The Blindboy Podcast - Dolmio Hairstyles

Episode Date: November 20, 2019

How to be Assertive in the face of adult bullying, Superhero films and Adulthood Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Oh, what is the crack? Welcome to the Blind Boy Podcast. Very positive feedback from last week's podcast to my interview with Brian Cross on a balcony in Los Angeles. Thank you so much for that feedback. This week, this is going to be a short, a shortish podcast, and I tell you why. So as you know, I was in Los Angeles last week, and I'm recording this now on Tuesday. I got back in to Ireland on Thursday. I hadn't slept in a day, obviously,

because I'm flying back from fucking San Francisco. But basically, as soon as I got back on Thursday, I had to go straight back into work I had to I'm promoting a BBC series my book and there's a lot of I'm promoting two fucking tours so I I've I've only been getting like two hours of sleep uh every night for the past seven uh nights six or seven nights because as you know you come back from 10 days in San Francisco my body clock is on San Francisco time so I'm falling asleep at five in the morning but because of work I have to get up at about seven and eight so I've been promoting and I've been doing gigs and staying in hotels so I've been promoting, and I've been doing gigs, and staying in hotels, so I haven't really, I

haven't slept, to be honest, in nearly six days, I haven't really slept, because when you get two hours of sleep, it's not sleep, and I don't have space in the daytime to actually sleep either, so this is the first podcast ever, like, where I, I'd really love to not do it but I but I won't I kind of I have to I'll always put out a podcast each week but this is one when I'm like I am fucking wrecked so I don't have any hot take prepared for you um the reason I'm saying it like I'm not complaining it's like this is my job and this is the job that I chose and when you do three fucking gigantic projects and they all come down at the same time touring and not sleeping is part of the deal so I'm not saying it to complain but I'm more I'm saying it as an explanation because

I don't know sometimes it's always it's always lads it's always lads i get really fucking entitled aggressive comments from lads who also are don't pay the patreon if i put out a podcast that might seem uh a little bit hurried or if i put out a podcast that that they're not happy with I get this really fucking aggressive comments from men so just to let you know I'm fucking wrecked I haven't slept in six days so give me a break and I'll be back next week with a proper hot take this week what I'm going to do is I'm going to address some questions that you've asked me because that's when I haven't had time to prepare something that's often the best thing for me to do before I do that I'm just going to give a little plug to a few things that I need to plug firstly 29th of November which is two weeks away I am gigging in Castle Bar

County Mayo in the R Royal Theatre and there's a good few tickets left for that because it's a live podcast in Mayo and Mayo is far away in the west of Ireland and does not contain a huge amount of people so yeah come along to the Royal Theatre, Castle Bar

in Mayo on the 29th for a live podcast Australia, as you know I've added more dates to australia i think sydney melbourne and also new zealand in fucking bollocks what's the name of the place in new zealand look i've added dates to the australian tour so go to troubadourmusic.com and look up the extra dates on the aust and now New Zealand tour. Also, I can now announce my UK tour, right? I'm announcing that today.

These tickets go on sale this Friday. So, I am, where am I gigging now? Okay, Glasgow, 11th of March in the O2 Academy. Glasgow 11th of March in the O2 Academy. Birmingham O2 Academy 13th of March. Liverpool Mountford Hall 12th of March. London Logan Hall 14th of March. So that's my UK tour that I'm just announcing now.

And those tickets go on sale this Friday. And they might go very very quickly. So where the fuck do I send you for those tickets now? Ticketmaster.co.uk The Blind Buy live podcast show. Glasgow, Birmingham, Liverpool, London. And that's happening in March. Alright, so come along to that. And don't miss those tickets on Friday.

Because you've been asking for a UK tour for a long fucking time and i cannot wait to do it so i think is that all my plugging i need to do um oh yeah my book my book boulevard rain obviously that's in shops uh a new book of short stories go out and get that and if you enjoyed it if you liked it leave a little review of the book on amazon if you bought it because i don't know if you leave reviews i think more people see the book or something i'm not sure okay there you go um oh fuck yeah so literally as soon as i finish recording this right now i am going doing a live show in Vicar Street that's sold out I'm doing that in about two hours from now so my Vicar Streets are all sold out pre-Christmas but I'll tell you what I've just done on the 3rd 4th and 5th of January I've just added three dates to the Sugar Club in Dublin and I'll tell you why I'm doing that because

