The Blindboy Podcast - Beyond the Otters Saucepan

Episode Date: November 28, 2018

Watching a scottish man wank with Boyzone Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, you delightful, warm human being. Welcome to episode 60 of the Blind Boy Podcast, you prick. There's a technique in story writing called, it's called circular writing. And it's, it's where you, you tell the reader how the story is going to end in the opening paragraph. Do you know? So this podcast is going to end with me telling you how myself and Mr. Chrome and DJ Video DJ, how we, the rubber bandits watch the Scottish man masturbating with boys on

I'm very under the weather this week I don't know if you can hear it in my voice I can't hear it in my voice I got a flu right last week in if you remember the bit in last week's podcast

where I had to crawl around the floor to blow my ocarina and immediately afterwards I said that gave me a pain in my neck turns out that pain in my neck was a gland in my neck and that morning the morning after I woke up with a like a infection or a flu or whatever the fuck so I spent four days with this awful flu

and the whole shebang you know fucking roaring fever sweating in bed my fever was so bad that when I was in bed my fever was so bad that when I was in bed there's a scene from

there's a very odd film from the 80s called Communion and it's about Christopher Walken as an author who gets abducted by aliens and I managed to see it once in Sky One when I was a child and it gave me

recurring nightmares because there's one scene in it where Christopher Walken is sitting down in a rocking chair and this alien like the traditional grey alien with the big black eyes Christopher Walken sitting down in his room and he looks over to the wardrobe there's nothing there he looks away and then he looks again and this little sinister alien head just pokes out

and I saw that when I was 7 years of fucking age and it was like a dagger to my chest it traumatised me it was the most terrifying thing I'd ever seen. And then when I would be sleeping as a kid. I used to shut my eyes in bed so tight. Because I was terrified that I would look up.

And if I looked at the wardrobe or if I looked at the door. That a little alien would peek his head out. And of course I've gone back and looked at it on youtube and it's not scary at all it's it's the worst alien prosthetic i've ever seen in my life it's like a piece of fucking cardboard but when i was seven scared the living shit out of me terrified me i was terrified of aliens really really frightened of aliens for many years because of the film communion and unsolved mysteries that had a terrifying theme tune so that traumatized me about aliens about getting abducted by aliens all of that stuff so yeah having my fever dream the other morning as a grown adult man and was in and out of

in and out of sleep sweating and I looked up at the door and I saw the alien I saw Christopher Walken's fucking alien stupid little white head with the big black eyes stuck his head in the door and uh I awoke from my fever dream rather sharp and traumatised. So that was unpleasant. So after four days of that bullshit, it was like a sore throat but also in the back of my face, which is my sinuses. So after four days of the fever it was subsiding. I was like okay I'm grand now. Cop on to yourself.

Because I was doing nothing. I was just sitting around on the couch. Watching TV. Not getting any work done. Not doing nothing. Because I had no energy. You know how it is. So I kind of jinxed myself as well. a couple of weeks ago i told you that you know when i used to have severe mental health problems i tended to have more and more illnesses

like infections and flus and whatever so when i get ill now what i do is i refuse to accept that i'm ill and i go for runs or I go for a jog or I go about my day I avoid sticking to the couch basically for this one I had to I had a roaring fever I had pains in my bones I had no appetite the whole shebang but by day four the fever was gone so I said to myself fuck that now it's time to it's time to kick this illness's arse and let it know that it is not welcome in my body so I laced up my shoes and went for a full 10 kilometre run

which I was able to do but about 3 hours later I realised that it was foolish and premature and like a 10 kilometre run is, that's a thousand calories of energy so that is very very intense

exercise so I was flying it during the run getting the runners high two hours afterwards I'd realised oh shit that was fucking stupid I've put my entire body under stress and obviously the virus

or whatever is in my body was like brilliant look at this thick bastard what a stupid stupid man he spent four days resting recuperating and hydrating himself and then he just went for a run and and sweated out a couple of pints of water what a silly man so the virus then decided to use my self-inflicted weakness and the lowering of my immunity and the stress on every element of my body that I'd done by running and the virus was just like grand okay I'll kick you when you're down so it came back with a vengeance and it got into my ears. So I'm speaking to you right now. And I literally have no hearing on the right hand side of my head.

And only half hearing on my left ear. I've got a vicious, painful infection in my ear canals and a bit of a fever not Christopher walking levels but I don't feel great so that's I'm doing

this week's podcast unable to hear my voice well what I have done is like I said because I have practically no hearing about 10 percent hearing in my right ear i'm wearing one headphone that's feeding my voice back into me and i have it turned up really loud so i've kind of turned myself into a cyborg i've electronically modified uh the sound using a head one headphone to compensate for my blocked ear canal.

But, yeah, incredibly painful. I went to the doctor this morning, which I don't usually do. And when I went to the doctor, like, I rang up the doctor and I said, can you give me a fucking appointment? And they're like, well, not today. Like, is it an emergency? And I said, well, it's not waiting room in the hospital emergency, but I can't hear in my right ear because of a cold.

