The Blindboy Podcast - Gruyere in the Desmond

Episode Date: September 17, 2019

Recorded live from Yurtys Couch for a relaxing experience, I read the first story from my new book Boulevard Wren. Pre order details within Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Grace off your shoulders, you glorious orange chucks. Yeah, what's the crack, how are you getting on? This is a very special episode of the Blind Boy Podcast. Because you're in for a little treat, lads. A couple of things. I can announce that my book, my brand new book, book two, Boulevardvard Rain and Other Stories, is going to be in shops on November 1st, but this week I'm offering an exclusive pre-order,

where if you pre-order the book, you'll get a print, an exclusive signed print, of which there's only a couple of hundred, but anyway, I get through that in the podcast the main special thing about this week is I recorded this week's podcast down by the river at Yorkty's couch with a brand new microphone for full ASMR peaceful river listening okay because long-time listeners to this podcast will be familiar with the first couple of episodes and i think when i started to speak about yorty ahern who's an otter that lives in a lives in limerick in a river when i started to speak about him at the start of the podcast that's when i feel the podcast started getting legs and that's when i felt i don't know yorty ahern was like he still is he's like the patron saint, the spirit animal of this podcast.

So I recorded this down by his couch. And also, I am going to read a new short story from the brand new collection of short stories. And I'm going to read that by the Riverside. Okay, so if you want to go straight to that straight to the story it's about a half an hour in because this podcast is it's a bit of a rambler it's me by a river just talking and it's real asmr it's about relaxation you know some people they're more like look give me some facts blind boy give me some hot takes this week it's more of an asmr meditative ramble but please go if you don't want to hear that go straight to the

story about a half an hour in um because i'm very proud of it and i enjoyed reading it today by the river another thing about this podcast that i just listened back to it and what struck me one of the things in the early episodes when i spoke about going to the area of yorty's couch this river in nimric and when i spoke about when i go there to meditate i was talking about the concept of jungian synchronicity meaningful coincidences how things within the universe appear to intertwine to create a greater sense of meaning within the Jungian sense and how I associate I do associate Yorty's couch with that because of when I meditate there and when the otter appears and all of this could

be all in my own head could be madness but synchronicity is a big theme with that area for me But synchronicity is a big theme with that area for me. And there was, listening back, an element of synchronicity to this podcast because when I'm trying to record this by the river, there's also a group of lads, a group of young lads, about 18, 19, bare-chested, enjoying a couple of cans. You know, being young lads discovering drink discovering male relationships male friendships

you know no women in sight slagging getting drunker punching each other into the arm then hugging each other you know just getting kind of just like the drink allowing the exploration of emotions that are otherwise locked off and this is kind of happening when i'm recording this but it ends up

perfectly summing up kind of the theme of the short story that i read which i didn't know because i'd planned on reading this short story by the river i hadn't planned for any lads interrupting it but listening back i just like how the synchronicity of it it's like one entire piece the these lads having fun by the river and the way they're doing it in a particularly laddish way as young fellas and how this theme travels through to kind of relate it makes relational sense to the actual short story that i read out so i found that quite beautiful and it was a bit of a privilege and it turns the whole thing now into a into an entire piece rather than me just reading out the story all right

i hope you enjoy it um i really enjoyed doing it it was fucking lovely to just sit down by that river and to talk to you that was lovely it was a first it wasn't like in San Francisco where I'm in a new area

it's like no this is my the place where my spirit is where I relax and I'm just talking to you with a good microphone alright y'art also I forgot to plug the Patreon

on this recording patreon.com forward slash the blind buy podcast you can become a patron of the podcast to give me the price of a cup of coffee or a pint once a month if you can afford it if you can't no hassle like, subscribe

tell a friend about the podcast you know the drill you delicious delectable cunts. Here we go. Hello. Right, um... What's the crack? As you can tell,

already, there's a slightly different sound this week because this is a special enough podcast and I'll tell you in a minute why. First of all, my location. I am down by Yorty's Couch, which is a river, kind of a river little embankment in Limerick City, which is where I saw, or where I often see, well not often, I've seen him a few times, an otter by the name of Yorty Horn. There's a wasp fucking flying in front of my face now.

Hold on, he's not one of those, those no he's one of those false wasps he's gone now so if you've been listening to this podcast a long time you'll know that in the earliest episodes I spoke about I think the theme of the podcast episode

was toxic masculinity because I was talking about basically this place where I go to, where I am now called Yorty's Couch, well I call it Yorty's Couch, where I often go to meditate or just chill out and enjoy nature and enjoy the river you know and to have a sense of peace and I come down here and I often bring with me a flask of tea. And I'd have the tea in a ridiculous looking... Do you know what it is? It's a thermos flask but it's made by Stanley, right?

And it holds a pint of tea and it's fantastic. But I ended up talking about how basically how this mug, essentially this vessel for tea, looks like it should belong in a fucking, looks like it's a tool, looks like it should be for hammering nails and it's not, it's for, it's for drinking fucking tea, yet it's marketed as a piece of hardware equipment and it's, and it's green, it's, it's green like, like military green, you know, so it's just really stupid, it's just like marketing something to hold tea for men with a kind of a fragile sense of their own masculinity, you know? So, what the fuck am I talking about?

But anyway, yeah, this was about fucking 100 podcasts ago. So I was talking about that, and then I was talking about the time I saw an author called Yorty Ahern. So I'm here now in Yorty's couch and the couch is where, it's where I most often see him. A couch is an area where, it's not where an otter lives but it's where an otter would kind of hang out. Now Yorty won't be around for two reasons you can probably hear the sound of uh buys talking in the background because the weather is absolutely fucking gorgeous like it's i know it's late september but we're having one of those those beautiful days where it's like it's the last gasp of summer.

