pull their own history out because they make references in the old old old, like some of the old old writings that once you become a harlequin, your past deeds are just gone. Yeah. Not just, you know, you're no. Yeah, I saw it too. I don't. Yeah, are they gone like you don't have any memory of them or are they gone where just

you have moved on from? Right. I don't know because they make it sound. Sometimes, like, just everybody forgets that person was ever there. I think Harlequins are meant to be kind of somewhat custodes, although custodes are taken at birth, obviously. But it's that piece of there is no connection between you and where you came from. Which does make sense because you do have, you have Droukari, exudites and craft world serving in the same mask together. Like, ooh, you know.

We covered Death Watch. They all actually had at least some level of commonality that started out. But these ones are. And the thing about it is, once you're a harlequin, you are, you are, are a harlequin in spirit, body, mind, everything. You just, you go, everybody's on board with, Tau you wanted everybody to do the greater good. Harlequins are doing the harlequin good.

Yeah, and it is also interesting to figure out where the harlequins, like how that recruitment process happens. And what I mean by that is we know that, you know, Eldar will volunteer, but there also seem to be stories of like when harlequins will be present on a craft protest or whatever, when they leave, a bunch of people are missing. Yep.

And, you know, we'll also have people, the one I do like, a lot of, some of them are actually are visibly taken, sort of, during the Harlequin performance. They put them on stage. Yeah, they go on stage with them and then they disappear with them. But this also might be they were volunteering. Because it's, what happens is the stories are,

a person is seen conversing with a troop master. And then they suddenly disappear. Right. But no one can hear what was said. So it may just be, this is actually how they recruit. and the few times you see it, people are like, oh, yeah,

I'll totally join the Harlequin. It's like, cool, let's go. You're a Harlequin. We'll be right back after a quick break. So once they've joined the Harlequins, as Brad was just saying, new life, new purpose. They're going to get the role of the light,

the role of the dark, or the role of the twilight. Each of these, when we see a role, these are actors in a play. So the light is always the protagonist of the story. But it's, go ahead, sorry. We'll die, at least do the overall.

I know, but it's like, So much more. It's not like your role. It's your role in the play, but that's not, it's your role in life. Well, because their play is their society. So let's, we'll just give the overview and we'll die more. So the light are the antagonists. I'm sorry, the light are the protagonists.

The dark are the antagonists. And the Twilight, who's my favorite, are the journey that one goes through to arrive at the light or the dark. Which I kind of feel is like the most important, actually. Oh, the twilight are the best. it's supposed to be what you're supposed to learn or get or understand in the play. It was ninth edition

where the Twilight were brokenness all hell, right? They were that, well, it became light. Light got worse. Light was broken at the beginning and then Twilight became the one that everybody played. Yeah, I just liked Twilight a lot. Dark got nerfed immediately. Yeah, Dark was immediately like, this is no...

Everybody gets to fight on death. You're like, no problem. Yeah, exactly. Cool, I'm going to charge my entire army in. And so it... Well, they used to... They had the fight twice. They had the fight on death. that happened even after you fought. Yeah, so I fight, you fight me back, I die, then I fight again. And for some reason, they were like, maybe you should take that rule out.

People are making this unfund. You're like, I don't like this game. So if I kill you, I die. Yeah, well, I won't tack you. No, rule says you have to. Yep, that's true. Oh, God, that was brutal. Oh, anyway.

So as Brad was just saying, each of these groups, light, dark, and twilight, this is their entire life, though. A player of the dark doesn't just perform the antagonist in a play. Everything they do, even the way that they wage war. And we'll cover more of this later is that of the antagonist. Twilight wage war in a weird way. But this is all because outside of combat, which is the majority of the time, the Harlequins will arrive at a place and put on a performance.

As we said before, the performance to tell a story to the audience. and the performances are somewhat customized usually to the audience. Not so much the story doesn't change, but which story is told is determined by the audience in front of them. And so this is why we talked before. When the Harlequin show up, the Eldar stop whatever they're doing and watch because they're about to get good information. It's not, this isn't a fun like, ooh,

Marriwood Children's on reruns and I want to catch it. You're not even just, you're not getting like a life lesson that you need. You're getting a, we're probably going to, have some shit happen to us very soon because that's what happens. Oh, every time. What do I need to learn from this right now to help me stay alive and my craft fruit stay alive? What's amazing to me is the way that they perform the place.