Sugar Club is a small venue it's I think it only holds like two or three hundred a night and I like I like doing the Sugar Club because it's a smaller intimate kind of boutique venue and I love doing Vicar Street as well but there's that's quite a lot of people it's like 1100 people but with the sugar club what i like to do is it allows me to book guests that's because not every guest is okay with turning up in fucking vicar street to 1100 people that's a lot of people so some guests prefer like smaller audiences so the sugar club is perfect for that so again they're kind of limited edition there's only so many of those tickets

sugarclubtickets.com look up the blind live blind by podcast third fourth and fifth of january dublin sugar club that's gonna be nice and intimate and we'll have a bit of crack all right okay now let's get down to your questions you you gorgeous cunts i'm pure stressing you out now i'm stressing you out with my fucking hectic uh sleepless schedule but trust me it's not always like this just very occasionally do things get this busy and that's the nature of the job lads that's what this job is and you got to do it do you know what i mean for the the trade-off is i get to do something that i absolutely fucking love doing so if that means not sleeping for a fucking week i'm all right with that so the questions that i'm going to answer, some of them are like kind of agony ant, anonymous questions that were sent.

Blind boy, I started college this year. I'm getting on okay, except I just can't fit in with the group that I'm in. I feel often that I'm the butt of jokes in my group. Sometimes the other lads take the piss out of me and when they do this, other lads see it and they take the piss out of me too, often when girls are around, it's making me really, really angry and I don't know what to do about it, I feel like shit, can you please help? Um, that's a fucking, yeah, that's a common one and a weird one, and it's, I won't say it's unique, I won't say it's unique to like being in your early 20s, but it's certainly very common,

social groups when you're in college, like when you're in college like when you're in college or when you're in in the end of fucking secondary school social groups it's it's like look everyone in their early 20s is quite insecure i don't mean that as a diss i mean you don't really have yourself figured out you don't really have your identity figured out until you're on average about 26, 27. But a lot of people can go their whole fucking lives without really understanding who they are. But when you're 21, 22, 23, you're really searching and finding who the fuck you are. And sometimes what we do, if we're in a group and we're unsure of who we are it's it's like people continually test boundaries of status right so when someone feels insecure in their own place within that group

they'll kind of they'll throw slags out there they'll throw out slags and insults and see who takes them and if someone takes them and they feel that it's appropriate to fuck with someone's boundaries often people will and it's a way for them to it's a deflection it's a deflection when someone... It's a deflection. It's a deflection. When someone feels insecure, if they can throw an insult or draw attention to someone else, they'll do it.

Now, if you are the person in the group who's off on the butt of these things, it can feel like fucking shit. Because as you pointed out there, the lads are slagging you. Other lads are seeing you getting slagged and now a culture emerges in the group and this is what's painful about it other people seem to be bonding at your expense and it's bullying but at the same time it's often from their point of view it's bullying, but at the same time, it's often from their point of view, it's not bullying.

They probably think it's crack. It's separate to bullying. Bullying, it's more deliberate. It's more nasty. I think what you're describing is, you know, if you were to say it to the lads, they would describe it as banter and ask you to lighten up but that doesn't mean from your point of view that it's any less painful and that can actually make it more difficult because when people are bullying you when people are being nasty uh making sly digs doing things that have a mean intent behind them at least you have something to call out there but when it's really subtle slagging and it's non-stop

and it's done in a performative way so that someone can increase their status within a group it's really difficult to call that out it's really difficult to point out what it is that doesn't mean you can't. What can often happen too is

when you let that happen more and more and more in order to deal with it you can feel like the only way you can deal with it is to explode and to scream at everybody and you don't want to do that either it's a tough one I mean the ultimate solution to it is to learn techniques of assertiveness

but assertiveness can be very risky if you yourself are not sufficiently grounded do you know what i mean assertiveness is a tough one assertiveness is assertiveness is the ability to truly know when another person is wrong and to truly know when you yourself are wrong and to congruently communicate that to another person in um in a direct fashion in a fashion that's not aggressive and that isn't insulting and it's a really it's it's a skill you can't pretend being assertive people who like who pretends to be assertive shit bouncers nobody got to a fucking nightclub and there's different styles of bouncers there's the bouncer who is a prick right now they still command authority because they have

authority but they're essentially an aggressive prick, and they're rude. That's not assertiveness. That person can actually have quite low confidence and is insecure. But do you know the way there's the sound bouncer? Do you know the bouncer who isn't physically intimidating, isn't aggressive, and the bouncer who's able to say, not tonight, and when they say it you actually believe them you don't think they're being a prick and you're kind of going

he was sound or she was sound that's assertiveness and what yeah what you want to get to you want to try and get towards assertiveness and assertive responses but the you can't fake that so i'll tell you step one to get to that place okay the first thing you could do is you can a safe way to do it is to call out individuals in the group who are, call them out on an individual basis, and by call them out, don't anticipate, you know, an aggressive confrontation, take note of when your friend fucking slags you, in front of the lads or if they do it in front of the girls whatever the nature of that slag is right and take them to one side right

