The Blindboy Podcast - A podcast about why there's no podcast this week

Episode Date: November 22, 2023

A podcast about why there's no podcast this week  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Play tennis with the devil's dentist you bendy Breslins. Welcome to the Blind Boy Podcast. I'm back in Ireland. It's a sweaty November. I'm looking for freezing cold winter. I want dark ice Christmas nights. I want to see my blue breath getting lit up by lamp lights. I want to feel like Macaulay Culkin. I want to hit Joe Pesci into the face with a paint tin. I want to take a bite out of Santa Claus's beard. I want to vandalise some mulled wine with my lips. I want the cold to hurt my fingertips. I'm getting none of this. Cause November's

behaving like an armpit. Mr. Vincent Climate Change is here to stay. It's no more Old Man Winter. Old Man Winter's gone. We killed him with a hammer. It's Vincent Climate Change. No, I'm not calling climate change Vincent. I'm not doing that.

I'm not anthropomorphizing fucking climate change into some lovable rogue called Vincent. What would you call climate change? How could... Dara. Climate change would be called Dara. Fun's over when Dara gets here. Dara's asking would be called Dara fun's over when Dara gets here

Dara's asking you to leave the house party because you were doing a waterfall beside the clothes horse in the utility room and he's ringing the guards

just to be safe because Dara wants to be a barrister Dara's asking a teacher if they forgot to give his homework Dara's telling your girlfriend that she

could do better Dara's parents are landlords Dara's parents your girlfriend that she could do better. Dara's parents are landlords. Dara's parents are landlords. And the tenants pay the rent directly into his Revolut. So that's what climate change would be. It'd be Dara, not Vincent. Vincent knows a taxi driver who delivers drink at four in the morning.

Vincent spent two years in Colorado and became a Mormon. Vincent got backstage at Oxygen when he was 19 and smelled a line of coke off Paddy Casey's Mormon. Vincent got backstage at Oxygen when he was 19 and smelled a line of coke off Paddy Casey's tent. Vincent's breeding Japanese Akitas in an inflatable children's swimming pool. Vincent's a compulsive liar, but you don't care because his lies are so good. Vincent still lights candles in churches when he hears about people's mothers having strokes. Vincent spent two years in Colorado and became a Mormon. Vincent can't do shots because he gave his kidney to his little sister.

Vincent took Samantha Mumba to his Debs and any one of those might be true or it might be a lie and you'll never know because it's Vincent. That's just Vincent. Yeah, you can't have climate changes Vincent. It would have to be Dara, wouldn't it? So I don't really have a podcast

prepared this week. I don't have a it? So I don't really have a podcast prepared this week. I don't have a hot take. I don't have anything written because I've just come off I think the biggest podcast tour that I've ever done. About eight or nine dates up and down the island of Britain and Ireland. Consistent traveling and when I'm travelling all I'm thinking about is that night's show, I'm thinking about the guests that I'm going to speak to, I'm thinking about putting on the best show that I can put on for the people who are coming to the gigs

so, I'm fucking exhausted I'm absolutely wrecked and not not necessarily physically wrecked kind of a mental exhaustion I just want to go for loads of runs and then play video games for like two days.

But even though I don't have anything prepared, I'm still going to try and give you a little bit of a podcast hug. I saw a very interesting thing on Instagram today. It's called The Viral Butter Candle. The Viral Butter Candle.

What it is is it's a large loaf of bread like a tiger loaf you know one of those big round crusty loaves of bread and then in the centre you dig a hole in the centre of this big round lump

of crusty bread then separately you get a paper cup and in a pan you melt an entire block of Kerrygold butter. Pour that into a paper cup and put a candle wick in there and leave it cold in the fridge. Once it's cold, you use a knife and you remove the paper cup, you remove the paper and what you're left with

is a fucking candle made out of butter so then you get your butter candle and you place it in the giant hole you've made on the bread and then you light it and the butter candle melts into the giant loaf of crusty bread. And it's called the viral butter candle. And I'm not saying it's a good idea. And it's not something I want to do. It's just a loaf of bread. With a fucking candle made out of butter in the middle that slowly melts. But it's an example of a new form of food preparation.

That really exploded with TikTok. A type of food preparation that's mainly made by white, middle class, blonde American women. It's the type of recipe that you don't actually want to eat it. It's just the preparation of it looks really good on a TikTok feed. Anytime you see a fucking crockpot, you know what I'm talking about. You have all these recipes, mainly American women, suburban women. And they get like dry pasta in a crockpot and dump a bunch of Philadelphia cream cheese and buffalo sauce and chicken soup onto it. And it's this weird pasta sludge by the end but the viral butter candle is an example of that

I just couldn't get the phrase out of my head it was playing in loop in my mind all day the viral butter candle what the fuck is a viral butter candle imagine going to somebody in 1996 and saying to them the viral butter candle. It sounds like a dildo that gives you chlamydia.