So in fairness to the secretary, she was just like, all right, can you come now? So I was like yart so I went to the doctor and as I sat down he shoved the the little light thing into my ear and said oh my oh wow so you don't want to hear that don't want to hear that at all and I go what oh wow that must be very painful so that's how bad it is. So, I'm on a bollock load of antibiotics and steroids. I have two different types of steroid.

A mouth steroid and then one that I spray up my nose. And I'm on codeine, which is a form of heroin. So it's the sickest I've been in a while. Like, why am I telling you all this? You're wondering. Why the fuck are you giving me intimate details

about the viscosity of your inner ear canal, blind boy? Because it's a podcast, and because... Like, it's not a radio show if this like I know I've got listeners that are the equivalent of a radio show

but at the end of the day this is my podcast where no matter how many people listen to this it's me in a room in Limerick talking into a sock

that's what this is I don't have producers i don't have like i've got a studio but it's not really a studio it's a couple of lights and a lot of books and shit this is not a professionally run operation and i will never not deliver a podcast simple as that i would that. It would have to be exceptional circumstances for me to turn around to you and say, there is no podcast this week. I don't want to do that. No matter what condition I'm in,

no matter where the fuck I am, I will always deliver something. And I just didn't want to do another live podcast this week so I just said fuck it I'm going to talk and see what the crack is like if it's a radio show

like I don't know Ray Darcy or fucking Ryan Tuberty or Tom Dunn like they get sick and if they get sick first off they have buttons on their desks

they have these like because i've been in radio stations and there's these bright red cough buttons that uh they're just had a vision and they're a they're a button you press they're a button you press when you want to cough and it what it does is it turns the sound down so the the audience doesn't have to listen to the cough but uh i just had this vision of like tubby or tom dunn not knowing that you're supposed to press the cough button and instead thinking well there's cough drops and i put them in my mouth so this vision of like Tom Dunn or Tuberty at their radio desk the microphone in front of them

and their headphones on and when they feel they have a cough no one tells them that they're supposed to press the red button so they just bend their head down and start fellating it but uh yeah that's what radio stations do Tuberty gets a fucking ear infection

from I don't know kite surfing or whatever he does to get ear infections he gets attacked by an albatross above Ben Bulbin and the albatross spits into his ear and Tuberty gets an ear infection

so what do they do? they replace him with Marion Finucane or someone for a week I don't have that luxury this is a podcast it's in my bedroom I'm talking into a sock so I have to just do it

I have to just go I've got an ear infection so this week's podcast is going to be the podcast where I had an ear infection there is a part of me then that's half tempted This week's podcast is going to be the podcast where I had an ear infection. There is a part of me then that's half tempted to keep it in the back pocket. The next time I get an ear infection that I like, I don't know, get fucking Marty Morrissey or George Hook to replace me on the podcast. But they have to follow my carefully prepared notes.

on the podcast but they have to follow my carefully prepared notes to bring in Marty Morrissey because I'm working on a podcast at the moment

about it's about the history of popular music in Japan going from like before World War 2 up until the 80s

like Japanese city pop and synth pop and Japanese funk and yeah imagine having fucking Marty Morrissey and I just give him a few quid and I say Marty I'm sick this week

here are my extensive well researched notes on the history of Japanese city pop Marty can you do that podcast so I do have that inkling in the back of my head that that would just be gas and

surreal and I'm guessing Marty would just do anything for money, you know? Same with George Hook. But with George, I'd have to say, man, no personal opinions. This is just a very calm dissection of the cultural and historical significance of Japanese synth music, man. Nothing else. So that's the deal. Cultural and historical significance of. Japanese synth music man. Em.

Nothing else. So that's the deal. This is my ear infection podcast. Em. So. I don't want anyone. Complaining on Twitter. Didn't really like the podcast this week.

You know. Fuck off. It's a podcast. From the start start the mission was this will develop it will change but most importantly it's not a fucking radio show radio shows have to play by certain rules and the joy of a podcast and the freedom that's in it and the unique beauty of it you can only have that at the expense of quote-unquote professionalism because a lot of what's wrong with television and a lot of what's wrong with radio is too much professionalism by which I mean TV and radio are very long standing well established

kind of creative mediums and while that can deliver amazing results where that can become a problem is when you're working in radio and TV you can find yourself not having freedom to be creative because you must do things the way they've always been done.

And if you say why, it's like, because this is how they've always been done. But how things have always been done might not be right for what you're looking for. So with the podcast, it's more fluid it's the difference between going to see a band and the band are performing their songs that they've written and released are going to see the same band in a smaller venue and all they're doing is jamming and some of it might be brilliant some of it might be shit but it's a creative space and it's a different vibe that's what a

podcast is compared to radio and of course you've got advertisers and rules on radio too so you have to be careful with what you say. Because you could piss off someone who's paying for advertising. Or the competitor of an advertiser. Or, most radio stations receive money from what's known as the BAI, the Broadcast Authority of Ireland. And if you take Broadcast Authority of Ireland money, which comes from tax money, that means that most opinions that you express if they're in any way controversial you're also obliged to either challenge it or present a differing opinion this is why on Irish radio and television if there's I don't know a discussion

about but something like race or a discussion about sexuality or a discussion about trans people you always get the media you'd have a gay person talking about their rights to exist and then you've got someone across the way from them trying to argue why that gay person shouldn't have rights

and a lot of the time it is the show just trying to be controversial and trying to argue why that gay person shouldn't have rights and a lot of the time it is the show just trying to be controversial and trying to stir the pot but it's also if you receive money from the BAI if that view conflicts with something like someone's religious views none of this applies to a podcast

you can be as fluid as you like you can say what you want. And that's the crack. So there's not going to be a massive amount of structure in this week's podcast. Last week's podcast, I was very happy with that. That was that lovely, beautiful hot take about the swastika and about Hitler.