don't like text them and say we need to talk what you do is when you're in a relaxed situation with that person on their own because here's the thing and this is the interesting thing about this dynamic with groups of young people because again like i pointed out you you don't seem to be describing bullying here you're describing banter that's still deeply unpleasant and you can experience it as bullying but it's the type of thing that when you bring it up with your friends they'd be kind of shocked going oh jesus i didn't even know i was being mean do you get me whereas bullying is different so the thing is if you're with one of these people on their own they're probably sound they're probably

they're not taking the piss out of you when no one else is present to see it right so when you're on your own with this person and you're relaxed and not don't do it when there's drink involved if you're fucking having a smoke or having a cup of coffee

and having a laugh find the confidence in yourself right right, to say to them, do you know yesterday when we were in the canteen in college and when the girls came up and you took the piss out of my jacket and started laughing at me? Now, here's the key, right? You're not trying to say to them, stop doing that, you're not, you want to remove confrontation, and instead, right, and this is how you, this is where you gain the respect for this shit to stop, it doesn't come from trying to intimidate the other person, it comes from you effectively communicating how it made you feel okay if you threaten the person if you say to

them stop fucking doing that um i'll fucking box the head off you that doesn't work right what you do is and don't apologize either don't be saying things like i know you were only having a laugh but fuck that language let's just say your man's name is Barry you say Barry yesterday when you took the piss out of my jacket in front of the girls that really made me feel hurt and then afterwards I felt really embarrassed

and you've done it a few times to be honest and leave him sit with that leave him sit with it and most likely Barry will either be shocked because you pointed it out or he'll go into denial

if Barry's on his own he mightn't tell you to chill out it's just a joke if you confront barry and all the lads at once with that shit most likely you'll get chill out it's just a joke you need to lighten up you don't want that effectively and as honestly as possible communicate how it made you feel if you want to prepare for it right if the thought of confronting barry about him slagging you in front of other people in college is worrying you just tonight take out a sheet of paper and do it like cbt like the way the way i the cbt podcast i was talking about before a activating event Barry slagged my my jacket in front of the girls be a fucking behavior

write down kind of physically maybe did your fists clench did you avoid eye contact? Did your posture become more cowering? Do you know what I mean? Then see consequences or emotions. Write down accurately and as honestly as possibly to yourself, how did you feel when Barry took the piss out of you in front of the girls? And have that down on a sheet of paper as honestly as possible. And then see about saying this to Barry on his own. But trying to do it in such a way that you're not trying to punish him with your heart.

You're not trying to threaten him. You're just trying to say it to him. It's like you're showing him your deck of cards. You're going, Barry, here's the story, man. You said that and I felt like this. And maybe something like, I don't think that's a fair way for a friend to treat me. And if you really want to throw it on its head, Barry, how would you feel if I did that to you? Do you get me? And that's the language of assertiveness. And I tell you why it's the language of assertiveness when you can

comfortably without shame or embarrassment unveil to another person your vulnerability okay the the vulnerable and weak emotions that you felt at that point that you felt at that point. I felt shame. I felt embarrassment. I felt sadness. I felt small. I felt insecure.

If you can comfortably communicate those things to another person, what happens is you get respect. Okay? You don't get respect from threatening someone. You don't really get respect by getting overly fucking angry but you do get respect by unveiling vulnerability right but doing it in a way whereby you appear completely comfortable with laying that vulnerability out there. And that can be quite shocking to other people

because, like I said, if Barry's taking the piss out of you just when the girls arrive or when the lads are around, then Barry's insecure. Barry isn't comfortable with his emotions. So if you can go, here's my feelings,

here are my negative, vulnerable emotions because of your behaviour, he's going to go, fuck. Right, okay, I'm not fucking with this fella because his exposure of his emotions has now confronted me with mine that I'm not ready to own. And you get respect and do that with every other member of the group. and you get respect and do that with every other member of the group you know and if you can make that a part of how you behave with other people but it has to be honest that's the thing it has to be truly truly congruent and honest it doesn't work if it's performative okay so you have to really believe it that's why I'm saying take the time to write these emotions down it has to be honest people can tell right through micro expressions if you're performatively

unveiling your pain because what you're doing there is it's passive aggressive so it has to be this is how i feel and it's non-judgmental and you're not trying to punish Barry you're not trying to do anything you're going I'm being honest with you how would you feel if that was happening to you and slowly what will happen is over the course of a couple of months

you'll start to become the type of person where this shit doesn't happen to and it's as simple as that You'll start to become the type of person where this shit doesn't happen to. And it's as simple as that. Other people will recognize your assertiveness, right? When that happens, people behave and treat you differently. They no longer say to themselves, here's the person that I slag in order to get clout within a group they simply treat you differently when people start treating you differently

treating you with a little bit more respect you then end up reflecting that yourself and your posture becomes better how you speak becomes clearer you you become then an assertive confident person do you get me it's a feedback loop and it takes time so that's the only advice i'd give in that situation and it's very common especially for people in their early 20s if that shit starts happening after 25 right that's much closer to bullying that's much much closer to bullying because someone if someone's 22 and they're taking the piss out of someone in a social group i just like i said i say that person's insecure and it's not the best way for them to be hiding their insecurity but that's what's working for them at that time, and it's kind of age-appropriate behavior.