The viral butter candle. And when I first saw the viral butter candle, I refused to believe that it was viral. I was like, alright, it's a butter candle. It's gone viral? Really? So then I typed viral butter candle into my TikTok search. And then fucking destroyed my algorithm. So now all I'm seeing on TikTok is viral butter candle into my TikTok search and then fucking destroyed my algorithm so now all I'm seeing on TikTok is viral butter candle and when you go to the comments section it's all these people going hi I make candles professionally you shouldn't put a wick into a stick of butter because the wick has got paraffin i don't think this meal is safe and they're ripping chunks of bread off the side of the fucking loaf and dipping it into a burning

candle and i'm convinced fucking convinced that nobody is making the viral butter candle in real life i don't think it has practical application i think it exists purely for the algorithm and for your fucking phone screen like I was even thinking I'll be honest with you I'm probably gonna end up doing it I'm probably gonna end up doing it over the next two days when I'm taking time off because I can't stop thinking about it I'm probably gonna make a viral butter candle but what I was thinking at least was what what if I mashed up a bit of garlic, you know, a bit of crushed garlic, fresh garlic, put that in the butter, and then put that into the centre of the fucking bread, and stuck a wick into it, and lit it, and make a garlic bread viral butter candle,

and it's gonna be shit, it's just gonna taste like when you put garlic bread in the oven and you don't cook it properly, and I'm to have to buy a loaf of that tiger bread that you get in Tesco because it's the only one that's the right shape, that big round bread. So now I have to buy tiger bread to make a viral butter candle. Then I started getting pissed off with tiger bread. Now tiger bread is clearly named after the pattern on a tiger's coat. Tiger bread is large, it's orange, it doesn't have black stripes, it has kind of beige stripes so I can see why it looks tiger-y. But when I

was reading up about how they make tiger bread look tiger-y, I found something fascinating. When they make tiger bread they get like regular dough, like raw bread dough, but then they get a paste, like raw bread dough but then they get a paste like wallpaper paste but it's made out of rice so like a ricey wallpaper paste and they paint the raw dough with this rice paste now the rice paste cooks at a different temperature to the fucking bread dough so when the bread expands the rice paste goes real dark real quick but it also dries quicker and it cracks so you get this lovely cracked surface on the bread what i find fascinating is that it was the dutch who invented tiger bread and the dutch are

also famous for oil paintings but when i was reading about the description of how you make tiger bread, you put the rice paste on and then you bake it and the rice cooks at a different temperature and it dries at a different temperature so you get these cracks. That's also how the Dutch became master art forgers. There was this Dutch painter, now I'm talking 20th century so he would have been painting around 1920s, 1930s early 1940s. He was a Dutch painter called Han van Meegeren but all the art, all the art

critics and the galleries hated his fucking paintings. Told them that he was shit. So he got dead pissed off with all these critics and with all these galleries. So he started to forge old paintings he would fake great paintings from the 17th century like the paintings of Vermeer you know girl with the pearl earring he'd make these fake paintings from the 17th century and trick all the

fucking art galleries and trick all the art critics out of of sheer anger. Because he was pissed off. That they didn't like his paintings. But what he was really good at. Was making a painting that he painted last week. Making it look like it's three or four hundred years old. Because that's hard to do. Because the thing is with an old painting. If you're ever up close to an old painting in a gallery. There's tiny little cracks.

Tiny little cracks in the paint and that only happens over time. As the oil dries on the paint and moisture leaves the oil, it shrinks and cracks and that can take over a hundred years to do. So this Han Van Meegeren fella, what he would do, he'd get his oil paint. He'd do an amazing job. Paint a Vermeer fucking perfectly. Real skillfully, perfectly painted. The problem was, if you looked at it, the problem was you could tell that it was painted yesterday.

It's perfect. It looks like a Vermeer, but you fucking painted it yesterday. So what Van Meegren would do is he'd have this oil painting now oil takes about a week or two to fully dry he'd get his wet oil painting then he'd make like a varnish mixture that contained plastic fast drying plastic so he'd varnished the wet painting with this plastic and then baked the painting and what would happen is the varnish would dry and bake quicker than the oil paint underneath and then what came out of the oven was a painting that was perfectly cracked it looked like it was hundreds

of years old the exact same technique that's used to make tiger bread. That's how you get the cracks on the tiger bread. And I need to know if those two things are connected because they're both Dutch. And then I realised I'm just over intellectualising the tiger bread to give myself an excuse to buy it so I can make a fucking

viral butter candle because I can't stop thinking about them. Just the name. Viral butter and candle. Because I can't stop thinking about them. Just the name. Viral Butter and Candle. It shows that the word viral. The word viral no longer means. Illness. It's no longer associated with a virus. Because we're two years after a pandemic.