Do you know what I mean? It's quite fucking warm. The sun is gorgeous. The sky is blue. Like you can hear boys laughing at distant car alarm. But beyond those signifiers of modernity and urbanization you'll also hear the beautiful sound of water because to the right of me is a kind of a little water folly situation and then directly at my feet because I'm standing on one little beachy area with my feet in sand, river sand, river sand that

I once, I once got a parasitic infection on my, on my, on the palms of my hand from doing press-ups on this riverbed, which is, it's the manliest affliction I've ever gotten in my fucking life, hold on, I'm gonna tilt the microphone over so we don't have those boys interrupting us, because they're over on the left, hold on, I don't wanna get, I have a new microphone set up too lads, so what you're hearing is, is three channel, where'll I put this, on my right knee, you're getting three channels this week. I have at the front here recording the river in front of me, a high quality stereo microphone, you can hear it now, with a new wind jammer, which is a furry thing that means even if a wind blows it won't affect the recording.

affect the recording listen so that's in front of me but then i'm talking into a new lavalier mic which is a tiny little condenser mic that goes on my lapel and so i've got three channels to record just the wonderful beautiful 3d sounds of this natural environment that i'm in 3D sounds of this natural environment that I'm in Yorty won't come around because firstly those boys will intimidate him there are some boys who aren't wearing their tops

and they're drinking what appears to be Lucozade but it's probably not Lucozade it's most likely cider and my eyesight is failing me so they're sitting directly where I have seen Yorty ahern it's a beautiful little area under a tree so there's no way he's coming out of there there also it's it's a little bit early it's about four o'clock and yorty emerges dusk he's a dusk man when the sun goes down

and it's orange on the river then you'll see the silhouette of yorty ahern that's when he Dusk. He's a dusk man. When the sun goes down. And it's orange on the river. Then you'll see the silhouette of Yorty Ahern. That's when he chooses to come out. And he'll go in for a little dip. So I'm a bit early for him. But I'll just describe my surroundings. Yeah.

Like a river. Like directly in front of me. Like I'm. A foot away from the river. I'm at the river bed. And we've got three fucking cunts walking behind us now they've got that stupid voice

that boys have when they're about fucking 19 but it still has the loudness of what teenagers have you know

so we're going to have to leave them pass or maybe for GDPR do I have to make a conflicting noise so I don't accidentally record any of their conversation. Postman. Postman. Postman. Postman. Postman. Postman. Postman.

It's like an aural pixelation. So, the loudest of the three boys are gone. And then the remainder of the boys just seem to be silently drinking their cans of locozade so we've a bit of quietness now except for that distant alarm I don't mind that I'm going to take a little sip

out of my lovely hot tea from my mug of fragile masculinity I meditated before I started recording this I just said I'd sit down and do a ten minute meditation which I haven't done in a while

and it was fucking gorgeous it's beautiful it connects you with just the river and nature and whatever, and takes you out of the fucking bullshit, the, you know, being on social media all day, or being busy and interacting with people, specifically online, like if you're dealing with people all day, like in a physical sense, that's draining. Like it is draining, but it's an empathic draining. Like if you have to deal with people physically, you're using empathy, using a lot of energy just talking to people.

But I spend a lot of time on my own. Most of my dealings with people is online, via email or text or whatever, so it's a different type of draining, it's a type of draining that doesn't have any meaning to it, it's a meaningless type of draining and it leaves, you don't notice it, but it makes your head kind of, not your head, but it makes your thoughts itch. Your thoughts become, do you know when you're like, you want to scratch and itch, but you can't fucking, you can't get up to scratch it because you're in the cinema or whatever.

Like that, but in my mind, I continue a little niggling stress. And when I meditate, I become hyper aware of it and it just I leave it go so that's why I fucking meditate I'm after going on some serious tangent so far lads I haven't a fucking clue do you know why?

because I'm too enamoured by the beauty of this river so in front of me there's to the right this this tiny little fucking island like a marshy island and it's got like purple flowers on it like little bluebells but what what's so nice is like a month ago this island like it's still very thick with foliage, and it's deciduous trees, you know, and they're fucking creeping out over the water, it's gorgeous, and the water's got that kind of frattiness that makes it look like, like a pint of Guinness, you

know, but the, the green has lost its vibrancy because it's getting ready for fucking autumn, like, it's getting ready for autumn, so, is it getting louder and fucking rowdy or is it, I'm trying to have a fucking peaceful, a peaceful fucking afternoon, hold on, now there's going to be a show of loud boys walking behind me, postman, postman, Postman Postman Postman Oh lads shut up will ye They sound like they're from Tipperary

I'm here trying to de-stress That's the thing though You have to share these public spaces with people I appreciate that Do you know what I'm in the wrong It's my fault I'm down here recording a fucking podcast They they're down drinking tins, they're in the right, what I wanted to, what I wanted to do this week, and the reason I'm down here, is, em, I'm, I'm going to be reading

the first story from my new book of short stories right, if you've been listening to this you know that I've been fucking writing a brand new book of short stories for the past two years oh I just saw a fucking trout or a

pike or something just jump into the air and lap they're trying to catch those low flying fucking Jesus flies that are just crawling along the meniscus of the water so yeah I'm after writing my second book and I'm very very happy with it, it's similar to the first book of short stories, except, I'm happy, I think, what I liked about the first book is that it had a nice manic energy to it, and I enjoyed writing it, but it was a little bit first drafty, it was a little bit fucking, like I did it in under a year, and I just kind of put everything onto the page.

Whereas this book took two years. Because I had time to write. And then edit as well. So these stories are a bit more considered. They're a bit more. They have that fire and energy. That I enjoyed from the first book. But I've had time to.