So each troop will perform their role with absolute perfection. And to a level what like, it looks almost like their one being moving in front of them. Because they, the way they, the way they dance, the way they dance, the way they flip the way they do these things. Again, Cirque di Soleil times a million. They show off perfection in speed, perfection, and accuracy, etc. However, to that end with the plays, they don't always just do plays. Sometimes they also wage war. And this is called a Seedath. I like this quite a bit because what happens a lot of times, especially when they do big incursions,

the worst thing to see is a lot of harlequins show up. Sometimes the harlequins show up and give you knowledge about what's going to happen, and sometimes a bunch of harlequins show up. And they're going to party. Yeah, and then they give you a play, but that play is, Tyranners are showing up tomorrow kind of thing.

Well, but let's talk about what happens when the tyrants show up, and the harlequins are still there. The harlequins also don't wage war in a traditional fashion. They still, they perform a play while waging war. So you're getting your ass kicked and your opponent is using the ass kicking to tell you the story of another ancient ass kicking. It's amazing.

So a fun example. So the serpent's brood is a play where the harlequin's ride in to battle on anti-grabb transports. From there, they then jump out of the transports and using jumps, kicks, and literally pirouettes. It wrote this in the codex. It said pirouettes. They slaughter their entire opponents, never touching the ground. Each killing blow launches them back up into the air to go on to the next one. They snap next.

They poke swords into heads until everyone's dead. And at their final killing blow, they leap up one more time back into the transports to disappear into the webway. And this is to tell the story of the ancient cosmic spirits, ancient cosmic serpents that would prey on planets from above. So they just wiped out thousands, tens of thousands of soldiers, usually guardsmen, by the way. And then that's what this is. So many guardsmen or fire warriors. And then they jump back into the sky and just go, did you all get the story? You followed that, right?

And it's like everyone's dead. Right. But there used to be cosmic serpents. And they would go through the galaxy. You guys didn't follow that? I was too busy having you cut off my head. Philistines. So each troop, therefore, has their own style of combat.

So we were talking about earlier. So the light, as the antagonist, they focus on speed and precision. So they tend to toy with their enemies, kind of at range, and then they burst through and kill and then disappear again. It's infuriating to a foe because they're all of a sudden distance, distance, distance on top of you. It is, you know, again, not an uncommon way to wage war, but that's a side. note. They did have to Nerf this. This was one of those, it got close to how it

was supposed to be on the board. Yeah. And remember when you said infuriating the foes? Super cool when you're talking about war. Super not cool when you're talking about two people playing a game of 40K on a board and one person is infuriating. When they just did all the six inch moves?

Yeah. It was so much fun to play. It was insane. It was so much fun to play if you had them, not playing against. Oh God, it was so annoying. So the dark focus on death and pain. So their goal is when they strike you, they want maximum force and maximum devastation. They intentionally leave giant pools of blood where the light would have left like a small mortal wound. So like when the light finishes a battle, if it's, you know, we'll just say guardsmen, for example,

there'll be a, you know, thousands of deads guardsmen, but all with like a single incision somewhere that killed them. And when the dark do it, it's a giant. pool of blood everywhere. Here's my thing on this. It's anime battles. They want anime levels of giant slashing, spurting blood shooting all over. That's dark. That's what I think when I think dark attacking.

I don't watch anime. Whatever, you're missing some cool stuff. I'm, I've nothing against anime. I just, it's like at a certain point, like as you get older, jobs, you know, careers, hobbies, children, you have to start saying, I'm just not going to, I'm not even to let myself

know about some stuff that exists because if I do that rabbit hole, I'm just gone. On a side story on that, I actually didn't fight it until much later in life and people came up and started. Right. And I was at a point where people like,

hey, are you aware, anime is cool now? Because I was born in 81. So it's like, you know, anime in the late 90s, it was cool when Transformers was technically anime. But it's a little bit as that. And then people are like, oh, no, actually, it's not super weird and pervy anymore. It's incredibly interesting.

Stories are well written. The animation is incredible. And I'm like, I would love to. I just don't have that time. Because my brain will then want to consume all of it. Mine was late 2000s is when I, anime existed. This is a time recording is 2025. If I were to get into anime, I would lose six months of my life because I would

find me all. I would go back to the old stuff and start. I would only watch things that people would go, you know, you know how I feel about this and they go, this is something you would like. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I just have to avoid it. All right.

Twilight though. So Twilight, again, my favorite. I love these guys. Yeah, so they're known as the balance of life and death. So their combat style is all about striking at the most opportune time. The Twilight do a very, like super movie style combat. They will put themselves in a position, like with sword out, whatever it is out, and they will just hold still until the opponent gets just at the right range

and they just kill them and they go back to standing still. Well, I want to expound on that because one of the best things, things about it is it isn't like they have a bunch of individual deals though because a troop fights as one whole yeah and they do these the one person still to let the other to get oh yeah they're all still you've got like 10 dudes are staying there perfectly still and as soon as the opponent gets the right range they all move at once and the opponent is not there it legitimately again looks like the plays happening because they move as one they're doing all these moves it's the ultimate robot there's but they're also moving so fast in doing everything.