And there's multiple recipes that have the name viral in them. And it doesn't make anyone queasy. So I'm exhausted this week. So I'm exhausted this week. So I'm not really doing a podcast. I know I'm talking to you and you're listening to me but I'm not really doing a podcast. I don't consider this a podcast. This is a phone call. But I've had a gigantic week. I've had a a huge week I released my book of short stories Topografia Hibernica it's number one in the Irish book charts

well it was last week maybe it's changed now but last week it was number one in the Irish book charts I found out this morning it's number 12 in the UK fucking book charts now I was not expecting that

I didn't think the book would get anywhere near the UK book charts because the UK is fucking massive and I'm hardly a household name over there I'm ahead of John Grisham I'm ahead of John Grisham in the fucking UK book charts

so I've grossly underestimated how many people in England, Scotland and Wales are willing to go out and fucking buy my book. Also the book has been received really well. I got a review in the Irish Independent from a writer called Roisin Lanigan and it's the best review for anything I've ever gotten and Roisin's a serious critic and a serious writer so for the first time in my life I kind of put in the work I put in the work and I got an A and when I read the review it got right to the insecure child in me the insecure little boy in school who was called stupid and called useless

and called weird and disruptive when I read that review it felt like that little boy, it felt like the teacher was telling him he's good and I have to be so careful of that. I have to be so careful of listening to my wounded child because the thing is is that wounded child is the one who hurts very very badly when I'm criticized too. My anxieties, my fears, my insecurities, when my self-esteem gets low and I feel like I don't have value, it's that wounded child that's steering the ship in an adult body and my wounded child thinks that he needs approval. He thinks that if he's good enough and the teacher says you're good or pats him on the head or gives him a gold star, then everything will be okay. And he is now a good person.

And when I got that good review, I could feel that little small child in me getting a pat on the head. And I felt like a good person. a pat on the head and I felt like a good person and when when you have that type of insecurity that's rooted in childhood pain I will project I'm always looking for who's the teacher who's the teacher and when you're writing books the teacher is the critic so I project that onto another adult utterly ridiculous but my wound isn't rational. It's rooted in childhood logic and childhood immaturity. Other people their wounds might be what a parent didn't have the love of your mother, the love of your father. So you will project unconsciously your mother or father onto another adult, onto a potential partner maybe maybe for me my deepest wounds they're from

teachers being horrible to me and that way of thinking that's not useful to me as an adult I shouldn't feel like a good person like a worthy person because I got a good review to me that tells me that part of my identity and self-esteem is rooted in a need for external approval. My wounded inner child and your wounded inner child, even though they crave external approval, they crave it, what they need isn't external approval, it's unconditional love. isn't external approval, it's unconditional love. How can a little boy or a little girl be good or bad depending on how they're behaving in school or how they're performing in school or what the teacher thinks of them or what their parents think of them? How can that tiny gorgeous little boy or girl be good or bad? Now sometimes a little child's behaviour, their behaviour might be disruptive or their behaviour might bring joy.

But that has nothing to do with their worth as a human being. But when you're a tiny little child, you can sometimes internalise external praise or external disapproval and internalise this as your worth as a human being and me like I had a tough time in school especially now finding out that I'm autistic it all kind of makes sense no matter how hard I tried when I was a little kid things like sitting still following the rules focusing on what I'm told to focus on not asking in disruptive questions. That stuff was very difficult for me. That was very challenging for me. That didn't come as instinct to me. But it did come that way for the other kids, the neurotypical kids. And I'd find myself getting in trouble frequently. I'd find myself looking around at the other kids, wishing that I could

be like them. I'd find myself wishing that I could get the praise that they were getting. Wishing that I could do my maths homework. I couldn't do my fucking maths homework. Because I was obsessed with dinosaurs. Utterly fucking obsessed. All I wanted to think about and read about all day long was fucking dinosaurs. We didn't study dinosaurs in school.

I'd talk about dinosaurs so much in class that the teacher would literally just say to me that's useless information. Why are I talk about dinosaurs so much in class that the teacher would literally just say to me that's useless information. Why are you talking about dinosaurs? Shut up about dinosaurs. Then I internalize that as you know following my passions. The things that I care about are bad. It means I'm a bad person. I'm wrong. If only I could be good. If only I could do the thing today that makes the teacher say you're good. So I have all these wounds. I carry all these wounds around with me and it's where my insecurity comes from and it's where my low self-esteem comes from. If I get very angry it's where my toxic anger comes from. When I get afraid, when I get anxious and afraid and I underestimate my

own ability and capacity to cope as an adult I'm not thinking about it like an adult I'm thinking about it from the perspective of that tiny little child the little frightened child so when I get a good review and I can feel myself feeling like a good person like finally I've gotten that pat on the head I have to be very mindful of that I have to be my own parent. The little wounded child in me thinks that he needs approval. He doesn't. He needs a hug and he needs love and he needs to be told. No aspect of your behavior determines your worth. If you get a good review, you get a bad review. Teacher says you're good, teacher says you're bad.