And if you want a hot take podcast, go back to the start. Pick one of the 60 podcasts that are out there. I bet you haven't listened to all of them. So I've seen, I've seen Bison trending on Twitter there during the week, and

it was a good crack. They were trending because Bison are getting back together for a tour, and I like Bison And I like Bison. I like Bison. I'm always rooting for Bison. Because I've met most of them. They're sound.

Mikey Graham. I know he listens to this podcast because he sent me a lovely message. A couple of weeks back saying he enjoys it. But when I saw boys on trending i remembered back to a song that we had released um kind of went under the radar we have a song called boys on right and it went under the radar because we released it in 2013. First off, I'll tell you the reason that we made this Bison song. We were doing a gig.

We did a gig with Bison. We did a gig with two of Bison in Edinburgh on St. Patrick's Day. And I've spoken about there's there's this St Patrick's Day gig that we've done for the past five years and it's in the Three Sisters pub in Edinburgh and every year we do this gig and it's an awful awful gig it's good crack don't get me wrong but it's St Patrick's Day in Cowesgate in Edinburgh, which is like an Irish enclave in this huge Irish pub, and there's about 3,000 or 4,000 people there. There is serious levels of drunkenness because it's Paddy's Day

and it's all the Irish people in Edinburgh. And we fly over and we do a Rubber Bandits Edinburgh gig in this little cavern at the back and it's fucking jammed with like a thousand people and it's not a gig it's us shit-faced drunk it's the audience shit-faced drunk and it's like this communal vomiting at each other but it's amazing crack and we do it every year when i do do it i'm very quiet about it because i don't want any like we'd have a lot of fans in edinburgh because we've done the edinburgh festival and because you know we were in the train spotting film we've a lot of scottish fans

who are proper into our stuff you know they'd actually enjoy the rubber bandits music whereas our irish fans in edin, the vast majority of them, they just know horse outside and couldn't give a fuck about us. And they're really pissed. So I don't want any of our actual Scottish fans finding out about this gig in Edinburgh in case they come along to it and it's just a large communal vomiting of Irish people in a room. I don't like. I don't want Scottish people to see that.

But every year we do this gig. And it's kind of. It's a novelty gig. It's you know. It's novelty Irish Paddy's Day. And we're booked as the novelty act. And you know last year. It was us and Jedward.

And I told you that fucking story. Where we were flying over on the plane plane and Jedward were in the fucking plane and the plane it didn't nearly crash but everyone felt that way because it was a fucker and it got mad turbulence and I spoke about it on a previous podcast, I was praying

not praying but like kind of, fuck it, wouldn't it be cool to die on a plane with Jedward, wouldn't that be so funny, but anyway, three years ago, the bill, it would have been maybe 2012, I'd say, 2012 Paddy's Day, it was us and half of Boyzone who were on the bill so it was it was just Keith Duffy

and Shane Lynch and the Rubber Bandits and we were sharing the same stage and sharing the same dressing room and we basically we just do this gig

because it's crack and it's a piss up and we go to Edinburgh for two days and we basically, we just do this gig because it's crack, and it's a piss up, and we go to Edinburgh for two days, and we have a great time, and we do this gig, and get mouthy, and whatever, and it was the same with Boys On, you know, they were just like, yeah, fuck it, this is just a weekend to have a bit of crack, so Shane and Keith were doing the gig, gonna get up, do a few songs, I think they had an mp3 player or something with the tunes, and I don't even think they were doing full tunes, like full boys on songs, they were just going through a few of them, and just doing the bit, but mainly they were over for the

laugh, so they had Stephen Gately, who Stephen Gately passed, so Stephen Gately's brother was with him, because I think it was close to Stephen Gately's birthday and yeah we'd grey crack just lovely lovely down to earth cunts simple as that Keith Duffy is an absolute gentleman a lovely man

if you met him you wouldn't think that he was as famous as he is you know like boys on were mad famous in the 90s they were huge and still incredibly down to earth and same with Shane

Shane's just a normal lad he's sound so anyway back to this Bison song and why we wrote it so the song is called

Bison You've Got Nothing To Lose and it's a song we wrote because we were having crack and keith and shane came out to see our set and they loved it they loved the songs and they were roaring laughing and really enjoyed it and they were backstage with us and keith says to us do you know what lads we might be doing a reunion and we we'll be doing Croke Park. Ye should come out as our support act. We'd love that.

Wouldn't that be cool? Ye come out as our support act. We've got nothing to lose. Ye should do it. We've got nothing to lose. And me and Mr. Crumb just thought this was so fucking funny. Because. On the one hand he's giving us this lovely compliment.