But then you look at it later and go, did they just actually perform a bunch of ballet moves in this battle? Let's just say in the deep, dark sections of the Inquisition galleries, they watch videos of Harlequins drinking. And it's just like, all right, check this out. Like this guy's, let's take bets on how far this head is going to go once it's chopped off that body. Like 100% being done by the Inquisition.

Because they do full dances inside this that are part of the way that they fight, and they're all choreographed effectively. And one area I want to talk about is the difference here. Because we talked about, when we're talking about the Harlequin's fight as one, I obviously criticized GW a lot by using the same thing over and over and over again. It is different, though, than the space marines. Because we talk about the space marines fight as one, but they don't. They fight as one with a diversity.

of troops. So each squad in Space Marines is designed to do a very specific task that targets a specific enemy that's most susceptible to their style of war. That's why you have a Devastator squad, although those are mostly gone now. It's why you have

Thanks, Brad. I love Devastators. I know, and that's why we don't have, that's why their points are horrible. That's why we don't have nice things. It's why we can't have nice things. Each portion of a space marine army is designed to do a singular task. And then as one, all those pieces come together like Voltron and fight as one. Harlequins are not.

Harlequins actually fight as one. Each of them is a fully encompassed fighting style. The entirety of the light, the entirety of the dark, the entirety of the twilight can show up and fight. They will at times have multiples, but it's rare. It's usually just only one of them has arrived. It's usually only one mask is ever fighting at one time. In Laura for sure.

Yeah. And so this makes them truly an army of one in that regard. I was like to call that out because I don't want people being like, oh, well, John, when the Eldar do it, you're totally okay with it. But when everyone else does it, you're kind of a dick about it. Like, it's still probably true. But I'm justifying myself. As being a hypocrite.

So what this does, though, is the harlequins, it makes them, they just overwhelm their enemies because you can't even counterattack their style because it's just so diverse. Because every single soldier is not like, oh, okay, the light are here. So maybe I can draw them out and do. No, I'm dead. You know, or the Twilight. Well, what if we use range?

Okay, we're also dead. They just, they're such incredible combat. It probably looks cool. You mean, you're dying, but you're like, that was awesome. The harlequins, unlike all the lame armies of the 40K universe, are perfection in their simplicity. And I'm going to call this out. What are the lame armies? Well, they are.

Okay. The harlequins are. they've got eight data sheets. Eight. I know, but he's like, unlike the lame armies. Because I think they're the best.

The harlequins, all right, the paint shelves of pain on the ass. The good news is you just buy the same eight boxes over and over again. Also, suck it world eaters, by the way. They all complain about,

oh, we don't have enough data sheets. The harlequins have eight data sheets. Eight. And only one or, I mean, sure, when one to two of them are broken beyond all repair,

like, It is easy to play with them. But yeah, the Harlequins just win on the tabletop with eight data sheets. And up until 9th edition, void we were isn't even exist. That's true. Remember those? They only had ever seen one on the tabletop ever. So it was technically seven data sheets you were playing with.

They were fun. Anyway, Harlequin Tech. So how are they able to be so good with what is eight data sheets? And it's because Harlequin tech is Eldar and Droucari tech turned up to an 11. It's actually more terms of like a 13 of being honest. Because they took all just normal Eldar and Drucari weaponry and miniaturized it and improved it. Like she'd like the Death Watch, but just even better. Because the Harlequins have haywire technology, which so do the Drucari.

And it's just, but it's an EMP gun that fires electromagnetic energy that can just destroy electronics, but also kills machine spirits and scrap codes. It can drop, it just drops stuff in an instant. And the Jukari carry this in small rifles, basically. Yeah. Like it's nothing. Well, the thing is that the Harlequins do everything that the Eldar do, and they kind of miniaturize everything, to be honest.

The miniaturization is really cool. It seems like prism technology. So we talked about one of my favorite things, Brad's least favorite, the entire Eldar line, fire prisms. Because it's gigantic. It's gigantic and costs a lot of points. but when it hits things, it makes it go, boom. Yeah, you know, it's easier to do.

Bring a one-third the size tank with the same gun. One-third. They carry them. That's true. They also kind of guys have them in pistol form. Yeah, also true. Yeah. I was just thinking about the Void Weaver gun.

Oh, yeah. The Voidweber gun is the same thing as the Fire Prism gun. It's just a lot smaller. But they also carry them in pistol form because they're freaking harlequins and they're awesome. I mean, they do have shiriken, which I hate, so we're just going to skip the shiriken because it shoots little. It shoots little ninja stars for no reason. I know, I know.