They're just talking about your behaviour. You are worthy of love all the time. And that's what I try to say to me, young little me who's inside me when I'm trying to be my own parent. You have worth all the time. And when I allow the little insecure child in me to receive a pat on the head and to feel like they're a good person for the rest of the day, I'm not being an adult there. I'm filling an unfillable hole. I'm creating a wider gulf there between my desire for external praise and my need, my actual need for self-acceptance and self-love. And you might be thinking, Jesus blind boy, you're being very hard on yourself. And my need, my actual need for self-acceptance and self-love.

And you might be thinking, Jesus blind boy, you're being very hard on yourself. If you get a good review, just accept it. You got a good review, fair play. There's a way to receive a good review in an adult fashion. And that's what I'm trying to work towards. It's much more like, if I make someone a nice meal I love making people nice meals I fucking adore cooking I love cooking

I love nothing more than to cook a nice dinner and then share that dinner with another person I fucking love it like a fucking lamb rogan josh that takes me 6 hours to make with all whole spices that I grind up loads of

effort loads of enjoyment in the process and when I finally cook it and present it to a person and share that meal with them and they love it they enjoy it I'm really grateful to have shared that with them I'm really grateful to have made something that I enjoy and that I enjoyed making and then to share that with the other person. And when they say, oh my god, this is the best Rogan Josh I've ever tasted. How did you do that? That's astounding. That's amazing. That feels nice, but I don't really internalize it into me. I don't feel like a better person for making someone a nice Rogan Josh. I don't feel like a better person for making someone a nice Rogan Josh. I don't feel like a better person at all. It's more like I'm proud of the work. I'm proud of the work. I'm proud of the

meal. My effort and work feels vindicated. I'm happy to be sharing it. There's a lot of generosity. There's an empathy and a generosity. I certainly don't feel like a good boy I don't feel like a better person and let's just say they don't like the Rogan Josh that I spent fucking hours to make I'd feel a bit disappointed but I'd kind of be like

this person just isn't into Rogan Josh because I know this is banging I'm tasting it myself, this is a fucking good Rogan Josh I put in all that effort this is good Rogan Josh it's shit that they don't like it but they just have a different idea about what a good Rogan Josh is I'm not coming away from it saying you useless pathetic piece of shit you need to give up and never ever make a rogue and josh again well guess what last year i got a bad review for my fucking book i got a bad review review for my book and i did that to

myself for one year you useless pathetic piece of shit every single teacher who told you that you were stupid was right anything you've ever done before was an accident. It was a mistake. Your talent was fleeting. Now it's completely gone. And now you have no worth as a person and you need to give up writing. Forget about it. You're useless. Everybody was right. And then I got massive creative block and it was deeply upsetting and painful because not my worth as a person, deeply upsetting and painful. Because not my worth as a person, but my personal meaning, my meaning,

the thing that makes me, the thing that nurtures my inner child, the thing that gives compassion to my inner child, is creating. You see, because when I create, whether that be writing, music, whatever, when I just involve myself in the enjoyable activity of creating, my inner child is free. My inner child is free and has a sense of meaning

and is happy and is receiving self-love. So creativity is hugely important to my experience of having a meaningful existence. Really, really important. When I have creative block, I have difficulty accessing meaning and my life is quite painful and I live in my head as opposed to living in my body and my feelings. So that's what I'm trying to work on with this book. It's performing really fucking well. Number 12 in the charts in the UK is nuts. I never thought that was possible. and getting that review from

Roisin Lanigan which is the best review for anything I've ever gotten in my life I need to put the effort in to try and treat my book like a Rogan Josh to enjoy sharing something my book is a Rogan Josh I put a lot of work into it. I ground up the spices from scratch. I spent fucking hours every day doing it. I intended to make a delicious meal and I did and I can taste that book and it tastes fucking yummy. I'm loving eating that book. I like eating that book. It tastes great. It's hitting all my flavour profiles that I enjoy when I make a Rogan Josh and I don't want to keep it to myself. I want to give other people plates of that book to eat and to enjoy it too and to see them enjoying it and for none of that experience to have anything

to do with my own ego or my own need for approval I'm just feeding someone else nice food that I cooked and loving the smile on their face when they eat it. And when someone else comes up and goes, no, I don't like this. Oh, you're more of a karma person, so you like kind of a milder flavor, is it? You should go over to that person there and read their karma. They write great karma, they do. So that's what I'm trying to work on.

Treat my books like meals that I've prepared so it's all about the work it's only about the work and that work isn't attached to my self-worth my little inner child's need for approval it's just work and the reason cooking is a is a good analogy for me personally I learned to cook in my 20s there's no no part of my childhood is rooted in being good or bad at cooking I learned to cook as an adult but when I was a tiny little boy I was shit at school but fuck me was I good at art whether it was painting music writing little stories when I was a tiny little boy, that was my thing. Art.