But on the other hand he's going. You should come out and support us lads. Technically it would ruin our career. But who cares we've got nothing to lose. Come out there in Croke Park with your plastic bags. And your songs. And do something essentially awful. But it doesn't matter.

We've got nothing to lose. And me and Chrome thought this was gas. So we got like. Talking on the plane back. Myself and Chrome like. Thinking like. Fucking hell. So if Keith Duffy's assertion is correct.

And. You know. Boys on essentially. They've done all they can done. Or done all they can do. You know. They've had numerous number ones. T tours all around the world, they're retired their legacy is solid

so beyond that point, Bison have got absolutely nothing to lose but if the most radical assertion that Keith Duffy could posit in terms of what would be the maddest thing that Bison could do.

If that was just. You know bringing the rubber bandits out. As their support act. When they did a gig. Me and Chrome got to think. No like. What could Bison. What shit could Bison actually do.

Like how mad could they go. Where people would go. Doesn't matter. They've nothing to lose. You know. But what silly things could Bison do? Where. They could utterly destroy their career.

But be comfortable in the fact that their legacy is untouched. So we wrote a song about it. We. We. Thought this is a pretty funny idea. Let's write a song. Um. Whereby we suggest to Bison the list of things that they can do with the

it's a song about freedom it's like Bison Keith, Keith Duffy man you've done everything alright the world is effectively now your oyster you've done all the stuff that keeps the people happy now it's time to get weird the world is effectively now your oyster you've done all the stuff that keeps the people happy now it's time to get weird

the world is your oyster so that's what this song buys on you've got nothing to lose is that we made I'll play it for you because why the fuck not because it's also three minutes where I don't have to talk with my very sore throat

but we also made a video for it Because it's also three minutes where I don't have to talk. With my very sore throat. But. There's also. We also made a video for it. A very depressing video. I'll speak about that after. But. Yeah.

This is. This buys on you've got nothing to lose. It's alright. Little bit throw away. Little bit of a throw away song. Would have been made in a week. I'd say You've got nothing to lose So write a few tunes about the famine Just to see what'll happen Or an opera about solvent abuse

Bison You've got nothing to lose So jump on a cruise to japan with an elderly man And come back home with heavy and flow Guys Bison, you've got nothing to lose So get some tattoos on your faces That are funny and racist Regret them and then get them removed. Bison, you've got nothing to lose. So why not refuse to pay tax and stop wearing slacks? Start a little military coup. Pais Pais Pais Pais

Pais Pais Pais Pais Pais Pais Pais Pais

Pais Pais Pais Pais Pais Pais Pais Pais

Pais Pais Pais Pais Pais Bison, you've got nothing to lose Bring Daniel Delos on the stage and then fart in his face And tape it when it comes on the news Bye zone You've got nothing to lose So why not confuse all your friends by driving to France and smuggle Louis watching the boos

It's a zone for boys You'll only find boys inside the boys Zone full of boys A zone with boys in it You'll never be alone In a zone full of boys

Step into the zone The the zone with bi's in it. The zone itself is often shaped like a bi. Cause it's a bi zone, it's a bi zone. There's no girls allowed in the bi zone. It's a zone full of bi's, so my bi's in it. Actually, that's not as bad as I remember it I haven't listened to that properly now I'd say since With headphones on like I haven't listened to it properly since about 2013 Yeah it's not too bad

I can hear there in the I'm quite happy with that production I would have been listening to I can hear there in the. I'm quite happy with that production. I would have been listening to. An album called. Information Exploration by Shuggie Otis. Was that what it was called? Inspiration Information.

By Shuggie Otis. An absolutely fantastic fucking album. Listen to it but. I know by the sound of that song that that's what I was listening to at that time and a small bit of Prince and a small bit of Pharrell

em but yeah so that song we decided to we needed a bit of money right

this would have been fucking Christmas 2013 of money right this would have been fucking christmas 2013 maybe right so that would have been not the height of our popularity we'll say that would have been a very very low point for us because horse outside was the end of 2010 so by 2012, we had very much outstayed our welcome with our audience. People really hated us because we were just novelty, stupid clowns who did Horse Outside. And our original kind of fan base from before Horse Outside had left because the gigs had started just filling up with bandwagoners who were behaving like pricks, making it

no crack for the actual fans. And the bandwagoners, they become particularly vicious after about six months because you know, it's a fanbase that only like you for one thing and don't like anything else you do, so anything you do after that one viral

novelty hit is immediately a disappointment but anyway so our popularity was not huge in 2013 and we did need money so it was coming up to christmas so i rang up rte and i said look we've got this silly song about buyzone we just made it do you want to make a video out of it? put it on Republic of Telly so they said yeah, so they gave us a couple of quid about 500 quid each which is absolutely fantastic when you really need it, but most people would be like

oh I saw your song and video on Primetime RTE last night wow they must have given you a million quid no they give you 500 quid that's nothing wrong with that that's absolutely fantastic like I said when you need it but

this idea that there's a bunch of money in television there is for about 1% of people but the rest people just get paid normal money even when you're on screen so anyway because it was rte we know the budgets are going to be absolutely tiny because rte since about 2010 rte have been getting progressively and progressively poorer so there's less and less money on screen so we knew we would have to pitch a music video idea that would be incredibly cheap now the way to keep things incredibly cheap with film for filming something the trick is if you want to