I'm not even going into it. It's just a dumb. It could shred the opponent. So can a bullet and it actually goes straight. Yeah, but it wouldn't look cool. Yeah, if it was a spitting star, shut up again. You'd have to shoot it like this too. Yeah, exactly.

Like, what is this? Like, uh, anyway. But more importantly, though, the Harlequin's pistol game, I think is the most on point. With fusion and neural? Holy crap. Yeah. So the first one is their fusion pistols,

which is a melty gun that just, but in a pistol form, so you can get close to your, the most armored foe exist and just put a hole in it with your pistol. Or the one that doesn't get played enough, which was awesome, or is a neurodisruptor.

So good. In lore, on tabletop, it's effectively useless. No, it's because it does the two, we usually just straight do mortals for a while. It did do straight,

more or not. Now it's not. Yeah. But the neurot disruptor shoots an invisible energy at an opponent, all a sudden as weird electrons, and at the atomic level, so it can go straight through armor. This is why I don't like it on the table top, because in theory, this should auto

hit auto wound every single time, in the lore, because it shoots. It still is to be a two, I would say two, too, too. But it still should, yeah, you could miss. You have to just miss. But if I don't miss, you die. Oh, you have no chance. Once it gets through, because it goes right through the armor, and they actually just demolishes your nervous system and you just fall to the ground, paralyzed,

and then they can walk over to you and just stab you. It's the same thing with monofilaments, to be perfectly honest. Yeah, they're pretty similar. Well, monofilament at least is like, in the lore, there's stuff about monothilament can be blocked by armor. Well, it can be blocked by, like, actual void shielding and stuff like that. Armor, it just passes through. Yeah, the neurotorruptor just goes through and then you fall down, but you're not dead. You just, because you're nervous.

Well, maybe if you're nervous system turns off. you probably are dead. I mean, it's probably, how about this? It's not going to feel great either way. Yeah. But the greatest part of Harlequins, that's why there's a heavy side, is their melee weapons. And it's heavy side because we lost them all.

Yeah. The caress, the kiss? So up until stupid 10th edition, every harlequin had their own weapon. Now they're just called Harlequin special weapons. Yeah, they're just harlequin weapons. Kiss my ass. This one pisses me off.

So let's start with the caress, which I was going to sing the Misfits song, but I don't think I'm doing it right now. When I wrote the notes, I was like, oh, I'll make a funny joke. And I was like, I have a Misfits tattoo in my arm. So if you've seen me in person, you'll notice it. So the caress. The caress encases the Harlequin's hand. I love this weapon so much. It just looks like a hand.

That's all it looks like on the model. But what it is is it's a hand that's encased in a phase field, just like the Necron and Death Watch weapons or the Alexis assassin. The harlequin can then use its hand to reach into your body, rematerialize, grab your heart or organs, and pull them back out of your body la Indiana Jones. Kalima! Kalima! I hope they say that while they're doing it. But they could grab any organ, so keep that in mind. If they just want this to really, they really want to make a point. Dick move, man. They want to make a point. They want to make a point. Any organ.

But yeah, they could actually pull out an appendix. So if you, they could save a life. I feel that that's what they're doing. It would be funny. Just one Harlequin shows up and a bunch of guardsmen walks over a guard, the guy, swipes a caress at him. The guy just like, what happened? Like, oh, your appendix is no longer bursting.

That's Dr. Harlequin to you, sir. Thank you. And everyone's like that guard, wherever that guy is, he's incredibly important. Just whatever he is. No shooting at that guy. No one let him die. The next big, great one was the embrace, which is Spider-Man's web slinger,

but filled with the same monofilament as a warp spider gun. So what they do is a... This is so funny, though, because they effectively punch you and you're like, yeah, you miss me. You're like, oh, I'm dead. Yeah, they punch the opponent in the face or wherever, and just as they're making contact,

the Spider-Man thing shoots off, firing a bunch of monofilament into the gap of the armor that's right there. It just phases through. Yeah, just goes right in and then eats whatever soft tissue is inside of there. And then there's the Harlequin kiss, which is the most common of their weapons. The Harlequin's kiss is meant to be like the stinger of a bee. So you can attach to their wrist is a microscopically sharp tip. And so as the Harlequin's dancing around in combat, it basically, basically they move their arms out.