Edit them. Take time to step back from them ask myself are they really okay oh but I'm ready to go over and throw fucking slaps no this is not my this is this I'm the one in the wrong I'm recording a podcast and they're just enjoying

themselves this was supposed to be mindful I'm going to give everyone a fucking peaceful time down by the river because I'm thinking literally in my head I'm going it's fucking what is it

it's like the end of September like they're bare chested in their shorts who who goes bare chested in their shorts late September to drink cans by the river these boys who are obviously a type of sociological

anomaly the rule is end of August that's the cut off for drinking cans down by the river then after that it's drinking tea down by the river and contemplating

there's no more no more celebration it's a contemplative enjoying the winter type of carry on or enjoying the the autumn I might have to move if I'm to go

reading the new short story from the new book because I might have to move if I'm to go reading the new short story from the new book because I'm able to just arse around here and have a bit of crack and then flexibly move in and out of chat and commenting on the environment

but once I begin the story I don't want to be, I don't want some 19 year old from Tipperary pouring cider onto the top of my head, you know what I mean, because that would take us out of the story, so we'll see what the crack is, they don't look like they're going anywhere, what did I drop, my phone, my phone's been hopping all day actually, because, hold on, I've got gotta move that fucking microphone, they're literally, they're a good distance away, right, but this microphone is so good that it's, it's like a telescope, like, the human ear should not be able to hear these lads' conversations

at all, they're fucking 80 feet away from me, and yet. It sounds like they're fucking right beside me. Because this microphone is like a telescope. It's too good. Um. They seem to be grand. When it's just the boys on their own. But then. When other boys come down. Then things start to get.

A little bit chatty again. So anyway yeah. I. My phone's been acting the. Well it hasn't been acting the bollocks, people have been trying to ring me all day, and I haven't been answering any phone calls, because I had a viral Twitter thread earlier on, you know, I've just been noticing recently, you know, I'm thinking a lot about, they're doing Tarzan noises, eh? I've been thinking about people

living up in Dublin, you know, I was speaking a little bit about it last week, kind of contemplating the nature of adulthood and friends of mine who are native to Dublin, who live there but can't afford to rent and now they're grown adults with wives and husbands who are living at home with their fucking parents, you know. And this is a thing that's happening up in Dublin. So another thing I'm definitely noticing is people just simply leaving Dublin, not living in Dublin anymore. Because the price of rent is so high. And not only is the price of rent so fucking high, you could be paying a grand a month and you'd end up really shit accommodation, you know, really, really bad

accommodation, you could be living in a bunk bed, so I just put out a tweet saying, I'm trying to cover this on a podcast, but how many of ye are moving out of Dublin, not because ye can't find work but because it's too expensive and where are ye moving to, so I tweeted that and it just got a lot of replies, it got a lot of replies from people and it seems to, it struck a chord with people and it made them want to vent so my phone's been hopping all day from fucking radio stations or newspapers ringing me wanting to know can I comment on the thread

or can they have permission to use it or whatever and I don't have any time for that I don't have any fucking time for it I'm not answering my phone today plus I have my own fucking podcast Ray Darcy what do I want to go on to Ray Darcy for on the radio show

and talk about it for I can talk about it on my own podcast Ray Darcy didn't ring me now but I don't know there was a bunch of fucking there was numbers that I recognised from Today FM and from RTE and I didn't pick any of them up and I got a few emails that are like can you come on and talk about your thread so

that's what I assume it's about. But I read out some of the replies. I think what made it so shocking was, so like I said, I asked, you know, who's moving out of Dublin, not because you can't find work, but because it's too expensive, and where are you moving to?

A huge amount of the replies were from like people with what you would people who would have good fucking solid jobs people who are really employed people working with media organisations people who have books

that are in the fucking charts do you know people who if you were to step back and look they would fit the contemporary definition of what we consider to be professionally successful. And they're all in my thread telling me the stories of why they're getting the fuck out of Dublin. I'm not going to name anyone by name, but I'm going to call a few out, so one fella, before London I lived in Dublin for seven years, me and my wife, a dub, talk about moving back whenever it seems the UK is turning into a sad, hateful nightmare. But Dublin just looks impossible, not figuratively, literally impossible, no matter what sums we do.

Then this reply, who is a social media manager on a pretty big Irish website. He says, I moved, so he's living in Dublin. He says, I moved back home to Navin four months ago because I couldn't afford it

but now I can. I'm going to pick up a rock and I'm going to throw it over to those boys. Hold on. Do you know what? No, again, I'm wrong. I'm recording a podcast by the river.

It's not everybody else's responsibility to be quiet. Okay? There's a bit of CBT in action there that prevents me from shouting at boys. I think we're definitely moving downriver before I get talking about this new story. down river before I get recorded talking about this new story. So I moved back home to Navin four months ago because I couldn't afford it but now I can. I'm looking round thinking what the fuck am I doing? 800 quid a month for somewhere that doesn't stink and I'd still

be sharing with strangers looking at the UK. Or I'm looking at the UK because the commute is killing me four hours a day minimum wage wait no that's not minimum wage I think I just put his his employers in culpability there not minimum wage four hours a day minimum just to get to and from work if I go for a pint after work I could be home at 11 p.m it's destroyed my spare time and social life so that's from someone who has a good solid job in Dublin and would be you know it's like social media manager for a pretty successful

fucking website it's like the type of thing you go to Dublin for because that's the thing with Dublin like why does anybody go to Dublin because that's the thing with Dublin, like, why does anybody go to Dublin, because that's where a lot of opportunities are, especially if you work in media, like, at the moment RTE are considering closing down a radio station called Lyric FM, right, now Lyric FM is a classical music station, it's fucking fantastic, give it a listen if they're gonna start singing boys if you're gonna start singing have a

note in your head we'll be moving in about 5 minutes we'll move down river it'll be grand it'll be grand someone should explain to them the rules about drinking cans after August

30th you don't drink cans bare chested in shorts cause it's look drinking cans after August 30th. You don't drink cans bare-chested in shorts. Because it's, look, I was bigging up the sun earlier. I was going, ah, look, now it's lovely weather. The sun's beating down. It's not fucking bare-chested shorts weather, though, lads. I'll be honest. That's just, there's students from the university near me.