save money shoot everything in the one location because even with the cheapest low-budget production, you have to have minimum, we'll say, seven people employed. You have to have cameraman, director, someone for sound, lights, and a couple of, we'll say, assistants moving equipment around the place. So it is five, six, seven people employed. And when you move location,

you lose about two hours um two hours of people setting up and time is money when it comes to film so we knew okay we need an idea where everything happens in one room so the idea for it was uh the video is boys on are in a meeting with their manager the manager says to them you need to do something fresh with your career I have some business consultants here

who are going to give you suggestions then the rubber bandits walk in we have a clipboard and the events of the song play out on the clipboard

to Buyzone we asked RTE any chance you can get Buyzone not a fucking hope that would cost money so Mr. Crone went and made four Bison puppets, on no budget, and ran out, made three very convincing, made

a great Shane Lynch, fucking Mikey Graham and Ronan Keating, but then ran out of fabric by the time it came to Keith Duffy so just represented Keith Duffy as a sock with a pair of eyes and some teeth uh so we did this anyway the video is up on YouTube if you want to see it um the video frustrates me because it's not great it's it's not it's not as good as it could have been at all and here's the heartbreaker the director of the video was the viper the viper from the fucking hardy books

who is one of the most original comic minds in the country and hands down the best comic editor in the country the man's a fucking genius so he was the director as well as that as some of the extras in it and the man's a fucking genius so he was the director as well as that as some of the extras in it

and the puppeteers we had a comedy group called Shifts again very very funny lads so this huge pool of talent but RTE budgets so there was no budget so Chris the director is in this

tiny has to make this thing in a very small amount of time fuck all money so he can't flex his creative muscles he instead has to get the job done and all of us have to adopt that attitude like there was no lights there was no lights on set

trying to film the video in film language to film something without lights is like making a chocolate cake but instead of using chocolate you use brown paint literally it's that insane but

that's what it's like shooting with RTE sometimes it's very frustrating they also didn't give us lights for Horse Outside we bought our own lights thank fuck and I know I'm continually bitching about rte but it's you must realize what i'm doing is speaking from experience and criticizing a broken system and it's a pattern you see with

it's it's almost a facet of neoliberalism with any organisation that's government funded in RTE you've got loads and loads of talented sound people who are forced to work in a system where it's not financed and in TV in particular TV is the art of turning money into light so if the money doesn't exist

the light isn't going to be very good you know but you could argue under neoliberalism that it is in the interest of a government to underfund its public institutions such as rte such as the hse hse is another fucking example lots of people breaking their fucking arses nurses mental health workers underfunded working in a broken system, that isn't funded properly, CIE,

you know, our buses aren't, aren't fucking great, our trains aren't great, it would be argued, if we were to take, we'll say Britain as an example, or America,

if a government consistently, underfunds, its public institutions, and, make sure that it, doesn't't fund it enough whereby it can work smoothly, what happens is that the public turns around and says, Fuck this. This public service that is, you know, my tax money is going towards a piece of shit. And people get so angry that the government then get to scrap the public institution and go excellent let's leave it up to the free market it's privatized a lot which is not a good result privatizing public things not great ask the people of britain paying

ridiculous money for fucking train tickets the people of Detroit privatise their bus routes all of a sudden bus routes that don't have enough passengers are shut down you're left with huge swathes of the population who have no way of getting to work walking six hours to get to work fucking American television every five minutes there's an ad break you know

I'm off my tits on codeine and have a bit of a fucking fever and how did I get to a story about Bison in Edinburgh to neoliberalism I'll get back to Bison in Edinburgh because I started off talking

the Keith Duffy thing where Keith Duffy said you should support us we've got nothing to lose that's not even the story that's not even the story, that's not even the maddest part of the story that comment that we turned into a song, that's just

an aside, the maddest part of the Bison and Edinburgh story I'm about to tell you actually we need to do the Ocarina pause now like I said I've been sick the entire week so last week you remember i had to crawl onto the ground and play the ocarina from the floor because it's attached to the the roller

of my swivel chair it is still attached to the roller of my swivel chair because i've been too sick to be worrying about a spanish clay whistle that's attached to a chair so excuse me while i go on to the ground and blow the ocarina really quickly this is so that i don't know an advert might be played so it's a warning if you know the fucking you know the crack on april 5th you must be very careful margaret it's the girl witness the birth bad things will start to happen evil things of evil it's all for you no no don't the first omen i believe the girl is to be the mother mother of what is the most terrifying 666 it's the mark of the devil hey movie of the year it's not real it's not real it's not real who said that the first omen only theaters april 5th will you rise

with the sun to help change mental health care forever? Join the Sunrise Challenge to raise funds for CAMH, the Centre for Addiction and Mental Health, to support life-saving progress in mental health care. From May 27th to 31st, people across Canada will rise together and show those living with mental illness and addiction that they're not alone. Help CAMH build a future where no one is left behind. So, who will you rise for? Register today at sunrisechallenge.ca. That's sunrisechallenge.ca.