And it looks like nothing, but their opponent just suddenly drops. It's because as their arm goes out, this needle shoots out and goes through a gap in the armor and will make a small puncture wound, like, you know, into their heart. Yeah, but it sucks because it also does an explosion inside of you. Yeah, so it actually goes in, you're right, goes in. It, it punctures your skin or it punctures your armor. So it gets into your skin. It just, in a millisecond, explodes outward and expand.

and then collapses and comes back in. And so the opponent just drops. Because imagine you basically goes into someone's head and then their brain is turned to mush. Yeah. And then on to the next. You throw a razor blade net into my head and I haven't come back out. Like, I'm going to lay down now.

I don't feel very good. But all of those weapons require you to kind of be moved, be close and dancing. What if I want to move him possibly fast and just cut heads off? I don't know. Say you're riding a box. Yeah. Well, not you're riding bike. You're riding on the outside of a bike because the Zephyrglaves are, oh, I do love Harlequin bikes. The Zepaglave is a dude holding on to a Eldar speed bike, which is one of the fastest things in the galaxy with one hand. So there's a guy driving it. Then there's another guy holding onto the back and holding a pole arm with it and just lopping heads off as it flies through. Yep. At like Mach 3. Starlight is.

Oh, they also have power swords. I don't care about power swords. Just take the Zeproglyev. It's so much cooler. Well, it's a piece of, like, they have, like, Harlequins have power swords. And some of the power swords are cool, but it's just a power.

Zeperglave cool. Or caress cool. Yeah. Any of those things, all of these things are more awesome than, oh, there's also a sword, power sword, does a lot of damage. Also, all, all kills are done by back flipping.

I'm just saying. So as we said before, all the harlequins are made up of players in a troop. And so, as with all the plays, the basic, all the Harlequins have different roles in their troop. So the basic Harlequin is just the troop. You know, by basic, I mean an Imperial assassin level. The basic, the basic Harlequin. You know, basic, you know, really plain Jane guy, probably the same as a guardsman, you know, phasing in and out of reality. Out of reality. Can, you know, can have a conversation with you while having a fist fight with a

a stowed, you know, basic. Fighting in and out of a moving vehicle that's traveling, I don't know, three, 400 miles an hour, do the correction for kilometers for everywhere else. But and then, oh, yeah, did I mention, we talked about the whole not touching the ground. They often fight as, it's one thing they do in the game that's nice. They get to bounce back into Shandableness. Yeah. Yeah.

But they will just kill people and bounce back into their still moving transport. It's awesome. Cool thing about the troops is they actually wear a special mask in combat. So these ones are actually M-A-S-K-S. The other ones were M-A-S-Q-U-E-S. Mask versus mask. Yeah, it's the same pronunciation. Sorry for us.

Suck it in non-English speakers. This language is weird. Sorry, like just going to call that one out. But these masks that they wear are actually have the effect of everyone who looks at them see something different. not in this sense of like mission impossible, like where I appear to be someone else. It's way nastier. It's a psychological effect where you become face-to-face with your worst fears.

And so with this mask as a ability to do is actually will freeze an opponent or at least slow them down because they just get mesmerized by the face of the harlequin. Bring back in which case you get stabbed. Bring back initiative. Yeah. It made so much more sense when they have stuff like this. Yeah. Initiative, look, here's like, I know you want to read a initiative, and I get where you're coming from on it.

It is the ultimate feel bad. I know. Like it's the same with, I don't think we should, but they got rid of seize the initiative. Oh, that's terrible. That was awful. Such a bad feel. I'm going first.

Cool. I'm going to deploy my entire army for going first. Also, cool. I rolled a six. You're not going first anymore. You lose the game. Yeah. It sucked.

Anyway, if, any, we don't know how this happens, by the way, as far as getting promoted. But eventually, but some troops, become troop leaders, which are called troop masters. Yeah, lead players and they have troop masters. That's right.

The lead players, the sergeant. And then you have the troop master, who at one point were called avatars, because they were avatars of Kegarach, but GW changed that. Now they're just troop masters, which is fine. Basically, they're just a little more than a standard troop. They can, like on the tabletop, that's all I do. In the lore, holy crap, do they do more? So first off, they're the leader of the troop, and so they're in charge of leading the show.

So they take on all the key roles of the performance. They're also the ones who speak to the audience or victims. Yeah, I was just going to say. Same thing. The coolest thing that the me about them, though, is that they always leave evidence of their presence. So after a performance, the troop master will leave a small flag behind, and the flag is a symbol of the troop, letting everyone who watched the performance know who was performing or. A massive war. Yeah, a massive war where everyone's dead, and you let their calling card.

Yeah. The best is they do it the exact same way for either. Yeah, it's the same calling card. Frozen Stars were here. That was a wonderful performance. I'm glad that Frozen Stars were here. Frozen Stars were here, and the Inquisition's like, we have to kill every Frozen Star. The next one up is the Shadowseer, which is the ringmaster of the Harlequins.