And they've a little bit of freedom. So they're over taking advantage of the otter's couch with their cider at four o'clock in the day what was I talking about so yeah so here's the thing why would anybody

bother their hopes moving up to Dublin because if you it's where opportunities are right there's not a huge amount of opportunities in Ireland Cork

oh they're right they're singing now they're singing now do you know what I'm going to make an executive decision I'm going to pause the podcast

at this very moment and we're going to make an executive decision. I'm going to pause the podcast at this very moment and we're going to reconvene at a new destination because the boys have started singing. And, like I'll say again, look, I have to take personal responsibility for the fact that it's, of course it's annoying and irritating. I'm down here by the river trying to record a podcast and the boys are over

drinking cans and fucking roaring and shouting but here's the thing they're having crack they're living life they're enjoying themselves

they're entitled to do it you know that's what I was doing when I was their age they don't know I'm recording a podcast, I'm just some odd cunt in the quarter who looks like he's in the fucking CIA with all my equipment, and I am the one who was in the wrong, okay, and that right there, that's me using my CBT in action, because there's two ways you can do it, lads, I can come down to record my podcast,

and allow myself to get angry. My personal rule, like imagine that for a personal rule. I'm recording a podcast by the river, please be quiet in the public space. Who's wrong there? Me. So it's my responsibility to deal with it flexibly and say to myself, the boys are, the boys are, do you know what they are they're on two can crack they I've been here for about an hour

I've been watching them so they've gone past the point of two cans of cider and after two cans of cider that's when the merriness kicks in and when merriness kicks in you just get louder

you start stumbling and you start to get this desire to sing and that's fucking fine fair play to them have we got a bit of a helicopter, is it? Actually, no, I'm in Limerick City and I'm by the river and the sound of a fucking helicopter means bad things. No, it's a little small plane, that's fine. The mechanical banshee we call the fucking, we call the helicopter down in Limerick. Helicopters in Limerick have a bad reputation.

When I was growing up, the sound of the helicopter, it was because there was a gang war in Limerick. So if you heard the helicopter in the sky, it meant they were pointing lights down on an area to try and either intimidate people or to stop what they believed was a shooting that was going to happen. And then all that calmed down. And then the helicopter returns again when the recession hits and then if you heard that helicopter in the sky in Limerick it meant that someone had gone

into the river to take their own life. So we in Limerick we were far, we called the helicopters called the Mechanical Banshee and it's been called that for a while because it's either someone's getting shot or someone has uh taken their own life you know so we all get a bit of a shudder when we hear it i think that's why the last podcast i did where i recorded it outside it was in was it toronto it was and the fucking helicopter was flying ahead and it was bothering me a lot you know it was bothering me and people were laughing going j the fucking helicopter was flying ahead and it was bothering me a lot you know it was bothering me and people were laughing going Jesus that helicopter

was bothering you but it does it's a limerick thing it's the mechanical banshee it just means bad fucking news I soon found out that the reason

the helicopter was doing that in Toronto it was a tours helicopter tours. Look, fuck it, we'll move on now. We'll move on. I'll reconvene shortly. Right, so I'm in a new area now.

Where's the front of this mic? 1-2, 1-2. There you go. I'm in a new area now. I moved away from the lads, now I'm situated under several crow's nests, but look there's no harm, see what happens now, currently it's about five o'clock so dusk is coming, dusk will be here soon enough but the thing is I know these crows right, so dusk is coming. Dusk will be here soon enough, but the thing is, I know these crows, right? So there's a whole selection of trees. And the crows all have their nests up there. It's amazing, actually.

We won't hear it, but often I've been jogging through here. And it might be, it's when darkness hits. It's amazing, right? So, when darkness hits and you run through the path and you've got all these crows and their nests above as soon as that Sun disappears the crows just all explode in this cackling like and it's a it can be fucking terrifying that it can be very, very frightening, and they're nearly as bad as the boys are, eh?

We can put up with a few crows, we can put up with a few crows, they're grand, but when darkness hits, when it straight up gets dark, all the crows in their nests, they go into this fucking chorus, you know, and it's not the sweetest of bird calls, like, especially when you're surrounded by it, and, like, a collection of crows is known as a murder of crows, and it's one of those opportunities I use as well,

do you remember when you're a child, and you're walking home, and you're on your own, and you're kind of scared so you run home even though there's no danger, you're just scared of like the dark and shit creeping out well I as an adult because sometimes you find yourself doing that shit

you know you're like 17 or 18 and it's like walking home on your own and then you start running because you're scared to be on your own and then you start running because you're scared to be on your own and a part of your brain goes no can't be doing that shit anymore

so I like to I like to run through the valley of crows when it's dark and to challenge the irrational fear in my brain that tells me

I should be afraid of shadows you know what I mean but as we spoke about, you know, this episode, the reason I'm down by Yorty's couch is one of the lessons that I took from that episode where I was speaking about the privilege, privilege as a man of, I get to run in the dark by the river because I'm a lad. I've nothing to be scared of. If you're

a woman, however, you do actually have to be scared of things. You have to be scared of being attacked. I don't have to worry about that. It is possible someone might have a crack if they want, but the likelihood of it is much, much less than if I was a woman.