If someone's 25, 26 or older, and you're in the workplace, and they're taking the piss out of you when other people are around, either that person is desperately immature or they're consciously being a bully. So with that, it's tougher's that's a tougher one to I mean you can call that out more directly when you're dealing with someone who's a bit older

and you can call that out more directly and you can put the nose you can put you can hit the fucking nail on the head with that shit when you're older and you can say what you did yesterday that made me feel like shit and I experienced that as bullying instead of going for the accusatory that was bullying I experienced that as bullying and because chances are the older person knows what they're fucking doing that'll take them back and then this is one i've used myself in extreme situations right in extreme fucking situations as a full-grown adult when if i've been in situations in work or whatever what i'm blatantly being disrespected like that and the thing is that doesn't that often doesn't really fucking happen to me because i've worked for years and years on my fucking confidence so i tend not to be people can spot from either my fucking body language or how i speak or whatever

that i'm that if you were to cross a line with me i'm probably the type of person who'll call it out in the moment so people can tell this so it doesn't happen a lot but every so often you do come across people who will continually try and test your boundaries and for me it's always if it's in a situation right where someone is bullying you or acting the prick I'm pretty good at calling people out on the spot I'm pretty good at knowing when someone's acting the prick, so I'll call someone out on the spot. But if it's in like a dinner situation and calling someone out in the moment

means making things awkward for an entire party of people, in those situations, I found myself letting things slide in the moment. And the person who did it then confuses that with me allowing someone to treat me like that so it can progress so the most extreme thing that I've ever done as an adult when I'm being bullied only with other men is is, what I said, I'd say, you've been talking this way to me now for quite a while in front of people, and I really need you to stop this, because it's gonna make me so angry that I'll lose control and kick your fucking head in. And that's like my end.

That's the most extreme thing I've ever said to people. But if an adult fucking man is trying to bully me. That's what I'll do. I'm not threatening him. I'm not fucking bringing any menace. What I'm saying is I'm being very very honest. And saying the way you're trying to treat me is going to bring me to a point of anger where I'm very worried that I'd lose control and engage in violence and I'd hate for that to happen because wouldn't that be very

embarrassing and it's the truth it is congruent I'm not someone to go around hitting people I'm a fucking adult if you if if I hit another adult and committing a crime so I don't go around hitting people okay but as a confident assertive adult when my boundaries are repeatedly crossed and I'm so fully aware that it's happening, I'll be honest, I do have to really be conscious of my anger and I do have to be conscious of, if I let this fella do this a few more times, I'll give him a headbutt. And I really wouldn't want that to happen. Because it's criminal and it's mortifying.

So I've only had to do it one or two times and it works. It really fucking works. It does work. But again, it might only work for me because I am being congruent in how I feel in that moment. And just to be clear, what does congruent mean? Congruency is when what you feel and how you behave and what you say are genuinely one. It's a skill that comes with working on your assertiveness. If you feel anger inside when you express the anger through words the other person can go this is real that's why I say be careful of apologetic language I'm sorry to say this but I know you don't mean it but that's incongruent

that's basically going I'm scared to say what I'm about to say it's like no look the person straight into the eye and say um your behavior is causing me to feel anger your behavior is causing me to feel shame the way you behaved no let's not even the word cause. Because of how you behaved, I'm experiencing a lot of anger. Because of how you behaved, I'm experiencing a lot of pain or a lot of hurt or whatever.

And the useful thing around language like that is it's not accusatory, okay? First off, you're saying the word behavior so when you call out a person's behavior you're not calling out them the way that you behave yesterday the words that you used right this is a person's behavior okay and then I experienced a lot of anger, sadness, whatever, when you behaved in that way. That's all really appropriate language. And it's very different to, you're a fucking prick, don't treat me like that. Or, I know what you're doing.