And school was fucking hell. But I had art. And when I wrote a little song, did a little painting, wrote a little story, I got love and approval from the adults around me. Even my teachers, who thought I was the worst fucking fucking student I'd be silently doodling at my desk and I'd draw a picture and even the teacher who hated me would stick their head over my shoulder and go did you do that did you really draw that really and I'd get that little bit of approval and I'd feel like a good person for a few seconds and I internalised that as survival

being good at creativity and art that's the only time you get that love that you need so when I get a good review or my book does well in the charts I feel that little warm glow that little warm glow of the teacher looking over my shoulder and telling me that my drawing is good and feeling like a good person. And it's not relevant to my adult experience whatsoever.

It's not relevant. I'm a good person simply because I'm alive. I've got worth. I've got intrinsic worth. It doesn't go up or down depending on my behaviour. It's no greater or lesser than anybody else's. But childhood experiences will distort that. But another aspect of my job which can really throw a spanner in the works is

when you receive good news about a piece of work that you're doing, you kind of have to let people know about this on the internet. If I get a good review, I'm sharing that with a lot of people on Instagram or on Twitter. I need to let people know I've gotten a good review because it's just good business. That's how you do the job. You have to show off a bit. And if you don't do it, no one else is going to step in and do it for you. Now, massive artists, that's different. They have stan armies who do it for them but a bunch of fucking stans are super fans online but big big artists a lot of those stans they're actually paid employees

whose job is to continually praise the artist but if you're a small independent artist you get a good review someone said they like your stuff you fucking share it on your social media and you let everyone know and you kind of brag a little bit there's not much room for humility and then everyone leaves a lovely comment and that they like the post and that then is counteractive to not judging myself on my on external fucking approval i'm going to the land of external approval social media to post things for external approval. Because it's my fucking job. And that's where radical humility comes in.

See, here's the danger with this insecure little child inside me. The insecure little child who wants approval. Who can be very harsh on myself when he doesn't get approval. Sometimes that insecure little child, when he gets a bit of approval, can start to go the opposite direction and get a little bit narcissistic, have an overinflated sense of worth. You can go from, I'm a useless, worthless piece of shit, to getting a bit of approval. And then all of a sudden you're saying to yourself, maybe I'm fucking amazing. Maybe I'm a genius. Maybe I'm fucking amazing maybe I'm a genius maybe I'm better than everyone else and enough likes on social media can fuel that and that's really dangerous and that's something I tried to

be very mindful of and how I actively counteract that is radical empathy and humility. When I posted on Instagram that my book was number 13 or number 12 in the English charts, all the comments started flowing in, all the compliments, all the likes started flowing in and I'm looking at them on the screen getting those little endorphin hits from the likes. What I did was I put my phone down, I focused on my breathing. I left my office and I walked around town a little bit and outside the shopping centre were four homeless men. Lads not too far off my own age. Lads who had a much harder time than I did as kids growing up. It's November so it's cold even though it's a sweaty November it's still fucking cold and they were all sitting down and they were drinking cider and in my head I'm thinking these thoughts of your book your book

is in the UK charts Jesus you're fucking great aren't you aren't you amazing and these kind of narcissistic thoughts were coming up into my head those dangerous thoughts that are the exact opposite of the insecure thoughts and how I fought them was I looked at those lads drinking cider and I looked at their bare hands around the cans of cider and I imagined how fucking freezing cold their hands were and instead of thinking how great I am to have written a book that's doing well. I thought about how fortunate I am and how lucky I am to have written a book. And I went into the supermarket and I bought four woolly hats and four pairs of gloves. And I went over and I gave them to the lads because that's humility and

gratitude and empathy and critical thinking. All the wonderful things about being a human, the exact opposite of being a fucking narcissistic prick. All the wonderful things about being a human the exact opposite of being a fucking narcissistic prick all the wonderful things about being human that the fact that you can choose to stop and think about what another person's going through and look at what they're going through and acknowledge that you can actually make a choice to help that person and improve their situation. So I gave them all gloves and hats and they were fucking thrilled. That tiny gesture made a massive difference to their day, their quality of life. Their can of cider, which was probably fucking freezing in their hands.

That tiny gesture allowed me to connect with a very adult critical part of myself and then use my resources and privilege to meet the needs of another person. And I'm not saying that shit to be fucking showing off like one of those people who helps homeless people and videotapes it. I'm not doing that for that reason. All I did was buy some gloves and hats. Wasn't even expensive. The reason I'm saying it that for that reason. All I did was buy some gloves and hats. It wasn't even expensive. The reason I'm saying it is that that's active humility. That's the active process of humbling yourself.

If you find yourself thinking, I wish I had a better job or my job is better than that person. If you find yourself in a loop of kind of self-centered, narcissistic thinking, which we always, that's part of the fallibility of being human.