They're incredibly powerful psychers. like far seer level of power. Also, can we just talk about how cool this model looks? Oh, the model looks amazing. If you're going to just grab a Harlequin, grab a Shadow Sear might be the coolest. It just looks so cool. I like Death Jester's, but yeah.

I mean, you can never go wrong. Because the way Death Hester is. Yeah, because the way Death Hester is. But so the Shadow Sears are basically a farseer level psycher. Fun note on that, though, in order to keep Slanesh out, Combra has a very strong no-siker policy.

And not like the no-shirt, no shoes, no-service policy, this one's real. Like, no-cykers. If a psycher is found within the... They kill instantly. Unless that psychers are a shadow seer, in which case they can walk around

yelling, I'm a, I'm a psycher, doing psychic powers. And everyone in everyone in Comra is like, cool, cool, glad you're here. Awesome. Super glad you're here. What makes them kind of fun is that they actually use a comment,

of psychic powers and technology to make their performances of the of the Harlequins even better or in combat doing incredibly horrible things. They buff, they buff, they buff. They also obfuscate, they buff. Oh, yeah. They'll, yeah, they'll blind the opponents. They'll use pre-cog to make it so the opponents. So the Harlequins used to have a double move.

That's what this was. The idea was, and this is, again, Lord of Tabletop when they get it right. a shadow seer could make one of your harlequin units double move. That came from the lore because in the lore, they were such powerful precogs that they could tell their other harlequins what to do. And it made the harlequins feel like they were moving at two or three times a speed of their opponents because they could match anything the opponent was doing because they knew what they were doing ahead of time.

I love their obfuscation because their obviation isn't where the predator were sneaking in. No, that shadow seers were actually affecting your. mind that you could not see them exactly they also did just have and yes i'm john seeinging right now that was all marionette puppets the entire of it but my favorite one is they could also melt your mind yes i miss mirror of mine that was such a gross power it was so much fun so okay you know your opponent it's the only thing that you did that you won when you tied everything else the defender wins on a tie this is the only one where the attacker won

So everyone understands the way it works is I would roll a D6 and my opponent would roll a D6. And if I rolled the same or higher than them, they took a mortal wound. And then we did it again and again and again. Until you won. Until they won. Although was it. Or you died. Yeah.

It was awesome. It was my favorite thing to cast. So annoying. It didn't work most of that. But when it did work, people were just broke it. It was so great. There was also a leadership chess. It was the D6 plus leadership.

No, no. No, no. That's the 1,000, that's a thousand sons or GSC. That's, it's mine war. Is that GSC? No, that's a regular elder. No, it wasn't, I couldn't know. GSC had one.

They have the same. They have, they have, GSC had one that was answered. And GSC and Mine War were the same thing. This is different. Right. That's right. Okay.

But the GSC one, they could act, just had to manipulate your leadership. So it was actually was impossible to stop. Yeah, because they could make everybody around you had a stacking modifier. Yeah. So it could actually be like, all right, I'm going to do with this power. That thing's auto-dead.

Right. So anyway, those were the good old days. All right, but death jester, my second favorite. The death jester is a sniper, meets a heavy weapon specialist, meets the Punisher. Their role in a play is to play death itself. They're the grim reaper, for lack of better analogy. They are the most cold and calculated killers ever. But they add possess.

because they're not, they're not just the, like, Leon level, like murderer who just going, okay, I'm just going to kill everyone. You're very well aware that there's a death jester there because they, they're messed up, man. Like, they hum a tune. They're known for humming while slaughtering foes. They can't do it in the game because there isn't a way to do it,

but they, in the lore, one of the biggest things they do is, you've got this devastating unit that's driving in a transport. and they just shoot the driver. Yeah. Like all that's all the time. One of their main ones. One of my favorite. So they also,

they congratulate themselves for very good kills. They actually take a bow and will applaud themselves. On the battlefield, just so. They're awesome. So their favorite is they love,

they'll be in position and they'll just wait while a leader is like giving a really rousing speech to everyone. And then as the leader is giving the final like, I don't know, this decibel. Today is not that day. The final word, his head explodes. Or they'll

just sit, the other one I love this, they'll sit silently watching troops mine an entire field. And then just as they finish, begin shooting at them, forcing them to run into their own minds. One of my favorite on the, on the tabletops was if a death gesture

shoots you, and that's still, right now, this is still a rule that you have to take a check. A leadership check. Battle, right now it's battle shock. Yeah. But before you had to take, remember, you used to have to kill guys. Yeah.