That's not assertive language. That's insecure language. It leads to conflict, it leads to escalation of conflict, it leads to something going from being about the situation to being about something else and then you just have a back and forth of a toxic type of shit, but if you can congruently name your emotion, name the other person's behavior but maintain non-judgment, person's behavior but maintain non-judgment that's assertiveness and assertiveness look when someone has been assertive with you you fucking know it you know it you know when someone's been assertive because you truly feel in that moment that you've stepped out of line and

assertiveness stops people from going into their defense mechanisms. Do you get me? What's the opposite of assertiveness? Road rage. Yeah, put it this way. You're driving down the road in your car, right? You do something blatantly wrong, right? You actually, you fuck up.

You go over a red line or you, I don't know. A lot of people do this, right? Do you know zebra crossings? So if there's a zebra crossing in a roundabout, loads of people don't know that they're supposed to leave the zebra crossing free for a pedestrian. Okay? Let's just say you stay there. You don't, you're in the wrong. The pedestrian screams at you.

You stupid fucking prick. You stupid bollocks on the fucking pedestrian crossing you know that you're wrong but because the pedestrian has chosen to approach you with anger you now don't have to take any ownership of your behavior and you're now angry at them for shouting so you scream back fuck you you stupid prick even though you're wrong but if the pedestrian had come up to you nicely and said sorry man you're on the pedestrian crossing there and that's not safe it's making me difficult to cross you're actually gonna go oh fuck mortifying shit he's right and you your behavior, and it'll stick with you, because someone has just been assertive to you, do you get me, so that's all I'd say about that, that's what assertiveness is, and it's a skill that anybody can learn, and it's a skill that comes from

developing your self-esteem, and just to take it back there, you know, when I said there, I've been in situations where if as an adult if another adult man is continually crossing boundaries and I say to them um the way you've behaved is is the way the words you've been using and the continual way you've been treating me I need to put an end to it because I'm afraid that I'll get so angry, I'll engage in violence, right? That's the very extreme end of the spectrum. That's when you're dealing with a real grade A prick. There are nasty adult bullies out there who search for people to manipulate and push.

And they're rare, but they exist. So that's kind of. End of the scale shit. I'm not. And they're pretty big guns to go into a situation with. You're not threatening someone with violence. And I'm not threatening anyone with violence. What I'm saying is. We all know the feeling of.

Being so angry that you can. That's how fights happen. We all know the feeling of being so angry. You can that's how fights happen we all know the feeling of being so angry you want to swing a dig but if you're a fucking socialized bloody adult you don't want to throw on a fucking dig as an adult at another adult is very embarrassing afterwards and it's appropriately criminal it's assault fuck that but however you're entitled to get to that point of anger and to be worried that you're going to be that person who throws a dig okay i'm not going to be the person who throws a dig i'm going to walk away but there's only so much fucking walking away you can do so i'm not advising that as a go-to that's level 10 on the dickhead scale up as far as a level a will say when you're dealing with adults a good thing to do is you try and try and place as much responsibility back on them within the situation okay so

you've been the way that you've been speaking to me on x y and z what you said yesterday it's happened quite a lot i'll be honest with you it's been making me feel very angry. I'm not happy with it. And then you go, how do you think we should tackle this? And that right there, that's the assertiveness and arguing equivalent of judo. It's using the other person's energy against them. It's putting all, because they're the ones breaking boundaries they're the ones generating and creating the energy the bully creates the negative energy right so when you say to them as an adult you're confronting them as an adult and

saying the way that you're behaving I feel that you're crossing my boundaries I'm experiencing pain I'm experiencing hurt and i'm experiencing anger it's not very enjoyable for me how do you why how do you think we can uh we can stop this and when you when you it's it's it's like i said it's fucking judo judo is using the other person's weight against them you push it all back on the person and they have one choice and one choice only which is to confront and take ownership of their own behavior and they can squirm and they can do whatever the fuck they want and they can go well i didn't say this and i and you go that's fine i'm hearing what you're saying but what what do you think could be a good solution here?

And if you keep going with that, asking the question, how do you think, because I don't really know, I don't know what to do here, how do you think we should solve it? And you'll embarrass the fucking life out of them, and they'll never fuck with you again.

So that's what I'd say there too. It's worth pointing out too like I'm coming at this from a position of privilege in that as an adult I'm also self-employed so I don't really answer to anybody within the power structure of my life I kind of stand alone

so when someone crosses my boundary I'm rarely in debt to him and it's worth pointing out because where power structures exist if the person who's doing this is your boss or if they're at a higher level in work power structures allow for manipulation power structures can allow for bullies to continually cross boundaries with otherwise assertive and confident people because to assert yourself could mean losing your job so that's that's a tough one that's really fucking tough and in those situations you'd like to think that you've got a supportive fucking HR department who are willing to take note of if you experience