We often do that. Self-centered thoughts, jealousy or envy, where those things come from. When you're stuck in that loop, a great way to drag yourself out of it is that act of humility you stop instead of focusing on perceived negatives in your life you stop and you you look at everything you have you have gratitude

and thankfulness for everything you have and then you empathically put yourself into the shoes of another person who's struggling and you ask yourself what you can do to lift that other person up a bit and you do it only for that act like ideally here i wouldn't be telling you about this on the podcast i wouldn't be telling you that i did this today it ruins it a bit because then i get the approval of well done for doing that but i'm sharing it with g because it's a it's it with G because it's a very radical technique it's a great radical technique for humility and to take

yourself out of a kind of a self-centred loop of thinking let's do a little ocarina pause now em I don't have an ocarina I've got a packet of chewing gums so I'm going to shake the chewing gums and you're going to hear an advert on April 5th you must be very careful Margaret

it's a girl witness the birth bad things will start to happen evil things of evil it's all for you no no don't the first omen

I believe the girl is to be the mother. Mother of what? Is the most terrifying. Six, six, six. It's the mark of the devil. Hey! Movie of the year.

It's not real, it's not real. What's not real? Who said that? The first omen. Only in theaters April 5th. Will you rise with the sun to help change mental health care forever? Join the Sunrise Challenge to raise funds for CAMH, the Center for Addiction and Mental Health, to support life-saving progress in mental health care. From May 27th to 31st, people across Canada will rise together and show those living with

mental illness and addiction that they're not alone. Help CAMH build a future where no one is left behind. So, who will you rise for? Register today at sunrisechallenge.ca That's sunrisechallenge.ca That was the ocarina pause. That was the chewing gum pause. I'm fucking exhausted. I'm mentally exhausted. So technically this, there's no podcast this week.

This is the first week that I'm not doing a podcast. Because it's unplanned. This is the first week that I'm not doing a podcast. Because it's unplanned. This is more like a phone call than a podcast. I didn't have time. I didn't have time to fucking think all week. I was so busy with touring. Even at bedtime in my hotel. I didn't get any chance to go any deep dives on the internet.

To research for hot takes. I was just fast asleep. Fucking wrecked. But support for this podcast comes from you, the listener, via the Patreon page, patreon.com forward slash theblindboypodcast. If you enjoy this podcast, if it brings you solace, fucking enjoyment, entertainment, mirth, merriment, whatever has you listening to this podcast,

please consider paying me for the work that I'm doing. It's my full time job. It's how I pay my bills. It's how I have the time and space to fucking. To write. To do what I do. To live a meaningful existence where I can pursue creativity. Pursue my passions.

And if you partake in the fruit of that. Then please consider paying me for it. All I'm looking for is the price of a pint or a cup of coffee once a month that's it but if you'd like to eat that fruit for free you're more than welcome eat the fruit for free that's fine you don't have to pay you can't afford it because the person who can afford it is paying for you to listen for free so everybody gets a podcast i get to earn a living. It's a wonderful model based on kindness and soundness.

So I'm actually not gigging. Until like fucking February. I've got nearly two months off. Because that tour last week was so intensive. But something I am doing. There's an event called Irish Writers for Palestine. And it's in Vicar Street. On the 5th of December. Tickets are going on sale this thursday tomorrow right irish writers for palestine it's myself sally roney kevin barry

schneid gleason loads of irish writers are doing this thing irish writers for palestine to raise a lot of money. For vital medical aid. For the people of Gaza. That's what it's for. We'll all be doing readings. With Palestinian writers. And. There'll be music there as well.

But if you want to come along to that. And raise money. For medical aid. For the people of Palestine. Then please do. And then my own gigs. So that tour last week was phenomenal I spoke to some incredible people the fucking chat I had with Johnny Marr in Manchester was astounding what a

lovely fella can't wait to show you that I spoke to Carol Chin the historian when I was in Coventry possibly my favorite gig I think was my last gig in Vicar Street on Sunday with a geneticist called Aoife MacLeyset but I should have booked more fucking dates for Vicar Street because there was a bunch of people outside who couldn't get tickets and people were really upset that they couldn't get tickets for Vicar Street I should have booked more than one night that was very foolish, people were left disappointed

but for those people I'm going to do two Vicar Street gigs I should have booked more than one night. That was very foolish. People were left disappointed. But for those people. I'm going to do two Vicar Street gigs. On the 22nd and 23rd of January. They're on sale now. And. There they are. And apologies for not putting on a fucking second date there last week. And then in February.