Yeah, so look, look, we were down by. The river. Those boys were having a good time. They started to get. Toucan. Toucan singing. So we moved on.

Went up river. I'm actually not beside the river right now. Even though you can still hear it. I'm in em. I suppose a shit meadow. I say meadow. in that it's an open green fucking space, but in front of me is, that's the valley of the crows, where we've got these beautiful tall deciduous trees, and at the very top of them are several fucking

crows nests, and they're having a bit of crack now, you know, it's just their usual chatter, but as soon as darkness hits, like I I said that starts to get nuts and beyond the valley of the crows then you've got the river but it's much more aggressive than when we were up by Yorty's couch there the beauty of Yorty's couch is that yes it's a river but it behaves like a lake so the water is quite still and before me on my feet as well there was tiny little minnows like little baby fish and you can see them in through the water like feet away from me um but then as the as the as the river plassy it's not called the plassy river but i call it that as it goes down

then it gets a bit more aggressive as it goes into the shannon so what you're hearing there now is is something closer to white water it It's the swelling of the river. Which is overseen by those crows. And that's the fucking river that Oliver Cromwell came down. In the 1700s. He came down that very river. And blew all this area to shit with cannons for the laugh. So.

Should we be coming up to an ocarina pause? I don't have an ocarina with me. I was talking about Dublin as well, wasn't I? Yeah, so I had a viral fucking thread on Twitter. And the media cunts have been trying to ring me all day and I'm not answering. Just talking about people living in Dublin. And moving out, not because they don't have jobs, but because it's just uninhabitable up there at the moment, unless you're incredibly wealthy.

And, yeah, I just had this tread full of people with solid fucking employment, telling their stories of what the crack is. I moved to London, most of my friends moved to Glasgow. I've two friends left still in Dublin from one social group. By November, they'll all be gone. A lot of people are going to Glasgow. A lot of people are going to Belfast. I moved to Kilkenny largely because of the price of rent and the inability to find

somewhere suitable. I have a few minor health requirements. I don't know folk who can't move do. I don't know what folk who can't move do. I guess't know what folk who can't move do I guess struggle on in places that are

very difficult I hope you're just happy to sit with me in the sun and listen away we'll have a bit of an ocarina pause

I don't have the ocarina what we'll do instead we'll just listen to nature for about 20-30 seconds and an advert might go in. On April 5th, you must be very careful Margaret. It's a girl. Witness the birth. Bad things will start to happen.

Evil things of evil. It's all for you. No, no, don't. The first omen. I believe the girl is to be the mother. Mother of what? Is the most terrifying. Six, six, six.

It's the mark of the devil. Hey! Movie of the year. It's not real. It's not real. What's not real? Who said that? The first omen. Only in theaters April 5th.

Rock City, you're the best fans in the league, bar none. Tickets are on sale now for Fan Appreciation Night on Saturday, April 13th, when the Toronto Rock hosts the Rochester Nighthawks at First Ontario Centre in Hamilton at 7.30 p.m. You can also lock in your playoff pack right now to guarantee the same seats for every postseason game, and you'll only pay as we play. Come along for the ride and punch your ticket to Rock City at torontorock.com. Okay, that was the pause of nature silence so what I'd like to do for you and this is what

the reason I'm out here lads I can now read you the first fucking story from my brand new book my brand new book which has taken me two years to write which I'm very happy with and I hope you all go out and buy it's my new collection of short stories

it's going to be available to buy in shops on November 1st the name of the book is obviously Blind by Boat Club Boulevard Wren W-R-E-N like the bird, Boulevard Wren is the name of the book, Boulevard Wren and

Other Stories, and it's a collection of short stories, the reason I want to read out a story from this book this week is, you can actually buy it now via pre-sale, right, and this is what I'm asking you all to do this week, And I'm trying to find the fucking email that told me. Yeah, you can pre-order my book of short stories. If you pre-order this book, you also get incredibly limited. Like, obviously, if you've read the first book, you know that I put drawings into it as well. You know, my drawings. So, if you pre-order the book book and there's only a few hundred of these

if you pre-order it you will also be sent an exclusive print it's eight by nine inches printed on fucking decent cards so you can frame it and it's autographed by myself so you can get an autographed print of one of my drawings and they're very limited edition and only people who pre-order the book can get these limited edition prints okay so if that encourages you to if you could just look if you wouldn't mind pre-ordering the book that would help me a lot all right if you're going to buy it anyway pre-order it now how do you pre-order it you can online, look if you're in Ireland you can go to easons.com forward slash boulevard rain and other stories blind by boat club type it into google, be better google pre-order boulevard rain easons

you can go to dubraybooks.ie d-u-b-r-a-y-b-o-o-k-s.ie they're also doing a pre-order. Of Boulevard Ren. And other stories. And then. Bookdepository.com You can do it there. Or you can go to.

Amazon. But. I don't know. Dubray and Eason's. That's where I'd be going. So that's the cracker right. So. Hopefully I'm going to take a good sup of tea and I would like to read you

a short story here with the sun baiting off my back and the only thing that can interrupt this really is a couple of crows which is fine we'll work it in possibly a waspibly a wasp. If a wasp comes over and gets really involved in my face, we'll have an issue.

But other than that, I think I can go straight into this story and just read it. It's fucking gorgeous, in fairness, for fucking September. And here's the other thing. It's the old anxiety, the climate anxiety comes up. I'm going, should it be this beautiful for the end of September? I was a bit harsh on the boys earlier as well. If they were being topless. I think it is warm enough to take your top off.