That was the ocarina pause oh fuck I'm dizzy after that though yeah that wasn't pleasant yeah don't crawl onto the fucking ground and blow really hard into a whistle when you have an inner ear infection lads because the ear controls your balance I'm gonna have to sit back in the chair

the room is fucking spinning and I'm on codeine support for the podcast comes from the Patreon page this podcast does have a budget unlike RTE Productions this podcast has have a budget unlike rte productions this podcast has a fucking budget because because of you the listener like you know technically we all pay for bloody rte through the tv license but i don't know what the fuck they're doing with the money but with this podcast you

the listener have a choice you can you pay for this podcast with a suggested monthly patronage to become a patron of this podcast forward what forward slash dot com what is it patreon.com forward slash the blind boy podcast please go to that page if you would like to become a patron of this podcast if you listen to the podcast, enjoy it and are like, I'd buy this prick a cup of coffee

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it's a pretty fair system all round and everyone gets the same service it's been working great thus far like and subscribe to the podcast as well please and leave a little review yeah fucking hell I'm a bit dizzy, I'm dizzy now from

crawling around the floor and doing heroin you know so yeah yes the mad the mad thing that happened in Edinburgh

in 2012 with boys on so we had our green room right we were sharing the green room with boys on uh with keith duffy and shane lynch and in the green room is essentially what it is like the

pub that we were playing it's like a pub slash hotel so it's like a converted hotel room that they give you as the green room oh i haven't told you this story before i don't think i have i think someone would have commented because it's two nuts so in the green room is you know it's all our drink all our food you know with a fine sprayed loads of harry buzz and fucking marshmallows beers the whole shebang taters everything you want spread out on the table of the green room and you're about four stories up and directly across the way like maybe 20 feet is apartments right and so right across the way windows of the apartments and you can see directly into these windows right across the way from our green room because they're quite close

so we at this point we're almost due on stage we're fully in costume bagged up myself DJ Willie O DJ and fucking Mr. Chrome

so just as we're ready to like go and get ready for stage I look across at the window directly opposite where we are and it was darkish but the light was on

and I see like it was so beautifully framed it was like a director had framed it, a coffee table with a laptop screen, okay, but then right in front of it was an object, what I thought was an object, you know, I turn to Mr. Chrome and I say, what the fuck is that? What it was was a human penis, right? So we're now both looking at a window across the way.

There's a laptop and a coffee table and directly, comedically, perfectly in front of the laptop is an erect penis with no body attached to it. So obviously, it's a man's penis belonging to a man. He's sitting on a couch. The couch has its back to the window. And he's having his evening wanked to some pornography on his laptop. This is confirmed for us when a hand is introduced into the frame.

And he begins operating his penis in a masturbatory fashion so at first like we're just looking out the window going fuck it man yeah he's having a wank he's wanking the porn and you're kind of transfixed by it

you know because there's the privacy of it we're all three straight lads so we've never seen another dude wank so the first moments of it are kind of watching another lads technique

and then I start to think oh fuck man hold on if that was me yeah fuck it if that was me i would i wouldn't like maybe he doesn't know that we can see him and not only that if we can see him there's like 60 fucking there's 60 other rooms on on this in this building that means like 60 people could potentially see him having a wank right now what if some cunt like takes out a camera takes his photograph really embarrasses him there's nothing but drunk people here it's paddy's day so we then start to

get concerned and we're like fuck we should just bang on the window we should do something let him know that we can see him and then he'll get embarrassed and he'll shut the curtain down right let's do that so we then start freaking out so we start banging on the window as hard as we can to try and get his attention. But he can't hear us. So he still starts wanking away. Now at this point, we're due on stage, right? So whoever's outside our green room going, lads, we need you on stage now. They hear us inside screaming.

Now there's a crowd of people inside the room. And they're going, what are you screaming at the window for? So they look out now there's a bunch of people staring at this still just a penis masturbating and a laptop of pornography

so we try and pry open the window now at this stage but it's high up and it's a hotel window so it doesn't really open properly you know it only opens a little bit so we pry it open a small bit and we start reaching over to our rider and getting like handfuls of haribos handfuls of polar mints and like shoving our hands in under the crack of the window and using like wrist power to flick our haribo across the way so that it would hit his

window and stop him in the middle of the wank so that we could alert him that like everyone can see you wanking man everybody can see it to do him a solid he then starts getting greedy by which i mean he pauses the wank momentarily so that he can fucking switch tabs of pornography on screen which then that generates a cheer in the room that i'm in because all the lads can relate to it it's like oh he's going for the tab switch well hey then boys on come in and your man is there still baiting himself away baiting away and i think it was key duffy i think came up to the window with us i don't know if shane was there shane was in the room i think anyway so your man

anyway finishes his wank finally gets a bit of a cheer in the room finishes it in a very strange fashion actually with uh switching between tabs in kind of rapid succession at the near the moment of climax so he finishes stands up not wearing any pants and then turns around and looks out the window looks across because we're talking 20 feet

and the expression on his face was it was beautiful the expression on his face quite simply was is that the rubber bandits and half a bison looking at me having a wank that was the expression on his face and there's this

kind of Clint Eastwood moment of silence you know like there's dead silence like fuck what's he going to do, what are we going to do just staring and your man doesn't pull down the blinds

leaves him open turns around no pants goes up to the fucking the kitchen in his apartment and starts washing the dishes with no pants on still on a post wank semi horn and at that point