Berlin. One day. There's one date left in Berlin. And then I'm up in Oslo, up in Norway, right, please get my book, Topography of Hibernica, I think you'll really like it, hopefully I'll get to read you another story before Christmas, if you're thinking of getting it, especially in the UK, it would be lovely to get it this week, it'd be class if in the UK charts if it just jumped up two to number ten

and you'd be surprised at how that doesn't take a huge amount of books. It would just be wonderful because then I'd be a UK bestseller which completely changes the game. If you're in the top ten it's a bestseller. And leave a little review wherever you buy it. If you buy it online somewhere and you feel like leaving a review

please do because that helps too. I like i'm forgetting something you support independent podcasts speaking of podcasts so you know a few weeks back i i pulled out of the irish podcasting awards because i was nominated for four awards i pulled out of of the awards because I wasn't happy with how they were being judged. It's important for, there's too many people working too hard on podcasts for the main award ceremony to not have critical rigor. They were judging podcasts based on five minute clips and you can't really do that. So I pulled out of the awards. They took me out of all the categories I pulled out of. And then, unfortunately, they fucking gave me a bloody award last night,

which I'm disappointed with. They gave me a podcast champion award. I don't know what that means. But I was disappointed to have pulled out of an award ceremony effectively as a protest and then to be given an award anyway. Because, you see, the reason I pulled out as protest is I don't think I have the biggest podcast in Ireland there's other podcasters who probably have more listens than me in Ireland but I don't think there's any other podcast in Ireland who's as international as I am so I'm definitely one of the biggest podcasters in Ireland and the awards kind of needs very much needs my stamp of fucking approval in Ireland if it's to be legitimate and by me pulling out that's a deliberate choice to go no I don't give my stamp

of approval because right now there's no critical rigor to the judgment criteria. So it's actually my responsibility to pull out. So I did that deliberately. So I was disappointed that they then gave me an award because it means that without my consent, they've still benefited from my brand as such being part of the awards. If we're going to have podcast awards that they have to be rigorous the awards have to be something that you want to you want to covet these awards you want to work really hard to try and earn an award and if you have that then you have a podcast industry that's

respected podcasting is a new medium with limitless creative potential and you can do whatever the fuck you want with it. But because podcasting is so new, it's not respected. Podcasting as an art form isn't respected. Even saying, oh, someone's thinking of starting a podcast is almost like an insult. The reason podcasting isn't respected is because it's just too new a medium and nobody appears to be using any critical thinking or critical analysis around what a podcast is as a medium that's separate to other forms.

When you have podcast awards that are just like, yeah, we're going to hand out awards here based on five minute clips, then the main award ceremony itself is saying, we don't think podcasts are serious either. These are just kind of made up awards for the media that literally shorten the life of the podcast industry. That attitude will shorten the life of the podcast

industry. It's disrespectful to fucking to podcasters who put effort in. It means that the awards will only be won by podcasts that are much more similar to radio and podcasts will not get respect as an artistic medium. And the thing is, Ireland in particular, fucking Ireland,

because these are the Irish podcast awards, Ireland has an unbroken oral tradition of storytelling that is thousands of years old. Podcasting is the perfect medium for that, for oral storytelling, even more so than radio. Podcasting is a digital medium with fucking limitless possibilities for long-form oral storytelling. Something, like I said, an unbroken tradition for thousands of years. So if we in Ireland take podcasting seriously, not only are we carrying on a tradition that's thousands of years old, but as Irish people,

we can be globally overrepresented like we are in literature, you know? So loads of you are asking me to talk about my appearance on The Late Late Show. So because I was putting out my book, I had to do a lot of PR, I had to do a lot of press, and I went on The Late Late Show, So because I was putting out my book. I had to do a lot of PR. I had to do a lot of press. And I went on the Late Late Show.

Which is the main talk show in Ireland. Which. It was good crack. Paddy Kielty is an absolutely lovely man. He's a lovely man. And he's the real deal. And he's good crack. But as regards being on the Late Late Show itself.

Last time I was on the Late Late Show was 2019. And the pandemic changed a lot. And this time when I went on the Late Late Show itself last time I was on the Late Late Show was 2019 and the pandemic changed a lot and this time when I went on the Late Late Show in 2023 the gulf the gigantic gap between traditional media like TV and podcasting independent media that fucking gap was gigantic

like the strange position of me having a podcast with a listenership that dwarfs the average listenership the late late gets average late late show listenership would be maybe 300 to 400 000 whereas I'm doing between 900,000 and 1.2 million so I'm going on to this show where I have a bigger platform then but when I go on to the show with the audience of that show are just like who the fuck is this fella it's that fella with the bag that I barely remember from that song about the horse what's he doing on tv what's he doing so in the mainstream like that like the late late i'm fucking nobody absolutely nobody but then the next morning i'm going on a fucking uk tour and setting out venues up and down the country and my book is number 13 in the charts

so reality has split in into two worlds of traditional media and independent media and all the viewers of the late late show seemed to care about according to judging by the online response it was just men men above the age of 50 will say viciously furious and terrified that i'm wearing a plastic bag on my head. And even when I'm on TV explaining to him why I'm wearing a plastic bag on my head, just going, I want a private life, I want a quiet life. I'm diagnosed autistic, so it's very important to me. I just want to write books, make podcasts, that's all I want to do.