It is warm enough to take your top off. So fair play to them. They were taking advantage of it. I'm here with the sun on my back. I'm wearing a t-shirt. And. Yeah, that thing that comes with appreciating nice weather, it's like, is the weather nice, or is the world burning? Speaking of which, Extinction Rebellion Ireland, there's going to be a lot of climate

strikes on the 20th of September, right, it's happening in every city up and down Ireland, it's happening all over the world, please get involved in some fucking climate action strikes, please, okay, because this will let the governments of the world know, lads, we need to fucking address this climate shit, we need to fucking address it, okay, so go on to Google, again, like, I'm in a fucking field, my phone's in my arse pocket, Extinction Rebellion Ireland, go on to their Twitter, go on to Google. Again, like I'm in a fucking field. My phone's in my arse pocket. Extinction Rebellion Ireland. Go on to their Twitter. Go on to their Facebook, whatever. Get a look at where are the climate action strikes happening.

I believe it's the 20th. Where are they happening? What's going on? Please get involved in that. Say it to your fucking employer. Sorry, buddy. I'm taking an hour off to get involved in a fucking protest about the climate. Is that alright with you?

And let them try and fire you. Okay? Everyone needs to do this. This is for our futures and our fucking children's futures. It's not a joke anymore. It's the real deal. It's happening all around us. Okay?

Extreme weather is just the fucking start. So please, please get stuck into that okay I'm gonna read you a short story content warning on this it has themes of suicide there's a little bit of homophobic language in there the characters use homophobic language

this story is called Gruyere in the Desmond, and it's from my new book of short stories, Boulevard Ren and Other Stories. The Greeks would want a word with themselves now with their hard cheeses. That was the Chin's reaction to the halloumi, having previously tasted the feta to which he asserted. I don't need to be hearing my food squeak inside my head like a rat. The Desmond Arms was a grand pub.

Nothing fancy, not manky either. It was grand. Bang a lemon cleaner off the jack's floors, but a desperate withered haul on you from the worn seats. off the jack's floors but a desperate withered haul on you from the worn seats. It would normally be a quiet pub too until we'd take out the cheese in front of the chin on Tuesdays.

Guppy would travel from Tesco with a selection and there would be a blindfold for the chin made out of a tea towel and then Guppy would impale the little piece of cheese on a cocktail stick and hover it in front of the chin's open mouth.

And you'd see little flickers of terror in his body, jiggling the belly fat, jolts of fear, the surprise of something new. The whole pub, beyond. Even the real owl lads would have their heads in their pints but in the way that they'd have one ear towards the chin waiting like it's a penalty shootout to hear the reactions out of him

he'd take the cheese on the tongue and surrender it in crumbs around the lips and all and you'd watch his face dragging and pulling heading him like a terrier with a ball. A groan would be let out. I don't think there was ever a cheese he liked. And when the groan surfaced, we'd all howl, the whole place would scream laughing, bellies all over the gaff. Guppy would say, Out of ten, Chin. What is she out of ten? And the

Chin would say, She's a four. What did you call her again? Gruyere, Guppy would say. Out of ten, chin. What is she out of ten? And the chin would say, she's a four. What did you call her again? Greer, Guppy would say. The chin would purse the lips again, and you'd know the pokey tongue was searching around the gob to assess the situation. She's like a carryman's dustbin, and the fucking pub would shake from men's laughter. Guppy would go up to the dartboard and write on the slate, Greer, four out of ten, Kerryman's dustbin. The blindfold would come off the chin, and he'd be clean into a car's cracker on his IPA to wash down the cheese.

Greer was the last cheese the chin tasted before they found him hanging against the door of his upstairs bedroom. He had taped off the bottom of the stairs with a full roll and stuck a little cardboard sign on the tape barrier that said, Don't come up the stairs, just phone the guards, I'm sorry, so his daughter Ciara wouldn't have to see his body. Stilton, Gouda, Provolone, Munster, Cheddar, Pecorino, Camembert, Mozzarella, Havarti, Ricotta, Edam, Manchego, Rocafort, Emmental. You might as well be carving those names into gravestones up in Mount St. Kenneth. We started the group in 2015.

There were 16 of us. By 2019 that was down to 11. Jarla Purcell, 53. Jar Rusty Reardon, 48. Caleb Elbows Wallace, 52. Finn Barkinsala, 49. And Barnard the Chin Collopy, 50. All dead men. The Brothers of Gatch was a weekly meet-up of some old pals from school. A gatch is a way of walking, a stride on you, like I'm not here to start hassle but I'll finish it kind of gatch. The group began with myself and Guppy at the Desmond Arms, 24th of March 2015 for two reasons. The first reason was the situation with the taps. The Desmond I knew for 30 odd year had only ever four taps, Guinness, Harp, Budweiser and Bulmers.

But then they brought in the craft beers to draw a few students, at first in bottles and then on tap. The students never came, but men get curious. And you'd have a saltwater IPA, or a Saison, or an oyster stout. Studied sips, then hungry gulps before realising you'd been missing out all along. And four taps turned to twelve, and two taps would have a guest beer each month. The second reason we started the Brothers of Gatch was the new selection of cheeses below in Lydal and Tesco. Mad, queer, beige lumps with names that sounded like they fell off buses. One night, myself and Guppy were drinking a pair of sour grapefruit ales, and he said, Sure this is like wine. We might as well have cheese too. So we did.