bullying in the workplace you take extensive notes you track every single thing that happened and if you feel actually confronting the person in the ways that I've described in the workplace isn't going to work because they can dangle power over your head then you got to go to fucking HR with it and hope the fuck that you have a HR department that can look after you but some people don't some people don't and the answer to that is tougher, you know, if you're in a small fucking business, if you're in a trade or something, and it's just you and the boss, and he's being a fucking bully, that's tough shit, that's very tough shit, it's tough to deal with, I would suggest,

you know, finding a way to confront that very unconfrontational language without being apologetic. It's a much more complex situation and my heart goes out to anyone who's in that fucking situation because I know people who are in that situation and it causes people to leave jobs, you know. Or it causes people to fucking smash a bottle off their boss's head you know what i mean it's it's it's a it's a tough one um but no one should no one should allow themselves to be fucking bullied nobody should know you're entitled to not be fucking bullied that's a human right for the love of fucking God. Rock City, you're the best fans in the league, bar none.

Tickets are on sale now for Fan Appreciation Night on Saturday, April 13th, when the Toronto Rock hosts the Rochester Nighthawks at First Ontario Centre in Hamilton at 7.30pm. You can also lock in your playoff pack right now to guarantee the same seats for every postseason game, and you'll only pay as we play. Come along for the ride and punch your ticket to Rock City at torontorock.com.

On April 5th, you must be very careful, Margaret. It's a girl. Witness the birth. Bad things will start to happen. Evil things of evil. It's all for you no no don't the first omen i believe the girl is to be the mother mother of what is the most terrifying six six six it's the mark of the devil hey movie of the year it's not real it's not real

who said that the first omen only in theaters april 5th I mean, I'll tell you one thing. The word bullying, if you're in a situation in the workplace where a power structure is preventing you from being assertive, words like bullying can really give a lot of power back because to use a word like bullying in the workplace situation to someone who holds power over you when they when you say bullying they hear legal case so choose your words correctly bullying harassment things like that and often they can be cues to make the bully go oh fuck i don't know if i want to be sued now i don't know if i want my

career destroyed this is why things like me too exist to be honest lads that this is it's fucking power structures and an inability to call out power structures within the power structure. So you find an alternative. Okay, it's time for the ocarina pause. I'm recording this in a hotel. So I don't have an ocarina. I'm in a hotel in Dublin because I'm on it in Vicar Street in about an hour or two. Because I'm on it in Vicar Street in about an hour or two.

And so what I do have, instead of the ocarina pause for an advert, I have here one of the most fucking pretentious things I've ever seen in my fucking life. So there's tea bags in the hotel. But these, it's like a luxury fucking tea bag which I'm not even using it to drink I've got styes on my eyes which are basically

I've had so little sleep in a week that my eyelids have blisters on them that's the level of sleep deprivation I'm dealing with so I have styes which are I've two of them on my right eye they're just like really sore red bumps uh on on the fucking pores of my eyelids that are quite agonizing um so a good way to get rid of styes is you rest a warm tea bag on your eye. So I was going, right, okay, let's see what the tea bag situation is in this fucking hotel room.

So I went over to the tea bag cabinet, or whatever the fuck you call it, where the kettle is. And I picked up this thing. It won't even, it's so pretentious, it won't call itself a fucking tea bag. It's chamomile, organic herbal infusion. That's grand, I can deal with that. But it's a hand-stitched silken tea pillow. It's chamomile, organic herbal infusion. That's grand, I can deal with that.

But it's a hand-stitched silken tea pillow. You fucking pricks. Call it a teabag, it's a teabag. No, no, no, hand-stitched silken tea pillow. Which I'm going to soon rest on my blistery eye. But before I open it, I'm going to give you the hand-stitched silken tea pillow pause so that you can solve some shit

you don't need. Wouldn't it be lovely if the advert that's inserted is for hand-stitched silken tea pillows. So here we go. Oh yeah, feel that capitalism so there you go that's the hand-stitched silken tea pillow fucking pause uh support from the podcast comes from you via the patreon.page patreon.com forward slash the blind boy podcast um this patreon is how i earn a living it's where my regular source of income comes from it's what gives me the confidence and faith in knowing where my fucking wages are coming from and it allows me to financially plan

and to live a life as an artist that isn't steeped in terrifying and horrendous uncertainty. So thank you so much to all of my patrons. This podcast is free for whoever wants to listen. But if you enjoy it loads, give me the price of a pint or the price of a cup of coffee once a month. Patreon.com forward slash The Blind Boy Podcast. Don't forget to like the podcast leave a review for the podcast and most importantly recommend it to a friend recommend this podcast to a friend because that really is what has kept this going like there's like just over a million listeners now and I know it's not the same million listeners

who've been listening the whole time it's like I've been doing this two years so listeners come and go some some come back but I know that there's loads of new listeners all the time and it's because of people suggesting that they're friends and if you are a new listener you don't have to go back to the very start. You can if you want. Some people do that. But there's like a hundred and something of these podcasts done. So start delving into the ones from a year ago or two years ago. They're not necessarily sequential.