Even though I'm explaining it to him, you just had all these men frothing at the mouth this horrible man with a bag in his head what's he doing what this is frightening this is terrifying I hate him take that bag off your head I can't take him seriously and then for me then it's fucking annoying because I kind of fucking hate wearing the bag in my head to be honest. I don't need a bag to write books. Those are words that you read. I don't need the bag for this podcast which are words that you listen to. Neither of those things have anything to do with the fucking plastic bag in my head.

When I go on to TV to do interviews I have to wear the plastic bag so that I want to go to Tesco and spend a long amount of time looking at the right loaf of tiger bread for my viral butter candle I don't want any surprises from strangers so the late late was a bizarre experience the late late itself was fine but the reaction from it and even the format it's it's hard for me, I just come across as a lunatic. And to see people getting so angry about my plastic bag, I've started to view the plastic bag a little bit differently though. There's an element of performance art to it, it keeps my identity hidden.

But I kind of view it now as a little bit of artistic protest. I mean, when I wear that bag on the Late Late Show. And I'm harming nobody. And I'm honest about what it's for. What I'm really saying is. I'm a neurodivergent person. And I don't want to play by the neurotypical rules anymore. I spent all my life in school with people shouting at me. Be normal, be normal

do things our way, be normal no, I want to wear a plastic bag on my head I know it's a bit weird but I'm a bit weird, according to your rules I'm a bit fucking weird, I'm a bit eccentric I want to wear the plastic bag on my head so I can have a private life I'm not wearing your school uniform I'm not sitting still

these enforced rules of being normal used to cause me to be fucking miserable now I'm an adult I'm happy I'm thriving I'm following my passions all I want to do is write I want to create art

in order to let people know about this art under the system of capitalism I have to fucking advertise it so I'm going to come onto the Late Late Show and wear a bag and I'm not playing by these neurotypical rules of being normal or this neurotypical demand

of engage with the fame hierarchy fame is there I want fame so bad how dare you reject fame? Our society is built upon this fame and this hierarchy. No, it doesn't interest me. It causes me stress. I just want to create art. And I'm going to wear this bag and it's going to harm nobody. And I'm going to treat everyone with love and respect. And I'm going to speak about what I'm passionate about. And I'm going to treat everyone with love and respect. And I'm going to speak about what I'm passionate about. And I'm asking you to accommodate my needs.

Instead of forcing me to play by the rules. The neurotypical rules. Accommodate my needs. For having a pen face. As well as just a pen name. There's no great mystery to it. And it works quite well as a piece of protest. As a piece of protest as a piece of protest art because what you always want is you want one half of the audience clapping and the other half of the

audience throwing bottles at you what you never want is all of the audience turning their backs because they're at the bar so if you have a lot of people going, he's a fucking idiot with a bag in his head. I hate him. Take it off. Take it off. Why is he showing off? He's too old for this. This is, this is frightening. Get him to stop. Take the bag off. I can't listen to him while he has a bag in his head. I can't take him seriously. You've one half saying that and then another half saying, no, he should wear the bag. He wants privacy. He's told you that he doesn't like being disturbed when he's in Aldi he's saying it to your face

why do you need to see his face to listen to his words just listen to his words so a good piece of art should cause conversation and debate and for the purpose of that art is to use the Late Late Show as a fucking gallery essentially as a performance protest

on behalf of Nora Divergent people going Late Late Show as a fucking gallery essentially. As a performance protest. On behalf of Nora Divergent people going. No. Accommodate us please. We're very tired from accommodating Nora. Nora Typical Rules. Can you lay off. And just accommodate us.

Let us be a little bit strange. Or weird. Or whatever you want to call it. But let us live in our comfort zone. In a shared space. let me have this plastic bag because I'd like a quiet life and I genuinely don't care about fame I care about making art that I love

and then trying to promote it in a way that meets my needs a lot of neurodivergent people don't like being seen and perceived. And just because you would like to be seen and perceived doesn't mean that you're right. There's different types of brains and everyone should be accommodated. Alright, that's all I have time for this week. That wasn't a podcast.

That was a telephone call. That was a podcast about why there wasn't a podcast. I'm fucking wrecked. I really thought I was going to come back this week with a good hot take, but I didn't account for... I didn't account for how exhausting the past week was going to be,

so I do need to chill out until next week. Dog bless. I'll catch you next week. rock city you're the best fans in the league bar none tickets are on sale now for fan appreciation night on saturday april 13th when the toronto rock Rock hosts the Rochester Nighthawks at First Ontario Centre in Hamilton at 7.30pm. You can also lock in your playoff pack right now to guarantee the same seats for every

postseason game and you'll only pay as we play. Come along for the ride and punch your ticket to Rock City at torontorock.com. you