I strolled over beyond to Tesco, across on M Mallow Street and plucked a few odd cheeses out of the fridge. Brought them in the door of the Desmond. Placed them on beer mats and we ate them with fingers on us. Started ordering different beers out of the taps too and tasting them with new cheeses mix and match like and it was powerful. It brought something to the pub, to myself and Guppy's friendship. I don't know what it was, but it wasn't just pints anymore. It wasn't dark. When the cheese and the craft beers were brought in, it felt like a game and you'd be excited for it every Tuesday evening. So we invited more men in, fine men, clerks, joiners, engineers, men we knew a long time, and we'd all have a new craft beer and a new

cheese each week, and we'd talk about it, hop ball, write reviews on the dartboard, and it was like being back in sixth year of St Clements again. There was a third reason we started the group. We never spoke about the third reason, even though the third reason is more powerful than the first and the second reason. There was a third reason we started the group. We never spoke about the third reason, even though the third reason is more powerful than the first and the second reason. There's a blackness that comes over men. It's a dark fright, and you can't look straight at it, and you can't say out loud that it's there. But you know it when you feel it first thing in the morning,

and you can't just figure out what the point of being alive is. The thought of that brings this sharp dread, and after that, I suppose, an olive sadness. No, a green loneliness, a feeling of being trapped purely by just being awake or alive. And it'll slowly take away all the things you'd normally enjoy, like a film, or a match, or a song, and it'll slice bits off you, until you need a pint to clean the wound. And the pints won't even sort it, they'll only numb it. That was the third reason we started the Brothers of Gatch, in from the hovering grey cold of Tuesday nights. The third reason would only be noted over Emmental or a cloudy cider, through purple skin and under eyes and red noses,

or a cloudy cider, through purple skin and under eyes and red noses, little yellow glances at each other, never words, just gestures, through slags and pats on backs and digs on shoulders. I knew, he knew, they knew. This was never about cheese or craft beer. It was an unspoken contract, turning our faces away from the forever pull of the solitude. It was an agreement. We all suffered under the same loneliness. Not the loneliness of being alone. It wasn't that. Sure, we all had families and wives. But the mystery emptiness of feeling alone when you're anything but. On nights with pints, I'd stare up at a bottle of Cuddy Sark above the bar. The yellow and black label with the ship would draw me in. It had about twenty sails, and I'd think of myself at the helm. All around are little islands, and I'm searching them for the man I used to be.

He's lost. But in the heart of me, I know he's gone. And I sail on the big mad nothing sea that screams wind in my face. I investigate from island to island. I find fuck all. I still wander into the dead bony forests and shale rocks and one day I'll go so deep into one of the islands that I can't see back to the ship. And that day I'll lie down against a tree and let death have me. That's a cunt of a way to be. And if I'd ever get that look on me, staring up at the Cotty Sark, one of the lads would draw me back and ask me what I thought of the Stilton. They were like a lighthouse,

just something glimmering off in the distance for me to reach towards, something different than the empty islands. Loneburg, nut brown, herve, red ale, Danish blue, vice, clan of kilty Swiss, bland. In the map in my head, the islands became a cheese or a beer with each expedition. We began to notice our own little dark rituals, the moment that your head would leave the pub and you would entertain the dread. The thousand-yard stare, I suppose. But we'd never been to war. For me, it was the bottle of Cuddy Sark. After Caleb Wallace was found below in the river, God rest him, Guppy went back on the John Player.

If he went outside and took too long, you'd see him standing and gazing. The fag long with ash down to the butt, him drifting in towards the empty. I'd want to ask him what he saw when he stared, but you could never ask that. And you'd shout. Come in before Jarla eats all the rockefort, you fat prick. What's keeping you? And he'd say, I was going to come in five minutes ago, but your mother offered me a soapy diddywank behind the red cursor for a fiver. Big long leathery nipples on her like monkey's fingers. And then you'd roar, yeah, because you've the massive bar of soap

hidden up your hole like a cock, you bender. And we'd laugh. And he'd come back into the pub. And then you'd have saved him. For John Paul Noonan, it was when he'd start picking at the label of his beer. So he'd give him a pint glass Eddie would take his jacket on and off like he was leaving Finucane might go to the Jacks for the very long piss

Christy Walsh would touch his chest and ask what the symptoms of a heart attack were Andy Fitz would get a blank stare and snap himself out by starting an argument with you the chin, the poor old chin, would have pink eyes with tears over him. And that's when we'd give him a blindfold

and give him laughter. These were little devices, unique to each of us, that would let the others know that you were staring at the emptiness. And we'd all know this, but we'd never say it. And we'd save each other each Tuesday night. Go for a run, my doctor would say to me. Have you tried meditating? This happens to men of your age. I'll book you in for a prostate check. The brothers of Gatch knew what was wrong without words or diagnosis. When the chin was 15, he was smaller than us. And we were in inter-cert year. Our school bags would be tree-stoned with the books.

Tough slog, but you'd stick with it. One evening in April, as we moved up towards town after school, the chin stopped and couldn't go on anymore. Blue asthma inhaler up towards the teeth and a hum of onion sweat on him. His bag was too heavy. He slanted against the wall to rest and asked us to stall. We called him a fat smelly queer and walked on. This is just another Tuesday in the Desmond Arms and what's left of us are in the black suits.

There'll be no craft beer or cheese when the suits are on, just porter and silence. Guppy is outside in the sour rain, his fag long with the ash. I think about mentioning the third reason, saying it out loud, saying it to the group, putting a name on why we're all here on the day of the funeral. I don't. I look up at the cutty sark and I see the chin walking off to his island. Yart. So that was Gruyere in the Desmond. Which is, that's a very short one, that was only 1700 words I think, which is dark, it's a dark story with little glimmers of hope in there as well, but it's, you know that's the shtick, that's just whatever, that's what came to me, that's the shtick that's just whatever that's what came to me

that's what felt right at that time that space down it was cathartic it's I I know I know lads like that

I know men like that I know fucking people's dads like that em I know the pain of those stories and hearing them in real life so it channels out

as just as that but the craws are gone fucking quiet are they I liked reading that out there now to be honest there was a meditative quality to doing that it is gorgeous weather.