So dip into them. And there's lots of interesting stuff and hot takes that we've spoken about. Okay. What other question? And I'll take this last question because what do we know 44 minutes that's not too bad blind by what do you think of superhero films and the fact that they seem to be absolutely everywhere at the moment um firstly they're absolutely 100 not for me I just can't I fucking can't watch Super

like I've tried so hard lads Jesus Christ I've even tried that one Logan do you know and it's been suggested oh Logan is fucking amazing I've tried lads

there's fucking kitchen knives coming out of his hands I just can't do it do you know I don't wanna so there's a balance here I don't wanna shit on what other people like if you like superhero films fair play to you

that's what you're into and who the fuck am I to tell you that you're wrong if that's what you enjoy alright you're right and I'm wrong in that situation for me, I'm not in superhero films and I've tried so hard

why don't I like them? Firstly are they bad? I'll get to that in a minute why don't I like superhero films? I like I like my fucking TV and cinema to have a level of subtlety to it that allows me to engage and to figure things out and to think and to pause do you know that's that's what I like I I you know I like The Wire I like what was the last good film I saw?

That one, is it Moonlight? That was fantastic. I like Subtlety. I like Subtlety, the comments on the human condition. I want to walk away from a film thinking about it. I want it to have an emotional effect on me, okay? Sometimes I want to switch off and not think at all and if that's how you engage with superhero films I understand that you want to switch off and turn on something

that's just a bunch of loud noises that's fine is it a bad thing I don't think superhero films are bad what I think is the prevalence of superhero films it's a symptom of something bad okay there's nothing wrong how could how could there be anything wrong about a film about a fellow with kitchen knives coming out of his hands or the fucking hulk grabbing a car and throwing it across a bridge or whatever the fuck they do and a lot of explosions there's nothing wrong with that action Action films have always existed, okay? Always. Superhero films have always existed.

The difference is now is that they're no longer targeted at children. I used to, like, I remember the Batman films in the 90s, all right? The ratings on them, they were for PG, they were family films they were directed mostly at children and accompanying adults, right I remember the Teenage Mutant Hero Turtles

film, it was for children but superhero films now are not for children, they're for fucking adults, and not only superhero films like the new for children. They're for fucking adults. And not only superhero films. Like the new Sonic the Hedgehog film that's coming out. It's for adults. Children don't give a fuck who Sonic the Hedgehog is.

They don't know who Sonic the Hedgehog is. And now there's grown adults on the internet. Roaring at each other. Because of how Sonic the Hedgehog is designed. Adults. Okay. And... So... other because of how Sonic the Hedgehog is designed adults okay and so the superhero thing it's a symptom of something bad firstly it's a symptom of the utter hegemony and power that studios like Marvel have over the entire film industry right um okay here's something that bothers me biggest film this year at the joker

right uh origin story of the joker and what upsets me is it's essentially a story a serious story about male mental health about male anger about incels okay these very serious kind of issues that matter and issues that truly need art to explore them so that we can understand them using the full palette of visual language that's available to us and because of the hegemony of Marvel this story of male mental health and male anger and incel culture instead of it being told in a more subtle or engaging fashion it has to be told through the lens of a marvel superhero film with lots of slow motion shots of people walking away from fucking explosions and loud noises and this shit so that bothers me um that there is a huge missed opportunity for a real artistic discussion that requires engagement and subtlety and a full palette of emotions and instead the story is told A diluted medium. Okay. That bothers me.

The other issue is. The prevalence of superhero films. And the fact that they're being consumed. Mostly by adults. It. It signals towards a crisis in maturity. It's something that I've spoken about. Multiple times on the podcast. I spoke about the bigification.

Of the workplace. I spoke about the bigification of the workplace i spoke about how tom hanks's film big is the most accurate predictor of 2019 where because society and the economic and economics and high rent and all of these things, they're not allowing people in their 20s to become fully autonomous adults. A hell of a lot of fucking people in their 20s and 30s are living at home with their parents. They're not having the financial freedom to have children. They don't feel fully autonomous. And this is happening on a socio and economic level so therefore it's no fucking surprise that the dominant culture that's being consumed are superhero films that should be for

children but that are now being made in this strange warped lens where it's pointed at adults and that's really fucked up because superhero films they're not for kids anymore some of them some of them are like fucking 18s they're not for kids but yet they're being pointed at adults and it's really distorted and strange and not in a deliberate surreal absurd way in a way that's controlled by the market. Which is quite, I don't enjoy that. And it points to something pretty, it's a twisted nostalgia. Like if you think of, my kind of theory on nostalgia, right?