If you failed your leadership, you had to lose guys equal to whatever you did it. The death chester got to pick who died. Yeah. So you would lose coherency. Yeah. He would take the middle guy. The death jester was awesome. Oh, another one that they would do is they would shoot a heavy weapon team as they were pulling the trigger,

causing the weapon to explode. So basically shoot, so like as a guy's firing a rocket, he shoots him the leg, so that the rocket shoots into the ground and blows everything up. My favorite story of them was it's in the eighth edition codex, if you want to look it up. So it was a Mordian guardsman and his squad. They're fighting just an unknown enemy. So they call for extraction and there's a lander inbound. It was a single death jester.

After like picking off these guardsmen, a bunch of them found shelter, like a small trench, right, by the landing pad, they were hiding there. and they could see the death jester appear. And the death jester fired like three shots at them and went right over their heads and missed. Didn't miss. It hit the pilots in the cockpit of the landing shuttle, which then caused the landing shuttle

to crash into the trench on top of the morning guardsmen who were there. The commander survives this, watch of the death jester stand up, take a bow for himself, and then shoots the commander. You're like, take move. But cool.

Yeah, super cool. But let's get to the best. I mean, it's going to be awesome sauce. The Solitaire is the greatest warrior in the entire galaxy, bar none. Oh, 100%. I mean, I'm talking, I don't care about Gaz. I don't care about anything. The Solitaire is the greatest warrior.

The greatest distance between lore and table. The truth is he should not have a model. No. That's the thing. It's the same reason. It's the same reason they pulled Asgerald Vect out of the game. Yeah, because his lore is two nuts. It's like, oh, yeah, today I'm playing space marines.

Oh, what did you bring with you? The Emperor. Yeah. Things are probably going to do that. Do I get to play this game? Nope. New. Also, all of your guys die.

What? But, yeah, before they got here. Yeah, like they're all dead. Yeah. So the Solitaire. So set up the play first. Yeah. So the solitaire in a play has the most important role.

It's Slanesh. When the Harlequins are performing, their mask if on the story of the fall the birth of slanesh slenish is played by a solitaire and this is incredibly problematic because when a harlequin plays a role in in a play so much like robert de nero they're all method actors it will go no you got to go into uh who uh dances with woves or not dance with this costner what uh last of them mohicans oh daniel de lewis daniel leois oh yeah that guy's epic Yeah, so yeah, it's your Brad's right, it's Daniel Day Lewis. Daniel Day Lewis level of method acting.

That's what the Harlequins all do. So if you're playing Slanesh, you embrace and become the greatest enemy of your own people. And so in order to do so, the solitaire must like possess and control, like they're themselves and a power like beyond that of Phoenix Lord. Because every minute of every day, they have now opened their soul up to the attempt. of the fall. It's not just the temptation of Slanesh. It's the temptation to become what the Eldar used to be. And so every solitaire, they believe, is touched directly by Kegarach. And the God actually flows through them because the story is that for every, every solitaire, Kegrek has stolen them back from Slanesh. That's how they describe it. So they effectively, their soul was consumed by Slaneh. And then Kegarach took it back. as the greatest trick that he does. Yes.

But to be a solitaire kind of sucks. Yeah, they're complete and total solitude. They're always seen they're only ever alone and just wandering. The fun story is no one knows they're a solitaire. So they just kind of, they'll wander around Eldar and Drew Kari societies, but they don't speak. You know, there's, they're also headhunters. Yeah, you can kind of figure out that there's one nearby. and because they communicate with gestures and dances.

And I think this was supposed to be something kind of cool where like, oh, they're mysterious and whatever. But in my mind, it's more like, so basically everyone knows it's a solitaire and they just kind of avoid it because it's also a solitaire. I mean, it's still, it's mysterious and I'm okay with that. What's cool? Sometimes something doesn't make sense, but it's part of the mystique. The mystique. And I'm okay. That's fair. One thing I really do enjoy about them, though, is that even the other harlequins don't know if they're present.

So suddenly, while the harlequins are performing a mask, the solitaire a la Superman coming out of a phone booth will just appear in full costume. And the play changes on an instant and becomes now it's a story of the fault because a solitaire is here. And everything changes. And on the battlefield, oh man, on the battlefield, this is so crazy. because let's talk about what an average person moves on the board. An average person moves six. Yeah. The Solitaire moves 12, but can go 12 plus 2D6 plus another D6,

and then charge 2D6. Yeah, so I want to talk a little about the Solitaire. By the way, that's not enough. That's the craziest thing on the board, and it's still not fast enough per the lore, because the Solitaire just shows up. Per the Lord, Solitaire would have been. appear on the board and anything near it is dead.