I realised alright this is just what he does he wasn't accidentally wanking and had left the window blinds open by accident this is what he does he has his wank beside the window at night time and either doesn't care that 60 people in a hotel can see him or kinda likes it but that was his shtick fair play to him he wasn't doing it at anybody he was just doing it by himself and I guess it's just like

if you want to watch you can no one's forcing you to look out your window I don't know or else he doesn't care I was 15 minutes late for stage because of that and we went down and explained it to the audience so there you go that's my Mad Boys on story

so I'll take a few of your questions now before we go I'm taking these questions from Patreon Tammy asks I really love your personality thank you tammy i'm alone most of the time especially during the holidays and your podcast is the first time in a long time that i've heard a personality that i can really connect to thank you very much tammy i'm assuming you're a yank

uh only yanks get called tammy don't they after Tammy Wynette thank you so much for that Tammy that's the aim of the podcast hug that's what I want to do if I can become that little voice in your head that

takes you out of your own voice in your head and gives you an hour of peace that feels like a conversation then mission accomplished that's what I'm all about that's what I'm trying to do

to give people that mindful relaxing space I'm an hour talking and my voice isn't good lads I should not be talking that long so excuse me if it starts to crackle at this point, thank you Tammy, Connor asks, well blind boy, I'm a limerick man myself, I actually was in your black man music video some years back, fuck off really,

I'm currently living in Melbourne, always been a huge fan, you're a huge inspiration, thank you, I wanted to ask about creative energy. In the last few months, I found myself becoming increasingly lethargic and worse apathetic. I find I'm caring less and less about things I care about, particularly in creative endeavours. Where once I would sit for hours and end on a particular project, I find it difficult now to even bother. How do you keep yourself energised and excited about what you do? And how do you pick yourself up when excited about what you do and how do you pick yourself up when you find yourself with no energy at all thank you brother yart um well first off what i'd ask you to be conscious of is assuming your mental health is all right

that you're not experiencing what's known as anhedonia. Anhedonia can be, it's something that can be present in, where things we previously enjoyed, we no longer enjoy, and we struggle to find any enjoyment. But the tone of your message doesn't sound like that. To me, it sounds like, you know, have it in your awareness, but the tone of your message doesn't sound like that it just to me it sounds like you know have it in your awareness but the tone of your message just sounds like you're not getting the buzz out of creativity that you would have gotten uh a while back um if you were in the black man video i'm about 25 26 um i mean

there's an intensity to your early 20s and late teens that you don't get back right and there's a there's a mental energy and and a a naive burst of creative energy that exists from the ages of between maybe 15 and 23. And you don't get that back. So that's going to drift off. And it can. Get worse and worse over the. Or lesser and lesser over the years. So.

What I'd say is kind of accept it. Do you know. Like Jesus Christ. When I was fucking. When I was 19. If I heard a piece of music. That was particularly moving. Like a Bob Dylan song or something, I could legitimately burst into tears. I don't mean like, not in front of people, like on my own in my room.

A piece of music could overwhelm me so profoundly that I could burst into fucking tears. It would move me, it would change my life, a song could become my obsession for three fucking weeks and it would be the most beautiful, intense emotive experience I could imagine and that shit just stops

at about 24, 25 it just stops it's a human brain thing you know I mean they've done studies on like our music musical taste your our musical taste tends to be rooted in whatever we were listening to when we were 14 that tends to define our musical tastes for the rest of our lives and it's why when when sometimes when you hear music that teenagers are listening to now you go what the fuck is this because you don't have any frame of reference.

It's a similar part of the brain, I think, that enjoys cocaine. Our pleasure gets rooted in something that goes on in our brains, anyway, when we're 14. But, yeah, what I'd say is with creativity, the sheer, passionate, transcendental, joyous, intense, creative feeling. That stuff ends at about 24. The real intense shit, you know.

And it's a shame. But it doesn't have to completely disappear. You can get glimpses of it again. So the reason I'm saying it is, be aware that maybe it's just that maybe it's the natural fact that you're not going to be getting that creative horn as much as you did when you were younger now if you're finding yourself getting bored with whatever creative task you're doing try not to think about it too much. Try not to make too much of an issue about it. What I do is I always try and have multiple

types of creativity, right? And you don't have to necessarily be good at them. So if I'm writing for a long period of time, like if I'm writing my short stories and I'm going hell for leather for six weeks, I'll find myself after six weeks like it no longer being crack and it no longer wanting to be something I want to do so what I'll do then is I'll go right I'm not writing anymore now then I start making music and I start and then I get sick of the music after six months after six weeks and then I want I have the hunger for writing again.

And then I might decide. I'm burnt out creatively. I need a month of video games. Do you know? So. Don't focus on. If you're not getting crack out of it. Don't beat yourself up over the fact that you're not getting enjoyment.