I don't know if I have anything else for you. If I have any questions I can answer. Let's quickly see if I have anything in there. What do you eat for breakfast blind boy I've started getting into smoothie balls which is the constituent ingredients of a smoothie except slightly thicker than in a bowl alright

how did that start when I was in San Francisco I was eating these things called, I was calling them acai bowls, but apparently I was corrected. They were called acai bowls, which is a type of odd Brazilian fruit. Looks like a blueberry, but it contains the fat content of an avocado. And they crush them up and they serve them in a bowl as this kind of frozen purple paste and put a bit of granola and a few nuts on it. So I was eating that in San Francisco and it was giving me a horn. I was like, fuck it, this is gorgeous. But then you get back to Limerick

and you can't really buy acai. You can buy acai powder. It's like this purple powder. So what I do is, I don't know, there's a couple of boys over there, looking at some mushrooms for picking, it's mushroom picking season, you know,

for the old liberty caps, so there's some boys looking over, at the side of a tree, because there's some huge, fucking white mushrooms over there, so they're looking along the ground, looking for something to, to feed their minds,

it's a bit too early for it, but yeah, the, what was the question? What do we eat for breakfast? Why the fuck are you asking that? Sounds like something a British spy would ask me. Pure Michael Collins shit.

Look, I get some fucking raspberries, frozen, frozen, a bag of frozen fruit, right? And I fuck it into a blender with a half an avocado and a teaspoon of this acai powder that I bought on Amazon, and that turns into a kind of a frozen paste, right, a drop of coconut milk in there for the crack, that turns into a frozen paste, like a sorbet, that goes into a bowl, and then I sprinkle on that just a few nuts almonds bit of flaked fucking

flaked almonds small bit of desiccated coconut and away we go and it's a nice low carbohydrate breakfast with some good fats in there to start the day and I'll have that after a run as a reward

so there you go you hard prick how are we getting on with the tea and I'd have that after a run as a reward. So there you go, you odd prick. How are we getting on with the tea? I've had to stop and start this recording a couple of times so I don't know how long we're going. I'd love to do a virtual reality. Do you hear that sound? Do you hear the little patters? That's hard to hear, but...

What that is, right? So I'm surrounded here by deciduous trees, okay? And it's late September, so... The leaves are falling off the tree. But here's the mad thing. So I'm recording this podcast with my recorder, and I have my headphones on. So essentially I have like a magnified telescope for my ears. So while these headphones are on,

I'm able to hear everything that you're hearing, but live. So it's literally like having super, super hearing which is beyond the capabilities of a human being and there's little crinkling noises it's the sound of leaves falling from a tree and hitting the grass

which my ears would never ever hear, my ears would not be sensitive enough, to hear that, but the standard of my microphone is so great, that I'm able to hear things, that normally I wouldn't even fucking notice, just sounds like, isn't that so fucking beautiful,

because the thing is, everything makes a sound like, everything makes a sound, but you don't always hear it there's a butterfly flying past there now yellow boy pure yellow butterfly I've never seen anything like that

I'd love for him to come close to see if we could hear his wings never too far from fucking cars though that's the problem there's the rumble of the engine in the background.

Alright, I've nothing left to say to you, lads. Thank you very much for... Did I... Oh, Jesus Christ. The fucking Patreon, lads. Yeah, look. Support the podcast through the Patreon page. Patreon.com forward slash the blind boy podcast, alright give me the price of a pint or a cup of coffee

once a month if that's your buzz, alright if you can do it, please do if you can't afford it, fuck it might do it another time, alright, it'll be grand em the call to action this week is please go on and pre-order my fucking book

Boulevard Rain and Other Stories and you will get an exclusive print that's autographed by myself and that's once they're gone, they're gone so no harm having that, alright? I'm just fucking enamoured by these leaves these leaves falling and I can hear them

Who'd have thought a leaf There's one now Alan Let's see No no It's amazing Who'd have thought leaves falling from trees Makes noises Amazing. Who'd have thought leaves falling from trees makes noises? I'd love a bottle of wine.

That's what I'd like now. Sitting here in this lovely fucking meadow. With a bottle of wine and maybe a bit of baldy and my listening, listening with this these bionic fucking ears that I have now to the sounds of nature that go completely unnoticed

to my feeble human ears I nearly killed a shrew on the way over as well I forgot that, how could I forget that I was cycling along the bike and there was a little shrew in front and I nearly fucking, nearly knocked on the way over as well. I forgot that. How could I forget that? I was cycling along the bike and there was a little shrew in front and then nearly fucking nearly knocked over the cunt

the poor prick. Tiny little cunt with his big fucking long sharp nose. They have a poisonous bite. They'd never bite you like you know what I mean but they can.

They have a poisonous bite. Shrews. And if they don't eat their own weight within three hours they'd die. Alright. That's a magpie up there no it's not it's a hooded crow it's a hooded crow grey fucker with a black head in it alright god bless

love you not a fucking leaf I'm just gonna stay here even after this is recorded. Just listen to some leaves. All right, go fuck yourselves. I'll talk to you next week. Rock City, you're the best fans in the league, bar none. Tickets are on sale now for Fan Appreciation Night on Saturday, April 13th,

when the Toronto Rock hosts the Rochester Nighthawks at First Ontario Centre in Hamilton at 7. 30 p.m. You can also lock in your playoff pack right now to guarantee the same seats for every postseason game and you'll only pay as we play. Come along for the ride and punch your ticket to Rock City at torontorock.com.