But it also goes... And then the next turn, everything, anything between where it was and where it is now is dead. Yeah. It's, they're insane warriors. What I like about them, too, is that they're also revered by the Harlequin. So, as we said before, the Harlequin's troop is structured, where it's led by a troop leader.

But there's this, like, off-dotted line off the troop leader for a solitaire. Should a solitaire show up on a battlefield, every single Harlequin sees what they're doing, and follows the solitaire. They have complete and total control, but it's because they also always win. The example I use here is they have the precision in fight that makes a custode look like a bullgren. I mean, they are...

In lore, yeah. In lore, yeah. It's bananas. Hand-to-hand, they'll slaughter entire squads. This is what appeared in the Golden Throne. And the custodes didn't know what to do about it until it got bored and left. Yeah, and the thing is they're so fast,

it's the same on the game, they move 10 times as fast as most other people can on the board. Yeah. And it's still not fast. Because they'd had to win the times when the Imperium's seen a solitaire, they have to go back over the tape basically to find out what happened. Yeah. And it drives me nuts about this.

This is where on the tabletop solitaire is driving. Like the point where I almost don't like playing my solitaire on the tabletop because they are in the lore invincible. Yeah. They took on. They can almost kill. reliably five Marines. Yeah.

Like they could, I'm less upset at the lower killing rate. I'm more upset that the Marines kill it back. Like the Marines... Instantly. The Marines should be at a minus seven to hit.

They should have... The Solitaire should have a balance or something. The Solitaire should probably be unplayable because its rules should be so... I just want to help it with him. Like, when I talk them up, so there are numerous stories of Solitaire's

just killing imperial assassins in passing. Because the Solitaire is hunting someone down. There was story about this. They were hunting someone down. The Imperium sent Eversores to go to go protect the target. And the Solitaire just murdered all the Eversource. Although one time they did, the Solitaire did make the Eversore explode to kill the target. That was the funny one.

Well, how about we talking about? Let's talk about the real thing, though. What, that the Solitaire may not actually be a Solitaire? Yeah, this is the solitaire. Hey man, sometimes the laughing god shows up personally. Yeah, as a solitaire. Yeah, and then you're like, hey, man, I lost. Why?

That battle felt really unfair. Oh, yeah, you were fighting one of the Eldar gods. Yeah, you were fighting a god. Like, but like, you know, oh, you mean someone that people look up to and like, and they think he's impressive? No, no, no, an actual, an actual, an actual elder god. Like an avatar of him? Oh, no, no, no, he showed up personally.

The full thing. Yeah, the full thing. You fought a, you know, 60 million year old God. Oh, oh, oh. Like, you know what? That loss wasn't so bad. Yeah, it doesn't sting very much.

So I did get tooled up pretty bad. Yeah, it was kind of an ass kicking. But yeah, so the solitaire's, yeah, yeah. Again, the tabletop just makes me sad. Yeah. I don't think I've ever had a solitaire survive a battle. No, God, no. He kills something and then he instantize.

Yeah. Just sad. Just sad. Anyway, death gestures are actually good right now. But all right, with that, though, I think we'll break there because we've been a little bit long there. Next week, we're going to go more into what a Harlequin move. Next week, we're going to move more away from what a Harlequin is,

is what we were doing today, and rather focus more on their role in 40K lore, especially, like, as a vehicle that GW uses to move the narrative along. It's probably their biggest piece recently. I mean, you live fan boy on them as well as I do. We do give them much of passes and stuff we don't usually do because they are heavy-handed. sometimes with harlequins show up and move it, but I still like it.

Yeah, the difference is the harlequins have become the vehicle to move the lore along. And that's the whole thing. Because when the harlequins arrive and that means, ooh, plot change is coming. They play the role of the narrator quite a bit. I like that a lot. I will admit, though, I'm not 100% that they should be a tabletop army. Oh, no. Like, I just think, it's them and custodes are both like, you don't like knights or airplanes, which is fine.

But that's more of a, because that's a balancing issue, I think. That's balanced. Whereas custodes and harlequins both fall in the category of like. They're two O.P. Yeah, and lore, they don't belong on the table. So then you put them a tabletop and you're like, oh. You're always a little bit disappointed because you're like, didn't this thing just wipe out all of these things?

Yeah. Yeah. So yeah, my solitaire might be an Eldar god. And it just went down doing an encloser squad. Now it's strength six AP2, two damage. Yeah, exactly with four words. Yeah, that does not feel Eldar Gotti. Yeah, four wounds with a 50-50 save.

She doesn't really feel a whole lot, Eldar God. Pretty loose definition of God. All right, by the way, we hope you guys enjoyed today's cast, and you'll join us again next week. But until then, this has been John Barcadi and Bradchester. This guy.