Don't freak yourself out into thinking. Oh fuck. Like let's just say your thing is drawing don't be saying to yourself oh fuck i don't enjoy drawing anymore what if it's gone forever oh no be careful of that it's fine move on to something else take up a new sport read a book do something different that's mental leisure and you'll find naturally after about six weeks or whatever you'll want to do that thing again and you'll approach it with new vigor it's cyclical that's what i find aiden asks how far into red dead redemption 2 are you i'm not i'm not even playing it aiden uh if you don't know Red Dead Redemption 2 is a video game that just came out

possibly possibly the most advanced video game the world has seen yet Red Dead Redemption 1 was incredible it's a Wild West video game set in the Wild West

and Red Dead Redemption 2 Red Dead Redemption because I'm pronouncing it really quickly. It looks fucking amazing. It looks like a novel. I've seen the videos on YouTube and I know that if I play that video game I will have to give it my entire life. I know I can't just casually dip in and out of it. I will have to live in this game as if it is a novel, and currently, I'm too fucking busy, I've got a TV series to write, I've got a book to write, I need my head fresh, and I need to be being creative, so I'll be saving Red Dead Redemption, I'll buy it at a

time when I know that I can have a reward. When my creative work is done, when I have no creative demands, and when I can switch my fucking brain off and live inside another person's imagination for two or three months, or however long it takes. So, I'm not buying Red Dead Redemption 2. It's ruining people's lives already. I've spoken to numerous people who are...

Like, the details in the game you ride around on your horse the horse's testicles shrink when the weather gets cold you know, so I'm looking forward to playing it but I'm going to give it a while because I've got work to do right now

okay, I'm going to wrap it up, do you know what lads, I actually feel a small bit better at the end of the podcast, like my ears feel less congested, and I don't think I'm imagining it, like I've got two, like my headphones are large headphones that wrap around my ears, and I started off with one of them on, just on the bad ear, and I said fuck it, I put both of them on, And I started off with one of them on, just on the bad ear, and I said, fuck it, I put both of them on. And it makes my ears rather warm.

And I think that combined with me talking, the continual warmth and clamminess in my ears actually caused my ears to drain a little bit. Because my hearing is better. So the act of talking for an hour with earphones on therapeutically drained my ears a little bit which is fucking bizarre it's the other thing as well with the plastic bag took me ages to realize like sometimes like if i get the sniffles i get sniffles really bad especially with allergies you know so i've had times where if it's an interview or if i'm doing a shoot and i'm turning up with the sniffles i'm like oh for fuck's sake this could ruin the absolute day because the thing is is that if you have the sniffles you're sniffling when you sniffle you want to be able to wipe your nose you can't wipe your nose if you're wearing a plastic bag in your fucking head.

You just can't. Forget about it. So you have to free dribble. So what I started doing, I started this about four years ago, I used to get a tampon, and I'd cut the tampon in half, like small tampons now. I'd cut them in half with scissors. And if I have the sniffles,

and I have to shoot or do an interview or do a day of interviews i'd stick little bits of each tampon up my nose leave them there so that the snot from my nose would basically dilute what you call it dilute absorb into the tampons up my nose but then the bag is over it as well right but what I found then is like after about an hour or two any time I'd take the bag off my sniffles were gone

and I never put two and two together, it's like normally the sniffles would last me two days like if it's a dust allergy or hay fever if I had the sniffles and need to do some bag stuff, the sniffles are gone as soon as the bag comes off after about an hour. And of course it is.

The bag creates a localised, humid environment for my sinuses that eradicates my allergies. So, throwing on that bag with a couple of half tampons up my nose, that's how I sort out the sniffles. God bless you, you cunts. Have a lovely week. Alright, I'll be back to you next week with some style of hot take. There was no hot take this week,

because I was crawling around like a pathetic child for five days with a roaring fever, I didn't have time to research a podcast or think about hot takes or anything like that, so I just had to riff on and buis on wanking, you know so, I'll have a hot take

for next week, I'll be over in London I was supposed to fly to London fucking tomorrow and I had to cancel it because the doctor told me this morning if you get on a plane sir your fucking ear eardrums will burst last piece of advice the reason I'm having ear trouble today is because I got onto an airplane four or five years ago with a head cold and if you have a cold right if you've got a runny nose do not get on an airplane especially if it's a short flight like one

over to england because what will happen is that the pressure inside in the plane with it'll suck all the the runny snot from your nose right up into your ears and what it did for me is that i ended up with this gunk and fluid stuck in my ears for about six months i think sorry i think my tinnitus might be related to it. If you can avoid getting on a plane with a runny nose, please do. It's fucking hell. And this ear infection that I have today is because I damaged my eustachian tubes, their known as, and my eardrums by getting on a plane.

And I now get recurrent ear troubles any time I get a head cold. So I was supposed to go to London tomorrow for a couple of days of writing for my BBC thing I am not going to London because I could lose my hearing on that plane so I'm going to be writing via Skype instead

with my good buddy James Cotter alright God bless ye have a tremendous have a tremendous week I'll see you next week I'll be back with a hot take if this is your first podcast

go back to the start please they're not all like this Thank you. rock city you're the best fans in the league bar none tickets are on sale now for fan appreciation night on saturday april 13th when the toronto Toronto Rock hosts the Rochester Nighthawks at First Ontario Centre in Hamilton at 7.30pm. You can also lock in your playoff pack right now to guarantee the same seats for every postseason game, and you'll only pay as we play. Come along for the ride and punch your ticket to Rock City at torontorock.com.