If you think of it this way. Music is the easiest example. So, like I was born in the 80s and i would have been a child in the early 90s okay so when i got to about 1920 late 80s and early 90s culture was rehashed through nostalgia. Like, song, like when I was a teenager, that song fucking Calvin Harris, I Got Love For You If You Were Born In The 80s,

that was huge. People were dressing like it was the late 80s, early 90s. This type of nostalgia was coming back. Last year, an artist called Anne-Marie had a song called 2002. So generally, how nostalgia tends to work and why I think nostalgia appears in popular culture, it tends to be whatever group of people are between the ages of 16 and 24 at whatever time, right?

The nostalgia will reflect whatever music or films were around when these people were toddlers. And I think how it works and why it works is when you're like 19 and 20, this is one of the toughest periods in a person's life. Because what happens is you're in a period of immense transition you're now legally an adult you've spent your entire life with your parents looking after you you've been in school then you get to 18 19 and all of a sudden the pressure of you must now stand on your own two feet and if you don't you will starve right that's why so many people I think at 18 19 are presented with mental health issues because you've this huge challenge of now you're now you're ready to fucking fly

jump out of the nest now you must fly now you must stand on your own two feet so the resistance to that is when you're that age we find great comfort and solace in music and films that remind us of that lovely safe warm feeling of being between the ages of zero and ten so the sounds the music of your childhood makes you feel really suited and comforted at a time when you're expected to stand on your own two feet and that's what nostalgia does that's why nostalgia exists in popular culture it's very soothing it's it's a little break from holy fuck i'm in college now holy fuck i have my first job holy fuck i'm trying to pay rent holy fuck i I'm in college now. Holy fuck, I have my first job. Holy fuck, I'm trying to pay rent. Holy fuck, I have to feed myself. You just turn on a song from when you were four

and the memory brings you back to a time when you didn't have to worry about that shit and you had a parent who was ever loving and was minding you and you were grand. So nostalgia works in that cycle. It's like a 20 year cycle. Now that shit is. It's like.

It's for people in their fucking 30s. Do you get me? So the nostalgia hasn't gone away. For millennials. And for Gen Z. The nostalgia keeps going on. Until you're in your fucking 30s. So now you've got 35-year-olds crying on Twitter over fucking Sonic the Hedgehog films that are directed at them. A blue-purple hedgehog.

So it's just, it's like a big, dirty alarm bell, for something, a much deeper, and worrying thing, about, where adults are now, in terms of, their self esteem, their identity, and their place in the world,

and the crisis, and anxiety, that I think is unforeseen, that that's presenting, so, that'd be my take on Marvel films, and I don't, I don't want to be fucking,

Mr. Galaxy Brain, my take on Marvel films, and I don't want to be fucking Mr. Galaxy Brain, shitting on Marvel films. If you want to go and watch fucking Wolverine with kitchen knives growing out of his knuckles, be my guest, that's your business. I'm not into it, that's my fucking business, okay? But it'd be nice if every fucking film wasn't a superhero film, lads. Like, Jesus, coming over on the plane from San Francisco, 50% of the choice was fucking Marvel, like, and I tried. I threw on Guardians of the Galaxy, and I got about 10 minutes into it,

and I was like, this is fucking shit. I'm sorry, okay? If you like Guardians of the Galaxy, you're right and I'm wrong, do you get me, for me, it's, it's, I just, I can't do it, for me, and I'm entitled to that, you're entitled to disagree with me, vice versa, I'm not shitting on your, on your, on your opinions or your aesthetics, right, that's a fucking hour, right that's a fucking hour I'm going to go off and do my gig

then hopefully tonight I might get 8 hours of sleep because I have no engagement in the morning and tomorrow I can relax I'm going to get loads of sleep and next week I'll be back with some hot takes thank you so much for listening and

like I said look 90% of the time I've got a planned podcast but every so often due to my schedule I'm gonna have to pull something out of my hole like I did this week

so have some compassion for yourself, have some compassion for your neighbors and go and enjoy that lovely chilly november fucking air with the uh the coal hanging in the air drawn into your chest because hopefully it'll be banned soon yart Yacht. Rock City, you're the best fans in the league, bar none. Tickets are on sale now for Fan Appreciation Night on Saturday, April 13th, when the Toronto Rock hosts the Rochester Nighthawks at First Ontario Centre in Hamilton

at 7.30pm. You can also lock in your playoff pack right now to guarantee the same seats for every postseason game, and you'll only pay as we play. Come along for the ride and punch your ticket to Rock City at torontorock.com.